← Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Spade & Kelly Osbourne Split?! + Jack Reacher Fights & SNL UK
01:01:25
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- [00:00]
A
Dell PCs with Intel inside are built for moments that matter. For the moments you plan and the ones you don't. Built for the busy days that turn into all night study sessions. The moment you're working from a cafe and realize every outlets taken, the times you're deep in your flow and absolutely the last thing you need is an auto update throwing off your momentum.
- [00:24]
B
Yeah, that's why Dell builds tech that adapts to the way you actually work. Built with long lasting batteries so you're not scrambling for the closest outlet. And built in intelligence that makes updates around your schedule, not in the middle of it. They don't build tech for tech's sake, they build it for you. Find technology built for the way you work@dell.com DellPCS built for you the April 15th tax deadline is coming fast. But don't worry, you can hand off your taxes to a TurboTax expert today. Seriously, Dana, doing taxes the old way is like being stuck in the writer's room at 4am Mentally freaking out, overloaded, chasing updates, rewriting, waiting on someone else. Jim Downey It's a disaster.
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A
Yeah. Is it done? Because you know, did I miss the
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B
deduction for the wig?
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A
You know the wig, David.
- [01:20]
B
It's tax. Exactly. That's the lingering stress of did they miss something? You have zero control. The deadline is breathing down your neck. It's less than ideal. But with Intuit TurboTax, you can hand off your taxes to a dedicated full service expert. They get it. They understand your specific tax situation, handle everything for you, start to finish, do it online or meet in person at one of their new tech enabled store locations, have your tax forms imported directly into the app and hand everything off to your TurboTax expert while they work
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A
to get every dollar you deserve. You can go about your normal routine, giving your time. Back to working on my Mickey Rooney impression I was the number one star in the world. Or finally watch that trending clip. Everybody said, right?
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B
And I'd rather be at the gym doing crunches. You know, whatever. TurboTax gives you your time back. So we can just sit here and riff on the absurdity of showbiz, which is all we do. It's a win, win, don't wait. Visit TurboTax.com and hand off your taxes to a TurboTax expert today.
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A
Come here you little. Come on. You want some of this? Who does that to Jack Reacher?
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B
Who goes up to him and goes, you think you're tough?
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A
That goes. The right elbow, the kidney is ruptured, his knees are sharp, the Femur is snapped.
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B
They're saying Bus Boys is a lot like Casablanca. Just as far as, like longevity and
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A
how, how important it is between you and Theo. Which one's Bogart? Humphrey Bogart? Which ones? Which one's Inger Bird? Pretty cool.
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B
Do you see a porn called the Longest Wiener? Wiener made it in the chat. Boom.
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A
So this is episode 941. And you are. Have taken a page from me. I've swapped out. But you have a short sleeve black T shirt. On my last check, I've worn a short sleeve Black T shirt 78% of the time.
- [03:22]
B
1200 episodes. Look at. I got a cool hat too, but I didn't wear it because it was black. And I'm like, you know what? I'm going to rough it with my hair. And these people don't deserve another hat. I'm just going to rough it. But the black T shirt is very rare for me.
- [03:34]
A
What happened?
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B
Well, I do like them, but I always feel like you've cornered that market. So I said I gotta fluff it up with green, blue, indigo, violet, Royga Biv. What's Royga Biv?
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A
Royga Biv. That is light blue and orange mixed together to make a hazy.
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B
Don't ever ask what it's the colors of the rainbow.
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A
Usually you have. Well, usually you have a Rorga Biv. You have kind of a little golf shirt. And I'm just saying it's cute. I'm not saying it's feminine. That's ridiculous. But it has a little collar.
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B
Okay.
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A
And it has a little puffed out sleeves. Yeah. I mean, it's adorable. This is a man. This is Steve McQueen. This is Brad Pitt in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
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B
I'm obviously going to change my carburetor. I tried to change my alternator on my 70. No 62 Volvo when I was starting out. I had to go to pick apart. You know what that is? That's absolutely. That's a place in Arizona where they have all these old trash cars and you give them like five bucks to go in. And then you bring your old, your own tools and you go find an alternator. You go and you take it out and then you walk up and put it on the scale like. And then they go, she's worth about 25. And so you can find some good shit. My gas cap was so cool on my old Volvo that everyone kept stealing it. And my stick shift had a knob on it that was chrome and it got stolen within minutes.
- [05:12]
A
That's a lovely story.
- [05:13]
B
You Know what? Let's save that. You fucker. God dang it. I should have saved that for sweeps, you pricked and loaded. Wake up, Dana.
- [05:30]
A
You can't beat the snoozer. I'm getting your alarm clock 1.99 on Amazon. Anyway, you'll. We'll revisit this. We don't make the whole episode.
- [05:41]
B
No, no. We had mixed reviews on the YouTube comment.
- [05:46]
A
Maybe a bit too much.
- [05:50]
B
Here's a. Here's a character I auditioned for in a movie, but I didn't get it because I did. I did different breathing than this. Tell me who it is.
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A
Oh, it's the astronaut Bowman in the movie 2001, trying to get the how to open the bathroom door or the pod door.
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B
Darth Vader.
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A
Oh, Darth Vader. Here's you having. Having a sandwich.
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B
That's a good one.
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A
I. I've downloaded I. What I did. I used AI to you and your AI all your sound effects, and I downloaded this little machine. So now your sound effects are my sound effects.
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B
Did you see what I was doing? I was fake chewing, and that was the noise you were doing. It was good. It was good. Matchup.
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A
Yeah, that's one of your. One of your little hooks, which was really funny the first 900 times.
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B
No, it was not. It was pretty funny the second 3,000. No, but listen. My little noises are going to be replaced by AI And I'm really scared.
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A
Everything's going to be replaced by AI Yesterday. I actually, I keep a diary, and I went a minute and a half not saying the word AI or the phrase AI Yesterday.
- [07:15]
B
Is that. Oh, is that how you say it a lot around the house?
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A
AI well, AI Is going to supplant that. AI Will do your dishes. AI Robots will be AI Driven, and they'll steal. They'll find his Volvo, David's Volvo, on some junk heap. They'll redo it, and a robot will drive up and deliver it to poor Paula.
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B
That's all you heard? Finally. I gotta get a good one.
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A
Emergency. Emergency. Podcast notification.
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B
That's good.
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A
Emergency.
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B
Breaking news. Here's one that sounds like Sandler.
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A
Why you know has friends.
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B
Doesn't that sound like.
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A
It's. It's right. It's right. Close. It's very close.
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B
Why you know has friends.
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A
Why, you know I'm friends.
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B
Okay, wait. Speaking of tough, did you see that? This dude that plays Jack Reacher, who is a freaking monster.
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A
I know.
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B
He knocked out his neighbor. I'm like, who is fighting Jack Reacher? Who on God's green earth who gets
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A
in front of Jack Reacher's little motorcycle, he's having fun on a cul de sac, and goes, stop it. I mean, who does that to Jack Reacher?
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B
Who goes up to Jack Reacher and goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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A
Who does this? A Jack Reacher. Come here, you little. Come on. You want some of this? Who does that to Jack Reacher?
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B
Who goes up to him and goes, you think you're tough just because you're 6 9? Yeah, you're tough because you play the toughest.
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A
6, 9, 3, 20. You don't want any piece of this trust.
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B
Think you're tough? I'll snap your neck. I don't care if you're 734-04.
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A
I'll make it so you can't reach for anything, Reacher.
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B
You reach her, I break her.
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A
And Tom Cruise played the character Reacher in a movie.
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B
I know that.
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A
I know. Big
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B
discussion.
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A
Tom Cruise is always good, though, because his commitment is harder than any human in acting. He's just. He commits. If he wants to be 6 9, he is.
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B
Because Jack Reacher, I guess it was a comic book. He's just some bigger than life guy. And then when Tom Cruise did it, they had to adjust the dialogue. Like this huge dude came in here. He must have been five, four. He was knocking everybody out.
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A
He's not five four.
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B
I don't know.
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A
Let's at least be honest.
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B
Throwing out numbers. I don't know.
- [09:48]
A
Yeah, no, he's Tom Cruise, man. I mean, I. I'm just such a fan because he truly risks his life to entertain me. And so if someone's going to do that, he's like Evel Knievel who took an acting class, you know, Evil Knievel had no plan.
- [10:05]
B
They said that when he came in the booth before Wild World of Sports, he's like, he's got a dart in his mouth and like a, you know, Miller Light. He's like, what are we doing today, man? I'm hungover. Like, you're jumping like 15 buses.
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A
He's like, no.
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B
All right. Keep the camera on me when I wreck.
- [10:21]
A
I know. And what about the branding of the name Evil Knievel? That was his ninth choice. And some of the back circus things, he was known as Cruel Ken. And it never took off. Cruel Ken is now going to climb over a Volkswagen Bug. And eventually it was Evil Knievel versus the Grand Canyon Ory Ornie Adams.
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B
I know. He's the only Ornie I know. The comedian Evil Knievel was. Looked cool. Sort of took a page out of Elvis's big collar.
- [10:54]
A
Sort of. The Colonel sued him.
- [10:58]
B
Yeah. Oh, did they sue him for that?
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A
I made that up.
- [11:01]
B
Oh, it sounds like it could happen.
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A
Yeah. But it was that white jumpsuit.
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B
He looks so cool.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Red, white and blue. And then.
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A
Yeah. In front of the Caesar's palace or something with a ramp. He's gonna jump 20 school buses. And a lot of times he'd fall and break, like, nine bones.
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B
And that's what everyone wanted.
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A
I know he's okay. He'd wave.
- [11:26]
B
You know, he wiped out so bad at seizures. And it was a slow motion. And it was literally like Miser Bruder tape. It was a Pruder tape because he hit and he's like. Then he, like, flies up and then the handlebars twist and he's like, what? Because he had to land on, like, a dime. He had to land and stop before there's some big, you know, pillars and cinder blocks.
- [11:49]
A
Yeah. They had Jim McKay or Howard Cassell commentating it. Here he comes. Evil Knievel going to drum four. And Howard Cosell used to. He was an emergency room doctor before he was an announcer. So when he went down in slow motion and there goes the clavicle, that goes the right elbow, the kidney is ruptured. His knees are shot, the femur is
- [12:13]
B
snapped, Ankle twisted, ego bruised.
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A
I don't know if people know from our generation, our Cosell sports announcer was the greatest because he would burst forward and down goes Frasier. Yeah, Down Ghost Frazier. And then he was incredibly sophisticated. The panacifications of the indicator, you know, the champ.
- [12:41]
B
They do know, because our average age of our viewers is 100, which helps.
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A
I found out yesterday, I was reading, I asked AI, and they said 99.2%. Listen to this podcast. And yet we're out here dancing with our dumb.
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B
We have a very wide ranging fan base. Let me tell you one other story.
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A
It's a growing fan base.
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B
I saw on Instagram. Everyone tagged me, of course. And no offense to this dude. I don't want people to say I look like people. And it's never like, you know, Tom Cruise. It's always like, hey, you look like this guy that's, you know, a junkie down at the junkyard. So this guy, and I hate to say I kind of agree with this one.
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A
Wait a minute. Junkie at the junkyard. Was that a sad.
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B
Okay, be a show.
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A
Junk at junkyard.
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B
I'm the junkie at the junkyard. SM writes a song. So here's a picture if they have it. Kelly Osborne breaks Up with her fiance. I couldn't care less about that story. All I could have my eyes on was the guy that looks like me as a magician. Do you have that in there? If not, we'll find it. Oh, I'll wait.
- [13:57]
A
I had a weird photo thing too, actually.
- [14:01]
B
Just Google it. Kelly Osborne. Breakup with spade looking dude with a flat top.
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A
The guy who started Only Fans passed away. And then Daily Mailers a big picture of us together.
- [14:15]
B
No, with you.
- [14:16]
A
Yeah, with me and him. Look it up.
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B
Look at this Spade guy. Wait a minute.
- [14:24]
A
That. Are people saying that?
- [14:28]
B
Yeah, they're saying that people send it to me.
- [14:31]
A
Well, it's the mullet.
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B
What do you think, Heather? A little bit. The crickets agree. Listen, also, they're saying you look exactly Kelly Osborne. Now, that's the part that.
- [14:52]
A
Oh, I don't have a dress like that. That's the tell.
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B
She's got your exact skinny shoulders.
- [15:00]
A
They're getting a little more built up lately. I'll just put news flash.
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B
All right, forget this story. Let's talk about Dana and the Only Fans guy.
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A
Can we get that picture?
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B
Is that true?
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A
It was in Daily Mail. The. The gentleman who passed away. I don't remember meeting him, but he
- [15:15]
B
started the gentleman from Kentucky.
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A
And here's the gentleman from Only Fans. And here come the women who make money on Only Fans.
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B
I know. They were all giving their sad quotes like this, I couldn't be naked.
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A
You got jealous of my stripes last week.
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B
Remember Unit look vaguely familiar to last week's show. Somebody did the wash. Look, don't be
- [15:39]
A
mad of I am a little boxy gap long sleeve T shirt with sleeve elements.
- [15:45]
B
You look like Doc Ock when you stick your arms out like that.
- [15:48]
A
Whoops. Sorry. Not only tigers get out of their cages. So.
- [15:57]
B
Well, you look tough. You don't look like Jack Reacher. You should fight Jack Reacher.
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A
Hey,
- [16:04]
B
keep it down. Pip, squeak. I do understand the guy was trying to tell him don't rev the motorcycles in the neighborhood, but you just don't say it to him.
- [16:12]
A
Well, he got. There was no charges. They just sort of shook hands. They're still neighbors. And I think the guy kind of. I took a punch of Jack Reacher. Yeah, I think it's a flex at every poker game. You know, Tell us that story about how you took on that Jack Reacher guy, who, by the way, does have an actual name we should say. And we should have him on. On this show.
- [16:32]
B
Lots. I want to hear how he knocked that dude out. Because the guy's like, oh, you're the guy that took the punch in one second went down in a millisecond.
- [16:40]
A
Why? I just. It looks scary, but, yeah, I think
- [16:43]
B
they didn't press charges because it was just out of embarrassment too there right now.
- [16:50]
A
David, I just want to say this to you. A good wardrobe isn't about quantity. It's about quality. And guess what? Quince nails. That quince, they're lightweight. Cashmere sweaters, Mongolian cashmere polos, linen bottoms, and 100% Pima cotton tees are the versatile pieces I actually wear year after year.
- [17:13]
B
Oh, yeah, Quints, you know, they cut out the middleman. You get premium fabrics without the retail markup. The cashmere is Mongolian. The cotton is long staple. The linen is European jersey. Built to last and feel amazing. Everything is rated 4.5 to 5 stars for a reason. For me, those linen shorts are game changers. People get to see my pins.
- [17:34]
A
I've heard all my sticks.
- [17:36]
B
Yeah, no wrink. Go with everything. Not crazy expensive. The cashmere polo looks lux. Feels great wearing it constantly.
- [17:45]
A
That's fantastic. Stop filling your closet with options that don't work. Focus on a few pieces that actually do. Right now, go to quints.com fly for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it.
- [18:01]
B
And you will now available in Canada too. So don't keep settling. For clothes that don't last, go to Q-U-I-N-C-E.com fly for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com fly. Oh, could this vintage store be any cuter?
- [18:19]
A
Right? And the best part, they accept Discover.
- [18:21]
B
Except Discover in a little place like this. I don't think so, Jennifer.
- [18:26]
A
Oh, yeah. Huh?
- [18:27]
B
Discover is accepted where I like to shop. Come on, baby, get with the times. Right. So we shouldn't get the parachute pants. These are making a comeback, I think. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Based on the February 2025 Nielsen report. Oh, yeah. Did you keep up with SNL? Has a UK show. You know, I just watched the monologue. Our friend with an American Way.
- [19:00]
A
Tina Fey from America. I saw some. Some sketches. I thought they were good. I don't know.
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B
Oh, you saw sketches. Okay, good.
- [19:09]
A
Yeah, there was clips.
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B
Yeah. We didn't really talk about this when it came out, but when it was announced. But I was thinking it is interesting. SNL over there and they can swear that was one new thing.
- [19:24]
A
Yes, I just said they can swear Tina Fey dropped an F bomb. Up front.
- [19:28]
B
Funny to hear Tina say it.
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A
I know because I don't see her using that in real life much.
- [19:34]
B
She doesn't.
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A
She's not a. She doesn't have a she. Tina does not have a potty mouth.
- [19:39]
B
It's enough.
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A
Oh, here she is.
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B
Oh, here she is. Oh, she's with the cast too. It's funny. This could be Metallica. This. I don't. You know, there's a cast where, since I'm not from there, I don't know one person. It's just random. It's just like SNL so random until you start to get to know them. But I saw her mono and it was good. And they had Graham Norton come up. They were smart. They front loaded it with some. As everyone knows, the ratings go down over the length of the show. So the monologue and the cold open of the scene by the most. And after update, there's a big drop off. But I. I think they had an update. Did they have. Did they have that or do you know?
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A
Yes, they did. You know, I think that you kind of. When you're doing comedy in America and London or New York. London, you want to be able to work across the pond. So when you go across the pond, you call it the Atlantic Ocean. I call it the pond. You go across the pond. Your joke will work across the pond and work in reverse the other way. But what's interesting, it's all over the world. Lauren wants to have an SNL in every country.
- [20:51]
B
Bulgaria next.
- [20:52]
A
Yeah.
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B
Poor ATL host.
- [21:02]
A
It's Clive from Berlin, Germany.
- [21:07]
B
Yeah, I. Oh, I might go to Europe this summer. I'll tell you why later.
- [21:13]
A
But.
- [21:13]
B
And I don't really travel a lot. I used to. I like.
- [21:22]
A
This is Timothy Chalamet's house.
- [21:24]
B
We.
- [21:24]
A
I visit. I recorded us playing ping pong.
- [21:27]
B
Oh, I thought that was a drop of water.
- [21:29]
A
No, it is a drop of water.
- [21:30]
B
It is.
- [21:31]
A
Yeah.
- [21:32]
B
It's not that ping pong.
- [21:34]
A
Here's how some of your stories come across.
- [21:41]
B
That's your WI fi where you live. All right, here is. Here's during your act in the audience. So nar.
- [21:55]
A
Here's what you. They can't get you off the stage. They use this. Just stand up.
- [22:00]
B
Don't, don't. Oh, yeah. People said it's too loud when you do those.
- [22:05]
A
Oh, too loud? Really?
- [22:07]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [22:08]
A
Well, this is. This weighs like 2 ounces.
- [22:11]
B
I know, but it packs an AI punch pack a Jack Reacher. Did you know? Oh, you don't know much about this Bachelorette. It's Kind of played out by this point, but it happened right after our last taping.
- [22:25]
A
Let me.
- [22:26]
B
There's so much to. To catch you up on.
- [22:31]
A
And if I do it, say, on top of the zeitgeist, you've got your finger on the pulse.
- [22:36]
B
Well, you are on Daily Mail, and that's usually where these things pop up. It's a lady Frankie Paul, Thomas Anderson. Now Frankie Taylor. Frankie Paul. Three first names of dudes. No, Taylor's a girl's name. So she was on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, right, Where their big story was. They had some soft swinging.
- [23:07]
A
The number one show in the world, by some metrics, is the off the res Mormon Wives going at it.
- [23:14]
B
Well, it's huge, you know, because so much my. The girl that goes on the road with me and opens, Elena Hershey, she. She was Mormon until she was, I think, 30. She's probably 33 now. Anyway, she has great stories and I said, do more of that in your act, because that's what's riveting about that show, the soaking. All these terminologies they use also that they soft swing and they soft swing means.
- [23:42]
A
What does that mean?
- [23:43]
B
Shenanigans. It means they can swap wives.
- [23:47]
A
Don't they have a thing. Or is it the Amish, where they let the young people at 18 or 19 go out into society for two or the Amish go out in society for two years, get drunk, suck and whatever? Do you think? Yeah, go crazy for two years and then come back? Is it the Amish or the Amish,
- [24:07]
B
or is that the warm Amish that do Rum Spring? I think. And it. I don't know what they can do, but I don't think they let them do all that they can. They can get on an iPhone for 10 minutes because they don't have electricity.
- [24:18]
A
So that's fine. No, I think they get to go nutty. It sounds like maybe.
- [24:23]
B
Well, the Mormon wives, this woman was like one of the standouts. So because it's in collusion with ABC and all the. They said, why don't you be the next Bachelorette? But it's the first time they had a Bachelorette that had a kids, I think, because she had two baby daddies and three kids.
- [24:43]
A
Huh.
- [24:44]
B
So she comes over there and all these guys come on to fight for her. And they had a preliminary episode where she met with old bachelorettes. They all gave her advice. And then the season was starting and an old tape of her fighting with one of her baby daddies popped up and they yanked the whole Bachelor. They just Yanked it off the air. The whole Bachelorette. And I. And I think that's the first time. But in the video, the real incriminating part was the guy's holding his camera. By the way, stop fighting with someone. They're filming you. But he's holding it like this. And she's, like, choking him. And then she runs over there and grabs a chair. That was the big problem. And he said, don't throw at your daughters over here. She throws it anyway. So what happens is, people say, you can't do that when your kid's right there. I think the chair.
- [25:33]
A
Have you ever watched the companion series behind the Scenes at the Bachelorette?
- [25:38]
B
No. Go ahead.
- [25:39]
A
Yeah. Because you see some of the producers come up between takes. Okay, could you be a little more angry? You really give it to him.
- [25:46]
B
You know, it's not reading.
- [25:48]
A
And then the girl's like, I'm just not really mad at him. I really like him. Yeah, that's good. That's not what we need right now. You've got. You. You got to be mad. He's just. And pick up a chair. And we're gonna have. We're gonna try it. Bring in the stunt guy.
- [26:00]
B
We're gonna.
- [26:01]
A
So we're gonna throw it so it won't really hit him, but we're gonna get a lot of drama. Have you seen those shows?
- [26:05]
B
I have. And also. But. And the chair is made of Lego. Lego. It's made of lego. No one's getting hurt.
- [26:12]
A
It's made of sponges. There's a bigger issue with it.
- [26:15]
B
I'm sure you know what's up. That they immediately pull her show.
- [26:20]
A
But then there's a lot of.
- [26:21]
B
Like, there's so many other big platforms that people are on that have charges of domestic violence and everything, but they're
- [26:28]
A
still allowed to play football, do this, do that.
- [26:32]
B
But. Oh, right. Domestic violence. That's probably. They mean the NFL, where they don't get.
- [26:37]
A
Right.
- [26:37]
B
Yeah, I. I mean, I think they stopped the Bachelorette for. Right now. They're probably deciding and having these discussions going, is it gone for good? Because they're like, what do we do? We're going to get in trouble either way. Because there's arguments to say, well, that. By the way, the tape was from three years ago. So, like, well, did they already see that tape? They must have seen it if it's this easy to surface.
- [27:03]
A
So what's the takeaway?
- [27:05]
B
I don't know. I know. I.
- [27:07]
A
Sometimes that it's corrupt.
- [27:08]
B
Tell the whole story. It's just a Big story out there.
- [27:11]
A
It's so big.
- [27:13]
B
No, it's. Huh. It's a stupid story that everyone goes out, but something to do to distract themselves from real life.
- [27:19]
A
That's all life is basically, just trying to distract yourself. I watched a documentary with my wife last night, Ingrid Bergman, the actress who was in Casablanca and so forth and so on.
- [27:33]
B
Okay.
- [27:34]
A
Her life story is very interesting.
- [27:36]
B
Ingrid Bergman. They're saying Busboys is a lot like Casablanca. Just as far as, like, longevity and how.
- [27:43]
A
How important it is between you and Theo. Which one's Bogart? Humphrey Bogart? Which ones? Which one's Ingrid Bergman?
- [27:51]
B
Is there a Spencer Tracy in that movie or no?
- [27:53]
A
No, but he was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with Ingrid Berg. Ingrid. There is, yeah.
- [28:02]
B
What if I told you I didn't see Casablanca?
- [28:05]
A
I. I'd say. I'd say you're. You're drawn Casablancas right now.
- [28:11]
B
I'm drawing a Casablanca. I am. What if I said I didn't see. What's an important movie you didn't see? I didn't see Gone with the Wind. I mean, we're going way back. It.
- [28:21]
A
Gone with Win is interesting because now on, if you see it on Amazon, I think if you rent it or whatever, there's like a whole warning. There's a warning that says these are actors pretending it's not actual slavery.
- [28:35]
B
Tell you that much.
- [28:36]
A
Yeah. And it goes on and on, and you may be. You may be triggered. It's at. It's 90 years ago, about 90 years earlier. But anyway. Yeah, I think that's a. It depends if you're a filmophile. I mean, you're more of a hit and run. You're like a gomer pile, you know, you're like more of I Dream of Genie, a hayseed. Yeah. Or in the modern era, you're a bachelorette. This and that. But have you seen all the President's Men? I'll give you a pop quiz. All the President's Men love it.
- [29:06]
B
Oh, good. Three Days the Condor is Faye Dunaway maybe. Yeah. It. I. I remember in the movie theaters in Arizona and I was like, I want to see it. I knew I wouldn't understand it, and I didn't. I. My dad took me one of the three movies of my life he took me to was Goodbye, Mr. Chips. And I love movies. And I was like, 1970s this one.
- [29:30]
A
Yeah. As. As a little kid.
- [29:32]
B
Yeah.
- [29:33]
A
Did you ever see the Longest Day?
- [29:35]
B
I saw the Longest Yard.
- [29:38]
A
Longest Day is about deed day. That's pretty cool.
- [29:42]
B
Do you See a porn called the Longest Wiener. Wiener made it in the chat.
- [29:46]
A
Boom. I only saw it, but the sound went out. We had to read subtitles, so it just wasn't as good.
- [29:52]
B
What's the Longest Day? That's not the UFO one.
- [29:56]
A
No, that's a black and white movie with every movie star at the time. 1962. And the whole fun of it as a little kid was like the Germans got binoculars and they're looking out one of the allies going to attack,
- [30:11]
B
you see.
- [30:11]
A
And the subtitles are like, they'll never attack today. No big deal. Yeah. And then he goes like this and there's like a billion ships right there.
- [30:21]
B
Oh, he went back to it.
- [30:23]
A
He went back to it and all of a sudden they emerge. So that's kind of stuff. Did you ever see Jason, the Argonauts? I asked, I asked Tom Hanks the. This.
- [30:31]
B
Yeah, is that the one look kind of fake, but they were.
- [30:34]
A
Yeah, but it's great.
- [30:35]
B
I liked it. Very cool. I saw that on Saturday morning.
- [30:37]
A
Now let's go to 2025.
- [30:42]
B
Do you know they're speaking of, of looking, they're putting 125 speeding cameras in LA now. So careful when you come into town. Dana, I know how you like that lead, but.
- [30:58]
A
Yeah, you know what is kind of one of the perks of being a side liberty. The last three times it's only happened over a period of many years. And the last time I was going up this highway, supposed to go, I was probably, you know, I've got a car with a pretty big engine. You got those pip squeak cars. And I got, I just was lead footed and I heard whoop, whoop, whoops, you know, and I, I just come right around and one time I got a guy looked at me and I'm not that recognizable unless I'm dressed as gars, which I do go to malls sometimes.
- [31:31]
B
You have it in the glove compartment, you have the glasses and wig.
- [31:35]
A
Yeah. But anyway, he just wanted a picture and autograph.
- [31:40]
B
Hell yeah.
- [31:41]
A
And I didn't get a ticket. It's, it's unfair. He should have ticketed me because I was pretty drunk. But the God
- [31:50]
B
good golly edge to him. I like it. Yeah, I've gotten off and I've also gotten tickets, so. But I don't like the kind like that because I get. They're trying to. It's an easy money grab, but it is, it's supposed to make things safer, which I understand. But if they're going like it should say over like 15 miles an hour over or 20, because that. That's the dangerous ones. But I think every single person is going a little over, but they just take it and send it to you. You don't even know. None's the wiser.
- [32:17]
A
Yeah. You kind of know if it's. If the speed limits 65, you can go 74 safely.
- [32:23]
B
Yeah. And they're not town. So if it's 25, you're going 35.
- [32:27]
A
I would say in. And I've driven in New York and I've driven everywhere, man.
- [32:33]
B
Everywhere.
- [32:33]
A
And when you're in West Hollywood, Hollywood area, and you're at these giant intersections, let's say Santa Monica and Los Angeles, and people hit 70 and you know, you know they're coming. You're going to make a left and you know, now it's orange, now it's red. If you try to jump it. That those intersections are death traps.
- [32:56]
B
I'm just saying it sure plowed.
- [32:59]
A
You got. You got t bone.
- [33:01]
B
I got T bone bad. At one red light runner when they floor it is. That's when it's dangerous. You don't floor it through a yellow or red.
- [33:10]
A
Right. Just to get through it. And then. And then you add in homeless guy who's just wandering in the. Out in the intersection and you're looking, he's going to get hit. He's going to get hit, you know. Oh, I just missed him. It's exciting down there. You should come to my farm.
- [33:25]
B
Oh, no, there's a chicken. He's going to get hit. There's a new term they're not using anymore called I didn't think they still use this geriatric pregnancies. That was on the news today.
- [33:38]
A
Okay. Define that for me. That you can, you can. A woman can have a baby now at 70 or something.
- [33:45]
B
I think it's lower than that. And that's why they said, why are we calling. Why would anyone ever call pregnancy Jerry? I didn't know there's even a term. How about, oh, that's lucky you got pregnant when you were 44 or whatever. Like that's instead of are you doing okay with your geriatric. Geriatric sounds. 80.
- [34:08]
A
I know. It's interesting how men can. Can be in their 80s and have babies with women in their 20s. There's something really fun about it and interesting.
- [34:19]
B
It's something very jizzy. What's that? Fun. Fun.
- [34:25]
A
That was me being sarcastic. You know what? You always do. Let me ask you this question. When someone, some guy, older guy has a baby with somebody, you always I immediately think, how old will the guy be when the baby's a senior in high school? Am I the only one who does that?
- [34:45]
B
So, yeah, I think everyone does. I think definitely the mom does it.
- [34:49]
A
Yeah. So you think of an 83 year old being a new dad? 93. So when the kids. It'll. He'll be 98 when they.
- [34:58]
B
Right, because I think Pacino just had a kid probably a couple of years ago.
- [35:02]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [35:03]
B
Oh, yeah. Maybe two years ago.
- [35:05]
A
Oh, I had a baby. Oh, yeah.
- [35:07]
B
Oh, I could have been perfectly.
- [35:11]
A
Oh, what you gotta do? Look at this. Look at a kid. I swear to God, I'm gonna babysit him once a year. Once a year. Okay. He's probably done, dad.
- [35:21]
B
That's a good.
- [35:22]
A
I love Al Pacino. Can we have him on the podcast?
- [35:25]
B
I would love it. Two weeks ago. I see him sometimes out and about. How? I don't know.
- [35:34]
A
I saw him at some kind of restaurant once. Yeah, we locked eyes. Then he looked away.
- [35:42]
B
All right, let's. If that's enough about your week, we will talk about the stories in the news, but I might. You might have more weak stuff.
- [35:49]
A
Well, we have some news coming up, but it'll really happen. In July, one of our horses is gonna have a baby.
- [35:57]
B
How old's the dad horse? Too old.
- [36:00]
A
Well, it's different in the horse world. They have the stud and there's this stud is just in the valley and the stud sex with 200 mares. And then. Yeah, the more dopey normal horses just
- [36:15]
B
look around and go, can I get some of that? Sure. To wealth.
- [36:20]
A
Yeah. So it's kind of like just, it's,
- [36:23]
B
you know, we got one. One horse named dicaprio and he gets all the girls.
- [36:29]
A
Well, it would be more like the Reacher guy. And we got to get his name. This is rude. I can't just call him the Reacher guy.
- [36:35]
B
Allan Something Richer. Is it Rickman? That's another actor. He's probably coming on. So we better get it right. Jack Reacher. Who plays him? We're so stupid.
- [36:52]
A
We're the lamest, slowest or the best and the fastest.
- [36:57]
B
No, we're the best. J. Allen.
- [37:02]
A
How do you say it? Rich son.
- [37:05]
B
Oh, boy. T, C, H, S O, N. Oh, Alan Richson. She's saying I don't buy it. Oh, I got a feel good story. I'll tell you real quick and then. And then we'll do the stories. This was from this morning. I'm not doing one of your dumb sound effects.
- [37:18]
A
I'm doing a real sound effect. I've laid off of it for a while.
- [37:21]
B
This dude, I gotta say his name. Okay. Lucas Taub. He's down at a. This is in la. He's a surf teacher, I think. Anyway, feel good story. Dana on the beach. Yeah. He's on the pier, like, watching some students. Whatever. Little girl screaming in a riptide. The dad's going out to get her. The dad can't really handle the riptide. Immediately goes in in his clothes, heavy clothes. You know, riptides. You know the story. You're supposed to swim sideways. It's harder.
- [37:55]
A
You can't. Yeah, you can't.
- [37:56]
B
You can't fight it.
- [37:57]
A
Can't fight it.
- [37:58]
B
And you can't try to come in. You'll get too tired and it'll sideways.
- [38:02]
A
Yeah.
- [38:03]
B
This is one of the reasons, honestly, I don't go in the ocean when I hear riptide. Couldn't be scarier. So you. You swim sideways along the shore. Sounds easy. You're probably getting pulled out quietly. And then you get to where you can swim in because the rip tides are.
- [38:17]
A
It happened to me once. Yeah. LA Beach, Santa Monica beach, and my brother. Well, we're both in a ripper, and we're trying to go in, and the lifeguard was just like this, you know, go touch. Go horizontal. Go to the right. Yeah. So we did it and we survived.
- [38:34]
B
And it worked. That's.
- [38:35]
A
It worked. Yeah. Yeah.
- [38:36]
B
So.
- [38:37]
A
But, yeah, you get kind of tired because you're sort of adrenalized, you know.
- [38:40]
B
Oh, for sure. By the way, I used to go body surfing. San Diego. All the idiots from Arizona went out there for two weeks. We'd stay in Leucadia, and they hated us, the locals did. But, you know, we put some money in the economy. We'd stand by the motel and buy shrooms off people. So we were helping buy some. And then. But. But we go out there and I could just body surf without thinking about it and tread water for 45 minutes and surfing. I could not do it.
- [39:13]
A
I gotta float on your back.
- [39:16]
B
I gotta build it up again. I gotta start, I think, because my neck. I could tread water in a pool and then just build the strength up.
- [39:22]
A
But if you can float on your back, you can last a long time.
- [39:26]
B
I don't think I can float. But anyway, the guy grabbed the daughter then. But, you know, people start fighting when they're panicking, so they weren't panicking too bad. He's like, just don't panic. Because he goes, I was panicking. He goes, I'm in my clothes. The water's freezing. I'm like, this wasn't the plan. Anyway. Takes him to the side. Not all the way into the side. Little jetty, look it up. Educate yourself toward the jetty. And then. That's from Tina's monologue on snl. They kept saying, educate yourself. So brought them in. Everything's fine. Okay? That's the whole story.
- [40:08]
A
I love your aquatic.
- [40:10]
B
That's a good story. Because it's a feel good Dan. Even though you don't feel good now, but you should, because you should be like, you know what? There's some good out there.
- [40:17]
A
You know, Push, come to the shove. Give me a flat kind of temperate mountain lake in Montana. Lake whitefish. Smooth as glass, right? There's no creatures in there. There's no riptides. It's. You either fish or you can. Or you can get a wave runner. And if it looks like you're gonna wipe out, it's not like a motorcycle. You just throw yourself off the back.
- [40:43]
B
Are you taking me away?
- [40:45]
A
Yeah.
- [40:46]
B
Yeah. Sometimes. Do you say, calgon, take me away?
- [40:49]
A
I said it this morning.
- [40:52]
B
When you're in your ice bath.
- [40:54]
A
When I took my ice bath, because I got some nice compliments.
- [40:57]
B
Do you know what. Calgon. Do you remember that commercial?
- [40:59]
A
Calgon? Yeah. It's like a powder or something.
- [41:01]
B
It's some poisonous powder. I'm sure. Now we probably figure out what he put in your bath, and you take a nice bath and you go, calgon, take me away. Calgon.
- [41:10]
A
Oh, that's.
- [41:10]
B
I use that. My act, which no one knows. And I also use. You're soaking in it, Madge. What's that from? Well, that.
- [41:19]
A
That's a sort of palm, Oliver.
- [41:23]
B
Palm olive. The dishwasher, they put their nails. Yeah, they put their hands in the dishwashing liquid.
- [41:29]
A
I got that right? Did I get that right? Palmolive. Is that it?
- [41:34]
B
Yeah. We need more of him.
- [41:35]
A
Your words.
- [41:36]
B
I see clips of him. He's in there. I. I don't have much time. I only have five minutes. Can I just now ask you a couple things? You get a simple yes or no answer.
- [41:48]
A
You were coated with her on Twitter that you hate people with red hair. Your words, not mine. You stand by that statement? Sound familiar?
- [42:05]
B
By saying by. Am I reading that right?
- [42:07]
A
Am I reading that right now? I did not just fall off. I mean, his colloquial. He's like the new Rossboro. Let's face it.
- [42:17]
B
It's right there. Big as Texas.
- [42:19]
A
Yeah, or he's like Dr. Phil. Did someone Rat stupid on my forehead. That was one of Dr. Phil's. He probably got it from Senator John
- [42:27]
B
stupid on my forehead. Oh no. Kennedy says it's right there. Big as Dallas, not Texas. Dallas.
- [42:35]
A
Dallas.
- [42:36]
B
It's big as Dallas.
- [42:37]
A
Biggest Dallas. Now Your state is $19 trillion in debt. Did I get that right? Now where do you think this will end up? Do you think you're going to be like the guy got pushed out of the spaceship in 2000? That's outtake. Sorry. Can I, can I get a, a minute? Come back to my analogy.
- [43:03]
B
Non trillion. That's, that's 18 zeros, am I right? Listen, that's Dennis Miller's act when he goes the deficit is, you know, the $17 trillion. That means there's, that's come. There's countries still insisting on lending us money. I'd be a little tighter. Hey, you're already into us for a couple trill. I mean, come on. That's 18 zeros, babe.
- [43:28]
A
I mean, I mean now what are we.
- [43:31]
B
Yeah, I'll go to the wall with a pal. But come on, I need to see a fin. Something.
- [43:36]
A
40 trillion in debt.
- [43:38]
B
Yeah, a fin. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the Same premium wireless for 15amonth Plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do@mintmobile.com
- [44:04]
A
Switch upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first three months only,
- [44:11]
B
then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.
- [44:14]
A
See full terms@mintmobile.com it's 6:00pm on a Tuesday.
- [44:17]
C
I'm driving home. The kids are asking what's for dinner for the 10th time. And that familiar wave of fridge panic is hitting me hard. But then I remembered I have those Omaha Steak Smash burgers in the freezer. I'm telling you, the mood in the house shifted the second they hit the pan. That specific sizzle and the smell of those crispy caramelized edges. What started as a disaster evening turned into everyone's favorite night of the week in under 15 minutes. That's why Omaha Steaks has become my ultimate weeknight win. It's not just for birthdays or holidays anymore. It's having high quality protein ready when life gets better busy. Their beef is grass fed and grain finished which gives it that incredible marbling and Legendary flavor you just don't find at the local grocery store. Omaha Steaks is your weeknight win, and right now you can get the world's best everyday protein during their spring savings event. Go to OmahaSteaks.com for an extra $35 off when you use promo code T bone at checkout. That's omahasteaks.com terms apply. See site for details.
- [45:17]
D
Spring starts at the Home Depot, and we are bringing the heat to your backyard this season. Fire up the flavor with our wide variety of grills for under $300. Like the next grill 4 burner gas grill that's perfect for hosting your spring cookout. Then set the scene and turn your outdoor space into the go to spot the patio sets for every budget. Bring it this season with grills that deliver flavor and patios that set the vibe from the Home Depot. Start your spring with low prices guaranteed at the Home Depot exclusion supplies@home depot.com price match for details.
- [45:48]
B
All right, let's go to stories. We have no time.
- [45:50]
A
We have no time now.
- [45:51]
B
We wasted so much time.
- [45:53]
A
All right.
- [45:53]
B
Oh, here's a fun story that.
- [45:55]
A
Wow, that's awesome.
- [45:56]
B
20 cities with the highest STD rates.
- [45:59]
A
Wow. Well, San Francisco is number one. Whoa.
- [46:03]
B
Who's from San Francisco?
- [46:04]
A
What?
- [46:06]
B
Dang.
- [46:07]
A
I got. I got to call a doctor.
- [46:09]
B
Okay, where is Scottsdale? Let me see. Oh, my God. Scottsdale's nowhere near.
- [46:16]
A
No, but where's LA?
- [46:18]
B
LA's 10.
- [46:19]
A
You'd think new York would be high or something. Or LA.
- [46:23]
B
St. Louis is two. What is happening? Nikki. Let's call Nikki glaser.
- [46:32]
A
She's got 20 minutes on this.
- [46:34]
B
I saw Nikki last night at dinner. She's been doing spots now that her movie's done. I've seen a lot of fun people doing spots. We had a great time. I went on twice this week.
- [46:44]
A
And who cares? Bobby Lee, Bill Burr.
- [46:48]
B
You know, I didn't see Bobby Lee. I saw Santino. I saw Nikki. I saw Santino. Whitney Ali Wong. A lot of fun. Harlan Williams last night.
- [46:58]
A
Harlem Williams. Yeah.
- [46:59]
B
I did the classic, and I forgot that there wasn't an emcee in the main room, so I did my joke crush, levitated the room. Now I finished phrase, and I turn around and then he's not there. I don't know who's there. I'm looking for the host. I go, who brought me up? And then I yell back there. And there's a photographer, Liz. I go, is anybody back there? She goes, yeah, they're behind the curtain. I go, tell him to get out here, it's time. Then I go. It. I go, all right, no one's here. I'll do another encore. Gave myself an.
- [47:33]
A
Gave yourself an encore? What? I. You want me to do more?
- [47:36]
B
Well, because no one's on stage. I can't leave. I'm a professional.
- [47:40]
A
I didn't like when I would have the middle act when I was coming up the clubs, and they do pretty well, and they're like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't have any more time. They're more.
- [47:50]
B
It's like, I'm sorry. This hog Dana once.
- [47:53]
A
Yeah. I mean, he'll play the Lash on me, man. It'll kick my ass.
- [47:58]
B
Too bad. I could keep killing. Or you could watch him do.
- [48:02]
A
Okay, I can't hear you. You want what?
- [48:06]
B
Maybe after Dana, I can come back.
- [48:08]
A
Yeah.
- [48:10]
B
Yeah.
- [48:11]
A
That's like.
- [48:12]
B
You got a thumbs up.
- [48:13]
A
Did I do a thumbs up?
- [48:14]
B
Yeah, you got a heart earlier. Watch. You see? Dana got a heart. Don't do a heart.
- [48:20]
A
Well, why does it. Why is it interest? Is it the.
- [48:23]
B
You were doing the binoculars and you got a heart. God, it doesn't work for mine. There it is. Look. You got it again.
- [48:28]
A
Look at that, Heather. Wow.
- [48:31]
B
So lovable. It's like a child now with a color.
- [48:37]
A
I can't believe this. This is.
- [48:39]
B
Look what I did.
- [48:40]
A
I'm sending this out to all the fans.
- [48:44]
B
All the fans.
- [48:45]
A
All the fans. Look what you get. Fans, empty.
- [48:49]
B
All right. How about another story while you do that?
- [48:51]
A
No, I got magic.
- [48:53]
B
I like it.
- [48:54]
A
Do you?
- [48:56]
B
This is actually insane. My guess is it won't be insane at all, but go ahead.
- [49:00]
A
Okay. Sorry, we're having trouble. Was that planned?
- [49:07]
B
Maybe it disappeared.
- [49:08]
A
Oh, okay, here we go.
- [49:09]
E
Volume again. This is insane. But seriously, what the hell? These new eye drops have actually been in the headlines a lot recently, but the FDA have now approved them. Now, I don't think you understand quite how big this is, but let me put it into context. Now, these eye drops essentially correct your eyes moving, the need for glasses. It's a once a day eye drop that you basically put in the way they've described this and how it actually works. The eye drop creates by constricting your pupil, almost like when you change a camera lens around. And from the tests they've been doing, it's helped people see things a lot clearer up close and increase patience.
- [49:47]
B
You just put it.
- [49:48]
E
Is this someone who barely had any noise insane that it works within 30 minutes?
- [50:01]
A
It may work for 30 minutes, but it doesn't stop working in 30 minutes.
- [50:08]
B
It's insane, but not true. But it is insane, and you can please keep watching.
- [50:13]
A
Absolutely insane. You put these eye drops in your eyes, and you never need glasses again.
- [50:20]
B
It's. It's clear as. Yeah, I don't know if that's true. If it is, I'll buy some, But I call. It's too big of a story. Okay, we're really calling these people out. All right. Look at my acting.
- [50:39]
A
I know. I'm watching fly on the wall now. Now. Now it goes away now. Now it's coming back.
- [50:48]
B
Well, we can continue.
- [50:50]
A
There it is.
- [50:50]
B
Heather, do something.
- [50:53]
A
Next week, another scene from the movie busboys through April 20th.
- [50:58]
B
Oh, 17.
- [51:00]
A
April 17th. That. Isn't that in Bus Boys that you get attacked by.
- [51:05]
B
Yeah, we took that from Tommy Boy. Just put it in Bus.
- [51:10]
A
Tommy Boy. Tommy Boy. Busboy. You're only one word off. I had Jimmy Fallon. It was insane. David Spade. It was crazy. The Bus Boys are amazing.
- [51:22]
B
I was gonna go on Jimmy Fallon for Busboys, and then he's freaking dark. I'm going out to do the premiere of that Keanu movie Outcome. So when I'm out there, that's one week for Busboys. I'm like, oh, I'll just go out there and do both. I think I'm gonna do Stern again. I haven't done Stern in years.
- [51:42]
A
Oh, you're gonna go back to Howie? Oh, you're gonna be on a screen in Manhattan. He's in his house in Long Island.
- [51:48]
B
You know what's funny is that I said, can I do it in la like me and Dana did once? Yeah, it looks like a studio. I think that's what Kate Hudson. And they said, no, you got to be in la. They don't do that. I was like. So I go, well, I will be in New York if I can come the next morning and then fly home. So we worked it out, and they go, howard will be home. I go, I don't. What am I. I'm going to the studio.
- [52:10]
A
Yeah, but isn't that crazy? And then.
- [52:12]
B
So I'm driving in to the studio.
- [52:14]
A
Yeah, I think that's cool. They do it really well. When we did it on his show, it's like. It looks like we're with him and his. His. He's on a gigantic screen. And the sound, it is a good, immediate. I mean, you don't really miss.
- [52:30]
B
I do kind of want to see him. I haven't seen him.
- [52:33]
A
You don't really want to see him.
- [52:35]
B
No, but Dana.
- [52:37]
A
No, but I'd like to Be in
- [52:40]
B
studio, by the way, you can buy tickets. We're adding screens to Bus Boys. We gotta call. Wait a minute, Canada wants some screens and we gotta call Scottsdale. Yeah.
- [52:51]
A
So you put it out. There was going to be 5,000 screens. And now movie theater chains or whatever saying, can we have it?
- [52:59]
B
Yeah, because the trailer did well and it got by scene by like 15 million people. So they're like, oh, something's going on here. So I asked for some Harkins in Scottsdale. And so Harkin said, yeah, you had
- [53:12]
A
me at 15 million. 15 million have seen people watch the trailer.
- [53:16]
B
Yeah, but the. So anyway, so they go, oh, maybe people. But so we wanted to go the lowest amount of screens, which is like 50 just for a taster with Regal and Cinemark. And they came. That was happened early. They said, if you need screens, we'll do it. We're like, I don't know if we're gonna even go to theaters. You might just put it out online, just say, here, just buy it. And played with that for a while.
- [53:39]
A
But it is.
- [53:39]
B
You get kind of horny to be in a theater. But it is a gamble because theaters are tough, especially these days. It's very tough to get people out. And so we're going to be in. We're in about 100 right now. I think it's. Another hundred are coming. So we're trying to keep it down because I don't want to go like a full wide. It's just too hard. It's just to get people out. We. I think. We think people will come and check out some of it. It'll have a little run in the theaters and then we'll.
- [54:06]
A
And then what?
- [54:07]
B
Video on Demand, I think you put it. And people just buy stirs. Yeah.
- [54:12]
A
Okay. Yeah. It is a big leap now with all this stuff. You can watch to get in your car, go to the place. But I think you guys, your super fan base will show up and it'll.
- [54:22]
B
It'll. Yeah, it'll over perform.
- [54:25]
A
It'll be a surprise.
- [54:26]
B
I think it's the idea that we didn't do it the regular way and it's a little more non PC that people said. It seems like 90s movies or 2000s when, like it was when you kind of do whatever you want. Harder jokes, put it that way, stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. So we'll see. But that's all I'll say about that until next week. Then I'll say more, of course. All right, we're running out of time, but let's do one more story. We'll end with a real.
- [54:54]
A
Okay, we need a banger to bring this home.
- [54:57]
B
It won't be.
- [54:58]
A
I got a good feeling.
- [55:01]
B
Wait. Okay, it says something. A thousand year old mummy.
- [55:05]
A
Let's see.
- [55:06]
B
This might be UFO related. Oh, I know what this is from. He looks like he's not doing well at all.
- [55:15]
A
Supposedly. Yeah, that needs nyquil.
- [55:17]
B
Is that it? I saw a whole thing. You can stop it. I saw a whole thing. Where? They were in a forest somewhere. Of course this sounds like a lie. And I'll try to find this clip in the forest. They were cutting down the trees and they found little smaller, like pyramids, you know, because it was so dense. Tiny trees are so high. Yeah. No, so they're like, yeah, let's say fifty hundred feet high. But the trees are so big in like some jungle. They get it down and they get inside and then they see all the hieroglyphics and there's spaceships and arrows and things and people looking up and you always go, what is going on? If these are from thousands of years ago and they found that thing.
- [56:01]
A
Well, the main thing, if like somehow you fall on a glacier or in the jungle and you're like, okay, I'm not going to be found. I'm probably going to be mummified. Just try to really close your mouth. Just, just, just whatever you do.
- [56:15]
B
That guy looks so stupid. Even if he's an alien, he looked dumb.
- [56:18]
A
He dislocated his job like this.
- [56:21]
B
Ready? One, two, three. Go to sleep.
- [56:24]
A
Yeah, I know. Well, if you're thinking to be mummified, you're like, okay, it. I'm gonna be a mummy, just have a little impish kind of Mona Lisa grin just as you're becoming mummy now.
- [56:34]
B
If they say, okay, stay in here, unfortunately you'll be mummified. But then people see you later like, okay, I go, ready? Close it. And I go. I try to look more cute.
- [56:43]
A
Right as you're about to go mummified, you just write. You just kind of put your hands up like this and go.
- [56:49]
B
You knew Fonzie would.
- [56:51]
A
So they find you and it's kind of positive as opposed to.
- [56:55]
B
By the way, I'll end you with this. While we're on conspiracy theories that there was some chatter that the unfortunate incident with the plane that hit the fire truck and smashed up the plane, which first of all, in my eyes, if I had to guess, I would think the fire truck is here and the plane's up here and it would hit the wheels and Stuff but it was like right on. So too much speed, too much smashed the plane, it peeled back anyway. Now people are saying what happened on 9 11? Because the planes look like they went through the building. None of the debris fell. This shows even a fire truck, it smashes everything back. Anything there? Nothing.
- [57:41]
A
Well, they were going a lot faster. Well, I know that they were going a lot faster. 150 miles an hour. They're probably going 500 miles an hour, but probably those were fake planes. I think I'm convinced now.
- [57:57]
B
I saw the one where they say they're holograms and I can't quite get my head around like how can we all see it then? How can we all see it? Not just video. You see everyone on the ground saw planes coming. Can that be a hologram? If they can, they're way advanced. That's way ahead of mine. I can't get that. But they do go like this and they show up poking out the other side, the nose. And you're like, so the plane went through and the nose was unbroken. They call it the Pinocchio effect. Look it up. But again, I have to say, I'm not an expert on this.
- [58:31]
A
I have to keep saying, well, you sound like one. I'll be honest, anyone thinks I know what I'm talking about. I mean you, you weren't you a physics. I go to the university. Did you get TikTok a degree in electrical engineering?
- [58:44]
B
I thought I got a degree in stupidity. No, I didn't graduate. Shocker.
- [58:52]
A
Guess who else didn't graduate?
- [58:55]
B
Albert Einstein.
- [58:57]
A
I'm not saying Bill Gates, Elon Musk, the Russian guys who started Google, they all, they're their sophomores in college at Harvard and going this dunce doesn't know anything. I'm out of here, I'm gonna go invent something.
- [59:11]
B
Did Eric Schmidt, is that the guy that co founded Google?
- [59:14]
A
Yep. Well, they brought him in, you know, to kind of help them with old fashioned management type stuff because I ran
- [59:21]
B
into him the other night, I was eating next to him and I chatted him up.
- [59:25]
A
He was a nice guy. I ran into.
- [59:27]
B
Feels like he's smarter than. I never say this, he felt 1% smarter than me.
- [59:35]
A
I would never admit that time means everything if you're in the world. No, everyone's smarter in the world of the 90s, early knots, whatever. In that world, that digital world that was emerging, you know, there were Sun Microsystems and Cisco and all these companies and I did corporate dates for them. If I'd said don't give Me a check. Just give me shares. Apple, dummy. See, I said to you. I remember in 98, we were just after SNL. I said, Buy Apple, buy Amazon, and then just hold it, don't sell. And you said, nice try. Nice try, dude. Yeah, I'm gonna buy Toys R Us stock.
- [60:22]
B
I said, I'm gonna buy. I can't think of something that went out of business. I'm gonna buy Blockbuster. Oh, look at rain.
- [60:28]
A
What?
- [60:29]
B
Look at this. Maybe we end on that. That was special.
- [60:34]
A
Well, I don't know why. It's interstitial. I do the exact same thing.
- [60:37]
B
I don't get what a big budget we have for you.
- [60:42]
A
It's pretty amazing.
- [60:43]
B
We are tearing it up here with.
- [60:45]
A
We did it again, episode six. 6,000, 481.
- [60:51]
B
Yep. And I think by the time this airs, I'll be coming to Nashville. Pittsburgh, Charlotte. Get out there. Charlotte. Last time was there. Christian McCaffrey came. That was my excitement. And that was when he was on the Panthers. You should do that. For every story I tell, It's. Oh, they're all boring.
- [61:14]
A
No, my. It's just a joke, but I. I can't get it to stop. And I'm not kidding.
- [61:19]
B
Jesus. I'm trying to read my dates.
- [61:22]
A
Sorry. I do them again at Charlotte. You're like, it's Charlotte, San Antonio.
- [61:28]
B
Pittsburgh.
- [61:29]
A
Pittsburgh.
- [61:30]
B
Pittsburgh. Yeah. And that's it. Oh, Pittsburgh and Nashville. The Ryman.
- [61:39]
A
Oh, the Ryman. I played that.
- [61:40]
B
I love that.
- [61:41]
A
That's kind of a classic.
- [61:43]
B
Oh, yeah, the old famous theater.
- [61:46]
A
Have you got new material from the special? I mean, you got new stuff, right?
- [61:50]
B
Pretty much new. That'll be. That's the day bus plays open, so maybe we'll go run around, find a theater.
- [61:58]
A
Well, you got my ticket. Paul and I are both gonna buy a ticket.
- [62:01]
B
I can't wait to you see it. And then you have a discussion of, like, what do we say?
- [62:08]
A
I just have one question.
- [62:10]
B
Just think of one joke that was funny we could repeat and just say, like, just that. We'll just say that.
- [62:16]
A
Yeah, we'll just. We'll just be like, so. So you had fun doing it, right?
- [62:22]
B
And look like fun.
- [62:24]
A
Look like fun. You know?
- [62:25]
B
And you guys are really out there.
- [62:28]
A
Yeah.
- [62:29]
B
You. You're taking swings.
- [62:31]
A
You did what you wanted to do.
- [62:33]
B
Exactly.
- [62:35]
A
You know, these compliments.
- [62:36]
B
Yeah, I like that. And I take him as compliments. Oh, that's nice.
- [62:40]
A
Thank you. Well, look, it's hard to make a movie. It's really hard.
- [62:45]
B
Here's the first review. This worthless, juvenile offensive piece of
- [62:53]
A
every
- [62:53]
B
viewer is like typing out the review now and go, well, maybe I'll see it, maybe I won't. But this is a good one.
- [63:01]
A
Well, I mean, they say reviewer now. It's kind of fancy. But first of all, they. In the oldie times, they call them critics. So, hey, critic, why are you writing such critical stuff? Check my name out, dude. But the other thing is, is that Instagram, Facebook, all the world wide web
- [63:19]
B
decides about everyone, does.
- [63:20]
A
Critics don't mean dick.
- [63:23]
B
People that want to see it'll see it. All right. It's nice seeing you, Dana. I'm gonna have some gum now.
- [63:30]
A
Okay. I'm gonna have lunch.
- [63:33]
B
But stay on the line.
- [63:36]
A
You stay in the line.
- [63:37]
B
That's where you fade out. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow, follow on your favorite podcast app, give us a review, five star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.
- [63:59]
A
If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.
- [64:03]
B
Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese, Dennis of Odyssey.
- [64:14]
A
Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show's producer produced and edited by Phil Sweet.
- [64:20]
B
Tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.
- [64:22]
A
Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira.
- [64:37]
B
Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email us at fly on the way all@odyssey.com that's a U D a C-Y dot com.