← Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Emergency Podcast: We Plead Ignorance To Halloween
00:46:20
Loading summary
Transcript380 lines
- [00:00]
A
Okay, confession time. So I'm very guilty of choosing convenience over nutrition. You know, I've heard that when your fridge is fully stocked with greens. All good intentions. Somehow a few taps on your phone later, you got takeout on the way. Have you done this? I have. Or those overpriced spinach wraps from the local coffee shop that leave you feeling more regret than comfort. We've all been there. That's where kit chava comes in. And it's completely changed my fall mornings. I use cachava. I've done it for a few months. Honestly makes life easier. It's tastier. I customize my shakes. Lately I've been doing the chocolate with a little nut milk, spoonful of almond butter. It's basically like a dessert that fuels my whole body. I feel the difference too. I feel a little lighter. I have steady energy through the day. Better digestions, muscles feel recovered, mind sharper.
- [00:54]
B
With every two scoops of Cachava, you get 85 plus superfoods, nutrients and plant based ingredients. It's 25 grams of plant based protein. Six indulgent flavors. Chocolate, vanilla, chai matcha, coconut, acai and strawberry. And all the nutrients your mind and body crave for the whole body. Health. No artificial flavors, colors or sweeteners. No gmo, no soy, no animal products, no gluten, no preservatives. Making a superfood packed shake take less than a minute. And the recipes in the Kachava kitchen are endlessly inspiring. Your future self will thank you. Go to kachava.com and use the code FLY for 15 off your next order. That's Kachava K A C-H-A-V-A.com codefly for 15 off.
- [01:42]
A
You know, when it gets colder, I always fall in the same trap. Heavy meals, too much takeout, and suddenly I'm like, why do my jeans hate me?
- [01:50]
B
I know. Yeah, me too. I mean, I'll open the fridge in December and it's like half a pizza and an orange from 1997. Not a lot of healthy options, David. But here's the thing. Staying on track doesn't have to be impossible. Our new friends@forkfulmeals.com totally flips that script. Honestly, I didn't think I'd stick with it. But these meals show up fresh every week. Chef prepared for real food, not frozen mystery mush. Just heat it, eat it, and boom. You're not calling DoorDash for the fifth time that week.
- [02:21]
A
Yeah, it's not just about eating better. It's about time. I'd rather spend 30 minutes working on a bit for my hilarious act than 30 minutes staring into my oven going, is this thing even on?
- [02:32]
B
Right. This is that one little thing that keeps you sane during the cold months. No stress, no junk, just done. But here's the deal. Do it now. If you. If you wait till the holiday slump hits, you'll be knee deep in stuffing and regret. Head to forkfoldmeals.com and use the code POD50 for 50% off your first order.
- [02:54]
A
All right, that's forkful meals.com code POD50. That's POD5O. Seriously, don't wait. Your future self will thank you.
- [03:03]
B
Yes, thank you for not feeding me the leftover lasagna for the 12th to time.
- [03:12]
A
You.
- [03:12]
B
You got on the zoom, and I thought, wow, this is the best David has looked since the beginning of the podcast. And this is the first time you're going full Dana. You have a black T shirt, no accoutrements, and it works for you. I threw this on last minute because it's kind of cold today. Otherwise we would have been black on black.
- [03:36]
A
No. You know what the riveting story is? And this is an emergency podcast to tell you this. This is green.
- [03:43]
B
Oh, really? Dark.
- [03:44]
A
Okay. Dark green. Because I go, we have black, so it's dark green. Can you tell, Heather? No. No.
- [03:49]
B
Well, I want to say that it looks like navy gray. It looks navy gray. I thought it was. It looks. Well, I can see a gray. Green, Black. I'm gonna give it all 3. A lot of people got stimulated. I heard it anecdotally, the idea of an emergency podcast, and it was an emergency, and it was good that we got it out there, but it was an emergency.
- [04:17]
A
It wasn't a level 12 emergency. Yeah. You know what's funny is that some people in the comments are like, what the. Why is an emergency? I'm like, it just sounded funny, like it was kind of a trivial story. But it's like Dana. But we did talk about it because there were articles about it, so why not? And, you know, we learned a lot. We laugh. We cried.
- [04:38]
B
Well, look, this is what I might take away from it. Besides all the different machinations, politics, and stuff. It's very hard. Like I said. Okay. David's feelings were a little bit hurt. Okay. So then I went in and said, worst reviews Dana Carvey ever got. And I got a collage. Was he ever funny? Whatever happened to him?
- [04:59]
A
What a hack catalog.
- [05:01]
B
And I was like, off.
- [05:03]
A
Get it out of here. I know it's hard. It's Just human stings. Yeah, One of the. One of the. Then someone saw what we said and said, david Spade pleads ignorance of the situation. Like, I. Like, it was some actual huge controversy. I'm like, I don't see it. I see nothing. I'm like, I heard an article in the car going, hey, this is what's going on. I'm like, well, I don't know all the facts. Like, unlike everyone else, you gotta get a few facts. Like, I'm gonna pull out of a gig because. And they're like, oh, they already fixed that.
- [05:37]
B
He's calling you a liar. But it did trend fast and wide. My doctor's assistant, you know, I was talking to her and she goes, oh, David Spade, he. He went to the comedy show, but he said he didn't know about the controversy. I'm gonna have to tell doctor.
- [05:59]
A
She told the doctor that I pleaded ignorance.
- [06:01]
B
Yeah, pleaded ignorance. That's calling you a liar.
- [06:04]
A
That's the greatest phrase. I love that, too. The greatest phrase, Rose, was that. But number one is he talked about traffic flying. You get it, the guy, like, he's a comedy connoisseur.
- [06:20]
B
I know this is. It's just. I just want to insert something here so. Because I have it now. Halloween is coming up, right? Oh, that's right. We have a lot of trick or treaters. And a lot of times I'm giving out the candy. Sometimes I'll just buy a mask, right? But this year I'm having one custom made, and I'm basing it on. On someone. And so here's the picture. And then I'm going to make a mask for when I give out the Halloween candy.
- [06:48]
A
That's cute. I thought that was high school. That's snl.
- [06:53]
B
Is it kind of scary? I mean, is it?
- [06:55]
A
Or is it terrifying? But it is scary that I turn into this fucking monster.
- [06:59]
B
Who wants some candy Shop one, A.
- [07:03]
A
Zag Nut or an Abba Zabba now.
- [07:07]
B
Hey, buddy, let's put on Tommy Boy.
- [07:11]
A
I was about to say, I don't have to change my voice.
- [07:13]
B
Well, the joke was it's not a scary picture. Was my joke.
- [07:17]
A
No, I know.
- [07:18]
B
That was it. Okay, we got that out of the way.
- [07:20]
A
That was it. Is there anything else we have to talk about? Because we just did the good stuff. Actually, I'll tell you this.
- [07:26]
B
What was your loaded.
- [07:27]
A
What was your laziest costume growing up? Because I'll give you one example, two examples. One, I was going to a party in college, and I. I'm like, I'm not Going any Hollywood Halloween parties? Of course I cave in because I pleaded ignorance, like, I wasn't going to go. And then I went. So I had a white sweatshirt with a black bat on it. Like the Batman bat. Just a bat. No circle around it. Just a black. I wore that with jeans. And I was. Batman got horrible, horrible reviews then.
- [07:59]
B
Well, this is in college. You're in your early 20s doing this stuff.
- [08:04]
A
Doing this stuff. Yes. Don't ignorance.
- [08:07]
B
Well, when's the last time? Let me ask you a question. And this is an emergency part of this emergency podcast.
- [08:14]
A
Yeah.
- [08:15]
B
When's the last time you seriously went.
- [08:17]
A
Out, made a costume?
- [08:20]
B
Made a costume. Got.
- [08:22]
A
I.
- [08:22]
B
We would get pillowcases, information, and run around the neighborhood. This was probably ended at 11 or 12 or maybe 13, where you were seriously going trick or treating to get candy. And you're doing it in your late 20s with a funny costume. Come on. Come on, dude.
- [08:46]
A
Here's my worst costume. That was the worst. But in my 40s.
- [08:53]
B
No.
- [08:53]
A
Very recently, I went as. I had a. I had no costume, so I went. I had a. A suede, like, bomber jacket, you know, like brown.
- [09:03]
B
Yeah. And you're like a military guy or something that.
- [09:06]
A
No, I went just that. And I was David Suede. And that one went over a little better. But no. No real work put into it. But then my buddy had a shark costume from something he did where he puts on. I go, what could we be? I go, oh. So I greased my hair back and had jumped the weather jacket, and I was fine. Have you heard this story?
- [09:32]
B
Sorry. Sorry to jump your idea.
- [09:34]
A
You jumped the shark story.
- [09:36]
B
I was in a state of emergency. I'm gonna calm down.
- [09:39]
A
I have to say, when this podcast is in a state of emergency, everything moves quicker.
- [09:45]
B
We just jump around. Okay, I'll give you two Halloween stories that I probably have done the last few years. One is my brother in New York I thought was pretty interesting. So he gets mirrors, little mirrors, I guess some of them. He was an artist. Maybe they were cut in different shapes. And he put them all together, and then he put it around, and it was just mirrors all around him. And so people would say, what's your costume? And he said, I'm going as you. Because they would look in the mirror. Kind of clever, right? Now, this is one I probably tow. I'm trying to raise a family. I moved. I moved to Mill Valley. I've got a fireplace. It's a little cool little gingerbread house, you know? And I go, shoot, enough with Hollywood. I'm with the real people. I'm hiking in the woods. Everything's great. My past is behind me. That's no big deal. And I was looked up and framing the. The door was open and framing. It was a tall kid dressed exactly like Garth. I mean, it was a wig, the whole thing. And then I. I can. Oh, the humanity. I know.
- [10:54]
A
But then you got slightly excited. You're like, I feel tingles in my underpants or whatever.
- [11:00]
B
I feel funny like when I used to climb the rope in gym class.
- [11:06]
A
I did like. You didn't rush that. He gave it the real.
- [11:09]
B
I gave it the real thing. Because, you know people, even during this.
- [11:12]
A
Emergency podcast, you didn't rush it.
- [11:15]
B
I like Garth. I want to be Garth or I want Garth as a friend. I'll just put it out there. And you're the same. You're the same way with.
- [11:26]
A
Roberts. I heard some Dickie Roberts praise on the road this time. The. It was the most mentioned on the road, shockingly.
- [11:37]
B
What do you mean on the road?
- [11:38]
A
Like a security guard. Rex.
- [11:40]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [11:41]
A
A woman that was friends with Vessie.
- [11:43]
B
Oh, that's funny.
- [11:44]
A
Yeah, it was nice to hear, but. Oh, I have. Here's my best Halloween costume. Ready? Dana, you ready? By the way, could we change the name of the whole podcast to emergency podcast? Because people would click on that. It'll be fun.
- [11:58]
B
Well, they'll be. We will do more of those because now that we know, sometimes something happens late and whatever. And our producer was kind enough to go in, you know, on the Sunday and just do that.
- [12:12]
A
Heather was very.
- [12:13]
B
And Heather. Heather Bendable San Daughto was there too.
- [12:18]
A
On her one not really day off. Okay, so here's the costume. It was back at those fun Kate Hudson parties, which probably still does. I don't get invited. So I. You know why? Because I stole all the attention. That's what it is.
- [12:35]
B
Okay.
- [12:36]
A
Crush so hard.
- [12:37]
B
All right, let's hear it.
- [12:40]
A
Me, I don't know what I wore then. I had the babies that were little. What were they, Heather? Were they.
- [12:51]
B
We had a blow up doll, full size and then three.
- [12:54]
A
Oh, yeah. Little like. Oh, yeah, blow up size. Fold on. Biting on my butt and taped me with a diaper on. And then three little baby size blow up dolls, adolescents or little people size. And they were taped to each other. And I went as the human centipede. Oh, it killed. It's a. It's a really filthy movie. Offensive scary movie where everyone.
- [13:20]
B
Yeah, you know what it is?
- [13:21]
A
You'll gross out. They kidnap all these teenagers Naturally. In an old lighthouse. Naturally. End of a road, dark out. They seem nice at first, anyway. It's a fate worse than death. They line you up and they sew the mouth to the next guy's head, anal region, his anus, of course.
- [13:48]
B
It sounds fun, but I don't want.
- [13:50]
A
No, it sounds fun for a little bit. I mean, they go, this is a fun game. Like a frat game. We literally sew with the doctor your mouth or their butthole. And then they do it to the next one and then they have to poop and then the next person has to get it. And pooping, by the way, one day of that. It's not fun.
- [14:09]
B
Hey. Hey. I think I'm gonna hurl.
- [14:12]
A
I know you're gonna hurl. Garth would freaking hurl.
- [14:15]
B
Oh, my God.
- [14:17]
A
And that was a hit movie. Like a small hit, like a. But everyone knew about it because it was so gross.
- [14:22]
B
Well, guy said, hey, you got to go to Burning Man. Man. Go to Burning Man. I go to Burning man all the time. Why don't you come next year to Burning Man? I go, what do you see up there? One time I was just hanging out in the desert and I saw five naked guys walking along and they had a rope taped or something, their wieners tied around. And then to the next guy, the next guy, and the next guy. So it was like a wiener chain, man. You got to go to Bernie.
- [14:48]
A
Where were you?
- [14:49]
B
Yeah, go to Bernie, man. They got wiener chains, man.
- [14:52]
A
And you blew it. You could have been there. You could have your iPhone.
- [14:58]
B
I went to Smoldering, man. It's like three miles down and there's a Denny's there and a Motel 6 and much nicer.
- [15:06]
A
I went to still trying to light it, man.
- [15:11]
B
Okay, tell me I'm not the only one who wants my caffeine to actually taste good. Five hour energy shots have figured it out with tasty caffeine. 17 different flavors that go way beyond just coffee. You got everything from fruity and tangy to smooth and sweet. Each 2 ounce shot packs as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium coffee, but with zero sugar and none of that crash that hits you later.
- [15:37]
A
It's small, it's portable, and it fits right into whatever your day looks like. And because it's fall, they've got limited edition pumpkin spice flavor. There you go. Pumpkin spice. That's basically the season in a sip. Pumpkin spice with a little cinnamon swagger. It's rich, cozy, and somehow still zero sugar. So whatever your flavor, fuel your day with tasty caffeine from Five Hour Energy. Give your caffeine a flavor upgrade with Five Hour Energy Shots. Get yours in store and online at www.5ourenergy.com, number five hourenergy.com or Amazon today.
- [16:14]
B
All right.
- [16:15]
A
Introducing your new Dell PC. Powered by the Intel Core Ultra processor, it helps you handle a lot. Even when your holiday to do list gets to be, you know a lot because it's built with all day battery plus powerful AI features that help you do it all with ease. From editing images to drafting emails to summarizing large documents to multitasking.
- [16:37]
B
So you can organize your holiday shopping and make custom holiday decor and search for great holiday deals and respond to holiday requests and customer questions and customers requesting custom things. And plan the perfect holiday dinner for vegans, vegetarians, pescatarians, and Uncle Mike's carnivore diet.
- [16:55]
A
Luckily, you can get a PC that helps you do it all faster. So you can get it all done. That's the power of a Dell PC with Intel inside, backed by Dell's price match guarantee.
- [17:05]
B
Get yours today@dell.com holiday terms and conditions apply. C. Dell.com for details. Okay, I have an emergency podcast moment.
- [17:17]
A
Okay.
- [17:18]
B
My favorite direct. Well, I don't. I have. There's Kubrick. There's Kubrick. There's Tarantino. Tarantino, Francis Ford Coppola, the Godfather 1 and 2. In the conversation of the best movies ever made, he lost 120 million on Metatropolis because he's an artist. He put his own money into it. Didn't do so well. Man.
- [17:39]
A
Boss boys. But it hasn't come out yet. But I. I didn't see Megaflopolis, but I heard that it didn't go perfectly.
- [17:46]
B
Yeah. Anyway, this is part of the emergency podcast is that he's had to start selling his watch collection. So I'm announcing a gofundme for Francis Ford Coppola.
- [17:59]
A
Do you know him? Because he could be sitting on his lawn with those watches out in a signed picture of Michael Corleone.
- [18:06]
B
Let me try it. Just. Sometimes I just try to. It's almost like a Svengali thing. I try to get a voice. Francis Ford Coppola. What does he talk like? What does he talk like? I'm Francis Ford Coppola. How are you? I don't know if it's any good.
- [18:22]
A
I got it. Now see here, Shia LaBeouf. You're acting crazy on a set.
- [18:28]
B
Oh, I tell you. I tell you, Shia LaBeouf, that's why metal Trouble is. And that didn't make a lot of money. Francis Ford Coppola. You got to announce who you're doing. Yeah, it helps after the fact. Now you see here Al Pacino. The studio wants you out of here. But I want to bat for you. I. I'm Francis Ford Coppola.
- [18:50]
A
I tell you, boy. Now listen, boy, for catering, we got five Triscuits in a Slim Jim. And that's because we ran out of money.
- [18:58]
B
Keep talking.
- [18:58]
A
Hey, good guy. What a good guy.
- [19:03]
B
What's that, young guy? I know.
- [19:05]
A
That's why life in me. SNL hadn't beaten the out of me yet.
- [19:10]
B
This was my alternative choice.
- [19:13]
A
That's funny. That's my high school senior year. That's where I look so different because I got my hair cut so short I didn't know it was me. And I look through the pictures and I go, where's mine? And they go, this one? I go, that's not me.
- [19:25]
B
Hey, hey. My name said David Spade. Would you like to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me? I'm David Spade.
- [19:36]
A
Look, it says under it almost interesting. That was the name of a book.
- [19:40]
B
Okay, you voice, you voice what you're thinking. I'll just move it.
- [19:43]
A
Okay. Oh, it's picture day. Luckily, I wore a suit I didn't know, but I pleaded ignorance. And my hair is nicely blondish. And I was probably thinking of if I was going to the football game that weekend and who I would ask to the prom that would try to get out of it.
- [20:01]
B
Yeah, I know what you'd be thinking right then. Well, it's not my best picture, but I'm begging. I'm begging ignorance.
- [20:11]
A
Pleading.
- [20:11]
B
Oh, pleading me with a brick. I hate when a joke up. Okay, I got one more topic for you.
- [20:21]
A
And then I have one topic before.
- [20:23]
B
We get into the topics. Sports betting scandal.
- [20:25]
A
Oh, this is the big story.
- [20:27]
B
This is big. Set the table.
- [20:31]
A
Oh, I will. Oh, me. You're closer to the gambling. You're. No, you're closer to basketball. But yesterday a story blew up when I was flying back from Minneapolis.
- [20:41]
B
Yeah.
- [20:41]
A
Oh, wow. I mean, it was pretty big. It was on everywhere. And it was about sports betting. You know, more. A lot of players involved.
- [20:50]
B
Some coaches go, yes, there's Terry Rosier. Chance. Chancey Billups are kind of.
- [20:59]
A
Chauncey Billups.
- [21:00]
B
Chauncey. Chauncey, the coach and. And all NBA player. Apparently again, innocent till proven guilty. Apparently one of the things they would do is they got in with the Mafia. Hey, you know what? Hey, John Z. Guess what? We got some high rollers here from Indonesia and they like playing poker with a celebrity. So why don't you come in? So apparently the mob got to them. They set up these special tables with listening devices, cameras, all kinds of high tech stuff.
- [21:31]
A
Cheater stuff.
- [21:32]
B
Yes. So that our, our guy would win. That's one. And then some, one player potentially, if innocent till proven guilty, would also in games, bet on games and then fake an injury. So he'd go out of the game. He could sort of turn the game.
- [21:47]
A
All right.
- [21:48]
B
For points and stuff. And that guy was making 26 million a season at the time. So you ask yourself, you know, why?
- [21:58]
A
Why? Why?
- [21:59]
B
But here's the thing. You know and I know that you can bet on anything in Las Vegas. It's hysterical. You can bet on anything and bets.
- [22:08]
A
Yes.
- [22:08]
B
I'll be just totally transparent. But we can say to each other now that we've never spoken about this. It's completely on the up and up. But you can take the high and the low on stand up sets in Vegas now with you, it was an over and an under. Like I bet if, if David would in a, in his set would get more than 60 laughs. And I bet that then I win a 2 to 1 or less than 60. So I've made a small fortune. Normally I'll just be totally honest taking the under that you would get less than 60 laps per set. And I made a fortune.
- [22:44]
A
Well, what if they say, okay, me and Nikki ignorance where it's we're at Caesar's palace and we. And they get bet on if Nikki's wearing a skirt or pants.
- [22:54]
B
You can make a bet on that. I've made money on that.
- [22:57]
A
You could say what's the over under on how long spade will do. Will he do an hour? Under an hour. 40, 48. Bet the exact number starts when he walks out when you see him.
- [23:09]
B
Those are bets. I once, well, I think it was 100 grand that you would say be smoking hot during your set. And you did.
- [23:25]
A
I did. I said it too much that show. No, I said, yeah. I bet Dana that he would say, he would look off to the side of the stage and say, how much time do I have left with these idiots? And then someone would yell 25 and you go F word.
- [23:48]
B
Well, what I, I heard on the download that you and Tim Meadows got a little couple pops in you.
- [23:54]
A
Yeah.
- [23:55]
B
And bet that I wouldn't say, well, isn't that special? During my set and you lost your bet.
- [24:04]
A
Well, isn't that special? We thought you would accidentally say, well, isn't that interesting because have you ever done a bit like I did this weekend and there was one word in it and I couldn't remember it and I just skimmed over it. I'm like, what is going on? I don't. There's the one word that was a key word and I skimmed it and I'm like, it just doesn't pop in your head. It's so weird. It's so stressful.
- [24:30]
B
Oh, it's. It's just a sinking feeling when you realize you got a five minute bit. Like, I have this thing about flying on Irish Airways and if I skip this one piece early on, you go.
- [24:43]
A
Do I go, it doesn't make sense.
- [24:44]
B
Can I go back and pick it up? Yeah, it's not making sense. Or do I confess the audience? I got confused, which. Normally the route I take, you know, I go, oh, I fucked that up.
- [24:55]
A
You know, God, I. I said the wrong punch line and then I backed up and said the right one. And they were like, oh. And it was so. I didn't say. I go, ah, I did that wrong. God dang it. They were like, what an amateur hour.
- [25:11]
B
That's. I love the audience, you know, I.
- [25:17]
A
Don'T get the punchlines that you're doing right.
- [25:20]
B
Hey, one time I was up there and I got a little confused and I'm going, garth and Hans and Franz. All of a sudden I'm doing this bit that is killing about watching porn on airplanes. And I'm going. And it's killing and roars of laughter. And then I go, oh my God, I'm doing Spade's. So I waited till I killed the whole thing. I said, I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. I just. That was a complete mental.
- [25:47]
A
I remember. Because you pled ignorance.
- [25:50]
B
Pled. What did I say? Are you.
- [25:55]
A
Pleading ignorance? That's your thing. Also on the basketball scandal, Chauncey Billups is in the hall of fame. I heard today they're saying, could they take that away from him if they find him guilty? Right now it's apparently. And also rosier. Is that his name? Terry.
- [26:13]
B
Terry, Terry. Rosier, I believe.
- [26:15]
A
Okay.
- [26:16]
B
R O Z I E R. They said he was.
- [26:19]
A
Because coaches can take a guy out and say he'll play less.
- [26:22]
B
Rosier, maybe, I don't know.
- [26:23]
A
So the coaches can look at this, fix it by saying he'll play less, bet the under of how long he plays or something. And this is. This is Terry saying he fixed games. Watch how funny this is.
- [26:34]
B
Okay, let me.
- [26:35]
A
So what number is he? So there he is. Accidentally dropping it, gives it to the other team. Here's a shitty pass.
- [26:42]
B
Let me see.
- [26:43]
A
Oops to that guy. He makes a basket. So he's in the black now. Next pass. Oops to the other guy.
- [26:50]
B
Oh, oh, okay.
- [26:52]
A
He keeps throwing it. Bad.
- [26:54]
B
He's bad to the other team.
- [26:56]
A
Yeah, airball to the other team. I mean, you could watch a game and go, God, he's having an off night.
- [27:04]
B
Or well, before the coach would take you out. If it's crunch time right at the end and the over and under is three.
- [27:10]
A
Look at that.
- [27:11]
B
Over the basket, you know, look, all I can say is I don't understand. I mean, you don't understand when you're making 26 million.
- [27:23]
A
What do you why he would do this if it's true? Yes. I, I mean I, I think there's a feeling that it's so competitive. Someone says, are you addicted to gambling? They're like, I'm addicted to competing. So they want to gamble so they can beat someone.
- [27:39]
B
Right? Well, Michael Jordan is famous for that. Charles Barkley. They would, they would. Oh, so it's terrible. I disagree with everything those guys are doing. Charles Buckley.
- [27:51]
A
It's terrible.
- [27:53]
B
Terrible. That's. That's all you have to say?
- [27:55]
A
That's all I have.
- [27:57]
B
But yeah, Innocent of broom Gilly. But it's an amazingly. It looks like a very big scandal.
- [28:03]
A
Big story for sure. Okay, here's a smaller story. We don't have to have an emergency.
- [28:08]
B
Not an emergency, but friend of the.
- [28:11]
A
Show, Aniston, Jennifer Aniston said, Jen, I saw a couple of these interviews this week. So she turned down SNL when, when she, before landing Friends and she has a funny way to explain it. She felt the sketch, the sketch show was very male dominated. And when she auditioned before Friends, she met with Lauren. She said this on Dax's podcast. She thought, she goes, I always thought I was such hot shit. Which is funny to say. And she said she would love to ask Lauren how it went because she said she ran into me and Sandler in the room right outside. And I knew her briefly because she, her mom lived in my apartment complex next to me. So she goes, my daughter's an actress. My daughter is. Your mom was sweet. And then I'd see Jennifer and I was like, oh, that is your daughter. So now she had a self righteous attitude and she didn't like the way women were treated on the show. She said if it was back when it was the Gilda Radner days, it would be better, you know, so she said she Was sort of like just passing by the way without Friends kind of ballsy. If I were to say. I think she's admitting it was ballsy to say. She. She wouldn't do it. Like, why would you pass on snl?
- [29:30]
B
Ah, that's cool. I like someone who has confidence in themselves before they. But what had she done? Here's my two questions. Did you. What? Who were the women on the show at that time? Was it 95? Was it Julius 1? It was probably 91. So I was there then maybe Jan. Maybe.
- [29:49]
A
Because she got Friends right around then. Well, let's look. Let's.
- [29:53]
B
Hey, can we find out when she got on Friends?
- [29:55]
A
Yeah. Because I would guess friends was about 92 because she blew up so fast.
- [30:02]
B
But I thought her father was a.
- [30:04]
A
Soap opera actor, and they said she was a NEPO baby.
- [30:07]
B
But 94, I don't think so.
- [30:10]
A
It was like, maybe you were gone.
- [30:11]
B
Maybe I left in 93. Because I think I would have got up in her grill a little bit. You know, just my nature.
- [30:17]
A
Go.
- [30:18]
B
Listen, man, you got this, don't you? What? Don't you walk away, woman. Don't you walk away from me. I. I would have schooled her a little bit.
- [30:26]
A
Yeah. I think she admitted it was weird. I mean, luckily she landed on her feet, but it was. It's. It's a tough situation for all these people that are trying to get on snl especially then. That was a big deal. Well, she had done Ferris Bueller's Day off, the TV show, because she did it with.
- [30:42]
B
Okay, yeah. And she. She had a. She had a pop. I mean, obviously, we saw it on French. She was very gonna make it because.
- [30:52]
A
Just charismatic.
- [30:54]
B
Charismatic. But look at this. I mean, I'll tell you. I tell you this right now. SNL's great. It's just generally for most people, a launching pad. You. She couldn't have gotten anything more spectacular than what she did in history.
- [31:10]
A
Yeah.
- [31:10]
B
Except unless you didn't want to be that famous. But it was. It was with Seinfeld. They were the 90s, and that was.
- [31:17]
A
You know, so not much bigger sitcoms as far as money making Seinfeld, Friends, Cheers.
- [31:27]
B
Maybe I don't know if they got to that level, but I remember hearing. I heard it at some point that everyone knows this. The Friends, those six people were going to be favored nations. No one was going to negotiate separately. So they eventually started going, give us each a million dollars. A million dollars an episode for each of us. And they got it when they got.
- [31:50]
A
100,000 episode everyone freaked out. Also, who were the three that they wanted to pay and who were the three that they said they weren't going to pay? And that's why they banded together.
- [32:00]
B
Oh, you got me.
- [32:02]
A
I'd heard this question, and someone just guessed.
- [32:05]
B
All right, I'm gonna call it right now. 26 minutes in. We have. We are just in the emergency podcast.
- [32:12]
A
This is the part of the show we would have come in to give you this answer.
- [32:16]
B
You've just entered the emergency podcast zone.
- [32:20]
A
Zone. Oh, I think Aniston. I think Courtney, because she was the biggest star at the time when they started.
- [32:28]
B
She was the biggest star in the world.
- [32:30]
A
And I think Schwimmer, because Schwimmer was in, like, a love story with Aniston on the show, and he was very valuable. And it was a Ross and Rachel was peaking. I think that makes sense to me. They all did a great job. So I don't know.
- [32:45]
B
But here's a question I have for you, please. Because it popped into my head. So you're going in those 90s, and there's still syndication. You get all your money. Million dollars an episode. Yay. And that's your contract, and you fulfill it. And then live streaming comes in and the office and other ones. So that. Did they get a piece of that? The actors. When. When they sold Friends. Friends is on live streaming. There goes to Netflix, all those reruns.
- [33:15]
A
Because really, I think they say they average 20 million a year. Shockingly, that's about most anyone could ever get.
- [33:22]
B
And this is in the 90s. Late 90s, I think.
- [33:25]
A
I think up until a couple years ago, like they said.
- [33:27]
B
Oh, just from all the lives.
- [33:29]
A
Just from all the horseshit. Yeah. They're TBS and HBO buys it. Or Netflix.
- [33:35]
B
Can I be a little envious? Is it okay? It's just bad.
- [33:39]
A
I'm sickened by it. It's hard to get out of bed.
- [33:43]
B
Like, what? I wish I gotten a funny voice on the Simpsons.
- [33:47]
A
I know.
- [33:48]
B
You know, Hi, I'm mail. You know, I got one voice mailbox.
- [33:52]
A
Manny.
- [33:54]
B
Hey, everybody. I'm your local treasure secretary.
- [33:58]
A
And you're in the Secret Life of pets.
- [34:04]
B
You were 1 and 2. And then I am on the ride. The rides make more than the movies, but I don't get a piece of the ride. Yeah. Over time.
- [34:16]
A
Yeah.
- [34:17]
B
I'm the dog yelling at you when you're coming in in the little cart. I'm going, don't go in here. You know, it's the grumpy old man as a dog with no. With Wheels for hind legs.
- [34:29]
A
All right, let's look at a few stories. Unless you have any more.
- [34:32]
B
No, I just have answers. But I was grateful for that question.
- [34:37]
A
Okay.
- [34:37]
B
Okay.
- [34:39]
A
Oh, this is the US announces seventh generational fighter jets have seventh generation fighter jets have been begun their operational testing. Let's take a look at the new plane.
- [34:50]
C
United States of America officially admitted.
- [34:52]
A
That looks cool.
- [34:53]
C
That the seventh generation fighter jet has entered the real world verification phase. They didn't disclose the model number. They didn't show the exterior. Only one sentence. It can end a war without opening the weapons bay. What does that mean? A fully AI controlled combat platform can strike, leave the battle zone and even change the enemy's data chain before the other side realizes it's there. Not only is it stealthy, it can even fool enemy radar and satellites, creating false target images and disrupting the entire airspace. This is not an air superiority fighter, nor is it a bomber. But an intelligent yelling over there integrates command jamming and surveillance. It doesn't even need human pilots.
- [35:37]
B
The we're not going to need human pilots. The only thing that makes me feel a little strange about this because I'm a bladed knight and the president of China Yi and of course Putin are huge fans of this podcast. So didn't they just get the whole enchilada laid out? So we should be careful what you're sharing.
- [35:56]
A
I know what they comment on. I know their fake name when they leave comments all the time on this YouTube. I know which one's Xi she and which one's Putang.
- [36:10]
B
Put the thing. Listen to me, listen to me. Oh, one thing I wanted to mention. How funny it is that Trump just demolished half the White House. We'll gotta take it down. We're taking it down. We're taking it down. It's gonna. It's nice to take things down, isn't it? It's a good thing when people like it when you take things down. We're taking it down. We're chopping it in two and have a bonfire.
- [36:33]
A
Beep beep. Dumping garbage. Yeah, I guess they're fixing the White House all the time. If I was him, I just wouldn't bother. Like, how long are you going to be there?
- [36:46]
B
Well, he, he and some friends paid for it.
- [36:48]
A
It's like a rental.
- [36:49]
B
It's 300. He wants to say the Donald J. Trump Ballroom forever. It's gonna have my name and told my neighbor Gold it's gonna be in the car. It's kind of like one of those monkeys with the symbols.
- [37:02]
A
He's like when they have the. When people come into waltz. It's like, who's in a ballroom anymore?
- [37:08]
B
I like monkey with symbols.
- [37:10]
A
Clank, clank, clank.
- [37:12]
B
I gotta take it down. We're taking it down. It's a good thing we're taking it down. People like, when we take things down, we're gonna take it down.
- [37:19]
A
Is he gonna have any parties there? Is it all like just.
- [37:22]
B
Oh, it's gonna be like Gone with the Wind. Why, Miss Scarlett, may I have this dance with you? It's gonna be.
- [37:29]
A
Let's do the. That's an old dance Dominion.
- [37:35]
B
Well, you know, back to our story as people are. Hang with us, folks.
- [37:40]
A
No one knows what we're talking about. Go ahead.
- [37:42]
B
There won't be pilots very soon. Of course it's going to all be AI. They can react and we're going to jam things. Look, we spend a trillion on defense.
- [37:52]
A
A trill. That's 18 zeros.
- [37:55]
B
War Department. Okay, a trillion down there. What kind of aircraft you get from for that much money?
- [38:03]
A
You know, my Southwest flight plane cost at least 100 grand for the whole thing. All in.
- [38:10]
B
Yeah. I had a corporate date and I thought, well, maybe I'll try to lease a private jet. But it was. I would. I would have to take out a loan against my house to pay for the joke. It's crazy that we have a shortage of private jets in America. There's so many rich people now that they can't make them fast enough.
- [38:32]
A
Yeah, I mean, that's the one thing where if you ever use it, it's not an investment. You don't get that money back. So that's when you land, you feel sick. It's like blowing money on cocaine or something. You're like, so I got here, it's over, the ride is over, and I spent all that money.
- [38:51]
B
I know when you come off Southwest and you go, Geez, 88 bucks. Yeah, 88, 000. You're like, and I'm in the same place. And it's like, yeah, get an extra.
- [39:02]
A
Shrimp cocktail tonight because I saved money.
- [39:05]
B
I'm going to the Sphere pretty soon I'll. Please.
- [39:08]
A
What are you talking about? For what?
- [39:09]
B
I'm going in Vegas and I have an afternoon off. There's a five o' clock matinee and they're playing the wizard of Oz.
- [39:15]
A
Are you gonna do that one? Oh, I want to hear the whole review. I get.
- [39:17]
B
Yeah, I guess you're inside the wizard of Oz.
- [39:19]
A
Oz, you're inside stress.
- [39:22]
B
Yeah, I know. No, I'm riding in the basket with Toto.
- [39:27]
A
You get on the witch's broom.
- [39:30]
B
We represent the Lollipop Guild. I'm one of those guys.
- [39:36]
A
I haven't seen that movie since I.
- [39:38]
B
Was four but terrified.
- [39:40]
A
I want to hear it. The sphere. The big question they are having no Doubt coming up and people are like, is no doubt big enough or is the sphere the story is that 70% of why you go.
- [39:55]
B
I think if a monkey's fake band went in there, you'd sell it out. I believe it's like an audio visual, a four dimensional. There's rain coming down and wind and you're in seats and you kind of feel like you're going to fall. And every seat has. They're already building more of them. They're building, you know, one in China and one.
- [40:15]
A
I think there's one in Dubai too. I heard.
- [40:18]
B
I agree.
- [40:18]
A
I went to once and you threw up during. During U2. There were no monkeys and I was sad. There was no witches. There was no nothing. I'm like, what are we doing?
- [40:27]
B
I think movies getting immersed. I like to see 2001 in there, you know.
- [40:33]
A
Hi, Dana. This is your favorite movie.
- [40:37]
B
Open the. Open. Open the bathroom door. Spade, open the bathroom door.
- [40:41]
A
I can't do it, Dana. You know the drill. I'm pleading ignorance.
- [40:47]
B
As a kid, we used to do that. As a young man with my friends when they were stoned, I would do open the bathroom door, pal. How's he supposed to say, oh, I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do it, Dave.
- [41:00]
A
Because Hal turns on him, right? He's an AI.
- [41:02]
B
Open the bathroom door. Sorry, Dave.
- [41:06]
A
All right, raise your voice.
- [41:08]
B
All right, I'll go through the urinal. That'll be very difficult, Dave.
- [41:13]
A
You could pee your pants.
- [41:15]
B
Dana, have you seen the movie?
- [41:17]
A
I don't think so. I think I'm getting it wrong.
- [41:21]
B
No, it's actually fine. It's actually pretty good. I just can't imagine sitting for a four hour movie with no real plot. I mean, there's a plot, but it's a spiritual.
- [41:33]
A
We are supported by Ring. With Ring you can see more and do more with doorbells and cameras that help you see more to exciting features that help, you know, more to the app that lets you connect more. Pan around your home for the perfect view with pan tilt indoor cams, 360 degree coverage. Type what you're looking for and find it almost instantly in recorded events with smart video search and and get quick.
- [41:57]
B
Video preview alerts to know what's happening without even needing to go into your phone. These things are amazing. I mean you put the. You put them up, you sleep really well. With Ring you can see more and do more. Learn more@ring.com Some features require a subscription and are available only on select Ring devices. Exclusions apply.
- [42:18]
A
Learn more@ring.com Every fall I find myself reaching for the same reliable pieces I got. The sweaters, the jackets, the layers. They actually hold up and feel amazing. And that's why I keep coming back to Quint's. They've got fall staples you'll actually wear on repeat. 100% Mongolian cashmere from just $60. Classic fit denim and real leather and wool outerwear that looks sharp and lasts. Lately I've been eyeballing their suede trucker jacket. Perfect for layering. Oh yeah, I can be. I can be layered. Hamilton super casual. But still makes you feel put together. You know what I like most is that Quince works directly with ethical factories and top artisans. Cutting out the middleman.
- [43:04]
B
That means. David Premium quality at about half the price of similar brands. I'm going to say it again. About half the price of similar brands. I picked up a few sweaters, cozy and even some bedding. Recently everything has held up beautifully. Quince has really become my go to across the board.
- [43:23]
A
David Layer up this fall with pieces that feel as good as they look. Go to quince.com fly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Quincom Fly. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/Fly need contract help for those workload peaks and backlog projects? You're not alone. Robert half found that 67% of companies surveyed said they will increase their use of contract talent. That's why their recruiters leverage their experience and use award winning AI to quickly find the skilled candidates you want.
- [44:02]
B
Learn about their specialized talent in finance, accounting, technology, marketing, legal and administrative support at Robert Half. They know talent. Visit roberthalf.com talent today.
- [44:17]
A
Next story. Here we go. Clip before we wrap up, man was. Man was. Was discovered to be unknowingly missing 90% of his brain, yet lived a normal life. Wow. Do we need our brains? This is a big scam.
- [44:32]
B
We don't. I think we'd have to look it up. I think we use maybe 10% of it. Really?
- [44:38]
A
And this looks like this guy nailed the 10%. There's a condition known as what the fuck is going on? No, that's not the real one. It's called a hydrogen cephalus sounds dirty.
- [44:52]
B
Well, they interviewed this guy, you know, perfectly. And I thought it was really interesting because. How did you do this with 90 of your brain missing? And the guy was quoted saying, I. With their normal life, I. Jesus.
- [45:10]
A
Doesn't sound that smart.
- [45:12]
B
I walk and. But he was. He led a normal life.
- [45:20]
A
He rattles his head like a paint can when he moves around.
- [45:25]
B
Yeah. Wouldn't part of your brain be so light without the brain in it? Your skull would just be tilted over.
- [45:30]
A
That's what Ozempic does. It erases 90 of your. Your brain, apparently. Allegedly.
- [45:36]
B
Now, I understand that you have only 10% of your brain. Your words, not mine. Oh, and that makes for what we call a stupid person.
- [45:49]
A
That makes sense to you?
- [45:50]
B
Makes sense. Did I get that right? I'm just punchy.
- [45:56]
A
I can't love it. Okay, one more and then we'll go punchy.
- [45:59]
B
Give me something good.
- [46:01]
A
Give me a good one. Don't.
- [46:02]
B
Come on, give it to me good and hard. All right.
- [46:05]
A
I don't know if this is going.
- [46:06]
B
To be it, but. Okay.
- [46:07]
A
Let's see. It's people. Oh, this girl's juggling plastic bags you get from, like, Ralph's. I bet I could do that. I could do that.
- [46:20]
B
I think so.
- [46:21]
A
Oh, she's got her buddy. I couldn't do that. We couldn't do that, Dana.
- [46:24]
B
It's getting more sophisticated.
- [46:26]
A
Maybe next week I'll try to do that.
- [46:27]
B
Let's see a razzle dazzle, though. Give me. Give me a closer. Okay.
- [46:32]
A
What are they doing? Oh, he's got them.
- [46:35]
B
Well, it's a smart thing because these things kind of float, so they stay where you can grab them in a. You have a space to grab them.
- [46:43]
A
It's hard, though. But they're bigger than a tennis ball.
- [46:46]
B
Yeah, they kind of float, but they.
- [46:47]
A
Get really hard to move, so if you grab it wrong, it's over.
- [46:51]
B
Right. You got to space them and separate them.
- [46:53]
A
You got to keep them full of air so you can't grab them too hard or you squish all the air out.
- [46:57]
B
Now you have what I like to call too much time on your hands when you're taking plastic wrappers and juggling them all day long.
- [47:09]
A
Heather, let's get some multi colored plastic bags so I can show the world how good I am. I can do this trick on it.
- [47:17]
B
David shocks the world.
- [47:20]
A
I can juggle, though. Dana, don't. I kid you not.
- [47:23]
B
Yeah, I'm sure you can. Have you. Have you ever been seen juggling? No. Did you ever do it On a TV show? No. Have you done it in this podcast? No, but I'm sure you can juggle. Just no one's ever seen you juggle.
- [47:34]
A
Have you been accused of recently pleading ignorance? Yes.
- [47:38]
B
I'll say. You do juggle. Like this. You go to a standup date, you do the podcast, you go to koi. You go back to the plane, you juggle your life.
- [47:48]
A
I juggle my schedule. Okay. I will film myself juggling, and we'll play it next week. We might have to have an emergency one, though, if you.
- [47:57]
B
If you can do that. Well.
- [48:00]
A
Mm.
- [48:02]
B
I'm gonna give you multiple hundred dollar bills.
- [48:05]
A
Did you ever give anything. What's in the box behind you?
- [48:08]
B
That's still. That's for. That's for the end of the season. There is something in that big season during sweeps, if anyone can guess it. Do you want. I mean, I think it's in there, but. No, let's just leave it for next week.
- [48:19]
A
That's. That's cliffhanger.
- [48:21]
B
That'll be an emergency one when we reveal that.
- [48:24]
A
Okay. Well, I thought we did a really good job. I'm very proud of us. We.
- [48:28]
B
We covered a lot of ground. Coppola, the be. We did a little Trump Halloween. I thought we brought it today.
- [48:37]
A
It really did good.
- [48:37]
B
Will it translate into smash that subscribe button?
- [48:42]
A
Yeah. Break your finger on this. On the like button. Subscribe. I don't even know what they're supposed to do. They do comment. You have to tell them to say that. Oh, boy. But we got a lot of nice comments on Isla Fisher last week.
- [48:57]
B
Really? Oh, she was fun. She was fun.
- [48:59]
A
Definitely.
- [48:59]
B
She was fun. I don't look at the metrics, because then I just cry myself to sleep.
- [49:03]
A
Metrics.
- [49:04]
B
Why?
- [49:06]
A
Okay, Dana, if. If I can, I'll have you on again next week.
- [49:11]
B
Thank you. Should I go black T shirt, gray green, black T shirt?
- [49:16]
A
I will not wear another dark green, black, gray T shirt.
- [49:19]
B
I'm gonna shock the world. And.
- [49:21]
A
But don't our T shirts look like slightly different color? My knot is not as black as yours.
- [49:25]
B
Okay, here we go.
- [49:26]
A
Here we go. I didn't want to get. I didn't want to get to this. Here we go.
- [49:30]
B
Whoops.
- [49:31]
A
Heather, can you see any difference in our T shirts? His does look darker.
- [49:35]
B
Well, I do have a lighter. I have a black chair, but I have more. You know, you can see.
- [49:39]
A
This is an optical illusion.
- [49:41]
B
Whoops.
- [49:42]
A
Oh, Jesus.
- [49:44]
B
Not only tigers get out of their cages.
- [49:47]
A
So that's a tiger.
- [49:49]
B
Whoops.
- [49:50]
A
All right, we'll come back with a big banger show next week. Yes, like this.
- [49:55]
B
And we're going to look like this. We're going to talk like this and I'm going to do this kind of things. We're going to demolish the place.
- [50:02]
A
Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye.
- [50:04]
B
Goodbye.
- [50:10]
A
Hey guys. If you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, Give us review 5 star rating and maybe even share an episode episode that you've loved with a friend.
- [50:21]
B
If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.
- [50:26]
A
Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.
- [50:37]
B
Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet.
- [50:42]
A
Tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.
- [50:45]
B
Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney and Lauren Vieira.
- [51:00]
A
Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show? You can email us@flyonthewalldecy.com that's a U-A C-Y I dot com.