Diddy Trial; AI Aniston; Poop Knife

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade Episode Summary: "Diddy Trial; AI Aniston; Poop Knife" Release Date: July 7, 2025

Hosted by Dana Carvey and David Spade, this episode dives into a variety of entertaining and quirky topics, blending personal anecdotes with current events. Here's a detailed breakdown of the key discussions, insights, and humorous exchanges from the episode.

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1. Health and Wellness Tips

David Spade kicks off the episode by sharing his daily routine for maintaining energy, which includes achieving his 2,000 steps a day and incorporating Kachava, a plant-based meal replacement.

• David Spade [00:07]: "If I don't get my 2,000 steps a day, I get out and walk."
• Dana Carvey [00:56]: "A little bit of peanut butter, a little bit of banana, maybe a little bit of yogurt, and then mix it in a blender."

The duo humorously navigates through their morning routines, highlighting the importance of staying active and energized.

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2. Red Panden's Juggling Act

The hosts discuss a performance by Red Panden, a skilled juggler performing at halftime shows.

• Dana Carvey [07:35]: "I feel a little sad for her right now because she was... just ready to rock."
• David Spade [08:14]: "She broke her wrist."

They humorously analyze the difficulty of juggling plates on a unicycle, leading to Red Panden’s unfortunate fall, blending empathy with lighthearted teasing.

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3. AI Jennifer Aniston Scams

A significant portion of the episode addresses the rise of AI-generated personas being used for scams, specifically targeting fans of Jennifer Aniston.

• David Spade [12:11]: "This is a guy that got scammed out of money by Jennifer Aniston."
• Dana Carvey [13:25]: "Hi, I'm Jennifer Aniston. It's got a few glitches."

They discuss the implications of AI in the celebrity world, emphasizing the potential dangers and confusion it can cause among fans.

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4. Tinder Trials and Tribulations

The hosts delve into the challenges of online dating through the story of a man who swiped right 2 million times on Tinder but only secured one date.

• Dana Carvey [21:06]: "This would be you at a singles bar now. Hi, how are you? I'm David Spade."
• David Spade [22:22]: "The first comment says, you missed 2 million of the shots you don't take."

They humorously explore the frustrations and absurdities of modern dating apps, highlighting the gap between online interactions and real-life connections.

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5. The Poop Knife Craze

A bizarre and comedic segment revolves around the concept of a "poop knife," a tool some families reportedly share for personal use.

• Dana Carvey [27:27]: "What’s a poop knife? Let’s find out."
• David Spade [28:35]: "How sharp is this?"

The hosts express their disgust and amusement, questioning the practicality and necessity of such an item while maintaining a comical tone.

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6. Labubus Dolls and the NFT Boom

The conversation shifts to the success story of Labubus dolls, comparing it to the volatile nature of NFTs (Non-Fungible Tokens).

• David Spade [37:14]: "The doll maker becomes China's youngest top 10 billionaire."
• Dana Carvey [38:34]: "But that guy got 22 billion and I've done pretty good in life."

They critique the fleeting popularity of collectibles and digital assets, lamenting the superficiality and financial risks involved.

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7. Toe Wrestling: The New Sport

Exploring unconventional competitions, Dana and David discuss toe wrestling—a sport where participants grapple using their toes.

• David Spade [39:54]: "Have you ever seen toe wrestling in a bar?"
• Dana Carvey [41:27]: "How can society top this?"

They joke about the absurdity and physical demands of toe wrestling, speculating humorously on possible future odd sports.

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8. Listener Q&A and Interactive Segments

The hosts engage with their audience through listener-submitted questions and stories, maintaining a dynamic and interactive atmosphere.

• Listener (Dante Carter) [43:06]: "I just started a new podcast where I interview other entertainers..."
• Dana Carvey [43:32]: "Go harder at the cowardly lion motif."

Dana and David offer playful advice and creative suggestions, blending genuine support with their signature humor.

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9. Final Remarks and Sign-Off

Wrapping up the episode, Dana and David share light-hearted banter about their personal quirks and experiences, leaving listeners with laughs and reflections on the discussed topics.

• Dana Carvey [49:43]: "It was entertaining. But the rest of it."
• David Spade [50:43]: "Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey..."

They encourage listeners to engage with their content on various platforms, ensuring a warm and connected end to the episode.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• David Spade [05:02]: "Are we gonna get canceled this year into the podcast?"
• Dana Carvey [22:42]: "Feel sorry for the younger generation."
• David Spade [26:16]: "Hey, do you want the rest of my banana? That's a good line."
• Dana Carvey [30:02]: "You ever crap so big you don't know if it's gonna get down that turtle. Come and get some."

These quotes encapsulate the hosts' humorous take on various subjects, adding personality and relatability to the discussion.

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Conclusion

In this episode of Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade, listeners are treated to a blend of personal anecdotes, humorous takes on bizarre trends, and insightful discussions on modern challenges like AI scams and online dating. Dana and David’s chemistry and quick wit make for an engaging and entertaining listen, offering both laughs and thoughtful commentary on the oddities of contemporary life.

For those who haven't tuned in, this episode provides a perfect glimpse into the dynamic and humorous world Dana and David navigate each week.

Transcript

[David Spade]

Danny, you know, I'm running around all day, as you know.

[Dana Carvey]

You. You actually, that's no joke. You do. You. You do go around. You get in that car.

[David Spade]

Getting my steps.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I get the steps.

[David Spade]

I. And if I don't get my 2, 000 steps a day, I get out and walk. I'm not bragging, but that's what I do. So listen, I need a little energy in the day. Of course. Kachava. Okay. It comes in a bag, right? It's a body meal. It's a whole body meal. So you mix it up either plain. You know, I kind of like throwing a peanut butter, right? That's just me. You can do whatever you want. Add stuff. There's a lot of great ingredients in there already. They've got maca root, goji berry, chia seeds. So many things. But if you want to be energized, focused, calm and satiated for hours, throw in one of these. I like chocolate. They have also vanilla chai. Is that a word?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I'd say you add a little bit of peanut butter, a little bit of banana, maybe a little bit of yogurt, and then mix it in a blender or with a big spoon and gulp it down. Not hungry and full of energy all day. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[David Spade]

Listen. 85 plus superfoods, nutrients, plant based ingredients. Try Cachava risk free with their love it guaranteed. You have so many good reviews. Fuel your daily adventures with Kachava. Go to kachava.com and use code FLY for 15% off your next order.

[Dana Carvey]

That's Kachava K A C H-A-V A.com codefly for 15% off. Yeah.

[David Spade]

All right. This summer, Dana, upgrade your wardrobe with quince. Quince offers everyday essentials that combine comfort, quality and style. Their breathable flow, knit polos, crisp cotton shirts and lightweight pants are designed to be worn on repeat. Perfect for both casual weekends and dressed up occasions. You know what sets Quince apart is the price. About half the cost of similar luxury brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middlemen, Quince provides premium pieces without the traditional markup.

[Dana Carvey]

The company is committed to ethical and responsible manufacturing, partnering only with factories that prioritize safe practices and use high quality quality fabrics and finishes. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials. From Quince, go to quince.comfly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E dot com fly to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com fly.

[David Spade]

So Dana's got a banana. And I. I guess everyone. I don't know if everyone heard about this, but look at that. That's what he's starting with. Is it super professional? I don't know. He's still eating. He goes, the podcast is starting. I'll start eating right now.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Don't make it so sick. You drink water with a banana. I don't know. I think you're supposed to drink Diet Coke. Oh, we did start, but we're letting him.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, let's start recording.

[David Spade]

No, we. We started. You were regurgitating banana. Good job. So you got your potassium levels up.

[Dana Carvey]

I feel kind of amped up right now. You know that this is fun fact for you because I know you're a cinephile film buff.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Stallone wanted to lower his IQ when he played Rocky, so he said he made sure he got really low on potassium. He wouldn't eat any bananas, and he felt that that would make him. What? Yeah. And they go, we can't understand you. Sly. Could you have half a banana and raise that iq?

[David Spade]

Get him a banana. This is his whole take.

[Dana Carvey]

This is take one when he goes, I was cut. We can't understand a word.

[David Spade]

Yeah, we can't get one word. Is my hat crooked? No, it's not the hat. We didn't have a turtle named Dumpling or something. What was this?

[Dana Carvey]

Butkus?

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

That's a fan question.

[David Spade]

But kiss a dumpling. I made up. But buckish, you found it.

[Dana Carvey]

No, you eat a dumpling. Butt kiss is a turtle. Hey, don't mess around with my turtle. I want an Oscar.

[David Spade]

What was the dog's name on the Brady Bunch?

[Dana Carvey]

The dog's Buster.

[David Spade]

Nope. Jan. Anyway, let's move on. That's the roughest joke.

[Dana Carvey]

Are we gonna get canceled this year into the podcast?

[David Spade]

Are we gonna get chanceled? We shouldn't even go on. We just gave all their money's worth of jokes right there. Now.

[Dana Carvey]

We went to the seventies. The seventies What? God.

[David Spade]

Heather just tried to trip me up, and it. She fell.

[Dana Carvey]

Heather's a chatterbox today.

[David Spade]

Yeah, she yelled out, what's Jan's real name?

[Dana Carvey]

No, I didn't.

[David Spade]

Tiger.

[Dana Carvey]

Thank you.

[David Spade]

Oh, Dog's name was Tiger.

[Dana Carvey]

How many in the Brady Bunch? How many kids.

[David Spade]

Dana. Where? This is an amateur hour. This isn't round one of who Wants to Win a Millionaire? There's not eight. Dana. You don't know. Do you ever see the Brady Bunch?

[Dana Carvey]

It wasn't. I was on my radar. I was more. What was I watching? Mash. A TV show. Sitcoms. I'd be watching all in the Family. I don't know what you're talking about.

[David Spade]

What about Sandler's old joke about Axl Rose turning into Edith?

[Dana Carvey]

I like that. That's.

[David Spade]

I love. He does it.

[Dana Carvey]

Wow.

[David Spade]

W. A lot better.

[Dana Carvey]

Boy away. Glenn Miller plane. I don't like people of color.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Stifle yourself. That was it.

[David Spade]

He was like, stifle yourself.

[Dana Carvey]

You just stifle yourself.

[David Spade]

All right, we got to get right to this, Dana. We can't.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's start.

[David Spade]

Yeah, we're starting with some stories and some news AI. Fake stories. Okay, here's. This is not a dishwasher commercial. This is. Well, I guess we're giving away a little bit of the ending, but. Red Panda.

[Dana Carvey]

Who?

[David Spade]

Dana. You know, you know, when there's half time or at the quarter, they have.

[Dana Carvey]

People come on, entertain the truth acts and jugglers and they do scary stuff. Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

She's one of the best. She gets on a. I guess a 8 foot unicycle and juggles plates on her head. I mean, that's the easiest way to say it.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I see it. You know, so here she is.

[David Spade]

Caution.

[Dana Carvey]

I could do that.

[David Spade]

I could do that part so far. I can do it.

[Dana Carvey]

I can do it.

[David Spade]

Oh, she fell. She fell that fast? That's not the hard part.

[Dana Carvey]

She didn't have plates on her head.

[David Spade]

I mean, the plates feel like the hard part. Are those paper plates? Are they real plates? Well, I would start with paper plates.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I feel. I'm feeling a little sad for her right now because she was. She seemed really on point and just ready to. Ready to rock. And I can't really. I can't. Can we see it one more time?

[David Spade]

That's called a non playing injury.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. She's in control. In control. In control.

[David Spade]

She does a little back and forth, Back and forth. Hello, I'm Red Panden. Tonight's show.

[Dana Carvey]

You know what? Ow.

[David Spade]

Renner, Tailbone.

[Dana Carvey]

I think she's. She's okay, right?

[David Spade]

So we. She broke her wrist.

[Dana Carvey]

I think there was a moment, but she's all right. That's all right. A moment where she's up there and she's just looking out, right? And then you see, she looks down and goes, what the am I doing up here? And then down. So never look down, David.

[David Spade]

Yeah, Maybe she saw somebody in the audience that was famous, you know? Maybe not.

[Dana Carvey]

Who's famous at a Lakers game?

[David Spade]

Everybody.

[Dana Carvey]

It wasn't A Lakers game that's off season now.

[David Spade]

Oh, I think it was a different game I saw. But Minnesota maybe, but she. So you got your eight foot unicycle which you're very used to. She's just doing the old back and forth which when I rode a unicycle, that's what I start my show with. A little like zip, zip, zip, zip.

[Dana Carvey]

Just to be like, I've seen it.

[David Spade]

I've seen it, seen it a million times. And then, and then she's still got to go to the dishwasher, get all the plates to throw. So I thought it was mid plates because that's the hard part. She throws plates and then the bowl lands on the bowl.

[Dana Carvey]

Cheese was plates flying all over the place.

[David Spade]

Yeah, this part wasn't the hard part is what I'm getting at. So, you know, bless her heart and everyone was like giving her like applause for.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Getting up and being wheelchaired off because she is like legendary performer for these games.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, you start out, you're probably just a little girl. You, you ride a bike with two wheels and, and then your dad makes a one bike unicycle and you do that, but it's kind of low and you're going through grade school and stuff. And then eventually like when you're like 18 or something, you put one bowl on your head. You do that for an afternoon and next thing you know, I mean, I guess she had like, she'd have like 25 plates on the unicycle and then she'd juggle and eat an apple at the same time. How far does it go?

[David Spade]

It's all those things where you' how did that start where you put the dog's dish on your head and you go, hey, that didn't fall off, let me put two. And you go, maybe this is my calling. But I think she makes a pretty tidy living.

[Dana Carvey]

She's famous. Yeah. Let me ask you a question, please. Because we in the standup world in the early days, did you ever follow a juggler?

[David Spade]

Ron Perlman, is that his name? Yeah, yeah. A couple. You know, at the Comedy Magic Club, you would always follow a magician, which is tough too, but jugglers. Yeah, they're good. Yeah. Did you?

[Dana Carvey]

I followed Michael Davis who became famous and he was, he, I came up stand up with him, friend of mine and he, we were playing Chico and he would literally escalate to the point where he'd have an apple, a bowling ball and a moving chainsaw and he's going like this and eating the Apple.

[David Spade]

You know, and he doesn't eat the machete. He doesn't want to.

[Dana Carvey]

Doesn't eat the machete. Yeah. Just going around. So. It's unbelievable. The whole crowd is stunned and massive standing ovation. And I'm. I'm not on TV or anything. Welcome. Here is Dana Glarco. I'm like, hi, everybody. That was tough to follow that.

[David Spade]

Hi, I'm from San Francisco. Well, San Francisco area.

[Dana Carvey]

Why. Why am I talking like that? I was kind of like, garth. Hi, everybody. I can't juggle anything, but right now I'm going to eat an apple. I'm good, too, right?

[David Spade]

But I put my hand in my pocket and play pocket pool sometimes.

[Dana Carvey]

And my wiener.

[David Spade]

Yep.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, now you're happy.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Let me see. It took us nine minutes. We got to.

[Dana Carvey]

We got next clip. Clippy.

[David Spade]

Pocket. Pocket pool is the greatest term no one uses anymore. Okay. Oh, this is sad. This is a guy that got scammed out of money by Jennifer Aniston. Said she loved him and needed cash for her Apple subscriptions. That's what she needs it for. Oh, he should. A quick Google will say she's worth about $200 million.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. How. How do we see a picture of who believed it? Or just the helmet on the bottom?

[David Spade]

It looks like a robot. Oh, so what. Oh, what happened was. Now listen, I know Jennifer a little bit, and she has hit me up. She said for money for Angry Birds because she wants more bird bombs. I'm like, these aren't necessities. If you need money, I'll give you money. But it's not going to be for Angry Birds or Apple subscriptions.

[Dana Carvey]

It's ridiculous. Was this just in print or was there a digital copy of a copy of Jenner for Aniston?

[David Spade]

I think an AI Your favorite. Jennifer Aniston was like, hello, kind sir. Please send me money so I can get Apple News. Every time I click a story, it says you have to buy it. It's almost as bad as Daily Mail.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, AI is better than that. You're back at the marionette. You're like, kind of in the 1930s. Hello, I'm AI. I could be a digital copy right now. Not going to say, but it's that good.

[David Spade]

Here's how good it is now. Hi, I'm Jennifer Aniston. It's got a few glitches. I played Rachel.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I would like money. I need money. I'm Rachel.

[David Spade]

Please send me some shit.

[Dana Carvey]

So much. Send me money, please.

[David Spade]

Oh, I forgot. I totally love you, but I have People that go, please, like. And no joke, Dana, on Instagram or no joke. I do have a Facebook. But the people that send in, like, hey, you never showed up in Spokane at, like, some restaurant. We were supposed to meet at midnight on New Year's Eve, and I sent you your plane fare. I did everything right. What happened? I'm like, why suddenly is the real guy getting it now? Complain to the fake guy. Like, now you must know I'm the real guy, because then you come to me. Is this really you on the other one saying, because I've been giving you money. I'm like, now you ask. You should have asked early on. And I say in my bio, which is boring. This is the only one I have. It's real. The other ones are fake. But people still get scammed. I don't know what's going on.

[Dana Carvey]

It's only gonna get worse. I mean, AI. Amazon has more AI. Like, people working in their factory. A million of them. You know, carts that are intelligent. They have a million of them. More than employees. Eventually, if you and I go out to dinner at a given time, I'll have to really say, is this you or an AI robot? And you will say.

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

Why are you Jodah?

[David Spade]

Because he's, like, a little robot.

[Dana Carvey]

It's me. Can't you tell? Wait a minute. The voice is off. That's tried, dude.

[David Spade]

God. I used to be able to do Yoda. I can't do anyone.

[Dana Carvey]

Is. No, try. You do. First comes pain, then comes suffering Then comes party time.

[David Spade]

Yoda told me. First comes love Then comes marriage Then comes baby in a baby carriage. I go, you're just reading, like an old joke book.

[Dana Carvey]

First comes David and Susie sitting in a tree. K I s, S I. Yeah, exactly.

[David Spade]

Yoda said quickly, diarrhea. People think it's funny, but it's really hot and runny. That's not. I mean, who says that? What people? By the way, there was a lot of YouTube comments that thought your plant was fake behind you.

[Dana Carvey]

That's. That's crazy. Why would anyone.

[David Spade]

That's not AI. That's real.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's a real.

[David Spade]

Look, it gives it a few flicks.

[Dana Carvey]

Look at that.

[David Spade]

Okay, okay. That's too much proof. Too much.

[Dana Carvey]

From jungles and walnut comes. Oh, oh, oh.

[David Spade]

Sounds like Scooby.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, boy.

[David Spade]

Oh, boy.

[Dana Carvey]

Puff Daddy, Puff Daddy, Puff Daddy. Scoob got away with most of the things, but he still says they were. He was. What was it transporting? A prostitute? We better go, Scoob.

[David Spade]

Zoinks. He says, zoinks. Sometimes Scooby.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

He goes, Shaggy goes. 50 Cent calls him the gay John Gotti. That's what he calls him.

[Dana Carvey]

Is that right?

[David Spade]

50 Cent's been all over him the whole trial on Instagram, just busting his balls. It's amazing. Heather falls. It's amazing.

[Dana Carvey]

What? Why? Why 50 Cent?

[David Spade]

I think he doesn't like him, so he just. So trash is him. Yeah. Hilarious. It's so good. It is. Sounds funny. It sounds funny. But the trial, we don't really know where it's at. We just heard that he's not getting bail. Is that what you heard?

[Dana Carvey]

I don't. I hope he's contrite and learns his lesson, but he sent me an email from prison inviting me to a freak off in about a month, so I'm not sure he's learned his lesson.

[David Spade]

If, unless it says G rated freak off, I'm not going. But I think if you get a freak off now, and I've said this and everyone's quoted me, if you go male or female to a freak off, because he's going to have another if he gets out, he'll probably have one. And then you know what you're getting. So there's no arguing, there's no suing. It's like, hey, I know what I'm signing up for. We all know what they are now. So if you go, might be some water sports.

[Dana Carvey]

Stay away from the freak off. That's all I can say. Stay away. Just go to a nice cocktail party, casual dress, hors d' oeuvres served, or.

[David Spade]

Go to like a nice normal daytime freak off. Don't go tonight. I can tell you for one, it's easy to feel overwhelmed in today's world. That's not an understatement.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, boy. Totally.

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

Yep.

[Dana Carvey]

Develop your singular voice with Mindy Kaling. She's awesome. And learn to tell a story that persuades people. With Michael Lewis, right?

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's right. When you're on Masterclass, you're doing something good for yourself and it feels good. It's a platform designed to help anyone grow, stretch their thinking, and stay ahead in a fast changing world. David Right now our listeners can get an additional 15 off any annual [e-mail] fly that's 15% off at masterclass.com/fly.

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

Nexgard plus packs a whole lot of powerful protection into one tasty chew, making monthly dosing easy and enjoyable for both of you. Use with caution in dogs with a history of seizures or neurologic disorders. Dogs should be tested for existing heartworm infections prior to starting a preventive. So the next time you're at the vet, ask about nextcard plus choose.

[David Spade]

Okay. What else? Next story. Let's see what's going on. I have all the answers. Dana obviously hear all the answers.

[Dana Carvey]

You kind of do. This man swiped right 2 million times on Tinder in five years and could only get one date.

[David Spade]

Oh, what a bummer.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, man.

[David Spade]

Well, he seems like a normal enough dude.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, what was his problem? Was he swiping with his ass?

[David Spade]

I mean, it looks like Bert Kreischer looks like every guy at the airport I saw last week. I mean, there's nothing wrong with this dude. And he seems like. And he's a nice dude. He'll take you on a date. I'm really pulling for this guy.

[Dana Carvey]

Kevin Nealon is happily married. I don't even know why he's doing this.

[David Spade]

Does that look like Neal? That's funny. Oh, it's not even about this guy. It's about Neal.

[Dana Carvey]

And yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

So this man, first of all, I don't like that he's counting every time he swipes. I mean, does he do it with the sticks for four and the line.

[Dana Carvey]

How long does it take to swipe 2 million?

[David Spade]

I mean, I've seen videos where people just go like this, yes, yes, yes, yes, on everyone, and just see. I mean, that's not the way you're supposed to do it. The first comment says, you missed 2 million of the shots you don't take. That's Gretzky saying. Gretzky commented that.

[Dana Carvey]

So I've never been on Tinder. So you're swiping, your picture is shown to someone, and then they either invite.

[David Spade]

You, say yes or no. So one way is yes. I don't know which way, but one way is yes. But the other comment was, if I had a dollar for every girl that didn't think I was attractive, they would now find me attractive because he'd be rich. That's a thinker. Dana. A lot of these comments, I just.

[Dana Carvey]

Feel sorry for the younger generation. I think that the. The opportunity en masse online and with these dating sites to. To get wounded and feel bad is quantum.

[David Spade]

Yeah. And. And when you're. It's very rare I'll see a guy in a bar just walk up to a table full. Hey, gals. Walk up to a table full of girls. How are you gals doing? They're like, huh? Wait, I just want to say hi, buy a drink, hang out. Can I grab a chair, scooch in. Those days aren't over, but they're diminishing, don't you think, Heather?

[Dana Carvey]

100% until this last couple seasons of Love island. And guys are now going up to.

[David Spade]

Girls in bars and saying, can I steal you? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, because even the Bachelor, when they walk up, go, can I steal you? And now they say, can I pull you for a chat? Which is basically, everything's based on Love island right now. So. Love Island. And I've seen those videos where they say it, but it's really tough to just talk in real life, and it's easier to get rejected, you know, through texting or Instagram, DM or something. So because there's no witnesses and they don't have the whole bar go, you were hitting on her, and she shot you down. So that's kind of where the world's at.

[Dana Carvey]

When I was probably 19 or 20, pre stand up, you know, I just went to, like, a place where people would dance or something and music, you know, and was so terrified and finally got the courage to ask someone and to dance.

[David Spade]

And they're like, no, I know. And you're like, screaming jokes in a bar, and it's not working. You're like, here's Dana. If Dana was single, here's what he would be today. Walk up to a girl, she's playing pinball or whatever you do in a bar, and you go, he goes, hi, I'm Dana. Are you on tv? And she goes, no. And you go, oh, wait, that's me. Hi, I'm Dana. Anyway, what's the high score?

[Dana Carvey]

This would be you at a singles bar now. Hi. How are you? I'm David Spade. I know. Dana Carvey.

[David Spade]

Oh, they light up. They light up. I try all these lines. Nothing. Then I go, I guess I'm gonna leave. I gotta go meet Dana. Dana Carvey.

[Dana Carvey]

You mean Garth. I'd get more. Yeah.

[David Spade]

I start Garth, you know, the. And I go, the church lady. You know about that? You know about it.

[Dana Carvey]

I lived it.

[David Spade]

Where are you going? Why are you leaving? I'm like, oh, let's FaceTime, Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

But for a second, like, that guy, if it's real, it seems like, what would. What would be David's makeover to him? Because if that's his picture.

[David Spade]

Oh, for me.

[Dana Carvey]

Don't. Don't women like bad boys? Even if you're not a bad boy, Try to get a picture where you look a little badass.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I don't know if they like trout boys. Guys that are always fishing, showing their fishes.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Like a fisherman's bucket hat, and he's by the sea.

[David Spade]

It's a lot of me and my fish and the girls. Like, I mean, great. But that's not really. I'll go to.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm gonna try that with my wife. Hey, could I steal you.

[David Spade]

Can I steal you for a second? She goes, yes. It's only me and you in the house. You're like, can I steal you and talk to outside for a second in private?

[Dana Carvey]

I hate that.

[David Spade]

Hey, do you want the rest of my banana? That's a good line. You go, hey, do you want the rest of this banana? I was actually on a date, and this. And this happened twice. And I had ordered something, and then I didn't eat a lot of it, and she was like, it looks good. And I go, oh, do you want the rest of it? Because I was done. She was. I don't want the rest of anything. I'll get a new one.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, she's a keeper, ma'.

[David Spade]

Am. I was like, you're Not a keeper. You're a loser. I'm gonna lose you right now. Anyway, go ahead. You're back to your banana because I'm boring you.

[Dana Carvey]

Look, I zoned out about six minutes ago. I don't know what we're talking about.

[David Spade]

Love Island. You were like this.

[Dana Carvey]

Never seen it. Lived it.

[David Spade]

It's okay. Let's hear another story. Audience is not bored. Oh, this woman is sitting there in like a Laura Ingalls Wilder dress with pants on under it. I think my family of six shares a poop knife. Interesting. What's a poof knife? Let's find out.

[Dana Carvey]

Poop knife. This is the one that we have. We keep it in our vinegar bucket.

[David Spade]

Vinegar bucket.

[Dana Carvey]

If you don't know what a xylospine sticks, this is what you wipe with instead of toilet paper. The wetness is soaking in vinegar. Okay, I see it. You can't unsee it.

[David Spade]

How sharp is this?

[Dana Carvey]

Crocodile Dundee is that it doesn't roast. We also have something extra.

[David Spade]

Don't put your fingers in the water.

[Dana Carvey]

Need it. We have a sponge. Good cutaways.

[David Spade]

Cutaways. Sell it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Number one silo sponge. Ha. Get that. Number two sponge. Y. This one's a little bigger and it has handle.

[David Spade]

It was okay. I'm instantly sick. Heather said, you know, just the idea of a poop knife is fine. I don't need to see how sharp it is, how it soaks in vinegar and how you stick your hand in the water. How big are your shits when you need a sharpened buck knife?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, here's my question. Was the woman doing all the shoes and I've all stuff. Was she doing it as a comic bit?

[David Spade]

I mean, I don't know. She looks. She's got the planet.

[Dana Carvey]

Very real. Yeah. And that makes it funny. But I just wonder if, you know.

[David Spade]

I don't know, it feels like it's real, the poop knife. And she either does know it's embarrassing and it's funny, or she doesn't. But whoever maybe took that video and added in the reactions was funny.

[Dana Carvey]

Especially the first one. They had a female doll.

[David Spade]

It was a Barbie doll.

[Dana Carvey]

Going like a horror film or something. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Gotta laugh out of Heather for sure. But, you know, so just maybe poops knives should be our merch. But that's not for sure. But we haven't decided yet.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, slice it. The new poop knife. Slice it down. All new poopy knife. Take a piece of poo and slice and dice is just that easy.

[David Spade]

Are your poops too long and unruly I've never had a problem where they're like, this one. This one's not gonna make it. I need either. Like a smasher, like you do with potatoes, you know?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, now I can bring in my very quick insert of my character. Red. Red Necky the Red.

[David Spade]

Okay, good.

[Dana Carvey]

Two kind of scatological jokes. He's supposed to be the worst Southern comic in history. I'm Red. Red neck and the redneck comedian. You ever fart so loud? Dog too stayed away Go. Would that come and get some. I'm Red. Red neck. You the redneck comedian. You. You ever crap so big you don't know gonna get down that turlet. Come and get some.

[David Spade]

That turlet. He does have a good catchphrase.

[Dana Carvey]

Come against them is great. It's positive.

[David Spade]

You actually want to get through the joke so we can get to that.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it's all about the catchphrase. I want to do that in a prosthetic thing, and it doesn't look like me, and I'm kind of a big guy, and go on stage and do a hundred of those jokes in a row now.

[David Spade]

We'll do it for one of our anniversary shows. We'll make you get all into it.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm kind of into, like, instead of stand up, like, going out in characters now, that's kind of going through my head.

[David Spade]

Listen, standup is not hitting a saturation point, but when I'm on the road and they're like, nikki Glazer is coming next week, and then here comes Segura Theo three weeks later. And I think there's just not enough money to go around in some of these cities where. These cities have a lot of rabid comedy fans that mean well and want to come out, but it's not the improv. And when you're coming to theaters, you're paying a lot, and then there's a concert, you know, and then of a band, and just to be entertained is, I'll admit, because I'm part of the problem or the solution, whatever. Whatever it is. I'm one of these people out there on the road. But it's got to be tough. So I appreciate when they come out, because coming out to show, you get a babysitter. It's just a lot of, oh, the.

[Dana Carvey]

Ticket prize, the whole thing. You know, play Great Falls, Montana, you know, play where not everyone's going.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Dana Carvey]

But as far as stand up, it's a person with a mic, and it's taking an oath of laughs per minute. It just seems kind of fun to shake it up rather than the guy who's got his elbow on the mic. What's up, everybody?

[David Spade]

Is that my.

[Dana Carvey]

I masturbated in front of my cat today.

[David Spade]

That's my act.

[Dana Carvey]

You don't do that joke, do you?

[David Spade]

I lean and that's what I start with. You're describing me exactly.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, hey, what's up? I can't even do you now.

[David Spade]

Now I come out with a lady. I come out and I go. And then I wait for everyone to calm down from the thunderous applause. And then I've seen it.

[Dana Carvey]

I've seen it.

[David Spade]

A lot of the people go, you don't have to say anything. We're just glad you're here. We just like being with you in the room. We just want to just let it sink in. And then they go, do your act if you want, but we're fine. We already hit the price of admission from your first joke. Now it's gravy.

[Dana Carvey]

I'll tell you, the sickness I have is.

[David Spade]

What's your sickness?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's crazy after how long I've done this, I'm still dancing for my donuts. I still. Whether it's a corporate date, a theater, a comedy club, only if it's like a 15 seater. I take the oath I of I must kill.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And yeah, I was just trained because in my 20s you felt it was a dog eat dog. You're the, you're the mc, you're the opener, you're the middle. And you have to always kill, kill, kill to get the headliner. And then if you don't kill and the other guy kill, you know, so it's, it's. You're. That's. You know what I mean?

[David Spade]

A. The whole thing from the beginning, everything's an audition. Every tiny club. Someone saw you. Hey, I saw him the other night. It was four people in the audience. He did great, great jokes. Those that travels around. So you have to always say, I have to try on this one, try on this one. And then you a middle act and you want to be so good that they say you should headline. And when you're a headliner, the middle acts are so good, you have to be better than them so they don't flip flop. You exactly put you in the middle. And then when you get to these gigs where they're paying no matter what, they're paying a little or a lot, you go, I have to kill. And even when I'm doing, I say even. But corporate gigs are usually harder. But I always want to kill. It's the same thing. I go over my notes, I go over this, I go, I don't want to just walk through it. Yeah, you're like, God, I got it now. If I don't, I don't. But I'm definitely take it seriously any of these gigs.

[Dana Carvey]

Sometimes you can. So that's why the only thing that's pure fun to me was I was telling Bobby Lee the Comedy Store, when it's packed and you've got eight comics up there, feels like pressure. But if I go. So I would go to the Haha Cafe sometimes and like Saturday at 7pm in the Valley and be like 20 people there.

[David Spade]

Sure.

[Dana Carvey]

Just enough to get a reaction. But then you just have your notepad and you're just really trying stuff and making fun of it if it bombs. That's very enjoyable to me.

[David Spade]

That's usually the fun part because it's very real. You're into it and you don't have.

[Dana Carvey]

To get huge laughs. You can just try, try anything you want.

[David Spade]

Your buddy Bobby Lee is on this week on the show.

[Dana Carvey]

Very sweet, funny guy with a great laugh.

[David Spade]

Hilarious. We had such a blast. He'll be on in a couple days. Dana, what does a confident smile say to you? And maybe more importantly, what does it say about you? With Smile Generation, it says you're taking care of more than just your teeth. Because confidence doesn't start and stop at a bright smile. It's about your whole body wellness Smile Generation reimagines oral health as the gateway to long term confidence. Why? Because oral health issues have been linked to heart disease, diabetes and even cognitive conditions. When you care for your smile, you're investing in your future and that confidence. It starts with feeling supported. With Smile Generation trusted providers, you're not just another patient, you're a partner.

[Dana Carvey]

They prioritize personal, patient focused care that truly listens to you. Plus, with education and preventive care at the core, Smile Generation empowers you to understand the connection between your mouth and overall health so you can stop issues before they start. Here's your chance to take the first step. Smile Generation is offering a $59 new patient special. That's a comprehensive exam, cleaning and x rays a $290 value. New patients only offer not valid for Tricare or Medicare Advantage may be covered by insurance, subject to plan restrictions. Booked by December 31, 2025. Visit smilegeneration.com fi for full terms and to book now. Epic views, Waterfall mists, Summit Sunsets it's all better outside and with all trails you can discover the best of nature with over 450,000 trails around the world. Download the free app today and find your next adventure.

[David Spade]

All right, next story. And then we're going to do some Q and A questions.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay?

[David Spade]

Okay. You know what Labubus are in?

[Dana Carvey]

Of course not.

[David Spade]

Boo Boo is another random dopey doll that looks like a cabbage patch. The doll maker becomes China's youngest top 10 billionaire. Wow. 22 billion in this year. I'm sure it's just this year. He's 38. Why this Labubu? I saw some, like hanging monkey dolls I was going to post at the airport, and they kind of look like this. Nobody cared. No one gave a fat. I'm like, they're like, we're hanging. We do more than Labuba. We're actually a little cuter. They're a little softer. Doesn't matter. They like what they like.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, first of all, this essentially looks to me like it's in that three to nine year old area. Predominantly girls, probably you wish have to have it or. Who's the audience for this?

[David Spade]

I think it goes up to adults.

[Dana Carvey]

I hate to say, like, would Heather, would you want someone to give you that? I'll admit I have fallen for stupid things like this before, but this is beyond my comprehension. And Dana, full on influencers. Adults are like staying up online at night to get these things and there's dupes going around called lefufu.

[David Spade]

Yeah, don't go. Don't fall for the dupes, Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, back in the day, there was Pokeman cards, sure. Goofy cards. And eventually it was a million dollars for a certain card. So it's just. But that guy got 22 billion and I've done pretty good in life. I just think people are working regular jobs would just be annoyed by that.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I'm annoyed by them. I'm annoyed by how much money.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't like the doll. I don't like the guy. I don't like the 22 billion. I love the story. It was entertaining. But the rest of it.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I'm with you because they, they just showed some NFT that sold for 60 million and it's worth under a hundred dollars now.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, that whole phase of the functional. Yeah, NFT stuff, it was a gold rush and now you're literally. They lost 60 million.

[David Spade]

That's one of the only things that I've said. I don't get it. I don't want to get involved. Involved.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Didn't Justin Bieber buy something like a picture of an ape smiling or something?

[David Spade]

Yeah, for nft, everybody did. I mean, all those rich people did. They all got fleeced.

[Dana Carvey]

Damn. I hope bitcoin is not one of those things.

[David Spade]

I know. They all got rinsed. My favorite words. Okay, so what's the next one? And then we'll do a question, one more story, then a question, one more story. Here we go.

[Dana Carvey]

More story.

[David Spade]

Oh, this is toe wrestling. Have you ever seen toe wrestling in a bar?

[Dana Carvey]

Nope. Just.

[David Spade]

They gotta hook your toe like that.

[Dana Carvey]

Ah, I wonder.

[David Spade]

Oh, put powder on. I wonder what the hard part. Is it your quads or is it your actual ankles? Gotta be strong. You can't beat a girl toe till destruction.

[Dana Carvey]

It's your whole lower chain. I mean, you need the leg. Knee, calf especially.

[David Spade]

God, your kneecap could. Could rip.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. How do you win? Are you pushing?

[David Spade]

I don't know if I want to pull my pants up over my calves.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, what if you just scooch forward and pull them off?

[David Spade]

Is that Stephen Greer?

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[David Spade]

I don't like his third toe being the longest toe. That guy.

[Dana Carvey]

Sick. Yeah, this is. It's not aesthetically pleasing. It's not.

[David Spade]

That looks like a wiener.

[Dana Carvey]

How do you win? Oh, you push him over the red line.

[David Spade]

I think you either have to tap him into that wall that's coming off.

[Dana Carvey]

So, you know, just. Their ankle. Ankle strength has to be really strong.

[David Spade]

And your toes, toe muscle, ankle muscle. You're right. Not calves, but your knee, your quads. One guy's abs. Big toe is gnarled down. Like he chewed it. Some people chew their toenails.

[Dana Carvey]

How can society top this? We've had arm wrestling. We've had the slap thing. Now we have toe wrestling. What's next, David?

[David Spade]

I like slap fighting. Words and an immediate cte. It's just like. And you go, oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Dana Carvey]

I do one. You put them in opposite orthodontist chairs and call it dental work. And each one tries to pull a tooth of the other one first.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I could see if they said, we'll pay someone to just pull a good tooth. We just pull the tooth and we watch. Everyone watch you.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Welcome to all new Pull it Tooth. I'm Rob Low. See who can watch.

[David Spade]

All right, well, let's take some questions. We. We threatened to take questions from. We gave a website. What is it? Heather ought to see it.

[Dana Carvey]

We're branching out in our news. Our new reboot.

[David Spade]

We'll see if it goes well. We'll do more. We'll see if these questions we want.

[Dana Carvey]

To interact with you. We want to know who you are.

[David Spade]

Yeah. So let's see. Are they audio or are they.

[C]

Dante Carter here? I don't know if you guys remember me, but I was on the podcast over a year ago. I did the Barack Obama impression. I'm back in my car, so I'm going to pause again so David can make fun of me again for it. Oh, David, by the way, I want to say thanks for featuring me back then because I was able to pick up some standup gigs off of that. I'll venmo you your cut. But I do have a question. I just started a new podcast where I interview other entertainers while I'm on my way to and from my standup gigs and. Oh, is that the logo?

[Dana Carvey]

How did that get there?

[C]

That's so embarrassing. I'm sorry about that, guys. But I was wondering if you guys knew how to get better guessing how to grow that page. I'm really working on growing it. If you guys have any advice on how to grow that page, aside from getting on SNL and then making movies that make millions, because that's for me right now. But if you guys have any suggestions on getting better guests and. And how to reach out to those guests, this. And how to grow the page, that would be really great. Thanks, guys.

[Dana Carvey]

My first blank is go harder at the cowardly lion motif. Like that. It is a definite cowardly line from wizard of Oz, Moti. And go at that. Call yourself the lion, maybe, or get.

[David Spade]

With someone looks like the Tin man. Or get a Dorothy co host.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, Oz never did nothing for the Tin man that he didn't already have.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I never got that. Who sang that? I never got that. But I, I got. I get it now.

[Dana Carvey]

The raspberries. It wasn't bread or something. Yeah, I could think of it.

[David Spade]

Well, this gentleman, he does it in his car. I don't. Are you allowed to do it in your car like that?

[Dana Carvey]

I don't think you're like, well, how he's gonna want to get guests in his car? Like, they would zoom in and he.

[David Spade]

Sit in the car or they're on the phone. Like, maybe if he did on speakerphone, maybe. Because, you know, in Arizona, there's a no touch phone law. As of July 1, you can't even touch your phone if you're on a map or anything. So just. You can't have your phone. So it would hurt his show. But I don't think he's in California, so. Okay, I don't have great advice. It's Hard. You know, I. I'd say get quirky guests. If you're not getting famous, people just get quirky weirdos. Because weirdos are funny, right?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

Juggler Theo started with weirdos and he. You know, you have like a snake wrangler and whoever.

[Dana Carvey]

Just somebody's got interesting someone in. If you're going to a club in some small town, you just talk to, you know, a guy in the street or a bartender or anything like that. I mean, think of Tom Green or something back in the day. Yeah, I think that's right. Make it quirky and different and then clip those things and throw them out all over the web. But what was the name of it again?

[David Spade]

It's called. It accidentally popped up. Remember Detour or something? Heather, you remember?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah. Well, then it just.

[David Spade]

Okay. On the road with Dante Carter.

[Dana Carvey]

It has to just be like a travel log of meeting quirky people.

[David Spade]

Yeah. On.

[Dana Carvey]

On the road.

[David Spade]

Maybe they have sex in the back seat. If only. If things are slowing down. Okay, that's a possibility. Like an only fans it all goes back to. Only that's where the money is. My God. Okay, next question. I'll read the second question. And the email is fly on the [e-mail]. this is from Marie. Hi, Dana and David. I love your show. Here's a topic for Shaggy news. A military task force is sent to investigate the nuclear site in Iran. The team includes Scooby, Shaggy, Burt Lancaster, Kirk Douglas, Lorne Michaels, and Dennis Miller. Jesus. I guess I'll let you take this one. Take a sip and a bite of your banana.

[Dana Carvey]

I still need Scoob in there.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll be there.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Who were the other three? Okay, I got you. Bert Lancaster, Dennis Miller, and Lauren Michaels. Well, geez, Scoob. I can't believe we're going. Going back to Tan. We got to see if Mount Fordo can still make a bomb, right, Scoob? Let's ask. Let's ask Dennis Miller. What do you think, Dennis?

[David Spade]

Mine isn't as thinky as yours. I don't have to do that much.

[Dana Carvey]

Christ sakes. I mean, I don't know how you can top three bunker busters. You know, that's almost £100,000 of TNT going in there, right, Lauren? It's that thing of, like, the bunker buster does its job, but you still have to make sure that it actually works. Right? Burt Lancaster.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm telling you, I think he took the mountain down. What do you think, Cook? I believe he destroyed the whole moon. I like Mountains that are destroyed. Well, thanks, guys. Thanks for being on Shaggy News. Close us out, Scoob.

[David Spade]

You did all the fun. I like, that was a news story. That was a news story.

[Dana Carvey]

It wasn't Shaggy news.

[David Spade]

I did like that. Shaggy just goes down the line. Over to you, Kirk. Well, I. You had all your reporters in there, probably six of them.

[Dana Carvey]

I could have done Tom Brokaw too. Here we are at Mount Horror. What's it called? Mount Fordo or what? 4, 0. I don't know. Here we are in Iran where a mountain was blown to pieces by a bunker buster bomb. I'm Tom Brokaw and Tehran.

[David Spade]

I had a bunker buster at Dairy Queen.

[Dana Carvey]

Buster last night. When you're sitting on a totally it.

[David Spade]

See? Thank you. You can get there. You're just as bad as me.

[Dana Carvey]

Ah, yeah. I like the scat.

[David Spade]

Okay, should we do one more before we close out? Everyone's very informative. Everyone's learned. Okay, that's it for today, you guys. Thank you so much. We are wrapping. I hope you had a good fourth of July and.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah, I. I hope it was fourth tastic. I hope it was. I hope you saw all the Pistol Pete's or what do they call Pete's what? Cones? Peas. I hope you had a great firecracker weekend.

[David Spade]

May the July 4th be with you.

[Dana Carvey]

Now, you tweeted on Monday after the fourth of July weekend. Your words, not mine. That David Spade tweeted out this fourth of July weekend quote sucked. Your words, not mine.

[David Spade]

David's eyes. That's like ending with a home run. That. That guy is always. Home run.

[Dana Carvey]

We gotta. If we can get Senator John Kennedy on our show. He's always invited.

[David Spade]

Oh, maybe we should. Let's ask him for next week because he would come on and read a few.

[Dana Carvey]

It's big as Dallas.

[David Spade]

He has so many and he's. He's loaded up sometimes he's got him ready to go in the funny.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, man. Him with P. Diddy would have been incredible. Now you had 1000 bottles of baby oil in your house. That correct?

[David Spade]

How many can you go through in one day? I go through one in a decade.

[Dana Carvey]

What was the purpose of a thousand bottles of baby oil? You don't know. You just sort of had them. Is that your. Is that your answer?

[David Spade]

Are you. Is that story going to stick to it? Okay, that was great. Thank you, Dana. I'll let you get back to your banana situation. And thanks for joining me on the show.

[Dana Carvey]

Thank you. This has been the Dana Carvey podcast. My guest today has been David Spade from Joe Dirt and the wrong Missy. All right.

[David Spade]

Okay. See you next week. Week. Hey guys. If you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, five star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[Dana Carvey]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[David Spade]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spick, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

[Dana Carvey]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by.

[David Spade]

Phil Sweet, tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[Dana Carvey]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney and Lauren Vieira.

[David Spade]

Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email us at flyonthewall at odyssey. Com. That's a U D A C Y com.