Dana Carvey (2:38)

That's great.

David Spade (2:39)

I said, thanks, Paul. That was really fun.

Dana Carvey (2:40)

That's all you guys talked about.

David Spade (2:42)

All we talked about. I wanted to talk about the Beatles. But he goes, no, let's go back to this. If you do, the first touchdown score doesn't go.

Dana Carvey (2:50)

Yeah, we know.

David Spade (2:51)

We heard.

Dana Carvey (2:51)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David Spade (2:52)

You get a second chance with the score. Second, you get 100% back of your quid. And your pounds.

Dana Carvey (2:58)

And your pounds.

David Spade (3:00)

Listen.

Dana Carvey (3:00)

And pounds. BetMGM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly. BetMGM and Game sense remind you to gamble responsibly. C betmgm.com for terms 21 + only. This U.S. promotional offer not available in Ontario.

David Spade (3:17)

Gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER available in the U.S. for New York, call 877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny 467-369. For Arizona, call 1-800- NEXT STEP for Massachusetts, 1-800-327-5050. For Iowa, 1-800-Bets Off. For Puerto Rico, 1, 800-981-0023. Subject to eligibility requirements in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel. And who's whacking Phoenix? Who the hell is he?

Dana Carvey (3:53)

Who's whacking Phoenix? And his lady goo goo?

David Spade (3:56)

Whacking Phoenix would have got a big laugh.

Dana Carvey (3:58)

Yeah. What happened?

David Spade (3:59)

What's this guy with whacking Phoenix? No, I'm not joking around here. So anyway, that was a fun little bit thing, you know.

Dana Carvey (4:05)

That's his name, folks. That's his name.

David Spade (4:07)

That's his name. First name Wacken. Second name Phoenix. Come on. I mean, seriously.

Dana Carvey (4:18)

We're already going. I think this is it.

David Spade (4:20)

Well, this is. This is. We're just here to lighten the load, you know?

Dana Carvey (4:25)

Yeah.

David Spade (4:25)

For people in these troubled times and with all the contentiousness over the election and all that stuff. We're just trying to lighten the load a little bit, dude.

Dana Carvey (4:37)

The election in the air is palpable.

David Spade (4:40)

It's palpable. How do you spell that? You were a spelling champion.

Dana Carvey (4:44)

That's right.

David Spade (4:44)

That's a tough one. Palpable. David Spade for the win.

Dana Carvey (4:48)

My Vietnamese buddy Shin was his name. He and I, when we were in fourth grade, we walked down to sixth grade for reading and math. I don't like to talk about it, but he was in the spelling bee, too. We all got smoked. My word, if it's palpable, I'd be like, okay, Heather, I'd like. Here's my word, Palpable. That's what you say, Danny, you have to say it fast. Palpable about this when you're in the bigs.

David Spade (5:18)

Oh, I had my day. Trust me.

Dana Carvey (5:22)

Okay. Okay. Ready? I walk up there in my op shorts, my op shirt from Miller's Outpost. My budget for the year was $100. I know that my mom gives you $100 to get your school clothes for the year. Could you do that? Kim K. So. Huh. Palpable. P, A, P, L. P L. No, no, no. It's P A, L. I knew that.

David Spade (5:47)

Just test.

Dana Carvey (5:48)

Okay, good. It's P, A, L. P A, B, L, A. Palpable. Probably pretty easy, right?

David Spade (5:57)

I'm not sure it's correct, but here's the. Here's the thing I want to ask you.

Dana Carvey (6:01)

Yes, it was.

David Spade (6:02)

I'm doing. I'm doing what drove Jerry crazy. I want to ask you a question.

Dana Carvey (6:06)

I want to ask you. Can I ask you a question before.

David Spade (6:08)

I ask you the question? The big word. When I was in fourth grade, if you could spell this, you are badass. And it was from a Mary Poppins movie. You're a little younger than me, but it was super Califra. Espialidocious.

Dana Carvey (6:23)

Xpialidocious.

David Spade (6:25)

Yeah, Super Cal.

Dana Carvey (6:26)

Even though it's hard to say.

David Spade (6:27)

Yeah.

Dana Carvey (6:28)

What's the next line?

David Spade (6:31)

I know the song.

Dana Carvey (6:33)

Yeah.

David Spade (6:33)

I don't. I don't know.

Dana Carvey (6:36)

Got to. YouTube shuts us down. You were singing Mary Poppins. Our robots picked it up. Shut down. Take away money.

David Spade (6:44)

You've got a robot with Tourette's or some kind of speech.

Dana Carvey (6:48)

I couldn't think of what I was trying to say.

David Spade (6:50)

I can't.

Dana Carvey (6:51)

It picked up a song pattern algorithm. You are shut down until further notice.

David Spade (6:55)

If you try to monetize Dick van Dyke, he's 102. We will come to your house and beat the hell out of you with.

Dana Carvey (7:01)

Our AI Arms A spoonful of sugar. Don't finish that sentence, Josh.

David Spade (7:08)

The worst cockney accent in the history of film. I mean, I love Dick Van Dyke, but it was Joe. She goes. He couldn't go to part of England.

Dana Carvey (7:19)

Sussex. Are you couldn't go to London.

David Spade (7:21)

He'd be mobbed.

Dana Carvey (7:23)

They're like, oh, is they go. Oh my God. Is that guy really American? Because I saw the movies.

David Spade (7:28)

Yeah, look at Arkan too. I won't do my British accents yet, but I would like to be British. If I could be any British, it wouldn't be Cocktail. He's just someone who subtly talks like an intellectual. The property owners always shut down on the non property owners in the 17th century. Blow it out your ass.

Dana Carvey (7:48)

Look, I got a haircut. I don't want to over talk about it, but check this out.

David Spade (7:52)

I don't know.

Dana Carvey (7:53)

All we do is obsess about hair. People say on the comments, but I don't give a care. Also, they said, well, I read the comments. No, I do. Boy, they don't like you, dude.

David Spade (8:06)

Anyway, all I can say is I don't want to know because I'm too self critical and I would, I would curl up into a ball if someone said kind of anything that wasn't perfect and I would start crying.

Dana Carvey (8:17)

So if they said your performance was a 9 out of 10, you start crying.

David Spade (8:21)

Yeah. I go, what, what, what, what do I got?

Dana Carvey (8:24)

What went wrong?

David Spade (8:25)

Yeah, what do I got to do to get to 10, you know, better thumbnails? I happened to get the best review of my life. You can look it up. And I just thought it was funny. It was in the New York Times. You've heard of them, haven't you? Metaphor.

Dana Carvey (8:40)

That commie rag. Yep.

David Spade (8:43)

So about my Biden. So that was. Your kids can check it out online. It was the best. Usually I'm just annihilated as most comedians are hack over, you know, mugging, pushing.

Dana Carvey (8:56)

Why did they give you a break?

David Spade (8:58)

I don't know.

Dana Carvey (9:01)

Because Biden, we were getting a lot of flack for. For the last year on a.

David Spade (9:05)

They talked about the breakdown of the impression and it put me in the context of the nine other cast members, you know, because Jason Sudeikis was at the party and his had with his sweet little daughter and Sissy's being. So I leaned down, I'm dressed as Biden. I go, you can touch it, you can feel it. She's very adorable. Kind of touch it. And I go, your daddy. Good night. Jason, if you're listening, this is a gas.

Dana Carvey (9:34)

Is Biden at the cast party, you crazy person.

David Spade (9:37)

But the word daddy is intense because boys don't call their dads. I know our dads were a little extra, a little special, but don't. Boys don't call their dad's daddy too much, do they, at five after seven?

Dana Carvey (9:53)

No, I think when they're little, I.

David Spade (9:55)

Think girls mostly say daddy. So I said, your daddy used to play this character, President Joe Biden. He was vice president 10 years ago, but he played him as kind of a.

Dana Carvey (10:05)

She goes, huh?

David Spade (10:07)

She goes, my daddy was in motion pictures. Well, why do you have a Southern accent? No, she.

Dana Carvey (10:13)

She goes, she was. She goes, my daddy was in soccer show. What have you done? And you go, okay, relax. I know that was a big hit.

David Spade (10:21)

Yeah, she was six years old and she said, you ever heard of a show Called Ted LA Show.

Dana Carvey (10:28)

Yeah.

David Spade (10:29)

Well, if you have.

Dana Carvey (10:29)

Starting to get it. Yeah. Are you starting to get it?

David Spade (10:33)

Started to get it. This is nothing like Jason Sudeika's daughter. I want to do an Exclaimer.

Dana Carvey (10:40)

Funny.

David Spade (10:40)

But it was fun to see him. I ran into my buddy Mikey, Mikey Keaton, who was on our podcast.

Dana Carvey (10:49)

Miguel Keaton. Yes.

David Spade (10:50)

Mickey Keaton.

Dana Carvey (10:51)

Always a fun time. Yeah, yeah.

David Spade (10:53)

I ran into my buddy Alec Baldwin, who's been on this show twice, who was playing Brett Bear. And he is a funny character. He just leans into your dressing room out of the blue and goes, you know, had the best hair in Hollywood. Long wait. Hugh O'Brien. He just walks away. This is Alec is a movie.

Dana Carvey (11:16)

He was funny on the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David Spade (11:18)

He gets going with Bill Hader, apparently, and they get down into the. Some Scorsese film and some guy with brown shoes in the corner of the frame. And I'm telling you, that overhead shot was magnificent. I'm doing Alec Baldwin cremated as a British lord. But he's. He's a great guy, conversationalist. He can just go.

Dana Carvey (11:41)

I'm going to interject your SNL party strikes. I want to hear more about snl, especially at the top of the show that I was at. That's just tease.

David Spade (11:51)

That's good.

Dana Carvey (11:52)

I was. I was out. Heather could chime in. There's a guy waiting for the hostess at a restaurant. He's with wife, two kids. The son. I remember he had glasses on. Sunlight glasses. He's behind the son. They're waiting for the hostess to give him some more information. So they're just bored. He's behind the son. The son is 5 7. So he could be 13 if he's my size. He's probably 13. So he's got both arms around him like this and he's kissing his cheek like this. And I'm like.

David Spade (12:30)

So his dad is facing forward. The five foot seven kicks behind him.

Dana Carvey (12:34)

In front of the dad? No, in front of the dad.

David Spade (12:36)

And so the dad is grabbing the.

Dana Carvey (12:38)

Kid and kissing like it's a date. I'm like, oh, that's not his wife. And I thought, is it peculiar? Is it palpable? Is it any of these?

David Spade (12:48)

20, 24, my friend.

Dana Carvey (12:51)

Welcome. That's it. I just explained it.

David Spade (12:53)

I know you can't say never gave us a hug. And so we're gonna make up. So I'm gonna hug every kid I see. If I'm a daddy, I'm gonna make up for all that pain. And then the Pendulum, you've Heard of those? If you can spell it, I'll give.

Dana Carvey (13:07)

You a dollar E. Go ahead.

David Spade (13:10)

Swings back and it's, it's, it's, it's very, maybe it's more Italian and really.

Dana Carvey (13:15)

It'S over dadding because I said I felt it was my duty to walk up and interrupt this and just put like this between you.

David Spade (13:34)

David, at this time of year I'm just going to say this and you can, you know, say whatever you want or of course, maybe you're looking back on all the amazing memories you have from 2024, especially if you are in love. Maybe you already looking ahead to your plans in 2025. I'm doing a French accent. I'm doing a French accent because that's the language you love. And maybe, just maybe those plans involved with getting engaged.

Dana Carvey (14:03)

Listen, for anyone about to take that momentous step, I recommend sourcing their engagement ring from blue nile.com Now I will say the closest I've been to being married is when my, when I engaged my abs at Pilates this morning. Engaged my core.

David Spade (14:26)

That's like a good Johnny joke. The closest you've been to being married is when you engaged your abs at.

Dana Carvey (14:31)

The, at the Gymnasium station, the local Pilani station.

David Spade (14:37)

No, seriously folks, Blue Nile is the original online jeweler since 1999 on blue nile.com you know what? You can create a bigger, and I'm going to say it, more brilliant piece than you can imagine at a price you're not going to find anywhere else.

Dana Carvey (14:51)

David, that's. Blue Nile offers a diamond price guarantee, which means that in most cases you can meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond. And you can feel great about your purchase because they're committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Feel good about that too? Yes.

David Spade (15:09)

I'm just going to say it again. This is easy. This makes getting a diamond ring not stressful or any kind of ring for your loved one or someone you want to get engaged to. Also bonus. David, I don't know if you know this. Blue nile also offers 100% satisfaction guarantee with guaranteed free shipping and returns. Then guaranteed service and repairs for life.

Dana Carvey (15:36)

Life, Crazy life. And don't worry, every Blue Nile order is insured, arrives at packaging. It doesn't give it away. Most cases it can be delivered overnight. Just in case you want to make one more unforgettable memory of 2024, right now go to blue nile.com and use code FLY for $50 off your purchase of $500 or more.

David Spade (15:59)

That's $50 off with code FLY@blue nile.com blue nile.com Michelle? Nope, it's not. Not about you. Just. It'll be a surprise.

Dana Carvey (16:09)

I have a sense of gratitude when it comes to Thanksgiving, Christmas and holidays. I don't know about you, Dana.

David Spade (16:15)

I do too. I think that's what. Because you know the word thanks. Is this total giveaway?

Dana Carvey (16:19)

It's right in there.

David Spade (16:20)

Yeah, right.

Dana Carvey (16:21)

It's a giveaway is what you said.

David Spade (16:23)

Yeah, it's a giveaway. If it was called watch out for yourself time holiday, selfish giving.

Dana Carvey (16:31)

Yeah. Listen, we get together Thanksgiving, think about maybe how learning a new language can enhance your connections and enrich your experiences with just people of the world. Rosetta Stone. You know, Dana, you've. We've talked about it forever. The most trusted language learning platform available on desktop or as an app. It immerses you in the language you want to learn. That's the way to do it.

David Spade (16:54)

Yeah. And you know, I've been in New York for a while doing Saturday Night Live and I walk around Central park and boy, do you hear a lot of accents and a lot of languages. You know, I don't know what they're saying. I'm like, with Rosetta Stone, you've got a tool in your hand that is probably the best way to learn a language. Going right now.

Dana Carvey (17:15)

You know, this world is getting more mixed every day. It's not bad to know something you could learn. They pretty much will teach you anything. Spanish, French, Korean, Chinese, Japanese. Rosetta Stone immerses you no English translation. So you really learn to speak, listen and think in the language. Right?

David Spade (17:34)

Yep. It's an intuitive process, which is great because I think I never, I didn't retain Spanish. And in grade school you pick up a language naturally. First with words, then phrases, then sentences. It's designed for long term retention.

Dana Carvey (17:49)

Lifetime membership has all 25 languages for any and all trips and language needs in life. That's lifetime access to all of the 25 languages they teach at Rosetta Stone.

David Spade (18:01)

And also, by the way, and guess what? Built in True Accent feature gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Like, it's like having a personal trainer for your accent.

Dana Carvey (18:11)

Don't put off lear that language. There's no better time than right now to get it started. For a short time, Fly on the wall listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership holiday special. This offer will not last long. What do you got to do though?

David Spade (18:24)

Visit rosettastone.com fly that's unlimited. David Access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your holiday offer@Rosetta Stone.com Fly today for yourself. Or as a GIF that keeps giving. Muy bien.

Dana Carvey (18:47)

Well, well, well. Dana.

David Spade (18:48)

Well, you're back.

Dana Carvey (18:51)

I like that the audience stuck with us through that roller coaster of emotions.

David Spade (18:57)

It's nice that they do through the technical things. Someone reaches. If two people are driving, let's go to Smartless. Another person grabs their arm and says, wait a minute. Give them a chance.

Dana Carvey (19:10)

Yeah.

David Spade (19:11)

And that was Will Arnett is the guy in the car.

Dana Carvey (19:14)

Oh, he wanted to hear us.

David Spade (19:17)

Thanks, Will.

Dana Carvey (19:18)

Now we have technical difficulties. But you know what? Stars. They're just like us. Are you stars in that scenario?

David Spade (19:27)

He's giving me a little close up for you audio only listeners. But I have cards made based on that. It just says, excuse me, you're over dadding. And so when I see over daddy, I just hand the guy the card. Excuse me, you're over dadding to the.

Dana Carvey (19:44)

Guy that was leaning on the kid and like frenching him. Basically.

David Spade (19:48)

I have a restaurant bathroom store. That's kind of interesting. You know when you're driving on the five, please. You go to a bathroom and it's only one bathroom. You're like, okay, hopefully this is just a 30 seconder. It's 20 minutes with multiple, multiple flushes. And you're thinking, what kind of creature is going to walk out of this place? I'm talking flush.

Dana Carvey (20:12)

Oh, you mean when you are going.

David Spade (20:14)

To waiting at a gas station for the bathroom and it's multiple flush Again, again. The sink runs back to flushing. What kind of human being or creature is going to emerge? Because I have no options.

Dana Carvey (20:34)

You know when people go in there, like when you're in the airplane and you hear a flush. That's the sign. Like when I flush. Which might be one of the three lines you're ending. Yeah, yeah. The flush. It's so loud. I go, well, you just.

David Spade (20:48)

You feel you could lose a hand if it was.

Dana Carvey (20:50)

Yeah, you don't want to go. I think in Jotaro 2 my nuts got sucked down. I don't want to give the whole movie away. But I think that happened.

David Spade (20:58)

But that's.

Dana Carvey (20:59)

It's so loud. And then I go, I have X amount of time to get out of here. Because everyone's like waiting like, okay, well what are you doing now? I'm like, now. I'm just like now. It's the weird time where you did flush. What are you doing? Get out.

David Spade (21:15)

Well, well, another flush is scary. Are you then pivoting to the mirror going, do I really look this fucking bad? You're putting water on your face. You're trying to act like you're sobered up and you freshen up and then you come out like, what's up, gang? How's it going?

Dana Carvey (21:35)

Yeah, I come out and I go like, I always go like this. That's an old Farley bit. You walk out.

David Spade (21:41)

Airplane did your hair. Well, I do a full shaving cream shave in there when I go in there and I come out with half of it on me like some Cool Hand Luke movie or something.

Dana Carvey (21:54)

How could you look at yourself in that gross mirror for that long?

David Spade (21:57)

No, I, I, Everything I do compared to other people is fast. I walk fast. I use the bathroom fast. Everything is expedient and fast. You're a, you're a lolly gagger, I heard.

Dana Carvey (22:07)

No, no, no. When I go in there, if I take too long, I usually in there stretching, I just stretch out. I go or I look at my phone. Sometimes I don't even pee. I just want to get up, you know. And if you stand there by the door, they go, knocked by the door. Someone told me that once, step away from the door, I go, you don't even work here.

David Spade (22:24)

No, there's someone coming out of that tour.

Dana Carvey (22:26)

You think I'm the guy that's going to take us all down. He was like this, sir, sir.

David Spade (22:30)

I love it when they put the beverage cart across the way so the pilot can use the restroom. And they have like a 40 pound flight attendant or, or like just. And is making this little cross arm thing like it's a Berstein bears mom. Like, don't even try it.

Dana Carvey (22:46)

They're like, don't. Yeah, because sometimes the pilots take too long and they're taking a deuce and then the people get a little sleepy on the cart and then they make a vodka tonic and then, and then the pilot comes out, I'm like, dude, you. Did you fall asleep? Are you okay?

David Spade (23:06)

Sorry. You reminded me of the previous week's episode where Jon Lovitz was hanging out and during the practice show, he's right next to the camera, was making little fists to me, like, go, go, go. And he gave me a line that I just tried for the crew, which is Biden saying, come on, I just dropped a deuce. This was during the. It didn't play too well, so it got trapped. I thought it was funny. Anyway.

Dana Carvey (23:31)

They take out all the funny ones.

David Spade (23:33)

You know why they don't like it? Because it's because it's funny.

Dana Carvey (23:37)

Yeah. Okay, so finish snl. Let's hear more.

David Spade (23:43)

I realize, well, one is they have a pre tape thing across town. They have a giant. Forget you've got 8H studio over on 66th street is like a 10 floor pre tape for, you know, all the different video films they're doing. Please don't destroy.

Dana Carvey (24:01)

Guys, your mouth, everything.

David Spade (24:03)

So I go over, they go, will you come over as Biden and be in this thing? Then I find out every. Everybody's in it and it's a ticket talk thing and I'm just bouncing around as Biden now. That morning, I didn't think I'd be going in, so I did the stairs at my hotel. 420 stairs, all out. You heard me. Because I like to feel that. And then. So they put me on this vibrating platform and I didn't have to act. I would. My legs were shaking.

Dana Carvey (24:28)

Oh, your legs get shaky as Biden.

David Spade (24:30)

I'm dressed as Biden, so I'm shaking.

Dana Carvey (24:32)

I saw that. I like that. They just have a note on the refrigerator in the break room going, biden is tech avail for all sketches. You just throw them in there. Tanner just walks around. I go, can you be in ours? You just go, yep. What do you want me to do?

David Spade (24:45)

I kind of want to do a show where he. I stay in the. I stay in the get up. And then he just appears in the background in sketches or just walks across at the very end like, where's Waldo? That Biden is somewhere in every other sketch.

Dana Carvey (24:58)

But maybe he's in a sketch for the first half. And then someone says, hey, you're not in this sketch. Everyone's waiting for you to talk because you're in it for some reason. And then you go, oh, you just get up and walk out.

David Spade (25:09)

But I might do this on the live show is sneak up behind Colin Jost and Michael Che, like literally on like a combat mission and then just come up into the frame. Look at him like that. And then just kind of go back down. And they don't even know it. They get a big laugh. They don't know it. And then I need to go, hey, Chevy. That was.

Dana Carvey (25:30)

Then you just go back down.

David Spade (25:31)

Who's the guy? Was that. Is that Biden?

Dana Carvey (25:33)

Yeah.

David Spade (25:34)

Hey.

Dana Carvey (25:35)

Hey.

David Spade (25:35)

Come on, guys.

Dana Carvey (25:36)

Hey, Chevy. Hey, Eddie Murphy. Then you leave.

David Spade (25:41)

Okay, I got you. Is Chevy chasing Eddie Murphy knowing better?

Dana Carvey (25:45)

Give him applause.

David Spade (25:46)

Give applause. So. So. That Billie Eilish is amazing. I just want to live in her vibe. That first song she did is just so whispery. And so her coming in like mirrors or something.

Dana Carvey (26:03)

There was so much.

David Spade (26:03)

Yeah, they were looking at. They're floating the sky. Her and Phineas looking down a mirror, and they just get into these mellow grooves. And her singing is so intimate and it's catchy. It's cool. So I'm a fan. What can I say? I mean, she's been around a long time, and when she turns 19, I think that she's going to. When you come out hot and heavy in the world at 14 or 13, it seems like she's been here forever. She's 22, but I think Bieber, he's.

Dana Carvey (26:32)

He's, you know, 26 right now, and, like, he's been in this business 200 years.

David Spade (26:37)

I know. I got in. I got on SNL at 51, ladies and gentlemen. So here's an example of things you. So I do the little Biden piece as part of the Brett Bear interrogating Maya Kamala, and he's kind of confused. He starts talking about the Joker movie, but they don't know it. And so. So I thought of later, I went, and who's. Who's. Who's Lady Gaga? Gaga, you know, whatever. I did, that didn't land. I thought later I should have said, and who's whacking Phoenix? Who the hell is he?

Dana Carvey (27:10)

Who's whacking Phoenix? And his lady goo goo.

David Spade (27:13)

Whacking Phoenix would have got a big laugh.

Dana Carvey (27:16)

Yeah, what happened?

David Spade (27:17)

What's this guy with whacking Phoenix? No, I'm not joking around here. So anyway, that was a fun little bit knee thing, you know?

Dana Carvey (27:23)

That's his name, folks. That's his name.

David Spade (27:25)

That's his name. First name Wacken. Second name Phoenix. Come on. I mean, serious here.

Dana Carvey (27:31)

You could have put corn pop in there.

David Spade (27:33)

I could have pop. No, his name is Popcorn.

Dana Carvey (27:36)

Now, Corn Pop is Popcorn.

David Spade (27:38)

Yeah, I reversed it. He's Popcorn.

Dana Carvey (27:41)

He goes, you could have put Popcorn in there and still would have ate it. You didn't need to pay that much money.

David Spade (27:47)

My current catchphrases are, guess what? And by the way, the fact of the matter is. Let me be real here. I'm being serious, not kidding around. This isn't rocket science, folks.

Dana Carvey (28:00)

Get real. That's a good one. That's a good run.

David Spade (28:05)

I want to put a run in like that. I really.

Dana Carvey (28:07)

That's all you need. Just come in. They ask a question, you say that, and that's your answer?

David Spade (28:12)

Yes. But a lot of Biden is, like, when he stops talking, he goes, I'm being serious. I. You know, it needs a beat before the aunts knows that he stopped.

Dana Carvey (28:21)

So, yeah, he has something to say, never says it, and then he just.

David Spade (28:25)

Stares with big eyes. So. Billie Eilish was amazing. Michael Keaton was always, you know, Michael Keaton has a lot of just personal energy. He's like, after the dress show, he's like, I don't know. I don't do this this often. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing out there, you know? And I said, nobody does. This is really hard. So all you gotta do is say, what the fuck, and have fun. And then he nails it on air. Hysterical. So there you go. He's a pro.

Dana Carvey (28:53)

What was his monologue? Oh, is it Beetlejuice?

David Spade (28:55)

Beetlejuice, which Mikey Day's favorite film is Beetlejuice. He's been obsessed with doing Beetlejuice on the show. Never had a chance. So that was his idea of the monologue and it was a dream come true because I guess he was like 8 or something when Beetlejuice came out. He got possessed by it. And now you know the rest of the story. I'm Paul Harvey. That goes back to the 60s.

Dana Carvey (29:20)

Well, he's like waiting his whole life. Then here, here waltzes in Michael keaton right into 8H. You get your Beetlejuice bits.

David Spade (29:28)

I know. Yeah.

Dana Carvey (29:29)

If someone wants to not want to do Beetlejuice, or do you say, you know, some hosts, as we know, when they come in, they go, I don't want to do anything about this. About this. And you're like, oh, well, no, I.

David Spade (29:41)

Think that he kind of. I mean, when you do a movie, it has an app to me. But you do this, the 80s, and then you go all the way to 2024, and it's a big hit movie, you know, hundreds of millions worldwide that you just got to feel good about that. And he didn't. He hasn't lost a step. He was Beetlejuice. It wasn't like, here comes old guy Beetlejuice. He's just like on fire. And Alec Baldwin, funny story from him, you know. Well, I walked in the studio and saw three of his little boys that were so cute, you know, I don't know. Four, six and eight. Hey, dad. Hey, dad. It was adorable. And then he said that he. He showed them Beetlejuice and he showed him. It was a picture he showed him because Alec Ballin was in beetlejuice in the 80s and goes, oh, that's right. And he says, that's Daddy. And they said that's not Daddy. Because he was.

Dana Carvey (30:36)

He looks exact same, pretty much.

David Spade (30:37)

Well, he's got. The hair is crazy. Yeah. But, you know, little kids are. That's not Daddy. Then they put it to Beetlejuice, said, that's Daddy. Maybe they're kidding with him. Funny, buddy. Funny stuff. Funny. Yeah.

Dana Carvey (30:51)

I forgot Alec was in Beetlejuice.

David Spade (30:57)

I don't think so. He was in it as sort of the straight man, you know?

Dana Carvey (31:01)

Well, that's not why he came to the show, was it? He was doing breath.

David Spade (31:04)

No, it was right after what I first saw him, I think was after one of those submarine movies or something.

Dana Carvey (31:10)

Oh, yeah. When he came to SNL to host the first time, that was my third show or second show.

David Spade (31:15)

And he goes. I go, what do you want to do with October?

Dana Carvey (31:18)

Yeah.

David Spade (31:18)

And he goes, I want to do this.

Dana Carvey (31:20)

I want to do.

David Spade (31:21)

I'm going to do Broadway. I want to do comedy. You think I want to be stuck on a submarine 14 hours a day going, aye, aye, sir. He said that it was a hit.

Dana Carvey (31:31)

Huge hit movie franchise.

David Spade (31:33)

He could.

Dana Carvey (31:34)

He dropped out of it to do Broadway. Street Car Name Desire.

David Spade (31:38)

That's it. And wanted to be a New York and loved SNL and couldn't believe it. Is a great sketch player. I mean, he nailed it as Brett Bear.

Dana Carvey (31:47)

You know, I take my pills on there. I don't care.

David Spade (31:50)

Okay, I'll take a vitamin C. Both.

Dana Carvey (31:54)

Who? Oh, Gina Davis. Yeah. They played a couple in Beetlejuice. They both are not in the second one. Dana. Just, you know, should I tell. Okay, I'll tell you quickly about the banana. I was on the road. If we can get it. We've never.

David Spade (32:10)

I love a banana story.

Dana Carvey (32:12)

So on the road because I always have to eat because I get, like, dizzy. So I'm like, anyway, what can you really carry on the road? Protein bars, isn't it? So sometimes out of the hotel, I bring a banana because I'm like, that's the quickest thing. If you're in a pinch, carry it. Whatever. Like a football.

David Spade (32:31)

Good potassium fiber. Go ahead.

Dana Carvey (32:33)

Right. So I threw. I have an old SNL bag. My. My bag says Saturday night live.

David Spade (32:38)

Really?

Dana Carvey (32:38)

25 on it. So that was a merch gift from the last reunion. We did 2000. Did you know. You didn't know where I got that? Yeah. So it's all faded. So it doesn't look like I'm trying to, like, ask me about snl. No one knows I was ever on SNL anyway, so I got that. But it's a cool leather Bag looks like a doctor bag. So anyway, some I carry, of course, way too much when I'm on the road, but I throw bananas in there for the road. Anyway, so I finished the road, and I picked up my SNL bag. It's leather. Two weeks. It was two weeks later. Yeah. When I'm done on the road, so it's. Obviously, I'm. Oh, it burned a hole through.

David Spade (33:23)

Right?

Dana Carvey (33:23)

Something burned a hole through my. And I picked. It was sticking to the table. So I'm looking at the wood going, what did I spill? Here we find out it's the banana. There was a banana in there, and it'd been there for at least two weeks. And they get black, and then other things happen.

David Spade (33:41)

Well, wait a minute. I mean, do you know? How do they get corrosive? I mean, what is the.

Dana Carvey (33:45)

I don't know. It ate through the bottom of my SNL bag.

David Spade (33:48)

That ain't no banana.

Dana Carvey (33:50)

Just play that video, right? Should we play that video? Let's just see what it is.

David Spade (33:53)

There's Heather.

Dana Carvey (33:56)

Are we seeing what's happening? It's fuzzy. Fuzzy, fuzzy.

David Spade (33:59)

What is this? What is that? What is that?

Dana Carvey (34:01)

What is that? What is that?

David Spade (34:02)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Dana Carvey (34:08)

Oh, that's the banana.

David Spade (34:10)

Whoa. Okay, so it. That's fine.

Dana Carvey (34:15)

Give me one. Are you kidding me? I need a race.

David Spade (34:18)

I need a race. I need.

Dana Carvey (34:22)

That's green and white. All right. Too much house in that. Okay. There you go. See, there's the photo.

David Spade (34:30)

Oh.

Dana Carvey (34:31)

So that is a banana, and it's going like this.

David Spade (34:33)

Hey. So it corroded itself, but did it actually get through the leather bag? Did it go through the leather or just became. Or it corroded, and then it corroded.

Dana Carvey (34:45)

To where it stuck to the wood. And then I couldn't. And I was like. So I look at the wood, then I look at the back. I go, oh, my God, it's from the bag. What got on the bottom? Nope. Somehow, through. Sickening.

David Spade (35:00)

I was famous for throwing banana peels over my shoulder. When I would drive my Volkswagen Bug and people would laugh, I just do it. I would throw everything over my shoulder you could find into the back seat. I'd throw clothes, coins, extra cash, bananas, fruit, shoes, everything. So when anyone was in my car and needed something, I go, it's probably back there.

Dana Carvey (35:21)

Yeah.

David Spade (35:21)

When the banana.

Dana Carvey (35:22)

People come in the car and say, why do you have so much in your car? That's what people do to me. And I go, you don't. You don't need to worry about what's in my car. I. This is. I didn't know I was having company. And if anyone comes to get a ride, forget it because my passenger seat is my garage, basically.

David Spade (35:38)

So I'm like, I know you've given me a ride. And it takes about five minutes to clear the front seat. I go, geez, bro. I'm just. I'm not that far away. But it's like all this stuff's on there.

Dana Carvey (35:49)

Transfer from Coy. I'm like, this here. Why do you have a machete? Don't worry about it. This goes here. Why is there blood? I had a hitchhiker. Don't worry about it.

David Spade (35:58)

I pick it up. Blackjack. Really?

Dana Carvey (36:02)

Cracker Jacks.

David Spade (36:04)

Also Cracker Jacks and a flak jack. Yeah. Come on. By the way.

Dana Carvey (36:09)

So let's show some stories.

David Spade (36:11)

Let's show some stories or what's going on?

Dana Carvey (36:13)

People can be entertained.

David Spade (36:24)

David, for lunch today.

Dana Carvey (36:26)

It's almost lunchtime. Yeah.

David Spade (36:27)

Do you have any.

Dana Carvey (36:28)

What are you gonna do?

David Spade (36:28)

What do you do? You know, sometimes I really just want to have fun. I would get like a really good turkey sandwich with avocado. Or if I really want to get.

Dana Carvey (36:39)

I was going to say the same thing.

David Spade (36:40)

Really.

Dana Carvey (36:41)

Turkey. I just had it yesterday. Yeah.

David Spade (36:43)

And maybe a few baked chips. And then you'd want an ice cold Pepsi, which I don't. What I like to do with Pepsi is I fill the whole glass to the brim with ice and then I slowly pour the Pepsi in and I make what I call a super Pepsi.

Dana Carvey (37:00)

You know, because the cold super Pepsi, it's not that.

David Spade (37:02)

Yeah, Well, I think if I say it's super, then it's kind of. It's closer to super.

Dana Carvey (37:11)

Well, in your head is super because it's.

David Spade (37:13)

It's a super Pepsi.

Dana Carvey (37:14)

Yeah, yeah.

David Spade (37:15)

I mean, it's not a regular situation.

Dana Carvey (37:17)

Yeah, yeah. You know, I was flying this week and Pepsi on the plane, all Pepsi products, a casino. I just played every restaurant thing. You, you throw one in with lunch, dinner and get your get a little caffeine going. You get the fizzy bubbles and it's fun.

David Spade (37:36)

And, you know, you share it with people. An Austrian friend of mine once said to be quote. And you know what enhances those flavors and really makes them pop? It's an ice cold Pepsi. I said, thank you.

Dana Carvey (37:49)

I give it a pop.

David Spade (37:51)

Yeah, it gives you a pop with the Pepsi. Pop is better than a regular pop.

Dana Carvey (37:57)

Get a fizzy Pepsi in you and a pepperoni piece of pizza. You know, I've done that so many times.

David Spade (38:03)

Well, Yeah, I would say pizza and a Pepsi. They sound alike. They go together. You will lose your mind with pizza and Pepsi every time. Grab a Pepsi. Zero sugar for your next meal as food deserves Pepsi. Hey, order up.

Dana Carvey (38:23)

Small Business Saturday is right around the corner and so is that shop you've been meaning to check out on November 30th. Support your local community by shopping small on small Business Saturday. Founded by American Express. Dana, I've. When I walk behind you, I notice you have some lats, a couple of back muscles. I don't know all the names, but it feels like you might be able to row. Do you ever row?

David Spade (38:47)

I've done a lot of rowing in my life. The rower, the home rower, the rower, the hydro rower is what we're talking about. But it's not a treadmill, elliptical or a bike. Those don't work out. Your upper body, your core, it literally is get your whole body. It's like you're dragging this weight back and forth, back and forth. If you want to give the gift of an immersive full body workout all from the comfort of your home, you need the Hydro Rower. I think it's a great product. I really do.

Dana Carvey (39:17)

Hydro first. Yeah. Don't try to ignore your core. Don't ignore the core. I've caught you sometimes ignoring the core but you can't because you don't want to be on these machines that don't do. The hydro is a go to for the ultimate full body workout. How ultimate? Good question. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, core. Only 20 minutes. 20 minutes and you'll be ripped. I can tell you can really blast.

David Spade (39:46)

Yourself in 20 minutes you're gonna be drenched and you'll be, you'll be huffing and puffing.

Dana Carvey (39:50)

It's great for you for sure. That's good.

David Spade (39:52)

No matter what your starting point or goals are. Whether you're training for a marathon or training for life, Hydro meets you where you are. Hydro is low impact, David, which means minimal risk of injury. Understand. Hydro also combines strength and cardio. I mean you really could get an amazing just all in workout if you go on that thing for 20 minutes.

Dana Carvey (40:12)

Listen. The workouts are led by Olympians, world class athletes, top tier coaches, Hydra workouts. They're filmed all over the world, outside, not stuck like you like boring studios. But this is not where they are.

David Spade (40:25)

These are outside with the largest library of rowing workouts. Hydro helps you stay motivated and crush your fitness goals. Hydro has you covered with free shipping standard, a 30 day risk free trial. Whoops a one year warranty. So, you know, you can put it in the living room in our basement. You can put it out on the lawn. It's easy to move around. And then you get your workout in. It's great. You know, it's built well.

Dana Carvey (40:53)

It's not one of these flimsy machines that I've bought in the past. You know, you like the instructors. It's convenient. Look, give the gift of a full body workout from all the comfort of home with hydro. Head over to hydro.com, use code FLY. Save up to $475 off your hydro.

David Spade (41:11)

That's H-Y-R-O-W.com code FLY to save up to $475. Hydro.com code FLY number one astronaut shows how to eat ketchup at zero gravity.

Dana Carvey (41:26)

Okay, let's do it. This is sort of.

David Spade (41:30)

This is how you eat ketchup. You're shaking a bottle of ketchup.

Dana Carvey (41:34)

We're going to eat ketchup at zero cheese.

David Spade (41:36)

Okay.

Dana Carvey (41:36)

This is risky. Oh, my God. It works. Look at how sick it is. Gross.

David Spade (41:48)

What are you doing?

Dana Carvey (41:49)

It might be sicker than he eats ketchup.

David Spade (41:52)

I don't care where you are to self cancel space station trip. Thank you.

Dana Carvey (41:56)

Yeah. Hey, the first thing we do, we get into space. By the way, that doesn't remind me they should do a porn in space. It doesn't remind me for no reason. There's no. Nothing that would remind me of that.

David Spade (42:08)

No, that wouldn't mean anything. But isn't Tom Cruise going to do a movie in the space station? And it's going to be a hard.

Dana Carvey (42:13)

R. I mean a hard R. No. I don't know, Dana.

David Spade (42:19)

But he is going to do on the space Station. Would you go do Busboys in Space Station if that.

Dana Carvey (42:28)

If I wasn't. If busboy's sequel is in the space station and the trailer was just me squirting Theo with ketchup like that. That would be. That's the only trailer, you know. Anything else? I just.

David Spade (42:41)

I'd go people bus boys in space and just that in slow motion and then just.

Dana Carvey (42:46)

You thought they didn't know what they were doing on Earth. Yeah, that's not bad.

David Spade (42:53)

Yeah, There you go.

Dana Carvey (42:54)

Dude, I got some busboy updates for your next show. Next show.

David Spade (42:57)

Okay, I want to hear it's real.

Dana Carvey (42:58)

It's real. Hush, hush right now. Everything's really. Everything's really.

David Spade (43:03)

That's always a good sign.

Dana Carvey (43:07)

You know what the good sign is? Is when your agent, manager, publicist all call you together. You're like. They go, we have Jimmy, Stevie, Little Bob and Gervitz on the phone for you. And you're like, okay, Gervaise. Like, let me set the table. Let me set the table. Spade. I don't know if you'll say yes to this because I know you don't like money. Dana likes money.

David Spade (43:30)

Not like you like money. I'm the worst. I'm the worst client ever. I mean, they used to call Kevin Klein. Kevin decline.

Dana Carvey (43:37)

That's funny.

David Spade (43:39)

Kevin decline. No, no, no.

Dana Carvey (43:42)

Yeah.

David Spade (43:43)

So, yeah, I've. I tend to want to stay at home and watch movies and.

Dana Carvey (43:47)

Danny, you want to do a casino gig on a Wednesday in Sheboygan? It's three flights and a two hour time difference.

David Spade (43:53)

It's not far from the Arctic Circle.

Dana Carvey (43:56)

You could see a polar bear run up there. You don't like fun or money? Okay, I'm sure I can find some client likes it. Somebody likes money on my roster. Faith's circling the airport right now, ready to go.

David Spade (44:12)

Yeah, I know. Well, we would be like, around the world. Like a flight that never, you know, we refuel in space.

Dana Carvey (44:21)

Yeah. If you didn't turn it down, the. They go every time you turn around. How about this? I'm like, ah, I don't know, why.

David Spade (44:28)

Don'T I just pitch a tent near the airport or something so I can just be ready to get airborne. Did you get into this? Because when I was watching comedians on TV in the 1960s, I didn't think, well, I'd like to do this. I'll probably be flying. I'll be airborne for most of my life. And then playing corporate parties to a board ballroom that's drunk and tired has the CEO gets me in a headlock and go, what's up, church lady?

Dana Carvey (44:58)

Yeah, no shit.

David Spade (45:00)

I thought I'd be in a.

Dana Carvey (45:01)

One of our VPs is going to come up and kick you in the nuts. Is that cool? Or should we call your agent? I go now. You can do it.

David Spade (45:10)

Disclaimer. Usually they're very nice with what we're paying you.

Dana Carvey (45:14)

Come on.

David Spade (45:14)

Come on. But yeah, you can live. You could live. We're lucky enough first world problem to live on the road. If you take all the casinos in North America, Comedy clubs, small theaters, big theaters, whatever. We could live in the sky, plop it down, do our shtick and get back in the sky.

Dana Carvey (45:38)

Yeah, yeah. We have never ending jet lag. We don't know where we are. I. I'm born in Michigan, so I'm still Feeling that two hour time difference. It's never gone away. So now when I fly, that's all.

David Spade (45:48)

Okay, that's a good joke.

Dana Carvey (45:49)

I process that. Never quite got adjusted.

David Spade (45:53)

It's just a thing. It's a biological thing.

Dana Carvey (45:56)

It's 2pm for me right now. It's 2pm for me.

David Spade (45:59)

Oh, I don't know. I'm in New York half the times. I don't know what.

Dana Carvey (46:02)

Oh, yeah, by the way, you're living in New York. It's crazy.

David Spade (46:06)

I am.

Dana Carvey (46:07)

All right, next story. We don't want to. We don't want to get into Danny. Get him into a spin.

David Spade (46:12)

Into a spin.

Dana Carvey (46:13)

Okay, this is. I thought this is interesting.

David Spade (46:16)

Read a bio.

Dana Carvey (46:16)

I'll read out loud for the people at home listening, driving a photo of cellmates. There's two guys in jail playing NBA 2K on a flat screen. It's like a 70 inch flat screen which is 4 inches from their face. Face is going viral.

David Spade (46:33)

And wearing brand new convert or Nikes or something.

Dana Carvey (46:37)

What is that shoe?

David Spade (46:40)

Maybe that's swoosh above it. Yeah, the Nike. Oh, maybe that's socks. Okay, well, what this says is that this particular group of gentlemen that are in a prison or a jail of some kind are having a very good time in jail.

Dana Carvey (46:58)

Right. I remember when I was younger, jail was no fun. That's what I was told. I don't know for sure, but they're like, you shouldn't go to jail. It's no fun. But you get three hots and a cot. Remember that term? Three hot meals.

David Spade (47:12)

Three hot meals and a cot. And now you get three hots, a cot, and an 80 inch flat screen where you can play NBA video games. Maybe they're just in there. Maybe it's one of those smash and grab things where they're just in there for like 45 minutes till they get.

Dana Carvey (47:29)

Around getting a TV. Who gets a TV that big in your cell? I mean, I guess it's. I didn't picture a cell with TVs, but. And I figured like in the yard or they have like a cafeteria with a TV and they all fight over the channel. But that's how it is in movies. But this is. This, this isn't great. They're too tall. I would have no problem sitting on that bottom bunk. Sitting up straight and watching Doctors.

David Spade (47:54)

Oh, you could stand on that bottom bunk.

Dana Carvey (47:57)

Dana. Dana.

David Spade (47:58)

No, I could too. We're in the same. We're in the same tribe.

Dana Carvey (48:04)

But anyway. Okay, next one. But that was interesting that jail's come a Long way. Yeah.

David Spade (48:10)

Okay, what's up?

Dana Carvey (48:13)

Next one.

David Spade (48:14)

This is when you don't want to get a get out of jail card.

Dana Carvey (48:18)

There you go.

David Spade (48:19)

There you go. There's the mic drop.

Dana Carvey (48:22)

Okay. This is. Okay, don't play yet. Don't play. Don't. Blah, blah, blah. Okay. This is a prank show, which I hate, by the way. If anyone. I see a prank on Instagram, I don't like it. I block them. Sorry. That's how tough I am. I'm fucking tough. I run a tight Instagram. No, no. I'm here to have fun. You're the you. Yeah, exactly. You be mean to me. Gone. It's not why I'm here. I'm not here to.

David Spade (48:48)

No, I don't. I don't like practical jokes. I don't like surprises.

Dana Carvey (48:50)

Practical jokes, when they look good, like they're in a bush and they scare people, and people wipe out into a pole and hit their head and you're like, he's dressed like a bush. I go, all it does is help the practical joker and get him views, and he's totally relaxed, having fun. The other person looks like a. And it ruins their day.

David Spade (49:07)

In the end of the day, it's about humiliating or frightening people. It's a terrific thing.

Dana Carvey (49:13)

But this one's funny.

David Spade (49:15)

This one's all. That's so cool.

Dana Carvey (49:16)

Can you start it over or. No.

David Spade (49:18)

Let's get ready to rumble.

Dana Carvey (49:19)

It's a Japanese one. I laugh it up.

David Spade (49:21)

Okay.

Dana Carvey (49:22)

Okay, so volume. Let's go. Let's see.

David Spade (49:24)

Have to be among the most popular.

Dana Carvey (49:26)

So she sits a little loud. Maybe a little less loud. So she falls a little less loud.

David Spade (49:37)

Tim is given some water to recover.

Dana Carvey (49:41)

She falls again. It's loud.

David Spade (49:48)

Whoa. And so they dug up. It's a trap. It's. The grass is a pit covered by a fake, by the way.

Dana Carvey (49:55)

You're for sure getting hurt.

David Spade (49:56)

Victim finally gets to go home.

Dana Carvey (50:03)

One final trap a week. Everyone loves it so much.

David Spade (50:09)

They're like, wow. I mean, the sound of it and everything. It's violent. It's violent, dude.

Dana Carvey (50:16)

You get hurt.

David Spade (50:17)

You fl.

Dana Carvey (50:17)

You're falling backwards. You're hitting your head on the. Who knows if that's perfectly breakaway, you know? No, I've hit people with boards and, like, movies and stuff, and they score it till it breaks. But you're still. Like. Sometimes it doesn't break it.

David Spade (50:31)

Something about culture. Like, would we. You and I go in, we pitch it, and we make an Americanized version called Tridor. Yeah.

Dana Carvey (50:42)

It's so funny. But God Dang, everyone would sue because America, everyone sues over anything. But also, it would be. You could hurt your neck. You're falling backwards through the floor three times.

David Spade (50:53)

I know. Unbeknownst to her, she thinks she's free and good, and then bada bing, bada boom.

Dana Carvey (50:58)

Very clever. They put it in a van, and they put it.

David Spade (51:01)

And then one more there and one more, one more. We should do a show called America's got lawyers, where it's just about pranks. You'd like to meet my attorney? That's good.

Dana Carvey (51:12)

America's got Lawyers. I like that. All right, show something else. While I'm preening, young woman details how much she spends for one night out at Miami. Out in Miami at Live. This is a nightclub, so she's just reading her bill. I thought, this is interesting. We got a bill reader here. I spent one night out in Miami at live. So starting off strong, we got four bottles of Ace of Spades Rose for 11,000. She's in a Rolls Royce, I think. And then we got one big ass bottle of Ace. Like a huge bottle like that came out on a boat, like, that was $13,000. Three bottles of Dom 4, $3,600. Two bottles of Plaza Azul Repo for $3,600 as well. Two bottles of Ciroc for $1,100. One bottle of Mellen Rare. I don't know what that is. $1,450. We got five packs of water for $257.05. We got three packs of Red Bull for pack of gum. Seven. Tax was $3,645. We tipped $8,244.35, 35 cents on a tip. And I bought our total to $46,241.36 for one night out in Miami. How much is she drinking? She weighs 88 pounds.

David Spade (52:31)

I'm kind of processing what I'm seeing. So what? How many.

Dana Carvey (52:35)

I love when Dana sees this.

David Spade (52:37)

How many people go to this place and were they surprised when the bill came to $360,000? Was it like, whoa, or like, you know, not bad.

Dana Carvey (52:47)

And I think people puff up when they're really rich. I've seen it in clubs where, God, it's been a while, but they bring out, like, sparklers, and it shows because there's rich and there's famous and there's. You definitely want people to know you're rich if you're in there. These guys that are so rich, but no one knows who they are. So they get a booth, obviously that costs a lot. Then they get the sparklers and all the pretty girls come over and they give them a big bottle of Dom or Ace of Spades. Huge. They have like abnormally big ones. And then I think it's a big show. And everyone sees the guy and he goes like, come on, not this again. And then the fanfare goes down, so he orders another. They'll order a case of Dom. I don't even know if they drink it or if they just resell it or what, but. And then girls come over and sit, chug, bale, chug, bale, sit, sit, chug, bail. In that order. Mix it up. And then, I don't know, it's just the way it is. So these nightclubs, there's a handful that have it made where they're just raking it in. And then they go, here's the bill, here's the tip if you want an extra tip. And then if you're super cool, baller's a third tip. You can tip me. And then you can also just hand me some cash.

David Spade (53:54)

Well, by the way, 8,000 on. What was it? 360,000 is a low ball tip. At least 10%. Would have been 36,000, number one.

Dana Carvey (54:04)

They didn't really know. Well, I thought it was going to be about. I think it was less than that. I think it was under 100. Do you know?

David Spade (54:11)

Well, it's fake alcohol, but it's for virtual signaling, if I may pivot to fake art. You know, I once saw, I was in a museum, there was just a giant white. It was 50ft across, just blank canvas and one red dot in the middle. That was it. $6 million, two red dots, $12 million.

Dana Carvey (54:36)

Oh, I don't have that.

David Spade (54:36)

It is.

Dana Carvey (54:37)

Don't even go to three red dots. I could never.

David Spade (54:39)

It happens to us in corporate dates. If you name your price, a certain price. Let's just, let's just blow it out. It's not. Not us, but. Well, that guy, that guy's a million dollar comedian. You want that guy, you gotta have a million.

Dana Carvey (54:51)

No, just because it sounds like a huge amount.

David Spade (54:54)

Well, then you're a million dollar comedian. But that painting is a million dollar painting. Then you're.

Dana Carvey (54:57)

And you can brag. Yeah. And also people that want to be able to hire people that are rich or buy something like a painting or go to that nightclub, get to say, dude, we blew 300 grand. Or I was with this guy, he spent 300 grand. And the guy's like, it's Literally pennies. It's literally nothing.

David Spade (55:13)

It's nothing to me, man. It's gum on my shoe. Well, by the way, you got gum on your shoe. So it's virtual signaling, letting people know you're wealthy. You kind of wish. Like, if you. If I gave you 365,000 and you had Saturday, you had to spend it on a Saturday in, say, Southern California, what would you buy? You have 10 seconds.

Dana Carvey (55:33)

It turns into Brewster's Millions. Remember that movie?

David Spade (55:37)

All right. We can make it three and a half million. And you have one day to spend it in la. You have five seconds. Go.

Dana Carvey (55:44)

I'd buy half a house in Newport. Half a house and then it's too expensive.

David Spade (55:51)

You'd buy it?

Dana Carvey (55:52)

No, I'd probably get a cool car. I like cars. I don't know which one I get.

David Spade (55:57)

What can you get for three and a half million?

Dana Carvey (56:00)

Oh, three and a half million, I think.

David Spade (56:02)

Yeah, I just dumped it. You have three seconds.

Dana Carvey (56:04)

Huh? The Tesla bus, was that a new one?

David Spade (56:10)

Yeah, they've got their Tesla bus.

Dana Carvey (56:14)

I think they'll be sort of sequestered to, like, airport runs to the sea lot.

David Spade (56:20)

Have you heard that they came out with this new perfume? The same kind of thing with perfumes. Oh, that's a. And it's a million dollar perfume. You know what the name of it is? Elon Musk.

Dana Carvey (56:31)

Don't ever go like that.

David Spade (56:34)

I'm pointing a lot now. You have three seconds. My giant hands. My giant hands say you got three seconds. I could.

Dana Carvey (56:43)

No, I. There was a movie called Brewster's Millions. Was it Richard Pryor?

David Spade (56:48)

Yes, it was. Dick Prior, he's a friend of mine.

Dana Carvey (56:51)

30 days to spend 30 million or he doesn't get any of his inheritance and he can't. Everything buys something, he buys a shitty team, but then it's worth more. And then he does this, and he can't spend his money fast enough.

David Spade (57:04)

How about you do a remake? Spades.

Dana Carvey (57:06)

That's a good idea.

David Spade (57:07)

Spades. Millions. You have 10 seconds to answer.

Dana Carvey (57:10)

More like Carvey's apparently don't like money.

David Spade (57:13)

All right.

Dana Carvey (57:14)

Apparently. Go ahead.

David Spade (57:16)

Now, we have to do Senator John Kennedy at some point.

Dana Carvey (57:21)

Hang on. Okay. Oh, this is a girl. Okay, you're not gonna like this. I like the comment. Is this rock bottom for. This is an influencer, Dana. And the tough life of an influencer. You just need to get clicked, seen and get clicked. What is she gonna do? She's gonna pet some cows. She's gonna feed them?

David Spade (57:41)

Yep. Let's see.

Dana Carvey (57:44)

Puts glasses on. Okay. That's the whole thing.

David Spade (57:50)

That's all she needed. 38, 000 likes. She squeezed the cow's teat B A t and pointed it at her face. But she had like, goggles or glasses on, so she got splattered in the face.

Dana Carvey (58:04)

Buried pornography.

David Spade (58:05)

Mother's milk. Baby intended for a baby cow, not a woman with blonde hair and a jumpsuit.

Dana Carvey (58:11)

I should answer and put Sandler on this FaceTime. I'm not going to do it. I can't do that to that guy.

David Spade (58:16)

All right.

Dana Carvey (58:18)

Why is he FaceTiming? Wait, is he off? Is Dana gone? I can't see Dana anymore.

David Spade (58:25)

You can't see me?

Dana Carvey (58:27)

Greg, come over here. No, we'll keep going.

David Spade (58:30)

I can see you. I didn't click anything.

Dana Carvey (58:33)

I know, but I just got a FaceTime and I hung up on it. But, oh, hell, here we are. We're back. Okay. Oh, God. We have a real roller coaster of things happening today. This. You can't predict this show.

David Spade (58:48)

A lot going on.

Dana Carvey (58:49)

Okay, what is this? Let me see. Okay, this is. Let's just play this. I don't even know what it is. Random Instagram.

David Spade (58:58)

Car guys out. Nighttime on the street. Pickup truck.

Dana Carvey (59:02)

This is one of those guy stole a whole cigarette thing at 7:11. This is when they go in LA is like a fun thing for a bunch of kids, I think.

David Spade (59:15)

So we got into the 711 and grabbed the whole trip, like, yeah, 50 packs of cigarettes.

Dana Carvey (59:22)

They take over 711 and rob everything in it. Look at this. Oh.

David Spade (59:25)

Oh, they're. They're ransacking 7 11.

Dana Carvey (59:29)

I think they get on a chat and say, let's go here and just. But not a cop in sight. I think there's too many. They don't want to start trouble.

David Spade (59:40)

And look, right, because then with that many, it could get ugly. So they just.

Dana Carvey (59:43)

Someone gets shot, someone gets this. And then everyone goes, oh, my God, they're just kids. What are you doing? But it looks like probably high school, college age.

David Spade (59:51)

I just feel sorry for the owner. Has to call the insurance company. You know, I. This is Dave over 7:11 over in this neighborhood. I'm getting ransacked a lot. You know, I've got to get full coverage.

Dana Carvey (60:04)

Getting nailed again. Yeah.

David Spade (60:06)

How much do they take? They take every single item. It's about $2 million. All the stones.

Dana Carvey (60:11)

Every single item is. I think that's the thing.

David Spade (60:14)

They clean me out and I need insurance. Sorry, sir, we can't help you at this time.

Dana Carvey (60:20)

Yeah, I mean, give them a freebie, but you can't Keep hitting the goddamn 711 and keep stealing it. It's just like, crazy. I don't know. What am I doing? Oh, there you go.

David Spade (60:31)

They should open it for seven minutes in the morning and 11 minutes at night. That might take, by the way, if.

Dana Carvey (60:37)

They start closing all the 7 11s, like they're closing Walgreens and all CVS. Like, if there's too many of these, then they close it down. That means the insurance excuse of like, oh, they got insurance they can find. They close because insurance doesn't cover you. They don't even cover a house. You want to be like, fires and everything.

David Spade (60:55)

No, you can't get insurance for a home in California.

Dana Carvey (60:59)

You really can't. You really can.

David Spade (61:00)

Certainly not. Fire insurance.

Dana Carvey (61:02)

Certainly not.

David Spade (61:03)

Good luck with that.

Dana Carvey (61:04)

10 out of the 12 I tried to get for this dump said, no, not even. We won't even charge you too much. Just not. We're not even trying. We're not in the game anymore.

David Spade (61:14)

Yeah, they said they'd give me fire insurance, but it was more than the cost of the house.

Dana Carvey (61:19)

That was the insurance. That's not a good deal. Yeah, don't close my 7/11 is the point. I don't want this to happen enough to where they close them down. I'm like, now we don't have 7 11.

David Spade (61:31)

Okay. Quick impression of a Japanese American in an earthquake after just hearing this information.

Dana Carvey (61:46)

There's a rumbler. I think it's getting worse. Give me a headache. By the way, that one, you didn't go as crazy. You didn't yell. I like after. What's wrong? He's happy. You got a buzz.

David Spade (62:05)

He's happy. Happy because it. Little quake, baby. Quick. No.

Dana Carvey (62:11)

Oh, that was a big one.

David Spade (62:13)

I gave you one.

Dana Carvey (62:15)

That's what I want. Give the fans.

David Spade (62:18)

By the way, just. We're not political on the show, but Kamala's out there doing her thing, and Trump, they put him at a window in McDonald's. So people are just driving. Let's go get a burger. And he did seem incredibly happy handing out those burgers.

Dana Carvey (62:35)

Do some trumps. Let's hear it.

David Spade (62:37)

You got a beautiful family. Here you go. Dolphins. Listen, darling, we put an extra cheeseburger in there. You like the ketchup? We'll put the ketchup. Beautiful baby boy. Beautiful family. Next. You're tremendous. Look at the thousands. He's always noticing the people. There are thousands of people here. I could do this job. He said I could do the job. I could do the job. I do it. Why are you growling so much, Mr. Ex President, because I like to growl and I can growl a lot. And I growl every time I think.

Dana Carvey (63:05)

Because he's up 22 hours a day.

David Spade (63:08)

I don't know why he does it.

Dana Carvey (63:09)

It's just they do say he's old and senile now. I'm like, I don't know. Because he can stand and talk for two hours. I can't. My act, I do an hour. I'm like, hello, darkness, my friend. Like it's too much. And then he's runs McDonald's and he campaign. I mean, when you're on the campaign trail, that's got to be a beating. They don't include jet. Jet lag. Not even factoring that in.

David Spade (63:31)

Yeah, I guess like when I'm driving on a long distance trip, that's the one time I do go to McDonald's. I get a cheeseburger, small fries, and like, I guess small or medium coke. And that carb sugar salt boost really helps me focus the steering wheel. So I guess Trump has the metabolism that he can perennially chase energy. Just give me a cheeseburger when we get to Toledo. Okay, we're in Florida. I want two filet o fish before I go on and a large Coke. And so us, we'd get low blood sugar, but he can keep chasing it with fast food. I want a filet fish underneath the podium. I want extra fries.

Dana Carvey (64:14)

They gave me a double. Everyone is sickened by the fact they get a filet fish, but I love them. And they gave me a double one accidentally. It was too much of a good thing. I was like, I go, this is a double. Sick. It's something about was sick. Plus there's a couple bones.

David Spade (64:29)

It's the tartar sauce. I saw they catch them off Alaska and there's millions of these little fish really happen.

Dana Carvey (64:35)

Is it a real fish?

David Spade (64:36)

Yeah, the real fish. And then they sweep them up onto the deck of the thing and they flash freeze them. Like this kid, this fish was just in the water, happy. All of a sudden, like, there's like. And then it's in your mouth with tartar sauce on an hour later. An hour later.

Dana Carvey (64:55)

Smash all these minnows into little squares smashing together.

David Spade (64:59)

Yeah, freeze. There's a guy with a big tartar sauce. Sounds like Donald Duck. Give it. Yeah, I love it.

Dana Carvey (65:12)

Can't be happier.

David Spade (65:13)

I've never had seen you do the effect denoting enjoying it. But I do think Trump chase, chase that carb high. That's his secret energy. He can keep loading it.

Dana Carvey (65:26)

I'm packing on the pounds. Yeah, he, he, he somehow can eat still to this day. McDonald's, which everyone says, you got to give it up at some point.

David Spade (65:34)

No, KFC, McDonald's, all that stuff. Yeah. Three milkshakes, four Flo fishes, and then I'm going to have my dinner. That's an appetizer.

Dana Carvey (65:44)

I had a sort of heaviest driver the other day at one of the gigs. And we walked down, you know, some of these small towns, it's like one strip of like 18 fast food places, you know, on the way out of town. And I go, dude, because I know he's, he's, he's sort of portly ish and fat, you know. So I go, okay, what would you rather have? I don't even know if he's listening to me. Sometimes I think I'm on the phone, I go, would you rather have Wendy's, Carl's Jr. Or Burger King? And then he doesn't answer. So I forget. And we get to the next light and he goes, he's been thinking McDonald's. I go, are we still talking? Oh, yeah. One and a half minutes later of dead silence, he's like this. He really gave it some thought and then he goes, I'm going to go off the board, Alex. I'm going to take McDonald's. It wasn't even a choice.

David Spade (66:43)

How about this? What would you pick? We're driving. Hey, David. Dairy Queen A and W or Jack in the Box?

Dana Carvey (66:56)

Jack in the Box would be third. I hate to say it.

David Spade (66:59)

We don't. I don't want to lose our sponsors.

Dana Carvey (67:03)

I don't think. Do we have any Dairy Queen W or Foster Freeze?

David Spade (67:08)

Dairy Queen A and W are Foster Freeze. Both.

Dana Carvey (67:11)

I think Dairy Queen because I like, I used to like a deli bar. And I like when they take the cone and go like this. Bloop into chocolate and it crunches up.

David Spade (67:20)

Oh, my wife and I are in Montana and the sandwich store was closed. Subway Sandwich. So we went into a Dairy Queen and we looked up and they go, there's the hamburger and the fries and the thing. And then now they go, oh, it's 3200 calories. Oh, they put that, they put it next to it. 9,500 calories for this. Dandy Burger, fries, onion, Cheesecake Factory, same thing.

Dana Carvey (67:48)

I'm on page 88 toward the end and I'm like, well, this is healthy salmon. They're like, that's only 22,000 calories. I go, how? Yeah, the things you don't think are a Lot, sometimes. How much is a tartar sauce burger?

David Spade (68:05)

Well, let me do a little John Kennedy. Interrogating somebody. Now, when you walked into the Dairy Queen restaurant, were you expecting a low calorie meal? Your words, not mine.

Dana Carvey (68:21)

You. I didn't really think about it.

David Spade (68:23)

When you got a McWirl whirlwind, three double cheeseburgers, were you expecting not too many calories? Is that your point? Is that what you want to do?

Dana Carvey (68:32)

I'm sorry, I'm looking at this now. This is. I'm just reading this out loud. There's nothing. Now. Just hold on, let me talk. There's a. You ordered a MC heart attack. What did you think was in that?

David Spade (68:46)

You got a Sunday stroke and then proceeded. Your words, not mine. Anyway, I just want to do a little John Kennedy.

Dana Carvey (68:56)

I know, I miss it. I can't even think of anything to do with him because he's so fucking funny.

David Spade (69:00)

He's so fucking great. But it is all about the. We would like to read some tweets you tweeted on October.

Dana Carvey (69:08)

It's funny you deny that because. Let's pull up a chart of your tweets. They always give them a chance to lie. I'm going to give you a chance here.

David Spade (69:19)

Your words, not mine. That's his catchphrase.

Dana Carvey (69:22)

Your words, not mine. Mine, I. Oh, he goes. This is. It's right there. Big as Dallas.

David Spade (69:31)

Yeah, Dallas. He has a lot of that stuff. Did I look like I fell off a crawdad truck that was full of crawl dads going to a tomato festival? Is that what I used to be?

Dana Carvey (69:42)

A turn up truck, but then they sold it, but now they pack it with crawdads. But then I fell off.

David Spade (69:48)

Yeah. Did I. Do I look like a swamp creature to you? Do I look like someone that came out of a swamp? Just answer the question.

Dana Carvey (69:57)

Please answer the me. Did you see the movie Swamp Thing? Did you think that was me? That I wouldn't know anything? I'd just be carrying a pretty girl and.

David Spade (70:09)

Have you ever been Far Risk? That was your word. Your word, not mine.

Dana Carvey (70:17)

Yeah, all right. Should we end on that one? We did good.

David Spade (70:21)

Yeah. 50.

Dana Carvey (70:22)

What else? What did you not get to magic? Oh, here's some bloopers from Tommy Boy.

David Spade (70:26)

Oh, I like.

Dana Carvey (70:27)

People keep sending me this. I like this one because actually, I think this was the take we used in the movie. But it's funny to hear Chris laugh.

David Spade (70:38)

This is just one of them Tommy Boy bloopers.

Dana Carvey (70:41)

Dang. This is the guy trying to buy the company. Not to mention Put you out in the street and all you can say is, richard, what's happening? The coat doesn't rip, Kim.

David Spade (71:01)

That's way too tight.

Dana Carvey (71:06)

They put little lines down the back. They scored it and it's just a. This was so big.

David Spade (71:14)

I'm sorry.

Dana Carvey (71:16)

You're all right. Dad was the best at telling people what they wanted to hear, telling people what they needed to hear. He was good at a lot of things. How could a door be a jar whack?

David Spade (71:39)

Ma'am?

Dana Carvey (71:40)

I'm thinking about blowing up the building.

David Spade (71:45)

You just fall.

Dana Carvey (71:46)

The extras laugh. The only thing I can figure out is whether to get Chicago Style or Thin Crust.

David Spade (71:52)

The salesman has left the building.

Dana Carvey (71:55)

See you. Oh, the crew put that out there. What are you saying?

David Spade (72:07)

Okay. The bull scared him. Yeah.

Dana Carvey (72:10)

The crew just put it up there for.

David Spade (72:12)

Yeah, yeah.

Dana Carvey (72:13)

Just to ruin a take, basically.

David Spade (72:14)

Damn. Looks like a blast. And that was not even digital then. You had to really be precious about, you know, the film.

Dana Carvey (72:20)

Oh, yeah, that's a run out and stuff.

David Spade (72:22)

And you, you seemed, I guess, like 21 or something. I know you weren't. Yeah.

Dana Carvey (72:29)

It's funny because that first one where I go, he seemed like a nice guy. I don't know why. Maybe I just said it like that on that one. And when he laughs at the end, he goes, what a dick. Yeah, it's so funny. But he has the best laugh also.

David Spade (72:43)

Well, that really captured his bursting laugh. You can't describe it to someone. Just. I mean, it's just like insane.

Dana Carvey (72:50)

And if you make him laugh, it's so fun. It's so fucking.

David Spade (72:53)

It's nice when you can make another comedian laugh.

Dana Carvey (72:56)

Oh, yeah, we laughed so hard on that movie. And sometimes people go. Because I did an interview the other day, and they go, so you and Farley had a fight over a sandwich on the movie, I go, don't even start. Don't put it as negative. There's so many fun things. Of course, when you're doing movies and a TV show together at the same time, you argue about stuff. But that was more like it, that those bloopers, because we were just loopy and laughing and the movie still came out funny. But those things are so such a crack up, you know?

David Spade (73:25)

Yeah. I mean, in Wayne's world, one I guess the first time I said, yeah, she's a babe. If she was a president, she'd be babe. Ram Lincoln, I think that's the line said. But it was the middle of the night and Mike got the giggle. So he was laughing so hard and Then we just were able to keep it in the movie.

Dana Carvey (73:45)

Like, he was always that when you're laying on a.

David Spade (73:48)

Laying on the AMC Pacer, there's something nice said. Oh, no, I know. I said to him, do you receive Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl? Do you like that? Or something around Bugs dressing. But he lost.

Dana Carvey (74:02)

But did you not. Did you not say that before? You guys are just making up shit and just trying to.

David Spade (74:07)

Something triggered it, and it was him basically breaking. He's not in the movie anymore. But we put it in as Wayne laughing, and it comes off. Great.

Dana Carvey (74:15)

That's funny.

David Spade (74:16)

The magic of editing, David.

Dana Carvey (74:17)

That's the fun, though. Yeah.

David Spade (74:19)

Yeah.

Dana Carvey (74:19)

Okay. Well, that was a good one to end on. Okay, thanks, Dana. It was nice meeting.

David Spade (74:24)

I have a quick idea just to put this in the. In our listeners, we take over, like, Quentin Tarantino's indie film, and we. We have a. We show Wayne's World and Tommy Boy back to back, and we have a little chat about the movies.

Dana Carvey (74:42)

Oh, we talk about it while we play it or something. Or.

David Spade (74:45)

Or show them and then do a Q and A. Maybe just do Tommy Boy.

Dana Carvey (74:49)

Oh, out in the real world.

David Spade (74:50)

Yeah.

Dana Carvey (74:51)

Oh, we go somewhere. Well, we'll take this podcast on the road and basically we do. We'll show movies and we'll do Q and A.

David Spade (74:57)

We'll show a movie and then we'll do Q and A. Thanks for the ideas.

Dana Carvey (75:01)

All right, tell us what you want on the YouTube. Thanks, guys. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Super Fly as executive produce by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.