Mike Tyson and the Met Gala

Summary

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Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: Mike Tyson and the Met Gala

Date: May 11, 2026
Hosts: Dana Carvey, David Spade
Guest Appearance: Heather Santoro

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Overview

In this episode, Dana Carvey and David Spade return to their signature banter, riffing on the chaos of Hollywood’s comedy scene, the wildness of the Netflix Is a Joke Festival, celebrity culture at the Met Gala, the weirdness of hotel room service, and the unexpected depth behind the phrase “What are you gonna do about it?”—popularized by Mike Tyson. Sprinkled with personal stories, quick sketches, and laughter, the show touches on pop culture, city politics, viral health scares, audience videos, and the bittersweet agony of aging necks.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life in Showbiz & Netflix Is a Joke Festival

• Orpheum Theater Experience:
  The hosts recount the challenge of inviting Chris Rock as a guest at the far-flung Orpheum Theater, painting a picture of logistical nightmares but ultimately celebrating a “lively, fun” show.

  • “It was very lively, fun...I thought it was really good.” — David Spade [05:41]

• Comedy Festival Overload:
  David and Dana riff on the overwhelming volume of acts at the Netflix Is a Joke Festival, highlighting competition, ticket economics, and the enthusiastic (sometimes excessive) planning of festival organizers.

  • “Literally, they have to sell 200,000 tickets in a week to fill all the places.” — Dana Carvey [06:23]
  • “You can only see 40 shows, but…” — David Spade [07:36]

• Golf Tournament Mishaps:
  David describes a festival golf outing with comics (including Bert Kreischer and Andrew Santino), where random pairings led to highly competitive rounds and surprising winners.

  • “Oh, Michael Pena. One. Not a comedian. Great actor. Not a comedian.” — David Spade [09:06]

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2. Daily Life, Ailments, and Travel Woes

• Impressions & Physical Comedy Injuries:
  Both hosts explore stories of physical injury—from botched backflips to SNL pratfalls—connecting these experiences to their current neck pain.

  • “So I walk away, and this tooth was loose and it was pouring blood and my nose was pouring blood…” — David Spade [35:00]
  • “Closest I came to that...I was playing Vice President Dan Quayle as if he was Dick Van Dyke...” — Dana Carvey [37:40]

• Hotel Room Service Complaints:
  Dana launches a mini-bit about squishy toast in hotel room service, leading to mutual gripes about the luxury-comedy lifestyle.

  • “The point of toast is the toastiness. And so I never throw a fit...” — David Spade [13:46]

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3. Met Gala, Celebrity Gossip, and Beauty Culture

• Celebrity Appearances and Rumors:
  Discussion turns to Met Gala culture, celebrity “nips and tucks,” and the manufactured hype surrounding co-stars’ on-set chemistry (specifically Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi).

  • “Margot Robbie to never touch your face...Just do nothing.” — David Spade [17:36]
  • “That’s what makes you see the movie...Is this simulated sex and pretend?” — Dana Carvey [19:03]

• The Evolving Allure of Erotic Tension:
  Dana argues old-fashioned film tension (“the tease”) is more interesting than explicit sex scenes.

  • “We don’t...actually need to see the sex. It’s all about the tension, you know?” — Dana Carvey [20:13]

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4. Politics, City Life, & Softness of Modern Society

• Spencer Pratt for Mayor?
  With his tongue in cheek, David reflects on the rise of reality star Spencer Pratt as an L.A. mayoral candidate, poking fun at political platitudes.

  • “His platform's a little out there...He wants LA to be the jewel of the world.” — Dana Carvey [22:24]

• Philosophy of Punishment & Society's Softness:
  Both comment on the trend of empathy for perpetrators over victims, tying it to societal shifts and budgetary realities.

  • “You do a crime... it should all be enough to be like, humane. Of course. But I don’t like doing one of these numbers...” — David Spade [25:04]
  • “It’s too soft idea that all people are good and all people are born good...” — Dana Carvey [25:34]

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5. Tyson’s Catchphrase: “What Are You Gonna Do About It?”

• Origin Story:
  Dana recounts a viral clip of Mike Tyson’s intimidating retort to a political question, launching an extended riff:
  • “What are you gonna do about it?” — (Mike Tyson, as recalled by Dana) [27:04]
• Masculine Threat Level:
  The hosts joke about the phrase as a test of male courage, useful in confrontational situations or just as a bit.
  • “When Mike Tyson says to you, what are you going to do about it?... fight me right now?” — David Spade [28:04]
• Running Gag:
  The phrase recurs throughout the episode, morphing into a comedic motif for any problem:
  • “Try not to get in trouble, but it’s kind of a fun thing in a positive sort in life.” — Dana Carvey [29:38]

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6. Viral Clips & Audience Videos

• Pop Culture Meme:
  David discovers his own voice trending on TikTok, taken from “Grown Ups”:
  • “We gotta go to Milan. Milan what? Italy? What's in Milan?” — David Spade [30:36]
• Joy in Childhood:
  They observe a viral video of a woman receiving a puppy, marveling at pure childlike delight.
  • “She does a classic head of things...Oh, she’s overwhelmed with joy.” — David Spade [44:04]
• Other Viral Moments:
  The team reviews a viral mannequin anti-theft incident, ingenious logo-recreating kids, magician acts for children, and uncanny F1 backflips, always filtering the news through a comic lens.

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7. Health Scares: Hantavirus and Cruise Ship Paranoia

• Emerging Virus Frenzy:
  David shares his paranoia over the latest “hauntavirus” supposedly spreading from rats and cruise ships, sparking jokes about government responses and vaccine companies.
  • “I won’t be able to go to Milan...This is the beginning.” — David Spade [52:04]
  • “Well, this will be all the patrol cars, the government officials, and the Apache helicopters...” — Dana Carvey [52:37]
• Connecting Back to Comedy:
  The virus paranoia becomes another riffing ground for “What are you gonna do about it?” as characters, including the virus itself, adopt the Tyson line.
  • “Is that the hantavirus talking or is that the person? Here’s a hantavirus: ‘What are you gonna do about it?’” — David Spade [53:08]

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8. Closing Banter & Life Updates

• Upcoming Plans:
  • Dana is headed to New York and Miami after some orthopedic self-care.
  • David’s planning for Netflix brunches, socializing, and more content.
• Outro Energy:
  The episode ends with riffing on life changes, inside-out pants, and farm pest stories, circling back to rat-induced diseases.

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Notable Quotes / Memorable Moments

On Overbooking Comedy Festivals:

• “Netflix is a joke. Always struck me ... Maybe I'm old-fashioned...” — Dana Carvey [06:23]

On Hotel Room Service:

• “The point of toast is the toastiness...Now give me bread trapped in its own steam and it's squishy.” — David Spade [13:46]

On Mike Tyson:

• “He goes, ‘Yeah, I vote for Trump. What are you gonna do about it?’ ... It’s just so funny.” — Dana Carvey [27:04]

On City Safety:

• “If you hear, ‘it’s clean and safe’ ... Oh, let’s go there. Every city needs to work towards that.” — Dana Carvey [26:12]

On Viral Video Riffs:

• “We gotta go to Milan. Milan what? Italy? What’s in Milan?” — David Spade [30:36]

On Ill-Advised Stunts:

• “So I was backstage, don’t know who anyone is for a full hour...Should’ve choppered me out.” — David Spade [36:11]

On the “Hauntavirus”:

• “I won’t be able to go to Milan. This is the beginning.” — David Spade [52:04]
• “What are you gonna do about it?” — Continuously recurring from [27:04] through the episode

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Key Timestamps

• 02:13 – Even stars have ailments / AI bits
• 04:00 – Recounting the Chris Rock live show at Netflix Is a Joke Festival
• 08:08 – Golf tournament festival recap
• 12:14 – Hotel room service & toast grievances
• 17:05 – Met Gala talk; Margot Robbie & celebrity culture
• 22:04 – Spencer Pratt as political mascot
• 25:34 – Empathy for perpetrators: “too soft” society philosophy
• 27:04 – Mike Tyson’s “What are you gonna do about it?” Catchphrase
• 33:34 – Neck injury stories: pratfalls and lasting impacts
• 40:37 – Archeology tangent: 2,000-year-old Incan whistle
• 44:04 – Puppy surprise viral video breakdown
• 52:02 – Hauntavirus fears and cruise ship scenarios
• 53:35 – “What are you gonna do about it?” as this episode’s running theme
• 58:15 – Hosts’ personal weekly plans and show wrap-up

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Final Notes

• Throughout, the episode oscillates between playful absurdity, sharp satire, and personal anecdote—staying true to Carvey and Spade’s established chemistry and quick wit.
• The Tyson phrase “What are you gonna do about it?” becomes a humorous lens for viewing both real and cultural threats, from political tension to viral outbreaks.
• As always, the show closes with future plans and self-deprecating thoughts, inviting listeners to return for another round of unrehearsed banter.

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Transcript

[David Spade]

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[Danny Carvey]

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[David Spade]

You could be earning 2% daily cash back when you use your Apple Card with Apple Pay to buy turmeric for your signature curry, 2% back on flights to visit the family in Tucson, and even 2% back on your kid's new tuba. You might even be able to get 2% back on a tuba tutor. Not an Apple Card customer. You can apply in the Wallet app on iPhone, subject to credit approval. Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs bank usa Salt Lake City branch terms and more at Apple Co Benefits. This is what we do for eight minutes before each show.

[Danny Carvey]

Try to. I'm not making a sound effect. That's just me. I'm actually going to a body work guided.

[David Spade]

Let's start with ailments. Welcome to Even stars have ailments.

[Danny Carvey]

Can an AI do this?

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. You know what they told me? If you're ever talking to an AI, like in an alley, I don't know where they think I'm talking to an AI, but they can't do certain things so you have to quiz them. Yeah, I think it's like if you're on a zoom with an AI.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

The person's fake. Yeah, I saw them act it out. Then the guy goes, great. I think it was a job interview. And he goes, well, everything seems to be in order. And then at the end he Goes real quick, can you just put three fingers in front of your face? The guy goes. He goes, well, look at this. And he goes over and he goes, this is a diploma I have. And this. He goes, no, no, just put. Put your fingers in front of your face. And the guy goes, like this. And he goes, three fingers. And he goes, this is a little weird.

[Danny Carvey]

I don't want to do this. I'm not buying.

[David Spade]

And then he goes, put it in front of your face. And he goes, I think there's some stuff I just shouldn't do because it just sounds weird. The guy goes, well, you're. Everything's riding on us. And he didn't do it. And he goes, thank you. Click. They can't go like this for some reason. I don't know. Should we ask AI why AI can't do that? Whoa.

[Danny Carvey]

There's lots of ways to get rid of AI if you suspect you're talking to an AI, you just slowly, you put your fingers up and you go,

[David Spade]

what does it do?

[Danny Carvey]

Scares me. And the AI will look down and freeze and then disappear. Just go like this. Put your fingers up and breathe heavily. Boom.

[David Spade]

I go like this. Go like this.

[Danny Carvey]

You know the other way to get rid of AI on your computer?

[David Spade]

Just close the thing is that the other way?

[Danny Carvey]

That's it. That's the simple hack. Just close the lid of the laptop.

[David Spade]

So we, the day after the Chris Rock interview we did at the Netflix is a joke.

[Danny Carvey]

Shootout at Orphan Corral.

[David Spade]

Yeah. We went to the Orpheum Theater in downtown L. A. Terrifying and way downtown super far and lots of one ways. We made it as hard as possible for Chris to come and have fun and be in a good mood. And the crowd is just every. Everyone that got him was like, fuck, are we here yet? My God.

[Danny Carvey]

Parking mayhem, random strangers in the intersection.

[David Spade]

You get the drive, knife and neck, needle in leg.

[Heather Santoro]

Hey, how. Who.

[Danny Carvey]

Hey, guys. Hey. Netflix is a joke festival. Got 500 shows. We got one with spade and carvey.

[David Spade]

Let's bury it.

[Danny Carvey]

How about Wednesday?

[David Spade]

It's Wednesday at 6, folks.

[Danny Carvey]

As far downtown as you go. Like, go away. You're almost, almost in Arizona. Just downtown. Well, that won't be good. I mean, they couldn't sell tickets on a night like that. Probably be a dead audience.

[David Spade]

Wrong, wrong, wrong again.

[Danny Carvey]

Nice try, Netflix.

[David Spade]

I wanted to say, listen, a lot of our audience work well, some. Some people work that are. Well, there's a few people difficult to get to.

[Danny Carvey]

Basically another state at 6 o' clock on a Wednesday.

[David Spade]

It was a tennis not moving more to borderline ridonculous. But we got there. Chris showed up. We. I haven't seen Chris in a while. We did have a great time. He always brings it. He didn't walk through it. He was very funny. It was very lively, fun.

[Danny Carvey]

The crowd was very lively. We got on a roll, setting Chris up, asking Chris questions, and he had a lot of very funny rejoinders. I don't want to give it away.

[David Spade]

It is hard to think of stuff to ask, like a friend because, A, we've interviewed him before, B, you just don't want to sound like a trite idiot of, like, when did you get your first bro? You know, that kind of stuff. So we sort of meandered into comedy and jokes and then people he's met, things he's done. And then, of course, it just kind of rolls from there. We just jump on it. But it worked out really well. I thought. I thought it was really good.

[Danny Carvey]

Check it out. This is good. The timing works.

[David Spade]

That's coming up this week.

[Danny Carvey]

Yes. They tried to stop us and it didn't work.

[David Spade]

Yeah, they tried to do everything, again, against us to make it not work, and it worked. We're not victims, but there's like 5,000 shows. If you had money for. There's a great comedy festival. This Netflix, it's too much of a

[Danny Carvey]

good thing, I think. It's like, literally, they have to sell 200,000 tickets in a week to fill all the places. So there are very famous comedians playing arenas and stadiums where it's like, not. It's hard to sell it out. I mean, look, I never. Netflix is a joke. Always struck me. I'm going to suggest that they kind of modify it. Like, next is. Netflix is such a joke, you know, or kind of a joke, you know, Netflix is such a joke festival. Could you think of any, David, right now as I set you up for a.

[David Spade]

No, I was trying to think.

[Danny Carvey]

Can you think of something? You're usually very fast.

[David Spade]

No, I'm slow today. I was thinking of just canceling it all together. No, I think if they have 140 shows, I think they mentioned last night, and you've got Shane Gillis and Mulaney and Theo Chappelle, everybody. I mean, you can't think of anyone's not doing a show this week or a podcast or this or a Kill Tony, and they all individually do well. But if you smash them together and if, let's say you only have a million dollars to spend on tickets you're

[Danny Carvey]

gonna get, you can only see 10% of the shows.

[David Spade]

Yeah. You can only see 40 shows, but

[Danny Carvey]

I see people at Netflix in the inner sanctum. I mean, they're well intended. They're very excited about the fe all but that you can get a little too exuberant. Hey, Zigfried, shall we go to 300 shows?

[David Spade]

Oh, I like it. Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

Yes. I'm going to say something crazy to you, Granford. Make up the names.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

Could we go to 500 shows? Yes, 500 shows.

[David Spade]

Well, they had a golf tournament to start it all off Monday, so I went to that. And that was fun, seeing a bunch of comedians out of their element and a few football players.

[Danny Carvey]

Did someone put a camera on this?

[David Spade]

Well, Fortune Feimster was there on hole six with Tom Papa, and they interviewed everyone before they went on. We had to sit in chairs. It was kind of fun.

[Danny Carvey]

Fortune Feimster and Tom Papa. I like these names.

[David Spade]

Yeah, these are. They have a podcast. Podcast. And so I played with Santino, Bert Kreischer. They just randomly threw everyone together. It was pretty fun. I saw your Bill Burrs, your Will Ferrells, your. Your random Devonte, who's a great golfer.

[Danny Carvey]

I mean, seriously, I think anybody.

[David Spade]

I think Santino, the one I played with.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, yeah, I think so. Whiskey Ginger.

[David Spade]

Yep. I played with him before, and he's very good. He's very serious. He's getting a card.

[Danny Carvey]

Go, go.

[David Spade]

It was a little. I'm like, let's relax. Let's.

[Danny Carvey]

Hey, you're slowing play. Okay, pick it up.

[David Spade]

Yeah, exactly.

[Danny Carvey]

He never said that. And then.

[David Spade]

And Bert and I were just like, kind of medium, so we're just doing it to screw off, but. Oh, Michael Pena. One. Not a comedian. Great actor. Not a comedian.

[Danny Carvey]

What's going on? Getting wasted in nightclubs every night.

[David Spade]

Fixed.

[Danny Carvey]

Rigged. Rigged.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Danny Carvey]

Huh?

[David Spade]

Yeah. So that happened. Does anything else happen? That's it.

[Danny Carvey]

Is it listed anywhere? I can't get a hand. Like, we in the festival right now. Is this technically. Are we part of the festival or

[David Spade]

is this outside the fest? No, this is outside.

[Danny Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Are we. Is it weirder that we're doing it like this and not on zoom? Do you think anything's different?

[Danny Carvey]

Well, yeah, because normally I just look at you on the zoom and I go, hey, like this.

[David Spade]

Like this.

[Danny Carvey]

So now we're just, you know, that's why I'm going to a chiropractor at 4 o' clock today because of.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. Well, David, Dana's got a little bit of the spade.

[Danny Carvey]

One of these days. Let's get A table. And we'll just go across the table.

[David Spade]

I would like that.

[Danny Carvey]

Joe Rogan does it. Maybe it works.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

Call me crazy, but why not do a Joe Rogan? He has 70 million and we only have 65 million.

[David Spade]

That's right. We have a table here from Z Gallery. I know this table is kind of.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah. Our necks have to be saved. We have to do it orthopedically at this point.

[David Spade]

Just going like this. Do you know why my neck hurts? Because last night, going this to Chris Rock. I'm like this. I'm like, yes, Chris. Interesting Chris.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

That's for an hour and a half. And I try to look over this way once in a while. Then he starts again. I'm like, yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

I was hoping he'd go real quiet and I could save my neck and go over like this and kind of go to you.

[David Spade]

But no, I know you didn't look at me once. You were like this with me. Talk to the Fist.

[Danny Carvey]

Our guys are here going, hey, we don't. There's no. We got no skin in the game. What do you want to do? Put them on top of each other.

[David Spade]

I know.

[Danny Carvey]

Just tell us what to do. We there.

[David Spade]

We. But we had a good time and. Anything else. What was your week like other than this all consuming.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, goodness. The cows and the horses and the nature.

[David Spade]

Your horse is going to have a baby. I don't want to give a spoiler. July.

[Danny Carvey]

And we're with real authentic rancher people. And I said, is it going to take them to a birthing place or anything? That would be ridiculous. They'll have it right here in the field. But what if something goes wrong? I mean, I've seen All Creatures Great and Small. I mean, if you get a picture, you see me and. And I'm like, here up into the horse, trying to pull the baby out. That's what my fear is. Barf. That's my joy. But that's. That's what happens.

[David Spade]

Do you need me up there for that?

[Danny Carvey]

You just go and see the meat.

[David Spade]

What, do you need me up there to help you?

[Danny Carvey]

Well, yeah. I've got a room all set up for you.

[David Spade]

Heather can film it.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah, if you'll go elbow deep.

[David Spade]

I've done it before. You have?

[Danny Carvey]

Where? And with who? I'm talking about man to animal.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. Not with an animal.

[Danny Carvey]

I don't know what I want to put. I don't even want to think about this. So, yeah, I just came down to la, checked in a hotel.

[David Spade]

Let's see if I Have anything interesting to talk about?

[Danny Carvey]

I order room service. Oh.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

Do you want to talk about your rooms? Is there anything there?

[Danny Carvey]

I don't have a real chunk on it. It's just, you know, I'm always trying to just be mellow. I mean, I'm not like, get the food in here now. Get out. You know, I go into nice guy mode and I don't even want them to carry the tray. And there was this young woman who came twice yesterday and she was really strong. I kept. I'll take that for you. He goes, oh, don't worry about it. So I realized it's not that he's that strong. It's. I'm that weak. Because they're like 40 pound trays.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

She's goes, I'm okay. Yeah, not a problem. And I go, I'll get the door. You don't have to. Okay.

[David Spade]

So I like when they put the little cork in the door. They put the little holder. They got a whole system. Stay out of my way, please. I got this. I'm like, I can handle the lemons if they're in little cutlets. Yeah. I always try to fake help. I do a lot of this. You want me to. Then I clear the way a little bit, and then.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Literally doing nothing.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, I just tried. Do you want this? Do you want shrimp sauce? Do you want. No, no. Fine, fine. Do you want anything else? No, no. Fine, fine. I just make sure. You know, we stay in hotels a lot, folks.

[David Spade]

It's.

[Danny Carvey]

It's just something we do. And that's why most of our bits are round travel and hotels. And what are you gonna do?

[David Spade]

I have a big question for you. I don't mean to break the Internet, but when you get your toast, is it too squishy because they wrap it in plastic? No.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, what hotel? Where are you?

[David Spade]

Anyone?

[Danny Carvey]

You tell us. Anywhere.

[David Spade]

The problem is they don't leave it open. So you get it. And the point of toast is the toastiness. And so I never throw a fit.

[Danny Carvey]

Isn't it, well, for it to be toasted not right.

[David Spade]

Or just give me bread because it's toast and they wrap it up. Now give me bread trapped in its own steam and it's squishy. And I'll. I. I call down.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, there are places I've worked and stayed in the middle of West Virginia. That's. We don't.

[David Spade]

We'll get that.

[Danny Carvey]

But anyway, no. Where? Room service, please. Oh, we don't have any room service, but there's a menu. And as a pizza place like three miles away. I don't have a car, so I just hike over. Brought to you by Apple Card Apple card users get 2% daily cash back on purchases made in store and online, whether it's for big ticket items or everyday purchases. When they use their Apple Card with Apple Pay now, that's a benefit that's just too good to pass up.

[David Spade]

You could be earning 2% daily cash back when you use your Apple Card with Apple Pay to buy Turmeric for your signature curry, 2% back on flights to visit the family in Tucson, and even 2% back on your kid's new tuba. You might even be able to get 2% back on a tuba tutor, not an Apple Card customer. You can apply in the Wallet app on iPhone subject to credit approval. Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs bank usa Salt Lake City Branch Terms and more at Apple Co Benefits hi

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[Danny Carvey]

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[Danny Carvey]

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[Danny Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Danny Carvey]

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[Danny Carvey]

Today.

[David Spade]

I have a story that's called off the presses. The Met Gala. The Met Gal has been so far away from the time this airs, but I will Tell you.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, but it'll never end in our minds.

[David Spade]

Because I asked Rock last night. I go, do you go to the Met gala or did you not have anything stupid enough to wear? And he said he went last year. But oops, spoiler. But when I was watching some of the people. And here's my question, why is that a spoiler?

[Danny Carvey]

He said he went last year. Spoiler.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

It makes no sense, but still.

[David Spade]

Listen, okay. The whole podcast away. So when I see people and they go through the outfits and they go through who's had a few nips and tucks. I want to make a petition for Margot Robbie to never touch your face. This is someone who has such. I was watching Wuthering Heights with a dub with the Wu. Everyone says Weathering Heights. And I go like this.

[Danny Carvey]

I saw it.

[David Spade]

Weathering Heights.

[Danny Carvey]

No weathering.

[David Spade]

Thank you.

[Danny Carvey]

Wuthering Heights.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Danny Carvey]

A remake doesn't mean it's not a good movie. But we've seen it before, right?

[David Spade]

It was shot a little bit like Young Frankenstein.

[Danny Carvey]

He always looks a little bit like a. Frank is a very good looking, great actor. But look, he always. I always see a Frankenstein. When I see him, he's a stud.

[David Spade]

And then when you've ever hear him really talk, I go, oh, that's your accent. Because I'm like, he's always sounds like on Euphoria. Yeah, sounds like.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, here's my question for you. So in movies now, it's. Cause the lab, it's. What you do is you've got the, the. The male star and the female name, but might be married, whatever. But then they floated out like, hey, there's some extracurricular activities having happening in the trailers during the shoot. And they did it with Margot, Ravi and Jason. What's his name?

[David Spade]

Jacob Elordi.

[Danny Carvey]

Jacob Elordi.

[David Spade]

And they, they make it like it's always right when the movie comes out. Are they hooking up? And it makes you go, oh, I wonder if I can see the movie. If I can tell if there's any chemistry.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, that's what makes you see the movie. Are they. Is this simulated sex and pretend or they like get these cameras out of here kind of thing?

[David Spade]

I heard they started the movie with one boner and then after that, nothing.

[Danny Carvey]

And did he have the boner?

[David Spade]

I did not know that. I just said someone was. By the way, they put it in an interesting situation to turn people on. The guy was getting hungry, like killed.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

And he gets a boner. And I'm like, that's where you Throw it. Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

That was when I knew this was my kind of movie. The first scene, a guy gets hung in middle and then they show that he's excited.

[David Spade]

Why was he excited?

[Danny Carvey]

Well, you know the wiener wranglers, what they call them? Wiener wranglers did a prosthesis, but I guess, you know, you, you went to. Where was it? Arizona State? Yes. When you are asphyxiated, you get vision aroused. Now some people do it like the. In a closet and then they. They come to or something. No pun intended. But yeah, that was. So anyway, it was good.

[David Spade]

But after that I heard there wasn't enough sex. They wanted raunchy sex. That's the way it was.

[Danny Carvey]

I'm. Maybe I'm old fashioned.

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Danny Carvey]

I'll just say this for filmmakers and this. I don't know if this is a hot take.

[David Spade]

More boners.

[Danny Carvey]

What is it? No, it's more the unrequited. And they're using it to a point, but we don't. It's just that they really want to have sex, but they can't have sex. It's all about that tension, you know, the actual sex is. Is not as interesting as a film.

[David Spade]

Oh yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

I filmed forward to that for more. More tease and more, you know.

[David Spade]

So when this movie Wuthering, was there a lot of tease? And that was.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah, there was. I mean the whole book and everything is about that because they. He's a. He's adopted and he comes in the house and they just have this. A tomboy kind of relationship. And then they realize they grew up and they're all hormonal and horny and then.

[David Spade]

And they're both drop dead.

[Danny Carvey]

Marry your brother. Get out.

[David Spade]

I. I saw a clip the other day. I was watching it for a little bit and I was like, I didn't get what was going on. So he had come back and he's her brother.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, like not, not by birth. I believe we're gonna get letters.

[David Spade]

No, I don't know. I mean, listen, she. Anyway, the point was gorgeous and I know at some point someone's going to get to her and go, you should do a little bit of this. Nothing. Do nothing.

[Danny Carvey]

She was extraordinary in a movie that wasn't a hit. I think it was called Babylon.

[David Spade]

Oh yeah. Babylon.

[Danny Carvey]

Is that what her performance in that was like? Next level.

[David Spade]

That starts with like an orgy, right?

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah, it's just. It's a wild movie. I don't know, maybe audiences didn't quite connect to it. It like comes in the middle of the movie, like Just this crazy sex craze intensity around the early days of film.

[David Spade]

Was it Baz Luhrmann or who did that one?

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah, it was. Or his brother, Edward Lerman.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Danny Carvey]

One of the Lerman brothers.

[David Spade]

That whole family. Oh, here's I didn't like. And oh, by the way, in political news, there's a big mayor race here.

[Danny Carvey]

Spencer Pratt.

[David Spade]

Spencer Pratt is getting a lot of chatter here in town because for better or for worse, there's the old guard of Mayor Karen Bass. And if people aren't happy, they look to someone else and they're like, what about Spencer? What does he know about this? And he makes some good points.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, his platform's a little out there. He wants to clean up the streets, lower crime, and help the homeless get elsewhere. He wants to lower taxes and have a financial boom, and he wants it to become kind of a. A jewel of the world. What's that about? Out of those goals, Anyone would really.

[David Spade]

I don't like that angle. Also, his only caveat is anyone on

[Danny Carvey]

the platform and clean up the city and make it become a jewel of the world.

[David Spade]

Yeah. And he says everyone will get their own reality show. That he doesn't need to add that

[Danny Carvey]

he wants to rename LA the Hill.

[David Spade]

No, I think he makes some good points. Can he come through? I don't know. But at least it's getting attention by talking and saying some things you like to hear, which happens around this time of year before election. But I do think that if he's. He seems serious about it, he was caught in the fires where they burned his house down. And like. Like this, like, coming back saying, you wronged me, because none of the money seems to be going to the victims of the fire, Altadena or Palisades.

[Danny Carvey]

Right. And there. There are what they call secular trends that are not really related to politics, in a sense, is that we give our public employees pensions. In the olden days, you get your pension and you were kind of going to the stars in about five or eight years. Now you get your pension at 53 and you live to 102.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

And there's inflation bumps. So it's happening in Japan, all over the world that people just don't want to check out. They're liking it so much and they're getting government money, and then it goes for three decades instead of two. Two years. Does that make any sense?

[David Spade]

So some. So you start to run out of money.

[Danny Carvey]

The government and then the pot. Then you can't get the money for clean up the city or Fight crime or, or the money to do forest management around fire prone areas. That costs money to have guys go in there with a rake.

[David Spade]

You got to pick and choose your fights on those. I, I did. I do think it was crazy that. Oh, who just apologized to this? Oh, a judge apologized to the guy that tried to shoot Trump because that

[Danny Carvey]

conditions are the way he was being held.

[David Spade]

I mean, but come on. I mean like my dad said, don't go to jail. It's not fun. Good thing about jail is that's where bad guys go and it's not great. Yeah, that's supposed to be right.

[Danny Carvey]

So when you do a crime, I get it should.

[David Spade]

It should all be enough to be like humane. Of course. But I don't like doing one of these sort of numbers where you're running in with a gun shooting and then they're like, hey, sorry, it was, it was a total hassle for you and you got arrested.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

A judge just shouldn't say that. Just say, here's my judgment. This or that. Don't throw in that. That's a weird, weird thing. It's like when Mandami someone tried to stab someone and got shot and then he went to the hospital and apologized to them.

[Danny Carvey]

It's like. Well, it all comes from this one basic. It's too soft idea is that all people are good and all people are born good. And so if someone's behaving badly, they were let down by society. So the, the oppressor and the oppressed are the same. The victim and the perpetrator are the same. Or in some ways the perpetrator gets is people feel more empathy toward the. Because. Wow. What made him do that? Because he's a great person.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Danny Carvey]

So it's all in my book how to solve everything. I know everything by Dana Flarfo.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it is just sometimes that rubs me the wrong way. I don't know about anyone else.

[Danny Carvey]

You just, you just really. You think about a city. If you're going to go visit a city, what's it like? And you can hear a thousand things if you hear a, uh, it's. It's clean and safe. Oh, let's go there.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

So you. Every city needs to work towards.

[David Spade]

Try to get back to that.

[Danny Carvey]

Get back to it's a clean, safe city that you want to visit. And then the business comes in. Tax revenue rises. It's all in my book. Hey everybody, I know what to do.

[David Spade]

That is a good name. Hey everybody, come to me for the answers.

[Danny Carvey]

Which comes about this catchphrase. That, that I. It's not a catchphrase. It was something Mike Tyson said. So last night, being silly in the car on the way to gig, which I just told the story of Tyson, who. I love the clips of him. He's on with some radio dj and the radio DJ says, so you're voting for Trump? And Tyson with this goes, yeah, I vote for Trump.

[Heather Santoro]

I'm voting for Trump. And then he goes, what are you going to do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

And then the guy gets scared. He's like, well, I just. My.

[Heather Santoro]

I'm saying, no, what are you going to do about it? I'm going for Trump. So what you. What are you going to do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

So I just thought, what are you going to do about it?

[David Spade]

And it's funny because the guy was like, well, I don't know if you should vote for him, because this is. He goes, yeah, but what are you gonna do about. Yeah, like, how are you gonna stop me? Because I'll knock you.

[Danny Carvey]

Right? But he does. He's seated, but he does the thing of, like, you go like this. Like, like, make your move.

[Heather Santoro]

What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna. What are you gonna sit over there? What are you gonna do about it? I'm voting for Trump. What are you gonna do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

I just think, what are you gonna do about it?

[David Spade]

You know, Is a funny answer because also, it could. When you're with another guy, and especially Mike Tyson, guys in line at the bank, you bump into someone. I don't, I don't know if we've talked about this where with that. With women, I don't know if you

[Danny Carvey]

think, like, banks don't exist, like, if

[David Spade]

you're in line at the bank, it's a normal thing. I'm in touch with reality. When you're in the breadline, okay.

[Danny Carvey]

You're not on your online account.

[David Spade]

When I'm buying milk for 10 cents a gallon or whatever.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah. You get in a scuffle, right.

[David Spade]

And someone bumps into you. There is a chance any time of the day as a guy, you can get in a fight or beat up. And I think with women, it's not. It doesn't always cross their mind. But with me, every time you're in a car, road rage. If this guy cuts me off and gets out of the car, he's going to beat the out of me. So that can happen. So when Mike Tyson says to you, what are you going to do about it? You know what he means? He's like, yeah, fight me right now. It's not going to change my mind. But what are you going to do as a man?

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah. I got pulled over for a little bit of speeding ticket, and I was just thinking of Tyson. That moment goes, oh, you're going as fast. And go, yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

So what are you going to do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

Well, I'm going to give you a ticket.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, but what are you going to do about it? Yeah, I was going over speed limits. What are you going to do about it? I went over, what are you going to do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

And I should stop that.

[David Spade]

Are you going to. I think it means, are you going to physically stop me from doing something and you're not.

[Danny Carvey]

Right. It's helpful if. If you're 220 pounds of solid muscle with giant, lethal hands that could kill you with one punch, that is helpful. I may not have the size to be physically threatening, but anytime you say,

[Heather Santoro]

what are you gonna do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

Hey, you're in the wrong line. At the bank, you're supposed to start.

[Heather Santoro]

I want to say, yeah, I went over this line. You know, what are you gonna do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

Well, you're in the wrong line.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, but what are you gonna do?

[David Spade]

That's. That's a better one. But what are you gonna do about it? I'm gonna do nothing.

[Heather Santoro]

What are you gonna do about it?

[David Spade]

Why are we talking?

[Heather Santoro]

So why are we even wasting time? Because, you know. You know, you.

[David Spade]

I do love it.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah. So that's the new catchphrase. You can use it at home with your friends. Try not to get in trouble with it. But it's kind of a fun thing if you in a positive sor. In life.

[David Spade]

Because Tyson, he hasn't fought for, what, 20 years, and everyone knows that guy could kill me in two seconds.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah, I. He was the first heavyweight boxer, you know, champion that I met and then shook his hand, and it was like. It was like just. It weighed about 60 pounds. I go, your hand is so heavy.

[Heather Santoro]

He goes, yeah, what are you gonna do?

[David Spade]

Yeah, exactly.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, no, I'm just saying it's a very heavy hand.

[Heather Santoro]

I know, but what are you gonna do?

[David Spade]

Does he always say, what are you gonna do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

He said, what are you gonna do about it? Nothing, Mike. I know. It's perfectly great. Sure. I. You know. No, it's a terrific hand. It's just. But the point is brittle bones. One punch, you would not be happy.

[David Spade]

All right, let's. I'm gonna show you a video I saw on Instagram. You know, when we. Sometimes they pull sound from Movies. This is funny sound. Tell me who these people are.

[Danny Carvey]

Mark Zuckerberg.

[David Spade]

We gotta go to Milan. Milan what? Italy? What's in Milan?

[Danny Carvey]

Was that your voice?

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that funny?

[Danny Carvey]

Well, did someone do that?

[David Spade]

There's a tick tock trend that I didn't even recognize my own voice. Where they go, this is you and it's people. And that other part played again. Is it too late?

[Heather Santoro]

The.

[David Spade]

The other part, Sandler, this part. We gotta go to Milan. That doesn't even sound like it. Really. What's in Milan? It's grown ups. Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, okay. So they took those from.

[David Spade]

So there's a scene in Grown Ups where we're at Woodman's and Sandler's embarrassed because Salma Hack, his wife, says, you can't hang out with these guys next week.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

You know what we're doing? And I go, why? What are you doing? He goes, we gotta go to Milan. I go, milan what? Italy? What's in Milan? And then he goes, fashion show. And we're all like, no way, dude.

[Danny Carvey]

You're leaving.

[David Spade]

And he's like, yeah, but I think it's funny. They pull it for that. And then everyone does the same thing. They pan to these. All these places in Italy. So it's sort of a slice of life.

[Danny Carvey]

Grown ups is trundling around in the culture. I think I'm going on out on a limb, but maybe you guys should make a third one. I think people. I think there's what they call demand in the marketplace.

[David Spade]

Yes. TBS channel is asking. There you go. We need that thing.

[Danny Carvey]

Does TBS still exist?

[David Spade]

I think we're keeping the lights on over there with grownups and Joe Dirt and bench warmers. Oh, Blended is on. Blended of all movies, Blended every day, huh? Okay, I'm gonna see Chris Rock because we're meeting in Milan this summer. He's gonna take me on a boat.

[Danny Carvey]

He said, really?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

So that was arranged last night. You're gonna go to Milan and go on a boat with me. Him.

[David Spade]

It's not a big talk. Yeah, I go. I'll go.

[Danny Carvey]

Huh?

[David Spade]

What are you gonna do about it? I already worked it in. All right, let's.

[Heather Santoro]

What are you gonna do about.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, no, I'm just saying you're in the wrong light.

[David Spade]

Okay, hold on, hold on. Don't push the action yet. I don't know what this is. Let's play it. We'll figure it out.

[Danny Carvey]

All right, we can see. This is how F1 drivers reacted to

[David Spade]

my really high back flip.

[Danny Carvey]

I have One of the highest standing bats that.

[David Spade]

Is that real? That's a really high. You can rate it 1 through 10.

[Danny Carvey]

Holy.

[David Spade]

Well, they're kind of shorter anyway. F1 drivers.

[Danny Carvey]

How did you even tell the viewers? But it's because I'm black.

[David Spade]

Highest. What are you gonna do about.

[Danny Carvey]

It's funny. What are you gonna do about it?

[David Spade]

Standing by. Okay, I'm ready when you are. It's definitely higher than I picture it.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, he's got a big vertical, and then he pulls his legs way up.

[David Spade]

I mean, that's vertical.

[Danny Carvey]

Really high backflip.

[David Spade]

I want to have you ready for one more. Okay. Okay. All right. Just stay right there.

[Danny Carvey]

No, you can come closer.

[Heather Santoro]

You don't got to stand back.

[Danny Carvey]

You come closer.

[David Spade]

This guy's tall as too.

[Danny Carvey]

Seems like it.

[David Spade]

Two, one.

[Danny Carvey]

It's really easy for.

[David Spade]

It's so easy now, Dana. You know, my neck hurts cuz I did a backflip and I landed short

[Danny Carvey]

an injury.

[David Spade]

That's how it happened. I didn't know that I was doing backflips for a show in high school, like a talent show. And I was on the hardwood. And that day I was with my buddy Dan, I think. And I go, hey. Yeah, we were at the pool. And I go, oh, I got to do a standing back tonight. So I was also in gymnastics. A lot of red flags here and gymnastics.

[Danny Carvey]

Hey.

[David Spade]

And we were doing a dance number that night. Oh, ladies.

[Danny Carvey]

And so I go in the daytime

[David Spade]

and I was in the pool and I was barefoot, and I go in the grass and I go, hey, let me practice one before tonight because we have to do. At the end of this thing, oh, we're doing sketches and stuff. So I do it and he flips me around. I go, what happened? He goes, you weren't going to make it. I go, no, no, no, I. I can do these. I got to do it tonight. So that night I went in and I was backstage and the crowd is coming in, and I go to the other guy. It's pitch black back there. I go, hey, on that black hardwood. I go, hey, flip me around. I go, I'm gonna do backflip. And he flips me around and then I go, okay, don't spot me on this one. And he goes, okay. And I went. And I came out short and missed my feet and land on my face and I balanced off my head and I go. And he goes, are you right? And I go, not at all. And I walked away. And this tooth was loose and it was pouring blood and my nose was Pouring blood. And I had black paint on my teeth in the stage. So I got backstage and they called my mom out and a doctor from the back and. Is there a doctor in the house? For real? Wow. And he goes, he goes.

[Danny Carvey]

He's a little rattled.

[David Spade]

I mean, by the way, this is.

[Danny Carvey]

I had a.

[David Spade]

Can you. I didn't know who anyone was for an hour.

[Danny Carvey]

I use this to illustrate it. Like you're. You go.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Danny Carvey]

You go up. Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

Okay, let me see.

[Danny Carvey]

I mean, standing there, like you're supposed

[David Spade]

to go up and land like that.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah. Full rotation and land short.

[David Spade]

You go, wham.

[Danny Carvey]

But wouldn't you be on your back?

[David Spade]

No, you're coming on your feet.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, okay. These things show up. Yeah.

[David Spade]

And so I just basically to back dive and all the weight went on my face.

[Danny Carvey]

Okay, here's your face. All right, buddy. And then.

[David Spade]

Hey, buddy.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah. Didn't go far enough.

[David Spade]

Like, I put my feet out, but

[Danny Carvey]

the feet need to go all the way around like that.

[David Spade]

It is hard.

[Danny Carvey]

And you went. I know. You went, hey, buddy. I got this bad. I could this, up that. And bam. You didn't rotate in, so you didn't get enough lift.

[David Spade]

So it cracked. Yeah. And my jaw. And so.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, you could have been paralyzed.

[David Spade]

Yeah, because it was. You know, I see these fails on tv. It's like, haha, Another fail. They go. And I'm like, each one of those. I go, that guy's. For years. Because some of these. So anyway, I'm backstage, I don't know who anyone is for a full hour.

[Danny Carvey]

Right.

[David Spade]

They should have choppered me out. Everyone on one knee. But instead I'm just backstage staring. And then my mom's. I don't know who she is. Doctor's like, he's a little shook up. He's rattled. All these old.

[Danny Carvey]

It's like, oh, all those little things and a little banged up.

[David Spade]

And my. They go get. But we don't have insurance, you know, so get him to the hospital. And she's like, oh my God. Right away. And then my mom's like, davey, do you want to go to the hospital or Pizza Hut? So I stayed. I got my memory back about halfway through the show, went out, did a couple of my numbers. And then afterwards we went to the after part. I never got it looked at and it started to get worse. And then I got out of high school and got to. Started to do stand up. And then the stress combined with the never fixing it. The neck and jaw was just up. And to this day, that's why? It's still.

[Danny Carvey]

Did you ever get it, you know, MRI to see?

[David Spade]

I've had every.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, what happened? Are now kind of damaged.

[David Spade]

Everything's like smashed down and it's. The muscles are the most pain. So muscles are tough because any muscle relaxant knocks you out, you know, so.

[Danny Carvey]

Right.

[David Spade]

Obviously it's really the guys like just. You're so tough as man. It's like unreal.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, huh.

[David Spade]

Pizza was good.

[Danny Carvey]

How.

[David Spade]

And the floor was okay. I thought you'd ask about the floor. The floor was fine.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah, he had a neck thing.

[David Spade]

That was fun.

[Danny Carvey]

But what was Pizza Hut like?

[David Spade]

Pizza Hut. I think it was more Shakies, but they have a salad bar. That's why I like all these old trashy places. Like.

[Danny Carvey]

Closest I came to that was that. And I've told it before, but I was doing a flip on Saturday Night Live, snl, SNL on Friday, pre tape. I was playing Vice President Dan Quayle as if he was Dick Van Dyke in the old Dick Van Dyke Show. And in that thing for you boomers, he goes, and there's an ottoman and he does a flip over it.

[David Spade]

Fake trip.

[Danny Carvey]

It flips. Yeah. And it's hard to.

[David Spade]

It's hard to do it. Right. Right.

[Danny Carvey]

And I don't think there was no stunt coordinator there. There was just the ottoman and it might have been teeny carpet or something like that there. It wasn't like a soft landing kind of thing.

[David Spade]

Oh yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

So the first time I did it like, oh, I didn't fully rotate and I landed here. There's a bump here. And then I was just stupid. I kept doing it, of course. So then it's completely separated. Grade 3. I found out later. I'm walking around 8h like this and Mary Tyler Moore's husband is there who's a doctor. He goes, hey, come here, I think you got something.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh.

[Danny Carvey]

He says. And yeah. Yeah. The husband said, well, oh, I'm going to have to call the doctor. So I said, all right. So they checked me out and they said it's probably non surgical. So the next night I had to do the show with all the quick changes. Anyway, that's my story.

[David Spade]

No, I'm not even joking.

[Danny Carvey]

That still hurts.

[David Spade]

After that on Schiller Vision, my neck was already fucked at SNL and. And I'm so thirsty to be in

[Danny Carvey]

the show short film.

[David Spade]

Tom Schiller says, you want to be in this short film that no one will see or care about. I go, yep. So I go to the park by the water over there on The West End with Victoria. We're playing old people, and we live our whole life. And then a bomb drops on us. So they're on a ladder about 10ft above me and keep dropping this bomb. It hits me in the head and I fall down and it jams my neck so bad. I go, oh, it kind of hurt. He goes, okay, let's get it again. I probably did it seven times, and it jammed my spine every time. It should have been illegal. We need at least an intimacy coordinator on there. Because I was getting on the deal.

[Danny Carvey]

Why after. Okay, you do it three times and I can't. When did you think to say, I'm not gonna do it? Because he would say, you'd have to do it. And then you would say, what are

[Heather Santoro]

you gonna do about it? Yeah, I'm not gonna do anymore.

[David Spade]

Because I don't want the word. Get back to Lauren that I didn't.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, okay, Gotcha.

[David Spade]

And I didn't want to be in this dog three minute. Yeah, that was played at five to one. So I remember going. And I was trying to think of who I could go to. I was going to acupuncture. And we have no time. Listen. So there's no time except a Sunday to go to any doctor. And I have my scrape pennies I make on the show. Other than that. All right, let's go to another video. This has been sad.

[Danny Carvey]

Feel good. Story of the year.

[David Spade]

We're looking. Ding.

[Danny Carvey]

Can we edit that and bring it on the top of the show?

[David Spade]

When I go like this, I go. He goes, do. I go? I don't want to do it again. What are you gonna do about it? He goes, beat the out of you. And I go on that backfire.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah, you gotta be menacing with that. So they.

[David Spade]

Oh, this is interesting, Danny, you might think this is interesting.

[Danny Carvey]

Maybe.

[David Spade]

Can I read this? This is the big part. In 1965, archeologist in Peru unearthed ceramic jaguar vessel. When they poured water into it, it roared. Two thousand years ago, Incas did something modern engineers can't precisely reproduce that. I love old things that you go, are there aliens? Where do these come from? What's going. So they make these so precise that when they pour them, they whistle a different whistle. Let's see it. Isn't that cool?

[Danny Carvey]

So how old was it? When recreate. When did they make those?

[David Spade]

Dude, 2000 years ago. When you're.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, I think it's clever. But imagine how much free time they had. I mean. I mean, it's like there was no distraction.

[David Spade]

Oh, they had Dead lots of time.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, what happened was in. In very olden times, humans would eat snails and snakes and anything they could. And we were incredibly healthy then. Then we. The agricultural revolution came in wheat. So we're just eating wheat. But it was enough to. We could put it in a silo and then feed guys to think of how to make weapons because everyone's hunting and gathering. They had no time to make a weapon. Finding that guy's eating tons of wheat. Yeah. And they're going, hey, what about this? And then the whistle workers were right next to him.

[David Spade]

Haggled.

[Danny Carvey]

I make a bird whistle high make a turtle.

[David Spade]

That's a good vocation back then.

[Danny Carvey]

This is a Mayan accent from 12:18

[David Spade]

from Emperor's New Groove.

[Danny Carvey]

I can't believe I nailed it. I don't know, you know that.

[David Spade]

You know, I heard during like the Civil War and those old wars, all they had was Luna Bars to eat. They just had protein bars, no real food around.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, In World War II they call it hardtack, I think.

[David Spade]

Yeah. In World War II then they had like those nutrigrain ones.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah. And the straighter Hormuze on the ships they have Suzy cues.

[David Spade]

Those little straight or moose.

[Danny Carvey]

What is it with Trump or Biden?

[David Spade]

No, it's the old actor.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, Kirk Douglas up on in. In the movie.

[David Spade]

Why is this funny?

[Danny Carvey]

He's like I'm going to call it the straight of Huze me. I told you. I don't want to tell you again. From now on, this body of water it's going to be called. Wait for it, the straight. What do you think, Bert? I think it's a fine day.

[David Spade]

Hit a whole new we've gone this long.

[Danny Carvey]

Try to hall moves.

[David Spade]

All right, let's do another story.

[Danny Carvey]

This is for the 90 year old's wife.

[David Spade]

I know we. We've been fucking yapping, dude. Okay.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, this is second. Oh, Heather.

[David Spade]

This one I said is like you when you get news. So he's giving his fiance. Come over here and look here. Pause it for a second.

[Danny Carvey]

Surprising my fiance with a puppy after two years of begging.

[David Spade]

She does a classic head of things.

[Maury Povich]

Just open the gift.

[David Spade]

Is it a joke? I'm scared.

[Heather Santoro]

Just open.

[Danny Carvey]

She freaks out. Look at this. Could it be a snake or something?

[David Spade]

No, it's a little puppy. It's cute. Oh, she's overwhelmed with joy.

[Danny Carvey]

She's so excited. A sweet.

[David Spade]

It's too much. Isn't it cute? Look at the puppy. So cute too. Hey mom. She can't even deal with it.

[Danny Carvey]

Jeez. I'm so glad she got a puppy.

[David Spade]

I know. Me too.

[Danny Carvey]

I wish I. I get a puppy for everyone here.

[David Spade]

Up there, that was life. Like, everything's straightened out. I need something cold. You can't breathe, you gotta do it. Look at that little puppy.

[Danny Carvey]

Hey.

[David Spade]

See, that's the feel good one. All right, that's enough.

[Danny Carvey]

Did you see the sequel? There's one, like, goes two weeks later and there's. She died all over the rug. And she goes, you clean it up.

[David Spade]

The puppy's like, oh, mama, I've been

[Danny Carvey]

holding that one in.

[David Spade]

In the box. Okay.

[Danny Carvey]

How many different raspberries do you have?

[David Spade]

Okay, what's this? Let's see. This is.

[Danny Carvey]

That's us from last night's show.

[David Spade]

Oh, he's skateboarding king to Botswana.

[Danny Carvey]

You know, what a good crowd,

[David Spade]

dude. Let's bring that crowd on the road with us.

[Danny Carvey]

Wow.

[David Spade]

That was us last night with Chris Rock. Look at how great they are. They're so excited to do one skateboard trick. They think it's magic.

[Danny Carvey]

I love it. How did. When is the age where you kind of lose that kind of unbridled joy over time?

[David Spade]

Excited with ice cream.

[Danny Carvey]

I can't believe it.

[David Spade]

Dude. I saw a guy doing. He's like a magician. He had, like, a puppet, and every time you turn around, he's got like a bunch of, like, you know, six year olds. And he goes, I can't feed the puppy yet. Let me see what else I have. And the puppy bites and they'll go. Because they can't believe the puppy ate, you know, the fake. They scream and laugh so hard. And he goes, whoa, what happened? And they're like, the doggy ate it. It's so funny.

[Danny Carvey]

I know.

[David Spade]

Yeah, that's the best time. And then everyone, you know, who needs

[Danny Carvey]

them, I'd say, you know, 20 to 25 before life gets you by the scruff of the neck a lot.

[David Spade]

By the shortened curlies.

[Danny Carvey]

I don't know. What are you talking about?

[David Spade]

They used to say that when people had short curlies. Now they don't mean. Okay, let me just take a sip.

[Danny Carvey]

Hey, man. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. These are, winners find a way to win. Losers find a way to lose. These are high school cross country posters. And which one would you have been going gets tough. The tough get going. Winners find a way to win. Losers find a way to lose.

[David Spade]

I had asked gas or grass, Nobody rides for free.

[Danny Carvey]

Was that. Was that.

[David Spade]

That's the one. You're trying to give a girl a ride?

[Danny Carvey]

Phoenix Junior high.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I. No. At Mojave elementary, masked mannequin scares car burglars, which. Oh. Leads to a shooting. This might not be as fun as the other.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, I love these. It's perfect. Right after the puppy. Wow.

[David Spade]

What's going on? He gets broken into constantly.

[Danny Carvey]

Like, all the time.

[David Spade]

So I was just kind of getting tired of it, but it backfired, obviously. Oh, he put a fake.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, he put a fake mannequin in

[David Spade]

his car to deter people.

[Danny Carvey]

And then they got scarecrow for thieves just walking away.

[David Spade]

Oh, that's what happens. What if he was just sitting in there, the back of the seat? They thought. He goes, I'll just put a mannequin. I'm getting robbed too much. They'll think someone's home. And then they just gun down the

[Danny Carvey]

mannequin, and then they just kill the mannequin.

[David Spade]

And he's like, there goes. That supposed to deter them? It kind of backfired.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah. It didn't. It seemed to increase the amount of car violence. They unloaded.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Because the mannequin goes, what are you going to do about it? And they shot him. Gray six.

[Danny Carvey]

What are you going to do about it? Okay, let him. The plastic man. As long as the earth.

[David Spade]

We've been for so long. Almost an hour. Is that true? This podcast is so good. People were listening, going, you could have lopped off 20 minutes and we wouldn't even notice. I was not funny at the beginning. I'm getting there.

[Danny Carvey]

These are at the comments or for this episode.

[David Spade]

Yeah, this is my comment.

[Danny Carvey]

Shut up, Danny. They're in person now. They're in the same room. No, they're not. They always do it over zoom. Shut up, Danny. They're in.

[David Spade]

Everyone's gonna be like, run in here. Look at YouTube. They're in the same room. Run in here.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Danny Carvey]

But they can't look at each other. They're kind of tilted. Their necks are a little stiff. You watch the show too much, Danny.

[David Spade]

So lately I've been trying to be more intentional with my wardrobe, if you know what that means.

[Danny Carvey]

I like that. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Choosing pieces that are comfortable enough for everyday life but still feel put together with not a lot of effort. You know, it's made getting dressed way easier, especially in the mornings when I don't want to think. Quince has been really my go to for that balance. Their spring staples are exactly what I've been reaching for, like, 100% European linen shorts, very light, and shirts starting around 34 bucks. That's not a lot. They're lightweight, breathable, still a clean and elevated they're 100% Pima cotton tees are unbelievably soft, the kind you immediately notice the first time you wear them. And the pants that have that same easy feel but you still look polished enough to do pretty much anything, right?

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah, you know what stands out to me the most is the value. Everything is typically 50 to 80% less than similar brands because they cut out middlemen and work directly with ethical factories. You know, I recently wore one of their linen shirts on a weekend outing. Look pretty good and I kept thinking about how it looks way more expensive than it is. Yeah, Refresh your every day with luxury you'll actually use. Head to Quince.comFly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N C E.comFly for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Quince.comFly

[Alltrails Announcer]

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[DSW Announcer]

You know that thing where you get an amazing pair of shoes at a really great price and want to tell everyone about it?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[DSW Announcer]

So do we. Here at Designer Shoe Warehouse. We'll give you something to brag about, like the latest styles from from brands you love or the trends everyone's obsessing over, or shoes that make you feel like, well, you. So go ahead, show off a little buying shoes that get you and prices

[David Spade]

that get your budget.

[DSW Announcer]

Head to your DSW store or dsw.com today. DSW. Let us surprise you.

[David Spade]

The Hantavirus

[Danny Carvey]

Saliva or gun?

[David Spade]

No, I'm scared of the haunted virus. Hantavirus the rat virus, the rat one that they said today is taking over and the new corona and I'm scared to death I won't be able to go To Milan.

[Danny Carvey]

So what does that say? The people who got it, what did they do? They went no, but they're saying they're

[David Spade]

going to maybe stop people from traveling. This is the beginning. This is the beginning.

[Danny Carvey]

Mean a lockdown on cruise ships.

[David Spade]

Yep. You heard it here? I heard on three different newses this morning. I go shut the F up. You cannot.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, this will be all the patrol cars, the government officials and the Apache helicopters. We are occurring the Princess USS Princess is officially quarantined. Please leave the boat. No, there's one man right at the gangplank. Sir, sir, please get out of the way so we can board this boat. We are taking control of it.

[David Spade]

No, they're off.

[Heather Santoro]

What are you gonna do about it?

[David Spade]

Oh, all that.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh yeah. Because I wanted it to be a surprise.

[David Spade]

It was. That's not go. I interrupted.

[Heather Santoro]

What are you gonna do about it?

[David Spade]

Is that. Is that the hantavirus talking or is that the person here's a hantavirus. When the vaccine comes up because I'm here to kill you goes what are you gonna do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah. The haunter virus learned to do an impression of. Of Tyson. It scares everyone. It scares a vaccine. I don't want to. I don't want you inside my body. Haunt the virus.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. What are you gon. Something's getting in there. What are you going to do exactly? You going to get a fever? You know.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, I don't want that I get away.

[Heather Santoro]

What are you going to do about it though?

[David Spade]

See, this is the theme.

[Danny Carvey]

This is the theme of the show. Be on the YouTube. What are you going to do about. Do it. If I get a hold of a rhythm, it's like a song in my head and I can't stop. And I'm sorry. Next week I'll have something else. But to this is the.

[Heather Santoro]

What are you going to do about a week?

[David Spade]

Because I just love that I wonder if by Monday when this is on everyone will be talking about the haunt Haunted virus or whatever it's called. Haunted virus. And they said they're tracing people's because they got off the boat. Now where did they go? Where do they come from? Now they're starting to do that again. The beginnings of like we got to find out where people were, stop them from going somewhere else. Maybe slow down on travel. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.

[Danny Carvey]

Let me please help me understand. Like who wants to go on a large giant sweaty with all these people? The toilets don't really work. Everyone's drunk. People are Falling over. And then there's tidal waves.

[David Spade]

Someone always dies. Every story.

[Danny Carvey]

Daily Mail.

[David Spade]

Once a week, someone. What about this good news I saw this morning? Moderna already is working the haunted virus vaccine.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, boy.

[David Spade]

Do not. Yes. To the rescue.

[Danny Carvey]

Going to make a little stalk by.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

M O D E R N A. Okay, good.

[David Spade]

That's what I. I'm just telling you what I heard.

[Danny Carvey]

Undisclosed amount.

[David Spade]

And we. I guess we should wrap up.

[Danny Carvey]

We have.

[David Spade]

Let's do another. Let's do one more.

[Danny Carvey]

Thanks for. Oh, okay.

[David Spade]

Why not? Oh, this kid. I like this because this kid can recreate a logo with a cr. With a ch. About. Kleenex was good, right? Clorox.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, so he's memorized the. The font and everything, right?

[David Spade]

That looks good. You can't see it. Heather, can you do that?

[Danny Carvey]

Looks just like it.

[Heather Santoro]

What about fabric?

[David Spade]

A breeze. Why did you sound like you're mad? I'm not for Breeze Campbell's. I mean, this kid's pretty gifted. If he can recreate. This is cool.

[Danny Carvey]

I like this.

[David Spade]

I can't think of any Walt Disney. Big.

[Danny Carvey]

Big.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

There you go.

[David Spade]

Oh, the circle. Oh, the S too. Good job, kid. And he's also working in this.

[Danny Carvey]

And he's in a tight. In a limited space. Yeah.

[David Spade]

What about one more Cadbury cat?

[Danny Carvey]

He never stops.

[David Spade]

He really gives it a gripper. Got some Crocs on. He's chilling. He's uncomfortable. That was pretty good, though. That was cute. Yeah, we've had some cuties today.

[Danny Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Except the Haunted virus. Wait, what was the next one? That sounded rough finish.

[Danny Carvey]

I don't even know what that one is. Dance to fake asylum seekers. Not to abuse European women. It seems like a joke, but it's not.

[David Spade]

Wait, let's see it now. It's too late. Stop.

[Danny Carvey]

Don't touch me there.

[David Spade]

This is my.

[Danny Carvey]

No, no. Square.

[David Spade]

It's my. No, no place. Heather. Oh, that's right. Can you see him dancing? It's hysterical. Circle.

[Danny Carvey]

Now, is that.

[Heather Santoro]

Not.

[Danny Carvey]

One more time for Heather or is that real?

[David Spade]

This is real. Is it squared on there? I never look. And the lights are off.

[Danny Carvey]

Well, I'm.

[David Spade]

She goes square. And I'm like, are they.

[Danny Carvey]

They're singing this to this guy and the guy goes, you know, what are

[Heather Santoro]

you gonna do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

I'm sorry. You set me up, right?

[David Spade]

That's a good wrap up.

[Danny Carvey]

That was intentional, right? They had to be, because that was the ultimate. That was a good round.

[Heather Santoro]

What are you going to do about it?

[Danny Carvey]

It's.

[David Spade]

This has been sort of the show and we did a pretty good job. It had some dead spots on my end. Dana's always bringing it, but I. I don't.

[Danny Carvey]

I just felt silly. I felt a little. We're summarizing spacey from the whole whoopty do yesterday. Two hour drive to the gig downtown.

[David Spade]

I'm going to this Netflix brunch.

[Danny Carvey]

Yes.

[David Spade]

I'm gonna go with Nikki. And daytime parties are a little odd for me because I'm a little bit of a recluse. And so I'm a little bit. A little bit of a prude. I'm a little shy in crowds, so. But once I see that buffet.

[Danny Carvey]

Oh, you're a wallflower.

[David Spade]

Yeah. So I'm gonna do that. And then you're gonna drive back after you go.

[Danny Carvey]

I'm gonna go get a little adjustment. I will be sitting different probably in 10 days. I will get sort of a haircut. Just, I want people. I don't know if you have your calendars out or if you.

[David Spade]

ICAL alert. Got it.

[Danny Carvey]

And other than that, I'm gonna go to New York, and then I'm gonna go to Miami.

[David Spade]

Then you're coming back here because we're doing one in person.

[Danny Carvey]

And then. Yeah. And then coming back here, our friend Brendan Frazier.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

Ladies and gentlemen. And you will be going to brunches and parties.

[David Spade]

Clicking my heels around here.

[Danny Carvey]

Going to the Grove, Doing laps around

[David Spade]

your house, worrying about the hantavirus Haunta who virus.

[Danny Carvey]

What?

[David Spade]

Punching rats in the stomach. Is it from rats?

[Danny Carvey]

We had a rat investigation at our house once.

[David Spade]

Is it from your farm?

[Danny Carvey]

No, no, it was another house.

[David Spade]

David, what if they trace it back to your farm?

[Danny Carvey]

But here's the thing. They go, oh, don't be afraid. And they all show up in hazmat suits. They're all just, like, down. We're coming up, you know, and then we catch rats. They're like a foot long. You're like, you have to go down. They've been smashed by the trap, and you got to handle them tight.

[David Spade]

This is allergic to the story.

[Danny Carvey]

That's all. That's all my rat story. I don't really. I, like. I'm not a rat guy. I mean, I knew a guy, had a pet rat and loved his pet rat.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Danny Carvey]

I just don't. I don't get it. Did you notice that my leg is showing more as the episode?

[David Spade]

Yeah, people are already lighting up the comments.

[Danny Carvey]

I gotta get a 32 insane or something to cover up because.

[David Spade]

Are you growing out of your pants?

[Danny Carvey]

Well, my legs have gotten a little longer recently. I don't know what it is. It's some kind of hantavirus side effect.

[David Spade]

Make a stop.

[Danny Carvey]

TJ Reading anything?

[David Spade]

Inhalation of virus particles from infected rodents, urine droppings or saliva is how it spreads. I'm not eating any more rat poop.

[Heather Santoro]

You know what?

[David Spade]

At least for a while.

[Danny Carvey]

That's anti. That's anti road man. I'm not comfortable with that kind of thinking. That's real talk guy.

[David Spade]

Yeah. They're not the bad guy.

[Danny Carvey]

I think that's prejudicial in a sense. I'm with blame it on the rat.

[David Spade]

That's an easy one to blame it on. Yeah, everyone hates rats. All right, thanks for coming, guys.

[Danny Carvey]

Thanks for being here. Next, we'll see you again on another edition of Boop Boop.

[David Spade]

Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, Give us review 5 star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[Danny Carvey]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[David Spade]

Fly on the Wall is presented by by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese, Dennis of Odyssey.

[Danny Carvey]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by

[David Spade]

Phil Sweet, tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[Danny Carvey]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Sherlock, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney and Lauren Vieira.

[David Spade]

Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email [e-mail] that's a U-A C-Y dot com.