SUPERFLY #46 - SNL COLD OPEN!

Summary

Podcast Summary: SUPERFLY #46 - SNL COLD OPEN!

Introduction

In this episode of Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade, the longtime comedic duo delve deep into their recent experiences with Saturday Night Live (SNL), particularly focusing on their involvement in the show's cold open. Hosted by Audacy, this episode offers listeners an insider's view of the behind-the-scenes chaos, creative processes, and humorous anecdotes that come with live television comedy.

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SNL Cold Open: Behind the Scenes

The primary focus of this episode revolves around Dana Carvey and David Spade's participation in an SNL cold open. Dana introduces the topic with enthusiasm, highlighting the seamless process of creating memorable sketches.

• Dana Carvey [09:44]: "They don't get those deals. Don’t even. That's all smoke and mirrors."

David shares the frantic experience leading up to the performance, illustrating the unpredictable nature of live TV.

• David Spade [10:12]: "Night on Friday at noon, I was in the kitchen in my house in LA, cooking stew for dinner... I had to scramble to get to the show."

Dana recounts the tight schedule and last-minute preparations required to deliver a successful cold open.

• Dana Carvey [12:08]: "I jumped out of the car, hanging out the window, looking like this. Just going in for the special with the pump you up and all that stuff."

Notable Quote:

• David Spade [15:25]: "You should have said when I came out, oh Hunter, you look a little shorter than I remember."

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Character Transformations and Performances

The duo discusses their character portrayals, with Dana playing the iconic Church Lady and David embodying Hunter Biden. They delve into the challenges of transforming into these well-known figures and the comedic nuances involved.

• Dana Carvey [22:05]: "I'm very early in the show."
• David Spade [23:20]: "He goes, 'You should have said when I came out, oh Hunter, you look a little shorter than I remember.'"

The conversation highlights the importance of timing, improvisation, and the chemistry between cast members to make the sketches resonate with the audience.

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Comparisons to the SNL Movie

Dana and David draw parallels between their live SNL experiences and the recently released SNL movie by Jason Reitman. They appreciate how the film captures the essence and chaos of the live show.

• Dana Carvey [26:11]: "Jason Reitman meticulously made that exact studio. He tried to get a vibe of the whole history of SNL."
• David Spade [27:09]: "I want to watch the SNL movie so badly now that I've already been."

Notable Quote:

• Dana Carvey [27:47]: "And soaking up every minute was thrilling."

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Humorous Banter and Pop Culture Commentary

Beyond their SNL experiences, Dana and David engage in lighthearted discussions on various pop culture topics. They touch upon subjects ranging from quirky online trends like "farts in a jar" to the rise of OnlyFans personalities.

• David Spade [38:26]: "I just farted for the first time and sold it for six."
• Dana Carvey [40:49]: "What is a Wendy Pop?"

Their playful exchanges provide comedic relief and showcase their dynamic chemistry, keeping the conversation engaging and entertaining.

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Reflections on Live Performances and Show Dynamics

The hosts reflect on the unpredictable nature of live performances, emphasizing the importance of adaptability and quick thinking.

• David Spade [36:24]: "How close do you want to cut it?"
• Dana Carvey [37:14]: "Paul Mescal, if I do it right, was super enthusiastic, incredibly nice."

They also discuss the collaborative efforts with writers and production staff to ensure that each sketch aligns with the show's standards while maintaining comedic value.

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Conclusion

Throughout SUPERFLY #46 - SNL COLD OPEN!, Dana Carvey and David Spade offer listeners a candid look into the high-pressure environment of live television comedy. Their anecdotes, combined with witty humor and insightful commentary, make this episode a must-listen for fans of SNL and comedy enthusiasts alike. By sharing their personal experiences and behind-the-scenes stories, Dana and David not only entertain but also provide valuable insights into the art of sketch comedy.

Final Notable Quote:

• David Spade [74:08]: "Thank you, audience."

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Key Takeaways:

• The complexities and spontaneity involved in performing a live SNL cold open.
• The camaraderie and teamwork essential among SNL cast and crew.
• The impact of live television on performers' improvisational skills.
• A humorous exploration of contemporary pop culture phenomena.

This episode encapsulates the essence of Fly on the Wall, blending personal stories with comedic insights, making it both informative and highly entertaining for listeners who seek an authentic glimpse into the world of showbiz.

Transcript

[David Spade]

Our. Our next one is Fracture. Dana, let's just. We're going to fracture. We're going to go through this. So every year, Dana, I think this is it. This is the holiday I killed at gift giving. And then somehow you get socks. I send you socks.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, David, socks. That's basically a cry for help wrapped in cheap cock. Partner, this year you're leveling it up with the no fail jaw dropping gift everyone will love. Wait for it. Fracture.

[David Spade]

Fracture. That sounds something like I did to my ego in the 90s with when I read reviews. What is it?

[Dana Carvey]

It's genius Fracture. Now listen, listen, listen.

[David Spade]

I'll. Kidding aside.

[Dana Carvey]

Listen, listen for a second. Joking. Fracture takes your favorite photos. Like that one of you rocking the bullet and brings them directly on sleek, modern glass. Hear me out, hear me out. The colors are so vibrant, so stunning. It's like your David Hollywood memories all aglow.

[David Spade]

So any photos of me with the mullet on that lives in glory, That's. That's like a hall of fame. I'll take that. Exactly.

[Dana Carvey]

You're starting to get it. Single. Single prints, gallery walls, frame, frameless. They've got it all. I'm telling you. I'm here to tell you, David, just upload your photo and boom, you're gifting like a pro. There's no effort required. That's good for you. Which is perfect.

[David Spade]

So I don't need a toolbox because I have one screwdriver in the house.

[Dana Carvey]

And then you have one screwdriver right before dinner.

[David Spade]

It's a slippery snurple.

[Dana Carvey]

No, you don't have to lift a finger. They come ready to hang. No hammers, no extra holes in the wall. Just sleek, stunning glass prints that make people gasp. Even aunt Barb. And she's a tough crowd.

[David Spade]

Barb. All right. I love it. So this year, no socks, no oven mitts, no candles. Just fracture.

[Dana Carvey]

Thoughtful, personable, unforgettable fracture is. I. I'm going to just say this. Whatever, whatever. People think it's the no fail that makes you. Makes you a holiday.

[David Spade]

We both said no fail.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, no fail. We're just going out on a no fail limb.

[David Spade]

All right, well, finally my mullet saves Christmas. What's the kicker?

[Dana Carvey]

You get 30% off@firmure me.com with code fly fracture, making bad gifters great sense whenever they started.

[David Spade]

This is a. An ad for a new new sponsor. Lux bidet. John Lovitz, are you listening? We have to. You know, toilet paper fails you sometimes and all I hear about is bidets and how it's the future. Right.

[Dana Carvey]

And it's horrible when toilet paper fails you and you've, you've used the restroom and then your significant other says, did, did it, did it please you or did it fail you? And you just go, thumbs down, total fail.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Also, they're making it skinnier, I think toilet paper, because I'm, you know, I'm, I've got a roll of paper towels in there. For what reason, I'm not going to tell you. But a bidet is a device, just so you know, Dana, that delivers a precise stream of fresh water to wash your booty. If I get too technical, tell me after you go number deuce. For less than 50 bucks, you can convert your regular toilet into a bidet with a luxe bidet. America's number one best selling bidet attachment.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I see. That's clever.

[David Spade]

Cleans better than toilet paper.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, listen, toilet paper, you, you're making choices.

[David Spade]

If a bird poops on your face, would you just clean up with paper? No.

[Dana Carvey]

You'd wash it off, right? Yeah. This is so archaic. I mean, Billy Toilet was a French inventor and he said, we're going to wipe our bottoms with paper thin paper on little squares. What are you going to call it? I don't know. My name is Billy Toilet. How about toilet paper?

[David Spade]

And you know, I don't. I know you've talked about skid marks in the past, but we don't. There's no poopy crumbs, there's no nothing. These are technical, scientific words. It's just more effective. It saves you money in toilet paper. Lux Bidet is America's favorite bidet. They've washed millions of behinds and B holes, so that's good. Lux Bidet Neoplus is the only bidet with a fast slide in installation. It attaches your existing toity in minutes. Just a few DIY steps. Everything you need comes in the box. No plumbing. Yeah, you don't have to be like a super plumber or electrician.

[Dana Carvey]

This is so easy. This is what I'm, you know, no more skid marks, no more butt crumbs. I mean, this is getting better and better.

[David Spade]

You're always chanting that. You walk away fresh and clean. It's a spa day for your behind.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm gonna say, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, it's. Your butt goes to the spa with this, this product.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

A car wash for your ass. I just said it.

[David Spade]

Lux buddy makes a great gift. People will laugh when they see it, but then they're gonna love it gift for your friends, your family. Maybe you can tell which ones needle extra help.

[Dana Carvey]

Really need it. The ones who will be super excited. Use code flyonmybutt to get 20. Use code fly on my butt to get 20% off [e-mail] that's L U X E B I D E T dot com.

[David Spade]

Yes. Lux Bidet. The better way to go.

[Dana Carvey]

Wow. You locked in. And we are recording. Welcome to another edition of Scooper Fleek of Stupid Fly.

[David Spade]

Dana. Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

We should have a segment called Fly Swatter where we just criticize movies and people. Welcome to Fly Swatter.

[David Spade]

Welcome.

[Dana Carvey]

We'll take you down, and we're not afraid to take you down.

[David Spade]

We'll spray.

[Dana Carvey]

There you go, Patrick. I just gave him a little a face.

[David Spade]

He goes, does this count as something good? You want a clip?

[Dana Carvey]

The only thing happened to me funny today was I was at Crunch Gym in New York City and it was 18 degrees out. So it was. The walk was real interesting. My head was swollen up and stuff. But they go, hey, hey, listen up. Listen up, Crunchers. There's a voice of God over the whole gym, and he calls us crunchers. He calls us Crunchers. Listen up, you crunchers. Please, please put your weights back in a quiet manner. Enjoy it. All right, Crunch.

[David Spade]

Keep crunching.

[Dana Carvey]

Keep crunching, Crunchers. I go, who thought of this? But it was awesome.

[David Spade]

Were you doing crunches at the time?

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. Oh, I. I know how to crunch my abs. People like, they like to. People like to work out their. It's. It's nonsensical. When people work out, they work out their strong muscles and work around their weak muscles. So if their back is weak, they're doing the Latin. They just whip it back with their arms. If they're trying to do a stomach crunch, they just sit on the thing and they just make their neck go like this. And I'm not talking about when I saw you at Crunchers, but you are a crusher.

[David Spade]

Nestle Crunches.

[Dana Carvey]

You would come in back in the day when we were on snl.

[David Spade]

Prescriptive Fitness.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. And it's the same gym. Everything's the same. It's been expanded, but it's the same gym from.

[David Spade]

Oh, that's where you go.

[Dana Carvey]

Gary Prince. Yeah. Now it's Crunch. Bought it from Gary Prince, my friend, God rest his heart.

[David Spade]

For real. That same spot on the way to.

[Dana Carvey]

Stairs as he built it out and went up. But I remember you would come in and you would work your biceps pretty good, which is kind of the show Muscles. We don't even need our biceps that much in life.

[David Spade]

No.

[Dana Carvey]

Compared to our back and shoulders.

[David Spade]

But lats quads, bleeps, squeaks. But you know, the Nick City dancers worked out there too. They. He let them work out there for free.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

So I'd always see them. Then I'd go like this. You using these? Can I work in? Want to do some dips?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Gravitron.

[Dana Carvey]

I ran into Tony Danza in New York coming out of a hotel.

[David Spade]

Hey.

[Dana Carvey]

Was someplace like a workout. So he said, prescriptive fitness. Tell him I sent you.

[David Spade]

Jeez.

[Dana Carvey]

And he worked out during his Broadway run.

[David Spade]

I'm sitting down.

[Dana Carvey]

Nice.

[David Spade]

So let's talk about the show was fun last week.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's unpack it. But for the people who don't know.

[David Spade]

Next time we'll make that really cut it close.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, there you go.

[David Spade]

People yell at me on the comments.

[Dana Carvey]

You look amazing.

[David Spade]

Fucking comments. Dana, you got your jacket. Your warmest. Is that your warmest coat in New York?

[Dana Carvey]

No, this is my indoor cool guy jacket because I stole it from the New York magazine thing.

[David Spade]

Oh, that's where you got it?

[Dana Carvey]

I just walked out with it. I go because I've been in stores where I tried a jean jacket and it can go south so fast. Real fast. It can ride up. It can be too short, too big, Weird collar. Jean jackets are not. So this works. So I stole it. The tag was for $98. I do not shop. I shop Amazon essentials. I don't care. If that's a conflict of interest with.

[David Spade]

Our sponsors, we have to take that all out.

[Dana Carvey]

Yep. $59. This is my winter coat.

[David Spade]

But, you know, if you try something on a movie or on a TV show and it fits, you get something that works. You gotta take it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah. Like hopefully. Yeah. I mean, so. So basically, for people who didn't know, I've been doing some things on snl like Biden and stuff. And then I always thought it'd be funny if David played Hunter Biden. I don't know why this is some reason. And so that's what happened last Saturday.

[David Spade]

Night on Friday at noon, I was in the Cook, you know, kitchen in my house in la, cooking away, cooking stew for dinner. And then you gave me a heads up, said, hey, I think they're gonna call you. I think you're in this cold opening. If you want to roll out, I think they're gonna say, come out. And then. And then I went to eat at McDonald's, and then Gervaise called. Hey, put The Quarter Pounder down. You like money? Yeah. When you go out to snl, hey, handsome. Landscape has changed. All the hell and catch phrases.

[Dana Carvey]

Landscape has changed. No one's getting any money out there, by the way.

[David Spade]

There's no money left. Not a deal.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, no, they don't get those deals. Don't even. That's all smoke and mirrors.

[David Spade]

No, those deal. That's the old deals. They don't get those anymore.

[Dana Carvey]

They don't get those deals.

[David Spade]

You want me to call back, see if there's another drop? Try to get another drop out of them, squeeze them? I said, yeah. So I said I should have just said, what's the least amount of money I can get for snl? Because I saw my contract. But anyway, I went out. So I go home. They go, he goes, can you get on a 3:30 flight? I go, well, it's one and I'm at McDonald's. I don't think so. So I had to scramble to. And Heather rallied and we went out there, got in at 1am and then I call you, my liaison and said. Because all I know is really Dan Boula, I don't even have Higgins number. So I said, hey, Donna. And you said, I just rehearsed it, we're working on it. And then tomorrow we'll do it tomorrow in the evening.

[Dana Carvey]

So, okay, my, my little. Those 36 hours for me was because normally I come in, I do Biden and then I rehearse it Friday. But so I was flying in Thursday and then found out when I got off the plane or something, Church lady.

[David Spade]

I was like, holy Church lady, of all things.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, Holy lady. So then some fans time I put, I. Okay, who's going to be in. In it, you know, it's Marcello as Juan Soto, the baseball player. And it was Sarah Sherman as Matt Gates, of course, and he was Hunter Biden. So they're working backwards, trying to figure out what to do. But then Friday night at midnight, we just ran a really rough draft, just sitting with the writers a little bit on Friday. And then it was, it was a little. Needed some, needed some bumpy work. Yeah. And I've never been that behind the eight ball. When I would do a church chat, I would, I would start on Tuesday and then work with Bonnie and Terry Turner or, you know, or others. And then we go to read through, get a feel for it, do another rewrite. Another rewrite. So I was glad it turned out as well as it did. You were great. Just had a funny take on Hunter. So anyway, so then it's Saturday. I get up early and I'm writing any joke I can think of to try to insert. You're just trying to recover. Tell us from your point of view now what happened.

[David Spade]

So I'm just rotting at the hotel. And then I just say, they'll let me know. So I walk down 57th and see the big Louis Vuitton building that I thought was a CGI and then filmed something from Instagram. And then they said, oh, we'll send a car. I still haven't read it. They go, we gotta get you a Hunter Biden wig and get you down here and get you a suit. So I went down around 3:30 or 4 and saw the old SNL. I remember this.

[Dana Carvey]

Did you just.

[David Spade]

Some of the cast is saying, where was your dressing room? Where was Adam's? Where was everybody's compared to what they had? That's always fun. It's all exactly the same. And I had a dressing room next to Dana and that Maya Rudolph had.

[Dana Carvey]

Had occupied when she was doing oh yeah, Kamala. So that Kamala.

[David Spade]

And you had a couch in yours. I did not.

[Dana Carvey]

I had a couch.

[David Spade]

Who cares?

[Dana Carvey]

I don't want to. It didn't matter. I wasn't paying for it. But I had a snack box, or you want to call it, and you would walk in about every 45 minutes and grab little chips. They weren't big chips or whatever you were grabbing. You'd look around, you'd grace without talking and then walk out. No, you wouldn't say anything. You were rehearsing. And I'm like, yeah, I'm just looking at my script. You know, here's something interesting inside baseball. So I want to get there. They said, come in at 4:30. It's basically dark. Times Square is lit up. I get in the car, I got very, very nice drivers. We're going to have to go around. Mr. Cobby. So as he's telling me as we're going down toward Times Square and we got to make a left because it's thousands and thousands of people in the street. Nice weather Saturday. He goes, look, I'll be honest with you. If we can't go left here, we got to go all the way around. It's going to add one more hour. One more hour.

[David Spade]

Shit.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

We got to go around Manhattan and Staten Island.

[Dana Carvey]

We got to go around. So what I did, and I never do it. And I can hide in plain sight with this mug and this face. I jumped out.

[David Spade]

Shut the.

[Dana Carvey]

I didn't. I put the window down there. Was like hundreds of people. And I was just hanging out out the window, looking kind of like this. Just going in that special with the pump you up and all that stuff. So they started taking pictures, and the police woman noticed, and I said, can we go? I got to get to Saturday Night Live. So we were able to go down.

[David Spade]

Oh, my God. 51st. Great idea.

[Dana Carvey]

Good Lord. Ticket works sometimes. Doesn't always work.

[David Spade]

Face card to the rescue. Yeah, I did the same thing. I rolled it down. I said, isn't that special? Hans and Frost? They said, yes. Mr. Carvey, you're back. I said, I had to run out. I'm coming right back in.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, that helps me a lot. If I was dressed as Garth, I would. They would have sent a helicopter for me. Hey, I'd like to get by now.

[David Spade]

No, I went in down 51st Street. What was funny is they. They had to put. You said that. What? Wigs are easy. They put. You know, Jody's very sweet. She puts the Saran Wrap over my head. And then they go. It's like they're wrapping a present. It's just tape, tape, tape, tape, pushing me down, making me shorter. You know what I should have had you say, you should have said when I came out, oh, Hunter, you look a little shorter than I remember. And I go, I got the weight of the world.

[Dana Carvey]

You didn't look short.

[David Spade]

I mean, I'm shorter than Hunter, probably. I'm still 5 12. But. So anyway, tape, tape, tape. I had maybe 30 straps of tape.

[Dana Carvey]

And how many pins go right in?

[David Spade]

Oh, and then it was fucking pin. The pin store went out of business. It was like, oh, yeah. Then they draw lines on your head. You know, they draw your shape. Then they go, make the wig in seconds. I don't know how they do it. And it's really my hair, but it's blacker, which makes me want to do my hair darker for the movie Heather. I kind of like it black. And then I go. And then they have to pin my little mullet back here up. And then they go, shave your beard. And I go, I don't think I can. Cause we're starting.

[Dana Carvey]

But you trimmed it.

[David Spade]

And they said, can you trim it? I think it was Lauren. And I said, you tell Lauren I don't fucking work here anymore.

[Dana Carvey]

I. That. That little fit you threw, just. Just spread all across eight. Eight crew guys. Who would spade that upstairs? What the.

[David Spade]

You know, I saw Marcelo going, what the fuck? By the way, is it Marcelo Marcello or Marshmallow? That's. That's Funny.

[Dana Carvey]

He's so sweet. He's a marshmallow. Marshmello. But he is. Hey, Marshmallow Marcello. He is? Yeah. He's got. He's. He's. He. He's got a great attitude about this show.

[David Spade]

Great ass. What did you say attitude? Oh, he's got good fluffy words.

[Dana Carvey]

Not mine. Now when I said attitude, your ears hurt. Assitute. You have any comment on that?

[David Spade]

Let me read this back. You tweeted this. This is a tweet from you. Can we pull it up?

[Dana Carvey]

This is a tweet that's a wheat from you.

[David Spade]

Your personal verified Instagram. Yeah. So it was fun. And see.

[Dana Carvey]

What do you mean?

[David Spade]

And so I got my wig, I got my. Then we did it.

[Dana Carvey]

Got the suit. Got the suit.

[David Spade]

Then we do a little Titan and Brighton. And then Marcello made fun of me because when I walked off, I pulled out my cigarettes and he goes, don't add stuff. That wasn't the script.

[Dana Carvey]

So funny.

[David Spade]

Such a bust. And he goes. And when he said, you said the laptop ads takes away 2 inches. You said, bye. Bye. And I. And I get up and I go, maybe three. And he goes, added a line, pulled out cigarettes. That wasn't the script.

[Dana Carvey]

Was that the dress show?

[David Spade]

That was dress.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that was dress. Okay, so that's funny. See that? But he can. He can do that.

[David Spade]

He noticed that. Which was funny.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, he's good. He's. He's. He's just fun, man. We got to get him on Suba. Whatever our show was called. One of our. One of our shows that orientate around an insect.

[David Spade]

What. What about Sarah Sherman looking like Matt Gaetz and terrifying everyone?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, that's why the look. I don't forget it's Matt Gaetz or anything. Just her in that.

[David Spade]

Whatever it is.

[Dana Carvey]

Whatever it is. It's just. And then she puts her chin down and does the smile with the big forehead.

[David Spade]

She's such a twig, too. And then she comes out later and she plays like every girl in every sketch. She goes, I'm barely in the show at all. I go, you're in 5,000 things. What are you talking about?

[Dana Carvey]

I'm very early in the show.

[David Spade]

Everyone's got. I'm not in the show. Itis. It's true. We all had it.

[Dana Carvey]

Everybody in the show. No, there is something about a slight woman, and she's very cute and in a suit playing a man, because I've never felt more man.

[David Spade]

You're playing a girl.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, that was the meta thing. I didn't want to point out I'm a man playing a woman. She's a woman playing a man. That never happened before in the history of sketch. Even, even the great Milton Burrow never had a meta man, woman, woman, man talking, going toe to toe in that common comedy atmosphere. Your words, not mine.

[David Spade]

Let me take another look. So Mr. Mayorkas, so that we do.

[Dana Carvey]

The dress show so people don't know. So the dress show is pretty loud. I mean it's a pretty fun. This is the 8:00 two hour dress show. So you do that. How was your comfort level coming off the dress show? That's, that's why you brought comfort level was. I got it. Fuck, I'm going to crush.

[David Spade]

I said, I don't. I go to you and also the writer people, I don't remember their names, they're very cool. And I said, there's a young lady and there's a young man. And I said, thanks for putting me in this. I said, I don't want to be the sketch hog. This is Dana's sketch. But I said, I actually never do this, but I would like to be in it less. I said, you were very nice, you gave me a lot. But if it's just talking, there's not much of a good impression there. I would rather just hit the jokes and not have a big diatribe about Trump or this. I go, let's just biden back and forth. I said, let's just get Dana, laugh, me, laugh a couple laughs and you've got the cold open. Shouldn't be too long. So funny Dana funny Sarah as Matt, me and then Marcello and then get out, do a little dance. And it turned out it got a little tighter. I don't know if your stuff got tighter, but you might have said the same thing.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh no. I mean basically as far as the show. Inside Baseball alert. Inside Baseball. So it's a running timeline of the show and what Lorne thinks he can keep in the show based on sketches going long or short. So probably Friday night, that thing was 13 minutes, I'll bet.

[David Spade]

Or 14, which is an eternity for show for TV. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And then it gets down to 9:45 for that dress show. But it needs to be under eight.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And I don't know what chubby little, little chubby. So there was a lot of trims. And I look back later, you know, I always have sketch regret of like some of those rhythms. I would have got into it differently as a church lady. I was a little bit rusty. But.

[David Spade]

Well, isn't that special.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, isn't that. Well, I wanted to do that. I wanted to do like a monster voice. Hello, I'm the church lady and welcome to Church Channel. And then go. And then go. Whoops. I. Sorry, I had a little sweat. Satan. Get out of here, Satan. Usually I have a fist fight or I play the drums or. Or some kind of weird thing. We did have the song at the end, which I heard you were harmonizing. Satan had a good year.

[David Spade]

Satan had a good year.

[Dana Carvey]

So that was twice as long as the dress. And they asked for trims.

[David Spade]

Oh, Heather was trying to record me and then she got bored of me and she started. She just drifted over that one foot gap and went into your dressroom and you guys were like, satan had a good year.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. I wish he'd done more of it. I would have posted. Yeah, here we go.

[David Spade]

Oh, there it is. Look at that.

[Dana Carvey]

The election. Sure. Oh, I wish you'd gone longer.

[David Spade]

Mike. Mike Tyson.

[Dana Carvey]

I know I was a little bit, but I think they made all the great choices and great cuts.

[David Spade]

No, they did a good job. And, you know, that's what the dress. It's not. We're not saying it was too long on their fault. It's just you put everything in and you usually have read through to figure stuff out and you tighten.

[Dana Carvey]

Right.

[David Spade]

But we didn't see it till that night. And so you go, okay, now Spade's in it now. He's here now. So let's see how it all goes. Now we got the costumes on and we got wardrobe and then it's like, okay, Titan and Brighton. As I said, the cold opening is so important. I would say vote to put it in read through because I know they try to keep it very topical for Friday, but.

[Dana Carvey]

But I do think the song. I was happy with the button of the song. That really was the time all nine of us were going, say, you know, it's very good for the cold opening. The one thing that you and I tried and it was just too long, it didn't quite work was, you know, your pardon goes retroactive to 2014. So church lady starts to quiz you over what you remember. Do you remember 2014? No. 2015?

[David Spade]

No. And then finally a little blurry.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I see colors. What about 2019? I see some colors and shapes.

[David Spade]

Little aqua. I see some shapes.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. Some aquas and purple.

[David Spade]

So that I remember pops and noises. I don't buzz and beeps.

[Dana Carvey]

So we. That, like, if we'd had that, we could have honed it and worked on it. But it didn't quite land. So it was one of the first things we lost. So you're hearing the inside baseball. The song was cut shorter. And because it.

[David Spade]

And one less church lady dance across and back.

[Dana Carvey]

I wanted to do two, you know, the superior. I wanted to go bump, bump, bump, bump live from New York. Instead I went bump, bump live from New York. And with Satan had a good year. And I would do. Satan had a good year. Then another he told you. And then I do this. So I missed that rhythm. But I feel like they made great cuts and they wrote some great jokes. So I thank you to.

[David Spade]

It was fun to see. And Heather like this. Thank you to those guys. Sorry to cut that off.

[Dana Carvey]

No, not at all.

[David Spade]

And Heather was excited to see like update. Rehearsing in the hallway or by the dressing room and just see how the whole inner workings. Even I was forgetting how chaotic it is behind.

[Dana Carvey]

Did Heather see the Saturday Night Live movie? I have to finish it. Oh, okay.

[David Spade]

Yeah. No.

[Dana Carvey]

So you saw some of it and how would you compare.

[David Spade]

She has to finish it. She also has to start it. I love the movie and I want to see it again because I told Heather, go watch it. Because they. Jason Reitman meticulously made that exact studio.

[Dana Carvey]

Right. And he. He tried to get a vibe of the whole. It was history of SNL because there's a lot of just hanging out. You know, in the end of the day, there's just a lot of rooms. It's kind of quiet. There's wig people coming in knocking a lot and there's writers coming in. So we're going to cut this and cut that. And so people know with live tv, you do the dress show, you have a lot of things are cut and pasted, which is normal. So it'll just be on the cards. You don't ever get to really rehearse it. Not in specific. It's, you know, so it's. That's why the live show is exciting.

[David Spade]

Jason Reitman is on, I think fly on the Wall next week to talk about it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. Yeah. He. In 90 minutes was trying to really capture the zeitgeist and the vibe.

[David Spade]

I think it worked because I thought.

[Dana Carvey]

It was extremely fun and interesting.

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

The chaos that, you know. Yeah. Christmas Day, he comes out.

[David Spade]

I want to watch the SNL movie so badly now that I've already been. Oh, yeah. Heather wants to see the movie now that she's seen the behind the scenes page desk she really liked.

[Dana Carvey]

And soaking up every minute was thrilling.

[David Spade]

And Lauren coming down with the Notes.

[Dana Carvey]

I got to see so many.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, she sat in with notes in the movie with Lauren. Remember? I made him say it twice. He goes. And, you know, he sits there and everyone waits. And he goes, a little too much blue in this. Don't put up the lights here. What are we waiting? Sarah, look to the camera G on this. You know, just like barking out while everyone's going, uh huh. And then he goes, david, I believe. I believe you.

[Dana Carvey]

I believe you were. Yeah, you got the biggest compliment. I believe you were Hunter Biden.

[David Spade]

And then I go, huh? And he goes, I said, I believe you're Hunter Biden. I go. But I actually didn't hear him because Sarah was yapping about something. But anyway, I thought Shabluzi was good. Jacuzzi, the musical guest, his name was Scooby Dooby Doozy.

[Dana Carvey]

No, his. That song is a catchy song. He's.

[David Spade]

That's a real toe tapper. That guy was cool. Looks like Derrick Henry. Big, huge, tough guy. Super nice, but super sweet.

[Dana Carvey]

And Paul Mescal, if I do it right, was super enthusiastic, incredibly nice. And he. I saw him at the after party. It was chatting for a while. Met his parents. Because you left early before the cool stuff happened.

[David Spade]

No, I know. And Chris Rock was going to come, and then he had that corporate gig, and then I think it went sideways so he didn't come. And I was. I was wiped out because Dana had a couch. I didn't. So I couldn't lay down and rest my beautiful head and my hair.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, but my couch, it's not that comfortable.

[David Spade]

It's for goodwill.

[Dana Carvey]

I may throw together another church chat this week so I can interview Chris Rock.

[David Spade]

Another one?

[Dana Carvey]

Just a quick one. Like a quick one where I interview Chris Rock about that corporate date where he stormed off. Well, well, well. We're getting paid to do a professional performance, but we storm off the stage.

[David Spade]

What if. What if in his monologue he sees the cameras and goes, I didn't know there's going to be cameras here. And then he leaves the monologue.

[Dana Carvey]

He leaves. And then Paul Mezcal is going to be there this week, by the way.

[David Spade]

Oh, he is?

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. He's going to just hang out this week. So then he's there to rest. And he could go back and host. If Chris storms off, it's a double win. If Chris does storm off, then Paul will be there.

[David Spade]

It's even better rating, so use it. Calamity.

[Dana Carvey]

It's called trending. Something David and Dana don't know.

[David Spade]

I might go to watch Chris. Remember I said I was going to. I told him out, and then I didn't. And now I'm thinking of going because, A, it was fun and B, I said I was coming that weekend. He goes, so now you're not coming? I go, well, it's not. I'm not. I'm just a fragile little dandelion. And so. Well, my throat is still dry. But it'd be fun. It's always fun. Even though you're just walking around and.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, one thing I can tell you, and I don't think you do this, and I won't say who they are, but sometimes I've had friends come this fall to snl and they're sitting. They're standing right in my line of sight, like right over my cue cards is their face. You don't want that, right? Chris Rock doesn't want to see you with a big smile.

[David Spade]

No, I wouldn't.

[Dana Carvey]

Try right next to the camera. You would. You're too smart for that, Dave.

[David Spade]

No, I wouldn't want to. I just sit in his dressing room or something. But I remember at the 40th, I went out and watched and it was fun because that was just packed with everybody. We, we should get to. I think we've patted ourselves in the back enough for my two minutes.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, mostly it was a long story. People that are interested in Saturday Night Live. I agree. If you fast forwarded through this segment, we don't have any issue with that.

[David Spade]

Okay, so you got to follow tag BETMGM across all your socials. You know this.

[Dana Carvey]

Are you serious?

[David Spade]

BetMGM.

[Dana Carvey]

Wow.

[David Spade]

Wow, wow.

[Dana Carvey]

That's. That's Christopher Walken reacting to that news. Also the tagline, the sports book Born in Vegas. Wow. Vegas born sports book.

[David Spade]

They are the sports book Born in Vegas. Sports book. Yes. Walking. You got it.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm talking walk this.

[David Spade]

The second chance on a first touchdown score. Let me explain.

[Dana Carvey]

All season, can it finish one time? All season long.

[David Spade]

BET.

[Dana Carvey]

MGM's offering you a second chance on your first touchdown.

[David Spade]

BET.

[Dana Carvey]

When a customer place a wager on the first touchdown score. Bet. And he does not score first. Can I finish one time. But scores second. We will return 100% of their stake back in cash. Bet. MGM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly. Bet. MGM and Game Sense Remind you to gamble responsibly. C betmgm.com for terms 21 plus only. This U.S. promotional offer not available in Ontario.

[David Spade]

Gambling problem. Dana, call 1-800- gambler available in the U.S. for New York. Call 8778 Hope NY or text Hope NY 467-369. For Arizona, call 1-800- NEXT STEP for Massachusetts, 1-800-327-5050. For Iowa, 1-800-bets off for Puerto Rico, 1-800-981-0023. Subject to eligibility requirements in partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

[Dana Carvey]

So, you know, David, just news flash, in my earlier days I did do a stationary rower and I thought it was one of the best workouts you can possibly get.

[David Spade]

Oh yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And the current greatest thing to get right now is hydro rower.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And I would really recommend it. I. It doesn't. There's no real pounding like you can get with running and stuff. And it's one movement and you're getting your whole body really burn calories and break a sweat.

[David Spade]

Yeah. You know, a lot of people talk about, oh, I should get somebody a treadmill or elliptical or a bike. It's just a lot of yapping. You know, they don't really work out your upper body or core.

[Dana Carvey]

No, you would you do this properly with hydro, you are just like your entire movement is your core. Then it goes to your back, your arms, you push off with your legs. It's literally everything, including your pinky gets a workout.

[David Spade]

It's not super easy, but it's a workout and that's what it's, that's what you need. You know, you need a workout, get sweaty and feel good. It just hits a lot, lot of muscles, arms, legs, core. It works 86% of your muscles.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. And by the way, there's a way, usually it's called a damper to adjust the tension when you pull back on the row, quote unquote. And so you can make it easy. You can start out on the hydro, just get acclimated to the movement. You don't have to go all out. And then eventually you can just, as you get more fit, you can up the tension on the.

[David Spade]

And some people get confused because they go, I thought a damper was when you invited Dana to your party. It really bums people out. Anyway, all Hydra workouts are led by Olympians, world class athletes, top tier coaches. What's really cool, hydro workouts are filmed all over the world outside, not stuck in some sweaty studio. They have the largest library of rowing workouts. You stay motivated, you crush your goals. Listen, hydro covers you with free standard shipping, 30 day risk, free trial, one year warranty. Listen, this is easy at home with hydro. You know what I mean?

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[David Spade]

You get it.

[Dana Carvey]

You're going to love it. I'm starting to get it. You have the gift of a full body workout, David. All from the comfort of home with hydro. Head over to hydro.com and use code FLY to save up to 800 off your hydro. Pro rower.

[David Spade]

That's H Y D R O W Com. Codefly to save up to $800. That's a lot. Hydro.com code fly. Here's my. Here's my noise of a hydro.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that would be the old fashioned rowers. This is like.

[David Spade]

I will tell you one cool thing, Dana. Did you want to hear it? Of course you do.

[Dana Carvey]

Don't think I did anything cool.

[David Spade]

So we're, we're, you know, with a page desk, as you see on TV. Our dressrooms, if you're coming out of 8H to the right is music and the host to the left is where they make the cue cards and update hangs out. And then it's me and you, right, with those two dressing rooms. So we're not too far off the stage. And they're like 20 minutes till dress or air, whatever.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

And then I got my wig on and we're just bullshitting and talking and I'm stealing stuff from here. And then they go. And I hear go, four minutes to code. No, they go, five minutes to code open. And I start to get up and you go, you going already? And I go, well, I mean, how close do you want to cut it?

[Dana Carvey]

Full five minutes?

[David Spade]

Yeah, we got full five minutes to go and hang out. So I was like, well, I feel we should probably be around. Or it was maybe four minutes. We could hang for two. And so we went out there and then I was like nervous, but it worked out well.

[Dana Carvey]

That's Jenna, by the way. Jenna, who does all those cast. Cast to the hallway in 90 seconds. Everything has time in it. Even if you're not really nervous. It's just a sense memory. It makes you nervous about 10 minutes till you're going to go online.

[David Spade]

30 seconds, 30 seconds.

[Dana Carvey]

Go, go, go. And then they're finally just pushing you to go shake Lorne's hand. Lorne Michaels hand.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. You walk in and it's like a basketball game. You say hi to the coach.

[Dana Carvey]

Number 32 playing Hunter Biden, Don Spiro, David Spadeo. Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

I didn't want to give it away that I was in there because people figured out usually when you're in the sketch, they go, oh, I see the crowd go like this. Oh, it's this guy. I thought he was. He wasn't on the show anymore.

[Dana Carvey]

But guess what? Here's my last comment about that night. So even with me, when you came out, you had the beard kind of dark. Whatever you did with the beard, you had the hair and you had the suit on. I thought to myself, yeah, he looks really good. And then Paula, my wife, unsolicited, said David looked very handsome on that sketch. So I'm sure you saw the comments.

[David Spade]

You mean I went on and liked them all? Ah, no, I did. I did like it.

[Dana Carvey]

While you were taking a bath.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I said I joined YouTube just so I give it a thumbs up.

[Dana Carvey]

But it is always a cool look. The suit fit perfect. The hair's bad.

[David Spade]

Listen. And I was looking serious. I wasn't acting too goofy. I could have gone bigger with it, but no one even knows what he sounds like. He never talks. He's always right to remain silent guy.

[Dana Carvey]

I just say it was. It was fine. We got. We got laughs. We got out.

[David Spade]

Oh, super fun people.

[Dana Carvey]

Enjoyed it.

[David Spade]

All right, let's go to the.

[Dana Carvey]

Go to the tape.

[David Spade]

Anything this week. Oh, there's a funny one I was going to show you. Oh, yeah, this girl. Now let's hear what she says first.

[Dana Carvey]

This is a new Here's a woman.

[David Spade]

Let's just hear it, y'all. I just farted for the first time.

[Dana Carvey]

Ever and sold it for six.

[David Spade]

I knew you'd like this. I had to do was toot into a bottle. It was so stinky. I know he's gonna love it. Follow for more. This isn't a joke, Dana. I like the first comment. I don't belong on earth anymore, bro.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't belong on this podcast anymore.

[David Spade]

Look at sad part is this isn't fake anymore. Why would someone buy a fart in a jar asking for a friend? That's all funny. Fart farts in jars.

[Dana Carvey]

I guess big is humans have way too much free time. The robots are doing all the work and money. My God, the monetization.

[David Spade]

You know what? Guess what? Robots can't fart. That's the big hook.

[Dana Carvey]

That's the last thing they'll take from us.

[David Spade]

Elon like went like this right now.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, wait, that's a challenge. I'm dog mega. You can let my farting robots. Farting robots.

[David Spade]

Tesla goes up another billion when they introduced farting, by the way, he touched 400 billion.

[Dana Carvey]

He went over 400 billion.

[David Spade]

Nicked it. Look at the top.

[Dana Carvey]

And maybe it's up to 450 billion. So Doc, Meg, I'm basically a half trillion.

[David Spade]

So he's going to land on his feet.

[Dana Carvey]

Good for him.

[David Spade]

So I think these girls at Fart in a Jar what a good part time job. If you work at like Lady Foot Locker and you want to make some extra cash and all you need is a canopy.

[Dana Carvey]

Who's buying the jar?

[David Spade]

Dart eyes. I don't know. They don't find the people.

[Dana Carvey]

Is it one particular person who's buying jars? Remember that room you wouldn't show me in your house? They.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I'm the one that does the farting in him. It's like Cameo. It's the new thing, you know, she farts in the jar. First of all, way too upbeat about it. What happened to being embarrassed? People be embarrassed a little bit. Shame if I was Shame.

[Dana Carvey]

Can I say something and you try to top me? What is the most sort of kid like but fun way to talk about that activity? I'm going to nominate a Windy Pop. They Windy Pop into the jar. I see Windy Pop is kind of interesting, but I don't like the other word. I like Wendy Pop.

[David Spade]

Heather, come with me as I Windy Pop into this jar. Yeah, sell it to some pervert.

[Dana Carvey]

Unless people go, what the hell is a Windy Pop?

[David Spade]

I like the wife going, babe, why do you have. What's a Wendy Pop? And why did you order 200 of them?

[Dana Carvey]

Does Heather know what a Wendy Pop is?

[David Spade]

No, she's figuring it out, I think. Well, anyway, this lady is skipping along in the music is funny. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. She's skipping into like, you know, mailboxes, et cetera. And she's tapes up her Windy Pop. She puts an address. It's like a whole shenanigans. It's. It's so weird. And then she's like, that's a wrap today. I worked. Now I'm gonna take five and relax.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. How do you know when you're working? When I hear this sound.

[David Spade]

It's a car.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't know. Nasc, Wendy Bob.

[David Spade]

The guy goes.

[Dana Carvey]

She goes.

[David Spade]

This guy requested a bubbler. That's a little more.

[Dana Carvey]

Has any podcast ever literally, can we get canceled on? I mean, can they get canceled for being too stupid? Let's go on to our second one.

[David Spade]

Yeah, let's go. Sorry, we didn't have.

[Dana Carvey]

No, that was a good one. Okay, here we are.

[David Spade]

Oh, here we're in the same.

[Dana Carvey]

This is what it says. Should I say it?

[David Spade]

Yeah, you read it.

[Dana Carvey]

Only fans. Model Sophie Rain says she's a Christian and a virgin. Don't have to give yourself up to everyone.

[David Spade]

Okay, how about anyone? Yeah, but she's the one that's 20 that she said I like they always reveal to puff up but she made 40 million last year, so.

[Dana Carvey]

Wow.

[David Spade]

My shock to this reading it is. I feel like it's one or the other. Are you an onlyfans model or are you a virgin? Maybe it's true but I thought they do P O R N. I thought so. I thought they did corn well, but I don't know if they do corn.

[Dana Carvey]

Right. Onlyfans is not. I guess she's flirtatious and friendly.

[David Spade]

Maybe it's just Instagram. In my head. What is different? What's if you're not doing well?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I know that it's more built economically for Venmo or subscription based. Like if you can get say you get a million horny men globally the digital digital audience is 5 billion in aggregate potential for her. You get a million horny men that just like you want you to be their surrogate girlfriend and they pay you a million a month. Now what is that per year, David?

[David Spade]

That's 2 million 12 million.

[Dana Carvey]

Here's the other thing. In olden days the tribal elder, the grandpa of the tribe was 28. People were having kids at 8, 9 and 10, so nobody was a virgin at 20. That'd be grandma. Grandma, you know, already had two batches of kids so. But in today's sexed up crazy world.

[David Spade]

Crazy 20 year old virgin nation, Steve.

[Dana Carvey]

Carell is half has to remake the 40 year old virgin into how funny it is that he's a 20 year old virgin.

[David Spade]

That's how 20 year old virgin is funny. That is funny. And you think in this biz like catch me outside girl who of course I'm business acquaintance with a video with.

[Dana Carvey]

Her Catch me outside.

[David Spade]

I I was have to say not to be rude. I was shocked. It wasn't either full nudity or full corn because what is everyone paying for it? Just hey, here's me, I'm going to the grove and hang out of the mall.

[Dana Carvey]

She's just sort of friendly and stuff.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I mean she's perfectly cute. This girl is perfectly attractive.

[Dana Carvey]

But 43, 43 million on her first year, that that blows my 12 million.

[David Spade]

You're definitely in the wrong business. 100% in the wrong business. Okay, moving on. Seems like a lovely lady.

[Dana Carvey]

It's a good wrap up but she seems great. Yeah, good for her school. Good for her. It takes. It's hard for me to make half that much.

[David Spade]

Oh, this is a big story. Your girl haktui Yeah, I call her Hoktui. I guess it's Hoktua because church lady.

[Dana Carvey]

Said instead of worshiping hok to, you should go to a church.

[David Spade]

Go to a church.

[Dana Carvey]

Go to a church. It was a tough line.

[David Spade]

You should go to a church, go to a church. That was good. I like that phrasing she did. I didn't even know you could do this. She launched a bitcoin about herself. I don't know. I know you could do this. Why aren't we doing this, Dana? And then rugged it. It doesn't mean rigged it. I think rugged it is when you pull the rug out. So she did see that little chart. She does a hockey. Some sort of crypto alt horseshit. And then she puts it out to her fans. It starts to go up. God knows why. Save us. And then someone buys it. Why on God's green earth. And then they pull, they sell. And so it's just a typical. You get stuck with your. Taking your hand. Now, there might be some where. I don't know. Does she hawk twoy on each coin that would make it worth more. She goes like this. It's a genuine. There you go. There's one. Package it up. I won't be gross, but I don't know how this works. She seems like a lovely lady and bitcoins are like fake air. So there's not really physical ones to do that to, but I do. And they say she ripped everyone off. I feel like she gets. I heard a phone call between all these people online and they were all talking with real bitcoin sharks. And the guys that rep her that are part of it, I think they probably just said, hey, do this with us. You'll make money. And meanwhile, they don't know what. She doesn't know what they're going to do. And they just do it because they're talking about all this lingo back and forth and arguing. One guy saying, oh, you ripped everyone off. She. And they're like, no, this is blah, blah. And they. I was like, oh, these guys know what they're doing.

[Dana Carvey]

I love this new world. I. I can't wrap my mind around it. It's just, you know, member one was ETFs. Didn't Justin Bieber buy like a smiley face for like NFT for 3 million? Well, ladies and gentlemen, what happened to ETFs?

[David Spade]

No, they say, now, who would ever believe that a monkey wearing sunglasses in a photograph wasn't going to be worth $80 million?

[Dana Carvey]

A digital picture of a monkey picture.

[David Spade]

It's a giraffe on a skateboard.

[Dana Carvey]

And I.

[David Spade]

And he snapped it up.

[Dana Carvey]

I paid $11 million.

[David Spade]

And somehow it went down to $80.

[Dana Carvey]

And then the giraffe on rollerblades went for a $50. And it was cooler than what I paid 11. So I don't know what to say. We have a theme on have SNL behind the scenes. And now we have digitization of monetization of sexuality and absurdity.

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

Billionaire.

[David Spade]

Yeah, that was a good way to put it.

[Dana Carvey]

Thank you.

[David Spade]

You know what? We should tell Chris to be Chris Rock. Tui. All right.

[Dana Carvey]

What about Chris Rock? That's his real name. Is a great name. Chris Rock.

[David Spade]

Chris Rock is. He said it once at snl. He goes, rock and Spade. People think we made them both up for showbiz. I go, why would I make it? I would never think I'd be in showbiz. I just got lucky. My dad gave me a name and took off. But he did do. Gave me a good name. Okay, so we should talk about the killer. Luigi, the guy with the CEO. It's such a huge story this week. I think you guys will probably do something. You know Emil. Emil. He should play that kid.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, he could.

[David Spade]

He should claim or one of the Menendez brothers.

[Dana Carvey]

Just without going too dark. Just it occurred to me. Occurred to me. So he maybe makes a play gun. He 3D models a gun.

[David Spade]

Always so funny.

[Dana Carvey]

He knows that he's a Yale grad or he's a brilliant guy. And he knows he has probably, I'm going to say top five globally of intensity of eyebrows. So he knows cameras are in the Starbucks. So there's a picture of those eyebrows. And he's a man on the run. Usually when people usually want. People are on the run. They get into a cheap motel and they shave. What look. So you shave the eyebrows off.

[David Spade]

Yeah, the giveaway. You're right.

[Dana Carvey]

You put glasses on, dye your hair red or something. But he's hanging out there. So my question is, did the young man want to get caught?

[David Spade]

Right. She should have called you. Because he could have shaved his eyebrows off and then drawn on little skinny ones like.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And then wore glasses.

[David Spade]

Pollo Loco. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And also wore fake bearding. Fake beard beforehand.

[David Spade]

He could have put on my Hunter Biden wig. He also, you know, he looks a little like. I can't say, but I think, by the way, every girl's in love with this killer. And because he's good looking, good looking always wins. It just gets you out of being a killer. And he's getting more clicks on Tinder.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it was weird. There was a strath of humanity that did a Robin Hood deal on him. Like he's justified. It's a Robin Hood move. That's a little bit too far for me.

[David Spade]

It's a bit of a stretch because if you're allowed to kill people you don't like, of course you are.

[Dana Carvey]

Judge, jury, and executioner.

[David Spade]

Yeah, just.

[Dana Carvey]

You decided. You.

[David Spade]

I mean, if it works both ways, if you can just always just go around and kill people that are. Yes, Heather, is he trying to get.

[Dana Carvey]

Health care in prison?

[David Spade]

Oh, that's Heather's theories. He's trying to. Heather's asking if he's trying to get health care in prison. I'll see if Dana knows this answer.

[Dana Carvey]

Is he trying to get healthcare in prison?

[David Spade]

Like he couldn't get it. They said he hurt his back and he couldn't get health care, and so he's trying to get in prison. There's a news story just out that his family owns nursing homes and they're under the gun for ripping people off. I'm like, wait a second. That doesn't make any sense.

[Dana Carvey]

Right? There's a whole lot of ripping off going on.

[David Spade]

Robin Hood. Yeah. But the other thing is, was it too easy to catch him? That is a good question.

[Dana Carvey]

Caterpillar or a double. Triple caterpillar. Eyebrows. And you're just going around with the eyebrows.

[David Spade]

You know how many times Eugene Levy got called in? They spotted him around. They spotted him around town.

[Dana Carvey]

Eugene Levy had to go into hiding. But I would say they could have an eyebrow off for charity before they put him in prison.

[David Spade]

Eyebrow off. They could sell his eyebrow hairs and to women and make.

[Dana Carvey]

They released the call of the elderly lady at the McDonald's. Hi. I think I know who the killer is. He's sitting right over there with triple caterpillar eyes. I swear to Jesus. That's your man. And the cops came. That's.

[David Spade]

That's right. And he had one picture, like, the best picture. He's taking his life. He's got the hood on, he's smiling crooked, and every girl's like, fucking, you know, Splash Mountain. You know what I'm saying? There wasn't a dry seat in the house. Yeah. You know what I mean? It was like Katrina down there. You know?

[Dana Carvey]

That's not true. Women don't. Like.

[David Spade]

Every girl on TikTok is like, how can I date this guy? It was the Please Me killer. And all they cared about is how good looking he was. And I'm like, this is. You shot someone. They always skip that. I know. They go, I guess.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, he let it. The gentleman. I don't want to say his name, but he. He also had like, Superman abs. So it's caterpillar, triple caterpillars. And then, you know, basically Superman abs that he conveniently takes a picture of.

[David Spade]

Washboard. Yeah. And then he was. And he was like, super smart.

[Dana Carvey]

So that's a sex trap for women.

[David Spade]

Yeah. But he also, on his manifesto, I like, the girls are, like, getting a little less horny when he's too similar to the Unabomber. They're like, oh, and he has a manifesto that always looks good on the rescue. I have a manifesto. And one of them was. He said, should I just bomb this whole convention of these bean counters at the. Where the CEO was going? So if he did that, I think they'd be like, nah, that's a little.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, what's. How do you. When does just a public note become a manifesto? What are the rules? I mean, you went to state school. What's the definition, Webster definition of a manifesto? Sir, I give it to you right now. You have 10 seconds.

[David Spade]

It's a big word. And, you know, I'm going to tell you. Tell me what it means. I'll tell you if you're right. Yeah, that's better.

[Dana Carvey]

I guess just in the modern times, modern parlance, it's someone who wants to reorientate society with a public statement. And the manifesto will include what is wrong with the current society and what should be changed.

[David Spade]

Right. Here's how we get a couple easy fixes. I think you're right. I think you're right. Usually they try to keep it to under 600 pages. You can't make it too long because no one's going to read it. You know what I mean? If I send Sandler a text that's over a paragraph, he's not reading it. You know what I mean? You got to be kind of. So manifesto feels like it's got to be long. It doesn't have to be.

[Dana Carvey]

Not in the YouTube or Instagram age. Just one paragraph can be a manifesto.

[David Spade]

It says two people that rely on her voice. You know, this is a job. Stand up, this, whatever. Z cam is great because if you feel a cold coming on, you know, I have Zicam in my bag. Like, if you're on the road, give it a couple of squirts because your throat's sore. Sniffling. That's when I go for it. Because it's sort of. If you're already in the throes of it, it will speed it up, it will shorten.

[Dana Carvey]

It will shorten the cold or reduce the symptoms so that the second you start feeling. Because sometimes you go, oh, man, am I getting a cold? And that's when you hit a Zeit cam.

[David Spade]

Boom, boom, nail it. And it's kind of fun, too. They have rapid melts, medicated food drops, a lot of flavors, you know, nasal, nasal swabs. Those are fun sprays.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. So you can get it in a lot of different ways. If you feel a cold coming on at the first sign, reach for cold shortening products from Zycam, the number one cold shortening brand.

[David Spade]

And for best results, use at the first sign of a cold and continue to use until the symptoms completely subside.

[Dana Carvey]

Pick up Zycam in the cold and flu aisle. Visit zicam.com to see where to buy online. David, for lunch today.

[David Spade]

It's almost lunchtime. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Do you have any.

[David Spade]

What are you gonna do?

[Dana Carvey]

What do you do? You know, sometimes I really just want to have fun. I would get like a really good turkey sandwich with avocado. Or if I really want.

[David Spade]

I was gonna say the same thing.

[Dana Carvey]

Really.

[David Spade]

I just had it yesterday.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And maybe a few baked chips. And then you'd want an ice cold Pepsi, which I don't. What I like to do with Pepsi is I fill the whole glass to the brim with ice and then I slowly pour the Pepsi in and I make what I call a super Pepsi, you know, because the cold, it's not that super.

[David Spade]

But. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I think if I say it's super, then it's kind of, it's, it's closer to super.

[David Spade]

Well, in your head is super because.

[Dana Carvey]

It'S, it's a super Pepsi. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's not a regular situation.

[David Spade]

Yeah. You know, I was flying this week and Pepsi on the plane, all Pepsi products, the casino. I just played every restaurant thing. You throw one in with lunch, dinner and get your, get a little caffeine going. You get the fizzy bubbles and it's fun.

[Dana Carvey]

And, you know, you share it with people. An Austrian friend of mine wants them to be quote. And you know what enhances those flavors and really makes them pop? It's an ice cold Pepsi. I said, thank you.

[David Spade]

Ice gives it a pop.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, it gives you a pop with the Pepsi pop. It's better than a regular pop.

[David Spade]

Get a fizzy Pepsi in you and a pepperoni piece of pizza. You know, I've done that so many times.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, Yeah, I would say pizza and a Pepsi. They sound alike. They go together. You will lose your mind with pizza and Pepsi every time. Grab a Pepsi. Zero sugar for your next meal as food deserves Pepsi. And now a word from our sponsors at Betterment. Do you want your money to be motivated? Do you want your money to rise and grind? Do you think your money should get up and work? Don't worry, Betterment is here to help. Betterment is the automated investing and savings app that makes your money hustle. Their automated technology is built to help maximize returns. Meaning when you invest with Betterment, your.

[David Spade]

Money can auto adjust as you get closer to your goal rebalance. If your portfolio gets too far out of line and your dividends are automatically reinvested, that can increase the potential for compound returns. In other words, your money is working like a dog. Well, you could be sleeping like one and snoring like one too. You'll never picture your money the same way again. Betterment, the automated investing and savings app that makes your money hustle. Visit betterment.com to get started.

[Dana Carvey]

Investing involves risk. Performance is not guaranteed.

[David Spade]

Which reminds me, tick tocks are getting along. Oh, let's talk about also these space orbs over New Jersey. Have you seen them?

[Dana Carvey]

I have. I mean not. I've not seen them. I haven't gone on the roof of the hotel and looked out toward New Jersey. I mean, yeah, it's too cold. It's too damn cold. I should have done it during the heat wave in late September.

[David Spade]

I guess aliens aren't that cold.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, what is the theory? What are they? What the fuck? What do we pay? Taxes?

[David Spade]

Orbs.

[Dana Carvey]

From where?

[David Spade]

Orbs. Now they are just, you know, it's just orbs. I like how everyone says orbs. Like anyone knows what that is.

[Dana Carvey]

But there's a congressman that thinks it's from the. The Iranian mothership is releasing them but not explaining.

[David Spade]

You know, you know, has motherships, UFOs. Not frickin Iran, right?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Not a small mid mid eastern country does not have a mothership. That's. That's Star Trek, Next Generation.

[David Spade]

My real one is there's a mothership alien ship under the ocean and they shoot out because there's so many out of the ocean and it's so much closer than Mars. She wants to fly that whole way. It's like pop out of the ocean, beep bop boop. You're right here. You're in New York.

[Dana Carvey]

If it's something to do with the mothership comedy club in Austin. I'm not the first oh, maybe that's it.

[David Spade]

That's a great ad if it is.

[Dana Carvey]

Joe Rogan might be doing this as sort of a comedy meta, sort of public, you know, like a David Blaine thing, you know, right?

[David Spade]

Like a Kill Tony promotion.

[Dana Carvey]

Kill Tony David Blaine.

[David Spade]

I do think it's real. I do think it's spacious because even the mayors, even the governors, like we're trying to find, we don't know what is. We fly planes up there, we can't catch them, they fly away.

[Dana Carvey]

So do we have good high tech video of the plane, the jet chasing them? Do we have that to look at?

[David Spade]

And they got a close up of the pilot going, slow down.

[Dana Carvey]

Because every time, I mean we have these three dimensional incredible cameras. We can see the moon and 3D color and every time it's UFO, it's like a grainy black and white and the camera's going like this. It's like a camcorder from the 80s. I call bullshit. We gotta get Dr. Steven Greer. Greer calling a challenge to him.

[David Spade]

Let's get him on next week.

[Dana Carvey]

Come back on Super Fly and tell us what the hell is going on over the skies of New Jersey.

[David Spade]

I think he's going to say they're ours or summer hours. But I think we do not want to keep shooting them down. Do you really want to trifle with these mothers?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I don't know. I mean, I see things that other people don't see. So I looked at the picture and I sort of just with my finger just sort of spelled, you know, connected the spaceship dots and it said, Dr. Greer, phone home. And I don't know if that's real, but that's what the words that I saw spilled in the, in the New Jersey sky. Can you sing a song called the New Jersey Sky?

[David Spade]

I talk about ET in my new special. I talk about all the hot subjects.

[Dana Carvey]

Going back to 82. What the fuck?

[David Spade]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

It doesn't matter. Louis CK had an incredible bit about Good Will Hunting last year and I thought, wow, that's cool.

[David Spade]

Oh, he's funny.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

I'm going to do more movie reviews on my special. Okay, what about the. Oh, I won't talk about Jamie Foxx. Okay, do the next one. Let's see what the next one is, Jim. Okay. Brooklyn's first luxury building for dinks starts leasing. Childless renters have mixed feelings. Okay, a dink is what it must be. Couples without kids.

[Dana Carvey]

What does it spell? Did I not kids.

[David Spade]

Oh, dual income, no kids.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, dual income, no kids.

[David Spade]

Okay, so there's a 13 story high rise on 655 Union street that's by you in Brooklyn.

[Dana Carvey]

And they don't want.

[David Spade]

So are you allowed to say no kids when you sell something?

[Dana Carvey]

That's a really good question. Legally, I wonder if you can do it. I'll wink a nod. Maybe you could do it. Like this is kind of for, you know, people with two incomes, no children, and not even a dog are just called happy people with a lot of freedom.

[David Spade]

They're just called people with no problems.

[Dana Carvey]

People just like trying to think of what's fun thing to do right now but love kids and love dogs. I don't know. I want to. I want you to follow up on that story.

[David Spade]

No. What if you get knocked up while you're in there dinking it up and then what do you do? You get kicked out of the club.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, this was made famous by Jimmy Durante in 1951. He would, he would say, I think.

[David Spade]

I took a clip.

[Dana Carvey]

I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think he did. You can find it. Jimmy Durant was. I know the melody was off, but he was a rough voice crooner. A funny comedian named Jimmy Durante. Look it up. I think, I think. And that's how he would sing. And he would say dink.

[David Spade]

So did he say dink?

[Dana Carvey]

I'm my memory. My old memory says he said I think, I think. And then he went on to I think.

[David Spade]

Okay, keep going. Let's see someone anyway. Just one of no dumpy dog.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. All right. President Trump manhandles French. After Trump manhandled French President Emmanuel Macron with one of the most dominating handshakes I've ever seen.

[David Spade]

That's the fun. This is the funniest thing. It's, it's. Look at him. Take that, you motherfucker.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, and his elbows up and everything.

[David Spade]

Oh, way up like this. Why is Jericho shoulder Don Trump. He just threw a clavicle.

[Dana Carvey]

Donald Trump. Look at my shoulders. I can pull on your dinky shoulders any day. You're a dink. Totally. A dinky dinky dude.

[David Spade]

He got, he has, he pulls over his shoulders, then he has an extra padded shoulder pad and he's like this.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, he's got. He's a Batman villain in like a long penguin coat. That's hilarious. He's going around Gotham City with a big orange hair. You know, he presents with the lifts and the thing. He's like six five with this giant head. He pulled. McCrone's about our size and he just.

[David Spade]

Pulls five, three ways.

[Dana Carvey]

Pulled him up with his shoulder. That's like a hard move for his age.

[David Spade]

I hate to say it's kind of a dick move. It just makes everyone look like a. And it's so. And you see it coming. It's usually the corkscrew. He goes in and then gives him the saw. Yeah, that's tough because the guy's like, oh.

[Dana Carvey]

He says, dude.

[David Spade]

The rest of meeting the guys like this. What? Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

He's the leader of one of the greatest countries in the world. France. Paris. He's like, I am feeling so little right now. I can't believe those giant. And they say Trump has little hands, but not so much crone. He's got French hands. That's like a Theo. Theon. Theo Vaughn kind of observation. I figure, like, French people have, like, little hands. Does it make sense?

[David Spade]

Like a little raccoon.

[Dana Carvey]

Like a little raccoon. Little French raccoons are French. You know, I say that the way they speak.

[David Spade]

All right, next one.

[Dana Carvey]

I want a new. I want another handshake one. Okay, here we go.

[David Spade]

That was funny, though. Okay. Oh, this is a slap off. This is. This is Dana White's. I think it's Dana White's. Who else is slapping each other?

[Dana Carvey]

Slapped his. Oh, this show. I know.

[David Spade]

Dana, look at what. What happened.

[Dana Carvey]

That's not real, by the way, is it?

[David Spade]

If your ear comes off. He's got a fake ear.

[Dana Carvey]

I saw fake.

[David Spade]

Yeah, he's got a fake ear, but it's a prosthetic. But why are you getting hit on the side with the ear?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, to get.

[David Spade]

Why?

[Dana Carvey]

Because fly off thing.

[David Spade]

This is a. That tattoo is pretty cool. I have to say, on his face.

[Dana Carvey]

Everything'S cool about it. And what the per the theme of our little show today, he's going to monetize ass. We got Hawk twoy girl. He can be ear gone guy and he's going to have a million digital followers. And just talk about.

[David Spade]

Dude, I have to say, if your ear, I would want it to stick on at all times. Like, don't hit it as hard as you can. You're in the wrong biz, dude. Go into farts in a jar. Actually, there's another story I didn't tell you about because it's all a little base for you.

[Dana Carvey]

As my dad would say, I'll go there.

[David Spade]

But there's an onlyfans girl that I saw today in the paper. She's feeling slight regret after breaking the record of sleeping with 100 guys in one day. 100 folks. And she goes, I cried after, obviously I cried out, cry during. And then she said, but I am going to try to go for a thousand. I'm sorry. So I don't even know how it works.

[Dana Carvey]

Mental health is an issue today in America.

[David Spade]

Is it an all time low?

[Dana Carvey]

We've got issues as a society. Way too much free time. But yeah, I don't know, I just think I saw that story too.

[David Spade]

It's another attention getting. It's a great way to get. You gotta get people to your only fans. Like I was saying the other day, and this is a bad example, but I saw this thing on the dodo, this Instagram where it's like a dog is out like at a carnival or something. Or it's out, you know, and then someone sees it at a ski resort and goes, oh my God, is this dog alone? And then they take it and get. And you know, the dogs in the shelter are going, just do it the right way. I'm doing it the right way. I'm in a shelter. This dog goes out in some weird spot and then gets all the attention, of course, gets adopted right away. I'm trying to do it by the book. I go to the shelter, I wait, I sit in little square, I act cute. No. So that's the onlyfans, girl. They're just. There's just a diamond. There's a lot of them. Not too under.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm gonna make an announcement.

[David Spade]

There's a lot of them. And then they go, I'm gonna be different. I'm gonna fuck, I'm gonna do whatever. She's different. She's fucked 100 guys different. I caught my attention.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm going to say this phrase for 24 hours with maybe just two bathroom breaks. Horn dog. How about a hot dog? And I'm gonna say horn dog. How about a hot dog over and over again for a record for 24 hours and see if I can monetize that.

[David Spade]

Well, if you would go on Twitch or some sort of live stream and say, just send me money and I'll keep saying it. And then people would, we gotta do something like this.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's cameo. Cameo. But they only give you 150 bucks if you do a, you know, an advertisement for, you know, Leo's used car dealership in Des Moines, you know, hey, this is David Spade. Hey buddy.

[David Spade]

I know we would never do that. Meanwhile, in about five seconds we're going to read an ad.

[Dana Carvey]

We would never sell out.

[David Spade]

Never.

[Dana Carvey]

We sell anyway.

[David Spade]

Here's a word from Our sponsor.

[Dana Carvey]

Here we go, Bob. Are our friends.

[David Spade]

They are. Okay, what's next? We're almost done, but what's next? Let's see. We really covered a lot, Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[David Spade]

Really excited. Oh, this young lady does a bunch of trick shots and I think they're all pretty good. I think we saw her before, right? Okay, more trick shots for world trick shot day number 10. That's hard to do to hit it with a baseball bat. How many put the number of misses.

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[David Spade]

Look at that trick number seven. I couldn't do literally one of these. Is there one you could maybe do? Not that one too hard.

[Dana Carvey]

I Maybe, maybe a thousand tries. I don't know.

[David Spade]

Maybe. Maybe this one I could do.

[Dana Carvey]

But even one is kicking.

[David Spade]

I can maybe do that. I made a drop kick half court shot. No joke. Oh, it's like a bunt. She is strong. She barely.

[Dana Carvey]

She's got a lot of coordination.

[David Spade]

Anything. She has the same reaction. I think we should mix up the reactions for her golf with a call.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Number two, we're going. She keeps saying, let's go, we're going. Great. And that. I couldn't do the first. I could do the first one. Number one. Okay. I'm blindfolded in this shot. It looked like she more had a mask on her.

[Dana Carvey]

What they don't tell you is she started that segment in 2017 and she finally hit them through the power of editing. No, she's got an actual coordination. She does look good when she does it.

[David Spade]

If you're a trick shotter and that's your biz, you get used to. Now there's AI. Yeah, now there's AI. So people just go yawn. No one knows if it's.

[Dana Carvey]

No one knows what, if anything's original. All we can say is, are you not entertained? And I was entertained because of her celebration.

[David Spade]

That makes fishes in the ocean. I was actually going to show you some today. These fishes that when they're like, we went to the bottom of the sea where the fish have no light. It's like prehistoric. And of course they're shining a light on them. The fish is like. And then they go, never seen light. They're in light as we speak. And then they're the most scariest looking fish. Largemouth, lunker, bass. And then some have teeth. And then someone in the comments on. I keep liking these and I keep seeing more. And then someone goes, oh, I think these on this one are AI. And I go.

[Dana Carvey]

I remember as a kid watching Jacques Cousteau. You remember Jacques Cousteau, the fish industry. And. And it'd be at the bottom of the sea, and there'd be this thing, like, it's a half inch long, and it's got antenna and a big bug eye and all. It. It's a whole existence just at the bottom. It lives in a little area. It's like. And even as a kid, I would think to myself, what is the point?

[David Spade]

Why are you living? You look, walk. There's no fun. You're like. And then he goes, I think I'll have kids sometimes. You want another one of these?

[Dana Carvey]

Then it looks over at a little shell for an hour and then goes back, looks at a rock.

[David Spade]

So boring in the.

[Dana Carvey]

What is the point of that existence?

[David Spade]

No, I would not do that.

[Dana Carvey]

You could monetize that today, though, if.

[David Spade]

You just showed me the bottom of the ocean and the fishes that float by and go. And I would just be mesmerized.

[Dana Carvey]

The ones that are like 3 inches long seem like behemoths.

[David Spade]

Did I send some. All right, you go off, and I'll hit you later. Thank you, audience.

[Dana Carvey]

Thank you for.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, come see me and Dana. Fantasy Springs and Palm Springs. We're gonna do a gig.

[Dana Carvey]

Pump that thing, man. I want that thing to stop. I want that thing clean up.

[David Spade]

I'm already.

[Dana Carvey]

Go clean. Yeah, we're. That. We're gonna bring it. We're gonna do Q and A. We're gonna do Stand up. Yeah. All right.

[David Spade]

Bye, guys. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produce by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope.