David's Drunk Texts + Escort Demand Skyrockets!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "David's Drunk Texts + Escort Demand Skyrockets!"

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Release Date: February 2, 2026

Main Theme & Purpose

In this punchy, fast-paced episode, Dana Carvey and David Spade riff on everything from AI scams and pop culture trends to wild Hollywood stories and the ever-evolving hustles of modern life. Mirroring their classic banter from SNL days, the duo supplies rapid-fire jokes, impressions, and comedic takes on current events—ranging from escort economics at Davos to the surprising trauma of onscreen nudity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Old Hollywood Impressions and Hair Talk

Timestamps: 00:00–03:09

• Dana and David open with playful impressions of John Wayne and Walter Brennan, to the confusion of YouTube commenters (“Who are these people?”), illustrating generational shifts in pop culture ([01:06]).
• Jokes about personal grooming—Dana’s “egghead” hairstyle and David’s struggles with hat shadows making him look like a Klingon—set a self-deprecating, spontaneous tone.

2. Golfing with Lovitz & Old School Hollywood Stories

Timestamps: 03:09–05:06

• Classic Hollywood meets modern day as David shares a story about golfing with Jon Lovitz, highlighting Lovitz’s penchant for lateness:
  • "David, I have good news and bad news. Which one do you want?" –Lovitz, relayed by Spade ([03:55])
• Dana and David riff on Lovitz’s Mae West-esque voice and his “opera E” exclamations like “Balderdash!”
• Anecdotes about Lovitz’s legendary volume compared to a “747 decibel meter” (05:06).

3. David's Drunk Text/ID Scam Saga

Timestamps: 05:25–12:09

• David recounts a late-night, possibly AI-driven scam involving a stranger texting about his "lost ID":
  • “Hey, a little drunk. Hey, are you Dave? I found your ID on Sunset…” ([05:49])
  • The twist: the “ID” was a Miley Cyrus fan club card with the name expiring in 2008 ([07:47]).
• Discussion morphs into the proliferation of AI-based scams (e.g., “Are we still playing pickleball tomorrow?” scams), and the perils of responding to unknown numbers.
• Dana offers a practical phone tip: “On your phone, right here, you put it to silent. Then when you go to sleep, you don’t hear anything” ([10:13]), leading to more humor about accidentally reporting each other as spam.

4. Cultural AI Dystopia & Ozempic Trends

Timestamps: 16:00–18:35

• Dana paints a comic, dystopian picture: “In the near future, people on Earth will be really skinny and unemployed. So just be people.” ([16:15], [16:44])
• They joke about Ozempic and weight loss microdosing, referencing classic Hollywood standards (“Humphrey Bogart was 132 pounds. Spencer Tracy...was the fat guy at 148.” [17:50]).
• Observations about AI taking over jobs and energy consumption—“Our brains are pretty good, that’s all I’m saying” ([19:56]).

5. Real-World Daredevils vs. Celeb Paydays

Timestamps: 20:03–22:40

• Chatter around Alex Honnold’s skyscraper climb for “mid six figures.”
• Dana and David debate lesser dangerous ways they’d participate for less:
  • “I would have taken the elevator, did 20 minutes of standup up top for 250.” –Dana ([20:21])
• Comparison to Jake Paul’s millions earned for less-risky stunts.

6. Sydney Sweeney, Lingerie, and Power Shift for Sex Symbols

Timestamps: 23:43–25:24

• Dana notes the new business savvy of modern sex symbols: “Sydney Sweeney…she’s taking back all the power from other…movie star women. Sex symbols, basically.” ([24:44])
• Discussing actors negotiating nudity pay bumps, referencing Halle Berry's Swordfish contract ([25:07]).
• David reflects on changing norms for men’s bodies in Hollywood post-Schwarzenegger.

7. Viral TV “Wieners,” Audience Comments, and Judgy Culture

Timestamps: 26:08–29:13

• David humorously describes being traumatized by “a one foot long wiener” on TV (“Is this Game of Thrones?” [26:42]), and the group makes light of onscreen nudity.
• “I'm not like you. Like, if I don't really want to see a dick when I'm not warned that it's coming on something…” –Dana ([27:04])
• They riff on the culture of judging others—“What a blood sport it is to judge other people about their lives” ([28:55]).

8. Escort Demand at Davos & The Underbelly of Economic Summits

Timestamps: 32:40–34:24

• David cues a clip highlighting “paid adult companionship in Davos has shot up by 4,000%” ([32:40]), sparking gags about shady dealings among “men with money.”
• They joke about the economics of high-end escorting (e.g., “for $10,000 you get the head, the tail…” [34:08]) and the subtlety of such arrangements vs. the old Huggy Bear trope.

9. Car Buying Scams and Stand-up Road Stories

Timestamps: 34:31–38:31

• A Facebook Marketplace car scam reminds David of his own LA car misadventure—buying a Honda Accord with his first movie money, only for it to be stolen within hours ([35:09]).
• Dana relays his own 1967 VW Bug disaster—engine catches fire, gives it away for free ([37:18]).

10. Performance Art & Modern Art Market

Timestamps: 38:41–41:02

• Clips of viral performance art leave the hosts bemused but (mostly) respectful (“That's more performance art, I feel.” –David [39:38]).
• Dana and David speculate on art as investment, referencing Basquiat and Jackson Pollock and the “final level” of celebrity wealth ([40:02]).

11. Touring Life and Live Comedy

Timestamps: 41:14–43:34

• David reviews recent and upcoming tour stops: Wisconsin, Chicago (“minus 11 in Appleton”), then Oklahoma, Dallas, San Antonio, and Pittsburgh ([41:24], [41:55]).
• Dana showers David with praise, calling him “on the Mount Rushmore of standup comedians” ([43:34]).

12. Tech Trends: Nail Color Gadgets & Barefoot Shoes

Timestamps: 45:50–51:02

• The duo analyzes a TikTok gadget for instant nail polish color changes, then a high-tech “barefoot” shoe customizer.
• Playful debate over the most attractive toenail color according to men—Heather stuns with her “never done red” revelation ([47:20]).

13. Impressions, Puppets, and Show Wrap-Up

Timestamps: 48:04–56:02

• Dana slides into presidential and SNL character impressions (Bush Sr., W, Carter, Obama).
• Plans for future puppet bits: “Maybe a Pierce Morgan…an AOC…a Tucker Carlson. These are all in the hopper.” ([54:50])
• Nostalgia on SNL, tour stories, and closing notes about listener engagement.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On AI scams:

  “The lesson is, if this is the new AI…when people text you and go, ‘Are we still playing pickleball tomorrow?’ and you go, ‘No, I don’t even play pickleball,’ and they go, ‘Thank you for your info…we’ll be draining your account.’”
  —David Spade, [09:46]

• On Ozempic/GLP-1 weight loss culture:

  “In the near future, people on Earth will be really skinny and unemployed. So just be people.”
  —Dana Carvey, [16:44]

• On nudity in Hollywood:

  “Do you think in a movie, in the negotiations—yes, more money to show boobs?...That was a story on Halle Berry and Swordfish…”
  —David Spade, [25:07]

• On viral nudity trauma:

  “I'm not, I'm not like you. Like, if, if I don't really want to see a dick when I'm not warned that it's coming on something, you stop watching…you were like, hey, cool, a wiener.”
  —Dana Carvey, [27:04]

• On judging others:

  “I don't judge people. I mean, I realized recently how, what a blood sport it is to judge other people about their lives when you don't know anything.”
  —Dana Carvey, [28:55]

• On Davos economics:

  “Paid adult companionship in a little town called Davos, Switzerland has shot up by 4,000%...”
  —Dana Carvey, [32:40]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–03:09: Old Hollywood banter and hair/hat jokes
• 05:25–12:09: David’s AI-scam story and phone paranoia
• 16:00–18:35: Cultural riff: Future of AI, Ozempic, and unemployment
• 20:03–22:40: Alex Honnold stunt pay, celebrity pay disparity
• 23:43–25:24: Sex symbols, Sydney Sweeney’s power move, and nudity contracts
• 26:08–29:13: TV nudity/”wiener trauma” and social judgments
• 32:40–34:24: Davos escort story and the economics of “companionship”
• 34:31–38:31: Car scam stories and LA hustle
• 45:50–51:02: Modern gadgets: nail polish color changers and barefoot shoes
• 54:50–56:02: Future puppet plans and show wrap-up

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Tone and Language

The conversational tone is irreverent, pop-culture savvy, and sprinkled with classic SNL-inflected irony and self-deprecation. Dana and David move swiftly between satire, nostalgia, and playful mockery—of themselves, modern trends, and the absurdities of daily life and show business.

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For comedy fans and pop culture observers alike, this episode is packed with zippy one-liners, behind-the-scenes stories, and just enough real-world angst to keep the conversation relevant—plus Dana’s presidential puppets and David’s daily-life gripes.

Transcript

[A]

People on Earth will be really skinny and unemployed. So just be people.

[B]

No job, but look great.

[A]

Mid six figures, like maybe a half million to climb a skyscraper in Singapore.

[B]

That cat made more for that commercial on the right.

[A]

I'm never excited. Like, you were like, hey, cool, a wiener. You know, I'm like, right? Don't. Just let's.

[B]

I mean, jumped on my heated rivalry group chat.

[A]

I'm not going to testify for nobody, man.

[B]

Man, I'm out of here. I took a Jacuzzi. Sue me.

[A]

Duke. The world's going to hell in a hand basket. Well, take her easy, Pappy. The world's always had troubles. We'll be coming back. But, Duke, I'm scared. I don't want to hear it, Pappy. Don't make me do what I did last time, okay? Try to be brave. And here you are, ladies and gentlemen, welcoming David Spade on Flying the wall.

[B]

First YouTube comment. Who are these people?

[A]

Well, that's why it makes me laugh. Those are old timey movie stars, believe it or not. Walter Brennan and. And John Wayne from Real Bravo and other.

[B]

John Wayne, an old school movie star.

[A]

The biggest star in the world. For 30 years straight, he was the number one star in movies.

[B]

Yeah, Monster.

[A]

So I brought it.

[B]

I saw the cowboys at a drive in when I was a kid. Also, let's discuss before we get to your hair, which people rag us about this, but this one's we can't ignore.

[A]

No, it took a lot of effort. I have a little pneumatic pump in the back and it's really flat. Well, you do the sound effect.

[B]

That's how it gets higher.

[A]

So it's too high. Now, I've had this forehead since I was a little kid. Normally I have some hair falling down, but it is like I look like egghead on the old Batman show. Okay, that's a big skull, all right, brainiac. But, yeah, this was lifted. And I did it for the fans. I did it.

[B]

Yeah, watch our podcast.

[A]

And I knew it. Make them smile.

[B]

Okay, now my problem is forget my hair. My eyebrows look like they're connected to my hat or something. Should I change my hat?

[A]

This is what I'm saying. So the hat is a shadow. Your eyebrows are here and you've got the hat shadow.

[B]

What is that shadow doing?

[A]

Well, it's. It's in a. The front angle. It's extenuating. Pay attention, everybody. It's extenuating your eyebrows. So you look like a Vulcan from the Star Trek. Or a Klingon. You look like a Klingon.

[B]

Very interesting, Captain.

[A]

I can't believe you look like a Klingon Bill Shatner.

[B]

We were just doing some simple dry humping. There was no steward.

[A]

Mr. Laforge.

[B]

I'm gonna switch hats. I'm gonna go to white hat. Ready? Okay.

[A]

Magic. Abracadabra.

[B]

This might be better. Yeah, it pops out a little more because it's so black. Bammy. Okay.

[A]

Okay. David just came off the 18th hole and he is.

[B]

Oh, I do look like I just finished this. This pullover is pretty cool because I like a good Elvis collar.

[A]

That is cool.

[B]

It's cool. It's light blue, folks, for those who aren't colorblind. I am colorblind. It could be green. Okay, quickly. Speaking of golf. Quickly. I play with Lovett's and love it. Lovett's had a funny joke. Okay. You know how Lovett's always sleeps and he's always late? Right? So. And he knows it.

[A]

Yeah, he knows it. You just go to the restaurant and you see if he shows up.

[B]

And the place is an hour away. So I go, well, I just hope he's going to be there. Just be a little late. Don't even be on time. Just be a little late. Because he gets crazy with the lateness. So he calls me. He's a caller. He calls a lot.

[A]

We'll call. I'm sorry.

[B]

Old school. So I. I answer, hello. And he goes, david, I have good news and bad news. Which one do you want? I go, bad. He goes, bad. I just woke up. And I go, oh, my God. I go, what's the good news? He goes, I'm on the freeway.

[A]

He just woke up on the freeway?

[B]

Yeah. He's nodding off.

[A]

That was the joke on the freeway, Dana.

[B]

I had to spoon feed you that one. My God, it's funny.

[A]

Oh, well, it is funny. That was good. I was just thinking of John. John, which I said this to him, you know, he does the old timey actor voice. Come on, boys. What do you hear? That guy?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But he also sometimes goes a little Mae West. What do you got? You know?

[B]

So come on up and see me sometime.

[A]

Right? That one.

[B]

Yeah. He. He does. When he. When he misses a shot, he goes, balderdash. He's got the good opera E voice to get these certain words out. Yeah. Tales of ribaldry.

[A]

Yes. He has one of the loudest. He can just say, well, I had a. There was construction. I had something that. That measured the sound at our house. And I. I got up close to John, and he was louder than a 747 decibel meter. Yeah, it was like 125. World record.

[B]

Okay, I have a good story for you.

[A]

All right, here's the story.

[B]

Cuddle up. No, I don't cuddle, but relax. So here I am, Dave Spade. I. I go out this weekend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bop, bop, bop. Boop, boop, boop. Go to dinner my nights. I would say it's uneventful, but I don't have to say they're all uneventful. So I come home. I think I went to Tower bar for a drink. Right. So I come home.

[A]

Good.

[B]

So there's a slight amount of activity in my night. It's not much. 12 midnight, roughly. I get a voice text from a young lady, maybe young, maybe not. I don't know. It goes as follows. Hey, a little drunk. Hey, are you Dave? I found your ID on Sunset. And we're leaving this bar. But I have it. I don't know what to do with it. If you want it, you might not. So I go, well, let me see. Well, first I text back in the morning. When I get that, I go, hey, I don't want to leave my voice. But I go, hey, was it an ID or was it a credit card? And they go, I can't tell. And I go, you can't tell? Not a genius. So I say, well, let me see. And then I go. And I go downstairs, my wallet, and I do have my id, but I was out. And I was like. And I was on Sunset. So I go, oh, well, can you send a picture? Is it okay? Did you get it? And I go, no. Now I think it's a scam. I didn't get the picture. So I said, well, I don't know if this is a scam or what. And then I walk over, and I don't have my amex. And now I'm like, oh, maybe it's my amex. I actually, shockingly, don't have one. I only have two credit cards. So I says. I says. I says to him, I says, I.

[A]

Have a question, but you can.

[B]

I know, though. I know your question. Then I finally have the question. Everyone's thinking, wait, how do you have my number exactly? And so she writes back, oh, she didn't say anything. So I go, scam. I drive off. Anyway, photo comes through. Finally. Twice. So she did send it. Here's the photo.

[A]

Go.

[B]

Oh, it's a Miley Cyrus. Miley World official fan club id. It's not even my picture. It's Miley, but my name's on it. Expires in 2008.

[A]

So I write back, they found this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Texted you.

[B]

So I don't know if you can tell it's not, you know, if it's a credit card for my. You don't know. So I say, you know what? I could probably live. The big emergency isn't, will I be able to get into Miley world this weekend? The bigger one is, how do you have my number? Because she didn't answer it. Okay? So she says, drumroll. She says, this guy Mark Hayes was following us around and bugging us. And I know a Mark Hayes, a comedian. So I go, oh, is he comedian? She goes, I don't know. He's not funny.

[A]

So I go, well, big night in your house at midnight.

[B]

I go, so he gave you. I was thinking he should have just taken the card and called me, you know, like. Because I don't know him that well, but seems like a good guy. So, yes, he gives my number to her. Something. But by the way. So I listened to the message again, and she's like, ah, it's late. I'm. We were so kind of blocked anyway. Kind of hungover about, is this yours? I'm like, you're hungover, but it's midnight. You're not. Haven't woken up yet. Do you.

[A]

You should be drinking so you'll be hungover later.

[B]

If that's the goal. And I'm fucking. I'm too. I'm too smart. People say that I'm too smart. Dana, you can't pull the wool over my house for more than an hour 10, which was about an hour 10. And so Mark Hayes. This is where it gets tricky. Mark Hayes sends a picture. I have it. I didn't send it in, but sends a picture of the exact same Miley ID with his name on it. He goes, I just got this from somebody.

[A]

It's a scam.

[B]

So it's a scam. But I think it's the lesson here, Dana, because you're kind of a rube.

[A]

I'm writing it down. Yeah.

[B]

The lesson is, if this is the new AI of when people text you and go, are we still playing pickleball tomorrow? And you go, no, I don't even play pickleball. And they go, thank you for your info. Thank you for letting me know it's a real phone and we'll be draining your account.

[A]

I want to give you a hack. You may not know this. You go to sleep at night. David Spade is going to sleep.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Can he be disconnected from the world for Eight hours? I don't know. That's a personal choice, but you may not know. On your phone, right here, you put it to silent. Then when you go to sleep, you don't hear anything. And you sleep.

[B]

I do that. I do that.

[A]

Well, how'd you get the ping?

[B]

I got it in the morning.

[A]

Oh, this. You already slept all night? This was.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I was eating my frosted Flakes.

[A]

I missed that thing.

[B]

That's why when it. I looked at this voice who calls you anyway, and calling at midnight. And then it said, when should I listen back? Play it back? And then she's like. And I'm kind of hungover. I'm like, hungover. Murder, she Wrote. Doesn't add up.

[A]

Well, then it's in the.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Because it was at midnight. Yeah.

[B]

So I actually think the AI. I think the girl was AI. I think the voice was AI. I think everything was AI. And Heather did Chat GPT.

[A]

And they said that.

[B]

And they said, yeah, it's that a scam is like, the first thing it's worth. Something is if I answer. If I answer and write back now they know I'm a real person and they will sell that. If the next thing she was going to do is say, is there any address your house I can send it to? Yep. Then they'll have your address. And then they say, can you and chat GPT go yourself? So they say then they want just maybe some money for FedEx to send it.

[A]

I get little bylines like, you know, you get a text message. I don't really recognize phone number. Should I call you now or.

[B]

Right. I'll be in town tomorrow.

[A]

Tomorrow?

[B]

Will you be working or not? And you go, who is this? That's all you have to say is who is this?

[A]

Yeah. So then I clicked on it. Reported spam.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Goodbye.

[B]

I teach them a lesson. I go, take that. I reported spam.

[A]

Yeah, I did that. Take that and don't even contact me again. Then I realized it was you texting me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I apologize for that.

[B]

I remember when I got one and said, hey, did I give you accidentally give you scabies yesterday? And I'm like, I think so. And they were like, this is a. AI, dude. You're not supposed to say yes. You have them.

[A]

Lifelock.

[B]

How can I help?

[A]

The IRS said I filed my return, but I haven't. One in four taxpaying Americans has paid the price of identity fraud.

[B]

What do I do? My refund, though. I'm freaking out.

[A]

Don't worry.

[B]

I can't can fix this. LifeLock fixes identity theft guaranteed and gets.

[A]

Your money back with up to $3 million in coverage.

[B]

I'm so relieved. No problem.

[A]

I'll be with you every step of the way. One in four was a fraud. Paying American.

[B]

Not anymore.

[A]

Save up to 40% your first year.

[B]

Visit lifelock.com podcast terms apply. Hi, this is Jill Schlesinger, CBS News business analyst, certified financial planner, and the host of the Jill on Money podcast. With the new year upon us, there's no better time to take control of your financial life. And the Jill on Money podcast is here to help. It's your questions that make it possible for me to provide unconventional and, I hope, entertaining insights on your money. More importantly, on your life. Follow and listen to Jill on Money wherever you get your podcasts. Dana, it's time for a little five hour energy action.

[A]

You. Yes.

[B]

You know, correct stuff. I dabble in 5o energy to do a little wakey wakey. I don't mind a little energy in the day. And I don't want sugar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And this is a little sippy sip. Fits right in your sock if you need it to. When you've seen them, they're this big.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. That's what's great about them. Confetti craze is one of their new flavors.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tastes like birthday cake. I mean, that's the thing that they're doing now is all kinds of flavors with five hour energy. So you can pick your favorite. Vanillary and buttery.

[B]

It doesn't need to be your birthday because, Dana, when we're out, you're always telling the restaurants your birthday to get something free, right? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And.

[A]

And it's my anniversary again.

[B]

Oh, yeah. You were milking that one last week. You're like, it's that again that this week.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Seventeen flavors.

[A]

When you're out, you always take off your sweater and then you go, it's kind of cold in here. I had a down vest.

[B]

I go, it's kind of cold. Can I get a free meal? I'm freezing.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's weird. You're. You're kind of. You have some picadillos.

[B]

Yeah. But confetti craze is great. It's a little buttery, It's a little vanilla. It's like, you know, like birthday cake.

[A]

Yeah. Now, basically they're giving you caffeine now. Five hour energy shots.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And get this. Sounds like a lot to me. 17 flavors.

[B]

17. It's not too many. It's a lot. But at least it gives a big selection and you don't get a sugar crash, you just get a little. So I'm excited. They're on. You can get these at, you know, obviously five hour energy dot com. You can go to Amazon. They're stocking up. I'm stocking up. I have to load up because I kind of buzz through them pretty quickly. Cake on the brain. Confetti craze. It's back. You can go fiverr energy.com Amazon.

[A]

The funfetti flavor is back on 5 hourenergy.com or Amazon crack open confetti craze. Five hour energy today. If you're like this and you gotta be like this, it's five Hour Energy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Take that to the bank. Take it. Speaking of. Speaking of. AI, sure, this is what I put together. This little alert, maybe of future, future world.

[B]

But yeah, please.

[A]

Gops, Ozempic GLPs, yes, they're exploding. Microdose. This dose. Get a dose, have a dose. Everyone's losing, losing weight. They get ozempic face. AI today, 16,000 laid off from some other big company. 20,000 here, 40,000. In the near future, people on Earth will be really skinny and unemployed. So just be people.

[B]

No job, but look, great. We're going back to the dinosaurs.

[A]

I guess they can talk, you know?

[B]

Yeah, they can still talk. I think I like this extreme situation.

[A]

You want to go look for a job? No, I don't.

[B]

Just eating off a hummingbird feeder. That's my dinner. I like. People say they're not. One person told me, a famous person who's skinny and looks great. I'm not doing Ozempic anymore, but I'm microdosing it. Well, right? I think you're still doing it. Microdose sounds like nothing, like. No, that's just.

[A]

No, it might be good if it keeps the weight up, but you don't have side effects. Dosage matters.

[B]

In the old days, they would swallow cotton balls, like little caplets, like for vitamins filled with cotton. And it would make your stomach full.

[A]

Well, we've had two revolutions. One is the fast food revolutions. Kellogg cornflakes in the 50s. If you look at the movies in the 20s, 30s and 40s, there's a couple fat people. Humphrey Bogart was 132 pounds. Spencer Tracy 148. He was the fat guy. Then this revolution came in, the obesity epidemic. Now we have the GLPs, but we also have AI. So we won't be able to work and we'll be skinny.

[B]

There was a page in the Guinness Book of World Records when I was probably 15 that said, I love that the fattest guy in the world was about 500 pounds. And I'm like, that's three people on my street. That's two thirds of the grove when I go shopping. So I don't think you'd get in the world record anymore for 500 pounds.

[A]

I think Seinfeld, I don't think we could do this now, but something about a thousand. A thousand pound man. What if he lost a hundred pounds? What do you say to him, Bob, you look great. You're a rail. You're a rail.

[B]

I remember that one. Yeah. I think it was the two guys on motorcycles and they had like mini bikes and they showed them driving in the back. And they both weighed 500 pounds, these twins. And they might have been in the Guinness Book. And they were like the two fatso brothers. And then. Yeah. What if he loses a hundred?

[A]

You're real. He's losing so much weight.

[B]

What are the big stories?

[A]

Stories or observations? Here's an observation. All these data processing centers, we need so much energy to power these generative intelligent AIs. Bill. The 100 Atomic Bomb. Energy for an AI for one AI for one AI. One human being that's fairly smart just needs a Snicker bar and they are rocking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So just an observation.

[B]

Yeah. AI just to. Just to write. Hey, are you playing pickleball this weekend? Right On a spam is 100 kilotons of energy. We're wasting energy.

[A]

Our brains are pretty good. That's all I'm saying.

[B]

Did you see the guy climbing this thing?

[A]

Alex Honnold for mid. Alex Honnold, the human AI yeah. He said his paycheck was embarrassing. Mid six figures like maybe a half million to climb a skyscraper in Singapore.

[B]

That cat made more for that commercial on the right.

[A]

I'll just say this. I'll put it out publicly. I would have taken the elevator, did 20 minutes of standup up top for 250.

[B]

I would have done elevator, no standup, 190.

[A]

I would have put you in an elevator and then held the rope while I repelled you down the building. 10,000 for you.

[B]

I would have done a selfie toward the top. But on the elevator for 87.

[A]

Five, I would have made a realistic looking dummy that looks like you and hoisted it up from the other side of the building and then we split 20 grand.

[B]

Okay. I would have hung off the first rung of the first building of the first floor and said eeka mouse. And then let them take an embarrassing paparazzi picture for 15. 5.

[A]

I would have got to the first place that you climbed to and just started crying.

[B]

I would have started climbing and gone, oh, wrong shoes. Let's do this tomorrow. And then walked away, you know, it.

[A]

Was hot with high winds and it took him four hours. He thought it would take two. So he said he. It made it interesting.

[B]

Dude, he should have gotten at least an m. Give him 1 million for that 2. 4 hours of grunting and groaning and using your lats and your back. Meanwhile, Jake Paul got 50 million. It's. Everyone says a different number, but between 20 and 100 million to go. Run away from that guy. Get his job.

[A]

Get his job broke.

[B]

I mean, which one's more scary?

[A]

I mean, I. I actually went out to Singapore, and when he came down, he's coming out the building and everyone's like, like that. And I said, I like pretty good, man, but ain't no El Capitan.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

And then his face just dropped, like, yeah, it's embarrassing on him, you know.

[B]

The worst is, like, it's live and your kids watching going, what happens if he plummets?

[A]

I know he's gonna be okay. He's not Superman. He can do one of these.

[B]

You know.

[A]

And so it is kind of nerve wracking to watch even though he's just hanging on. And I go, there's nothing tying him to the building. What the fuck?

[B]

And not to be morbid, but literally every single person wants him to fall. I mean, everybody's like, what if he falls? I mean, I mean, people are like, why is it live? Because he could fall.

[A]

Well, that's why in the, in old timey days, the lion tamer, you know, you kind of want the lion to.

[B]

Swallow.

[A]

Because he's in there. He's got a chair, you know, Remember on Ed Sullivan, Amazing. Crystal Bongo's gonna go in and drop. Try to tame a lot. Pretty good right here in our shades. Here he is, the magnificent Kristen Bongo, lion tamer. Well, anyone could do Ed Sullivan.

[B]

He's got a whip and he's got, like a folding chair. And he's like, Duke.

[A]

Why is he doing all these old impressions? No way they're gonna get ratings.

[B]

The first hundred comments are, what's going on? Who are these people?

[A]

All right, we've. We've reached peak shriek. I call it peak Shriek, where everyone's in a state of hysteria. And I saw a guy, the T shirt, peak shriek.

[B]

I don't mind that.

[A]

Looking at cantaloupes. Do you guys got Any good cantaloupes here? Not a joke, just chilling.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I thought he was talking to Sydney Sweeney on the Hollywood and her new.

[A]

Lingerie line, which made its way to my purview.

[B]

What's your purview mean? It made it to you, Heather.

[A]

Yeah, me too.

[B]

I mean, Heather makes sense.

[A]

I just admire young, pretty girl.

[B]

Gets. Gets a story about a young, pretty girl. But go ahead. What's your big, hot take on Sydney Sweeney?

[A]

Well, in the old timey days, there was sadness. It was Marilyn Monroe, James Mansfield, and these. This type of woman in the movies or in show business, and they didn't have control. The men controlled them, and they ended up really not that rich. Now, you got Sydney Sweeney out of my. Out of my way, boy. She's doing Gene Comero. She's starting a huge global business while she's in her 20s. She's taking back all the power from other sort of. Whatever you would call them. What do we call our starlets? You know, our movie star. Women. Heather.

[B]

Starlets. Starlets or stars.

[A]

Sex. Sex symbols, basically.

[B]

Actors. Stars.

[A]

Sex actors. Sex symbols. So anyway, Sydney Sweeney is taking the power back. And I like that.

[B]

I like that. Now, do you think in a movie, in the negotiations. Yes. More money to show boobs. Because I sound crazy. But that was a story on Halle Berry and Swordfish. Did you hear that? She'd get 500 grand.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Where.

[A]

It was. It was in the contract. Not sort of encouraged.

[B]

Hmm. I mean, it would make sense. I don't think Sydney Sweeney cares either way, because she's done Euphoria in all these movies. But maybe it's getting to that point where she can say, I don't want to do it. Give me a bump.

[A]

Well, she's kind of. She feels like she's in control, so she wants to go, here's my boobs. You know, it's like. It's not like she's under duress, but with men, you know, they'd want them. After Arnold came out and ruined it for skinny men, skinny movie actors, you know, you got to take your shirt off. So a lot of men, they'd be like, we want you to put on 30 pounds of muscle, and we want you to take your shirt off. In the movie, they did it to Henry Winkler. He goes, no, I don't. I don't think so.

[B]

He goes, hey, you know, I will tell you, I was flipping channels last night, and I went to HBO before I knew the name. I shouldn't even tell you this, because I'm Going to fall right in your trap.

[A]

I'm ready, man.

[B]

I'm gonna say a word that I've said before and I'm gonna do the voice. He walks out of like a hut. It's obviously the 1600s. He just hooked up with someone. He's older. He walks out, everybody's naked, and then he panned down and he's got maybe a one foot long wiener. It's.

[A]

So what is, what movie is this?

[B]

Infuriating? It's a. It's something on hbo, I think.

[A]

It's hardcore porn, isn't it?

[B]

No, it's like the Magic of Merlin, one of these weird shows. Oh.

[A]

Anyway, he comes out Night of the Seven Kingdoms. We're being told yes.

[B]

Oh, oh, I'm sorry that Greg knows this because it's a screensaver. Anyway, that's the only thing I saw in the whole movie. And I go, this is trash. I was so angry. I rarely write hbo. I said, this is insane. This is impossible. No one is as big of a winner.

[A]

I'm not, I'm not like you. Like, if, if I don't really want to see a dick when I'm not warned that it's coming on something, you stop watching or a TV show, it's like, I'm never excited. Like, you were like, hey, cool, a wiener. You know, I'm like, right? Don't, don't. Just let's.

[B]

I mean, jumped on my heated rivalry group chat.

[A]

Yeah, you know what that is?

[B]

The hockey show.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

It's about two hockey players that are. That are also naked having a dalliance.

[A]

Yeah, I'm old fashioned.

[B]

I like. Sorry about that. Anyway, so that was it.

[A]

Wiener.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we can't pull it up because it's a, it's a work computer. But let me tell you something monstrous. And I said, oh, is this a dragon from the other movie? Is this Game of Thrones? But the worst part was he came out to pee, but he has to grab it like a baseball bat. I go, that's enough. Then I watched 20 more minutes. All right, so there's that.

[A]

Why are you excited by that, by the way?

[B]

No, I'm like mad about it. So also, someone said in the comments, are bands great should be called Frequent Flyers? That's not a bad name.

[A]

That's not a bad joke. I can't believe loveitz would put that in the comments.

[B]

Heather, do you like it or not like it?

[A]

It's cute.

[B]

It's cute. I mean, it's too hard to say. Flies, Fruit flies, Flyers.

[A]

No, I think it's a nice little pun.

[B]

Something ice.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Yeah, it's kind of out of the blue. I wouldn't really predict that one.

[A]

I don't judge people. I mean, I realized recently how. What a blood sport it is to judge other people about their lives when you don't know anything. Why is David Spade wearing that white hat? What the hell does he think he's doing? If I had his money, I'd have a blue hat.

[B]

Yeah, it's true. I have a blue shirt. You know, I get worked up every day so much, there's a cement truck blocking my street. The other I'm. And he just stands there, and I go like this. First, I wait. I wait a solid two minutes. Don't say a word. Great guy. And I'm on a hill killing my neck, and I'm waiting. It's my street. He's crooked, so you can't get around him. He's not doing jack shit. Then I wait. Then a guy. And then I go, meep. I wish there was a beep under a beep. Just like a little, you know, like. Like, hey, somebody's here. We got to get by. No one say anything. Then a dude walks out, and he goes like this. Back it out to sunset. Back it out into sunset. Get.

[A]

I stop before I take. Take the scream to your house. And I stop. I pull over and say a little prayer. And then I go up your street because it's like ways and trucks and bam, bam, bam. Guns, smoke, fireworks.

[B]

Apocalypse Now.

[A]

And then your gate opens.

[B]

And you see where Theo and Sandler scratch their doors to open them like a. Like, tuna can. That was when I first moved in. And then I widened it because I was like, oh, my God.

[A]

I know. You really widened it.

[B]

Well, I did, but no one's paying attention. They just pull in and they go.

[A]

Well, I don't back down it. I don't play that game. I don't. You know, I'm just. I'm gonna turn and turn and turn.

[B]

And then I go down Dana's like this. I'm a safe driver. You know, when George Siegel. I said. Went on, just shoot me. I said, george, I saw you. I pulled up next to you on Holloway last night, and he goes, oh, no. Was I like this? And he. He leaned over, like, bent over on the steering wheel. He goes, they look like an old man like this. I go, no, you sit up straight. And he goes, oh, good. But he was like that. Yeah, he was bent over, and so was I. Hey, all right. Should we start anything or do you want to say.

[A]

My stocks are holding up today and I real. I realize the market, the stock market's not reacting as much like we talked about Trump, because he came out earlier and he said, we're gonna. We're going to take out the moon. We're going to bomb the moon. We're taking out the moon. I never liked the moon. We're going to take it out. We're going to nuke the moon. That's what we're going to do. Because we know how to nuke it. And quite frankly, if you look at it, if you look at it and you think about it, we don't need the moon. You know, the market's like going up.

[B]

They like the idea of it.

[A]

And earlier today, Biden came out. Why is it. What's his beef with the moon?

[B]

What's.

[A]

Folks, let's get real. The fact of the matter is the moon. Never heard him. I like the moon. And the people said what the moons are said. Thanks you. Thank you, Mr. President.

[B]

I agree with him on that.

[A]

Do people hate the puppets? No, I don't read the comments. That's pretty much what I got.

[B]

All right, let's get to.

[A]

I could do more, but let's get to the.

[B]

What is this? Hold on. Before we do it. Okay. Oh, you remember Davos, of course. Who goes to Davos?

[A]

Oh, boy. World leaders. World leaders, giant billionaires, businesses. It's like.

[B]

Just play like the first 10 seconds of this.

[A]

Yeah. Paid adult companionship in a little town called Davos, Switzerland has shot up by 4,000% in the last.

[B]

That's all you need to know.

[A]

I wonder why every year the world economic.

[B]

Yes, everyone needs a little fun time.

[A]

Shark go in the water. Farewell in a dune. My wee Spanish lady. Men with money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Escorts come in and want the money.

[B]

Is it legal or. How can you be that shady? It's probably hard to. You're in a hotel with all the other world leaders. You're like, hey, introduce us to your daughter.

[A]

I don't think it's ever. My impression is it's never written down or really even spoke about, you know. Hey, would you like to have dinner? Okay. I don't think it's. They don't have pimps anymore, do they? It's. It's all. It's all through.

[B]

I don't think. Huggy bears walking around the wall.

[A]

I don't think. I don't think. Some guys on the streets of Davos, man, you want to get a date?

[B]

You know so, yeah, beating, Beating up some girl in the lobby. Oh, yeah. Farewell.

[A]

And it.

[B]

Ooh, shark. Go to Davos.

[A]

Businessmen in Davos. Billion men got the money for $10,000, you get the head, the tail.

[B]

10,000 men went in, 2,000 came out.

[A]

For 2500. You get the lower body. For 3,000, you get the upper body for the whole Damn thing. It's 25, 000 dirty. Why are we talking about this?

[B]

I don't know. We'll go to the next story. That was.

[A]

All right, let me just take a quick selfie of you for my Instagram.

[B]

Oh, this story, this guy got busted because reportedly selling his car on Facebook Marketplace than stealing his car back six times. Okay, now this story is funny because it's not funny, but when I first moved to la, I. I said I could buy a Camaro. I. I did a movie and I go, oh, my God, it's the first time I have any money. I have $6,000. So I could buy it a silica, a Camaro, and try to be a pimp. But I said, nope, I'm going to get a Accord. I just want something that starts every day.

[A]

The basic.

[B]

Can't go wrong.

[A]

Can't go wrong.

[B]

Maybe I'll splurge for a sunroof. I found that was exactly 6,000. Perfect. Good shape, good tires. So I thought, that's all I need. Just get me from A to B, just so I can get my life straight. So I do a movie for 10 weeks, I clear 6,000, I go to this deli, I meet this woman. Here's your money, here's the keys. I drive to the improv, I go to show Tim Rose. We walk out. Was it this street or was it this street? No, I think it was on La Jolla. No, it was on Quilquia. Stolen. Stolen within an hour. And I had no insurance. It was just back to zero. I had nothing. And when the cops finally talked to me, they said. I said, you know what? It feels like the guy, like, followed me and stole it back. He goes, probably. I go, oh, let's go. Everyone on deck. It's the Miami Mall again. We need a hundred cops. And they're like, yeah, I mean, what, what are we gonna do? I'm like, I don't know.

[A]

You.

[B]

You kind of know what happened.

[A]

He's like, yeah, what we're gonna do, you and I, is pitch this to Hulu on a brand new selling steel. He sells the car and then steals it back. Starring your host, David Spade.

[B]

Oh, it's A comedy.

[A]

I don't know if it's comedy, but I'm just trying to. I'm just trying to play the live streaming world.

[B]

David Spade and Emilio Estevez.

[A]

With Carrot Top.

[B]

Not like Amelia. I think Emilio's coming on. I talked to him about coming on because when Charlie Sheen was on, everyone loved that Emilio.

[A]

Oh, they love the brother thing.

[B]

They love Emilio.

[A]

I think it's great. It was great. Really a sweet moment, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Like, when I see you and people think it's a sweet moment.

[A]

I had a Volkswagen Bug 67 that I was driving to LA. I was driving back and forth, San Francisco, La. I drove to LA. It was a block from my house. And I look in the rearview mirror and the engine's on fire. So I pulled over and I walked away. Then I called people and said, you want a car? You can have it. Rear engine is burning right now.

[B]

Would you call Mark Pitt or Kevin Pollock?

[A]

I called both of them, but Slayton came in. Bobby Slate.

[B]

Hey. Hey.

[A]

Give me the car. Give me the car. Give me the keys. Where the keys?

[B]

I look in the front row, I see four angry lesbians. Like there's any other kind. That's his act. Not my act.

[A]

No, his words.

[B]

Did you have this. This kind of window in the back?

[A]

Yeah. And it was. You could work on those cars. They got a lot of mileage. They.

[B]

She.

[A]

They were so light, two strong men could just lift them up.

[B]

You know, my buddy Jody had one, and it was like a 69 or 70. And he had the back lifted a little bit.

[A]

Yeah. The heating system was just. They would let air in, and it would go over the engine and come in. So it kind of was a little funny, oily smell, you know?

[B]

Oily. It was a four speed.

[A]

It was such a toy. I mean, you know, death trap.

[B]

And so you just left it and said, I'll just start over.

[A]

Yeah. And then I got on one of the boys with Mickey Rooney and Scatman Carruthers, and I made some money. And I think I did buy a Honda Accord.

[B]

See, you got a Civic or Accord is just the way to go.

[A]

It's just easy.

[B]

They start.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just sold a truck at that Barrett Jackson auction. And it's kind of funny. It's too big for me. All right, let's go to the next story.

[A]

All right, let's see who it is. Oh, yeah.

[B]

This is artwork, Dana. Now, if you weren't any sort of artist, which, no offense, you're not, if you had any creative bone in your body, you would try this. Okay, let's see it. He's imitating things in nature. It's pretty clever.

[A]

It is clever. I don't know. How is it just. Okay.

[B]

I like the noise.

[A]

And then how do you see it?

[B]

You just film, and then you gotta dress like it and then.

[A]

Is it in a museum or anything or.

[B]

No, it's just on some guy's eye.

[A]

Oh, okay. I think it's pretty.

[B]

Pretty clever, right? What are you doing all day? You could be doing this. This is what I would do. Maybe during COVID but if I had literally anything else to do, I don't think I would do it. Okay, that's enough. Yeah, you got it.

[A]

Everyone's got something, you know? I mean, this is cool. I don't mind.

[B]

That's. That's more performance art, I feel.

[A]

I think it's more performance, but I like it.

[B]

I think it's. It's. It's not. It's a little off the beaten path of what you see on Tick Tock.

[A]

There are no rules in the art world in the last 25 years. You know, it could be anything. Yeah, I mean, I. You know, I mean, it could be a red dot on a canvas, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Do you think it's money laundering or. No. What is that story?

[A]

Yeah, I think a part of it could be, but I also think it's. I remember Dennis Miller going at the end of the day, carvings all down to paintings and planes. I mean, you can get a mansion, you get wealth, you get a fleet of cars. But if you can get a plane, a Gulf stream, that's yours. And original art, like a Basquiat and whatever, that's the final. So I think the scarcity of certain artists, it's just the exponentially going more.

[B]

Like one more, the more rare. I've got a Jack Pollock.

[A]

You have You. You'd have a Jackson Pollock.

[B]

Jesus Christ. Jack Pollock.

[A]

Jackie Pollock. Okay. Yeah. We decided to put down the brush and just kind of pour it on the camp.

[B]

Just sneeze on the sneeze. I don't know. I have a Peter Beer.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I didn't. Never. I couldn't get into that art. My brother Andy is really into it. He's got the coolest.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. But I never. And airplanes, I would love, but, you know, not quite there yet. While I play Rib Ticklers in Tulsa.

[A]

That was a real comedy club in Minneapolis.

[B]

Yeah, There was Jokers in Tulsa. I played. And I'm doing theaters now, thank God. But, oh, where am I going That's a good question.

[A]

Are you going? Are you touring? I mean, do people want to know?

[B]

Well, I just got back. In quotes from. I just got back in Wisconsin, Chicago. And it was. Last I checked it was minus 11 in Appleton. So I'll see what that's like. Bring the long sleeve T shirts. And this next one is Oklahoma. We're just talking about, as Heather put it on my site, oklahoma comma, Oklahoma. That's where I'm going.

[A]

Oklahoma. Okay.

[B]

Right. It just said. So she put Oklahoma. Oklahoma. Funny. You got a lot of chatter, which is good.

[A]

You could drop in on my Oklahoma. Thunder generates it.

[B]

Oklahoma. And then I'm playing Dallas. Dallas. And then I'm playing San Antonio. San Antonio. No, it doesn't say that, but that's where I'm playing. That's the next ones. Then I got Pittsburgh. I haven't been to Pittsburgh. I don't think I've ever done a full theater show in Pittsburgh.

[A]

I don't think I have either, but I've been to Pittsburgh.

[B]

I don't know why. It's usually Philly, I guess. Mm.

[A]

Or it's in the, in the East. What are those towns? East Eastern Pennsylvania.

[B]

Hazelton.

[A]

No, not going to Hershey.

[B]

I've done casinos. We've all done casinos. And those are in the middle of nowhere.

[A]

I love casinos in the middle of nowhere, man.

[B]

And then it's like a nice casino. And you're like, how, how is this happening?

[A]

Just all the money. Yeah, it's usually shiny and bright.

[B]

Just gotta, gotta middle of like a tough town that's been, you know, through like I, I did one near, in Ohio, one near Detroit where some town was just hit with like, everyone in the town got hit by like the car plant shut down or the coal mine. And here's some beautiful casino with some joker like me showing up. Yeah, so crazy. I know, but I do, I do a good job. Yeah, everyone's talking about it.

[A]

One of the great stuff, David Spade. You should go see the show. One of, one of the greats on the Mount Rushmore of standup comedians. Yeah, he brings it. Let's put it this way. David Spade brings it. That's what I.

[B]

That's what a lot of the reviews are. Brings.

[A]

Brings it. They don't say what he brings, but he brings it.

[B]

One guy I said, he commented that I wouldn't see this show again. It looked like he was making it all up. I'm like, that's the whole point. That took so long.

[A]

He refused to read his jokes off a piece of paper and look like he was spontaneously just remembering these funneties fucking madness thing.

[B]

When you want your spring break to feel like and your kids pool day to feel like and your hotel bed to feel like.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

And room service to feel like. Because at Hilton hospitality feels like.

[A]

Your cabana's ready. Would you like fresh towels?

[B]

It matters where you stay. Book [e-mail] Hilton for this day. Reese's peanut butter cups.

[A]

They go perfectly with music, podcasts and welcome back to the show. Even nature sounds.

[B]

Oh, and the thing if someone crinkles.

[A]

Tissue and whispers at you.

[B]

Hello. Look, I'm not here to judge what you listen to.

[A]

I'm here to judge you for not eating Reese's while you listen to it. Reese's.

[B]

Ashley, go back to the nature sounds.

[A]

Nice. Yeah, that's really nice. Tax act is here anytime you want to easily file your taxes. Tax act is here for the early birds who like to knock them out as soon as the season opens and for the procrastinators who like to wait until the very last minute. Tax act is also here for the middlers who file right in the middle of tax season. No one ever talks about the middlers. But taxact sees you and tax act respects you. Tax act. Let's get them over with.

[B]

Okay, next one. Let's see. We got any more or are we done? Let's see. Don't know what this is. Oh, we'll see if Heather thinks this is a good idea. So every. All the girls get their nails done. They spend so much money. You can change the color of your.

[A]

Nails that fast all day. So right now I'll just go ahead and set these glues. Wait a minute. So it takes the old nail polish off and then puts.

[B]

I don't know what it's doing.

[A]

Heather. Then it'll shuffle right through to that first glue blue that I chose. How is that?

[B]

It's the top coat. Yeah, it's. I don't know if you have to be plugged into this thing or.

[A]

Or it's just showing you what it'll look like kind of.

[B]

I don't know what. That ring also may have something to do with needs to be a conduit or something to. There's got to be electronically do. I don't know.

[A]

It can't just waste a brush. Nail polish and it gets me metallic. So there are ways to do different finishes.

[B]

And yeah, we're a little flummoxed by this one, but it's very.

[A]

That's the future pop quiz. For you and Heather and Greg, like, what is from a male point of view, what is considered the most attractive color of nail polish? On Toes.

[B]

Toes.

[A]

I'm going with sandals. Toes Red. Ruby red.

[B]

Red might be too easy. Too down the middle.

[A]

Heather. Greg, I've. I've never done red ever in my life.

[B]

Heather's never done her toes red.

[A]

Very harsh. Very.

[B]

This is a big game changer. Any neutral, Dana.

[A]

Neutral, dummy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Pale nudes.

[A]

Any further?

[B]

Oh, Greg says nude color. What is Greg talking?

[A]

Nasty. Greg got a nude.

[B]

Greg does his nails nude. Guys like the guy on Night of the Seven Kingdoms. I just shot their ratings up.

[A]

I think it's kind of cool to.

[B]

Have night of the Night of the hog wieners.

[A]

That thing traumatized you. You haven't been the same since you saw that.

[B]

I haven't been.

[A]

That's what caused your eyebrows to go up like that. It was just the shot. It wasn't the hat.

[B]

I can't really see me on this one, but I don't think my eyebrows are going crazy.

[A]

I'm going to get my hair even taller next week. My goal is to get it to here.

[B]

I'm going to give you my hair guy. His name is Jimmy Neutron.

[A]

You don't want to have. You don't want to be able. Your lower face. You don't want to have your hair. It's so far back that you can fit your lower face up before the hair starts.

[B]

You should. It should. It goes. The dimensions of your waist to your nose should equal your nose to your hairline. What? That's forehead. You got good hair.

[A]

So this is.

[B]

This is the.

[A]

Quick, quick, go ahead. I'm not gonna testify for nobody, man.

[B]

Hey, man, I'm out of here. I took a Jacuzzi. Sue me.

[A]

And then here's W. Bush. Just. Just the look on his face. I couldn't believe the press conference. All the stuff that's going on in the world. They said, what do you think? What do you think of it?

[B]

How did you make that one? That looks.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

That looks like the Chick Fil. A girl on TikTok.

[A]

David Spade saw Wiener.

[B]

What about that one video where he's golfing and he goes, my heart goes out to all the people in 9 11. You got that, guys? All right. Watch this drive. Then he does the drive to the press corps. I go, you shouldn't do that. You know, they're still filming, dude.

[A]

He had kind of, you know, love or hate him, a cheerful demeanor. He had that frat Boy, kind of. How's it going? You know.

[B]

Did you do George regular Bush or only the.

[A]

No, I did. I did Bush Senior, of course. Did him on snl. Did it the best way I knew how. And then with W, I just started doing them because. But Will Ferrell, kind of Will Ferrer was.

[B]

Were you leaving when that happened?

[A]

Yeah, I was. I was off the show, but I. I do, you know, I did Obama. I did Club.

[B]

You do them all?

[A]

I did them all. I'm not saying they're any good, but I do them all.

[B]

We got another gig coming up. We're gonna.

[A]

I'll do Jimmy Carter if you want. I go way back.

[B]

All right, we'll do one more and then we'll wrap up.

[A]

Let's wrap it up.

[B]

Let's do one more.

[A]

One more. This is Anger, the banger. Okay.

[B]

I don't know if it is. I don't know what it is yet. Oh, this is like ces. They show you how to do things. I think, what am I looking? I thought they were measuring their foot for a shoe, but they're making a shoe.

[A]

Oh, they're making it totally to fit your foot. Let's see that.

[B]

Is it only like. Oh, so it's like a little rubber.

[A]

Only barefoot shoes.

[B]

I see. Now let's see one more. Would you do this?

[A]

Well, I think it's kind of cool. I mean, he's floating this. Here's. Here's the deal. Can it finish one time?

[B]

Can I finish?

[A]

Let me put on my podiatry hat.

[B]

Yes. Potider's here.

[A]

So feet generally neutral. If they go like this. If they supinate, they go out like this when you walk. If they pronate, they go in when you walk. Now I have one foot that. This foot goes in a little bit.

[B]

Pronate.

[A]

Pronate. This one supinates.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And one of my feets is a half inch bigger than the other ones. Custom made shoes, I think. I'm sure Steph Curry, they get custom made shoes for them go to good feet store. I go to the Sears stores that are still open and I get industrial shoes. Now where would I go to get shoes?

[B]

One of mine, pronates means pronates and one does soup plantation. And it's funny.

[A]

Well, my, my elbow, if I raise my hand, I can't go straight up. It's called perpendicular elbow constellation. So it goes like this and then I go up. So in class when I was a little kid, I have far.

[B]

I have farley one where you go like this to raise your hand and Then you go, he did a sketch where it was Seinfeld as a teacher. And he goes, where did World War II start? And don't say Africa. And Farley goes. Then he goes, whatever the wrong answer was that was. He was going to say.

[A]

It's funny that it just.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He goes down slowly. Yeah. As opposed to, you know.

[B]

Do you have frozen shoulder? You can tell us.

[A]

No, I don't.

[B]

That guy on that show has frozen wiener. God. Well, you should know. I wanted to end on a real, like a real summary of the whole episode. Like, this guy's got a French loaf.

[A]

French loaf. We heard from.

[B]

Let's get him on next week. We'll ask him all about it. I'm praying that it's some sort of thing they put on there.

[A]

Yes. It could be a prosthesis. Yes.

[B]

And how do you put that on in your trailer? How embarrassing.

[A]

I mean, I don't want to get into the weeds with this, but in a bio evolutionary way, when the swords were flying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Those guys didn't last very long, you know, if that was their relaxed state.

[B]

You know, they showed the girl in the way back of the cave or whatever and she's like this.

[A]

Do you remember the comedian John Fox? He had this opening line. It was so. I don't know, I guess the guy was so hung. He was like the human tripod.

[B]

It was like applause.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He's a guy that went on Star Search and sang a Diet Pepsi song to the tune of. Oh, he changed words because he's heavy. He goes. He goes, oh, God. Candy section. I clear the show. He wasn't drinking Diet Pepsi and he did a song about. They used to say I'm drinking Pepsi and it shows. But he would say, I'm drinking. I'm not drinking Diet Pepsi. And it shows because he was so fat.

[A]

I see.

[B]

God, I can't think of the words. Next week. What a cliffhanger. I'll think of the other two sentences.

[A]

Next week we will be back locked and loaded. If you have any requests for puppets, I'm thinking in the near future bringing out a Pierce Morgan. Good. Maybe a aoc. I try to a Tucker Carlson. These are all in the hopper. So I'll do new people, movie stars from the 1940s.

[B]

Mix it up and I'll think of the end of that song. And we're excited. Dana's going to go shopping for those puppets. So get him before he hits the store.

[A]

I have someone, Mark Hirshan, who makes them for me. I just got him a Laser printer. He's very good at it because it has to be kind of a good size. And then these popsicle sticks fit in like that.

[B]

And they're not as big as you think because you push them to the camera so they can be right.

[A]

Because that's how you. Here I'm just showing a photo and there I am automating. Well, David, I really enjoyed the show. I like the guy with the wiener. I thought that was good. I don't know. And the. It was all kind of entertaining. Hill and I enjoyed it, so. But if he gets mad, it's like, what the are you talking about? Comes in. So it's just fun.

[B]

Oh, yeah. People thought we were funny on Bill Maher. I got a lot of comments about that.

[A]

Really?

[B]

We did his podcast. Yeah.

[A]

That's nice.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Have a nice time, Dana. And we will see you next time.

[A]

We'll see you next time, everybody.

[B]

Hey, guys. If you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, five star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[A]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[B]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

[A]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by.

[B]

Phil sweettech, booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[A]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

[B]

Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email us at Fly on the [e-mail] that's a U D a C-Y I dot com.