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- [00:00]
A
Imagine having a free day out in the town, sitting down for a nice lunch, relaxing. Then you get an alert. The window at your home's been broken while you're miles away. It's that kind of thing that can turn your good day upside down. Obviously, that's where ADT comes in. ADT security systems are built for situations like this. They got 247 monitoring to help keep your home safer. Whether you're there or not. No one wants to feel unsafe at home. And with adt, you won't.
- [00:30]
B
That's right. Their systems are professionally installed by trained technicians. So protection starts from day one. ADT also has the most company operated monitoring centers in the industry. And the ADT app lets you keep tabs on your home from virtually anywhere. Don't wait to prepare your home for an emergency. When every second Counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com or call 1-800-ADT ASAP.
- [00:58]
A
All right, now before we get back, we have a message from Ashley the mosquito about Orkin. Hey, besties. Hope all of you are high key. So excited for summer. It's literally giving all of us mosquitoes life. So we thought we'd help everybody make the most of it before Orkin Pros try to ruin our fun. Remember, if you have standing water on your lawn from the pool or the sprinkler, just let it sit there. The more the merrier. When they're standing water, there'll be more mosquitoes, plenty more. Next up is a bit of a hot take, but we're so hyped on it. Let mosquitoes inside. What could go wrong? Just let us inside, please. Thanks. Love you.
- [01:35]
B
Finally, the number one rule this summer is do not under any circumstances speak to anybody from Oregon. That is literally so cringe. It will ruin the vibe of any get together we might be having. Take it from a mosquito or Orkin. Pros know literally everything about us, period. Don't visit orin.com for a free estimate today. Now let's go suck some blood. Now let's go suck some blood. Number one with a blood bullet.
- [02:08]
A
It was Caesars with Nikki Glazer. We had such a blast.
- [02:12]
B
She's good, right?
- [02:14]
A
You know what? She's.
- [02:16]
B
Is she good?
- [02:16]
A
She's good.
- [02:17]
B
Yeah.
- [02:20]
A
I don't watch any shows, but I happen to be home usually on Sundays. I flip around, I hit it and then you can do rewind on DirecTV where it starts in the beginning. Sydney Sweeney is quite as my mom would say, she's got huge boobs.
- [02:37]
B
Well, Scoob, the strait of hormones is still closed. If it doesn't open up soon, gas prices are going to stay high, and that'll be tough on the midterms for the Republicans.
- [02:51]
A
Is guitar man.
- [02:54]
B
You're supposed to say, ruh roh.
- [02:57]
A
Ruh. Row. The sailor shirt is. Yeah, you can explain it.
- [03:04]
B
Well, first of all, yesterday I got a summer cut, and I suggest you get a summer cut.
- [03:09]
A
Summer.
- [03:10]
B
You can tell it's shorter. It's a summer cut. And. And this is sort of a summer shirt.
- [03:16]
A
Oh, oh, oh.
- [03:17]
B
So I'm ready for summer. Are you ready for summer? I'm just gonna say, probably not ready.
- [03:25]
A
I didn't know you're gonna flip this back on me so quickly like this.
- [03:28]
B
Well, I mean, I said summer cut. Summer shirt. Summer's coming. And then I see you, and I go with all empathy and compassion, this guy is not ready for summer.
- [03:40]
A
I'm not. I have a black shirt and a
- [03:41]
B
black sweater on in a black cave.
- [03:44]
A
I'm in a cave. I don't. It's so black, but my hair's still lit up from the back. That was a happy accident.
- [03:52]
B
You look every single one. Yeah, I do. I agree.
- [03:55]
A
You wore stripes some recently, and someone told me you looked nice in them. And then I just said, oh, great. Then I deleted the comment.
- [04:05]
B
Any.
- [04:05]
A
Any. Any praise you get.
- [04:07]
B
I love the honesty. I remember some of the boy that. David's big eyes, really funny. And I. And I said, really? You think so? And then I walked away, right?
- [04:16]
A
And they go, dana's good. I go, dana, play DOH from different strokes, or do you mean Dana Carvey?
- [04:22]
B
They say to me, spade's good. And I go, at what? Then I. And then I walk away.
- [04:29]
A
They go, spade's good. And you go, the cards. What do you. What are you.
- [04:33]
B
What are you talking about? Good? They say, spade's funny. I know, but is it in a good way or a bad way?
- [04:40]
A
You know, it's all in how you answer. Because my friend was married and. And people and he talked to these girls, and they go, are you married? And he goes, yeah. I go, this is not how your wife wants you to answer that. You should be like, of course I am, and I'm crazy about her. But he would go like this first. He'd buy time and go, am I married? Am I married?
- [05:06]
B
Are you married? Are you married? Sure. Sure.
- [05:11]
A
I mean, yeah, I guess. You guess? It's sort of if you go by the laws and if you go by the justice. Oh, the peace. But yeah. And that was a good way I go, how much time are you buying by repeating the question, are you married? She's like flirting. And he goes, am I married? And I'm like, there's 1, 2, 3 seconds, then ultimately you're going to get to. Yes.
- [05:40]
B
Are you married? Who wants to know?
- [05:43]
A
Yeah. Yes, but it's not serious.
- [05:46]
B
Yeah, we're taking a little break. And so I have a hall pass.
- [05:53]
A
The break is always. Yeah. By the way, something happened in veg. I was in Las Vegas this weekend. I don't. Do not want.
- [06:00]
B
Was it. Was it. No, I. Was it Caesars or.
- [06:03]
A
Yeah, okay, I understand it was Caesars with Nikki Glazer. We had such a blast.
- [06:09]
B
She's good, right?
- [06:11]
A
You know what? She's.
- [06:13]
B
Is she good? She's good, yeah.
- [06:17]
A
I can't even jokingly do it about her. She's great. The hardest part is I usually follow her because, you know, we flip flop, but we flip your coin.
- [06:26]
B
You're the senior in the class. She's. She's a freshman, right?
- [06:31]
A
And she. I will safely say she's hard to follow. So anyway.
- [06:36]
B
Wait, wait a minute, wait a minute.
- [06:37]
A
Say that again.
- [06:39]
B
She's hard to follow. Really?
- [06:45]
A
Oh, I didn't see that one coming.
- [06:47]
B
Just coming back. Okay, so continue.
- [06:50]
A
There you go.
- [06:51]
B
Why?
- [06:52]
A
Oh, the act. Oh, okay.
- [06:57]
B
I know she wears these heels and if you follow her, you might fall over. Is that what you mean?
- [07:02]
A
Is that what you.
- [07:02]
B
Yeah, is that it? Is that what you're talking about?
- [07:04]
A
By the way, she is slightly taller than me already. And then she has heels that can only be last used on the Kiss Destroyer album cover where they're on seven inch heels.
- [07:18]
B
And I know, I know what everyone's done. People have done bits about this, but you go to the security, you're gonna. Your suitcase is up there and you take your shoes off, and all of a sudden the women go, you know, I've never felt taller. But then when the women take their shoes off, it's security.
- [07:35]
A
That's all. You know, that is where I hang out. But really, to even the playing field, just for like an hour before my flight. But my buddy Bobby Miyamoto says he asked the girl out and she goes, but I'm taller than you and I want to date a guy that I can wear heels around. And she goes. He goes, I think it's. You shouldn't assume I'm going to take you somewhere where you're going to have to wear heels. That was his way out of it.
- [08:04]
B
That's pretty good.
- [08:05]
A
He says, it better. Thank you. I got into that joke and I'm like, I don't remember how this pays off, but it actually botched it.
- [08:14]
B
Kind of a smart rejoinder. Well, why are you going to have heels on when you're in my bedroom?
- [08:20]
A
Right. When you're at Taco Bell.
- [08:24]
B
Bobby's a. He's a.
- [08:25]
A
He's got some sneaky bits.
- [08:27]
B
He's got some game, too, that guy.
- [08:29]
A
Yeah.
- [08:29]
B
He's a women.
- [08:31]
A
Yeah.
- [08:31]
B
Yeah.
- [08:32]
A
All right. He does a good job.
- [08:33]
B
If you say so.
- [08:35]
A
By the way, speaking of Las Vegas, Bobby back at Caesars in September. But that aside, what happened now. But that aside.
- [08:44]
B
Okay, just give us the.
- [08:45]
A
What else they did this weekend? There was. I just saw this in the paper. The Enhancement Games. What are they, Dana?
- [08:53]
B
That's where it's. The athletes can juice any way they want. Hgh, trt, whatever they want to do. They can be guinea pigs. Yeah. Peptides, ootides, out of bites.
- [09:06]
A
Yeah.
- [09:07]
B
And then they compete and they smash world records.
- [09:10]
A
HBO and tbs.
- [09:14]
B
Yeah. Yeah. Family and Friends on hbo. Max. All there.
- [09:19]
A
Right. So they. They. There's a guy. I just saw one clip. It's kind of a funny idea.
- [09:26]
B
Well, is it on? Can I watch it today?
- [09:28]
A
I don't know. I only saw a picture, but it was. I. All I heard was 25 million in prizes. That's a lot.
- [09:34]
B
Yeah. There's only two guys competing.
- [09:37]
A
I think people could get into it if it gets some traction, because one guy did 100 push ups. Now, it's not a lot for me and you, but for most people, that's doable. But he did the kind which you know and I know because we're athletes. Yeah, but two guys standing there like this, and he does them on their hands, so it's kind of wiggly. Oh, and that's harder.
- [10:00]
B
Definitely. It's really hard. I did 77 push ups in seventh grade.
- [10:06]
A
Dana James Carvey.
- [10:09]
B
Look, you know, I like to say, strong in the upper body. You know, they'd call me. My nickname in 8th grade was PD Push Up. But actually I did 40 pull ups when I was 12.
- [10:20]
A
Lie 1.
- [10:22]
B
No. Here's the explanation to say to me, they allowed you. You didn't have to go like this. You could do this swinging, gymnastics motion. And a guy. I held the record in the school for like an hour. And then this guy was like, had a beard. He's like, 12 hour. Let me try it. And he did like 52 by it. Go ahead. So what else happened? So that. That hurt your ticket draw or what?
- [10:47]
A
No, I'M just saying it was also interesting. I played golf in the boiling heat, but it wasn't that boiling. This weekend overall was super fun and nothing huge to report.
- [11:00]
B
Well, what's the vibe and what time is your social? Okay, inside baseball alert. What time does the show start? Eight.
- [11:07]
A
Starts eight. Thank God.
- [11:09]
B
Not bad. Do you have.
- [11:10]
A
In case I ever need you, Dana? It starts at 8 because Dana Carvey did me a favor once and covered for me with Ray Romano at the Mirage. Ray, wonderful guy. Hilarious guy.
- [11:22]
B
Wonderful love.
- [11:23]
A
I don't give Dana one tiny bit of information. The show starts at 10, which is an eternity. Eat dinner around 6:37, you're dying on the vine. And then the show starts and at 10 they always go. We're gonna hold it a little bit till it fills up. Okay, now we're at 10:15. Then someone goes up first. Now we're at 10:30. Q. Dana. And he gets off. That's late.
- [11:50]
B
But I went back for more punishment.
- [11:52]
A
We've talked about this.
- [11:54]
B
Well, I booked it in July without thinking. So it was 120 flights were canceled. Half the hotel was empty. And they held and held and held. And the crew guys were so, so nice. So nice. But as I was playing it, I just said to them, I'll never do this again because I have farmer's hours. So I can be. You know, I can do an 8 o' clock show. Fine. But for me to get up at 7, wait 19 hours in my room and then get on stage kind of at 11, I mean, it's not. I can't even. I know I can't do the math, but the guys are like, really? You're never coming back? But I don't know why. But they close the whole hotel after that. It turned into something else that was. I'm not saying I shut it.
- [12:36]
A
That was a tiny bit of it.
- [12:38]
B
Yeah.
- [12:39]
A
I saw them rebuilding the Mirage. It's now the Hard Rock. And they have a. A huge guitar. They ripped out that beautiful volcano. I thought that was so cool, but I thought they.
- [12:48]
B
Go ahead. Sorry.
- [12:49]
A
They just put a huge guitar and the guitar bottom of it is rooms. And the neck is going to be like laser beams for strings.
- [12:57]
B
Well, I like that. I mean, I just think it's kind of weird that what the actual name when it opens because they had a hard Rock and now this. They're calling this Harder Rock. And I thought that was an awkward thing to do, but it actually. The final name will be the Harder Rock.
- [13:11]
A
Yeah. I stayed at the Soft Rock Hotel.
- [13:14]
B
Even smile no, no. You're already thinking of the next.
- [13:19]
A
Yeah, I know. I was like harder rock. Okay, what can I do?
- [13:21]
B
Softer rock.
- [13:23]
A
Yeah. Soft rock. Hey, we got the soft hits.
- [13:27]
B
You're on FOTW. Flying the wall. It's fly. It's 1021. I'm flying the wall. 1027 on the Dane Rock.
- [13:36]
A
Do you consider us soft rock podcasting?
- [13:41]
B
No, I love. I love Metallica. I like heavy metal a lot.
- [13:47]
A
But just our vibe is more softer rock than like a, I guess, Rogan. I don't know what shows we could compare it to.
- [13:54]
B
Well, it's, you know, I mean, I just answer that for a second. David. Are we soft Rocket? We could be. We could be.
- [14:01]
A
Yeah.
- [14:01]
B
I'm not.
- [14:02]
A
Yeah, come on.
- [14:04]
B
I'm not getting around here. Let's get serious. Let's get some serious folks, right?
- [14:11]
A
And here's Linda Ronstadt with Midnight Blue. Yeah, it's not hard rock.
- [14:19]
B
His Cooling the gang with Gangy. Cool. I'm trying to.
- [14:23]
A
I do this in my act. Cool. In the gang. I go, here's one for the virgins.
- [14:31]
B
What was it?
- [14:32]
A
Celebration. No, I said celibate. Celibate. I'll never lose it. That was not cool. Again. That was a different one.
- [14:41]
B
I love really bad puns.
- [14:43]
A
I love. I love the song parodies that are.
- [14:48]
B
Yeah, I'm working on. I may debut it because I just for fun, was working on some guitar stuff for our gig in Saratoga, June 14. Tickets are going fast, low ticket warning. I just thought, Neil Young has this song, Cinnamon Girl. So I might do a thing. It'll give away the joke. Cinnabon Girl. The premise is that he sold his catalog and now they're making commercials. I want to live with a Cinnabon girl. I mean, that's going to be. The audience is going to stand up.
- [15:22]
A
Wow. And then at the end, the voiceover goes, Cinnabon at your local mall. Strip mall next to Panda Express.
- [15:29]
B
Then I've got Neil Young from McDonald's. Well, I dreamed I saw the golden arches in the yellow haze of the sun There were burgers frying and I ain't lying and the pickle hit the buns.
- [15:47]
A
That's good ending.
- [15:48]
B
I know.
- [15:49]
A
Yeah.
- [15:50]
B
I can't believe I finished that. Now I can't do it at Saratoga.
- [15:53]
A
No, you can. They want.
- [15:54]
B
Because I have the guitar detail.
- [15:56]
A
They want to hear the hits. Give them the.
- [15:57]
B
They like, isn't that special? Don't be a girly man. Got it. Yeah.
- [16:01]
A
No, they like this one because they just heard it and they Go. I hope he does one with pickle. And I hope spade comes out and does the tomato popping on a hamburger.
- [16:12]
B
Well, you better bring it. When you do, Saratoga, you better bring it. Are you gonna bring it?
- [16:17]
A
No, I got a new one. Here's. I'll bring it.
- [16:21]
B
Okay, good.
- [16:23]
A
But I'm working on the pickle because he's a little greasy and he slides out like this. He slides out because he acts like nothing's going on.
- [16:33]
B
Oh, this is a follow up to your tomato flying out of.
- [16:36]
A
Coming out of that. Of the cheeseburger. He slides out like this, but he acts like he's not leaving, but he's just like slowly inching back. Then he goes onto your car seat.
- [16:47]
B
Here's a pickle because they have a. They have a gun. They shoot the pickle into the bun. This is a pickle coming out of the gun just sitting there. Yeah. How you doing, man? What's up?
- [17:02]
A
I.
- [17:02]
B
Okay, we've reached new heights.
- [17:05]
A
No, we are going to get the stories sooner than later because we have so many of these news stories. But I don't have much to report on my weekend and my life. Nikki was great. So we'll say that she stayed for the AMA Awards. And no doubt. And I. I cruised.
- [17:22]
B
Oh, that's right. That was on last night. Oh, who won?
- [17:29]
A
The amas aren't quite as. Well.
- [17:32]
B
I'm not. I'm not against them. I just. I was watching doc, you know, Dr. Show.
- [17:37]
A
Oh, I was watching Euphoria. I don't watch any shows, but I happen to be home usually on Sundays. I flip around, I hit it, and then you can do rewind on DirecTV where it starts from the beginning. Sydney Sweeney is quite has. As my mom would say. She's got huge boobs now, my mom says very busty and she busted them out last night. But I do like Zendaya's story better. I think I've said this. It's very controversial that I pick that side. But they really. The old euphoria. It's not like that. It's really just following these two mega stars.
- [18:17]
B
Okay. And they're just going.
- [18:18]
A
And Jacob Elordi. They're two separate stories, but Jacob Elordi
- [18:22]
B
is a. Oh, Je. Is in it.
- [18:24]
A
Yeah. Oh, okay. I didn't know. And a girl that plays Maddie. I don't know her name, but she's actually the sleeper of the whole thing. She's great. Really cute girl and she's really good in it. So I get. It's a little rough around the edge. A little uncut gemsy. Because there's way more going on than the old Alexa Demi.
- [18:45]
B
Yeah, well, I tried to get my wife to watch it, so I read the byline. Hey, honey, it's a show. I don't know. Sydney Sweeney. Here it is. Sydney Sweeney on all fours wearing a dog collar, finds out her true love is. Actually, I couldn't read the rest of it online on this show, but we went to a housing show. People searching for homes in Venice.
- [19:10]
A
You're like, we took a walk to the pumpkin patch on our farm to clear our heads.
- [19:19]
B
Now we go out and feed the horses. We're really connecting to the horses, and they jump around with joy, and we give them carrots and little horse cookies, and they're just.
- [19:28]
A
You could do an Instagram about your horses, and people would like it. They like to calm down in life.
- [19:34]
B
Well, horses calm you down. I mean, they're not the sharpest knife in the drawer. They're not the crispiest chip in the bag, but they're adorable. And one is going to have a baby in July, and I'll be out there, and my Instagram's going to blow up. You wanted action.
- [19:51]
A
Here's a Fourth of July baby. They're not the brightest bulb on the Strip.
- [19:56]
B
What's the best way to say someone's not very smart?
- [19:59]
A
I like brightest bulb on the Strip because there's so many light bulbs in Las Vegas.
- [20:03]
B
I like this one because it doesn't totally make sense. They're not the crispiest chip in the bag.
- [20:08]
A
I like it. Yeah.
- [20:10]
B
Like, what would we say about Heather? I'm very crispy.
- [20:13]
A
She's super crispy. Yeah.
- [20:15]
B
Good. She is. Heather's got game today. I can tell. She's a little.
- [20:22]
A
Speaking of chips, when I went to get my 32 chips out of the mini bar, I noticed that they said they were healthy. Did I already tell you this?
- [20:32]
B
What kind were they? Were they baked?
- [20:34]
A
Well, first of all, it only has three ingredients. And I was like, that's good, because mine have 75,000. So I said, three is healthier. And the only ingredients. You could tell me, okay, potatoes, salt, cancer. So I'm like, most of the ingredients.
- [20:51]
B
I like the third one. I'm just going to go out. It's a hard take. I'm going to go out on a limb. I don't like the third one. I like the first two.
- [20:57]
A
It has potatoes, salt, Lou Gehrig disease. I'm like, most of them are good for you.
- [21:04]
B
Potato, salt. Facial paralysis.
- [21:07]
A
Yeah.
- [21:07]
B
I don't like it.
- [21:08]
A
Yeah, potatoes are a vegetable. Salt, you can have some salt.
- [21:13]
B
But let me ask you a question. Jerry Seinfeld hated when I'd say that. Don't ask me a question, just ask.
- [21:20]
A
That's why I'm here.
- [21:23]
B
Love, Jerry. So you kind of like you're going to the hotel and you go, I'm not going to harvest the mini bar. I'm not going to harvest the mini bar. I'm going to leave it alone. Sometimes I try to get it cleaned out, but a lot of times it's there, it's waiting. So you have a 13 hour travel day, a delayed flight. You're we're going to like chop all that. By the time you get there, all that promise to yourself goes out the window. You're in the corner with just your underwear on with a Snickers bar, a Heineken and some lace potato chips, crying. Has that ever happened to you or.
- [21:59]
A
Yeah, I'm literally just chewing it out of the mini bar because I'm too. I don't have time to grab it.
- [22:04]
B
I know. Well, they line up all the, it's, it's really, it's every kind of hedonistic thing. You could have the chips, everything, soda, booze, just vodka. I don't touch any of that. But like you do.
- [22:19]
A
They've got also, it's mostly where my friends just say, oh, there's some free candy. And then they just load up like a Halloween. They put it in a pillowcase and I go, I think I, I pay for this. They go, well, you do? Yeah. Free for me.
- [22:36]
B
I know they.
- [22:37]
A
But then I go, I go, let's go out in the hallway to the maid cart or as I call it, the gift shop. And then I go, I'll take a little shampoo, a water, a towel.
- [22:52]
B
Well, I ordered a large bottle of sparkling water. Guess what it was. 47 $5. No, what? It was over 30.
- [23:02]
A
Yeah. I love. I wanted to under guess to make your story really pop. Summer is finally here and honestly completely changes the way I look at my closet. I find myself reaching for those things that are lighter, obviously more breathable.
- [23:20]
B
Absolutely.
- [23:20]
A
Pieces that feel easy but still look polished enough for meeting or a patio hang. That's why I'm such a fan of quints. They specialize in high quality essentials like soft organic cotton, airy linen. Feels nice without that staggering luxury markup.
- [23:36]
B
I'm with you.
- [23:37]
A
I just got their Mongolian cashmere tea. Very soft, perfect weight for the summer evenings when the breeze picks up and I Collect my thoughts.
- [23:48]
B
You know, David, their European linen pants and shirts are also total staple starting at just $34.
- [23:57]
A
Sounds crazy.
- [23:57]
B
34. Quince keeps their prices 50 to 80% less than other brands by partnering directly with with the ethical factories and cutting out the middlemen. They even have everything from upholstered sofas to premium bedding. If you're looking to upgrade your space.
- [24:15]
A
Yep. Elevate your summer wardrobe, go to quince.com fly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.com fly for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com fly all right. You know about energy.
- [24:34]
B
Yeah.
- [24:36]
A
Look, keeping your energy up, staying locked in is a must. Yep. But your daily caffeine just got a massive flavor upgrade. 5 hour energy shots are delivering tasty caffeine and a variety of bold flavors. Giving you as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee. But with zero sugar and zero sugar. Crash.
- [24:56]
B
Mm.
- [24:56]
A
Right now I'm completely hooked on how they have ignited my taste buds with nostalgic freezer pop classic. Reimagined as a delicious firework freeze five hour energy shot. Remember that? Freezer pop?
- [25:12]
B
Yeah. Oh, yeah. This thing is a total game changer. Combining juice, cherry, citrusy lime and candy like blue raspberry to create a bold flavor explosion in every single sip. It delivers that exact iconic freezer pop flavor you crave with none of the sugar. All packed into a portable pocket size shot you can take anywhere. You can spark a tasty flavor sensation with these incredible shots today. Ignite your taste buds with a firework freeze flavored five hour energy shot. Now available online at five hour energy.com or Amazon. I want to do something right now because I. I just thought it'd be fun to do it as more of a reoccurring. This is Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo news. And I'll start. And David's going to play Scooby Doo. And I'll play. What's this guy?
- [26:07]
A
The guy's name Shaggy.
- [26:08]
B
Shaggy. Well, Scoob, the strait of hormones is still closed. If it doesn't open up soon, gas prices are going to stay high. And that'll be tough on the midterms for the Republicans.
- [26:23]
A
Is guitar man.
- [26:27]
B
You're supposed to say ruh row.
- [26:29]
A
Ruh row. Scooby's getting smarter. He's really thinking things through. He's wondering one of the other countries how they feel.
- [26:37]
B
Heather, give us another News story.
- [26:40]
A
And you're gonna do Scooby news.
- [26:41]
B
Yeah.
- [26:42]
A
Oh, boy.
- [26:43]
B
Any story.
- [26:45]
A
David's not allowed to turn off the
- [26:47]
B
AC in his hotel rooms, ever.
- [26:48]
A
Oh, I couldn't turn off the AC in my hotel.
- [26:51]
B
Well, geez, geez, G. Scoob, comedian David Spade isn't allowed to turn the air conditioning off in his hotel rooms. R R. There you go.
- [27:03]
A
I got it. I like 76.
- [27:08]
B
No, just. That's your punchline.
- [27:13]
A
Oh, it is, Yeah. I will tell you, now that we're getting into this. I did not want to get into this. Oh, boy, these are big problems. When I went to bed. Have you ever had a light you couldn't turn off when you're on the road and you can't figure it out? So you go to sleep with a light on in your room.
- [27:30]
B
Yes. Or curtains you can't close.
- [27:32]
A
Right?
- [27:33]
B
Sure, sure.
- [27:34]
A
So I had all those things. Plus I usually get it wired by the second night, but I'm usually gone by the second night. So my ac, for some reason, I can't find the off switch. And Nikki has the same kind of room. Like, Nikki, Nikki, help me. She said, mine has an off switch. I was like, it doesn't have an off switch. Right. Or I can't find it.
- [27:56]
B
Well, where. Did she tell you where to look for it?
- [27:59]
A
No, it was too embarrassed to go back for a second. She's like. She probably got off the phone and goes, this doesn't know how to find off on the, you know, ac. So I left it at that. I don't. She looks up to me like I'm some tough guy, you know, So I gotta keep that rep.
- [28:16]
B
I know, I know.
- [28:18]
A
Everyone does.
- [28:18]
B
Yeah. So party.
- [28:20]
A
I call down, the maintenance guy comes up and he goes, oh, yeah, we can turn this off. We do it from an iPad. Why is that peculiar to me? Yeah. I'm living in Nazi Germany.
- [28:36]
B
That's the problem. Those big fancy suites. Yeah. Because you can't just open the curtain. There's all kinds of code and everything.
- [28:45]
A
Yeah. So it's like opening a safe anyway. God forbid I even remember to bring my key to my goddamn room. It's a 22,000 step trek to the front desk.
- [28:55]
B
If you've done a two mile trek and you get your key, you're done to the gig. You're exhausted. And it.
- [29:00]
A
Yeah, yeah. It doesn't go. And you got to go down or you.
- [29:05]
B
You find a phone in the hallway. Excuse me. Excuse me. That's just room seven. Have you tried. Tried opening the door? They Never believe you. Have you tried turning the knob?
- [29:17]
A
We'll have security up there in 44 minutes. I'm always like laying on the carpet when they come in.
- [29:24]
B
And that's been Road Stories. I'm trying to brand our segments, but I want to bring up the subject because it's been. I think you might have a hot take on it. The, the, the increasing use in the media of the word slop. Slop has always been around, but if you notice the last 10 weeks, it's just that slop. This is slope. What do you think slop means?
- [29:56]
A
You know, this is a good question and I wasn't ready for it, but I have to say I have caught myself seeing that word and going, I didn't think it was catching on, but I think it is.
- [30:09]
B
Oh, I see.
- [30:10]
A
You use the sentence, just tell the viewers like a weird. That's when I go, is this something people are saying now?
- [30:18]
B
If you see some kind of live streaming show or something. Oh, that's just slop. You know, that's just slop. Yeah.
- [30:26]
A
You see a comedian not put together well.
- [30:30]
B
Yeah, just his new materials. Just slop. It's nothing to do with you, though. Just because I'm looking at you. Yeah, nothing to do with you because
- [30:39]
A
everyone at the show this weekend said my act was slop and I thought it was flattering.
- [30:44]
B
But this, this offends me because actually in olden days, in cowboy times, you know, you'd have like, they'd put all this, whatever they had left and just serve like beans and rice and corn and a carrot or two and they would call it slop. Now they're applying it to media and we loved it. And we loved it. In my day, we didn't have flame retardant sleepwear. If you went to bed smoking, you woke up engulfed in flames. Whoop dee doo. I'm a burning corpse and I love it.
- [31:21]
A
My day, we didn't have flaming hot Cheetos.
- [31:23]
B
We swallowed red ants. Just so people know, this is the grumpy Old man, an old guy who just loves the past. And I, I'm working on one where he's going to talk about, you know, social media and Bluetooth and stuff. But there was a time when David, this guy, David Spade wrote for me a little bit. And you wrote a grumpy old man joke that still works. Yeah, it was something about, in my day, we didn't have latex condoms. You took a rabbit, skimmed and tied it off with a bungee cord. And you use the same one over and over again. And we loved it. I think that was your joke.
- [32:10]
A
That's right. Bungee cord is a funny term to
- [32:12]
B
put bungee cord and a rabbit skin over a bunch of rabbit pelt.
- [32:21]
A
Well, I like Flamin Hot Cheetos. We had. We chewed up fire ants and we loved it. Then we were helicoptered out.
- [32:30]
B
That was the turn. That was Bob Odenkirk's turn with that. Because we were all sitting around riffing it, you know, coming up with it. And the turn was that the guy talks about how bad it was, but they loved it.
- [32:42]
A
Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's where it was.
- [32:43]
B
And we loved it.
- [32:44]
A
Yeah. The turn is that we love it. We don't complain. We're complaining, but then we say, no, we love it.
- [32:49]
B
But you know, I'm gonna do stuff
- [32:51]
A
like you're gonna go, we didn't have AI.
- [32:55]
B
We didn't have cell phones. Wait, look at me. I've got friends. I had one friend. I wrote him a letter once a year and I. And I never met him. He lived three miles away. But that's the way it was. Liked it?
- [33:14]
A
You liked it or we loved it?
- [33:15]
B
I could go either way. I'm not, but you know, you should
- [33:18]
A
like, like, like and on your closer.
- [33:20]
B
We loved it. Yeah. And it's all about the show. We didn't have comedians on stage struggling to. To land a joke before they get off. We petered out to silence and random booze. And that was the way it was. And we liked it. Wait, we loved it? Yeah.
- [33:38]
A
We didn't have comedians. We had one random guy would light himself on fire. We laughed and laughed.
- [33:47]
B
Yeah. We didn't have a comedian in town. We had a guy we called Smart Ass. His name was Smarty Ass and he was the funniest guy around. So what, we're done with that one?
- [34:02]
A
No, I just run out of jokes.
- [34:03]
B
Yeah, I know.
- [34:05]
A
Should we go to stories?
- [34:06]
B
Let's. Let's go to stories.
- [34:08]
A
They can have it in you.
- [34:09]
B
We got a big day ahead of us. Oh, by the way, would you. On the beach, would you rather have David Spade shows his jaw dropping physique or David Spade flaunts his incredible abs? If you were at the beach and got a got on Daily Mail.
- [34:25]
A
Oh, it's better than busting display. I'm taking seriously. I don't want any picture my shirt up. I'll never take my shirt off at the beach again.
- [34:35]
B
Do you ever notice? Did you ever notice how guys who lived in the gym, no matter what their shirts coming off? Hey, look, the cloud went away.
- [34:45]
A
Look, it came back. Comes off anyway. No, they touch the sand.
- [34:55]
B
Yeah. We'll never know what's beneath that.
- [34:57]
A
I don't know. I'm too scared. I've gotten bad pictures on the beach. I don't like it.
- [35:01]
B
Okay, here we go, Sam.
- [35:03]
A
One of your favorites. Sam Elliott.
- [35:05]
B
Love him.
- [35:06]
A
Did something I didn't know he did.
- [35:08]
B
Okay, well, no, you were Smokey the Bear. Well, apparently you do. Only you can prevent wildfires. You know what was interesting is I've been doing that voice for a long time. Not the commercials that they're doing now. Now he's very talkative. He's. Yeah.
- [35:27]
A
Like, he talks too much.
- [35:30]
B
I'm just amazed by his voice. I was born on the same day and year that that campaign began.
- [35:39]
A
Wow. On the exact same day.
- [35:41]
B
On the exact same day. When was that alien intervention?
- [35:45]
A
Wow. Unbelievable.
- [35:47]
B
Yeah, 1944.
- [35:50]
A
44. So he's 88 years old. Okay. He. I like. You know what he used to say? Only you can prevent forest fires.
- [36:03]
B
Right?
- [36:03]
A
And now it's wildfires.
- [36:06]
B
Oh, wildfires. And now it's like only you can prevent climate change.
- [36:14]
A
Oh, yeah. What about this one? Ace is a place with the helpful hardware man.
- [36:21]
B
Well, that's. That's non sequitur. We're moving on from Smokey the Bear to.
- [36:26]
A
To now. Ace is a place with the helpful hardware folks.
- [36:32]
B
Ace is a place with the careful hard on man.
- [36:36]
A
Ace is a place where the helpful hardware people that are employees. But we don't want to offend you.
- [36:41]
B
I gave you a sex joke and you didn't even go for it.
- [36:43]
A
I. I don't like wiener jokes anymore. And I don't like when you do them all the time.
- [36:47]
B
Okay, let me make a note because I won't remember.
- [36:51]
A
No, I switched it around.
- [36:52]
B
Jokes.
- [36:53]
A
No, I do a lot of wiener jokes. I almost said that the, the mini bars have like Blue Chew, Viagra and boner pills. They have a lot of stuff in there that you.
- [37:04]
B
Oh, they have an intimacy kit some of these hotels. A little box with just intimacy toys.
- [37:10]
A
I know intimacy.
- [37:11]
B
I've never opened it. Can you tell me what's in it?
- [37:14]
A
I like when the hooker says, is there anything for intimacy? When we make love in a minute,
- [37:21]
B
is there anything in here for not gagging? When we make love?
- [37:24]
A
Is there any intimacy gags? And whips.
- [37:30]
B
Yeah, they have a whip, but it's only. It's only this long, so it doesn't really do much.
- [37:35]
A
Can you grab me one of those intimacy butt plugs? Okay, that's far. Too far. Too far.
- [37:39]
B
Oh, wiener and butt plugs we have now. Ding, ding, ding, ding. You started it.
- [37:43]
A
And then I went back, I said, oh, open season.
- [37:45]
B
I just want $300,000 on Polymart. I bet that you would say wiener.
- [37:51]
A
Why don't we get sponsored by them? We could think of the dumbest bets
- [37:54]
B
that you would say wiener above plugs during this exact episode within three seconds of each other. So for that, I say thank you.
- [38:03]
A
I say thank you. Thank you.
- [38:04]
B
Whereas G would say thank you.
- [38:09]
A
My name's G. My name's G. Do you stop? Where's the Garth wig? I was just saying that. Where's the Garth wig? I have a Joe Dirt wig.
- [38:19]
B
You know what? The original. Original. I don't know where it is, but you know, funny.
- [38:26]
A
Funnily enough, Garth would never get a summer cut, by the way.
- [38:32]
B
No, Garth is like Batman or Superman. He's got a uniform. It's the flannel, the T shirt, that hair and those glasses.
- [38:39]
A
Look at his face.
- [38:42]
B
I know. Look how buffante that is.
- [38:45]
A
I know. Buffante ism. I like.
- [38:47]
B
That's a terrible buffanti. Heather, what would you like Garth to say to you? You're looking good, Heather. Hey, Heather, Hope you don't mind me saying this, but you're looking good.
- [38:59]
A
Sexual harassment.
- [39:00]
B
Swing. Swing.
- [39:02]
A
Swing is harassment for sure.
- [39:07]
B
Yeah. This podcast is so funny. I love it. I love it.
- [39:14]
A
Oh, that's a new one. I like that he's mid laugh in that photo.
- [39:17]
B
Yeah, it's a very happy. Yeah. Hey, David Spade, nice to see you again. How many pushups can you do? That guy did 100 because he's a baby man. Yeah. And back when I was in my prime, I do 6 million push ups in my pectorals would be like garbage can size. You should see my rhomboids. Now all I do is wear a tuxedo. Every day I put on my tuxedo and that's the way I did speed in case you guys need me for the podcast. David Spade, I could very easily take your little chicken arms and make us make a little chicken stew out of them.
- [39:57]
A
Chicken stew. Funny. I like it.
- [40:02]
B
You do?
- [40:03]
A
Yeah, I do like that.
- [40:04]
B
All right, all right, we're talking.
- [40:07]
A
All right, next story, next one.
- [40:09]
B
Then I'll come back with a puppet.
- [40:12]
A
Oh, hang on.
- [40:13]
B
Okay, good girl, Kiki.
- [40:14]
A
Oh, cute.
- [40:16]
B
Oh, it's a dog and a little. A little lambs in a little cart.
- [40:20]
A
Mary had a little lamb and he
- [40:22]
B
had a. Oh, and he can steer.
- [40:25]
A
Is Kiki Doing it.
- [40:27]
B
Is he steering the cart?
- [40:28]
A
The little Kiki? Yeah.
- [40:31]
B
Geez. It's good girl.
- [40:33]
A
Let's see if she can parallel park. Solid hype man too.
- [40:41]
B
I think it's a. A lamb on a platform. Oh, Kiki.
- [40:48]
A
I'm jealous. With all that land.
- [40:52]
B
Then you would be jealous of me.
- [40:54]
A
I. I am jealous.
- [40:55]
B
Whoops. Turn, Kiki. You're gonna kill a rabbit.
- [41:01]
A
What if she flipped and exploded? Kiki, get away from the gas truck.
- [41:10]
B
Kiki. Kiki, Fly like you did yesterday when I dropped acid. Kiki, please fly.
- [41:18]
A
What was I gonna say? Something on the new house.
- [41:20]
B
That's when people have a lot of spare time. What do you think we should do today? I don't know. They put Kiki on some kind of. Put some wheels under there. A little electric thing we control it with. Just have her go around.
- [41:30]
A
Kiki can't walk. Is that the problem? Or Kiki's just having some fun.
- [41:35]
B
What do we think, Kiki?
- [41:37]
A
Legs don't work probably.
- [41:39]
B
No. I think Kiki was just napping up there and they could remove it around. I don't think Kiki was steering it. I don't think Kiki knows what was going on.
- [41:47]
A
Kiki, don't lose that number. All right, let's try another one.
- [41:50]
B
Okay.
- [41:50]
A
Come on. We did good. Kiki was interesting.
- [41:54]
B
I don't believe that. That. That goat nuke. Anything's going on. Goodbye.
- [42:01]
A
Tell me if you would do this. Tears. Hold on. Let's see.
- [42:05]
B
Is that what you like? Stuff about a goat on a cartoon.
- [42:09]
A
I like different things. Go ahead.
- [42:13]
B
Okay. Sorry.
- [42:14]
A
This is bungee. Would you do this other. All right, so keep your head nice and tucked in. Keep your legs nice and relaxed. All right, you ready? 3, 2, 1. Would you trust it though?
- [42:34]
B
Well, wait a minute. It's supposed to go. Go down and then come back.
- [42:37]
A
It's just. No. There's no bungee.
- [42:39]
B
Oh, there's no bungee. Let me see it again.
- [42:41]
A
I'm hoping they hit that mini tramp. Not a chance.
- [42:49]
B
It's all dingy and a little bit of wind.
- [42:51]
A
Cuz everyone's got diarrhea when they hit. All right, you ready? Three, two.
- [43:03]
B
Heather.
- [43:04]
A
Heather takes her yes back. Now it's a no. She. She's done. Have you ever jumped out of plane? Dana? Or. No.
- [43:13]
B
Jumped out of plane?
- [43:14]
A
No.
- [43:14]
B
I'm scared. I'm nervous in the plane. Why would I add to it? Jump out.
- [43:19]
A
Yeah. You're like.
- [43:20]
B
But would you go on that ride at Six Flags where they bring you up and then they. You know, then you just free drop.
- [43:28]
A
No, no. I went there with Harper once and she's like, let's go. In the car crash, it's like you. You go 90 miles an hour and hit like a telephone pole. I'm like, what People are calling lawyers. You're like, on this. Pick you up off the wheel. That's what I want to do.
- [43:46]
B
I went to a go kart place in Montana and it's kind of these rednecks, okay, here's your guy. Get in your go kart. And then they joined us in the go kart. Me and my friends. So suddenly they're challenging us. Turnouts were just running the cash r. Suddenly they're going racing us. So I got real competitive. It was a. I had a friend next to me, so it was a two thing. And I went around, I swooped him and I go. The hunter becomes the hunted.
- [44:11]
A
Now the teachers become the pupil.
- [44:13]
B
Whoops. The students become the principal. And then maybe we'll become the county controller.
- [44:21]
A
Now the city comptroller becomes the comp troller. I couldn't think of another stupid one.
- [44:29]
B
I know.
- [44:30]
A
By the way, the city of Newport might blow up. No, city of.
- [44:35]
B
What is it this time?
- [44:37]
A
Orange County. There's a. Not a reactor, but there's something that was so full this weekend and hot. They said we're just going to casually evacuate 40,000 people. And that's probably. Here's the trick, though. It's 10 miles away. Well, from LA it's probably 30, 40 miles. Right? They said in a 10 mile radius. You have to get out. You know what they didn't clear out? Disneyland.
- [45:12]
B
What? So 40,000 citizens, taxpayers, has to be shepherded out and shitty buses go wherever.
- [45:21]
A
We don't give a. Just leave.
- [45:23]
B
But if you're in a teacup and there's a wall of toxic mud coming out, you just spin around.
- [45:29]
A
It smells funny.
- [45:31]
B
I know when it happened though, because. And I'm not making this up, but they changed the theme song to that little cave ride. They go, it's a stinky world after all.
- [45:42]
A
It's a chemical world that you're breathing.
- [45:46]
B
I didn't get that.
- [45:47]
A
I can't think.
- [45:49]
B
I know. It's.
- [45:50]
A
It's a poison world in this radius.
- [45:53]
B
It's. It's a poisonous world after all. Please exit to the right and get
- [45:59]
A
out of here on the floor and don't wake up.
- [46:02]
B
Yeah, the sewage hut will be waiting for you. And after that the plastic punishment room.
- [46:08]
A
That's good. It's. It's something chemical and they said, over. There's three of these. Did you hear about this or not? There's three.
- [46:15]
B
No, I did, but not in detail. I didn't.
- [46:18]
A
The biggest one that was going to blow up, they sent a fireman in over the weekend or a couple, and they found that the thermometer I'm hearing only goes to 100. If it goes over a hundred or how much it goes is bad. It stopped, but it hit 100. But they don't know how much higher.
- [46:35]
B
So it might explode at that point. Yeah.
- [46:38]
A
Oh, and then they found good news, Danny. You wouldn't think it because you're dumb, but there's a crack. And so they said that's actually letting some of the air out of the balloon.
- [46:49]
B
Okay.
- [46:51]
A
Now, poison air, but it's also saving it from going fly back. So they said it might still break and spill over the parking lot and be chemical poison. But they're trying to tone it down. These are the things you just never think about. And then you're like, why isn't.
- [47:11]
B
Well, did you kind of work at a chemical plant or something? You seem to have comprehensive knowledge about this.
- [47:17]
A
I've seen Silkwood.
- [47:19]
B
Yeah, you've seen Silkwood and you've met Cher.
- [47:23]
A
I've seen Silkwood and I've taken a naked shower and scrubbed myself with a steel wool brush like Meryl Streep.
- [47:29]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [47:30]
A
Remember that scene?
- [47:31]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [47:31]
A
Like this. Because she got nuclear waste.
- [47:36]
B
Or as Trump would call it, dust. We got to get the dust. We did the dust.
- [47:41]
A
It's gonna blow up straight.
- [47:44]
B
A Hormuz straight over. He's.
- [47:48]
A
He didn't go to that wedding this weekend.
- [47:50]
B
Did he have more better things to do than go to the wedding?
- [47:53]
A
Yeah, I mean, I think. I think optically, you can't go to a wedding, right?
- [48:00]
B
I think so.
- [48:01]
A
Looks bad. And they moved the wedding from the White House to somewhere else, but, oh, that was his.
- [48:10]
B
His son getting married, Right. And Baron didn't. Didn't go to the wedding, Everyone.
- [48:17]
A
Was he too tall?
- [48:19]
B
Yeah, I knew. There's some. I don't know, and I don't know if it's true, but I love to gossip. No one gives a gut. Oh, no. I'm still Billy Bob Thornton.
- [48:27]
A
Where. What are you doing? You've lost.
- [48:30]
B
Yeah.
- [48:31]
A
No one gives a goddamn.
- [48:32]
B
No one gives a. About sewage. God damn it, lady. You can either suck my dick or step on my dick, but make up your mind.
- [48:41]
A
Is that what he says in Landman Land, man?
- [48:43]
B
He says some stuff like, no, but yeah, love it when sewage, you know, belongs in a container. When it gets out, you know, I get nauseous, you know, because. No, you're a wonderful chemical alchemy. Admit poisoning is not my favorite activity. I'd rather be dryly humping in the next room.
- [49:02]
A
You, I like the stewage belongs in a container.
- [49:07]
B
Yeah, okay.
- [49:08]
A
That's very true. All right, next one. Next one. Next.
- [49:12]
B
Sewage on the loose is not a good thing.
- [49:14]
A
Sewage talk. Dana, have you ever caught yourself mid sentence? And thank you. Wow. Maybe I shouldn't have had that extra coffee this morning. Yeah, you have. Yeah, I have too. Or that time I realized my flossing game was more of an optional hobby than a routine habit. It's funny how little things in your mouth can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. And that's exactly why I love what Smile Generation does. They're a community of trusted dental professionals who help people understand the connection between oral health and overall health. Because what happens in your mouth doesn't just stay there. It affects your heart, your brain, and your overall well being.
- [49:56]
B
Oral health issues have even been linked to long term conditions like heart disease, diabetes and Alzheimer's. So caring for your smile really is caring for your whole self. And there's a special confidence that comes from being proactive. Regular exams and screenings can catch potential concerns early, sometimes before you even notice symptoms.
- [50:18]
A
Yeah. To learn more about the connection between oral health and Overall Health, visit SmileGeneration.comFly that's SmileGeneration.comFly to learn more about the mouth body connection and find a trusted provider near you. Study and play Come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students
- [50:42]
B
get the best of both worlds.
- [50:45]
A
Get the unreal college deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox game Pass ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more@windows.com studentoffer while supplies last ends
- [51:01]
B
June 30th terms at aka mscollegepc. Tomorrow morning is knocking. Stock your fridge now. How about a creamy mocha frappuccino drink? Or a sprinkle sweet vanilla smooth caramel maybe? Or white chocolate mocha.
- [51:14]
A
Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits.
- [51:17]
B
Find Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries. All right.
- [51:24]
A
Oh, an older rhino wandered into a town. I like rhinos.
- [51:30]
B
An older rhino who loves to wander into town. In my day, we didn't have food. We didn't have wandering £5,000 beast.
- [51:41]
A
They decided you Know, I'd probably stay out of his way, let him roam.
- [51:45]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [51:48]
A
Just. Oh, he picked up the pace. Yeah. No. Oh, is another rhino.
- [51:57]
B
Oh, they're. They're. They're mating. That's. That's flirtation.
- [52:00]
A
That's how I flirt.
- [52:01]
B
Yeah, yeah. That's Nikki Glazer finding who's gonna go on first.
- [52:09]
A
Yeah, exactly.
- [52:13]
B
I'll go on for you like this.
- [52:15]
A
Someone just go on. Enough.
- [52:21]
B
They're just playing, Daddy. Oh, the dog is going.
- [52:26]
A
I'm used to rhinos just spinning their tail up. We got a squirter. I hope they're making.
- [52:36]
B
This is about a woman. They're fucking fighting to see who gets to mate with the female. It's always about a woman.
- [52:43]
A
I thought it was just about a rhino roaming around at first, but I
- [52:46]
B
would have just said, I don't think I'd bother me. I. Yeah, I don't mind the love games you're playing, but maybe you could, you know, quiet it down. Just a wee tab, because, you know, my hearing aids just exploded.
- [53:00]
A
Why is that so funny? I love it.
- [53:02]
B
Oh, something about Woody Allen. Yeah.
- [53:04]
A
You know, I do like the way the dirt kind of builds up in the cracks in your skin.
- [53:11]
B
I guess it's because he was one of. I guess, the first to kind of claim that sort of complaining. The way he would leap at it, like, no, I. No, you're great, but, you know, I'm allergic to Pablum. I just. My. My analyst doesn't think I should have a bowl of pab in the morning.
- [53:28]
A
But, please, let's. Let's not drive straight into the oncoming traffic.
- [53:34]
B
You got. You got 300 cardboard cutouts in that closet of yours.
- [53:39]
A
I get up, Dennis sees the show, he goes, what the happened to these two?
- [53:43]
B
Yeah, it's just. I guess they used to call it jumping the shark, but it's a little past that. I think it's arm wrestling a blue whale. I think we're getting to that level.
- [53:54]
A
Even the shark took off. Not for me. All right, Another story, and then we'll get out of here.
- [54:01]
B
Yeah, let's get.
- [54:02]
A
I gotta always have to get out of here. We got.
- [54:03]
B
Yeah, let's make it nice and sweet for the people.
- [54:06]
A
Okay. This is. I don't know what. People fall.
- [54:14]
B
So he's playing that. And on a ski lift, he just
- [54:17]
A
waits till people fall.
- [54:19]
B
So people fall and he plays that.
- [54:21]
A
That's kind of funny.
- [54:22]
B
That's. You know, it's kind of like, what are you gonna do today? You know, I don't know. Well, maybe I'll do that.
- [54:29]
A
Did you bring your trombone?
- [54:30]
B
Yes. Yeah. Can you do the negative? Like someone just up or fell down, you mean?
- [54:38]
A
Here's Dana. This is easier to carry on the lift.
- [54:42]
B
This is Dave. This is my audio representation of your set at Caesars. Ladies and gentlemen, David sp.
- [54:53]
A
Then you hear my theme song come out.
- [54:55]
B
What is.
- [54:56]
A
What song do you come out to?
- [54:58]
B
I do different ones. All I. For a while I got on Suspicious Minds. I don't know why. Oh, that's right, because it makes me laugh. You come on.
- [55:06]
A
Where was the big screw up where we had Suspicious Minds and it wasn't coming out for Dana or something. Oh, is that the live podcast? They brought it out for Chris Rock instead, I think. Right.
- [55:18]
B
I just came out.
- [55:20]
A
We were already out there. It was some. Yeah, but you know, they're trying to do the right thing, but we have. Hell, here's a song they'll get mad if they don't play. When they come out, we're just like, pick some dopey song I have in Vegas live. My home in Norfolk 24 said, oh, no, it's Elvis singing Promised Land.
- [55:37]
B
Oh, really? Elvis too? We're both doing Elvis.
- [55:39]
A
Darn near.
- [55:41]
B
Well, sometimes if the music is too cool, like I would do Enter Sandman by Metallica. Don't, don't, don't. And it was so intense. And then it would cut off and be like. I felt like I was a squeaky little freak out there. Hey, everybody. And then the second before that. You just want that to keep going tonight.
- [56:00]
A
And then you go, hello, I'm Dana.
- [56:03]
B
Yeah, great heavy metal band, you know, decibels of 12. And now I'll. I'll do my soft shenanigans for an hour and a half to silence Left
- [56:13]
A
my hearing in the room.
- [56:15]
B
No, it's a perfectly good song. It's just that, you know, I'd like to have something like follow, you know. But yeah, you don't want to be too much. Louis CK just walks out, I think. Does Nikki have a theme? Nikki Glaser?
- [56:28]
A
She does, but I can't remember it. She intros me. Oh, she does. Good girl by her.
- [56:36]
B
Well, that's her. Wasn't that name of her special Good?
- [56:39]
A
Yeah. And then she has a song she wrote for it.
- [56:41]
B
She wrote a song and they. And they made me put music to it and everything. That's kind of.
- [56:45]
A
She wrote a song? Yeah, she. She's actually a good guitar player. Musician.
- [56:49]
B
Really? I gotta write a song.
- [56:53]
A
Oh, it's always Taylor Swift. And you know what happened one of the nights they mixed up and put Taylor Swift's Good Girl because she loves. Oh, is it Carrie Underwoods? Oh, they put the wrong one because.
- [57:05]
B
Oh, oh, I just got it. There's 1238 songs recorded and released with the title Good Girl.
- [57:14]
A
Well, Nikki's is great. I'm gonna start walking out to it. You see, she gives me good intros, though, I have to say, Nikki, it gives a good intro.
- [57:27]
B
Well, I tried to do the whole, you know, sort of UFC thing, David.
- [57:35]
A
Oh, yeah. You know that I try to sabotage you. I go, this next guy, whatever, Dana, I don't know.
- [57:41]
B
Yeah, some guys think he's funny. Just. It'll be over in 45. I'll be back.
- [57:46]
A
I go, just be nice, you guys, be nice.
- [57:48]
B
Yeah, he's a beginner. Do you ever have find this like, you're in the hotel room, you got the gig that night, you're looking at your notes, and all of a sudden you start going, God, this needs a tag. This needs. Like this. And you start writing a lot of jokes right before you go on.
- [58:03]
A
Scary. But yeah, yeah, I did something new at Vegas that night because the crowd is so good the first night when they're good, you can think more and you go, you know, I bet I could squeak this one in. And they wouldn't punish me because they're really on the vibe. And sometimes, like at the Comedy Store last week, I was going to try three things, and after the first one, I go, nope, they were not buying.
- [58:26]
B
I know. It's the energy rides it. Like, I have two tags or one tag that I like. It's. It's the bit about tentra. Does your tongue seem smaller than it used to be?
- [58:38]
A
I do like this.
- [58:39]
B
Side effects include elongated torso, thick, matted stomach, hair, and sudden anal closure. And then I wanted to do one Closure. Do your hands. It's diseases that they feel like they're making up. You see the commercial. Do your hands contort spontaneously into offensive positions. You may be suffering from flip offia. Hey, honey, want to go to the beach? Sure.
- [59:08]
A
It's like Tourette's,
- [59:12]
B
right? Honey, do you do the raspberry thun thumb down sign spontaneously in embarrassing moments? Hey, honey, want to go to the beach?
- [59:24]
A
No, you go. It's hard to explain. Honey, guess what today is? Our anniversary.
- [59:31]
B
Better. It should be something sentimental, but it's like you're trying to stop. Oh, yeah, it's our anniversary. Oh, that's great. Honey, you might be suffering from raspberry thumb Down. But it's like it's a disease, you
- [59:47]
A
know, I used to this.
- [59:51]
B
What was that about?
- [59:52]
A
You hit the. You hit the button. Want to go to a concert.
- [59:59]
B
Okay, but these are things you don't want to happen.
- [60:02]
A
No, I know. This is different. Okay, one more then I.
- [60:07]
B
One more.
- [60:08]
A
You go do nothing.
- [60:10]
B
I'm gonna go hike up a mountain. Okay, here we go.
- [60:17]
A
I can do what I want. Master Classic. A couple days ago this 37 year
- [60:23]
B
old man was throwing rocks in danger.
- [60:26]
A
37 year old man was throwing rocks by the community.
- [60:28]
B
A local recorded it, confronted him.
- [60:30]
A
Now this is in Hawaii where you don't.
- [60:33]
B
Throwing rocks at us is a large
- [60:35]
A
part of the reason he went viral.
- [60:36]
B
So. Okay, if a fine won't hurt you,
- [60:40]
A
we'll just broadcast your name, phone number, address and the name of the business. Don't do something they doc I can
- [60:46]
B
imagine has been quite the headache for him, but I like that guy. Manhunt for him and served him a
- [60:52]
A
bit of street justice before his vacation ended.
- [60:54]
B
He's now also under a federal and state investigation and is looking at a
- [60:58]
A
fine of up to 50,000. And he's being hung by his nut sack in Times Square.
- [61:04]
B
Well, for throwing a rock at a sea lion. Was that what he did?
- [61:09]
A
Well, he changed his story a little bit. He said he was trying to scare it off or something. He thought it was a shark. But anyway, I think the beating was enough. But then they go. We went and beat up his wife and kids also. But in Hawaii they don't play around with that if you're.
- [61:28]
B
We kidnapped him and flew him to Cambodia.
- [61:31]
A
Yeah.
- [61:31]
B
And we strung him up under a hula tree where the local natives threw rocks at him for seven hours.
- [61:36]
A
We covered his newborn baby with fire ants. He'll learn his lesson. We had that. We called the seal and the seal was waiting for him and hit him with a rock.
- [61:47]
B
Sea lion. You know the difference between a sea lion and a shark? Because those things are once they get out of the water, they're just like a thousand pounds.
- [61:54]
A
What's the difference between sea lion and a seal? Go. 5, 4, 3.
- [61:57]
B
Sea lions are larger and they sometimes that lion circus because they're lying through their teeth.
- [62:03]
A
Oh, they're lying through their teeth.
- [62:05]
B
Yeah. Sea lion. Hey, the best I could do on short notice.
- [62:10]
A
Yeah, I don't want to hear in the comments how many times I interrupted. Dana, I already know.
- [62:16]
B
Is that. Is that what they say? That you interrupt Dana coffee? Is that what the comments say? Well, why do you keep reading the Comments. If they just make you feel bad, I'm pissed, Morgan.
- [62:25]
A
People would say, well, why don't you stop interrupting them? And there won't be comments. I'd be like, oh, you got me now. Our Chris Rock episode did really well. That was really fun.
- [62:35]
B
One Chris was great. His stuff was good. That's. That's just fun.
- [62:41]
A
Who's coming up? We got. Nealon's coming up. We got Hannah Burner. We've got. Who else we've done that we haven't had? That's not on yet.
- [62:49]
B
I don't know.
- [62:50]
A
Who was I thinking of getting?
- [62:52]
B
I saw an ad TV ad for Pressure with our friend.
- [62:56]
A
Oh, Brendan. That's right.
- [62:58]
B
Yeah.
- [62:59]
A
I'm gonna go see Pressure.
- [63:00]
B
I think it's gonna do well.
- [63:02]
A
I want to see it. You know what's killing it is obsession. Would you see Obsession? This is our last subject. Would you see Obsession?
- [63:08]
B
Give me the byline. What is it again? It's a horror film.
- [63:10]
A
A girl and a guy. I didn't see it, but he's in friend jail with this girl, and he says, I just wish she would. He gets a wish from, like, a fortune.
- [63:21]
B
I like that. Whatever.
- [63:22]
A
That's a good hook.
- [63:23]
B
Yeah.
- [63:23]
A
She would love me more than anyone. And then she loves him too much. I think the poster. She loves him too much.
- [63:31]
B
Well, that's very much a Twilight Zone. Be careful what you wish for. Irony.
- [63:35]
A
Wishing is good. I like that. It's a good hook.
- [63:37]
B
Yeah. Should have been called Wishing.
- [63:39]
A
Should have been called Wishy Washy. And she also works at the laundromat. Yeah.
- [63:45]
B
Should have been called I Dream of Genie Part two.
- [63:48]
A
Yeah. What the.
- [63:49]
B
They would have cleaned up. I'm just saying titles mean something Hollywood.
- [63:53]
A
Except. Yeah. I Dream of Genie we talked about last week, Dice.
- [63:58]
B
Oh. Oh.
- [64:00]
A
But Major Healy wanted nothing to do with Genie. Major Healing, Sweeney in a bottle. And you're like. She's like, hey, want to act out any scenes from Euphoria? And he's like, oh, no, Gene, I have so much paperwork to do.
- [64:14]
B
Yeah, we need a remake of I Dream of Genie starring Sydney Sweeney.
- [64:18]
A
That would be good. Actually. A hard R. Yeah.
- [64:22]
B
You know, I'm a huge fan after that movie. What's it called, Heather? Housemaid's Housekeeper.
- [64:26]
A
Handmaid's Tale.
- [64:27]
B
Handmaid's Tale.
- [64:28]
A
No, it's definitely the something. The housemaid, I think, because it's a term I don't use every day. The housemaid.
- [64:38]
B
Whoops. I guess I predicted it. I whooped. I think it's past 300 million.
- [64:44]
A
It's good. They have a sequel coming. And we were good because we also had Paul Feig, the director. I would love to have Amanda on, but I don't know if she's. She hasn't been on, right?
- [64:51]
B
Amanda, Pete.
- [64:53]
A
Amanda Siegfried. Oh, sign.
- [64:56]
B
Yes. She's crazy brilliant in that.
- [64:59]
A
Yeah, she's good in a lot of stuff. She's all the way back to Mean Girls. She's great.
- [65:04]
B
Let's get her. Let's get her on.
- [65:07]
A
We should read the ones we want to get on and then we'll see if they'll come on. Yeah, but we'll do that.
- [65:12]
B
That'd be awesome. And Paul Feig, big. Be fun to have him on this and just talk about the success of that movie for 10 minutes.
- [65:19]
A
He did. He came on, talked about. Oh, you know what? It was now.
- [65:22]
B
Yeah, you're right.
- [65:24]
A
Yeah. Okay. Dana, it's been lovely having you.
- [65:28]
B
Thanks for coming on.
- [65:30]
A
Yeah.
- [65:30]
B
Hope you'll come on next week if you can. If you're available. This has been the Dana Carter podcast with David Spades.
- [65:37]
A
And I'll see you next week.
- [65:39]
B
See you next week on Sign out, suckers.
- [65:48]
A
Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us review, five star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.
- [65:59]
B
If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.
- [66:04]
A
Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Dan, Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.
- [66:15]
B
Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by
- [66:19]
A
Phil Sweet Tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.
- [66:22]
B
Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney and Lauren Vieira.
- [66:38]
A
Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email us@flyonthewalldecy.com that's a U-A C-Y dot com.