Horse Babies and the World Cup

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: Horse Babies and the World Cup
Date: July 6, 2026
Hosts: Dana Carvey, David Spade
Guest/Producer on Mic: Heather Santoro

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Episode Overview

This Monday riff episode is classic Carvey & Spade: playful comedic banter, stories from their personal lives, and rapid-fire reactions to odd, viral clips and current events. With Dana recording from his yet-to-be-finished new house, the episode flows through topics ranging from the drama of horse birth on David’s farm, to the spectacle of the World Cup, to Fourth of July culture, hilarious dad stories, random trending clips, and, of course, a barrage of celebrity impressions. The show is equal parts absurd, warm nostalgia and pointed pop commentary.

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Key Sections & Talking Points

1. Dana’s New Move and Podcast Setup Battles

[03:19 - 06:29]

• Dana reveals he’s in the middle of moving, causing lots of production chaos for the podcast.
  • “We put millions of hours, man hours into this. You're over there stacking five hour energy boxes. That's half your day.” (Dana, 03:37)
• Hilarious comments on bad lighting, podcast tech snafus, and Dana’s “Billboard forehead.”
  • “Why is fly on the wall in black and white and you're in black?” (David, 05:48)
• Running gag about how little “production” value is visible vs. the real headache behind the scenes.

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2. Spade’s Horse Birth Saga

[06:34 - 13:12]

• David tells a wild story about a horse on his farm giving birth and the chaos that followed: coyote risk, vulture invasions, and afterbirth discussions.
  • “We woke up Tuesday, Paul. There were shrieking coyotes… So what happened was she had colic, gave her a shot so she could... lactate. ... 50 vultures hit the front field. … And they were eating the afterbirth.” (David, 07:53 - 09:03)
• Dana riffs: “That's a delicacy in some...” (09:03)
• Horse birth advice from strangers: “Sometimes that face will come out and then pop back in... Now one hoof might come out. Don't do anything. … She's telling me this at a party.” (David, 11:11)
• Laughter about who would (or wouldn’t) try to “pull a hoof” or assist a horse birth.
• Spade and Carvey delve into comedic metaphors: “Shaky legs, Colt” (used to describe a nervous new comic or performer).

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3. The World Cup Experience & US Patriotism

[10:06 - 16:29]

• Dana recounts visiting a pub to watch the World Cup, noting how little he knew about the event’s length.
  • “I didn't know this whole summer... I thought it'd be a cute long weekend, couple games.” (Dana, 10:17)
• Reflections on how rare it is now to see a bar completely unified in rooting for the USA: “...they were literally chanting USA after a goal, which... you never see anymore.” (Dana, 13:46)
• Some biting commentary on cultural antagonism about the American flag and Fourth of July HOA drama.
  • “If you could probably put up any other flag of any other country and you wouldn't catch flack.” (Dana, 14:29)
• Back-and-forth on awkward international match-ups (e.g., USA vs. Iran), leading to satirical riffs about geopolitics and “brain trust” decision-making.

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4. War & Technology: Drones and Modern Conflict

[17:56 - 18:52]

• Reflecting on changes in warfare: “Warfare has changed because of drones... so you can... get a $3,500 little bomb…and shoot a million of those at a big aircraft carrier.” (David, 17:56)
• Shaky biblical references (David and Goliath vs. Samson and Delilah), setting each other up for playful misstatements:
  • “Samson was the guy who was really strong and then didn't cut his hair or something. ... He was the first whipped biblical character.” (David, 18:37)

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5. Dad Stories and Stand-Up Nostalgia

[30:24 - 33:13]

• Funny, tender memories of their fathers’ quirks:
  • Dana’s dad charging drinks to him at clubs; David’s dad comparing car sizes and bragging about being “father of Dana Carvey.”
  • “He measured my car. And then his car, ‘Oh, I got your beat, Dane’... His license plate said ‘father of Dana Carvey.’ ... He would have a bill fold with, like, hundreds of dollars and buy drinks for everyone.” (Dana, 31:28)
• They reflect on moving out young and how their dads tried to rewrite personal history after they found success.
• “Oh, Jesus Christ. I always supported you. I go, well, no, you didn't support me or not support me. I just went to some clubs, and now I just did it...” (Dana, 32:52)

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6. Viral Clips & Absurd Internet Moments

[34:03 - 54:10; Intermittent]

• Spade and Carvey react live to viral video clips:
  • Car driving on a lawn (“Shortest distance between two points is a straight line.” Dana, 34:24).
  • Professional violinist’s performance interrupted by a child—leads to feel-good commentary.
  • Plane door drama & Bond movie riffing: “Oh, didn't fat Goldfinger get sucked out of the window?” (Dana, 37:41)
  • Story about Argentina FIFA denying deadbeat dads entry to stadiums (39:39).
  • Massive spider webs in New Hampshire: “If those are spider webs, first of all, I'm moving to another planet.” (Dana, 41:38)
  • Sinkhole in Bangkok swallows cars: “Not the way to go. ... I'm just cruise off to the center of the earth.” (Dana, 52:11)

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7. Celebrity Culture & Comedy Impressions

[24:16-25:54, 55:07-61:03]

• Joking about James Bond casting rumors, poking fun at Daniel Craig, Harry Styles, and the Bond mystique.
  • “Daniel Craig... who never did a push up. ... On the set, the first day, reporting for Booty.” (Dana, 24:46)
  • “I was at the Oscars... Daniel Craig is there in a tuxedo having a martini. ... Are you ever out of character?” (David, 24:46)
• Dana does an elaborate “Red Rednecky, redneck comedian” impression in a mock Piers Morgan interview.
  • “You ever fart so loud, dog 2 state away go what day?” (Dana/Heather, 57:10)
  • "You ever crap so big, don't think it get down that turlet?" (Heather, 60:01)
  • David shifting into Piers Morgan mode, seriously interrogating the “Red Rednecky” act for comic effect.

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8. Fourth of July, Tradition, and Taxes

[28:07-29:38]

• Conversation about rising gas taxes, “tax creep,” and where the money goes humor.
  • "I want to pay tax, but I just would like... a statement that says, here is where your tax dollars went.” (David, 28:35)
  • “...a supervisor... 780,000 for assisting the penguin trainer.” (David, 28:49)
• Nostalgic and critical look at Fourth of July celebrations, fireworks, and the strange “pressure” around holiday plans.
  • Debating the replacement of fireworks with drone light shows.

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9. Closing: Reflections, Shoutouts, and Signature Banter

[61:32-end]

• Dana and David riff about their (fictional) “great Fourth of July” and the New Year’s Eve ball drop.
  • “My doctor watched mine during my physical.” (Dana, 61:55)
• Encouragement for listeners to follow and rate the show, with self-deprecating asides.
• Endearing assurance that the podcast is always a “work in progress.”
  • “Next time I'll be all worked in here and it'll be a little more professional.” (Dana, 62:13)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• "We're over there stacking five hour energy boxes. That's half your day." – Dana Carvey [03:37]
• “We woke up Tuesday, Paul. There were shrieking coyotes... So what happened was she had colic, gave her a shot so she could... lactate.” – David Spade [07:53]
• "50 vultures hit the front field... eating the afterbirth." – David Spade [09:03]
• “Back in college they called me Nose Hound... when I was around the cocaina.” – Dana Carvey [04:44]
• “If those are spider webs, first of all, I'm moving to another planet.” – Dana Carvey [41:38]
• “That's a delicacy in some..." – Dana Carvey, on vultures eating afterbirth [09:03]
• “You ever fart so loud, dog 2 state away go what day?” – Heather Santoro as Red Rednecky [57:10]
• “I told my brother Andy, I go, just buy it for him. I mean, I just got him a condo. You get him in the car…he goes, I gotta get the pinstripes. Come on, man.” – Dana Carvey (on buying his dad a car) [40:35]
• “Now, could you share some of your famous routines? … There’s T shirts all over the world.” – David Spade as Piers Morgan to Red Rednecky [56:59]
• “Are you a big Fourth of July guy?” – David Spade [29:08]
• “Stay off main street first.” – Dana Carvey, concerning sinkholes in Bangkok [52:56]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Dana's New Setup: 03:19-06:29
• Horse Birth Drama: 06:34-13:12
• World Cup Talk: 10:06-16:29
• Deadbeat Dads/FIFA Story: 39:39-40:33
• James Bond Impressions: 24:16-25:54
• Fourth of July and Taxes: 28:07-29:38
• Red Rednecky Comedy Bit: 55:07-61:03
• Sinkhole in Bangkok: 51:55-52:56

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Tone and Style

Conversational, sharp, silly, and deeply self-aware—with Carvey’s and Spade’s knack for blending absurdity with genuine storytelling. The episode leans heavily into their live reactions, impressions, and “riffing” on random viral clips.

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If you couldn’t listen, you missed:

• Spade’s near-loss of a horse colt to coyotes and vultures (& afterbirth feasting jokes)
• A rare moment of good will in a bar rooting for the USA during the World Cup
• Disarmingly honest “bad dad” stories from both stars
• Rapid-fire impressions (James Bond, Piers Morgan, Redneck comics)
• Live riffing on bizarre viral clips and cringe-worthy internet stories
• Sarcastic, but heartfelt, reflections on how culture and holidays have changed

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Memorable Sign-off:

"Next time I'll be all worked in here and it'll be a little more professional." (Dana, 62:13)

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Transcript

[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

So say goodbye due distractions and hello to more free time because you finished your work faster than complete your setup with savings on select monitors and more. Must have electronics and accessories, limited time deals and free shipping on PCs and more await you at Dell.com deals that's Dell.com deals my wife goes they're eating the afterbirth. Well, who doesn't eat the afterbirth?

[Dana Carvey]

Who would pass it up? If you ever heard that's like yeah,

[David Spade]

my hair right now I'm the co star to my hair. It's just too much hair for my tiny face. I need to take it down.

[Dana Carvey]

If you put more product and grew it five more inches, you could be the basis for like REO Speedwagon, Blue Oyster Cult. I'm going to burn your dick off. Remember that part where he had him spread eagle and he's had a laser gold finger.

[David Spade]

Do you want me to do? I want you to die.

[Dana Carvey]

I want you to die. Sounded like Lovet.

[David Spade]

Hey, I didn't mean no harm.

[Dana Carvey]

D Come on.

[David Spade]

I'm your daddy. I'm Entitled to a little bit of sugar. You look like you're about to get interrogated by.

[Dana Carvey]

Do I look. Don't I. I feel like I look like I'm in black and white.

[David Spade]

Right. There is a little bit of Felix the Cat in you.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, you look warm and cozy. I thought I looked great today. Then I. Well, tell the millions of fans.

[David Spade]

Let's just. Let's moving. Let's come clean right now.

[Dana Carvey]

Right. Everyone's freaking out. The message boards are lighting up. We'll go to the phones in a minute. But the story is I am moving.

[David Spade]

Mm.

[Dana Carvey]

And I am in my new place, which I haven't moved in yet, but because of the timing of these podcasts and the high, high demand is that we had to get one done today. And so we just moved this over to the new place, and it's so much more complicated. Even though it looks like we don't give a fat fuck about this. We put millions of hours, man hours into this. You're over there stacking five our energy boxes. That's half your day. I'm over.

[Heather Santoro]

Look at my.

[David Spade]

Can you guess what's behind me in the.

[Dana Carvey]

Are those the Beatles songs?

[David Spade]

That is.

[Dana Carvey]

Is that Revolver?

[David Spade]

Beatles. This is Meet the Beatles Capitol Record signed by all four Beatles.

[Dana Carvey]

That's a rarity. That's really hard to get. I'm prepared to hand you $5,000 for those.

[David Spade]

I know, because you're a bit of a nose hound for John Lennon's glasses or Elvis's belt. You know, I like that stuff, too.

[Dana Carvey]

I think I got a good Marilyn Monroe thing, too. But nose hound is what they called me in college when I was around the cocaina.

[David Spade]

I can't imagine you with coca cana.

[Dana Carvey]

I would do the most microscopic bump and I make yada da.

[David Spade]

Can I ask you a question about this new room you're in?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. It's not working.

[David Spade]

Does it have a window?

[Dana Carvey]

I know. I know. I know what you're gonna say. I know.

[David Spade]

No, no, I just. You know what we're gonna say if it doesn't.

[Dana Carvey]

Just. Just stare at the window. It's the best lighting, which it is. But my fragile eyes and retinas and irises can't handle it.

[David Spade]

What you do is you. You have drapes and you can narrow it, and then you have this sort of. It's. It's got little tiny holes that like. It's sheen. It's almost like a plastic sheet that it diffuses the light. You'll see.

[Dana Carvey]

Do you think my left side of my Billboard forehead is too bright. Heather, should I put that one down a little bit?

[David Spade]

Well, what. Why is flying the wall in black and white and you're in black?

[Dana Carvey]

I don't know. Because we're new and we.

[David Spade]

I wish that five Hour energy was somehow in black and white because I feel like I watch an old movie.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I don't think I can do that. Just down that one down a little bit. I'm just trying to get some color in me because it's so. Okay. Yeah, just turn it off. That's fine. I mean, it's really no win situation. Everyone's bored of tears. But movie is a pain. But Heather and Evan came over here yesterday and really, it's so much crap to put cameras and lighting.

[David Spade]

Oh, no, it's. This should. In a perfect world, this is like just a test. And then we messed.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, we messed up something on the camera with the color, but we'll fix it. So anyway, let's get right down.

[David Spade]

Let's get down to this, to the whole nitty gritty.

[Dana Carvey]

I have stuff to talk about, but you want to start. I know what you want to start with.

[David Spade]

Well, we basically, you know, I live on a farm, and our caretaker put his two horses in our front pasture, and they're our friends and everything. We feed them carrots and one of them is pregnant. And then we didn't know what was going to happen. So I was up with ne playing the Woodland park outdoor event.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

And that was this. It was. The crowd was great. But it's a 40 foot high stage. There's no screens, and they're just like. It's like Woodstock. They're just out there. I had. I had some relatives coming, and they were probably 150 yards from me. And they. And they, they said. We thought. We thought it was real funny. But anyway, so then I flew back here after, you know. Oh, there.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, wow.

[David Spade]

See, that's the baby.

[Dana Carvey]

The end.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I know. And I'm calling the baby. For now, the working name is David Spade.

[Dana Carvey]

Full name. Look at little Spady. That's me and Farley.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Without any stairwell nearby thrown down. No stairwells.

[Dana Carvey]

No. Just cement stairs.

[David Spade]

So we. We woke up Tuesday, Paul. There were shrieking coyotes coming because the baby was born. And they were shrill like, oh, did

[Dana Carvey]

they want in on the action?

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

While the mother. So the mother looked like it was dead. The mother was just limp in the field. So was the baby. So it's like, let's get the baby before the mother can protect it.

[Heather Santoro]

Whoa.

[David Spade]

So we Called our caretaker and he came down. He came down the little road here like 70 miles an hour. So what happened was she had. Had colic, gave her a shot so she could. Her teats wouldn't come out. She couldn't lactate. So it was getting hot up here and the babies really. It would get up and fall down and get up, fall down. So we were kind of worried. So he did all this stuff for hours. Gave it a second shot. So baba di ba ba ba. Stayed all night, 24 hours. We kept saying, can we do anything? Take it to a vet or anything? And then by the next day it was fine. But we had at one point, 50 vultures hit the front field. Vultures, you know, the. And they were eating the afterburst. You do that.

[Dana Carvey]

That's a delicacy in some.

[David Spade]

I was like, what are they doing out there? My wife goes, they're eating the afterbirth. Well, who doesn't eat the after.

[Dana Carvey]

Who would pass it up? That's like, yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

So it's. It's nature, man. I know you like everything called, you

[Dana Carvey]

know, sort of like structure and big cities, Buildings.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Steel and concrete.

[David Spade]

We have vultures, we have coyotes, we have horses giving birth. And so everything worked out great. So it's really cute.

[Dana Carvey]

We have a new picture. Same picture.

[Heather Santoro]

There you go.

[David Spade]

Well, I had a video I sent too, if you want.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, really? If they have it.

[David Spade]

I know it's up to Heather. I know it's a new place.

[Dana Carvey]

You might not have all the bells and whistles of the regular super produced podcast.

[David Spade]

I. I know. Well, it does look interesting.

[Dana Carvey]

I had a white shirt on, but I put this black coat on because I go, it's so white. And it was so reflective, like, I don't know. We're fixing. We'll have it all set.

[David Spade]

Incredible. Come on.

[Dana Carvey]

I will say that the other day I did go to my local PABA and watch the World cup. And you don't know anything about this, but the World cup is on right now.

[David Spade]

I saw it at the Seattle.

[Dana Carvey]

I will say, people like, you're gonna watch World Cup? I'm like, yeah, it was fun. But I'm like, I didn't know this whole summer. Like it's. I thought it'd be a cute long weekend, couple games.

[David Spade]

Well, how long does it go?

[Dana Carvey]

It was into July to the end of July, I think.

[Heather Santoro]

Damn.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Yesterday. Well, at press time, the USA will have played Bosnia. Herzlvia played two countries at once and won.

[David Spade]

How could a country with that name actually Win. I mean, it's demoralizing because even the players can't pronounce it. We are from Bosnia.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm from Blasna. I'd like to buy a vowel.

[David Spade]

I'm from Bosnia, and I'm very casual within my attitude.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm plasma Hoskinski.

[David Spade]

We are the country of Kabkhant. Quito. Try to score on us, if you will. Oh, by the way, with the horse thing beforehand, before we leave the subject completely. Well, this is something that's be very used. So we're hoarding. There's horse people up there. We go to a party, like, three days before. This woman talks about, well, mostly that everything's fine, but about one out of 30, they don't really breach. So sometimes that face will come out and then pop back in and then come out and pop back in. I'm like, okay, now one hoof might come out. Don't do anything. Don't pull on one hoof. She's telling me this at a party.

[Dana Carvey]

You're like, I'm not. I'm not gonna cross my mind. Pull it out.

[David Spade]

Two hooves come out, and the head comes out.

[Heather Santoro]

Then you just lean back and. And.

[David Spade]

Oh, you baby. No, that was the advice. Yeah, she was giving me advice. If it's laying back and the head comes out, goes, hey, can anybody give me a hand?

[Dana Carvey]

If it goes like this and goes, dana,

[David Spade]

help pull.

[Dana Carvey]

And you're like, I shouldn't get involved.

[David Spade]

It's so funny. Don't pull on one leg. And, like, I'm gonna do this. I'm always about experts. Hire an expert because one had a smell under the house. And, like, you want to get in that crawl space. Me, I go with a flashlight. Well, is there a guy we can hire that his entire job is to get in a crawl space with a weird smell? Let's find that guy that's in heaven down there.

[Dana Carvey]

They're doing 10 times a day. I get it.

[David Spade]

Okay. That's the end of my.

[Dana Carvey]

I used to say when I used to do stand up and I wasn't doing good, Guy would stand the side and go, shake your legs, Colt. Shaky legs, Colt.

[David Spade]

Oh, shaky legs, Colt.

[Dana Carvey]

That's. That means you're a new colt, which is a new horse, right?

[David Spade]

And you're shaky out, and you're a

[Dana Carvey]

little shaky like yours. You got to get your legs like when I used to skateboard. So you got to really get some confidence. But I guess your boy got some confidence.

[David Spade]

Oh, it was. It was at least a full day of Charlie Chaplin. Slapstick or Buster Keaton. It would jaunt and then just boom. Slow.

[Dana Carvey]

I didn't walk for a week. I don't think so. That's not long. A day is good. Also, back to USA versus Whatever. I will say it was nice because to see the whole bar unified instead of like the Eagles versus the Cowboys yelling back and forth. Everyone's pulling for the usa, which you never see anymore. And they were literally chanting USA After a goal, which.

[David Spade]

You're kidding.

[Dana Carvey]

You never see that.

[Heather Santoro]

Wow.

[Dana Carvey]

Isn't that crazy? I mean, 10 seconds, it faded fast. But that was kind of cool because, you know, in. In the same day where I see on the news, someone in San Diego, a couple got. They had a American flag in their yard and are sticking out on a pole. And they hoa. Said, take it down. It offends people. And you're like, in this day and age, I think everyone's usa. I don't know if it's great prospects in the future, but if. If you could probably put up any other flag of any other country and you wouldn't catch flack. But that was that. That sort of caught me off guard.

[David Spade]

Yeah, that's. That's a. That's a surprise.

[Dana Carvey]

And it is Fourth of July weekend. Can you bend the rules? I guess. Hoa.

[David Spade]

Is it okay for France to kind of root for France? Is it okay for Germany? Is it okay for the USA to kind of go. They're not perfect, but are we the sucker? We're here.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, this.

[David Spade]

You know, can we root for our team without.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, no.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, I. Our hot dogs offensive. I mean, I guess anything that rhymes, people. Fourth of July in America, this 250, when it gets over, will be fine with me. Because people. It just brings up so much hostility.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. And it's a little bit of a havesy move, you know, I mean, you get the centennial. You get that, you get the bicentennial.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, a 250.

[David Spade]

Two and a half is not as sexy. Let's go three.

[Dana Carvey]

And I agree. I mean, 100, 200, I'll give it.

[David Spade]

Yeah. But two and a half, it's a stretch.

[Dana Carvey]

The bicentennial was a big deal when I was very small. D. I was very tiny.

[David Spade]

God, you were like, in seventh grade.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes, I was like two years old. Yeah. So what was 14. There she was.

[David Spade]

Made her day, man. Super happy, by the way.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I do my big joke about if Iran has to play the usa.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. What's your. What's your bit on that?

[Dana Carvey]

And I'm Like I was like, awkward if they have to play him in the World Cup. Like, you guys aren't still mad, are you? Like, those bombs were four days ago. Are we still talking about this?

[David Spade]

We still. And also probably we play Iran. They would just block the tunnel and control the traffic in the tunnel. Tunnel. All right. Yeah, the locker room in the stadium, you know, because it's part of their thing.

[Dana Carvey]

By the way, are we still. And are we still at war or peace or somewhere in a gray area in the middle.

[David Spade]

I've seen this play before. I come from another time when I heard Middle east war, I went, huh, that may be my drag out. Yeah, you basically you throw in special ops guys that just keep an eye on the country. They blend in. Looks like they got some nuclear deaths, you drop a bomb on them. But this, this thing, all I want to know when anybody or there's a brain trust. Even making a movie, there's a brain trust. Everyone should get around and go, we're all so excited, but what could go wrong? Let's spend two hours of what could go wrong.

[Dana Carvey]

Right. Let's do that first. Because I mean even Ukraine, I felt it was sort of pitched like it's going to be a long weekend, maybe going to next week. Worst case, they always sort of sound like it's cut and dried. It's not very complex.

[David Spade]

It's a two week thing.

[Dana Carvey]

Then when Ukraine gets absolutely no attention, it's still like, guys, remember we were like the story and now it's also, I think the problem is they're saying there's no like leader of Iran. So it's like, you know, you're at a car dealership in Cerritos Auto Square and they're like, bro, bro, it's me, I'm the guy to talk to.

[David Spade]

Well, yeah, because they blew up the, the Ayatollah, then they blew up another 50 guys. Well, yeah, these are the final leaders. And then them and then there's like more coming. You're right, guy as you. I do use cars in Bakna.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I'm the guy. You talk to me, I talk to my guys. They run all the dealerships. So it's sort of complex. But we won't.

[David Spade]

Well, I'll say this is not even political at all, but warfare has changed because of drones and Ukraine has become adept and it's really Samson and Goliath or Goliath and David basically would be a better analogy. But so you can take, you can get a 3,500 little bomb to it and Shoot a million of those. A big aircraft carrier.

[Heather Santoro]

Right.

[David Spade]

So we need to reinvent the way we have weapons.

[Dana Carvey]

It's real. Ashford and Simpson. What? Remember that singing duo?

[David Spade]

No, I was trying to think of an equivalent. I know.

[Dana Carvey]

You're thinking of what, Samson and Goliath or David and Goliath.

[David Spade]

David and Goliath. But all those biblical guys. Samson was the guy who was really strong and then didn't cut his hair or something. The woman wanted to cut his hair. He was weak. He was the first whipped biblical character.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it was he think I was here. I think he. The girl made him get a permission and then he got weak.

[David Spade]

The girl gave him a tattoo of a heart and then he had no power.

[Dana Carvey]

Wilted. You know, we're supported by Ring. Everyone knows Ring. With Ring, it's protected. Look, a lot of our shopping happens online. An alarming amount, an embarrassing amount. I'm talking everything from late night snack hauls to random gadgets we absolutely don't need. But some I have to have. And when you're recording or just out and about, the last thing you want to be wondering is, did my package get delivered or adopted by someone else. That's where Ring comes in. The battery doorbell lets you keep track of packages and actually see what's happening at your front door. No guessing, no stress. And if you want to really level your setup, the outdoor cam plus has a wide field of view with that crisp retinal 2K video. So even at night, your yard isn't getting away with anything.

[David Spade]

You can even upgrade to 4K cameras and doorbells with rings. Retinal vision, which means super clear footage and the ability to zoom in without everything turning into a blurry mess. Perfect for identifying whether that's your package or your neighbor pretending it's theirs.

[Dana Carvey]

For me, it's just peace of mind. Whether it's packages, the yard, keeping an eye on things when you're busy, your dog, whatever. Ring makes it easy and reliable. Your door, your yard, your home. Honestly, it's the only way I know what I panic. Bought at 2am and with ring, it's protected. Shop cameras, doorbells and more right [e-mail]. all right, now before we get back, we have a message from Ashley the mosquito about Orkin. Hey, besties. Hope all of you are high key. So excited for summer. It's literally giving all of us mosquitoes life. So we thought we'd help everybody make the most of it before Orkin. Pros try to ruin our fun. Remember, if you have standing water on Your lawn from the pool or the sprinkler. Just let it sit there. The more the merrier. When there's standing water, there'll be more mosquitoes. Plenty more. Next up is a bit of a hot take, but we're so hyped on it. Let mosquitoes inside. What could go wrong? Just let us inside, please. Thanks. Love you.

[David Spade]

Finally, the number one rule this summer is do not under any circumstances speak to anybody from Orkin. That is literally so cringe, it will ruin the vibe of any get together we might be having. Take it from a mosquito. Orkin pros know literally everything about us, period. Don't visit orkin.com for a free estimate today. Now let's go suck some blood. Now let's go suck some blood.

[Heather Santoro]

Number one with a blood bullet.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, so more stuff. I. I did have a problem with my swimming pool before I sold it, and I had to get it fixed.

[David Spade]

Oh, really?

[Dana Carvey]

And it's a great story. I'm going to save it for next week because it's called a teaser.

[David Spade]

Well, that's the thing. Before, when you sell houses, you got.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I was troubleshooting my own place going like.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Before someone says, oh, there's a crack in that fence. You go, I took care of it already. So I did. I troubleshoot it. And then. Yeah, the problem was something was built wrong and obviously I should fix it. But then I go, well, if it was built wrong, how did it pass inspection to where I bought it?

[David Spade]

Exactly. I wish I could say I don't know what you're talking about.

[Dana Carvey]

Right. I'm too honest. So we found the guy that fixed it and he kind of didn't do me a solid. So let's save it for next week.

[Heather Santoro]

All right.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's juicy.

[David Spade]

We added here we.

[Dana Carvey]

And I'm naming names because I got. I'm gonna give them a week to say, hey, we gotta make this right. Oh, yeah. Because they should. The people should know.

[David Spade]

These are two words. New homeowners or people trying to. You know. You don't want to hear if you're the homeowner or the new or trying

[Heather Santoro]

to buy a home.

[David Spade]

It's got mold and dry rot. Other than that, it's perfect. Mold and dry rot.

[Dana Carvey]

Mold, dry rot, and fire ants, mostly in the bedrooms. Yeah, I fixed everything. It took. It took months because it's. So. It was complicated issue, but I did. I took care of it. So come by Danny. You might need it. You can buy it out of your bar tab.

[David Spade]

Right? I might. I might. If the stocks do what I want them to do. We'll see what's going on with that.

[Dana Carvey]

Something change? Oh, yeah, you got money, you got moolah flowing.

[David Spade]

I. I left a lot of. A lot of coins on the table. Yeah. You know, Jane at Casino Royale, you know, with the new Bond cat, you know, the guy's eye is bleeding. You know, you were one of those two cats. Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

I like when everyone, everyone James Bond has got this mystique to where the producers about once every two months float out. Harry Styles might be the next chain. They just keep it alive by just saying anyone. And then people vote in. Oh, we chime in chirping, and you go, who cares? Really? At a certain point, let's just make.

[David Spade]

Well. Well, because a lot of people just totally connect to Sean Connery. Sean Connery. And I thought it was smart when they just didn't try to do anything like Roger Moore or Pierce Bronson, who did great jobs, and they went with Daniel Craig, you know?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Who never did a push up. Never did a push up.

[Dana Carvey]

Swore up and down, he'll never do another one. Then they threw a couple bucks his way, and he guess what? On the set, the first day reporting for Booty.

[David Spade]

That's not bad. I like a good fun. I told you that. When I was at the Oscars. Pre pandemic, I think I went backstage and there's a bar there. Daniel Craig is there in a tuxedo having a martini. And I said, are you ever out of character? Yeah, but he's a character actor, that guy, you know?

[Dana Carvey]

And he went, wayne's World, Party on. Excellent.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Wayne's World.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Party on.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't need anything off that.

[David Spade]

I'm getting my summer cut.

[Dana Carvey]

We've heard a lot of teasers.

[David Spade]

Well, clearly I haven't gotten it, but I'm getting it. It's way overwhelming. You get a trim. You're like somebody who has someone in a closet waiting to come out to trim your hair.

[Dana Carvey]

The thing. When you're rich on the road, if you're doing the road, the first sign is you travel with a barber. Yeah. Yeah. Not me, though. I don't know. I don't do that. But I'm saying that's. I know two people that travel with barbers. They just have so much money. They just are burning it. They're just like, I need this guy, and I need a. Oh, you need

[David Spade]

a masseuse, a barber, a therapist.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, somebody popped my zip.

[David Spade]

The main thing is, don't let someone cut in Your hair get too chatty? You know, they get chatty and you're talking and all of a sudden what happened?

[Dana Carvey]

That's the whole thing. All of a sudden you look like you right now. So what's the summer cut? What's the plan? Do we have some inspo pics we can show the audience?

[David Spade]

You come up with a phrase that's inspo.

[Dana Carvey]

Fix is real, I think, right, Heather? Yeah, inspo. So you bring in a bunch of pictures of people you like.

[David Spade]

Well, this is what I say to people. And I don't know if you took my advice, but never lead with your hair.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I did not take that.

[David Spade]

See that guy with his hair? So my hair, right now, I'm the co star to my hair. It's just too much hair for my tiny face. I need to take it down.

[Dana Carvey]

If you put more product and grew it five more inches, you could be the basis for like REO Speedwagon, Blue Oyster Cult.

[David Spade]

Well, Jaeger is still like this. A lot of old rock stars still just have a man.

[Dana Carvey]

Problem is it gets a little drier and you need a little three minute miracle in there, some conditioners after a while. But these rockers I've seen, I saw the Doobie Brothers and I wanted to spray their hair with, you know, a quart of oil.

[David Spade]

Well, were they literally taking it to the street or were they in the stadium?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, and they were also the dry, long hair where it could start a brush fire easily.

[David Spade]

Well, here's the thing, what you do and just a news flash for people. So if you're an aging rock star, you basically, you grow a beard, then you grow your hair out, and then you put these on.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh.

[David Spade]

And you're basically any age. You know, you're cover.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, you're covering.

[David Spade]

Any beer covers. A real beard, you know, like this gets rid of this and then you just way out. And then you always have sunglasses on.

[Dana Carvey]

But you try not to have the white beard.

[David Spade]

No, no, no. I think someone. Yeah, no, no, no, no. It's. You do a thing and then whatever. Nobody. Nobody colors their hair or dyes their beard, though. Nobody.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I'm gonna be the first.

[David Spade]

Hey, we are the product man.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, what else you got? Because I don't have too much going on. It's fourth of July weekend, they're traveling. There's. Oh, we have a new gas tax started the first of July. And I didn't feel bad when they said, it's up, it's 2 cents a gallon. I go, I can handle that. And they said, well, it was 61 cents. Now it's 63 cents a gallon. A gallon.

[David Spade]

In California, you know, they call it mission creep. It's like tax creep. And I don't mind. I want to pay tax, but I just would like. I'd like to get a statement that says, here is where your tax dollars went. That's all.

[Dana Carvey]

Like, it did something.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

This went to a supervisor who's a hell of a nice guy, works in Lodi, California. 780,000 for assisting the penguin trainer. I just want it to be.

[Dana Carvey]

Penguin trainer?

[David Spade]

Yeah, the penguin trainer.

[Dana Carvey]

Dethawing the penguins. Flappers when it gets out of the pool.

[David Spade]

Are you a big fourth of July guy?

[Dana Carvey]

There is some fourth of July pressure. Okay.

[David Spade]

Can't see you. Why is there pressure?

[Dana Carvey]

Because people are like, what are you doing on the 4th? What are you doing the whole weekend? What are you doing? And it better be a lot. Go. And I'm like, well, I used to kind of float around in a boat in the harbor in Newport, and they have fireworks, and I think they still do, but a lot of cities are not doing fireworks anymore. And then you're like, well, you can't really take that away because then what's left, like Fourth of July is really.

[David Spade]

Then they do a thousand little tiny drones that blink lights and move around and do all that over Santa Monica, right? Yeah, yeah, you know about that.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, listen, you and Heather won because they're. They're all going away, and so now it's just. What's the fourth animals one? I know, I know, I know about the scared animals. They can't run the show for every reason of the world. I mean, I know it sucks, but like my dad, I'd say I don't like the noise. He goes, life's tough, Davey. You going to be okay. You don't get your way every time. Not a great dad.

[David Spade]

Was that, like, on high? Was that, like, imprinted into your brain?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I hated it. You gonna make it. You gonna make it, Davey?

[David Spade]

So when you first started as a stand up, you were fledgling?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Did your dad advise you, but before you got famous? Well, I was just trundling along and I didn't even tell my parents I was doing stand up. It didn't matter, but I was in this San Francisco stand up comedy competition, so they came to that.

[Dana Carvey]

That was a big one.

[David Spade]

And that's where Robin Williams gives me a 500 check and ward Saul's back there. And my dad said after the show to my brother, oh, Jesus Christ. Who Knew Dane was funny.

[Dana Carvey]

He didn't know it his whole life.

[David Spade]

No, because I would just go like this and get out of the room.

[Dana Carvey]

Why would I run and cry out in the bushes?

[David Spade]

No reason to be in that same room.

[Dana Carvey]

Craziest dads. Yeah. My dad started coming to the bar because I would perform at in Scottsdale, because he'd say he was with me and my dad, and he charged drinks, and then they would charge them to me.

[David Spade]

It's kind of heady stuff. My dad had a Cadillac, and then he came to my house once, and I had a Mercedes Benz at that point. First time I had money. 420sel. He went out in the morning and he measured my car. And then his car, oh, I got your beat, Dane. And then his driver's license plate in the back, was it said, father of Dana Carvey? And then he. Because I was sending him money with my mom and stuff, he would have a bill fold with, like, hundreds of dollars and buy drinks for everyone. So, yeah, he was exactly the same.

[Dana Carvey]

My. My dad would meet me at the jet lag, like, even on Thanksgiving. The jet lag bar was in a strip mall nowhere near an airport.

[David Spade]

I love drinks for everybody kind of thing.

[Heather Santoro]

Jet lag.

[Dana Carvey]

And I met him once, and I'm like, hey.

[Heather Santoro]

And then.

[Dana Carvey]

And the bartender's like, oh, is this your son?

[David Spade]

He goes, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

He goes, this. Someone's going to clear up your bill. He goes, hey, let him get settled. Jesus.

[David Spade]

I didn't. You know, those days. And I feel bad for this generation. You could move out if you. If you had, like, 300 bucks a month as a bus boy. My room. My room was 58 bucks. Had roommates. But then later on, my dad a little bit tried to re. Redo history. So one time he said, oh, Jesus Christ, I always supported you. I go, well, no, you didn't support me or not support me. I just went to some clubs, and now I just did it on my own. Now I'm telling you.

[Dana Carvey]

Now I'm telling you. And he goes, I was your fucking north light.

[David Spade]

I wasn't mad. It wasn't mad. It was just. It was fine.

[Dana Carvey]

It wasn't his fault. Mine took all the credit for me. And then he switched over to Kate Spade and said, if it's a. If it's a female. He says, I'll get you Kate Spade versus. It's human nature.

[David Spade]

It's human nature. What are you gonna do?

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, yeah, okay, let's get to some pot store. What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about.

[David Spade]

I've been doing that.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. What are you gonna do about it?

[David Spade]

Yeah, there you go.

[Dana Carvey]

There you go.

[Heather Santoro]

What are you gonna do about.

[Dana Carvey]

Heather had it. I kind of botched it.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, just hot boil right here. What are you gonna do about it?

[David Spade]

Well, what, are you gonna fight that guy?

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, I'm gonna fight him. What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it? Yes, yes, I know. I'm just gonna do what I do. But you know what you can do about it?

[David Spade]

Okay. Just for the fan.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. This car. Oh, yeah. Okay, this video. What do you think's happening here with this car driving? Someone fall asleep? Someone's drunk. I remember watching this ago. I didn't know what was going on. Okay. I feel like someone left their car and drive

[David Spade]

or little kids driving.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah, A little baby will get out.

[David Spade]

Why is it slowing down if it's left in drive?

[Dana Carvey]

No sound.

[David Spade]

Oh, now it's going to go backwards.

[Dana Carvey]

No. Oh, no.

[David Spade]

A kid,

[Dana Carvey]

A baby.

[David Spade]

No, a delivery person delivering. Because there's no driveway on the lawn.

[Dana Carvey]

There is a driveway. They said it. They said, what's shorter? The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

[David Spade]

That's funny. Like, this is a huge story. The car is driving on the lawn.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. I tried to trick you because I was tricked. I saw it and I go, it's

[David Spade]

going to blow your mind.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Oh, who moves those cameras? Is that a ring camera or something? Look at.

[David Spade]

Hey, man.

[Dana Carvey]

I think this one sees absolutely no problem with that. No big deal. You know, spin out a little bit in the grass. What car is that, Dana?

[David Spade]

Dodge Sentra? I wouldn't know.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm usually good with cars. I didn't know what that was.

[David Spade]

That's okay.

[Dana Carvey]

Next one.

[David Spade]

I like that.

[Dana Carvey]

That one. You did have no idea what was going on. Okay. A child disrupted his performance. Is there any sound on these? Yep. Oh, this is cute. This guy's like a professional violinist. Yeah. Okay, that's cute. Even though it's like going fast and slow, but. Is it in fast speed?

[David Spade]

Well, that's kind of cool. So I like that.

[Dana Carvey]

The guy was like, good.

[David Spade]

And then he distracts. So he gave the little cute girl of the bow and.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Leaned against it and played. Played a little solo.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Give her a job.

[David Spade]

And she had a big smile on her face. That's the feel good.

[Dana Carvey]

We have some feel good ones.

[David Spade]

Besides the. The horse. Horse shots. That was the best feel good one.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that was a feel good one.

[David Spade]

What about my two Horses, though.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, they're. Well, you didn't picture the other one? The one that they've been hooking up?

[David Spade]

Oh, well, yeah, That's a whole other story. I'll save this shot.

[Dana Carvey]

Where's the one that was the dad or the mom? What's that one? The mom.

[David Spade]

That's the mom. There. There is. There is video of the.

[Dana Carvey]

The actual seeing someone.

[David Spade]

Love. Love making.

[Dana Carvey]

But please. I don't know if we can show that. But is the dad seeing someone else at this point and they're sort of separate or what?

[David Spade]

I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

Seeing other horses on the yard.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Here's one. I'll send this.

[Dana Carvey]

Embarrassing. Okay.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

Then we'll go to our next big story.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

While I squirm around in my.

[David Spade]

Let's get a banger. Let's get a banger.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Oh, I would go crazy. You're flying. And someone opens the door. This. You always think this could happen. Of course, you wouldn't care. I'd be.

[David Spade]

I'm assuming the door is gonna flump open.

[Dana Carvey]

Look at Dane in the front with the wind going. Why would you do that? Oh, they blanked their faces out.

[David Spade]

Well, why is it. Oh, some passenger actually pulled the thing and opened the door. And then once it's open, you can't get it closed.

[Dana Carvey]

I guess because it's a suction thing. I'll explain it later with them on a cocktail napkin.

[David Spade]

But I saw it in Goldfinger up in the plane. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, didn't fat Goldfinger get sucked out of the window?

[David Spade]

Yeah, it got sucked out.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I remember that.

[David Spade]

Goodbye, Blofeld. Bond.

[Heather Santoro]

James Bond.

[David Spade]

Good luck getting sucked.

[Dana Carvey]

Good luck to you.

[Heather Santoro]

Yes. You're a fine Lassie.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm going to burn your dick off. Remember that part where he had him spread eagle and he's had a laser? I was like, not cool. Come on, we're guys. Dude.

[Heather Santoro]

Go Finger.

[David Spade]

What do you want me to do? I want you to die.

[Dana Carvey]

I want you to die. Sounded like Lovett.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. Love.

[David Spade]

It should have been. Should have been Goldfinger. Actually, John would have played it a pretty funny Goldfinger.

[Dana Carvey]

Money Penny.

[Heather Santoro]

Yes, Miss Marty.

[Dana Carvey]

I love Money Penny. That's a good name. Not a lot of people named Money Penny anymore. I'm finding in my travels.

[David Spade]

That's a great movie.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, let's see another crummy video. Here we go. We're doing great, man.

[David Spade]

I can't.

[Dana Carvey]

This is a ragtag one in the new house. So we'll see.

[Heather Santoro]

Yes.

[David Spade]

And we're doing okay. Here we go.

[Dana Carvey]

Gave a list to FIFA of 13,000 dads who have not paid child support and said they may not go to a game. Yeah. Yeah. So people were like, well, did. Did you just take away their passports or something? Like, you're the government.

[David Spade]

They're like, no,

[Dana Carvey]

you're not entering the stadium. Why is that, Nina? That's why I want you to react.

[David Spade]

Well, I can't believe. She was.

[Dana Carvey]

I thought.

[David Spade]

I thought she was. She was like this.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. She gives the podcast something. Yeah. You should be like this.

[Heather Santoro]

What?

[Dana Carvey]

Your pool had something wrong with it.

[Heather Santoro]

What?

[Dana Carvey]

That's better. They know how to do it. I thought FIFA was around and find out, but it's not. It's something with soccer.

[David Spade]

What was that video about?

[Dana Carvey]

I. I got that video was Argentina.

[David Spade]

Oh.

[Dana Carvey]

Has so many deadbeat dads that they have mine up database. And when they came. Because everyone loves soccer down there. When they came. Oh, yeah, they popped them. And then they said, and you're not going in that. You can't go to the game. They're like, my dad came up with the phrase, but my kid is on snl. Let me.

[David Spade]

Hey, I didn't mean no harm, Dave. Come on, I'm your daddy. I'm old to a little bit of sugar.

[Dana Carvey]

We bought him a car once, and it was like a 300zx, like, too old to have it. And he's like. I told my brother Andy, I go, just buy it for him. I mean, I just got him a condo. You get him in the car and he's like, how much is it? I go, it's like 27 grand. He goes, okay. And he calls. Next day, he goes, you rat. It was 40. And so I see my dad. I go, you told me he's 27. He goes, I gotta get the pinstripes. Come on, man.

[David Spade]

I gotta get the sheepskins.

[Dana Carvey]

You want me to.

[David Spade]

I gotta represent.

[Dana Carvey]

This looks bad on you.

[David Spade]

There is something called kind of a lovable scoundrel, you know? And your dad is. And you know my dad, people loved him too. He had a lot of friends, you know, you gotta forgive him. They're just human.

[Dana Carvey]

You want me to have a little bit of a pimp sled, don't you? Don't. Don't. I'll embarrass you if I drive a jalopy. I go, eh. It's a really good point.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, next story. Yeah, he did. He said, this is for you. When he swear, that's his spin was like, you want me to have a nice car? Because it looks Bad for you. What is this thing?

[David Spade]

What is this thing?

[Dana Carvey]

New Hampshire, right now. June 6th. This is the worst. 9th, 9th. Up in Grantham. Are those spider webs?

[David Spade]

Something not good. Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Those are spiders

[David Spade]

I've just never had before.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, if those are spider webs, first of all, I'm moving to another planet. Second of all, you can. I've seen people light them on fire and they go right up. It's like cotton candy that they don't

[David Spade]

have a plan to get out.

[Dana Carvey]

Dude, what if you were stuck in there? I couldn't cry hard enough. I'm so scared of spiders.

[David Spade]

I like spiders that I was about

[Dana Carvey]

to say, you're gonna act. No, no. You would be bawling. You'd be trying to get out like the horse. Pull me out. I'm stuck.

[David Spade]

Hey, pull the baby out.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, I'm not gonna pull the baby out. What are you gonna do about it?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, God.

[Heather Santoro]

I'm not gonna pull.

[David Spade]

That's good.

[Dana Carvey]

That's good. It came back. Heather, can you close that middle curtain? Because it's blinding. This house is a blinding.

[David Spade]

Well, my lights changes, too, in here.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, the problem is there's so many windows, four pantries, whatever. It's a mansion. These are.

[David Spade]

You'll get some diffusion things that'll make you glow.

[Dana Carvey]

I know everyone makes fun of me because I go, well, sorry. I don't want a laser beam in my eyes, like, oh, you closing the windows, you puss. I go, well, if you can't see this tv, it looks just blank.

[David Spade]

Who is this character?

[Dana Carvey]

All my friends hate me.

[David Spade]

They all yell at me, what are you, Puss? What are you doing, little puss?

[Dana Carvey]

Little fragile puss. That's kind of true, though. Okay. More and more, by the way, we're ripping through this because even though I'm uncomfortable, I'm really putting on a good show.

[David Spade]

Yeah, that's. You always bring it. No matter.

[Dana Carvey]

I always bring it.

[David Spade]

By the way, tumultuous.

[Dana Carvey]

We had a good Ed Norton clip about Fight Club that blew up the Internet.

[David Spade]

Multi. Millions.

[Dana Carvey]

Millions and millions about you. Mine on Instagram is 7 million. I think, really it was churning out the. I mean, do we get a penny? No, it doesn't matter. But it's good. It looks good to brag about when I'm out at, like, 7:11. I talk about it.

[David Spade]

Jesus, it had more clicks than a Broadway dancer. You know,

[Dana Carvey]

more clicks than seat belt and a Corolla. What about Nathan Lane was funny, too. I thought Nathan Lane was funny.

[David Spade]

He's on right Now, Nathan Lane was great.

[Dana Carvey]

That's your buddy.

[David Spade]

I was. Yeah, we were. We had six month experience that we never really talked about like that. Like that. And I was. It was just stunning that how much we were remembered. The same crazy. There's not much more. We could have done a three hours.

[Dana Carvey]

This is something you should do if you're in your. In your hotel window and you're bored. Heather. Dana, you too. I wrote a song about it.

[Heather Santoro]

You want to hear it?

[Dana Carvey]

Here it goes. Oh, not fast forward. Not fast forward. Not fast forward. I don't know. Why is it being fast forward? So people just act like they're helping people walk.

[David Spade]

Well, I think. I think it's actually kind of funny.

[Dana Carvey]

I'll move the car. Shutting doors.

[David Spade]

Well, it's because she's.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, that was good. Push the bus, too.

[David Spade]

It's kind of positive. And she's guiding them in. I mean, it's kind of a positive.

[Dana Carvey]

People used to go like this and like squish people, but this is a funnier spot.

[Heather Santoro]

Get on the bus.

[David Spade]

Get in the.

[Heather Santoro]

Get on.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't think it was in that speed, though. But it's kind of funny that.

[David Spade]

No, they altered the speed maybe a little bit too much.

[Dana Carvey]

But I think we're. I think all of these are going too fast. I don't know.

[David Spade]

All of these.

[Dana Carvey]

All these videos ramped up. Wait.

[David Spade]

Oh, I see what you're saying. Technical issues.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, right. But how about this? I saw the spurs once. Your precious football team.

[David Spade]

My Spurs.

[Dana Carvey]

Basketball.

[David Spade]

Basketball team.

[Dana Carvey]

I saw him at one of my hotels in the road. And the bus pulls up, they all get off, and they're walking through the lobby, and we're all like this, you know. And then the last guy's carrying a basketball. I'm like, all right, relax, dude. He's like this. I'm like, we got it. We all know you're on a basketball team. You're all eight feet tall. He's got to be like, huh? I don't walk into a hotel and carry a microphone. Hey, is this the front desk? Are you two married? Okay, where's the gift shop? So everyone knows I'm a comedian. That's funny.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I know.

[Dana Carvey]

Look at this guy. Is that a new shirt? Hey, before we jump back into the show, let's take a quick break. All right? Not just any break. This is a refreshing break with Snapple. We all know about Snapple's iconic real facts, so let's take a minute to go over some of my faves.

[David Spade]

Snapple real fact 455 movie trailers used to come on at the end of the movies, but no one stuck around to watch them.

[Dana Carvey]

I've heard that. Snapple Real Fact 831 adults laugh only about 15 to 100 times a day, while preschoolers laugh an average of 300 times a day.

[David Spade]

Snapple Real Fact 1983 the first player drafted to play pro football never played in the league.

[Dana Carvey]

That's interesting. Snapple Real fact 1274 kickball is referred to as soccer baseball in some parts of Canada. Hmm.

[David Spade]

So grab a Snapple, take a second, enjoy the moment.

[Dana Carvey]

Because let's be honest, this might be the most refreshing part of your day. Snapple make your break more interesting. For many men, the shift can happen gradually or all at once. Workouts feel harder, yes, energy dips, recovery takes longer. Even routines haven't changed. One major reason is Testosterone levels can start declining around age 30, dropping at 1% each year. But it's not just about how much testosterone the body produces, it's also about how much is actually available to use. A protein called SHBG binds to testosterone and can limit how much of it your body can access. So even if the levels are there, it's not always working effectively. Marsman is a natural supplement designed to help free up that bound testosterone so the body can use it more efficiently.

[David Spade]

Yes, and that can support energy, strength, focus and overall performance. It's formulated with eight natural, clinically dosed ingredients like Tongkat, Ali and Shalalit, Vitamin D, zinc and boron. No synthetic hormones or stimulants. It's made in the USA, third party tested and backed by a 90 day money back guarantee. Over 91% of users report higher energy levels with thousands of positive reviews.

[Dana Carvey]

David For a limited time our listeners can get 50% off for life plus free shipping and three free gifts@ Mengotomars.com that's Mengotomars.com for 50% off and three free gifts when you check out. It's also available on Amazon. After you purchase they will ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. It's called Fly on the Wall. Packing for a weekend lake trip means managing a massive checklist and the last thing I want to do is fight the crowded store aisles for snacks and drinks. That's why Instacart can help me with my busy schedule. I use the app to get pre cut fruit cold drinks. Yep, sandwich ingredients ready before we head out. It gives me precious time back so we can hit the road sooner and stay longer.

[David Spade]

That's right. Instacart enables delivery from your favorite local stores with an easy to use platform where shoppers care about getting your order right. You get a seamless experience you can trust with quality items carefully selected and ready for pickup or at your door in as fast as 30 minutes. It lightens your load so you can focus on making memories. Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most. Download the Instacart app now and get groceries just how you like. One thing great about football or soccer is that Messi is maybe the best ever. I think he's like five' five. You can be tall, but you can be basketball. There was Spud Webb. I think he was 5, 7. He won the slam dunk competition.

[Dana Carvey]

I remember that.

[David Spade]

Kind of mind blowing, but I had an elevator for one time open up, and it was an NBA team there in all their sweat, and it was like, just.

[Dana Carvey]

It's very weird, everybody. When you watch. If you watch wnba, you're Caitlin Clark, who we like Sophie Cunningham works with her on there. And she's kind of funny. You see her when she was pointing the other day. It was kind of funny pointing at the other person.

[David Spade]

She went on SNL like a couple years ago, I think.

[Dana Carvey]

Sophie Cunningham.

[David Spade]

No, no, Caitlyn.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, Caitlin. Did. Did she do something?

[David Spade]

Yeah, she's funny. She was on update. Very poised.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. She was a little bit like Dracula in Hotel Transylvania. But I don't. I don't argue. I can't argue that. But she's great. And Sophie, maybe we could have one of them on because. Kind of fun to talk to about. I love the whole world is interesting world.

[David Spade]

Yeah. But.

[Dana Carvey]

But what? The point was, like, she's six feet tall. She doesn't look it, really. She's skinny. But when they're all standing out there, you don't know. Charles Barkley looks short, but then he's six. Six because he's next to all these.

[David Spade]

He's next to Shaq, who's 72. Yeah. It looks like I don't even go

[Dana Carvey]

to games for that reason. I don't want to be near a photo of me and a basketball player. And they're like

[David Spade]

billionaires and the owners of the teams and they're. I guess there's kind of slight and sort of hunched over and nerdy. Yeah, most of them, you know.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

But they got them all.

[Dana Carvey]

That's not me, though. No. Okay, let's do another Story, then I got a million things to do. Dan, I need you to help me move boxes.

[David Spade]

Yeah, we. Yeah, I've been up 12 hours at this moment.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, this is Bangkok, which you don't know where it is, but I'll show you in a map.

[David Spade]

I know what it means.

[Dana Carvey]

This is my biggest fear. Okay, this is cars.

[David Spade]

I would like to know.

[Dana Carvey]

And here comes a sinkhole. Sinkhole, Sinkhole. Where do you go when you fall? Where do you go? It's getting worse. Where do you go? Wow, I've seen sinkholes and people go in them. And I go, not the way to go. You're disappearing. You disappear. You're like, hi, I'm gonna. I'm just cruise off to the center of the earth.

[David Spade]

Well, it sounds like the guy's talking to the falling concrete. Wait, it's not gonna do anything. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, he'd be so scared. Like, how scary. If you're in that car, that white car, I'd advise you to get up out the other side.

[David Spade]

Okay, let's see. Note, note to self. Cancel that little, little journey to Bangkok this summer.

[Dana Carvey]

Stay off main street first.

[David Spade]

Yeah, now our government's looking better and better. Although we get potholes.

[Dana Carvey]

But now go to Bangkok. You love it so much. Go to Bangkok. You hate it here. Go.

[David Spade]

Yeah, the whole thing can collapse.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, wait, should we do one more? Let's do one more and end on a real. I don't know if this is it,

[David Spade]

then we have to do three out three hour energy.

[Dana Carvey]

So what is.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, five hours?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

Let's do your.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, the.

[Dana Carvey]

After this, we'll do it. Okay, ready? Let's see. This one looks like art, looks like transit. But this whole corner, it's a signal stack. Relay boxes, voltage chambers, smart grid panels all tucked into one walkable zone, right where thousands of people. Oh, it's like a grid drying your brain. They make it like a little park. Modulated pulse, behavioral pulsing, all active. Number 13, number transformation. Not to mention dark writing. That's a little. I wouldn't. So they like, look at this fun tech. And you're like, really? Oh, I just microwaved my brain and I'm not super paranoid about that stuff, but I don't want to live right next to like, you feel a humming in your body. Like, I don't. This can't be good for me.

[Heather Santoro]

No.

[David Spade]

You know that the 49ers training facility was near all this transmission power plant. And then a lot of curious injuries. The Last two seasons. And I think that they move. They just. Something about that vulnerability.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[David Spade]

Don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

You're bi.

[Heather Santoro]

Curious.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Let's do five Hour Energy.

[David Spade]

Five Hour Energy.

[Dana Carvey]

It's time for buzzing around. Sponsored by five Hour Energies Fireworks. Freeze flavor. Ignite your taste buds with a red, white and blue freezer. Pop classic reimagined as a delicious firework freeze. Five hour energy shot. Find firework freeze shots online at five hour energy.com or Amazon today. Okay, the setup is Dana's gonna do some impressions in a fictitious setting.

[David Spade]

It's a fictitious setting. And they're pretty. They're not really rehearsed or anything. Or thought out or thought out in any way.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Theo had our boy John Kennedy on last week. Are you jealous?

[Heather Santoro]

Did he?

[Dana Carvey]

I know. We should have, right?

[David Spade]

Oh, wow.

[Dana Carvey]

He probably saw we make fun of him. So funny.

[David Spade]

Now, you are from Louisiana. Did I get that right?

[Dana Carvey]

Is that right?

[David Spade]

Yeah, I feel like it might feel like I.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. All right, let's see what you got.

[David Spade]

Here's what I got. I got on the Pierce Morgan show this famous redneck comedian.

[Heather Santoro]

Red.

[David Spade]

Red necky. Joining me today is a comedian named Red Rednecky, the redneck comedian who is making a lot of noise in the show business. He's selling out arenas all over the world. And please welcome. Welcome to Mr. Red Rednecky.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. Hi, Paris. I'm good. How are you, sir? I'm happy to be here.

[David Spade]

Now, you. You were born in. Well, Baton Rouge, I understand.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, I basically was born about 40 miles south of Baton Rouge in an alligator swamp. See, my mama, she loved alligators. They loved her. Almost like a Tarzan kind of deal with the chimpanzees. She had an understanding, so she would bathe her weight into this alligator swamp. So she's a hefty woman. She's out there one day and yelled at my daddy. I think I'm giving a birth to a baby. So I popped up. Doubt that. First thing I saw was an alligator. And my baby brain thought, mama.

[David Spade]

So you actually were born in an alligator swamp.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, so this is not the usual rhythm of Red Rhett.

[David Spade]

Well, I'm kind of having. Now, could you share some of your famous routines? There's T shirts all over the world.

[Dana Carvey]

There we go.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, sure thing. Sure thing, Mr. Morgan. Yeah, well, I always say my name. I'm Red. Rednecky. Redneck comedian. You ever fart so loud? Dog 2 state away. Go what day?

[David Spade]

So when you say a dog 2 state away and you're actually saying that they could hear your flatulence from probably close to 100 kilometers away.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, I was just fun and I mean, you know, I'm a funny. But how about this one? I went to the doctor. The doctor said we gotta. We gotta amputate your left foot. I said can I keep my right foot? They said sure thing. I said come and get some.

[Dana Carvey]

Wait a second. So I hope Peter's asking.

[David Spade]

So even though they is this true

[Heather Santoro]

story now just funny. I was just fun and you know. But some people take it serious. But I do my left foot size 14 and my right foot is size 4 and a half. So I walk a little different.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, one's like a stump.

[David Spade]

Well, do you have routines where the audience doesn't quite get it and they get angry?

[Heather Santoro]

Well, you know, one joke that I dropped was I'm red redneck. You redneck comedian. I met my sister only cause mama turned me down.

[Dana Carvey]

Come against you married your sister because your mom turned you down?

[David Spade]

Yeah, I'm turning into Piers Morgan.

[Heather Santoro]

Perfect.

[David Spade]

Mr. Spade agrees with me. So that you got booed off the stage with that.

[Heather Santoro]

Yes, that's true. But I like to. Then my bits would come and get so much more positive. Like here's one I just wrote today, which is true. My daddy smoked a corn called pipe but couldn't afford no tobacco. So he lit the pipe on fire and smoked that. He was missing his lower lip come against

[Dana Carvey]

the actual corn cob.

[David Spade]

So he burnt his lips.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. What are you gonna do about it?

[David Spade]

Yeah, now you're taking Mike. Mike Tyson's thing.

[Dana Carvey]

Dude, don't get accused of stealing if you're a comedian.

[David Spade]

Anyway, my guest today is bad Brent Redneck, the redneck comedian. You know, settling out stadiums all over the world. You heard his bits. No one funny.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, thank you kindly, Mr. Piers Morgan, if that's your real name.

[Dana Carvey]

I like that Piers Morgan still did the promotion even though he didn't really think he was that funny.

[David Spade]

Well, that's. I thought of it 32 minutes ago.

[Dana Carvey]

I like the Pierce goes well Red, you still. You're a very funny comedian. You're working all over the world.

[David Spade]

Do you really believe you could people want to hear something like crap so big kill Tony.

[Heather Santoro]

I'm red, redneck and redneck comedian. You ever crap so big, don't think it get down that turlet

[David Spade]

now. Is that the kind of comedy you think people like you actually. So you started doing Piers Morgan in a way being I kind of did

[Dana Carvey]

because I'm curious about this and I

[David Spade]

really play A lot.

[Dana Carvey]

And I will say it reminded me of some videos I've seen on Instagram where when they're in England and if they ever mention going to the bathroom, the girls are unabashedly just going. They go, can we have a few words? And girls like, yeah, we were just in the toilet. No, we were just in the toilet and we just came out of the toilet. I'm like, yeah. Do we say toilet? It's disgusting.

[David Spade]

Yeah, you would be. We would call it, I'd like to go to the restroom.

[Dana Carvey]

Right.

[David Spade]

You're not bloody rested in there. Boys room or the boys room. Or I'd see women say, I'm going to the little girls room.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah, I gotta do this thing.

[David Spade]

Oh, oh. Do you normally do an outro after Dana does the character?

[Heather Santoro]

I did. I just forgot. Yeah. We need an ad.

[Dana Carvey]

We need it. That was buzzing around the 22 minute bit. Sponsored by 500G's Firework Freeze flavor. The iconic red, white and blue freezer pop flavor you crave with none of the sugar. Spark a tasty flavor sensation with Firework Freeze fiber energy shots available at 5energy.com and Amazon today. Okay, I'm gonna get rid of that one. That's it. All right, Dana, we're going to wrap up the show.

[David Spade]

I hope everybody had a great Fourth of July.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, we didn't talk about our fourth of July that we had.

[David Spade]

It was great.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, it was all great. It was very fourth.

[David Spade]

I do always watch the ball drop in. In New York. I do. I did that again. I like that. Yeah, New York City.

[Dana Carvey]

My doctor watched mine during my physical.

[David Spade]

Well, wait a minute. There's no ball drop on.

[Heather Santoro]

Wait a minute. That ball drop is New Year's Eve.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, that's what it is.

[David Spade]

I confused it.

[Heather Santoro]

Come and don't get some.

[David Spade]

Don't get so.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, thanks, buddy. Next time I'll be all worked in here and it'll be a little more professional.

[David Spade]

Oh, I can't wait.

[Dana Carvey]

I really liked it.

[David Spade]

It's a work in progress.

[Dana Carvey]

No pressure and we'll talk later, buddy. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but I obviously smash that goddang button on your favorite podcast app. Leave a review. A good one, leave a five star rating, nothing else.

[David Spade]

Whoops.

[Dana Carvey]

And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. Dana, what do you think?

[David Spade]

I'm going to tell you this right now, hear me now, believe me later. Fly on the Wall. Believe it or not is presented by Odyssey and. And executive produced by. Hold For It. Dana Carvey and David Spade or David Spade and Dana Carvey? We don't write this stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman and Leah Rhys Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweetek. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lepore.