Dennis Miller Energy; Big Peacocks; F Spade Money

Summary

Podcast Summary: Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: Dennis Miller Energy; Big Peacocks; F Spade Money
Release Date: July 14, 2025
Host/Guests: Dana Carvey and David Spade
Presented by: Audacy

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1. Introduction to the Episode

Dana Carvey and David Spade open the episode with their signature banter, humorously labeling themselves as "two idiots talking" ([02:51]). They set the tone for an episode filled with diverse topics ranging from showbiz insights to current events.

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2. Bus Boys: Behind the Scenes of Indie Comedy

The hosts discuss their ongoing project, "Bus Boys," an independent comedy venture approaching its release phase. David mentions, “It's getting closer to being shown to people” ([03:00]), highlighting their hands-on approach without traditional network interference. Dana expresses curiosity about the show's content and production, emphasizing the importance of memorable comedic scenes: “I think Rob cued into that if the sound broke like you... [04:17].”

Notable Quote:

• Dana Carvey (04:17): “You need some memorable ones. Remember Deuce Bigelow? Schneider? The movie that did great. It was really sold off.”

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3. Unpacking the Jeffrey Epstein Files Controversy

A substantial portion of the episode delves into the Jeffrey Epstein Files, examining the suspicious circumstances surrounding Epstein's death. Dana outlines the complexities: “Anyone, anywhere in the world, someone of power... hiding something because of the circumstances of how he died” ([05:21]). They explore various conspiracy theories, questioning the official narrative of Epstein's suicide and the potential cover-ups involved.

Notable Quotes:

• Dana Carvey (06:13): “It's so much wrong stuff where you're not even interested to go.”
• David Spade (08:40): “Why is there a $290 million payout from Morgan Stanley?”

The discussion highlights public distrust and the desire for transparency, with both hosts expressing skepticism about the lack of concrete evidence and the abruptness of the official reports ([09:15]).

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4. The Diddy Trial: Legal Twists and Public Perception

Dana and David transition to discussing the ongoing Diddy trial, focusing on the charges of sex trafficking and racketeering. Despite serious allegations, they speculate on the likelihood of Diddy facing significant consequences: “Basically, he got off” ([12:56]). Dana questions the judicial outcomes, pondering whether Diddy's reputation will rebound post-trial.

Notable Quote:

• David Spade (13:31): “He's been in jail this whole time. Maybe they'll give him time.”

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5. Animal Antics: Pigeons vs. Peacocks

Shifting to a lighter topic, the hosts humorously debate animal behaviors, specifically pigeons and peacocks. David shares a video of pigeons attempting to impress mates, which Dana finds unappealing: “Never seen pigeons do that to impress me” ([15:19]). Their playful banter touches on the quirks of animal courtship rituals and the absurdity of certain behaviors.

Notable Quote:

• Dana Carvey (16:27): “I think that was Johnny Carson who saw a peacock and decided to create a network.”

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6. Taxes and Social Frustrations: Navigating Financial Irritations

Dana and David delve into the frustration surrounding taxation, particularly in states like California. They discuss the complexities of the tax system, public distrust in government spending, and the desire for transparency: “Why is there not online... a very clear, easy third grader could do it” ([34:00]). The conversation highlights the emotional toll of financial obligations and the perceived inefficiency of tax utilization.

Notable Quotes:

• David Spade (34:08): “They just shrug their shoulders and go, yeah, I don't know, give us more.”
• Dana Carvey (35:06): “Let’s have some pre burns. Let’s have some fire management.”

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7. Audience Q&A: Career Advice for Aspiring Actors

The episode features an interactive segment where Dana and David answer questions from their audience. Two notable questions address auditioning challenges and navigating early career setbacks in the acting industry.

Question 1: Hair Routines from Molly (52:31)

• David Spade: “When I get up and do my hair, the first three and a half hours of my day, it's going like this...”
• Dana Carvey: “Never take it personal. Collect defeats.”

Question 2: Audition Advice from Hayden (54:41)

• David Spade: “It's the easiest business to get discouraged in. So she's not crazy.”
• Dana Carvey: “Never take it personal. Collect defeats. It’s never personal.”

Both hosts emphasize perseverance, continual improvement, and maintaining a positive outlook despite repeated rejections.

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8. Closing Remarks and Teasers

In their concluding segment, Dana and David tease future content, including a "mystery bag" related to Dennis Miller: “What’s in there? It’s going to be something sort of positive” ([57:41]). They encourage listeners to engage via comments on YouTube and hint at more humorous content to come.

Notable Quote:

• David Spade (58:40): “We did Dennis Miller. We did.”

They wrap up by thanking their audience and providing information on how to follow and support the podcast.

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Conclusion

This episode of Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade offers a blend of in-depth discussions on serious topics like the Jeffrey Epstein files and the Diddy trial, interspersed with lighthearted debates on animal behavior and interactive audience segments. The hosts maintain their comedic charm while tackling complex subjects, providing listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful commentary.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Dana Carvey (04:17): “You need some memorable ones. Remember Deuce Bigelow? Schneider? The movie that did great. It was really sold off.”
• Dana Carvey (06:13): “It's so much wrong stuff where you're not even interested to go.”
• David Spade (08:40): “Why is there a $290 million payout from Morgan Stanley?”
• Dana Carvey (16:27): “I think that was Johnny Carson who saw a peacock and decided to create a network.”
• David Spade (34:08): “They just shrug their shoulders and go, yeah, I don't know, give us more.”
• Dana Carvey (35:06): “Let’s have some pre burns. Let’s have some fire management.”
• David Spade (58:40): “We did Dennis Miller. We did.”

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Additional Information:

• Listen on YouTube: @flyonthewallpod
• Send Questions: [e-mail]

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This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, integrating notable quotes with proper attribution and timestamps, and structuring the content into clear, digestible sections for those who haven't listened to the podcast.

Transcript

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

Call it our segment called Standing or sitting. So we talk about news and what's going on and we don't really know anything. And everyone loves to point that out. We're two idiots talking. Who cares? Good for us.

[Dana Carvey]

So we have strong opinions. We're passionate alpha males and we. We want to express ourselves. But we're not saying we're correct.

[David Spade]

But. Right. By the way I saw. I'm watching right now. Another rough cut of Bus Boys. It's getting closer to being shown to people. Show it to people. We have no bosses. People know this. We paid for ourselves. We're just going to show it. See if anybody wants to put out anywhere. Or we'll just put it out and say press here by watch.

[Dana Carvey]

So I've only heard about busboys for quite some time.

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

And I'm.

[David Spade]

Maybe too long.

[Dana Carvey]

No. But I haven't seen a frame.

[David Spade]

Not nothing.

[Dana Carvey]

Just hearing about. Like what. What do you guys look like together? Where are you going? How's it shot? I'm very, very curious.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Yeah. I'll show you one quick like one minute thing we have about it. Like a. Not a real trailer but something Theo shows on the road. Well, I'm excited.

[Dana Carvey]

It's a silly comedy.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

So basically as long as a basic story tracks. But no one's going to leave it going. That story tracks so well. But just enough. And then you need. I'd say in an 80 minute movie you probably need three banger scenes. I'm serious. And then other other little laughs. But. Or at least two big scenes. That's all you really need.

[David Spade]

Just need some memorable ones. Remember Deuce Bigelow? Schneider? The movie that did great. Was really sold off. The trailer with him in gravity inversion. Boats swinging and hitting an aquarium and ripping it down. And a full stunt crash. Fish and water everywhere. And it was like. I'm going to that.

[Dana Carvey]

I think that. Yeah. There. That you could. You know, sometimes with comedies. I think Rob cued into that if the sound broke like you. You didn't have any sound. You still would be laughing a lot of the time. You know, funny with the sound off. I do. I remember in the beginning Schneider had some guy go use the restroom and he. He was peeing for like two minutes and it was like a fire hose. And it was just Rob's reactions. So that's funny. It was just.

[David Spade]

Yeah. There's some stuff. So we'll see and we'll catch up more on that later in the news. There's a big mention of this Epstein Files thing. Any thoughts on that?

[Dana Carvey]

It's kind of the news of the week. I would set the table with this idea that it's not like an overriding obsession with me, but the secondary premise is anyone, anywhere in the world, someone of power or government or politician or important person hiding something because the circumstances of how he died. He attempted suicide a few days before, he doesn't make it. Then he goes back, he has a cellmate that's a murderer. Apparently the cameras either malfunctioned, there was a technical issue, the two guys to watch him fell asleep or got confused. I mean, it's so much right stuff where you're not even interested to go.

[David Spade]

Well what, what like too many things happen at once.

[Dana Carvey]

If this is Colombo, I'm going back to the 70s. Or if this is law and order. Excuse me, is this your dog? Yeah. I don't want to bother you, but I, I, I just have this wondering about why he would hang himself, you know, Paging Kevin Pollack to do that.

[David Spade]

Yeah, but so you know, is the.

[Dana Carvey]

Guy, is someone lying and just what the fuck happened? Just tell us.

[David Spade]

Well, also you can see lists like they take a picture on Instagram of. It's a list of 100 celebrities. Everyone's like, this is the real. But I've seen ones that Drew Barrymore, I've seen one like there's people, you know, this isn't anything.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's also smart office gift if you want to just exaggerate at people. And who knows if there was a list when I, Someone told me, and I'm not a conspiratorialist, converse. I had a couple pops before the show and they said there's this guy named Jeffrey Epstein, he's, he's incredibly rich. No one knows how he got the money. He has a secret island or an island he flies Bill Clinton down there 13 times and other celebrities to the island.

[David Spade]

Right?

[Dana Carvey]

He has young girls that are, you know, 15, 16, 17 year old girls that have sex with these famous powerful men and they're secretly recorded and then that is used as blackmail and political leverage forever. And I go, well, that sounds like a conspiracy, a total fantasy. But then I found out there is a guy named Jeffrey Epstein. He does have an island. Bill Clinton did go on the island. There's certain things we know. So then you're like, well what, what else is going on? I'm not going to let you talk because I want the spade.

[David Spade]

Well, I mean, I think a. There could be a list like this famous list. Let's say they get the real list and the flight logs. But if it's Bill Clinton or Bill Gate, I would Rather see a video of them doing something wrong because who cares? I mean we just watching the puffy trail, it doesn't mean anything. It's all circumstantial. Like so there is a list. So there's an island. So they knew him. Now did they go there? Did they do anything? Is there proof they did anything? That's what people really, really want. They don't just want to say, oh I heard this or this. They've heard that for years. And also what could be happening is now they say he hung himself. No controversy, no list, no nothing. Which also sounds weird, right?

[Dana Carvey]

Well why, why was there 290 million dollar payout from Morgan Stanley? It was Jeffrey Epstein's bank to toward the victims. Why is his right hand woman. If anyone had a list and it wouldn't be a little black book. It might be digital or encode or whatever. Why is she in jail for sex trafficking? So and then why, what are the odds? Why don't they would 2020 do a the odds of him, the guards falling asleep and the camera's breaking. Right, Right when he's hanging himself.

[David Spade]

I mean but then they just did a video where they sent it. This is him in jail when he hung himself. And you go, I thought they broke.

[Dana Carvey]

I didn't think the video when I was the last I saw it was just him walking through the prison. There was none of him in the, in the, in the. Well, I think, who knows. This is a story going on this week.

[David Spade]

So clip of a door of a jailer like this is his. Whatever. I think one possibility which sounds pretty far fetched, let's say that stuff is good for blackmail with some people. So in lieu of just telling everyone this guy did this, the people that have it now, go to them and say now we'll blackmail you. So we need you to do this or we're going to let it out.

[Dana Carvey]

Who benefited from Jeffrey Epstein not being on the planet? I mean this is like crime drama series we see all the time. And then here's the other part of it is that Pam, beyond this press secretary, as of this taping, what is their last name?

[David Spade]

Bondi, I think.

[Dana Carvey]

Bondi, yeah. Bondi, yes. Had come out a few weeks ago. Yeah. Pam Bundy, that we've got all the files, we got this stuff. We're going to be giving you a lot of information. And then all of a sudden like that it was no hung himself. We don't have any evidence of any sex trafficking. There's no list. We have, there's nothing Just goodbye. And even the first time they brought it up to Trump, because why are we even talking about Jeffrey Epstein? Why would we talk about that? Why are we. It just makes you go, but, yeah, but answer. You're. We're being told, at least as of this taping, don't ask any questions, just shut up again.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I mean, it's sort of, yes, it's an old story, but it's one that you, even Trump has to realize. It's a curiosity factor for people. So you just want to put it out for good. What's the answer? And when that answer comes out, everyone kind of goes, I don't know if that's the answer.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, do a show and tell press conference. Have all the stuff. Be humble about it. Have Pam go up there and go, okay, this is what we thought. This is the, this is the video of me saying I've got all this stuff. But then we checked it again and cross checked it. This is, this is exactly why the cameras didn't work. This is exactly why they didn't work while he was hanging himself. You know, because it's just make piques your interest and it's just good for, for the public psyche to not feel like they're being lied to.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

By the way, were you. I mean, this doesn't even seem fair, but were you in, were you in New York when he went, when it went down with Epstein? Were you near that jail cell?

[David Spade]

Why you think I did it? Well, I wouldn't know how.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm not saying.

[David Spade]

Look, I was there visiting someone that day in prison, but I did nothing.

[Dana Carvey]

Wrong, which I knew about. You text me, I'm at the prison where Jeff, you know, I do good things.

[David Spade]

I go there and visit people and bring them lunch.

[Dana Carvey]

Right. And also you did a pithy kind of selfie where you took a sheet and rambled up like this and went, remember that? A little video while you're in the prison.

[David Spade]

What's that? Where I'm faking making.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, you're, you took the, you had a sheet, you rolled it in a real tight thing like, and it had a noose. And you went like, you know, and I'm not making you culpable. I'm just saying there's stories that need to be explained.

[David Spade]

No, I'm just doing a funny selfie with that.

[Dana Carvey]

And it's not at the, at the prison.

[David Spade]

Nothing to do with it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

Now, two things do not. Those don't add up, but we'll get into other stories now. But that was A story this week. And then there was the Diddy trial, which I don't think is over yet as of this press time. It's just that he hasn't been sentenced. Right.

[Dana Carvey]

It seems like, yeah, they're gonna let him out after he sends. You know, the judge did express worry that he would revert back and go after some of the.

[David Spade]

I'm worried.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm worried. But basically the sex trafficking or the. The racketeering, like, so they're saying he didn't do it for the money. Do. The two biggest things got dismissed. And then it was transporting prostitution. Prostitution. And I don't. That could carry 10 years, but I don't know. But basically. Basically, he got off.

[David Spade]

Basically. I feel like he's in better place than he was. Like, he probably will get reduced sentences. He been in jail this whole time. Maybe they'll give him time.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, he's been in there, like, nine months now. Let me ask you a question. Is there a chance that he's headlining Vegas in six months or he's. He's just back does it.

[David Spade]

If he's out and they just say okay, on probation, I definitely think he's back in biz. I think he has fans that will fully back him. Fully. Go see him. I don't know if he's really even a singer or rapper. I don't know really what he. No one really knows what he does exactly.

[Dana Carvey]

Robert S.M. did a cartoon on SNL, and the entire notion of the cartoon, I might have mentioned this before was, what does P. P. Did he do? I guess he's a producer, you know?

[David Spade]

Yeah. Which means. Whatever.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Producer. I like that.

[David Spade]

But anyway, piggybacked on Biggie. I. I mean, I don't know anything. I. I can't talk. I don't know anything. Yeah, but, you know, as just a. An objective viewer or listener, I really know even less. All right, let's get into the hard news. This is very hard.

[Dana Carvey]

I'll just say that one last. Pete. Did he drop. It's unsavory. It's an unsavory story.

[David Spade]

Yeah. It's a little rough.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Okay. Now, you were asking me early what pigeons look like when they puff out their chest to impress females. And I finally found some video.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

That impresses girls.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't want to fall in love. I just want to get stupid.

[David Spade]

Song. Song helps it. That's a pigeon. I've never seen pigeons do that to impress me.

[Dana Carvey]

Never. I've seen a lot of pigeons in the park in New York and whatever. I've never seen anything close to that. So.

[David Spade]

I mean, are they all married or why they're. No one's trying to impress another girl pigeon. Like, why do they. They're walking through it.

[Dana Carvey]

Is there a chance that's AI?

[David Spade]

I don't. Well, there's a chance everything is. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Doesn't it make you kind of make that feel sorry. When you watch these nature shows and the male component of a sea bug or whatever blows up freaky thing or changes its feathers to dark purple or whatever. It just sort of being like these poor horny freaks of nature blowing up and looking like alien double triple aliens.

[David Spade]

The birds are like. They puff their chest.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

The other female bird goes, I've seen this a million times. Or they go yada. They're doing like little bird catch like.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, 50 worms, put them in their mouth and spit them out like a machine gun. Look, I can get. If I had a worm.

[David Spade]

Joey Chestnut. And it said how many worms can you eat? And the other birds would get. That would be kind of interesting.

[Dana Carvey]

What if a frog to impress another frog because we had a bullfrog up here in the middle of the night on the pond. But the things are one of a frog in a bio evolutionary way to impress would jump up a thousand feet in the air and then kind of fly down. What do you think of that? Do you have a frog voice?

[David Spade]

She goes, oh, my God. I was on my phone. Go ahead. He's like, I'm not doing that again. I just jumped 1,000ft and then flew down. They make themselves kind of fat like that. And they go.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, the classic is the peacock. It's like, what's up? What? You have a peacock. That's pretty good.

[David Spade]

Not right. They kind of go. They put that out there. They're like, what's up?

[Dana Carvey]

I think it was Johnny Carson was actually. He was. He was golfing. He saw a peacock. And that's before NBC started was there like 1952. It goes, I'm gonna. I'm gonna create a network and I'm gonna have a. The mbc, the beating Peacock network.

[David Spade]

Someone had to say that it might have been him.

[Dana Carvey]

Someone had to do that. But it is kind of weird. And I do think even now it's kind of unfortunate that NBC's live streaming is peacock because it ends with the word. It doesn't sound inviting. Peacock. It's right now streaming on Peacock. Don't you find it's not a great name?

[David Spade]

Yeah. Because also, you know, it's a comedy Word. Because you know, the, the K sound. People say it's good in comedy. Like, I'm over here washing my peacock.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, exactly. That's a Dennis kind of thing. Okay, let's see what we have here in the peacock reverence territory.

[David Spade]

All right, Spade made a million bucks, ran out and bought himself a peacock.

[Dana Carvey]

And that's what I need more of in my life. Okay. Swordfish with a little turkey teriyaki sauce, a live peacock, and some sort of corral on my ranch.

[David Spade]

Got a peacock under glass, man.

[Dana Carvey]

What was the question?

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

That's right.

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[Kristin Press]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

Okay, we'll go to the next one. Next one. This is interesting. Crowd is on the edge of their seat.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[David Spade]

The most dangerous person in tech is an E liner. Altman. Oh, is that Sam Altman? Elon, it's 28 year old. Oh. He built a training system for OpenAI. And Zucker gave him. Zuckerberg gave him 15 billion for it. Yeah, I mean, I think the only question people have is, is he right or left? Because if he gets to steer how people think, very powerful position.

[Dana Carvey]

You're right. What is it, just science or. You know, it can be used for good or evil. We've seen it in science fiction films. And now, now we're kind of living it. The idea that a 28 year old gets handed 15 billion to make AI.

[David Spade]

That'll take us over 15 billion. That's 18 zeros, baby.

[Dana Carvey]

Back to Dennis. 15 billion for about six days of work. Okay, that's a toddling character there. It's not gonna happen to be a chest thumper with the ladies.

[David Spade]

All right. You know how you could get. Okay. He said all he did was hire sweatshop workers to procure data sets on the Internet. I don't know if that's all he did.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, he said that about himself.

[David Spade]

No, this is this comment on the side.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, people who kind of know comments.

[David Spade]

Are always funny because although, oh, he's brilliant, but he lacks wisdom. Heavy comment. Heavy.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, again, if you want to be in the room with it. Zuckerberg hired him or who paid him.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

So the guy, we got a guy, he's really good. He's 15 billion. All right. Okay. I got, I got a guy, a guy who's really, really good as well. He'll do it for 10 billion. I got three guys, they'll do it for 2 billion each. So how do they arrive at 15 billion? They tell me you couldn't for 14 billion supplant him. He's that value.

[David Spade]

No, it's not just a guy. He's bringing his with him.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, his whole job.

[David Spade]

How about he goes, no, I still own it, but I'll come up with new shit for you. No, no, no, we want this thing.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, he owns it. Okay.

[David Spade]

Yeah, he owns.

[Dana Carvey]

It's like everything I just said, trademark.

[David Spade]

Or he owns the guts of it. So I guess, listen, I remember when they bought. The first time I was hearing billion people are too young. Everything was millions. Government. We gave 10 million to this place. We gave 100 million, which was like the highest. When it hit billion, I think during the last four or five years, it turns in a billion. Then I heard 20 billion. Then we're getting 100 billion. Like, you can't compute these numbers at all. Everyone. It's just nothing. Anyway, it's so high, it's unbelievable. So everyone overpays Instagram. I think they were bought it for a billion. And I thought, that's insane for this stupid. And then it's obviously worth a lot. And then Snapchat, I think the guy wouldn't take 2 or 3 billion from Google. And I was like, whoa, dude. Is anyone gonna get mad that you took 3 billion? You got ripped off. Let's say it goes to 100 billion. You still have 3 billion. You're not going through it all. I mean, God damn, get the stress off. Sell it.

[Dana Carvey]

It's one of it. It's a heartbreaking thing when startups get lucky and they have this. They don't make much money, but they're valued so much higher and someone wants to buy them and it's. If it works out. When you say no, but if you were. If it doesn't work out, you're like, how in the fire did I say take your 3 billion?

[David Spade]

Right?

[Dana Carvey]

Take your fucking 3 billion and shove it up your ass.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it's like teams that overpay for a player and they bomb and they have like a nine year deal with them. They're like, oh, my God.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I love the NBA. What's his stats? He gets six points a game, two rebounds and one steal. What's his yearly income? 71 million, you know.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

I want the talent to get paid. I want the talent to get paid.

[David Spade]

Your boy Kevin Love gave me a shout out yesterday.

[Dana Carvey]

Really?

[David Spade]

Do you know who that is?

[Dana Carvey]

Of course. Great, great forward who famously came out about just mental health issues. Kind of helped a lot of people in the league.

[David Spade]

He just got traded, I guess, yesterday.

[Dana Carvey]

Where's he gone?

[David Spade]

To a different team.

[Dana Carvey]

To a different team. All right, all right.

[David Spade]

Miami. Heather, look it up. Kevin Love. Heather just shrugs her shoulders. I go, no, look it up. She goes, I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

I go, I know, but Heather can look things up.

[David Spade]

I mean, she can look it up and she's gonna say, I think it's a Miami Heat going to somewhere.

[Dana Carvey]

Utah Jazz acquire Kevin Love and Kylie Anderson in in three turn team training.

[David Spade]

Utah Jazz took him. So I don't think he was expecting it because he posted a Joe Dirt clip saying, what's it like to get traded? And it was Kid Rock going, nobody wants you here. You crying boy. Nobody wants you here at all. Get out of here. Hilarious.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, trading's heartbreaking. I mean there was just recently a seven team deal where I'll take this. You take this guy, then you take this guy. The warriors were in it Houston and he'll go over here. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Seven teams so complicated.

[Dana Carvey]

I know I can't keep track of it.

[David Spade]

I don't understand all their deals like, you know, free agent restricted, free. I don't really understand how it all works. Do I care? Sort of. Not enough to look into it.

[Dana Carvey]

It's fun for you.

[David Spade]

You're more into B ball that you go, they should get this guy if they lose this guy. But this guy's get. You know, they finally make money and then they get too expensive for someone.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, it's. It's a real. It's a guts move to turn down things and how you navigate your career. And you ideally want to get fu money initially and then you can take more chances with that. You know, I mean there were. There are players in any professional sports who just. Just saved every penny when they were playing.

[David Spade]

Dana wants FS money Spade. Let's take all his money. Dana's got lots of money. I'm not. No one's worried about Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, let me just make this comment. Okay, that's not true. But there. If you are someone who's living in a nice small house, really humble, have a humble car, whatever, and you have enough money coming in where you do what you want to do when you want to do it. If you want to work full time or you don't want. You are by lifestyle. Lifestyle is a millionaire lifestyle when you don't have to think about money. And a lot of that's just the expense.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

I like to give wisdom.

[David Spade]

What was the question?

[Dana Carvey]

It was. Was Jeffrey Epstein? Did he hang himself? No, that was so 11 minutes ago.

[David Spade]

Puffy's hosting this week.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm really enjoying the podcast. I thought the 11 minutes on the Peacock was. Was. Was a really seminal moment.

[David Spade]

I thought Epstein into peacock was brilliant. We have Puffy. He's also the musical guest.

[Dana Carvey]

That will mean he's fully back. I'm P. Diddy. I ain't going anywhere. Anywhere.

[David Spade]

I'm back in the city.

[Dana Carvey]

I Got the baby oil. I know how to toil. I one time work the soil. Everybody find some oil.

[David Spade]

Get BFED olive oil while papa was watching.

[Dana Carvey]

My name's not guilty. I know people think I'm filthy, but I want to tell you the whole story. Ify I pass a wall the bippy.

[David Spade]

God damn.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. I ran out of steam. We've been. This is our third podcast today.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Okay, we'll go next story. We really are racking them up. Rack them.

[Dana Carvey]

I love this podcast so far.

[David Spade]

Okay. This might be real, might not. A lot of girls have podcasts. A lot of women. And a lot of them I'm figuring out mostly onlyfans girls. It seems like if you see something like this, it might be a fake podcast because no one actually looks at the real ones. It's a good way to get clips on you really just film clips in.

[Dana Carvey]

A bathing suit on a couch.

[David Spade]

So if she's talking to the girl. But there's no real podcast. But it looks like one. They're just doing clips anyway.

[Dana Carvey]

I see just clips as if they're filming clips.

[David Spade]

There's no real. They're there.

[Kristin Press]

How much did you pay in taxes this year? I didn't pay taxes. I've never paid taxes in my life. You never paid taxes? No. Okay, well, so I haven't either. I really don't know even what taxes mean either. And I just, like, have money and.

[David Spade]

It'S kind of where I'm at.

[Kristin Press]

I really don't know. What do you even do? How do you go file for them? Like, how do you pay? You need an extension. Is there, like, taxes.com?

[David Spade]

Did she say extension? That's smart.

[Dana Carvey]

That's one I don't know.

[Kristin Press]

And it's different for every state. Like, why does some states have to pay more taxes than other states?

[Dana Carvey]

I. I don't understand.

[Kristin Press]

That's why we're women. Okay. Yeah, I'm a woman. It's fine. Someone explains the girl.

[David Spade]

Okay. A deep conversation. I do think there's. I think maybe in that world a lot either forget or aren't advised to pay taxes. These people you hear making so much money in that only fans world. I don't know. I mean, if you don't, you're going to get a rude awakening. Maybe I don't want to pay taxes.

[Dana Carvey]

Anymore with Wesley Snipes. Right? I mean, they gave him bad advice and he went to prison.

[David Spade]

Right? That's.

[Dana Carvey]

That.

[David Spade]

That's what's supposed to happen. I think what's happening more is no one wants to pay taxes. Because when you realize they miss, they're missing $20 billion in California, you go, why is that my money, I'm paying. And then it goes away and you go, Sorry, we lost 20 billion, but we need more. So we're going to up the tax. I'm like, I don't want to pay anymore. How about just figure out a new way? Because just keep telling us to give you money that you lose, you lose it.

[Dana Carvey]

Why is there not online? A very clear, easy third grader could do it. Of listing of where California. California tax dollars. Specifically where is it going? To this education system, to this charity and follow it.

[David Spade]

Make sure someone's using it for the right, not just kicking it to their cousins and uncles and. Or just, I don't know, it's so complicated.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. And even you, even if you talk to tax experts, you can say to them, I don't know, is that a write off? And they go, I don't know. We, nobody really knows. It could be. Maybe we'll write off part of it.

[David Spade]

I think the frustrating thing for me is if I don't pay tax or something, they're on my ass within days. Like you didn't pay. You didn't pay Exactly. Perfectly. You owe more, you're fined, you're late. But when they take your money and they blow it down the fucking shitter, they just shrug their shoulders and go, yeah, I don't know, give us more and you better do it fast. I'm like, get fucked. It's getting annoying, dude. It's getting bad. Give me one non bumpy street that doesn't rip up my oil pan. I'll be right My neck and my oil pan. That's all I'm looking for.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, let's. Let's have some, let's have some pre burns. Let's have some fire. Let's add some fire management. Let's have our gas prices where people, poor people can afford it.

[David Spade]

Sure.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, let's let, let's have really. I know these are hot takes. Let's have really safe neighborhoods. Let's have just all over the state.

[David Spade]

Put some people in jail again. If you, if you're a criminal and do something wrong, maybe there's a punishment. I mean don't make going too far.

[Dana Carvey]

You're telling.

[David Spade]

That is going too far. I swear it's a new world where, you know, the criminal is the victim. And that's just a tough new world I'm not quite wrapping my head around yet.

[Dana Carvey]

It's hard for me to comprehend it. But you know what? I think in California, a lot of people, once it's in your. Up in your face, then they're sort of like, you know what? You know, right? This. We should not make it the new normal. When you're in a safe neighborhood and you feel safe at night, it shouldn't be like, well, this actually feels good, you know, right? You shouldn't have to be like, I know someone who was out in a town sort of outside in the valley, toward. Toward Palm Springs. And then at 6 o', clock, they're at this party and they just said, you guys got to get out of here. They go, why? Well, the gangs will start to filter. You've got at 6 o', clock, you got to drive out of here now. You don't. Don't wait.

[David Spade]

So I'm at a store, right where I go to the bottom of my street, Walk out front, some dudes chewing on a fucking extension cord. He's got a blackjack in his hand. One of my glico, you know, it's just nerve wracking. There's a lot of nerve wracking stuff anywhere. I mean, there's almost no neighborhoods where you go, this is totally fine.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm at a 76 or down in Hollywood, trying to get some petrol. Okay? First of all, it's 19 a gallon. All of a sudden I see Skippy, the homeless guy. He's got his pants around his ankle, his unit in his hand, he's chugging a half pint of Winski and goes, have he got a dollar? Okay. And that was the best part of the day down there. All right?

[David Spade]

I remember the one time when a guy came out of cvs, he goes, david Spade. I go, hey, man. He goes, david's fitty, followed me for three blocks. And he goes, give me some money. And it turns into like a casual robbery because I go, all right. And I go, There's 10 bucks. He goes, I know you got more than that. I was like. And then he goes, I open my wallet and he goes, give me that hundred. And I go, well, 100 feels like a little indies. Goes, pluck. And I go, all right, can I leave the crime now? Am I?

[Dana Carvey]

Then he says that, that's a pretty watch. You give him a watch? Yeah, give me that watch. Yeah, now then give me that jacket. Where does this end?

[David Spade]

And he goes, you always wear blue on that podcast. I go, oh, you have a laptop. He's like, you and Dana kind of complain about the stuff, maybe too much. I go, all Right. Well, that's not what we're here to talk about.

[Dana Carvey]

I. I just really don't know why Tom Segura would hassle you like that.

[David Spade]

He could be a perfect homeless guy.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm just shocked at Tom Kreischer, too. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Okay, let's go the next. What's this? Oh, this is funny. Models doing dumb things. Just never gets old to me. Okay. The new. You know, they always do a modeling thing and they don't know where to put it.

[Dana Carvey]

This.

[David Spade]

This one there. Oh, I don't know if you can see it. They're in water.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Models in water.

[David Spade]

Models looking stupid in water.

[Dana Carvey]

Dirt.

[David Spade]

Okay. We can drop the opera. That guy's hair looks like. Look at that. Marilyn Manson.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, it. It looks ridiculous. But we're looking at it. That's all I can say.

[David Spade]

But a little Night of the Living Dead for me, but, yeah. Look at this outfit right here. High collar. That guy's got some quads. High leather. You're not supposed to get it wet.

[Dana Carvey]

I heard this is, though, the episode of Dennis, you know. Christ's sakes.

[David Spade]

I know. It is funny.

[Dana Carvey]

That's what I need when I'm looking for a Vente jacket is some kind of zombie water motif coming at me.

[David Spade]

All right, I don't want to buy a versace jacket for 22 grand. I find a largemouth lunker bass in the pocket.

[Dana Carvey]

That was a good one. Yeah. Okay, what's next? They get sucked down the drain and you do a raffle to see which one's still alive?

[David Spade]

I mean, I got a goldfish in my chonies. All right, that's funny enough.

[Dana Carvey]

We gotta do something. Where? What, we're just sitting in ice baths or something during the podcast?

[David Spade]

Oh, these are big prom entrances. I gotta have to ask Harper about this one. Is this a good one, Heather? What do you think?

[Dana Carvey]

Queen song, Outhouse.

[David Spade]

Great Queen song, by the way. Look at. What the heck did I just watch?

[Dana Carvey]

A lot of hits.

[David Spade]

I don't like this long wind up to what we all know is about to happen.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't know what's gonna happen. Oh, okay.

[David Spade]

Here's my little princess.

[Dana Carvey]

So she. She sat in there for, like, 40 minutes.

[David Spade]

Yeah, she took a dump.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, this isn't even Queen.

[Dana Carvey]

Who is it?

[David Spade]

Yeah, I didn't say. It says, no one's impressed.

[Dana Carvey]

No, all the faces.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. Everyone just staring off like this, going. She's like, sorry, it was Taco Tuesday. Is that the dad's idea? You think it's Not a great idea.

[Dana Carvey]

Daddy. I love. I just want my prom because I get so nervous. Could you have an outhouse?

[David Spade]

And I would make nearby.

[Dana Carvey]

Nearby. So I could go in it and then come out and on. Bridget and Susie could take pictures of me coming out of the outhouse. Study. Daddy.

[David Spade]

You ready in there? Yep. Sometimes you see people, they put. They put a English on at the end. They go, put a little English on.

[Dana Carvey]

It has to come to this. It has come to this.

[David Spade]

We're not out of material. This is. This is quality. I'm not saying this is the bottom.

[Dana Carvey]

This is good.

[David Spade]

I'm not apologizing. I don't apologize. Not for this. Not for this.

[Dana Carvey]

No. We don't go very much.

[David Spade]

So funny. Okay, next one. What people like, don't be political and don't be dirty and don't be scatological. What else? That's you farting and changing yours.

[Dana Carvey]

I was trying to top yours. Here is race car farting. There's a.

[David Spade]

Let me see what this is. Oh, this guy. Okay. There's a man in New York. This is the New York Tik Tock or something. Man in New York known as the human carpet. He wants girls to walk. Step on him.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Is he an artist? I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I see. Performance art. Look at that sort of thing. He's rolled up in a carpet on the sidewalk.

[David Spade]

I would. I would do this for fun, but I don't like it.

[Dana Carvey]

So I'm glad I captured that for everyone.

[David Spade]

Here comes some more.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's get a few more folks walking on.

[David Spade]

Should we. Should we walk on his wiener?

[Dana Carvey]

And then I'm gonna go get for you all. So you can see. I would get the boxer Butterbean. Look him up. I did Butterbean. Oh, she went for it. Yeah. Okay. Kind of reflecting on what I just did, it seems like I might have indirectly pleasured someone from my walking. It sounds like I'm doing God's work. But that was also a huge hazard and borderline illegal. So do not get rid of them. That was a little. Little off putting.

[David Spade]

It was wrapping a guy rapping.

[Dana Carvey]

I think I gave pleasure to a guy with my foot.

[David Spade]

We don't need him. We need the other part.

[Dana Carvey]

The guy wrapped in the carpet wanted to get stepped on. I say, good for him, man.

[David Spade]

It's kind of funny that if that's your thing, he sort of goes, I'm just not going to be ashamed.

[Dana Carvey]

Do you want to hear a real story?

[David Spade]

Yeah, sure.

[Dana Carvey]

And I don't know if I told you this one, but it'll seem too fantastical. It relates to this on some level.

[David Spade]

I hope it's you wrapped in carpet.

[Dana Carvey]

My brother Mark Carvey was living in New York in the 70s. He's. He was an artist and a painter. He's still around, but he had a career and whatever. So he's in New York, okay. And he's going to an exhibit. And you know, art got a little funny in the 70s. It's still very exotic. So he goes in and they tell him that the artist has built a false floor under the floor. So when you go in to look at the artist's paintings, he wants you to know that he will be under the floor that he's built and he will be masturbating. Now, this is directly God's honest truth, so there's no joke.

[David Spade]

But it's not Picasso, I'm guessing.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, going for the old false floor, jack off thing under the, under the Van Gogh. Okay, so that's, you know, that's like performance art. The guy in the carpet, you know, probably they film it and they put it in a museum and then it's probably clear.

[David Spade]

So you. Can you go, hey, is that Van Blow down there?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Let's see. Is that Leonardo de Jackov? Okay.

[David Spade]

Is that Peter Beard jerking the gherkin?

[Dana Carvey]

Another Edward Hop around down there on your johnson. Okay.

[David Spade]

This is Jackson Pollock wrestling the bald.

[Dana Carvey]

Headed champ, Jackson Peacock down there.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, Peacocks are so wood.

[Dana Carvey]

But anyway, that's. Art is a art got got funny.

[David Spade]

No rules in art, I will give you that. No, my brother, and he's an art. He's got all these cool things, but it always makes me laugh. He's got very interesting things. But it's good because you can really think out of the box.

[Dana Carvey]

If you like it, you like it. But sometimes I will go in and I love going to art museums, love art. But I saw one once and it was 40ft wide and 20ft high. It was all white, covered the whole wall. And it just had one red dot in the middle of the painting.

[David Spade]

And I'm like, heavy, man, heavy.

[Dana Carvey]

It's kind of like if you think you could do it, then you lose respect, you know?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

If you see a Van Gogh, by the way, you go, holy. You know?

[David Spade]

Yeah. The good ones are good. I don't agree with all of them. I told you this wrinkles. Let's see one more and then we'll get out of here. We get. We've really spoiled everyone. Oh, no, this is funny. I had a Deadbeat dad growing up.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, okay.

[David Spade]

These people hire this guy.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, okay.

[David Spade]

Bomb, here we go.

[Dana Carvey]

Debbie. Dad gets tackled. Oh.

[David Spade]

These moms tell this guy, and they email him, and he just.

[Dana Carvey]

Who's taking the video? Because he thinks committing a crime.

[David Spade]

Put that guy in the garbage. Oh, this guy's gonna fall hard. Is that Norbit?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, that was a big guy getting a big guy.

[David Spade]

And this guy's like, later.

[Dana Carvey]

Whoa.

[David Spade]

I don't promote violence, but, you know, so they're dead.

[Dana Carvey]

Kids are not only absentee.

[David Spade]

Funyuns aisle. All right, that's good. Don't do it in front of the kid, though.

[Dana Carvey]

They don't. Deadbeat dad. The qualification is you. You're absentee, and you don't send money. That's completely. Okay.

[David Spade]

Yeah. So the moms get frustrated. There's no money. They see them out clicking their heels. They have no repercussion, they have no.

[Dana Carvey]

Recourse, and they hire this guy. Just. Just be. Kind of harm them, though.

[David Spade]

I mean, just go tackle them and.

[Dana Carvey]

Say, pretty tough tackle. Go, take.

[David Spade]

Go get back on your responsibilities. Kind of.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I knew a mom. Finally. I missed that.

[David Spade]

I didn't know where to use it. I've been sitting here with my hand on the trigger.

[Dana Carvey]

I know a mom that's so happy about her husband that she hires beautiful models to go find their husband and just make out with him. So that's the flip side of what we just.

[David Spade]

Oh, to get out.

[Dana Carvey]

To give him a reward.

[David Spade]

Oh, I thought it was to catch him cheating.

[Dana Carvey]

No, no.

[David Spade]

Some girls will send in a decoy to say, see if my husband will cheat, try to DM him. You know, that kind of thing.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, well, deadbeat dads, it's a good. It's a good phrase. Do they have a dad for a phrase? For a non deadbeat dad?

[David Spade]

Just dad. Just dad. Just divorced dad. Now. My dad didn't pay the whole run since I was four, so we were four, six, and eight. Not a penny, not an alimony, not a child support, and he lived about a mile away, and he'd be clicking his heels. So I see the frustration.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. It's just, you know, and then. And then the. The sun. You. Becomes very successful, has a couple shekels in his pocket, and then. And then suddenly, Daddy's around.

[David Spade]

Yeah. 100. Okay, we'll land on that. And no, we'll say, oh. Anyway, so my dad never paid, but then I got on sign live.

[Dana Carvey]

Why do I keep forgetting to buy some of those?

[David Spade]

You gotta buy something stupid.

[Dana Carvey]

I have to do as soon as we end this podcast or else I'll forget and I want to shock you.

[David Spade]

Because no, maybe I'll buy one for you and we'll send it to you and you just open it and start.

[Dana Carvey]

I'll open it on camera and then I'll delight it. MSNBC Films presents season two of the hit series from NBC News Studios. Leguizamo Does America, hosted by John Leguizamo. We're going to connect with some Latinos, eat some food and do a little dancing. Join in for six new episodes as he explores the Latino experience in six more iconic American cities.

[David Spade]

I'm here to meet with some exceptional.

[Dana Carvey]

Latin people leading the way.

[David Spade]

So come on, let's go.

[Dana Carvey]

Leguizamo Does America. All new episodes Sunday at 9pm Eastern on MSNBC.

[David Spade]

We are supported by Ring. With Ring, you can see more and do more with doorbells and cameras that help you see more to exciting features that help you know more to the app that lets you connect more. Pan around your home for the perfect view with pan tilt indoor cams. 360 degree coverage. Type what you're looking for and find it almost instantly in recorded events with.

[Dana Carvey]

Smart video search and get quick video preview alerts to know what's happening without even needing to go into your phone. These things are amazing. I mean, you put them up, you sleep really well. With Ring, you can see more and do more. Learn [e-mail] Some features require a subscription and are available only on select Ring devices. Exclusions apply.

[David Spade]

Learn [e-mail] you know, Dana, I travel all the time and I just went to Arizona where it was 113 degrees.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, for me, recently had some of my Irish relatives visiting us and we wanted to get a. Well, we could stay with you if you want, but we can stay wherever you want. So anyway, we got an Airbnb in the little town and it was spectacular. Blew their minds. I can't believe they've got a coffee maker.

[David Spade]

It was covered for the potatoes.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And a place to sleep. I mean, it was, it was an amazing home run. It just went up a small flight of stairs. It's like this apartment looked out over the town. It was gorgeous and they loved it.

[David Spade]

Yeah, you get what you want. You kind of just go through and pick and choose. I want a pool. Do I want a big kitchen? You know, that's it. That's the experience you want. Especially when you're hosting other people like you were. Yeah. And when you, if you have a nice pad, you can airbnb it out. You can do the other way. You can have people come there. It's good way to make some extra cash. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host we got two written question guys, but you can do audio questions, too. You can send it to fly on.

[Dana Carvey]

The [e-mail] and you also can do it in audio. You can do it with a little video or you can write the question. So we got a couple right now.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Okay, let's say we're going to try one. Ready? Here we go. Is it written? I think it's written.

[Tobin Heath]

This is the first one from Molly. This is Molly from Cincinnati. Quick story. I watched David's most recent Netflix special on a flight to Texas. I was giggling the whole time. At the end of the flight, my seatmate on the plane said, I have to ask, what were you watching? That was so funny. Question. What goes into each of your hair routines? They look highly stylized and elaborate.

[David Spade]

That's the question from the special. The special was good.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

I had a good little lumberjack shirt on. I switch it to my shirt. No, the hair is saying, it's really my hair story. Let's see. Is that you call your routine? No, we call it something else. When I get up and do my hair, the first three and a half hours of my day, it's going like this. Hey, so what it is is they blow dry it straight because my hair gets very wavy. That's really the part I hate. So. And I hate getting it worked on or touched. So I keep it for a couple days. But they did it that night in the special because you have to. And then I didn't know what I was going to wear. I had a coat or a shirt. And five minutes before they go, you got to pick one. And I said, I'll put the coat over the shirt. I changed it and the rest is history. But I appreciate people watching.

[Dana Carvey]

Why does that happen to us? Why do we wait to what we're going to wear in a special?

[David Spade]

It's crazy because it's because you don't want to think. You want to look sort of different, like Lauren. You say, let them know you're a star. That's what he would always tell me. Dress like a star and separate yourself from people. But when you do a show, Eddie Murphy in the red leather was like, oh, this is what you do. Really dress up. But I kind of am not like that. It's not my vibe. So I want to wear something a Little more normal. Didn't want to go total T shirt.

[Dana Carvey]

I think in the new thing of authenticity, I think Shane Gillis come out in a T shirt or like people coming on like they're just. Just something they just picked up off the floor, you know? And that's kind of cool, too. You know, you were sort of casual. It looked like something you would wear.

[David Spade]

A flannel shirt, a coat. And I liked it. It was fine. But I appreciate them watching, and I'm glad they giggled. Yeah. Okay. Thanks.

[Dana Carvey]

One more question until. One more until next time.

[David Spade]

All right.

[Tobin Heath]

This is from Hayden. I'm an actress, a year and a half. A year and a half out of college, looking for theater work. I've been turned down at every audition I've gone to so far. Can you give me any audition advice for someone just starting out in the industry?

[David Spade]

I wonder if she got turned down or she didn't get a call back or something. She never even auditioned. What does that sound like, Dana?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it sounds like she auditioned and got turned down.

[David Spade]

Oh, I see. Okay. I mean, without seeing it, I mean, it's the easiest business to get discouraged in. So she's not crazy. It does take a while to get things going and know it. Well. There's a book called audition that might help. They gave me that when I was. It's really. It's almost a different muscle, auditioning than being in something. So you have to sort of study that. And they can tell if you're new the way you hold your papers, the way you walk in. And when you start talking. Some people come in this go, we going, let's go. And you go, oh, they've done this before. But, you know, Dana, me and you go. And we go, hello, my baby. We try to bullshit around.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's like trying. It's. Try not to try, you know, first of all, okay, three things. It's an emotionally violent career, so get used to losing and embrace it. Like, I probably went over 100 for auditions in the 80s, before SNL, maybe even more. And so you just collect them. First of all, it's never personal. It's usually a little bit of luck. The things that I got, I got right away because they just thought I was the right type. So never take it personal. I used to think that Marlon Brando had just read before me. I was so intimidated. You know, don't take it too seriously. Collect defeats. And the only thing you control in your entire career is just try to get better. Whether it's an acting workshop or whatever. The rest is just. There's a lot of timing and luck to it, and that's just the way it is.

[David Spade]

I'm same boat. I missed. I got a commercial agent. You're perfect for commercials. Quote, two solid years, at least two a week. One in the valley in a suit, one down Manhattan beach, an hour away with shorts and never got one. Two straight years. So it's almost impossible with those odds. But I didn't get anything.

[Dana Carvey]

And then for Police Academy, someone saw you doing stand up. You look like the character they needed.

[David Spade]

And I looked. I could play under 18 and whatever. Under 18 and I could skateboard.

[Dana Carvey]

Skateboard. So I got, you know, I had a small deal at NBC and the head of the network, they were doing the Mickey Rooney show and they needed someone to be his grandson. And I looked kind of like him, but I was 40 years younger. And the. The head of the network, Fred Silverman, goes, that's Mickey Rooney's grandson. He saw two seconds of a video of me, right. I didn't even audition. And then other times I auditioned and I didn't get it. So it's very normal. Just. Just know that it. Just try to work on getting better and your time will come.

[David Spade]

And hang in there. If you really like it, you're going to do it forever. So just hanging.

[Dana Carvey]

You'll get work if you. If you stick to it.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Thanks, guys. Thanks for the questions. Any final words for everybody?

[Dana Carvey]

The only thing is on next Superfly. I want you to guess this big mystery.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

What's in there? It's going to be something sort of. Sort of positive. Not the last time. It was Rovastatin pill. That nice. That wasn't exciting.

[David Spade]

It could be a rotting tooth. It could be anything. We don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's the thing. It's the mystery. It's the mystery bag.

[David Spade]

Everyone's freaking out. Okay. We'll see in the comments on YouTube, see if people got this far.

[Dana Carvey]

So I can't wait to read comments. Cannot work. I'm gonna sit down for a big evening of comments. Yeah.

[David Spade]

I get a cigar and some Dymore beef stew.

[Dana Carvey]

DY more. That was a good pull right there. Got it. My doomsday shelter. Jesus.

[David Spade]

All right. We did Dennis Miller. We did.

[Dana Carvey]

This is kind of an homage to our friend Dennis Miller. Today. He just, for some reason, the comedy, all improvised, no script. I know, it seems amazing. Dennis was a very expressive vessel for what we were doing, doing today.

[David Spade]

All right. Thanks for coming on my show, Dan. I appreciate it.

[Dana Carvey]

Thank you for having me baby.

[David Spade]

Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us review 5 star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[Dana Carvey]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[David Spade]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Keyser and Leah Rees Dennis of Odyssey.

[Dana Carvey]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by.

[David Spade]

Phil Sweet Tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[Dana Carvey]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney and Lauren Vieira.

[David Spade]

Reach out with us Any questions to be asked and answered on the show you can email [e-mail] that's a U-A C-Y dot com.