Remembering Rob Reiner + All Kinds Of Life Hacks

Summary

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Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: Remembering Rob Reiner + All Kinds Of Life Hacks
Release Date: December 22, 2025
Host: Audacy

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Episode Overview

In this lively and bittersweet pre-Christmas episode, Dana Carvey and David Spade, joined by regular contributor Heather Santoro, share holiday banter, life hacks, and personal stories from the world of showbiz, with a special tribute to the late Rob Reiner. The trio riff on everything from Christmas survival tips and their families’ quirks, to the strangeness of live streaming, UFO sightings, and celebrity encounters. Amid jokes, impressions, and tangents, the group manages sharp comedic observations, a dose of nostalgic storytelling, and heartfelt reflections on friendship and loss.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Riffs & Surviving Christmas

• Opening Banter ([04:02])
  • Dana and David joke about typical holiday food comas, stuffed Santas, and energy resets in the post-holiday season.
  • The importance of giving yourself a break and not taking Christmas too seriously:

    “Basically to get along with relatives that hate you and you hate them is just to kind of give it up to them. Oh, you’re right. I got you. Yeah, yeah.” — Heather Santoro ([31:55])

• Dana’s Christmas Survival Wisdom
  • A tongue-in-cheek prescription: “The really, the way to survive is to drink heavily, give yourself a treat, try not to fight… Christmas, I don’t know, it’s really for little kids, you know, 10,000 gifts and stuff…” — Heather Santoro ([31:28])

2. Showbiz & Streaming Culture

• Dana’s Adventures with Young Streamers ([06:14])
  • Dana recounts appearing on internet celebrity Aiden Ross’s stream, feeling out of his element among younger stars.

    “I don’t know if it’s the only thing, like, lazier than doing a podcast, if that’s possible. They just walk around and talk… There’s no real point.” — Dana Carvey ([06:14])

  • Discussion of the new “good hang” culture of streaming — modern surrogate friendships for audiences.

    “People have you on in the background and you’re like their surrogate friends...” — Heather Santoro ([07:14])

• Younger Generations, Streaming, and Clip Culture
  • Dana reflects on comedy, shifting platforms, and the casual chaos of content creation.
  • Anecdotes about meeting Jake Paul, clip competitions, and the “danger of live” unfiltered moments.

3. Unusual Encounters & Oddities

• Seasonal Decorations & Ripped Santas ([04:25])
  • Chatter about a muscular Santa animatronic: “He looks like he’s flexing. Is he on nad? ... Do they want Santa to be ripped now?” — Dana Carvey ([05:26])
• UFO Sightings and Skepticism ([12:24])
  • Heather shares a recent photo of strange lights—possible UFOs—taken from her California home.
  • Parallels drawn to “lights over Phoenix” and popular UFO lore.

    “That whole thing is the edge of a ship.” — Dana Carvey ([14:56])

  • Jokes about sending evidence to Dr. Greer and the proliferation of UFO interest in pop culture.

4. Behind the Scenes: Showbiz Stories & Therapy Talk

• Dropping Out of Movie Projects & Rewrites ([10:26])
  • Dana recounts pulling out of a movie, “Puka Pete,” weeks before filming and the challenges of too much script “overthinking.”
  • Importance of audience feedback: “If you show it to a crowd, you start to go, oh, the jokes I love bomb. And then this other weird cutaway got the biggest laugh.” — Dana Carvey ([11:56])
• Therapist Recommendations and Self-Awareness ([20:57])
  • The comic oddity of chaotic friends offering up their own therapists.

    “It takes 18 pills just to get you to leave the house. Is this the best possible you right now?” — Dana Carvey ([21:58])

  • Heather’s insight: “Therapy... in the narrow frame of it, what are your patterns of behavior?” ([22:05])
• Scientology Anecdotes and Hollywood’s Cultish Side ([23:31])
  • Dana shares a bizarre story about a chiropractor trying to recruit him into Scientology at the infamous Celebrity Center.

5. Family, Finances, & Absurd Parental Wisdom

• Growing Up, Dad Stories, and Odd Advice ([26:29], [27:54], [28:34])
  • Dana’s fractured paternal relationship – buying his dad a condo, receiving weird investment tips (“they’re not making any more condos!”), and the pain/guilt of parental absence.

  • “One time I was 14 and he was pissed at me. He goes, you’re not wearing socks with your shoes... And he pulled over and tried to spank me. … Dad, I think the spanking part of me growing up is over.” — Dana Carvey ([27:54])

• Regrets and ‘Woulda Coulda Shoulda’s of Life ([31:07])
  • Heather and Dana trade tales of missed real estate investments and the perpetual sense of “just missing out” in adulthood.

6. Remembering Rob Reiner: Tribute and Film Legacy

• Heartfelt Reflections ([32:21])
  • The group pauses to remember director and actor Rob Reiner and mourns the recent tragedy in his family.

    “He was eclectic… When Harry Met Sally, Spinal Tap, Stand By Me, Misery… Those are all fucking home runs. Like big movies.” — Dana Carvey ([33:17])

  • Heather shares early showbiz encounters with Reiner—his warmth and generosity towards nervous newcomers, and devotion to craft and friendship.

    “He was what I’d call a gentleman. Very sweet.” — Heather Santoro ([33:22])

  • Discussion on how personal tragedies in the lives of public figures feel amplified but are sadly far too common.

7. Funny Moments, Life Hacks & FOOLPROOF Advice

• On Being a Hero on Airplanes ([55:15])
  • The crew jokes about what they’d do if a passenger tried to take down the plane, envisioning themselves as accidental “heroes.”

    “There’s no way I’m going down without a fight.” — Dana Carvey ([55:33])

• AI “Life Hacks” for Criminals ([49:00])
  • Satirical “tips” for evading facial recognition by using fake extra fingers:

    “If you’re a criminal, you wear an extra finger… because AI, I guess, doesn’t know how to do fingers... So it made six.” — Dana Carvey ([49:00])

• Board Games and Comedy Club Tales ([49:47], [50:31])
  • Playfully riffing on Battleship, Milton Bradley, and the etiquette of comedians watching each other’s sets.
  • Dana’s story about performing on a stacked comedy show with legends (Leno, Arsenio, JJ Walker) and lightly roasting a less-known opener for a classic “comedy layup.”

8. Pop Culture & Headlines

• Ethan Hawke and Celebrity Doppelgängers ([37:01])
  • Variety misidentifies David Spade as Ethan Hawke after supposed “facial work.”

    “They put in Variety, they go, Spade, did you do some facial work? I said, I wish. … What a stud, huh?” — David Spade ([37:01])

• Who Can Claim to Be a Doctor? ([37:52])
  • Discussion of California clarifying who may legitimately use the title “Doctor.” Laughs about lawyers, dentists, and chiropractors trying to claim the honorific.
• Dakota Johnson in Saudi Arabia & Oscars on YouTube ([40:13], [42:14])
  • Light ribbing about Dakota Johnson’s trip to the Saudi Film Festival.
  • The Academy Awards moving to YouTube; Heather discusses the evolution of film and global viewership.

9. Holiday Shopping & Modern Life

• Amazon Culture and Present-Giving ([59:02])
  • Dana and Heather trade Amazon shopping hacks and marvel at modern conveniences:

    “One of the biggest revolutions in the history of man.” — Heather Santoro ([59:32])

• Stock Talk & Money Jokes ([59:41])
  • Contrasts in financial attitudes; Dana pokes fun at his own lack of investments.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dana Carvey (on Hollywood and therapy):

  “Have you ever had someone recommend you a therapist? And my first thought is, wait, did they… well, that’s a hard pass. You’re the most fucked-up individual. I know. Your life is a disaster...” ([20:57])

• Heather Santoro (on Christmas survival):

  “Basically to get along with relatives that hate you and you hate them is just to kind of give it up to them. Oh, you’re right. I got you. Yeah, yeah.” ([31:55])

• On Parental Life Lessons:

  “Whoever told you life was fair?” — Dana’s dad ([26:29])

• On Rob Reiner:

  “He was what I’d call a gentleman. Very sweet.” — Heather Santoro ([33:22])

• Dana Carvey’s holiday shopping confessions:

  “For my Christmas shopping… I’m on Amazon 9.95. Okay. All right. Hummingbird thing. Okay. Washcloths. And I just blast out. Everyone gets like 10 gifts. I only spent a hundred dollars, but they’re Christmas wrapped, so it’s all that, right?” ([59:02])

• Banter on live-streamers & comedy:

  “There’s no real point. There’s no real, like, let’s get to this.” — Dana Carvey ([06:14])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:02] – Comedy banter about the holidays, food comas, and Santa decor
• [06:14] – Dana’s experience on Aiden Ross’s live stream
• [12:24] – Sharing a UFO sighting and discussion of unexplained phenomena
• [20:57] – Therapist recommendations and self-improvement comedy
• [26:29] – Life advice from Dana’s dad and stories of childish discipline
• [31:28] – Christmas survival philosophy
• [32:21] – Remembering Rob Reiner: stories, tributes, and his film legacy
• [37:01] – David Spade/Ethan Hawke facial work joke
• [49:00] – AI “life hack” for criminals (extra fake fingers)
• [50:31] – Comedy club stories and “dreams come true” moments
• [55:15] – “Would you be a hero on a plane?” scenario
• [59:02] – Online Christmas shopping and revolution of Amazon
• [61:01] – Wrap-up and closing remarks

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Episode Tone and Style

The episode is quintessential “Fly on the Wall”: irreverent, conversational, and brimming with both sharp observations and affectionate, self-deprecating humor. Dana, David, and Heather keep it light and punchy, routinely pivoting between heartfelt tributes, inside showbiz tales, and absurdist riffs on everyday life. The tone delivers warmth and wit, making even weighty or sad moments approachable and endearing to their loyal audience.

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For New Listeners

If you’re new to “Fly on the Wall”, this episode provides a prime blend of what makes the show a gem: showbiz insights, affectionate tributes to comedy legends, relatable family messiness, and plenty of laughs. You’ll come away with a few real-life “life hacks”, a fond memory of Rob Reiner, and the sense that you’ve just hung out with a group of old friends wisecracking through the holidays—exactly the “good hang” that modern streaming fans love.

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Transcript

[David Spade]

You know this last year, Dana, after.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes, my big dinner slipped into the old food company.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh my goodness.

[Dana Carvey]

Basically fused in with the couch.

[David Spade]

I'm talking stuffing, pie. All the fixes.

[Dana Carvey]

I tore into. I don't remember reading it.

[David Spade]

I said just the roof.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, one of those. Yeah. I did a lot of pumpkin pie. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Anyway, now what do you do now, Chavez?

[Dana Carvey]

My holiday reset.

[David Spade]

I keep a couple servings in my carry on stash, some at home. My friends and family show up. The snacking gets a little too nutty.

[Heather Santoro]

I blend mine with nut milk and frozen fruit or iced coffee. A little extra, you know. Yeah, right.

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, that's right. Food coma recovery made easy. Go to cacava.com and use Kofly for 15% off your next order. That's good job. Kachava k a c h-a v a.com Kofly for 15 off. Hey, David, when it comes to gifting, you know, I've learned there are two types of presents. Okay. The ones that get returned and the ones that instantly become a favorite. Do you agree?

[David Spade]

Yeah. That's Jenny Bird. Jewelry definitely falls in the second category. These designs, as you know, are very modern. They're timeless, always feel special.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, well, isn't that special?

[David Spade]

That makes it my secret weapon.

[Dana Carvey]

When I want to give a gift that really, you know, lands.

[David Spade]

That's why Jenny Bird makes it easy. The packaging is beautiful. It's very thoughtful. The pieces are comfy enough to wear every day.

[Heather Santoro]

Yep.

[David Spade]

And they ship fast.

[Heather Santoro]

That's right.

[David Spade]

Perfect. If you're last minute shopper like me.

[Heather Santoro]

That's right. I mean, I just want to do this when I hear that. Way to go.

[Dana Carvey]

Way to go.

[Heather Santoro]

And because the styles are so versatile, they always make an outfit feel pulled together. David. Without trying too hard. David. Not talking about you. Some of my wife's go tos are the best selling Florence earrings, which always get compliments. And the Remy Bengal lightweight, water resistant and just as good stacked as it is on its own. These are the gifts you'll actually want to keep.

[David Spade]

And you can get 20% off your first order with Jenny Bird by visiting jenny-bird.com and using code F OTW at checkout. Listen, Dana, if you're like me, you're like me a little bit.

[Heather Santoro]

I Think so. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Adulthood did hit me hard. And you can't run four hours of sleep and cheeseburgers forever. Nope. That's why there's Tara Origin. Because you know, people want to feel good every single day, not just get by.

[Heather Santoro]

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[David Spade]

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[Heather Santoro]

Feel better from the inside out, guys.

[Dana Carvey]

Here we are.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Fly on the wall. Dana and Spade. And we are about to tell you. Well, Dana's going to tell you the one thing that will get you through this Christmas holiday.

[Heather Santoro]

One thing. There's just only one thing. In a few minutes, I'm going to tell you what it is and if I can't remember, David's going to tell you.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's right. I mean. Oh, look, you've got a new what? Elf Santa in the background.

[Heather Santoro]

What do you mean?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, my God, look at that.

[Heather Santoro]

Can you sing a little bit? Like, say, sing Jingle Bell, see if we can get him moving.

[Dana Carvey]

Dead and bum bum. Jingle bell jingle. Don't just move him going, keep going. Jingle bell rock. Jingle bell this and jingle bell that.

[Heather Santoro]

There you go.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, look at that. Is that AI. That's too good.

[David Spade]

I know.

[Heather Santoro]

You might be able to hear this a little bit.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, we're not allowed to play music probably. Oh, this whole. This whole show is scrapped. Thrown in the garbage.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, this is.

[Dana Carvey]

He's just going to put the mic over there and there will be no music when we do this.

[Heather Santoro]

You barely hear it. If we're sued. I mean, this thing has been around with like for 25 years. Never broke. Put it in a box, throw it up in the attic. And everyone who I send them to, people and they flip for him because they really are cheerful.

[Dana Carvey]

He looks like he's flexing. Is he on nad?

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, he is a little. He's built, Put it that way.

[Dana Carvey]

He's got quads do they want Santa to be ripped now?

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, it looks like he. We should put little barbells in this thing.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, green ones.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, he's moving again.

[Heather Santoro]

This is how he feels. It's almost like a dog. This is how he's celebrating our Christmas podcast.

[Dana Carvey]

Dude. I have shades on Dana because I feel like I got sick. And I'm trying not to get Heather sick because.

[David Spade]

Oh, you know what?

[Dana Carvey]

It could be those goddamn gooners that came over the other day. Heather.

[Heather Santoro]

Young people sometimes get it asymptomatic, so they can be carriers. They don't feel anything.

[Dana Carvey]

I had Aiden Ross, who's a streamer, kick stream. I literally. I sound so old. I'm not old. I'm young. But the stream twitching and those things. I don't know if it's the only thing, like, lazier than doing a podcast, if that's possible. They just walk around and talk. So there's no real point. There's no real, like, let's get to this. You know, if you go on. Ellen. I think I did it because I met this kid, Aiden. He was very nice to me at the UFC fight, and then he said, can you come on? I'm like, I should do something for the younger people just to say. When they say, who's that? Then they go, oh, he was on that guy's stream. Well, right.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, here's. Here's the thing. So I saw a YouTube clip of Quentin Tarantino talking about Rio Bravo, which is a movie with John Wayne.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, that looked like a real person right there. Heather missed it. That looked like a real person.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, have a good Christmas. Yes. Sons of.

[David Spade]

You know.

[Heather Santoro]

But anyway, he talked about movies being good hangs, and so a good hang is like, they become your surrogate friends. The only thing I can think about streaming 12 hours a day, which is a workload, is that people have you on the background and you're like their surrogate friends, or they're kind of their friends. And they don't have to be entertaining. They just have to be real.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it's the realness of just saying, this kid's good. He. He might have some. He's a talented guy. He knows how to do this situation. So.

[David Spade]

So he.

[Dana Carvey]

There is this Santa again.

[Heather Santoro]

I was trying to get him started.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't know if that was worth my riveting story.

[Heather Santoro]

No, Aiden is. He's.

[Dana Carvey]

He's jumping.

[Heather Santoro]

Aiden's clever. He bought a. Didn't he buy a $30 million home?

[Dana Carvey]

No, he's a rich dude. I saw him walking on Jake Paul's house. They just go, they know every babe. They know every streamer hottie. It's like this world of these people come on their show and they have, like, fights and they get angry and they clip it out. They clipped that thing out that night, Heather, right? It was just clippity doo dah, huh?

[Heather Santoro]

Whoever's house they shot it in, it.

[Dana Carvey]

Was really, really a cool house, this hole. Because I go, I don't know where to go, because you want to walk around the grove. And I'm like, just like a bunch of us, we're just gonna just stop and talk to people and go into the gap. I couldn't see where it would go or be funny unless I jumped in the fountain. But I came here and I showed him around stuff. I said, oh, I thought it was.

[Heather Santoro]

Funny the way you were busting them in a very kind of gentle way.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

Like, you did the store, you did the. Do the tall door shtick, which I've heard, and they didn't quite. Well, what do you. What do you mean?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I did about seven of those, and they all were like, oh. But I took them down in here to see Papa fly on the wall.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, they're all impressed. We're, you know, I don't know. Well, there's regular television. There's podcasting. Hey, that's easy. You turn on a mic and go for it. And then there's live streaming where you literally hang out. You just hang out with your friends.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, Puka Nakua. So he did Puka right after me. And Puka didn't really get it either, because he was saying, they go, what about the refs? He's like, they all cheat. He was just talking. Like, he's talking. The guy behind him with a camera's.

[Heather Santoro]

Like, this is gold.

[Dana Carvey]

So he got Puka kind of accidentally just bullshitting and saying stuff about refs. And I saw a clip where they're like, I don't know if we're gonna find him, but we'll see. So that's the danger of live, right? So we can do a live one.

[Heather Santoro]

Are they sneaking up on people and sort of surreptitiously recording them, or are they asking permission?

[Dana Carvey]

I think they have, like, a main person. So they come to my house. The next thing, we've got Puka, they're in town, they do me, they do Puka. And so I didn't even know that he didn't name drop that one on me. I would have liked that one.

[Heather Santoro]

I would just Say that Puka is a shell of his former self. Not bad, right?

[Dana Carvey]

I remember that movie, Puka Pete. I was a guy that got lost.

[Heather Santoro]

That's right. That's why I made Master Disguise. Because Puka Pete wet the bed.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I. I pulled out of Puka Pete two weeks before we shot. That's unheard of. We already built all the sets. I think they knew it was just not going the right way and they were changing it. I'm like, I don't. It's getting overwhelming. I don't think it's that funny anymore. It's turning into like a movie. They pitched me, and then suddenly my movie's turning into that movie and it's not the same. I was like. I knew there was something up because the ease of how they let me out of it instead of going, you're gonna. You got to pay us.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, then I had a read through. They go, oh, Fred and David's movie isn't going. But there's a hundred person crew and all this stuff. So they go, well, we'll give this dog a chance. So, you know, one of the executives, I heard him lean in and go, this is not gonna work. You know, But I had an 8 year old boy sitting across from me. I'm going, you like? Oh, yes, you like? And it just crushed. And then we had to make the movie. We had to start making the movie in like a week. But the script needed a lot of work, so we had to rewrite it in the trailer the entire time.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, I kind of still like that way sometimes. We are prepping these movies for a year or two. It's just so much overthinking. Even busboys, we're looking at it. We're cutting jokes. Like, that one's stupid now, right? Well, no one's seen it yet, so maybe it's not stupid.

[Heather Santoro]

That is a problem because you can just edit it to, To. To a slow death.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

You know. Oh, cut that. Go over there. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

We haven't showed it to a crowd. So if you show it to a crowd, you start to go, oh, the jokes. I love bomb. And then this other weird cutaway got the biggest laugh. So you learn a lot from showing it.

[Heather Santoro]

All right, so I calm this guy down or keep him moving?

[Dana Carvey]

No, calm down. Because people are more into that than the show. I know I am. Well, I don't know if I like the snapping.

[David Spade]

That's like me snapping.

[Heather Santoro]

It's a little creepy.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, because it works. Oh, wait, we had the UFO guy on last Week. Do you. Do you have this picture?

[David Spade]

Can we show it?

[Heather Santoro]

I sent it to you. Did you send it to Heather or Greg?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, we got to send it to you to send to me to send to Heather.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, that's. All right. This is what. This is real, man. Right now. So basically, up where I am is sort of in the boondocks. Not saying exactly where it is, but it's in California. And it. The night sky had some weird anomalous things, and so we. We took pictures and there was no. Nothing on the news. No explanation. And they're just these. These synchronistic lights just sitting there. And it was too. Well, you'll. If you can get it on.

[Dana Carvey]

I just thought. And have you ever. Heather downloaded a picture, but it comes in your camera roll when Dana took the picture, so it's like a week ago. So you gotta. I always think it didn't work. I go, oh, it worked, but I gotta go scrounge for it.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, oh, when I took it, is what the way it does it? Well, you got the new phone. That's fucked up. That's. That doesn't make any sense.

[Dana Carvey]

Heather.

[David Spade]

Heather. Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

When did you take it?

[David Spade]

Like a week ago.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I got it.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, Central Greg.

[Heather Santoro]

And then if anyone on this podcast can explain it, I'll. I'll buy him one of these Santas.

[Dana Carvey]

Everyone thinks we're UFO crazy people. But we only did one before. That was Greer. And we got this new guy, he shows number one. I love that stuff. There's some weird, weird stuff going on out there.

[Heather Santoro]

Is that weird a. Weird, wild stuff? Well, you know, the. I mean, yeah, it's. We all want. I mean, Spielberg's now making a movie.

[Dana Carvey]

About it, which I know, which is great.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. Okay, here it is. So I guess you could. People can see it. Put the light up. So what the is that? It's not. And it's. It's fixed for a while. I don't even know what happened to it, but it. It's sort of, you know, what is it? Can someone tell us?

[Dana Carvey]

Right.

[Heather Santoro]

Right above our property and know it's not balloons.

[Dana Carvey]

He lives out where it's very clear, super dark. It doesn't have the poison fog like we have in LA right now.

[Heather Santoro]

No, we don't believe in fog up here. We believe in dogs.

[Dana Carvey]

But this one Dane, it reminds me of the lights over Phoenix because everyone thought they were in a row and then they saw a light way over here and they go, oh, it's a triangle.

[Heather Santoro]

That.

[Dana Carvey]

That whole thing is the edge of a ship.

[Heather Santoro]

Right. Either that's some government project, you know, or something like that or.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

It's not just random stars in the sky. So it either has to be an organized kind of thing or not. But I didn't have any explanation for it.

[Dana Carvey]

Were you scared?

[Heather Santoro]

I was intrigued.

[David Spade]

Do you have video?

[Heather Santoro]

No.

[Dana Carvey]

Should we send it to Dr. Greer and him analyze it?

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, send it to Dr. Greer.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Heather. Well, I don't know if we'll get it back by press time.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

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[Heather Santoro]

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[David Spade]

Okay, listen, so for Thanksgiving.

[Heather Santoro]

Thanksgiving, yeah.

[David Spade]

I'm going to add into the mix some Omaha Steaks because it's like I want to, you know, have them around because they have steaks, they have hamburgers. They have.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, they're fun. They're fun to have around.

[David Spade]

Yeah. And then you take that and then I'm going to tell people that's a good gift idea for Christmas. You know, send them out. Take the pain out of going and shopping. Suddenly you got all this at your fingertips.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, they come and get. They come gift wrapped, USDA certified tender.

[David Spade]

I like that.

[Heather Santoro]

Steaks, juicy burgers, cozy and convenient comfort meals. And a lot more than that, David.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, there's way more than that, Dana. During their Sizzle all the Way sale, they tied that into Christmas. That says all the way. Yeah. You can get 50% off site wide at Omaha steaks.com plus our precious listeners get an extra $35 off with promo code fly.

[Heather Santoro]

I'm gonna say that's a good thing. You've had Omaha Steaks, haven't you?

[David Spade]

Yeah, you're gonna see me in the kitchen. Maybe I'll take them out on the bbq, depending on weather, weather permitting.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And watch me. Hey, you know, I'm over there.

[David Spade]

Like, how do you like them?

[Dana Carvey]

You know, yelling, I once dated a.

[Heather Santoro]

Woman named bbq, but good night.

[David Spade]

Oh yeah, I've actually met her with you.

[Heather Santoro]

Omaha Steaks. Actually, David, you may not believe this, but they're unrivaled and quality and variety and everybody's backed by their 100% guarantee.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it doesn't shock me right now. Is the perfect time to save on delicious gifts and holiday hosting favorites. Every steak is perfectly aged to maximize tenderness and handcut by master butchers. Master butchers in America's heartland.

[Heather Santoro]

Omaha steaks has been America's original butcher.

[David Spade]

Since 1917, if I had to guess.

[Heather Santoro]

Yes. And they also carry mouthwatering burgers, chicken, pork, seafood and actually delectable desserts.

[David Spade]

Well, save on big gourmet gifts and more holiday favorites with Omaha steaks. Save on big gourmet gifts and more holiday favorites with omaha steaks. Visit OmahaSteaks.com for 50 off site wide during their sizzle all the way sale. And for an extra 35 off, use promo code fly at checkout terms apply. See site for details.

[Heather Santoro]

That's Omaha Steaks.com code fly.

[David Spade]

You know, some mornings feel impossible, Dana. Like today. Freezing cold holiday to dos piling up. And you just want something from your wardrobe. You just want it to make your life easy and just perform.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. You want your. Yeah. Something to perform. You want a wardrobe to perform.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

You want a wardrobe to bring something to the table. That's why I'm turning to quints. They're Mongolian cashmere sweaters, Dana.

[Heather Santoro]

Mongolian cashmere sweater. Awesome.

[David Spade]

Insanely soft. 50 bucks for a cashmere sweater and looks way more expensive than they are. Italian wool coats. Structured, polished, perfect fit for these chilly months. Honestly, the down jacket, I got to get that from Quint because that's a go to it keeps you warm, looks sharp, holds up through the whole season.

[Heather Santoro]

Yes, Quince really nails the essentials. They got denim and chinos that actually fit David outerwear that lasts. From leather jackets to wool top coats, all made from premium materials by trusted factories. And because they cut out the middleman, you get luxury quality without the crazy price tag.

[David Spade]

You were in a high school band called denim and chinos if I recall.

[Heather Santoro]

Yes, and BBQ was the lead singer.

[David Spade]

Actually.

[Heather Santoro]

She was good.

[David Spade]

I've been starting grabbing a few gifts for home, bath and kitchen. I don't stop at home. I go bath, kitchen. Nice. They make perfect presents that make it feel thoughtful but don't break the bank. Get your wardrobe sorted and your gift list handled with quints. Don't wait. Go to quince.com fly for free shipping on your order and a 365 day return that's all year now. Available in Canada too. What is it, Dana?

[Heather Santoro]

That's Q U I n c e dot com fly. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com fly all right, we better before we go, too much Further, tell the people the one thing you need to know to survive Christmas.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Let me say something before this. Please do. Because Christmas is a lot of emotions come to a head. Big holiday events. Someone the other day. Have you ever had someone recommend you a therapist? And my first thought is, wait, did they do you? Well, that's a hard pass. You're the most up individual. Yeah, I know. Your life is a disaster and you're on 19 medications and you've been seeing.

[Heather Santoro]

This guy and they really want you in there.

[Dana Carvey]

Like, you gotta do it. Oh my God.

[Heather Santoro]

How do they say it to you? How do they say it? Kind of casually. You might think about this or. I have a good therapist.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. You know, I actually been going to a therapist. It's great.

[David Spade]

Do you.

[Dana Carvey]

Have you ever been to a therapist? I go, I have. You know what? You should use my guy. Great. And I'm like, I'm gonna stop you.

[Heather Santoro]

I'm gonna stop you right.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm gonna stop you right there.

[Heather Santoro]

You.

[Dana Carvey]

It takes 18 pills just to get you to leave the house. Is this the best possible you right now? I don't know.

[Heather Santoro]

The best possible you. That's a great figure of speech. Be the best possible you. I would say that therapy. I don't know if people are, you know, super nutball, but in. In the narrow frame of it, what are your patterns of behavior?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, my God.

[Heather Santoro]

That are a little self destructive. Like for me being. You could say he's a people pleaser, he's codependent. Or you can say he's a nice, generous person. So you could go with either way. But yeah, so there's things like that where you could. Like you specifically would have to work on.

[Dana Carvey]

Will you tell me later?

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Dana's like, oh, do you want to know? There's a list in my car. I scribbled some things.

[Heather Santoro]

I'm gonna ask you one question and I want a one second answer. Are you self actualized?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, do I have a good idea of how people see me? I don't think so. Well, is that what.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, I guess. Have you splurged on the urge to emerge?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, boy, I've splooted on my laptop.

[Heather Santoro]

The therapist I went to for five years. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

They're just going, Jesus.

[Heather Santoro]

She just. Basically, what was great about her is she just says life is a show, you know, lower your expectations.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm really scared to tell some one person all my secrets because I heard that happened in Scientology. You clear your head of all your secrets and then there's A rumor that they can use that against you if you leave because they film it and they're like, okay, I guess everybody wants to know how you had a threesome with two other dudes.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, I. Cause I like Tom Cruise so much. But here's an interesting. In Hollywood there's a place called the Celebrity Center. It's one of their campuses.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh yeah, you know, I've been there.

[Heather Santoro]

So I had an Irish cousin from Dublin, just a very honest, innocent man, you know, and he was walking around la, so he went up there, oh, what is this called? The Celebrity Center. So he was in there for about 45 minutes and they're talking to him and he said, I've got to tell you something right now. If I go in a catholic church, I know immediately what it, what they believe in. The same with the Jewish temple. But I've been here nearly an hour and I don't want to what you are all about. And that's the definition of a cult. And then they escorted him out.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, you can't throw a cult around there. I don't think they like it, but probably. I mean I had a chiropractor who was working on me, very nice guy and he always dianetic books on the table and I was just a young mold of clay, just an innocent sweet boy.

[Heather Santoro]

So you're ripe for the pick and doing right manipulate.

[Dana Carvey]

So he goes, hey, I want to take in lunch. So I keep blowing it off. Anyway, he takes me to lunch at the CC Celeb center. Perfectly fine lunch. And some people come over and talk to you. And then I finally get a little weird vibe. So. Okay, thanks. I go back and he goes, you gotta join. And I go, I don't think I want to. He goes, you want that back to clear up? You want your neck to feel better? I go. So I, it's not going to get better until I do that. And he goes, yep, because you got to clear everything out. And I go, there might be something to that, but I was always under the assumption you were actually just trying to fix me without these caveats. So that was the last time I went.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, I read, I read Dianetics and it's got a lot of end run sentences and redundancy, but Basically it's psychology 101 in the core of it. Like you have all these things that happen to you and then they inform your behavior whether you're bitter or angry or PTSD or scared. And so you. Yeah, I know it was based on you. They had a room called the David Spade room there at the Celebrity. I go, well, he didn't even join. They go, trust me. He said, so you hang on to these things called E meters. And I guess there's a slight electric vibration that goes through those. And then they talk about things and you sort of release the idea of this overreactive mind, you know, so.

[Dana Carvey]

So, you know, I remember during snl, I went to my deadbeat dad who wasn't around much. He goes, how's it going out there? And I go, it's fucking rough, dude. I go, I did this, but gotta laugh and read through. I was just telling him the textbook shit that they're saying right now. Somewhere from this season, right? Yeah, but I don't think it was fair because it did that. And it stops me. He goes, let me stop you. Whoever told you life was fair? And it kind of stumped me. I go, I guess nobody. I just assumed. He's like. I go, I try to be fair with people. He's like, who gives a shit? You're out in the real world now. It's such a brutal wake up call. And you go, yeah, I guess.

[Heather Santoro]

So he leaves for 15 years, comes back, drops a wisdom bomb on you, and then you cry and hug him and it's all forgiven.

[Dana Carvey]

One time we were. I would see him about after 4 when he left. We had three boys. We would hang out about once a year. He goes, I'm going to pick you up in a silver Porsche. He had all this bullshit, but we were still, like, so stoked to see him. He's our dad.

[Heather Santoro]

Okay?

[Dana Carvey]

But he was, so. But I wound up buying him a condo. It was all this guilt stuff to keep him around. But then one time I was like 14 and he was pissed at me. He goes, you're not wearing socks with your shoes. I go, no, man, it's cool, because I told you last time, wear socks when we go to dinner. And he pulled over and tried to spank me. I'm like, I'm sorry, sir, who are you? I'm 14.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, when we pulled over. How would he spank you? How does he get access to spanking?

[Dana Carvey]

Like pulled over to a rest stop. We rented a room. Now he just pulled over. Spank my. I go, dad, I think the spanking part of me growing up is over. I think you missed out. He did spank when I was really little. But I said, you know, this isn't. This doesn't go forever. And then the funniest thing he said to me was, I was on Letterman once and the one funny thing is he goes, davey, he was kind of a little bit of a grub worm, you know, he always wanted a little bit of money and shit. And he goes, davey, I've talked to about. I've been thinking about a good investment for you.

[Heather Santoro]

You've probably heard this, it's always an investment million times. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And I. And you go, yeah. And he goes, I'm. I want you to buy. Buy a condo, and then I'll manage it for you, basically live there. And I go, I don't know. And he goes, come on, Davey, they're not making any more condos. I go.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And he goes, nope, it's condos. I go, I think they are making. They're shitting out about 3 million a day. But anyway, I did buy it for him, but I did a Letterman with him once and I took them and he. We took a jet and then we stayed the Four Seasons, right? Nice. So he goes, let's do that again sometime. About a year later, I go to Letterman.

[David Spade]

They.

[Dana Carvey]

They switch it to first class. I just paid for a jet myself. But he goes, we'll go first class. And I go, if I get my dad, I'm going to split first class into two coaches. And he goes, what are we doing in coach? What the happened to you? I go, I don't know.

[Heather Santoro]

We're just.

[Dana Carvey]

Who cares? We're just going there. And he goes, look at this hotel. I'm staying at the park. Park of Meridian. What the is that? I go, it's nice. I've been there.

[Heather Santoro]

And he goes, mad at all?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

He goes, two years ago, it was private jets in the Four Seasons. Kind of sliding down the old fame ladder, aren't you?

[David Spade]

What a.

[Heather Santoro]

Are these quotes?

[Dana Carvey]

That's a quote. Oh, my friends would always say that to me. If we went to a shitty restaurant, they'd be like, this is what we're gonna eat tonight. Kind of sliding down the old faith ladder, Davey.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, my dad actually a lot of stuff around finances. Oh, oh, your mother was crying the other day. I wish I had money to take her somewhere. Oh, Jesus Christ. And one time, though, he did have something that would. There's not a lot of lake for front property in the Western U.S. you know, Minnesota, there's 10,000 legs. So up in Montana, late limberg, it was like, oh, the Crockers, their house is coming for sale. It's us Crockers. And they were. He was an orphan and they were kind of his parents when he was in high school. But that Would have been a good move, actually, to buy a house on a lake in. In Montana.

[David Spade]

What is it called? Silverfish.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, Whitefish is above Flathead Lake, and that's a stunning lake. And we were. We rented there once, and it was stunning, but we were going there to buy it, but then we got. We got lost or something.

[David Spade]

We're gonna.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, you told me the story. You pulled over to eat and you didn't know about it. Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

You know, everyone's got a woulda, coulda, shoulda, woulda, woulda puta in their life, but, you know.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, do you want to drop this Christmas bomb on us, or should we go to stories, news stories?

[Heather Santoro]

Well, we. We promised the audience some wisdom about how to survive.

[Dana Carvey]

We sort of did tell them, but.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, I would just say the really, the way to survive is to drink heavily, give yourself a treat, try not to fight. Well, Christmas, I don't know, it's really for little kids, you know, 10,000 gifts and stuff, but basically to get along with relatives that hate you and you hate them is just to kind of give it up to them. Oh, you're right. I. I got you. Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

He's got a roll back a couple days.

[Guest Speaker]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Is anyone staying with you?

[Heather Santoro]

No, we're pretty quiet. We've got all. We got a Santa's Village thing going on. Looks like exact replica of a gas station with the car moving inside and snow all around it and stuff.

[David Spade]

That's cool.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. No, I'm not finished. We got a Christmas tree.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, let's talk also quickly about Rob Reiner, because this. We're getting into the news now, and the news was about as sad as it could be for that situation. Rob, on my end, Rob, I just knew. He did Dickie Roberts. It was a big favor. Did play to himself. My character was an actor, wanted to read for him. We did a scene. He was so lovely and so funny, and he was such a big part of that movie and that excitement of being with him. So always have good feelings. Also, his movies, I was looking at them and I'm like, I couldn't put his top five in any order. They're such bangers. It's unreal how much.

[Heather Santoro]

He did Princess Bride and Spinal Tap.

[Dana Carvey]

A Few Good Men, Stand By Me.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. Two Stephen King movies. He was eclectic. And Misery. He did all different kinds of films.

[Dana Carvey]

Harry Met Sally. Those are all fucking home runs. Like big movies.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. I don't know if you're with me then I was walking around New York. I think we probably would love It. And we go, oh, what's this? And it was Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan, who played my girlfriend on One of the boys in 1980, and Rob Reiner, and they were doing When Harry Met Sally. She goes, I think this is where. Working out pretty good. Rob Reiner was what I'd call a gentleman. Very sweet. I. When I went into. They said, go meet with those guys. I was barely in show business. That'd be Christopher guess and Michael McKean and Harry Shearer. Rob Reiner. So I walked in and they were thinking of me as the drummer who blows up or whatever. And then I said, I feel like you guys all know each other and all, relax. And I'm kind of nervous. And Rob Reiner went, all right, let's go, let's leave. So they just left the room. They said, we're going to leave the room and then we'll come in. So they all left. And I'm sitting in the room by myself for, like, five minutes, then they all come back in. And he was directing me, you know, very casually when I did a scene as a mime waiter with Billy Crystal. So it's an absolute tragedy. It's sickening and bizarre and just.

[David Spade]

Just life, you know.

[Dana Carvey]

I just found out this opera singer, if you heard about this, about a week ago, someone was murked somehow, and they didn't talk much about it after, but they just found out it was the son also. So what a crazy thing to happen twice. And not his son, but the guy's son. And what. That's so tough. The thing I. I was wondering about is this Bill Hader part where it sounds like it was much ado about nothing. I don't think it's anything. It just sounds like clickbait. I heard Bill Hader got a huge argument with him. Then I heard Bill Hader at Conan's party. I heard Bill told him to leave. And then yesterday I read they had no interaction, but the kid gave Bill Hayter a dirty look when he left.

[Heather Santoro]

I don't sit down with that I don't know stuff. I always say I've been in the tabloids a little bit. You have? You're like, nah, that's not true. I. I just take it all. I take it all with a grain of salt, you know, I would just say this. Unfortunately, episodes like this happen all the time, all over the country.

[David Spade]

Sure.

[Heather Santoro]

And I don't mean like 10 a day, but it happens, you know, domestic incidences, you know, all. And so this is just something that, for people who knew Rob Reiner and his work is just very personal. And his lovely wife, who also was a producer, and it's too tragic, it's too sad. I don't know how to talk about it, really.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, it's very heightened when it's someone people have a affinity for or a celebrity type, and people feel they know him. And you're right. It happens all day, every day. It's just such a tough, rough world out there.

[Heather Santoro]

And he was in all the family, you know, in the 70s, you know, so it's a long, long time of Rob being in our world as an artist and filmmaker and just overall nice guy. He was. He was a. He was a patriot. He was out there, you know, politically active. Whether anyone agrees with anybody, it doesn't matter. He was just a good citizen that way.

[Dana Carvey]

So, anyway, yeah, all right, let's get to some other more cheerful stories. Unless.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, let's bring it home.

[Dana Carvey]

This is funny. Someone sent me this.

[Heather Santoro]

So Ethan Hawke is David Spade. All of a sudden.

[Dana Carvey]

They put in Variety. They go, spade, did you do some facial work? I said, I wish. Give me that. I wouldn't look like that. Yeah, what a stud, huh?

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, he's. He's just always kind of. He's cool.

[Dana Carvey]

Like, he.

[Heather Santoro]

He's not. He's not a celebrity. He does indie stuff. He does weird stuff. But you always. Whenever you watch him act, he's like an artist. It's like he's one of those.

[Dana Carvey]

Goes back to training day. He's got a lot of great, great things he's done. And he's got Uma Thurman, who's married to. I think he's got a daughter that's doing well in the business. Okay, that's enough of that. That was exciting.

[Heather Santoro]

That was you, though, where. It was not Ethan Hawk.

[Dana Carvey]

No, it was Ethan Hogg.

[Heather Santoro]

I know.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, what's this one?

[Guest Speaker]

Able to call themselves doctors anymore if they do not have an md. So, you know, some attorneys call themselves doctor, dentists call themselves doctor, chiropractors call themselves doctors, audiologists call themselves doctor. That will no longer be permitted in California. California, if you are not an md, do not call yourself a doctor, because you are confusing society. You are confusing everyone.

[David Spade]

Wow.

[Guest Speaker]

They went out, someone dropped down. You know, doctor. Not be the one pulling out one and empty. So they are trying to get some clarification on who can identify themselves as a doctor in California.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh. Oh, he's not a real doctor. I'm going to have to talk to the doctor about the person who's not a real doctor. If I say doctor three times, I.

[Dana Carvey]

Get a prize, I get a raise.

[David Spade]

You should be doctors.

[Heather Santoro]

They say the doctors. They say the doctors like nobody's business. They say.

[Dana Carvey]

I like these new things. You really up this podcast a little bit. Look, don't proceed.

[Heather Santoro]

Don't proceed. The millionaires and the billionaires. You're a billionaire. We gotta get the billionaires. That's what we gotta get. The billionaires.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, millionaires are fine.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, I gotta bring it closer. I was dumb. Yeah. Let me tell you something. This is a merry Christmas.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh. I was in Santa Monica and I missed him. Arnold came in in a Christmas sweater with Santa with a big American flag, and I would have 100 gone up to him.

[Heather Santoro]

Absolutely.

[Dana Carvey]

What do we got going here?

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, we got to go to his. His superstar kind of office studio. Yeah, yeah. He's the most positive human on earth. Basically.

[Dana Carvey]

I would have gone and started shit with him. It'd be funny.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I would have killed.

[Heather Santoro]

I just call him a girly man, you know, because that's. He loves that. Don't be such a girly man.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah. Okay, next one. We're killing it. This is the Christmas show.

[Heather Santoro]

I know. This is a special Christmas show. Look.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Dakota Johnson says America feels grim, but. Oh, she went to Saudi Arabia. I heard a few people went to Saudi Arabia after the comedy states.

[Guest Speaker]

It feels really.

[Heather Santoro]

Grim.

[Dana Carvey]

And even in the less than 24.

[Heather Santoro]

Hours that I've been here, I have.

[Guest Speaker]

A renewed faith in cinema.

[Dana Carvey]

That's amazing.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, what? She saw a Saudi Arabian movie.

[Dana Carvey]

She was flown to the Saudi Arabia Film Festival. Oh, I see a few. Few. But I think they do give talking points. So I don't think it's in her best interest to say.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, the biggest movie is. Is animated. It's called Leo the Camel, made by Saudi Arabia.

[Dana Carvey]

Leo the cow. Leo Sandler's movie.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Heather Santoro]

Is it. Oh, that's it. But it's a rat or a lizard.

[Dana Carvey]

Sorry, A lizard.

[Heather Santoro]

Lizard.

[Dana Carvey]

I just thought of a Nikki Glazer joke for the Golden Globes, but she hasn't done it yet. But I saw.

[Heather Santoro]

It's already coming up pretty soon, right? February.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Because she's doing sets and she works hard. So when I do a set, I try to go, nikki, you should do this. You should do that.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Heather Santoro]

Share one joke with us.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't think so, because it's probably gonna make it. The one I heard was good that she did. And.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, but, yeah, but we're doing the Las Vegas shows.

[David Spade]

People come see us.

[Heather Santoro]

January Coliseum, probably one of the, one of the biggest whoopty doo theaters in there.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, Caesar Palace Coliseum. Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

The stage is slightly slanted, so.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I know that slightly.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm such a mumbler. I don't know why I handle that hill. And talk to Kevin Nealon.

[Heather Santoro]

By the way, the Academy Awards are going to YouTube.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I heard this bullshit. I don't know if I have an opinion about it. Do you?

[David Spade]

I'll take whatever yours is.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, well, I would just say, you know, things, Things always change and we can't go back in the past. In the 1970s, 60s, 70s, you would never see movie stars. They wouldn't be anywhere. And then you see them at the Oscars. The movies that came out that were big movies. Ten Commandments or One Flew over. The Kukasness. That's everybody saw. So it was this whole community. And then of course, what we're now a billion shows and a billion things. It already, it just didn't have the same pop. I, I love movies, but most of the time I'd seen maybe one of the ones nominated for best picture. So it should evolve to YouTube. They'll get a bigger audience globally and if they're lucky, to get the huge audience in Saudi Arabia with Leo the Camel.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, let me run in the restroom real quick. We never do this. I'm running the restroom.

[Heather Santoro]

Hold on. Oh, my goodness.

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[Heather Santoro]

Is this a production?

[David Spade]

Just vamp.

[Heather Santoro]

Does Greg want to be my guest?

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[David Spade]

Give it a try.

[Dana Carvey]

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[Heather Santoro]

All right. Most wicked illusion. What the hell is this? An illusion. Okay. This is amazing.

[Dana Carvey]

Of course, there's a guy illusion I've ever seen said about this watching. Pretty good, right?

[Heather Santoro]

You can actually see two people. It's hilarious.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, what?

[Heather Santoro]

It was only one person.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it's two people. It always looks weird because they have.

[Heather Santoro]

What looks like.

[Dana Carvey]

He'S.

[David Spade]

Level.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah, that's the kind of thing that you really need to see over and over again.

[Dana Carvey]

Kind of fun to see this stuff. It looks like before AI crazy.

[Heather Santoro]

They're exchanging clothes or something. I mean, who has the gray pants?

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, I think that gray one is. I thought it was green, but one is red, and I think one has a red top and the other colored pants. So it throws you even more, I think. Yeah, I ain't got much learning.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, either anyone could be taught to do it and they have special clothes. Or is it some kind of gymnastics thing? Or who thought of it? And why did they think of it?

[Dana Carvey]

And why are they still doing it?

[Heather Santoro]

What does it mean? And why should I be interested?

[Dana Carvey]

It was like agt.

[Heather Santoro]

I know. I love. I love magic and illusions.

[Dana Carvey]

Honestly, I do like magic. And I like not.

[Heather Santoro]

I like it, too.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, boy.

[Heather Santoro]

Come on. You know, one guy turning the other with the purple pants, gray pants. Come on.

[Dana Carvey]

Spade's colorblind. Someone asked if I was colorblind because I saw the show colorblind. I don't listen to whatever Dana says.

[Heather Santoro]

Could I be more cheerful? This is. I'm. I'm gonna switch out after January 1st into some other type of shirt.

[Dana Carvey]

I like your lumberjacks.

[Heather Santoro]

Look at all this red.

[Dana Carvey]

And no, you're killing it.

[Heather Santoro]

And then look at you, James Bond.

[Dana Carvey]

I have a blue sweater. You're gonna say it's black. It's a blue sweater. But it's my warmest one. But I Might fall asleep in the day today because I'm barely holding on. So I have to be really warm, cozy.

[David Spade]

Can you tell my voice is different?

[Heather Santoro]

Well, when we first came on, it was a little froggy. As you've spoken, it's a little more normal. But I. I'm gonna just say this. I don't think you're faking that You. You're under the weather a little bit. I don't think you made it up.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, So I have so much to do today. I have to drive out to the Valley and I'm like talking to Heather, going, I don't think I can pull it off. I don't think do it after this. Too weak.

[Heather Santoro]

There are moments in life where you just have to make that call sometimes. I've had gigs back in the day. No, I. I can't make that.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, so my mom would go, it's too much. Oh, don't stay home. It's too much.

[Heather Santoro]

Here's the thing.

[David Spade]

It.

[Heather Santoro]

You're either in something like a mini sickness, you're just run down and you'll be fine by tomorrow, or. Or it's the beginning of something. But when something's coming on, to push it too hard is when you do not want to push it too hard. I hope you want to write this down or just hope.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I mean, I kind of got.

[Heather Santoro]

It, but you could listen back to the podcast and get these.

[Dana Carvey]

What you want. Okay, what's next? Let's try another one.

[Heather Santoro]

Okay, here's another illusion where extra finger, kind of.

[Dana Carvey]

Dana, before I preface this, this is kind of what I was talking about when I'm saying they're going to start throwing out crime videos.

[Heather Santoro]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

Because people claim AI. Oh, that's not me, that's AI.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, oh, okay. So they've committed a crime and they go, oh, no, it's AI right now.

[Dana Carvey]

This one is a life hack. If you're a criminal, you wear an extra finger. So your photos. Because AI, I guess, doesn't know how to do fingers for some reason. They're so stupid.

[Heather Santoro]

Aliens.

[Dana Carvey]

Aliens are so dumb. AI is dumb. There's a lot of people. No one makes fun of AI for not knowing how to do fingers. I do. I have hot takes.

[Heather Santoro]

I'd like to explanation, but. So this is so you can commit a crime. You have an extra weird finger when.

[Dana Carvey]

You take a picture and you go, oh, AI has can't do fingers. So it made six.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, and so that's not me in the picture.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

Okay. And so I'm Innocent Y.

[Dana Carvey]

See, I'm. I'm playing Stratego over here.

[Heather Santoro]

I like everything I'm hearing. Stratego. I thought you're playing a battleship.

[Dana Carvey]

What do you like? This. Okay, here. Pretend we're playing Battleship and I got the thing up and say, like, G5.

[Heather Santoro]

G5.

[Dana Carvey]

Nope. Then I just moved the ship to a little farther away.

[Heather Santoro]

Just cheat, because you got a little barrier.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's so fun because you nailed it.

[Heather Santoro]

Your new nickname is Milton Bradley.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, got it. Okay. I thought I had a joke about that. Okay. Nickname was cheater.

[Heather Santoro]

I don't know why Milton Bradley just hit me about all those toys.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, you know, I was at the improv last night, and it was kind of fun because it was JJ Walker. It was like a legend.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Jj, Arsenio and Leno.

[Heather Santoro]

Wow. Comedy legends.

[Dana Carvey]

That's pretty good, dude. That's pretty fun to see. And they were all sitting on a couch bullshitting during my set, and I came back thirstily. Did you see every nook and cranny of my act?

[Heather Santoro]

Oh, so they just do their set and they don't honor you by going out. Nobody watches anyone else? No.

[Dana Carvey]

No one watches anyone else's set.

[Heather Santoro]

Sometimes I've gone around and looked out a couple times.

[Dana Carvey]

Just I do, and then I get.

[Heather Santoro]

The vibe of the room rage.

[Dana Carvey]

Jealous.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

But the rudest thing was the guy before me. His name's Greg Baldwin. He's a very funny comic, but he's not really a household name. And he goes, tonight, I just have to say before I get off, I started this 18 years ago. It just hit me tonight, here I am, I'm doing it full time. I quit my job. Now I'm on a show with David Spade and Jay Leno, Arsenio hall and J.J. walker. I just want to say, dreams do come true. And he got off, and they got a big applause. So when I went up, I go, you guys, I just have to say, I can't believe I'm on a show with J.J. walker, Jay Leno, that guy, Arsenio Hall. I just say that guy. That's because I don't know who he is. Oh. And then I went and apologized to him after. Even though I saw him laugh, he was sitting there. And then I go, if he's a.

[Heather Santoro]

Comedian, he knows that's funny.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

It's a layup. You gotta do it. Okay, let's do another story. And then, Dana, someone has to lay me down and feed me food, right?

[Heather Santoro]

You've got to get some chicken noodle. Soup and rest. You're. You're making me. I'm feeling like I'm getting a sore throat just by being on this thing.

[Dana Carvey]

I work so hard.

[Heather Santoro]

I. I know at not working hard.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Okay. Why I never fly without wearing a hat. Oh boy. This is gonna gross me out.

[Guest Speaker]

And ask me what's the number one health hack I'm working on that no one else has thought of yet. And I told them it has to do with wearing a hat, but specifically when flying on a plane. What people haven't realized is all the modern conveniences of a brand new flight. They make it so easy to fly and en. It also means that the TV screen of the person behind you is in your headrest. That means as you lie down and take your nap, you're sleeping on an emf. This is why so many people complain that they fatigue or even brain fog after getting off a flight thinking that it's just normal jet lag, when in.

[Dana Carvey]

Fact it was because you she sleeps their feet up.

[Guest Speaker]

We all know you wouldn't use a television.

[Heather Santoro]

I've never slept on a plane in my life.

[Dana Carvey]

I, I like this point. He goes, we all know you don't use a TV as a pillow in your home. I don't.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, some people just. I'm tired. I'm going to take a flight to Chicago because I never sleep better than on a. In coach on an airplane. So an EMT bomb electromagnetic.

[Dana Carvey]

That's why you're effect. Have you ever been on a regular plane or do you just fly G6? Is own a G6.

[Heather Santoro]

I fortunately, unfortunately have. Have gone on private jets and I've also gone on coach in a. A regular plane too. So you do get a little spoiled.

[Dana Carvey]

You're like, you know, appreciate the patience, sir. Everybody, we're going to hold here at the gate. When I went to Phoenix last week.

[David Spade]

Okay, we just locked up the cabin.

[Dana Carvey]

You're stuck here on the Runway and appreciate your patience. It's a little rainy in Arizona, so we're going to just not go for an hour. I'm like, who cares about rain, dude?

[Heather Santoro]

Everybody has kind of a comic, you know, the pilot. We're gonna ask you that.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, funny.

[Heather Santoro]

Buckle up. Seatbelt. How low can you go before.

[Dana Carvey]

Appreciate your patience. I like Kevin. Kevin Pollock, your buddy. I'm my buddy too. He goes, he goes, well, my wife left me and things haven't gone well lately. But we're gonna get there. Or maybe we won't. Anyway, let's try something.

[David Spade]

Here we go.

[Heather Santoro]

Loop de loop.

[David Spade]

Everyone hold on.

[Heather Santoro]

I've said this before, but I was in a small private jet going to a corporate date, sitting in the back, and we're full throttle down the Runway, and then they pull it back. Nope. And then they peel off into the. And then they proceed to have a really ugly fight. I thought they were actually going to come to blows.

[Dana Carvey]

The people, the pilot.

[Heather Santoro]

There was two pilots and me alone. And they pull off, they abort the takeoff, and then they're fighting. What the, man? You said rotate. You got. You know. So I'm thinking, well, I want off the plane. Like, no, it's good, man. We're good. We got it, you know.

[Dana Carvey]

So, Dana, you're on a plane, right? Was this the one I was going to ask you? Maybe. A guy gets up and he starts acting erratic.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

He says, I'm going to kill us all. I'm going to open that door and we're going to all go down. Do you step up and be a hero?

[Heather Santoro]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

I think I do, too. I think if I hit someone and he brushed it off like a fly, but it would start everyone jumping in because I'd get beat up, but there's no way I'm going down without a fight.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. And I think that just generally speaking with the people up there, if in a plane, if they see that it's an actual threat, then I think everybody, pretty much everyone, gets adrenalized.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

And I think the first impulse, especially if one or two start to go, is all you need is someone to break the dam. You know, if you have Mark Wahlberg there, he's already on top of him, but Bobby right behind.

[Dana Carvey]

So I go and I get him, and I go sleeper. And then I go, pile driver. I got douche. Got douche. And he's like this. But if they're saying things like they're going to take the plane down, even if they don't have a mom or something, you can't say that. Everyone's on high alert. You will be jumped and beaten up.

[David Spade]

That's for sure.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. And, you know, I. Maybe it's my own ego, but I would hope I could talk them down very quickly. Hey, hey, hey. You know, you don't want to do this, right? I mean, what you had. You had a fight with your wife. What's wrong, man? Hey, I'll give up my seat in first class.

[Dana Carvey]

He's like this church lady, you know?

[Heather Santoro]

You know the Joe Dirt guy. I heard you. You had a podcast with the Joe Dirt guy.

[Dana Carvey]

Will you do Joe Dirt movie? Beginning to end.

[Heather Santoro]

Yeah. Will you do Fred Wolf's part? As in.

[Dana Carvey]

As the DJ part of the DJs friend?

[Heather Santoro]

The DJs friend?

[Dana Carvey]

No, he was a tech guy or something.

[Heather Santoro]

Would you put on the church lady, dress the wig and the glasses and dance for me? Then I won't make the plane go down.

[Dana Carvey]

Would you tell me about when you spent the night at the White House and you saw Barbara Bush and her Spanx walking around? I love when Dana. I say something insane and Dana goes, what the.

[Heather Santoro]

Hold on a sec. I am the troublemaker. Who has not seen Barbara Bush. Oh. Who has not seen Barbara Bush inner Spanx walk around the White House? This was the common thing that we all knew we all saw. And I, of course, would walk around naked and go bowling in the Nixon bowling alley. I'm Bill Clinton and everything you think I did, I didn't do any of it. You all.

[Dana Carvey]

I'll bet you five pubes I get a spare.

[Heather Santoro]

Hey, little Casey case him. Well, gee, David Spade said he would take care of anyone on an airplane, right, Scoob?

[Dana Carvey]

I'm sick.

[Heather Santoro]

It works with the sickness. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I got a hoarse voice.

[Heather Santoro]

Oh. All right.

[Dana Carvey]

We should wrap it up because people got too much for their money today.

[Heather Santoro]

All we can say is have a good Christmas. I'm sure you are listening and watching this on Monday the 22nd.

[Dana Carvey]

Whatever Monday is. Dana's Santa is killing 22nd.

[Heather Santoro]

It's right there. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

UFC. Santa Claus. Dana, I should get you present. So afterwards we'll see if I got you something on the next show.

[Heather Santoro]

Well, I'll just be honest. For my Christmas shopping, this is what it looks like. I'm on Amazon 9.95. Okay. All right. Hummingbird thing. Okay. Washcloths. And I just blast out. I. Everyone gets like 10 gifts. I only spent a hundred dollars, but they're Christmas wrapped, so it's all that. Right?

[Dana Carvey]

Amazon, in what year did you think you could order? And it comes the same day sometimes. Crazy.

[Heather Santoro]

One of the biggest revolutions in the history of man. You can do so much stuff on Amazon. Full disclosure, I own Amazon as a stock.

[Dana Carvey]

Full disclosure, I don't own any stocks. That's crazy, huh?

[Heather Santoro]

What are you, nuts?

[Dana Carvey]

I know. I have your same guy. I don't know why he's driving me into the poor house, but it's fine. I don't care. That's. Here's someone who really cares. I don't care about money. Yeah.

[Heather Santoro]

And I don't care what you think about me. And I totally don't care about your money. Like, that's gonna make you happy. Why do so many women go up like that, Heather? And just go, I don't believe it. I mean, like, she was so cute and she knew it. And I was like, what are you doing? And she was like, I don't know. I mean, it's in every movie. I have relatives that did not grow up in Southern California and go, like. Like, I was so scared and I was really looking good that day. My boots were fitting kind of tight and I don't know why. I just had on my up size down.

[Dana Carvey]

That sounds Canadian.

[Heather Santoro]

Sorry. I've lost lost control.

[Dana Carvey]

They're not being their real selves lately. We're all a little fake at the beginning.

[David Spade]

All right, Data, you stay on.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm gonna say goodbye.

[Heather Santoro]

I'll do the ad, so you just relax.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, you guys, I'm walking out. Everyone give me a couple minutes to get to my car. Shades off.

[Heather Santoro]

Goodbye.

[David Spade]

Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, five star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[Heather Santoro]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[David Spade]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Matty Sprung Keyser and Leah Rees Dennis of Odyssey.

[Heather Santoro]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by.

[David Spade]

Phil Sweet, tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[Heather Santoro]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.

[David Spade]

Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email [e-mail] that's a u d a c d y I dot com.