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A
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B
I know, I know.
A
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A
Obviously we didn't get to talk about Jimmy Kimmel last week. We'll talk about him this week.
B
In a minute, a few minutes, we're gonna weigh in on that entire situation. And I don't want to brag, but probably our point of view will be.
A
The wisest maybe, or just most important.
B
Most important. So anyway, two more important news. Hey, how was your weekend co host?
A
So when I did this show this week and it was for Farm Farm to veterans. So, you know, it's, it's, it's a charity show in Chicago. This guy, Tom Tran was on the show with me, he went first. And it's funny because he had to kind of host the whole thing. And he showed us these glasses he had on. I go, that was a mouthful out there. He goes, oh, yeah, just put these glasses off and the teleprompters in them. Have, you know, have you seen those?
B
Oh, yeah, yeah. Very hip.
A
I have not seen those. Is that what Mark Zuckerberg's working on? Something like that where.
B
Oh, the meta glasses are a miracle, really, for people who are blind. They just make you. My mother in law is 94 and has trouble seeing. So she'll hold up a can or something.
A
Yeah.
B
And say meta what's in there? And it'll read the ingredients.
A
Oh, I thought it was just like meta what's on Facebook and it would show it right there.
B
I think. I think it's all that too. I think you just walk around the glasses. You put down your iPhone and just walk around with them. You just go, met up. You know, show me CNN.com right now and it will show up and you'll hear it. Yeah.
A
So I was also reading up on Jimmy Kimmel and a million other things on Yahoo News turned into my mom. And the funny thing is there was some dopey story. So I went to their comments. I've already made one move. I went to the comments. They love that. Okay, what are people saying about this? And it could be something, you know, about the poop cruise or. It doesn't have to be anything important. I'm just like mindlessly drifting through and people have thousands of comments about different things about the poop cruise or whatever.
B
Millions.
A
And then I go, oh, I have a funny joke I'm going to put in. And I click on it and says, would you like to join our crazy community of people that comment on Yahoo News? I go, no, thank you. I mean, they're making another thing I got to do. I'm going to really. So then I go, I know. Listen, I do have a lot of free time. I either have too much free time or none. But when I have too much, I don't still have the time to click it and log in and think of a password and give my fucking email immediately. You got to give me your email for anything.
B
Oh yeah, they.
A
So they can carpet land and grab.
B
My thing is like sometimes one of the things I subscribe to anyway. Hey, would you like to weigh in, Dana? It's just sort of like, whoa, hold on.
A
Hey, Dana, you've got some stupid shit.
B
Dana, what do you have to say? And I'm a celebrity with a small C, but what Is it. Is it like, hey, Brad Pitt, want to make a comment? I don't know.
A
Hey, Bradley. Yeah. And going all that way to make a comment about something dumb that no one cares about is I go, but, man, thousands of people are doing it.
B
Yeah, Millions. I'm going to go out on a limb.
A
Yeah, I sound condescending, but it's like, I like when people say the word wrong. I'm condescending.
B
I always get.
A
I want to get orientated. Wait, orientated is a word, I think. Wait.
B
Yeah, orientated.
A
Orientated. But there's another one.
B
People say that I don't want to get reorientated. I would just say this about all this stuff, and I know it's not a news flash. Check yourself. If going online and being angry and posting and doing all this stuff makes you happy, go for it. If it makes you sad or furious, you might want to tamp it down a little bit. Because these algorithms, these machines, first, they got us all hooked in, like, 2010, 11, 12, and it was just sort of to buy things and go here and there, and now it's to incur rage. And the algorithms know now that rage is the emotion that makes them the most money.
A
So we are all five emotions on the board. Rage, number one.
B
Number one. So we're in a science fiction movie where these robots are making us really, really mad. I know this isn't new, but check yourself, man. I see people who are so in a state of hysteria about politics or anything or climate change or whatever, but, you know, once in a while, I'll give your brain a rest. That's my. My, my hot take.
A
It's a boiling take.
B
All right. Should we talk about Jimmy Kimmel?
A
Why not Jimmy, who is a friend of both of ours? That's why it's hard to talk about these things, because, you know, he's a buddy. I have a picture of me and Jimmy in my house. Do I have one of me and you? Yeah. Buried, turned like this.
B
I don't really go out much. There's not many of me. Photos of me, I'm underground, man. I'm just kind of.
A
I got a picture of me and you in here.
B
Don't you worry when people say to me, oh, my God, it's Dana Carvey, I go, calm down. I'm pathetically normal. That's the phrase that get really. Yeah. I'm pathetically normal. There's nothing here for you. Jimmy Kimmel, though, You know, I think also, it's good to take a knee sometimes, not comment Right away. Because now we're commenting after his monologue last night, which I thought was tremendous. You know, I really thought it was perfect and it was emotional. I mean, I'm reading it here and this really about his thinking. Read it.
A
Read some of it. Because I didn't see it.
B
Yeah. About his statement, because when there's a shooter, each side wants it to be, you know, from the other side, you know, that's the competition. That means you're all the, you know.
A
So all you guys are bad.
B
Yeah, that's the game going on.
A
That's the quick thing.
B
So he made a statement. He said I. That was really the opposite of the point I was trying to make. So he said, but to some that felt. Felt ill timed or unclear or maybe both. And for those who think I did point a finger, I get why you're upset. If the situation was reversed, there's a good chance I would have felt the same way. So that's a, you know, you know, apology. I don't know. That's a kind of a pointed, you know, hat in hand. But that's, that's definitely. He's, he's. It's clear thinking, I think.
A
Yeah.
B
You know, and it's, it's both sides. Itis. Which is great. And you know, and before I go into the, the whole FCC part of it, I was really moved. I saw the, the Charlie Kirk's widow. And you know, I'm familiar with, you know, tragedies and things like that. So she really moved me and she did. Jimmy Kimmel.
A
I did hear you said that. Yeah.
B
Yeah. So she's. If you believe in the teachings of Jesus as I do, there it is. That's it. A selfless act of grace, forgiving forgiveness from a grieving widow. And it touched me deeply. That's. Jimmy, if there's anything we should take from this tragedy to carry forward, I hope it can be that and not this. So I thought it was just. And he was emotional about that because that thing, you know, in the end of the day, we're all Americans. Somebody got assassinated, you know, and ideally we just come from it. Rather than political points. We just, we just sort of take a grace.
A
It's sad and move on. Yeah, sure.
B
Yeah.
A
Everyone has their own thoughts about it, but. Yeah, I agree. I mean, and the freedom of speech thing is, is so murky and muddy and as is, you know.
B
Well, it's not a hot take for us to say we're all for freedom of speech.
A
Sure.
B
You know. Well, yeah, the Ku Klux Klan could walk down streets and, and say whatever they wanted. It was for when I was a little kid, it was like, oh, you, you have to allow speech. You really don't like freedom of speech, Right?
A
But I don't think they do that anymore. I think there's hate speech. And then who decides what's hate speech? Is it someone that you disagree with? That's hate to me. It's not hate to you. And also people. I mean, when you're on snl, Charles Rocket got fired for saying fuck and fuck. You always, like, you say there's layers to it. Like when I go on talk shows, I don't say whatever I want. I say, I'm gonna talk about these things. They said, well, I'd rather you not. Why don't you talk about this? Why don't you talk about this? I wouldn't say that. And it's just so woven into your everyday of what is free speech? There's no. I mean, if some boss above you, people get fired and things like that. I was glad Jimmy didn't get fired. He got sort of a slap on the wrist. And it's fcc, then it's affiliates, then it's advertisers. You're answering to so many people, and if they don't agree with you, then I think you. Everyone has a boss and they say, I don't like what you're saying. So. And he's very strong in his opinions. So he says them, but they took a pause and then I guess they fixed it. But I didn't say anything because I thought. I don't think he's going to be fired for that. I think they're going to say, hey, come on, let's stop.
B
Basically, one line. It is. There's different, different layers to this. You know, just the first one, the chairman of the fcc, which. Which is. Maybe it's archaic or whatever. It's public broadcasting. It's abc, cbs, NBC. It's not cable. It's not John Oliver. It's not. It's not hbo.
A
Oh, it's just.
B
It's just those for the public good. But when the guy came out, I would say to him, to his face, I say, when you say, regards, Jimmy Kimmel's, whatever that's going to happen to him, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. It's like, weird. That's.
A
When do those guys talk? Anyway? I'm. This guy's like, on podcasts, I'm like, what? Where? Why am I seeing this guy talk? You don't see him a lot. Am I crazy?
B
Right? No, just be the FCC chairman.
A
And he kind of steps in shit when he talks. It's like, oh, now we get to analyze everything you said.
B
Right. And so that, that push buttons for both sides, really. Ted Cruz came out. No, no, no, take it easy. Let's slow down. And you know I was. When I did the Dana Carvey show, I like to bring things back to me. But this is 97 and we're after Home Improvement and we did some Clinton with Tes and something that cra. Crushed the ratings and offended a lot of people. So we immediately started losing advertisers. We immediately started use. Losing affiliates. And so we lasted eight episodes. Affiliates.
A
I know, I don't even know what I say all the time. I don't even know what they are for stations. You know, stations and cities chat, WKRP.
B
And so a lot of those stations, I don't know, some important in Seattle didn't do it. But I thought in conservative states they might be more prone to that. But I wish the FCC chairman hadn't said that, you know. But I think that Jimmy's talk last night, I think kind of put it in a completely different tilt, different conversation.
A
Yeah, I would say not as much of an apology. So he didn't really have to say his apologizing. It's more of just a level headed discussion. No, he was probably heated the first day when he was doing his monologue. Of course, we all do that.
B
Yeah. I mean here's. I looked up this a little bit and it kind of started like I did because there's two kinds of. I looked it up, took five seconds. But like we do parse our words because I never want to be up there like, hey, I'm on TV and my opinion really matters. That's just me personally. So I'm very, very careful about teaching the audience. I'm always going for the laugh. I'm not saying this in a self congratulatory way because sometimes you go, I want to weigh in on that. And we do in our own way. But it kind of started in the early Knots. Jon Stewart, who's brilliant at the Daily show really started going after Chaney and Debbie and all that. And that was a very political show, very funny. And then it, it, it continued and it's for us from the Carson era, you know, we were just looking for laughs and this and that, but so there. And Greg Gutfeld does the right. You know, so this is a whole different era. We're in But I tried to think the last time the country was completely united. I'm going to give you a chance to guess.
A
I would go back to nine. Eleven. I don't know.
B
That's it.
A
Oh, no. Okay.
B
Politics went out the window. And you kind of have to remember that when we don't have buildings falling down, you know.
A
Yeah.
B
We're Americans first and we argue and we, you know, we go crazy at each other. But if, if someone attacks us, that's when we go, okay, hold on.
A
Hey, but I. I would. I would go out on a limb and say it's still a great country. Overall, I'd rather be here than other countries. But that's controversial.
B
So now I'm thinking if you say America's a great country, that will. That'll light up Twitter and stuff.
A
No, you.
B
Man. I'm meaning it in the context I'm saying it.
A
I like. You're even explaining it. It's so funny. It's true, though. People get so mad about it.
B
Like, you know, when life is moving.
A
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A
So this is about kachava and. Yeah, you know me, I know you around. I had kachava right before this. Actually I was. Listen, if. If you're out for a quick lunch and you want something big, maybe a sandwich, maybe some sunshine, that's where you go out. And then suddenly I'm in a rental car with a friend halfway to a pop up art exhibit two towns over, spur of the moment road trip.
B
That's you.
A
No plans, nothing to eat. Yeah, except I had my little kachaba. Right. Thank everything for that because that's a body meal. These Shakespeare are a go to for me. This is for unpredictable day and that's what my days are. New strawberry flavor magnifique.
B
Dana, I think that's a good way to describe it. Absolutely crushes it.
A
Yeah, it tastes like strawberries turned up to 11 freeze dried fruit. It's very real. It's got a creamy texture, that hint of sweetness that makes it feel like a treatment. It's a full on refuel. Tastes good. Doesn't feel like a crummy lunch packed with 85 plus superfoods. There's nutrients, plant based ingredients including 25 grams of plant based protein, fiber, antioxidants and your favorite adaptogens.
B
Yeah, you name it. I blend mine with almond milk and a few frozen strawberries. Good to go for hours.
A
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B
I have a bit that I thought of that I'm going to give to you because you're the guy.
A
Okay, good. Give me that first and then that'll bomb and then I'll. I'll be. I'll do the one.
B
Well, I was laughing, you know, at the. Your Jason state straight.
A
Oh yeah, the clip we had last week.
B
It's funny that he just says the title of the movie and that's kind of basically I'm the beekeeper, you know, I'm the wookie man. So I thought, what if he had an unwieldy thing? I'm the baker. And then you did after me. I'm the baker down the street who specializes in apple pie. It's very unwieldy, but he has to say it menacingly. I'm the baker down the street who specializes in apple pie.
A
Oh, I'm the. You mess with the wrong baker. Because I walk down the street at the cobbler store and it's kind of kitty corner from where you. Well.
B
Well, then it's. But say, especially I specialize in apple pie.
A
Like.
B
Like you. I'm going to kill you.
A
No, I can't remember the whole bit, though.
B
But it's on the baker.
A
There you go. You do it better anyway.
B
I don't think so. I go, too. I go, Michael Caine, immediately. I'm the baker down the street and I specialize in apple pie.
A
Okay.
B
That's like. It's a threat.
A
Yeah, that was a beekeeper's. Good, because, like you said, keep it simple. We did some pickups on busboys this weekend because. Yeah, there's some. There's some questions when you see it. Like, questions we try to answer. Like, why did you do this movie? What is this movie? I don't understand this movie.
B
Oh, clarity, clarity, clarity. Yeah.
A
Yeah. So we did some clarity, clarity. And it was kind of fun to be back in the wig, snug it on WD40 and we hit.
B
WD40. Doesn't go like, it's got that little straw, does it?
A
It's got the straw near mind.
B
It's got a straw, but it doesn't.
A
Go, no, no, no. All right, but the school.
B
Then what happened?
A
Then what happened? Don't be so unenthused. Then what happened? I did some pickups. More clarifying, not reshoots. Just like, oh, this. Now, listen. Is it Casablanca? I don't know. What's a good movie? Is it Inception? We got to answer all the questions.
B
Christ sakes, what are we doing, Budley?
A
What are you making? Dumb and unbelievably dumber.
B
What is this? Return of the Pink Panther, Part 17? What are you going for?
A
Anything with Dennis. We can't go a goddamn show without Dennis.
B
It's so.
A
I know.
B
Well, this is. Yeah.
A
All right, here's. I'm going to do an act out for you. Ready? This is. I watch those Locked Up Abroad shows where you go through customs and everyone's trying to smuggle shit and they never learn. You know, you smuggle stuff in through the tsa. Okay, that's the setup. Right?
B
Okay. That's the setup. Got it.
A
So the guy brings the suitcase full of, like, we see on the. I get alerted in my earpiece, I'm the customs guy, right? This is gonna fucking bomb. I'm the customs guy. I love it. And then I get alerted this guy's got in the X ray machine 20 pounds of cocaine. So they walk up to me, and I go, hey, how you doing today? Friendly. And they're nervous. What are we doing here? Let me check out that passport. Okay. Oh, Brazil. Fun. A lot of cute girls there. I wish I was in Brazil right now. It's a fun time. So what do we got going here? A little business trip, little pleasure? I already know already. And he's like, oh, it's business. Okay.
B
All right.
A
Well, do you mind if we take a little look? See in here? Just typical. We pull random people out. Just unzip it, check it. You don't mind if I take. I'm sure everything's fine. Oh, boy. Oh, my shoulder's so sore. You gotta get a purple one, you know, My friend has a purple suitcase. Open it up. That seems fine. Here, let me just dig through it a little bit. That's all. Oh, I know in my head, he's got 20 pounds of cocaine. Anything you want to tell me? Anything? It's all good. It's all good. Should I keep digging? Doesn't matter. Oh. Oh, you got a teddy bear here? Oh. Any reason it weighs 80 pounds? Take them away. But I build up trust. I'm friendly the whole time. That's what they do.
B
No, That's a funny observation. They do that. What. What's going on here? You see a guy lighting a bong.
A
The guy's, like, sweating.
B
Hey, guys. Having a little party? I just. I assume they're trained at some place in that pattern. Probably their first attempt in class. Might be terrible. Hey, what are you doing? No, no, no. Gotta come in soft.
A
Yeah. What they want to say is, this guy looks guilty from my racial profiling. Can you come over here? So they can't say that. So they go, hey, we're randomly pulling people that are drenched in sweat out of the. Out of the line.
B
I'm going to my favorite place today. I'm going to the airport.
A
You are not.
B
Yeah. No, Dana, I love it all Shoes, keys. Everything comes out laptops. Laptops, watches, belts.
A
Dude, Heather made the mistake this week. She brought water. What a criminal. Didn't you bring your water through? That's okay.
B
I was going to refill it.
A
She Was going to refill it, but the guys I like, he caught the big mob boss. And she's like, right, my water. Yeah, what do you want me to do? Just, Can I just go? And he's like, oh, I wish it was that simple. Don't you remember 9 11, not much. He's like, I don't remember them throwing water on anyone. So then she has to go back, dump it.
B
Okay.
A
You know, it'll.
B
I saw it in Denver. My mother in law, we were going through the Denver airport. My mother in law, who walks fine, but it's like seven miles to get to the gate.
A
Oh, Denver's.
B
Yeah, yeah, Ridiculous. You know, I have, you know. So anyway, so my wife and I are behind her and we have a guy with her. And we're just blowing through doors. We're just going. And we have a guide, a guy taking us past this, waving at me. Everybody's happy. Go, go, go. That's the way to go through it. Otherwise it's like, what's. How you guys doing today?
A
You know what the worst part is? The guy goes like, if you get a greeter and they go, they get like eight bags. They go, okay, beep, beep. The guy goes, hey, I got us a little cart because it's about a mile. And I go, nah, I want to walk. We got an hour. He's like, yeah, huh? And I'm like, you can ride if you want. No, I'm going to walk with these guys. Then I tip the lady because she pulled her card up that I didn't ask for. Anyway, then we walk and the guy's like, all he's thinking is, why does this prick want to walk? And I'm like, because I just. I'm gonna sit for six hours, dude.
B
Well, and also you, you going through. And you're David Spade. You look like Miss America or something. They're all walking. Hello, I'm on tv. Yeah. Beep.
A
They're always like, man, get the out of the way.
B
We got whoever this is. Yeah, it's a guy from that thing that you saw on that thing.
A
You know him?
B
You know him? Come on, man.
A
Oh, Heather. Like this one, we did our reshoots the other day or whatever we called them. And we're at this little beach bungalow. I don't want to give the whole movie away already. Heather knows the guy that, the guy that rents you the place. This is all our favorite term inside baseball. Meanwhile, it's never about baseball. So he goes, he's a guy, nice looking guy with big Hot dog bags under his eyes. Right. This is other people's words. So perfectly. Well, he's an older gentleman, and he owns the four little shacks on the beach. We were looking for sort of an inexpensive.
B
Oh, I see. Little apartment he bought in 1958. Go ahead.
A
Honestly, he's had it for 40 years. 40 years.
B
So he paid 30 years, actually.
A
It was like, a good color blue. It looks like some. Such an artiste. Anyway, it just looks cool. And it's the kind I used to dream of staying in. Little tiny crash pad. Go to the beach every day.
B
Good.
A
So he's there, and he goes. And of course they rent it, so they're supposed to be nowhere near the premises. Right. There's supposed to be nowhere. Anyways. Right in front.
B
Yeah. And he's right in front. He's supposed to get lost, pal. We're paying for.
A
Which one of you people's famous?
B
That's what he says.
A
And I go. And we're all just looking around. I go, well, we all are. We're all just trying to make a movie. No one's really that famous. And then Heather goes, oh, he was on silent live. And he goes, oh, zeros in on me. Okay. Really squinting and trying to soak me all in. Nothing's registering. Like, not enough, but okay, maybe I'd take your picture with me.
B
I go, what's that accent?
A
Yeah, that's what he sounded like. No, he's. I don't know.
B
I. I was hoping he'd say, hey, did you know that. That Dana Garney guy, that church lady guy? That guy was a kick in the pants, you know?
A
No. Then you are a kick in the pants. But it is not. It's. He's just an older landlord. And then he goes, right. I take a picture with you. I go, take my picture with me. Yeah. Okay. So we take a picture. Then he's like. And I know he's. Now he's starting to send it around, like, who the fuck is this guy? And then he goes, what's your name? And I tell him he's got.
B
He's getting his Accents, getting more men.
A
I don't know. It's a little all over the place.
B
I like it.
A
And then he goes, spell it. It's getting more humiliating. I'm like, well, we got to shoot in a second. But, yeah, here it is, bubba. Then I leave, and then he's got Heather, and now he's grilling Heather on why am I famous? What have I done? Am I really famous?
B
That guy doesn't seem funny.
A
Oh, spell my name three times.
B
Yeah.
A
And then still when I leave, he's like, you know, And I'm like, why do you need the spelling? You're gonna tag me on Tick tock, dude, you just don't worry about it. You got the picture. Show it to someone at go. Yeah, okay, I know who that guy is.
B
Would you guess that that guy's retired or working full time?
A
He's retired. He's renting all those out and, and.
B
He'S happy as a clown.
A
And then each little beach bungalow has like two beat up chairs from Tangs made of wicker for the last 40 years. And one of the crew guys is sitting on one and I see him, it's way down the end, he's like this, I know, he's like, I don't like it, but I'm not gonna say anything.
B
He's like the beekeep. I'm the beach keeper on the Beach Keeper. I attack celebrities with stupid questions. Beach keeper is great. I'm the beach keeper and I annoy.
A
And I'm like, can someone give this guy his 24 for the half day rental so we can just wrap it up with him?
B
I, I think here's an observation. Oh, he's this.
A
Yeah.
B
When my dad retired, the minutiae of he and my mom, what they would talk about, it'd be in a grocery store. Oh, Jesus Christ. Why do they have the water over here? What's that about? Or driving down the street. Oh, oh, they, oh, the parking lot they put in. Why they, why'd they put in a parking lot? So everything was just like, what spots are so skinny. Yeah. Oh look, a tree. You know what, what about it? It's a tree, that's all.
A
And then she has an opinion too. I like trees here.
B
This store's our favorite. But they moved where the water was.
A
Why?
B
Oh, Jesus Christ, we don't. Why do they have to change things?
A
And then he goes, oh, I'm sorry we boring you, LA boy. And you're like sort of.
B
He said to me once, and I kind of agree with him, he goes, oh, music was simply better in the 50s, you know, Frank? Well, I don't know. I like the Beatles, but. Yeah, but that guy, it sounds like he ran into a retired guy with a capital R living off rents. And so to you, you were like a shiny object, like, oh my God, some, something new. They have cameras and this guy was on television. I don't have a clue who he was until Heather told me. Who's Heather, his friend said, he's on tv. But I go, he doesn't look like he's on tv.
A
She promised he's famous.
B
She promised and really famous. I want to get Adam Sandler. I get David Spudley.
A
Yeah. The last guy he ran to that place to is Red skeleton. Also, Charlotte McKinney's in it. And she had a scene in that place. And I wanted to say it was Margot Robbie because she's blonde. And I couldn't do it because he would have killed her. But then later she said. I said, did you ever talk to a guy? She goes, the owner? Yeah. She goes, yeah. I go, do you have a lot of questions? She goes, yes.
B
Jesus Christ.
A
Because he's just zeroing in. And then the director, he found.
B
What else have you direct? What do you do? Just point, camera. Everything was quite.
A
Not enough to impress him.
B
He's the last guy fanned out on was Buddy Hackett, circa 1967. Okay, here, I'll tell you, I just like the Red Skeleton reference.
A
I already told you, this is another punchline. They were on Family Feud in the law in the old days. And they had the grandma, you know, at the end, and they go, name someone known for spooky movies. And this is, by the way, in the 80s. So someone says, bela Lugosi. And it was a ding. And then they go, come on, Grandma. And she's like. And she's got the last X. And she goes, red Skeleton.
B
Skeleton.
A
And everyone goes. And they're like, okay, hopefully. And he goes.
B
Sh.
A
He didn't even get to show me Red Skeleton because his name is Red Skeleton.
B
Red Skeleton. Now, for those people don't know. He was this comedian from the 40s and movies. And then he had a show and he had these two characters. And you say, good night and God bless. So he was like, yeah, I played the Golden Nugget in Reno. Skelton was a headliner. No, he was just there a lot. So I'm in the. This suite they gave me in the bed, and there's just a gigantic place, black and white photo of Red Skeleton. Right. I'm trying to sleep, and he's like lording over me. And then I go backstage and they used to torture an elephant. They had a trained elephant that would jump around. And the only thing that was left was this big metal thing attached to the cement and the chain that I guess Clarence was attached to. And they didn't remove it. Right. Before I go on, I gotta see an animal torture device.
A
Okay, don't get me Going on animal torture.
B
Don't like it.
A
I'd rather have him torture red skeleton. All right, so let's get to some videos of news, and then we'll wrap up, get the airport, and we'll get you out of here.
B
All right, I'm good.
A
A single night. I'm gonna read this. A single night of poor sleep can make you 60% more reactive to negative emotions the next day. I would say it would make you more negative just straight up the next day.
B
Well, maybe the reason, guy, this person's having poor sleep is because they're just redundantly thinking negative thoughts.
A
Or he's doing what I do on every road gig, where the sun goes in your eyes right when you wake up at six in the morning and he didn't close them all the way and look at the sun goes.
B
His neck is bent up, he's got bright light in his face, and he's just going, why didn't I sleep well?
A
Oh, that guy. I thought it was Zac Efron, but I think that's just an AI tired guy is that we have to put in chat. Gbd. Give me a tired guy.
B
That's definitely AI, man.
A
AI.
B
That's AI. That's AI, bro.
A
Let's say hi, man.
B
Say hi. Hey, I'm man, bro, no, chill. I want to be that guy. I want to be that guy, you know? Oh, it's cool. It's cool, bro, too, man.
A
Nothing's chill.
B
I got you. I got your back, bro. You know, whatever you want, man, I get for you, you know? Hey, it's you. You know, I apprec. Bro, I appreciate you so much.
A
Whenever I fast talking con guy in.
B
A movie, well, you know, I do. I've always been generous because I. I lived off tips, but when I tip now, people are more appreciative because of inflation and the world's so expensive. And sometimes I. I get 20s stacked in my jacket and I'm just like hitting people sometimes going in, going out. He goes, yo, bro, I got to thank you, man. You know, times are tough, you know, And I know you've given me four twenties today, but could, you know, could I get another one?
A
Make it an even 5.
B
Why don't we make it? Could you make it a C note? I go, I don't have anything on me. Well, then you, bro, you know what?
A
Yeah, hoard it all. Take it with you. You know, I will say you're not going to get written up in the Daily Mail by tipping under 100% and you won't even get written up, then you. You need to leave five grand or something. You know that that's a good trick to be like, hey, publicist just left 5 grand tip at Bennigans. You know what to do. I think you know what to do.
B
It's right. And just if you. You have a few. What do you call it, Beans in your jeans.
A
Yeah, spread them around.
B
So at this hotel I stay at in LA a lot, this, this grandmother does room service, which I used to do, bringing the tray, and it's like, you know, and she's a grandmother, you know, So I do help her out because Grandma. Grandma is working her ass.
A
You know what? I read an article about that. It said, dana Carvey shadows grandmother for whole shift.
B
You can't win for a whole shift.
A
To study for a new movie called.
B
Garth Won't Let grandmother Alone.
A
By the way, Heather, I just dropped the lid of those papayas, and I tried to put on this thing three times. And that's why I said you lit. I was so mad. It fell three times. While Dana's telling this.
B
Oh, my God, what's falling? Because I, I adjust. I put on a hat halfway through. I'm trying to get Superman and fly on the wall. I got the plan.
A
I'm adjusting. Yeah, I can't read fly on the wall in that box back there. But, Heather, can you believe I did that three times right there.
B
I, I, that thing weighs three.
A
Don't put it back on. That's what I was trying not to do. Oh, here's my papayas. Here's a lid that slips, and you can't ever get it down.
B
Like an ad on Instagram.
A
Welcome. And then, and then it. And then I put it on the table, which is 3 inches, and this is 4. And so it just kept falling. And then I put it in falling. And you're telling that story, and I'm like, God damn, Dana. I'm going to lose him in this story about his parents talking about bro foods.
B
Yeah, bro, I feel you, bro. Man, that's. That's. Oh, yeah, I know what you're saying, man, because, like, sometimes you go for a piece of fruit, and it's, like, not good inside, right? And you're like, you don't want to get mad at the fruit. You piece. Feel it. And you go, I don't think it's gonna work for me, bro. You know, but sometimes I'll just eat it anyway, you know, because everything that deserves it to come to fruition, no pun intended, fruit wishes it's My new character called Bro Guy. It's a little bit of Garth. I appreciate. I appreciate you, bro.
A
Hey, bro, I like the guy that constantly keeps shaking your hand before they leave. Hey, man, come on, bring it in, dude. You're the best, dude. Hey, man, come on. Good to see you. Hey, best luck to you. Hey, come on.
B
Remember those khaki pants I had that you wanted to get a hold of from the guy?
A
I did get them. I did get them, dude.
B
They existed. They weren't changed.
A
No, they did. They go, only one person has ever bought these in history.
B
The guy came in and goes, oh, I mean, room service guy comes in, man. Bro, where'd you get those pants? I go, really? They're $10 at the Gap.
A
I told you. I like them, too.
B
I know. You're right.
A
You know what you're doing, dude, you look cool. You know those mornings where everything feels like it's moving 100 miles an hour? Emails are flying in, you're trying to hit your protein goals. Somehow you're already running late. Yes, same. That's exactly when I hit pause and I head to Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Whether I'm craving something bold and fruity or warm and savory, Tropical Smoothie Cafe makes it easy breezy. I'll grab a peanut paradise smoothie, 22 grams of smooth, peanut buttery protein, or mix it up with a PB protein crunch bowl packing a punch at 32 grams of protein.
B
And when I'm in a breakfast sandwich mood, their sausage, egg and cheese, dilla or the all American wrap are always hot, toasty, and packed with the protein I need to actually power through my day, not just survive it. The best part, I order ahead in the app, swing by and grab it on the go. No waiting, no stress. Just me, my smoothie, and a much needed mental getaway. Every smoothie, bowl and wrap is made to order, filled with better for you, ingredients and serious good vibes. So go ahead, manifest a more refreshing morning. Tropical Smoothie Cafe. You're on tropic time now.
A
Bet mgm.
B
Dana, we know about this gm.
A
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B
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A
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B
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A
Hotel Introducing the new Dell PC powered by the Intel Core Ultra processor. It's not just an AI computer, it's a computer built for AI. That means it's built to help you do your busy work for you so you can fast forward through editing images.
B
Designing presentations, generating code, debugging code, running lots of apps without lag, creating live translations and captions, summarizing meeting notes, extending battery life, enhancing security, finding that file that you were looking for, managing your schedule, meeting your deadlines, responding to Jim's long emails, leaving all the time in.
A
The world for more you time and for the things you actually want to do. No offense Jim. Get A new Dell PC@dell.com AI PC how those ahead? Stay ahead. All right, one more story. Even though we've only done two.
B
Here we go. Oh, this one.
A
Tell me if you're into this.
B
Okay. Should we read that first?
A
No, it's video bad news. But Sweden has officially done it while everyone was distracted.
B
This is what they're do you like.
A
This or you don't like this? Literally into your country as we speak. And this is why everything is happening by design. So you you put a chip in your hand when Alias goes to work.
B
And that's the biometric. And he doesn't need money. In fact, much of what he needs.
A
To get through the I mean this is so close to what we do.
B
Anyway, below the surface in his hand like, touch it.
A
Yeah.
B
Oh, weird.
A
Yeah.
B
Embedded in his hand is a microchip.
A
He's a real piece of rice. Yeah.
B
It's all. I can't get over the guy in the beginning.
A
You can turn it off. We get it. So he buys everything, does everything all day. It's like a credit card. Do you want it or do you not? Is it good or is it bad?
B
I. I know it's. It's coming. I know it's the future.
A
Chip, you're getting one later today, so let me know. We have to get one for the podcast.
B
I got a little distracted for baby boomers because the guy in the beginning looked like the grandson of Dr. Smith from Lost in Space. Can we put that picture up again? Just the guy from the beginning of that thing with the first guy. The slits for eyes. Can we put that up?
A
The stoner dude trying to tell the story.
B
Please stand by.
A
We'll get it.
B
Stand by. Because I never got past that. But I do think chips. But then you can't get it. You can't take it out.
A
Well, I mean, they know where you are. I guess that's the problem. It's like having that guy.
B
Hey. What? Yeah.
A
I woke up and found this store. Do you think it's nuts? Look at his mustache. He's a full McDonald's.
B
Heather, the microchips are. Are not that exciting.
A
But you're full m from McDonald.
B
Oh, bro, I'll be honest, man. I don't know if that's a real nose, a real eyes, or a real mustache, man. But just cool look.
A
Okay, one more, and then we got to get Dana. I gotta. I gotta let you go.
B
Oh. We are now boarding, please. We can push back if everyone takes a seat.
A
We're holding for Dana Carvey to get.
B
Here for the church lay.
A
Okay, let's see what this is.
B
Women talked about mysterious automatic photos on iPhones.
A
I've had that crazy Friday night findings we just discovered, which we already knew, that your phone and iPhone specifically takes an infrared picture of you with your face ID every 5ish seconds. And we ever heard of this? Heather? Did we talk about this? And it's pretty wild. Let's show you. Okay. Have your home screen. It's on the home screen. Not touching anything. Nothing. Okay. Infrared lens on the camera. Boom. There was one, two. That's so wild. Okay. Why would it do that?
B
Okay, so.
A
Oh, there's another one. Okay. Nothing. Oh, it blocks it. Oh, it's trying. It's taking pictures of your finger. Okay, move your finger. Ready what does it want?
B
I'm not sure what I'm looking at.
A
Well, the phone takes snapshots of you every five seconds when you face yourself. Why?
B
And it doesn't stop. I mean, how long?
A
I mean, I think it does it when it. When you flip the camera around, possibly.
B
Is that sometimes they do ID on my iPhone and the little green thing shows up.
A
Face id. Right.
B
Face id.
A
And then you're so hungover, it doesn't. It goes, who are you? And you go, this is just a distorted version of me.
B
Oh, yeah.
A
Oh, yeah. All right. Leave on that clunker. Or do you want to do one more?
B
No, let's do one more. Let's. Let's go out with a banger.
A
Impossible. Let's try. Would this be the. Oh, this will gross you out. Okay, go ahead, play. Don't even jump.
B
Ahead of this huge hair clump that was blocking a drainage pipe.
A
This is Heather's drain by her person's.
B
House in Madison, Wisconsin. So Dave Poker has 10 daughters, 10 wife. They have three sets of twins amongst their daughters, which is just incredible. Jesus. And he says, get clogged.
A
Bus boy. We work in sewage and bus plays. This should be a scene.
B
Knows some tricks and tip. Oh, my God. Yeah.
A
DVD extras.
B
It's just he hasn't been able. But I. I believe it should be able to talk. Hired a plumber. That thing should speak huge.
A
Okay, turn it off.
B
That's how evolved it is.
A
So 10 daughters I am. And he keeps getting. He goes, I portal Drano in there. You think Dr. Is going to kill that monster?
B
Well, when did it clog? When it was like, just 10ft long. I mean, when does it just. It's still there'. There's still more hair going in, stacking up.
A
I don't know. But let me see. These freak kids with the hair. Do they have any left on their head? They're all bald.
B
I feel like it just gained sentience, which is like, almost became human. And I think it was like, me, like hair clog me getting stronger. Need more daughters with multiple shampoos per day where hairs fall out. Why are you being so specific, hair monster? I don't know. I'm not. Not having a great day because I'm trending and I like to be secret in this sewer.
A
Yeah, they found me out. That one tastes like Celson blue. I don't like it.
B
Seltzer blue. Good one.
A
You know, I like. I like suave. Shockingly, I like pro.
B
If I can get a mouthful of Prel and hair I'm a happy sewer monster.
A
No one even know proas. I like that you ran with that.
B
Well, prels from the 60s, right?
A
So funny. I just took the top off again, Heather. I'm doing it again because I'm going to eat this. All right. Anyway, we will tell you on the next show how it went when I took the top off for the fourth time.
B
Right, Right. We're open to any ideas. We're going to. We have some exciting news next week.
A
Yes, we'll tell you next week. So get next week. All right. Thanks for watching.
B
Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye.
A
Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, Give us review 5 star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.
B
If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.
A
On the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Keyser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.
B
Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by.
A
Phil Sweet, tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.
B
Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Westerman, Hilary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney and Lauren Vieira.
A
Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email us@flyonthewalldecy.com that's a U-A C-Y I dot com.
Episode: Kimmel + Free Speech Perspectives & A Shared Love Of Airports
Date: September 29, 2025
Hosts: Dana Carvey & David Spade
Producer: Audacy
This episode features Dana Carvey and David Spade catching up on recent events, riffing on the Jimmy Kimmel controversy and the broader topic of free speech, and sharing their mutual affection for the quirks of airport life. True to their style, the conversation weaves between topical humor, personal anecdotes, lightly pointed cultural critique, and classic observational bits.
[02:02 - 14:59]
“I thought it was perfect and it was emotional… that thing, you know, in the end of the day, we're all Americans. Somebody got assassinated, you know, and ideally we just come from it. Rather than political points, we just… take a grace.”
— Dana Carvey [08:32]
Key Talking Points:
“The algorithms know now that rage is the emotion that makes them the most money.”
— Dana Carvey [06:06]
[02:28 - 06:37]
[14:30 - 15:17]
[23:59 - 26:59]
[26:00 - 29:48]
[43:03 - 46:41]
[46:45 - 48:48]
On Social Media Rage
“If going online and being angry and posting...makes you happy, go for it. If it makes you sad or furious, you might want to tamp it down a little bit.”
— Dana Carvey [05:25]
On TV vs. Online Free Speech
“Everyone has a boss and they say, 'I don't like what you're saying.' And he's very strong in his opinions...I was glad Jimmy didn't get fired. He got sort of a slap on the wrist.”
— David Spade [10:03]
On National Unity
“I'm gonna give you a chance to guess...the last time the country was completely united.”
“I would go back to nine. Eleven. I don't know.”
“That's it.”
— Dana [14:38]; David [14:40]
On Airport Rituals
“I love it all. Shoes, keys. Everything comes out...laptops, watches, belts.”
— Dana Carvey [24:00]
On Eccentric Landlords
“Spell it. It's getting more humiliating. I'm like, well, we got to shoot in a second. But, yeah, here it is, bubba.”
— David Spade [28:27]
On Retiree Conversations
“Oh, Jesus Christ. Why do they have the water over here? What's that about? ... Oh, the parking lot they put in. Why... “
— Dana Carvey [29:19]
On Tech Creeping into Daily Life
“And that's the biometric. And he doesn't need money. In fact, much of what he needs ... touch it... Embedded in his hand is a microchip.”
— Dana & David [43:28-43:47]
On Gross Drains
“I feel like it just gained sentience, which is like, almost became human. And I think it was like, me, like hair clog me getting stronger. Need more daughters with multiple shampoos per day.”
— Dana Carvey [48:00]
The episode is classic Spade and Carvey: self-deprecating, lightly cynical, and always digging for the next laugh—even when tackling current events and heavier issues. They maintain an informal, conversational style, slipping between cultural analysis, personal stories, and bits with ease. Their banter is punctuated with gentle ribbing and mutual appreciation for each other’s comic instincts.
This episode is a must-listen for fans of sharp, observational comedy, behind-the-scenes showbiz stories, and anyone curious about how comedians navigate the loud, contentious modern media landscape—with plenty of laughs along the way.