Jizz-Lane Maxwell Updates, Pest Control Tips & Joe Dirt Tunnel Walk

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade Episode: Jizz-Lane Maxwell Updates, Pest Control Tips & Joe Dirt Tunnel Walk Release Date: July 28, 2025

In this engaging episode of Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade, longtime friends Dana Carvey and David Spade delve into a variety of topics ranging from high-profile legal cases to humorous impersonations and everyday nuisances. The dynamic duo combines sharp wit with insightful commentary, making for an entertaining and informative listen.

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1. Jizz-Lane Maxwell Updates

Timestamp: [03:28]

The episode kicks off with Dana bringing up updates on "Jizz-Lane Maxwell," a humorous take on Ghislaine Maxwell. The discussion centers around her potential congressional hearings and the speculative scenarios surrounding her testimony.

• Dana Carvey reflects, "I looked it up. That's the correct pronunciation. Ghislaine Maxwell." ([03:41])
• David Spade adds humorously, "I like Joe Dirt. He goes, I'm having lunch with Spade. He goes, yeah, what'd you lose, a bet?" ([05:24])

The conversation playfully imagines Maxwell's role and interactions with political figures, blending real-world events with comedic flair.

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2. Morgan Wallen Concert & Joe Dirt Tunnel Walk

Timestamp: [06:14] - [09:02]

David shares his recent experience attending a Morgan Wallen concert, where he participates in a playful impersonation of Joe Dirt during Wallen's tunnel walkout.

• David Spade describes, "We dusted off an old Joe Dirt wig and then we... Mullet. Yeah." ([07:51])
• Dana Carvey reacts with laughter, "Oh, I want to see clip. Okay." ([08:04])

They showcase a short clip of the impersonation, highlighting their comedic chemistry and ability to turn a concert moment into a memorable joke. The segment underscores their knack for blending pop culture references with personal anecdotes.

---

3. Pest Control Tips

Timestamp: [18:40] - [21:02]

Shifting gears, Dana and David tackle the topic of pest control, sharing their own experiences with unwanted attic intruders.

• Dana Carvey recounts, "It sounded like a phone. The old dial rotary, and there's like. And then under the thing, it is going to. Sounded like Joe Dirt." ([19:04])
• David Spade humorously adds, "What was she talking about? She was making out with an aardvark in the other room." ([20:32])

Their storytelling paints a vivid picture of dealing with pests, blending humor with relatable household challenges. The segment also touches on the unexpected encounters with the pest control professional, adding an extra layer of comedy.

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4. Tom Brady's Extravagant Gifts

Timestamp: [32:37] - [33:56]

The hosts discuss recent news about Tom Brady gifting his son a Benjamin Jacob and Company billionaire mini Ashoka watch worth $3 million.

• Dana Carvey quips, "That's the best advice. Get a reality show." ([55:50])
• David Spade remarks, "I have a set list he wrote from the Michigan Sheraton. And it was like Hound Dog with an arrow." ([35:24])

Their conversation navigates the opulence associated with celebrity lifestyles, juxtaposing it with their own humorous takes on extravagant spending.

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5. Humanoid Robots and Nature's Traps

Timestamp: [36:01] - [48:35]

Exploring the intersection of nature and technology, Dana and David delve into the behavior of black widows and Venus flytraps, revealing their fascination with the complexities of the natural world.

• David Spade muses, "They're literally a trap. And they want them to fight. When they fight, it releases better stuff." ([47:10])
• Dana Carvey adds with intrigue, "It's genetically this clever thing defense Mechanism." ([47:38])

The hosts discuss how spiders interact with Venus flytraps, highlighting the intricate and sometimes perilous relationships within ecosystems. This segment balances scientific curiosity with their characteristic humor.

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6. Gaming and Violence

Timestamp: [49:48] - [51:46]

Transitioning to contemporary issues, Dana and David address the impact of violent video games on youth behavior.

• David Spade states, "The violence in these games has to reflect somewhat the violence of life." ([50:13])
• Dana Carvey counters, "We've got to categorize our insects, you know, you can't just. You can't make them all equivocate." ([30:01])

They critically examine the correlation between prolonged exposure to violent gaming and real-world aggression, emphasizing the societal implications of digital entertainment.

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7. Q&A and Comedy Advice

Timestamp: [53:26] - [58:11]

In an interactive segment, Dana and David answer listener-submitted questions, offering comedic yet surprisingly practical advice.

• Dana Carvey humorously advises a listener with seven kids, "If you're black, you're a black gold running through my veins." ([54:08])
• David Spade suggests, "Maybe it's a money thing at this point. So maybe not. You're basically married." ([55:32])

Their responses blend humor with empathy, showcasing their ability to connect with listeners while maintaining their comedic personas.

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8. Closing Remarks and Promotions

Timestamp: [58:37] - [59:16]

The episode concludes with Dana and David promoting upcoming content and encouraging listener engagement.

• Dana Carvey invites, "If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now." ([58:37])
• David Spade reminds, "Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey..." ([58:42])

They provide acknowledgments to their production team and outline ways for listeners to stay connected, wrapping up the episode on a high note.

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Notable Quotes:

• "Your thing is never let him see you working. Never let him see you sweating." — Dana Carvey ([02:02])
• "Listen, 85 plus superfoods, nutrients, plant-based ingredients. Try Kachava risk-free with their love-it guarantee." — David Spade ([14:07])
• "It's a weird thing for a kid to play that and just be hypnotized by it over hours upon hours, they don't leave their room." — David Spade ([50:34])
• "If you're a country music star, you know, you got boots on, you got cowboy boots." — Dana Carvey ([25:16])

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Conclusion

This episode of Fly on the Wall masterfully balances topical discussions with timeless humor. Dana Carvey and David Spade engage listeners with their unique blend of satire, personal anecdotes, and sharp observations, making complex subjects approachable and entertaining. Whether dissecting high-profile legal matters, sharing pest control mishaps, or poking fun at celebrity lifestyles, the hosts deliver content that is both insightful and hilariously relatable.

Transcript

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

Quince.com fly all right, with pure chaos over here, Dana. We got it.

[Dana Carvey]

Phew, man, These are welcome to pure chaos. These are, you know, they're not easy. People go, what is it like? I go, you don't want to know what it's like. I go, wouldn't I want to know?

[David Spade]

People go, dana works hard on these. You breeze through it. I go, no. I said, believe me. Dana comes out of the barn. He's like the Amish. She goes out there, buses hump.

[Dana Carvey]

Never. Your. Your thing is never let him see you working. Never let him see you sweating. I'm out there going, look at my funny voices. Like me.

[David Spade]

Mine is never work. No. I tell Gervitz, I go, I like to. I like to. I go, I like. I want a job, but I don't want to work. Ah, I guess you don't like money. I do like money.

[Dana Carvey]

You don't like money. I'm your manager.

[David Spade]

Someone I knew ran into him and of course he went through all of it.

[Dana Carvey]

Really?

[David Spade]

Hey, handsome.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, who's funnier than you?

[David Spade]

Yeah. He goes, I'm having lunch with Spade. He goes, yeah, what'd you lose, a bet?

[Dana Carvey]

He's got his tricks, full quips. Yeah. And I Go.

[David Spade]

I go, hey, where are you having lunch? Girvitz? And he goes, information is power. Money never sleeps. Strictly needs to know basis.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, he's got them all lined up, man. He just. He repeats them all right before he falls asleep.

[David Spade]

I thought I was gonna get more for that. The landscape has changed.

[Dana Carvey]

Good night, manager. Landscape has changed. Who's funny than you, handsome? Oh, my God.

[David Spade]

All right, call you back. Are you calling me back? On what? That's just how he hangs up. Call you back. Call me back. Anyway, Dana, what's been going on? We've had a week off. Let's catch me up on your stuff. I'll catch you up.

[Dana Carvey]

All right. Well, I have a few current event things that piqued my interest, so it looks like they may. It probably won't happen anytime in the next week or something, but. Jazz.

[David Spade]

Lane.

[Dana Carvey]

Jizz Lane. You can't make that up. I looked it up. That's the correct pronunciation. Ghislaine Maxwell.

[David Spade]

Jizzy Lane. You're in my. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Bungalow.

[David Spade]

What's the possible correct pronunciation? Go ahead, just. Let's just call it just Lane.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's. So I'm imagining that she's in front of congressional hearing, and I'm also acknowledging to myself that I don't know what she talks like. She's never really spoken. So here is Senator John Kennedy.

[David Spade]

He's in on it.

[Dana Carvey]

He's. Well, he's a congress guy. Miss. Miss Jizz Lane. Is that real name? Did I get that right? You were sort of what we call the point person for Mr. Jeffrey Epstein. That correct? Did I. I get that right? And what was your job in that scenario? And we don't know what she's going to sound like. Well, you know, when I was on the island with Jeffrey, I set up the lounge chairs and get the sunscreen in the water for everybody. And then if a VIP wanted a date, I would go and look into the bungalows and make sure the hidden cameras were working properly. I'd wipe off the lens. You know, I think that's what we call in in Louisiana, a bombshell. Did I get that right? I don't know if it's a bombshell. It was just another day on the island.

[David Spade]

It's a day at the office.

[Dana Carvey]

So that's it.

[David Spade]

I like it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's one of mine. What do you got?

[David Spade]

Let's go put the water wings on the girls. And, yeah, make sure the blackmail stuff is all lined up.

[Dana Carvey]

Make sure the cameras are recording properly. You know, we want to make our happy but no one knows what she talks like. Maybe she'll talk like that. Maybe I'll be my best impression.

[David Spade]

If she gets in court. They're trying to drag her in court, right? Drag her.

[Dana Carvey]

They want to drag her in. And this thing is just going on and they're going to interview her. She's the last living person that has all the records. I don't know. I'm just saying it's still a story, right?

[David Spade]

And she was really Robin. It was really Batman and Robin. So if Robin's there, you want to try to get some info. They say, oh, there's nothing to worry about because he's dead. But I think she's more worried about all the alive people that are on tapes or something.

[Dana Carvey]

Right. If these. These people did something illicit on an island with underage whatevers, then maybe. Maybe we have the right to know.

[David Spade]

Though I think those powerful people are nagging at her in the back of her head, like they might be a problem if I rat everyone out, but hopefully something comes from it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

The other. When I was going, I stopped in Arizona. I went to a Morgan Wallen concert, or as my mom calls him, Walwin Morgan, which actually sounds like a real name.

[Dana Carvey]

Wawa Geegan. Wawa Geegan. Isn't that his name?

[David Spade]

There's a lot of country guys out there. Morgan Wallen is doing very well.

[Dana Carvey]

I like Shabbadabadoo. What's. What's.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. Shabadoozie, Jafloozy. We had on snl.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah. So what is Morgan. What's he doing? What's he up to?

[David Spade]

So Morgan, he had two shows there and at the Cardinals stadium. So he can do stadiums, right? He has two nights, so I love it. He has someone from. I've seen this on, you know, Instagram or something. He has someone preferentially from that city walk him out. So I've seen. So, you know, if you're at a stadium, it's a long walk from the dressing room, like when the team comes out of the tunnel. But before that, he's got a dressing room in the middle of the stadium, and he walks out. So hang on with that video. But. So he says, hey, why don't you. He asked Theo to call me and say, would Spade ever want it? He likes Joe Dirt. He goes, would he ever come out as Joe Dirt?

[Dana Carvey]

Walk me out, okay.

[David Spade]

So I'm intrigued. I said. I said, I don't know. Then I go, you know what? It kind of would be fun. This is kind of the place to do it. So Heather and I dusted off an old Joe Dirt wig and then we. Mullet. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

A real one.

[David Spade]

And I found the old. Yeah. From Joe Dirt 2. And then I found my Real Janitor shirt from 1. I said, I don't want to walk out with you. Why don't you come and pick me up along the way? Because it's too long of a walk to be funny or anything. So here it is. We'll just show you.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I want to see clip. Okay.

[David Spade]

Okay. Put the volume up. Let's see. So he's playing a song.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

There we go.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, they knew right away.

[David Spade]

So you can see the crowd underneath. It's on the big screen. There's Heather filming this. You see it's on the screen also.

[Dana Carvey]

60,000.

[David Spade]

It's hard to think of little bits.

[Dana Carvey]

To do well because it's all Miami visual. You know what he.

[David Spade]

Little hug and I run off like jodor when Kid Rock yells at me.

[Dana Carvey]

Kind of. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Super fun.

[Dana Carvey]

You didn't get to talk as Joe Dirt.

[David Spade]

You know, it was enough where they just saw. They could see that it was a. But it was good. They remember Joe Dirt and they recognize it. And then it was fun because it totally fits in with Morgan. He's got a mullet and he's big superstar.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, you know, I mean, did you have any sense that maybe you go with the shirt like this and fly on the wall now on Monday.

[David Spade]

LaserDisc oh, ye fly on the wall now in even more confusing times, which.

[Dana Carvey]

Our motto is keep them guessing.

[David Spade]

I think we should tell people that are confused. Just keep checking. It'll there. There will be two a week and still be two a week. So you will catch them.

[Dana Carvey]

And as if we're not confused. I mean, like, kind of have some empathy for our position.

[David Spade]

It's Monday, Thursday. It's not any of the days it was which would have helped. But it's Monday. Thursday.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. This just came in. I don't know if this is true, but just Lane Jizz got a. Got a call in jail and I guess they released a recording. Let me just play it. Well, I'll just sort of. I listened to it. When you're doing.

[David Spade]

Could you act it out?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. She's like, hello, who is this? You're not gonna go anywhere, are you? You're not good. Who is this? I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't testify over you, but some of the guy could do it.

[David Spade]

Who's that? Trump's telling him.

[Dana Carvey]

What's it. Does it sound like Trump?

[David Spade]

I Mean, I would guess if I.

[Dana Carvey]

Had to say, no, what I heard in the corner, don't do it, don't do it. And if you look at it and you think about it, you wouldn't do it. He's like, what are you talking about? Should I fix the secret cameras? That was what I heard, and I don't even know if that's real. Speaking of Trump, can I do a current event?

[David Spade]

100%.

[Dana Carvey]

So now he came out today, and this will be an ongoing story, that Russia was the ringleader for the Russian. Russia. Obama was the ringleader for the Russians.

[David Spade]

I did hear this. Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

And so I heard. This is on Daily Mail, that Springsteen called him to offer support. You know. Hello? Who is this? As Bruce Springsteen. How you doing, Mr. President? I'm doing fine. What's up? I heard Trump threaten you. I just want you to know I got your back. Oh, okay. But I think I can handle it myself. No, I got your back, believe me. I got my boots on, my big boy pants, and my cowboy hat. That's six feet of Bruce Springsteen coming right at you. All right, talk to you later. I'll keep that in mind. Bruce. Six feet of pure Springsteen coming right at you. I think it's not a problem. I'm gonna fog him up. Up, Michelle, I'm talking to Bruce. I'm gonna him up. Boom. So these are just things I hear. Do you want to do one? We're baking a fun cake today. I just wanted to say that I like.

[David Spade]

These are what everybody wants. Short, little fun cake. You know, Dana, I travel all the time, and I just went to Arizona where it was 113 degrees.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, for me, recently had some of my Irish relatives visiting us, and we wanted to get a. Ah, well, we could stay with you if you want, but we can stay wherever you want. So anyway, we got an Airbnb in the little town, and it was spectacular. It blew their minds. I can't believe they've got a coffee maker.

[David Spade]

It was a cupboard for the potatoes.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And a place to sleep. I mean, it was. It was an amazing home run. It just went up a small flight of stairs. It was like this apartment looked out over the town. It was gorgeous, and they loved it.

[David Spade]

Yeah, you get what you want. You kind of just go through and pick and choose. I want a pool. Do I want a big kitchen? You know, that's it. That's the experience you want, especially when you're hosting other people like you were. Yeah. And when you. If you have a nice pad, you can Airbnb it out. You can do the other way. You can have people come there. It's a good way to make some extra cash. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host Danny. You know, I'm running around all day, as you know.

[Dana Carvey]

You, you actually, that's no joke. You do. You, you do go around. You get in that car.

[David Spade]

Getting my steps. Yeah, I get the steps. I. And if I don't get my 2,000 steps a day, I get out and walk. I'm not bragging, but that's what I do. So listen, I need a little energy in the day. Of course. Cachava. Okay. It comes in a bag, right. It's a body meal. It's a whole body meal. So you mix it up either plain. You know, I kind of like throwing a little peanut butter. Right? That's just me. You can do whatever you want. Add stuff. There's a lot of great ingredients in there already. They've got maca root, goji berry, chia seeds. So many things. But if you want to be energized, focused, calm and satiated for hours, throw in one of these. I like chocolate. They have also vanilla chai. Is that a word?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I'd say you add a little bit of peanut butter, a little bit of banana, maybe a little bit of yogurt, and then mix it in a blender or with a big spoon and gulp it down. Not hungry and full of energy all day. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[David Spade]

Listen. 85 plus superfoods, nutrients, plant based ingredients. Try Kachava risk free with their love it guarantee. You have so many good reviews. Fuel your daily adventures with Kachava. Go to kachava.com and use code FLY for 15% off your next order. That's Kachava.

[Dana Carvey]

K A C H a v a.com code fly for 15% off. Yeah, this is something up your alley. You could lean in on this first. Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson are an item. Yes.

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

Good luck.

[David Spade]

I have remember, taken Good luck.

[Dana Carvey]

I have skills. Listen, Ms. Anderson, I've got skills I've acquired as a lover in the bedroom. Make me a dream boat for a bay Watch little beauty like yourself. You're kind of intense. I know. I was born intense.

[David Spade]

Yeah, he's a stud. Dude. I hope they are going out. I like her. I like him.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, she's cool. I. I hope Naked gun is good.

[David Spade]

You know, I mean, it's funny to do the Leslie Nielsen part. It's ballsy, but he's kind of a funny guy to do it because he's so serious.

[Dana Carvey]

The more serious he plays. You can't play it too serious and too strong.

[David Spade]

I'm gonna see it. I want to see it, and I'll give a full effing review.

[Dana Carvey]

You can't play it too serious, Mr. Spade. I have skills I've acquired. Shut up. Okay.

[David Spade]

Maybe he'll start that speech. He better do it in the movie. Is it Joe?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I bet he must do a part of it in the movie. That's just. Of all the kind of guys over 60 that want to be action heroes. He got taken. And that still has not been topped. And that speech was, you know, just incredible. Whoever wrote it, by the way, every.

[David Spade]

Movie I've seen him since is, like, taken from an igloo. Taken from. It's all the exact same movie, but just a different surroundings. They. They wronged him, and now he's going to write it.

[Dana Carvey]

And they said, hey, Liam, could you not say skills this time, but kind of this. All right, all right. Roll the cameras. I have talents that you can't believe. Yeah, Talents that make me a nightmare. Cut. Can you not say nightmare?

[David Spade]

All right, I'm in Video Village.

[Dana Carvey]

While you're doing this, I'm like, I have cameras. I have. I have talent that make me make you feel bad if you. If you come in contact with my talents. I'm Liam Neeson. But hey. Cut. Don't say the name. Your character's name is Joe's name.

[David Spade]

Joe?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I'm Joe. I'm Joe. And I've got a dream of hurting.

[David Spade]

I have a dream I wanna.

[Dana Carvey]

My name is Joe Dirt, and I.

[David Spade]

Oh, you're way off.

[Dana Carvey]

I have a meteorite. Go ahead.

[David Spade]

He says. He says, you know, I have a dream. And they're like, don't say I have a dream. It sounds like Martin Luther King. And he goes, okay, I am the guy from Taken. They go, no, don't say that either. Don't say the guy from.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. They go, I have a rowboat. Cut. What does that have to do with this scene? You're in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. 20 guys with machine guns.

[David Spade]

I know.

[Dana Carvey]

I thought it sounded good. I've got a rowboat that if you.

[David Spade]

Got, there was a flood.

[Dana Carvey]

And he goes, I have a particular paddle boat.

[David Spade]

And I know how to paddle, and I know where you are.

[Dana Carvey]

I have a bowl of mashed potatoes that I could smash in your face and make you dream bad things at night. Cut.

[David Spade]

We might call them smashed potatoes after.

[Dana Carvey]

Thanks. I just wanted to add that.

[David Spade]

Did we get that where we cut already?

[Dana Carvey]

Any kind of gruff voice is suddenly, hi, I'm Pamela Anderson. Hey. Hey. She's cool. Cool.

[David Spade]

That's a nice beaver. Thank you. I stuffed it myself. That's from the real show.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, that's from the show that's growing Naked Gun.

[David Spade]

You know, Naked Gun 33. And the third was directed by, you'll.

[Dana Carvey]

Never guess, Tom Hanks.

[David Spade]

Pete Siegel.

[Dana Carvey]

Pete Siegel. I like those. And I do think that if there is such a thing as timing, having a naked gun, just ridiculous laughs per second comedy right now. I think they're. They've hit the zeitgeist right now. We could use it.

[David Spade]

I think we could all use a laugh.

[Dana Carvey]

We could use it all the time. But especially today.

[David Spade]

Especially in this climate.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Okay. What else? You have other stories, don't you? And then we'll get to the regular.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, this is. This is. This is a story. This is a news flash. So we had a pest.

[David Spade]

I heard about this, okay? We're hearing noises all over the chat rooms.

[Dana Carvey]

Noises in the attic. I'm thinking it's nothing. You know.

[David Spade]

These are phones.

[Dana Carvey]

It sounded like a phone. The old dial rotary, and there's like. And then under the thing, it is going to. Sounded like Joe Dirt. So this went on for two weeks.

[David Spade]

Maybe. They're playing clips in the Morgan Wallen walkout. The animals. Do you think it's a raccoon? What do you think?

[Dana Carvey]

I immediately go to rat. Oh, yeah, I go to rat. We had a super happy, cool pest control guy. What's up, man? All right. So we showed him the. How he could get in the attic in the garage. And he goes, I am. I am so going up there, man. I'm so going up there. All right. That's really cool. I got a new ladder. You want to see it? You know, the guy was like. So then I come back, I go, how was it? He goes, hey, guess what? I found a cute little feller. And it was a little mouse that got into a sticky trap. We didn't even know there were sticky traps up there with a little mouse. It was quick. He goes, here's this little feller. He's cute, though, you know? Well, that'll be 648. So my wife, I couldn't hear. She closed the door. I heard her say.

[David Spade]

What was she talking about? She was making out with an aardvark in the other room.

[Dana Carvey]

But basically, we heard noise. We got a guy and he was very cool. Man, I was so happy to be out here and help you folks. You know, just one of those nice. Don't you have stories like that in your.

[David Spade]

I like the guy. He might have been a little starstruck by you.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, he started calling me Dana, which is pretty cool. I had sunglasses on inside just to be sort of cool. And I just was like, so you really, like, just crawling in attics where there's rats and feces? Yeah, I do, man. It's a calling, dude. I like it. Dana.

[David Spade]

Hey, Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, how's that guy David on the. On the podcast? I thought I saw him at Morgan Wallen show. I was out there and he came out, but they didn't let him talk. So I'd heard that story before the podcast.

[David Spade]

You know, it's funny. We were talking and they go, you. You can't hear Morgan. Well, he said, you know, I have this earpiece in and I'll. I can't hear anything. And then when he come out, he goes, so when did you come in? While we're walking out, he's trying to. Normal conversation. I'm like, oh, hey, I got in last night, but I'm leaving in the morning. And he's like, oh, cool. So how long, you know Theo? A long time. Theo says, you're a cool guy. So we're talking. Meanwhile, the crowd's yelling, and I'm like, hang on, I got to do this.

[Dana Carvey]

What's up?

[David Spade]

Huh? But when I. When I was in his dressing room and I put it. We were bullshitting, and then I put on that wig and everything and his shirt, and then I come out and they're all standing there like. And I go, you're gonna stand there owning a fireworks stand? I go right into, like, Joe Dirt jokes.

[Dana Carvey]

So it just fit like a glove. You just.

[David Spade]

It was fun. Yeah. I mean, the wig isn't perfect, but it was pretty good. And then it was just a good throwaway. But, you know, for comedy jokes, I walked. I go, this looks like a two minute walk. And I go, it's about two minutes. I go, I said, can he come pick me up? So we cut a little of the time out because I don't know what I can do for that long. I mean, if you're just walking, it's one thing. Like the night before, he had Randy Johnson, who pitched for the Arizona Diamondbacks.

[Dana Carvey]

He's like that Randy Johnson, hall of Famer. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Who used to have a mullet. And you don't have to have a mullet.

[Dana Carvey]

For this 10, I believe.

[David Spade]

Yeah. And he, he would pitch and his fingers would touch the catcher's mitt.

[Dana Carvey]

He was a tall, a tall man, Ed. He actually would shake hands with the batter.

[David Spade]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dana Carvey]

After he threw the pitch, he'd say, here, while I'm here, let's just high five each other.

[David Spade]

Yeah. So they're going to Seattle next. I go, who are you going to get to walk here? There's some nerd. So he's just, well, that's not nice. Yeah. Now we cracked up. It was fun.

[Dana Carvey]

You were killing. You know it.

[David Spade]

This is a great time. Something to do. I don't go to the stadium concerts, by the way. Just his merch alone was raking it in.

[Dana Carvey]

Raking it in. Well, what. Why don't we just to amuse ourselves.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Book a stadium. Like we'll four wall it. If people don't know that. Like, we'll paper it and we'll paper it and so we'll play a stadium and we'll ask Morgan wall and if he can repay the favor and come walking out with us.

[David Spade]

Yeah, he might. He's pretty nice guy.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. I mean, I'm just envious of musicians. I would love to have been just comedy is like, what's up? What's up?

[David Spade]

I know.

[Dana Carvey]

And they just like, I was on, you know, it's like, yeah, it's got.

[David Spade]

These hit songs and every, every girl in Phoenix and there and Scottsdale came out, they dusted off their cowboy boots, they had a blonde hair, all cowboy hats. The once a year cowboy hat good deed.

[Dana Carvey]

So he is also a sex symbol.

[David Spade]

Yes, they. All of me.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm going to ask you a question just to interrupt the podcast. If, if Roy Orbison looked like Elvis Presley.

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

And Elvis Presley looked like Roy Orbison. Which one event would, would Elvis still have been a sex symbol if David.

[David Spade]

Spade looked like Phyllis Diller?

[Dana Carvey]

Now?

[David Spade]

I think you're right. I mean, listen, good looks matters. I don't care how you. You can argue it forever. It's always better to be good looking. And if you're in show business, it's such a plus. I mean, Morgan's a stud, but all these country guys kind of the same look. Kind of. It feels like they all seem to do well. I don't hear about the ones that don't, but the ones I see that are on tour, they all have big shows and.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's generally kind of. If you're a country music star, you know, you got, you got boots on, you got cowboy boots. On your Kickers, you got Levi's of some kind or jeans, some kind of jacket, and you're cranking it up.

[David Spade]

You're selling the authenticity of like, yeah, I always wear boots, just jeans, just a T shirt, just.

[Dana Carvey]

And then I'm ready to fight anybody any second.

[David Spade]

I said, you stupidly got a solid gold belt buckle. That was dumb, because people will pick up on that. They're gonna notice it.

[Dana Carvey]

That's right. They have. You know, Elvis used to have a belt buckle. It was the size of a dinner plate.

[David Spade]

I love Elvis so much.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, and I just always thought, what did he think when Colonel Tom Parker brought out the white jumpsuit with the bell bottoms and the plate says, did he have any com. I don't know if I want to wear that, Colonel. Oh, come on now, Elvis. That's a wonderful outfit for you. Big bell bo bottoms and a big old belt buckle. Yeah, but that's the size of a dinner paint, Colonel. I like to come out in jeans and boots like a country star. No, Elvis. Now, I'm the Colonel and I take 70 of your check. So believe me when I tell you that clown suit is perfect for you at this point in your career.

[David Spade]

What if Elvis just didn't listen? He came out like an Izod alligator polo shirt, you know, untucked some brown cords.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah. I got. Well, I got my bus statures, I got my sketchers on. I got my. Whatever you said, eyes on. She sure.

[David Spade]

Yeah. You know the alligator one?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Left my home in Norfolk, Virginia. California, 109, stud. My mom was in love with Elvis.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, my God. My sister, instead of the Beatles, rolling stones, had 500 pictures, literally.

[David Spade]

She can't talk about being good looking. That's. That is the guy that's so good looking. Of course. And he had a great voice. So if you can start being good looking. Start today, if you can. It does help.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, it was. But I knew a woman who had dinner with him once, and she literally did the face. She said the entire dinner, he just was doing this. I like a. I like a salad. I think you got a. Is it that crab cakes Stay up there.

[David Spade]

Hold on.

[Dana Carvey]

Ah, I like some. What do you call, meatballs. You got any meatballs with extra mayonnaise?

[David Spade]

All right, let's get to one story.

[Dana Carvey]

Salmon. And I'd like some ketchup to put on the salmon. Okay, go ahead.

[David Spade]

Here we go. We're kicking into it. Oh, this. I'm from Arizona, so this struck me. I'm like, all to the ground, but.

[Dana Carvey]

I'VE never actually seen it happen.

[David Spade]

This thing is massive. Out of your air vents.

[Dana Carvey]

That's a big.

[David Spade]

A lot of people don't love scorpions.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't want to have to do anything.

[David Spade]

No one's.

[Dana Carvey]

When is it going to fall?

[David Spade]

Cuddling up. When's it going to fall? Yeah, you wait for it to fall. Oh, it's still walking around there.

[Dana Carvey]

Ah. Ah.

[David Spade]

That is terrifying. That's on your roof.

[Dana Carvey]

God, I would just play Mission Impossible things upside down. Get in the vent. Get. Are they.

[David Spade]

One time I was on the phone when I moved to Arizona when I was during, like, snl, I got a little place there, and it was newer, but it's. You know, they always build it, like, right into the rocks. It was a new development. So they put one in their building all around me. And when I'd come there, off and on, I found total. I'm not lying, probably 18 scorpions in my seven years there. But they're terrifying. So I saw Javelin is my front yard. Those are like wild pigs with the big tusks. And then I saw two or three rattlesnakes. But I was on the phone on speakerphone talking to some lady, and this scorpion starts walking at me. They're very menacing, even if they mean well. It doesn't look good because they got the stinger and they got the clamps to hold you.

[Dana Carvey]

No, in Mysterious Island, 1962, they went on the island, everything's gigantic. And one of the things that was a gigantic. A scorpion the size of a Volkswagen.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Terrifying.

[Dana Carvey]

Terrifying. Yeah.

[David Spade]

So I'm there and she says. She's on speaker. And I go up, hold on, hold on. I got a scorpion walking at me. I got to make some adjustments here. And because I have bare feet, and she goes, oh, I found a ladybug on my shower curtain today. I go, oh, I'm almost dying. And you almost had good luck. It's not the same.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. You've got to categorize your insects, you know, you can't just. You can't make them all equivocate.

[David Spade]

They're not a ladybug you're talking about when I'm wrestling a scorpion for my life.

[Dana Carvey]

If you had to have, like, you're asleep at night and a gaggle of one kind of insect in your room. What ladybugs? None. Just none ladybugs. Maybe that's my answer. Don't like insects.

[David Spade]

No, I don't.

[Dana Carvey]

Crawly.

[David Spade]

I had this question the other night. Oh, would I rather have. Oh, we're on the Road. And. And they had a air conditioner. I couldn't figure out how to turn off the fan.

[Dana Carvey]

I've had those.

[David Spade]

If you had. As I go to sleep, and I don't like it blowing on my face, so it's freezing. I don't know why. So I'm putting pillows up around me. It's still hitting me. And then Bobby said when he went to bed, he said, when I went to the show, there was a huge spider on my wall, and I'll kill it before I leave. And he forgot and it was gone. And he said, would you rather have that before you go to bed or the blowing in the face? I'm like, I don't know. The spider scares me too much. I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

That's a tough one. The. You know, if we're not very technical with stuff, but sometimes this is just being in hotels, issue of the air conditioning. Sometimes you put it on low. I just want a low fan. And all of a sudden it goes high by itself. Then you put it on auto and it. So sometimes they're easy, and sometimes it's like a Rubik's Cube fan.

[David Spade]

High ac, high ac, medium, auto, low. Auto. Fan, fan, fan, auto. I'm like, how about off, babe?

[Dana Carvey]

And how does the temp? I tried to set it, and then I was told, you got to hold down on the button to set it. I was like. Because it looked like it would just go down. You gotta hold on to that one carving.

[David Spade]

The thing with fans is like, like. I'm like, okay, off. Like so off. Just like medium air conditioning. I'm like, no, off. And they're like, okay, just low off. They're like, well, you don't want nothing. I'm like, that's what I want. I want nothing. No noise, no blowing. Okay, we're just gonna give you a little fan. Just every couple. That's all.

[Dana Carvey]

It's nothing.

[David Spade]

It's literally. It's almost.

[Dana Carvey]

But they have remote control from.

[David Spade]

Yeah, that's this Erica talking back to me.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I thought it was someone at the hotel. All right, David Spade. We love Joe Dirt. And here is a little light blow of air. Joe Dirt coming right at you.

[David Spade]

You're gonna thank us later. That's what the AC thinks. You'll thank me for this. And I woke up, and then I finally saw in the ceiling, two different vents right at me bent down. It's like gadoosh, gadish.

[Dana Carvey]

You just can't get away from it.

[David Spade]

Sleep a wink.

[Dana Carvey]

Dana, get some kind of thing that Covers your head like a lightweight helmet to protect.

[David Spade]

Yeah, lightweight helmet.

[Dana Carvey]

That's exactly air blowing in your face. All right, Tom Brady gifts, his son Benjamin Jacob and company billionaire. Mini Ashoka watch worth 3 million. I guess so.

[David Spade]

Is that what that says?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I think it's 3 million.

[David Spade]

So, Tom Brady spender, you closing your eyes?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I'm closing my eyes.

[David Spade]

I see you peeking. The other kids are like, that can't be real.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, look, it better be.

[David Spade]

It's got 62 Ashoka cut diamonds.

[Dana Carvey]

I stout. That's crazy.

[David Spade]

Close your eyes. That's literally crazy.

[Dana Carvey]

Jesus. Take that thing down to the other side of the track. See how long you last out in the hinderland. Okay, little guy. You know how long did it take that kid to fence that thing for a Rolls Royce or two?

[David Spade]

Yeah, I won't be there. And wearing that to Wendy's to get a single with extra mustard.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it's great your parents are worth a billion. So I guess contextually that's like a regular person getting a kid a three dollar watch.

[David Spade]

Yeah, he's like, this is for me. And Giselle's like, and me. And she's like, oh yeah, her too.

[Dana Carvey]

And the trainer I married from him too.

[David Spade]

Hiya.

[Dana Carvey]

He could beat you up. Ex husband Tom Brady with the chop chop armbar. Yeah, what can you do? Throw a football at karate man.

[David Spade]

I mean, used to be able to throw football.

[Dana Carvey]

I thought they had a very easy divorce. But you hear rumors that she still is. Like, you can't beat up my new husband. Not even close. That's.

[David Spade]

No one ever mentioned that was the Elvis trick. When Priscilla left Elvis, she went to her karate instructor. And so Elvis knew that's. Remember he was taking karate. Oh yeah. Because he couldn't beat up that guy. And so she felt safer with the guy.

[Dana Carvey]

So if you have. If you get divorced, get a karate champion as your next husband. At least it's very clear. But you know Elvis had weapons.

[David Spade]

Elvis, I know Elvis had guns. I bought one of his guns.

[Dana Carvey]

You bought one of Elvis's guns?

[David Spade]

First thing I bought at an auction, I was like, oh, they had an Elvis auction. I just stumbled upon it. Butterfield and Butterfield on Sunset. So I go, I loved Elvis. I want to get some stuff. So I bought one was a signed picture of Elvis. I looked through all the stuff it said to Judy out of the randomness. And my mom's name is Judy. So I got her that. And then I got a watch said Elvis Presley around it.

[Dana Carvey]

And then that's cool.

[David Spade]

His Buddies were there, like Joe Esposito, like his real, you know, boys. And they were like, yeah, that one's real. That one's real. They have to be authenticated. And I got a set list he wrote from the Michigan Sheraton. And it was like Hound Dog with an arrow. Put that later. Suspicious Minds. His handwriting. Lost it. It was cool. That was probably. I don't know how much, but the. I got a gun that he used to wear in his boots.

[Dana Carvey]

Where were you buying this? Some garage sale.

[David Spade]

Elvis auction? No, like a Sotheby's type of. And you know who is the guy at the call on the phone because I didn't want to be there because I thought people would rip me off more. Will Ferrell. That's.

[Dana Carvey]

And he was competing with you?

[David Spade]

No, he was working at the auction. And so I go, I gotta call in.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, he was working.

[David Spade]

We'll have one of our guys on the phone, and he was like, my guy bids 2,000 for that, right? And then at the end, he goes, okay, come pick him up. So I went and pick him up and I saw him, but he didn't get on SNL till later.

[Dana Carvey]

But, oh, it was a young Will Ferrell. Just.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I see. So did you have things like. The bid is 3 million. 3 million, anyone? Anyone? 3 million is the current bid, Mr. Spade. 3.

[David Spade]

I think Will was like, this 3. He's like, this 3 million coming. But it was really like. I think My watch was 7,000. 7,000. 7. 200. And I go, yeah. And he's like. And then they finally goes, okay, you got it. And I'm like, yeah, come around. Pick him up. I took my Land Cruiser down there.

[Dana Carvey]

I gotta do that.

[David Spade]

That was fun, dude. That's why I keep buying that shit. It's cool. It's like anything that's one of a kind like that. And you know it's real. I tried to buy his motorcycle. It was too much.

[Dana Carvey]

All that stuff's gonna go up in value. It's like Bitcoin. There's a scarcity to the Elvis.

[David Spade]

Yeah. If you can't get it, it's for sure real.

[Dana Carvey]

If it's authentic, what is it authenticated? Authenticated. That, too. I don't know. Sounds like a fun day.

[David Spade]

Another story I did like. I like Will, of course. I like Will ever since.

[Dana Carvey]

Absolutely.

[David Spade]

Oh, children in China playing with humanoid robots. Let's see how humanoid they look.

[Dana Carvey]

And so it begins.

[David Spade]

Oh, that does look real.

[Dana Carvey]

Wow.

[David Spade]

I don't like the way they dress, though. It's a little scary.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's not. It's more than a little scary.

[David Spade]

I don't know if I'd make the face a ring light. I guess that helps in some situations.

[Dana Carvey]

I wore a demon ring light. I mean, that looked like. That's a horror film.

[David Spade]

I don't want.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't want to lit up little robot thing that could choke out any kid in the on the block.

[David Spade]

Hi. As a robot, what's fun to me.

[Dana Carvey]

Is to kill you. Oh. I'm called fun cake, Mr. Fun cake. I will now squeeze you. Stop, robot. Stop. A robot stop. No, robot, stop. A choke. Stop a choke robot. Okay. Oh.

[David Spade]

Everybody run. Earthquake.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, if I'm not canceled, let's continue with the podcast, okay?

[David Spade]

Oh, telegram. Dana's canceled. Stop. Stop doing the thing. Stop, stop, stop. I said stop. Stop.

[Dana Carvey]

The robot thing, the AI thing. I'm just saying. And it's gonna be. It's gonna be big. It's gonna be big.

[David Spade]

It's big.

[Dana Carvey]

It's gonna get bigger.

[David Spade]

It's already big. I asked someone from the Bachelor what they thought. They go, AI is big.

[Dana Carvey]

What was that?

[David Spade]

Big deal.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, okay.

[David Spade]

That's how they talk.

[Dana Carvey]

What country was that?

[David Spade]

That's from here. That's. They add that on the end. Oh, no way. Okay, next story. When we hit a wall, which we did, we.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Let's get it in first gear.

[C]

Now they ask you most about how you got three.

[David Spade]

Oh, hang on, hold on, hold on. This is Aman Ra st Brown, who I had in fantasy football. He's a great performer. His dad gives a pretty shocking answer for him.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

When they're dating to his kids, they.

[C]

Want to know in general how I did it. I believe in breeding.

[David Spade]

Two kids are now good athlete.

[C]

Good athlete. I'm black. Mommy's mom's white. Now you. I don't stepped on it once. You can't keep stepping on it because you're going to mess it up. You're going to weaken it. You can't keep cutting it. Can't keep cutting it. No, no. You, you, you in Brooklyn, if I cut a chance, if I cut it.

[Dana Carvey]

One more time, it's over.

[C]

You can't keep cutting it. You gotta be careful.

[David Spade]

He's so serious.

[C]

You know what I mean? No. If I'm black, I got the black gold running through my veins. Oh, I'm excited. I'm just gonna find the right person to mate with, Right? And if I'm white, I'm saying, let me get one of these brothers around here. If you want to have athletes. If you don't have athletes, then just go ahead and just spread your seed wherever.

[David Spade]

So why'd you cut it once?

[Dana Carvey]

Because you could.

[C]

I knew I didn't cut it one because he's gold mama got that big chin. I said, look.

[Dana Carvey]

At the big chin.

[C]

You gotta think of this stuff. Some guys don't think of it until later. Go like, I'm standing at Papuana. You wouldn't know it. You're on the field. One of you guys on the field playing, and I was talking to a guy, told him the story. He goes, you were thinking about that, John? I go, yeah, you weren't. He goes, hell, no. Okay, man, he's little. The wife is little. Kids are little. Everybody's little. It's over.

[Dana Carvey]

Little, little, little, little, little what?

[David Spade]

So do you follow that the two kids are NFL players?

[Dana Carvey]

Absolutely. Followed it. And people go, hi.

[David Spade]

And the dad is like, here's the. Because people go, how do you get two kids in the NFL? And he goes, simple. Black gold.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, black gold. And don't cut it. Don't cut it, don't cut it.

[David Spade]

It's like cocaine. You get a brick.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

You can only put so much fruit fresh in it. What do you cut it with? I know this guy that used to deal, and I'd go to his house and he's chopping up the cola. Then he pours like four fruit fresh on it and baby locks. If I go, what's this? He goes, it's called cutting it. Nobody wants 100% pure. I go, they don't.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we would be like, if someone had a different thing, like, you know, I got funny gold running through my body. So if you want to keep funny, comedian, you got to marry a funny woman. Now, my. My wife is a really funny woman. She can do impressions, characters. She's really sharp. So you don't. You got to keep going with that lineage. So you don't want. You don't want to be at a comedy club. Look over, there's three guys not funny.

[David Spade]

Yeah. On amateur night, they're not putting them up because. Or he says, I'm funny, so I'm so funny, I can marry someone that's not funny. But you guys.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

You have to marry someone funny.

[Dana Carvey]

That's it. Yeah, I could. I could marry an emcee.

[David Spade]

Yeah, but you got to marry.

[Dana Carvey]

You got to marry a headliner.

[David Spade]

You got it to be two headliners. Two head.

[Dana Carvey]

Don't. Yeah, don't, don't.

[David Spade]

Don't water it down.

[Dana Carvey]

Don't water down the gold. The comedy gold. You want to get a gold album, 500,000.

[David Spade]

It's so funny to watch the kids go and then he says, your mom's got that big forehead.

[Dana Carvey]

They're like, what it is like. I knew someone who did think about breeding in that sense.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I think people do think about it after, like, oh, what's my kid going to look like? Oh, with this person, what will it look like? Will it have your eyes? Will it be strong? You know, will it be whatever?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, and then the gene pool. I knew the woman who was kind of she wanted to marry a tall guy and the guy was like our height. Basically. She's kind of disappointed. The kid is 6:3.

[David Spade]

Oh, the kids shot up.

[Dana Carvey]

Just have a I I know a guy who's he was 6ft. His kid went to 6, 9. I mean, you never know unless the mailman was.

[David Spade]

Yeah, mailman's involved. All right, Dana, Step into the batter's box for BET MGM Swing for the Fences. A free to play game.

[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

All right, next one. Dana, we're really doing good.

[Dana Carvey]

I, I, I know I'm this is.

[David Spade]

One of my favorite this is one I sent in because I thought it was interesting. A I'm obsessed with black widows from Arizona. They scare the out of me. And B Venus fly traps are so interesting.

[D]

Nature continues to be I was always under the assumption that spiders got their necessary nutrients and hydration from the prey that they caught. But I have now witnessed on multiple occasions when the spider comes across the Venus fly trapped nectar. It starts to it gets tricked and just like any other prey gets addicted to the nectar and intoxicated.

[David Spade]

They play it smart for a while. He stays in the edges switch sides.

[D]

You can see that it kept moving right down the nectar. Nectar lime. While trying to collect as much of the sweet liquid as possible, its movements pull it right over the trigger head.

[David Spade]

Oh, I don't want to say it's a trap, but it is a trap.

[D]

Essential that the prey keeps on moving to stimulate the trigger hairs and let the plant know that it's caught something alive.

[David Spade]

Genius.

[D]

And that it's worth starting the digestive process as the prey starts to fill the grass.

[Dana Carvey]

Wow. So the plant does not have a brain.

[David Spade]

I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

It's genetically this clever thing defense Mechanism.

[David Spade]

That like it waits and waits and it has to be stepped on a few times. And even spiders, they knew not to go in the middle, but the nectar is so good they start to go.

[Dana Carvey]

Deeper and it's like it gets them kind of drunk. They're a little anesthetized and kind of out of it.

[David Spade]

So they're literally a trap. And they want them to fight. When they fight, it releases better stuff. Crazy. It's just a nature thing. That's so nuts.

[Dana Carvey]

What the happened on this planet?

[David Spade]

What happened?

[Dana Carvey]

What happened?

[David Spade]

I mean we got the weirdest pyramids on the moon. What's going on?

[Dana Carvey]

Do we have to go to any other planet? Just go in a forest or the ocean.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Look at how nuts it is here. It's not boring, it's nuts.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. You can go 100 miles down in the ocean and just see a thing like this big.

[David Spade]

10Ft down.

[Dana Carvey]

What is the point? What is the point? It's got two eyes.

[David Spade]

Are there cylinders miles underneath the pyramids? I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

That's just alien intervention. I mean it's just alien coincidence. I mean they've studied it, they've gone all over the world. And I love is aliens. There you go. Why? No one knows why we're here. No one knows how we got here.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

No one knows where the we are. So anything's possible. I say pyramids under the pyramids.

[David Spade]

And they're all aiming somewhere. They're all perfect. Longitude, latitude. They're on the opposite side of the world. They're like going.

[Dana Carvey]

And they couldn't make those back then. They didn't. Can't make. They had some yarn and a couple strong guys. Let's build a house. Let's move this three ton boulder. Dudes. Yeah, they got no way.

[David Spade]

On Stonehenge wood chips. Those are the ones where they say the bodies are underneath and they're just this.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, but again, ancient man couldn't have made that.

[David Spade]

Are there giants in the Grand Canyon in the caves?

[Dana Carvey]

I've seen them. Then they walk down the river.

[David Spade]

People should mate with those. If you mate with like a nine foot giant, then your kid will be about seven feet.

[Dana Carvey]

If you mate with someone who has six eyes, your kids can have 12 eyes.

[David Spade]

Okay, we'll do one or two more.

[Dana Carvey]

We're on a roll.

[David Spade]

So long, dude. I can't, I've going to.

[Dana Carvey]

I can't believe what's happening today.

[David Spade]

Gamers have logged over 25 billion hours playing Call of Duty, surpassing the entire timeline of human history. God dang That's a stat. Wow, 25 billion hours. Oh, about 2.8 million years. I love the comments.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I love the face.

[David Spade]

Yeah. I like that people say, oh, well, whatever. I don't want to get into it. But the violence in these games has to reflect somewhat the violence of life, because if you can professionally fake gun down other people for 12 hours a day, every day for a year.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

And then you get out in the real world and you're like, I'm so good at this.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

It's a weird thing for a kid to play that and just be hypnotized by it over. Hours upon hours, they don't leave their room.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. And so, you know, I'm an analog man in a digital world, and I'll say that, you know, when I was at a certain age, we would play checkers, and sometimes you try to get a king go down.

[David Spade]

Now it's like, even that was too violent. Part cheesy.

[Dana Carvey]

Stratego was a horror show.

[David Spade]

A lot of casualties. I played Certigo. That's a good one. It's hard.

[Dana Carvey]

Stratego is good, man. You probably just got in the corner, put bombs all around you and bombs everywhere. You were not offensive. You were just.

[David Spade]

I'd steal bombs from another Stratego game, put more bombs. I don't cheat. I don't.

[Dana Carvey]

I play Battleship and just lay the trap.

[David Spade]

You sunk my battleship was a great commercial.

[Dana Carvey]

That's what I say to people. Go away to a cabin, shut everything off. Play Monopoly. Be much happier than all these electronic games. And quit looking at and listening to podcasts, for crying out loud.

[David Spade]

Dana. Dana. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Dana Carvey]

No, no. The art. Art, we're okay. People are always doing other things when they. When they're looking or hearing us.

[David Spade]

We're in the background of the blender.

[Dana Carvey]

They're driving, they're cooking, they're vacuuming, they're washing, they're bathing, they're hitchhiking.

[David Spade]

I listen to it while I'm cleaning the chimney. I listen to it while I'm using a chainsaw.

[Dana Carvey]

I listen to it when I'm thinking of maybe who the opening season of 51 hosts will be.

[David Spade]

SNL.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Are you already thinking of the host?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, yeah. Who's going to host the first show?

[David Spade]

It's already coming back.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, pretty soon.

[David Spade]

Oh, my God. Jar Jar Binks. Well, he's not working. Where's he been?

[Dana Carvey]

I know. Wasn't he kind of.

[David Spade]

He was a real one and done.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Well, the great name. No one ever forgot it.

[David Spade]

Other than Jar Jar Banks. Other than that he had.

[Dana Carvey]

He was a Rastafarian, kind of. I'm George or Binks, man. I don't.

[David Spade]

I can't. No. He had a weird accent and he was floating around like a little propeller. I don't start.

[Dana Carvey]

Delightful.

[David Spade]

Dana, it was great having you on. I've run out of time.

[Dana Carvey]

Thank you for coming on the Dana Carvey Show. My guest has been David Spade.

[David Spade]

Thank you for having me.

[Dana Carvey]

Is that funny? Every week that I say it's kind.

[David Spade]

Of funny, I don't mind it.

[Dana Carvey]

I ran out of ad libs 313 hours ago.

[David Spade]

By the way, I won't bother you this, but my mom can't get her contacts back on her phone. So if it's still going by next week, we're gonna get some people involved in the audience.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, to help us. Okay. Now, I heard a rumor that we're going to try a couple of questions.

[David Spade]

Oh yeah? You want to do it? Let's try it.

[Dana Carvey]

What's the worst thing could happen? Phil. Hey. David and Dana. Just wanted to know if you could give me some advice. I just bought a house with my fiance and we have seven kids total. What do I do?

[David Spade]

Just what do I do?

[Dana Carvey]

Well.

[David Spade]

How many carveys were there? Five kids.

[Dana Carvey]

There were five kids. It was a baby. A 2 year old, 6 year old, 8 year old and a 10 year old. My mom was 31 years of age. She screamed a lot randomly.

[David Spade]

I would too. I'm sure your kids a lot too.

[Dana Carvey]

That guy. If that guy's kind of fun enough young, then he played it very real. So I kind of. I mean, you know what I mean?

[David Spade]

Yeah. I mean, if it's true. Let's say he has seven kids.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's say a seven kid. He's not married, but he's had seven kids.

[David Spade]

Wait, I thought he said he had. He's married.

[Dana Carvey]

My fiance, he said.

[David Spade]

Oh, what's it going to take to close the sale guy?

[Dana Carvey]

Jesus. What do you need? Double digit progeny until you bring out.

[David Spade]

My God, you got seven. When's it going to get serious?

[Dana Carvey]

Woolworths has got a sale on a.

[David Spade]

When are you going to jump off Raya? What's going on? What do you tell them, Dana?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I would say try to get some help. I mean, try to find somebody who can come by once in a while.

[David Spade]

Are any of them old enough to like help with work?

[Dana Carvey]

Right. If it's 7, you probably have a 10 year old in there. 11 year old, put them to work.

[David Spade]

It's fine. Tennis, working time.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that. Get the kids doing chores, vacuuming, cleaning, making their bed. Military discipline. You get a short haircut, start doing push ups nightly and marry your fiance.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I would say maybe it's a money thing at this point. So maybe not. You're basically married. Listen, you're not going to get far.

[Dana Carvey]

I would say it's fun to do a little thing to us, but it's a little thing called Kickstarter.

[David Spade]

I'll get a Kickstarter. Is that like a GoFundMe?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Or film it as a reality show.

[Dana Carvey]

Called the. What was it? Goslings or who was it?

[David Spade]

Kate plus eight.

[Dana Carvey]

Was it? Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

Octomom.

[Dana Carvey]

That's the best advice. Get a reality show. Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

Okay, one more. We have time for one more question with horrible advice.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, we.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

Dana, when did you start learning the drums? What inspired you to start. I'm amateur, but Garth is what made me start learning.

[David Spade]

David, do you have. David, do you have any similar hidden talents playing instruments? Just one thought we'd go the whole episode without it. The last second I got it in.

[Dana Carvey]

I could never not enjoy hearing that.

[David Spade]

What was the question for you?

[Dana Carvey]

Drums.

[David Spade]

Oh, they did it because of Garth. I think that's cool.

[Dana Carvey]

That is nice. I mean, serious answer is like my brother and I were into the Beach Boys. I had a brother, you know, I was like 6, he was 8 at that point. And we had a band called the Surfers on crayons. We wrote on the hampter. I would kick that. I had a Hardy Boys book as my snare drum. I shoplifted sticks and we had. He had. He bought a one string guitar at a garage sale for a dollar. And he would play Louie, Louie and that da da da da da da. And I was doing that. That's how I started. And then, then slack go to.

[David Spade]

We stretched out a slinky and played that.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, here's a fun fact for me and you could look it up. I played a drum solo as the church lady on snl. And because of the size of the kit and the thing I was doing, that was a better drum solo for me than the drum solo I did in the movie as Garth.

[David Spade]

Because that was different size.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, because the set was so big. So that. Look that up. Church lady plays the drums.

[David Spade]

Does your back hurt when you're on that little stool? I can never do it. And then you're there. You have to lean over the whole time and you have to kick on the bottom with your feet.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, you remember we had Bill, Bill, Bill Burr. And we talked about drums, you know, for 35 minutes. Yeah, yeah, I know. Which was fun. But yeah, it is. It is about relaxation and not try, you know, not trying to hit them. You just want to come with your wrists. But here we go. I can't hear myself. That's what I do.

[David Spade]

All right, we'll end on that one. That was great advice, whatever we said. Thank you guys again and we'll see you next time.

[Dana Carvey]

See you next week on another edition.

[David Spade]

Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us review, five star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[Dana Carvey]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[David Spade]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive prod produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

[Dana Carvey]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet.

[David Spade]

Tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[Dana Carvey]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donald, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney and Lauren Vieira.

[David Spade]

Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email [e-mail] that's a U D a C-Y I dot com.