Shane Gillis Sets a Record + Birthday Flowers from Lorne

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Episode: Shane Gillis Sets a Record + Birthday Flowers from Lorne
Date: July 27, 2026
Hosts: Dana Carvey & David Spade

Overview

This episode of "Fly on the Wall" features comedians Dana Carvey and David Spade in their signature riffing style, discussing stand-up comedy milestones, recent news, showbiz anecdotes, and pop culture oddities. They delve into Shane Gillis’ record-setting stadium show, tales of Lorne Michaels’ birthday gift-giving, and riff on SNL, animal encounters, technology annoyances, and more. The episode balances classic banter, industry insights, and satirical takes on both personal and current events.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up: Houses, Tech Woes, and LA Talk

• Housing Riffs: Spade and Carvey banter about Zillow emails and the house-hunting process.
• Santa Monica’s Decline: The hosts lament the under-watering of Santa Monica’s famous trees and the vibe shift since their early days in LA.
  • “It was like Valhalla… now it’s like Stinkahala.” — Dana Carvey (04:12)
• Local News Bit: Discussion on local sinkholes and the bizarre, dark humor of disappearing into one.
  • “Disappear into the earth… yes, but kind of slowly.” — Dana Carvey (05:12)
• Tech Annoyances: Complaints about smart but pushy apps (Zillow, GoFundMe, AI-generated emails).
  • “The machines are studying us more than we're studying them.” — David Spade (21:12)

---

2. The Odyssey and Overexplaining Movies

• Movie Review Parody: Dana describes seeing a new "Odyssey" movie, referencing overly loud theaters, classical settings, and the “side quest” style narrative.
  • “Land. Problem. Less excited about land. But do it again. They’re not learning.” — David Spade (09:32)
• Matt Damon on an Island: Running joke about plot holes and Charlize Theron feeding Matt Damon flowers.
  • “He’s on the island with Charlize Theron for seven years and he finds that out and he’s none too pleased.” — Dana Carvey (10:39)

---

3. GoFundMe, Scams & AI Paranoia

• Online Charity Fatigue: Funny struggle with escalating GoFundMe asks and the guilt-trip tactics in donations.
  • “You were such a big shot a couple days ago. Want to get a crowbar in that wallet again?” — David Spade (14:25)
• AI Scams: Dana relays a near-miss with a scam invite, highlighting the evolution of phishing tactics — and needing to change passwords constantly.
  • “This AI thing and the scamming, it’s really getting boring.” — Dana Carvey (16:26)

---

4. Stadium Stand-Up: Shane Gillis’ Comedy Feat

• Andrew Dice Clay & Comedy Legends: Discussion about arena comics’ old limitations, Dice’s heyday, and stand-up in the mega-venue era.
  • “He’s telling me how he got from club comic to arena comic… bigger than Steve Martin.” — David Spade (23:43)
• Shane Gillis sets a record: Shane sells out the Philadelphia Football Stadium with 76,000 seats.
  • “To be just a lone guy with a mic… The thing about playing to 73,000 is you could literally have 20,000 people disappointed, not laughing, and still kill.” — Dana Carvey (25:57)

---

5. Comedy Birthdays & Lorne Michaels’ Quirks

• Lorne Michaels’ Traditions: Spade’s birthday, Lorne sends flowers (“the only flowers I got”), and Dana joking about cake-baking.
  • “The only flowers I got. You better give me applause.” — David Spade (27:15)
• Their Low-Key Birthdays: Both describe quiet birthdays, low-key dinners, baby horses at home, and jokes about equine “stud farms.”

---

6. Wildlife Encounters & Animal Antics

• Horses & Parenting: Dana details raising horses, feeding them alfalfa, and their unexpected energy surges.
• Montana Bear Fears (32:06): Dana tells a story about Montana grizzly traps and why he makes horse noises in the wilderness to avoid animal surprises.
  • “You don’t want to be there real quiet and there’s a baby cougar and the mama cougar.” — Dana Carvey (30:41)
• Bears in Offices: Spade references viral bear videos, riffing on their mix of cuteness and potential danger.

---

7. News Clips & Trending Stories

Notable Segments/Quotes:

• Athlete Interview Pranks (32:44): Light analysis and laughs on a viral athlete press conference.
• Soccer’s “Baby in a Bathtub” Story (40:03): Viral tale of a player who, as a baby, was in a photo with Messi and 20 years later played against him in the World Cup.
  • “You have got to be joking me. Dude. A little baby—I played you one day.” — Greg Holtzman & David Spade (40:57)
• Artificial Prison Years (47:39): Story about brain chips that make prisoners experience years of jail in minutes.
  • “Welcome to Cognify… They’re gonna try to change…” — Heather Santoro (48:03)
  • “Everything that’s been in science fiction… It’s coming.” — Dana Carvey (49:27)

---

8. Errant Bits: Comedy, Packing, and Grown Ups Update

• Spade’s Upcoming Filming: Talk about logistics for “Grown Ups” shooting, packing woes, and the unpredictability of movie location climates.
• Bee Removers and Ant Traps (54:10, 56:38): Fascination with YouTube bee-hive removal and the brutal logic of ant extermination.
  • “So rude. They poison the queen and it ends that whole hive.” — Dana Carvey (57:04)

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Stadium Gigs:

  • “To be just a lone guy with a mic… you could literally have 20,000 people disappointed, not laughing, and still kill.”
    — Dana Carvey (25:57)

• On AI and Tech Pushiness:

  • “The machines are studying us more than we’re studying them.”
    — David Spade (21:12)

• On Hollywood, Then and Now:

  • “It was like Valhalla…now it’s like Stinkahala.”
    — Dana Carvey (04:12)
  • “It looks like a scene from Westworld.”
    — David Spade (04:22)

• On Dad Jokes & Wildlife:

  • “Well, you don’t want to surprise some kind of mama animal.”
    — Dana Carvey (30:54)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Santa Monica & Sinkholes: 03:02–06:25
• Odyssey Movie Parody: 07:31–12:17
• GoFundMe Fatigue/AI Scams: 13:17–16:36
• Dice Clay, Arena Comedy, Shane Gillis Stadium: 23:33–27:15
• Lorne’s Birthday Flowers: 27:15–28:54
• Wildlife & Horses at Home: 28:54–32:38
• Montana Bear Cage Story: 32:06–32:38
• Athlete Interview & ‘Book on Head’ Bit: 32:44–34:12
• Soccer “Baby” Story/Messi: 40:03–42:00
• Artificial Prison Years / Cognify News: 47:39–50:19
• Packing for Grown Ups/Logistics and Movie Hype: 53:07–53:54
• Bee and Ant Segment: 54:10–57:04

---

Closing Thoughts

This episode encapsulates “Fly on the Wall’s” comedic spirit—by blending personal stories, irreverent banter, showbiz observations, and satirical views on culture and technology. Stand-out moments include the uniquely comic SNL backstage tales, the juxtaposition of new comic giants like Shane Gillis with legends like Dice, and the seamless weaving of headlines with their everyday lives and industry memories.

---

For stand-up and comedy fans, as well as those nostalgic for classic SNL or curious about comedy’s place in the culture, this is a rich, witty, and fast-paced episode full of quotable lines and left-field laughter.

Transcript

[David Spade]

All right, back to school starts now. Get long lasting battery life on the Dell XPS laptop powered by Series 3 Intel Core. So you can work from anywhere now, starting at $699 with exclusive student pricing starting at $599. And it's lightweight, portable, and packed with enough processing power to make multitasking a breeze.

[Dana Carvey]

So say goodbye to distractions and hello to more free time because you finished your work faster than complete your setup with savings on select monitors and more. Must have electronics and accessories, limited time deals and free shipping on PCs and more await [e-mail] deals that's Dell.com deals. This episode of Fly on the Wall is presented by Amazon Music.

[David Spade]

Amazon Music is your 1 app for music, podcasts and audiobooks. Download the app today and start listening.

[Dana Carvey]

I think this is the time which you should pick up the pace of the podcast. I know we did a couple pace. You're going too slow. Too slow.

[David Spade]

So Zillow will be like, hey, do you like this house? I go, that's my own house. I already sold. I know. Do you miss it? But I will tell you that kind of Zillow.

[Dana Carvey]

Are you on Zillow?

[David Spade]

They're getting smart. No.

[Dana Carvey]

I knew that Lauren was meant to send you a cake, and I had done a zoom. I took a picture of the zoom.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

I think. Well, what was weird is I went to see the Odyssey and I thought it was going to be a documentary about our production company.

[David Spade]

Ah, was it?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, Greg was great in it. Greg was in sandals and attacking a serpent.

[David Spade]

Serpent is the Odyssey. Is the Odyssey like Jason and the Argonauts? Why don't I know anything?

[Dana Carvey]

No, I saw it.

[David Spade]

What's the story of the Odyssey? Because I don't. For dumb people. Not me, but for dumb people.

[Dana Carvey]

Let me make my fake plant look more prominent.

[David Spade]

People are just watching our BTS show of us. We're really making this super pro. By the way, don't you love my shirt? I know you'd like it.

[Dana Carvey]

You know what? I've been trying to get a white T shirt for a while, so I took a chance. I took a chance because I order stuff on Amazon, which is like the Borg, if you know the reference.

[David Spade]

Ballsiest thing you've ever done.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, it's just Amazon in, like, three days. They take a Here comes the truck. It's early cadence. As you would say, Kadinks. So with no editorial, I just decided to order from Gap.

[David Spade]

Whoa.

[Dana Carvey]

So I'll let you know how it goes, but I'm trying to Get a white T shirt for the last year, if you go to a Gap store, they go. We don't.

[David Spade]

I can tell you off the air a couple decent places, but this is. You'd like. It says track and field.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I love it. Yeah, I. I would wear that in a second, but I don't have one, so I can't wear it.

[David Spade]

I have a piece of trivia about Santa Monica, which we all love. Santa Monica. Even Heather would understand this. This is brutal. There's medians all the way to the beach going both ways, you know, right in the middle. So from the last, like, 40 streets. And there's the coolest trees. Yeah, I forgot what they're called, but they go everywhere.

[Dana Carvey]

Palm trees.

[David Spade]

And you just stare at them. They're not palm trees. They're, like, wider, bigger. Anyway, they're suffering from some sort of tree chlamydia or whatever. Anyway, they're digging out 30, and I don't even know if there is 30. And it's the most spectacular drive because of them and only because of them. And they're like. They haven't watered them in years. I'm like, where's our budget? Can we. Honestly. Santa Monica is so cool. If you just said, hey, can any residents, when you have time, water these trees? There'd be a line around the block. They'd be like, oh, to save the. Of course.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Santa Mon.

[David Spade]

We're here to help.

[Dana Carvey]

That was. It's like when I first was coming to la and you'd see the Ferris wheel and the beach. I mean, it was like Valhalla.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

You know? And now it's like Stinkahala.

[David Spade]

Now it's, give me your wallet, give me your wahala.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I don't know if it's that bad. I haven't been there.

[David Spade]

But it's rough. That third promenade, it looks like scene from Westworld. Scene from the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. It's just like crickets down down there. I know. It's tough to watch. We have a sinkhole, too. This is the local news here.

[Dana Carvey]

Where is the sinkhole? Because I'm going to all over the

[David Spade]

world and no one gives a fat. A sinkhole is interesting because on Sunset Boulevard, world famous. Arguably world famous. And it's sort of on my house, a sinkhole. Water main breaks to good douche. It goes in about size, about four cars. So the way you don't want to go, Dana, there's a lot of ways to go.

[Dana Carvey]

It's a sinkhole.

[David Spade]

A sinkhole. We've Talked about this.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I know what you want to do.

[David Spade]

Disappear into the earth.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes, but kind of slowly. First there's the. Hey, honey, let's go to a White Castle Burger. Well, wait a minute. Looks like the road is sinking. We're in the middle. Let's put on the XM radio.

[David Spade]

A sinkhole was developing rapidly.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Also they have the sinkholes where the. Right. When you.

[Heather Santoro]

The car.

[David Spade]

We showed this in the other pot. Like it just falls like that. So you just drive into a hole in the earth Magna level. And you're swallowed up. And then you're in your car, not dead, going, there's nothing. What can we do?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, are they going to fix it or is there our tax dollars going someplace else?

[David Spade]

No, but, you know, they said if you're in a st Co like this, beep, beep, beep. Just let people know you're down there. Or do it in Morse code. You don't know it. I do. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, you don't understand that I'm a James Bond fanatic. It's called an ejection seat, and it has a little parachute. Bon. James Bond.

[David Spade]

That's when you go, hey, honey, did we pay extra for that ejector. Ejector seat? We didn't. Because you know when it could really come in handy? Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

We're looking for an apartment. Oh, There's a sinkhole 10ft away from where we're going to rent it. It might ding our truck.

[David Spade]

You might get a better deal, actually. You say to your wife, we only got one ejector seat. And you're like, I'll do it and then I'll bring help right back to you.

[Dana Carvey]

You wait. Right. And I'll be back.

[David Spade]

I'll be r. I'll be back. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

What would you rather have? I go.

[David Spade]

And you go, no, I'll go.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, guy, are you tape recording secretly my wife and I's conversations? Because you're like word for word argument.

[David Spade]

Who gets the.

[Dana Carvey]

Would you rather drive into a twister or a sinkhole? You have five seconds.

[David Spade]

First twister. I have a chance. Sinkhole.

[Dana Carvey]

Would you rather drive into a sinkhole with a Kardashian or a Twister with Glenn Powell?

[David Spade]

Oh, my God.

[Dana Carvey]

Five seconds.

[David Spade]

Depends on which one. Could it be a Jenner or widen the net a little bit?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I love. My scenarios are taken so seriously.

[David Spade]

I know they're very.

[Dana Carvey]

Should we finish the Odyssey, though, for a second? Yeah.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I don't know, there's nothing pithy about it, but I went to a theater that was kind of slanted and they had the speakers on louder than I've ever heard it. Like, I literally the. My whole. You see, it was shaking most of the time. So it is as it is accular. Yeah, it's vibrating. You are the king, you know. Oh, yeah. So it's a spectacle. It's cool. What happens in the middle act, you know, the lingo,

[David Spade]

the dumb. I'm the audience.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, the middle of the movie. So you establish the movie and the Odyssey and the guy.

[David Spade]

Right, the middle.

[Dana Carvey]

And then in the middle part, they're trying to get back. We gotta get back. And so they're on the road, but they go to an island.

[Heather Santoro]

Land.

[Dana Carvey]

Land host. They get on the island. All right, let's go up on the island, get what we got.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

So then a storm happens. I won't give it away.

[David Spade]

Do not.

[Dana Carvey]

The worst thing ever. And then diarrhea. It's worse. No, a cyclops, 100ft tall with diarrhea. So then. Then Matt Damon and the other guys go get back to the boat. Get back to the boat. And they're being chased by these crazy ghouls. So then they're sailing. Okay, all right. We lost a few guys.

[Heather Santoro]

Land.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm not kidding. They land. Come on, everybody. They meet. They meet a monster or multiple monsters and then literally, get back, get back. And they're on the shore rowing, like, hey, you got a boat. This happens for an hour. Island visiting shitstorm. Back to the boat, Lose a few men, row off. Sad.

[David Spade]

Excited about land. Problem. Less excited about land. But do it again. They're not learning, but it got land.

[Dana Carvey]

Right to the edge of a Monty Python self parody. Run away. Get back to the boat.

[David Spade]

You know, I mean, also, you know, one of the rowers was like Woody Allen going, you know, we had a bit of a situation the last five lands. So maybe we take one step back and maybe everybody eat lunch.

[Dana Carvey]

And yeah, you know, maybe I'm being thick, but maybe we just of keep going and where the water is, you know, maybe go to the land.

[David Spade]

Because the last.

[Dana Carvey]

No, it's a wonderful island. I love the island of lagoons and the weather. It's just the Cyclops is the thing

[David Spade]

that's getting me safer. Less problems in the boat, less monsters.

[Dana Carvey]

That was good. Monsters. Less monsters and more coconuts.

[Heather Santoro]

Land.

[David Spade]

They're all excited. Land. I'm like, why are you still excited about land? It hasn't been proven. Proving to be Excellent. So the beginning. They're on the tour. They're like, let's go. Now they're going somewhere, right?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Well, they're, you know, spoiler alert. Matt Damon is just lost on an island eventually. And Charlize Theron is feeding him flowers, so he has no memory. So he's on the island with Charlize Theron for seven years and he finds that out and he's none too pleased.

[David Spade]

Oh, because he's hallucinating and.

[Dana Carvey]

How long. How long have I been here? A week.

[David Spade]

She's like, oh, I don't have a sundial on me. But I feel like it has been that long.

[Dana Carvey]

I want to say seven years, but I don't know.

[David Spade]

What's a year again? I thought it was a day.

[Dana Carvey]

He's like, seven years. He's trying to get back to Athena Verena. But it's. It's an entertainment.

[David Spade]

Is the King of England played by Webster?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, coincidentally, I. When I came out, Nancy Pelosi was at my screening. And this is literally the look on her face.

[David Spade]

Who did she play?

[Dana Carvey]

I don't know. But she did say to her husband, her husband, who was slightly buzzed, she said, let's get back to the car. Get back to the car. There you go.

[David Spade]

She wants to go to land too.

[Dana Carvey]

But I thought it was. I thought it was a really good movie. All kidding aside, I would just say prepare yourself for an extremely dark hour. Skillfully executed, but it's like, you know.

[David Spade]

Oh, perfectly cinematic. Boring. But cinematic boring is strong word.

[Dana Carvey]

Boring.

[David Spade]

That's a strong word. It's too much.

[Dana Carvey]

No, not. Not for a 700 million dollar global phenom. I still my. I still recommend pressure. I don't want to pressure you, but with Brandon Fraser. Yeah, with Brent. Yeah. Would be B. B.F. best friend Brendan Frasier. It's a tidy little movie. It's on Amazon for, you know, 10 bucks or something.

[David Spade]

I saw the trailer goes pressure.

[Dana Carvey]

Good, good reference. Okay, I think this is the time which you should pick up the pace of the podcast.

[David Spade]

I know.

[Dana Carvey]

We pick up the pace. You're going too slow. Too slow. The Democratic Socialist Party is a number one. Can you believe it?

[David Spade]

A number one. Okay, so I. Here's me. I did a good, great guy syndrome. Oh, Woody.

[Dana Carvey]

Woody in the Odyssey.

[David Spade]

And I go fund me. Right. My friend calls me. Hey, can you.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

A friend of mine had some problems. It would really cheer them up if you would donate something to help. They had some family situation. Great.

[Dana Carvey]

I understand.

[David Spade]

So great guy syndrome. I donate not a huge Amount, but enough to rattle a bit.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, interesting.

[David Spade]

Get the ball rolling. And. And then the funny part is about GoFundMe emails you, you know, because you have to put in some info. Then they're like, hey, this. The person would like to thank you. Would you like to read that message? I'm like, okay, click. Okay, fill out this form. And by the way, before we get to that, do you want to donate to another GoFundMe? Here's a list of some, you know, kids with some fucked up problems and you can help out. And I'm like, well, I kind of just want to get to my message. I just want to. And then they go, well, fill out this paperwork and, you know, basically your Social Security and this, that. And I'm like, it's not enough for just to hear a thank you. So I didn't even finish. I go, I can't get into it. And then a couple days later, they're like, hey, more people with problems. What are you thinking? Come on, come on. You were such a big shot a couple days ago. Want to get a crowbar in that wallet again? Oh, you're not such a tough guy. Oh, great guy syndrome. I guess that got cured. Oh, something got cured.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, this doesn't sound like much fun.

[David Spade]

I know. It really gets it really. The point is, GoFundMe is like a little business also, because there's also. You give your money and then it says, oh, here's the extra money for.

[Dana Carvey]

No, they hook you up fees and

[David Spade]

shit for go fund. I'm like, oh, okay. It's not just a straight. Like, there's no real straight charity. Boom, boom, straight across, here's your money. Take all the money. It's, here's your. This to maybe the Red Cross, one of these places. And then people go, oh, don't do that. Because they take it. And there's administrative fees and 4% goes, you know, So I don't know what it all is. I just know everyone's different. But there's never. Just out of our grace and goodness, we are just helping you hand the money to somebody.

[Dana Carvey]

I know you think it'd make it nice and streamlined. Thank you very much. Rather than beating the shit out of. I say this to you and me and anybody. Don't get up and walk to your computer kind of groggy, no coffee yet. And then click on it. And then it's an invite from a doctor that I know. Coloscopy doctor, great guy. And I thought, oh, maybe his daughter's getting married. So I start, I start clicking to see what the invite, invite, invite. I'm not even thinking, give us this, give us that, give us your email, give us your password. What? And then I kind of went, wait, this doesn't feel right.

[David Spade]

Drop a pin of where you live. Yeah, yeah, what was it?

[Dana Carvey]

And then at the end it said, we're outside now. No, what was it? It was an AI scam. My son looked it up, he goes, no, it's not an actual real paper invited. It's QA7 set of QA4. So then I had to change my password

[David Spade]

again. You can tell me.

[Dana Carvey]

But anyway, this AI thing and the scamming, it's really getting boring.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Is your password still? Don't proceed dot com.

[Dana Carvey]

Why the God damn you think, David Spade? You might be a funny man, but I don't know about getting my password. And everybody on this podcast, you can go yourself. We by the way, I would love to come on the podcast, but they sent me an invite and it was was AI generated scam. We would love to have him on.

[David Spade]

I would love to have him on.

[Dana Carvey]

Running a business means wearing a lot of hats. But I used to find that traditional banking options always seem to slow me down with endless friction like plain phone tags just to chase down the status of an international wire transfer. That's why I love using Mercury. It completely eliminates those legacy headaches and works exactly how you'd expect best in class software to work. Mercury isn't a bank. They're a financial technology company that offers a powerful, intuitive banking experience designed to automate the way you work. It's completely free to get started with no minimal balances or in person visits required, giving you free same day ach, USD wires and customizable team cards.

[David Spade]

You know, it's an all in one platform that flexes as you grow, allowing you to scan bills to pay them instantly, set up recurring payments and see exactly where your business stands right from your dashboard. Instead of duct taping multiple tools together, you can curb spend before it happens. With customer user permissions and built in spend management. Visit mercury.com to learn more and apply online in minutes. Mercury is a fintech company, not an FDIC insured bank. Banking services provided through Choice Financial Group and Column NA members.

[Dana Carvey]

FDIC this episode is sponsored by bluechew, the number one brand for better sex.

[David Spade]

Well, well, well,

[Dana Carvey]

well, well, well. Someone's been performing vigorously in the bedroom. And what could be responsible for all that stamina? Could it be Blue Chew? Well, isn't that special? My My, my.

[David Spade]

What would the grumpy old man say?

[Dana Carvey]

In my day, we didn't have arousal boosting tablets. We had a cold shower and a firm handshake. We liked it. Well, guess what? We didn't like it. Blue Chew is better. Take the tablet, you idiots.

[David Spade]

What about hands and friends? What would they say?

[Dana Carvey]

I love the lead. It's hear me now and believe me later. Bluechew is here to pump you up. Yeah, you flabby little girly man. Lying there like a sad little noodle. Noodle into a muscle.

[David Spade]

A muscle.

[Dana Carvey]

It is not a muscle, technically, but with Blue Chew, it will perform like one. Now go make love and do not embarrass Hans. Yeah, guys, come on. Blue Chew Gold is better. Sex and a tablet. They combine four ingredients into one powerful solution. Two ingredients get you hard physically, and two support arousal and desire in the brain. It works fast and it lasts. Have a complete experience in the bedroom with Bluechew Gold.

[David Spade]

Look, there's a reason Bluetooth is the number one brand for better sex. Experience it for [e-mail] and we've got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third free with promo code FLY. That's promo code FLY. You'll receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Bluechew for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. I have. I got. Now I get emails from Zillow. Hey, how about that house you looked at about six months ago? You like that? You were so fucking horny for it. And I'm like, actually, I only clicked on the house once, and I didn't even go see it. I didn't look at it.

[Dana Carvey]

No.

[David Spade]

Don't fuck around, man.

[Dana Carvey]

There was.

[David Spade]

There was some butterflies in your stomach. You want that? Actually, it's sold. They sent me another one. That house. That house sold. Do you want to know more about it? I go, what else do I need to know? Do you want to know anything about the family? Any. Any reason for Zillow to keep fucking

[Dana Carvey]

nailing you with emails? The machines are studying us more than we're studying them. They're constantly. They have our data. They read our emails. I mean, they answer my email and it's pretty good. Today I clicked it on because I'm doing an email and then it comes up in more faint font. I think I've mentioned this, and it says suggested reply. And they're Doing me. Hey, Brian, why don't we do this? And they're getting better and better at man.

[David Spade]

And they're polite, so I know it's not really Germans. Hey, I'm on the phone right now, but I appreciate your call. I'll call you back soon. I go, it's not you. You'd be like, go fuck yourself. Hey. Oh, also, by the way, so Zillow will be like, hey, do you like this house? I go, that's my own house. I already sold. I know. Do you miss it? But I will tell you, that kind of Zillow.

[Dana Carvey]

Are you on Zillow? They're getting smart, they're getting pithy, and they're getting kind of charming. Right?

[David Spade]

Like when they go, you were so horny for this one. Went three times. But when I moved. We have a quick shot of Heather's sort of thinged up from the move. Because, listen, the work was obviously split 50, 50, but Heather did a lot. And we're going to show. I think. I think we have a few photos. Just so you know, it wasn't.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I would love to see this.

[David Spade]

She had to put my kettle bells in the attic. You know, I'm like, all the important things.

[Dana Carvey]

35 pounders. And she. She's on a ladder. Heather get a raise?

[David Spade]

Yeah. Everything is about like, I'm in the new place, but it's still not quite settled. Totally in, you know, are you scared

[Dana Carvey]

at night or comfortable?

[David Spade]

I'm not that scared. That's not really the problem. It's just like, you know, it's like whack a mole or just some problem comes up because you had your other place so dialed in, and now this one, I'm like, oh, this. And then I got this. Anyway, I'll fixable problems because I head out to grown ups pretty soon. So we do thrown ups pretty soon. So it'll start. Look, it'll start looking different in the background of the podcast because I'll be doing it from, you know, the back of.

[Dana Carvey]

From all these different locations.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Like in hotels, back of a van, a bus, airplane. By the way, dude, it's gonna be interesting.

[David Spade]

I'm very excited about it. I did see another thing I saw, love. It's his birthday the other day, and Dice came. Dice is so.

[Dana Carvey]

Dice is so nice.

[David Spade]

I have to say. We got to have mon soon because everything he said was funny because he's talking, he's telling me how he got from club comic to arena comic. He's the first one to do arenas bigger than Steve Martin, you know.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Because even Eddie Murphy capped it, like 6,000 seaters. That's like the biggest. And I remember back then, you wouldn't even think of anything bigger. That's not a band. They're not Boston.

[Dana Carvey]

They're not Madison Square Garden. That's where Muhammad Ali fights.

[David Spade]

Right. Or Zeppelin plays. Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

So not Billy Flick.

[David Spade]

Knock for with has not killed Meyer. Yeah, it's got a cute fucking loose 15.

[Dana Carvey]

Kind of loose 15. He's got that gap bit that. Right. He rides for about a half hour and then.

[David Spade]

Yeah, so he has so many. Anyway, we had a great time and. And I didn't even do all the bits because he's more subdued now. But he can also whip that out. But just hearing, like when he hosted snl, I'd love to hear him tell you about that, because his side, because we were there and his side coming in was so different and.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh yeah, I remember that. And I've said this before, but it was. He wasn't doing those kind of arenas. I go, what do you. What do you make a night? Like 500,000.

[David Spade]

Oh, you hit him up for that?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I did. I said, what are you making about, you know, 500,000? So his way of saying more, he goes, what am I gonna do with 500,000? And he did it repeatedly. I go, are you making a million and ninety pauses? What am I gonna do with a million dollars?

[David Spade]

It can't be.

[Dana Carvey]

So how high is it? But Dice was huge. You know, our friend, friend Shane just sold out.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, we didn't talk about that. Shane sold out.

[Dana Carvey]

I know the Philadelphia Football stadium cartoon number. It's like 70 something. 3,000. Oh, okay. I got it off. I didn't even know we had a clip of it. Look at these goombas. Yeah.

[David Spade]

76,000. I mean,

[Dana Carvey]

it's something different. I mean, to be just a lone guy with a mic. I mean, he. Don't get me wrong, but in a

[David Spade]

T shirt, they have no expenses.

[Dana Carvey]

No expenses. They asked them, estimated a pretty good amount. But the thing about playing to 73,000 is you could literally have 20,000 people disappointed, not laughing. And they hate you and still kill because you got 63 laughing their asses off.

[David Spade]

You could have 20,000 no shows and you still have 56,000 people.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, you, you could, you could have four. I, I won't go there. Sorry. I was thinking.

[David Spade]

Well, I think some other people went on like Chappelle and other people, but he obviously has some heavy hitter friends go on. Which would be tough I wouldn't want to follow Chappelle. I wouldn't want to follow a lot of guys. Really. Anyone. But also. But Shane's a. A heavyweight hitter, and he's got great stuff. Very likable. I think he's great. And so it's just. It's good for comedy business in general.

[Dana Carvey]

Like, Caitlyn Clark.

[David Spade]

Don't hate it. It's like, this is great.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I think it's great. And I think it's awesome that Shane. Because, as you know, we had him on our podcast. Love to have him back. And he was trying to figure out what his next move was, you know, and. And at the end of the podcast, he goes, they're. They're talking about maybe playing a few theaters. He was still in clubs. And then. And then Houston.

[David Spade]

It worked. So I will tell you not to make you feel bad, because you're not a great friend, but for my birthday yesterday, Lauren sent me flowers. The only flowers I got. You better give me applause. Are you getting that little machine out?

[Dana Carvey]

No. I knew that Lauren was meant to send you a cake, and I had done a zoom. I took a picture of the zoom.

[David Spade]

Okay. It's a Chef Boyardeer.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm gonna bake a cake for David. If it doesn't. If it falls or it's not good enough, I'll probably just send him flowers.

[David Spade]

Yes, Chef.

[Dana Carvey]

I sent Chevy a cake, and he likes the strawberry cream and things like that. It's that thing of, like, you've got to preheat the oven and all that.

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

Your birthdays are kind of quiet, aren't they?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

You don't want to.

[David Spade]

Oh, no.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, to be 49 is to be 49.

[David Spade]

49 again. Yeah, it was. I just had dinner and went to the Comedy Store, into the set, and just. And no one was the wiser.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I literally do nothing.

[David Spade]

Literally. I know. I would have driven up there. I drive by your house and beep. No, I want to go see the horse and the baby horse and see what's going on.

[Dana Carvey]

The real. They were so awesome yesterday because we've been feeding them alfalfa. We got it. And it was giving them so much energy. We're supposed to tap it down. We're getting all this information about how to take care of.

[David Spade]

This is alfalfa.

[Dana Carvey]

This. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're gonna. You're gonna be so buzzing after this.

[David Spade]

Gallop, gallop.

[Dana Carvey]

But the little one, they put a bridle on, and the big horse, big stallion put a bridle on. Her. And then they just started running around the front yard, just sprinting. And the little one is three weeks old and was keeping up just like. So it's gonna be a racehorse. Guess what? The mom who just had the baby is going to get pregnant again in like, a couple weeks, easy.

[Heather Santoro]

What?

[Dana Carvey]

Do I have something to say.

[David Spade]

He's on welfare. What's going on? Why? You gonna bring that stud farm guy over again?

[Dana Carvey]

Ah, there's 3,000 Johnny sins and there's one husband. It's kind of weird, but, yeah, it works.

[David Spade]

Yeah, that porn star horse coming over. What's up? I don't got tons of time. Let's get this done.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And he literally, with his hoof, has kind of a sort of a horse, like, cigarette. He literally can lift one.

[David Spade]

Where's the goddamn romance, Dana?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, you know what? I do, and I know this sounds probably weird.

[David Spade]

I'll show you. Yes, very weird. Whatever you're about to say.

[Dana Carvey]

So if I'm up in the mountains, hiking by myself, because one time I saw a deer that had just gotten attacked by some coyotes.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And it was just lying there. And it just was. The throat was cut open.

[David Spade]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Dana Carvey]

So when I'm way up in the mountains by myself, what I do is I. I don't want to surprise an animal, a mountain lion. So I start to do this. That's just to make noise like a horse feels like a horse is coming. And then every once in a while, I just go

[David Spade]

and fake them out.

[Dana Carvey]

Fake them out. You don't want to come in there real. You don't want to be there real quiet. And there's a baby cougar and the mama cougar. What, were you gonna surprise us?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Just a fun fact.

[David Spade]

A good idea. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Thanks.

[David Spade]

I like that. Yeah. Thanks.

[Dana Carvey]

It seems ridiculous when you're way out there. It's dead quiet. You just don't want to surprise some kind of mama animal.

[David Spade]

I always read about, like, there was a. On Channel 5 this morning, there was, like, another story. Well, up in Big Bear, which is like our little mountainous area, the name says it all. A bear walked into a dentist office. You know, they always show. A bear comes in, looks around, no food, and he walked right out. But the people were shaken, of course. How about shitting like a bear? They walk in, they look around. They're so cute.

[Dana Carvey]

They just want food.

[David Spade]

They go into stores, they walk into town. La, la, la. They're so cute. Until they maul you. But up until that mall, you get your attention.

[Dana Carvey]

In Montana. Once we were at this place and it had little tiny cabins for rent and it had a little mercantile, that kind of thing. And then I noticed we got there it had like a 20 foot steel cylinder cage. Like big and around with the. It's open on the one side. It's open and the other end of the big cylinder cage on a hook is a giant piece of meat. I think it was ham.

[David Spade]

Oh.

[Dana Carvey]

To catch him they want. So the grizzly goes in to get the meat and then the thing closes behind him. But so far the grizzly hadn't gone in there. So at night. You got a flashlight? Marco. Polo. You want to get to the cabin pretty quick, you know.

[David Spade]

Yeah. I'm not. I'm not around bears a lot because in Arizona we had more different animals. But bears look bears.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, we've got a few here.

[David Spade]

Should we do some news stories?

[Dana Carvey]

I guess so. Unless you got some banger in your back pocket.

[David Spade]

I got nothing. Dude, this is. I'm kid. We're killing with this stuff. Okay. This interview got out of hand quickly. What could it be? Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

Sorry.

[Greg Holtzman]

They're receiving my expectations.

[Dana Carvey]

These are funny.

[David Spade]

When they interview athletes and the other

[Greg Holtzman]

ones with them they deserve. Last question. Did anyone on your team have a conversation before this regional kick kicked off? Obviously last year you weren't a part of it. You were.

[David Spade]

You know how they do this breaker

[Greg Holtzman]

here in LA for you guys? Was there any comments? Leave it be. We're all just super focused on this

[Dana Carvey]

year and we're super excited.

[Greg Holtzman]

We couldn't wait to start playing this week. We were just super excited and focused on that.

[David Spade]

She's like the hero of the game

[Greg Holtzman]

for each other's success and we were naming things.

[David Spade]

I could not.

[Greg Holtzman]

We were ready to see.

[Dana Carvey]

That's funny. Look at the book.

[Greg Holtzman]

You're the most focused person I've ever seen. I don't know what's happening.

[Dana Carvey]

How is she keeping a straight face?

[Greg Holtzman]

Congratulations on the win. Take that Thor's hammer. And you rocked it. We'll see you on Saturday.

[David Spade]

Thank you so much.

[Dana Carvey]

So well the. Her teammates are having fun with her, right?

[David Spade]

Yeah. That's a good feel good story.

[Dana Carvey]

Then they're playing it straight. The announcer is not last announcer was

[David Spade]

good and she was good answering.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Because they really do that and like they totally exaggerated. Guess who really laughed at that. He just called me.

[David Spade]

He's got a phone. These are getting better.

[Dana Carvey]

When they have something she put. She had a book on her head.

[David Spade]

Yeah. You understood it. All right. Good job.

[Dana Carvey]

Trump stepped in A doo doo.

[David Spade]

Is that a Nokia?

[Dana Carvey]

I don't know.

[David Spade]

I had that.

[Dana Carvey]

That's Mark Hirschhon, who makes these puppets.

[David Spade]

You know, I like that he's adding stuff to him. I like Chef Lornardi. All right, so. Yeah, that. Oh, those athletes. That was a coordinated attack because usually they just put a bat or something, but. Okay, what's the next one? That was a cute one.

[Dana Carvey]

That was. This is adorable.

[David Spade]

Well, this is.

[Greg Holtzman]

Okay.

[David Spade]

This is what one of my big fears is. And I got in this God dang algo on my Instagram. It's going caving and spelunking. So these people are training the cave. This is not a big deal, but it just shows you I would already be scared. They have to prove they can get through this during their class.

[Greg Holtzman]

That was going to be my recommended technique. Usually people with broader shoulders, they go

[Dana Carvey]

in kind of diagonal like that.

[David Spade]

Just picture that. Cinder block never ends. Good job.

[Greg Holtzman]

It is.

[David Spade]

She's fine.

[Greg Holtzman]

Yeah. So this is a little longer this way.

[David Spade]

The actual hole don't arch your butt in the way. So. All right, we're gonna have a great. No, but I will say that they show real caves. And have you seen the animation of when it's like, where they get stuck? It's like just. It looks like a colon or intestine where these caves. And it's this much. They got a little light in the helmet. They're trying to pull them backward. I go, not a chance in the world. I would do that.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. They had for families, like parents and the kids, this place where you go and you're crawling into a thing. You can't see anything. And then you get to a certain segment in it, and then it's pitch black. And you're trying to find the way out, and you can tap out at that point. So a lot of the parents are like, give me out, give me out. I mean, it was. It was absolutely ridiculous. Not fun at all.

[David Spade]

And you don't think Odysseus could get there? What did Matt. What was Matt Damon's name in that movie?

[Dana Carvey]

I'm not sure.

[David Spade]

Steve. Scary.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I. I don't think caves are a good idea generally in life. I mean, unless it's really, like your thing.

[David Spade]

Thing. Marcy, if you found yourself in a cave, I mean, I feel like maybe things are going wrong.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, what's your phobia? I've never asked you this.

[David Spade]

Well, caves.

[Dana Carvey]

I. I do caves, number one.

[David Spade]

It's not even like a breakthrough phobia. It's like, I don't Want to be in some nine inch cave, like with water dripping on me? Can I?

[Dana Carvey]

No. Almost no one does.

[David Spade]

Who.

[Dana Carvey]

Who gets high.

[David Spade]

But they do it. They all go, let's do it. How about scarier? The underwater cave. And they had that problem with these people that were all pro divers and they all croaked in a cave in like hours and they could not figure out what happened.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah, that's right. That once you get disorientated in. In there and you up, down, it's pitch black. And they just.

[David Spade]

First, my first order business. When I'm super scared like that, poo my pants. Once that is evacuated, then I can think clearly.

[Dana Carvey]

My first. If I'm down there and I see some like, you who's confused, probably gonna drown anyway. It's like I. I go, what? And then I take your auction thing.

[David Spade]

Yeah. I go like this. I go, hang on, this will fix everything. And I take theirs. I go, shh. And I go, okay, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

I go. I go, yeah. Hey, a buddy. Breathe, right? Buddy, breathe. And I get it. And then I'm like, bye.

[David Spade]

Push off, Push off them.

[Dana Carvey]

We're not very nice people. What was the movie that Ron Howard directed that was brilliant. Actually. No, about the cave where the kids

[David Spade]

got it wasn't the 13.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Coal miners, something like that.

[David Spade]

Heather said it's Goonies.

[Dana Carvey]

Coonies. But they couldn't get the. It was so scary. They had to. The only way to get the kids out was to drug them and put an auction thing on and then guide

[David Spade]

them because they're so scared. Right there.

[Dana Carvey]

It was just so claustrophobic and tight. It's just hard. Not.

[David Spade]

Dude, those are. That's a hero. The guy that goes in there.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[David Spade]

Terrifying.

[Dana Carvey]

Absolutely. And they didn't think they could rescue. It was impossible.

[David Spade]

I'm a hero for driving around the sinkhole yesterday. It took me 32 minutes to get to dinner. That's a different kind of hero.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, you're a hero when you follow Bill Burr at the Comedy Store.

[David Spade]

I follow anyone. These guys that you come out, the wnba, it's empty. That's your fault. Feminists. Don't blame me.

[Dana Carvey]

I like to go out and kind of look sometimes. Bill was up there having a long argument with a woman. What a woman ever. What did they invent? What they ever do? Yeah, what'd you ever do you have at the airplane? I was like, I went on for like 20 minutes.

[David Spade]

He goes, what's Michelle Obama squawking about? You don't hear from the first lady when I grew up. I didn't know who she was. George Bush. What was his wife's name? Maggie. I don't know. I don't even know their name. Maggie.

[Dana Carvey]

Maggie was. There was a Maggie. Maybe that was.

[David Spade]

There was a bar.

[Dana Carvey]

President McKinley.

[David Spade]

There was a Nancy Reagan.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. There was Mamie Truman or something.

[David Spade]

Mamie. Hello, my baby.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh my. He's the president. Had a couple heart attacks. I don't care. I'll be back.

[David Spade]

Okay, next story. What do we got?

[Dana Carvey]

It's the best we've ever done. I'm gonna call it right now.

[David Spade]

I'm calling it.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Lionel Messi versus baby.

[David Spade]

This is the story of Messi was the biggest. I don't know if Heather knows this

[Dana Carvey]

well because he got emotional after his team.

[David Spade]

No, no, no.

[Greg Holtzman]

This is very.

[David Spade]

This is more interesting than that. Okay, so this is the final of the two players that are the biggest stars on each team. I didn't know this fact.

[Greg Holtzman]

I can't get over this. This is the cutest thing that has ever happened before. So there was a raffle in this Barcelona neighborhood. It was basically like your kid can get a football photo with a soccer player. So this is Lionel Messi who plays for Argentina. And he's like having this photo shoot 20 years ago with this baby in a bathtub. That baby grew up. Who is representing Spain in the World Cup. And that's not all. This Sunday, July 19, they play each other in the world.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[Greg Holtzman]

In the final this story in human history. My heart exploded. You have got to be joking me. Dude.

[David Spade]

A little baby. I played you one day.

[Greg Holtzman]

Sometimes Earth is a cool place to be.

[Dana Carvey]

What they don't talk about. Even though the guy's a grown man and a world class soccer player. Messi gave him a bath after the.

[David Spade]

He did again.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. In the long they had a big tub and it was whatever you held the tower. They redid it and then they took

[David Spade]

a full take up all your clothes all.

[Dana Carvey]

It's online for $300.

[David Spade]

You know what also is he got mad at him during and that Mike picked up where he goes I liked you better when you were a baby.

[Dana Carvey]

That's actually. Hey hey. Spade did a pretty good messy Usually he makes a messy of it.

[David Spade]

I was trying to find my impression.

[Dana Carvey]

Well it's like an Argentinian a little bit Spanish. Well I don't. I. I wouldn't really know. I don't hear but I do kind of. Peggy Noonan in the Wall Street Journal wrote kind of a nice thing about how popular America is getting.

[David Spade]

Oh God, because of the World Cup.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Which is.

[David Spade]

I like hearing some positive news about America. It was nice to hear people going, oh, we came there and we all hated. We were told to hate it, and it wasn't bad, and everyone was nice to us, and it was fun. That's good to hear.

[Dana Carvey]

We don't realize. I know, we have problems in the. Got it. But, like, a lot of foreigners saw Costco. Look at this place. Look at this. You can get anything here they love. They went crazy for that. They went crazy for our podcast.

[David Spade]

I like Costco. I feel skinny.

[Dana Carvey]

Anything you want. Well, first time I went to Dublin in the 90s, I went to a grocery store, and they go, have you got any bread? Yeah, there's still loaf of bread. One kind. And then there's the milk right there. It was just one. One kind for you. You don't need a lot of choices.

[David Spade]

Who needs all the fuss?

[Dana Carvey]

And then my wife's relatives came to la and we took them to a supermarket, and they just blew their minds. They saw the yogurt. They go, my God, the yogurt. And then one of them said, why do you have to have so many choices in America? You know, it's free market capitalism gone amok, but there you have it.

[David Spade]

I like it.

[Dana Carvey]

Don't be mad at us because we're number one.

[David Spade]

We number one.

[Dana Carvey]

Don't hate us because we're number one.

[David Spade]

Grocery stores.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we are. And. And Ferris wheels, but for sure.

[David Spade]

Listen, you guys know how much I love multitasking. That's what everyone's always stopping me and asking me about. Lately, my secret weapon's been Amazon Music. I used to jump in between three different apps to get through my day because I'm weird, but now Amazon Music is my 1 app for music, podcasts, and audiobooks. Yes, you heard it right. Your Amazon Music unlimited subscription now includes access to audiobooks, meaning it does so much more for you without any extra hassle.

[Dana Carvey]

Dana, I've been listening while walking the dog, tackling that endless mountain of laundry, and it's just.

[David Spade]

You're always doing the laundry.

[Dana Carvey]

I. I do loads and loads of it all day.

[David Spade]

Sundays, it's.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, Sunday's laundry day. Boo. I got 55 of these, and it just fits perfectly into my routine. I recently queued up Project Hail Mary, which was a great movie, but great to listen to, too. Hearing the story come to life in the narrator's voice completely transformed my. My afternoon chores into an epic space adventure. Jealous?

[David Spade]

Yeah. It's amazing how a great voice performance makes the story feel so special and immersive. And the best part is that you don't need a separate app to dive into your next favorite story. It's all seamlessly integrated right where you already listen. Amazon music is definitely my favorite part of my routine. Music, podcasts, audiobooks. It's all in one app. One thing I love about summer is how easy everything feels. The days are a little more relaxed. I find myself reaching for the same comfortable that's right, go anywhere pieces again and again. That's why I keep coming back to Quints. They focus on well made essentials that naturally become those everyday staples you live in all season long. Honestly, my absolute favorite piece right now is the 100% linen pants.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh yeah.

[David Spade]

Light, breathable, easy to throw on. Perfect summer upgrade starting at $34.

[Dana Carvey]

Whoa.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Their tees unbelievably soft, lightweight gun sweaters are exactly what you want, especially when summer nights cool down.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, everything at quince is price 50 to 80% less than similar brands because they work directly with ethical factories. Cut out the middleman. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. They even have incredible home and travel essentials make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quints.com fly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U-I-N C E.com fly for free shipping and 365 day returns.

[David Spade]

Quints.com fly hey, before we jump back into the show, let's take a quick break. All right. Not just any break. This is a refreshing break with Snapple. We all know about Snapple's iconic real facts, so let's take a minute to go over some of my faves.

[Dana Carvey]

Snapple Real fact 455 movie trailers used to come on at the end of the movies, but no one stuck around to watch them.

[David Spade]

I've heard that. Snapple Real Fact 831 adults laugh only about 15 to 100 times a day, while preschoolers laugh an average of 300 times a day.

[Dana Carvey]

Snapple Real Fact 1983 the first player drafted to play pro football never played in the league.

[David Spade]

That's interesting. Snapple Real fact 1274 kickball is referred to as soccer baseball in some parts of Canada. Hmm.

[Dana Carvey]

So grab a Snapple, take a second, enjoy the moment.

[David Spade]

Because let's be honest, this might be the most refreshing part of your day. Snapple make your break more interesting. Okay, another one. Clip it up, clip it, ship it and clip it and ship it hold on. New prison that allows inmates to serve year. Oh. Serve years of their prison sentences in a matter of minutes. Oh. What? Let's hear it.

[Heather Santoro]

So they coming up with a new prison that allows inmates to serve years of their sentence in just a matter of minutes. So the criminals is gonna have a choice to spend tens of years behind bars. Or they can make the choice to get the artificial memory.

[David Spade]

Wow.

[Heather Santoro]

So this process is called cognify. And the intent of it is to treat the criminal.

[David Spade]

Welcome to cognify.

[Heather Santoro]

They're gonna try to change.

[Dana Carvey]

I love her accent.

[David Spade]

This is out of a movie.

[Heather Santoro]

When they re enter society, they will be new and reformed and they won't even be capable of committing any other crime. The chip can make the patient feel empathetic. Depending on the severity of the crime. The chip can also make you feel the emotional and physical pain.

[David Spade]

Wow.

[Dana Carvey]

You know what?

[Heather Santoro]

You can feel what they feel. So the process only takes.

[David Spade]

I love it easy.

[Heather Santoro]

But to the patient it seemed like it had been years.

[David Spade]

Wow. So do that.

[Heather Santoro]

Last year the U. S. Government spent 8.7 billion taxpayers dollars on the prison. They say with this new prism they can save money for health care.

[Dana Carvey]

She should run for mayor. I don't know. I should. I shouldn't have done this and I shouldn't even say this, but I did order you one of those chips.

[David Spade]

A chip. Make me nicer.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, you don't have to use it or whatever. It's just. It's just.

[David Spade]

You just have it. I just have it if I need it.

[Dana Carvey]

Now why is she the human being? Nothing about the. To deliver this global.

[David Spade]

Because all of these stupid things aren't from the news or people that look stuff up and then they talk about it. And it's hard to go back behind that wall and just get the real story that she's reporting on because we're all lazy.

[Dana Carvey]

Everything that's been in science fiction movies put a chip in your head, control you all that stuff. It's coming.

[David Spade]

I mean, I think when they're saying neuro link and all this stuff is.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Very real. And they're saying, okay, you can get out of jail. We just have to program you so you don't. There's a set of rules in your head now that you can't break. Sounds interesting, but really far out there.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, you'd want to make super sure that some. Some son of Sam dude couldn't just hack it. Like Charlie Manson probably could have just hacked it. Yeah. Yeah. Give me the chip.

[David Spade]

I'm sure there's A few glitches. They got a few bugs in it. Yeah, but remember the joke about the guy that said Son of Sam, his dog told him to kill 13 people. Remember that story? Yeah. And he said, you know, he got arrested, but the dog is still out there.

[Dana Carvey]

Pretty good joke.

[David Spade]

It's funny.

[Dana Carvey]

I think you don't have a lot of really good Sonic.

[David Spade]

He's just going to tell someone else.

[Dana Carvey]

I know one guy who loved that bit.

[David Spade]

That's a good laugh. And it matches it.

[Dana Carvey]

What are we doing?

[David Spade]

Where are we going? Where are we going? So what does that mean?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's. I wish I had his name. The young man who does it on snl. I love calling young men who does Tucker.

[David Spade]

Is it Dizmukes?

[Dana Carvey]

No, it's one of the new cast members. Can you look that up?

[David Spade]

People have Chloe on. Chloe just left.

[Dana Carvey]

I know Chloe. Seven years is a good. A good chunk because it's not just like when we were there. You movie star or sitcom now it's like there's 13, 000 streaming shows. I mean Chloe, if she wants to work will just constantly.

[David Spade]

Well, the eighth year is when they put the chip in to make you behave. Marcelo got his chip earlier.

[Dana Carvey]

What they don't know is the chip goes into the cake. I send the cake. It's like really a good cake. But that's beside the point.

[David Spade]

Did you like the souffle?

[Dana Carvey]

The sponge holds the chip, the ingestion process happens and then they stay forever.

[David Spade]

I like that. Chef Lauren is talking about this. Oh, he's sinking down. I ruined that.

[Dana Carvey]

Never think I'm exiting until I actually exit. David. It's very. It's a very obvious thing. By the way. Grown ups. What is. What's the prognosis?

[David Spade]

Prognosis? It looks like it's moving forward or so.

[Dana Carvey]

It's the same guys and they're like

[David Spade]

just running around like that. Like.

[Dana Carvey]

No, people beat them up.

[Greg Holtzman]

Dude.

[Dana Carvey]

Young people come a gang.

[David Spade]

I think so I have you read.

[Dana Carvey]

Sounds like really, really fun.

[David Spade]

Not every time I do a movie and agree to do a movie, I. I wait till about the third day of shooting to read the script.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's how I make my choices segmented. It's like you. You're in it a lot. Let's be honest. But there's, you know, there's times I

[David Spade]

will say there's a lot going on and the script's gotten better and better and it really comes together. So I think it's a very nice.

[Dana Carvey]

Good.

[David Spade]

It's always a good Family movie. But it's hard to keep up with the other two because I do honestly believe the other two were really good. I like. They're good family movies. They have jokes in them. They're not.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Super offensive. You can watch with your kids.

[Dana Carvey]

They're funny and the cast is super likable. And I think the other ones did in real movie time, not today. Like hundreds of millions. I mean, they were smashes at the time.

[David Spade]

Yeah. They're keeping the lights on at tbs. They run them all the time, so they're all over the place and you almost have to see them because they're somewhere in front of you. But anyway, I was excited and it's looking. It's really shaping up so a lot of fun people in it, a lot of surprise people in it so far. And I guess this is a grown Ups update. It's turning into. But yeah, so I'll be.

[Dana Carvey]

It's good. I mean, it's all right. We talked about busboys. Now that's. That did its thing. Fantastic. And now we talk about Grown Ups and we walk the audience through the process. Right now you're about to get on an airplane and go make a. Make a celluloid adventure.

[David Spade]

Go do it up. And I'm excited. I'm very excited about it. Okay, what's. Let's do one more story and get.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, by the way, the. The cast member who does the Tucker Carlson update is Jeremy Culaine.

[David Spade]

Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, good. Let me see if this is a good one to end with. It's not really, but I always just think it's very interesting. I'm in a bee algo and so I'm interested in bees. So they always show people like catching bees.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

I love these. How they do it, how big the bees are or hornets are crazily huge and how people. Some of them don't wear protection and I don't know why or what's going on. They must have some sort of sense with the bees vibe. Let's see what this guy does. This guy, this, this job. This has got seed of program written all over it. That was Dennis's joke. This is a. I don't like his scared breathing, but he's gotta go. He's. He's way high. It's in the jungle heather.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, do the legs look like they're.

[David Spade]

They always smoke them out or something.

[Dana Carvey]

Do the feet look real as they're walking? They look tiny, but I mean, it looks like AI. Well, he's not really being Extra careful. Look at it.

[David Spade]

Well, that's the thing, is they got it wired.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

I don't like his disgusting.

[Dana Carvey]

It's weird.

[David Spade]

What is.

[Dana Carvey]

What's going to happen.

[David Spade]

I know. That's just. What.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, so there's the beehive.

[David Spade]

He starts knocking him down, and they

[Dana Carvey]

don't go after him.

[David Spade]

Oh, this is even scarier. He's got to get this. Is this.

[Dana Carvey]

What is this part?

[David Spade]

Crummy job. You got to get the honey, I think.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, he's getting the honey.

[David Spade]

Honeycombs.

[Dana Carvey]

Don't mind me.

[David Spade]

Don't mind me.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm sorry, I don't know this, but what will the bees do with the honeycomb if he doesn't take it? Feed it to the queen.

[David Spade]

I don't know. The Elvis. It's all about the queen.

[Dana Carvey]

It's all about the queen. So, dude, all this to cut this.

[David Spade]

Not a. I don't know how big honey comes to me that doesn't look big enough to grow up that.

[Dana Carvey]

The guy sounds a little bit stressed. And I don't blame him. Doesn't he?

[David Spade]

Are you kidding?

[Dana Carvey]

The heavy breathing.

[David Spade]

Well, I've seen him. I've never seen him capture the honey comb like that, but I've seen him, like, move the bees off because they're on someone's front porch.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, scary. I've never seen a tree like that.

[David Spade]

They move it to somewhere else because bees are important, so they don't get rid of them, but they. They can tell these bees are mad. There's some. They go in, they don't have a lot of stuff on, and they just go quietly. And the bees somehow do not sting them. They fly around. And some they have the protection. They go, oh, my God. These bees are louder and matter. And they really are trying to get them. And it's to be in that little suit. And one guy goes, oh, I got in my suit. One got in my suit and just like wailing on him.

[Dana Carvey]

Uh, we have a whole thing up here with ants and terrifying summertime. They want to come in for any kind of moisture.

[David Spade]

Moisture.

[Dana Carvey]

So my wife found it was through the bookcase and then into the kitchen into the thing. I didn't even see it. And it was like 30,000 ants. And so what these ant traps do is you put it down and then the little ants. And then they get some of it and they bring it back to the queen.

[David Spade]

Ah, it's so rude.

[Dana Carvey]

And then they poison the queen and it ends that whole hive. And it's kind of.

[David Spade]

Once a queen's Gone. They're all like, so what do we do? Let's go to the mall. They don't know what to do.

[Dana Carvey]

Every character has a cigarette today.

[David Spade]

They disperse.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, you know, I mean, we thought it was gonna be delicious, but she croaked, so we'll find. What do you want from me?

[David Spade]

Did you give the queen a poison cake? Like, no, I. What happened? Hey, what happened was there was this cake, and I said, I should not eat this. This is for the queen. Fit for queen. And then the queen ate it and croaked. And then they're like, you're not trying to. Oh, here comes Lauren.

[Dana Carvey]

I have nothing to say. I'm just really enjoying the podcast. Oh, the queen will get the poison. She dies, and then very shortly thereafter, all the soldier ants find a new queen. It's like the way nature works on

[David Spade]

a farm, like snl. You're the queen.

[Dana Carvey]

In my case, I'd be the king.

[David Spade]

Right.

[Dana Carvey]

Goodbye, David.

[David Spade]

That's a good way to end. I like goodbye.

[Dana Carvey]

Sometimes we do Lauren puppet with a. With a hat on. I don't know. I just picked him out.

[David Spade]

Okay, well, that's good. So we did a great job again. Thank you, Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

Incredible.

[David Spade]

What are you gonna do? Really? What am I doing today?

[Dana Carvey]

Hair looks good.

[David Spade]

I'm gonna start my. I'm gonna be soft packing before I start the real hard launch packing.

[Dana Carvey]

What is the one thing that you could potentially forget?

[David Spade]

I mean, it's very weird because, I don't know, all the temperatures of everywhere, and it's gonna be really long. It's definitely way longer than the first one. Like, it's. It's a huge chunk of time, so I have to. There's no way to plan and pack that much, so I have to sort of figure out how to get cold weather stuff out there after a while.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, the thing is, is that probably I don't know how isolated you're going to be. I mean, of course I can fly in with. With equipment and stuff. It's like that.

[David Spade]

That's what I was getting at.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, if there's a pharmacy nearby, you can get the. Or, you know, a cvs. If there's sort of a rei, you can get a jacket if you need it.

[David Spade]

That's. If we're in the U.S. oh, whoops. More to come.

[Dana Carvey]

But I will say tax advantage.

[David Spade]

I want you to film yourself when you come to my new house and. And FaceTime me going, do you like this shirt? I'll back it. You like this sweater? I'll pack it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And why? Heather gave me the. The code and the key to be in your house. I'm not gonna go to your house, but I will keep an eye on it.

[David Spade]

You can come use the pool again. Yeah, just take some selfies like last time.

[Dana Carvey]

I'll bring Lovett and Dice.

[David Spade]

I'm already here. I'm in a new movie called the House Sitter.

[Dana Carvey]

Dice is the cinematographer.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Thank you. Bye, guys.

[Dana Carvey]

Thanks for coming, guys. Thanks for.

[David Spade]

All right, listen, if you're enjoying the Fly on the Wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that goddamn button on your favorite podcast app, Smash. Leave a review, a good one, leave a five star rating, nothing else.

[Dana Carvey]

Whoops.

[David Spade]

And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. Dana, what do you think?

[Dana Carvey]

I'm gonna tell you this right now. Hear me now, believe me later. Fly on the Wall, Believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by. Hold for it. Dana Carvey and David Spade or David Spade and Dana Carvey? We don't write this stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman and Leah Rhys Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweettech Talent Production and booking by Sophia Lepore.