SUPERFLY #43 - Cash & Speed

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade – SUPERFLY #43: Cash & Speed Release Date: November 22, 2024

Overview In this engaging episode of Fly on the Wall presented by Audacy, hosts Dana Carvey and David Spade dive into a vibrant mix of personal anecdotes, creative brainstorming for upcoming projects, and sharp commentary on current pop culture events. From navigating the chaos of showbiz rehearsals to critiquing the recent Jake Paul fight, Dana and David offer listeners a behind-the-scenes look at their lives and thoughts with humor and camaraderie.

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1. Life After SNL Rehearsals

The episode kicks off with Dana and David discussing the exhausting nature of their Saturday Night Live (SNL) rehearsals. David shares his feelings of being "discombobulated" and burnt out from late-night runs and early morning flights.

• David: “[03:12] This is probably, it's right up there with the most discombobulated I've been starting.”

Dana contrasts this by expressing a more upbeat demeanor despite the exhaustion, highlighting their differing coping mechanisms.

• Dana: “[04:44] Joy and life and happiness and bounce. On the other hand, you should, you.”

2. Wardrobe Woes: Sweaters and Hair Dryers

A substantial portion of the conversation revolves around the frustrations of laundry mishaps and wardrobe malfunctions.

• Dana: “[05:22] So today I'm going as long as I can without taking it off.”

David relates with his own struggles, humorously describing his T-shirt turning into a makeshift dress after a laundry mishap.

• David: “[06:17] I know.”

They both share laughs over the challenges of maintaining fashionable attire amidst the rigors of their schedules.

3. Brainstorming Upcoming Projects: “Bus Boys”

Dana and David delve into discussions about their potential movie project, “Bus Boys,” imagining it as a comedic adventure akin to Dumb and Dumber. They explore various plotlines, including sequels and spin-offs like “Billionaire Busboys.”

• Dana: “[07:26] I have a good name for a bar ready. It's German bar.”

• David: “[12:16] But I think Theo's really funny. He's got that really quirky way of talking.”

The duo brainstorms creative ideas, highlighting their chemistry and shared vision for the project.

4. Pop Culture Commentary: The Jake Paul Fight

A heated discussion emerges around the recent fight involving Jake Paul, where Dana criticizes the event for lacking genuine entertainment value.

• Dana: “[22:45] I will say lastly the last thing and I better not hear one more word about the Jake Paul fight...”

David adds his observations, pointing out the superficial aspects of the fight and its orchestration.

• David: “[25:12] Other than that, I thought the fight was free. If you have Netflix.”

5. Gift Recommendations: MasterClass Promotion

Dana and David recommend MasterClass as an ideal holiday gift, emphasizing its value in providing lifelong learning opportunities.

• Dana: “[17:37] Right. I mean, it's never too late to learn.”

• David: “[19:12] Okay. Okay. Wow. Now they got big names on here.”

They discuss the platform’s diverse range of instructors and the personal growth it can offer, making a compelling case for its inclusion in holiday gifting.

6. Industry News: Retirement of Simpsons Voice Actress

The hosts touch upon the retirement of Pamela Hayden, the voice behind Milhouse on The Simpsons, expressing surprise and offering humorous takes on Dana’s potential audition.

• David: “[40:03] I don't know those people who got on Simpsons.”

• Dana: “[41:38] Is it turned into Brat Fall or are we into Bratwinter yet?”

7. Humorous Stories and Personal Anecdotes

The episode is peppered with funny stories, including their experiences in strip clubs, hair dryer disasters, and navigating high ATM fees in Las Vegas.

• Dana: “[57:02] I go on the regular side.”

• David: “[59:07] If you told me what's too high at an ATM, I would say 199 is about as high as they could ever go.”

These anecdotes showcase their comedic timing and ability to find humor in everyday situations.

8. Animal Impressions and Running Gags

Dana and David entertain listeners with animal impressions and a running gag about racing animals versus humans, blending humor with playful competition.

• David: “[60:57] So if you try to run away from an ostrich, just try to get away within the first 100 meters...”

• Dana: “[61:01] We go far enough, the human will win.”

9. Closing Remarks and Future Episodes

As the episode winds down, Dana and David reflect on their conversations, teasing the inclusion of two guests in the next episode and encouraging audience engagement through YouTube.

• Dana: “[63:55] Stick around. Talk to us in YouTube. Smash the button.”
• David: “[64:05] Like it. Repeat your comments.”

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Notable Quotes:

• David at [03:12]: "This is probably, it's right up there with the most discombobulated I've been starting."

• Dana at [05:22]: "So today I'm going as long as I can without taking it off."

• Dana at [22:45]: "I will say lastly the last thing and I better not hear one more word about the Jake Paul fight..."

• David at [25:12]: "Other than that, I thought the fight was free. If you have Netflix."

• Dana at [57:02]: "I go on the regular side."

• David at [59:07]: "If you told me what's too high at an ATM, I would say 199 is about as high as they could ever go."

Conclusion SUPERFLY #43: Cash & Speed offers a delightful blend of humor, personal stories, and sharp insights from Dana Carvey and David Spade. Whether they're navigating the fallout of intense rehearsals, crafting comedic movie ideas, or dissecting the latest pop culture happenings, Dana and David deliver an entertaining and relatable episode that resonates with both long-time fans and new listeners alike.

Transcript

[A]

I have a sense of gratitude when it comes to Thanksgiving, Christmas and the holidays. I don't know about you, Dana.

[B]

I do too. I think that's what. Because you know, the word thanks is this total giveaway.

[A]

It's right in there.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

It's a giveaway.

[B]

Yeah, it's a giveaway. If it was called watch out for yourself time, holiday, selfish, giving.

[A]

Yeah. Listen, we get together Thanksgiving, think about maybe how learning a new language can enhance your connections and enrich your experiences with just people of the world. Rosetta Stone. You know, Dana, you've. We've talked about forever the most trusted language learning platform available on desktop or as an app. It immerses you in the language you want to learn. That's the way to do it.

[B]

Yeah. And you know, I've been in New York for a while doing Saturday Night Live and I walk around Central park and boy, do you hear a lot of accents and a lot of languages. You know, I don't know what they're saying. I'm like, with Rosetta Stone, you've got a tool in your hand that is probably the best way to learn a language. Going right now.

[A]

You know, this world is getting more mixed every day. It's not bad to know something you could learn. They pretty much will teach you anything. Spanish, French, Korean, Chinese, Japanese. Rosetta Stone immerses you. No English translation. So you really learn to speak, listen and think in the language. Right?

[B]

Yep. It's an intuitive process, which is great because I think I never, I didn't retain Spanish in, in grade school. You pick up a language naturally. First with words, then phrases, then sentences. It's designed for long term retention.

[A]

Lifetime membership has all 25 languages for any and all trips and language needs in life. That's lifetime access to all of the 25 languages they teach at Rosetta Stone.

[B]

And also by, by the way, and guess what? Built in True accent feature gives you feedback on your pronunciation like, it's like having a personal trainer for your accent.

[A]

Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get it started. For a short time. Fly on the Wall listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership holiday special. This offer will not last long. What do you got to do though?

[B]

Visit rosetta stone.com fly that's unlimited. David Access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your holiday offer@rosetta stone.com fly today for yourself or as a GIF that keeps giving. Muy bien.

[A]

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[B]

This is probably, it's right up there with the most discombobulated I've been starting.

[A]

The most super fly, tired and beat.

[B]

Up discombobulated because I've not, not, not a complaint. Just observations from doing the Friday night last Friday, the run through for the cold opening on SNL goes to like 1am so forth and so on and then yeah, they do things late and they go all night a lot. They're young, they do a lot of. I mean, yeah, we didn't go out.

[A]

Like 11, I don't think.

[B]

No, we went. Yeah. Dennis was. Well anyway rehearsal at a Broadway show at 7 but because he had, he was update. But just rehearsals. I mean Andy Samberg did a video and it was an 18 hour day the day before but that was his primary thing. It was really funny.

[A]

God dang.

[B]

So then you want to stay. It's Lauren's 80th, there's a birthday cake, a crazy party. So you sort of turn out the light at four or five and you get up maybe five hours later. Then you find your way to the airport and then it's a six hour, six and a half hour. We, we have to announce some headwinds and then it might be longer. It could be longer. So here I am now. But I'm, I'm very vulnerable. I could say anything. I might say something crazy because I'm so, yeah, so burnt out. But you know, anyway, I'm full of.

[A]

Joy and life and happiness and bounce. On the other hand, you should, you.

[B]

Are literally fresh as a daisy Persona.

[A]

Literally. Look at this. So I have a sweater on and what I was thinking of telling you just to give you premium content and our listeners, I, it's cold in LA in the morning so I put a sweater on and then it quietly gets hot and now I'm getting mad. I ref. I don't want to take the sweater off. So I refuse. So today I'm going as long as I can without taking it off. And Heather's taking off her sweater as we say that I have a really hoodie.

[B]

I Called an audible. Right before I saw you on the Zoom. I had a cool hoodie. I looked amazing, but I was starting to heat up. And I love a T shirt. Like the collar is like this the day you buy it. And then it's fucking, you know, oh, it's getting loose.

[A]

Little flash dance over the shoulder. I hate that so much. Dana. When you go to hotel now, rich man's problems of course is we call them. What do you call first world.

[B]

We call them first world. First world problem.

[A]

So I go, hey, this is my old skateboarder magazine T shirt. My favorite in the world. Fits tight, it's all good. They go, great, just wash it, delicately fold it. Sure. They give it back to you. They pull it over a hanger and now it's a scoop neck this big from shoulder to shoulder.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they go, oh, that'll pop back. I'm like, not a chance. Never will. It's hasn't for 30 years. You just stretched it out. So now I'm rat fucked.

[B]

I know.

[A]

But other than that, the sweater is still on. I'm fighting it, but I don't want the heat to win. I'm like, I don't care if it's hot.

[B]

I'm like, oh, long as you don't get sweaty. But basically, yeah, if they bring back. If you put a T shirts in into laundry and they bring them back in the hangar, you. I just throw them right in the garbage.

[A]

You're done. Yeah, garbage.

[B]

I look like I'm wearing sort of a low cut halter top.

[A]

Yeah. And then it hangs low like a skirt. You just belt it where mini shorts under it. Yeah, I'm just. You, you sweater, you sweater, you sweat. That's what I'm doing today. That's my whole. That's an old who song. Remember that?

[B]

Here's, here's an insert on this. I had a two thousand dollar suit. This is in the nineties. I had to have one good suit. I don't know what it was, Armani or something. The Russian housekeeper just happened to be Russian. I wash. Good for you. She put it in the regular wash and dryer. It came out that Herve village would have fit it perfectly. It was just like.

[A]

I have a good name for a bar ready. It's German bar. They serve liverwurst and all that stuff, you know, to make sure it's called the worst with the W. Right. And then you go, let's go. That place is the worst trademark. Hello Sharks. I'll give you 5% for a million dollars.

[B]

Let's go to unsoversed. I love the accents I hear in the elevator in New York. Just.

[A]

Like a hundred.

[B]

Excuse me, could you talk in a regular language? That's kind of scaring me.

[A]

I said, a lot of people have accents. They sound like John Rocker all of a sudden. Okay. Also, we talked about my sweater. We got that out of the way. That was good. You butt dialed someone here at the show, at the party. And it made me laugh when I heard that because, yeah, if you pick.

[B]

Up a cell phone, then you can dial any. Anyone in the world. I once. I once had Putin on the other line. I mean, I don't even know how I touched myself.

[A]

Touch the phone. It goes. That's why you got edges. I hate it. It's like, don't touch the front. Something's happening.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't even tell Kevin Nealon this, but he was doing a movie once, apparently, and he butt dialed me, and I listened for 37 minutes, and it was just like, let's do another take. Let's do another take. No, I didn't say, that's funny. But, yeah, I did. But dial. And I don't know if they heard much, but it was just at a loud party, man.

[A]

All they heard was like, oh, Dana's coming out to sing Happy Birthday to Lauren. And Marilyn Monroe's dress.

[B]

Yeah, does he have a dress? No, he has a stretched, stretched out kind of silver T shirt. So it looks like a dress.

[A]

I could barely hear you saying, lauren, do we get paid here at the party? Or how do I get the money for the show? What do I do?

[B]

He goes after that cake. I'll be honest. He's not shy about cake.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Oh, no, he's not a heavy gentleman, but he's. You know, I actually had a sliver. And then, you know, I had a cholesterol test yesterday, and I just got the results.

[A]

Okay, you want to read them live on the air like Maury Bovich?

[B]

No, it just said, too much cake at the top. I don't know how they know that.

[A]

They should have a cake cutter. Fucking shark tank again. They should have a cake cutter that just cuts it in slivers because everybody doesn't want a full piece. Just give me a little sliver.

[B]

Yeah, well, they have a thing called a knife, and it pretty much does that, so.

[A]

No, no, no, I can't see in your knife.

[B]

Come back with. Okay, you have 10 seconds. Try to think of something you could monetize in your life.

[A]

I'm saying a cake Sliver cutter. It's just a sharp knife that you call sliver cutter. Okay, well, I don't have many good ideas. That's it.

[B]

That's all right. I've got pie scooper. So you're able to put ice cream on top of the cherry pie, and then you can scoop it up. And my scoopers design, in a way, it keeps the ice cream in the. In the.

[A]

Oh, by the way, in other news, Bus Boys is happening now. Dana.

[B]

You're kidding.

[A]

Bus boys is a GoPro.

[B]

Wow. Can you tell me what it is about? What do you mean? Bus Boys? I think it's a movie. I think it's a movie.

[A]

The Bus Boys are movie right here. Yes. Spade and Theo Vaughn are two losers. Of course. It's kind of like, you know, dumb and dumb or something. We're just two guys that are busboys and think that becoming a waiter is the ultimate goal and will really straighten out our loser lives.

[B]

I won't say, why are you busboys?

[A]

Well, my girlfriend leaves me and we have nothing. No one in our town likes us. We're driving to see my girl, I find out she's cheating. And I said, dude, let's just go to Mexico. All good things happen in Mexico. And he goes, I've heard that. And then we take it to Mexico, and then we see a sign that says, because she left me for a waiter, so I want to be a waiter.

[B]

So basically, you're. You're senior Bus Boys. Because normally you think of busboys late teens.

[A]

Well, we're all. You're the oldest bus boys in America. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And then you. Everything goes awry, and you just head to Mexico for an adventure.

[A]

A bad idea. Yeah.

[B]

And does mayhem ensue?

[A]

Not right away, but.

[B]

Yeah, but I think Theo's really funny. He's got that really quirky way of talking. And then juxtapose with you. Count me in. I'm sure Pluto.com is going to love Premier.

[A]

I'll be. It's the Penny Saver magazine is doing a new streaming service, so it's a first for them. Yeah, I thought.

[B]

Brought to you by Newman's own Italian Dressing.

[A]

No, Italian Dressing has a streaming service now.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, you know, it's just.

[A]

We'll just put on their website.

[B]

Hmm.

[A]

Yeah. Theo's interesting, dude. And I think I'm the smarter of the two dumbasses.

[B]

Sounds like you've got kind of a southerner, not quite as big Chris Farley on your hands. A loose cannon.

[A]

Well, I think if you have, I'M always sort of grounded a little bit in reality in movies, just because my disposition and demeanor, I guess. But I would. I'm never the crazy over the top. So if I do a movie with Jim Carrey, I would let him handle that part. Even though it is fun to do that stuff. But even wrong, Missy. I was the Ben Stiller in, you know, Something about Mary or Meet the Parents where everything's crazy and you're just trying to hold it together.

[B]

But I mean, there has to be a movie where you're not the straight man. You're. You're funny.

[A]

No, this isn't really the straight man. This is two guys are funny and so it's really us. You know, I, you know, I heard that was a funny joke on Weekend Update. I think you were there about Mike Tyson fight, which was. It wound up being Mike Tyson and Jake Paul against the audience.

[B]

Defeat the world or something.

[A]

Yeah, those. Yeah, yeah. Because it was such a. And listen, we love Ted and Netflix did a great job. I mean that's. They got what they want. A big showy thing that everyone would watch. We got that part.

[B]

It's the most watched boxing match in the history of the world. Go ahead.

[A]

I didn't know that.

[B]

60 million. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

But is that more than like the Rumble in the Jungle or Thriller Manila?

[B]

I think so. Yeah. The tangle in the weeds, that was Frazier Norton.

[A]

You gotta have a skirmish in the burmesh.

[B]

But I like this busboy movie. I want this to be the beginning of the people having awareness.

[A]

You know, I would say it's a trilogy, but it's actually 15, so whatever.

[B]

Just for a second. I'm going to work on the trailer.

[A]

Spade, Vaughn one.

[B]

Bus Boys. I'll get your server for you. Hey, buddy.

[A]

And then it goes. Coming soon. That's all they get. That's all they get.

[B]

And then cut to you as senior readers. You got sombrero, catalero.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Cut to a stress. Is something crazy going in the.

[B]

I ever. I've told all you on this podcast about Lovett's and I's billionaire busboys.

[A]

Billionaire bus boys. Yeah. Lovett's talks about that sometimes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, that's my idea.

[B]

I go, well, I think it was both of our ideas, but billionaire busboys that have to be employ as busboys to keep their inheritance. I guess Lovis and I were brothers.

[A]

Is it like Brewster's Millions or something?

[B]

Well, it's kind of like then they would be just super obnoxious to people. They would sit a Guy sitting, eating. They would just sit down, eat their food. They're trying to get fired because then they get 24 hours of fun before they. So they're just the most obnoxious busboys in the world. And then we had a theme song. Do you guys have a song like Ghost Buses?

[A]

No, I'm trying to connect. Oh, yeah. Who are you gonna call? Bus boys, when you need more water? Who are you gonna call?

[B]

So when might this film be completed and edited?

[A]

January we start.

[B]

Okay, so. So you'll be early 26 or you're gonna get it out by next summer if you edit.

[A]

What's next year? 2025. I guess it will be in 2025. 2025. You can't let comedy rot. I don't like when it sits. I don't like a special sitting. I don't like any joke sitting. Someone else doesn't like it. Especially if you and John Rush, billionaire busboys and green light it. That might come out first.

[B]

We couldn't even get it on as a sketch of Saturday Night Live. The busboys ride off into the sunset. Right.

[A]

Okay. We. We are the oldest bus boys in the world. That's just the first idea. But we are. Anyway, it came out pretty funny. We wrote it together, and he's a very funny dude. But we can move on to more topical. Well, Christmas is coming. And, you know, for a gift that's always on time and lasts a lifetime, you can't do better than Masterclass. If you want to be kind of unique, kind of different. Right.

[B]

You're giving some. Someone something that may change their life forever.

[A]

Right. I mean, it's never too late to learn. Everyone's looking to learn, hopefully. And, you know, Masterclass is the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow with over 200. More than 200. Wow. Whatever. Yeah. This is why wire cutter, which. You don't know what that is. I do calls it an invaluable gift.

[B]

It used to be something you get after, like, you know, barbed wire. That's what we call.

[A]

Yeah, that's what we call shots. I had a couple shots of wire cutter last night. Yeah, but. But yeah, I don't need wire cutter to tell me this is a good gift.

[B]

It's a. It's a gift of unlimited learning. Put it this way. You're going to learn from any Masterclass instructor anywhere on a smartphone, computer, smart tv, or even for you, David, in.

[A]

Audio mode for me.

[B]

I don't know why.

[A]

You can overcome your fears with Amy Poehler, who I just Ran into Amy Poehler. So funny. And if you could get her on just one on one teaching you stuff, I think it's definitely worth it.

[B]

I just ran into Amy Poehler too.

[A]

Is she okay? We both ran into her.

[B]

We ran into her really hard. I ran into her and Tina Fey. It's a long story, but they're adorable, brilliant people. Yeah, Amy Poehler. Take a class from her that's going to be charming and funny.

[A]

Stand up. Stand up with our boy, Judd Apatow.

[B]

Judd Apatow. He's a director. He's a stand up. He's another pro. Or David, for you. You could turn passions into achievements with cultural icon. Wait for it. Martha Stewart.

[A]

Okay. Okay. Wow. Now they got big names on here. These classes make a difference. 88% of the members feel that masterclass made a very positive impact on their lives. So I mean this is probably the way to go. I mean what to gift this to someone I think is a good idea. No risk. New memberships come with a 30 day money back guarantee. God, I would, I would probably take. I always say Steve Martin would be an interesting one. Scorsese. If you care about movies like there's.

[B]

Great people and you can learn anything on Masterclass. You know, there's so many, so many categories.

[A]

Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays. Sometimes as much as 50% off. Head over to masterclass.com fly for their current offer.

[B]

That's up to 50% off at masterclass.com/fly masterclass.com/fly. David, at this time of year I'm just going to say this and you can, you know, say whatever you want or of course maybe you're looking back on all the amazing memories you have from 2024, especially if you are in love. Maybe you already looking ahead to your plans in 2025. I'm doing a French hack sack.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

I'm doing a French accent because that's the language you love. And maybe, just maybe those plans involved with getting engaged.

[A]

Listen, for anyone about to take that momentous step, I recommend sourcing their engagement ring from blue nile.com Now I will say the closest I've been to being married is when my, when I engaged my abs at Pilates this morning. Engage my core.

[B]

That's like a good Johnny joke. The closest you've been to being married is when you engaged your abs at.

[A]

The, at the Money station, the local Pilani station.

[B]

No, seriously folks. Blue Nile is the original online jeweler since 1999 on blue nile.com you know what you can create a bigger and I'm going to say it more brilliant piece than you can imagine at a price you're not going to find anywhere else.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

With guaranteed I knew that.

[B]

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[A]

Life, crazy life. And don't worry, every Blue Nile order is insured, arrives at packaging. It doesn't give it away. In most cases it can be delivered overnight. Just in case you want to make one more unforgettable memory of 2024 right now, go to Bluenile.com and use code FLY for $50 off your purchase of $500 or more.

[B]

That's $50 off with code [e-mail] Bluenile.com Michelle Nope, it's not not about you. Just it'll be a surprise.

[A]

I will say lastly the last thing and I better not hear one more word about the Jake Paul fight is the Jake Paul fight when all the dust settles I feel like they did it and the way out of being a good fight was this wasn't it was for entertainment purposes like a exhibition entertainment match but the problem is there was no entertainment so now I'm suing over that.

[B]

Let's take some it was that's a big statement what I just made someone said that Logan Paul who probably is a very normal sweet guy but he knows how to stir the pots start.

[A]

With that every time a normal greatest guy in the world. Yeah I love this guy but he.

[B]

Learned that he could play the bad guy and then his clicks and views and money and fights and you know is really good for him and so it was a show.

[A]

Well did you know this part? What I'm just to interrupt your thought Logan thoughts I think you said Jake. I think he said Jake or Logan but oh which one is at the beginning at the beginning of the fight Jake was one fighting I think you meant but Logan is not twin but Looking the same brother was behind him, spraying him. And I guess that was his deodorant line. It's just all. He knocked his hat off. I think he did that on purpose, Heather.

[B]

So I got that wrong. So Jake Paul.

[A]

I would have been fucking pissed if I was Jake right at my moment. And he sprays that shit. And plus, that gets in your eyes. And he knocks his hat off to get more attention back there.

[B]

Yeah, that's just like. Can you. Can you stop promoting? You would have. You could punch in the face. You hold up anti swelling spray. You know, available now. But I got his name wrong. I thought it was Logan Paul. So it was Jake Paul and it was Eddie. Eddie Tyson. I thought it was Mike Tyson, but it was Eddie Tyson. Right?

[A]

You got it right. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And Jake Paul has a. You know, I'm sure they have their own bio freeze that you rub on where you got punched and deodorants and things like that. It's all like, hey, buy our. And act dumber than you did, that you bought the fight. It would be even dumber if you bought this stuff, too.

[B]

Other than that, I thought the fight was free. If you have Netflix.

[A]

If the fight was free, I'll give it that. Yeah, I'll give it that. I'll give it that. That's Netflix. When you hear that. That's why it does better than the other fights. It's free. You don't have to pay a hundred bucks.

[B]

Yeah. 280 million subscribers.

[A]

Yeah, they got billions. Listen, if I have to get a crowbar in my wallet, it's a different story.

[B]

Yes. I'm excited.

[A]

I'm so excited. Who's he. Who's he fighting? Hey, come on, let's fight.

[B]

Come on. Yeah. Biden should get in there and fight.

[A]

Biden should Twitter him and say, hey, face, come on. Want some of this?

[B]

I'm not kidding around. I'm being serious here. Here's the deal. Come on. And by the way. And guess what? The fact of the matter is, you.

[A]

Don'T want to know what I did to Corn Pop.

[B]

Yeah, I popped him in the corn. I know how to. Popcorn. I had a thing where I was going to go Bed Bath and Beyond, but then there was a rewrite and they kind of did something else.

[A]

They fucked you.

[B]

It was kind of funny.

[A]

What about a picture? I saw Biden, like, in the Amazon rainforest. What is he doing? What's going on?

[B]

The G20. I mean, 20 countries got together and said, hey, you want to be part of the G20? Sure. Count me in.

[A]

Let's do it.

[B]

Where can we meet? Let's meet in the rainforest of Argentina or something. So Biden was down there.

[A]

That's where he should be wandering around. That's not a great idea.

[B]

Well, he was at the podium. Then they thought he wandered off in the jungle. He just said, that's the way people do it all the time. And he walked out his frame into the. Into the jungle.

[A]

It's like I like, walked out of frame. Showbiz.

[B]

He walked out of frame. He had a really nice single on him.

[A]

He had a PA with him going, I think number one on the call sheet is going 10, 200. That means 200.

[B]

Oh, I saw him. Number one is walking or whatever.

[A]

Yeah. When they say that's Steve Martin. Yeah, number one in the call sheet, they go, number one is walking. The other thing they say is, we're going to go 10, 100. Which sounds like a nice way of saying go pee. But if you hear 10, 200, everyone goes like this. Steve Martin has to go drop a King Kong finger.

[B]

That's like a car meme of like, how much joy can you derive?

[A]

Oh, yeah, I know what they mean by that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He means poop.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna laugh a little more. Yes. Entertainment.

[A]

All right, anything else before we get to some stories and headlines? Try to keep the balls in the air for that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're tired from the party. You flew back from snl.

[B]

I'm down. I don't want to use the word tired. That's kind of negative. I have a stretched out T shirt. We have seven hairdryers. My wife and I. My wife has.

[A]

My wife, she story just got better.

[B]

Seven hair dryers. And her hair is so thick that she goes, I'm going to go dry my hair. It's wet hair. I go, all.

[A]

Takes me to.

[B]

I'll see you tomorrow. No, it's literally an hour. So because we're moving in so many metrics, L.A. san Francisco, up in the undisclosed farm, New York, all the hair dryers got in different locations. So I washed my hair.

[A]

Disaster.

[B]

And then it was like. So I said, looks good. Yeah, yeah, right. Like that's gonna win an Emmy. So anyway, I had no hair dryer, so I put the hat on and that is the end of the hair.

[A]

Girls, I don't know, they got the hair dry. It's got three speed. Then they got a upside down. It throws out your clavicle one time. This is embarrassing. Michael Keaton show on snl. I went down to nine where they were rehearsing on eight. I went up to nine and I took a shower and some sketchy wherever, and I brought my trusty blow dryer down. Why did I need to blow dry my hair? I don't know. You were at 8 inch with a blow dryer. I walked around. I think Herb Sargent was in there naked. I just walked right past him. Anyway, I take a shower, I get out, I go upside down. Like sometimes you see in movies where they blow dry their hair and I flip my hair up and I passed out on the ground. I hadn't eaten. I love blood sugar. And also my neck was so tight. So stressed that this holding, this thing was tightening it. And it was like I couldn't even turn to the side. But obviously you got to push through to get the fluff and bounce in the hair.

[B]

How long were you out?

[A]

You think, what a fucking disaster. I'm like, am I in the cold opening? Is that where I am? And everyone's like, no, you're not in the show.

[B]

I have a hair dryer story. And don't be alarmed, but it tops yours.

[A]

So, you know, no way.

[B]

Sometimes hair dryers do things. Sometimes they wear out. Sometimes whatever. There's coils in there and there's heat coils. I'm drying my hair. Guess what comes out. Warm, hot air and then flames.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. I throw it down.

[A]

Coil related.

[B]

Yeah, coil related. Shorted or something. Flames came out. And I thought, I don't want a blowtorch. I want a hair dryer with cool, warm air. And yet I had a blowtorch for a minute. Lauren walked in. It was the same shower. You ready for their sketch? He got singed. It's a long story.

[A]

There was a police, and then Elon Musk. You pull back, he's sitting there going, this is a good idea. I'll make a flamethrower.

[B]

Hey, right? I got my hat. I'm Dog Mega Dog Murder Doc. Mega. I can't do Elon Musk very well, but I can do something that sounds not like anything. He has an incredible accent.

[A]

Where is his accent from?

[B]

South Africa, via Canada. Oh, South Africa, South Africa. It's almost like it's a little bit of Australian in there, a little bit of British.

[A]

My buddy from Rules Engagement was South African. South African. Adir and Charlize. Does not sound Charlize.

[B]

No.

[A]

Let's just admit she took the beautiful cutaway award at the goddang Tyson fight. You see that Heather when you see her? Oh, my God. Stunner.

[B]

Charlize yeah, she's. She's very tall.

[A]

Oh, I mentioned her. My special, too. Sally. Charlie's. You're just.

[B]

I saw her. Her and Chris Rock at a party standing next to each other and I just looked up and I just started seeing Ebony and Ivory because she's such a.

[A]

Who was who? Yeah.

[B]

Blonde. Yeah. I don't know which was which, but I like that song.

[A]

She's great.

[B]

Paul McGough.

[A]

Oh, you said you. I. We were talking to the Do Not Destroy guys who are going to be on Fly in the Wall soon, and they. You had Charlie X KX xx. What do the X's stand for? And what are the. What's going on?

[B]

I don't know. But she was game for anything and I loved her. I didn't really know. Please don't destroy. I really don't know. I didn't know much about her because I, you know, I listened to Frank Sinatra and stuff. But she's really cool. She. And she came out and she goes. I'll be honest with you. She's practicing her monologue. I smoke, I drink, and I can't sing without auto tune. I thought this is the coolest, you know, because everything's about authenticity. And I think, yeah, that was great. I smoke, I drink, and I can't sing without auto tune. So that she has.

[A]

Is it turned into Brat Fall or are we into Bratwinter yet?

[B]

Because it was Bratzer's song. You're a brat. Brat. Am I a brat?

[A]

Well, you know what it is? What is it? Oh, Kiss. Charlie Kiss.

[B]

She just thought it sounded catchy.

[A]

Oh, it sounds catchy. It's definitely hard to say. I don't know. I'll get you repeat that Well, I didn't need to repeat that.

[B]

You didn't repeat that well.

[A]

Oh, she's thought it meant Kit, you know. Right? Yeah. Because Kiss is an X. But she really just picked it because it sounds. She picked it because it sounds cool. But I'm saying it doesn't sound that catchy. It's hard to say. Charlie xcx.

[B]

Charlie xcx.

[A]

I don't know if that's Catch. She's. It's working. So I'm not going to say that.

[B]

Working. I'm going to be dana.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

L7, LLC 5. Like a. I'm a automated robot or something.

[A]

Yeah, boy. Well, let's throw up some headlines. Let's see what's going on.

[B]

I think so. Rescue the podcast.

[A]

Our next one is Fracture. Dana, let's just. We're going to Fracture. We're going to go through this. So every year, Dana, I think this is it. This is the holiday I killed at gift giving. And then somehow you get socks. I send you socks.

[B]

Oh, David, socks. That's basically a cry for help wrapped in cheap cotton. Partner, this year you're leveling it up with the no Fail, jaw dropping gift everyone will love. Wait for it. Fracture.

[A]

Fracture. That sounds something like I did to my ego in the 90s with when I read reviews. What is it?

[B]

It's genius Fracture. No, listen, listen, listen. All kidding aside, listen, listen for a sec. I'm not joking. Fracture takes your favorite photos. Like that one of you rocking the mullet and brings them directly on sleek, modern glass. Hear me out. Hear me out. The colors are so vibrant, so stunning. It's like your David Hollywood memories all aglow.

[A]

So any photos of me with the mullet on that lives in glory, that's like a hall of fame. I'll take.

[B]

That's exactly you starting to get it. Okay. Single prints, gallery walls, frame, frameless. They've got it all. I'm telling you. I'm here to tell you, David, just upload your photo and boom, you're gifting like a pro. There's no effort required. That's good for you. Which is perfect.

[A]

So I don't need a toolbox because I have one screwdriver in the house.

[B]

And then you have one screwdriver right before dinner.

[A]

It's a slippery snipple.

[B]

No, you don't have to lift a finger. They come ready to hang. No hammers, no extra holes in the wall. Just sleek, stunning glass prints that make people gasp. Even Aunt Barb. And she's a tough crowd.

[A]

Barb. All right. I love it. So this year, no socks, no oven. It's no candles, just Fracture.

[B]

Thoughtful, personable, unforgettable. Fracture is. I'm going to just say this. Whatever people think, it's the no fail makes you a holiday.

[A]

We both said no failure.

[B]

Yeah. No fail. We're just going out on a no fail limb.

[A]

All right, well, finally, my mullet saves Christmas. What's the kicker?

[B]

You get 30 [e-mail] with code fly fracture, making bad gifters great scents whenever they started.

[A]

Dan, I gamble a little bit, but I'm so good at it.

[B]

That's.

[A]

I tell people, don't worry about me. I'm good. Even though I, you know, I lose a lot, but I go to BetMGM across the socials. That's at BetMGM. It's a sports book. Born in Vegas. Here's the deal. You got second chance on first touchdown score. So all season long bet. MGM is offering you a second chance on your first touchdown bet. Okay? So you get what's going on. So customer places a wager on a first touchdown score bet. He does not score first, but scores second bet. MGM will return 100% of their stake back in cash.

[B]

Oh, well, well put and well said. You know, I was talking to Paul McCartney.

[A]

Yeah, what are you saying?

[B]

And I said, paul, what, what, what do you. What is the second chance on first touchdown score with bet mgm? He says, well, you know, the season can be long and it lasts the whole time, you know, bet. MGM is offering you a second chance on your first touchdown bet. That's so. So when a customer, you know, they place a wager, a big wager on a first touchdown score bet, and he doesn't score first, he does not score first, but he scores second. Yeah, you get the score, not first, but second. We return 100% of the stake back in cash. And that means pounds and quid and all those things.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

I said, thanks, Paul. That really.

[A]

That's all you guys talked about?

[B]

All we talked about. I wanted to talk about the Beatles. But he goes, no, let's go back to this. If you do, the first touchdown score doesn't go.

[A]

Yeah, we know.

[B]

We heard.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You get a second chance with the score. Second, you get 100% back of your quid and your pounds.

[A]

And your pounds. Listen, Pounds, Bet, MGM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly. Bet, MGM and Game Sense remind YOU to gamble responsibly. C betmgm.com for terms 21+ only. This U.S. promotional offer not available in Ontario.

[B]

Gambling problem. Call 1-800- GAMBLER available in the U.S. for New York, call 877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny 467-369. For Arizona, call 1-800- NEXT STEP for Massachusetts, 1-800-327-5050. For Iowa, 1-800-BETS OFF for Puerto Rico, 1-800-981-0023. Subject to eligibility requirements in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel. Hey, come on in.

[A]

Small Business Saturday is right around the corner. And so is that shop you've been meaning to check out on November 30th. Support your local community by shopping small on Small Business Saturday. Founded by American Express. Pick up a new outfit, a handmade.

[B]

Gift, some vintage vinyl, maybe even some local tea.

[A]

Thanks so much. See you soon. Shop on small business Saturday. November 30th.

[B]

That's the powerful backing of American Express.

[A]

Oh, this is footage from the Jake Paul fight. Let's see a couple shots.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I like the music.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why is it so funny?

[B]

Because cats are happy and acting like cats are funny.

[A]

And they're barely touching and they're squishy and they didn't hit each other that hard. So fucking funny to me. I'm going to throw you a curveball, Dana, because I just read this in the way in. Maybe you can pull this up. I don't know. It'll. Greg, this wasn't the plan, but the voice of Milhouse on the Simpsons is quitting. And it's an interesting. I'm wondering why. Because they've done Milhouse for 25 years and it is a female. I think. I think that's what I read. Apparently I get all these stories Wrong Everyone on YouTube. Like you didn't even fucking know what you're talking about. It's all right, but if we can pull it up here, we're going to go down again, Heather. Oh, this isn't bad right here. This is what Heather deals with all day. I just go up, down. I think there's. Oh, yeah. Simpsons voice actor Pamela Hayden retiring. So she's retiring from maybe the easiest job in the history of the world.

[B]

I don't know those people who got on Simpsons.

[A]

Wow. You could do this, Dana. You should audition for this. This is a great job. Hey, Bill House. How does he sound?

[B]

I don't know how it sounds.

[A]

Miles. She does Jimbo Jones too. Go ahead. Sorry.

[B]

There was a while where Harry Shearer was thinking of not continuing and they, they reached out to me. I go, I can't do a Harry Shear stuff or, or could I? Whoops. Hey there. Hey there. I'm Mr.

[A]

I'm.

[B]

Yeah, you just dual voice and have it.

[A]

I mean any character. Hello, My.

[B]

My name is Milhouse. I like chocolate.

[A]

No, I go like this. I'm Milhouse. I'm. I'm grown up now. How are you?

[B]

I'm Jimbo Jones.

[A]

Yeah, Jimbo Jones sounds like a funny character. I like your eyes.

[B]

I'm Jimbo Jones. How are you today?

[A]

I'm your new neighbor.

[B]

I just say I'm available for some kind of 35 year animation gig where I come in once a month and go to a window and collect actual cash.

[A]

We need another Hotel Transylvania. If anybody has any deets on that, hit me up.

[B]

I need A Secret Life of Pets 3.

[A]

Yeah. Welcome to the Hotel Transylvania is such a gift. That keeps giving. And they're funny. I have to say. They are.

[B]

They're fun.

[A]

Great for the fam. Yeah. Okay, next story.

[B]

Oh, married man fakes his own death to meet woman across the seas. I read about this.

[A]

You know what's funny about this? That I thought, if this is right, his name is Hogwarts. No, it's Bogwart. He was. He was missing after a kayak trip. I think what he did was like flip the kayak upside down. That's a good touch.

[B]

Wow. You know, maybe I drowns clothes or some kind of. What? Just nearby there's key.

[A]

And then he called. He called her and left a. Okay. Oh, so what happened is he's asking for advice somewhere and someone goes, hey, that's the guy. So he gets on a TikTok, like almost accidentally, and they go, that's the guy that disappeared. And that's how they find him. That's why it's interesting.

[B]

Really. Oh, my God.

[A]

Even she's excited. So he shows up in this thing in what town? I think it says San Diego. He didn't go that far then.

[B]

But he fakes his death. And then he goes.

[A]

He said, should I go to Uzbekistan to meet with a woman despite being married? And they're like, oh, that's the guy. And so they go, did he go there and. And get married to someone else? So that's how they crack the case.

[B]

God, that's.

[A]

That's what they think.

[B]

Oh, maybe it's just thinking, so that guy's been arrested. What is the crime for faking your own death? It's not as bad as killing someone.

[A]

No, I think it's more. It's. You get. You get accused of being a coward for not divorcing.

[B]

So in the public square, people shun you and say, cowards. Shame, shame. Shame.

[A]

Shame.

[B]

Liar. You can fake your own death, but can anyone fake their own birthday?

[A]

Let's look at a clip.

[B]

I don't know. Just sounded funny.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Fake is over. It makes no logical sense.

[A]

We talked about butt babies last week. We didn't put that clip, did we?

[B]

Butt babies. Yeah. Yeah. I don't.

[A]

I sent it to you. I'm like, I don't know if this is a real clip.

[B]

I'm not calling that real.

[A]

Next one. Okay, don't say anything yet. Hold on. She has this brilliant talent. Okay? This girl does. I don't think it's that groundbreaking, but the length of it is funny. She does. We'll quickly comment as she goes, okay, she has impressions of animals. Okay, good. Easy.

[B]

Robin.

[A]

American robin, of all things.

[B]

Pretty good.

[A]

Too fast. Too fast. Anyone could do it. Anyone.

[B]

Easy, easy.

[A]

Making her tongue weird is the key. Oh, that's nothing. I'll give her that. They're too fast. Sheep. 2 out of 10. 8 out of 10. I like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I like her face. Or depending on what part of the country.

[B]

What? What? Who is this person? They pull the camera back and she's.

[A]

Knows what a klukabera sounds like. Every child can do that in school.

[B]

Wow, that's pretty cool.

[A]

Grandma's a lesbian.

[B]

With a little whisper.

[A]

I mean, she might be the fastest.

[B]

I'll tell you what. And I'll just.

[A]

I hope Lauren saw that.

[B]

The. The book Sapiens. If you think about the bioevolutionary advantage to have someone who could do these sounds, an ancient man on the prairie or hiding out in rocks trying to sleep. They can scare off or, you know. So there is a reason. I just figured out why certain sounds talk like other people talk like.

[A]

So if we go across the plains in a. In a covered wagon, she might be the one to bring with us.

[B]

You're the sound effect guy.

[A]

The coyote walks up in the middle of the desert, and I go, oh, there's a sprinkler. Here's a cockapoo. That one's like. Here's a caca bird. Caca kaka.

[B]

I mean, after about three of them, I don't know what.

[A]

I did get a headache. Okay, here it is. Ready? Morning birds.

[B]

Evening birds.

[A]

Bird flying away. That's the best one.

[B]

Old fashioned rodeo. Rotate. Rotary phone.

[A]

How do we get into this?

[B]

Operator, give me Lionel, 547532.

[A]

I like when it's a short one. You just do the one. No one knows the joy of that. Heather's too young. Okay, next one. Let's see. We're really boot scooting along. Columbia bans marriage after 17 year campaign. Oh, they banned child marriage. You have to be 18 now to get married. Let's go, Columbia. Good job.

[B]

How young could you be in Columbia.

[A]

And still in Iraq? It's nine.

[B]

Nine.

[A]

I think they just said it's nine. Everything I say, I think. I think I just saw that, that it was nine. And everyone's like, I think that still feels low. So 17 years it took them to get it to be like 18 years old. So that's good.

[B]

Progress.

[A]

Yeah, progress. Thank you.

[B]

You know, I mean, in caveman times, when you. You were an old man by 30, you get married at 12.

[A]

You know, we do have to adjust it a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But you gotta speed up life a little bit.

[A]

When I think when. When people are, like, at a party and I'm like, how old's that guy? They're like 85. I go, Jesus. So people are hanging in there.

[B]

No ancient tribe. You see a guy with gray shaggly hair and jowls, he's like, I am chief of this tribe. I live for 28 summers. They used to come.

[A]

People quickly calculate and go, so he's 28.

[B]

Yeah. Why did they not just have make a mark on a tree? I like it. I live 31 winters.

[A]

The oldest guys. Okay, next one. Really? These are worldwide stories we're breaking.

[B]

It's great. It's international.

[A]

Okay, this is a basketball player, Hansel Emanuel. And he has one arm, and he's a. Is this college? Yeah. Right. Lanier will drive all the way. Oh, here's Highlands.

[B]

The only question still lingering is that.

[A]

If Tennessee can be a large hill to climb for that. So he's really good. Look at that.

[B]

And Emmanuel's got it here. Look out.

[A]

Stealing Emmanuel.

[B]

That was pretty. With the right hand.

[A]

Wow, that's purdy.

[B]

That is extraordinary.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Superstar basketball player.

[A]

I can't do that well with two.

[B]

Well, a lot of. You know, when you look at Steph Curry and stuff, he's kind of balancing. I mean, depends. He must have pretty big hands.

[A]

But you need to kind of. You know, when I. The way I shoot everybody.

[B]

When you're doing those pickup games, when.

[A]

I'm doing fadeaways, I. This. This hand does help. Left hand helps me.

[B]

No, no. I mean, obviously two hands is better, but, you know. Yeah, but that means definitely harder with one. He's got guts. He's got tenacity. He's. He's adaptive. And.

[A]

And he's actually good stealing.

[B]

He's really good. He's blocking shots. Just one arm. He probably has a good vertical. He's stunking the ball. So, you know, he's stunking. It's fantastic.

[A]

Good for him. Good job, Manuel. That. That was our field story.

[B]

I was gonna say that. Yeah, go ahead.

[A]

Read this one.

[B]

This store in China uses real people instead of mannequins to sell clothes. Okay. Oh, and they're on little treadmills.

[A]

Ah, vaka va keka. Looks like they're doing tiktoks. So they're just talking. They're walking on a treadmill in a store window so people can see what.

[B]

It would look like not on a still mannequin. But on a moving human.

[A]

Right. I like the idea. How long you think your job's hard. How long could you walk in that treadmill without drenching in sweat?

[B]

Well, the way I saw it, because it was a really short treadmill, it wasn't scarier. Not a lot of room for error. So I think they last until they fall off, you know?

[A]

God dang. You gotta go, hey, timeout, like. Cause you have to let them know before you jump off treadmills. You can't get too tired and get swept back like George Jetson or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, treadmills can be scary. If you're really going fast, you fly off.

[A]

Yeah, they really make. They really make it to, like, the Instagram fail videos. There's a lot of treadmills in America's Funniest Home Videos.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know if it's you. I just do this. But at the airport where the. There's a really long people mover moving along, and people get on that. I like to go. Not on the people mover, but go so fast that I go way past all of them.

[A]

But you go on the regular side.

[B]

I go on the regular stuff. I don't have nothing helping me, but I want to beat them.

[A]

Yeah. Sometimes I do that just out of sheer. I'm so cramped up for the six hours. I want to walk, I want to move.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I know. I've sat more in the last four days than I have in the last 40. And I'm sitting now.

[A]

Yeah, it's embarrassing. All right, one more. Let's see. Now we do a couple more. Oh, I just thought. This is a crazy photo. This is a Miami strip club. Look at the floor after the weekend.

[B]

Wet cement and mud or something. Mud.

[A]

That's money.

[B]

Oh, money. Oh, wow. And that's a strip club. They're just almost drowning in money. It's like ankle deep.

[A]

I think they kick everybody out. They flip the lights on, they go, okay, gals, grab what you can, but who on God's green is spending that much? That's one of those things I never got into. If I had a couple beans in my jeans, I don't throw my money. I don't try to waste it this fast and this hard. I have been to strip clubs in the old days, but it's such a clown show where they just, you know, they don't like you as much as you think. Dana.

[B]

I was one once. Gary Bruckheimer and Don Sim Simpson, the late great.

[A]

Oh, my God. Don just.

[B]

We're In a car in Vegas, me and Levinson. And then they took us to a strip club. My only time. And I realized that every person up there is doing and dancing and stuff. And I thought if they turned the lights up and said, all strippers tonight will get paid triple and you can all go home now, would they be happy or no? I want to flirt in my G.

[A]

I like these guys.

[B]

Yeah, I like these people.

[A]

But yeah, I know Lovetz is. I'd like to see Lovetz going, hello, I'm John Lovett, and this is a $1 bill. Would you like it? Jealous.

[B]

And now I'll place it in your G string. And I want you to earn it.

[A]

He says it like it's a magic trick.

[B]

I started talking to woman standing right in front of me dancing, and I just started talking. She wants goes to school and where she grew up. I just don't find it appealing. But, you know, men have this. This whatever you want to call it, this visual overdrive thing. But women is. It seems like. Is it bigger with women now? Because all the movies. Magic Mike, that women go see the Aussie, the Thunder from Down Under. Thunder from Down Under. They're all.

[A]

Someone knows that title pretty well.

[B]

I know. Ask Heather. Are women that as visually oriented.

[A]

Heather, was the last time you went to a strip club for men? Never. Are you clamoring to would it be fun with a bunch of girls or no. That they'd rather see girls? Yeah, it's more fun to go to a girls strip club. See girls. By the way, if you have a girls strip club, they are the number one girl that the girls go up to. They love it. Pretty girl walks in there, they get so excited. That's just facts.

[B]

I won't even. Yeah, I'm just not gonna. I'm gonna let that.

[A]

You're just gonna listen. Let that listen.

[B]

Wave over us that men and women want to see women strippers.

[A]

Yeah. Facts. Okay, next one. Oh, this really got my goat. It almost burned my onion a little bit. If I could think of any. So when you go to Vegas and take out 20 bucks, you have to pay 1199 fee at the ATM.

[B]

Well, hello, hello, hello.

[A]

It's Vegas policy. And I'm going to take $20 out.

[B]

Of the ATM machine in Las Vegas.

[A]

$20 and the fee now here at MGM Properties. So I'm hoping to make more than 12 from this video. I mean, watch it. Come on. And we will see whether or not we can get any views. But $12 to take out. My God, Farley, would Have hated that. Yeah, well, Farley's take out $20 a day and then you know what strippers like is when you give them a 20 and then you go, Can I get 18 back? They go, I'm sorry, what? They don't like to give change.

[B]

18 my back. I'm just thinking of the Goombas, you know, these guys, these, these Vegas guys upstairs, you know. All right, we're going to have the ATM meeting. All right. Opening. What do you think? What's the most we can charge?

[A]

Too much a dollar.

[B]

People tell us to go fuck ourselves. What can we do? $5. I got $5 here. Could we Ohio and still have them use the atm? Boss, I'm down. I'm telling you, any money bad. I think we would go 850. 850. Okay, we got 850. Got anybody 10? You have 10. $10 so that they can pull their own fucking money out of the only fucking machine. You know. Boss, I've been thinking. I had a dream last night. We go 1199. 1199 once, 1192 twice.

[A]

1199, folks. Do you understand? So to get. When I heard if you told me. Because I don't use an ATM anymore because I don't like getting shot, stabbed. It's really the most vulnerable. Like a peep behind.

[B]

Like I only do it in a grocery store. I don't do it out on the street. Not in la.

[A]

I only do it. My doctor's office.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So you get the money to pay him cash. Who's your doctor? Dr. Babingo, by the way.

[A]

I haven't. I haven't been to a doctor that uses insurance in about 10 years. No one. They're always like, actually, we don't use insurance. You pay us and then. Or they go, you pay us. Then you figure it out with your insurance.

[B]

Oh yeah, yeah. And you figure it out. And then the insurance never sends anything.

[A]

Yeah. Then they go, you could pay us right now. And then after that you can go yourself. I don't care at all what you do.

[B]

Go yourself is always the best way to end any conversation.

[A]

Okay, so that one. I will say if you told me what's too high at an ATM, I would say 199 is about as high as they could ever go.

[B]

I think there was an ATM in the hotel and I think it was 450.

[A]

That's on. That's sickening. That's such. And.

[B]

But in the moment, you're like. You're like a monkey with a little. Must have money I'll pay anything. Just. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You're just rip up ripping up 100 bills at that point when you're in Vegas or you're at a strip club, you're just like, you know.

[B]

Exactly. That's what they want. They want.

[A]

All right, let's do one more and then, Dana, I gotta get you to bed.

[B]

I will go right to sleep as soon as.

[A]

Oh, we're going to end on this. And this one might be too long. I just thought.

[B]

It's all right.

[A]

We did something like this.

[B]

Oh, I like.

[A]

How far is a kilometer? Is that like a mile?

[B]

A kilometer is like two and a half laps around the trail.

[A]

Okay, we'll just turn it on. So basically you can have no sound. Doesn't matter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So basically, what's the fastest animal on earth now? Okay, so obviously Cheetah gets to 500 for 100k.

[B]

100 kilometers.

[A]

Cheetah, yeah. So here's one and a half kilometers. The horse starts beating. Horse starts to beat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the cheetah. Here comes a ostrich, guys who had money on the ostrich. So now it's just down to the horse and the ostrich.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Three miles.

[B]

Three miles, five miles. The ostrich beats the horse and they destroy everyone else. Okay, the camel comes in. That's three miles in the.

[A]

A camel.

[B]

And then the camel's catching up to the horse and the ostrich is hanging.

[A]

In with all three catching up the ostrich around 12 miles.

[B]

And we're looking at 12 miles. Look at these babies.

[A]

Coyotes back. Oh, here's a human. That's human.

[B]

We go far enough, the human will win. I do know that. Okay, you wish.

[A]

You know that. I guess you haven't seen 20, you know, 13 miles.

[B]

Oh, where is it going to end?

[A]

We're at 22 miles. We're ending at 100. I guess that seems a little 100 miles. No one's running 100.

[B]

Well, no, they have 100 mile runs. Yeah. Okay, so the human is gaining kilometers.

[A]

It close to a mile.

[B]

Well, 100 kilometers would be 60 miles.

[A]

Okay, the human is passing the camel, folks. It's just in.

[B]

And the horse. The human is in the lead horse too, at 100 kilometers.

[A]

At one camel second. Wait. Horse or third ostrich beat the fucking horse at last. Second.

[B]

Oh, at the last second the office came in.

[A]

But finish.

[B]

60 miles. Humans dominate. Yeehaw. Take that.

[A]

Is that how much it is?

[B]

60, 10. 100 kilometers. Should be 62 miles.

[A]

100 liters is a kilometer.

[B]

Well, 10 kilometers is 6.2 miles.

[A]

An ounce is so 100 miles.

[B]

Can you count? 6.2 times 10.

[A]

52. Dumbo 62. And guess who got in last? The elephant, fourth year in a row.

[B]

So if you try to run away from an ostrich, just try to get away within the first 100 meters, because it will hunt you, claw at you, and kill you.

[A]

By the way, the ostrich is like, why am I running 100 meters? What are we doing? Why did I do this?

[B]

60 miles without water or food.

[A]

I get.

[B]

I could tell by the little. The animation that the guy had. He had a power aid and a Dana guy in his pocket.

[A]

I pictured you. I was like, look at Dana running. Dana's a good runner.

[B]

Oh, I was. Back in the day. Well, I tell you, we didn't run.

[A]

We hopped. We were running from a lion.

[B]

I'll tell you a fun fact that I was coming. You. When you leave the good nights at snl, sometimes you do it with the host.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You go into this sort of under the bleachers, and you come out. So I think it was John Mulaney. He just went right before me, and I think he was going. And then he started skipping, and I started skipping, too. And skipping feels really good compared to walking or even running.

[A]

It does. Different muscles.

[B]

So now, if you ever see me on sl, I'm going back in December. You see me come off the stage, just remember, within seconds, I will be skipping for quite a while. Okay, that's kind of inside baseball.

[A]

Well, we learned something new about Dana every day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, Dana, it's been a great time with you.

[B]

Thank you for having me, David.

[A]

Oh, next week, we have two guests.

[B]

Oh, we do? Oh, should we.

[A]

I'll tell you. I'll tell you later.

[B]

Oh, interesting. Okay, you're. You're full of surprises.

[A]

Stick around. Talk to us in YouTube. Smash the button. Beat the out of button.

[B]

Yeah, we're. Our contract's coming up pretty soon, so just annihilate the button.

[A]

Like it. Repeat your comments. I know what helps.

[B]

Pretend to be other people and hit it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Thanks, Dana.

[B]

All right, we'll catch you on the fly.

[A]

This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Super Fly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.