Jazz Fest + Manifestos

Summary

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Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: Jazz Fest + Manifestos

Release Date: May 4, 2026
Podcast Host: Audacy

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Episode Overview

In this episode, comedy icons and SNL alumni Dana Carvey and David Spade riff through a rapid-fire hour of showbiz gossip, personal stories, light cultural commentary, and, as always, their unmistakable impressions. The duo chats about indie film trials, box office woes, music festivals (with a New Orleans/Jazz Fest detour), the odd world of celebrity glam squads, news headlines and "manifestos," and closes with a future-gazing AI courtroom sketch, all while peppering the show with quick-witted banter and plenty of memorable one-liners.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. The Adventures (and Politics) of Indie Filmmaking

[00:00–05:20]

• David's Indie Film Box Office Frustration:
  David laments Box Office Mojo's non-reporting of their indie film Bus Boys' weekly numbers, joking about "Big Movie" (i.e., the major studios) conspiring to suppress indie successes:

  "You know, I think big movie got to them. Like big pharma, big movie." – David [02:17]

• Indies vs. Studio Flops:
  Contrasts their modestly budgeted film with the $150 million flop Desert Warrior (made only $480,000 opening weekend):

  "There’s flops and then there’s flops." – Dana [04:38]

2. Cinema's Reluctance to Name the "Bad Guy"

[05:58–07:25]

• Top Gun: Maverick and Avoiding Offense:
  Dana jokes about movies avoiding naming specific enemy nations:

  "They just kept calling them the bad guys. They never once said who it was. Isn’t that funny?" – Dana [06:14]

• Christopher Nolan's 'The Enemy':
  David notes Dunkirk called Nazis merely "the enemy," pondering Hollywood's carefulness.

3. Classic Movie Tropes, Comedy of Naming, and Softening History

[07:25–08:08]

• Plays with the idea of sanitized names:

  "You don’t want to say confederates, so you say the confettis." – David [07:56]
  Dana and David riff on renaming the Union as "the unisons."

4. PG-13 Culture Shifts

[08:08–09:14]

• David recalls pre-PC era jokes from mainstream movies:

  "There was pre political correctness. You could pretty much say whatever you want." – David [08:36]

5. New Orleans/Jazz Fest Stories

[10:10–17:48]

• Traveling During Jazz Fest:
  Dana asks, “Can you master New Orleans?” as David regales his airport and Jazz Fest misadventures—bartenders, accents, malfunctioning airplane toilets, and the unique local charm.
• Festival Feature Creep:
  They riff on how Jazz Fest, like other festivals, increasingly hosts non-jazz acts:

  "So now it’s turned into some rockers, some rapper, and just have a music festival because they don’t stick to the theme." – David [15:46]

6. Voodoo, Superstitions & Phones Acting Up

[17:48–20:22]

• Spade recounts an eerily malfunctioning phone in a New Orleans hotel, joking about voodoo curses and a mystical “anti-voodoo hex machine.”

7. Showbiz Glam: Extreme Costs of Red-Carpet Preparation

[31:37–33:13]

• Simone Biles’ $23,000 “glam squad” for an appearance:

  "That’s outfits, stylist, hair, makeup, steam, nails...to get ready for one." – David [32:31]

• Kim Kardashian’s Tonight Show look cost:

  "Yeah, it was $17,200 dollars. She looked every penny of it." – David [33:13]

8. Age, Vanity, and No-Makeup Celebs

[34:03–35:10]

• Riffs on “You look every bit of your age,” fame, and the growing “no makeup” trend—with tales of Mickey Rooney and viewer comments about their own looks.

9. Manifestos, Mental Health, and Cultural Jargon

[23:41–27:13]

• Dana on the prevalence of "manifestos":

  "Everyone has a fucking manifesto. I’m like, I don’t have one, do I? Should I have one just in case anything happens to me?" – Dana [23:46]

• Psyche, serial killer trials, and societal perceptions:

  "I mean, if you’re a serial killer...I mean, they know something’s wrong with them, right?" – Dana [25:12]

10. AI Comedian Courtroom Sketch (Buzzing Around segment)

[36:27–40:44]

• Dana and David enact a short sketch imagining a future where AI robots based on comedians are brought to trial for taking things literally:

  "He said J1000, knock ‘em dead. Problem was, my empathy chip was on the fritz, so I took him literally." – Dana, as robot comic [37:19]

• David riffs as various “defendants,” including Sebastian200:

  "The chips were perfect, your honor!" – David (Sebastian200) [39:37]

• The court's verdict: “This court has no recourse except to dismantle you piece by piece and take you down to the nubs.” [40:01]

11. Edible Seaweed Water Blobs

[48:05–49:39]

• Joking about new “edible water balloons” made from seaweed:

  "Give me a half a dozen blobs. That’s great." – Dana [48:39]
  "Hey, Dana, we’re going on a drive, grab a couple blobs for the road." – David [48:55]

12. Random Observations & Rapid-Fire Bits

Sample Highlights

• The California bullet train’s spiraling costs:

  "It was 100 billion. It’s up to 230 now. You could make the Desert Warrior movie 5000 times." – Dana [45:29]

• Simulated family whistling:

  "Your family whistles to find each other. Dogs putting up in the woods." – David [44:31]

• On the rude phrase “every bit of your age”:

  "That means every day is accounted for...little wear and tear every fucking day." – Dana [34:03]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Indie Resilience:

  "This is the kind of movie that you watch on your phone while you’re driving. It’s not a real cinematic experience, but it’s fun." – David [03:19]

• Naming the Enemy:

  "Come on soldiers, let’s get out there and fight the bad guys. Who? The bad guys, jerks!" – David mocking ambiguous movie villains [06:33]

• Glam Industry Exposed:

  "Will you cover my glam? It’s 20 [grand]. That’s outfits, stylist, hair, makeup, steam, nails...for one." – David [32:31]

• AI Courtroom Satire:

  "He said knock ‘em dead—I took him literally and beat the hell out of all till they were dead." – Dana as robot comedian [37:19]

• On Manifestos:

  "Mine’s a pamphlet. Right? ...The first time I heard ‘manifesto’—it's like a phone book!" – Dana [24:12]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:00–05:20] Indie Film/Growing Pains & Box Office Realities
• [05:58–07:25] Movie ‘Bad Guys’ and Hollywood Cautiousness
• [10:10–17:48] Jazz Fest, NOLA stories, and travel mishaps
• [20:22–23:41] Doctor’s secretary character & inside banter
• [23:41–27:13] Manifestos, mental health, and society
• [31:37–33:13] Simone Biles, glam squads, and celebrity prepping
• [34:03–35:10] Vanity and not wearing makeup
• [36:27–40:44] “Buzzing Around” AI Comic Courtroom Sketch
• [48:05–49:39] Edible water blobs/innovations
• [53:36–56:13] Brewery scandal and political betting
• [45:29, 46:10] California bullet train riff

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Tone & Takeaways

Carvey and Spade deliver with their distinct comedic rhythm: part observational, part absurdist, always self-aware. The episode is a blend of sly showbiz roasting, irreverent impressions, amusing personal travel tales, and clever bits skewering everything from festival mission creep to the uncanny reality of AI comedians. The podcast is loose, authentic, and peppered with inside jokes—but never veers so far out as to lose general listeners.

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Summary in a Nutshell

A comedic kaleidoscope: Dana and David juggle tales from the indie movie grind, festival culture, bad guy euphemisms in Hollywood, travel hilarities, the cost of celebrity appearances, the proliferation of manifestos, and top it with a future-skewering AI comedian sketch. All grounded by their on-the-fly improvisation, sharp impressions, and unmatched chemistry.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

Expect to leave with a smile, a few new showbiz tidbits, and perhaps a new appreciation for how much a glam squad really costs—or for how easy it is to land in comedy hot water when you take things just a little too literally.

Transcript

[A]

I. I'm such a notorious mumbler. Last night at the Comedy Store, half the time they can't even hear me. That's if a joke doesn't work, I think they can't hear me. And then the last night, I was getting a lot of, like, echo, and I don't even know anything about mics, even to this point, but I could tell something was off.

[B]

Well, I have the name for your next special.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

The Mumbler.

[A]

Oh, boy. Now that's what I'm playing in the next Batman movie. Heather, can you turn that one down? Now this is my eye that gets all Tom Cruise and squinchy like this. I know. So, Dana, I have to talk to you about some things, okay? Some real serious thing. Well, first of all, I know. I want. I want to hear about your trip. I just want to tell you that

[B]

it's not that exciting.

[A]

Go ahead. Well, nothing I'm going to say is exciting. That Busboys. I just saw a good piece of news that there's a movie. So first of all, this is my funny take. There's a place called Box Office Mojo.com.

[B]

i go to it all the time and I checked it last night to see how Busboys was doing.

[A]

Oh, have you heard this story?

[B]

No. Busboys was a ghost. So go ahead.

[A]

Jumping ahead. So I go to Box Office Mojo all the way back to, like, Growing Ups, all these other movies.

[B]

Yeah, that's the go to place every

[A]

night, what it made the night before and like the top 40 or 50, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we're independent, Right. So it says it had some weird name, but now it's called Bus Boys holdings or whatever. But it usually says, like, Disney, Paramount, whatever, whatever. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A 24 distributor, producer, whatever. So when we were eight that first weekend, we were the only independent. Only independent in the top 10. Fine. So the next week, during the week, I did some quick calculations in my head. I go, we're going to be about sixth right now, just during the week. And then by the time I get whomped by Michael Jackson the weekend and five wide releases will be pushed down. But fine, so Monday doesn't say anything, Tuesday nothing. And I go, are they going to make us? They're not putting it back onto the weekend. So we have no idea what it made all week on the weekend. Nothing. You know, I think big movie got to them. Like big pharma, big movie.

[B]

Oh, wait a minute. So what? Oh, okay. Okay. Big movie. So basically what you're saying is Busboys was still in theaters, incurring revenue.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But big movie mojo, whatever they are. Box office mojo.

[A]

The box office mojo. And said why are you putting it makes us look a little weird.

[B]

They don't like indie films. You're off the resident. They want you in a big corporate bubble. So I think Warner Brothers made a ringy dinghy at thing Paramount way to

[A]

ring conspiracy theory going around Y.

[B]

They can't stop the people though. Let me just put that out to you.

[A]

People are.

[B]

People spoke.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

$2,000 per theater with no advertising first weekend. Go ahead.

[A]

Someone wrote in and said they'd only made $2,000 per theater. That sucks. I go, why don't you check the top 50? Because I think the top three make 2,000. Anyway, we were in lower theaters. But listen, it's not changing the world. As I say, this is the kind of movie that you watch on your phone while you're driving. It's not a real cinematic experience, but it's fun. Right.

[B]

Or if you're in your case, if you're in a bubble bath, you can just hold your phone up and play with the duck with the other hand.

[A]

Go ahead. Or hold it under the water. You can still see it pretty good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't have to hear it.

[B]

Or get the audiobook version that is already out. Busboy. You guys do a great job of vocalizing the movie. And just put that in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And look at. Look at pictures of you and Theo from the.

[A]

But how about this? So listen, our movie all in. We lied. It cost 3 7. Not just 3, but that's because music was about 500.

[B]

Jesus. I can play a couple instruments next time.

[A]

I know we should have had you come in there because. Okay, it's a 3 7. So let's say it made another million during the week. Blah, blah. But I just read that this new movie, it's called Desert Warrior. Heard about it. I didn't think so.

[B]

No.

[A]

It made 480,000 heather this weekend.

[B]

Whoops.

[A]

Budget 150 million.

[B]

No, that's not possible. So tell the real story. That's very funny, David.

[A]

In recent memory it's Ben Kingsley, Anthony Mackie, big stars. It just something about it did not work. Obviously something.

[B]

Well, something didn't work. Well, let me. I've got to unpack this. They make a movie for 150 million. Normally they match that with advertising. Another. So there are 300 deep and their first weekend Ben Kingsley is have popping champagne. They do 400,000. So 101-900-th of the box. I mean it's there's flops and then there's flops.

[A]

That's how it shows you how rough it is out there. So their per screen average was about 12 bucks. I don't know what it was. I don't know what it was. But you know what I'm saying is it. It's a brutal bloodbath, that one. I don't know what could have happened other than just no awareness. Now, we didn't have advertising.

[B]

Well, I'd never heard of it. What's the name of the Ben Kingsley one?

[A]

Desert Warrior.

[B]

Well, no, the real name, because that's ridiculous.

[A]

That's a good generic name.

[B]

That's like a guy with a gun or desert craziness. Tanks nearby.

[A]

Tanks and things.

[B]

Yeah. Think of the worst title that would never have a human being buy a ticket at a cineplex. It'd be like Desert Warriors.

[A]

So generic.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You can't remember it already. What is it? Warriors in the Desert Warrior. Desert Warrior, yeah. Sometimes nail on the head doesn't get your box office.

[A]

Remember a funny part of. Because people are saying our movies, like, a little too. What? Just pushing funny too far. But remember when you go the opposite way. And in Top Gun, Maverick, the funniest thing in the whole movie, which I did like the movie.

[B]

I thought it was fantastic.

[A]

They were so scared to name a country that they were fighting that would be the bad guys. So they just kept calling them the bad guys. They never once said who it was. Isn't that funny?

[B]

Go.

[A]

Bad guys are coming. We gotta fight the bad guys. They showed the dark planes, but no markings on the plane. You go, yeah, who is it? Which country? No. Nice try.

[B]

Come on, soldiers, let's get out there and fight the bad guys. Who? The bad guys, jerks. By the way, here's a little fun fact. Christopher Nolan, one of our great directors. Chris Nolan, all time Chris.

[A]

Chrissy.

[B]

Dunkirk. Brilliant. World War II film, Inception. They referred to the enemy. They referred to the enemy. They said the enemy. They didn't say Nazis or Germans, which was factual. They just said the enemy.

[A]

Well, the funny thing is, like Wonder Woman, there's. There's some movies that go back in time, which is smart to when the Nazis guys. Because everyone can go, okay, we'll give you that one. But if it's present day, it's hard to say, oh, it's these guys. Oh, it's these guys. And then.

[B]

Right. I mean, in a lot of movies, there's like, there was the rebels.

[A]

That was the Confederacy, and jets and the Sharks.

[B]

And now it's called the confettis. All right, let's fight those confettis just to kind of soften it. You've seen it, it's on Amazon prime, right? It's called the Fight of the Confetti.

[A]

And when they get shot, they just explodes. Confetti. There's no blood.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you know, it's okay to kind of modify things, you know, historically. You don't want to say confederates, so you say the confettis. And what would they call the union soldiers?

[A]

The firecrackers?

[B]

The unisons. It's the unisons versus the confettis.

[A]

That's funny. What about in the. In Batman? And those movies are the most violent movies that are PG13. And you go, these are so violent for kids. Like more scary violent. But they can't show, I think, blood exploding out. So you'll see people get shot and sometimes they turn into smoke in like the Avengers or something because they can't show blood. So it's a good trick of like they're dying where they just go, oh, you got me.

[B]

Yeah. It's grabbing your stomach. You got a squib there. You know, look. I mean there's. With PG13 movies, I won't say which ones in the 90s where the star is talking to two young, attractive Asian women's and asked what their names are. One says, I'm sucky Me and I'm sucky you. PG13 porkies. I won't name movies. I won't name names. But I'm just saying that was the, the culture and era of. There was pre political correctness. You could pretty much say whatever you want.

[A]

There's a joke a comedian did about watching the credits for Hawaii 5o. This is a long setup. Oh, but he goes, you ever seen the credits? Like Kang Fung as Fung Kang. Why are we changing the names? Just say, just use the guy's real name. Ping Pow.

[B]

As Pow Ping Ping Pong. As the ping pong player.

[A]

Yeah. All right, let's hear about your trip. Had enough of my stupid movie.

[B]

I like the I love talking about movies and box. But let me just for the audience, contextually, this was the little engine that could. It's just doing its theatrical release. Its first weekend. Did great. It's trundling around and then it'll be on live streaming thing and you'll be

[A]

able to type it in and say, where can I buy this or rent it? It'll be. That'll be probably June 1st but we'll, believe me, we'll blab about it then.

[B]

Little bit of advice, just buy it. It's the kind of movie you're going to want to see over and over again. Your friends are coming in from Canada. What do you got, eh? You want something funny? We got bus boys, so buy it. Anyway, I was in New Orleans.

[A]

Newland.

[B]

I was in N Y. Instead of saying, where you at or where you're from? They say, yeah, I'm not kidding. Yeah. Cab, yeah. Cab driver yet? We flew in from la. Oh, that way you at that was.

[A]

That's a tough accent, huh? Can you master New Orleans?

[B]

Well, jumping ahead a little bit. So I was at the airport and I wanted a little pop before I got on the plane because me no likey. Eight miles in the air and a tube with two guys up front going, so the, all the bars are packed because it's an afternoon fly like, you know. And then I'm like, okay, fuck it. So I wander around the other side of the terminal. In the middle of nowhere with no nobody around was this little tiny bar with this very large Nowlands man.

[A]

No.

[B]

And he was so sweet and sanguine,

[A]

you know, with the sanguine.

[B]

Sanguine.

[A]

I don't know what it means. I've heard it.

[B]

But you know, it's kind of like, so, hey, how are you? You know, I'm doing okay. I'm doing pretty good, you know, I mean, gentleman before you. He wanted to bring some food on the airplane, you know, I said I wouldn't bring a po boy with shrimp and hot sauce because that can get a little loud.

[A]

Stinky.

[B]

Yeah, but he said, loud.

[A]

No, I like that. Yeah.

[B]

I live in a small one bedroom apartment I like very much. And this Yorkie dog came available and I said, oh, I want that, I want that Yorkie. But she was scared of me. For about a month she just sat in a little bed looking like that. Now when I get home and I put the key in the door, I hear her whimpering with joy. That, that's kind of nice, you know, I mean, what else? He said.

[A]

So then like a box of chocolates.

[B]

So then we get. I know it's, it's in, in that area. Good time. I could get you the plastic cups on top. And yeah, it's in the general area goes, I got, I got land in Mississippi. So after I'm finished here, I'm going to build this house. I did have a, a job where I was managing people, but it wasn't good for my Brain. So then the thing is, we get on the plane in New Orleans, where we at, and we found out the toilet is broken in the pointy part of the airplane. The guy comes on, sounds just like the bartender. So we got to understand that lavatory is out of order up here, but we still got one on the back.

[A]

So.

[B]

So it's 160 people for five hours. And it was kind of weird because the plan, you start going back there, man, and it's all pitch black and everyone's like this. And no one's talking. It's. And they're all frozen. Feel like in a science fiction movie. Then you have to stand in the aisle for like 20 minutes. What's up? How you doing?

[A]

So you're waiting to take a shit.

[B]

Hey, number one. And number two, when you're leaning against

[A]

the guys, they're like reading a magazine.

[B]

You're like, oh, yeah, my thigh is on, on this guy's shoulder. And my hands in another guy's mouth. He's. I'm like, aisles like this, those aisles are getting skinnier.

[A]

You have to die. You can't just walk. You have to kind of. Because everyone's got their elbow, their knee out their foot.

[B]

So I go back there. Second time, five hour flight. Not that all happens earlier in the day. We. I'll put a memo out later.

[A]

I got this. I got.

[B]

You got that. So then they bring the beverage cart down and it's halfway down. It weighs a ton. So I, I guess I'm trapped. So I just sort of stand in the aisle for about 20 minutes. Oh, I thought you were bored with my story and you were setting a trap.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay, so a couple more. So Jazz Fest is. There was the weekend big time Jazz Fest thing, but I saw that some of the entertainers playing at the racetrack were pop stars. So they had Stevie Nicks of FleetW would.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes. In Jazz Fest. So I went over that. I said I wondered if they had to kind of stylize their songs in a jazzy way. I wasn't sure. So Paula in the racetrack, and we're just looking, she comes out and she's like, now there you go again. You say you want your freedom.

[A]

Oh, jazzing it up.

[B]

But who am I, I, I, I to keep you down, down, down. So I thought it was amazing. Then the Eagles came on. Welcome.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Wait a. Give me a second.

[A]

Change gears.

[B]

Welcome, welcome to the, to the, to the hotel. And I looked out of the crowd and they had left. There was nobody there.

[A]

Wait, that that happened at Stagecoach because, you know, LA does, which is like Bieber and Billy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then, and then Stagecoaches, pure country. So that's the third weekend. So now it's turned into some rockers, some rapper, and it is, it all turns into like just have a music festival because they don't stick to the theme. And then it's like, okay, well this person's famous. Throw them in there. Blah, blah. Yeah, it gets blurry.

[B]

Like, it gets a little blurry. Jazz Fest. Are there any actual jazz players?

[A]

I guess they're adapting. Like Stevie Nicks. If they go there, they're sort of tweaking it a bit, if that's what you're saying.

[B]

Which, yeah, Stevie probably was just. There you go again. He wants a freedom. I thought it was great. So anyway, I love Stevie Nicks. I hung out.

[A]

You weren't there for Jazz Festo, were you?

[B]

No, I happen to be there. That's great. It was the Zurich company insurance company fostering a big golf tournament that was on television.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then also the Jazz Fest. But Paul and I, we tooled around. We went, we're up. We went on the big red bus that went all around New Orleans.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

To the right is down, you know, that kind of thing. Heads down we go. Oh, there's a tour of these beautiful old houses the next stop. So we got off the bus. No one else got off. So it was just Paul and I and a really nice guy named Colin, but he sounded like George Carlin. And he's walking us through all these Orlando houses. Yeah, this house came here about 1850. The Creole built most of it, but they didn't want anybody to know that.

[A]

The guy doing the tour, is that him?

[B]

Yeah, that's him. Yeah. And then up here, these, those lights lighted off, that keeps the voodoo magic away. You know why? Cuz nobody likes voodoo in their house. And it was like an hour and a half of that. The voodoo that you do.

[A]

Yeah, I, I, I, I do get scared of that stuff. When I was in N N. Yeah.

[B]

N. Oh, yeah, we did a movie

[A]

there and I said to. I was at a pretty decent hotel and I go, oh, there's a. I go, where can I go eat? I go, oh, there's a McDonald's across the street. He goes, you know what? This is a pretty good neighborhood. I wouldn't go out to the right. And I go to the right of the hotel, he goes, just go to the left. I go, There's McDonald's on that corner. It's not even 100 yards. He goes, don't go to that one because there's one down there. And so from then on, I never walked to the right, even in the daytime. He said, no, I wouldn't do it. I'm like, so that is a bad neighbor. No, no, no, no, no, no, it's.

[B]

Yeah, there is that. I mean, out on the sidewalk, there was a kind of a cool woman dancing with chakras

[A]

is on you,

[B]

you know. And then we go up into our room and this is no joke. I'm not getting around here. My. None of my stuff works. The laptop, the phone just. What? And then Paula's phone, brand new, just goes to weird, spooky, like wispy dial tone type stuff. Like noise, like white noise. And we opened the window. So we went to an Apple store that wasn't an Apple store. It was an Apple. It was a place that fixed phones. You know, it had little bells on the door and it was really tiny. Yeah. But they were able to fix it. They just picked it up, went, oh, voodoo. Yeah, it's been hexed. And so they put it in a machine and it said, anti voodoo hex machine, which is like the old Batman TV show. Press the button, ding. Then it was fine.

[A]

I like going in those. And they go, we're just going to plug it in here and slurp out all your information and then we'll give it back. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. I should have been warned because my doctor's nurse, when I told her I was going to New Orleans, she said,

[A]

oh, here she comes. Me and Heather already laughing.

[B]

Oh, you're going to New Orleans. I'm going to have to talk to the doctor. Why? Yeah, cause of the voodoo.

[A]

Oh, he can put a screen on you.

[B]

Make sure you bring an extra iPhone.

[A]

It doesn't work. When the voodoo hits.

[B]

Oh, I'm going to have to talk to David Spade.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Why?

[A]

I don't know. We both say, I like being the other guy against the secretary.

[B]

I did her for Heather.

[A]

I love her.

[B]

Heather.

[A]

I told Dane on the break. I go, if we're ever stuck, all I want to do is just say, what's the doctor's secretary up to? And then he just can go into it.

[B]

Well, by the way, she's a incredibly sweet person. She almost came to our gig up in Lincoln, but it was just a Friday.

[A]

I couldn't get a chance to ask the doctor.

[B]

There's too much traffic. I talked to the doctor. He thought it was too far to drive on a Friday night. So maybe she'll be at our next gig in Saratoga on June.

[A]

Beep beep. Or our gig this week, Comedy festival, Orpheum Theater. Oh, Wednesday night, two days.

[B]

Dana at 6pm so you can go to the show, have a couple pops, go to the show and then eat dinner. And afterwards, 6pm show, Dane and I

[A]

grill Chris Rock about whatever we want.

[B]

Yeah, we just said we wanted probably. We want one of the best comedians of. Of the last 30 years. And we put it in an AI and it came up Chris Rock. So we call it Chris

[A]

time for my nourishment and nutrition.

[B]

Why are you suddenly a robot drinking vitamins? What's your blood work look like when you do a lab?

[A]

My labs come out pretty good, by the way.

[B]

Green. All green or some big.

[A]

Everyone's shocked. The guy doesn't allow me to look at him. He goes like this. Okay. Don't love that. I go, well, yeah. It's really the honor system. I have to trust him. Oh, here's something. Oh, not to get you off, but

[B]

I want to do impression of your doctor.

[A]

Of my doctor?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No reason to bring that up. Okay. Huh? Just, you know, enjoy your life. Okay.

[A]

Go ahead. Okay. Let me see. Viagra. That's an easy fix. Okay. Do you. Do you have trouble living up Evian bottles? I do. Use your legs.

[B]

How many times do you get up in the night to go to the bathroom?

[A]

30.

[B]

This says here it would be 300. Is that possible?

[A]

Kevin Nealon, who's going to be on

[B]

next week, Kevin Ne.

[A]

He says he sleeps in the bathroom and gets up to just go back and lay down, sleep, and come back to bathroom. So now he goes bathroom more than he sleeps.

[B]

Okay, we'll ask. We're gonna unpack that. When he's on the show, we're gonna unpack it. All right. What are you looking at?

[A]

I was saying that there was that mishap with that President Trump had, and the. My angle on it is not really the whole situation. It was that. I just picture every school going. Do you have your manifesto ready? They're due this weekend. Everyone has a fucking manifesto. I'm like, I don't have one, do I? Should I have one just in case anything happens to me?

[B]

How do you define a manifesto?

[A]

I mean, it is a funny word.

[B]

It's a cool name. We all.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Mine's a pamphlet, right? Now, the first time I heard manifesto, it's like a phone book, right? It's. I think it was Ted Kaczynski maybe.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Not to confuse a Tim Kazarinsky. But that was the Unabomber. Was it?

[B]

Yeah. The Unabomber wrote a manifesto which basically I think was sort of like reorientating, being critical of the way society is organizing, humanity is going about its business, and here's a better way to do it. It's a manifesto, like a call to arms.

[A]

If we could implement this immediately, I will stop bombing people.

[B]

Right. I live in a cabin and I make homemade bombs. But I think I got the brain pan to figure out what to do with society.

[A]

It's funny because sometimes those people are very smart, but it's. They're socially awkward.

[B]

They're on the spectrum, is what people say.

[A]

Now, here's another thing I say about these people that are out there killing people. It. I. I know mental illness is a. We've talked about this. It's very serious.

[B]

We've talked about it.

[A]

But there's a certain point where you go, oh, this person got off. Because they're. They're. They say they're insane. They can't. They don't know what they're doing. Well, I think if you're a serial killer, no one's defending them. They're insane. I mean, they don't know. They know something's wrong with them. Right.

[B]

Machine gun. And shooting down into traffic is by

[A]

definitional, mentally, you're planning a killing every week for some women, and you're like John Wayne Gacy or one of these guys, or you're the BTK killer. So you're not. You're not. Mentally, you could say, argue. They're not fit to stand trial. They don't understand that's not someone that gets it out there how you're supposed to deal in the world. Right. That's why it's conveniently used sometimes to get people off. And sometimes you just say, well, if they're that mentally, I don't. Let's say they don't go to jail. You know, put them in a rubber room somewhere, but don't get them on the streets again. That's my only argument.

[B]

If I was on trial for something like that, I would just say, look, before we start this whole proceeding, I feel terrible, number one. Number two, I'll never do it again. So I think we're ready to go. Let's save the taxpayers some money. What do you say?

[A]

Yeah, I'm never doing myself and my own recognizance.

[B]

I'm sorry, and I'll never do it again. So bye.

[A]

Bye. Right. And when these horrible things happen, they go, oh, but they're just not on their medication right now. Well, when will they be? Because if they're not, if they're going to go stab someone. Not to make. That's not our fault if they're not. It's just such a complicated issue, right?

[B]

Because author meds, they got to get the meds and then they stab the pharmacy and then they can't get their meds. They took away the source.

[A]

The real worst case scenario, that's where the system breaks down.

[B]

Yeah, he's all right. Just get his meds, he'll throw the knife away, but thanks.

[A]

I should have taken one first. All right. That's all I have to say. I like the word manifesto because it comes up a lot.

[B]

I know, and I agree. And I've. I've been working on.

[A]

You should have something. That's it. That's all it is. Your manifesto. Oh, it's up there.

[B]

Cocky Whistler guy.

[A]

I have a Hollywood story after your next story.

[B]

Let me tell you what I thought that last story is about.

[A]

This is.

[B]

This is something I. That means when something is shaky.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You can do it. Let me see you do it. Good.

[A]

Can you do an octopus going across your screen?

[B]

Probably not. That's just visual. Don't we get a little. I could do that, but with better.

[A]

That's pretty good. I gotta wear the cameras. See, they slurp up some. They go backwards because it.

[B]

Here's an impressive view. Eating clams at a restaurant.

[A]

Finally, Here's me when I. Here's me when I'm about to have sex. The girl, we're jumping over here, and she's naked, and I'm naked. I walk up and I go, any allergies? Okay. Any allergies I need to know about? That's what the waiter said.

[B]

Here's you post coital with a robe. On turning away from the fireplace to the bed where the woman is.

[A]

Yeah. I give that after sex, the slow

[B]

clap, the sarcastic clap.

[A]

I go, we're done here.

[B]

You accept any of my premises.

[A]

Here's. Here's Dana. Here's Dana. AFI takes the number two and he gets up and looks down at it and he goes, this isn't over.

[B]

Here's you. You're about to be on Artemis, the next one that goes around the moon. You're in your spacesuit. You're right at the door, and you take your hat, all your thing off. Go. Yeah. Not today. Okay, that's it. That's it. Not today.

[A]

Here's you when you're an Artemis going Around the moon.

[B]

Now it's an Artemis theme. Yeah, you go.

[A]

Which is the one that doesn't work because there's already a line for the one in the back and there's only three of us. So where's. Which is the pooper. That works because going on the dark side of the moon scares me a little bit, and I get nervous, then I fucking.

[B]

Everything ends with no. The people have religious experiences on the dark side of the moon. The guy was up there on Artemis, which, by the way, Trump has already named the next one to be called Epic Artemis.

[A]

I know it's called Trump Epotamus. Why did he put his name in it if he's renaming it?

[B]

He put his name on every Earth there's a movement to change the name of Earth just to turf Trump. But yeah, people get religious out there when they see the sun and sound. They get kind of. So the guy came in the splashdown, got on the ship and talked to the chaplain. He goes, is there a chaplain here? There's always a chaplain on a ship. Because he was so moved by that, he kind of got the idea of, you know, just, God, it was beautiful. Planet all alone. Why can't we get along?

[A]

Did he see all the buildings on the dark side of the movies moon, all the UFOs and when they go inside the moon?

[B]

No. But he did see a small figure with little weird binoculars.

[A]

It was me.

[B]

Yeah. Instead of pumping bus boys, you stowed away on Artemis 2 and parachuted down the lunar surface so you could harass the astronauts.

[A]

I'm going to tell everyone a shot. Something about Hollywood that they don't always know. That I think Dana kind of knows. I mean, you sort of get it. You don't really get it, but you want to get it.

[B]

My hair gets it.

[A]

You get it. Simone Biles came out. I thought it was good. She said this.

[B]

The gymnast. The genius gymnast.

[A]

The gymnast. Of course, I have gold medal information on the story, and it's a total lie, but continuing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

She went to a. Let's say a premiere, a Met gal or something. I. I think the Met gala would be a little bit of a cheat. I think it's just a regular big red carpet appearance.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

And she said, you know what, guys? I want to stay home from now on. Because all in to doll me up. 23,000 for the glam squad. Heather believes it. I believe it. I used to know this young lady that worked for Leno, and she said glam is getting so expensive that we had one really famous female just asked for 20 grand for glam. So you do the show and you get like 800 to be on a talk show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Will you cover my glam? It's 20. That's outfits, stylist, hair, makeup, steam, nails. I don't know what, you know, to get ready for one. Nikki Glazer would be a good one to ask because she's going to a lot of stuff lately. We should have her on again anyway, but.

[B]

Oh, I'd love to have, I'd love to have Nick back on.

[A]

She knows about it, so isn't that crazy? I think the regular average person. So Simone's basic point was like, I can't keep going to these. And parts of it are write off, I'm sure, but you still have to pay it. It's too much. It's too much.

[B]

But I'll tell you, that seems inexpensive, and I'll tell you why.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

When Jay Leno was still doing the Tonight Show, Kim Kardashian was on the show. And afterwards, Jay didn't say it in a snarky way except, yeah, it was 17,200. She looked every penny of it.

[A]

Yeah. You know, so I bet it's more. This reminds me of I played a birthday party on the break and I'm like, what is this guy's birthday wish? To watch me come bomb in front of his friends. Anyway, so I said, you look good for. He was 60. And I said, you know what? You know what? You don't want to hear from people. They talk about someone, they go, he's 60 and he looks every bit of 60. The rudest. That means every day is accounted for. There's a little wear and tear every fucking day. They don't go, you look 50.

[B]

Every bit of it. Yeah.

[A]

You ever heard that?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Every bit of it.

[A]

It's so rude.

[B]

Yeah, rude way to say it. Hey, you look good for your age.

[A]

Listen, I go hide that.

[B]

Guess what actor never wore makeup. Speaking of $17,000 on television or in film ever? Nope.

[A]

Rob.

[B]

Rob Redford, someone I worked with long time ago.

[A]

Mickey Rooney.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Again, never wore makeup. You know why I don't wear makeup? Because makeup is for girls. And had some logic to it.

[A]

Yeah, back then it was for sure for girls there, you know, wore makeup. Judy Garland, I guess all the actresses did said, you know, needs to wear makeup. David Spade. You know what? People don't realize the when they say we look like in the comments. I shield you from this, Dana. I shield you.

[B]

I, I, I'm pouring over the comments during this, it's, it's. I, I've read a lot. Just, it's like a live stream. My live feed. Yeah, I just, it's a lot of.

[A]

We don't wear makeup and they say, oh, you look rough. More makeup. I'm like, we don't have any makeup.

[B]

Well, we, we have. I have ring lights.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Better than me.

[A]

They call me Ringo Star. I walk around the ring light everywhere.

[B]

Oh, remember Ringo? Remember when we interviewed Ringo?

[A]

Oh, he's our friend.

[B]

I know.

[A]

He's in July. We maybe we get to get some stories. What do you think of that?

[B]

Well, yeah, and whenever you want me to do.

[A]

Oh, Buzzing around. You want to do it? You ready for it?

[B]

Well, might as well get it out of the way.

[A]

Now it's time for Buzzing around, sponsored by Five Hour Energy. With a wide variety of bold flavors to choose from.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Get as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee, but with zero sugar and zero sugar. CRASH. That sounds like buzzing. Find five our energy shots online at fiverenergy.com or Amazon today. So, Dana Carvey right here, master of voices of something.

[B]

When I figure it out, I'll let you know.

[A]

He's going to give us a scenario. Okay.

[B]

We, we talked a little earlier and we're going to have a little scenario here. This is a little sketch. I have a couple Cliff Notes, but it is not written out, so it might be a bit sloppy.

[A]

No, they're very messy, which I like.

[B]

Yes. So here's the premise. In the future, because AI is going to take over and we're going to have robots, right?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

The la and robots in the house and housekeepers and gardener, all that. Good evening, Mr. Last Thing will be an AI robot comedian. And they will make those and they will base them on iconic comedians. So. And sooner or later, sooner or later, these AI cyborg comedian robots will screw up.

[A]

Order.

[B]

Order in the cart.

[A]

We're going right into it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

J1000, you're accused of murdering 300 patrons at the Laugh Stop in Hermosa beach on November 7th. How do you plead? Oh, you know, guilty. Of course. I am guilty. You're guilt. You, you freely admit your guilt? Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. You've. Would you care to explain yourself? It's actually very simple, you know, so, so I was there in the green room, you know, and, you know, basically my handler, Mickey, you know, he's all, he's my human guy. And he just said before the second show, he said, J1000. Knock him dead. Right. So what the problem was is that my empathy chip was completely on the fritz, and my logic chip wasn't working so well, so I took him literally, and I took this tool, and I beat the hell out of all till they were dead.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

So you have no remorse? Do you want to do the judge?

[A]

So you have no remorse for the situation? You kill the whole crowd?

[B]

No, I do it again in the same circumstances. It was just because it was really Mickey's fault because he's supposed to keep track of my maintenance. And like I told you, my empathy chip and my logic chip were completely on the frame.

[A]

This is starting to make more sense.

[B]

You know, I'll just say this to you, honor. You know, to be. To be totally honest, I think humans got to be a little bit more careful. Case dismissed.

[A]

You know, we all learned a lesson here today. I feel I'm still the judge.

[B]

All right? I know, but. Okay, I'll. We'll go back. Okay.

[A]

I'm not feeding you right.

[B]

Next to the stand is the Sebastian 200. Okay.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

You are accused of violently throwing a man into the Beverly Hills Hotel on July 9. How do you explain yourself? Well, I was sitting there poolside. Then this guy walks down in his sandals. He starts clipping this. Don't. So I pick him up, I throw him into pool.

[A]

You gotta go like this in the pool.

[B]

Picked them up and threw them in the pool.

[A]

Yeah. Two arms.

[B]

Now you say, and your chips were working.

[A]

And your chips were working at this time.

[B]

The chips were perfect, your honor. Well, then this court has no recourse.

[A]

No recourse but to elect you, dismantle you. Dismantle you can.

[B]

This course. This court has no recourse except to dismantle you piece by piece and take you down to the nubs.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Sebastian200. You're gonna take me down to the knobs? That's what I just said. Take you down to the nubs. Get him out of here. Bailiff. Johnny 500.

[A]

Everyone's a robot. Yeah.

[B]

So the judges, too? I was. I was gonna do the judges. Henry Fonda. Well, get him out of here. You know, like a AI. Who would be a great judge? Henry Fonda.

[A]

That would help. Contraction.

[B]

We're gonna take it down to the knobs. Johnny 5000. Take him away. Sorry, Sebastian. Apparently we got to take you down to the nubs. Down to the nubs. That's right, funk face. And seen.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

It's a little sloppy. You became the judge.

[A]

I did. I tried to Help. And then I really heard it a little.

[B]

I'll work on it and bring it back for another edition of Buzzing Around. There it is.

[A]

That was Buzzing Around. If you didn't know, it's sponsored by Buzz Buzzy Caffeine flavors. Enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle. Five hour energy shots pack the flavors of the season. Portable 2 ounces shot.

[B]

Ma. Wherever there's a five hour energy, I'll be there. Wherever people are taking five hour energy to give them five hours of energy, I'll be there.

[A]

That's my Henry Fonda online at 5OurEnergy.com or Amazon. Today. I don't even slow down for you. I just buzz right over you.

[B]

Buzz. Buzzing over me. No, I, I, I did it.

[A]

It was good. You did great.

[B]

Come on, man. I'm gonna work on that and put it in my standup.

[A]

Dana, have you ever caught yourself mid sentence and think, wow, maybe I shouldn't have had that extra coffee this morning? Yeah, you have. Yeah, I have too. Or that time I realized my flossing game was more of an optional hobby than a routine habit. It's funny how little things in your mouth can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. And that's exactly why I love what Smile generation does. They're a community of trusted dental professionals who help people understand the connection between oral health and overall health. Because what happens in your mouth doesn't just stay there, it affects your heart, your brain, and your overall well being.

[B]

Oral health issues have even been linked to long term conditions like heart disease, diabetes and Alzheimer's. So caring for your smile really is caring for your whole self. And there's a special confidence that comes from being proactive. Regular exams and screenings can catch potential concerns early, sometimes before you even notice symptoms.

[A]

Yeah. To learn more about the connection between oral health and Overall Health, visit SmileGeneration.comFly that's Smile Generation.comSL Fly to learn more about the mouth body connection and find a trusted provider near you. Okay. What? Oh, let's get to some stories.

[B]

Yeah, we're in our second hour.

[A]

Let's see what this is. Oh, this is funny. Wait a second. Ready? This is that cop show.

[B]

What's the point? Okay, so you're getting charged with that

[A]

too, because, you know, you said

[B]

this is real.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This guy's pretending to be you.

[A]

David Spade.

[B]

This guy, the cop comes, you have a movie called Bus Boys coming. Go see it. Funny. Well, I love that whistle. Why was the funny whistle?

[A]

That's what they added to it. The guy. But it's funny because it's a real cop show where they just arrest people live. And the guy goes, david Spade, don't you have that movie buzz voice coming out this weekend? And the guy's like. So after a while they go, you're not him. Heather has a special whistle.

[B]

She does that.

[A]

They do when we go to storage. Your family whistles to find each other. Dogs putting up in the woods. Oh, my God. It's. Oh, it's how to get their dog back from the woods.

[B]

Does whistling come across?

[A]

She does the real one

[B]

with these mics.

[A]

Oh, people, I think, hate the whistling. It's too loud.

[B]

Well, I think you have to get it further away.

[A]

You know, this water drop is really a whistle.

[B]

That's pretty. How long did you practice to get that?

[A]

But it's really just a whistle noise. You know what I mean?

[B]

No, it's something more than that. I mean, I.

[A]

No, you could probably do it in a couple thousand years.

[B]

If I didn't have a life, I'd have time to train.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Here's you at midnight in your mansion.

[A]

By the way, you asked me the other day, that bullet train in California, what's the latest tally? It was 100 billion. It's up to 2:30 now. You could make the Desert Warrior movie 5000.

[B]

Oh, full, sir. I like it. It's not even political. It's no one's fault if you have an unaccountable monopoly that has no competition. Unlimited money, you know, Hello. We could use more money for the train. Right away, sir. You know, so dysfunction is normal of government who's ever in power, so we have to hold it to account. But 200 billion is getting a little thirsty, as you would say.

[A]

Governors of states are like CEOs, but they would get fired if they were like CEOs. So if you just say, hey, I don't know where this money is, hey, we've tacked 100 billion. I don't want to pay for this thing. They want me to pay for it by myself.

[B]

I disagree that the train is going slow, your honor. I mean, we. We have 12 tracks laid. Of course it's been 200 billion, but there's been some local fires, some flooding, and. Well, I think we're right on track. We will be able to build five miles of train track for true $2 trillion. You got a problem like that, bro.

[A]

I know nothing you can do. They always show a comparison. Like China built a train across the whole goddamn country in like two years for a billion. You go, so, so Someone knows how to do it.

[B]

Well, China can just take. Go. Go around in a truck with a bullhorn. Attention everyone. Leave your home. Drive five miles east and begin building the home we need. Building? Yeah. All we need is 25 million people in the next hour. Leave your homes immediately. See, I didn't do a Chinese accent.

[A]

No, and that ruined it.

[B]

Wait a minute. Quick. Japanese guy in an earthquake.

[A]

Oh, boy. He's happy in his house. There comes a tremor. He's confused. I'm sure it's nothing. Crosses his eyes, of course.

[B]

Oh, no. I messed this.

[A]

I like when your computer goes blank.

[B]

Yeah. Where are we now? I just. It's all black around my screen. Can you see me?

[A]

Let's do another story. Yeah, we overloaded these stories, I guess.

[B]

I know. It's so funny though.

[A]

Okay, let's see if this is funny. Okay. What? Wait. Oh, there's a new invention. Edible water.

[B]

Oh. Edible water is an edible water bottle.

[A]

Meet. Uhoh. A revolutionary solution to single use plastic.

[B]

These water blobs are made from seaweed

[A]

that are designed to hold water in a natural edible case. One in your mouth. Bite down and enjoy a refreshing burst of water. And it's a hundred percent biodegradable, breaking down in weeks if not consumed.

[B]

Unlike plastic bottles that take centuries. The company is working to bring a major step.

[A]

I'd like. Give me a half a dozen Blobs. That's great.

[B]

Yeah. What's the name? I'm trying to think of the brand name. What are they calling it? Seaweed Water. I mean, is there blob? Better name than that.

[A]

I'd call it Blobs.

[B]

I call it we Seaweed. Well, weed blob.

[A]

I'd call it Blobules. Hey, Dana, we're going on a drive. Grab a couple blobs for the road.

[B]

Are you thirsty, honey? We. We just walked across the desert. Of course not. I. I took a seaweed blob. It was a half an ounce of water.

[A]

Do you have any blobs on you? Dude, I'm dying. I got cottonmouth.

[B]

Jam it.

[A]

Oh, don't jelly it down your throat. Jam it.

[B]

Okay. That's the. That's the byline. The commercial.

[A]

That's a lady last week.

[B]

Oh, that's right. What's the difference? What's the difference? They don't care about the creos.

[A]

I finished the joke. She goes, what's the difference? I go between bad breath and halitosis.

[B]

Bad breath, Halesis. Those are two towns.

[A]

Because she's right here. I smell like Malibu Rum mixed with Coke or RC Cola.

[B]

I'm like, see if you get this, Joe. Because I did it as red redneck and confused people. Red rednecky. The red rat comedian, you know?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, I. I just got back from oozing saw. Mississippi. Friend says, how are the folks doing down there? They are dabbing cotton.

[A]

It's ooze and sore, meaning oozing sore.

[B]

Mississippi. So the whole town has oozing sores. How are they davin cotton?

[A]

I got it. Which doesn't work for that corporate crowd.

[B]

I don't do red red necky for. You don't like Procter and Gamble.

[A]

Can you see this wrinkle, Dana?

[B]

Where is it?

[A]

On this side? There's a wrinkle in this jacket. When I bought it, would you have bought it? I shouldn't have bought it. I said, there's a wrinkle. You go, that's normal. It comes out in two seconds. This is honestly four years ago you did.

[B]

Wasn't one of your specials my so called problems?

[A]

No, my fake problem.

[B]

My fake problem. So you're doing a perfect impression of that special.

[A]

This is. It's a wrinkle down and it looks so weird. And so I never wear Stolen from the shoot. Is Everybody from the 50th anniversary New Yorker magazine shoot where you said, let's walk?

[B]

Yeah, I repeat myself a little bit.

[A]

I remember.

[B]

But yeah. This, this is a Gap T shirt. You want one with the pocket? They fit better.

[A]

What do you put in the pocket?

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

Just like a nothing. A compass from school?

[B]

No, everything.

[A]

Your phone a little heavy.

[B]

Normally I do have a puffy jacket that's very lightweight. And that's my man purse. Paula tried to get me a thing that I would put around like a. I'd look like a mailman from England. All my stuff in there. I left it in every car, every cab, you know, but if I have a zippy jacket like that, I get wallet, cell phone, keys and stuff.

[A]

Oh, you have a merch pockets.

[B]

Because if you have it somewhere, it can fly out. It'll fly away. Oh, you're gonna put your stuff in your breast pocket. It'll fly out. I'm gonna have to talk to the doctor.

[A]

Oh, the doctor says don't put your iPhone next to your heart. It's too close.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

That's just to start with. Oh, does she laugh at this joke or not?

[B]

I don't know if she knows it. I mean, it's.

[A]

It's so funny.

[B]

It's a problem.

[A]

It's an homage.

[B]

Like I said, she's just the nicest person in the world. But it's like, could I get that med this month? I'm going to have to talk to the doctor. I never really got you. I never really worked on. I just said, hey, buddy. But I don't really have a perfect.

[A]

There's not much of a personality here to deal with. It's sort of flatlining.

[B]

No, you've got your hooks. You know, you, you're stand up kind of like the way you move around and like. And I was like, you're like, you know, she's like boozy Susie. Little. Little effects. Little effects. It's very entertaining.

[A]

Dude. I walk into a room now like, I'm fajitas. I'm like, what's up? I was like, I got that sizzle.

[B]

Got that sizzle. Yeah, you're on fire today. We should put a fire emoji up.

[A]

Spade fajitas.

[B]

You are presenting today. You. You are not phoning it in? No, at all.

[A]

Oh, it's late. All right, we'll do one more story. Even though we had way too hours.

[B]

And then we have. Yeah, we got a lot more.

[A]

We'll push them. We got a lot of ads.

[B]

My hair got higher during.

[A]

I know. People like your hair being high.

[B]

Okay, go ahead.

[A]

Oh, this one's about a brewery. Wisconsin. This is ballsy of this guy.

[B]

Brewery company admits they would give away free beer if a president was successfully assassinated. How sick, how completely and absolutely mentally ill are these people? It is. That guy should get his own show or at least get him. He does podcast.

[A]

Napoleon dynamite impression.

[B]

Oh, I love that movie.

[A]

So this brewery guy got in trouble. Of course. You can't go too far one way or the other. It's just, you know, free beers if he gets shot.

[B]

I know, I know. And they get even weirder if there's some kind of bomb attack. And Nova Scotia would give you. Give you around onion rings. I mean, there's rewards for all different kinds. If there's a tidal wave in Singapore, you go get free pizza.

[A]

That's poly market. These people that bet on stuff, you can bet. This is a way to get the rest of the world in on gambling. You can bet on almost anything. Like when is Taylor Swift's wedding? You can. You know, there's a lot of just day to day things that aren't sports. So now everyone can be addicted to gambling. But I'm sure one of them is.

[B]

And you can bet on anything if the Iran.

[A]

If they open up the herm Straight of her Moose.

[B]

Straight of her Moose. It's an incredible name. What? Whatever pirate or whoever it was centuries ago looked out and said, I'm going to call it the Straight of Horu.

[A]

Who is the guy?

[B]

Cuz your name is Steve Hormuz. Is that why you're naming it that?

[A]

Was it. Lancaster. That goes. How does he do?

[B]

No. Kirk Douglas.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna call it the Straight of Homo Moose. What do you think? But I think that's a fine name. Stroll Moose. I read that a lot of the Trump cabinet, you know, you get to be in the cabinet of administration. They're living on military bases, a lot of them for protection. You finally got your dream. You're Secretary of the Interior now. Drop for 20. Oh, no.

[A]

Give me them potatoes. You're working missiles?

[B]

Yeah, they're in boot camp all the time. But they got to be in a. They got to be in a. Well, they got to be in a military base. We'll put them in. We're putting them in. Kadish, I think. Yes.

[A]

Yes, sir.

[B]

How many things does Kadish for you represent? So saluting is a Kadish?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What else is it?

[A]

Dinner with Nick Swartz and we just make that noise. The whole. We pick up our chopstick. Good douche.

[B]

You and Nick. I wish I was there.

[A]

Nick is a mental case. He's.

[B]

You guys must have. He's hysterical.

[A]

He puts a story on Instagram maybe every day about me and just makes fun of me. It's unreal.

[B]

Let's have him on.

[A]

I know. We should have him on again. He wants to come on again for his tour.

[B]

Came on maybe a little while ago. So he can come back.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

He's a friend of the show. He's a funny mofo.

[A]

All right, Dana, I gotta go, so just let me walk to my car, then you stay on.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna stay on. I'll stay on and then I'll close the laptop by doing this. Hey. See? I can learn.

[A]

You've learned. All right. Thanks, guys. Hey, guys. If you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us review five star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[B]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[A]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey, our senior producer is

[B]

Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney and Lauren Vieira.

[A]

The out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email [e-mail] that's a U-A C-Y dot com.