RE-RELEASE - Jay Mohr

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: RE-RELEASE – Jay Mohr
Release Date: April 1, 2026
Main Guests: Jay Mohr
Podcast Summary by Segment and Key Topics

---

Episode Overview

This episode features comic, actor, and former SNL cast member Jay Mohr in a lively, irreverent, and nostalgia-packed conversation with hosts Dana Carvey and David Spade. They reminisce about their years at Saturday Night Live, share behind-the-scenes stories, riff on the pressures and absurdities of showbiz, and dive into Jay's struggles and recovery journey. The mood vacillates between playful, self-deprecating, and sincere, with impressions, anecdotes, and candid reflections—particularly on SNL's environment, comedy writing, and Jay’s reinvention both as a performer and in his personal life.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Comedy of SNL: Chaos, Competition, and Camaraderie

[03:30] SNL Bonds & Rivalries

• The group discusses their overlapping years at SNL, and the landscape of cast politics and alliances, with Jay highlighting the split between different “classes” of cast members.
• Jay and David reminisce about wrestling matches (real ones) between writers and cast—especially with Chris Farley—revealing the testosterone-fueled, prankish energy behind the scenes.

Memorable Quote:

“So I went my right arm around his head, and I just went bodied into him... if I let him go, he'd kill me.” – Jay Mohr on wrestling Farley [09:00–09:28]

Legendary Farley Stories & Writer's Room Mayhem

[06:15] Wrestling Farley

• Jay recounts how he wound up wrestling Chris Farley in a graphics room brawl instigated by Fred Wolf.
• After finally pinning Farley (with the help of David), Jay recalls a truly Farley-esque chase and elevator escape.

[12:00] SNL Antics: $100 Dare

• Jay and David Tell once dared Farley to defecate out a window for $100. The tale escalates into classic SNL absurdity and ends with the cast running terrified from Farley brandishing a soiled hand.

Memorable Quote:

“After he wiped his ass with his hand, he went back to that mummy walk and he fucking chased us... with the shit on his mommy walk...” – Jay Mohr [13:39]

The SNL Game: Sketches, Rewrites, and Survival

[18:05] The Writing Gauntlet

• Jay describes nervously handing his first sketch to SNL legend Jim Downey, only to have it coolly weighed in Downey’s palm and declared “a little long.”
• The group delves into the mechanics of SNL writing: pitching, networking, and the importance of selling yourself to get sketches on air.

Memorable Quotes:

“You gotta go sell yourself, which is what we both didn’t do.” – David Spade [31:39]
“If I could do it over again, I would have just walked into your office doing impressions.” – Jay Mohr [23:45]

The Art of Impressions & Finding Your Place

[23:34] Finding a Voice

• Dana and Jay compare their approaches: Dana, more character-driven; Jay, a mimic.
• Jay shares his experience feeling like an outsider, with his talents underutilized because he didn’t actively pitch himself for sketches.

[30:06] Stand-Up and Identity

• Jay and Dana talk about how doing impressions was sometimes looked down upon in stand-up scenes, while also being a huge asset on SNL—if people know you have the skill.

SNL’s Internal Politics & Oddball Hierarchy

[21:59] Navigating Alliances

• Inside advice: to get a sketch on, partner up with established cast/writers so they have “proprietary” interest.
• The perils of “resubmitting” sketches and the stigma of cut material.

Mental Health, Addiction, and Recovery

[46:11] Sobriety and Reinvention

• Jay opens up about his struggles with alcoholism and addiction, describing his most recent recovery journey.
• He shares the genesis of his relationship with Jeanie Buss, being supported through intervention and rehab.

Notable Quotes:

“I’ve always needed more than anybody else in every capacity... Desperation’s got a very distinct scent, and I stunk.” – Jay Mohr [50:06]

“One of the best things I learned in recovery was that I am the reason for all my suffering. Because if I’m the reason, I always have a solution.” – Jay Mohr [59:26]

[49:19] On Divorce and Relationships

• Jay reflects on the emotional crater left by his first divorce, the difference in experience marrying later in life, and how sobriety changed his outlook.

[52:37] Meeting Jeanie Buss

• The story of meeting his now-wife Jeanie Buss, how their relationship survived his darkest period, and how the right partnership feels after rebuilding oneself.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments by Timestamp

• [05:36] “I just remember a waiter coming over going, get the fuck out of here. He’s in the middle of a punchline.” – Jay Mohr
• [09:32] “And everyone’s staring at me like, what the fuck is this guy doing?” – Jay Mohr on pinning Farley in front of Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger
• [26:54] “There ain’t no eye rolling in that D.” – Tracy Morgan, as recounted by Jay Mohr (on showing respect to Lorne Michaels)
• [42:41] “You know what the three funniest words in comedy are? Full blown aids.” – Jim Downey, as retold by Jay Mohr (after months of anticipation)
• [58:38] “Now I have, like, this monotheism for all of my problems... They can all be remedied by the program.” – Jay Mohr
• [59:26] “If I’m the reason for my suffering, then I always have a solution.” – Jay Mohr

---

Memorable Impressions (and Meta Commentary)

• Jay demonstrates impressions of Harvey Keitel, Owen Wilson, and Colin Quinn, often sliding seamlessly between real SNL stories and his voice-morphing comedic quirks.
• Dana riffs on the insecurity of being known for voices, sharing stories of being teased in the San Francisco scene.
• The trio riffs on SNL impressionists partnering off (Jay and Daryl Hammond’s two-man show, for example).

---

SNL Production, Sketch Politics & Office Hierarchies

• [32:44] “It’s the Game of Thrones of SNL partnering with someone.” – Dana Carvey
• Jay and David describe the sometimes cutthroat process of getting sketches read, rewritten, and (hopefully) aired, and the crucial importance of attaching yourself to experienced “players” who will advocate for your material.

---

Personal Journeys, Marriages, and Staying Power

• [46:20] “Every man should have three marriages: one in his 20s/30s, one in his 40s, and the third in his 50s when he knows what he really wants.” – Jay quoting Lorne Michaels

• Jay describes Jeanie Buss (now his wife) as “the first woman I’ve ever been with that just wasn’t depressed,” highlighting both a change in partner and in his own health and perspective.

---

Final Reflections & Lighthearted Moments

• The episode closes with Jay sharing anecdotes about Jennifer Aniston (on the set of Picture Perfect), SNL alumni, and his audition for Jerry Maguire (which he won over other comedy notables).
• Impressions, especially of Owen Wilson (“When I do Owen Wilson, it sounds like Jennifer Coolidge...”), bring laughs and close out the show’s trademark blend of comedy and camaraderie.

---

Structure: Key Segments & Timestamps

• [00:00–02:09] Banter on "Jury Duty," team-building, and new comedy shows (non-essential, commercial, skip)
• [03:30–15:00] SNL stories: arrival, wrestling Farley, legendary pranks
• [18:05–34:05] Writing for SNL: struggles, sketch politics, partnership tips
• [46:11–61:00+] Addiction, recovery, relationships, and moving into a new phase of life
• [62:02–67:50] Celebrity encounters, movie anecdotes, and favorite stand-up/TV moments
• [67:51+] Wrap-up, thank-yous, production credits

---

Overall Tone & Takeaway

Zany, nostalgic, and deeply honest.
This episode is a backstage pass to SNL’s wildest era, but it’s also a personal journey through comedic infighting, addiction, and, ultimately, resilience. Jay Mohr’s openness about addiction and reclamation (both professionally and romantically) offers an unusual depth to the usual comic banter. Dana and David keep it loose, sharp, and filled with affectionate ribbing, making the episode a must-listen (or read) for SNL aficionados, comedy nerds, and anyone grappling with reinvention.

---

For deeper dives into any story, use the provided timestamps to cue up your favorite segments—whether it’s Farley’s hijinks, insider SNL politics, or Jay’s reflections on recovery and new beginnings.

Transcript

[A]

I just have to tell you, Dana, there's something I'm excited about. Now, you remember we talked about Jury Duty, the show. Oh, season one. Yeah, yeah. And that one, I saw it on Tick Tock. And then it was kind of a word of mouth thing. It blew up. It was funny. And it actually all pulled together, which I was shocked. They pulled that thing together.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, will they do it again? And they did.

[C]

Cool. I think that's very cool.

[A]

It was set in the courtroom the first time. And this is going to be a company retreat. Yeah. Yeah. Jury Duty presents Company Retreat. It takes this groundbreaking social experiment out of the courthouse. Stay with me, Dana.

[C]

I got it.

[A]

And drops it into the most relatable setting ever. Company corporate retreat. And if you've ever survived that awkward team building exercises or a trust fall with co workers, you. You know the vibe.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, this is an inspired idea, I gotta say. After Jury Duty to put it in a company retreat. This season follows Anthony, a real temp hired by Rock and Grandma's Hot Sauce for their annual retreat. Right there.

[A]

They should figure it out. Rock and Grandma's Hot Sauce.

[C]

Yeah, I know, it's. Except he has no idea the entire thing is staged around him.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's a workplace comedy meets hidden camera. And it's unpredictable, it's authentic. It's so full of heart. The stakes are higher, the laughs are bigger, and it still celebrates the goodness in people. And here's the wild part. Rock and Grandma's Hot Sauce. They're actually making it.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And the flavors will be available on Amazon.

[A]

Oh, my God. I wonder if they started that first or if they. They just made up that name and then it sounded funny. But it's going to get a lot of attention and. But you know, this thing. I'm kind of glad they didn't do it in the courtroom again because someone would figure that out, I would think.

[C]

Oh, I don't think they could do it in the courtroom. I think the company retreat is the next best one. Yeah.

[A]

It's hard to think of where to do it, but they did a good job. So looking forward to that.

[C]

Me too. Watch now on Prime Video.

[A]

Finding a skilled hire takes more than just reviewing a resume as AI raises the bar on how experience is presented high. Hiring managers need better ways to evaluate skills and fit. And that's where Robert Half can help.

[C]

That's right. Our recruiters combine their expertise with award winning AI to review what's behind every application.

[A]

Quickly learn how we can find you specialized talent in finance, accounting, technology and more at Robert Half We Know Talent. Visit roberthalf.com talent today J. Moore. Dana was probably more from me being on snl, but did you overlap at all?

[C]

He was there when I hosted, but he wasn't there when I was part of the cast.

[A]

Jay Moore, who did. He came on when I was there. We got to be friends. I still see him here and there. He has a funny podcast, talks a lot of old stories and throws us his impressions. He does good impressions, which you probably remember. He does. He does a really good walking. That was the last time I saw him do. But he has a lot of people and he can really imitate well. But he is a funny dude. We sat down with him and we had a blast. The guy is funny. He's always been funny. He had sort of a really up and down time on SNL and he tells those stories.

[C]

It's always interesting, you know, But I always tell people all. Everyone who's ever been on SNL will spend a lot more time being an X.

[A]

That's true.

[C]

Everybody except for Keenan, but that's right so far.

[A]

Daryl, Hammond, Keenan, they were most of their life was on snl.

[C]

Good for that. But anyway. J. Moore, this is entertaining. Please listen. When did you come on 91. Start 91. I was there till 93.

[A]

I wait, do you know who Dana is?

[B]

Which one?

[C]

Are you a Churchilly fan or are you more of a Darth guy?

[A]

Are you Coffee Machine?

[B]

You're Dana. No, it's in our contract.

[C]

I had to grow this so we look even more.

[B]

I was not on Saturday Night Live with you, Dana, but we both were

[C]

there in 92, so there's a little bit of a problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you remember when you and I were there, David, Was Dana there also?

[A]

No.

[B]

Well, let me do it with Sarah and Norm and David Tell.

[A]

Did you do it with Sarah and Norm and David Tell?

[C]

No, that was later. Okay, so you weren't there in 92 because that's when I was doing. Was Wayne's World happening all the time.

[B]

What is this? What's Wayne's World?

[A]

Okay, let's back up.

[C]

So you missed it by much. You used to just play a little bit of Birdie told me. But I remember being there once where. Where Franken and David Farley were going to fight. Franken and Chris Farley were going to wrestle. And I remember you hanging around and I remember, oh, Jay, you know, like you were like, I could take both of you guys. Kind of like you were gonna. There was a three So I don't know if you ever did.

[B]

I do remember that now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I also remember far. Okay. David. And it's so weird to call you David.

[A]

David, you call.

[B]

Me and Fred Wolf were in the graphics.

[A]

I knew Fred Wolf would come up immediately.

[B]

He's the best.

[A]

Fred.

[C]

Fred, you're really funny. You're not so funny. That's really good. We shouldn't do that.

[B]

No, no, no.

[C]

I just can't talk to you for the six shooters up here, David. I was really good. You're really good.

[A]

I have to tell you a story, but I'm going to talk to Jay for one second. I'm going to talk to you, and I have a question for you.

[B]

I just remember a waiter coming over going, get the fuck out of here. He's in the middle of a punchline. And the waiter would walk up, he goes, get the fuck out of here.

[C]

Get the fuck out of here.

[A]

Because they always come on the punchline.

[C]

I wasn't as funny as you. I was pretty good, right? But I wasn't as funny as you guys.

[B]

So Spade and Fred Wolf are in the graphics room. And I walk in to see what they're doing. Then Farley walks in, and then Fred just. Fred's like the master manipulator. Like, hey, Chris, you know Jay wrestled. You wrestled? No. Jay says he could kick your ass at wrestling. And I'm like, yeah, I'm 23 years old. I'm like, absolutely. And Chris just.

[C]

You were a young.

[B]

Chris is just like, yeah. All right. So we square up to wrestle.

[A]

Like, he's not even in his.

[C]

This was in the writer's room where we.

[B]

No, this is in the graphics room.

[C]

Oh, okay. Like, he was Franken in the writers

[B]

room on the way to Lauren's office.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it was just. You and Fred were just doing private time or something.

[A]

Graphics.

[C]

What happened?

[B]

So I made the mistake of shooting in on Chris's legs, and he just collapsed on top of me. And then I went to my stomach and I brought my elbows in, and Chris, for the next six minutes, sat on my back going like, like. And I really.

[C]

Get out.

[B]

No, I thought. I really thought my life was going to end, you know? Of course, he was trying to sleep. Chris, you're trying.

[A]

890 my back.

[B]

And after six minutes, David saved me. He goes, get the fuck off him.

[A]

Come on, Chris. By the way, first of all, it was all Fred's fault,

[C]

okay? Jay is doing miming. Chris Farley's little running thing, this heart

[A]

attack thing where he always hits his. He goes, son of a. I have. Are you supposed to have a tingling feeling in your left arm? It's going numb.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So what about when he walked you to the elevator? Wasn't he mad about that?

[B]

Well, I pinned him. Yeah. So the rematch was. It was. It was Dana Carvey. Dana Carvey. It was. Wow.

[C]

That was the bre.

[B]

I was reading your name right there. It was. It was Alec Baldwin. I get you guys confused all the time.

[C]

Me and Alec, we. We know. It's just a thing.

[B]

It was. Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger were co hosting.

[C]

Mingling.

[B]

Yeah. And my. My follow up to that was like. It really, like, bugged me because I'm like.

[C]

Can I ask for a second, how good were you at wrestling?

[A]

You're a good wrestler.

[B]

I'm much better as an adult.

[C]

What was the weight when you took on Farley, what was your weight?

[B]

It was probably 160.

[C]

Okay, so you were lean. Okay, so talk about how you pinned him by the elevator. How did you pin a 5, 6, 270 pound, man?

[B]

He was sitting on the couch.

[C]

That's about what I figured. He was at his prime.

[B]

Glad you asked. Yeah.

[A]

You get him right after he went to Wally and Joseph's. He had shells.

[C]

Wally and Joseph take a nap. That was our go to restaurant in New York.

[B]

He was sitting on the couch right inside the. Right. Right inside the writer's room.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And I walked in, I said, hey. I said something that he's like, hey, fat boy, still want to go? And he went to get up, and everyone's sitting at that giant table.

[C]

You still want to go?

[A]

Why are you doing this?

[B]

I was nuts. Yeah. Untreated alcoholism.

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

Untreated, totally. And he went to get up. His mistake was it's like, never get in a fight getting out of your car. You're dead. So he got caught in that limbo

[A]

between getting off, starting halfway, and then.

[C]

Where'd you go?

[B]

So I went my right arm around his head, and I just went bodied into him. And then we just were falling forward. And then I clasped my hands under his, like, back of his knee. So we did like a somersault into the room. I put my knee in his side and my forehead on his temple just because I knew if I let him go, he'd kill me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No. So it's like when you're fighting a bully, you are brave. I don't want to let him go because he'll beat me up in front of Alec.

[C]

Paul more Importantly, Kim King Jesus, don't love Kim.

[B]

I let him go. And everyone's staring at me like, what the fuck is this guy doing? So then I slap Chris's ass. I go, now we're even. And I get up and I'm walking to the night elevators. I don't know know why I turned left instead of right. And I just hear this, like, Running of the Bulls behind me. And I turn, and it's like the entire room has emptied out. And they're walking towards me, but in front of them, Chris is walking like a zombie, like, in a Scooby Doo, like, with the big leg. And his eyes are up in his head, like his palms are up.

[A]

Terrifying.

[B]

So I had that time to get to the elevator. And I'm hitting the button. And I'm hitting the button. The night elevator opens, and it's filled with people from the Rainbo Room.

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

it's just a wall of black tie and gowns, just taffeta and Ben Gay, just all these. So I wedge into the elevator, and then Chris is walking towards the elevator. Now he's going to kill me, and there's going to be collateral damage. And I go, look, everybody, that's Chris Farley. And the whole elevator, like on an episode of New Heart, just goes. And he goes. Just turns around in the elevator towards.

[A]

You got so lucky.

[B]

I got sa. With a murdered me.

[C]

Oh, my go.

[A]

God, you get that temper going.

[B]

The only reason I lived is cuz just he had to get the laugh. Even in that. Even that, like, instead of running at me and grabbing me. Once everybody was mobile, he was like.

[A]

I remember I told Dana, I remember that Chris and Jay, there was a wrestling situation, and then Jay got the best of them and went into the elevator. I just went.

[B]

I. I made him turn purple.

[A]

Oh, he got the best of me. I was killed him.

[C]

So you had skill.

[A]

You had a lot of confidence.

[C]

Well, I watch a lot of ufc, so I, you know, you see me on that. Well, I've seen guys that look like you. I don't know, but. But leverage. A smaller person.

[B]

Just if it was. He was. The way he was getting up off the couch was just a godsend that I got really lucky and it just took a quick shot.

[C]

Well, he was just obviously. And he wasn't ready at all. Was. He was quick.

[B]

He was just like, hey. He always went like punchline first. He's like, all right, young fella.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, how are you?

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

I remember when David Tell and I were in the office and Farley walked in at like 1am on a Thursday. It was just like, whoa. And he's like, what are you guys doing? And at the same time, like creepy twins. We said, we'll pay you $100 to shit out the window.

[C]

Oh, you. You initiated that.

[B]

He just went, oh, give me the money first.

[A]

Give me the money.

[C]

And so he did this more than once.

[A]

17th floor.

[B]

No, that's. And we had to fill out a police report because they thought he was a jumper.

[C]

So he opens the window. Does he take down his pants? I mean, and then he puts his ass out. So, yeah.

[B]

And it was obvious right away he didn't have to at all because he was just. He turned like, purple from effort. He was just like.

[C]

So nothing happened?

[B]

No. Like a one little thing.

[A]

One hairy milk dud.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And hit Lorne Michaels, who was coming back from war. Sos. Excuse me, Paul, do you have a napkin?

[B]

Can't you see she's on you?

[A]

One of the feature players.

[B]

It fell in the window onto my desk.

[C]

Oh, what, so you initiate it and you become the victim.

[B]

Yeah. And then there was nothing to wipe his ass. Well, so we wipe. I always leave this part of the story out out of respect, but you guys know how much. How we can't love anyone more. No. So he wiped his ass with his hand.

[C]

People listening who don't. Who think being on Saturday Night Live is a barrel of monkeys. You're right. And this is an example, because when he. How much fun it is, he would

[A]

come in my office and go, yeah,

[C]

I've got a greasy trail.

[A]

Which I figured out later what it was. And he'd take my USA Today and go, give me a piece of that. And, you know, you can do the rest.

[B]

So after he wiped his ass with his hand, he went back to that mummy walk and he fucking chased us. Oh, yeah, the 17th floor with the

[C]

shit on his mommy walk and shit on his.

[B]

And I'm running down the hallway past, like, research and there's those bookshelves in the hallway. And me and David Tell are running side by side and I'm like, we're not going to make this side by side. We got to go single file. But I don't want to be in. In the back. And Dave, like, I. I'm like two years removed from competitive wrestling. And David Tell, a chain smoking, miserable guy, just passes. Oh, yeah. Like he's got a jet ski. And I hit my. I hit the bookcase. My shoulder, like, pops out. And I'm just laying on my back. And Chris, for like, minutes is just standing over me going, oh, with that.

[A]

Didn't you have the broomstick though? Or was that a. Or we don't talk about.

[B]

Yeah, that was.

[A]

Yeah, we don't talk about it.

[C]

Oh, that's even more. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

Well, the writers room.

[A]

The writers room was a very fun, late night, chaotic place. And even Downey, everyone's looking for any reason not to write.

[C]

You know what, David Spring always makes me think about simplifying my closet. You, you like that? Keeping fewer pieces, but making sure they're actually worth wearing every day. That's why personally, I keep coming back to quints. Their clothes feel thoughtful, well made and well made. Yeah, and what I mean, the pricing makes sense. That's right.

[A]

Men's linen pants and shirts are lightweight, breathable. Strike the perfect balance between relaxed and polished. I was surprised how comfortable they are while still looking, you know, pretty put together.

[C]

That's right. And they're flow knit activewear. Don't get me started. So soft moisture wicking and anti.

[A]

Oh, gosh.

[C]

It's the kind of activewear you actually want to live in.

[A]

The best part is you're getting premium quality without paying a premium brand markup. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you get pieces built to last at prices 50 to 60% less than similar brands. Everything is designed to make your wardrobe easier and better. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.comfi for free shipping and 365 day returns.

[C]

Now available in Canada too. Go to Q U I n c e.com fly for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com fly that's right.

[A]

The April 15th tax deadline is coming fast. But don't worry, you can hand off your taxes to a turbo tax expert today. Seriously, Dana, Doing taxes the old way is like being stuck in the writer's room at 4am Mentally freaking out, overloaded, chasing updates, rewriting, waiting on someone else. Jim Downey. It's a disaster. Yeah.

[C]

Is it done? Because, you know, did I miss the deduction for the wig? You know.

[A]

Exactly. That's the lingering stress of did they miss something? You have zero control. The deadline is breathing down your neck. It's less than ideal. But with Intuit TurboTax, you can hand off your taxes to a dedicated full service expert. They get it. They understand your specific tax situation, handle everything for you, start to finish. Do it online or meet in person at one of their new tech enabled store locations. Have your tax forms imported directly into the App and hand everything off to your TurboTax expert while they work to

[C]

get every dollar you deserve, you can go about your normal routine, giving your time. Back to working on my Mickey Rooney impression. I was the number one star in the world. Or finally watch that trending clip. Everybody's right.

[A]

And I'd rather be at the gym doing crunches, you know, whatever. TurboTax gives you your time back. So we can just sit here and riff on the absurdity of showbiz, which is all we do. It's a win, win. Don't wait. Visit TurboTax.com and hand off your taxes to a TurboTax expert today.

[B]

The first sketch I ever handed Downey, I didn't know, like, he slept there. He was going through some shit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he just wanted us around, like in the loneliest hours, between 3 and 6am so remember, he'd make us watch, like Joliet High School basketball. Like, look at this. Look. Look at the ball movement. Oh, you were out by that.

[A]

He did like to talk about, like, if I ever got in that Downey's office, which all we want to do is get Downey's expertise. And he was, you know, he's been there for 20 years. So when we get in there, he goes, spade, what is going on in Arizona? And then I would go through all that, but I'm trying to go through my progression so I can get to my horrible sketch that he's not going to like. And I would talk and talk and just talk, and we would just talk. And Schneider let me in. I'm next. Too much time. So two in the morning, you leave and then Schneider goes in. And then. But poor Jim, that's what he had to do is just take okay ideas. One time he did say something smart. He goes, well, he always said something smart. Yeah, but he said something that I remembered where he goes, there's times when you're going to give me an idea, and I'm just going to say, I don't think you should write it. And I can't really tell you why. I just know it probably won't get on, and I can't even articulate. It's just not right. And I said, okay, fair enough. And sometimes I would do it. And he goes, I don't think that's the one. And I'd be like, this is one of the guys that decides. So why go through the motions of writing unless it's going to be so primo? He has to overturn his opinion. But he just goes and that's hard to do. It's hard to tell someone not to write something.

[B]

The first sketch I ever handed him was the Christopher Walken Psychic Friends Network.

[A]

That had to have gotten on, didn't it get on?

[B]

Eventually, but I was, you know, I didn't see him until like 9am oh. And I finished it at like midnight.

[C]

So you stayed the whole night on

[B]

the couch and this. And then he. They go, oh, you can go. I think it was Laurie Joel, because you can go see him. And then he's sitting on his little couch brushing his teeth. It's like a face of foam.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he goes, let me see it. And I go, hey. And I hand it to him and he puts his palm out like this. And I put the sketch in his palm and he goes, yeah, it feels a little long.

[A]

He just weighed it out and then

[C]

handed it back to you.

[B]

He was right, though.

[A]

Oh, my God. I mean, it was heavy.

[B]

It was a heavy sketch. Yeah, it was long.

[A]

I'd get there and sometimes there was a Franken or maybe was it Rosie Schuster? They would be Rosie Schuster. 18 pages and read through.

[B]

Now rate it.

[C]

Who is that?

[A]

Which one's Franken?

[C]

Oh, Franken.

[B]

Okay, I remember I had Franken somehow in like some sketch that was gonna get on. I think it was like Good Morning Brooklyn or something. It was gonna get on. Like, it was just the vibe was there. Yeah. And I had Franken and No, it was Psychic Friends. It was the walk in sketch. And Schneider goes, you gotta switch out. No, you gotta switch out, Franken. You can't. And I go, no, this is funny. Cause he's like the guy. And he goes, no, don't put Franken in your sketch. And I go, why not? He goes, follow me. And we walked out of the office, around the corner, down the hallway, and there's the framed photos. And it's when they were having the white sale with slaves with Belushi and I guess and Bill Murray. And then the third one is Frank. And they're just standing there like, whatever. And Frank Franken's like, oh, yeah, like all puffed up chest. He goes, that's why. Because he's overacting, that's why.

[C]

Schneider's an old soul.

[A]

Schneider is Schneider.

[B]

You're a rookie. What do you know?

[C]

You don't know what you're doing. They're poisoning our water.

[A]

Well, he can also note you in your own sketch, you know.

[C]

No, he's great because he was one

[A]

of the ones that got the pit sketches. So he. That was I mean, I'm talking Franken. Like, he would.

[C]

Oh, man.

[A]

He would. If he's in it. He's also a writer, and he's also one of the producers that picks sketches. So he has a lot of control of your own sketch, which might that rub you wrong?

[C]

Is the Game of Thrones of SNL partnering with someone. Even if you go into the room and you go, I kind of have an idea. Be like your psychic walking. And then let them start the ball rolling.

[B]

Oh, that's great. That's great.

[C]

So they get proprietary. So when Lauren. Is there anyone walking, psychic, they're involved.

[B]

Yeah, see, I didn't know any of that.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I think when Jay started. I don't know if I knew you. Did I know you ahead of time or I just knew you there?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. So I think we all had trouble when we got there. Me, everybody. I had a lot because I couldn't quite. I had this dope that was better than me, this guy Dana. So when I got. David's always there when I got there.

[C]

He was like my protege.

[A]

I was the longest feature player. Rob went first, Sandler went first. Farley. They all went to cast. And so I stayed an extra year on the bench, kind of. And I remember when. I think you came on, it was kind of tough. And maybe I try to tell you. And at the beginning, in my recollection, you were like, you know, I know it's hard. I know how it is. But the truth was, you can't even be prepared. It's like, you know it, and you get there and you go, well, my sketch was funny. What's going on? And then it just. That's exactly what happened to me.

[C]

How did you start?

[A]

You start to go, how do you. And then after three weeks of that, like, I gave my best sketch the first week, and it almost got on. And then after that, it was a lot tougher because that was the one I worked on. I go, this has to work. And then another week comes by, another week, and if you're not getting stuff on, you start to lose your mind.

[C]

Let me ask both of you guys a question. I mean, the first year, I kind of harvested or adapted stuff that worked for me in clubs a lot of the time, you know? So I'm wondering what. What were your killer bits when you got it? And you, too, Jay, like, how you got the show? I mean, you're walking is right up there.

[B]

I'm more of a mimic, so I didn't have. Like, you have to. You're really great, Dana, at, like, your original characters.

[C]

But I'm just doing an impression of a person I met, kind of. It's a. It's a close, but it was.

[B]

But it's still an original thing. Like, I'm just mimicking. And I remember when Jim Downey said, you know, go to the guys. You know, go around to the other guy's offices and just do impressions. Let them know what you. And I was like, so offended. Like, I'm not gonna be a door to door seller clown. But that's exactly what I should have done. If I could have done it over again, I would have just walked into your office and been like, I wrote

[C]

a list out of everyone that I did.

[B]

Really?

[C]

And just passed it all around.

[B]

Yeah, my nose.

[A]

That's smart.

[C]

Well, what did you. Who were you doing at that point? Says Midwest.

[A]

Who'd you come in with?

[C]

You've been in clubs for a few years.

[B]

Like Pesci.

[C]

Nothing tacky. Sure, Pesci's hard.

[B]

Andrew McCarthy was that.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Movie eyes, too.

[B]

We did it. I love her, man. Oh, yeah, we did it with Phil on Sassy when he had that talk show.

[A]

We were just talking about Sassy.

[C]

Oh, yeah, that was with Phil Hartman. See, that's funny. Like, if people. If it's not accurate for me, like, that's just funny. I love her so much.

[B]

I love her, man.

[C]

It's just a funny, funny attitude. And then you just say, that's Andrew McCarthy. Yeah.

[A]

And it works because if you have one move, the eyes, the voice, look close enough there, you get your laugh. That's all you need, really, in those sketches.

[B]

And I did a bunch of black car, like Arsenio and Tracy, but he wasn't famous yet. Crippled. Stay wet.

[C]

So you doing crippled?

[B]

Yeah, that's why I got these wheelchair gloves. David Spade.

[C]

And this was seeing him in the clubs. He wasn't on snl.

[B]

Yeah, I went to go see him at the. I went to go see him at the Improv. And I walk into the Improv and he's fist fighting the audience in the hallway before they redid it. And I go to help him. It was like 80 against one. And he's just like, yeah, I miss my daughter, God damn it. And then I go to help him in the fight, and he turns to punch me in the face, and his fist stops, like, right at my face, and he stops and he goes, I'm not gonna fuck with you, Jay Morris. You legendary. That was his way of saying, either of you. I almost just punched you. In the face. I put a baby in you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jay Moore got boy pregnant. I like when Tracy does observational humor, but it's. It's only observational to Tracy. He's on stage, like, Oxnard. Who else remembers finger Portuguese girls on the amble courts? You know what? I'm going. You know what? I'm talking old white people with turquoise. They all have, like, turquoise jewelry on. They're all, like, earthy mono. You know them Portuguese girls been giving up the pussy under handball courts.

[A]

Well, Jason, we're not gonna have you back.

[B]

Oh, okay. God damn it. That's so funny.

[A]

That's so fucking funny.

[B]

Daryl Hammond tells the story of Tracy. Like, was Daryl's savior. Like, Daryl was struggling. And Tracy goes, we gotta go. Give respect to the man. Like, this is the streets, Daryl. So he's gotta go, like, we have to have, like, our meeting with Lauren. Just let him know we're soldiers.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

And so they wait. They wait for, like, two hours. And they finally get in, and Lauren's like, have a seat, guys. Hold on a second. Hello, Mick. It's like Mick Jagger calls. They're sitting in those big fucking chairs, and he's like, one second. Hello, Mick. How's the tour? And then they start talking, and Dick Cheney's office calls. They're just getting more emasculated, so it's like eight minutes total. And then he goes, all right, thanks. And they go outside the office, and Tracy looks at Daryl and goes, there ain't no eye rolling in that D. And that meant, like, we're in the big leagues. There ain't no eye rolling in that D. Yeah.

[C]

So did you. Did you partner up with. With Daryl? A little bit. But two impressionists.

[B]

We've been doing shows.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

Now, Right?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, good. Like, just a night of impressions. Like, he does 20 minutes. I do 20 minutes.

[A]

Do you have any overall?

[C]

And then Q and A. Is this the two of you?

[B]

We shut down the Q and A last year. Cause it's like, do the Q and A's. Like, dude, Schwarzenegger, Damn.

[A]

It's like, I don't do Q and A's are tough.

[B]

Yeah. We like to take all the variables out. And the book, we have a guy, Greg Baldwin, who's, like, the moderator. He's like the James Lipton. And then we do. You know, we just go back and forth, back and forth. We tell a couple stories, and then we'll do, like, speed round, which is mostly cartoons.

[C]

That sounds great. That sounds like a great show.

[B]

You like cartoons?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who's your favorite Muppet?

[C]

Kermit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I just.

[B]

I hold Kermit Defrog.

[A]

No, I like some other ones.

[C]

Cookie Moss.

[A]

Who's a homeless guy?

[B]

Are you guessing or like who is your favorite Muppet?

[A]

Are you guessing?

[C]

I'm not a Muppet guy. I'd be. I'd be. I'm not a Muppet guy. Beaker.

[B]

Beaker's tight, see? And his boss, Professor. Professor Honey.

[A]

Bald guy.

[B]

Yeah. He had no eyes, but he had glasses.

[A]

Muppets were killing it.

[C]

I don't Muppet guy.

[B]

I'm old school. I like Bert.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Bert and Ernie. What was the story with them?

[B]

Everybody.

[C]

Yeah, one came out right.

[B]

Bert. Everybody thinks Bert's an. But Ernie just wore him down until he snapped.

[A]

Bert just runs a tight ship.

[B]

Yeah. And Ernie was military guy.

[A]

Ernie was a navy guy. Yeah, Ernie was kind of a fuck around.

[B]

Bert's a total navy guy. Make the bed nice and early.

[A]

They have to be a little opposite to make it work.

[B]

So, going back to Dana's question.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, I didn't really bring anything other than impressions in with me. But then I kept my impressions like a secret. And then I had resentments that nobody was wearing.

[A]

Dumbest thing you've ever done.

[B]

Yeah. Which is again, untreated because I mean,

[C]

you did all these movies and I see you like always and I got

[A]

a question for you. I'm jumping around.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Talking to my co host was asking you something.

[C]

I was just saying you're more than an impressionist in your career, you know, Sports commentator.

[A]

That's not what I was going to say.

[B]

Well, that's the thing with impressions too. When people go. How come you don't do impressions when you're on stage?

[C]

It's.

[B]

It's not to me, it's not stand up. It's a whole different toolbox. Yeah, I feel like I'm kind of cheating. Like this isn't stand up. I'm just doing these fucking.

[C]

Well, it used to be I would get teased a lot in San Francisco. Like Bobby Slade. Yeah, yeah. Do a funny voice, do a funny fight, you know, that's all you do. And then I walked into the Holy City's little club one night and he's doing one of the Bowery Boys. That's like his big clothes. Bowery Boys? Yeah, the Bowery Boys. Sorry, going back. Yeah. It seems like it's a big advantage just to have impressions to go to. Maybe not depend on, but to go to on that show.

[B]

Only if people Know that you have them.

[C]

You or didn't you just go around the office, go, hey, how about this? The guy saying they literally never found out you had this secret.

[B]

Well, they found out like, you know, it would be like whatever movie was playing, right? I would start quoting the movie because I just talk in movie quotes all the time anyway, so that's how I got Keitel on. And Keitel. Look, I understand you super pissed.

[C]

Harvey Keitel.

[B]

I don't know what you think you know, but you're wrong. He's a good kid.

[A]

Can I tell? I never hear anyone do well, nice.

[B]

Now you paid attention to the broadcast. We did it. You were in the sketch. No, I know we did.

[C]

Wow, SNL secret.

[A]

Well, when was it?

[B]

Where do you guys hide the cameras?

[A]

We're not filming this stupid thing we couldn't afford. We didn't describe what you're doing because we're stupid. No, my eye is fucked up.

[C]

What happened?

[A]

I was going to tell you when you came in. I don't know, I just. I woke up, my eye was red on the side. So it looks like shit, but I think it's not life threatening.

[B]

Did you have characters when you came in or.

[A]

You know, we did the thing where you like what you guys are saying about your standup. Mine was just stories and stand up and punchlines and just talking. So I really wasn't loaded to go in there to go. I think it's a good idea to go into the offices and say, hey, guys, I can do this. Or hey, if you ever need something, but you have to. I'm wondering why does no one write for me, but no one even knows who I am and they don't give a fuck and they've got 10 guys that are great right there to pick from, so you almost have to go sell yourself, which is what we both didn't do. And I didn't have as much to offer. Like I was just like sort of sarcastic. That might have been what they picked up just around the office or talking at the read through table or at rewrites. But you had some things that were useful, like impressions and attitude. So I guess it would have been good for you to go to the Smiggle, go to Conan, go to those guys, whoever was still around. Jack Handy probably wouldn't have written that much for either of us because he was writing his own stuff that was almost didn't need people.

[C]

Well, you want to have a reason, you know what I mean? To do the impression. That's kind of organic. Those guys Make a good cavalcade of,

[B]

you know, it was funny. Like the things that don't get on. Like when you're just swinging for the fences because you've had no sketches on for so long. I remember me and Steve Luckner had Christopher Walken as a wa. At Fridays. And that was the whole schedule.

[A]

Oh, is that you?

[B]

Like, you should have a dessert. It's Mount Fopolis. We would laugh like that. It's hilarious table. And it just takes a dump. Really?

[C]

Yeah. That's such a funny.

[B]

It was funny, but it's just like, what's. What's. What is the sketch. The sketch is, hey, I work here, right?

[A]

I remember Andy Robin had a sketch. He wound up going on Seinfeld as a writer. But when he was on snl, he had a sketch where people walk by each other in an office and they go, how you doing? He goes, this week? Or something. They kept missing what they were saying and they'd say the wrong answer. You know what I mean? Like he misheard him or something. Or something dumb. But it was just walk bys the whole sketch, I think. And then he submitted it probably five times. And that is the hardest thing to do is if you're not getting on. And the second time you put a sketch in, I've done it, it's got a stink on it. No matter why it didn't get on the first time, Even if the host. It got cut after dress or it killed, but then it bumped with something, the second time just isn't as good. And it's just harder and harder to get something on. Did you resubmit things you were saying you did?

[B]

Yeah, Psychic Friends Network. Cause it got. It got. Why did it get cut?

[A]

How did it get caught?

[B]

Jesus. It was first week with Charles Barkley and Nirvana. When I did Barkley versus Barney.

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[B]

As the cold open, which was just. I panicked. I was like Barkley. But like, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. And then I had to write it. And then.

[C]

And you were Barney the Dinosaur.

[B]

No, no. It's just because there was commercials of Charles Barkley playing basketball against Godzilla for night at the time. So I was like, barney, that's a great idea. I was like, oh, this is great. Okay, I'm in. And then we shot it at Hunter College. It was like the next morning at like 8am Thursday morning. And then when I get there, like, Al Franken's just got like Video Village. And he's like, all right, he's got A shot list. In hindsight, thank God, because what am I? I was like, you guys play basketball? You beat up the guy in the Barney suit. They had a stuntman in a Barney suit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was. It was like, it's a very unfair tug of war. Guy that's been there eight days. Al Franken, the guy that's going to be a senator. And.

[A]

And the new guy. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And the big argument was he would. He. He didn't. At one point, I had Barkley knee. Just, basketball's out the window, and he just needs Barney in the nuts. And Franken goes, no, we're not doing that. And he goes, you can't have Barney knee, and you can't have Charles Barkley knee and Barney in the nuts.

[A]

You can't.

[B]

And that was like, my only, like, thing where I dug in and I was like, this has to be. And we wound up doing it, but it was. It was really bizarre.

[A]

Was it in it?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Got a lot more.

[B]

And so the Psychic Friends Network, it was Nirvana and Barkley. No, sorry. It was the second week with the Shannon Doherty. Yeah. And Cypress Hill.

[C]

What do you mean?

[B]

Oof. Well, I'll tell you. So I had. So the. The conceit of the sketch is Christopher Walken's the last guy you want getting inside your head and helping you with psychic issues. It's like, you know, I can help you romance. I could be in your garage waiting for you when you get home. Security.

[C]

And so that's a really good tone you have.

[B]

And then we had other. Like, David was Crispin, you were Crispin Glover. Like, hey, I want to help you. It's all these celebrities that you don't want, you know? And then we got away to a phone, and the phone doesn't ring because everybody's freaked out. And he keeps going, why aren't you calling? And I had Shannon Doherty as Sean Young in the catsuit. Because the story at the time was that she showed up to Warner Brothers dressed as Catwoman because she wanted a part. She freaked everybody out. And then Shannon Doherty, like, on Friday, says, I'm not comfortable making fun of Sean Young and was like this Pac man noise.

[A]

Exactly. That's what I was saying. A sketch loses momentum for that, and now you have to resubmit it.

[B]

Oh, I was fucking heated. And then. So I was. Well, not on that show. I thought my life was over. And then it was week three, Aerosmith and Jeff Goldblum, and I was in the writer's room just sulking, just being a Fucking baby. And Lauren comes in and goes, how's that? How's the Christopher Walken sketch coming? And I said, I'm not gonna do it this week. And he goes, I think you have guilt and momentum on your side.

[A]

Ooh. And I was like, fucking.

[B]

I didn't have a computer.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I was writing on yellow legal pad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Looking where to. I didn't know where to hand it in. Like, I don't know where to hand it to. Sketch. Yeah. Claire. Claire went home at fucking 10.

[C]

It's 3am she's trying to hand it to somebody.

[B]

All the guys are hitting a button on their computer and the sketch goes to the magic sketch place. I didn't.

[A]

Oh, it sucked because you go in there, first of all, you write in legal pad. I go home at 3 in the morning, finish writing it. I have to take a cab back from the Upper west side to hand it into Claire and the Mad Men girls that are typing it. And then I go back home and then I come back for read through. So it wasn't like attachments and there was no laptop. So it was fucking horrible. Remember that's how it was for you, right?

[B]

Yeah. And I didn't know. I knew nothing about writing a sketch. I didn't know if you're in the sketch. I don't know if I write David or do I write Crispin?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I just.

[A]

I still don't actually.

[B]

Basic. The lowest common denominator.

[A]

That's a good question.

[C]

I'm not sure I know at this point.

[A]

Back then, did we put.

[B]

I just.

[A]

Did we put names of us?

[B]

No, you put the name character.

[C]

No, he put character.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I remember. You know, I saw yesterday Ian Maxtone.

[B]

Remember when Ryder from Norm. Norm knocked him out cold. You remember that?

[A]

I think he screwed away.

[C]

I don't ever see Norm being David

[A]

or whatever you're about to say Dave was.

[B]

Why not? I don't know.

[C]

Norm violent.

[B]

I never saw Norm.

[C]

Violet.

[B]

I don't say I was fine. He squirted away water by chance, you know.

[A]

But it was a cigarette thing.

[B]

So Norm would smoke after the. No smoking. Like this is. People don't understand. Like it used to be like you could smoke in buildings. It was like, whatever. And then all of a sudden it was like, by the way, like you're not allowed to smoke in buildings anymore. So there was a grace period of people like, oh, that's right, I forgot. Or they didn't care. So Norm was on the same. Where Farley got where I tackled Farley. He was on that couch smoking. And Ian Maxone, Graham, all six, 10 of them, walks in with his little faggy yogurt. He always had.

[C]

Excuse me, you mean, you mean get a festive yogurt Happy.

[B]

That was the name of it was Happy gay yogurt. And, and he walked in with his yogurt and oats and Norm smoking. And he had a glass, a plastic cup of water and he just looked at Norm and he threw the water on Norm and Norm just stood up, one punch out.

[C]

Norm was deceptively a big guy. You don't really think of it. I mean he was sort of a bean pole in a way. In the 90s he got it thicker, big.

[B]

Do you remember when you guys did the, the crystal meth sketch? Like you were like Tony Robbins, the weight loss guy. I think it was you and Fred and it was Ride the snake.

[A]

Oh yeah, ride the Snake.

[B]

You know, they show, basically you get people hooked on meth to lose weight. And, and on those commercials where they'll show like an outline of a fat body and it says like after six weeks. And it goes in a little bit. This was like six hours. And it was like a skeleton. And so he's getting. So they had this thing of Farley at a drive thru window, a pre filmed piece. And he's like, let me have 14 cheeseburgers, 14 apple pies, 22 french fries and three chocolate milkshakes. And the guy in the box goes, will that be all? And he goes, no, I'll also have. So we argued for two hours over what the back end of that order should be like he should just repeat the exact same order. Or like, no, make that diet Coke or no, give me three apple pies. And for two hours, you know, it just goes around and around. And Norm was in the corner of the room like we, it was, I think it was 3:30 in the morning at this point. Norm goes, hey, you know, you guys have Chris at that drive through window, you know, go and give me all these burgers, you know. And the guy in the box goes, hey, will that be all? And how about Chris says, yes,

[A]

it's a great Norm.

[C]

And then when they, it's an incredible norm.

[B]

When they filmed it, Chris had like this look of incredible pride. The guy goes, will that be all? I remember he goes, yes, he was already working for him. Like he had different habits at this point. In his crystal meth crushed, right? I mean, I think it's amazing. Norm with one syllable. We were just a pack of dogs hunting in the Wrong direction. And Norm's like, yes, simplified it.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And we would go back and forth over many jokes like that. Like, how do you get out of a sketch? And you, if you're the writer of the sketch or if it's your sketch, you do get to pick. Like, you get a Downey throwing a joke in a smile, a Frank, and it's great. And you get to add. You're like, when Rob did copy machine. And everyone's like, Sting stinging it. You know, everyone throw in any thing. And he. You get the benefit of a room. Every sketch does. Not just Rob's, Everyone. That's fun.

[B]

Downey. I remember once, it's like week three, and he goes, you know, I got. I want to talk to you about comedy writing at some point. And I was like, oh, yeah?

[C]

About what?

[A]

Comedy writing.

[B]

Comedy writing. I was like, great. And so I was like, hey, you got time. And he's like, no, not today. It'll be like, down the line, me and you are going to sit down. I want to talk to you about comedy writing. So it's like week, I don't know, 17.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he goes, jay, what are you doing? He goes, when are we gonna have that talk about comedy?

[A]

Right?

[B]

And I was like, I'm ready. And he goes, come on in. I go in his office and he goes, you know what the three funniest words in comedy are? I go, no. He goes, full blown aids.

[A]

Full blown aids.

[B]

And I go, yeah. He goes, yeah. All right.

[A]

Thanks for coming by.

[C]

That was it.

[B]

He set me up for four months.

[C]

Set you up four months?

[B]

And he says, when are we gonna have that talk? Full blown.

[A]

We saw Downey this week.

[B]

Really?

[A]

And I haven't seen him.

[C]

I had dinner with him last night.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He talked about the Indian British War in 1740 for, like an hour. Unbelievable.

[A]

Mind this just in.

[C]

Oh, yeah. I just felt so fun to listen to him talk about American history. He'll go into a college library for hours in Yale or something. He's just.

[B]

I love when he'd turn up on sketches or, like, when Smigel would turn up on a sketch. I always feel like, oh, somebody from the other side cracked through.

[A]

Cracked through. It's hard be a feature player. I think Odenkirk and Conan were feature players, and they never got a fair shake to be in, especially when I was there.

[B]

The only time I saw Conan on camera was that Get Handsome sketch when Mike Myers was Get Handsome, Handsome Club or whatever. One of the guys in the audience, like, I got handsome oh yeah, that

[A]

was probably for a Alec Baldwin type host too.

[B]

How about the amount of rewrites when they're not needed? Like Mike Myers would just hand in these perfect sketches and you just sit in a room for eight hours when guys would just dissect his sketch. Bro, it's just, it's.

[A]

I know. Why are we doing it?

[B]

It's perfect.

[A]

If people at home don't know the rewrite table, what does it start at? 1 on Thursday after read through. Read through is Wednesday. I mean, ideally it starts around 1, roughly. And it goes till about 4am so you're there. That's a long haul. And every sketch gets about two hours or something. It just gets.

[B]

What's the name of the restaurant you mentioned?

[A]

Wall and Joseph.

[B]

I remember I went there. I felt like a big shot. When you're like, come on, we're going to.

[A]

Oh yeah, it's fun.

[B]

Wally and Joseph's and I. But I always felt because you came in with like Timmy and like you said like Adam and Rob and so you guys were kind of a group. And then when I came in, anytime I was with you guys, I felt like a freshman hanging out with seniors. So you're in the conversation, but you're not real.

[A]

But you weren't part of like the next group. You're sort of a tweener kind of, right?

[B]

Yeah, totally. It was me, Sarah, Norm, and all the Harvard guys like Steve Lookner, Morton, Dave Mandel and then David Tell.

[C]

There's so many Ivy League writers on snl.

[A]

I know, I know.

[C]

Where'd you go to? Did you go to college?

[B]

You know, no one's ever asked me that in my life.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Ever. That's the first I joke about it. Nobody's ever asked me, where'd you go to college? It's just implied only because you're mentioning

[C]

the Harvard guys, but yeah, this is New Jersey. San Francisco State, baby. 95 bucks a semester, sister.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, it's just a joke.

[B]

No, I wasn't hard student because there's no curriculum for stand up comedy. Right. And so it's just like what is this? We're adding letters. Like what the are we talking about?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then you go, but like she just

[C]

got in the clubs right out of high school then.

[B]

Yeah, I started at 16, same as you.

[C]

16? I didn't start at 16.

[B]

What did I say? You didn't let me finish.

[C]

You said 20.

[A]

He said 60.

[B]

Yeah, you didn't let me finish.

[A]

I have another question for you. Ready? By the way, when you look up research on you. It says what Jay's favorite songs are.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Why?

[B]

I think that was a Don Imus question. You got to give him your top five.

[A]

Oh, all right.

[C]

Here. Because it's out in the ether. What's the difference between whether you could talk about your first marriage versus your recent marriage? I mean, being a mature.

[A]

Easier to be married later in life,

[C]

being a mature adult, getting married as opposed to being young. Lauren said something wise.

[B]

Every man should have three marriages. One in his 20s and 30s, one in his 40s, and the third in his 50s, when he knows what he really wants. And that's exactly how it went with me. Did you have three?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And Jeannie's the first. I'm not even gonna say marriage because I don't want to put anybody on blast, but, like, the first woman I've ever been with that just wasn't, like, depressed, so it's like, career and, like, her own. Like, oh, I'm gonna go. Look at. I'm gonna go. What'd you say?

[A]

I said, there's some blast. No, no, but you're younger.

[C]

Expound on that.

[A]

The one I knew was an actress. Seemed like, great girl, and that. I think everyone just changes in life. So you change. Maybe she changes. Maybe it's a great run. And then it. It just turns into something else where it doesn't work out.

[B]

The first one, I just was never, like, in love. It just sort of. That's how it goes. That's the progression of a relationship. Somebody. You know, when you're dating somebody and you're young, and they go, why don't. Why don't we go steady? And you're like, you know, because I'm from the 50s.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When are you gonna wear my sweater? My pin? When are you gonna do this? When are we gonna live together? And you're like, all right, you know, we'll live together. I'm turning to Colin Quinn. All right, we'll live together. Yeah, let's not, you know, cohabitate too long. I digress.

[C]

And that is, like, great. Colin, when are we gonna call these out? He just did a brilliant.

[B]

Colin, when are we gonna get engaged? When are we.

[A]

Then.

[B]

When are you gonna get married? And then the proposal was like, there's your ring. Are you happy? Like, that's actually how it went.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's not a good.

[C]

So that. How long did that last?

[B]

Six years.

[C]

And then I was on the show,

[B]

and she was in la, so I was.

[C]

Let me insert this. Did you ever hear Lauren say this? There's something about a man in his 40s and a woman in her 20s. They're both at the peak of their power.

[B]

Did he say that?

[C]

It's almost Dr.

[A]

Evil.

[B]

That was almost Jimmy Stewart.

[C]

Yeah. They're both at the peak of their power. And the other quote. Have you heard this one? I said it on the podcast. Lauren, again. Marriage is a prison that everyone's trying to escape into.

[B]

You know who said that? Kris Jenner.

[C]

Anyway, so the second marriage.

[B]

I don't even know what you said, because I was. I'm embarrassed. I was all fired up. I had Colin.

[C]

Well, I wanted to call out that you're just. He's throwing in these subtle impressions. So give us a little quote.

[A]

Let me get.

[B]

I'll give you. What was the quote, though?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Marriage.

[C]

Marriage is a prison that everyone's trying to escape into.

[B]

Well, I don't. I don't feel that way this time because I'm. You gotta understand. Okay.

[C]

All right, let's break it down.

[B]

I've been. As of today, I've been sober two years and six months.

[A]

Oh, that's it.

[B]

So I met Jeannie after my divorce, where that. A divorce is the biggest hole in your soul. Because you get married because you're certain it's an impossibility that you're gonna get divorced. That's why you get married. Like, oh, this is it. This is great. And then when that starts, when the panels kind of start coming, the space shuttle, it's. It gets it. You get nuts.

[A]

Christy McAl said the same thing.

[C]

It feels to me like a marriage. The one thing a marriage can't. Can't survive is contempt.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Either. From either side.

[A]

Well, if you were. Not. If you were. If you were. Drink or whatever.

[C]

Well, what was your drug of choice? Were you.

[B]

This time? It was Adderall. I went down. Oh. It helped me focus on getting.

[A]

I think more people do.

[C]

So then you started taking it just to feel okay.

[B]

After the divorce, it was like, well, shit. Like, I want to. I just want it to, like, feel something. I've always been a drug addict and an alcoholic. It wasn't like this one event made me this thing. Like, I was an alcoholic and drug addict when I was born, and long before I ever picked up a drink. I've always needed more than anybody else in every capacity.

[C]

And, yeah, it's just a genetic brain.

[B]

Everybody else has this, like, plan for living that I'm not aware of. And I always felt, like, on the outside looking at. Like, if you and I were kids and I was at your house, and we were on your couch watching tv. I would spend that entire time trying to convince you that we were having a good time on your couch watching tv. Like, I was just needy. Desperation's got a very distinct scent, and I stunk.

[C]

Well, yeah, that's. Well, we all are having a fist fight in our head, either a lot or a little.

[B]

Yeah. You know, so I. I quit drinking 1998, and then I used drugs alcoholically. I'm a big pill guy. I love pills. So it was like Vico and Norco, and then when I stopped that a couple times. And then Adderall is the one that brought down the Beast. And so that the divorce didn't make me use, I chose to go back to using drugs. Like, I felt like I was. I like, having a secret. Like I'm getting away with something, like. Yeah.

[C]

So this is right when the pandemic was starting, kind of in the middle of.

[B]

The pandemic was fantastic. Oh, I was just snorting Adderall, and I was paddleboarding and fishing for my paddle board. I was just insane. I lived in Malibu on the water, and I would just snort rails of Adderall.

[C]

Did it make you lose a tremendous amount of weight?

[B]

Oh, yeah. I went into treatment at, like, 160. I just was all, I'll show you my before.

[A]

You know, Adderall's big. I was having lunch with people about only, like, a year ago, and the guy goes, I wish I had my Adderall with me. I don't have one. And the waitress came out. He goes, do you have an Adderall? And she goes, yeah, yeah. And I was like, does everyone have Adderall?

[C]

He's like, yeah, I know. People just take a decent amount and then write or do a project.

[B]

Yeah, but.

[C]

But then addiction's a whole nother.

[A]

Well, it's hard to keep it in check, I'm sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So I met Jeannie at the very beginning where it was, like, manageable. It's fun. Fun with problems. Then it's problems. So she met me at the fun, and then it was fun with problems. She was. I had a radio show, and I interviewed her over the phone, and I imagine that there was, like, a vibe there over the phone. I like. All right. Joining us now is Jeanie Buss on the. On the hotline. And then I went to the Twitter dm. I asked her to do my podcast. And then I had left my house. I was staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel. And when I went to the elevators to go get her. When she walked out of the elevator, it was just. I was done. Like, it was slow motion. It was. It was actually, for me, it was love at first.

[C]

So you talked to her on the phone or over in the radio. And then you see her in person. So the vibe is so strong, just instant.

[B]

I mean, I think it was one sided. Like, you know, she was. I don't think she had love at first sight. But I, like, I remember it was slow motion. I remember, like there was a green elevator door and that palm tree carpet. I was like, whoa. And I just wanted to be with her all the time. And then.

[C]

She's a happy person is kind of what you allude to. Like, that's very.

[B]

Well, I'm a happy person too. Like, that's.

[C]

But you were coming right off the addiction at that point. Yeah.

[B]

And it was like this person, like, I don't know, it was just like it was a puzzle piece that had been missing from my big jigsaw puzzle my whole life, I felt. And then my drug addiction got really bad and she was at my intervention, which was at my. An intervention being the worst surprise party you'll ever go to. You walk in like everybody you love is there, and you're like, hey, oh, no. And then I thought she did the intervention. So. You know when you're angry pack. You either never take your eyes off you either don't look at them at all.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or you never take your eyes off them.

[A]

Angry packing.

[B]

Yeah. So I was like, I was just angry packing for rehab. And I never took my eyes off a genie. And then I got to rehab and all I had was, this sucks. Yeah. And then, you know, so she stuck with me.

[A]

She stuck with you. That's a big deal.

[B]

Like, I was a mess. Like, I was a mess. There's. If the world was fair, like, we definitely wouldn't be together. I would have lost that. That prize. And we got married last week. It's eight days today we've been married.

[A]

Any SNL people? No, they're GROSS.

[B]

There's only 20 people.

[A]

Yeah. I guess the odds.

[C]

So do you think all of us?

[B]

David, I need you to pick the energy up a little bit.

[C]

Just.

[A]

Jay, this is high energy. No, you're talking about something nice. I'm trying to shut the up for a second. It's hard. It's very hard.

[C]

Dell PCs with Intel inside are built for moments that matter, for the moments you plan and the ones you don't. Built for the busy days that turn into all night study sessions. The moment you're working from a cafe and realize every outlet's taken the times you're deep in your flow and absolutely the last thing you need is an auto update throwing off your momentum.

[A]

Yep, that's why Dell builds tech that adapts to the way you actually work. Built with long lasting batteries, you're not scrambling for the closest outlet and built in intelligence that makes updates around your schedule, not in the middle of it. They don't build tech for tech's sake, they build it for you. Find technology built for the way you [e-mail] DellPCS built for you

[D]

Testing season is right around the corner and this is when confidence really matters. When kids take time to review key concepts and strengthen their skills before assessments, it can make all the difference. IXL helps reinforce what they're learning right now. So they walk into every test feeling prepared, capable and confident. IXL is an award winning online learning platform that helps kids truly understand what they're learning, whether they're building math confidence, strengthening reading and writing skills, or reviewing science concepts. Designed for students from Pre K through 12th grade, IXL delivers personalized, interactive practice that adapts to your child's level and pace. It's an easy, effective way to support learning. As the school year heads into its final stretch. Studies show kids who use IXL score higher on tests proven in all 50 states. IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the US make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixlearning.com audio Visit ixllearning.com audio to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price, real skin results start with one daily ritual Meet daily Microfoliant from Dermalogica. This iconic exfoliating powder activates with water to gently polish away dullness and uneven texture. It leaves skin instantly smoother and more luminous while supporting your skin barrier. Formulated with professional expertise to deliver visible results daily, even on sensitive skin. Discover your healthiest skin today. Visit dermalogica.com and use code Smooth at checkout for an exclusive gift with your $65 purchase.

[C]

So now this marriage is like none other. Like the not nothing against the first two wives.

[B]

No, I think it's like, it's also like, you know, it's your last. Yeah, it's like I'm 53 and it's when you've. When you've been so humbled and demoralized and You've come completely undone, and then you've brick by brick and stone by stone, built yourself back up into a human being that you've been meant to be the whole time, and that person's waiting for you at the end of that journey. I mean, that's. Who else would you want to spend

[A]

the rest of your life?

[C]

What's your coping mechanisms when you feel bad if it's not at all or whatever?

[B]

I'm a weird guy. I don't really.

[C]

Do you meditate? Do you take out?

[B]

Yeah, every day. I don't really feel bad that though I'm one of those weird. I'm wired weird. Like I'm.

[C]

For an addict, usually it's a comic even.

[B]

Like, I just wake up kind of fired up.

[A]

I always known you to be upbeat.

[B]

Yeah, I'm a happy dude. Yeah. Like, I've always been that way. I don't know. It's just. Sometimes it's just the way your hard

[C]

drive is installed, I think so it feels like it's a thermostat that you get at first.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because even if I was on the color or a cover of Rolling Stone or something, I felt I was always in this certain range on a 1 to 10, maybe. Maybe 6 or a 7. Not have to go lucky. But it stayed kind of consistent.

[B]

Yeah. And in addiction, it goes the other way, whereas it just becomes this mania like you had also, when I was in my addiction, I was diagnosed manic depressive. I was diagnosed bipolar. And then I work a program and I go through 12 steps for a program that might be anonymous. And then that became. Now I have, like, this monotheism for all of my problems. Like every single problem in my life, it can be remedied by the program.

[C]

So they're not. No one's suggesting medication or anything for.

[B]

No, I actually got off. That was the end of the story that I forgot to put in. Is at about a year and a half sober, I got off all my medication, and it was just. It was a direct result of my drug addiction. It's like the old equalizers on a car stereo where you get them just right. And when you snort Adderall, you just bang. You just blast them all up to 10 across. Treble bass, fader, this. And then when you come off them, boom, they come crashing back down. And then you just keep jamming them back and forth, back and forth. And it's just not an accurate. It's just not an accurate gauge of how you're actually feeling because you're either in mania or you're just completely panicked because you're going to run out of drugs.

[A]

Damn.

[C]

So Saturday Night Live is an emotionally violent place for anyone with mental health stuff or.

[B]

Yeah, but I was.

[A]

I'm.

[B]

One of the best things I learned in recovery was that I am the reason for all of my suffering, which thrilled me. Because if I'm the reason for my suffering, then I always have a solution. I can change how I'm looking at something or I can go be of service and help somebody else. And then just. Because if I'm pissed off, it's really just a perverse selfishness because if I'm pissed off, I'm only thinking about me. So as an active alcoholic on Saturday Night Live, it's, you know, woe is me. Pour me, pour me, pour me a drink. So it's like I didn't get my. I didn't get my sketch on. Like, oh, this place. Yeah. And that's. If I could do it again. If to be. I guess it's like the classic SNL lament. Oh, if I could be 53 in that 23 year old body and just be like, okay, I can do it. I get to watch Nirvana rehearse. All right.

[A]

I know. You didn't even think of how great we had it. Like see Nirvana and the like cafeteria eating.

[C]

I never felt like they owed me anything. Or even in stand up, I remember I would talk to young comedians. Like they get all into the drama. Yeah. I was friends into the drama of stand up. I'm getting. Man, I should be middling by now. And they put that guy getting all wound up in that.

[B]

I think guys like you and me had a lot of success quickly. Like it was sort of. Yeah. Don't you think so? Like you're.

[C]

I had a lot of stage fright. Well, there were no comedy clubs when I started. Literally, I opened for bands.

[B]

This really is the key to enjoying the benefits of the pro. Yeah, that'll set you back.

[C]

Yeah, just opening for bands and getting annihilated stuff, normal stuff. But once I got into a club, a real club, not a honky tonk bar like the other cafe and the hate. I started to progress just because of the environment.

[B]

Well, your talent, though, you can't, you can't deny it. I think it's. Would you say that you rose quickly once you got into the right environment of clubs?

[C]

I would say that as quickly as I can. That I never was able to wrap my mind around. Like, I'm one of those guys. Like I'm going to be on tv like Jerry Lewis or Jackie Gleason or something. And so I was. I did a lot of shitty television because I had no. They offered me Blue Thunder and I was in a helicopter. James Ferrantino, who was coked out and drinking straight vodka, by the way. And what else do you do? Yeah, I know. So it.

[A]

It.

[C]

In retrospect, it seems like I played

[B]

Morongo Casino and they sent the helicopter for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And my pilot was Lorenzo Lamas.

[A]

Shut the fudge.

[B]

And they said, yeah. At Van Nuys Airport, they're like, this is your pilot. We call him Lorenzo Lamas. And I was like, ah, yeah, he looks like him. And then we're like, somewhere over, like, Ontario. And it's. I look at him, it says Llamas on his headset.

[A]

To make. To grind it into you.

[B]

Yeah. I was like.

[A]

To make sure you ask him.

[B]

Yeah, Only on my side. I was only on my side. He had to switch it. And I wanted to ask him, like, are you Lorenzo Lamas? But I didn't want to be that obvious, so I was like. So it was like, how much money do you think you've left on the table doing this? That was pretty smooth to ask him that, right?

[A]

Is that what you said?

[B]

Instead of saying, like, are you.

[C]

What do you say?

[B]

And he goes, oh, of 95% of it. I'm like, okay, that's Lorenzo Lamas.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then he's a helicopter pilot, not an Uber truck.

[B]

He just digs it. And then he stayed. I said, come to the show. And he's like, I'm not supposed to. I'm like, come on. So he stayed. He stayed for the show. And then we flew home. And somewhere over, like, the desert, he goes, do you mind if we stop for gas?

[A]

Helicopter?

[B]

Who says no to that? Let's just ride it out.

[C]

We got lax.

[B]

What do you want, E?

[A]

Before Jay goes, I have to ask. Tell him one more thing. Was I. I auditioned for Jerry Maguire.

[B]

You did?

[A]

Yeah, for your part.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Bob Sugar.

[C]

Interesting.

[A]

So who got it anyway?

[B]

No, I remember when I. When we were auditioning.

[A]

Is that Cameron Crowe?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There was already an offer to Owen Wilson because they had done Jim Brooks and Owen Wilson had already done Bottle Rocket together. So by the time that. I don't know about you, but. But, hey, when I do Owen Wilson.

[C]

Do this part, When I do Owen

[B]

Wilson, it sounds like Jennifer Coolidge. I mean, I try to do it, but my mouth gets too tight and I like. I say we take it up I

[C]

do him telling a toddler, you can't have any more candy.

[B]

Please let me.

[C]

I don't think you should have any more candy. I'm just doing Melissa.

[B]

I love that guy.

[A]

I do.

[B]

He's the greatest of Haunted Mansion. I'm like, oh, he was on the screen.

[C]

I'm like, owen Wilson.

[B]

I love this guy.

[C]

Woody Harrelson. Matthew McConaughey.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Three Texas eccentrics. Put them in some movie. Hollywood.

[B]

I love those.

[A]

Here's my Colin Quinn. When I said his friend just moved in with his girlfriend, I go, did he like moving in with his girlfriend? He goes, what do you think?

[B]

What do you think? Anyway, before we leave, I don't know. This is a quick podcast. I gotta tell you two spade stories that are fantastic.

[C]

Oh, I love it.

[B]

Where I was doing, I went back to see the show, and I was filming Picture Perfect with Jennifer Aniston, and I see Davey in the hallway, and he goes, how do you like working with Jenny? And I go, I'm such a dick. I go, I don't know. She smokes cigarettes. And he goes, let her down easy. Is that the most David joke ever? Yeah, that is exactly how it went. Let her down easy. And then he did that David thing when he goes. And then we. We were at a strip club, and the dancer. I'm being generous. The dancer. The artist.

[A]

The artist.

[B]

You know, like when male bodybuilders, they can flex their pecs.

[C]

Arnold used to do that.

[B]

So this girl would do it. And so she's dancing for David and she's going, like, doing the bodybuilder boob flex. And it's like two songs go by, and she circles back around, and she does it again, and David goes, seen it. She was like. She just got humiliated. You were like, I seen it.

[C]

Seen it. That's very David. Yeah.

[A]

God, it reminds me. We went. We got a picture with. Who cares? Okay. Thank you, Jay.

[C]

We.

[A]

We. You have the best stories. This is great. I know. Thank you for coming on, buddy.

[C]

Amazing. This is great.

[A]

It's easy, right?

[B]

Like, you could do it on zoom. I'm like, oh, I want to hang out.

[A]

No, it's fun to come in here. We like when people come in, we

[C]

do a lot of zooms. Trust me. A lot of zooms. A lot of zooms. But we.

[B]

Carsenio.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I understand that a. A crib is your house and your bed.

[A]

I know. I can't.

[B]

Long fingers. Gotta love a wig.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I'll show you something when we're done here. Oh, yeah, because it's, it's, it's Farley and Hartman on, on a Carson episode.

[A]

Or they domed Eloise and domed Eloise

[C]

Burt Reynolds where they flip out. Did you ever see that?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Yo, he's so fucking funny.

[B]

Do you remember when far on the Scared Straight motivational speaker we made an arrangement like when Farley falls through the wall of the prison, we were all gonna run out. Then we all run out.

[A]

Oh, like escape.

[B]

We're all gonna fall on top of Chris as a joke so he can't come back in and say live from New York.

[A]

Oh, that's funny.

[B]

So Chris goes through the wall. Me, you, Sandler, Schneider and Timmy fall on top of Chris and he just lifts us up. Like leave bags. Like he didn't. The touch peels us up.

[A]

No, like it's not even a joke.

[B]

Not even one second. Was didn't. Was just alright from New York. And he had the line where him and Martin Lawrence are selling us back and forth for cigarettes because that's the prison thing. And Barley was supposed to go, sold seven bitches to the homie and the cornrows. And instead. So you're the camera. He goes, sold seven bitches to the cormie and the homie rose. Oops,

[A]

looks in the camera.

[B]

Oh, I love you, Chris.

[A]

All right.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Thanks, boys.

[A]

Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us review 5 star rating and maybe you can share an episode that you you've loved with a friend.

[C]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[A]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese, Dennis of Odyssey.

[C]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by

[A]

Phil Sweet Tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[C]

Special thanks to Pat Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney and Lauren Vieira.

[A]

Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email [e-mail] that's a U-A C-Y dot com.