Esquire, Encore, & Emergencies

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: Esquire, Encore, & Emergencies
Date: February 23, 2026
Host: Audacy

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Episode Overview

In this lively Monday riff episode, comedians Dana Carvey and David Spade run through a whirlwind of personal anecdotes, observational banter, showbiz stories, and wild improvised bits. The highlights include a behind-the-scenes look at Spade’s recent Esquire interview, an accidental “encore” disaster at the Comedy Store, extreme weather emergencies, a wild Epstein parody guest, and a flurry of celebrity impressions in “Buzzing Around.” The duo’s hallmark camaraderie, quick wit, and improvisational chemistry drive an engaging, joke-heavy episode packed with nostalgia, self-deprecation, and riffing on absurd news and viral clips.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Esquire Interview & Showbiz Musings

Timestamps: 04:44 - 09:27

• David’s Esquire Interview: Spade shares that the Esquire editor dug deeper than most, focusing the profile around “What I’ve Learned.”
  • On opening up: “He did dig into the dad a little bit.” (05:35)
  • The challenge of being interesting versus mysterious: “Not everyone needs to know every God dang thing about you.” — David (07:17)
• On Interviews and Fame:
  • Reflection on reality TV and overexposure—“People...do anything and then they regret it for 20 years. It just follows you...” — David (06:56)
  • Dana and David riff about keeping "a little mystery" and resisting the urge to overshare.

2. Comedy Store Wipeout & Comic Camaraderie

Timestamps: 07:41 - 13:55

• Encore Disaster: Spade regales with a story about performing at the Comedy Store, accidentally orchestrating his own encore, and wiping out as he exited—injuring his neck.
  • “I do my set. Crush. Kill other people’s words. Levitate the room.” — David (07:41)
  • “This pudgy fat guy had his table stuck outside...I crack in full sprint. My knee into a table...snapped my neck. And everyone goes, ‘whoa.’” — David (11:13)
• Comic Encounters: Cameos from Bill Burr and Bobby Lee, describing Bobby as “Xanax in human form.” (09:39)

3. Weather Emergencies and Tornado Tales

Timestamps: 19:07 - 21:35

• Tornado Alert Story: Dana’s vivid retelling of being jolted awake by a real tornado warning.
  • “Tornado in your vicinity. Please, please, you know, get in a small room in your house.” — Dana (19:29)
  • “I could hear it pounding on the ceiling...it does wake me. It’s so loud.” — David (20:16)
• Weather becomes a theme, with classic banter about LA rain, tornado alley, and house-buying in “Dorothy country” (as in “The Wizard of Oz”).

4. Epstein Bit & “Guest” Interview

Timestamps: 22:03 - 24:16

• Sketch Interview: A fake “guest” claims to know where Jeffrey Epstein is. The bit is an off-the-rails improvisation featuring a “Steve” who might or might not be Epstein in disguise, complete with a magic marker mustache.
  • “You claim to know something about where Jeffrey Epstein was. Yeah. Does he look like Jeffrey Epstein?...No, he looks a little bit like...it feels like it’s Jeffrey Epstein with a mustache or something.” — Dana & David (22:10 – 22:32)
• The hosts crack up about the lack of rehearsal for these bits and joke about writing a crawl that says “no thought was put into any of these bits today.” (24:36)

5. “Buzzing Around” — Improv and Impressions

Timestamps: 25:22 - 31:20

• Impression Challenge: Sponsored by Five Hour Energy, Dana and David invent a scene where Joe Biden (as a highway patrol officer) pulls over Paul McCartney, with Michael Caine and Bad Bunny in the car.
  • Dana as McCartney: “Yes, hello, officer. This is Paul McCartney. License, registration?...I have an Arby’s takeout menu.” (26:59)
  • David, as Biden: “No joke. I’m being serious. Come on.” (27:57)
  • A parade of impressions ensues, including Dennis Miller and Bob Dylan, rapidly shifting scenarios.
• The hosts revel in the improvisation, agreeing, “Improv is the funnest, I gotta say.” — Dana (33:33)

6. Viral News, Pop Culture & Absurdity

Timestamps: 31:33 – 52:43

• Viral Streamer Face-Filter Fail: The guys riff on a Chinese streamer whose filter malfunction lost her 140,000 followers.
  • “Thoughts and prayers go out to her for losing 140 [sic], 140,000 followers. That’s a lot. If I did that, I don’t know if I’d come to work.” — David (33:16)
• Goofy Town Names & Larry King Bits: Dana channels old Larry King, riffing “Oozing Sore, Minnesota,” and “Pustule, Nevada.” (34:51)
• Stadium Naming Riffs: Discussion of corporate arena names (Crypto, Waste Management, “Constipated Stadium”) and the charm of classic names like Dodger Stadium. (36:32)
• Amusement Park Anxieties: Stories about wild rides gone wrong and Spade’s aversion to anything beyond Pirates of the Caribbean. “It’s 98% mountain, very little magic.” — David on Magic Mountain (41:27)

7. Twilight Zone Nostalgia

Timestamps: 50:33 – 52:43

• Twilight Zone Recap: Dana and David lovingly retell the "Time Enough at Last" episode, with Burgess Meredith’s iconic, tragic twist.
  • “He becomes kind of euphoric—‘Time!’—and he reaches for the book and the glasses fall off and break. ‘But I had time, I had time.’” — David (51:37)

8. UFC Clip & Live Streaming Fails

Timestamps: 54:11 – 57:25

• Viral Fight Video: The duo comment on a viral confrontation involving a brash streamer and an ex-UFC fighter, leading to a viral knockout.
  • “If that’s his hook, I wouldn’t keep doing that because it looked like a really—” — Dana (57:10)
• Wisdom for the brash youth: “You've got to know when you're around dudes that are bigger — people have a short fuse and they'll just hit you.” — David (56:03)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Mystery in Showbiz:
  “Keep a little mystery. Not everyone needs to know every God dang thing about you.”
  — David Spade (07:16)

• On Standup Mishaps:
  “I crack in full sprint, my knee into a table...snapped my neck. And everyone goes, ‘whoa.’ Like, it was so painful.”
  — David Spade (11:25)

• On Comic Camaraderie:
  “Bobby Lee is very likable and fun to hang out with...he's Xanax in human form.”
  — David Spade (09:39)

• On Viral Fame and Face Filters:
  “So I could put on a David Spade face, potentially.”
  — David Spade (32:51)

• On Magic Mountain:
  “It’s 98% mountain, very little magic.”
  — David Spade (41:27)

• On Classic TV and Improv:
  “Improv is the funnest, I gotta say.”
  — Dana Carvey (33:33)

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Additional Running Bits and Callbacks

• Signature Banter & Silliness: From low-key hair talk to fake product plugs, the duo effortlessly slides between observational comedy, old-Hollywood tangents, and outlandish improv.
• Callbacks to Previous Episodes/Guests: Mentions of Bill Burr, Bobby Lee, and references to their soon-to-be-released Eddie Vedder interview.
• Audience Engagement: Repeated reminders to send listener questions and feedback.

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Episode Timeline & Key Timestamps

| Time | Segment / Topic | |----------|-------------------------------------------------| | 04:44 | Spade’s Esquire Interview Story | | 07:41 | Comedy Store “Encore” & Wipeout | | 09:39 | Comic Encounters: Bill Burr & Bobby Lee | | 19:07 | Tornado Emergency Story | | 22:03 | Epstein “Guest” Bit | | 25:22 | “Buzzing Around” Impressions / Improv | | 31:33 | Viral Streamer & Face Filter Story | | 36:32 | Naming Rights Riffs (Stadiums) | | 40:38 | Amusement Park Anecdotes | | 50:33 | Twilight Zone, Burgess Meredith Recap | | 54:11 | UFC Clip/Live Streaming Violence |

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Overall Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, sharp, riff-driven, and delightfully absurd — a classic Carvey-Spade hour where the boundaries between structured storytelling, crowd-pleasing bits, and total improvisational chaos dissolve. The show is rich with nostalgia, industry in-jokes, gentle roasts, and the kind of freewheeling banter only long-entrenched comedy pals can deliver.

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For New Listeners

If you’re new to Fly on the Wall, this episode captures the spirit of the show: a comfortable, rolling hangout between Carvey and Spade packed with showbiz stories, off-the-cuff sketches, and the perpetual promise that anything — and everything — is fair game for a joke.

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Note:
Advertisements, sponsor reads, and formal credits have been omitted in this summary.
All quotes are accurately attributed, in original tone and language, with timestamps formatted as (MM:SS).

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

That's right. They just make good stuff. It's really religious quality stuff. You want to put it on. Quince has everyday essentials I love with quality that lasts. Okay, let's. Let's talk about them for a second. Organic cotton sweaters.

[A]

I was going to say that.

[B]

Polos for every occasion. Lighter jackets. Those are always useful in LA when it's not so cold or cold. Lighter jackets. Yep. Keep you warm in the changing seasons. The list goes on.

[A]

David, do I have to keep going what Quince does? I know what you're thinking and I'm ahead of you. They work directly with top factories. They cut out the middleman. You're not paying for brand markup. Just. Just good stuff. Everything holds up. It's daily wear. You look good. Season after doesn't fall apart in seconds like some of my stuff.

[B]

Plus, of course, they only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. Yeah, they make quality stuff.

[A]

Right. And this is what you want to grab and just keep grabbing and keep wearing over time and not worry about it pilling up and getting. You know, I have stuff. Honestly, I had socks that fell apart after three, three times. I'm like, that's not Quince. Quince knows what's up. Listen, refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com fly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too.

[B]

That's Q-U-I-N c e.com fly free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince3.com fly oh, could this vintage store be any cuter? Right? And the best part, they accept Discover.

[A]

Except Discover in a little place like this. I don't think so, Jennifer.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Huh.

[B]

Discover is accepted where I like to shop. Come on, baby.

[A]

Get with the times. Right. So we shouldn't get the parachute pants.

[B]

These are making a comeback, I think.

[A]

Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide, based on the February 2025 Nielsen report. So I do my set. Crush, kill other people's words. Levitate the room.

[B]

I heard it, I saw it. It trended. Bill Burr texted me.

[A]

Look at me. Well, the thing about me that's interesting looks cool. Well, the thing about me that's neat. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Hi. Did you guys see my squire interview yet?

[B]

Guess what? And by the way, it's the fact of the matter. Don't you know you gotta go. No joke. A joke. Joke.

[A]

I've been to Magic Mountain. Let me tell you something off the record, not so much more mountain than Magic. And it's not even close.

[B]

All right, before we get started on this very special episode, Seriously, we do have some breaking news on a gentleman who. Who claims to know where Jeff Epstein is at this time. And it's kind of shocking, and we're going to get to it in a second.

[A]

That sounds pretty serious.

[B]

We're going to get to our guests. Our guests will be here in just a few minutes.

[A]

Okay. Let's talk about our weekend first.

[B]

Okay, that's more important. But it's coming up. And it's coming up. Stick around. You'll be happy when you stick around. You're not going to. You're not going to see this coming. No.

[A]

Yeah. So, Dana. Yeah? What?

[B]

Selfie.

[A]

A selfie of yourself?

[B]

No, of you. I took your side.

[A]

Oh, your hair looks pretty cool today.

[B]

Well, I was trying to. I want. People ask me about my hair a lot, you know?

[A]

What's your hair story?

[B]

What's your hair story? Is that. Well, two things. One is there's a lot of noise in my brain. I mean, you're kind of quiet in there. Right? Right. You're not. You're not neurotic like I am or you are. I'm not sure. But. So I want my hair to represent. If it's super combed. It feels like it doesn't represent what's going on. Insomnia.

[A]

Oh, I get it. Yeah. I agree with you. I like people that have the hair all messy.

[B]

Plus, when I was 10 years old, I'd see the Beatles during the hard days night or whatever, and they always had deconstructed hair. They never had severe parts. And look at my hair. So those are the two things I got.

[A]

Sometimes they had those bangs at the beginning that were pretty.

[B]

That was kind of revolutionary in a way to do the bowl, cut the bangs forward. I know. It's so weird, right?

[A]

I know. But now I do it all the time.

[B]

You've got your look down.

[A]

No, I like my hair today because we did it yesterday. I did a interview for Esquire. I don't know. When is that coming out, Heather? I don't know. I don't know. You learn most of it here.

[B]

Are you making. Making a move?

[A]

I mean, I hear, am I making money moves?

[B]

Well, are you just making a move or in the ladder of show business, are you making moves? Are you shaking the tree? I mean, what's this Esquire magazine profile?

[A]

It was actually good. This is the editor of Esquire. He sat down, he knew. He read my book. He saw the last special, and he's like, let's get into it. But it got a little deeper than normal.

[B]

Well, what would be the byline? What's going to be the thing? David Spade, you know, what is it going to be, you think?

[A]

I mean, we. I'm sort of an open book. Anyway, we know all my dumb stories. So he did dig into the dad a little bit.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

The whole thing is called what I've Learned. So I don't know. I didn't know that ahead of time because I didn't tell anything.

[B]

Oh, that's kind of. Yeah. A little more profound or something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He did ask me, what would I

[B]

have tell your younger.

[A]

What's the first line of my obituary? I don't like death. Stuff like that. But I.

[B]

Well, Merv Griffins was the greatest. The talk show host from the 70s. I won't be right back. That's on his tombstone because he always

[A]

says, we'll be right back.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah. He asked me what I would tell my twerpy self.

[B]

Oh, go back in time. Sounds kind of interesting. Did they record you and then they're going to print what you said or is it going to be interpreted now?

[A]

It was a live interview with. And it was in black and white, even though I wore a sweater that really popped.

[B]

That's kind of hip.

[A]

Yeah. And so I. Oh, yeah. What's. Oh, I guess you'll have to see what my big line was. I had to make up.

[B]

Well, have you got a banger, as I call them, or a trender, or is it going to be noisy? Is it. Are we going to see some Daily Mail? I mean, that was Burt Reynolds thing. The worst sin in show business is to be boring.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No matter what. We didn't get that memo, did we?

[A]

Falling into that. Yeah. Well, it's also. You see these people that want to be famous and they get on like a reality show and they'll do anything and then they regret it for the next 20 years. It just follows you and they don't realize at the time. Don't be saying everything on your mind at all times. Don't be filming it. Don't be.

[B]

Keep a little mystery.

[A]

Yes, it's good to have A little. Not everyone needs to know every God dang thing about you.

[B]

God dang it. Yeah. Dab nabbit.

[A]

I hate to sound. I hate to use those words.

[B]

Hate to sound like a TV cowboy from 1958. Go. Dang it. Come on now, Duke.

[A]

Dagnabbit is a good one.

[B]

Dagnabit. Yeah, that's Bugs Bunny, I think.

[A]

Oh, you can send. Oh, send a picture. Maybe Heather will send Greg a picture. We'll put it up of the interview, even though it's not that exciting. But anyway, the guy was super cool. I liked him. And I will tell you what I wiped out last night at the Comedy Store. These count as stories that are unremarkable. But I have my neck issues. I'm feeling good. I'm heading on the road today. So I do my set. Crush. Kill other people's words. Levitate the room.

[B]

I heard it. I saw it trended. Bill. Bill Burr. Te me.

[A]

Oh, dude, I was walking out and Bill Burr was walking in.

[B]

Oh, really? The thing about pickles. You know what drives me absolutely nuts? Microphones. What do you need a microphone? Get a megaphone. Just talk. Talk loud.

[A]

How about that?

[B]

We're such pussies.

[A]

We need a microphone. There's 30 people here. What do you need?

[B]

You know what drives me out of my mind?

[C]

Or d'?

[B]

Oeuvres? What's a hors d'? Oeuvre?

[C]

What?

[A]

You know what? I don't like how they spell it. You got apostrophe in there and some.

[B]

Oh. Oh, no.

[A]

Oh, stop. The riff is here. What? Look at me. Well, the thing about me that's interesting.

[B]

Looks cool.

[A]

Well, the thing about me that's neat. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[B]

Well, the fact is, black and white now, that they buy you the clothes. Or were those your own clothes that happen to be.

[A]

It was my clothes. It looks like a T neck. It is not.

[B]

Oh, it's not a mock tea neck, obviously, but is it. What's the real color of that sweater?

[A]

Blue, of course. Oh, most of my shit's blue.

[B]

Well, you look. It makes you look kind of like classic, like sort of iconic. I think it's very cool.

[A]

Clooney, they say. A lot of. A lot of people are saying it.

[B]

Many people are saying. They're talking about Clooney. George Clooney. George Clooney as a very. He's not very good actor, you know. You know, Trump took.

[A]

I know. I like doing Bill Burr as funny because it's so funny. He was on the set. We had a lot of people there. Last night, Bobby Lee was there acting nuts. Bobby Lee is very likable and fun to hang out with.

[B]

Oh, yeah, he's human. He's Xanax in human form. I mean, you're gonna get very happy and relaxed, I guess so. I don't think it was such a

[A]

disheveled night when I got off. So Annie Letterman is there. She goes, you either bring up me or Bobby Lee. And I'm like, I don't like this because then I got to finish and I got to be the MC and go, all right, you're next. Act fine, you know, but. And I don't know. So I go, all right, Then I'm finished. Instead of, like, I gave him my big razzle dazzle ending. And then I go, all right. And then I go, wait, who's next? And then I go, who am I bringing up? Stick your head out of the curtain so I could see. No one's there. All right.

[B]

Oh, one of those things. Show.

[A]

Is the show gonna keep going or no? And no one's there. I go, this show is such a disaster. So then I go, encore. So I walk back and do more, and then.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Then I hear Bobby go, all right, it's me. I'm here now. And I go, so I've got to

[B]

get out of here. What are you talking about, an encore?

[A]

I know. I made my own encore.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. Why are we standing? Please.

[A]

It wasn't really an encore, but I had to keep going. So then I went to leave, and I walked around, and I have to cut through the side of the crowd. And this pudgy fat guy had his table stuck outside.

[B]

Isn't that redundant? There's a type of fat guy, okay,

[A]

this sort of overweight factor.

[B]

Yeah, I gotcha.

[A]

And so I'm walking straight down to the exit. It's along the edge, but you don't want to steal from the show, you know? So I go down, and he's like this. And he's got his table, these little square tables, and it's pitch black, you know, the Comedy Store. Black tables, black room. You can't see.

[B]

I know, it's weird.

[A]

And I'm hustling through, and I crack in full sprint. My knee into a table. And that wasn't the biggest pain. It spun me around and snapped my neck. And everyone goes, whoa. Like, it was so painful.

[B]

Oh, it was that hard. And I was the audience.

[A]

Oh, my God, my neck. And then I was like, couldn't care less about my legs because they're tough as but the neck was like, oh, fragile glass.

[B]

I'd like to see you hit. And then do a full 360 spin on the Comedy Store floor.

[A]

And then the guy was like, hey, buddy, what are you laughing at? You caused this accident. Yeah. I went,

[B]

I don't know if folks at home know that, you know, say it's kind of a. An effeminate sport. Me have microphone to say funny things, but you can get wounded. You can really. I had a brain scan once after falling off the stage at the laboratory, the little improv room.

[A]

The lab at the improv well, because

[B]

it was a one foot thing and they had a piano over there and it's pitch black.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I went down and there was hard surfaces. So I was in a killing cage. I was doing the church, like, well, isn't that special? And then I was in a killing cage. So I, I went outside into the driveway, whatever, out there. And the guy came out and I go, am I ok? Okay? Like, do I look okay? Like, was I bleeding? But I had a migraine. Next day, brain scan came back negative.

[A]

What a puss. He went to get a mic from mri.

[B]

I like, I like brain scans. I mean, call me crazy, but they get you in that machine. Yeah. So, you know, sometimes after this podcast, I get a brain scan at the local hospital just because. Because you drive me nuts.

[A]

Yeah, it's true. I heard the bouncer say, I was there when happened to Dana? We went outside, his hair was a little down on Final Net, but other than that, it was fine.

[B]

Yeah. Isn't that a spray?

[A]

Final Net hairspray. There you go. I, you know, I. I drenched my hairspray. Anyway, I got out of there somehow. Of course, I stole focus from the show. I was like, oh, is he okay?

[B]

Scared.

[A]

I walk out and it starts pissing. Pouring rain on me, on my beautiful hair. I was like, oh, okay, it can't get worse. It can. But I walked in the rain like a tough guy.

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

My $28.

[B]

Hold on a second. Get David umbrella for his birthday.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I'm not only to carry umbrellas.

[B]

Who needs an umbrella? You don't try, guy. Get wet. Yeah, get a rain jacket with a hood. What, you need a Mary popping stick on your hand?

[A]

What, are you gonna fly around the Comedy Store? What?

[B]

Chim Chim? A raincoat with a hood on the top. Drives, you mean?

[A]

Man, go work on your car.

[B]

Don't drive me nuts.

[A]

Everything's driving me up a wall.

[B]

And speaking of walls, what the is with walls? Why do you need one?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, I think it creates a room. Get the out of my face. Wait, just stay on your side.

[A]

Who needs a wall?

[B]

Yeah, walls.

[A]

He did come in drenched. He was super wet.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

There's even Gruhn's kids was get this. 21 plus essential vitamins and 60 plus ingredients including nutrient dense and whole foods to support immunity and development.

[A]

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[B]

Wayfair.

[A]

From bedding to mattresses to storage solutions for every room in the house, Wayfair's your one stop shop. You can pop your living room with accent pillows, mirrors. Mirrors. I have a lot of mirrors.

[B]

Faux. Faux plants.

[A]

Oh yeah, you have a faux plant. That's right.

[B]

Is it, is it, is it or is it.

[A]

We don't know. It's so real looking look.

[B]

Yeah. You guys should actually everybody here check out Wayfair.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, go to their site because I've been looking around and it's really good stuff. That's. I know I sound like I'm doing a different pitch but it's not that expensive. But it's really cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm looking at a sort of a chaise lounge or a little cloth, a little couch, Bedding and bath basics. Bedding, mattresses. And for you, David, towels. Because I know you have one of those, like you have in a public restroom, air dryer, you don't have towels.

[A]

So I put my hair and towel like this and I walk around the house like I'm in a 60s movie, like Doris Day.

[B]

I did that in Opportunity Knocks.

[A]

Everything was an opportunity.

[B]

Everything was. So, yeah, you can get stuff for your kids room, you know, get them, get them on track.

[A]

This year you got, you. You got storage for every space you got. Storing for outdoor furniture, bathroom, Getting organized. Kitchen.

[B]

Kitchen stuff. Yeah.

[A]

A lot of people work from home, so you got those setups. You get desks, chairs, bookcases, fake backdrops. Get a nice bookcase.

[B]

And for you, accent pillows. Because I know those are big in your life.

[A]

I take the accent pillow and then I karate chop it to make it look like that.

[B]

I know. And they think you're joking, but you're not.

[A]

I'm serious. It's very convenient. They have everything you want. They got a huge selection of home decor items. It's easy to find what's right for you. Yeah, you were looking. What are you looking for? Chaise lounges?

[B]

Well, I was looking for just a little, A little couch or a chaise lounge. And then I, I just saw like 20 different options. So I'm going to order one probably today.

[A]

So you look, you see, it's easy to find.

[B]

Look, you see. Yeah, anything you want. You can navigate their site very easily. And like I said, it's. It seems like high quality stuff for a very reasonable price. So I check.

[A]

I always hear about it and now I know more about it. But it's the place to go. Listen, get organized, get refreshed, get back on track this year for way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style. Every home.

[B]

Every home. I won't be as funny as your story, but midnight, two nights ago, something like that, right? Asleep. This comes on, you know, you know, when it's. It's an emergency alert. I had the ringer off. Emergency alert. Tornado, tornado in your vicinity. Tornado. Tornado. Tornado. Tornado in your vicinity. Please, please, you know, get in a small room in your house.

[A]

So that scarier than anything?

[B]

Well, the idea, yeah. Tornadoes landed maybe 10 miles away. It's heading our way. And there's lightning and noise and rain. And then I'm just checking every second for. Because I love, I love the math of it. The radar, where it's heading, it's going east. It's sliding down. And then the sky just lights up just like. It's like there's reporters out in front of the door. I opened it up and like, just lightning. Blinding light. Yeah. And just rumbling, rumbling, you know, And I thought, wow, Spade's so relaxed down there. And Loganga's.

[A]

Yeah, juicy. I'm like this. But I could hear it pounding on the ceiling. And it does wake me. It's so loud. The rain lately has been so loud.

[B]

Well, it's not even a joke. We watched Hannah and your sisters earlier in the evening. My wife and I was Woody Allen. So then, as this was happening, just to calm everyone down, I was like, yeah, sure, great. You know, that's all I need is a tornado. You know, I gotta be, you know, Dorothy, going to see the munchkins. No, it was a wonderful tornado. It's just like, I like to be

[A]

terra firma, you know, and don't mean to be didactic or facetious, but it's

[B]

a bit of a breeze. Don't we mean to be iridiculous? But. That's our second Mary Poppins.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

If we do three, then we have lottery winners on our show.

[A]

I'm gonna make Bill Burr listen to this just to see what he's missing. And he'll go, we'll talk like that.

[B]

Well, remind him that it was I. It was a character I did before I knew Bill. It was from the 90s. No matter what it was about east coast comedians who. Who harbor, like, anger comedy, which they're hysterical throughout history, and then they get rich and famous, and they have to kind of think of something that would make them.

[A]

It's funny. He's so calm and normal backstage.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And Bill Burr, if you ever run into him, folks, no matter what, if you start talking about it, just say, who is your favorite drummer? It's over. Yeah. 20 minutes.

[A]

Drums. And he likes drums.

[B]

Drums. Yeah.

[A]

So he's the coolest. Oh, yeah. Should we check in with that breaking news yet or not?

[B]

Yeah. Our guest has actually arrived. He's in the green room. Is that right, Craig?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Guests in the green room. Okay, let's see. Oh, here. He's coming in sort of a back way.

[A]

This guy knows something about Epstein.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, boy. Okay.

[B]

Hello. Hello, everybody. I'm so glad to be on your show. Well, hi. What? So you. You claim to know something about where Jeffrey Epstein was. Yeah. Does he look like Jeffrey Epstein?

[A]

No. He looks a little bit like. It feels like it's Jeffrey Epstein with a mustache or something.

[B]

Ridiculous. Jeffrey Epstein does not have a mustache, last I checked. Idiot. You.

[A]

Oh, wait, that's a little harsh. I'm the host. Come on.

[B]

Hey, come on. What is your name? What is your name?

[A]

Yeah, what's your name?

[B]

Steve. Steve. So why, why should we listen to you? Why would you have any idea where Jeffrey Epstein is? I don't know. Oh, you. Could you have any money on you?

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

You want money?

[A]

Well, I thought he had so much.

[B]

I want some money. Wait a minute. Who is this? David Spade? Yeah, I heard about the Esquire cover. You look.

[A]

You did already?

[B]

Yeah. Shits out everywhere.

[A]

Oh, it was a pretty fun interview.

[B]

At least Dan Agarno is an idiot. But you know, I don't look like Jeffrey Epstein.

[A]

No, you don't. Now that I think you don't. He was. He was.

[B]

He does not have a mustache.

[A]

No, he doesn't. This is insanity.

[B]

So why would anybody think that I am Jeffrey Epstein? But I do know where he is.

[A]

Well, where is he and why? What is he up to?

[B]

Well, it was a long night at the jail and some people woke me up and said, hey, you want to go for a ride? Jeffrey Epstein? Of people think, oh, wait a minute, that wasn't me. Jeffrey Epstein doesn't have a mustache. David Spade. Why are you crazy thinking I'm Jeffrey Epstein when he never had a mustache?

[A]

I understand. Should we come back to this or should we.

[B]

I just want one more question.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Are you. Are you in witness protection?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that what you are? Witness protection? I gotta go. So anyway, that was our guest today.

[A]

Oh, he said he's gotta go. I thought he said he had a goal instead.

[B]

Soccer goal. I want to remind the audience that David and I do not rehearse these bits.

[A]

Yeah, there's not possible.

[B]

I just had my friend Marker Sean make me a Jeffrey Epstein, and with black Magic marker, I made a mustache.

[A]

We should have a crawl at the bottom that says there was no thought put into any of these bits today.

[B]

There's no effort or thought.

[A]

No, it is. There's effort. We did a good job.

[B]

No, no, absolutely. I like.

[A]

Now if you're in your car, if you don't see it, it's a little trickier.

[B]

But it was a gentleman who looked like Jeffrey Epstein, identical twin, but had a mustache, and was very upset that we even suggested he could be Jeffrey Epstein.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So we do have any other stories in the weekend or should we get to some news or. What do you got?

[B]

Really just the storms and, you know, I mean, I just stuff I was in Hell Angeles for a few days.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Do you want to do Buzzing Around?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Do you have it in you to do Buzzing Around?

[B]

Absolutely. I've always. I've always got to do. I keep doing that voice now. I can't get out of it.

[A]

Okay, we're gonna do Buzzing Around.

[B]

Buzzing Around.

[A]

This is. It's sponsored by Five Hour Energy, as we know and is the return of their confetti craze flavor. Bring big birthday energy wherever you go with this plan. Your confetti craze party at www5hourenergy.com or Amazon. Available now. Okay, so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give you a scenario.

[B]

A scenario can go wherever it wants.

[A]

Yeah. And then you just make up a bunch of stupid stuff. It's. It's got impressions. This is going to be Joe Biden as a highway patrol. And.

[B]

Okay, he's going to.

[A]

Yeah, he's going to pull over Paul McCartney. And there will be Michael Caine in the car. There will be Bad Bunny, fresh off the super bowl in the car. And I'll work on my Bad Bunny and anyone else that can fit in the car. If there is anyone else, it doesn't matter.

[B]

I'll see where I go. Some thoughts.

[A]

Go.

[B]

How'd it go? Let's roll out the window. Oh, you do the window effect. Roll down the window. Well, I love that. You just go right into it and don't even think.

[A]

That's okay.

[B]

Yes, hello, officer. This is Paul McCartney. License, registration. Wait a minute. What are you doing as a highway patrolman? You know, I thought you. You're the ex president of the United States of America.

[A]

Yeah. That's shocking.

[B]

She get out? She thought I should get out and have a job. No joke. I'm not getting around here. Come on, folks. Well, I don't, you know, I'm just Here, Here is my friend Michael Caine. And bad bunnies in the back. So I don't really have license and registration. It's in Liverpool. But I do have. I have an Arby's takeout menu. That too. A takeout at Arby's. Come on. That'll do.

[A]

Good.

[B]

They got the beef. Hey, we've got around here.

[A]

I can't believe Biden knows. They've got the beef.

[B]

They got the beef. No joke. I'm being serious. Come on.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Hey, Michael Caine. Oh, Michael K. I don't know what I'm doing here and I've got a bloody driver's license. But Paul McCartney wouldn't let me drive right? Bad bunny.

[A]

Careful.

[B]

Comma star. Senor biden. Hey, I speak ola. I speak spanish.

[A]

I speak hola.

[B]

I like you people. They all are. Perm rights. Yeah, Joel and I got married in. Que pasa?

[A]

Come on.

[B]

You know I don't speak all this stuff, but you seem like a good man. Who's the. Where's the bad bunny? I am the bad bunny. Come on. There is a bad bunny.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

I am the bad bunny. Right? Bob Dylan. Hey, hey, Policeman. Policeman. Talking. Talking strange, kind of crazy policeman.

[C]

No.

[B]

Come on. Guess what? And by the way, the fact of the matter is. Everybody guess what? And by the way, the fact of the matter is. Guess what? By the way, the fact of the matter is.

[A]

Good job.

[B]

Oh, wait. Here comes a motorcycle policeman. Dennis Miller. Christ sakes, you got a cavalcade of stars on here. What are the odds that McCartney would be gallivanting across the world in an Oldsmobile with that kind of motley crew back there, right? David Spade.

[A]

Hi. Did you guys see my Esquire interview yet?

[B]

And scene.

[A]

Okay, good. I didn't know I was gonna be in it.

[B]

That's Five Hour Energy, man. That's a lot of energy. By the way, that was. See how my things are all brightly.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

My five.

[A]

That's unbelievable.

[B]

Look at that.

[A]

Looks like a professional that was buzzing around with Dana Carvey. Sponsored by 5R Energies. Confetti craze flavor backed by popular demand. Confetti Craze tastes like the best birthday cake ever with its rich, buttery and vanilla e flavors. Since 5R energy shots are tiny and resealable, it's easy to take to a birthday anywhere you go.

[B]

Sweet. It is.

[A]

Plan your Confetti grace party at www.5our energy.com or Amazon. It's available now. That was good. I like that. Biden knows a lot of stuff.

[B]

I know. And it's interesting in his post presidency that he would go through the academy and become a highway patrolman and have

[A]

the focus to do it. And also that Paul McCartney probably could write a song about that, about his little catchphrases.

[B]

And by the way, guess what? And by the way, it's the fact of the matter, don't you know you gotta go. No jokey, joke, joke.

[A]

I see.

[B]

Yeah. That was like four, no. 1. Kind of rippy rip.

[A]

Yeah. So we did that. And we'll get to some.

[B]

We're clicking them off stories.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was funny. I liked it.

[B]

I enjoyed it because I like the idea of those people in one little Scene together.

[A]

I like just hearing what you're gonna say.

[B]

I. My bad bunny. I'm gonna work on it.

[A]

No, I like K. Pazo. We got married there.

[B]

Yeah. Improv is the funnest, I gotta say.

[A]

Okay, what else? Let's see. Let's give me a news story, and we'll jump right into these big stories. These nonsensical stories we had our storm, turns out, are usually never true, but that's fine.

[B]

Okay, here we go.

[A]

Oh, Shocking. A Chinese female. Oh. Streamer reportedly lost a bunch of followers. Oh, her. Her filter on her.

[B]

Oh, popping off. Oh, she had a filter and the filter popped off and she. She looked like she years old or something. Oh. Oh, she has a face filter. Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow, that's intense. So I could put on a David Spade face of potential.

[A]

She looks still pretty, just different.

[B]

Yeah, just different.

[A]

She's a tan.

[B]

Yeah. She looks fine in both, but I guess.

[A]

But you can put on filters. I guess you just don't know. I mean, I feel like if you're on Instagram and you're making money and people are clicking on you could just be like, oh, this is a character. It's a super pretty character that will make money, because what are the chances you're ever gonna meet the actual person or find out for real what anyone looks like? So who knows?

[B]

Could I do an AI face that looked like every character I just did, like, identical. Like Paul McCartney saw King.

[A]

You might be able to put that. Yeah, Kyle Donegan does stuff like that.

[B]

He's got. I know, but his swap thing, he does it. But it's probably more sophisticated now.

[A]

Yeah, it probably gets better every week, every hour. AI's taking over. But. Yeah. So thoughts and prayers go out to her for losing 140 followers.

[B]

Okay, 40,000.

[A]

140,000. That's a lot. Actually, if I did that, I don't know if I'd come to work.

[B]

If you lost followers, I would crawl up into a ball.

[A]

Oh, yeah. You know what? You'd feel so bad. You'd probably finally follow me.

[B]

Don't. Do I follow you?

[A]

I can't remember. You're like, we're not there yet. Let's take it slow.

[B]

Yeah. I'm just sort of unintentionally mysterious. But that's all right.

[A]

When you meet people, Dana, you've never run into this because you're out there in the tornadoes. But when you're like, Backstage Alley. Yeah. We bought the house in Dorothy country.

[B]

Yeah. Why is this house so cheap? Well, I don't know, it just is. It's not in Tornado Alley, is it? Oh, don't be ridiculous.

[A]

If you move to a place called Twister Meadows, there might be a tornado.

[B]

If you move to a town called Flying Furniture, Dakota, you just might meet a tornado.

[A]

If you move to a town called Temporary Town, there might be in the Tornado Alley.

[B]

If you move to a town called Oozing Sore, Minnesota, you might have people with ambulatory injuries on a consistent face.

[A]

We switched it.

[B]

I know. I switched it from to Oozing Sore.

[A]

I like it

[B]

now. That's an old Larry King bit. I used to do that when he would talk, you know, Roanoke, Virginia, the towns, they would sound like diseases. Creeping Rash, Minnesota, you're on. You know, Oozing Sore, Nebraska, Pustule, Nevada. Pustule's good. Pustule. That's right.

[A]

That's a gross one. Because one time someone said to me, three in a row, I have a boil on my arm. I go, sick. They go, no, it's a goiter. I go, swerve. They go, no, like a pustule.

[B]

I go, when did they make their way to the word hunchback? From a postule goiter into a hunchback. That's.

[A]

Hi, Gary Goiter. How are you? That's a. That's a bad last name.

[B]

I would change my name if that man was Gary. Go.

[A]

Remember what happened to Gary Glitter? Who was Gary Glitter?

[B]

Gary Glitter was in the band the Glitteronis.

[A]

Yeah, that's a spin off of SpaghettiOs. No, he was.

[B]

Oh, that guy

[A]

squatting was stuck to every game.

[B]

Oh, man. Does he get a piece of that for every game?

[A]

Yeah, but he got involved in some stuff. Okay, we'll leave it at that. So he got in trouble.

[B]

Ethereum.

[A]

We'll leave it to the comment section. Figure out.

[B]

I love where these arenas are named after crypto. And crypto drops way down on the arena. They have to actually try to shrink it. That's really complicated to make it look not so important, you know what, the

[A]

crypto or the arena?

[B]

Well, if it's like crypto arena, and then crypto goes away, they have to, like, turn crypto into a different word. So the crew goes up there and they rearrange the letters and it spells toe cripe. And it's just not the same.

[A]

No, I think. I don't.

[B]

I'm drowning in this.

[A]

I don't like naming arenas. I'm helping because I like, you know, I like the Dodger Stadium. I like, you know when they say, like, tiger, name of the team, Soldier Field, just cool. And then they turn it into, like, Target Center.

[B]

Bill's Sanitation Center.

[A]

Arizona has that waste management.

[B]

I know, I know. Waste Management Arena.

[A]

Well, it used to be called, like, the garbage Cannery or something. Like, you go, come on, guys.

[B]

But I think the one that was the worst is the Constipated Stadium. It's in East Texas. It's like a 70,000. Yeah. Welcome to Constipated Stadium.

[A]

And today's game, it's ironically in Diarrheaville, Texas.

[B]

If you live in Diarrheaville, Texas, you just might have to stay close to an outhouse. Capiche? If you.

[A]

Jeff Foxy. I did Jeff Foxley on snl, and I was. I was the Ebola virus.

[B]

Oh, that's right, you did do them.

[A]

Go ahead, people, if you are. And then I. I don't know. I can't remember it.

[B]

But if you dab a daba dabada, you just might be the Ebola virus. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's what I was doing. That was a Weekend Update bit. All right, one more story and then we'll do Two more after 48, okay? Mm. Oh, this is Colin. Joe's from SNL. He's at the Olympics.

[B]

Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay, let's see what he says. Oh, he did the bobsled with a

[B]

very gifted driver, thankfully, Brian Burkhorn. And, oh, I was not prepared for the level of terror of this box.

[A]

Look at how fast they go.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Going to die. Yeah.

[A]

And they mic you, too, which is horrible.

[B]

That's wild. I thought my bones were going to fly off my body and be littered all up.

[A]

He was not ready.

[B]

He was. Literally thought it'd be like Disneyland or

[A]

something, but look at how rough it is.

[B]

Well, they go at eight miles an hour, right.

[A]

I would be bawling my head off.

[B]

How did he not know, though? Well, I guess until you're in the sled and going, you know.

[A]

Well, because he's in a production meeting, they're like, it'd be fun. Jump on the bobs that go down like a toboggan. He's like, all right, I could probably do that. Okay. Sign these waivers, these death waivers.

[B]

I don't know if I'm much of a thrill seeker. I was once at the. Doing this corporate date, and there was a West Virginia or something, and there was a gigantic brand new roller coaster coaster, but it was like triple, triple upside down. It was bigger than Godzilla. It was just huge. And local news, like. And Dana Carvey, the church lady is going to take a ride on this beauty. And I wasn't looking forward to it, you know.

[A]

Oh, you said you would do it

[B]

is the maiden voyage, you know, they had, they hadn't been test out. So I'm going, okay, all right, I'll do it. What the fuck? You know? And then they go up, the temperature is too low. We. We can't go because it might stick.

[A]

It was so cold.

[B]

It was cold. But it, it dropped Suddenly to like whatever, 42 or 30 something. It dropped and we couldn't go. And I had to pretend, the Lord pretend that I was disappointed. Oh, I wanted to go, man.

[A]

Dude, all you need. Like I did the roundup when I was a kid where you stick to the walls and then the floor drops out and you're spinning and I'm like just trying to be cool with everyone. I go, nope, no, more like it is so I don't need that amount of scare in my body. It's like you're almost getting in a crash, that fear, but for like four minutes.

[B]

Why do people know? Because I did that with my sister in law when she was like 10 years old at Magic Mountain. And you go in a room and there's a floor and you're all up against the wall. It's circular. If people know about this flag, it starts going round and round and round

[A]

to the point where thick enough you're

[B]

pinned against the wall because the centrifugal force is so extreme you're already nauseous and have a headache. And then the floor slowly goes away. So you're just on the wall going, it's like, no.

[A]

Then it goes like this. Dana, it starts tilting. Now you're going like this.

[B]

Oh, I don't know if mine.

[A]

Like I'm in a dryer. I'm like, you're joking. This cannot be legal.

[B]

But the 10 year old was the time neve. She bounced out of there like happy. And I was really sick for like at least an hour.

[A]

People that say, I've been a magic mountain. Let me tell you something off the record, not so much more mountain than magic. And it's not even close. It's 98% mountain, very little magic.

[B]

I'm just. If I go to Pirates of Caribbean and has that little teeny thing, but everything is environmental and there's puppets talking at me. I'm happy, but I have enough stress to. I don't want to go upside down or be dropped a thousand feet.

[A]

I even did the fucking teacups. The teacher Heather showed it to me, that's it. It's terrifying. She just found it looks like you're in a air filter.

[B]

Okay. Is there a picture we can show?

[A]

She can send it. It'll. It'll, like, interrupt the next story.

[B]

No, but it was.

[A]

We'll come back and show everyone how sick it is. People know when they go on these rides, you don't need it. And if you hurt yourself. Well, I always show on my Instagram. I'm on some algo where it's like, ride fails. And I'm like, that's a little light of a term to show 300 people dying. Like, they do one of these things and it just unhooks, and they all fly in the air and smash. And everyone's like.

[B]

But when it does get stuck and it's 400ft in the air and everyone has to get out of the middle

[A]

teacup and go down or stuck upside down.

[B]

It's just when it gets stuck, a mechanical thing. But as a kid, it was the county fair where the carnies and the gypsies would come in and set up the thing the day before. So a lot of the rides would just fall apart in real time. Hi, Mommy. Hi, Daddy.

[A]

No chance.

[B]

No chance.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

I got the teacups. Got the tea cups.

[A]

Let's put those D cups in the teacups.

[B]

What's the next thing you go on? Tom Sawyer's Island. Is that what it is? Go one of those case.

[A]

I like how Dennis goes very quiet.

[B]

Dennis is crying. Okay. Carving. That sounds like fun. You take a little ride and go Tom Sawyer's island with the. The draw bridge where you see Winnie the. The. The mute greet you.

[A]

Hey, here's Glico. He lives under the sink. Survey says Thorzine. All right, let's see.

[B]

You should have Dennis on.

[A]

I know. We gotta get him on.

[B]

We gotta get him on.

[A]

It's hard to make him live up to what he sounds like all the time. One of my favorite things we've ever created for this podcast was a set of custom T shirts for our team. Remember that? We had the hoodies. We had the sweats. When that arrived, I remember seeing everyone put it on, thinking, this is really happening. We're a small business now.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

It's one of those small moments that makes all the hard work feel worth it. And vistaprint made it effortless.

[B]

Look at these.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Running a podcast is like running any small business. You're juggling a million things at once. You're juggling Dana and all his stuff. And this and that and this. With Dana and his problems, vistaprint helps take the stress out of looking professional. From branded apparel to merch for listeners, stickers, mugs or even signage for live events, they make it simple to bring your vision to life.

[B]

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[C]

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[A]

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[C]

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[A]

Okay, what is this? I can't read it. What does it say?

[B]

See, I can get it. Calais is a trained oh cute dog. Can detect cancer by scent.

[A]

No, cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer. A little too excited about cancer. What a cute dog though. So aside from not liking dogs walking on like hardwood with their nails, I like this video because they put all these things out and the dog goes right to Like a little.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's traditionally sort of a little bit sad or dark. A story about cancer. But then the dog lifted it into. Yeah, Joy.

[A]

You know, they should have that dog just walk around the airport or just walk around, you know, anywhere. A mall. Go to the grove. And then dog walks up to you and points and you're like, oh, fuck. Is this the cancer?

[B]

Okay. Sakes. Whoever thought of the. The phrase man's best friend had it going. You know, starting to sniff out things that are negative and will kind of guard you at night.

[A]

They go, does this guy have cancer? No, no. Our just cocaine.

[B]

Well, they do. They do. They smell everything. Yeah. And each other. Okay, Another idea.

[A]

Yeah. They like to smell butts. That's where they lost me.

[B]

And they cannot lie.

[A]

I like smelling butts. And I can't not lie. These other brothers can't dent.

[B]

And I'm sprung. And I get home.

[A]

Oh, I like that. You know that. Let's get strong.

[B]

Oh, no. I mean, that is might be the greatest hip hop song.

[A]

It's catchy.

[B]

It's the catchiest song. One of the catchiest songs.

[A]

Oh, okay. What's next? So beat up for my big incident.

[B]

Yeah, I just was running and gunning for the last six days.

[A]

I'm doing good, though. I don't even know what this is. Let's just see. Okay. Let's let it play.

[B]

She'd be willing to do this.

[D]

They'll pay you $2.3 million. And all you have to do is live alone in this cabin near Lake Superior.

[A]

That's Dana's house.

[D]

The cabin is located right on the lake, surrounded by endless water and trees. Inside, it's.

[A]

There's no way.

[B]

This is a living room, a small

[D]

kitchen, a bedroom, and a bathroom window facing the lake. The rules are simple. You can't leave the cabin beyond 1000.

[A]

This is Dana's life.

[B]

So, no computer. That's me.

[A]

No phone.

[D]

At first, it feels like paradise. The calm water, the breeze, and the silence. But by day 10, you'll realize that the quiet and vastness become overwhelming. In the last challenge, someone lasted 11 days.

[A]

Dana's lasted three days.

[B]

Not with 2.3 million.

[D]

The hardest part wasn't the silence itself. It was hearing only the water in my own breathing.

[B]

They filmed this thing at my house? To your point? Yeah, I do. I lease it out.

[A]

Okay, that's enough.

[D]

So here's the question.

[A]

Could you do it?

[B]

Well, what's the override? Do it well. You're not starving. You're not Hungry. You're just in an isolated.

[A]

You can't sound so dumb. Because you see the guy that lived in the Rock last week on the show.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, yeah. Sitting in a. That'd be a chip shot for him to just sit in a mansion.

[A]

I could almost do that.

[B]

I thought it was gonna be that there was tides or something. The water up and you have to swim and save yourself or tread water.

[A]

I mean, for that much money. I mean, if I couldn't have, like. If I could only bring a couple things, I'd bring a couple of my movies, a couple of my magazine articles

[B]

and some of your eight by tens to look at. Yeah, some of the.

[A]

Those are in my earthquake kit. I have eight by tens.

[B]

For some reason of yourself,

[A]

Just so the environment will get me sooner.

[B]

I would just say the people with the 2.3. If that's after tax, call us. Call us. We'll go. We'll podcast from there.

[A]

I'll do it. I actually. You would last longer than me on, actually, any of these shows. You could do Survivor, probably, if I

[B]

had a stack of books or I could watch TV or something. I mean, watch some old movies and read books.

[A]

Tell me if you remember this Twilight Zone. A guy stuck in an island, but it's covered in books. And what happens right at the end of the episode? He drops his glasses and they break.

[B]

Well, are you, you know the actual episode?

[A]

That's the one I kind of remembered.

[B]

Okay, real quick, just for the Twilight Zone.

[A]

Do you know what it is?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Burgess Meredith.

[A]

Yeah, he's gonna hoist your poem in it.

[B]

God, we gotta do that on the buzzing around.

[A]

Okay, good remind.

[B]

He just says it's Burgess Meritus. So Burgess Meredith does a Twilight Zone where he's kind of a nerd that reads all the time at the bank. What are you reading for? Jensen? Put the book down. He never can read. His wife yells at him. All you want to do is read. So then for some reason, he has to go check the vault downstairs in the bank. You know, it gets inside there. There's an nuclear apocalypse.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So he comes up. He comes up and it's just. Nobody's around, and it's just. It's isolated. Nothing. And he's really disturbed. But then they kind of cut to him a little while later. He's got a stack of books like 10ft High next to him, and he's saying, ike, I have time now. Time to read. So he becomes kind of euphoric time. And he reaches for the book and the Glasses fall off and break. But I had time. I had time. And then it comes. Picture, if you will, a guy who will eventually play the trainer of Rocky in hit movies. Here in this shitbox show we like to call the Twilight the Great Show.

[A]

He has to walk over to Pearl Vision center, which has been destroyed.

[B]

Well, I think the sequel would be. He crawls along the broken glass by feeling. He gets into LensCrafters. He feels around and tries on 300 glasses and eventually hits the jackpot. And the reading begins again.

[A]

I'm Rudd Serling, you know, my mom's Japanese and my dad's optometrist, and every December 7th, they attack Pearl Vision Center.

[B]

Okay, whose joke is that?

[A]

That's Mike Sterner from Arizona. When I started,

[B]

I like, kind of just basic. You know what I mean? Just like Sterner.

[A]

Where is Mike Sterner, Colin? He was so funny at great song parodies.

[B]

Let's have him on.

[A]

You could always get me with a song parody. I don't care where you're from. I would love.

[B]

Well, we're gonna be playing. Let's do a Plug City next weekend. We're going to be playing Thunder Valley in Lincoln, California.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We are right outside of Sacramento. And I don't know, I'm trying to. I'm thinking I might start with guitar. I'm trying to shake up my act. I might. I might come out.

[A]

Got a black magic marker.

[B]

But I have a. Might have some surprises.

[A]

Oh, by the way, by the time this is on, we will have aired Eddie Vedder. That was fun.

[B]

Eddie Vedder. Yeah. Just as thoughtful, sweet person.

[A]

Yeah. Fun. Fun to talk to that guy is.

[B]

Yeah, I could. You know, he and I went down the rabbit hole for a sec.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just as we could have talked about Revolver and the White Album for like an hour. The Beatles.

[A]

That was good time.

[B]

That was fun.

[A]

Okay, let's do another story then. We'll get. We'll get.

[B]

Let's wrap them up and then let's get to our banger. Yes. Get a banger. Okay.

[A]

Oh, this story X UFC fighter.

[D]

Seriously?

[A]

Wait, wait.

[B]

You know who I am? I don't know why you lying? Don't act like you don't know me. You definitely know me. Yeah, I just don't. Don't be lying, because girls around and you definitely know me, bro. Bro. Not even on some disrespectful. But I don't like your attitude. Don't like your. I don't like you at all, though.

[A]

Yeah. This is a little rough.

[B]

Is he trying to get Punched.

[A]

I mean, you've definitely never been punched if you're doing stuff like this. Are you the guy that got slapped on video?

[B]

I did, but I'll slap the out. You know, I'm gonna show you the inside.

[A]

Wow, this kid can't win. He's done this before.

[B]

Don't do that. Oh, he does this to trend. Oh, man.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Did he get up from that? Come on. Wow.

[A]

It's not even the guy who's yelling at. It's another guy.

[B]

What's going on now?

[A]

These are streamers. I don't know what's going on. Okay, jump out.

[B]

Well, this is a feel good video to end on. I'm glad you guys picked this today.

[A]

I think we'll skip that one because I don't even know where. I feel like it was me accidentally because I saw that guy on a different one and he was talking so much. I was thinking in my head. Sometimes young people just do not know that you can get in a fight and get beat up if you just keep talking. And you've got to know when you're around dudes or dudes that are bigger people have a short fuse and they'll just hit you. Well, that was, I think, but that wasn't. I didn't see that one.

[B]

He kept ratcheting it on the guy. It doesn't, you know, the guy could have. The giant guy could have like in Master Disguise. You remember the movie? Sure. He learns that you, you always hit a man with an open hand.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You make your point, but you keep dignity. So I think the guy should have slapped him.

[A]

Well, the guy that got hit, the one I actually saw.

[B]

Yeah, he.

[A]

The problem is, first you're on live stream, which means it's live while you're doing it. So the person you're making fun of feels even worse because it's live. You're not going to cut this part out. So he's being humiliated and he started flirting with this dude's wife. And so the kid was doing that and you're like. And the other guy was going, you're going to get hit, dude, you better stop. And he goes, no, man, you don't scare me. Your wife's really pretty and maybe, you know, she can always walk away. And then. But it was an open hand like you said, and he was like, cuckoo.

[B]

Oh, I thought he. It was not open, but now this

[A]

one is another one I hadn't seen. But he's back and getting punched again. If that's his hook, I wouldn't keep

[B]

doing that because it looked like a really.

[A]

Yeah, that looked like a real. Either that or was it on the elbow? Either way, he was like.

[B]

It looked like a short right cross with a lot of quick power to it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And his face just went beep.

[A]

He went. Guten nacht, Gutenach.

[B]

That's our new tradition here on Fly on the Wall. We're going to have some kind of violent clip. It went violent. And our joy fest, remember last week we had one happening. But he's asking you want. Really? Hello, everybody. I don't know why you end with a violent clip all the time. I don't know when you want to send people home with a good feeling. Right?

[A]

Yeah, we want to fake Epstein. That. That'll uplifts everyone.

[B]

I'm not Epstein. Look, Sorry.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I. I guarantee everyone that I'll have a different puppet for next week's episode.

[A]

All right, well, thank you for hanging in there if anyone stayed with us, and we'll see you next time.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

You.

[A]

We appreciate it. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, Give us review 5 star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[B]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[A]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Car Harvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese, Dennis of Odyssey.

[B]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet.

[A]

Tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[B]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Alan Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

[A]

Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email [e-mail] that's a U-A C-Y dot com.