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- [00:00]
A
Comedy royalty Kate McKinnon returns as Queen Mortuana and Heads Will Roll Heir Apparent, the highly anticipated sequel to Audible's fan favorite original comedy series. She's flanked once more by co star Emily Lynn and a new star studded ensemble including Richard Kind, Lori Metcalf, Jimmy Fallon, Megan Mullally, Sam Richardson and Carrie Coon. Plus an extensive cast of comedy greats. Seriously extensive. This is wall to wall comedy at the highest level. When we last left our gloriously unhinged queen and her Raven sidekick JoJo, the unlikely besties had fled to the woods for a simpler life. Well, it did not last. Queen Mo is back on the throne, an heir apparent and facing her greatest challenge yet. Produce an heir before her 40th birthday or lose everything and spend eternity as keeper of the menstrual.
- [00:52]
B
It's a very sticky sitch. Meanwhile, JoJo's botched wing enhancement surgery turns her into a toad, leading to unexpected interspecies romance and a choice between royal duty and normal life. With her throne on the line, Mo and JoJo embark on an increasingly unhinged scheme to secure succession. Part medieval mayhem, part razor sharp social commentary, and Heads Will Roll Heir Apparent is fantasy comedy for the ages. It has everything. Trad wives, pollicules, Sasquatch, mercenaries, milk people, toad on mole, romance, a child named Barbara. Seriously, everything.
- [01:38]
A
David, when was the last time you heard of a child named Barbara? Well, don't miss a moment of Kate McKinnon and the killer cast. And heads will Roll Heir apparent, seed a child or seed the throne. Listen to Heads Will Roll Air Apparent available now on audible. Go to audible.com headsville rollseries to start listening today. All right, back to school starts now. Get long lasting battery life on the Dell XPS laptop powered by Series 3 Intel Core. So you can work from anywhere now starting at $699 with exclusive student pricing starting at $599. And it's lightweight, portable and packed with enough processing power to make multitasking a breeze.
- [02:20]
B
So say goodbye to distractions and hello to more free time because you finished your work faster, complete your setup with savings on select monitors and more. Must have electronics and accessories, limited time deals and free shipping on PCs and more await you@dell.com deals that's Dell.com deals.
- [02:46]
A
Dana, one of our old colleagues from SNL is coming on. We're revisiting Rob Schneider. Hey.
- [02:55]
B
Yes. Who I've known since he was 20 years of age.
- [03:00]
A
Yeah, you knew him in the Bay Area?
- [03:02]
B
I knew him early. Stand up. And I picked him up once and we went to a gig, I think it was called Foo Bars in the East Bay.
- [03:09]
A
Oh, yeah. Hilarious.
- [03:11]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, he's.
- [03:13]
A
Give me a ride.
- [03:16]
B
All right.
- [03:17]
A
I know he's known for movies like Grown Ups, the Hot Chick and, well, deuce Bigelow.
- [03:25]
B
Bigelow 1 and 2, you know, and the Animal were big hits.
- [03:29]
A
Oh, the Animal is big.
- [03:30]
B
Yeah. And then he's going to be in Grown Ups with David Spade. Bench warmers, we're hearing as well.
- [03:35]
A
Remember that? Bench warmers.
- [03:37]
B
Bench warmers.
- [03:38]
A
We. He had a lot of laughs with him. And this is a two parter. So here is part one of Rob Schneider.
- [03:51]
B
This is all. This is great. You're in here. These are just really fun because I can get a. A sense of you, you know, like if something's wrong or you're bored, you're suppressing a yawn, your eyes darting, that face that says, why did I say yes?
- [04:07]
C
No, I.
- [04:08]
A
Can we start it?
- [04:09]
B
It's going.
- [04:09]
C
Okay.
- [04:10]
B
We're already going. This. We're already halfway done. Wait, can I use.
- [04:14]
A
We're almost done. One last question for Rob.
- [04:15]
B
I got to go to the bathroom. I'll be back in an hour.
- [04:17]
A
I. I'll. I'll deal with this guy.
- [04:19]
B
You.
- [04:20]
A
There's one down here. Dude.
- [04:21]
C
So many thoughts were flying through.
- [04:22]
A
Go to bathroom 38. It's straight across.
- [04:24]
C
So many thoughts were flying through my head.
- [04:27]
A
You just have to field questions. It's easy.
- [04:29]
C
On the way here, you know, I'll wait for Dana to come back. Put like the
- [04:36]
A
hurry. Dana.
- [04:37]
C
No, the. The thing about you, David, was you had. You were unlike me. I would go to life and like there was like a very Asian thing, very Chinese thing. And I worked. I did a movie with Jean Claude Van Damme in China. It was a different thing. And this is going to come back to you eventually. But what happened was if there was a. In the Western world, if there is a problem, you look at it and go, okay, well, these are the tools that we need. This is how long it's going to take. And these are the amount of people we're going to get. Now in China was the exact opposite. They'd run to a place with the people that they had figured out what the problem was there, and use the tools that they could. So it was. In other words, it was like a lot of things blowing up on set, you know, like, you know, the gen. You know, the generator or whatever, getting run, rained on and blowing up. And so. But you figured out things Quicker. Like, for instance, when I first met David at an acting class here in town, you. You kind of figured out where the good looking girls, who the good looking girls were and who. And then you also had like. Instead of like, you know, when I moved down here, I moved into like a dump. And then like, you, you buy like the one piece of furniture. And then I went to your house and you had a scam worked out way ahead of time, which is like you moved in with a really good looking older woman, rented a room in her house, and the place was tricked out already.
- [06:04]
A
Oh, right.
- [06:04]
C
She had a beautiful couch. She had like. I mean, first of all, a couch was like a big deal to me. Nice. And then she had stuff on the walls. She had nothing on the walls. She had, you know, refrigerator. And you just worked out his delicate situation with her. And I went like, holy. I would have never figured that out.
- [06:18]
A
It was.
- [06:18]
B
I was looking the paper, David, I
- [06:20]
A
was looking the paper for places to live and. And on my own, I couldn't click and get one and it was too expensive. And then hers was $400, but she already had a two bedroom. So I just went and met random people. And then it was in Toluca Lake and it had a room. She had the big room and she had the whole place beautifully done. I would just walk in, skim through the kitchen. You could keep stuff in the fridge. She was very nice. And I just go in my room. So that's all I needed. I had a room with a bed and then a little desk and then a TV in the corner so I could write, pick up the phone, hear your messages, and then sleep. So that's all I needed. And it really.
- [06:56]
C
She was also a very attractive older woman. And when I say older, I mean 30, which was like, for us.
- [07:03]
A
Yeah.
- [07:03]
C
That was like a crazy old girl.
- [07:05]
A
It was like Mrs. Robinson. Yeah. And we. And I never even figured this out, but she was too out of my league, too pretty. She was an actress. And she was four, five years older than us. Six years, seven years old.
- [07:17]
C
Yeah. Which is a huge.
- [07:18]
A
Which is huge.
- [07:19]
C
Big jump.
- [07:19]
A
I could. It was weird to talk to girls our age. We had no confidence back then. And we were just like. And she was so great. But then I think the day I left, she's like, oh, you know, we never dated.
- [07:31]
C
Wow.
- [07:31]
A
And I was like, you could have said something. I stayed there 11 years.
- [07:35]
B
Well, you know what?
- [07:35]
A
I stayed there all during snl.
- [07:37]
B
Mary Lou Henner, who we're talking about, said to me, can I Set the scene for 30 seconds. You know, I do this for the audience. So this is a trifecta of people who've known each other for a long time. We'll talk about Rob and I doing stand up in San Francisco in the early days for him. He was like at eighth grade. I don't know, but he was always great. And then how I intersected with you at Nealance, what we said in the podcast, and then you two hooking up. Dennis Miller gets in there. Next we know, I get on snl, and then here come Schneider and Spade. I just wanted to set the table that we've known each other a long time.
- [08:14]
C
Yeah, there was a thing, but because we were on, I mean, I want to get to the Dana track of it all. I'm going to interview you guys. But you had a way of figuring things out. And then what I one thing. Cause I've been listening to the podcast was the psychological makeup that for people who get. For comedians who get on snl. And like, I've been like, interesting deep into this kind of. Well, I would call it like emotional damaged people. I consider myself that it's like, you know what it was like, it's like it's gotta be one parent who's missing, unavailable, either physically or emotionally, and another one trying to make up for it, who has also got problems because she's with somebody who's emotionally and physically not available. And so that was the kind of the click.
- [09:04]
A
Wow, that was mine. Exactly.
- [09:07]
C
There is something about that. Like, you know, who's not there and it's just depending on who, you know, like, then that other parent tries to make up for it and can never completely. But at the same time, like, also the youngest person in the family, you know, there's a thing about the youth or, you know, sometimes it's an older one who felt like they had to clean up for everybody else in the family. There's a weird thing though, where, like, you know, there was missing something, so you felt like you had to go out in the world and try to get it.
- [09:32]
A
So gross, but pretty accurate.
- [09:35]
B
And then that begets resiliency. If you have dysfunctional parents, you become the adult in a way. And then show business, which is an emotionally violent sport, because I want to ask you guys, like, you bombed that night or SNL person's there and you don't do well. You just go through a landfill. And then who. It's a Darwinian thing, like, who survives the Game of Thrones of early? Stand up. How do you not Give up, gets, makes friends. Other people up the food chain recognize, in your case, your guys stood out from all the young comedians on a tier below me. And for your writing and everything else. And, like, how did you deal, Rob? So you. How did you fight through this? Or were you, like, how did you get on?
- [10:13]
C
I think it was a combination of extremely vulnerable and extremely hypersensitive. I remember when I was in second grade because, you know, my mom's is. Was Filipino. She just recently passed away. Asian. And a really tough war survivor. And she was. And. And I've through therapy, through Dr. Gabor mate, who's an amazing Hungarian therapist. He's like. It's. It's like. He would call it generational trauma. In other words, that's passed on to you. I didn't even realize about this, so, like. But we would eat weird things, and my friends wouldn't want to. They wouldn't come over to the house twice. Once you see, like, you know, somebody's mom sucking the eyes out of a fish and crunching it in front of them, they don't come back for that second meal. That's it. So that's the. And so that's the way I grew up. So there would be, like, you know, you go to your other friends, they weren't like, heads. You don't go to a place and there's like, you know, the head of a fish or the head of the shrimp and stuff. But I loved that. But it was embarrassing because you were
- [11:12]
A
taught to love it and you didn't even know what you were eating.
- [11:15]
B
Is it okay for you right now to do your mom explaining that to your friends?
- [11:20]
C
It is now.
- [11:21]
B
I can't how she sounded.
- [11:22]
C
I'm in my fit. But. But. And it was. This is very harsh.
- [11:24]
A
That's what I was doing.
- [11:25]
C
It was. It was literally like my whole child, Robert. It was just literally like just. Just, you know, if. If not physically, emotionally, kind of jumping back. But I remember being in second grade, being at the tide pools, because that's what you do if you're a California kid.
- [11:38]
B
Yeah, you're.
- [11:39]
C
You're. They don't take you to the zoo. It's cheaper to just go to, like, the ocean and see if there's anything over there.
- [11:44]
B
Pacifica. Even though they're in California.
- [11:46]
C
So we went to the tide pool. And then I remember picking up one of these things that we would eat. You know, it would be an Asian thing, like a little clam or something. And I said, this smells good. And I remember the tears Ew, Robert, that's disgusting. Put it down. And that's when I realized, I said, at seven years old, I said, I am way more sensitive than any of the other kids in my, in my class, and that's my weakness.
- [12:07]
A
Yeah.
- [12:08]
C
And I knew that right then. And that was. And then it took 20 years to realize, well, that's also your strength. So it's a combination of the two things. Extreme sensitivity, but also like, you know, and my parents were like, you know, being raised by 12 year olds, you know, my mother first, because that was when her trauma happened, when, you know, in the Philippines and the Japanese came over and both her brothers were murdered by the Japanese. And so that trauma from that time, she would, whenever she had problems, she would revert to that because that was her survival mechanism. So when she was mad at my dad, I remember coming home and seeing every glass, every plate in the whole house that she could reach on the floor, broken. And my brother would just go, hey, gotta wear your shoes today. In the house, there's another agency.
- [12:54]
B
How old were you at that point when you see the broken glass? Like six, seven, eight?
- [12:59]
C
Yeah, like young.
- [13:00]
B
Really, really young. An impressionable time impression that doesn't never get the childhood fucks with you and
- [13:05]
C
you laugh at it. And then the dad would come home, Marvin would come home, the mature guy would come home and he. Whatever thing my mom couldn't reach, he'd break. And so we'd come home, even it out, nothing but broken stuff. And it's like, this is, this is normal. Didn't happen every day. But there was, that, that was representative of like, whoa, there's a landmine here. So. But it did make you tough. And I remember like going back, stand up. I just remember the sensation of bombing.
- [13:31]
A
And.
- [13:31]
C
And I said, okay, this has to be instructional. And this is kind of a thing of being tough.
- [13:35]
B
And this is you in high school,
- [13:36]
C
right when you start bombing, because it's like, you know, David, you can relate to this too. It's like when you're performing and you don't. You're not an adult, people are concerned about you. You're being in a club, there's alcohol there, they're not relaxed, and they have to be relaxed to watch. And so I just remember eating it so hard one time, bombing on stage, the physical feeling of it. And I said, okay, remember what this is? As I was walking off stage, the only thing I can describe it as, it felt like my ears were melting off of my head.
- [14:08]
A
Yeah. Sometimes when I get off, when it's such a bomb. It feels like the Hurt Locker where a bomb was on. She's like E. And everyone's talking. You can't see the mouth. You're just walking off, going. Because you're thinking of so many things. What went wrong, what was going on and how everyone's repelled from you because you bombed and they don't want to be near you. But I didn't quit. And I was saying it was like Officer and a Gentleman. I got nowhere else to go. I didn't really. I didn't have any other plan once I started in stand up. I quit school, and then I go. I have to keep doing this because I'm not good at anything.
- [14:39]
C
But it's instructional, though, because at the same time, what I didn't realize and now is realized, you know, through years of therapy, like, I feel like I'm Charles Grodin. Charles Grodin.
- [14:49]
B
By the way, when did you start stealing your therapy?
- [14:51]
A
Because I.
- [14:52]
B
Therapy at 15.
- [14:53]
A
No, no, no.
- [14:53]
C
15. Therapy. Oh, God. On and off for years. But the last few years, pretty good.
- [14:57]
B
All right, so go back. You said Charles Grodin.
- [14:59]
C
Charles Grodin would be. When you talk to him, he talked to you. Like, he said. He basically treated everybody like they were just getting out of drug rehab, you know, so every conversation, every word was kind of like this, you know, so very gentle. So that everybody. So. And it's just. It's too much, you know? But.
- [15:19]
B
Well, when did you talk with Charles Grodden? Sorry.
- [15:21]
C
Oh, no, Charles. Well, he. Remember, he had a. He had a talk show. Oh, you went on msnbc, one of those. And they had one of those guys.
- [15:27]
B
He was like a therapist.
- [15:27]
C
This is too much therapy.
- [15:29]
B
Phyllis Diller is here. He's been for a while.
- [15:33]
C
The idea of it, though, is instructional now that I think about it, because you do have to melt away the ego. You have to kind of start from zero to do stand up, to risk yourself, to risk humiliation. You got to let go of that ego and the stuff.
- [15:44]
A
I'm sure we all didn't have much ego, though, huh? We all didn't have much ego then. I mean, it was more like I didn't think I was a good stand up. I was trying to be a good one. And I was sort of all broken down into the bits anyway. So any elevation we got to. There was a point when Rob and I were pretty much from Dave, Becky, the guys that booked, like, the improv stuff were pretty much two of the best middles out there getting, I think 1,000 each. That was a lot for seven.
- [16:09]
C
They don't now. Yeah. They'd fly you somewhere.
- [16:13]
A
Yeah.
- [16:14]
B
And put you in the condo.
- [16:15]
A
Comedians condo.
- [16:16]
C
And he was like, they'd pay you as much as 1250 or 1,500 a weekend.
- [16:19]
A
Wait, what?
- [16:20]
C
Which was crazy.
- [16:22]
B
Wait a minute.
- [16:23]
A
I think I capped out 1,000. And that's when we got SNL, because we were friendly. We were friendly with Drake Sather. We knew maybe Apatow Sandler. There were some guys in the Valley doing the Valley improv. And. And then when we got.
- [16:37]
C
We never had more. We never were good headlines, but we were monster middles.
- [16:40]
A
Yeah. We didn't realize how hard you both open.
- [16:43]
B
For me, I'll say at the end of the podcast, who was the hardest guy to follow? I'm going to say I was. One second, go back to the ego thing, because I think that's really interesting. Did you guys have a sense, even if it was here and there, like a sneaky ego or kind of like, I think I might be able to do this. Like, maybe you were the funny guy in seventh grade or you did a book report and they laughed.
- [17:07]
C
So that's the problem.
- [17:08]
B
You might have had a little bit of a sneaky ego of like, I think I can do this.
- [17:12]
C
This is one thing I would respectfully disagree with you on that, David. It's gigantic ego. It's fragile and extreme sensitivity, extreme vulnerability. And that combination is show business.
- [17:23]
B
It's such a horror show.
- [17:24]
A
It is it.
- [17:25]
C
Because what it is. But what happens is once you have that monster thing that happened, like, for me, it was in high school where all of a sudden I was the funny guy. And then everything changed. Like, girls who would never look at me looked at me. And then that was it. That's my end. So that was the one kernel that would keep you going. Because he said, this can really work. I know I can do this. I murder with my friends. And so that combination of that and then. So when you're bombing and stuff, you go, this could work. This could work.
- [17:53]
A
Right. But you're not with your friends anymore. And that's the way people say, I'm the funniest guy at my office. When you go to a stage where
- [18:00]
C
no one play that to the audience, though, seriously.
- [18:02]
B
Well, I think it's part of the charisma. And I think with you guys, too, it's sort of like that likability comes from the vulnerability, but get out of the way. I'm the shit. You know, it's like it's like Elvis Presley, which you played in Japan. Yeah, well, I want to get to that in a second.
- [18:20]
A
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- [18:49]
B
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- [19:19]
C
Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car. I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Sorry, I think there's been a mistake.
- [19:27]
B
I bought it from Carvana.
- [19:29]
C
You what?
- [19:29]
B
Yeah.
- [19:30]
A
Great price.
- [19:30]
C
I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no. No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyers rejoice. I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyers rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven day return policy@carvana.com
- [19:52]
A
but
- [19:52]
B
I do think the charisma because there were alpha male comics that were like bludgeoning the audience and killing with just sort of energy and energy and loudness crowd work and stuff. And they didn't go as far as the sensitive guys who also could be strong. And also you guys are both great writers. We'll get to that later. I hate to say that, but you really were.
- [20:12]
A
We're getting to nothing now. Thank you. Everything's later.
- [20:16]
C
You have to recognize to be successful.
- [20:18]
B
Part two.
- [20:19]
C
I did recognize. I said that when I was doing stand up and you know, we kind of. You have a couple of good moments or whatever, some jokes, but then you see people who, you know, and I didn't have the confidence and sometimes you kind of get a little of it. But then you see people who are really confident and not talented. You had to recognize and I didn't understand that. That didn't make sense to me. It's like, why is that guy confident and they're headliners.
- [20:41]
A
You're like.
- [20:42]
B
But not talent.
- [20:43]
C
Yeah. So that. And you had to recognize, okay, what difference? How am I going to make it? You walk into a place in 1982, 83, there's 30 comics, and go. But I did recognize. Just that was part of the strength that I did get from my, you know, my violent mother was like, how are you going to make it? How am I going to make it? And these guys probably aren't. What's going to be the difference? I would make that thought.
- [21:04]
B
Yeah.
- [21:05]
A
Yeah.
- [21:05]
C
You know, I got to make. I got to work hard on these guys. And also I got to get rid of anything in my act that they're talking about.
- [21:10]
A
Yeah, that's the hard part. If you. The more stuff you have a side note about yourself, least likely it's gonna bump with someone else. Cause when I go up and the guy. And I'm like a middle. And the headliner goes, you're going before me? Yeah. And he goes, okay, don't do anything about Jeopardy. Wheel of Fortune driving. And I go, that's my fucking whole act. So I'm not allowed to do it. Cause it bumps with his. Which is something that happens. The other switch for me and Rob is jumping ahead. After snl, we could headline, and we weren't quite ready. And the biggest thing about headlining, for me, that was harder was a, following a good middle, like a robbery, and then B, the checks going out. The people at home don't know that when you're doing an hour set or even 45, around 25 or 30 minutes, the checks go down. And that means everyone needs to pay so they can get them out.
- [21:56]
B
Oh, they're doing math.
- [21:57]
A
And everyone stops laughing. They just go look at their check and go, hey, who had two Cokes? Did you have the curly fries?
- [22:03]
B
What's 10%, 179, 3%?
- [22:07]
A
And then everyone's like, talk. And then you go, wait. That joke usually kills it. And people never warn me, oh, the checks go out right about then. And there's some comics that say, don't put the checks out until I'm off.
- [22:17]
C
Which is.
- [22:18]
A
It fucks the waiters over. Because, you know, I never say that. Because you got. If you can get through that hump, then you're good again. Because if you're killing when you hit that hole and you go, oh, no,
- [22:28]
B
the checks went out my head.
- [22:29]
A
I see someone, like, slow motion going, oh, let me get my Visa. I go, oh, my God, everyone's getting them right now. And no one's listening. And then you got to bring them back for your closer. You got to somehow keep them around.
- [22:40]
B
It's.
- [22:40]
C
It's warfare for 20 years because of that. Because I just, like, I respected the art form too much to do it if you're not doing it all the time, and I didn't want to eat it and blah, blah, blah. And I did. Like I said, if I'm gonna do this, I gotta do it full time.
- [22:51]
A
And when people pay, you don't want to rip them off by doing, like,
- [22:54]
C
I don't want to feel. I don't want to do a celebrity victory Lap. So I had to jump back into it hard. And I did. And it's been like, now I'm ready to get out of it again, you know?
- [23:02]
A
The name of my tour is Celebrity Victory Lap, so I feel so stupid.
- [23:06]
B
I. Well, what happens is you guys. You guys are just middle. So you have like a 30 when you got on SNL. I'm trying to be generous. I'm a nice guy.
- [23:16]
A
25.
- [23:17]
B
You had 15. You had 10 sub minutes anyway, and some filler. So then you get on snl, you become the bad boys of comedy, and you both have this great run in the 90s on SNL, okay? And then all of a sudden, you're being offered, can you go do an hour at a college for like 20 grand or 15 grand, but you don't have it. So what that was.
- [23:36]
C
I broke at a certain point. I stopped doing stand up. But I remember where it was. It's like 90, 1992. 4,000 people in Milwaukee.
- [23:43]
B
And I see you're famous now.
- [23:45]
C
Now I'm famous.
- [23:46]
B
Yeah.
- [23:46]
C
And I never had the thing where people are paying to see you before and they're yelling out stuff that, you know, copies. It's during the day. During the day. It's also, like, sober. Well, they're not. Well, this is Milwaukee. So they're drinking during the day. They're all so. And then they do. They do you do the show. And I got. I stumbled and I got through it, and it was like I gritted it out. And then there's two shows that day because they're paying you a lot of money. There's two shows, and then I walk out there and I look and I go. It. The most frightening thing is it's the same.
- [24:18]
A
No, oh, no.
- [24:20]
C
And I got to do it again.
- [24:21]
A
The same crowd.
- [24:22]
C
I can't pull it off.
- [24:23]
A
Grotesque.
- [24:24]
B
What did you do? I can't go on.
- [24:26]
C
I just. I mentally broke and I got crying, you know, it's like a nightmare. No, but you know, from doing stand up so much times, you know, when you're having the middle of, like, a set, that ain't the best one. Oh, yeah. And you just. You just. You get through it because you're, you know, you're like. You can go into that robot mode. And I remember talking to, like, it's a weird thing because you can show up as you show up at a place. And I have made. And I. You're like this too, Dana. You say, what experience can I get out of this particular situation? And I do that. So I was on some show. I forget whether it was Leno or Letterman or one of those things. And there's this Asian violinist. She's like, famous. I'm sorry, I forget her name now. But I said, how many days a year do you feel like on, on? And I said. And she said, Well, I work 250. Do 250 dates a year. I said, how many of those dates would you guess? Which? She felt like at the top of her game.
- [25:14]
B
Good question.
- [25:15]
C
Do you know how many?
- [25:16]
B
She said, I'm gonna say two. Yeah, I got it.
- [25:20]
A
Shut up. I was gonna say 2. 40.
- [25:22]
B
She said 2. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
- [25:24]
C
Because then you know exactly that the little tiny thing is like. Because when I. When. First of all, Dana was the guy. In San Francisco, there's two guys that, like, that were, like, so talented that Hollywood came up. There was Robin Williams and Dana Carpenter were so talented. You don't mind me saying, it's just a fact. You were famous before you were famous. They were so talented that Hollywood started coming up looking for. Well, it's gotta be.
- [25:47]
A
They're making him up there to get him.
- [25:48]
C
Yeah, look, there's more of it. Okay, I guess we'll take that guy. And it was just like.
- [25:52]
A
Right? Like, it's comedy.
- [25:53]
C
That was like, the third tier of those guys.
- [25:55]
B
Wow.
- [25:55]
C
All right, well, then he's young enough. Maybe he'll turn this on. But Dana would have lines around the block and, you know, performing for open mics, you don't really get the audience. You can't really tell if your material kills or not, whatever. But when you're open for Dana Carver, you have a chance to have a real audience. Who's there for comedy, Good comedy crowd who's excited about comedy. Dana used to part of his act. He used to be able to do stuff about people waiting in line for his next show. And that was some of the funniest stuff in the show because it was like, at the other cafe, there was,
- [26:24]
B
like, an open window.
- [26:26]
A
Oh, you could see them through the window.
- [26:27]
B
You see them waiting to come in.
- [26:29]
C
Other comedians, we would sit in the back and just watching and go like, okay. I said, well, we're good, but we can't do that.
- [26:35]
A
Yeah.
- [26:35]
B
Well, I had the same thing with Robin. I just kept thinking, I got to get better every time he'd come up and levitate the Holy City Zoo. And I was starting in college, so by the time you saw me, Rob, I had gotten Other Cafe opened in 79. And that's sort of where I started to develop. Hey. The first time I did a character for 30 seconds, it wasn't me. I was terrified. So by the time that club really, really saved me because, you know, you play the honky tonk bars, the cowboy bars with the blender going.
- [27:03]
C
Yeah.
- [27:04]
B
And your act gets bluer and louder. But that was like a. It was a 60s seater. It was old hippies in.
- [27:10]
C
There's a difference between, like, liberals in San Francisco in the 60s and 70s, which, like, question authority.
- [27:17]
B
Yeah, right.
- [27:18]
C
Like. And they go with you. And if you were taking more artistic license and sometimes, like, Grace slick would be in the audience, you know, you'd have, like. It was like there were these cool, kind of what I loved about San Francisco poetry vibes. Bohemian vibe.
- [27:31]
B
Yes.
- [27:32]
C
Which was artistic and were supporting you, like those, you know, the great. You know, Ferranghetti and the City Lights bookstore. It was a place you go. They printed their own books. So San Francisco had that vibe at that time. It still had it.
- [27:45]
B
It was eclectic, cool neighborhood.
- [27:48]
C
And now it's gone. But that was a really. Now.
- [27:52]
A
Have you been to the Gun Down Saloon there? It's not bad.
- [27:54]
B
It lasted.
- [27:55]
C
But that was a place where they did reward you for going topical.
- [27:59]
B
Yes.
- [27:59]
C
And. And would go. And then. So that was the perfect place.
- [28:02]
B
Yeah. For.
- [28:04]
C
For that. And you really did get a chance to see. And you were like. You were levitating on stage. It was just. You were floating. And then the characters that you would do, you'd pummel an audience. They were literally exhausted.
- [28:14]
A
Leaving rape and pillage.
- [28:16]
B
Geez Louise, I'm loving this podcast. We should take time. Let's not. Let's not make this a rushy one. That's very nice, Rob. But when you appeared. Because I want to throw out some names because it's nostalgic. So Rob and I came up from the San Francisco comedy scene, which, you know, so.
- [28:32]
C
And the comedy. Let me just interrupt one second. And the comedy. The Big thing back then was, if you're a comic. Then was the San Francisco comedy competition.
- [28:41]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [28:41]
B
Yes.
- [28:41]
C
And you didn't want to win it, but you wanted to get top five.
- [28:45]
A
What was the newspaper.
- [28:46]
C
But Dana would do this thing. And he told me this. Dana was like. Dana gave me nuggets, which I held to this day because. And it really was. And he used to drive to the. I'll never forget this. When you drove to the comedy competition. Because that was a lot of pressure, and the talent scouts were coming, and it was a big effing deal. Robin Williams. That was so. And this was the time where it was like. It was big. You would perform 1500 people. It was that big.
- [29:12]
B
The competition. It took weeks of rounds to get to the finals.
- [29:15]
C
And then. And you would. And he told me, said that Dana said that on the way to the place, he would listen to the Beatles. It's getting better all this time. Yeah, a little better.
- [29:24]
A
What a weirdo.
- [29:25]
B
Isn't that kind of cool? It's a little sexy.
- [29:29]
C
And Dana would say things like this, I need to feel funny before I go on stage. No one told me that he had to feel silly. He got himself in the play. So there was a methodology. He didn't just do it, because sometimes you just see the after effect. Like, you didn't see the college years and working your way up and watching Rob and having to follow Robin. We just saw. The audience just sees what they see.
- [29:49]
A
So.
- [29:50]
C
But to learn the craft and to learn at the high level that you were at, and just as a young man watching, it's like, okay, that's how you do this. That was very instructional.
- [29:59]
B
And it prepares you for SNL in a way. I mean, there's. People came up through Groundlings and stuff, which kind of take their sketch and put it on Standup is so rough and tumble. You have to be so tough that on snl, all you're trying to do. And it took me, I think, 80 shows is the quiet, that voice in the back of your head saying, this isn't going well. I missed that line. Oh, I dropped that dress was bad. I didn't commit. Like, I did it dress. And so I wonder where you came in and when you felt like you got in the groove with SNL, like, were you out of the box or four shows.
- [30:33]
C
We did four shows in the 89, 90 season. They brought us in, which was like, it was wonderfully. It was just amazing to just be there. You were like somebody, you know, Bernie Brillstein, who was, you Know, talent manager extraordinaire. And he was also. But he would also give you two.
- [30:52]
B
Look, look. Yeah.
- [30:55]
C
One, you're gonna have to wait. And that's part of it, is you wait. It lets you know that you. You are less important, but not in a bad way. But like, you gotta know that.
- [31:07]
B
Yeah.
- [31:07]
C
And the zoo will be boy. And so.
- [31:09]
B
So this is a famous talent manager managed Belushi telling you this.
- [31:13]
A
And Lauren.
- [31:14]
C
Listen. And Lauren. So the thing about it was, like, I mean, it actually.
- [31:19]
B
Lauren managed everybody.
- [31:20]
C
His whole Lorne Michaels, the famous, you know, comedy and, you know, legend. Legend who. Who, you know, launches careers, would. Would also have his system make it a little easier. So he would rather just. If you were in the Brillstein camp, that was like, you know, minor league ball until you get a chance to get in there. But I remember like the night that we auditioned at the improv. And by that time I was hardened and I was ready to go. And I had a monster because a monster set to do because I had a monster. I remember, like, because Jay Leno, Bob Fischer, our old manager, Bob Fisher, was
- [31:54]
B
another talent manager in the San Francisco
- [31:56]
C
scene who identified, could identify talent. So you're going to make it. And I'm never wrong. It's just nice to hear that.
- [32:01]
B
Wow, that's nice to hear.
- [32:08]
C
Yeah.
- [32:08]
B
Did you have a surefire when you auditioned? Like, what, a bit that kind of
- [32:13]
A
always on a fish hook.
- [32:14]
C
Yeah.
- [32:14]
B
So I had to share that with our listeners.
- [32:16]
C
I had stuff.
- [32:17]
A
I'll give you one of his.
- [32:18]
B
Okay, well, go ahead. That was unofficial.
- [32:21]
C
It's like, God, I forget the exact thing, but it was a. It was a thing where you could act it out, where you did an impression and could act it out. And it was an interesting idea. Yeah, so I did like, I was, you know, Elvis is what. When I first before, you know, I was always into Monty Python. And by the time Saturday Night Live came in, it was over. I was into it. Cheech and Chong. It was over with. I was. I was in this for life. And. But the thing that. For performing the guy that was. I was turned on by most as a performer was Elvis just because of, like, such a stud, you know, the album, 100 million fans can't be wrong. Can't be wrong.
- [32:59]
B
Unreal.
- [32:59]
C
He's like, well, that's true. No, that's like an entire population of Western culture, of Western society. And so what. And then his performance and his, you know, his, you know, everything. He had this.
- [33:15]
B
And you played tiny Elvis. Oh, you played tiny Elvis.
- [33:18]
C
So I would literally just sing Elvis songs and try to get his moves and stuff.
- [33:21]
B
And I know, give me a little bit.
- [33:25]
C
Get on the mic hold me close hold me tight make me thrill with delight Let me know where I stand from the star I want you I need you I love you well, and then he would do this.
- [33:42]
B
Oh, my God.
- [33:44]
C
You know, so he was just like, killer.
- [33:47]
A
That was a jam.
- [33:47]
C
Would lose their. You know, I mean, and they go crazy. But they would go nuts.
- [33:52]
A
They go crazy when you would say, you do it now or never. I remember.
- [33:55]
C
And I did that at high school and after a practice. And then it just murdered so hard that I was like, that was it.
- [34:01]
B
Can I say one thing right here? You kind of around in here, you look like Elvis. You have a little bit of an Elvis overlap.
- [34:08]
C
A little bit of something in your mouth. Thank you. It's a little something that kind of worked. So when I put the fake sideburns on and I had the jumpsuit even at 115 pounds, my wrestling weight.
- [34:18]
B
And they called you Tiny Elvis.
- [34:19]
C
And it was Tiny Elvis. And then I did it and it murdered because people, it was a really good. The difference is a really good impression performed really well.
- [34:28]
B
Seriously. Yeah.
- [34:29]
C
That commitment to it, it's just like when, like Napoleon Dynamite, that dance he does is really funny, but he's really committing to it and it's really good. So that's the combination of stuff. And then it just naturally. If you're naturally funny, then people are like laughing at it.
- [34:42]
A
But when you went to Japan to
- [34:43]
C
do Elvis for a couple nights, it was a complete.
- [34:45]
A
But were you playing. You were playing a serious Elvis where you were adding jokes?
- [34:49]
C
I mean, first of all, yeah, I got the phone call and that's the time I was living in an apartment. $200 a month. $200 a month. Basically, what happened was I was living in a place that. And it was just a hole in the wall. But what happened was Milt Abel, the comedian, San Francisco.
- [35:01]
B
I wrote his name down. I wrote down Milt Abel because I wanted to give some props to our.
- [35:07]
C
And he's an awesome guy, really good comedian. He had jokes that I remember to this day. Like, you know, somebody tries to hand you a flyer and they go, no, you throw it away. And it's just. Just that little good little one liner. I wish I would have thought of that. And so I lived. I moved into this place. He said, It's $200 a month, blah, blah, blah.
- [35:21]
A
I.
- [35:22]
C
The first month I was in there, the 85 year old Russian landlord who owned the place, he said, and then I had one, one boat. Did you hear the landlord? That's going to be funny already. The old guy who owns the place and he lives there and it says it's a shithole. The whole place is like been painted once in the 50s, but I don't need it. I just literally put a mattress in there. Just the one mattress and then this is it. And I'm just going to do stand up and write. Coffee. It was right down the street from Fillmore, his coffee shop.
- [35:49]
B
This is perfect.
- [35:50]
C
So I paid it. He said it only takes cash, so 200 bucks. Perfect. And then I remember like one of the. I only had one light and it was like a 30 foot ceiling. Because you know what those old places are? Subdivided, subdivided, subdivided. And there used to be an old giant Victorian in the day. And then they turn it into like you know, 13 apartments or whatever.
- [36:07]
B
Yeah.
- [36:08]
C
And so the one bulb that was at the ceiling, the one light that I had, I didn't even have a lamp, it went out and I was like, well I gotta have that. You know, I had my one light. You need a light, I gotta have a light. So I, you know, I don't know where to go and Milt's asleep, but I said, well I just go, I knock on the guy's door, the landlord and I go, well you know the lights out, what I do, okay, I'm going to have to get down and get the get ladder. I got downstairs to get ladder, I come up, I hang up and then he came up, you know, and you just, I'm just this dummy because it's like I'm watching an 8 and then I realized I'm watching an 85 year old man on a 20 foot ladder climbing up to change a light bulb. And I was like, ah. And I'm. And then I thought, well, he's already up there, let him do. Nothing you can do. Now he knows what he's doing. I mean he's spot him and he comes down and said, I don't feel so good, I don't feel good. I've never felt like this, really. I don't know what to tell you, you know, he's. A week later, he's dead.
- [37:07]
A
Oh my God.
- [37:08]
C
Died a week later. And the thing was though that he had no living relatives in anything and so nobody was asking for rent. So all of a sudden I went from $200 a month to nothing to zero. I had nothing. So I was living in a Place where rent free.
- [37:21]
A
Did you push him off your Florida?
- [37:23]
C
I think I may change the light. May have killed, I don't know. But I did realize, like I should not have an 85 year old guy changing the bulb.
- [37:29]
A
It's weak in a.
- [37:29]
B
But anyway, so, okay, the landlord dies. How does this lead to Japan?
- [37:33]
C
Yeah, so what happened was I get a phone call from another funny voice. Mark. Yeah, Mark, funny voice. The Filipino community, whether you're half Filipino or whatever, right? There's a small community of people and they try to like, you know, because they know that the Filipinos, they'll work hard and they'll show up because otherwise you'll be, you'll be, you've been great nurses. They'll beat the. Out of your. It's been beat into you. You better work hard, you better show up. If you say this, you got to do this. And.
- [37:58]
A
Yeah, all right.
- [37:59]
C
And so you can depend on Filipinos at the end of the day. Like if you do get a Filipino to come over to your house while you're moving, they'll move till they're all day, you know, and if you have somebody like, they'll take your blood pressure. So I get a call from him and he says, hey, listen, you do Elvis, right? And it's like he's calling me at nine in the morning, which I just want to make at like 4. You do Elvis, you sing Elvis, right? He's good. He's me do the Elvis. And knew about it in high school. And so I said, yeah, yeah. He said, do you know the song? I said, I know a couple like three. So why, why? We just lost our Elvis impersonator. And I said, what do you mean you lost your. Well, in Japan they were sending a band for a new club that's opening. And he said, can you go to Japan to do Elvis? I said, listen, I only know like three songs and I don't really, it's not really serious, you know, and I
- [38:46]
A
don't, I don't really sound like I'm.
- [38:48]
C
So I called Bob Fisher and Bob says, do it. You'll tell, you'll tell, tell the story and let him in one day. And so, and I called Mark and I realized I don't even have a passport, you know, I've never like, you know, I think I left the country when I was a little like 13, with my parents. One of those cheapy European tours where you go on a bus and, and they take you to the worst, worst hotels in, in all of Europe. So that was it. So I had to get. I said, I don't have passport. I can't go.
- [39:15]
B
Can you use the dead Russian landlord's passport?
- [39:17]
C
I'm just saying.
- [39:18]
B
In a drawer, I think. Where's this going?
- [39:20]
C
He said, he said, just go to the. This Japanese woman. She's. Just go to Japantown and she'll take care of the. They can take care of the Japanese. If they want to get something done, they get it done, you know.
- [39:32]
B
How are the Irish?
- [39:33]
C
They conquered. They basically took all of Asia in a month. And so they'll do this. So I go over there and she looks at me and she goes, his name wasn't Mark, it was Alex. I'm sorry, Alex Howardge was his name. She looked and he said, she looked at me when I walked in. She's with a frightened. Her eyes and like, oh, no. I never trust Alex again.
- [39:54]
A
Because you're the Elvis.
- [39:56]
C
Because it's like I'm this short guy coming to be an Elvis, you know. But you had puffy hair.
- [39:59]
A
You had like Elvis.
- [40:01]
C
And I said to her right there again, my stand up experience after doing it for a couple of years, no, no, no, I can do this. I'd be all right. I can do it. And they had no alternative. They had nobody else. And so literally, like a Friday. And I gotta fly Sunday to do this for the next week. And so the next thing I go, I'll just do it. It'll be fun. And I get on the plane and I start going over these songs. Songs and stuff. And I'm like, I don't really know these. And then Alex is like, hey, listen, just where you're going. Kumamoto's like the Alabama of Japan. They don't speak English. Just do the same verse over and over again. They're not gonna know the difference. So I said, I'll just do that. But then I realized, no, you can't just do that. These are Elvis fans. Even if they don't speak English.
- [40:43]
B
They got a teleprompter, cue cards.
- [40:44]
C
Yeah, this is way before any of that stuff for me. So anyway, on the way over there, I start getting a little bit nervous about it. And I'm sure it'll be fine. What the big deal? It's just Japan. They're like, well, I'm never gonna come back to this place. I land there, there's a bus that picks us up. A bus with posters all over the bus that says, Elvis, New Kennedy House. Anything Japanese, you know, like anything the Japanese loved. Any American words like Kennedy, Elvis, you know, Nixon, whatever. They had Nixon, Elvis, Kennedy, so Goldwater. So then we, I, then I, I, we get on the bus and they drive us straight to go see the, the Kazu guy, which is like a mobster guy. And he, he looks at me too. Kazu or whatever. He's the guy in charge, whatever. He's like the, the guy. And so he looks at me, says, you sing now. You sing now. You Elvis. And he looked at me now. You sing now. He's got a funny voice. You sing, you sing now.
- [41:42]
B
He's got Hitman.
- [41:44]
C
Think he just looked like a dangerous little guy. He made me sing right there. He took us out to eat and he made me sing. No, he made me, like, go to the place and I said, I'm gonna have some time. He literally, after we ate, he took me to the club and I said, okay, I got some time because the club's not done. It's just, it's like the walls aren't there, the floors. And then.
- [42:02]
A
Did you have one go to Elvis song, you know?
- [42:04]
C
Huh?
- [42:05]
A
Did you have one go to Elvis song that you did in your acting, you know, like now or never used to do?
- [42:09]
C
Yes. It's like a hound dog or Blue suede shoes. But the. So anyway, we go to the place. It's not done. I said, I'm gonna have time to learn these songs because the floor's not in. There's no way it's gonna open tonight. But the thing is, in Japan, if you're not done, they make you pay. If you're a construction whatever company, they make you pay for every hour you're late, you pay fines. So they did finish it that night. And then the problem was, it was three shows that night.
- [42:35]
B
Fuck off.
- [42:35]
C
And four on weekends. After the first show, the first night, I blow my voice out. I said, I can't. It do. Do this. And I go running into the sushi place, which is every, every restaurant there, and just start just, just shoving down. Go to Seven Lemonade, Sushi, Ginger and Ginger. And just. I, I get through the second show and I. And then the third show, I don't know how I survived it. I said, I never gotta do it again like this the next day. And I don't know how I'm gonna do it again.
- [42:59]
A
Did you kill.
- [43:00]
C
And it was good. It was okay. You know, there was enough people on
- [43:03]
B
the weekends, a little band or karaoke.
- [43:05]
C
We had like, they, they flew me over with a band, a little band. But anyway, by, like. And I said, well, you got to figure it out and then. But it was. And sure enough, I did do the. I did my first Letterman appearance was. I did. I did. He said, so you were Elvis in Japan. What was that like? And so he did ask me a question. I didn't have a really good.
- [43:27]
A
It's still funny because you did Elvis on a Fish Hook on your first set, right?
- [43:29]
B
Yeah. That was going full circle. So that. That Elvis was really. And then Elvis on a Fish Hook was just one of those quick hit.
- [43:36]
C
But I could do a really good Elvis. So that would like it.
- [43:38]
B
Help.
- [43:39]
C
Oh, hey, I know what it was like. I don't know. Maybe I said now I would just introduce. Just like at that time, if you did odd stuff, unconnected. It was kind of interesting. That was like a style at that time. It's like, and now I'd like to do my impression of Elvis on a fish hook and. On a fish hook. And I go, ah, sunny red. I don't know, I'll maybe come back here one of these days and get some. Ah, you know. And I would do that.
- [44:04]
A
His list curls up and he tilts his head and lifts up like.
- [44:07]
C
Yeah, but that was the thing I'd like when I did that at that set that we did.
- [44:11]
A
And, you know, auditioning for SNL probably.
- [44:14]
B
Yeah.
- [44:14]
C
And it was just one of those things that you got a big laugh. Was interesting. And Lauren said later, you know, when I. If I see something brilliant, I know that there's the potential to repeat it. And I said, am I hired? And I guess that was the way
- [44:31]
B
I just said Elvis on. And fish hook will be like a runner. I don't know if it's a talk show. You talk to Jim Downey.
- [44:37]
A
Well, you also used to do reading from Elvis.
- [44:40]
C
Actually.
- [44:40]
A
Your act was very unique. When you say. You just said a little bit ago, you go, I should try not to have the material like everyone else. That wasn't my motto.
- [44:50]
C
But you did.
- [44:51]
A
Because you actually did that. You also did. Also reading from the first time I met Elvis, Elvis and Me with Priscilla was funny.
- [44:59]
C
An impression. If you're not good at it, just doing something that's completely not good at all, it also works.
- [45:04]
B
Who was that?
- [45:05]
A
That was Priscilla.
- [45:06]
C
That's Priscilla.
- [45:07]
B
Oh, okay, I gotcha. Yes, I read the book.
- [45:09]
C
Priscilla. Priscilla Presley wrote a book. And then you just listened me. And I swear to God, when I was reading it, I started reading it out loud to people and they were just howling, laughing.
- [45:16]
B
Maybe I could do it for Priscilla.
- [45:18]
C
It was. I would just talk like this, which is A kind of like a version of my mother. My mother also. She would never.
- [45:24]
A
She didn't understand.
- [45:25]
C
Yeah. Her mother from Baguio, which is like the mountains of the Philippines. She wouldn't understand jokes, but she would understand how to laugh at the right time.
- [45:33]
A
She'd go, your mom, Marvin, very sweet.
- [45:35]
C
What does it mean? What does it mean? I don't understand.
- [45:38]
A
You know when he said. He goes. When you were. One of your jokes was, I'll mangle it. When you were a little kid, when you're eight years old, you banged your head on the coffee table, and your mom would make you feel good, and she'd go, hit it. And she goes, bad coffee table, bad. And she goes, and you'd feel better. And she goes, we make it even. Bad coffee table, table, and hit it. And then you go to bed and your dad wakes you up at 2 in the morning, goes, hey, Rob, get on down here. Your mom spilled hot wax in the coffee table.
- [46:01]
B
We got to make it even.
- [46:03]
A
You know our policy.
- [46:05]
B
Oh, yeah. So then you have to have.
- [46:08]
C
Yeah, yeah. That was the idea.
- [46:09]
A
Yeah.
- [46:10]
B
They got to make it even.
- [46:11]
C
But I remember, like, if you. If I did that, you know, when you do a character, it's like you can do your jokes and get it, but when you do a character, it's just enough.
- [46:18]
A
Also, in the middle of the joke, you're playing people.
- [46:20]
B
Also, you. You had a musicality to you. You had a rhythmic musicality from the early days, and we're hearing it now, which is also. I like. The whole is great in the sum of the parts of musical rhythms, like getting copy. What was. How do you hit that? It was just so infectious, making copy,
- [46:39]
A
you know, like that.
- [46:40]
C
There's a musicality to it. It sings. It's got to sing.
- [46:43]
B
It's a song.
- [46:46]
A
All right, now, before we get back, we have a message from Ashley the Mosquito about Orkin. Hey, besties. Hope all of you are high key. So excited for summer. It's literally giving all of us mosquitoes life. So we thought we'd help everybody make the most of it before Orkin. Pros try to ruin our fun. Remember, if you have standing water on your lawn from the pool or the sprinkler, just let it sit there. The more the merrier. When there's standing water, there'll be more mosquitoes. Plenty more. Next up is a bit of a hot take, but we're so hyped on it. Let mosquitoes inside. What could go wrong? Just let us inside, please. Thanks. Love you.
- [47:23]
B
Finally, the number One rule this summer is do not under any circumstances speak to anybody from Orkin. That is literally so cringe it will ruin the vibe of any get together we might be having. Take it from a mosquito. Orkin. Pros know literally everything about us, period. Don't visit orkin.com for a free estimate today.
- [47:49]
A
Now let's go suck some blood.
- [47:52]
B
Now let's go suck some blood. Number one with a blood bullet.
- [47:56]
A
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B
Oh, yeah.
- [48:20]
A
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B
Whoa.
- [48:27]
A
Yeah. Their tees, unbelievably soft, lightweight gun sweaters are exactly what you want. Especially when summer nights cool down.
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B
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- [49:16]
A
Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing.
- [49:18]
C
And Bubba Wallace.
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A
You know what's the worst part of a race? A rain delay.
- [49:22]
B
Sitting around waiting for the track to dry is dull.
- [49:26]
A
But instead of waiting, we hang out with Chumba Casino Social.
- [49:30]
C
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- [49:34]
A
So why let a rain delay slow you down? Play now@chumbacasino.com let's Chumba.
- [49:40]
C
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- [49:50]
A
How did you. Now let's get to that part. We rob and I fast forward. We get. We get hired on snl. We audition at Catch Rising Star. I think.
- [49:56]
C
Well, the first one we did at the Melrose.
- [49:58]
A
Okay.
- [49:58]
C
And then like the scariest part was like at that time I kind of had like a little bit of a fuck you attitude. In a good way. Because you have to. Because you get. Otherwise you get beaten down. And I said, you know what? And Then I got the call from Bernie. He managed to put extra syllables in that one, Lauren. And I said, well, he'll want, you
- [50:22]
B
know, Robert, his son, Stallone.
- [50:26]
C
Yeah. Smigel did a funny thing where he did like. Well, it was just, you know, you take it so exaggerated. And Robert was like, let me eat your foot. I don't know how it got there, but yeah, his. His Bernie impression. I want to eat your. I want to eat your foot.
- [50:41]
B
And I obviously know. That's the thing. He told me the first day, no one knows anything in this business. And later on, Brad Gray said. I told him. Why is he saying that? Because it's like, you know, give me 15, I don't know nothing now.
- [51:00]
A
Give me a check.
- [51:03]
C
So the next day he said, no one wants to meet you. And I said, well, I got a gig in San Diego. And I said, he knows I'm middling. I get a gig in San Diego. And he said, he'll know what it's. If you have a job, he'll respect it. And he said, if he wants to meet me, you fly me to New York. And that was very. And I just said that in the morning, as I'm driving down to San Diego, I have the coolest cold sweats. And I literally, like. I just up everything and I really had. And. But in the back of my mind, it was the right thing. And the only person he flew out of all those people audition was me to New York.
- [51:41]
A
You flew over me while I was driving.
- [51:43]
B
David was. Yeah, he was getting ready to move furniture because he had to go back
- [51:47]
C
and forth us as a writing team.
- [51:49]
B
I remember you guys coming in like, freaking.
- [51:51]
A
It was a weird scene.
- [51:52]
C
Bernie said they were writing theme. You got the high rhythm bowl.
- [51:56]
A
I was not aware that I didn't want to. First of all, I didn't want to be a writer. I wanted to write, but be a performer. And that was hard. And that's what I was thinking about Copy Machine. We did those four shows. Even Dennis said, spuddling, you don't get anything on. I think it's curtains. I'm like. And it was only fucking four shows. I go, there's no fucking chance. I did get a Michael J. Fox on. On the Dice Clay show. And Kenny among who I love, says David, I forgot to put you at the beginning. I go, what does that mean? He goes, I didn't put your card up where it says featuring David Spade. And I go, go, it wasn't there. And he goes, yeah. So no one knew who you were And I go, God damn.
- [52:29]
C
I.
- [52:29]
A
One shot.
- [52:30]
B
It's a tradition on the podcast. Just 10 seconds of Michael J. Fox, Casualties of War.
- [52:34]
A
Sarge, actually, I just give you one. No, you're down to one syllable. He's seen it too many times. So I do micro J. Fox. And then. And then we have some sorry listeners. And then Rob and I get hired back. They always wait a while.
- [52:48]
C
It was a little touch and go, y. Because we didn't get anything on. But I remember, like, I. I would do anything. Like, they said, like, write promos. Promos. Which is like that. Why are they letting me write promos? I've never written a promo in my life. This is awesome. You realize no one wants to write the promos.
- [53:03]
A
Yeah.
- [53:04]
C
And so I went. And they said, you know, and Lauren was. I mean, I was just blown away by the fact that Lauren would even talk to me. And then he said, like. And then, you know, you know, just. You have to write it. You'll write promos and then no explanation.
- [53:18]
A
You just gotta figure it out.
- [53:19]
C
So then. And so I went in and Deborah Winger was the doberwinger.
- [53:24]
A
Remember her?
- [53:24]
C
And I went in and Jack Handy wrote a great sketch with her, even though she was very fragile. I walk into her dressing room, she's there sitting with Lauren on the floor, and she's literally crying, going, I can't believe you talked me into doing this. I just. I'm not good. I can't. And it was like, whoa. Is this like this every week?
- [53:44]
B
Yes. Wow. I would have gone in Travolta, you know, for her. Like, from what, that western? Was it urban cowboy? You know, like, I kind of think I might be falling in love with you or something like that.
- [53:58]
C
See, that was the day of Obedena, too. Is that he would hit the. You know, in his standup too. The turns he would make. By the time he would be like a NASCAR racer, you know, a driver. And all of a sudden, by the end of his routine, because he would do the stuff, but then he would pummel the audience. It was like a boom, boom, boom. And by the end, he would go from one impression to another impression, and then the impressions are talking to each other and the audience can't breathe. It was like a. It was literally like a meditative thing for them. Holy.
- [54:27]
B
I'm going to listen to this podcast. That's very nice, Rob, but that is
- [54:30]
C
why that was the influence with me.
- [54:32]
B
David wants to make an edit now. Just.
- [54:34]
A
No, this is anything about Dana. We're going to take out Rob, when we were. I think those four shows.
- [54:39]
C
I just got to use the restroom real quick. I'm. I just. Sorry I said. Can I use the purple cup?
- [54:42]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [54:43]
C
Just once.
- [54:43]
B
Yeah. Go through the back room.
- [54:45]
A
Dana, you started stand. Oh, Rob's going to go away. We don't have to stop it. We can just wait, right? Oh, we keep going.
- [54:53]
B
He's so weird in the restroom.
- [54:55]
A
I know.
- [54:56]
B
That's really smart.
- [54:57]
A
Talk about Deuce Bigelow.
- [55:01]
B
What does that mean? Like he's taking it too. Like he's gonna unload. Yeah, he's getting the unload chamber.
- [55:07]
A
There's a bathroom right here too. Do you know that. That you don't have to go in the back bedroom?
- [55:12]
B
I guess.
- [55:12]
A
Where did you go?
- [55:13]
B
I went to the very back. Got Stan is bathroom.
- [55:16]
A
You're not going again.
- [55:17]
C
Want to let you know in there
- [55:19]
A
so you can even. You can watch yourself.
- [55:22]
B
It's just either one audio only podcast.
- [55:26]
A
No, it's right by the grocery store. If you go through this hall, there's a little mini Ralphs. It's a popup. You go through that.
- [55:33]
C
Sorry, Sarge.
- [55:34]
B
Hey, Sarge, I got it. It's Casey Casem. I got to do it. Hey, Sar.
- [55:40]
A
I have to get a new one.
- [55:41]
B
We don't have that many runners. That's just a great runner.
- [55:44]
A
That's a great runner. You got one.
- [55:45]
B
Tired of it.
- [55:46]
A
You know what Nikki Glazer said about your set the other night, that you. You should do more of that Bill
- [55:50]
B
Gates bit and on the island.
- [55:52]
A
Yeah. And do more Clinton. Oh, you see those pictures?
- [55:56]
B
I. I got them failing because I did. I was just doing concepts. I was bailing because a lot, you
- [56:02]
A
know, but they like, they were so excited. The pictures and the videos I saw
- [56:05]
B
made it look like it was like the best show.
- [56:07]
A
I did keep some of those pictures
- [56:08]
B
to send you standing ovation, but to me that's not. Not good enough. No, it's because I did chop broccoli on the piano where I wrote chopped broccoli.
- [56:18]
A
You did a standing ovation. But they found out that guy worked there.
- [56:23]
B
You came up and I knew on the way out all I heard was roaring.
- [56:26]
A
Well, they. What happened was the other night, if we're still on, is that Dana came down to do the improv the other night and he's doing. Hosting a show coming up. So he's passing.
- [56:35]
B
Hadn't done stand up in three years in a club.
- [56:37]
A
Three years in a club. We put him as a special guest and then I went after him. But went up. Great. Read some stuff off a notepad. Everyone was enchanted. Funny premises, big laughs. Closes hard. And then I went up. But everyone was like, dana, dance.
- [56:54]
B
Well, that's good. If she liked that. I like the premise of Bill Gates on, you know, Epstein's island being awkward. Hey, what are you doing here? I'm just, like, putting it on sunscreen. We're gonna go buy the puliwon. Go, go.
- [57:10]
A
All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the Wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click, follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that God dang button on your favorite podcast app.
- [57:21]
B
Smash.
- [57:22]
A
Leave a review. A good one. Leave a five star rating, nothing else.
- [57:26]
B
Whoops.
- [57:27]
A
And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode episode on YouTube, please subscribe. Dana, what do you think?
- [57:34]
B
I'm gonna tell you this right now. Him and I'll believe me later. Fly on the Wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by. Hold for it, Dana Carvey and David Spade or David Spade and Dana Carvey? We don't write this stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweetek. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lepore.