SUPERFLY #44 - Dudes on Dudes w/ Gronk and Edelman

Summary

Podcast Summary: Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Episode: SUPERFLY #44 - Dudes on Dudes w/ Gronk and Edelman
Release Date: November 29, 2024

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1. Introduction to Superfly and Episode Overview

At the outset of Superfly #44, Dana Carvey and David Spade dive straight into their comedic banter, setting the tone for an engaging and humorous episode. Skipping the introductory advertisements, the hosts quickly transition to discussing contemporary topics ranging from television shows to technological frustrations, showcasing their trademark wit and chemistry.

2. Navigating Technology and Daily Life Challenges

Early in the episode, Dana and David humorously explore the complexities of modern technology, such as struggling with password requirements and the frustrations of streaming services:

• David Spade remarks at [08:15]:
  "With AI, they swear at you. What the are you doing? I'm just trying to watch Land Man. I don't need a lecture from a robot."

• Dana Carvey adds at [10:20]:
  "Have you ever had this one first world problem? You order, you've timed your dinner for room service because you want to just get energy but not be stuffed to go to do the show."

These light-hearted exchanges resonate with listeners who face similar daily hurdles, blending relatability with humor.

3. Introduction of Guests: Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman

The highlight of this episode is the guest appearance by Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman, both celebrated football personalities. The hosts introduce them at [29:45], emphasizing their status as "super superstar football players" and setting the stage for a lively discussion.

4. Deep Dive into Football: Super Bowl, Team Performance, and Injuries

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around football, particularly focusing on the Super Bowl, team dynamics, and the impact of injuries:

• Dana Carvey asks at [63:07]:
  "What's braver in the pocket as a quarterback, knowing people are coming from your blind side to kill you basically, or being a receiver going up for the ball and knowing the hits coming?"

• Julian Edelman responds at [63:43]:
  "As a receiver, you have momentum as well... it's definitely more vicious to get drilled going up the middle and not see quarterbacks in the pocket."

The discussion highlights the mental and physical toughness required in different football positions, providing fans with insider perspectives.

5. The Competitive Nature and Personal Career Reflections

Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman share insights into their competitive spirit and career decisions, offering listeners a glimpse into their professional lives:

• Rob Gronkowski reflects at [72:14]:
  "I feel like I got out right at the right time. I was still playing well, but I wasn't producing how I could when I was 24, 25 years old."

• Julian Edelman adds at [73:28]:
  "It's cooler now. Like, you didn't really care when it happened. Now that it's over and it's like five years ago, you still get to live off of it."

Their anecdotes underscore the importance of timing and personal fulfillment in athletic careers.

6. Reflections on the Roast Experience

The guests discuss their experiences with hosting and participating in roasts, highlighting the challenges and camaraderie involved:

• David Spade shares at [57:10]:
  "When you go to the roast, everyone's lasered in. This is about this. Blah, blah, blah."

• Julian Edelman recounts at [58:14]:
  "We took enough of their time. Two dudes. We think you're great."

Their stories reveal the intense yet rewarding nature of performing in high-pressure, comedic environments.

7. Future Projects and Closing Remarks

As the episode draws to a close, Dana and David discuss future endeavors, including potential live shows and podcast collaborations. The guests express enthusiasm for their upcoming projects, and the hosts wrap up with humorous exchanges that encapsulate the episode's lively spirit.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• David Spade [08:15]:
  "With AI, they swear at you. What the are you doing? I'm just trying to watch Land Man. I don't need a lecture from a robot."

• Dana Carvey [10:20]:
  "Have you ever had this one first world problem? You order, you've timed your dinner for room service because you want to just get energy but not be stuffed to go to do the show."

• Dana Carvey [63:07]:
  "What's braver in the pocket as a quarterback, knowing people are coming from your blind side to kill you basically, or being a receiver going up for the ball and knowing the hits coming?"

• Rob Gronkowski [72:14]:
  "I feel like I got out right at the right time. I was still playing well, but I wasn't producing how I could when I was 24, 25 years old."

• Julian Edelman [73:28]:
  "It's cooler now. Like, you didn't really care when it happened. Now that it's over and it's like five years ago, you still get to live off of it."

• David Spade [57:10]:
  "When you go to the roast, everyone's lasered in. This is about this. Blah, blah, blah."

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Conclusion

Superfly #44 - Dudes on Dudes w/ Gronk and Edelman offers a blend of humor, insightful discussions, and engaging interactions with guests Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman. Dana Carvey and David Spade skillfully navigate topics ranging from everyday technological frustrations to the demanding world of professional football, all while maintaining an entertaining and relatable atmosphere. Whether you're a sports enthusiast or a fan of comedic banter, this episode delivers a memorable listening experience.

Transcript

[David Spade]

I have a sense of gratitude when it comes to Thanksgiving, Christmas and holidays. I don't know about you.

[Dana Carvey]

I do, too. I think that's what. Because you know, the word thanks is this total giveaway?

[David Spade]

It's right in there.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, right.

[David Spade]

It's a giveaway.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, it's a giveaway. If it was called watch out for yourself time, holiday, selfish, giving.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Listen, we get together Thanksgiving, think about maybe how learning a new language can enhance your connections and enrich your experiences with just people of the world. Rosetta Stone. You know, Dana, you've. We've talked about it forever. The most trusted language learning platform available on desktop or as an app. It immerses you in the language you want to learn. That's the way to do it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And you know, I've been in New York for a while doing Saturday Night Live and I walk around Central park and boy, do you hear a lot of accents and a lot of languages. You know, I don't know what they're saying. I'm like, with Rosetta Stone, you've got a tool in your hand that is probably the best way to learn a language. Going right now.

[David Spade]

You know, this world is getting more mixed every day. It's not bad to know something you could learn. They pretty much will teach you anything. Spanish, French, Korean, Chinese, Japanese. Rosetta Stone immerses you. No English translation. So you really learn to speak, listen and think in the language. Right?

[Dana Carvey]

Yep. It's an intuitive process, which is great because I think I never, I didn't retain Spanish in grade school. You pick up a language naturally, first with words, then phrases, then sentences. It's designed for long term retention.

[David Spade]

Lifetime membership has all 25 languages for any and all trips and language needs in life. That's lifetime access to all of the 25 languages they teach at Rosetta Stone.

[Dana Carvey]

And also by, by the way. And guess what? Built in True accent feature gives you feedback on your pronunciation like. It's like having a personal trainer for your accent.

[David Spade]

Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get it started. For a short time. Fly on the wall listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership holiday special. This offer will not last long. What do you got to do, though?

[Dana Carvey]

Visit rosetta stone.com fly that's unlimited. David. Access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your holiday offer@Rosetta Stone.com fly today for yourself or as a GIF that keeps giving. Muy bien, Dan.

[David Spade]

I gamble a little bit But I'm so good at it. That's. I tell people, don't worry about me. I'm good. Even though I, you know, I lose a lot. But I go to bet MGM across the socials. That's BetMGM. It's a sports book. Born in Vegas. Here's the deal. You got second chance on first touchdown score. So all season long, BetMGM is offering you a second chance on your first touchdown bet. Okay, so you get what's going on. So customer places a wager on a first touchdown score bet. He does not score first, but scores second bet. MGM will return 100% of their stake back in cash.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, well, well put and well said. You know, I was talking to Paul McCartney.

[David Spade]

Yeah, what are you saying?

[Dana Carvey]

And I said, paul, what. What. What do you. What is the second chance on first touchdown score with bet mgm? He says, well, you know, the season can be long and it lasts the whole time, you know, Bet MGM is offering you a second chance on your first touchdown bet. That's so. So when a customer, you know, they place a wager, a big wager on a first touchdown score bet, and he doesn't score first, he does not score first, but he scores second.

[David Spade]

Yeah, you get it.

[Dana Carvey]

The score, not first, but Second, we return 100% of the stake back in cash. And that means pounds and quid and all those things.

[David Spade]

That's great.

[Dana Carvey]

So I said, thanks, Paul. That really fun.

[David Spade]

That's all you guys talked about, all we talked about.

[Dana Carvey]

I wanted to talk about the Beatles. But he goes, no, let's go back to this. If you do, the first touchdown score doesn't go.

[David Spade]

Yeah, we know.

[Dana Carvey]

We heard.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

You get a second chance with the score. Second, you get 100% back of your quid and your. And your pounds and your pounds.

[David Spade]

Listen, pounds, bet MGM and game sense remind you to play responsibly. Bet MGM and game sense remind you to gamble responsibly. See betmgm.com for terms 21 +only. This US promotional offer not available in Ontario gambling problem.

[Dana Carvey]

Call 1-800- gambler available in the US. For New York, call 877-8-HOPE NY or text hopeny 467-369. For Arizona, call 1-800-next step for Massachusetts, 1-800-327-5050. For Iowa, 1-800-bets off. For Puerto Rico, 1-800-981-0023. Subject to eligibility requirements in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

[David Spade]

Okay, let's start Superfly. Here we go.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, I've been working on a theme.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Superfly. No, I've done that horn noise before.

[David Spade]

You have done it.

[Dana Carvey]

That's. That's F Troop from 1972. A Western. It's just a funny. Probably came from vaudeville where the trumpet fades down.

[David Spade]

You know what? The trumpet is funny because Pac man does it too. I can't do the impression. But when you get killed, it goes. It goes Vogel, Vogel, Vogel, Vogel. And then, you know, you get killed.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's funny.

[David Spade]

F Troop, we shouldn't talk too much about. Because no one remember. But I do remember it.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, all you're saying is substitute whatever age you are. This is a comedy western. I don't know if there's a comedy western out there in the world right now. A half hour comedy Western. Pure comedy and very silly. You know, it was different during the.

[David Spade]

Cold War Comedic Yellowstone. Let's do it.

[Dana Carvey]

I like the Alpha. I'm enjoying Land man currently. Like, yeah, and John Hamm and others. And John. John Hammond, Billy Bob Thornton are hysterical. And Billy Bob Thornton character is so fun and so badass. He's down in Texas and he's just kind of a shoot by the hip kind of guy. Now you can either suck my dick or you can squash my balls. But you, you gotta pick something.

[David Spade]

You know, it's like partner.

[Dana Carvey]

Partner. Yeah, it just. It's a really fun show. It's called Land man on Paramount. Plus. See if you can download that thing.

[David Spade]

Is the guy's named Taylor Sheridan. That does. Yeah, 35 spinoffs.

[Dana Carvey]

He apparently went out to lunch with someone and then on the right hand he had a word processor to his right and he's ordering lunch and eating. And he finished a Yellowstone sequel script. No, the guy is the right sequel.

[David Spade]

Is just the contest. Winner gets to be the lead because he's running out of people. But what was I going to tell you about that? You said you saw Billy Bob. Yeah, because we should have him on. Love Billy Bob.

[Dana Carvey]

Love to have Billy Bob on. And love to have John Ham back.

[David Spade]

Ham is a stud. Yeah, and that's a good one to talk about because I tried to get Paramount plus the other day. Of course I couldn't compute it, how to get it on my TV.

[Dana Carvey]

I wrestled with the algorithm for about two and a half hours and then watched a 40 minute show. So it was still a pretty good ratio between. That was my password. Try again. Really? I don't have another one. Okay. Put in your real name. You gotta go.

[David Spade]

Here's the scam that I drives me bananas. You want your. Here's your password, and you write it in it. You can't see it, so of course I got it wrong. Then it goes, so you want to keep this? This. You want this to be a new password? And I go, yeah. And he goes, that doesn't fucking work.

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[David Spade]

And it doesn't work anyway. So I'm like, why are you asking me that? You're just embarrassing me now.

[Dana Carvey]

Everyone saw I have a password. I, I, I have one secret one that I made in intentionally difficult, but sometimes I have, like, Bob or something, and then the algorithm gets really mad. This is.

[David Spade]

What the are you doing? What are you doing?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's. They. They now, because of AI, they swear at you. What the are you doing? I'm going, I'm just trying to watch Land Man. I don't need a lecture from a robot.

[David Spade]

They go, your, Your. Your. Your password to Netflix is actually just Netflix. And I go, yeah. They're like, no, no, no. See, now you're. Are you joking with us? Because we don't like that at the password.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, you sound like an AI Then maybe AI will be kind of jerks.

[David Spade]

So what do you want to say? The AI Goes, okay, hold on a second. You need one emoji. You need a big letter, capital, whatever they call them.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. You need a comma, a capital something, a letter, a word. And you need a kind of an emoji of some sort of antelope that would be common in North America 200 years ago.

[David Spade]

I give him the ball of yarn because no one uses that very underused emoji.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm not paid to say this, but the one thing that works for me in my relationship with my computer is fucking Amazon delivery. They are ruthlessly. They just leave it. They take a picture, they throw it over the gate. You can trace it. It's not sophisticated. It's just really efficient. And then other algorithms, you try to watch the show and they're wrestling with you. You're really in a fight. You, you're an emotional fist fight for an hour.

[David Spade]

Listen, I'm not paid by emojis, but I, I spend for how old I am, which is late 30s. I spend most of my day looking for funny emojis. Too much time.

[Dana Carvey]

That's great.

[David Spade]

Too much time. I don't have a setting where I start to type it in and it shows up. So I have to, old school, raw dog it and go look for whatever. Well, we talk about nothing too much.

[Dana Carvey]

I will say, well, nothing is good. Because here's a nothing. So you're kind of busy in life because I don't want to make this show business. You're busy, and you're getting requests for something on your emails, and you punt on them, meaning later. And then you land. It's Thanksgiving vacation, so now you have to disappoint people. No, I can't make it. I won't be available. I cannot.

[David Spade]

You're a horrible person.

[Dana Carvey]

But my therapist said to me, always say to yourself, it's good for them. The people asking, but is it good for you?

[David Spade]

Then she goes, can you do this charity for my kid?

[Dana Carvey]

And you're like, it's good for you, but is it good for me? And she goes, you got an A plus, you're half off today, so that'll be $700.

[David Spade]

What about. We're doing a gig in Fantasy Springs. You know that we're doing a gig.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. It's funny. This is our first big public gig since we started. Since we started the podcast. We've done some live podcasts, but just Spade, Garvey, Fantasy Springs, Palm Springs. What's it called? Fantasyland.

[David Spade]

Fantasy Springs.

[Dana Carvey]

I played there. It's like 7,000 seats. We better pull up our socks.

[David Spade]

Pull up our socks and give them the good stuff.

[Dana Carvey]

We don't know who should. I don't want to follow this dandy.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, we gotta figure that out.

[Dana Carvey]

This dandy is in top fit shape, and I'm just working on it.

[David Spade]

I just did Reno, dude. I did my last two gigs of the year. We might do a. We might do a show at the Comedy Store next week, me and you. We might do a podcast, but that'll be announced.

[Dana Carvey]

That'd be fun.

[David Spade]

Yeah, let's do that. We got. So this show, this. This coat, which pops, and obviously everyone's buzzing about it, and the chat rooms are buzzing right now.

[Dana Carvey]

Well.

[David Spade]

But I only wore it because all I had was my boring gray V neck and a white T shirt, and I didn't want to go in my Gurvitz Halloween costume. That's what he wears every lunch. I'm sorry. Is this Prada? I'm sorry. Is this cashmere? I'm sorry.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm sorry.

[David Spade]

I have a shirt just like yours, except mine's expensive.

[Dana Carvey]

This is the world's greatest leather jacket, never to be made again. I just brought it out because I don't want the heat on because I worry about the climate.

[David Spade]

So it's cold in this house you're always worried about.

[Dana Carvey]

You see, it doesn't have belt buckles or fanciness. It's very thin. It's just people can see it. You won't be able to find it anywhere. I'm sure you've had that experience. You get a really cool jacket, a great shirt, and then. And then it. It gets lost or something. Never again. They never make.

[David Spade]

Literally go, everyone hated this coat we're not making anymore. And I'm like, oh, it's my favorite coat. But okay, got it right.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's. Let's get a heavy leather coat with belt buckles on it before we get.

[David Spade]

To a couple of stories. And also, yeah, we have surprise guests. Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman from the.

[Dana Carvey]

Football fame from Go Football, Go Sports. All pro superstar football players. That should be the name super bowl winners. Yeah.

[David Spade]

A good podcast name would be go Sports. Because that's what people say when they don't know anything about the sports they're at. They're like, go Sports.

[Dana Carvey]

They don't say for the team or anything.

[David Spade]

Yeah, they don't get it. They don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

It's all I want. The kids would play, you know, CYO basketball. Like three foot tall. People see, doing basketball, you know, it's just. It's so funny, that age group of kids trying to do basketball, and they're double dripping, running around. And this one dad, all he would do was yell, get the ball. Just get the ball. Get the ball. He scream at the whole game. This one guy had a kid who was 6ft tall in fifth grade, and that kid had like 60 rebounds. I go, your son's got 60 rebounds, boy. He's tall. He goes, it's got nothing to do with his height. He just wants the ball. He just wants.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. Nothing, nothing. He could be 3, 3 and still get the ball.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, go ahead.

[David Spade]

How about this, Dana? I was in Sacramento doing a show.

[Dana Carvey]

Sack of Tomatoes.

[David Spade]

I was in sack, and then I had to drive to Reno. Simple enough on paper.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, you know, you could.

[David Spade]

And Alex Murray. My guys that book my road gigs are like Colonel Tom Parker. They're like, elvis, you can do another one. So I just like. I'm just getting like.

[Dana Carvey]

You don't want to let down your family, do you? That's what he would do to Elvis.

[David Spade]

Yeah. You don't like money, Elvis?

[Dana Carvey]

Be like, I think I'd like to take a break, Colonel Thoma. Maybe just a week off. You want to hurt your daddy? No, sir. Where do I go?

[David Spade]

Poor guy, he already got a new belt. What does he need? I have Millions of dollars.

[Dana Carvey]

That wasn't a belt. It was a dinner plate with a leather strap around it. That was largest belt. I can't imagine Elvis's response when the Colonel Tom said, all right, Elvis, we got your outfit for Vegas. Let's unveil it. They unveiled the curtain and it's like the white jumpsuit with the bell bottoms. Hey, wow. Why do I gotta have a dinner plate for a belt buckle and bell bottoms? You know, a big old collar the size of some kind of Macy's pharmacy.

[David Spade]

Why do I get to wear what Whitney Cummings wears in her podcast?

[Dana Carvey]

Or did he like it? I like Elvis. Let's have her back on. She's a, she's a pistol. Did you have a good Thanksgiving?

[David Spade]

I. Is it already over? That's right. I love. Everyone knows we don't even know when these.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Did you. I'm. Look, it's Thanksgiving time. This is the Thanksgiving. Did you have a good Thanksgiving week?

[David Spade]

People don't know that we're filming this in June or something from last year.

[Dana Carvey]

We stack them in August and then spread them out throughout the year.

[David Spade]

Go ahead, Dana. Would you rather I'm going to tell you about Thanksgiving in a second. Would you rather if it's snowing and raining, Drive from Sacramento to Reno with chains, mandatory chains. Takes roughly five hours or through Donner.

[Dana Carvey]

Pass, over Donner Pass and then drop down. Because you're trying to get to Reno.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, you're trying to get to Reno. Well, you would just get on the 80 and just, just ooh, the 80 and go over the 8,000 foot thing where it's going to be a wide out. You're going to have to get chains on or not chain.

[David Spade]

Mandatory chains.

[Dana Carvey]

People don't understand. You're getting paid to transport. You're not playing Sacramento, you're not playing. Playing Reno. You're getting paid to get David's Bay to Sacramento and then get David Spade to Reno in a, in a blizzard. In a blizzard, let's just call it.

[David Spade]

And they're saying. And then all the locals are like, I don't know. I go, it's probably like a no brainer. It's easier. I don't need to fly. And they're like, well, I mean Donner Pass where they eat everybody. You know about that story.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Make sure before you get the Donner Pass, you've had a good meal at a diner or something because something about the ghost Donner Pass, you start eating your wife's leg before you think about it.

[David Spade]

For people. I don't know, they would remind me. Oh, I go, what happened? There they go, Oh, I think only 80 people got stuck there, and they ate 40 of them.

[Dana Carvey]

It the real story. There's a documentary on it. Yeah, the real story. We shouldn't go into it on a.

[David Spade]

On a fun podcast.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm the mayor of Tahoe City, and I say eat before you get in that general vicinity of.

[David Spade]

Yeah, Donner. But then if you eat a lot, then you're going to be the first one. E10, right?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. They would pick straws. Some. Some did very well, you know, Some. Some. But. But basically they were found by people in Sacramento. They were discovered, but they couldn't get them all over the past. So then more eating. They thought you ate people. Yeah, but we're not gonna do any more. We just got rescued.

[David Spade]

And then they did more, but then.

[Dana Carvey]

They left, and they weren't back in time. So guess what, Wilbur? You're from dinner.

[David Spade]

Hey, Wilbur. Then they got home, and they just did it by habit. They ate their friend.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, Sn. Hey, Steve. Hey, you see the barbecue there?

[David Spade]

Could you lay on it?

[Dana Carvey]

Put two and two together. Hard to get a funny, light cannibal joke. But anyway, you made it to Reno. Did you crush both?

[David Spade]

Reno was super fun.

[Dana Carvey]

That Reno's a great crowd.

[David Spade]

My new specials, precious Cargo, should be coming out in April.

[Dana Carvey]

Is it precious Cargo?

[David Spade]

Oh, closer to you. Heather's fixing the camera. Oh, the laptop. I don't want to ruin the illusion. People think I'm just sitting here. But there is a laptop involved. Let's do a couple things and we'll get to those guys. Okay, let's do a couple of stories. Anything. We'll just do a quick version of this.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, this is a version because we're getting two. Okay, here we go.

[David Spade]

Oh, no.

[Dana Carvey]

Crypto investor. Facebook this story.

[David Spade]

I was going to save this, but it's too fucking juicy. Crypto investor pays 6.2 million for a duct tape banana on a wall. Now, I heard about this story because I really have my ear to the tracks in the art world. My brother's very involved. So this is the kind of weirdo stuff my brother would love. Andy once did an art exhibit in a space in New York where he had all cactuses lined on the bottom of the floor in a small place and all helium balloons on the ceiling, and they would just eventually come down and pop. So it's just about eventually we're all going to die. It was pretty heavy. And everyone's like this, heavy, man. Heavy ocity. So it was cool, though, I thought. Anyway, this guy, someone, artist in quotes, taped a banana to a wall with duct tape and said, this is art.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

And then they took it to, I think, art, Basil, and they call it comedian. And so it happened five years ago. And then I think after a while, someone saw it, ripped it off and ate it and said, that's my art. Performance art. I'm eating your art.

[Dana Carvey]

Do you ever go to art museums and walk around and see the French Impression. Impressionists?

[David Spade]

Well, you mean the art.

[Dana Carvey]

Look. Well, Bernie. Bernie Berlstein, our former manager, God rest his soul, used to go, yeah, we. You guys should make fun of fake art. Fake art.

[David Spade]

Wow.

[Dana Carvey]

It's fake. Can I tell you the most outrageous fake art that I've heard of? Because my brother was living in New York and he's an artist, too.

[David Spade]

Worse than the tape banana. Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

So this artist, what he did was he made a faux floor so you'd walk in, you go up a step. So you're going to the art museum and you're up on a floor, and then you see a thing and it says that the artist is naked underneath the floor. I'm not making this up. Crawling around and pleasuring himself. And that was the art exhibit.

[David Spade]

Yeah. I mean.

[Dana Carvey]

It sounds okay.

[David Spade]

No, I'm saying I get it. Because I've seen.

[Dana Carvey]

That's a great piece of art. Performance art.

[David Spade]

Naked people close together like this in an art space. And the crowd has to walk through through them and kind of bump through. And that's it. I mean, there's a woman that just sits and stares at you.

[Dana Carvey]

Are we in the wrong business?

[David Spade]

I mean, if you're getting.

[Dana Carvey]

Are we in the wrong.

[David Spade]

I thought crypto was a scam. I mean, my God, I'm in the wrong biz. I'm traveling over Donner Pass, spreading my body with Raid so no one eats me.

[Dana Carvey]

You're like Everest. You got ice picks out and boots and sweaters. Get up here, Propel. The show's at 8:30. Carrot Top's opening.

[David Spade]

Not a Chili's in sight. Nowhere to eat. They go, ready for dinner? And I go, is there a Chili's? And they go, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

So Donner passes all the way to Re.

[David Spade]

It's all the way. I. I don't know. What. I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

Ever had this one first world problem? You order. You've timed your dinner for room service because you want to just get energy but not be stuffed to go to do the show. And you're like, oh, it's A little late or like can't. Oh, and you call back. Oh, so sorry man. We forgot to put it in. Yeah, and the stove broke. Do you want some potato chips? Yeah.

[David Spade]

There's a vending machine on your floor.

[Dana Carvey]

Road. Road work. I think that's, that's the book. All right. Life on the road.

[David Spade]

Yeah, Everything but the show. That's what the book's called.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Show's fun. Okay, so I guess we're over the banana and the banana and the tail.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I mean it's crypto. Is that real money? And did the guy who bought it is, is it. It's speculative.

[David Spade]

I like the fake crypto guy bought the fake art. I just think it's all money laundering. And in my own humble opinion. But you're just buying something that say costs a lot and then you can sell it to someone else. He spends a lot. I, I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, there is, there is a hypnotic thing. If you put a number like a comedian demands $100,000 for a corporate date. They go, well that guy, that guy's a hundred thousand dollars comedian. Yeah. And that pain right there, I don't know if I like it. That's a ten million dollar pain. I'm starting to like it.

[David Spade]

So now what I do like is like baseballs sign Michael Jordan. I mean there's some stuff I think are cool that are like one of a kind thing that feel like there's tangible asset that's it's scarcity to that.

[Dana Carvey]

There'S only so many Michael, Michael Douglas or Michael, Michael Johnson. All the Michael, Michael Jordan. There's it's scarcity. And so that creates memorabilia like that. Like I have the Beatles capital record signed by all four and that's worth pretty good amount.

[David Spade]

Yeah, give me maybe that for my birthday. Okay, here's the next one. Cheating on your spouse is no longer a crime in New York. Was it a crime? What?

[Dana Carvey]

What? What Was it a crime? That's the first question.

[David Spade]

Is it? Adultery is no longer a crime in New York after Governor Kathy. Is it Hill H appealed a 117 year old law that classified as a mist. Oh, misdemeanor.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Misdemeanor for 90 days in jail. I mean how many times have they convicted people? I think they just. The, the punishment is you get divorced.

[Dana Carvey]

Well what they do if it's a guy cheating, they give him female jailers and see if he'll cheat again. Oh they, it's a woman cheating. They give a male jailer see if she'll cheat again. That's the little game they used to play. And chaplain would set up little, weird 1910 cameras. And anyway, dude, that.

[David Spade]

That show, Cheaters, was. Was rough, but I used to watch it so rough. They.

[Dana Carvey]

They.

[David Spade]

A girl would go, I think my dude's cheating. And then they follow him with the camera crew to their car. While they're making out or hooking up, she pound on the window. And you got a whole crew of, like, eight union guys filming you. They come on half naked. What are you doing here? I'm just. I'm a work friend.

[Dana Carvey]

There's so much content. I'm just gonna say there's so much.

[David Spade]

You're in the wrong business again. You could be on. You could be on the crew of Cheaters.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's just make reality shows. What are we doing?

[David Spade]

Dang. Here's my new reality show. You want to hear it? This is a real idea.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

It's called I'm around, and it's basically me and my loser friends. Because every time we go to lunch, we walk back to the car, and he's like, all right, let me know what's going on. I'm around. I go, okay, well, I got a gig Saturday, but I'm around. And then they go, okay, I gotta go do this. But then I'm around. Around.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it's shy men to be afraid of showing their feelings. I'm around, rather than, hey, man, I'll call you. Let's.

[David Spade]

I definitely want to. Hang on. Go to a movie.

[Dana Carvey]

It's a very.

[David Spade]

If you want to go. Yeah, I'm around.

[Dana Carvey]

I've distilled life to this. Could I just put this out here?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Life is just about most of life for almost everyone is just. You want to. Do you want to go over there? Yeah. Okay. Hey, maybe tomorrow we'll. We'll go over there. Yeah, I think I'm. I'm gonna go over there again, too.

[David Spade]

True.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. So I tell you, just hanging out and going places.

[David Spade]

Jerry used to say, you want to go out, and then you want to go back. So you'd be out, let's go out. Everybody go out. We're out. We're out. I think I'm gonna go in. Let's go in. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, what'd you do. What'd you do today? Oh, we went to. Went to a park. Then we went to this little. Little restaurant. That's a good day. How many more days you think you have on planet Earth? Okay, so that's 600,000 days of. Want to go over here?

[David Spade]

Tragic. It's too.

[Dana Carvey]

You want to go over there?

[David Spade]

Bleak.

[Dana Carvey]

Bleak.

[David Spade]

My dad used to go. I stayed in this little fleabag hotel. And bleak, it's quite bleak. Bleak is a funny word. Okay, well, let's get to these guys. Are we doing one more story? What do you want to do?

[Dana Carvey]

Up to you.

[David Spade]

One more story.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Talk about wealth and access. The Kardashians got a private. Now, this is not shocking to anyone. Private showing of Wicked before it comes. You don't have to play the sound if it's too loud, but, oh, what.

[Dana Carvey]

It'S like to be rich.

[David Spade]

Because yesterday the Kardashians revealed that Ariana.

[C]

Grande and Cynthia Erivo threw them and.

[David Spade]

Their families and they came screening of the Wicked movie. Take a look. Kim Kardashian posted this on her story. Those balloons alone are over my budget. So they have all these pop ups. They have a green Wicked carpet. They have 1 trillion flowers. Streamers are the cheapest thing in the book.

[Dana Carvey]

So this is in their house. Some One of the.

[David Spade]

One of their wings of the house screens and then like a full toy store of Wicked stuff from Ariana.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's a normal childhood for the kids.

[David Spade]

Don't get spoiled. This is a one before everybody else. Oh, this is before everyone got to see it. So this is even more special.

[Dana Carvey]

Way, way more exclusive.

[David Spade]

And they say, kids, we only do this once a week, so let's not get used to it. It's not an everyday thing.

[Dana Carvey]

If I was from Boston and heard this, I would say, that's wicked smart. That's.

[David Spade]

That's wicked awesome.

[Dana Carvey]

That's wicked awesome. That's wicked smart. I love that the Kardashians have monetized. Hey, look at all the stuff we have and the. Our planes and what we can do. And they're still likable. Somehow it just sort of works for them.

[David Spade]

What's the part they premiered Wicked and.

[Dana Carvey]

Ariana and the other.

[David Spade]

No, I said they were there. The two stars were there. They were there and they were like giving them everything and signing everything and just being like, here's a funko of myself and. All right, rolling. And then they play it and they all sing along and I'm like, God.

[Dana Carvey]

Dang, here's my guess. And I don't know, but think that the two actresses that went to the event got a paid.

[David Spade]

Oh, they might have got paid. There's secret paydays going on all over the place, dude. I'm not privy to them because.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, sorry, I won't be available on that date. Excuse me. What?

[David Spade]

I have a gig.

[Dana Carvey]

A million dollars. You know, let me check my calendar.

[David Spade]

You know, let me. I. Maybe I can push some things around.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'll get back to you.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Must be Rough Productions. All right, let's bring on our guest. I'm going to go change my outfit so we can interview these guys.

[Dana Carvey]

Me too. I'm going to put on a black hooded sweatshirt because I wanted to get ready to roll.

[David Spade]

Oh, hoodie. Because it's tougher. It's like football. Yeah. Like a Belichick hoodie.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

Okay, so here we go. We got. We got Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman, and we're going to talk about a bunch of stupid shit.

[Dana Carvey]

Super superstar football players.

[David Spade]

Dana, you're going to munch a lot over the holidays. We all do.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

I like bread. I like butter. I like texture.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Fluffy. Fluffy.

[David Spade]

Fluffy things.

[Dana Carvey]

Hot. And you pull it apart and it's delicious.

[David Spade]

And then right at when I grab it, and then I get guilty right around there. Like it's not good for me.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I like it bacon hot. And you pull that thing across. Just steams your face and you're like feeling really good. And stuffing. There's nothing better than stuffing past the stuffings. Member as a kid, Could I. Would you please pass the stuffing? Awesome.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Bread pudding.

[David Spade]

And you get screamed at. Well, hero bread takes the guilt out of it. You know all about hero bread. We've talked about it.

[Dana Carvey]

We've talked about carbs too, by the way.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

So let the. Let the folks understand. Well, go ahead.

[David Spade]

Their products delicious, flavorful, but have 0 to 1 grams of net carbs, 0 grams of sugar, and high in fiber. What else do you want?

[Dana Carvey]

Wow. So you're going to enjoy grilled cheese with a cozy. I like that word. Pumpkin soup, buttery Hawaiian rolls with the family dinner or French toast casserole around the holidays with 0 to 1 grams of net carbs and no sugar. Good Lord.

[David Spade]

High in fiber, tastes good. So there's really no reason you can't give me a reason not to do it. There's also a little bit of nutrition. Let's go. We got some nutrition in there. You know, you want to add that in. You have New Year's Eve goals. You want to eat a little better. Come on, throw that in the mix. Then you get your breader, you get your bread, and then it's a little better for you and you get some nutrients and you're not. You're not cheating really anymore.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I think it's called a win win. I think that's called this delicious. That is actually good for you. Yeah, I'm just going to call it a win win.

[David Spade]

Oh, also they have a 2 gram net carb Hero Croissant, which I get croissants on the road because when I order from, if I ever get room service, like in the morning before the airport, it's always squishy toast because it gets steamy. They have not fixed that yet. They don't figure it out. So croissant is what it is. You get it. But now with this thing, you never know. It's low carb and high fiber bread. From the texture. Get the soft fluffy experience you know and love with your next savory breakfast sandwich, late night grilled cheese or family taco Tuesday. No compromises, just flavor. Hero bread is offering 10% off your order of their new recipe. Go to Hero Co and use code Superfly. Yeah. At checkout, that's Superfly. At H E R O Co. You know who's hilarious is Jim Gaffigan.

[Dana Carvey]

Jim Gaffigan. The guy is a machine. He's made 11 specials. I guess this will be number 12 for and I'll say it, comedy legend Jim Gaffigan.

[David Spade]

Jim Gaffigan the Skinny now streaming on Hulu and listen, it's a hilarious new stand up on Hulu. In this all new hour of comedy, you'll see Jim in a whole new light as he gives you the inside scoop on everything from parenting teenagers and gaslighting family members to weight loss and social media and Hulu's very first standup comedy special. Really?

[Dana Carvey]

Wow, I did not know that. Is that weird? Is that wild stuff? Come shed some existential weight and raise a glass with the hilarious event for one of America's most iconic and relatable comics.

[David Spade]

Whether you're gathered together with family and friends or need a break from them, everyone needs a happy hour. And who better to give it to you than everybody's favorite comedian, Jim Gaffigan. See the hilarious new standup special Jim Gaffigan the Skinny. Now streaming on Hulu.

[Dana Carvey]

Dude. Dude.

[C]

How you doing, Rom?

[David Spade]

Is that one of them?

[Dana Carvey]

That's, that's, that's a dude.

[David Spade]

Oh, he's got his fucking shirt on.

[Dana Carvey]

How are you, Julian? Hey, man.

[D]

Good.

[C]

Are you bucks?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we can't start now, can we? I guess we can.

[C]

I think Rob will be here in two minutes.

[David Spade]

Are you in the same room with him? Probably not, huh? Geez. Geez. Anybody? Anybody like themselves? Look at that wall. Patriots. Patriots. Me. Me, me, me, me.

[Dana Carvey]

Wow. And it's a little messy. It reminds me of you. Where are your Emmys?

[David Spade]

Somebody likes themselves.

[Dana Carvey]

I love people who have one. Emmy. Whoops. Some people.

[David Spade]

Emmy.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I'm just saying. I'm talking about my awards. He's got every Pop Warner. This is Julian Edelman behind his chair. He's gone to get headphones. He's got a lot of awards.

[David Spade]

This fucking pipsqueak award in third grade for guy that tried the hardest in football.

[Dana Carvey]

He started. Yeah, he started out.

[David Spade]

How tall is he? 411.

[Dana Carvey]

He went. He started high school.

[David Spade]

Tell him he's the Kevin Hart of football and he'll beat the shit out of him.

[Dana Carvey]

No, he's not. He grew.

[David Spade]

But no, he's. He's short for that world, which is like six, three or something. I like how he goes, oh, I'll go to Radio Shack. Where did he go? They just want to say. This is like when people go, hey, I'm here. I'm a half hour late. And then they go, I got to go to the bathroom. So they touch base like, I'm at the restaurant. I got to leave again. Don't count this as my time. I'm late. I'm here. So he pops in. Gronk doesn't even know there's one today. He's just still trying to turn his fucking laptop on. He's in front of an Xbox right now. Oh, he is here. Dude. He's literally phoning it in. Hey, bud. Yeah, I gotta.

[D]

I gotta unleash the snake. I gotta go piss.

[David Spade]

Okay. I gotta go lay down a King Kong finger. Poop.

[Dana Carvey]

He's vertical. He's vertical.

[David Spade]

That's because he's phoning it on his phone.

[Dana Carvey]

He's literally phoning it. Yeah, we've got ring lights and.

[C]

Can you hear me?

[David Spade]

Do I need headphones?

[C]

I don't know if I got headphones.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I'm back.

[D]

Actually, that was the first time I wasn't taking a number two. That was a number one. So I'm good to go.

[David Spade]

I like this ghetto ramshack podcast operation. A kitchen Show.

[Dana Carvey]

You guys have a great set for dudes. Dudes on Dudes. I mean, this set. This.

[David Spade]

The dude said it's pretty hot dude.

[Dana Carvey]

Show right now, right? We're on your maiden episode. No, you're. You've done a few episodes.

[D]

This is Dudes on Dudes on Steroids because we're doubling up with you two. So thank you, guys.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Dudes, Dude, Dude.

[David Spade]

What up, dude? Dudes, remember that old you guys wouldn't remember this old Sandler album where it was. Dude. Hey, buddy. Hey, dude, buddy, dude. That was me. Old, old days. That was on one of those old albums. First album and it was called 90s. Yeah. And we all played. We just talk like that. Dude, buddy, buddy, dude. And then homie. Chris Rock was homie. I don't know why. Anyway, guys, thanks for coming. I'm sorry. One of us, Two of us were late. Look at Rob. Left again.

[D]

There we go. I just wanted to turn off that fact, but it was annoying.

[David Spade]

Better. Dana, I will tell you quickly to briefly let you know who these guys are.

[Dana Carvey]

I know all about them. They broke my heart many times. I was.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

But I became a Patriots fan at some point. You had to just have to. Yeah, well, you were like the Chiefs of the day.

[D]

Can you explain how we broke your heart, Dana? Like, who's your team then?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Didn't you just. Did you take apart my Niners at some point?

[David Spade]

Was it 49ers?

[D]

Oh, I mean, we didn't really play the 49ers. We played them like two times in our career. We never played them in the playoffs or anything. So you can't be too disappointed.

[Dana Carvey]

Who did you beat in your Super Bowls? You have four. Three. Who'd you beat? Who'd you whip ass on? Come on, dudes.

[C]

Falcons destroyed them.

[David Spade]

Fucking pussies. Go ahead. Seahawks.

[C]

Ravens. We lost in Indy against the Giants.

[David Spade]

Sore sub.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that was bad, girls.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Super Bowl. We've lost two Super Bowls in cold weathers cities. Minnesota and Indianapolis.

[David Spade]

Is it a real thing when they say they're playing outside like the Dolphins are playing in the snow? They're not going to do well because they're not used to it.

[D]

Yeah, that's a real thing. 100%. I mean, you're kind of just used to that warm weather. And right when you hit that warm weather, you're kind of like warmed up and you're loose and all that good stuff. When you come up to the cold, man, it's a whole different feeling, especially in the. In the hitting game. I mean, yeah, you can run around and run routes and not get touched, but as soon as you have contact and it's freezing cold out. Yeah, it's a whole different type of mentality that you gotta have and you gotta kind of establish that throughout time. So, yes, it's. It's a big advantage if you're up in New England, but it's also an.

[C]

Advantage for the hot weather team when we go there. Like, we lost. We always used to lose to Miami. And you know, December, when, you know, it's freaking 30 degrees, 20 degrees in Boston, you go down and 92 with 80 humidity in Florida, like, that's tough for us. You always have a home field advantage of where you're at, which is going to be really cool to see in this new College Football Playoff with, you know, these SEC teams having to go up to the Big Ten, go up to Ohio or Michigan or vice versa, to see the, you know, the biggest 10 schools go down to SEC and play in the heat. That's. That's part of home field advantage.

[David Spade]

Are you mad that you don't get paid to play college? That would have been nice, right?

[C]

I can't even imagine.

[Dana Carvey]

I.

[C]

You look at the damn player lot of Georgia, there's like seven Lamborghinis. I played NFL for 12 years, I never seen that many Lamborghinis.

[Dana Carvey]

They can't leave college. It's a pay cut, right? With the. And I mean, you guys, they're making 4 million. The gymnast who's very attractive when you.

[David Spade]

Watch a game, it's like this. The quarterback who's a transfer from Georgia, just throw to the halfback who's a transfer from asu. It's just like, Jesus. It's hard to keep track of who's on what, but I know everyone's making way more money than me.

[D]

It is, it's. It is hard to keep track. And there eventually has to be a rule in place to kind of, you know, manage it a lot, you know, better than what it is right now. I mean, like, five transfers you can possibly have is kind of ridiculous. They need to limit down the amount of transfers you can have throughout your college career. And then also, eventually, I feel like there might need to be like a salary cap for each team.

[David Spade]

Yeah, no shit.

[D]

It's like so unfair. Like Georgia, Alabama, I mean, they got boosters that are billionaires and they can just, boom, write any type of check. And then you go like to the match schools and like those guys, like, there's. There's no boosters or anything that are writing big checks like that. So unfair. But like, it needs to be managed and like, there has to be some type of.

[David Spade]

Because it's so new. Right? I agree. That guy, I think Michigan just snaked a guy. It's.

[C]

It's a wild, wild west deal. I mean.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[C]

To be a free agent every year for the player that's gotta. I mean, that would be insane. You don't even get that in pro football. I mean, you could literally go play a really good year in Alabama and make like 6 million bucks and then say, I'm gonna hit the transfer portal and go make 10 million at like Georgia. Which. That's crazy. You're a free agent every year.

[David Spade]

What would you ask for?

[C]

Wait, if I was in college?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

What would you be? Your bottom line?

[David Spade]

Yeah. Two million, three and a Lambo.

[C]

Gee, I don't know. I was so happy.

[David Spade]

It would be fun to figure out what your worth was. Like, who's coming to you with what? You'd be like that paltry bullshit. I'm not going for that. Because you look at other guys, you go, am I better than that guy? Am I better than that guy? Right, that's how.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm sorry, I just need to. I'm not an expert on this. Where does Name, Image and likeness integrate with this transferring and getting more money? Is it just a separate lane or is it.

[D]

Well, first off, Dana, it's not really Name, Image, Likeness, that's just.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, they get by.

[D]

But it's really just getting paid by the boosters or the school, whoever is paying them. Because these guys I. My life right now is name, Image, Likeness. I'm an ambassador for a couple companies. Same with Julian. I actually have to go out there and go to these companies business meetings and meet everyone and mingle and go on air and talk about the business. These guys, oh, here you go. Here's a check for your name, image, likeness. And you just go out and play football. So they're technically not getting paid for that. They're technically just getting paid to go play football.

[Dana Carvey]

But some of them are influencers and have like 20 million Instagram followers and stuff. And that's.

[D]

Those are the guys. Yeah, so the guys taking advantage of their situation right now in college so then they can have a long term program. So those influencers and tiktokers or bloggers or whatever they are, they're building a fan base now. So then say when football is done with or they go to the NFL, then when the NFL is done with their bill and their fan base up. So then when they're done playing sports, they, they can go out there and, and still have an audience and still make some big money. I guess.

[C]

Whatever happened to keeping the main thing, the main thing like football?

[David Spade]

I know, I know. I was about to say, remember Juju Smith with his TikToks? And people didn't love it. So you come in going, look at how many followers I have. I'm a Regular Dixie d'amelio. And they're like, well, how about just play football, put your phone in your locker and then let's see what happens at the end of the year.

[Dana Carvey]

Too old school. I mean, you know, look at the Tyson five. I mean, you know, fame equals money. I mean, would you guys fight each other for 20 million each or would.

[David Spade]

You fight Tyson for 5 million?

[Dana Carvey]

I would.

[D]

I would definitely. I think I would fight anyone out there in the world in the boxing ring. Not ufc. UFC is too much. I mean, that's brutal. But I would box anyone in the world right now for eight figure payday, hands down. I quit everything and train for five, eight.

[David Spade]

What happened? I said figure.

[Dana Carvey]

That means under 10 is nine figures. 10 and up.

[D]

I need eight figures, Dana. If I might have a head knocked in. I need some. I need some.

[Dana Carvey]

No. Well, let's just break it down. You as a boxer, so you're. You're basically 6, 5, 6, 6, 2, 60 or what are.

[D]

Break it down for you right now. Me and my.

[David Spade]

Yeah, break it down.

[D]

Yeah, this is for you.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Well, we.

[David Spade]

Okay. Was the front for us or the back?

[D]

I gave you the side because I'm your.

[Dana Carvey]

I wanted to know what you're like. Are you.

[David Spade]

I saw that sundial.

[Dana Carvey]

Do you take a lot of punishment? Do you delve out punishment? Do you. Do you hold a lot? Do you. Do you have a jab? Do you have a hook? Do you.

[David Spade]

I mean, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

What kind of box?

[David Spade]

Don't be a clincher.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's ask his friend Julian. What kind of boxer is this guy? You know what he is?

[C]

He's just haymaker. He's going to try to get you with the haymaker.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Early on.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, he's got long reach. If we can work his jab because he could be really nasty with the jab because he's got like an eight foot reach. Probably he's going to be taller.

[David Spade]

He's going to have eight foot reach is pretty good.

[C]

Yeah. I think if we can get his jab going, just all he's got to do is connect once and the guy's done.

[David Spade]

I feel like Jake Paul is very tough guy, but I think Rob could get in there and mix it up a little bit.

[D]

I would fight Jake Paul.

[Dana Carvey]

Paul.

[D]

I would 100%. Like I said, I'd fight anyone in the ring if the payday is right. I quit everything right on the spot and train. I would actually love to do that, man. I would have a purpose of just being able to quit everything because Everyone would understand and then have a purpose of just becoming a freaking absolute animal out there again.

[David Spade]

Unit. And then it's a mystery fight. And then at the end you find out it's Belichick. Oh, now what?

[D]

I mean, if it was Belichick, it would be like the fight that we just saw, the main event. I would just throw a couple jabs and then I would back off. Coach, I love you too much.

[David Spade]

Just whispering to each other and nudging tight couple punches.

[D]

Let him feel good, but that's all.

[David Spade]

Dude, I like that. Jake, football fight when like third round, he's like whispering, don't hit me so hard. Tyson, you know the deal, you initialed it, you docu signed it. I'm like, okay, okay, guys.

[C]

Did he say that?

[David Spade]

It seemed like it, yeah. I mean, it was kind of like every time Tyson had a shot, he'd pull back. I go, all the rumors are true. This isn't. I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

Wait a minute. Are you saying I watched it. That sporting event might have been fixed. Are you going on record?

[David Spade]

It wasn't even called like a boxing match. It was like, this is an entertainment thing.

[C]

I think it was actually categorized as a real.

[Dana Carvey]

A sanction. It goes on their record. There was a sanction.

[David Spade]

For boxing. That's that they accounting that Jeezle pizza. All right, let's get to the hard question.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's, let's ask some questions of these guys.

[C]

Come on.

[D]

I like it hard. Let's hear.

[David Spade]

Yeah, okay.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, man, you how that's why you guys came up with Nut House? Is that so? You guys are businessmen now. You're starting an empire, basically, yeah. Nut House Productions. I looked at it. Right, right, right, right.

[David Spade]

So far we're right, Correct, Correct. And the show, the new podcast is called Dudes, Dudes on Dudes. Dudes on Dudes on Dudes. That's right.

[Dana Carvey]

But you guys, because you were superstars in your other profession probably it translates like it did with Michael Jordan and others, like competitive, right? Like you want to build this and just be monsters, right? Because that makes life interesting. That means you're going to build this thing out as a giant production.

[David Spade]

Less painful, less hurt, relentless, like Julian always says.

[D]

And we're not going to stop until we get there, baby. Yeah, we might have a couple bloopers, a couple of mess ups, but knowing Julian as on the field, he always gets back up when he gets knocked down. And same with myself, you knock us down, we're going to keep fighting and we're going to keep Fighting until we win that championship, baby.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[David Spade]

That's a good.

[Dana Carvey]

Have you ever, after someone tackled you during a game, just stood up and said, you do that again, I'll kill you, motherfucker. Have you ever, ever said that to an opposing player?

[C]

Did you see Rob do a. Did you not see him in Buffalo when he gave the people's elbow to a. He dropped his elbow on a guy because he got mad at him.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I got mad at him.

[D]

He kept holding me. I didn't tell him, hey, if you hold me again, I'm one of people's elbow. But he just got eliminated that.

[C]

He literally went down and did a People I like.

[David Spade]

It's called a people's elbow. That's how far away I am from the NFL.

[D]

The people's elbow is the Dwayne Johnson, the Rock in the wwe, and I.

[David Spade]

Oh, you drop it on him.

[D]

Football field, David.

[David Spade]

Right, right. You want all your weight on them.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[C]

No, but I think with. With. With Nut House, we enjoy doing it. We're not. We're competitive. Yeah. But we're not looking at where we want to bring it. Right now. We're still just diving into the operation and trying to make the product as best as possible, worrying about what we can with. With the show and trying to make our chemistry kind of like yours.

[David Spade]

We're 150 in you, and we don't know what we're doing. By the way, Jules, are you at that goddamn mansion I drive by that I've driven by before. I won't say where.

[C]

No, I moved.

[David Spade]

God damn. Fucking. The rich get richer. All right, now on the roast, we're friends with Nikki Glaze. Well, we're friends with all those guys. I have a few questions. Just quickly. You did this to Tom? Did. Okay, first of all, like, when we did the Rose, I did the Rob Lowe one. We didn't know each other's jokes ahead of time. Do you guys. Did you guys know each other's jokes?

[C]

No, we know, but we would have to tell our jokes to the room, and then they didn't tell us. If someone had a joke that they would say, like, you can't use that one.

[David Spade]

Oh, it bumps with somebody. Yeah, yeah. And to what room? Writer's room.

[C]

Writer's room?

[D]

Yes, Correct.

[David Spade]

Oh, you had to get up and say them.

[C]

Yeah, I. I went to the Comedy Store and performed my jokes.

[David Spade]

Oh, I should have gone down there terrified.

[C]

Thank God there was 15, like, frat kids there that loved football, so I could say anything, and they were gonna laugh But I was up there, and I was reading my jokes off of paper, and I did, like, 50. I did 12 minutes. I wanted to, like, test jokes.

[David Spade]

That's a lot.

[C]

Yeah. And it was. It was. I was so terrified.

[David Spade]

It was.

[C]

It was really stepping outside of my culture.

[David Spade]

Oh, that makes you sick. That's so scary to go in front of people and read those.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's. That's normal.

[David Spade]

For real.

[Dana Carvey]

Who wrote. Did you have someone write with you? Did you have someone help write with you in your voice?

[David Spade]

They have roast writers. I think there's.

[C]

I have my own team. And then we worked with their team, and we kind of formulated and drew a bunch of shit at the wall. And then I went to the store and set them all and kind of said, all right, this one's a good one. They didn't like this one.

[David Spade]

And it's very hard to say, hey, guys, we're roasting Tom Bray. It's not the same exact scenario because they're ready for regular now. When you go to the roast, everyone's lasered in. This is about this. Blah, blah, blah. So I've seen, like, Nikki go in. Okay, guys, here's what I'm doing. I'm hosting the MTV Awards picture Green Day here. It's just. It's just not the same. You don't get the exact same reaction, but you get a feel like, this one might work, so that's good. And, Rob, you did the same thing. I'm sorry, did you say that?

[D]

Yeah, mine was similar. I actually had, like, three different phone calls with the writers. I just wanted to understand the feel of, you know, of the type of material that I had for Tom and other people that were going to be there. And then they kind of wrote some jokes for me. I actually have a friend who's an absolute maniac, who, when he's on fire, he's on fire. He can come up with anything. So he wrote four of my jokes, and then I actually wrote four of my jokes as well, and then all the other jokes were from the writer. So, you know, it was just a team effort. But at the end, once you have your whole script, you tell the writers what you're going to say, and then they figure it out. Hey, you can't say that because someone else is already saying so it wasn't.

[Dana Carvey]

Repeated how much fear. That's fair compared to when you're starting a football, doing public speaking, going to a podium. You got all these comedians. It's a global event. I mean, I. It was pretty. It was an amazing. And you guys are coming out there and you're following people. I mean, where was your nerve level? I'm sure you couldn't compare it to athletics, but it's intense. It took me years to get used to doing it took me three years without being just terrified to do standup, you know, Dude, I was.

[C]

I mean, it was. It was really scary because we were football players. We're not comics. And then you're. You're following pros.

[David Spade]

Yeah, sharpshooters.

[C]

I. I'm so thankful I had that rep before at the store because it gave me, like, a rep of it. But I was. I was definitely terrified just because that's not. That's not what we do.

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[D]

I.

[Dana Carvey]

That's what I was just asking.

[David Spade]

When the size of the crowd is bigger than normal standup, it's crazy.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[C]

There's 10,000. There's like. But the cool thing about it was you only saw the people. You didn't see the crowd. You saw, like, the. They had a bunch of tables for people.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Going to be made fun of or associated with people. So you saw a lot of your friends in the crowd. I didn't. So that. That was kind of cool.

[Dana Carvey]

And also, everyone knows you're not a professional stand up. So there is usually goodwill, you know, because they understand it's not what you do for a living right now. But how was your nerve level, Rob? You were.

[D]

Yeah, we're crazy psychos, man. That's why we won so many championships together, is that Julian wants to be the best, even though that's not his profession. I wanted to be the best up there, even though that's not my profession. I mean, Bill wants to be the best. You know, when you sign up for something, you know, we want to be the best, and we're super competitive. And that's why I feel like that whole group right there, we won so many championships and why we went to the playoffs every single year, because of that competitive nature. But my nerves were. My nerves were cooking a little bit. That's why between Julian, you know, myself and Kevin Hart, we are all three in a row, and we literally finished a bottle of tequila before we even went up there. And that definitely helped out because when I got up there, that tequila just went. It went. It went zoop. And it was just game on, baby. And also, wait a minute.

[Dana Carvey]

So before you went out, you had.

[David Spade]

At least five shots, six shots on stage, probably.

[D]

We were drinking.

[Dana Carvey]

By the time you got to the podium. How many shots of tequila I don't know, Jules. Probably six, ten, seven. Okay.

[D]

Yeah, six to seven.

[C]

I had a prerequisite of my cocktail before, so I tried my cocktail of what I was going to do before at the store so I could dial in my.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, wow, you're prepared.

[David Spade]

I have to say that the nerves erase a lot of your buzz sometimes. So you're really drunker than you think because you're so fucking giddy with all the energy and the adrenaline that you go, I don't even know if I'm drunk. I'm just. Yeah, and you're too.

[Dana Carvey]

You don't feel it as much if you're adrenaline.

[D]

That's what happened to me. And also, it kind of sucked waiting your turn because once your turn was over, you know, you killed it. It felt so good just to watch rest of the show. Like, it was like you laid back.

[David Spade]

Relax, or you get something stepped on. That's what I was scared because Nikki, I thought was first. And when someone goes before and they do jokes, I'm like, oh, my God, I'd be going, fuck that steps on this joke. Oh, do I got to take that one out? And who do you tell? It's live. You're like, do I text someone? Like, get rid of that joke. It bumps Exactly. With Kevin Hart's joke, it's the same thing. That's the hard part. That's where the writers have to make sure. Unless you're ad libbing or something. But I'm sure ad libs come out because it's live and just in the moment you want to add a tagline or.

[C]

I was watching, so I was really amazed with the professionalism of all, like, the comics that went up there and with Kevin Hart and watching him, how he was off the teleprompter, like how he would hit a couple things on the prompter, then ad lib and then go back to the prompter.

[David Spade]

Scary.

[C]

I was watching who was reading their jokes and who wasn't. And Rob went up there. I'm sitting there looking at his prompter and then I'm looking and he went completely rogue. He just started going on his own rant. It was crazy. It was like fun to see who was using the prompter and who wasn't it. Rob went full rogue on the prompter and just started going rob on them.

[David Spade]

And then you don't know where you're coming back to because they're like, the prompter goes down and they go, are we. Is this. This part? And then you're like. Because you know Live. A lot of those roasts like the one I did, they can. They trim it from three hours down like an hour and a half, so they're cutting all the fat out all the mistakes. It's more fun to see the mistakes and see what's really happening.

[C]

Definitely.

[David Spade]

I think so, yeah. Did anything shock you? Did you hear jokes that, like, you were like, oh, we're doing this.

[Dana Carvey]

Were your feelings hurt? Or did you ever observe anyone else who you felt like their feelings were hurt? Because that's the live Wire reality show aspect of Roast. You're laughing, but then I've seen Roast where, whoa, that person's really wounded right now, you know, I guess that's part of it. But did you witness or yourselves? Did ever, you know, did you get your feelings hurt at all?

[D]

No, I don't think anyone got their feelings hurt. And that's what made that roast that much more special. And it also kind of makes you stronger as a person as well. If you can just take those beatings and lashings in front of millions of people and in front of a crowd of 20 plus thousand people, in front of all your good friends as well. I mean, it makes you strong mentally. And that's why I loved it. I mean, I can go around anywhere now, whatever people say about me. And actually, that roast literally kind of. I don't care what people say. Call me an idiot, call me dumb, like, whatever. I was in front of millions of people, and that happened, like, so it's no big deal. And I think that's what made the show so special, too, is everyone took the beating and no one was actually truly heard about it.

[C]

That's what the really. That's what the locker room is. I mean, no one's safe in the locker room. Everyone's getting made fun of. It was just public.

[David Spade]

Well, when I did the roast, they go, like. It's hard to see someone walk up and go, you know, everyone says, spade has huge ears. And I'm like, wait, what's going on? Wait, what does everyone say? Because you're never hearing everything people are saying. So whenever. When they start a joke with. I think we're all in agreement. And then it's like some horrible thing about you, and you go. And you're trying to brace, like, okay, that was too much. I'm going to mark that down. I got to talk to them after. I got to mark that one down because there's so many coming at you. Just go, holy shit. That's why I never did it for so long, because I'm too much of a pussy to take it. It's just so out of left field.

[C]

I think it's crazy to hear how you analyze the show. Like, we don't think about that. You guys are pros. So you're sitting there like, oh, he hit that. So I'm going to fucking bring this to him.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I want to go up early.

[C]

Like that was.

[David Spade]

That's a deal breaker. They go, I go. Put me up early. Because by the time, like, Andrew Schultz got on, he has great jokes, but it's hard to just get the effect when you've heard you're numb by this point.

[Dana Carvey]

Nikki. Nikki had the best spot. I think she was third or fourth. Yeah. Kevin Hart warmed him up. Or very good. It's cooking. And then there's a wave that she caught. And she was incredibly prepared. I mean, she worked like for six weeks or something night after night, taping, recording. But yeah, later on it's just like, you know, do you guys, two professional athletes still snap the towel? Because I haven't been in a locker room since I was. Did they ever do that?

[David Spade]

Dana, when he was in high school, they're snapping his ass.

[Dana Carvey]

But I actually, I was like the size, I guess. Julian, you were 100 pounds. You went into high school. I was 92. You could have beat the shit out of me even then. But football guys would just pick me up, like, probably my gun, just throw me against the locker, you know, in high school. Oh, Rob, don't come back.

[David Spade]

We offended Rob. Yeah. Oh, there he is.

[D]

I. I was, I was 169 pounds in high school. So as a freshman, you know, as. As a sixth grader. And I was so smart and intelligent.

[David Spade]

Oh, good for you.

[D]

My academics were high school.

[Dana Carvey]

That's way to say, right? You were a math. Math whiz. Literally, right in high school.

[David Spade]

Hang on, I'm gonna fact check this. Jules.

[Dana Carvey]

Jules, come on now. I don't know where we are, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[David Spade]

No, I shockingly got cut from football. Actually. The coach I got. I was supposed to do a 10 yard button hook. I did about a 12 yard. So I took it right in the fucking grill. And the coach walked me aside like I was Lucas. Like that old movie. He's like, hey, kid, let's go get you a snow cone. And then walked me off the field and then off the campus just to say snow cone. I don't think football's for you.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, who would want a snow cone if they could have an actual ice cream bar or something. Snow cones unless it's 110 degrees. But I was a star.

[David Spade]

We lost him.

[Dana Carvey]

I was a star in flag football. Many touchdowns per game, stuff like that. But then when it came to tackle football, a guy ran me over and I just said I'm leaving.

[C]

They were playing flag football back then.

[Dana Carvey]

This is, this is in the 60s. John Brody, you guys don't go that far back. He was a 49, 49.

[David Spade]

Thorpe was quarterback.

[Dana Carvey]

Gave me my certificate, MVP. Flag football was way more civilized. There was, it was, you know, flag, they, you weren't really getting tackled. They would just take your flag.

[David Spade]

Are you guys going to play flag in the Olympics? Which I don't think should be a sport.

[C]

I wish I, if I was in my prime I would. I can't run anymore.

[David Spade]

For real?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I was going to ask you guys that but it's maybe it's 100%.

[C]

If you could go to the Olympics. Like I don't even that sports completely different. But I'd be able to.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. It's not what like you guys did.

[David Spade]

You have to juke. Rob, can you run?

[D]

I would be just a red zone threat, you know, put all these little guys in that can run right now I can still run decently but not, not like how I used to be able to. But I can still go up there and make a play over the guy that's five, eight, you know, in the red zone and score. Because that's what I do. I'm a scorer, baby. I only score.

[Dana Carvey]

That's what we see when we think of you. I want to ask you guys this question. What's braver in the pocket as a quarterback, knowing people are coming from your blind side to kill you basically. Or being a receiver going up for the ball and knowing the hits coming, you're not completely protected. Are they equal? But they both, they seem like the toughest mental positions to put yourself in that situation as quarterback or receiver.

[D]

No, no, they're not equal because that's.

[Dana Carvey]

Why I want to ask you.

[D]

As a receiver, you have momentum as well. When you're going up for the ball, you're running full speed and that defensive back or safety or linebacker is running full speed the other way. So it's like a, it's like a head on collision with two guys going full speed in the pocket. You're just still and the guy that's coming for you, he's already getting pushed around. It's not like he's teeing off running full speed. Like he can might just grab you with the arm and then throw you down. So it's, it's definitely more vicious to get drilled going up the middle and not see quarterbacks in the pocket.

[Dana Carvey]

So for our trend, you had a much tougher job than Brady did throughout your time with the Patriots.

[D]

Yes, that is correct.

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

I've done a lot of rowing in my life. The rower, the home rower, the rower. The hydro rower is what we're talking about. But it's not a treadmill, elliptical, or a bike. Those don't work out. Your upper body, your core, it literally gets your whole body. It's like you're dragging this weight back and forth, back and forth. If you want to give the gift of an immersive full body workout all from the comfort of your home, you need the Hydro Rower. I think it's a great product. I really do.

[David Spade]

Hydro first? Yeah. Don't try to ignore your core. Don't ignore the core. I've caught you sometimes ignoring the core, but you can't because you don't want to be on these machines that don't do. The hydro is a go to for the ultimate full body workout. How ultimate? Good question. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, core only 20 minutes. 20 minutes and you'll be ripped.

[Dana Carvey]

I can tell you can really blast yourself.

[David Spade]

In 20 minutes you're gonna be drenched.

[Dana Carvey]

And you'll be, you'll be huffing and puffing.

[David Spade]

It's great for you for sure. That's good.

[Dana Carvey]

No matter what your starting point or goals are, whether you're training for a marathon or training for life, hydro meets you where you are. Hydro is low impact, David, which means minimal risk of injury. Understand. Hydro also combines strength and cardio. I mean you really could get an amazing just all in workout if you go on that thing for 20 minutes.

[David Spade]

Listen. The workouts are led by Olympians, world class athletes, top tier coaches, Hydra workouts. They're filmed all over the world outside. Not stuck like you like boring studios. But this is not where they are.

[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

It's not one of these flimsy machines that I've bought in the past. You know, you like the instructors, it's convenient. Look, give the gift of a full body workout from all the comfort of home with hydro. Head over to hydro.com use code FLY. Save up to $475 off your hydro.

[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

You can't even hit the quarterback anymore. But back then you could hit him a little bit.

[Dana Carvey]

But I mean Tom played so long.

[C]

He was getting hit early in his career.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's, it's physics. So like Rob was explaining, I mean if you're going 16 miles an hour.

[David Spade]

This way, this guy's slant hours this way.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I know there's a bigger force.

[C]

You know, I would say I played quarterback. You could, you could. It's different because like the quarterback is throwing you somewhere. When you're across the middle you, you can kind of feel it in the pocket sometimes. You don't obviously, but I think it's just the brute speed going across the middle.

[David Spade]

You guys were both mostly car crashes, but it's better to just do a straight deep route just so. Cause you're just running basically.

[C]

Well, it's also you're, it's an easier catch too. Cause the ball's going away and.

[David Spade]

Yeah. And the guy with you is running with you. Not right at you are There.

[Dana Carvey]

Where's the injury quotient at this point? I mean, how many my Niners have been destroyed? McCaffrey, Brock Purdy, Nick Bosa, Kittle. I mean is it just. It's always been this kind of level. It's. It seems like the team that stays healthy, all things being equal, of course, is going to win the Super Bowl. Every team is one or two players away, they're out and the whole trajectory changes.

[D]

Dana, I just think that using that, using the injury bug is just an excuse for your 49ers. I just think they can't get the job done anymore this year, buddy. Yeah, they got some injuries, but so do a lot of other teams and they got so many good players that can step up as well and it's just not happening. So you're just like everyone else in the Bay Area. Just make an excuse.

[Dana Carvey]

So you're just saying that a Devo Samuels and a Christian McCaffrey. You can get the D league out there. You're going to get the same production.

[D]

Exactly. I mean we had Julian Edelman, Rob Gronkowski out there at one point. Guys seventh round pick and I was a second round nobody coming out without with a back injury. Superstars.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, you became superstars.

[D]

They should be able to get it done. And they got Kittle. Don't forget about him. He only missed one game. So that's technically not right.

[Dana Carvey]

No. So you got to love.

[David Spade]

But why does Brock Purdy doesn't make any money And I feel bad for him. He makes. He lives in like a one bedroom apartment. He drives an Uber at night. I'm like, dude, everyone else is bitching because they don't get 40 million a year. This guy's a starting quarterback on Dana's best team.

[Dana Carvey]

There's rules. Has to make a 3 SE.

[C]

He's making less than the Georgian Alabama quarterbacks that are in college.

[David Spade]

Yeah, no shit. Go back to college, dude.

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[David Spade]

No, but he drives a Hyundai Excel.

[C]

Getting back to injuries?

[David Spade]

Yes, please.

[Dana Carvey]

Idiot.

[C]

There were some of our best years. We didn't win the super bowl because we got hurt. You know what I mean? I think in 15 we started 9.0mm. You know, we lose. Nate Soldier to a pack. Dion Lewis. I broke a foot. You know, there's years where Gronk got hurt. We didn't win. Like that's part of the game. And that goes into the off season of the program on how they get their athletes going on their performance side, how they keep all their physical and their cardiovascular health, all that stuff Is like, part of it, you know, so, like, the whole injury club thing, everyone deals with it. So, you know, if you're sitting there saying, we're one guy away, it's never that. That's never the case.

[David Spade]

Look at the jets, and most people are injured anyway. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

When they call it kind of banged up a little bit. The team's a little banged up. They.

[C]

You're either hurt or you're injured.

[D]

Everyone's.

[Dana Carvey]

Everyone's hurting. So did you. Would you. Do you guys feel like you got out at the right time based on. If you play too long with too many injuries? I mean, I worked with Dick Butkus on a TV show, and he walked real funny, and he was about 45 at the time. And, you know, they didn't know how.

[David Spade]

To deal with injuries, Willie Mays and a sitcom.

[D]

I. I feel like I got out right at the right time. Like, you know, I was kind of still playing well, but, I mean, I wasn't producing, like, how I could produce when I was 24, 25 years old, but I was still going out there and making plays. But I got out, like, right before I was going to be absolute terrible. And I feel like that's the best time to go out because you're still on top and you didn't really show that. You truly dropped off, like, out of nowhere.

[Dana Carvey]

Like the super bowl in Tampa. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, I played one more year after that.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

I forgot about the following year. I just think of you as he went. He also went to Florida and won one without Belichick, who they all. We all love.

[David Spade]

When you ruined the super bowl trophy, did they make you pay anything?

[D]

No, no. It's actually hanging up in the Patriots hall of Fame. Actually, we made that. They should pay us because we made that trophy more expensive, Julian and I. He threw the pitch. He threw a knuckleball. I freaking bonded it and put the dent in it. So, Julian, I'm waiting for a check because people go to the Patriots hall of Fame. More people do. To go see it. To go see it. Exactly.

[David Spade]

So, hey, just like art, you want some story behind.

[D]

I want date money for that, Jules.

[C]

And without a doubt, I have the ball that we threw it with still. It's in the right.

[David Spade]

See, that's worth something, too.

[Dana Carvey]

Super bowl mvp. Pretty. Pretty amazing.

[David Spade]

That was, by the way, you know.

[Dana Carvey]

David interrupts my highlight of his.

[David Spade]

Who's a Super Bowl MVP?

[Dana Carvey]

Julian was. Yeah.

[David Spade]

You were.

[C]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

He's Mr. Super Bowl. Yeah. Also led the receivers and. Yeah, he's had some Great. Super Bowls.

[David Spade]

Super bowl mvp. That's crazy, dude.

[C]

It was nuts. It's cooler now. Like, you didn't really care when it happened. You just. You're happy that it won, but, like, now that it's over and it's like five years ago, you still get to live off of it.

[David Spade]

I was dying out on that forever. I tell people I said, live from New York at Saturday night. That's what I tell bars.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

Even though I don't even know if I did.

[Dana Carvey]

But who cares?

[David Spade]

Dana said it 200 times.

[Dana Carvey]

Which one?

[David Spade]

Live from New York, I'm Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm adding to my total. I'm adding to my total right now.

[David Spade]

Hey, Dana, have any of you.

[D]

I meet somebody and they're like, hey, what do you do? I'm like, I'm a football player. I'm going to use that for the rest of my life.

[David Spade]

Yeah, you're right. I say it sometimes.

[Dana Carvey]

That's right. You guys are gladiators. You're like rock stars. You know, everyone. I mean, I was talking to Belichick about this because I'm the podcast with him, by the way. I did every joke and every impression I can do. I got him helpless. I got that guy laughing his ass off. It's really, absolutely great sense of humor. But when you get him into football, just even a one question, as you guys would know, it's 20 minutes of intense metrics that it's pretty amazing to watch his brain go like that. He says he'll be back. But, yeah, you guys are, you know, the super bowl and football, the ratings and the money is so huge. Globally, it is the sport. You know, Oscars, Emmys, other televised events. It is football, is it? And it attracts everybody. And I just wondered about the money, the billions that's going in there. Is it matriculating to the players? I mean, I think the teams average 400 million each. I mean, you're getting a piece of the television, you're getting the gate. Is it growing, growing, growing, or how do you feel about it as a sport? I mean, it is the.

[C]

I think the playoffs are bullshit.

[Dana Carvey]

Like I was going to say that.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's crazy. When you play in the playoffs, in the super bowl, you're actually taking a pay cut. Because what they do is you get your salary, you divide it into 17, you get paid every two weeks. So you can imagine what that check looks like when you go to the playoffs. You're getting a. You know, you get 20 grand for the first game, you get 30 grand. For the second game, when you. When you're looking at, like, making in the playoff games with all their, you know, all the viewership and stuff, so we actually get the short end of the stick when it comes to playoff money. But that's also negotiated in our collective bargaining agreement. We get, you know, a certain percentage of what the TV contracts and what the league makes, but it, you know, it never comes down, like, when you're playing in the playoffs. That's for, like, the love of the game. Now, see, 20 grand is a lot of money, but, you know, you look at your regular game day check, you know, from the regular season, you're putting in more work than what you're doing in the regular season. You're getting paid less. So, you know, even you think about it, playoffs and winning the Super Bowl, I think you get like a couple hundred grand. Three grand altogether. It's still not even a toenail clipping of what the league's making, But I.

[David Spade]

Didn'T even know at all that you make less.

[Dana Carvey]

That's. But it's an overall, Robert.

[C]

It's technically a bonus, right?

[Dana Carvey]

So, you know, on top.

[C]

And then once the season, regular season's over, you get rewarded.

[David Spade]

Right. You know, and the ratings are higher, though, so someone's making more. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And, Rob, is it true that you just saved your salary and just lived off endorsements and all the rest?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, I have, man, it's been great. I can tell you that. It's been great living. And I just, you know, I definitely live by that model for. Especially, like, my first five, six years in the NFL, because you don't know how long you're going to play for, man. NFL sure stands for not for long. You have an average about three years. So I was like, hey, I want to make sure I'm taken care of if I only play, like, four, five years in the NFL. So I was living like that, just so you know, I didn't have to worry if I had a short career. So it just stayed with that motto from there on out ever since because, you know, just.

[Dana Carvey]

How did you. Where did you put the money? Is it a cash or did you. I'm just curious.

[D]

No investments and everything. All that good stuff. So it's making money as well.

[Dana Carvey]

Mm.

[David Spade]

I'm living off my beer pong winnings right now, you guys. First of all, I think we should thank these guys. We've taken enough of their time. Two dudes. We think you're great. Danny, you have any final questions?

[Dana Carvey]

I just want to honor.

[David Spade]

Yeah, Go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

Dudes on dudes.

[David Spade]

Dudes on dudes.

[Dana Carvey]

With Gronk and Jules, these two guys.

[C]

So the concept of our show is we basically talk about three different dudes and we categorize what kind of dude they are. You know, you, which is someone who's mentally, physically, emotionally tough. You could be a freak. A one on one. You could be a dude's dude, which is like a glue guy. In the locker room. You could be a stud, someone who has pedigree on everything. And then you could be a whiz, which is someone who's innovative. And I think you guys would be whizzes and glue guys.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, okay. So it can apply to comedians, too, not just athletes.

[C]

It can apply. It apply to anything.

[Dana Carvey]

Could dude not just a guy?

[C]

A dude is a figure of speech.

[Dana Carvey]

Could we be like, beasts? Like, be a spade's a beast.

[David Spade]

I don't know if I've.

[D]

No, there's five categories. Beast is not one of them. There's actually. You can either be a freak.

[Dana Carvey]

It's kind of a stud.

[David Spade]

A wizard dog or dude.

[D]

Dude.

[Dana Carvey]

A dude's dude or a dog.

[David Spade]

I like Gronk saying, dana, I don't think you understood the rules. Okay, Steph Beast was not one of the choices.

[Dana Carvey]

Steph Curry, go. Which one is he? Steph Curry whiz. Whiz. All right.

[C]

Change the game. He's literally. He's changed NBA basketball.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Aaron Rodgers.

[D]

Are we going back in the heyday in 2010? I would say Aaron Rodgers, back in the heyday, man. Just an absolute stud. Just the way that he can just, like, just bullet those passes with a flick of a wrist. I mean, you got to be a stud muffin in order to do that.

[David Spade]

Are you. Is Aaron coming back next year? What do you think he should do?

[C]

Ooh, I don't know.

[D]

I thought the show was over. I thought you were letting us off.

[Dana Carvey]

David, how is his name pronounced? Sock Zavon Barkley. The guy who just ran for 255. Barkley say. Say what? Barkley. What? What is he?

[C]

He's a freak.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, I agree. He's a freak. Yeah, he runs his legs.

[C]

They chafe because they're so big.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. I have a Google alert whenever they show up.

[C]

He did a 360 jump over someone, like, literally.

[David Spade]

Oh, I saw that. I saw that.

[C]

That's a freak.

[D]

This guy's taking it to another level every single week, which is just freaking incredible. And he is freaky. I mean, freak is basically someone that you just look at and they look like a specimen. And Saquon Barkley, you look at his quads and that. Those are just a specimen quads and just how much he can lift. So that's how we kind of categorize guys as well, is how they perform off the field sometimes, what they look like and just how they play the game.

[Dana Carvey]

So Herschel Walker.

[C]

Ooh, now you're trying to get us going.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm going in the 90s. No. Okay, let's keep Walker.

[C]

He's a dog. Yeah, he's self motivated.

[Dana Carvey]

He.

[C]

I mean, he didn't win any. They didn't win any Super Bowl. He's played with the Oilers and who else? Hershey.

[Dana Carvey]

I remember Houston, so.

[C]

Houston. Yeah. I mean, I would say he. He's a dog. That dude was so powerful and there were so many times where you thought he was down and he put his shoulder down and run a guy over. Take three guys.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, Rob, what's Julian.

[D]

Oh, actually, we haven't.

[Dana Carvey]

And Julian, what's wrong? Well, that comes. That's the microphone.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Don't give it away.

[Dana Carvey]

That's the season ender. I would say.

[D]

I can't give that away. Come on now.

[David Spade]

Don't give it away.

[Dana Carvey]

I'd say Rob's a freak and a stud. And I'd say I'm freakishly gifted. And Julian is a dog and a.

[David Spade]

Wizard and a glue. I like that you can be a combo.

[Dana Carvey]

Just my blinks. I don't know.

[C]

That's fine.

[D]

You guys are allowed to combo us. I like it.

[David Spade]

Yeah, well, okay, we'll let you go. Rob, we promised.

[C]

We love being comboed.

[David Spade]

You guys, good luck with your podcast.

[Dana Carvey]

This is really, really fun. You see how much fun we're having?

[D]

And Spade, every Thursday a new episode drops. Check us out, baby.

[C]

Hey, Spade, are you gonna be at Craig's anytime soon?

[David Spade]

I saw these guys. I forgot. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Super Fly, as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.