How To Kill The Fly on the Wall & Old School Throwbacks

Summary

Podcast Summary: Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: How To Kill The Fly on the Wall & Old School Throwbacks
Date: September 8, 2025
Hosts: Dana Carvey and David Spade

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Episode Overview

This episode is a classic banter-heavy, Monday edition where longtime pals Dana Carvey and David Spade riff on everything from personal anecdotes and entertainment industry stories to current events and fan-submitted questions. The main theme is a mix of comedy, showbiz reminiscence, and playful pop culture commentary—highlighted by an extended, hilarious run of voice impressions, ‘80s nostalgia, and conversational improv around topics like spam texts, NBA salary cap shenanigans, unusual restaurants, gun anecdotes, and the perilous etiquette of autograph-seeking.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Banter and Setting the Scene

• Dana and David open with their trademark light quarrelling about hosting duties and backgrounds for their video podcast.
  • "Let me talk. I'm the host." (Dana, 02:18)
• They riff on their different room aesthetics, with David joking about Dana's "19 walls" and "safe pantry" (03:12), leading to a running gag about the size of Dana's house.

2. The Shower Fly (and ‘Killing the Fly on the Wall’)

• Dana tells a story about discovering a fly in his shower:
  • "I grazed him. He kind of spins out and he goes to the wall, like, kind of high. ...He really took a knee." (Dana, 04:43)
  • The fly becomes a comedy foil, as Dana anthropomorphizes it (“You’re grounded from flying, so walk down the wall and lay down”).
• David relates with his own story about bumping his head on the shower nozzle, mocking the tendency to blame inanimate objects:
  • "You weren't there last time I showered. So, hey, nozzle, if you're gonna move around, we're gonna have a problem." (David, 06:33)

3. Defeating Flies: Strategies & Comedy Improv

• Both riff on their measured, sneaky approaches to killing flies, with the flies seemingly always winning:
  • "I don't look at it. I try to act nonchalant" (David, 07:03)
  • "Then I make a swing and I always miss. And he goes, you idiot. You thought you could get me..." (Dana, 07:34)

4. Old School Showbiz & Impressions

• Extended impersonations: Bill Maher, Woody Allen, Owen Wilson
  • "There's only one Woody Allen...but I do love Love Island UK." (David, 10:19)
  • Discuss how actors in Woody Allen films often channel his style, e.g., Owen Wilson in Midnight in Paris.
• Paul Thomas Anderson is celebrated as a “friend of the show” and brilliant director.
  • “He's got a Kubricky Woody Allen kind of motif going there.” (David, 12:36)

5. Spam Texts & Scams

• Anecdotes about today’s spam texts, with Dana brainstorming clever ones:
  • “Did you understand my last email?” (Dana, 18:23)
• They warn against scams, referencing personal/family stories.
  • “Everything's a scam. Even my wife is out for the day and she comes through the door...‘Could you just give me your Social Security number?’” (David, 15:39)

6. Mickey Rooney and Showbiz Eccentricities

• David retells his surreal first-tv-job experience with Mickey Rooney:
  • “He had a .38 revolver and he would wave it around. ‘They’re not going to get me!’” (David, 19:00)
  • Impersonates Mickey’s grandiosities: “In the 1930s, I was the number one star in the world. Hear me? Bang—the world!” (David, 19:34)
• Plays footage of Mickey Rooney’s acting class and details Rooney’s eccentric, sometimes inappropriate advice.
  • “My parents said, 'How is Mickey Rooney?' I go, ‘He is a delight, Ma.’” (David, 23:20)

7. NBA Salary Cap: Clippers and Kawhi Leonard

• The analysis of secret (alleged) financial side deals in pro sports, with the Kawhi Leonard/Aspiration scandal as example.
  • “They pay Kawhi $28 million to be like a spokesman. But he doesn't have to do anything.” (Dana, 24:02)
  • Discussion of exploiting salary cap loopholes, referencing other athletes’ financial strategies.

8. Miscellaneous News and Impressions

• Quick takes on various news stories and political stunts:
  • Bobby Kennedy Jr./Senate Hearing exchange (“I remember our conversation very well...”), and playful JFK impressions (29:01).
  • Absurdity of authoritarian leaders "summits": “We get along on some levels, we're different, but we're the same.” (Dana, 30:04)

9. Fear of Flying & Travel Stories

• Fear of plane noises and comedic rationalizations:
  • “A minute in or so...does a huge downshift and you feel like they're taking the power off...but you're never scared because, man up front drives big plane.” (David, 32:21)
• Dana’s trip to Alaska:
  • Shares impressions of the landscape, mention of moose-hunting and jokes about guides’ tips (33:22).

10. Weird Restaurants: The Poop Restaurant

• Discuss modern novelty dining in Taiwan, such as the “poop restaurant”—dishes served in toilet-themed containers.
  • "Human beings have way too much free time and money." (David, 35:42)
  • Jokes about menu items: “Who got the catheter pie?” (David, 36:45)

11. Quick-Cut Dress Changing Streamers & SNL Costume Changes

• Discusses viral streamer making millions trying on dresses at speed, comparing it to old school variety acts and SNL’s backstage chaos.
  • “It has the freneticism of an Indianapolis pit stop...except it’s shoes and wigs.” (David, 39:49)

12. Michael Jordan, Autographs, and Security

• Explains why Michael Jordan refuses most autograph requests:
  • “Jordan has a lifetime exclusive contract...he’s legally barred from signing outside official Upper Deck events.” (40:31)
  • Jokes about a documentary-style narrator for their own lives.

13. Guns, Safety, and Anecdotes

• Discusses being gun owners due to crime worries and share wild stories.
  • “I have been. I've broken into twice. So when it's going to be, you or them. Nobody wants to shoot anyone, it's terrifying...” (Dana, 43:57)
  • Debate the culture shift around self-protection and jokes about encounters with “gun guys.”

14. Listener Questions (56:00 — End)

• Laxatives and fiber humor:

  • “My go-to is nerves. If I’m scared about something that sort of gets things into gear.” (Dana, 55:48)
  • “28 grams of fiber a day. Metamucil—just fiber. I’m not a paid spokesman for green peas.” (David, 56:25)

• Virginity and ‘strangest place you’ve made whoopee’:

  • Dana: “Last month of high school...walked her home from a boxer party...” (58:22)
  • David (deadpan): “A Sears department store near where they sell washers and dryers.” (58:29)

• “Are you in the Mile High club?” and riffing on the undesirability of comedians doing sex jokes in middle age.

  • “No one wants to picture us making love, you know. They just want the jokes.” (David, 60:20)

• “Champing at the bit” vs. “chomping at the bit”:

  • Heather (their producer) fact-checks: "The original is 'champing at the bit', but 'chomping' is more widely used..." (61:15)

15. Old School Interviewers

• Plays audio from a hilariously blunt ‘70s/’80s local celebrity interviewer:
  • “Tempest...now he’s dead” / “Have you ever seen eyes like this?”
  • Both praise her directness and suggest a modern SNL cast member play her.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dana (about the fly): “He really took a knee. And I think...that’s probably where I hit him.” (04:43)
• David (on shower nozzles): “You weren’t there last time I showered. So hey, nozzle, if you’re gonna move around, we’re gonna have a problem.” (06:33)
• Dana (on spam): “Did you understand my last email?” (18:23)
• David (on Mickey Rooney): “In the 1930s, I was the number one star in the world. Hear me? Bang—the world!” (19:34)
• David (on Michael Jordan): “He’s just the most protected brand in sports.” (41:55)
• Dana (about travel): “I was looking for mooses. Those sound fun to see. I did not see one.” (33:22)
• David (on restaurant themes): “Who got the catheter pie?...Chocolate stents.” (36:45)
• Fan Q&A
  • Dana: “My go-to laxative is nerves.”
  • David: “Sears department store—near where they sell washers and dryers.” (58:29)

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Time-Stamped Highlights

• 02:18 – Host banter about show ownership/guest duties
• 04:41 – The ‘fly on the wall’ in Dana’s shower; anthropomorphizing a bug
• 06:33 – David’s nozzle blame bit
• 10:19 – Woody Allen and Owen Wilson impressions
• 18:23 – Dana’s anti-phishing spam text ideas
• 19:34 – Mickey Rooney stories and impressions
• 24:02 – Kawhi Leonard/Clipper salary cap workaround exposé
• 29:01 – Bobby Kennedy Jr/JFK AI riff
• 32:21 – Airplane engine noises: anxiety and rationalization
• 35:42 – The “poop restaurant” story
• 39:49 – SNL costume change chaos vs viral streamer quick changes
• 40:31 – Michael Jordan’s autograph policy explained
• 43:57 – Gun anecdotes and escalating self-protection jokes
• 55:48 – Fiber, laxatives, and green peas
• 58:29 – Virginity/lost in Sears (David’s deadpan gag)
• 61:15 – “Champing at the bit” v “chomping”—producer Heather’s ruling

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Tone & Style

The episode is rapid-fire, irreverent, and warm, packed with playful one-upmanship, impressions, self-deprecation, and a deliberate blend of showbiz nostalgia with current-event commentary. The hosts hop nimbly among topics, always prioritizing laughs—sometimes blue, often absurd, but always relatably human.

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For New Listeners

This episode is representative: quick-paced, joke-filled, insightfully silly, and occasionally poignant. Expect SNL and Hollywood inside tales, stream-of-consciousness riffing, and witty engagement with fan questions.

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Further Listening

Catch all “Fly on the Wall” episodes on YouTube (@flyonthewallpod) or by subscribing via your favorite podcast app. For fan mail/questions, reach out to [e-mail].

Transcript

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[A]

Welcome to the podcast everybody. Welcome to my, my humble podcast. I want my new thing.

[B]

I want this idea to go for at least 10 episodes.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I. I'm running with it.

[B]

I love being a guest because I don't have to do any prep. Everything is on you. No offense or nothing.

[A]

Then if we talk over I go, Dana, this is. Let me talk. I'm the host.

[B]

Let's remember whose show this is.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good thing. I'll say that more. I looked a little pale yesterday. Not yesterday, but on the show Pale, the last show. Yeah.

[B]

I'm trying to.

[A]

This is funny. I'm in the black room and you're in the white. It's hysterical.

[B]

But I have little. Little fellas around.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

I'm.

[A]

Listen, we're different.

[B]

I. You know, I can't tell. Like, if I look at clips, I look like I'm all washed out, just like crazy. And then I'll look at other things. Oh, not too bad. So now I'm close, you know, I'm in a room and I have two windows with curtains, so I'm closing them more. So I kind of match you, but I don't have the pitch black. It's like you are in a protection program.

[A]

I think I'm gonna have to switch it next time and try dark gray. One of the walls is dark gray. This room is so big. I have 19 walls. It's hard to explain.

[B]

And 31 bedrooms. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[A]

I don't judge it. I don't care. Five pantries. I wouldn't tell anyone that.

[B]

Well, I remember when I came over once and I said, you know what? I just didn't get in my run this morning. You said, just. Just go upstairs. So I ran for about 45 minutes. And I kept seeing new. New bedrooms.

[A]

You were still in one pantry.

[B]

I ran four miles. I was still on your property.

[A]

I have a safe pantry where I go in there with a big. Where I can stay if there's a crook in my house. I know.

[B]

And chocolate bars all around the house.

[A]

Oh, I will tell you what happened in my house. I was going to tell you last time I was getting in my shower. This might seem like a nothing story. It's not.

[B]

It's. Any story is important.

[A]

Go. It's important you know this. So I'm getting in my shower, and there's a fly. Made it all the way upstairs.

[B]

One.

[A]

And he's in. In my bathroom. I don't like it. I don't really care. I don't like it, though. So I go up my shower. Now he's in the shower. What to do? So I have a little washcloth that I just had one in my hand because I was a little nervous. I wasn't thinking I was holding it. So I kind of behind my back went like that. And I. I grazed him. So he kind of spins out and he goes to the wall, like, kind of high. And he's. And he's kind of like this. And I'm like, oh, my God. He felt that. Like, it didn't knock him out, but I could tell he was a little disoriented.

[B]

Yeah, he took a knee, basically.

[A]

He really took a knee. And I think. I don't know if they have solar plexus, but that's probably where I hit him. And I go, we got a fly on the wall over here. So anyway, he's up there. He's like this. And then I'm like. I'm looking. I'm like, are you okay, dude? And he's like this. I'm like, you don't even know what I'm saying. He doesn't know what I'm saying. It's not comprehending. Yeah. So I go, oh, shit. And he's like, no, no, it's cool. I was heading over here anyway. I go, no, you weren't. You were going over by the shampoos. But fine, I'll let you say that. And then I thought I was like, oh, my God, what if I really tried? I wasn't. I was half speed. I was just like that. What if I tried to hit him? He doesn't even know what's going on. Because I'd whip his ass. Because what if I was like, you want me to wind up? You don't want me to wind up. Because if I wind up and hit him. Done. You're like.

[B]

You're much bigger. You're just a lot bigger than the Fly.

[A]

Yeah. And so he's there, and then I said, you know what? You're not like. If you're a ref, you'd be like this. So I go, you're grounded from flying, so why don't you walk down the wall and then lay down, take a nap. You're not going to fly no more flying today.

[B]

What a shower. You know?

[A]

What a shot. And he saw me naked, too. And I'm like. And we're going to shut up about that part.

[B]

Oh, they love that. You know, in Singapore. Okay, Just looking this up. Singapore, they have literal Florida fly fights. So they train flies, almost like pit bulls or something, to fight each other. And they always. It's their de facto weight classes. Flyweight.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

Yeah, I, you know, I took a shower and I bumped.

[A]

I like how you lifted your phone for that.

[B]

I bumped my head on the shower nozzle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I was like, okay, you weren't there last time I showered. So. Hey, nozzle, if you're gonna move around, we're gonna have. We're gonna have a problem, you know, so your.

[A]

Nozzle's moving around now.

[B]

Well, I dislike the idea.

[A]

I like that. That you blame the nozzle.

[B]

Yeah. Because, like, how do I top blaming an organic creature? But I'll tell you what I do do, and this is no joke. Not getting around here.

[A]

It's no joke.

[B]

Let me get a pro. Yeah, I gotta do.

[A]

I'll do it for you while you're going. It's no joke.

[B]

Here's I do.

[A]

It's no joke, folks.

[B]

No joke. I'm not getting around here.

[A]

I did it while you were going.

[B]

I don't know if you could tell, but what I do do, it's a little bit like you. Like there's a fly in the house. I don't look at it. I try to act nonchalant as I quiet. Like, they don't see any move because somehow their little brains can sort of tell if you're getting ready. So you're not. You're not reacting at all. And then. Yeah, it's like that.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I do that.

[B]

Well, kind of what you implied you were doing is backing away and then whack, you know?

[A]

Yeah. But mine was really unplanned. But I do what you do. I plan it. Like, I go, oh, I'm just going to chop this celery. I don't care if there's a fly. I don't even notice you. And then I make a swing and I always miss. And he goes, you idiot. You thought. You thought you could get me with that. I'm like, I did think that.

[B]

My nozzle that was talking to me like that too. No, we. We dealt with flies for years and all this stuff, and then we got a screen door. But anyway, it doesn't matter.

[A]

My mom doesn't know why she has so many flies and she's got me. I mean, she always has food now. She has a lot of nice food out. She always wants us all to eat at all times. Oh, eat, eat. You're gonna blow away. But then the doors are all open and she has the AC on 41 and it's 116 out. I go, mom, you have to shut.

[B]

Something because you don't like cold air in your face. I've. News flash.

[A]

Well, you know this. I don't know. I do not. And then when I'm on the plane, it's like, it's. I don't love that. And then if this person's is on me, I'm like, excuse me, Jimmy, wake. Bend it back towards you.

[B]

That was a good one, by the way. I just Thought Woody Allen on our friend Bill Marshall.

[A]

Oh, Bill Maher. Club Billy Mar.

[B]

You know. Sure. Because you know, it's a club, but it's basically just a bedroom. You know you're calling a clubhouse.

[A]

You know, it's very quite random in.

[B]

I want to be pedantic.

[A]

I don't mean to be didactic or factious.

[B]

I don't want to be anything that ends with that.

[A]

Andre Prev. Wonderful guy.

[B]

Well, how you think the show. No, you're a wonderful podcast host. You know, you, you, you. You're very informative and you. You're asking questions that maybe two people in Nebraska care about.

[A]

The smell of weed. I thought it was in Wiz Khalifa's chimney.

[B]

Yeah, you said you would. By the time the fourth cocktail came, I. I felt you were speaking a foreign language of some type or maybe some alien came down and taught you how to speak by the fourth Tom Collins.

[A]

You know, I thought I was in a professional show. I'm in a tree house.

[B]

No, you're a wonderful, you know.

[A]

Beautiful, intelligent woman.

[B]

I've seen that. I've seen one television show in the last 19 years. You know, it's just. I'm reading War and peace for this 11th time.

[A]

Yeah. Bill's like, have you seen a alien Earth yet? How many episodes? He's like, what's Hulu? Hulu Hoop.

[B]

Watch this chat Downton Abby. Everybody's talking about. He's right behind. There's only one Woody Allen.

[A]

He's like. But I do love Love island uk.

[B]

I know. I wanted to be there because everyone I wanted to ask him about Midnight at Paris because I'm just a psycho fan of that. And I've heard a little birdie told me that P. Paul Thomas Anderson is also a huge fan of that particular movie. And the reason I love it is because our. Our friend Owen Wilson is the perfect surrogate Woody, like Woody would have played that part but. But Owen has, you know. You know, now I can't do him. You talk first. I gotta out of Woody was.

[A]

So you're. Because I think a lot of Woody's movies he has someone sort of play a version of him.

[B]

Right. You know, because now I'm doing Woody this.

[A]

Are you doing a combo Owen Woody right now?

[B]

No, I just want to do Owen from the movie. You know, Godot and it be. I think it'd be great if. See, I'm doing Woody now. This is a. This is.

[A]

But wasn't I can't Owen doing a little himself. Trying to be a little like Woody.

[B]

Or not maybe a little bit. But I think Owen's natural cadence and tone.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Matched.

[A]

Is reflected a little bit.

[B]

It's a. It's a little inside baseball on. People do impressions. You do, you know. Sure. Because you. It's hard to go from there to, you know, Owen Wilson doing it. Because what I do, I do this in my act. I go, Owen Wilson tells the 2 year old he can't have any more candy. Sorry, little buddy, you can't have any more candy. So that's. That's my act now, folks. I'm not trying to light the world on fire. I just want people to get a.

[A]

Little relief from this, by the way.

[B]

Well, because it's. I like ridiculousness now.

[A]

You know, I've got a ridiculous thing. Quickly. By the way, we should get PTA on Paul Thomas Anderson.

[B]

Love to.

[A]

He's a friend of the show.

[B]

He is Benny's. Maya's has been who? I adore. Maya Rudolph.

[A]

And we love. He.

[B]

He's brilliant. I mean, he's, you know. Oh, man. If you. If you ever want to see a brilliant movie, we'll put on Magnolia. It's like just crazy.

[A]

Magnolia is the only one I have not seen.

[B]

It's out there and Boogie Nights, of course. And then all the other ones he's done. He just has a kubricky, you know, sort kubricky Woody Allen kind of motif going there. With a. With a bit of, you know, Donald Sutherland vibe. I don't know.

[A]

Just punch drunk love, too. With. With.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Friend of the show. Adam.

[B]

I love that phrase. A friend of the show.

[A]

I do, too. I stole it right from Lauren. Paul Simon. You want him in a sketch? We'll try him. He's a friend of the show.

[B]

Now my hair. I came in nice with some lift, and as the show goes on, it's like. It's like a. It's like a bunk cake that's flat.

[A]

Your cake is fallen.

[B]

No, your hair is terrific.

[A]

It's.

[B]

It's like a. A reverse baking thing, you know, with Julia Childs, you know, because.

[A]

What falls?

[B]

What I'm not even making anymore.

[A]

Something falls.

[B]

I don't know, Car.

[A]

My hair is greased back today and combed so. I was so shamed by last week's pale blue shirt, messy hair. Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

I'm gonna tell you something that was on my phone. It's annoying. Ready?

[B]

Okay, go ahead.

[A]

So you might not get this, Dana, because you probably don't get a lot of spam here's the spam I got today. What they do is a new trick.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Heather knows this. They give you, they want you to answer not an email, but a text. So it's a phone number you don't know and it says something.

[B]

Yeah, I get. Yeah.

[A]

That makes you want to answer because it could be a friend or something. So today was sort of clever. It said. Can we go over something quickly?

[B]

Yes. I've been getting those, those type of.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Teasers or like I feel bad that we never talked about this. Yeah, it's.

[A]

Those are good ones. Yep. Because I want to write those.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it's really hooky where you go, you're absent mind. They go talk about what? Who is this? I don't have your number. You know, and then they got you. I don't know how they got you, but they got you.

[B]

Don't ever click on anything. Don't, don't believe anything.

[A]

I mean my mom did it. She'd call them. Oh, maybe it was something about my personal information. Let me send you a link to my bank account.

[B]

I had a relative, my mother in law who's Irish and very sincere and 90 years old at the time, I think, and she got scammed saying that, you know, we know this and that and can you go to Target and get little coupons, gift cards? Yeah, send them to her or something. And then they just disappeared. So yeah, everything's a scam. Even my wife is out for the day and she comes through the door here, I just go, look, I totally believe it's you, but could you just. Honey, could you just give me your Social Security number? Just, just, just give it. You know, last four days, human me because I can't. I'm going to do it on the entire thing.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

I can't get out of it.

[A]

I won't get sick of it. I laugh every time. It's funny to me. Need contract help for those workload peaks and backlog projects. You're not alone. Robert half found that 67% of companies surveyed said they will increase their use of contract talent. That's why their recru leverage their experience and use award winning AI to quickly find the skilled candidates you want learn.

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[A]

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[B]

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[B]

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[A]

Here's another spam text. I wrote that. You wrote. I wrote that I should write for them.

[B]

Oh, got it. Go.

[A]

Did you understand my last email?

[B]

Good one.

[A]

Everyone's gonna go, what? Who is? What email? And now we got you by the short and curlies.

[B]

I feel bad for the way we left things off.

[A]

Ah, oh, here he goes. Don't play yet.

[B]

Let me play yet. Let me get this set up again. To reiterate. So my very first job in show business. Sitcom in New York and Rockefeller center, the Mickey Rooney show. And I played the grandson and Nathan Lane played the roommate. We had Scatman Carruthers and Meg ryan. It lasted 13 weeks, whatever. And Mickey was the most eccentric person I'd ever met. My first job, I thought it was he was just a normal guy. He had a.38 revolver and he would wave it around. They're not going to get me. Who? Mickey who? You know. Well, if anybody in New York City tries to plug me, I'll plug them right back. And I've done this probably before. But he said this many times a day about his Career from the. In the 1930s, I was the number one star in the world. Hear me? Bang the world. That wasn't my best.

[A]

The world.

[B]

So anyway, so over the years, people go. Oh, is it an exaggeration? John Mulaney.

[A]

Oh, you're lying.

[B]

John Mulaney. Will would pay me cash dollars to do it for him. So it's sort. So, Dennis Miller, our buddy, sent us this. And it's a video of Mickey Rooney doing an acting class. And it's all very Mickey, you'll see. This is Mickey. I tell you what I want to do. You're not going to get into this thing unless I let you in. The word act. A, C, T. And I'm Mickey.

[A]

Roomy. Do you know how important you are? Hello, honey. Glad you're all dressed up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Going out tonight?

[B]

I think I'm just gonna, like, go out with my friends.

[A]

Not the same friends that I. I've been seeing you with lately.

[B]

I can make my own decisions. Just treatment. I know. She's good.

[A]

Do you know why I do that?

[B]

Do you know why?

[C]

Because I am.

[A]

Because you are Little familiar.

[B]

I love you too, honey.

[A]

That's why I. I'm careful about you. You were excellent. My sweet patted her ass.

[B]

You were excellent.

[A]

Did you kiss her hand? Did you. Denote. Read one book every two months.

[B]

Okay. Well, it'll be six books a year. Because you want this to be fertile.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Hi, honey. Hi, dear.

[A]

Hi, honey. I sawed my legs off.

[B]

Did you work hard in a room with this guy? A lot of people would think hypocritical about this.

[A]

What is this, an underacting class?

[B]

I didn't know it was this long.

[A]

And you're going, I love it.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Turtleneck. Maroon turtleneck, no less.

[B]

Every chick is four feet. So that is no exaggeration. He is four feet tall. He would. He would announce himself as a fire plug. They try to get me. This fire plug will throw him over the front of an Oldsmobile. He would just say, you know, scream. You know, Judy Garland never owned a car. What do you mean, Mickey? Because they pumped herself full of drugs, they killed her. He would talk till then.

[A]

He'd well up.

[B]

Well, he would talk until he ran out of breath. You know, for your edification, I think they should call senior citizens, more experienced people, because they are more. It's just he was an exploding insane man. And he made me.

[A]

He.

[B]

He tried to coach me in a scene. We were in a rehearsal hall. I was just coming out and I'd say, good morning, Mrs. Green. He got up. No, you got to be natural. You see? Good morning, Mrs. Green. We did it for two hours.

[A]

I've seen it's. No one would.

[B]

Nothing would matter. Just, good morning, Miss Green. Be natural. Be natural. But by the end, we were friends because I would do Jimmy Stewart. He loved that I could do Jimmy Stewart.

[A]

Come here, Dana. Sit on my lap.

[B]

I knew Jimmy Steward. I got him his first job in the business. Everything was grandiosity. I'm the one that told him to do Wonderful Life. He thought it was dog shit. And then he was in. My parents worshiped him. First day of shooting, there's a magazine cover of Farrah Fawcett. And I don't know what he meant, but he put it on his crotch and said, I'd like to stick it in brown.

[A]

I think I know.

[B]

So my parents. My parents said, how is Mickey Rooney? He's a delight. I go, he is a delight, Ma.

[A]

It's a lot of innuendo.

[B]

So that's my Mickey Rooney store.

[A]

I love that. And I like the video. Well, we can get into videos and news. One new story that I'm jumping around is. Yeah, we'll start with this one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, is this about. Okay, one story I thought was interesting. You love basketball. This Kawhi Leonard story is very interesting, even if you're not into basketball. The quick story and then we'll play this. They were looking for ways to pay him secretly. And this must happen all the time. So Steve Ballmer from the Clippers starts. He has like a tree planting company and they pay Kawhi 28 million to be like a spokesman. But he doesn't have to do anything now. Spokesman could. If he posted once on Instagram, he could have an argument like, oh, that's what I'm supposed to do is get the word out on trees. But here we'll hear a little bit about. On this.

[B]

I think I know Clarify.

[D]

My is that NBA executives were suspicious of how Steve Ballmer's Clippers landed the most valuable free agent on the market, Kawhi Leonard. That the NBA did not find that Bomber got Kawhi by sweetening their offer. But also that in March 2025, this celebrity endorsed, multi billion dollar, allegedly fraudulent tree brokerage named Aspiration, which promises to clear your conscience and your emissions. They file for bankruptcy. And this is where the clue is. What David's looking at with his glasses on is a bankruptcy filing. And there's a list of creditors, the entities to which aspiration, in all of their alleged fraudulence still owes the most money. And what I noticed is what David is noticing right now, which is that on that list of creditors up near the top above the Boston Red Sox is an LLC, tiny little company that aspiration owes $7 million. And that LLC's name, David, is what, a KL2 Aspire?

[A]

You got to change it a little bit.

[D]

And what does it list there under manager or member name, Kawhi Leonard, whose NBA jersey number, just to connect all happens to be what number two? So then the question is not too close. Part of K2 Aspire LLC. Right. Because, okay, he's getting all his money, millions of dollars. What I started doing was scour the Internet for any mentions of aspiration, any.

[A]

Appearances, tweets, quotes, Instagram posts, not really busting his home.

[D]

Kawhi Leon endorsing Aspiration. Yeah, and this was hard to find.

[B]

So.

[D]

Which also might seem weird, right? Because every other celebrity aspiration, the whole.

[B]

Enlisted thing, and I don't know if they said that right up top, but it's pretty long. Was a way. The salary cap. They have the salary cap and. And for NBA teams to try to keep it even. So there's only so much you can pay all your players. And this is a way to get Kaway, who's an incredible player, more money without it being part of his direct salary. Right. And that's. This guy discovered it.

[A]

Right. But it must. This must happen right and left. I mean, people are going to teams and they can't go over the cap. So, like, we'll sweeten it. He loves being here. He wants to play with Paul George or whoever, you know, and then they go, oh, that's surprising. But, yeah, he has family there. And then you find out he gets a cute 28 million on the side.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is great.

[B]

It's a little sneaky. I mean, one is this is that I know Steve Ballmer. I did a Microsoft event where I was doing cars and I was interviewing Bill Gates. And then Ballmer got up and gave a speech, and he was like a firebrand.

[A]

He's high energy.

[B]

20,000 people, Microsoft. It's like a cult. And then he started to sweat, like, just intensely armpit sweat. So when he ended, I said, I have three words for you, Eric. Extra dry. And it brought down the house. Good night, everybody.

[A]

He's our Mickey Rooney. But I think this could get him in trouble because this is like a fraud situation.

[B]

Right. This is breaking the rules of the NBA. I don't know if there's other levels of legality, but in the Legal world, which I don't know who started it. Michael Jordan probably, and some before him. But Jordan really took off where you take your show, your basketball money and you invest in other things. And so when Kaiway.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Well, no, Kevin Durant was it with the Warriors. He was always spending time in Silicon Valley with angel investors. And he got very, very, very wealthy that way. Using his salary to go.

[A]

Well, it helps when you start with 80 million to invest. Yeah, okay, we won't. Some people like enough sports. That was more of a business story.

[B]

I have a couple little just observations I can insert here. One was, I thought it was interesting, you know, the, these, these hearings all the time. So they had a hearing where they're grilling Robert Kennedy Jr. And the, the guy at the end's going, and you're not doing the right thing. And I, I haven't been able to get a hold of you and I have no way of. We haven't talked in months and nothing. And Bobby Kennedy Jr very calmly just said, well, Senator, I remember our conversation very well. And I gave you my cell phone number eight months ago and said, call me anytime. And the guy just got red face and go, well, your staff never reached out.

[A]

I like it. I thought it was John Kennedy you're talking about.

[B]

Oh, well, I, I will within his term. Bobby kidding. Junior he will have an a JFK AI that would say the exact same thing. Introducing JFK AI mechanism. 3, 2, 1. Well, I do remember what you told me eight months ago. I gave you my cell phone. I told you could call me anytime. I didn't say it because it was easy, because it was hard, hard, hard. If you want to do jfk, I like it. The other thing, I want your take on this. I think it's funny when authoritarian leaders walk together and create a summit. So you're seeing Putin Ye and Young. Like what do they talk about? You know, I assassinated 20 people today. I mean, what is the, what's the connection there?

[A]

I don't think it's about their fantasy football league. It should be.

[B]

Do you like the look in their eyes when you execute them? I don't know.

[A]

But anyway, I mean, they're just like, listen, we all have a commonality. We kill people. We're dictated. I mean, we, we get along on some levels we're different, but we're the same.

[B]

Yeah. What I like most about being myself is that everyone's afraid of me and I tell everyone to do so. A billion people are afraid of you? Yes, one billion. And I love it.

[A]

What was Kim Jong there? My boy. That guy with his dimples. I can't stay mad at that guy. So funny. He's kind of cute.

[B]

He's like a little. Yeah, he's. He's like a little Disney character. We'll do his.

[A]

Cut to us. Cut to us. He'll never hear this.

[B]

Well, like people he doesn't like. He doesn't just have people shoot him. He takes, like, an artillery thing. Like a giant.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I. Probably at town square.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, Tiana.

[A]

One they may. They make a big production out of some of those things. Anyway, too dark. Let's keep going.

[B]

What else? Sorry, took us in the wrong direction.

[A]

Here's some stories. Oh, I thought. This is funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is about. This is based on you. That's you in the picture when the plane makes weird sounds and you try to act cool, but your soul already left your body. Okay, play. Wait. It got stuck in the middle, but it goes. The kids. I guess because you're trying to relax. But I. You said this. And it happened on my flight to Alaska, where it goes. It makes like a real whining, and then it just goes away. And you're like, does that mean we're free falling now, or did something stop?

[B]

It's the A320 Airbus. I'm a perfectly fine airplane, but when it takes off, it sounds like a lawnmower going full blast. It feels like the plane is screaming to get up in the sky.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A minute in or so, I'm ready for it. It does a huge downshift, and you kind of feel like they're taking the power off. And it sounds disappointed, but you're never scared because. Man up front drive big plane. Me happy?

[A]

No, I'm scared because I. I actually, the. The. On the way to Hawaii, the flight attendant was nice. She. She gave me a list of things I should. She was going to the show already, and she goes, oh, you're on the flight. I can't believe it. I'm gonna make you a list of things to do in Alaska. And I go, oh, okay. She brings me a list of maybe 200 things. And I'm like, well, I'm there for about 30 hours. But it was all this fun stuff, you know, Declaw bear, go up on the town of Mount Magushku and wrestle a rattlesnake. But I did. I was looking for mooses. Those sound fun to see. I did not see one.

[B]

Didn't see a moose. Well, let me ask you a question. Even if you have time, there's been so many movies, you know. Yeah. And where they're in the seaplane in Alaska. Hey, it's a beautiful day up here. And then sudden. And the propeller.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And they go down. So those are. If they don't crash. It would be spectacular to take those up to a lake, the seaplane, and go off. But would. Could I get you on one if I paid for it?

[A]

Good question. I don't. I don't know. I mean, there's helicopters that do it all day every day, and there's no problems. But funny how you only hear about the problems. That's.

[B]

That's the thing. And it hypnotizes you into darkness, this.

[A]

Right. One crash a year and suddenly you're the bad guy. I mean, helicopters have a bad rep already. And then the little Cessnas. And I did think Alaska was great. I really wanted to see it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was great to just walk around stunning Anchorage and just see it. And then we drove around, checked out some views and saw some salmon on people's plates. So that was something.

[B]

I would want to go up there just to see the environment.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And how were the. So did you play one show or more than one show? Go all the way.

[A]

One show goodbye. That's what Steve Martin used to say. Well, I'm gonna finish my career and I'm gonna put every fan of mine in one place in a huge stadium and I'd do one show goodbye. But it was fun. They were a good crowd. It rained on them and.

[B]

Oh, that's right. Yeah, it rained on them.

[A]

So I actually. Nice people. Yeah. Let's not beat it together. Okay, what's the next story? What do we got? Got some real good stuff.

[B]

Let's go. Everything I ate at the poop restaurant in Taiwan.

[A]

Oh, I thought she was gonna say tasted like poop.

[C]

Everything I ate at the poop restaurant.

[A]

She's all excited.

[C]

Welcome to Modern Toilet, a poop themed restaurant. You even have poops on the table.

[A]

Hello.

[C]

Sharks or toilets. It's so funny because your drinks come in different types of urinal. I ordered the urine a urinal. And it truly looked like pee. Mentally, I couldn't drink it out of the containers. I poured it.

[A]

Oh, that's what finally stopped her.

[B]

Human beings have way too much free time and money.

[C]

It felt very weird. But eventually I got you.

[A]

I'm an angel investor in this with Kawaii.

[C]

And it came with those super cute smiley fries and a lot of sad.

[A]

You a toilet.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

Look so gross. For dessert, I got A chocolate soft serve. It looks so realistic. That was really hard for me to eat it. I wasn't a big fan, but I think it was because of the visuals.

[B]

What is the name of this restaurant? The poop restaurant. It's. Where is it?

[A]

It's called the Poop Cake Factory. No, I don't know.

[B]

The only thing that might top it is just a restaurant called, you know, Vomit and more, you know, where everything.

[A]

Vomitorium.

[B]

Vomit. I'm trying to. Yeah, I mean, it would be worse.

[A]

I. I see that. You could make chocolate ice cream look like poop, but after that, I'd have to really brainstorm.

[B]

Yeah, I guess you can make anything look like.

[A]

I like they covered something looking like pee. They're out of a. Okay, for your dessert. Who wants the catheter?

[B]

Who got the catheter pie? Yeah, we. We have little stents for you. Chocolate stents. And we have a thing called the bypass where it looks like we saw a rib cage, but it's all made of vanilla pudding in half.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Here's the spleen splitter. It's a biscuit. Well, I don't think we're going there. Mostly because it's too far away.

[B]

It's too far away. Otherwise we'd be there tonight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just to say we did.

[A]

Just to do research and write it off. Okay, next one. What do we got? What we got here? Oh, so these streamers, I've seen these with their hands, but not with their bodies. They sell on like a qvc, but it goes so fast. And this girl, it says she made 18 million in seven days because she tries on dresses. You know how they walk out? They show you a dress on QVC and they go, this is Nora and she's. This is a full figured dress. And it's got some ruffles, the turnaround. And then this is how they do it there. Go ahead. I like the kick up.

[B]

That was that.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Oh, is it? Okay.

[A]

Kicks it up with her foot. Okay. Always fucking stick. That's all you get for that one. Do you like it? Any questions? Too late. So she has to talk. What is this? Snl in your change booth backstage. Little house in the curry. Okay, we got. The little kick up is the best part. She's really good at the dress.

[B]

Instead of doing a jump cut where she changes like, you know, did you ever. You're too young for this. I don't know if Gregory would have a clip, but on the Ed Sullivan show, they had all these jugglers and variety acts and one of them was. I remember as a kid, they'd be dressed in something, and then they would just duck behind a thing and come back out within a second completely dressed in something else. Or just walk behind it. They're in something else. Walk back there in something else. So it puts that one to shame, man. Not. Not a com.

[A]

Did you know what they were doing or you were baffled?

[B]

I could not believe how exactly it was happening. Like, any good magic trick, it was, like, too much for my brain, you.

[A]

Know, that was like snl, that girl. Because, you know, when you run off a sketch, you can't even get to the dressing room. You just go right under the bleachers and they go take everything off.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

Every department's right there. Makeup's ready when they go in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

First the wardrobe, then the makeup, then the wig, then the this. Then they push you out, Then the writer's yelling at you. It's a little different at the end.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Don't. Don't exit on. On his line.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It is not that much of an exaggeration. It has the freneticism of an Indianapolis pit stop, where it's just like. Except it's shoes and wigs. And then I would always. Sometimes I'd say, can. Let me. Do you have a mirror? I just want to see my. What I changed into, you know. Oh, there I am. That was when I was doing.

[A]

Do you have a mirror? I just want to trim my pubes.

[B]

David. I think you should do that ahead of time. This week it's. It slowed down. Molly. Molly didn't know her exit because of the Go.

[A]

In my office, there's a manscape in my left drawer. You can use it.

[B]

We've done. We've done. It's been kind of a blue show in some ways.

[A]

I know. It's okay. They're ready for it.

[B]

Oh, God. They want. They want the edge, and we're willing to give it to them.

[A]

Okay, let's see what's next. We're doing pretty good. We're almost done.

[B]

I think we're doing fantastic. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This is what two legends.

[A]

Michael Jordan. Michael Tyson.

[B]

One signed autographs, the other didn't. So this is a live, spontaneous scene on the street. Mj, you're the goat.

[C]

Mj, can you song, please?

[B]

Come on, Andre.

[E]

Back when Michael Jordan seemed to snub this kid asking for an autograph. Social for it, but they didn't know the reason. He.

[A]

I like how serious.

[E]

And sign it. Until now. I love it wasn't just Michael saying them kids.

[B]

But it's Michael Jordan.

[A]

Michael Jordan. He must. He must get that shit everywhere. People go bananas.

[E]

Jordan has a lifetime exclusive contract with.

[A]

This Is what I Got to do.

[E]

The trading company. That means he's legally barred from signing outside official Upper deck events. This week, MJ made a rare public appearance just to fulfill part of that deal. So MJ's not rude, he's not a jerk. He's just the most protected brand in sports.

[A]

Okay, jump out that. Go ahead.

[B]

Well, I want us to get that announcer to start our show. Dana Carvey and David Spade may not seem funny even though they're professional comedians. It's just in their contract that they're supposed to be amusing, but not especially funny. I'm Bob.

[A]

When David Spade got followed home by five weirdos, he wasn't being rude when he pulled out his gun. He was protecting his house and home.

[B]

I know, I read the headlines. David Spade pulls out, you know.44 Magnum on 5 fan. Autograph seekers, fans.

[A]

David Spade tries to shoot his fan. No, it was David Spade, I think Brandy.

[B]

I realized, Mazuka, when being.

[A]

No one cared about that story, really. I realized because I kept reading it. Except for the fact that there was a gun mentioned.

[B]

Yeah. That immediately sort of like you think a celebrity in a house or anybody. And then there's a gun present or a gun. I don't know. You know, I had a friend back in the 80s and he came to hang out and stuff or stay overnight wherever I was. I think I was in la, really nice guy, Ward Steiner, I think his name was. And he had gotten beat up once, like in high school, really beat up. And so then he became the gun guy. So he would have three guns he'd bring out, fully loaded, super careful.44s. And one time I was at the other cafe, a comedy club, late show, and some rough stuff was happening. And I knew that he always had a derringer in his boot. And he's in the front row and I saw him reaching down and I went, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Well, when you're getting pounded, maybe you go, hey, boot, boot.

[B]

But I was in. I was doing the Church lady before snl in the. In that. And I said, well, wouldn't be the best idea.

[A]

Well, keep it in the boot. Yeah, I was out with a guy, I think that story. But I just. Maybe I shouldn't have said that, that I had a gun in the house. But I have been. I've broken into twice. So when it's going to be, you or them. Nobody wants to shoot anyone's terrifying. It's the worst thing you could think of, right? But being shot is also.

[B]

Well, you don't drink, basically, hardly at all. And you don't do any medication. So you're completely. That would be the scary thing. But to our story, I have to say on the all we may have mentioned before, but Michael Jordan created quite a kerfuffle. And especially in terms of people wanting to design or just.

[A]

Oh, SNL.

[B]

Yeah, sorry. @ SNL, nobody, nobody @ the time I was there ever was had that level of awe and get his autograph and stuff.

[A]

Do you remember they stopped the cast from asking him.

[B]

I. It makes sense. I think you told me that they.

[A]

Said Marcy came around and said, nobody asked. This is it. This people are bringing basketballs and a bunch of. And let the lining up in front of his dressing room, which they were in writers. And I was like, I know, guys, because you had him trapped in his rooms. Like, hey, hey, Big Mike, can you. But I will say I went out with this unknown celebrity that was well known in the old days probably 10 years ago, and he gets in my Land Cruiser, we're driving somewhere, and he puts a big, huge bag of cola and a gun in the glove compartment. I go, sure, you want to keep it in my glove compartment?

[B]

Is this a gift or what Is you. Why?

[A]

And I go, well, what if we get pulled over? He goes, nobody's gonna house see you. That's all I needed to hear. I go, okay, based on nothing. No one's gonna ask you about that. I go, oh, no one cares about a gun and a bag of coke. So that was me going, oh. And then, you know what happened? Nothing. Nobody hustle us.

[B]

It just became a different time. You just have to assume everyone has a gun now. You know, back in the day, the, like the coolest, weirdest kid in high school, Brad Nichols, had beetle boots and he. He carried a switchblade in the beetle boots and he was.

[A]

Oh, where you. They kick it out and it's that.

[B]

Oh, it's great, you know, but still, you can run away from that. But just a.38 revolver. I don't like what you just said, you know, no more road wage. Road rage. Just let them let it go.

[A]

No, I know. I think. I think in the time now I'm trying to get back on and see you again. I think the time now where I could. When you're. There's so much crime and there's. It's so scary that people are following you or you just read every day someone else got shot, stabbed.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's.

[A]

It's going to be up to the people to fight back because there's. The laws are protecting more of the. More of the criminal.

[B]

Oh, no. I know the good people who are really responsible that want to have a firearm to protect their family and themselves. No problem. Just. Just not exactly. Not the bad people who want to hurt strand of strangers. I know this is a hot take, but I'm just saying.

[A]

I know, but you know, listen, let's worry about the victims just for a little. Let's go back to that for a little bit. Kachava is one of our sponsors and this is sort of a. A drink. You get a lot of benefits, a lot of protein, a lot of everything. A lot of animal protein. Yeah, I drink cachava. I wasn't aware of it. They sent it to me and now, you know, during my day I am on the go. I don't have to tell you.

[B]

You do. You're. You're always busy and you need. You need sustenance, you need nutrition, you need protein.

[A]

I'm going to blow away. I.

[B]

So I. Dandelion.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a little dandelion. I've lost about £3. I didn't. I didn't mean to, but I'm trying to put it back in. Just rock hard muscle.

[B]

So good plan.

[A]

Cachava has a lot of flavors. They have a new strawberry flavor. Right?

[B]

Strawberry.

[A]

It's got real strawberry and it's got real benefits. You know, the strawberry is great. I am old school and do chocolate. What I do is I chocolate. I put a little spoonful of almond butter. Yeah. And not even a full banana. I don't want it too sweet. I want to cheat. You don't want everything tasting like candy, you know what I mean?

[B]

No. Chai is always an interesting kind of flavor. I find chai because it's spicy and kind of sweet, you know, I mean, you just have to try it, you know, you got your matcha and your coconut acai. I now pronounce that properly.

[A]

I call it aka 25 grams of plant protein.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Antioxidants. And got all the good stuff.

[B]

Yeah, all good. All good stuff.

[A]

So, you know, you get it and it keeps me kind of full, you know, so I not like super full. But I'm saying a good, good one when I go along and I usually have to eat all the time and I'm like, I haven't eaten for a while, so that's good. It doesn't. I don't get all shaky, so I keep my eye on it. But I gave my brother one of them because he wanted it. So now I got him hooked on it. So I think we. It's got, you know, 6 grams of fiber and good for mind and body.

[B]

It's a comprehensive all in one meal. I mean, think protein shake, meal replacement, greens plus veggies, vitamins and minerals. You know, so it's like a guiltless.

[A]

Thing where you go, I'm hungry. I don't want to just eat some trash. Garbage.

[B]

Yeah. See, it's something healthy like this. And then it just smooths you out, calms you down. And you don't have. You're not like all jittery and you're just calm.

[A]

You've never tasted strawberry like this. So go to kachava.com, use code fly for 15% off your order. That's Kachava K A C-H-A-V A.com, code fly for 15% off as soon as the weather cools down. You know this. I'm all about layering.

[B]

I know, I know.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like layered Hamilton. And I realized that I reach for the same staples over and over again. Lately, so many of those pieces have come from Quince because, you know, they're 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Those are a favorite of mine. They're unbelievably soft. They're cozy without being too bulky. I don't want to bulk up and look too swole. And the fact they start at just 60 bucks still surprises me. I've also added their denim into my rotation.

[B]

Everyone loves the denim.

[A]

Yeah, it's the kind that actually holds up after full day of wear. And when I need something a little sharper, I go to their real leather jackets. That's a go to instantly pulling my personal look together.

[B]

What I love about quints is how they make high quality pieces feel accessible. You know what I'm talking about? They work directly with ethical factories and skip the middlemen. Which means you get fabrics and craftsmanship you'd normally see from luxury brands at half the price. Keep it classic and cool this fall with long lasting staples from Quince, go to quince.comfly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q, U, I N C E dot com fly free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/fly.

[A]

Okay, what else? We'll do one more. Let me see.

[B]

Sure, sure. Got Nothing else to do.

[A]

I got tons to.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Don't play this yet. This is an old interview show. Hope it doesn't stick the whole time. But I don't know who this is. I thought you'd like it. Yeah, it's just an old. Oh, she was a Nebraska celebrity interviewer, 70s, 80s. And she would just. She just had a funny way of saying where you would. This wouldn't fly as much today.

[F]

Okay, let's let her rip. This morning you got to work with Burton. Richard Burton?

[B]

Yes.

[F]

Tempest.

[C]

Yes, I did.

[F]

And now he's dead. You know who his dad is? His dad? You watch Bonanza. I'm sure you watch the reruns of Bonanza. Who's the sheriff on Bonanza?

[B]

Bing.

[A]

Russell.

[F]

Is he still alive? Kirk, you've done some brilliant pictures. You've done she.

[A]

Really?

[F]

What happened to Heaven's Wow? What happened to Bosom Buddies?

[A]

We were killed.

[F]

Did you see the movie Raiders of the Laws?

[B]

Dark.

[F]

Have you seen it yet?

[A]

Yes, I did. Wonderful movie.

[F]

Do you know that he turned down.

[B]

The role of it?

[F]

I heard that you turned down the roller. You were offered the role.

[A]

I wouldn't turn it down.

[F]

Do you have any regrets about.

[B]

Yes.

[F]

Going into the series for mash?

[A]

No.

[B]

No.

[F]

They've all made a.

[B]

It's the greatest Wild river, what was.

[F]

One of his few flocks.

[B]

This is incredible.

[F]

In many ways, he looks evil close up. Look at these.

[A]

He looks evil.

[F]

Have you ever seen eyes like this? If you look at them real closely, what do you see?

[A]

This is right after Jaws.

[F]

He looks like a ring around the outer edge. What is that?

[A]

I don't know. It's an old family trait. My father had those. I don't know. What a.

[F]

Well, it makes a most fascinating look. You really look terrific.

[A]

Thank you.

[F]

Are you into yoga or exercising?

[B]

Exercise.

[F]

You might just whip one out.

[B]

I might. I might just whip one out.

[F]

Listen, you don't know to whom you are speaking because you and I go back a few years, but you weren't to mind. What size are you? Come. How do you kiss underwater without bubbles coming out of your nose and mouth? Let me ask you, how would you feel as a mother if your daughter were involved with your former love personally?

[A]

How.

[C]

How would you react?

[F]

You know how invaluable your voice has been to you over the years?

[B]

No, baby, tell me.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

Can we do that?

[F]

If you're a new father, can we do that?

[A]

Can we?

[E]

Of course we can.

[F]

We can.

[A]

It was.

[F]

That was on the left side. It works Worse.

[B]

You don't I that like the new SNL cast members female watch.

[A]

This person, Veronica should play that woman.

[B]

Yeah. I mean the reason it. Well, first of all it. She got the guest selection. I mean Jean Hackman was never on a talk show. She got Jean Hackman. I mean it was all big stars and Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise, if you look back. Yeah.

[A]

Elliot Gould, Sam Waterson.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Waterson's Roy Schneider right around Jaws and you're on this show in some living room. It's hysterical. And she's such a ballsy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How funny. Yeah. Someone should play her from that era interviewing new stars and whatever.

[B]

It's.

[A]

I think it's funny.

[B]

Yeah. But it was right on the edge of like is she in on the joke or. She's still just trying to be really interesting. You know, it's funny.

[A]

Everyone's can't. Your show got canceled. Yes. What do you think of that?

[B]

Yeah. And that person you co starred with is dead. Right. And do you regret not doing MASH because they got incredibly rich.

[A]

Really? A whole made. I love it. All right, you want to do one more or is that it?

[B]

If you can top it. That was really made me.

[A]

No, let's end on that one. We got to save some. These people are chomping for more. Is it champing at the bit or chomping? Last question.

[B]

Okay, we have three. We have three questions. Fan.

[A]

Oh, we have a question we have to answer. Oh, we have more. Okay.

[B]

Three of them.

[A]

But what is the question? Champing at the bit or is it chomping at the bit?

[B]

Okay. Okay. Kevin Nealon recently made a post asking people what their go to laxatives are. What are your go to laxatives?

[A]

Mine is nerves. If I'm scared about something that sort of gets things into gear, I would.

[B]

Say that the premise is if you need a laxative for your digestive system is because you're not getting enough fiber. So to get enough natural fiber, the amount of green peas or blueberries or all these different things you have to get. And most people don't get it.

[A]

Green peas of all green peas.

[B]

Three cups of green peas.

[A]

I like green.

[B]

28 grams of fiber a day. So Metamucil.

[A]

Mark that down. Green peas.

[B]

Just fiber. And your system really likes that. And if you are. If your digestive system isn't operating the way you want, I would recommend that. And I'm not a paid spokesman for green peas.

[A]

Okay, thanks for clearing that up.

[B]

But what was the funny part? What's funny about what lacks it Is what. Why is that a. An entree into comedy?

[A]

I don't know. Kevin is. We gotta get a comment on his Instagram. Oh, my God. I got. I'm gonna do another hiking with Kevin.

[B]

I want to do one with him where I hike so hard that I. I leave him behind.

[A]

Yeah, you put a GoPro on and he just picks up you from there because you. He can't keep up.

[B]

Yeah, I. I wanted to do one called Strolling with Dana, but I thought it was too close.

[A]

What is. What about walking backwards with David? That's what I do sometimes. If my neck hurts, I walk backwards.

[B]

You should do here. Squinting into the sun.

[A]

Squinty. David hates light.

[B]

You're walking around.

[A]

Okay, one more and then we gotta go. We have to.

[B]

We got a lot.

[A]

We got a lot going on.

[B]

Okay, you read this one.

[A]

Okay. Where. Where did you lose your virginity? Expand and expound on that. I know. That's saucy. Question.

[B]

Where? Where?

[A]

Oh, this young trollop. Now this young lady I had a crush on, and it was the last month of high school. Took me a while, and I walked her home from a boxer party. And that's where that magic happened. High fives all around.

[B]

I lost my virginity in a Sears department store near where they sell washers and dryers.

[A]

Was it a mannequin?

[B]

I don't say that involved, but it was. It's. It was a Sears department store for a real world. I won't say, come on, we're a comedy show.

[A]

Oh, no, I just said the real one. God dang it.

[B]

Well, what's the strangest place you ever.

[A]

You made whoopee?

[B]

Made whoopi. I was gonna made whoopee. The strangest.

[A]

Why is Heather saying whoa, whoa, whoa?

[B]

Because she thought the Sears front loader.

[A]

She just goes, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[B]

In a Sears department store near the washer where they sell them.

[A]

That's one by the drill bits. So where's the weirdest place I've made whoopy Whoopy?

[B]

Besides that chair last night?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I.

[A]

You go. Because I know you're not going to give an answer.

[B]

Well, let me ask you a yes or no question.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Did you ever make love in the backseat of a car at a drive in movie?

[A]

No. I have a question for you.

[B]

Are you in the.

[A]

Are you in the Mile High club at koi.

[B]

The Mile High club?

[A]

No.

[B]

Are you in the limousine club?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

I said. I'm going to say it again. Are you in the limousine club?

[A]

Are you in the koi club.

[B]

You're being coy.

[A]

You're being coy about going to court. No, I guess I'm not that fun.

[B]

Another question. Where's the place you would like to make whoopi, but haven't yet? No one. You know, Jay Leno was smart about this. When older comedians would come on the Tonight show and do sex jokes. Guys. Guys in their early 50s. James, like, yeah, no one wants to hear you. Someone. Yeah.

[C]

You shouldn't do stuff.

[A]

Yeah, they're right.

[B]

They don't want to hear us. Yeah. They don't want us see us. They don't want to picture us making love, you know, and then they just want the jokes. And, you know, Jay's kind of always right about all his comments.

[A]

He knows what he's doing. He's got. Yeah, he's got good. He still has good stuff. I've seen him recently.

[B]

He's great.

[A]

Okay, that's it. So thanks, everybody. We'll save our other questions for next week. And thanks for write them in.

[B]

Thanks for being you.

[A]

And that was a good one today. I was really happy about it.

[B]

Yeah, I was really happy.

[A]

We.

[B]

We rallied toward the end.

[A]

Dana, thanks for letting me be your guest today.

[B]

You're very welcome. You've been a good guest.

[F]

Do you want to hear the answer to champing? Chomping.

[A]

Oh, Heather's. I was saying, is the. Is the phrase champing at the bit or chomping at the bit? And Heather has the answer.

[B]

I know the answer.

[A]

Oh, what is it?

[B]

Chomping.

[C]

Nope.

[B]

Champing.

[F]

But original is champing at the bit. But chomping at the bit is more widely used. But the phrase originates from horses restlessness, chewing their bits in anticipation. So while champ means to chew or gnaw, chomp means to refer to chewing.

[A]

Oh. Chomping is chewing noises. Champing is when you bite down. A horse bites down. And then everyone just turned it into chomping because it sounded easier and it made more sense. I knew there was something with that.

[B]

What's. What's the original word for chump change? That's funny.

[A]

It's kind of like chump change.

[B]

Chump change, you know, that's sort of being a little loose with vernacular. Came from the Latin word champagne, which means chump change in Latin.

[A]

I like when people call you chump. It's funny. Look at this. Chump.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Mm. All right, chump. I'll talk to you next week.

[B]

We'll talk to you next week. Same bath time.

[A]

Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast which you are be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us review, five star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[B]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on Bing video now.

[A]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

[B]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by.

[A]

Phil Sweet Tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[B]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney and Lauren Vieira.

[A]

Reach out with us Any questions to be asked and answered on the show? You can email [e-mail] that's a U-A C-Y dot com.