Pete Holmes

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade Featuring Pete Holmes

Episode Release Date: June 18, 2025
Guest: Pete Holmes
Presented by: Audacy

---

1. Introduction and Guest Background

The episode opens with hosts Dana Carvey and David Spade warmly welcoming comedian Pete Holmes to the show. They reminisce about their longstanding friendship and mutual connections within the comedy world, particularly highlighting Pete's collaborations and appearances.

Notable Quote:

David Spade [03:17]: "We're supposed to be average. I'm not including you in this because you're tall. You could look."

---

2. Shared History and Collaborations

Dana recounts how he first met Pete when he relocated back to Los Angeles, leading to collaborations such as Pete's podcast appearances and his stint on "LARGO with Dana Carvey." They discuss their mutual respect and Pete's generous nature.

Notable Quote:

Dana Carvey [02:21]: "I ran into Pete when I was first moved back down to LA. Remember I used to start going out to dinner with you all the time during that."

---

3. Discussing "Crashing" and Judd Apatow

The conversation shifts to Pete's involvement in HBO's series "Crashing," produced by Judd Apatow. Pete shares insights into his creative process and the development of the show, emphasizing the collaborative environment and his close-knit relationships with fellow comedians like Mike Birbiglia and Andrew Santino.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes [20:21]: "One of the greatest things about laughing and laughing together... that's what makes our phone so in a way awful, is that you're."

---

4. Pitching a Comedy Show: A Personal Journey

Pete narrates his journey of pitching a sketch show idea to Judd Apatow. He humorously describes the challenges and the serendipitous moments that led to the creation of "Crashing." Dana and David provide anecdotes about the pitching process, highlighting Pete's determination and creative vision.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes [24:14]: "It was a classic Hollywood cliché... I just wrote the script in two days and sent it to him, and we were off."

---

5. Exploring Spirituality and Atheism

A significant portion of the episode delves into Pete's personal spiritual journey. He discusses his brief period of atheism, the reasons behind his shift, and how his friendships with atheist comedians influenced his beliefs. The trio engages in a deep conversation about the nature of consciousness, the hard problem of consciousness, and the essence of being.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes [40:01]: "I've noticed a lot of very wealthy people start getting really anxious about recycling... it's for them."

---

6. Consciousness, Awareness, and the Human Experience

Pete and the hosts explore the enigmatic nature of consciousness. Pete articulates his fascination with the "hard question of consciousness," emphasizing that while science can explain much about the world, the subjective experience of awareness remains a profound mystery.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes [42:13]: "Every person listening, you, me, David, Dana, we're all having the experience of being aware, and that's the mystery."

---

7. Empathy, Presence, and Daily Life Reflections

The discussion transitions to the importance of empathy and being present in everyday interactions. They compare human consciousness to that of dogs, highlighting the latter's ability to remain fully in the moment without the complexities of overthinking.

Notable Quote:

Dana Carvey [43:10]: "I was around a really sweet dog this past weekend... it was kind of nice."

---

8. Philosophy of Comedy: Clean vs. Dirty

Pete shares his views on comedy, advocating for authenticity over adhering strictly to clean or dirty labels. He emphasizes that the intent behind jokes matters more than the content's perceived cleanliness, arguing that comedy should uplift and connect people rather than degrade or insult.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes [63:21]: "It was just fun. And forgetting those five problems... we know that even those flare up and then go away."

---

9. Personal Anecdotes and Standup Stories

Throughout the episode, Pete recounts personal experiences from his early standup days, including his first show and the supportive reactions from friends and family. These stories illustrate the growth and evolution of his comedic style and philosophy.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes [53:07]: "The first time I did stand up... my parents were there, we were filming it, so I could give it to clubs."

---

10. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts and Pete reflect on the importance of laughter, human connections, and the therapeutic nature of comedy. They acknowledge the unpredictable elements of live performances and the joy found in shared humor.

Notable Quote:

Pete Holmes [65:20]: "I just want comedians to be who they are. That's really all it is."

---

Executive Producers: Dana Carvey, David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro.
Lead Producer: Greg Holtzman.

---

This episode of "Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade" offers an in-depth look into Pete Holmes' comedic journey, personal beliefs, and the intricate balance between humor and human experience. Through engaging storytelling and philosophical musings, the trio provides listeners with both laughter and meaningful insights.

Transcript

[Dana Carvey]

We are supported by Ring. With Ring, you can be there from anywhere with doorbells and cameras that help you see more to exciting features that help you know more to the app that lets you connect more. See more at the front door, up high and down low with battery doorbells head to toe video capture it all all day and all night with 24. 7 recording and get smarter alerts that know the difference between a person and a package. We're right in the Ring app.

[David Spade]

I've often been mistaken for a small package and I've also been called a snack. But Ring knows the difference. With Ring, you can check in and be there from anywhere. Some features require a subscription and are available only on select Ring devices. Exclusions apply. Learn [e-mail] okay, confession time. I never thought I'd be that person, but here I am raving about an energy shot. But listen, this isn't just any shot. It's five Hour Energy's new Glow Motion flavor. It's basically a tiny rave in a bottle. Like it literally glows under UV light, you, a dance floor and a glowing energy shot. Huh? The vibes are immaculate. Glow Motion is a fruity burst of flavor that hits harder than a 3am you up text from your ex, but way less emotionally damaging.

[Dana Carvey]

It's got the same caffeine as a premium cup of coffee, zero sugar, and none of the regret. And it's only 2 ounces, which means it won't weigh you down when you're running marathons, dancing till sunrise, or just chasing your dog who suddenly decided to be an Olympic sprinter. So, David, stock up, grab one for your squad, and let's glow five hour energy. Glow motion is available online. Head to www.5hhourenergy.com to order yours today.

[David Spade]

Okay, Dana, this this show we've got Pete Holmes, who's a buddy of mine that I see at Largo, mostly a very funny comedian, a funny, funny man, very tall guy with good hair, which obviously infuriates me.

[Dana Carvey]

And incredible hair.

[David Spade]

Incredible hair for about 30 minutes. And I I think you've worked with Pete also.

[Dana Carvey]

I ran into Pete when I was first moved back down to la. Remember I used to start going to out to dinner with you all the time during that. During that period of time, I ran into him at Conan's and you seem really affable. He is a really large person, but doesn't. But he's a gentle person, so he doesn't, you know. But anyway, so I went on his podcast and we talk about that and I did LARGO with him and we did improv and stuff, but I hadn't seen him in a long time. He. Nice, generous person. Yes, go ahead.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I'm sorry. We get into Judd. He's tight with Judd. He did a show called Crashing on hbo. The story that he. To get to that was very, very interesting to me. And working with different people and doing different shows. And he has a podcast and he's just got a lot of. He also is a bit religious. And we got into a slightly deep conversation, all of us, which, you know, we can use now and then on this show.

[Dana Carvey]

We got a little philosophical about the universe, so forth and so on, but someone who's really raised in a fundamentalist Christian environment and then goes out into the crazy world of stand up comedy and. And it's potentially polluted by minds like David Spade.

[David Spade]

I'm just pollution. That's all I am is brain pollution, noise pollution, everything. I talk too much. So we'll give it to you right now. Here is Pete. You don't need to know anything else. Here he is. Are you on the road?

[Pete Holmes]

I am on the road.

[David Spade]

I can tell. I look at that hotel.

[Pete Holmes]

I am certain of this more than I'm certain of anything. I said, it's not great because I'm on the road. And they said it's the only date they had. And I know saying that to both of you, you're going to both be like, we could have done it another time. I know it.

[David Spade]

No, I just said, make it as difficult for Pete as possible.

[Dana Carvey]

I just sent a memo eight months ago, said Holmes in June. I looked at it today. Homes in June. So here we are. It's all set. Yeah, I wanted. Because summer's starting. We wanted a happy guest. But you look fine.

[David Spade]

I mean, yeah, he looks good. He looks good.

[Dana Carvey]

You actually look good for a hotel room.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I did. I got the makeup mirror here.

[David Spade]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

I tilted a lamp and I paid for the premium. Internet boys.

[David Spade]

Oh, you know what? I've done that. I don't like it, but I've done it.

[Pete Holmes]

I paid. I was like, wait, I got fly. I'm very excited to be on the show and to see both of you. And I paid for that premium. That's how you know I'm not just saying it.

[David Spade]

No, I'll venmo you.

[Dana Carvey]

You're sincere.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it might be time to become a Hilton Honors member and just get.

[David Spade]

Get it where you get the immediate.

[Pete Holmes]

I think I might splurge. Yeah. And go full Hilton Honors.

[David Spade]

Look at this hair. Pete has hair and he's hiding in a hat. He doesn't. He doesn't even know what he has. God damn. You can't make it look thin. Looks like Roger Rabbit.

[Dana Carvey]

Can't.

[Pete Holmes]

You guys both have fabulous hair. I just don't want to.

[David Spade]

My hair is. That's what we were getting at. Thank you.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, just in a forward angle like this. It's. Look at that hair.

[David Spade]

It fucking makes me mad every time I talk to him. He's 7ft tall, which I hate. Then he's got cool hair. He's six.

[Dana Carvey]

He's six. Six. Don't make him into it.

[David Spade]

Are you really six? Six?

[Pete Holmes]

I am six foot five and a half, but that's not funny.

[David Spade]

Over six to my friendship goes down about 40% because I don't want to be around.

[Dana Carvey]

Line them up for me. Okay. Kevin Nealon. Conan o' Brien. Pete Holmes.

[David Spade]

Kirk Fox is tall.

[Dana Carvey]

The magician. Pen. Pen.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm as tall as Conan's hair. Like Conan's pompadour.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. What a cheater.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're. Yeah, we're lined up. But I'm lined up to his hair, so he's probably like six. Three, I guess. And three inches of orange.

[David Spade]

Of orange. Just fuzz. When I go on dates, I say wear ballet shoes. That's a prerequisite for girls. And then I say flatten your hair with oiled. As flat as it goes. You don't get one quarter inch higher like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Very, very much.

[David Spade]

Yeah, they get that ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

Were you. I. I told you, Spade, that I really liked the movie the wrong Misty. I think Lauren Lapkis is amazing, and I really thought that movie was a lot of fun. And then that line, she accuses you of wearing a wig in the movie.

[David Spade]

Oh, she does.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my goodness. Yeah. There's a moment where she's clearly improvising and everyone laughs. It's like a blooper in the movie.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Because I do.

[Pete Holmes]

At least I'm not wearing a wig. And I'm like, wait, I'm sorry. This character is wearing a wig.

[David Spade]

No, I'm not, Pete. This is where it is. I'm kind of. Everyone thinks I'm wearing a wig full time and I wouldn't make it this fucking ratty. Is it because of Tommy Boy, you think?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, because of the fan and Tommy Boy.

[David Spade]

Maybe that's like a spade.

[Pete Holmes]

It's Ted Danson two fake piece in Cheers. So I think people think Ted Danson is bald.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. You know, Tommy Boy. We had to. Dana will Love this lore. We did it. And I said, I think it's funny. Which I was wrong. I said, we walk by a big fan, it blows my hair back and I'm bald. I go, I think it should be less goofy. Like, it should just be a piece of. It is bald. Like a little bit in the back.

[Pete Holmes]

Not the.

[David Spade]

Whatever we did, we did it. Not 1,000%. And then we flew back to LA or wherever, New York to do the show and they looked at it and they go, you can see from this clip. And I go, it's not that funny. They go, do you want to come back to a full bald cap and do it again? I go, yes, I don't want to. But of course, as you, the three of us know, if it's something funny, it's a. It's a bigger. It's bigger than you. You have to do it. So y. Bald cap.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know that was a reshoot. There's your clip. We're four minutes in. You got your clip.

[David Spade]

You know about clips. I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you got to clip it. Clip the secret behind David Spade's hairpiece. Huge.

[David Spade]

That's huge.

[Pete Holmes]

Honored to be involved.

[David Spade]

I gotta put my hat on now.

[Dana Carvey]

Tommy boy is a trender, man. Tommy boy always gets out there. What trends on. Yeah, it got weird. What we. You made it weird. What is it?

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird. You know what I've noticed is we. We had. Whenever we have a beautiful woman on, I've noticed that as much as things change, you kind of can't compete with a beautiful guest. Like, I've noticed that, like, deeply handsome people and deeply beautiful people tend to.

[David Spade]

They win across somehow in a video medium. They're coming out ahead again. Jesus.

[Pete Holmes]

They're coming out ahead again. Again. But I'm always surprised there'll be something that I'm like, this is profound. This is life changing. This is huge. And then that does fine. And then somebody beautiful being witty and charming is like, we can't not look at that. We have to see it.

[David Spade]

Yeah, we know some beautiful people out.

[Pete Holmes]

There, but we don't do the. Like. I should have learned that. You know what I mean? Like, whoops. The biggest mistake in showbiz. And then that kind of clickbaity thing.

[David Spade]

We're supposed to be average. I'm not including you in this because you're tall. You could look. And Dana's a good looking dude. I'm sick of being in the middle here and Malcolm in the middle. Middle over here.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Why would you like. You're in second grade. I mean, your frame is kind of like just.

[Pete Holmes]

You could adjust the frame.

[David Spade]

Okay. This is better.

[Pete Holmes]

They wanted me in Home Improvement.

[Dana Carvey]

I have a fake plant.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Dana's killing it.

[Dana Carvey]

They thought that this look would be better than what you have. So I did it. But anyway, you know, when I went on your podcast, this Will Trend, I hadn't really kind of been on a podcast and I didn't really know what they were or what they were about. And I met you a few times in the clubs and then you had said, you're just having a bad day. You're kind of depressed.

[Pete Holmes]

And when you did my podcast.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. You said you felt like at the dental office, you're wearing that thing. But it was very interesting. We. Yeah, and I. That was one of my first kind of regular podcasts.

[Pete Holmes]

That's funny. That's what you remember. What I remember was that you were such a big get. Slippery spade keeps ducking me. But we got Dana and I was really excited and I was kind of like, you know, our podcast is long. A typical episode is two episodes, two.

[Dana Carvey]

Hours in a very small room in those days, a very small, tight room with the button pusher person right there.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly right. We're in a different studio now. But I was like, Dana's probably not in a big time way, but like, just like, this is a guy, he's got a life, he's got a career, he's got less to prove. He's probably going to want to do an hour and get out of there. Not only did you do over two hours, you didn't want to leave. And I really respected it. Like a stand up on stage, you wanted to end on a really big laugh. And I was like, oh, my God, it's just how we are.

[David Spade]

Even if it takes another hour, 30.

[Pete Holmes]

He kept looking for that needle in the haystack. And you looked at me and you went, is that. Is that enough? Like you didn't know because he doesn't.

[David Spade]

Know how it works. Probably. He probably thought, I don't know what I'm doing here.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it might have been Tina Fey or was it Steve Martin that just said, like, going on talk shows, you. You have to always be great. You can't be mediocre even one second and you still have that mindset. It's kind of a lot of pressure. Like, okay, how will I be the greatest guest that Pete's ever had? You know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And it's, you know, I was touched.

[Pete Holmes]

That for all Your success, that you still had that mentality touch that it was generous to the audience. But also, it made me feel less alone because I will do a podcast. It's one of my favorite things to do, actually, is I'll do a smaller podcast, right? Like, I think it's kind of nice. It's low pressure. But when I go on, I'm trying to be a great guest. There's no, like, math, right? Like, this doesn't matter. You're like, this is all we're doing.

[David Spade]

Everything's an audition. Someone only heard Dana in their life on your podcast, and they're like, that's right. This is my decision on Dana Carvey, if he's funny or not. And that's the hard part. People go, oh, I thought, you know, if they're fans, they go, I know you all the way back to grown ups. And I'm like, grown ups? Nothing before that. They go, did you do anything before grown ups? I go, no, it doesn't matter, because all you have to do is get them once. Because I was thinking, people I like if they get me in a movie. You know what I mean? Well, every. Obviously, Chevy Chase had done some big ones, a bunch. But if you're just in an old movie and I like it, I'm in for life. I'm like, I like that person. I like that person.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We just. We were in the car. We're in Irvine. My family came with me, and my daughter was watching Hotel Transylvania 2. So I heard your voice this morning, Spade.

[David Spade]

That's a cute one for kids.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it's very cute, but it's also. I'm not just saying this. It's really funny.

[David Spade]

It is so fun.

[Pete Holmes]

You got a huge laugh from us. You're talking about your invisible girlfriend who's from Canada, and you do this. And we all know what it's like being in a I don't know if you did it ensemble. I'm guessing you didn't do it.

[David Spade]

No. On alone.

[Pete Holmes]

So you're alone. And you had to nail this line. Like, they're like, oh, this is your invisible girlfriend. Oh, right. Is she the one from Canada? And you say, like, quiet, guys, the wedding's about to start. You said it in a way that me, my wife, and my daughter, we all laughed. And I was like, that. I'm not just buttering your bread. I'm like, that really is special. And then Sandler, as the vampire in that movie is throwing the grown ups bones. It seems like every other line there's something that, that the grown ups get to laugh at. So yeah, we, we, we nudged her towards that movie. But you were in my car this morning.

[David Spade]

Thank you. And you're like, oh, I gotta do this thing today. I forgot. But Irvine Improv, Is that where you're at?

[Pete Holmes]

I am at the Irvine Improv.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it's. It's great. It's great.

[Pete Holmes]

It's super fun. And I confused it with the Brea Improv. I don't, I don't know if you've ever walked into a club and you're, you're walking through the kitchen, which always feels like real show business to me from the back. And I'm looking for the green room and I just couldn't, I couldn't find it.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I thought I was. I don't know, I just turned 46, I think. It's like an airlock opened and all of these papers just flew out. And I'm more confused than I've ever been. And then they were like, it's over here. And I went in the green room and I was like. Because I was imagining the wrong one. It was very disorienting to be like, yeah.

[David Spade]

And you're like, I don't even know where I am. You're like, oh, wait, that means the stage is behind me. Oh, wait, where am I? That's so weird. I've done that. It's so weird. I picture a green room and I go, wait, I've not been to this club before. I totally pictured I was just on the road. I'm on the road too. And that's probably why we do these now. Because I come back, I don't do them on the road. It's too hard because I have either a camera, I don't. I can't understand. Plug in a computer. So they go, we gotta.

[Pete Holmes]

You're not a Hill honors member. I'm not pay for the.

[David Spade]

I'm a red roof guy. I just did the gigs with Dana. Where. Well, I didn't tell Dana, but it was a small town, great theater where you see like eight people that day. And there's like a Hardee's and there's one Dairy Queen. You go, is there's no way anyone's coming to this show. I don't see one person. And then they filled it up and you go, oh, they, they show up. But my hotel had three strips of Kleenex for, for curtains. And there's like three feet in between each one. I'm like, these are my blackout curtains. From the website. And then the air conditioner on it is white where the vents are about 2 inches wide. They're like this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[David Spade]

You know, and you're all. And then. And then it goes off. Then it comes on again. You're like, oh, my God, it's like a tornado in here.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you know. You must know the life hack of the hangar, right? You know, the hangar life hack.

[David Spade]

Is that for curtains?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, for the curtains.

[David Spade]

No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Let me see if I have one. This is.

[Dana Carvey]

This is pretty interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Let me see.

[David Spade]

Okay. I've heard you take a chip clip from potatoes, potato chips, and squeeze them together. Dana.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I don't travel with a chip clip because I'm not, you know.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

So I'm not eating so many chips that I need to keep fresh on the road. Yeah. Heard Kreischer's act is the guy with the chip clip. And I love Bert. This is what you use. This is in the closet of every hotel as you're mentioning. The curtains will never close.

[Dana Carvey]

So you clip it.

[Pete Holmes]

Clip it together with this.

[David Spade]

Oh, you clip the hangers. You clip the curtains together.

[Pete Holmes]

You clip the curtains together with the hangers.

[David Spade]

Oh, you know, what if girls have a banana clip in their hair? Not my wife.

[Pete Holmes]

Not all of us are traveling with supermodels and bags of cool ranch that we need to keep fresh for several days.

[David Spade]

Listen, if you have a brick of gold, you can lean it against the curtain.

[Pete Holmes]

You can also block the light from the people by stacking bricks.

[David Spade]

You stack them. It's a hassle. You gotta take them all out of the suitcase.

[Pete Holmes]

But I like knowing where they are.

[Dana Carvey]

I like knowing where they are.

[Pete Holmes]

And I have the. The private jet pilot bring them in.

[David Spade]

He stacks them, he counts them, he moves them. I go, did anybody take one? They go, we've been up here, sir. Count them. Count them in front of me. And I'm like, they're like this again.

[Dana Carvey]

David, as a small business owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early.

[David Spade]

I do not.

[Dana Carvey]

Your business is on your mind 24 7. When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in. LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free, share it with your network, and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place.

[David Spade]

You know, I will give you an example. When I was hired, growing up, every job I had, I got fired from. And if they had LinkedIn, they probably would have gotten perfect, someone better, you know? But they get me, and I'm some scrub. But now it's more advanced, like someone Like Heather, who's very good at her job. You get someone like LinkedIn would get her and say, here's someone that really works hard and knows what they're doing. But a lot of times you don't get that.

[Dana Carvey]

No, it's just. It's the new way of doing this. LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights. Either post your job for free or pay to promote promoted jobs. Get three times more qualified applicants.

[David Spade]

At the end of the day, the most important thing to your small business is the quality of candidates. And with LinkedIn, you can feel confident you're getting the best. Based on some LinkedIn data, 72% of small businesses using LinkedIn say that LinkedIn helps them find high quality candidates.

[Dana Carvey]

You can let your network know you're hiring. You can even add a hashtag hiring frame to your profile Picture and get two times more qualified candidates. Find out why more than 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring today. Find your next great hire on LinkedIn.

[David Spade]

Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com candidates. That's LinkedIn.com candidates to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. No, I. I know that, Pete. I see it Pete at Largo a lot, and that's a fun place. That's an Apatow spot in my head. And you do a lot with Apatow from crashing on and.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[David Spade]

Tell us about crashing. How it got going.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I mean, that's a big deal. It was a big deal. I love telling that story. And I love Jed. I was gonna say.

[David Spade]

Yeah, say it again.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the strangest things to come from crashing is that, like, I would say Mike Birbiglia and Judd and Neil Brennan and Andrew Santino are the four people I talk to the most. And the fact that one of those. Oh, really is Judd Apatow still blows me away. Like, we call, we talk about feelings, what's going on in our lives. There's no show business. We're just friends. And I'm so honored to see the side of Judd that is just the new balance dad bod guy that's just kind of completely, you know, I mean, every once in a while, he'll mention having dinner with Paul McCartney or something, and you'll remember that he's Judd Apatow. But for the most part, he really is that dorky latchkey, raised by television kid.

[David Spade]

Loves it, loves showbiz.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Love show business, loves comedy tv yeah, Loves to laugh. And also, like, doesn't talk. Like, if you go like, oh, I saw the new season of. He's always like, I liked it.

[David Spade]

That's all right.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought it was pretty good. You know, Spade got a few laughs. It's one of your things.

[David Spade]

It's one of my things. You're trashing.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't like it. I didn't like it. I thought it was funny.

[David Spade]

There's room for that show.

[Pete Holmes]

What happened with crashing? And I love telling the story because it's like an exercise in gratitude. So I was doing the Pete Holmes show, which was a talk show that I did with Conan, which was also. That's a whole other story. And Judd did a sketch with us. Now that I know Judd, I'm like, judd gets pitched this sketch three times a month. It's like, I'll pitch you bad movies. That's like the first idea you have, but that's the kind of operation we were running. So we go in and I pitch him bad movies. And if you watch the sketch, it's on YouTube. I actually. He starts improvising, and then I start improvising back, obviously, and I pitch him crashing in that sketch as a joke, because he keeps going, what's your real idea? What's your real idea? What's your real idea? I'm like, I remember. I'm like, oh, it's a bear who's like the sidekick in a magic act, and he learns magic from watching the magicians, and he escapes. And it's called Bear Jason. That's like the joke pitching different animals learning magic from their captors. And then he goes. And he seemed dead serious, but the cameras are rolling. Goes, what? What's your real idea? What's your real idea? What would. What would you really want to do? And I go, well, I was raised religious. I married the first girl I ever dated, the first girl I ever slept with. We got married six years in, she had an affair. And I was sort of kicked into the deep end of stand up comedy. Like, I sort of doubled down on my life as a comedian while I was also trying to learn how to be a functional adult. Barry Judd Apatow. Right? Like, I'm going through my 20s and my 30s is basically the show. And he's like, in the sketch, he goes, that's too sad. That's. That's too sad.

[David Spade]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

He's joking, but he goes, that's too sad. Nobody likes. That's. That's. That's pathetic. I don't like it. I'm like, okay. So that's like six months later, the Pete Holmes show is canceled. And me and my producing partner, Oren Brimmer, we were like, you know, we're at our fighting weight. We were doing nine episodes of that show a week. We were just, like, tearing through jokes, jokes, jokes, sketch, sketch, sketch. We were, like, really strong. So we were like, let's go with this momentum. We know the show is canceled, but the show's gonna air because we had all these episodes backlogged for, like, two months beyond being canceled. So we know it's canceled, but the world doesn't know it's canceled. So we're like, while it's still airing, and we feel like we have some still lights.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We're gonna go out and we're gonna try and pitch a sketch show. Cause that was our favorite part of doing the Pete Home show. Or it was. One of our favorite parts was the sketches. So we go into Comedy Central, and we're like, we're gonna pitch them a sketch show. And in the, like. You know that courtesy 30 minutes before the meeting where you're, like, chatting. You know, you have a Fiji and you're talking Kent Alterman, who is the head of Comedy Central at the time.

[David Spade]

I like him.

[Pete Holmes]

He's wonderful. And we're friends. He says to me, well, one thing's for sure. We're not looking for another fucking sketch show. And everyone laughs, including us. We're like, imagine. But we were there to pitch a sketch show. So we scramble and we go, okay. We just lied. We said, oh, we were just here, you know, for a meeting, a general meeting. We don't have anything to pitch. And they're like, oh, that's a little.

[David Spade]

Weird, but, okay, 100% weird.

[Pete Holmes]

That's strange that you all took an hour out of our day to just say, what's up? I'm like, okay, we'll see you later. And I remember this very, very vividly. And as I get older and even more forgetful and more papers fly out of my airlock, as I. As I age, this story will get even more romantic and special. But I went down into. I had a little Volkswagen Golf at the time, and I sat in my car parked on the street in front of Comedy Central, and I was like. Had one of those, like, I guess you call it, like, a come to Jesus moment. I was like, what am I doing? Like, I don't know what I'm going to do. I've had this job feel like I got this break But I don't know what's next. And that was scary. And then just like a high school guidance counselor, I said, well, what would you do if you could do anything like that? I find that to be a helpful exercise. Here's a blank check. You can do anything you want. What do you want to do? I was like, well, I would want to do a show. I'm just talking to myself in my car. Like, I'd want to do a show. Like Girls. I really like the show Girls. So I would want to do a show about my life, about getting into comedy with Judd Apatow on hbo. That's what I thought. But then I was like, but what is the show? And very, very quickly, obviously, I just pitched it to Judd pretend style six months earlier. But I was like, well, it could be about a guy who married the first girl he was ever with, who's religious. She has an affair. And then in that moment of, like, pressure in the car, I was like, oh. And every episode, he can be crashing on the couch of a different comedian. Because I always wanted, like, an interesting engine. Like, it would be. Yeah, yeah. And you guys know from selling a show, whether or not you do the hook doesn't really matter. You need to show them that there is a hook. You can abandon the hook, but there should be a hook. So I was like, this is great. That was a Wednesday. And I was like, you know, writing it in my phone and stuff. And I was like, I knew Jed's team from having done the Pete Holmes show. So I reached out to my manager, and I was like, can we. Can I get a meeting with Judd? This is also. This is that sort of naive mania. It's the kind of insanity you sort of need in show business. But you can have too much of where I'm like, I just came up with this idea, and I'm like, I'm going to pitch it now. Like, that's not really gather the troops, exactly. But that is how I am. I tend to light up.

[David Spade]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Really hot for things, and I want to go, go, go. So it was Wednesday, and they were like, well, he's in New York, and he's shooting Train Wreck. And if you want, you can go to the set of Train wreck at, like, 6am he has 15 minutes for you. Again, this is Wednesday, and that was Friday. And I was like, yes, I booked the flight on Thursday. It's a classic Hollywood cliche, right? Yeah, totally. I got the United. You know, I'm probably in, like, the exit row with a. With A United napkin. Writing out what the show.

[David Spade]

It was Flight 93, though. That would be.

[Pete Holmes]

I wasn't gonna say that because it sort of derails the main narrative.

[David Spade]

I know. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

That's true.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. But that is. That is what happened. But I'm just trying to keep it.

[David Spade]

It's a good hook, though. Takes a big turn down.

[Pete Holmes]

So I'm writing out the idea. I get in on Thursday. Judd, by the way, does not know that I flew in because he would have said, don't fly in. Nobody flies across the country for 15 minutes. But I was like, it was a no brainer. I got up at like 5. I got a coffee, which is 2.

[David Spade]

Your time.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is 2. Thank you. Which is 2. My time went in there. Amy was there. I know Amy a little bit. So I'm feeling kind of comfortable. Vanessa Bayer, she's in there, too. Well, they're shooting. They're shooting Train Wreck.

[David Spade]

Yeah, but she's not in this thing you're doing.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. I'm on the set of Train Wrecks. We're in, like, the fake magazine.

[David Spade]

But that's where you mean they've already started their day. I thought it's before their day starts. So Amy's buzzing around, you see everyone. Then you go, I got a corner. Judd, focus him.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

Without these people. And I don't want them to hear the idea and go thumbs down.

[Pete Holmes]

You.

[David Spade]

If you're asking me honestly, totally.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, who's more distracted than a director on set before they're shooting? Like, it was kind of a bad idea. So he's sitting at this table. I sat down and, like, you know, I felt okay. I talked to him for like 12 minutes about other stuff. And then in the last three minutes, I was like, here's the show and what happened? And to take some of the onus off me, like, I don't really deserve full credit. Is he. Judd was just getting back into Standup in New York, and I'm pitching him a show about a guy getting into standup in New York. So the stars aligning on that he was in. And the sort of postscript to the story is he goes, write it. He didn't say, like, let's do it. You got a deal. He was like, write it. I'll take a look at it. And I wrote the script in two days and sent it to him, and we were off. I think we pitched it, like, a couple weeks after. It was crazy.

[David Spade]

Does he have to pitch too hard or Is HBO saying, what do you want to do next, Judd? Like, kind of an Adam Netflix kind of thing.

[Pete Holmes]

They did have a deal with Judd. I think we pitched it to Amazon, and they passed. And then Judd told me to stop being so philosophical, which is a funny thing, because in Jud's masterclass, he uses me as the example of how not to pitch a show, which I didn't know until I was watching Judd's masterclass. And he's like, what do you want to do? Is don't do what Pete hopes did. Don't do what Pete did. He got all philosophical. Just tell him it's funny. And I'm that way. I want to talk about the themes. I want to talk about the message. I want to talk about the growth and the feelings. Judd was like, just say it's funny. You're gonna love it. Trust us. And I was like, yeah, that is how you would pitch it if you're Judd Apatow. But I've never had to pitch it that way. But then hbo.

[David Spade]

Who was it?

[Pete Holmes]

It was Casey Bloys, and it was Amy Gravitt, and I think I'm forgetting one person. But they were warm. It was warm. But I said, way less. I said, way less.

[David Spade]

Oh, Judge should have taken over a little bit, huh?

[Pete Holmes]

He could have, but he was trying to take over by, like, saying, I mean, it's like Johnny Cash pitching an album. You know what I mean? And there's some sweaty guy next to him being like, there's gonna be a G and a C and a D. You know what I mean? Like, I wasn't chill.

[David Spade]

He's like, I'm talking. Less is kind of a hint for the feel of it. Let's just get less is more.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you know those shows where someone's like, if I crumble my paper, it means shut up. Like, we should have had a symbol like that.

[David Spade]

I don't know that Dana should do that to me.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah. You guys are doing great. I'm just laying back today. I just had surgery, so.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you really?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. That's all right.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Dana Carvey]

A hernia kind of thing. We know I'm a little loopy, but I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm. See, look, I'm in Irvine. You had a hernia. This is not our perfect day, but we're.

[David Spade]

I'm in great shape.

[Dana Carvey]

You're doing great. We love this. You're driving the.

[David Spade]

You're driving. Because I said, he is good at this, and he's funny about this show.

[Dana Carvey]

We get 10 minutes of gold. Are you out of your mind? We're not, we're not pulling teeth. We get 20 minutes of gold out of this today.

[Pete Holmes]

There you go already. You know, well, podcasters are great. I'm not saying I'm great. I'm saying it's always a day off when I have podcast.

[David Spade]

That's why I said he will take our dumb show and make it better.

[Dana Carvey]

Because he's do podcasts, understand the form, and are good guests. You know, when I went on Smart List and I saw the three of them, you know, on the thing, I said, okay, I'm just gonna do shtick. I'm just gonna go full bore, tell stories and make you laugh. So I want you guys to have a day off. So that's. And they kind of got it. So that's all I did the whole time.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, that's what, that's what Conan said about Martin Short. He goes, he's a day off. And I was like, yep. There are guys that come on and.

[David Spade]

Just, well, they do some homework on those shows and they get out there and just. It helps.

[Pete Holmes]

It does.

[David Spade]

Each day is a chance to move forward. You'll need apparel that works as hard as you do. That's where Rhone comes in. Roan designs clothing to match your ambition. With technical fabrics that breathe, stretch and adapt, plus elevated styles that keep you looking sharp. Our gear is built to support your pursuit of progress. The commuter collection is made for men who never settle. Versatile, refined, and always ready for what's next. It's built on the foundation of Rhone's signature commuter fabric. Lightweight, breathable, and packed with performance features like odor resistance, stretch that lasts and wrinkle free technology.

[Dana Carvey]

And with the Commuter Pro, you get even more tailored upgrades like an expanded waistline, a silicone gripper to keep you looking polished all day long. The commuter collection looks sharp. Moves like activewear never holds you back. Whether you're in a big meeting or sprinting through the airport, it's performance apparel that adapts to your life, not the other way around. Your day doesn't slow down and neither should your wardrobe. Built by and for those who demand more, the commuter collection is performance apparel fit for your every ambition.

[David Spade]

Get 20 off at roan.com fly with code fly that's R H O N E.com fly with code fly at checkout. Buying a home is one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make. And in California, it can feel even bigger. From figuring out what you can afford to navigating offers, escrow inspections and closings, it's A lot to take on alone. That's where a realtor comes in. A realtor is more than a real estate agent. They're a guide, a strategist, and your go to expert for every step of the home buying process.

[Dana Carvey]

They handle the complexities, the paperwork and the stress so you don't have to. No guesswork, no going in alone. Just clarity, confidence, and someone in your corner from start to finish. When the stakes are high, having a trusted professional makes all the difference. Don't let what you don't know stop you from starting your next chapter. Find your realtor atchampions of home.com.

[David Spade]

I'M not going to go over the fact that you're a hooray theist, which is maybe the funniest word I've heard in a while.

[Pete Holmes]

That's funny. I can tell where you're getting your research.

[David Spade]

No, you don't. You never get.

[Pete Holmes]

I know where you get your research. Yeah, I think it's so funny. I wrote a book about my spiritual journey and there's one chapter called the Horist, which means when I was a fundamentalist Christian and I thought everyone I talked to was going to hell, which is a huge burden. This is underreported. If you're a loving person, which a lot of people of faith are, it sucks to go around and be like, wow, David, I can't believe you're going to hell.

[David Spade]

Seems like a great guy. I just figured it out. You said the wrong thing and.

[Pete Holmes]

It made me sad all the time. And all of my friends were atheists because all my friends were comedians. And I wrote this chapter about how confusing it was after my first wife obviously left me. That was very challenging to my faith because honestly, if I'm being real, I thought God was looking out for me. Like, stuff like that doesn't happen to people who don't smoke or drink or swear. I was very clean on stage and then this bad thing happened. So I'm like questioning my faith. And all my friends are comedian atheists. And I noticed that my friends were all deeply moral, good, sweet, loving people. And that's what that chapter is about. I'm like, why? Why? Like, we were in a hotel and there was like an unmanned convenience store. You know, those little convenience stores where you're supposed to charge to the room. I was like, if there's no God, why don't I just take a sprite? Like, I don't understand. Like, what is the point if it's not for some sort of afterlife insurance, you know? And I remember my Friends were like, it's for us. If you steal the guy or the woman working this shift might get in trouble. You know what I mean? Like, she might be reprimanded. She might lose her job. You don't do it because in and of itself, it's the good and right thing to do. Yeah, it's wrong. And even better, it's right to not do it. You know what I mean? So I was like, it felt so pure and good. It wasn't to be rewarded or recognized or, you know, given an eternal massage on a cloud or the harp. It was for the here and now and for to take care, to remember that we belong to each other, that that person, even though we don't know them, we care about them, and we care about them not being in trouble. So I didn't. Obviously, I wasn't going to steal the spread. It was just an example. But then after I saw these beautiful atheists in my life, I briefly, as, like, a thought experiment, I was like, I'm going to be an atheist. And it was such a surprise that I liked it. I was like, I enjoyed putting down all of these heavy ideological bags that I had been carrying. And I was just like, this is it. Let's care about each other. Let's take care of each other, and there's nothing else going on here. And I found that to be a nice break from thinking everyone. I mean, think of all the millions and millions and millions of people throughout history that are just burning in hell. Putting that away made me go, this isn't an atheist. This is a horatheist. I like this. This is nice. You die, it's over. Where were you? You said this on my podcast. Daniel, you said, where were you during the Renaissance? That's where you go when you die. It's over. I was like, this is a relief as compared to the eternal Judge Judy that's gonna tear you apart. So I was briefly an atheist, and I called the chapter her atheist. But it really was like a month. And then I took some mushrooms, and then I. I started thinking about those things again.

[David Spade]

You know, do you think. Do you think Christians get a bad rap out there? I think they're having a tough time because I read about things where people go after more and more. I read about something in Africa. I'm like, wow, I don't know, because you just don't hear about it a lot, but maybe you would.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I don't. I don't feel qualified to.

[David Spade]

Oh, I am. I'm a podcaster.

[Pete Holmes]

I Will say that, you know, I no longer identify as a Christian. It's very confusing because I love Christ, and I think that's what it is, man. I think what he was teaching is the truth. But where we fall away is I don't believe in what's called atonement theory. This is boring. Atonement theory is the idea that you both are very familiar with, which is that Jesus died because you both are wicked little children and you need to be, like, washed in blood or otherwise God is going to flick you into a furnace. That's where it loses me. But if you look at the words of Jesus, that's not his message. That's sort of added on later. That was a lot of theology for 30 seconds.

[David Spade]

I read that in Jesus's Wikipedia because I just.

[Pete Holmes]

But I mean, I would say that, like, I see it a lot of different ways. Meaning a lot of my atheist friends come on my podcast and we start talking and realize we don't believe in the same God, if that makes sense. Like, we're talking about an old man in the sky with a beard, like a lifeguard who's watching and blowing his whistle. Basically a guy like a king with a surveillance system that's watching you do all your wicked things and can't wait to torture you. I'm like, I also don't believe in that God. And when you broaden it out to have a conversation about consciousness or awareness or being itself, the atheists, the Christians, we all can kind of like, come into this middle where we all agree, and I'm very interested in that space. Okay, well, you guys didn't do ketamine before the talk.

[David Spade]

No, we already cut that part out this week while we were. I was texting everyone going, this part, we gotta lose it. No, I'm kidding. I, Like, I started it. No, I like hearing about it because we talk about different things, and it's very interesting to me to hear that. And also, that's such a part of you that. Listen, we can go back to talking about 711 and stuff like my act, but sometimes you have to talk about real things.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you know what's funny is we're not actually talking about something that's exotic or mysterious. Every person listening, you, me, David, Dana, we're all having the experience of being aware, and that's the mystery. Even science agrees. That's called the hard question of consciousness. We don't know. It's funny. Science looks into microscopes and looks at stuff, but we don't know what is looking into the microscope. It's really kind of funny if you think about it like we're. We're acquiring all this data. But that which knows the findings is itself a mystery. And that, to me, is why I don't walk away from metaphor and interesting spiritual text. Because we're talking about something that's very difficult to talk about, but it's what's looking out all of our eyes right now. It's not. It's not in India. It's not at the top of a mountain. It's not buried at the bottom of the sea. It's what you're experiencing right now. It couldn't be more familiar to you.

[Dana Carvey]

I was around a really sweet dog this past weekend, and it doesn't have any of that higher consciousness. So it's very pure, very eager, very happy, completely in the moment, and it was kind of nice. And there was a real estate agent I met recently, in the last year or so, and he doesn't watch any of the news, anything. He goes, I want to be like a dog. I want to just be in the moment, happy. But humans, our brains go crazy. And I just feel the whole thing's a mystery and it's so elusive, and we'll find out one day exactly what's. What happened.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what is really helpful to me and is a little less sort of highfalutin is I say, yes, thank you all day long, especially when something isn't going my way. I like to use the example of a delayed flight or something, and you're having all these feelings. The dog. One of the things that makes a dog so beautiful is it's not really resisting its experience. You know what I mean? It's just there for it. So it's not just present when everything's good. It's. It's. It's there.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

David, what's your riff? David?

[David Spade]

No, I agree. I think. No, dogs are funny. I have a chunk. No, thanks for the setup.

[Dana Carvey]

You do have a dog chunk in your special, right?

[David Spade]

I do, I do.

[Dana Carvey]

I can't believe it. A dog chunk.

[David Spade]

Of course. I like this angle of dogs. It's like when you see kids. There's something magical about kids that are really little because there's no way to the world. They're literally minute to minute, just trying to find the fun and everything and couldn't give a. And then the older you get, the more it's piled on. It feels like, you know, too much almost. You're like, too much. Too much info, too much data. Add in social media, add in the news, and everyone kind of tilting a little more doomsday. Some of the things don't come true that you're being warned about all the time. And you just say, it's just a heavy, heavy life. And you try to go through going, try to be a good person. Just a couple basic things. Try to not make everyone's life harder. Try not. Just like, when I see people out there, I used to be a busboy. Like, Dana, if you, when I'm at a restaurant, you're just trying not to make the life harder. I didn't want anyone to be kissing my ass or going overboard. Just don't make my job any harder. Just be a normal person and go, hi. Hi. Whatever. You don't even need to say thanks, just. But when I'm there, I try to, in real life situations, you try to go, okay, let's not make everyone's life a pain in the ass. Everyone's just barely hanging on.

[Dana Carvey]

I agree, I agree with that. We're barely. Everybody is alone. You know, we're not interconnected in a way that maybe we will be in some other dimension. But, you know, how do you not have empathy for people? Because, you know, it's hard just being alive.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah. Just to get day to day, even if things go good, you're like, if you have problems, people think of like their five biggest problems. And then someone takes money away, usually number one, money away, and they all just slide down. You go, oh, wait, that rich guy isn't that happy. And you go, yeah, you took money away, but now the other one slid down. Now number one is this or health or something.

[Pete Holmes]

I've noticed a lot of very wealthy people start getting really anxious about recycling. And that sounds like a bit, but like, you'll never meet more ardent recyclers than the uber wealthy. And it's because exactly what you're saying. I'm not worried about money anymore. I will now worry about whether or not that coffee cup is plastic coated. And if it needs to go in this trash or that stretch, whatever your.

[David Spade]

Next problem is, kicks down to number one. And then you go, oh, so that one's you As a human, you almost need something to think about or to fix or to go, I need this to be better and then make my life better or make someone else, you know, whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's what they call in the, in the spiritual traditions, they call that the monkey mind. Right. And what you're saying is actually quite profound, is you'll never not have things to worry about. You're a human being.

[David Spade]

Yeah. You find them.

[Pete Holmes]

And even when the three of us have been very fortunate to have some really great peak experiences in our lives and hopefully more to come, but we know that even those flare up and then go away. It's a little bit like being a gambling addict. You get the big win and. And sometimes I'll get an email of an offer of something that if it had come in when. When I was 23, I would have thrown a parade. You know what I mean? And now I'm like, ah, it's in May. You know what I mean?

[David Spade]

Like something.

[Pete Holmes]

So, again, not to. I guess one of the reasons I'm interested in spirituality is it's like, if we can get all those things to settle down, like all of those things are coming and going. Your happy moments and your sad moments, your anxiety. But there's something that was consistent. Like, your experience has been consistent. There's always been a sense of being myself. And when you look at what you essentially are, meaning those things that come and go can't be essentially who you are. So what was there the whole time you're being. And then when you look at the quality of your being, you see that it itself is peaceful and happy.

[David Spade]

That's better than what I was going to say. I was going to say that sometimes you go, if I do this thing, oh, when I host Saturday Live next week, that's going to be really fun. And then you start to say, when I'm driving to get gas, I go, this is actually the real life. So you keep thinking of something else, but you're like, this is 99% of my day just doing normal things. So this is the part everybody's just being happy in. You just go, I just want to be okay right now. Because this is really the life part, the minutiae, little things. Am I content here? Because of course there's peaks.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, yeah. Well, you know, Ram Dass talked about this, right? You eat ice cream. So you're hosting SNL next week, which is awesome. That's an ice cream cone. But the human temperament is okay. I've had ice cream, now I want some water. And now I want a nap. And now I'm bored and I want tv, and now I'm tired and I want to sleep. And now I'm awake and I want coffee. This is your life. So you're absolutely right. We need to, like, slow down and drop into our lives. And that's what. Yes, thank you. Is it's like When David does snl, and now you're like, well, what are people going to say about it? Instead of being mad at that, you can go, just like the dog. The dog is unfolding lawfully and being a dog perfectly, David. You're going to be David perfectly. You can allow that and even forgive that. Be like, this is just what it is. But if we can find little moments of quiet even as we're talking right now, if you can just kind of find a stillness behind the conversation and go, oh, that's the place where it's enough that it doesn't matter how it goes. I'm sure it'll be fantastic.

[David Spade]

The day today is just like, this is your real life. This is the part where you go, after that's done, I'm right back here. And this is. It's not so bad. So.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you don't want to postpone your happiness. I don't want to go. I'll be happy.

[David Spade]

What I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If I nail this podcast, then I can feel good about myself. I'll get a certain exhilaration from doing this show with you guys. But that. That's. It's a fool's errand to keep going. Oh, and then I'll kill it at Irvine, and then I'll kill it tomorrow morning with my coffee. Like, try to just say yes to. What is that? That's a big. That's a big one for me.

[David Spade]

And even that you botched this podcast, you still. You're.

[Pete Holmes]

I know it. Well, that's the trap, right. If I say I'll be happy that I did well, I have to be unhappy that I botched it.

[David Spade]

Yeah, that's.

[Pete Holmes]

That's just a dumb scale to put your worthiness on.

[Dana Carvey]

I think helping other people is a kind of nice way to get out of your own head.

[David Spade]

Yeah, for sure.

[Dana Carvey]

Whether it's your wife, your child, or, you know, just. Or the club owner. Can you do five more minutes or any little thing that you're focusing, helping somebody, I think it's really useful.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree.

[Dana Carvey]

I want to do it anyway.

[Pete Holmes]

Totally. The best shows, I was going to say, are the ones where I remember, where I just take a little moment to think about everything they had to do to get there. And like you said, David, the five big problems that they have, everybody here has those five slots filled.

[David Spade]

And then when you see them, they're never empty. Really?

[Pete Holmes]

They're never empty. Yeah, you're right.

[David Spade]

One goes out, number six drops down. Okay, now I'm in line. Now I'm in the top five.

[Pete Holmes]

And then one of the great things about laughing and laughing together, something. You know, there's something magical about releasing that tension. And there's a way you can release it with other people around you that you can't do it. You know, that's what sort of makes our phone so in a way awful, is that you're. It's a methadone. It's. It's like a synthetic, lonely version of something that I think is much better when we're, you know, touching elbows with strangers.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Letting it out.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, the flip side to careerism is just sort of, you know, later on, as I was going down this journey of being a stand up or a comedian, people would come up and say to me, oh, I really needed that, you know, And I didn't quite appreciate it as much till later on. That's really what we're doing here, even right now. We're just trying to make life a little easier, a little lighter for everybody. And I do think when a peer group takes one of your bits, either of you, and you understand that that's a touchstone for them, that they'll quote you. And that's like a communication device for peer groups. That is the most flattering thing. Me and my friends do this once a month or whatever. Those kind of compliments, you're like, oh, that's really cool. Because that's what I had with Monty Python with Friends.

[David Spade]

So fun.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The first time, Dana, the first time I did stand up, I was. I think I was 20 or 21, and I rented out a little restaurant. Again, one of those things. I didn't know any better. So I just was like, I've never done stand up. I'm going to do 45 minutes of stand up. I'm just gonna do it first time. And even worse, I'm gonna invite everyone I know to come and watch. Like, just a nightmare. I wouldn't do that today. My parents are there, we're filming it, so I could give it to clubs. But the reason I mention it, it went fine, actually. It went well. They were so supportive. I know, I know. I should have bombed all my friends just not laughing. But they were so supportive, they gave me a standing ovation, which isn't because I was so excellent. It's because they really were trying to, like, go, help. Go, go. Yeah, help. They were trying to help. And they did. But the first time I did stand up, Dana, one of the laughs I got was I said, not gonna do it. I said it in my set obviously was unplanned, but I was like, yep, that's not happening. Not gonna do it. And it gets this big laugh. And I was like, whoops, that's not mine.

[David Spade]

That counts as your laugh.

[Dana Carvey]

Anybody can have that.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I know, but it's not that I stole it, but it didn't feel as good as writing something for myself. But you were in my very, very first standup set ever.

[David Spade]

Is that wild, flattering? Yeah, yeah, that's.

[Dana Carvey]

That is, yeah. Inexplicable, you know, bits, not just for myself, for you guys that are nonsensical. They're not really one and one is two. They're sort of off, off kilter. Like a lot of. A lot of David's throwaways and little things. They last longer in a weird way. The quirky. Because you can't ever. It's like trying to catch the wind, you know?

[David Spade]

Yeah. One on one, unscripted lines and movies are sort of little throwaway from Caddyshack or old movies.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, David, you were in the sketch. It's. It's Farley's line. But my wife and I say, lay off me, I'm starving. Maybe every day. It's the main thing we say to one another because, like, we're just constant. We're like food people and we're just eating and someone's like, you're really going to have all that and just lay off that. I think that is the ultimate. I'm agreeing with you guys. That's the ultimate compliment is if your comedy can somehow be infused and incorporated and it goes back to what you were saying into daily life, not just into something you do sometimes and you.

[David Spade]

Don'T know what it is. And you do sketch in a room there with people and they go, okay, commercial, go. And they push this Gap Girl sketch out and you're going. And years later you're saying that a line that just was passed thing in a sketch is like mind boggling. Eating healthy always sounds like a solid plan until reality kicks in and dinner becomes whatever's closest to your hand.

[Dana Carvey]

Usually a granola bar from 2009. But hey, what if someone actually handled the healthy part for you?

[David Spade]

Yeah, Like a food wizard who knows what kale is and how to make it taste like something you want to eat.

[Dana Carvey]

Eat Clean is a chef prepared meal delivery service with clean whole ingredients.

[David Spade]

Yeah. No prep, no cooking, no. What is this rutabaga confusion? It's just heat, eat, move on with your life.

[Dana Carvey]

Meals are portioned ready to eat and delivered fresh every week. No freezer Tetris involved.

[David Spade]

Great for anyone who wants to eat healthy without scheduling a second job as a meal prepper.

[Dana Carvey]

It's a woman owned small business, which we love.

[David Spade]

Plus it's a built for real people with real lives. Affordable, clean, and built to fit into a busy schedule.

[Dana Carvey]

Eat cleantogo.com code pod50 for 50 off your first order. That's eat cleantogo.com code pod 50. Your fridge will thank you and so will your stomach.

[David Spade]

Listen, I've got a closet, Dana, with a bunch of stuff in it.

[Dana Carvey]

Boy, have I seen your closet. I got winded running across it. Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

Listen, it's mostly half shirts and sailor hats. But you know what? I need a few good solid pieces to spruce it up. Comfortable, well made, versatile. You gotta go to Quince. That's why I keep going back. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

They're lightweight layers. David. And elevated basics have become a go to especially in the summer right now.

[David Spade]

Listen, they have organic cotton silk polos. Soft, breathable. Just feels like a step up from regular clothes. You know, you've seen what's out there. There's linen shorts that look great. Their pants are perfectly cut and that you could wear them to something casual. I know you go to a lot of beach parties or you go to dressier night out. A nicer beach party.

[Dana Carvey]

Sounds good.

[David Spade]

Yeah. What really makes Quint stand out is the price. Everything is about half the cost of similar high end brands. They work directly with the best artisans and cut out the middleman. You don't want that. So you get luxury without the markup. And they only partner with factories using ethical, responsible practices and premium materials. Stick to the staples.

[Dana Carvey]

At last with elevated essentials from Quince, go to quince.comFly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I-n C e.comFly to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comFly.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think. And I love that sketch. I could totally see you guys being like, why would this one be a sensation? You know what I mean?

[David Spade]

It was Farley, which is a trick. So if you have Farley and he's in a wig and he drops his voice from a female and chokes me. And it's about french fries. It's just funny.

[Pete Holmes]

And you have Sandler in a wig.

[David Spade]

Too, which is funny going you guys. Yeah. And. And then. But if it gets a laugh in there, you're just relieved that it worked. And now they're going to Weekend Update, and everyone's running and changing. And so then you. Things get picked out of shows. Like, Dana knows. You don't know what they like, you don't know what look.

[Pete Holmes]

And history remembers the winners or whatever. I'm like, I could so. And I mean, this is a compliment. That sketch could not have worked. It might not have worked. And we just never know. Like, you still don't.

[David Spade]

That's what hit it wrong. So you hit it wrong in rehearsal. You get it barely right. And you hit it right on air, which is not always the case. You do better in dress than on air. You just go, God, can I just walk in one more time? Because I just didn't. It didn't come off in the right energy.

[Pete Holmes]

Just.

[David Spade]

And you go, nope, that's it. We're doing it. Then you go, that was an okay sketch. And you go, God, the one that everyone would have loved was two hours ago, but you nailed it perfectly. So that's just. That's. That's part of the fun crapshoot of snl. But we know in movies, in life, you just throw away Joe. Weird things that happen. Pluck them out of the atmosphere. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

It's endless. It is great that we'll never solve comedy. You know, it's always humbling.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank God.

[Dana Carvey]

That would kill. It bombed. And this. This worked or whatever. It's always full of surprises. So. But you're on tour.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

So a mini tour. And it was going to be called the PG13 Tour, and then you switched the name out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Which was actually, you know, that's sort of a layover, a carryover from my youth and my religious days. And. And this. This sort of tender. I don't want to say pathetic, but, like, it's sweet. I'm like, oh, maybe I could do a tour that my parents would like. You know what I mean? I'm like, wouldn't it be fun? I'll do it. It's called the PG13 Tour. And the hour that I was writing was just kind of coming together, less dirty than the other ones. And it still is not filthy. But then I did it one time in Austin, and I was like, this is. It felt like doing it underwater or something. I hate the feeling. We're talking about how precious laughter is. I hate the feeling of knowing I could put on these brass knuckles and really smack them in the face, but instead I'm gonna, like, hold back to, like, stay in a box that I created. They didn't even ask me to do it. So I was like, we're not. We're not doing. I did it one time, and I was like, I'm never doing that again. Some. Some people, like, like Nate Bargazzi, who's a favorite of mine, he just is that guy. And I saw him say when he gets cut off in traffic, he's like, golly. You know, when people cut me off in traffic, I say the worst things you've ever heard in your life. And that's me. I want to be me. I want to hit as hard as I can. I don't want to get off stage like you on my podcast, Dana. I want to leave it all. And I'm constantly taking the temperature of the audience. Do you want it to be a little more wicked? Do you want it to be a little bit sillier? Do you want me to be louder? Do you want. I'll do it any. Whatever. But I can't go, Well, I can't say fuck because I called this tour.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

[Pete Holmes]

Stupid. So, so hard. You can maybe do that clean set, 7:30 on a Thursday, but then it's like late show Friday. Sometimes you need to be like, come on, guys, wake the fuck up.

[David Spade]

Like, you need, like, a teacher. Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Fucking shut up. Like, you need that somehow.

[David Spade]

And it's not filthy. It's just you weave it into your act where no one walks away going, that was a dirty act. But you just kind of weave it into jokes where they don't even notice it. And it's just fun.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I get that all the time. People are like, I like that you're a clean comic. And I'm like, I'm not a clean.

[David Spade]

Not really.

[Pete Holmes]

But they think you are. And that's why I think the metric is wrong. We think clean comedy is comedy where you don't say piss, whatever, and dirty comedy is where you do. And I'm like, no, I've seen comedy that passes that test of cleanliness that is deeply flawed and ugly, like, mean spirited, and the message underneath it. And I'll defend their right to say that, but it's just not for me. I'm like, wow, that is a really toxic message.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I get up and I'm being a silly, floppy, dumb golden retriever boy just trying to delight everybody. And yes, I sometimes say swears, and sometimes I talk about sex or whatever it might be, but the intent really matters to me. And I think you can feel that because I've seen some really filthy comedy that was squeaky Clean, if that makes sense.

[David Spade]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

And I've seen filthy comedy that I would call clean.

[Dana Carvey]

I think main thing is not to. Not to lean on it, you know, like, you could. You don't need to be blue all the time or not blue all the time. You know, it's just. You just weave it in. It's not one. One or the other.

[Pete Holmes]

What's a seasoning? Yeah, it's a season. Yeah.

[David Spade]

I'm not like, abuse it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, go see Pete Holmes on the road. This guy. Please do. Thanks for hanging.

[Dana Carvey]

What was your last statement?

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, Yeah, I just want. It was the last thing on the cleanliness and thank you for the plug. Seinfeld was like, swearing is like steroids. It's like cheating. I love Seinfeld because I think Seinfeld really is that guy. But he goes, like, swearing is like steroids. And I'm like, yeah. And I want to hit a lot of home runs. Like, give me the steroids. Like, I will do anything to delight the audience until they're red in the face. And forgetting those five problems, including. I don't mean cheat other human beings, but I will cheat. I will swear, I will spit, I will cuss, I'll do whatever it takes. Because life is hard, life is lonely, life is painful. And we need this. This release. We need this art form. So, yeah, it's steroids. And I. I'm Barry Bonds, man.

[David Spade]

I'm glad we did that.

[Dana Carvey]

I wouldn't want to follow you. I don't know if I followed you once or you followed me, but, yeah, it was. It was lonely. You are. You're very, very powerful in a. Very funny, funny.

[David Spade]

I've seen him kill. I've seen him kill.

[Dana Carvey]

You have a lot of weapons and a lot of things you're doing. That's very powerful.

[Pete Holmes]

I just want comedians to be who they are. That. That's really all it is. That's it. Sorry, David, you wanted to wrap it up? Go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we actually have a call that we have to make. I don't know what you know about podcasting or something. It's just.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[David Spade]

And Dana's falling apart, obviously.

[Dana Carvey]

Seriously, I. I'm at 2%, but I feel pretty good. I enjoyed this podcast. I enjoyed.

[David Spade]

Was a great chat. You're a good dude. I will see you.

[Pete Holmes]

I hope so. Thank you both.

[David Spade]

All right, Dana, don't hang up right away. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a. Like a review all this stuff. Smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcast. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.