SUPERFLY #42 - Courtside at the LAKERS

Summary

Summary of SUPERFLY #42 - Courtside at the LAKERS

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade – Presented by Audacy

Release Date: November 15, 2024

---

1. Courtside at the Lakers: Personal Experiences and Insights

Dana Carvey and David Spade open the episode by sharing their recent experience attending a Lakers game, providing listeners with an engaging and humorous behind-the-scenes look at the high-energy environment of professional basketball.

• Close Encounters with Players:

  • Dana: "When you get those courtside seats, it's too close for the players... So it's so awkward." ([02:40])
  • The hosts recount amusing interactions with players, including handling basketballs and joking about assisting in plays without disrupting the game.

• Discussion on Bronny James:

  • David: "I'm here to defend Bronnie all day long. I will defend him in the hotel room... Nepo kid, he did not ask..." ([05:37]-[06:35])
  • Dana and David delve into the challenges faced by Bronny James, LeBron's son, addressing public perceptions of nepotism and the pressures of living up to his father's legacy. They express their respect for Bronny's dedication and the complexities of being in the public eye.

2. SNL 50th Anniversary Photo Shoot: Behind the Scenes

Transitioning from the basketball courts, the duo shares their experiences participating in the SNL 50th Anniversary photo shoot, offering a candid glimpse into the camaraderie and humorous moments with fellow cast members.

• Photo Shoot Dynamics:

  • David: "I got Molly, Shannon walked in, and then the director... says, okay, you guys have chemistry." ([29:05])
  • They describe the orchestrated poses, the presence of stars like Kate McKinnon, and humorous attempts to follow directions, leading to funny and candid moments during the shoot.

• Interactions with Cast Members:

  • Dana: "He goes, 'No, he does not.'" ([31:24])
  • Stories about interactions with other SNL personalities highlight their shared history and the fun they have working together.

3. Pop Culture and Current Events Commentary

Dana and David pivot to discussing recent events and trending topics, blending humor with insightful commentary.

• Jake Paul Boxing Fight Analysis:

  • Dana: "We can stop saying Jake Paul's a YouTuber. He's fighting a YouTuber." ([21:08])
  • They critique the boxing match involving YouTubers, comparing it to legendary boxing figures and expressing skepticism about the sport's direction when influenced by online personalities.

• 3D Printed Neighborhoods:

  • Dana: "By using 3D automation, Icon can make these houses faster and cheaper..." ([52:08]-[53:20])
  • Highlighting innovation in housing, they discuss the potential of 3D printing technology to address the housing crisis by creating affordable and aesthetically pleasing homes rapidly, while also considering the impact on traditional construction jobs.

• Fast Food Culture:

  • David: "He'll have a double Wendy's with cheese and a milkshake." ([69:19])
  • A humorous exploration of fast food dynamics in urban settings, reflecting on personal preferences and societal trends surrounding fast food consumption.

4. SNL Photo Shoot Stories and Behind-the-Scenes Fun

Further elaborating on their SNL experiences, Dana and David share anecdotes about the photo shoot process and interactions with iconic SNL figures.

• Humorous Mishaps:
  • David: "I was killing them when they were stoned, trying to meet girls I saw." ([66:31])
  • The duo recount funny incidents during the photo shoot, including mix-ups with costumes and interactions with guests like Charles Durning, adding a layer of authenticity and relatability to their stories.

5. Closing and Teasers for Next Episode

As the episode wraps up, Dana and David engage in their signature light-hearted banter, teasing future topics and maintaining their comedic rapport.

• Final Thoughts:
  • Dana: "We should have Ted on to promote it today." ([28:11])
  • David: "See you next week, everybody." ([73:11])
  • They conclude by reflecting on the episode's highlights and hinting at upcoming segments, ensuring listeners are engaged and anticipating future releases.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Dana Carvey ([05:37]): "I'm here to defend Bronnie all day long."
• David Spade ([21:08]): "We can stop saying Jake Paul's a YouTuber. He's fighting a YouTuber."
• Dana Carvey ([52:08]): "By using 3D automation, Icon can make these houses faster and cheaper."

---

Conclusion:

“SUPERFLY #42 - Courtside at the LAKERS” offers listeners an entertaining blend of personal anecdotes from Dana Carvey and David Spade’s experiences at an NBA game and during their SNL photo shoot, interspersed with witty commentary on current pop culture events. The episode captures their unique chemistry, delivering humor and insightful observations that provide a behind-the-scenes look into their lives and the broader entertainment landscape.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, order up. Small Business Saturday is right around the.

[B]

Corner and so is that shop you've.

[A]

Been meaning to check out on November 30th. Support your local community by shopping small.

[B]

On Small Business Saturday. Founded by American Express.

[A]

What's the newest Dash Pass annual plan benefit. Ah, that's what we're here to talk about.

[B]

We're going to talk about it. Go start talking about it. David.

[A]

I am. Right now. Watch this. Max is now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. You know what I mean? You can stream Max with ads that's up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply. See doordash.com max for details.

[B]

Wow. Unlimited zero cost delivery fees on eligible orders, members only exclusive offers or menu items.

[A]

Yeah, you get. You get a lot of benefits when you do your doordash Pass annual plan.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

By the way, what's your dream night in? What would you do?

[B]

I would say I would probably watch the Gilded Age on Max. It's new season with my wife and I would have a soda or a light beer and. And get a cheese pizza.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. So I would watch. I was doing this last night watching the penguin and that's on Max. And when I order Dash Pass Doordash, I get. Yeah, pizza is a favorite. And I get some diet drinks. No names. And I get basically food that to stuff myself. Maybe a burrito also.

[B]

Yeah, it's a guilty pleasure. It's a guilty pleasure. I mean, you could watch the House of Dragon and with Dash past, order some sauteed dragon, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That was a joke.

[A]

Usually when you're in that is a good time to order in and so you can pair up stuff with your shows if that's fun. There's no penguins out there to eat, but there's birds and chickens. Sign up for Dash Pass annual plan and get Max included at no extra cost. It's your door to. More terms and conditions apply.

[B]

Max is now included with your Dash Pass annual plan. Stream Max with ads up to $120 value included at no extra cost. Terms apply. See doordash.com max for details.

[A]

When you get those courtside seats, it's too close for the players. I feel bad. Five balls came to us. You know what I mean? Like no. And it's so awkward. Or I give him. I throw it back like I'm kind of good. Like, what do you want, a chest pass? There you go. I know those. I got a bounce pass.

[B]

You're handling the ball more than bronnie. I mean what's going on?

[A]

Yeah, Bronny's over there. Hey, come on, man. And then also, when they're standing there to take the ball out one foot in front of you, this is what they don't like when I go like that. That guy's open. That guy. Nope, too late. That guy's open. So we're over that guy. We gotta get right to it. We can't dilly dally. People told me, don't talk about your hair on the podcast that's on YouTube. And they also say I look like I slept on my face. And today is not a good example of me not, so fuck them. You slept on your f. F face there. How about that? So to catch you up, and the only thing I'll say on this whole podcast that will interest you, right, I want to say I went to a basketball game last night.

[B]

Professional college.

[A]

The Lakes.

[B]

The Lakes against. Who are they playing? I watched some of it.

[A]

Grizzlies.

[B]

Did they win? I fell asleep.

[A]

I mean, should we have checked if John Morant was playing? Yes, we should have.

[B]

He was not playing.

[A]

He's not playing.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

I mean, it's a new age where you have to check first to see if the basketball players are playing in the game.

[B]

Well, I mean, the injuries are so extreme. Right? That's what took him out.

[A]

Well, I think he's an injury, but there's also a lot of sitting out or whatever they call it resting and rotating. And, you know, I think Embiid was it, gotten a little hot water for saying, I'll be playing every other game this year. Oh, really? I'll be doing every other podcast.

[B]

I like the close up emphasis. Listen, listen, like you always say when we read ads, listen. Now, listen, you're 74. You're 280. You're this.

[A]

Don't start defending.

[B]

When they started this 82 game season, the biggest guy in the league was 6 4, 1, 70. So now they've got guys I don't know.

[A]

Bob Cousy.

[B]

Yeah, good one. Bob Cousy and Rick Berry from the snack bar.

[A]

Pistol Pete was five three.

[B]

Well, 119. He was probably 130, I'll give you that. His socks weighed more than him, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, yeah. So anyway, I see what it. What they mean by, you know, resting, but it's a monetary thing, right? They got it.

[A]

They also. They did rest Brawny, which I thought was good.

[B]

Paper towel or the athlete.

[A]

Good night, Bronnie is related to LeBron James. I know. He's Got. There's the bench, and then there's a La Z Boy chair that he gets to sit in. People give him. They give him hassle because they say he's pampered. It's a tough road for Bronnie because you don't pick your dad.

[B]

First of all, I'm here to defend Bronnie all day long. I mean, I will defend him.

[A]

I'm here counterpoint.

[B]

I will defend him in the hotel room. I'll defend them on Fly on the wall, and I will defend him here on Super Fly. That was JFK doing Churchill. Anyway, look, Nepo kid, he did not ask. He didn't pick when he came from the stars to be born that could I have the greatest basketball ever to play the game as my dad. And then I'm going to be a basketball player, too. So I have a lot of respect for that kid. Well, look, he's in the conversation.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Don't. Don't. Don't talk to me about my cream. Don't talk to me about my Stephs and my Larry Birds and, you know, Jordan, of course. But so I have so much respect for that kid because the, you know, you know, he, he.

[A]

I just saw this on the news yesterday morning that they go, oh, because I knew I was going to the game. And I said, oh. And they said, anthony Davis will play. And I said, great, because I think he got poked in the eye the night before. And I'm. He was maybe going to be out. So he played and LeBron, so good enough even. No, Ja Moran, that's good enough. And they said, bronnie is doing the G League, but he's saying he. He's not going to do the away games. He doesn't want to be that far away. So I said, at some point you have to say, now it's your decision. You have to say, hey, I should rough it, you know, instead of going, hey, I heard you suckas went to Sacramento last night. Because he was at the game and he was sitting on the bench. I'm like, chris, why are these guys? Why is he here? I thought he was.

[B]

Okay, let's unpack that.

[A]

We may unpack that.

[B]

We may. We may have to go longer. No. So being in the flow, getting reps like our friends on Saturday Night Live. So if they had a G League for snl, they would go to the sketches. Yeah, sketches. And they would get.

[A]

Go back to the ground links more.

[B]

And more and more. So if Bronnie is coming out, because it's. It's A pretty deep bench, got a lot of great players, and he's playing three or four minutes. He can go to the G League. They call it the G league. And play 40 minutes and get into his flow, into his rhythm. So that's why they send him down there. It's not, of course, emotion. It's just.

[A]

No, they do it in major leagues. You go down and you work on your swing or you hurt your shoulder, you go get back, and you come back. I'm not. Yeah. I'm just saying, I'm.

[B]

You're so close. It's not trending right now.

[A]

You're not a basketball show. No, I'm not.

[B]

You're hot.

[A]

No, I will. I will say it's funny when. Well, Chris Rock is the one who. We went together. And so it's funny when, like, the basketball players come down sometimes. They say, hi, you know, and then at a certain point, the game's so long that when they come down, it's like seeing someone at a party over and over, and you're like, hey. Because they. They keep seeing you because you're right there. And.

[B]

Yeah. And they want.

[A]

So embarrassing because you look away. Like, I don't want to act like I'm one.

[B]

Trying to connect eyes repetitively acknowledging you, you know?

[A]

Yeah. It's so gross.

[B]

It's okay, quick, you did it early in the first quarter. I don't need a fourth quarter.

[A]

Exactly. How many times can you go, hey, what's up?

[B]

Hey, what's up?

[A]

A ref came over to say hi. That was nice.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I wish. I gave him a few notes, too. I said, here's.

[B]

I had the concession here. The popcorn guy kept repeatedly wanting. For wanting me to sign his popcorn harness.

[A]

Do you know my old joke about Sharde where I say charde. She comes to our country with no rules for any. Like, how to say words and letters. Like, she spells it S, a D, pronounce it charde. I spell my name S, P, A, D, E. But I don't pronounce it Ned. You know, I go by the rules. So behind me, I hear, hey, Ned. Ned. And I'm like, oh, my God, it's Dennis. Turn around, It's Jimmy Miller.

[B]

Oh, it's Jimmy Miller. Which is Dennis.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Brother. Yeah, exactly. Dennis. Just the brother.

[A]

Famous manager. He's with Tom Segura, who lost a lot of weight and shaved his beard. And I swear to you, I did not know as Tom Segura for a second. I go. I turn around, I go, hey. Oh, Jimmy. I thought it was Dennis the Nago, Tom Segura.

[B]

Wait a minute. Shaved and lost a lot of weight. He wasn't that heavy. I mean, what. Is he down? Is he weaving?

[A]

He wasn't heavy. He's just. I think there's some movies doing and. Or whatever. He just. He looks good, but I just took me a second.

[B]

What. What happened underneath there when you. When he shaved? I mean, you know, somebody. I knew, a guy.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

Had a big, big broom mustache.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and he's like 45, 50. And I. He used to kind of make fun of my tousled hair. And I go, what's going on there? You know? Does he have one of those weird upper lips where his handsome closure drops? Garth with a mustache.

[A]

Yeah. It's like this.

[B]

I want the fan. I want the fans to tell us, should we do. I know we're a little long in the tooth, but should Mike and I do Wayne's World a sketch at the 50th? I just want them to answer.

[A]

Answer in the comments below on the comments on YouTube. Yeah, that's a good idea. And also, should I shave my beard? Because that'll be less comments. But I got. I. The whole story is I grew this beard because it sort of can shape your face a little more, you know, Totally. It's a good trick. And then. But it got gray overnight, so I didn't like that. But I got one compliment. That was what I always used to say. I got zero without it, and I got one with it. So I said, the ones win, and I will keep it. And so it's here for now. Oh, and the side story, I went back at halftime. Who's there? Sebastian. We just interviewed him. We just interviewed him.

[B]

Oh, I love that guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You coming backstage to hang out with the players over there. He was really laughing. We were doing our bad impression.

[A]

Should I go get some scallop potatoes?

[B]

There's a guy on the bench. He's a bench sitter clipping his toenail.

[A]

Everyone's clipping their toenails.

[B]

And it really. The character.

[A]

It's pretty funny.

[B]

Yeah, because he's his character, you know, immediately, like, he's completely upset that someone has band aids on his face.

[A]

Everything's annoying him.

[B]

Everything is annoying him.

[A]

I get an Uber, I walk out in the street. Hey, are you gac?

[B]

Speaking of gac, I went to the pharmacy, and I was buying some adult liquid refreshments. Beer. And anyway, so the woman has an accent. I don't have any. I love immigrants. I am one. And she's wearing a mask. And so this is not a routine. It's literally what I heard, you know?

[A]

I mean, oh, she's got a mask on.

[B]

A mask and an accent. And I'm trying to interpret it. You mean you need an ID for the beer. That's what I heard.

[A]

You know what's funny? I'm not even. I'm not even offended by your accent because I don't know which one you're doing to be offended yet.

[B]

No, I don't know what it is. Yeah, exactly. But I do this for myself, and it did not upset her. I started giving her the same sound back so she would go. And I'm just standing there. There's a line behind me. And I just go. She understood me. She was asking if I wanted a receipt. I want to meet the human beings that go buy some potato chips in a beer and want to get the receipt. What are they.

[A]

Give me that receipt.

[B]

Are they writing it off? I mean, what did they want?

[A]

I mean. Hey. Then you drive to Warren Grant's office and go, here's my 299Ruffles.

[B]

I bought some Cheetos at a 711 last night. Can we get some kind of double deduction on that?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Also, then you look at Tick Tock, and the most filthiest thing in the world other than toilet seats is receipts. Something about them is like poison. And.

[B]

Yeah, that's funny also.

[A]

That's funny. But back to the game. The last thing I'll tell you is.

[B]

I want to hear a.

[A]

When you get those courtside seats gifted upon you, because I don't. I didn't buy them, but someone let us use them from Brillstein. And then you're a. You're too close. It's too close for the players. I feel bad. We. Five balls came to us. You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, no.

[A]

And it's so awkward. Or I give him. I throw it back. Like, I'm kind of good. Like, what do you want, a chest pass? There you go. I know those. I got a bounce pass.

[B]

You're handling the ball more than Bronnie. I mean, what's going on?

[A]

Yeah, Bronny's over there. Hey, come on, man. And then also, when they're standing there to take the ball out one foot in front of you. This is what they don't like when I go like that. That guy's open.

[B]

That guy.

[A]

Nope, too late. That guy's open. So we're over that guy. And they love that. And then also, Rock reminded me That I didn't know when Michael Jordan hosted that we all went to McDonald's at lunch because we used to go under 30 rock. And he goes, I miss the days when we go to McDonald's with MJ and I go, wow. Tell me. We went. And I don't remember. He goes, we all went. You could have gone, I don't know. He said, no, whoever was in the last sketch of the. Before lunch, we always go to McDonald's, me and Rock, because we're eating poison all day. And so we went down and I think he just said, I'll go with you guys. And we're like, oh, my God. But did. Did he had to be a big deal.

[B]

Did he get recognized?

[A]

I mean, I was like, yes, yes, it's him. I was in the video store sketch. Yes, it's me. Anyway, that was exciting.

[B]

I'll tell you my quick MJ story. Mj. That's how close we were. Love that guy. You know, he's the most midge competitive athlete in history. So he just, you know, and he has kind of an intense, you know, he's six, seven or whatever. He just looks down at me and he goes, do you golf? And I go, oh, you know, a little bit. You know, what do you shoot? Well, I don't know. I mean, really, without taking a mulligan, I'd be lucky to break 100. He paused and said, well, you're not very good, are you?

[A]

Sense your weakness.

[B]

I know. And he sounded like Jon Hamm in that moment. You're not very good, are you? But anyway, that's, you know what?

[A]

He wants to play you and beat you.

[B]

I know. And I had no ego about my. My golf game. You know, I'm better at croquet. Okay.

[A]

How about a quick game of cribbage?

[B]

Yeah, why don't we, you know, play Stratego instead?

[A]

I was good at strategic.

[B]

Yeah, I bet you would be with your photograph.

[A]

What a fucking nerd I was. Oh, yeah.

[B]

And now a word from our sponsors at Betterment. Do you want your money to be motivated? Do you want your money to rise and grind? Do you think your money should get up and work? Don't worry. Betterment is here to help. Betterment is the automated investing and savings app that makes your money hustle. Their automated technology is built to help maximize returns, meaning when you invest with.

[A]

Betterment, your money can auto adjust as you get closer to your goal rebalance. If your portfolio gets too far out of line and your dividends are automatically reinvested, that can increase the potential for compound returns. In other words, your money is working like a dog while you could be sleeping like one and snoring like one, too. You'll never picture your money the same way again. Betterment, the automated investing and savings app that makes your money hustle. Visit betterment.com to get started.

[B]

Investing involves risk. Performance is not guaranteed.

[A]

I am a gambler, Dana. I'll. I freely admit it.

[B]

Yep, absolutely. There's nothing wrong with that bet.

[A]

MGM is, you know, a place where you can gamble. And I jump on that because I am really good at it.

[B]

Yes. John Travolta and I were talking about it, and I told him, I told him that I won, you know, I did really well. And he's like, that's like, really crazy. I can't believe how much money you got. You know, I told. I told Jimmy Fallon about BetMGM, and he went, I didn't want you to.

[A]

Oh, he told me that once, too.

[B]

Yeah. Have you told anybody?

[A]

I think what he meant was all season long that BetMGM's offering you a second chance on your first touchdown bet. So what that is to explain it to you is when a customer places a wager on a first touchdown score bet, and he does not score first, but score second bet, MGM will return 100% of their stake back in cash. How can you lose on that? That's like, you win either way.

[B]

That's hilarious because that Bernie Sanders said the same thing to me. You know, when the customer places a wager on a first touchdown score bet, he does not score first, but he scores second. We will return 100% of the stake. I'm going quickly, quickly into the guy from the Godfather.

[A]

No, I like it. It was pretty. Bernie. That was good.

[B]

Bernie. I just do Bernie as a crosswalk guard. Don't proceed. The system's rigged. Rigged is a good word for Bernie's. So anyway, it's amazing that he said.

[A]

That about, you know, so many people you can follow. You can tag BetMGM across all your socials at BetMGM, BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BetMGM and Game Sense remind you to gamble responsibly. See betmgm.com for terms 21+ only. This U.S. promotional offer not available in Ontario.

[B]

Gambling problem, call 1-800- gambler available in the U.S. for New York, call 877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny 467-369. For Arizona, call 1-800- NEXT STEP For Massachusetts, 1-800-32-75050 For Iowa, 1, 800 bets off for Puerto Rico. 1-800-981-0023. Subject to eligibility requirements in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

[A]

Okay, quickly, there's also Jake Paul fight tonight.

[B]

Isn't it tomorrow night or is it tonight? Oh, it's. Oh, excuse me. Fuck me, it's tonight. Edit it. Edit it.

[A]

Doesn't get show business. No, I like it better. You don't understand it. You know, I will say this.

[B]

Let's talk about this fight because we'll be able to, I will say, predict.

[A]

We can stop saying Jake Paul's a YouTuber. He's fighting a YouTuber. This guy's 6:3, chiseled 240 with, you know, round the clock trainers for the last five years. That's not now fight Mr. Beast. Okay? That's fighting a YouTuber. Little out of shape, a little squishy. Isn't training all day.

[B]

He's had six, eight fights, something like that. He's fought. He fought some MMA guys, right? He fought, yeah, I can't remember which.

[A]

Boxing isn't their number one thing.

[B]

And then he's fighting guys in his 40s. Now he's moving up to late 50s. But yeah, I don't look at him like, look, if it's not Tyson, I go in tomorrow night. What do I do? I'm fast, I'm quick, I duck. Could he make contact? Could he make meaningful contact with me? I don't know.

[A]

Meaningful.

[B]

Would my punches land and hurt him? I don't know. No. Anyone who goes in a ring and with Mike Tyson, because he could have old man strength, you know, old man strength is different than young man strength. And so you are risking really getting hurt. So I have a lot of respect for.

[A]

My dad used to get mad, we'd wrestle or something and he'd throw me down. I'm like, that's old man strength. Like, I'm like, oh, he's way stronger than I thought. Like, you don't think about it.

[B]

Yeah, why is it old man strength and then eventually you're too old and they go, no, no, that's, that's not old man strength. Old man's strength might last till 60.

[A]

And then it's like, yeah, I think Biden isn't, isn't going to give those two guys a good fight.

[B]

I think that Trump and he just were staring at each other, shaking hands and neither, neither would let go and they were squeezing. Come on, man, be serious here. I'm not getting around Trump's like, got to squeeze it. Never got to let go. Got to squeeze it. That was not reported.

[A]

You know what Trump does? He goes over. He does that one. I know it's a power move. You go over. I don't know why I didn't know that, but that's something.

[B]

He did a lot of things. He was satisfied. Further in the chair, he put his left side over for his stomach maybe coming in. So he's leaning in with a lot of leverage with his elbow here. And Biden had to go way over.

[A]

Oh, weak, weak arm.

[B]

He's like here, bringing him in. So, yeah, Trump knows all the moves. So does Putin. And that's why they either love each other or hate each other. I don't know. Something's going on.

[A]

I saw a video of Trump walking in the old days when he was president the first time, walking behind, like some guy in Saudi Arabia that's a king at the bottom says you are not allowed to touch the royal king. And everyone walks around like this. And Trump goes, hey, there's my guy. And hits him on the shoulder as he walks by. I know everyone's like, you're not supposed.

[B]

It's just. Just a rule breaker. I know later on, hey, this guy, he got the. The king of Saudi Arabia got. And got him in a headlock.

[A]

And like, yeah, you.

[B]

I love everything you're doing here. You got a lot of sand. Look at it. It's a lot of sand, you know? But anyway, who's gonna win? Who's gonna.

[A]

I just, I don't want to predict. I just want to see a fake fight.

[B]

It's two. It's two minute rounds instead of three. It's. It's eight rounds instead of 10 or 15. The gloves, I think, are 14 or 16, bigger than regular, like this big. So they're. That. You know what? Like, let's say you and I, we're going to fight for charity and they're going to pay us. How much would you pay to take punishment from carvey?

[A]

No, it'd be too much. I couldn't take those.

[B]

You would destroy me.

[A]

No, you're scrappy. The thing is, I'm angry. That's the only thing I want for me. And I go, I go, my dad left me. Then it all comes out on you instead of my dad.

[B]

There's only one thing worse in the world than the dad leaving the house, and that's the dad staying.

[A]

Oh, yeah. We both coin tossed this because we both didn't really love it, but I think, yeah, okay. I think here's another problem, Dana. You know boxing, you're pretty. You're an officiant.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

So what I don't like about this, a. It's not a sanctioned fight, Heather. This isn't like a real fight. This is an entertainment fight, something. Call it a promotional. The exhibition fight.

[B]

So shorter rounds.

[A]

Shorter rounds. And you know what? Tyson gets paid per round. This is my problem. This is why people go, he's better in the first round. He's going to knock him out. No, no, no, no. He. Jake Paul made it. Staggered. This is what I've heard. Allegedly. So he gets more. The longer the fight goes on and what's happening, he's going to get tired or as long. And Jake Paul's no puss. He's huge, dude. So he could knock, you know, So I don't know.

[B]

I know if Jay Paul survives it and 57 comes to bite, sweet Mike Tyson, who I'm a huge fan of, in the ass. And that means once you get gassed, you know, that's the word is gas. Like once. Once you get gas and you can't really get your arms up, then you're really vulnerable, you know?

[A]

So, yeah, I could see Tyson getting knocked out. Yeah. Because I just think if he's not going to give it all.

[B]

He fought Roy Jones.

[A]

Jones four years ago, and it was just. It was more than a push fight, but they were obviously discussing, like, let's give him a little fun. Fun, fun. It was what Apollo Creed and Drago was supposed to be an exhibition. You know what I mean? Hey, Goof around, you know, hey, okay.

[B]

Let me do Drago just for a second. I must break you. I must break you. One of the great lines, and I love Stallone.

[A]

Boxing Trago was a great idea. That was a great.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And he's chopping wood in the forest and that guy's on a. He's all wired up on a treadmill.

[A]

He's with Elon Musk coaching him, you know, benching the SpaceX. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I would say split decision, then in eight rounds, you know.

[A]

Okay, and what if. That is. We'll go next week, we'll say what happened.

[B]

Tyson will be very, very magnanimous after the fight, you know.

[A]

You know, listen, listen. I don't have any hate to Jake Paul. I don't hate him.

[B]

You know, he came to fight. You know, I was there. I was scared. I was scared. I had been fighting in a while, but I just, you know, I got my boxing gloves on and I just went Full beast mode. But I think it was a good fight in the end. Nobody got hurt. We got paid a lot of money.

[A]

A lot of money. It's on Netflix.

[B]

Good. I'm going to watch. Yeah, Netflix has got money.

[A]

I hope they Netflix.

[B]

Everything's changing.

[A]

Not a pay per view. So I think they're going to get paid by the stream. Let's talk to Ted.

[B]

I would say they got upfront guarantees for Netflix. Upfront guarantees. They're not going to take a percentage through the gate.

[A]

We should have had Ted on to promote it today.

[B]

Damn it.

[A]

Dumb, dumb.

[B]

Hi, I'm. I'm Ted Serendos. Hello.

[A]

It doesn't sound like that.

[B]

If you say the name of who you're doing, you're halfway there.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

Hello, I'm Ted. I'm Ted Serendos.

[A]

Are you doing Elon Musk this week on the show or. No, you.

[B]

You know, I never know. Last week they said on Thursday night, like at midnight, would you like to do Elon? You know, and so I said, I'll give it a shot. So anyway, right.

[A]

You're a hired hand that you work, they tell you what to do and you do it.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, it's just. You just try to do it. You take the source material and you try to extrapolate it into a character and make it kind of fun. What are you going to do? I don't know.

[A]

Oh, before we get to the headlines, did you. I did my SNL photo shoot we talked about last time I was going there. Did you do yours? And how was it?

[B]

Yes, it was nostalgic. You know, I got Molly, Shannon walked in and then the director, David LaChapelle saw us together and goes, okay, you guys have chemistry. I'm going to put you two together. So then Molly got a sequin red dress on. She looked great. And then there he's up there and he goes, put your arms around her waist and get your. Get close up with Molly. And I'm like, is this okay? And then he goes, put your hand on her mids. And then put your hand up like.

[A]

I'm around her neck.

[B]

Steve McQueen or something. But she was adorable.

[A]

She doesn't care less. Yeah, she.

[B]

Kate McKinnon was there.

[A]

Was Kate there? McKinnon? Was she.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, McKinnon. Yes, Kate. I just call her. I just call her Kate. She was all the people that were there. And what happened was Walkin was there, as in Christopher.

[A]

And he was, why was Walkin there? How great.

[B]

And no one's paying attention. To him, he's reading a book on a couch backward. Big, big room. So I just kind of sat next to him, of course, started talking to him.

[A]

Hello.

[B]

He goes. He goes. After a while, he goes, I'm a huge fan of chopping broccoli.

[A]

Did he say that?

[B]

I said, really? Yeah.

[A]

That's a good one.

[B]

How do you chop it? Broccoli? But anyway, he was so interesting and fun to talk to. He was fascinated by my iPhone. He doesn't have one. He kept saying, I gotta get me one of those, you know? Cause I showing him pictures.

[A]

First one. Oh, it lights up.

[B]

So this is the fun part. Like, I had done this sketch with him when he was hosting. Jack Handy wrote it, that we're like aliens on this spaceship and we come down to earth in peace, but our door that lets us get down ladder always kills a farmer or something. So we come out and they're all mad at us, you know.

[A]

Oh, right, I remember that.

[B]

Remember that one? So we just accidentally kill someone. We come in peace, but they're all angry. And then before we run back into the spaceship, his character always has to say, let's get out of here, you know? And then we'd run up in the spaceship and his head laughing his ass off. So after the whole photo shoot, the whole thing, he's leaving. He's like 20ft away. He. He turns to me and says it with full walk.

[A]

And he goes, no, he does not.

[B]

Let's get out of here. And then he just.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

I know. How can we tell him how. How big he is, man, to us.

[A]

He. Does he know that everyone just is, like, mesmerized by whatever he does?

[B]

He's just has. No, no, he doesn't wear any ego. He's just fascinated by people and things, though, and just. But he's. You know, you go back to Deer Hunter and just. And then you think about. Oh, and then everything. Wayne's World 2, he was in that, you know.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But I enjoyed talking to him and others.

[A]

For our viewers at home, that the. The photo shoot is a photo shoot for a magazine coming out for the. For the 50th. Right. So they want the 50th anniversary. Get some. It's not all cast. I thought mine would have 100 people because they say you're on the West Coast. They're gonna do New York also. But they might have done one or two days in each place. Ours was. Same situation. It was a white box. Is that what you and Molly got?

[B]

You going to A white box. And then that's when you do your kind of single shots. But up in the big. Then they build this massive set and they take these big wide shots. And by the way, and guess what, the magazine is a regular size magazine, New York Magazine, but it's going to fold out to I think five or six panels. So to see all 60 people, you have to fold it all.

[A]

Oh, is it 60?

[B]

That's what I was told, 60.

[A]

Oh, I don't know. Because I kept going, what are we doing here? Because mine only had about 10 or 12 of us.

[B]

Yeah, ours seemed the thing. I was.

[A]

But you had a host, you had walking in it. We didn't have hosts.

[B]

We had like 20. We're walking because, you know, he said he. I was in Singapore, you know, I ordered some food and the waiter comes back and says it'd be so much better with more cowbell.

[A]

Oh, yeah, he still loves. He gets hammered with cow.

[B]

Yeah, that's number one.

[A]

One time he said, he said, I ran him somewhere. He goes, the movie, Joe Dirt, you know, a lot of people you wouldn't think saw it and come up to me and talk about it. Too many people. Too many. So he said, I said we might do another one. He goes, count me in. And then he actually did do it, the stud that he is. And I don't even know, I swear, the first one, I can't even tell you. He read it first because he just showed up and we sort of talked about it. But he's going to do whatever he's going to do anyway. But he sort of thought of it as a kind of a fun situation because it wasn't like a heavy movie, like probably like Wayne's World, like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, he's a perfect go to guy if he will go too because he's very hard to even get a hold of. Kind of like that Bill Murray.

[B]

Well, he doesn't have a telephone, he doesn't have a tv. He does. And I go, what do you do at night? And he says, magazines. I read magazines.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So Sky Mall, all the new ones.

[B]

He's so eccentric. But is it. He's a charming, funny person to hang out with and it's fun seeing everybody there, you know, just lots of.

[A]

We didn't have any hosts. We had. Love seeing Mulaney. Mulaney, Bill Hader. The guys are just like Martin Short. We just crack up no matter what. What's going on? That was fun. You know, we got in that, we did our box photo. They had me Go in there and do the thing where you do your own shots. We all laugh because you couldn't look stupider. Like, at a certain point, he's going, maybe one with your hands in the air, grab your ear, put your own dick in your mouth. I'm like, okay, let's just get this done. Like, you walk in there going, I just want one like this. Cool. And by the end, you're like yada dumb JonBenet running around with like a bowler hat.

[B]

I know.

[A]

So then we go to the structured shot like you had, where they go like the big. But it's all like thought out, like they have a blueprint. Okay, we're going to put. Amy Poehler is up here. Yeah, you're down there. And there's 80. So we, we did that. And then of course, that's the funny part because everyone's just yelling back. Because he's yelling. They're all yelling for us. There's like 20 people watching. And then we're all yelling to be funny. And then that was funny because of course everyone's saying something good. And then it wasn't that bad. It was about two hours, three hours.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I was in the box getting the picture. And so when you get in the box and he's there and there's people all around him and he's got the camera and. Yeah, he's doing all that. And yes. And up and down and squeeze and look and left. And he's not looking at me, he's just looking off camera and just pressing.

[A]

The button at the monitor.

[B]

Yeah. And I didn't realize it was the monitor so that I can.

[A]

Oh, okay, yeah, I ruined that.

[B]

So, yeah, that was.

[A]

But he goes like, he goes, can you jump? Can you jump?

[B]

That's.

[A]

He told me. And I go, not really. He's like, okay, because I'm trying to save myself. And then while we're up there, I'm just laughing the whole time because everyone there is funny and everyone's yelling something funny and you can't stop anybody. And so it was just audience member laughing at everybody. Other than that. Okay, now I guess we can get to some serious news. What's going on in the news.

[B]

David, at this time of year? I'm just going to say this and you can, you know, say whatever you want or of course, maybe you're looking back on all the amazing memories you have from 2024, especially if you are in love. Maybe you already looking ahead to your plans in 2025. I'm doing a French hack sack.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

I'm doing a French accent because that's the language you love. And maybe, just maybe, those plans involved with getting engaged.

[A]

Listen. For anyone about to take that momentous step, I recommend sourcing their engagement ring from bluenile.com Now I will say the closest I've been to being married is when my when I engaged my abs at Pilates this morning. Engage my core.

[B]

That's like a good Johnny joke. The closest you've been to being married is when you engaged your abs at the.

[A]

At the station, the local Palani station.

[B]

No, seriously, folks, Blue Nile is the original online jeweler since 1999. On blue nile.com you know what? You can create a bigger, and I'm going to say it, more brilliant piece than you can imagine at a price you're not going to find anywhere else.

[A]

David, that's Blue Nile offers a diamond price guarantee, which means that in most cases you can meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond. And you can feel great about your purchase because they're committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Feel good about that too.

[B]

I'm just going to say it again. This is easy. This makes getting a diamond ring not stressful. Or any kind of ring for your loved one or you want someone you want to get engaged to. Also bonus. David, I don't know if you know this. Blue nile also offers 100% satisfaction guarantee with guaranteed.

[A]

I knew that.

[B]

Free shipping and returns, then guaranteed service and repairs for life.

[A]

Life. Crazy life. And don't worry, every Blue Nile order is insured, arrives at packaging. It doesn't give it away. In most cases, it can be delivered overnight. Just in case you want to make one more unforgettable memory of 2024 right now, go to Bluenile.com and use code FLY for $50 off your purchase of $500 or more.

[B]

That's $50 off with code FLY@blue Nile.com Blue Nile.com Michelle Nope, it's not. Not about you. Just. It'll be a surprise.

[A]

Well, the holiday season is almost here. Are you ready to celebrate? There's still time to create space for overnight guests with all the comforts of home, even the surprise ones.

[B]

That's right. Check out sleep products to make the guest room the best room. And dining solutions to help set a table that has a space for family, friends and unexpected side dishes.

[A]

Oh, shop now by visiting in store or online at ikea-usa.com for special offers and New items. If you know me, you know that if there's any way I can make the time I spend driving more enjoyable, oh, I'll do it. That's why I'm loving Polestar's electric SUV that is finally hitting the market. Polestar 3. This car features a 3D surround sound audio system by Bowers and Wilkins. Up to 315 miles of range, and an intelligently designed interior.

[B]

Polestar spent the time designing and refining every aspect of Polestar 3. So the time you spend driving it is the best time of your day. Visit polestar.com to book a test drive today. Man rushed to hospital after stuffing 15 hard boiled eggs up his palm. It's a good one to start.

[A]

I like you reading it. Yeah, I know why we started.

[B]

That was a cold read.

[A]

This is the most important. I literally said put them in order of importance of like what's sort of news this week. What's just stupid. This is number one. This is it, I guess.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That was a good cold read, man. Rush, this is for people only. Listen to this show. There's a guy holding his rectum area. Can I say that? And a photo of a dozen eggs. And I guess they're up his behind. Dutch, man. It says hospitalized, but I feel like it would be more rushed to the hospital after insert. Inserting 15 hard boiled eggs in his behind. While under the influence of drugs. This caused abdominal pain. No shit. Prompting emergency omelet shells or no shells. Heather wants to know, can we get this guy on the phone? Despite the unusual nature of the situation, doctors weren't baffled. They were able to treat him successfully. Patient made a full recovery and even ate the omelet.

[B]

So, okay, this is an obscure impression. This is Bobby Kennedy to Jack Kennedy in 1962 when the Cuban missile crisis was going on. And May. We're going to blow up the world. He says, what do we do when the world asks why? And so that's what I do. The world asks why? I don't care what drug?

[A]

Why so many eggs?

[B]

There's no drug called oh, this is ass eggs.

[A]

Okay, yeah. Oh, let me try ass eggs. And after about 12, I know in my own experience, that's where I put a cap on it. I barely ever get to 12. And then there's three extra ones. And someone's like, listen, while we're here, there's three more. Why don't we just go for the record?

[B]

I don't know, man. Can I, can I insert something here that there's. That I needed to mention before we go to the next thing. So on the show there's people who kind of take care of you. So, you know, there's. Jody's designing all the wigs.

[A]

This is on SNL or back there?

[B]

Snl. Sorry.

[A]

No, yeah, go ahead.

[B]

On snl. And I keep forgetting to mention her, but she has a very cool name. Her name is Inga Thrasher. That's a pretty cool name. And she.

[A]

What does she do?

[B]

She gets my wig together and does all this stuff and the pinning and the glue and everything. And Morgan's my wardrobe person. And Jody and of course Louis is the prosthetics guy who made me, as.

[A]

We always say, best of the best over there.

[B]

I just wanted to put that in. Yeah, they're all, they're all great under pressure because they're just used to it.

[A]

It's all there is, is pressure on the show.

[B]

Welcome to Pressure Cooker. I'm your host.

[A]

Yeah, welcome to. Okay, next one. Let's see. I would watch Pressure Cooker that show. Okay, I'll read this one. 84 year old doctor. Oh my God, another one. Rams Colonoscopy scope. Why are we starting with these? Scope up the rectum of unmedicated patient and couldn't hear ma'am screaming because he didn't have his hearing aid in. So the doctor didn't have his hearing aid. Routine procedure turned into a frightening ordeal for a patient. The patient woke up screaming during a colonoscopy and the doctor didn't realize what.

[B]

Was going on because the reports say that he didn't have his hearing aids.

[A]

How about your eyes were communicate with Prasad either? And finally, the doctor is accused of allowing an unlicensed surgical tech to perform including the colonoscopy scope. There we go. The guy at the end like Dana. This is the news. This is the only thing that happened this week.

[B]

What's going on? I, you know, I want to follow up. I want to. I want to know what happens to this gentleman. I want to follow up on this. In the ensuing.

[A]

So you're getting your colonoscopy. I guess so now you're in pain. They can't watch you scream. Like you don't really even need to hear it. You're going, ah. And he's so involved. And no one in the room. It must have been a real ragtag operation because no one else is there to tap him on the shoulder and say, this guy's screaming. I can hear. Yeah, and he's screaming. But then the other guy was unlicensed, so he doesn't give a shit. So it all sounds a bit sketch.

[B]

What, did he go to a community hospital inside Disneyland? I mean, what's the thing? I mean, you know, they have anesthesia, they go count backwards, and then you wake up in the bed all cozy.

[A]

You're in a real place. That's what a real place is. I was at a Laker game once. We're going back to that, and one of the guys fell on us and the guy next to me took the worst of it and they took him to the Laker game hospital. Underneath there's, like a medical center, so maybe it was done there.

[B]

And you can shoot hoops while you're in the bed stuff that was.

[A]

Yeah, you just go in there and then just sneak by the weight room and grab some Vicodin out of a bowl. Okay, next one. Anything other than a colonoscopy, we will take anything.

[B]

Anything without related to. Okay.

[A]

Okay. This girl. I saw this happen the other day and I couldn't film it. This is not me filming it. But I had this exact same thing happen. This is someone getting on the freeway and there's a woman on a. Is this lady seriously going on the bird scooter in heels? You see this little, like, cell phone? This is Heather on the way to work.

[B]

Yeah, that look. Heather. Yeah.

[A]

So she is riding. If you can't see it, no helmet, regular woman, just on her way to.

[B]

Work, heels, dressed up, carrying a purse, I think, and going to work, purse hanging. Taking the freeway. The. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, she had her phone dangling on her arm. Another distraction. And I saw a guy on the freeway doing this. And I thought, what are you doing? Like, you can't even just. In a car, you're unsafe. And then all it takes is just brushing against this poor woman.

[B]

No, I don't. In New York, they have these lanes now. So you're crossing the street and you have people coming like 40 miles an hour. They're basically motorcycles. They don't have helmets. They're like electric bicycles.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Citibank and other. Other vehicles are just wishing by. And then in la, they have. They don't have a helmet. They're in traffic. So I don't understand how this became a thing, but I think you have.

[A]

To really tell you what I want. Here's what I want from a motorcycle type thing. I don't want too much noise. Like in Malibu, where they're so loud they scare the shit out of me. And I almost crashed.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I also don't want dead silence. Like Electric. Because I need to know what's going on. You need to hear someone. Because when motorcycles come up between traffic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It scares a driver. And also, you're kind of drifting around or you might change lanes. It's all scary, Dan. It's scary out there. Go ahead. Next.

[B]

They're called organ donors, people.

[A]

That's a good ending.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Okay, this is Heather. Pay attention. This is for tattoo. There's a few tattoos, right. Okay. This is what some people are doing if they're more extreme in that world.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I haven't heard of this.

[B]

Hole is then made in the skin using a dermal punch.

[A]

Dermal punch. I have one base for the anchor.

[B]

To be inserted under the skin. This base has small holes that allow.

[A]

Tissue sickening, even in a cartoon implant.

[B]

Stable. Once set and stabilized, the stud is.

[A]

Attached on, like my act with all.

[B]

These noises, the skin heals around the imp, creating a decorative piece of body art.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

A small hole. Okay.

[A]

You can get anything.

[B]

A part, a star, someone, dimension.

[A]

Yeah. You could put anything. That guy put a D. Was that what it was, a D?

[B]

I think it was a letter.

[A]

Put a letter that is raised like brail in your hand. Go ahead. You have a question.

[B]

It was my hand, and I. It was you, and I reveal it. No.

[A]

What if it was. Was a D for Dana or Davey, your partner?

[B]

I don't know. It could have been D and D. We should promote that. But, yeah, so there it's all that tissue growing and stuff. And then you have a tattoo or an. You know, you have a little Egyptian sphinx on the top of your hand.

[A]

Yeah. I don't love.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Heather, have you heard of this before or. No, it's been around for quite a while. Oh, it's been around.

[B]

What?

[A]

Look at how out of it I am.

[B]

Do you have a tattoo?

[A]

I just saw that video, and I'm like, I have two tattoos, but I'm not. I'm not into that. You know, like, people that do their eyes black. That's really. Might be the worst one that I've seen. Oh, piercing. Yeah. Okay, you're right. You're right.

[B]

You see people who go up and up and up, and then they kind of have a neck. Just a neck tattoo all around. Looks like they have a permanent a neck brace. To me, it looks uncomfortable, even though it's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they start to creep up on the face and under the eye and around the hairline. I'm like, okay, either you're going to be in the show Business or you're going to be on the unemployment line.

[A]

With, yeah, the only job you can have is working at Arby's or something. Yeah, there's, it's really limiting because I saw on even, you know, sometimes you have a job where they say you have to cover your tattoos, you have to wear long sleeves. At work. I saw just even a sports show. I was shocked that the guy had the neck tattoos with a suit on because it made me realize, oh, I guess they're not hiring those guys or they're covering it because a lot of people have some stuff. But, but I rarely see those tattoos on those shows. There's still some sort of corporate edict where they don't really want tattoos.

[B]

They don't really want them. When I was a kid, you'd see a World War II guy probably in his 60s by that point, and he would just have an anchor on his shoulder and that was it. And it was like he was in the Navy and he had an anchor. So I think no, I would just have a microphone tattoo or something or a stand up stage, you know, kind of like the improv stand up stage. I'm obsessed with show business.

[A]

Or the name of all your specials down your arm. Even the new one. Heather said your new name. I told him already.

[B]

Yeah, come and get some. Come and get some.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good name for a special.

[B]

Now that was that expression around before I started doing it. Come and get some. As a figure of speech.

[A]

I mean maybe it's like a fight. Come and get some.

[B]

Or it's like the mom paw kettle ringing the bell at 5:00. Come and get some.

[A]

That's more. But also Rackham has been around. But I like Rackham. Okay, and then what's the next one? Let's see. Hang on, let me see what this is. Oh, I thought this is interesting. This is a 3D printed neighborhood. This would affect construction. Let's play it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is a 3D printed neighborhood outside Austin, Texas where 100 homes were built using AI and robotics. It's crazy. They're made by a company called icon who's developing sleek, energy efficient homes that come decked out panels, thick concrete walls and a pretty thick concrete space. But the craziest part, they're actually affordable. By using 3D automation, Icon can make these houses faster and cheaper than anyone else. They can build the core structure of a home in 24 hours. And although 3D printing tech has 24 hours than we thought, it's finally starting to happen because Icon Also made the first 3D printed hotel. And another suburban community in Texas is, there's so much more here. But by 3D printing homes, they could actually solve the housing crisis. Think about it. Prices have skyrocketed because of a supply shortage. So by rapidly increasing home production for a fraction of the cost, young people may actually be able to afford a home. And these houses are beautiful. It's a no brainer. So fire up the 3D printers and you know, if they listen, all I got from that, if they can make it fast, make it cheaper and people can buy houses, that would be great. That's, that's the positive. I mean, the negative is it takes away from someone who does those jobs. You know what I mean?

[B]

Well, you want a house in a redwood grove that has some history to it. That was the baby boomers. And now you're just give me a square cube. It's like a dollhouse that's a little larger, basically.

[A]

Yeah. You used to go, I like this because it's Spanish. I like this because it has history now or in New York, it's built in 1912. Now it's like, give me a shelter.

[B]

Literally just square. But maybe they look cool, I don't know. And maybe they could be.

[A]

They looked good. They look like real houses. I would probably know that.

[B]

30 grand or something. I mean, I don't really. Wherever you go, there you are. And I've always said to people, you don't. You, you live here in your brain and your body. You know, you occupy a house. It's not where you live. Good night. Little wisdom alone.

[A]

Oh, it's true. Sometimes when I used to get mad or sad and then I go, I'm going to go to Hawaii. And I'm like, wait, I'm still going to be there. So you're trying to, you're like getting away from your problems, but the truth is you're just thinking all the same stuff in a new location.

[B]

Right. And everything you own owns you back in some way. You have to maintain it, insure it, use it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[B]

I got a lot more wisdom. I'll do it on this episode.

[A]

Maybe just scribble it down and email it to me.

[B]

I got.

[A]

Okay, okay, this was a funny one because, you know, this is late, but a Halloween, people do different, you know, Wayne's World costumes or bench warmers. This one's a pretty good one for a scene in Grownups. So not only they dress up like us, but they did a scene, they put work into it.

[B]

That's interesting.

[A]

This is a scene from the movie you've never seen, I'm sure. Dana.

[B]

Shot by shot.

[A]

That's Spade when I had Red short. That's me running away. Yeah, that's Buscemi with the cast. Cast on. Yeah. Kevin James pulls a hamstring there. Have a lot to work with. There's a small backyard, but it's working. Spade face down in poop. Chris Rock runs like that in the movie. It's pretty accurate so far. Sandler. Oh, Sandler picks up the dog. Yeah, that's heavy.

[B]

That's a heavy dog. It's a big dog. Frame by frame.

[A]

Oh, still going. Oh, yeah. The arrow's in the air. And there's Schneider. He's excited because he's going to win. That's pretty good. An arrow landing his foot.

[B]

Wow. Geez.

[A]

Isn't that good?

[B]

Let's get him. Let's get him a deal with Happy.

[A]

Madison to do a movie. We've already done.

[B]

No, do another movie.

[A]

But that was good for using a small backyard. A lot of cuts. Pretty accurate. Low budge. But, you know, plus the half of the scene that was an ACDC song in the real movie. But Grown Ups has pina colada in that in the movie. Which is also could be the hookiest. Greatest song. I love the song. It's got a great story that no one even listens to. Yeah, I've told you this.

[B]

I know. I totally understand.

[A]

Oh, we're gonna have to cut the music. Oh, we just got word because it's the pina colada song. But we can't afford jack shit on this show. Damn, we'd have to pay. Oh, it's good. They did a good job. So just picture if you like coladas, you know what kind. I'm not gonna say it. I wanna get in trouble. Don't pull us down.

[B]

Can we just humble that song?

[A]

Because it's a guy lives with a girl and he sees a personal ad about someone that likes all these things. They used to have personal ads instead of Tinder. And then he reads it next to his girlfriend. He goes, this sounds mean, but I was sort of bored in this situation and I said, oh, you like all these things? So do I. Let's go meet. So he sneaks out the next day to meet her and he walks in and it's his girlfriend.

[B]

Two things I love about it. One is that it's just so silly and so ridiculous. And two is it's just all these friends are doing it with you. That Chris Rock comes In Shine, you know, it's just funny. Nick Schwartz or whoever was in it, I don't. Yeah, yeah, it's very charming. It's a charming, funny movie.

[A]

Movie's charming. Pina Colada's song is charming. And let's keep going.

[B]

Available on live streaming wherever you get your live streamings.

[A]

Kim Kardashian visits fashion archive. Oh, this is where they're keeping not her closet, but where she keeps more of her stuff.

[B]

I just want to see kind of where I've been and where I want to go.

[A]

This is everybody in their closet. 30,000 pieces of clothing. Thousands of clothes.

[B]

I think I have, like, 30,000 pieces.

[A]

God dang. I've never seen photos organized.

[B]

So fun to see your style evolution.

[A]

Fun. I would throw up. It's terrifying. Sort of style wise, go back to the stuff that you used to wear.

[B]

I don't know. Oh, that's like my biggest insecurity is.

[A]

I like that she's shopping at her own store. Of. It's so, so easy that I have my closet and it's just.

[B]

I have my Balenciaga room, and I'm like, okay.

[A]

And you don't have to think about it.

[B]

Yeah, but I also have for a long time.

[A]

I'm tired of thinking about it.

[B]

So dependent on Kanye and the team.

[A]

When it comes to my style. I mean, I've always had Kanye there.

[B]

As, like, this crutch to teach me.

[A]

So much about fashion. And having that not be there as my crutch to, like, guide me has.

[B]

Really forced me to figure it out on my own.

[A]

Do you remember when Kanye cleaned out your closet?

[B]

I love how they're unabashed everything. Did you keep those? They own it.

[A]

Okay, that's enough. I mean, I'd say, well, do you.

[B]

Need advice from Kanye if you say to some kind of designer of clothes, can I have 30,000 clothes? Pieces of clothing in here? You're going to have a few.

[A]

And something's gonna work.

[B]

Something's gonna work. And then once again, weight management. You don't wanna go too thin or too heavy. And then you have 30,000 things that you can't fit into. So she has to be very careful. That's.

[A]

Or she probably fits in all of them. It just. Where do you start? I'd be so overwhelmed. I couldn't even see straight because I have a storage unit. Literally, use nothing from it, cannot get rid of it. Warren Grant talks about this all the time. Everyone does this, and then one month they lapse and they sell everything which happened to Kanye. They happened to Paris Hilton. So you have to. It's more stress because you have to pay every month. Or they just pull it and then they can sell it. And I don't know what's in there, but I don't want to throw it away. But nobody wants it, and I don't want it, but I'm scared of it. It's all sentimental.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I just can't stand buying clothes in a clothing store. I just. I. So I'm terrible. I just have black T shirts. And then you know where I got this?

[A]

You zhuzhed up this photo shoot. Don't you say it.

[B]

Photo shoot shut.

[A]

And you walked with it.

[B]

Well, a guy said, I'll see if you can take it. And I kept walking. And then it was 90.

[A]

Let's get out of here.

[B]

Let's get out of here. And then walking. Waited for me near his car when we were all leaving. He goes, you taking the jacket without permission?

[A]

Badass shoplifter.

[B]

But I don't know. I went into the Gap and I walked around, and I don't know. And then you go in the dressing room. I just couldn't find anything.

[A]

They tell you, hey, you need anything? What about now? You're in a different aisle now.

[B]

Yeah, they knock. They knock. How's that. How's that pantry? How's that pants going?

[A]

How's your pant feeling? How's your wiener in there?

[B]

How do you answer to that? How's that pants? It's always singular. It's a horror show, man. I don't know if I'm supposed to put my leg in the hole or where.

[A]

I need. I need help.

[B]

I don't like a overzealous salesperson.

[A]

Yeah, how about when you're eating and they go, how those first couple bites going?

[B]

Yeah. How's that taste? How's this tasting for you?

[A]

Did you chew it? And then how was the chewing? You like our forks? Forks good so far. Forks holding all the food on the fork.

[B]

Oh, wait a minute now let me get this straight. You're opening your mouth and using a metal device to shove the. Into your orifice? Yes. Guilty. Is.

[A]

And is that going good? So you like the restaurant, that's what you're saying, huh?

[B]

And then sometimes you get that. That sort of almost sexual aggression. You liking it?

[A]

Huh?

[B]

How you like that calamari, huh? Want to have more of it? Want some more?

[A]

I'll get you some more. That's what you're doing with it.

[B]

I'll get you some more calamari. That's your. If that's your thing. Get you some.

[A]

You like jamming it in there? Can I have your leftovers? What does that mean, taking it with you, by the way? I like when they. I like when you act rich because you feel like an asshole. I don't eat everything. You want me to put that in a box, right? I go, I want to forget I was here. They're like, where are you, by the.

[B]

Way, in your fantasy story? What restaurant?

[A]

With a bunch of food around me like this?

[B]

The Beverly Hills Hotel.

[A]

Scallop potatoes and everything. And I eat three bites and I go, that's good. And they go, you want to take this to go? And then I feel guilty and I go, yes. Then I leave it on the hostess stand. And when I walk out, well, when.

[B]

I go on one of those Asian fusion restaurants with you, I know I don't really have to order. I don't have to order because you're going to order like nine things.

[A]

I do order a lot.

[B]

Little bit. But that's great because I don't have to order because it's just like.

[A]

Yeah. And then I go, you're saying everything but the word koi. I know what you're doing because I hate ordering.

[B]

And so it's just so cool. I just don't order, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Okay, so we'll do one more. We got time for one more. Pick a really good one. Yeah, I don't know if this is good. What is this?

[B]

Whatever the best one is. Okay, here it is.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know what this is at all. Let me see. Turn cussing out bosses into a viral business. And honestly, it's genius. If you've ever wanted to tell your boss or co worker how you feel, but you don't really want to lose your job, this guy does it for you.

[B]

You submit an anonymous complaint and he.

[A]

Will show up to your work. He yells at someone and rip them a new one while also saying your complaints verbatim.

[B]

He comes into work every day with.

[A]

The same gray plaid button up with gray undershirts. This Heather's scribbling out what she's going to have. This guy right now.

[B]

He has some help.

[A]

But if they're not in your area, they can also make phone calls to your boss and do the same thing. He has turned cussing out bosses. Okay, stop.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

So you hire him.

[B]

You hire someone as a surrogate for you to go in and cuss out your boss.

[A]

But first of all, this is so asinine Because I could see, obviously, you'll probably get fired. So I could see this service for breaking up with someone. You hire someone to go tell them, hey, it's not working out in a nice middleman way, maybe. Is that possible? That's possible, right, Heather, what do you.

[B]

Think I'd be hiring a hitman?

[A]

You'd be hiring absolutely horrible. If the person cannot look at you in the eye, they can do other.

[B]

Things with you and your body, but cannot look you in the eye.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, the guy. Oh, it'd be horrible. No, I could say only women can hire him to break up with guys. That's better. No, of course it's horrible. I'm saying, would people do it? It's the only thing worse than a text breakup.

[B]

I would hire someone to go to the IRS and break the news that it's just not happening this year with Dana Garner. Look, I can't make. I'll get you in a couple years. I would hire a guy to do that.

[A]

You know, that's just not working with you paying.

[B]

Just. Yeah, it's just not. It's not happening this year. Whatever you think you're getting from me, think again. This is my surrogate, and the guy I'm thinking of is right there on the screen.

[A]

I will say, david Spade. I work with David Spade. He's saying he's seen what you're doing with the money that he's putting in. He doesn't like it, and now he's cutting you guys off.

[B]

He's tapping out. I'm here representing him. He's. Yeah. Stepped out.

[A]

He doesn't like what's going on. No hard feelings. He's just not paying anymore.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I had a. An accountant once that he had a little room in his office with no windows, and they would put the heat up to, like, a hundred degrees. And then we had the IRS guys go in there. They'd be like, okay, sure, that's a deduction. What the fuck?

[A]

Oh, just to get rid of them. Oh, that's great.

[B]

Drenched in sweat. They're cramping up. It's okay, man.

[A]

You know, cramping up.

[B]

Write it all off. Just send us 5%.

[A]

Not a bad idea. Make it uncomfortable. I heard when you go into Burger King, there's those little plastic seats and all these fast food restaurants because they don't want you to stay. It's uncomfortable. You just get through your lunch and you're like, I'm not relying. Let's get out of here.

[B]

Okay. Let's do Some comedy writing. I'll do some comedy riding with you. There's Burger King, there's Dairy Queen. What's next?

[A]

Jack in the Box.

[B]

Jack. I guess that's.

[A]

Could be King, Queen and Jack. All right, well, we wrote something. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Jesus. Can't figure out who to go to. You know, either the Dairy Queen, the Burger King, or the Jack off in the Box. That was the joke I did in high school for my friends, and that's a good one. Killed them when they were stoned, trying to meet girls I saw.

[A]

And I didn't want to tell Heather this. It looks like they're closing my favorite Wendy's on Sunset. I don't know if they're closing it, but they put the green fence. Then you don't want a green fence around. That means reconstruction or tear down. And when I'm on my street and there's a green fence, I'm like, well, two years starting now of trucks. Beep, beep. Bulldozers, cement trucks blocking. Stop alto. Go around. They're making a skims near me and. Which is Kardashian's company. Hallelujah.

[B]

Used to be called Spandex. Right now she called it skims.

[A]

It used to be called granny panties.

[B]

And then they're like, we have the.

[A]

Sexiest, highest waisted beige underpants. I'm like, obviously selling to women, not men. So it's not. It is what it is. But anyway, they're building it, ripping it down. There's a crane that was 300ft tall the other day. I go, everyone's stopping me. Go around. You can't drive.

[B]

Damn. And you're saying they're. They're throwing out your precious Wendy. Wendy's and putting in Wendy's. Can I ask you a question? Because I haven't been to Wendy's in a long, long time. 60s. What do you buy at Wendy's that's so good? I mean, what's their why, why, why, why Wendy's?

[A]

Dana, speak to that. You're like, you have the floor. You know, it's tough. I love. The problem is there's a Burger King across from it, which is really, you know, you're in a fatso area because like on the freeway they have Wendy's, McDonald's, Burger King, like all in a row, Dairy Queen. So obviously people are like picking. Choose your poison. So I think if I had to put them in order, I go to. I go to McDonald's the most. But at Wendy's, I would get a single cheese, mustard only. And the Fries are not bad. They're not my favorite, but they're good. And Diet Coke, that's.

[B]

Well, if Bobby has his way, I mean, it's gonna. There's gonna be a lot of stuff about fast food. He's gonna.

[A]

What if he's the guy there with a hard hat going, we're starting right here.

[B]

Oh yeah, I'll have a double. I'll have a double Wendy's with cheese and a milkshake. No, there. No, it's me now.

[A]

You're not getting.

[B]

What is Robot Bobby Kennedy Jr.

[A]

I like a single cheese and, and a booster shot. You're not getting.

[B]

You're not getting any of that. But how big would his program be if he's individually in one? Wendy's just trying to stop a few people. So it's probably not going to be that bad. You know, unless he creates robots with AI. You know, I don't think you should be having this food. I think quite frankly it's poison and you shouldn't be eating it. So I'm here by shutting down Wendy's and get the fuck out of here.

[A]

David. Sunset and La Brea.

[B]

I loved you and Joe Dirt, but the podcast isn't working.

[A]

It's not working. We should have him come on and teach us about nutrition because you need some nutritioning up, Dana. We all do.

[B]

Absolutely. I think it's probably. Probably he'll do good. I assume. You know, I'm always in.

[A]

I'm like, is it bad that I'm eating Captain Crunch still every morning? Oh my God.

[B]

Still worth shit. Well available. Here is the Faustian deal, because there are no solutions, only trade offs in policy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So what's worse? People going to fast food places and dying of diseases and being obese? Or you go to McDonald's and there's a government guy there with a hat on? I'd like you to step on scale, sir, first. Okay. All right. And here's what you can order. A lettuce burger.

[A]

Yeah. You should be able to pick, I don't know, shitty stuff.

[B]

Yeah, but. But I would think people, it should be a treat. Not like your staple ideally because it's expensive. You can get a. This is educational alert. A sweet potato and some spinach and maybe a little can of albacore tuna for like a buck fifty at a, you know, at a kind of Ralph seven eleven. Yeah, yeah. So you can eat. Eat well is cheap eating and fast food like you do. You go out every day and you drop like 20 bucks on a burger. You get in that car and you.

[A]

Go, I love everything like you do.

[B]

Like, you know. You know how you. You. You do. And your people.

[A]

You know how you are. Yeah. All right. I think that's a good bang ending. I think that's good also. I wanted to say sweet potatoes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Scarface.

[B]

I. I know. What are you gonna do, man? You like it. You like her. You like to live in Cuba, man? They tell you what to do. They tell you what to think, man. They treat you like an animal. I'm here. I want my human rights. I want to see what that for the fans. Anyone who's listening to this late at night. There was one. Scarface is getting interrogated. The chief interrogator. I could tell his voice is being overdubbed because I got an ear, you know, And I believe the voice that was used was Mr. Charles Durning, which was an actor from that.

[A]

Oh, I love. So that's a Durning. I was thinking of Bruce Dern, but Charles Durning, I believe that was his name.

[B]

And he. He overdubbed that man's. That whatever his. He was in the beginning, the interrogation scene, the beginning of Scarface when he first lands in America.

[A]

Trivia.

[B]

Trivia for the people in the comments.

[A]

Okay? And I will have an announcement on the show next week. That's a cliffhanger.

[B]

Okay, Tyson and five.

[A]

Okay, I say decision. Tyson. I can't bet against Tyson. I just can't. I can't do it. So Tyson decision, because they're going to make him go all the way, I think for more money, I think according to my fake calculations.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, we'll see. See you next week.

[B]

See you next week, everybody.

[A]

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Super Fly as a executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.