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A
From ADT comes Trusted Neighbor, the new standard in home access through the ADT app. Easily grant and automate event based or scheduled access for neighbors, friends and helpers.
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Notify trusted individuals of events like alarms or packages and set access windows for planned guests or even the dog walker without interrupting your day. Visit ADT.com when every second counts. Count on ADT requires ADT complete pro monitoring plan and compatible devices. Copyright 2025 ADT, LLC. All rights reserved. Dana, it's award season, which means we're due for some classic red carpet combos like strapless dresses and statement necklaces, or acclaimed directors and long acceptance speeches.
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But you know what? Look always pairs perfectly together. Discover and cash back. You see, Discover automatically matches look all the cash back you've earned at the end of the first year, which is.
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B
A look that will always serve. It pays to slay. It pays to discover. See terms@discover.com credit card. I like it so far, Dana. I. Nothing really bothers me there. No one's expecting.
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A
I mean, I'm in a hotel room. Nope, they're both going back. Greg.
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B
Yeah, that's fine. This is a good beginning.
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A
Yeah, this is the beauty of remote podcasting. I'm in different hotels, you know, how do you.
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B
Now do you want your mirror in the background? Because it shows like that square.
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A
Oh, that's why.
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B
Maybe we should open it. This is funny.
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A
Yeah, we.
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B
God, I almost yanked my earphones off today and I almost killed someone. It got caught on a tree and I was like this snap.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Well, we got a few minutes left, Dana, so what should we talk about? Well, okay, I got a lot of stuff I want to talk about. We'll go back and forth. But oh, yeah, I'm doing the tour. So people. Exciting. Go to davidspay.com I'm coming to your town. Probably not, but I'm coming to a couple towns. Coming to some town. You know what I was like, I announced the tour, the first leg of it. And then everyone goes, why are you coming to Pensacola? That's all the comments are where I'm not going. So I will be adding and adding, but that's all on that. But it's. You can buy tickets now. Finally, I just saw David.
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A
We worked together at this event and I watched from the wings and he's very sharp form, very funny. I tried to cut him off. I tried to get kids get to Micah.
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B
I just get him out of my hands.
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A
I said, hasn't he done his time? I kept going to the crew and they go, he's on a roll. Let him go. Let him finish. I go.
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B
Yeah. Corporate gig together. It was a great idea because we went all the way to Indiana. And in the daytime, I walked across the street, went to the NFL combine. It was right across from the hotel. Everyone in our hotel was either a coach, assistant coach, weightlifting coach, QB coach. It was kind of funny. All dudes. Not great. It looked like a pirate ship. And then I walked over there and got on with Rich Eisen and did some goofy stuff and then walked around and saw the combine, which I watch on TV every year. Just fun to walk around.
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A
You went to the combine? How long did it take you to get there from the hotel? Did you sprint or anything or.
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B
Yeah, when I did this 40 over there, I go, I'm already tired because I sprinted here. But I was. I felt like. And I might be imagination. I was being scouted while I was walking around. Like, people are like, what about this guy? He could be a good rover back.
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A
Yeah. I mean, I always saw you as scrappy as a fighter, and I see you as kind of speedy.
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B
Quick.
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A
Quick.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So, you know, I mean, the 0 to 20 yards, you'd probably be. Make some noise. Yeah.
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B
And then I did some of the sled. I did some sled work where you knock it back, you know, flip the tires a little bit like that. Just let them know it's pretty easy.
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A
If I seem a little tired is because we had. There was a party last night at the hotel. My wife was here and. Good night, sweetheart. And then it just. Can you do the effects? Yeah, and just people talking. What up, man? So this went on for hours. Going to the front desk, and they're like, I don't know. We told them many times. They, they, they were. Had the balcony open. It's just blowing bongs, pounding beers. And they, they kept knocking. And they were like, your walls should be thicker, man. We're not that loud.
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B
It's your fault.
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A
Yeah. So we're like. We got all our. In the other room. We know we won't sleep, and they can't stop them. So can you just give us a room to walk to so we can sleep? Is where I am now.
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B
Oh, you did that. Oh, my God.
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A
Just so we could sleep.
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B
Because you drag your blankets and pillows down the hallway.
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A
It kind of blurry eye coins. So. Yeah. And then I went to the dermatologist today just for a classic skin check.
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B
Oh, oh, do your one that I wish I had in my act. It's so funny.
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A
He's got a Little eyeglasses going around, age related this time. This time the guy's really nice, but this time I get it. I didn't realize I was wearing powder blue underwear. I just grab them, right?
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B
Oh my God.
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A
They go, please get down. So I'm sitting on the paper, just nothing but the powder blue boxers, skies, sitting for like five, seven minutes, waiting. Then it's like he comes in. So this time when he checked me, it goes, those are red dots. That's normal. You're going to be getting a lot more of those. These dark ones back here, you're going to be getting a lot more of those.
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B
So your balls hang to here. It's going to be getting a lot lower. Yeah.
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A
And then he said on my wrist, he goes, let me is. I go, is it cancer? Because pre cancer. Don't worry about. It's pre cancer. So we're gonna freeze it.
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B
So is everything sort of just pre cancer until it's cancer? I guess.
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A
I don't know. Yesterday, because I'm in town and I live in the country. I keep thinking of Patrick trying. He's thinking live in real time. I might to salvage that for something. The coyotes. The coyotes, when they work in packs and you hear them coordinating out in the field behind our house, like coordinating at. Oh yeah, definitely. They attack. And then they're. They're like hyenas. They're high pitched.
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B
Wow. They get horny. It's like you're killing.
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A
But anyway, I was in the big city yesterday. I got the eye thing. Better now or better now?
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B
Better now.
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A
Better now. Better now. Better now for about 45 minutes. And then the ophthalmologist came in.
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B
That was just someone.
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A
That was just me by myself. Better now.
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B
You're practicing. Better now?
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A
Better now. Now the left eye is kind of weak, but the right eye is pretty good.
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B
So what I used to do, and this is possibly considered cheating was I'm waiting for my turn. I try to memorize each line and then I go up and they go, okay, Play. I go GFPF 4, 3, 2, 1. And they go, well, there's no numbers in there. I'm like, that means I couldn't even see it when I was cheating.
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A
I was, well, let me ask you a question. This is just straight up. Why didn't you. When you go to the pharmacy and you get the met, you know, 1.5, 1.25, 1.75, they're up in me to why getting assistance in your eyesight is called cheaters. Oh, you need some cheaters. Get some cheaters. Why is it cheating? You can't see. David. David, I'm wearing cheaters right now. You'd be a total blur if I didn't wear these.
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B
I actually can sort of see, which is crazy. So you have a lot of good genetics. In the next grownups, we should do this where we all sit down at the diner.
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A
The next grownups, five of us.
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B
Yeah. One of the next grownups that we all sit down and everybody puts the four. The four out of the five guys put the menus like this, you know, way back here.
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A
Huh?
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B
And then they're. Because they all can't see. And then I go, you guys, that's so lame. And then I go like this.
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A
Instead of growing up, the next one's gonna be called old. Growing old. It's not growing up anymore.
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B
It's kind of like it's gonna be G R, O, A N grow.
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A
Yeah, it's not gonna be good. So I got the eyes, I got the skin. I finally slept. It's been a big weekend. I don't know.
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B
Liver bad, kidney bad. What's that from? Is that from your act?
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A
Yeah, I think so.
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B
They go check you Oriental medicine. They go, liver bad, kidney bad.
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A
Well, no, that was when I used to go to a homeopath. There was sort of acupuncture doctor. And I was on SNL at the time, it was in the Valley. And I would go. And they would take your pulse and go, oh, you're a liver bad, kidney bad.
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B
Everything bad for your pulse.
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A
You're tired, you're tired. You're so tired now. And they give me these bottle of red pills. Now what they would do is caffeine. You do all the acupuncture stuff put here for you. I'll go to. I'm doing a Norwegian accent. Yeah, bad one. Okay.
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B
For you, sure.
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A
And go there. So they also would put it in your head. So one time, and this is not a bit and not a joke, I drove away and I noticed I still had one of the acupuncture things. Needles, top of my head like an antenna. Yeah. So I was getting. This is FM radio K Fog from the San Fernando Valley. But anyway, life, you know, is what it is.
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B
Picking up AM radio in Iceland.
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A
Christ sakes, Carvey. I think next time you should comb through the turf before you exit the acupuncture.
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B
Hey, how much if you pluck them out?
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A
Let me. Let me ask you a question, because I like to do that. Have you ever done acupuncture?
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B
Oh, yeah. With this Neck. Are you kidding me? You know what was a bummer? The other night we flew home. We did pretty good on the flight. That turbulence at the end kind of tightened me up. And from then on, I went to the. I went to this Oscar thing and I went with Chris and we. And then I couldn't go out late because it was killing me so bad. I started getting such a bad headache. Such a bummer. What a fun night. But we did put a lot in it. We did. Flew all day, me and you. We came from 18 degrees. Everything about it was just a beating.
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A
And so kind of interesting. We. I. I like to kind of just let the turbulence exist on its own. So I just flop. Like, I. I just go with it. And I saw you tensing and tightening. I thought, well, most of the time you're sitting on the floor of the airplane, which is kind of hip, like a.
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B
Kind of a hippie thing here, like on my knees.
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A
Y him a bongo. He's done it.
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B
Bothers the other customers, actually, I think when I was biting on the pilot's collarbone, just because I was so nervous, like, on the way down.
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A
Yeah, I know. Well, we. We had a. We had a fun time.
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B
And here's a funny thing. So I go, I don't see the Oscars at all. And our boy Conan was on him. So I see little clips here and there. But then I go to this shindig, this Vanity Fair one with Chris. So it's. So when you get there, it's going to be a little bedlam inside. But there's a press line, so that's kind of stuff. They don't really want guys there because guys, you know, I'm wearing a black suit. So is Chris. He looks good.
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A
And they don't want guys there. They want to.
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B
Well, they just want to take the pictures of the girl's gowns, basically.
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A
Got it.
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B
The guy who cares, you know, and so when you get the press line, you know, at snl, the press line, it was like Log Jam was standing there for 20 minutes waiting to go.
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A
Through, like, 4 degrees. I mean, was it outside or.
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B
No, no, this Vanity Fair, this one, snl. Oh, you weren't there. Yeah, it was inside, but for some reason, David, I know I just keep bringing up that you missed it, but this one was. There's a few people waiting, and we're behind Jeff Bezos and Lauren. Right. So. Oh, so you just never know where you're going to be in line, you know, because whoever gets there, like, last year, I was a Slew of these models came in, like Gigi, Hadid, Mrada. They all were in line. And so they all. I said, you guys go first, because that's all they care about, is this. This stuff, you know, Fine. So I'm waiting. And then they say, there's three circles. This is. This is inside baseball as we always grow. Someone.
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A
I love it. I know. Don't be mad. Don't be mad. I wanna. I'm. I'm getting information right now. Even though I've been to the Oscars.
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B
You've done a million of these. So this is just the after party.
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A
Okay.
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B
And there's a. There's a wall of photographers. And so we're waiting. And so Bezos, who I don't really know. I don't. I don't think I know him at all. I know Lauren a little bit. So they go first. So they get on their little circle, a few clicks, you know, Jeff. Jeff, Lauren, over here. Oh, yeah. You know, they're doing. They're doing a little action because it's a couple, you know. So they go to the next one. So Chris Rock comes up. They go, chris Rock. Chris Rock. So he's in the next one.
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A
Okay. And then.
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B
And then when they move forward, they go, spade. So now I'm on me. It's a few clicks, but, you know, we get it. I'm wearing a suit. I look around. Got it. And then I look at Chris and I go, go, like, let's get out of here. You know, Go to the next circle.
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A
Let's get out of here.
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B
Yeah. And then Bezos is there, but he's like, hey, hey. You know, he's. He's kind of peacocking. He looks good. Lauren's very pretty. Like, hey, did he have a sleeveless.
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A
Tuxedo with his biceps bulging out? Yeah. I mean, his skin actually brought a.
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B
Solo flex with him. And he was on.
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A
He is jacked.
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B
Yeah. He's ripped.
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A
Yeah.
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B
And so. Oh, there's a picture of us. Oh, Heather will send a picture. Maybe we can.
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A
Okay.
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B
I never saw that. I didn't see any pictures in that night. So that. Oh, you should look for another one, because. So then they're still taking long. So we're not. We're not getting off our circles. And I'm just dying out there. And now the photographers are, like, down. They kind of shoot from the hip like this. Now they're going across me and Chris trying to get Jeff, you know, Lauren that way. And then they're looking at their film. They're Checking their phones. I'm like, chris, go. He goes, I'm waiting for them. Then they finally move off. So we go to that circle. Then we cruise. No, Then we get a couple together, I guess. So then we go off. And now they stopped for something. And now we run smack dab. Once we're off the carpet into Jeff and Lauren, and Chris is with his daughter too. And they say, oh, let's get a picture of all you guys. Like, we're all together. And I'm like. So I say hi to them, and then they send a picture. Jeff. Now we're all, like, all the party together. But there he was, very nice. And she was always been sweet. So then if you're the woman, you're very, I'm sure, very conscious of, like, oh, it's everything. I'm looking at my gown, my makeup, and then every. Every woman there is stunning. And.
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A
Yeah.
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B
So we go in and then I run in, of course, to some comedians, I see Mulaney and I see Nick Kroll and a few others. So we just sit with them and. And then know you get acclimated. Then you start going, I'm gonna take a lap. First of all, Sasha Baron comes on now. You know Sasha Baron, as you know, he played Borat.
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A
He played Borat. He pretended to be sort of a Middle Eastern man that. Oh, there they are.
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B
Oh, there we are. Okay. That's not bad, right? Look at my hair shaved.
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A
I don't know if it's your best pitcher. I don't really.
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B
Oh, thank you.
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A
I. I mean, but that's not your fault. You're incredibly handsome. Yeah.
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B
I mean, listen, maybe it was.
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A
It was a bad pitch. It didn't look like you to me. Can we see it again? It's that. Let's have it.
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B
No, no. Make me horrified. Let me see. I've never seen.
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A
It looks perfectly fine, but it doesn't.
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B
Well, I think it's weird. My sides are shaved, so it looks a little different.
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A
Right. But look how stern you are. Look at Chris with the big spot.
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B
Yeah.
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A
That doesn't look like your personality.
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B
I think I look too smiley one time, and from then on, it was.
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A
Oh, and then you're like Howard Stern in it up.
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B
Yeah, I just. I'm like, listen, let's just get. Oh, so here's. This is it. Okay.
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A
That's just.
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B
This is it.
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A
Good Lord.
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B
Stern. Look at how funny. So this. The other funny part is Chris is Chris's daughters with him, who's obviously very.
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A
How old is his daughter?
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B
I think she's 21. We all came together, so we stopped and grabbed them. Lovely daughter. Lovely and her friend. And so then we're walking up, I'm like, oh, Chris, people think we're double dating here. This is a. This is a problem. So I kind of hang behind. Then we get there and then Lola gets there. There's Lola and Zara, his daughters. But I go, let's have no confusion. Like we're all together. So anyway, anyway, Funny picture of all of us, right? That's funny.
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A
It was funny. I just, you know, this. I don't know if I'm liberated or not liberated, but it's just interesting that men are covered in their tuxedos and women have to have their collarbones and their shoulders. Well, no, there they are.
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B
Look at me. Oh, my shirt's unbuttoned.
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A
Well, that looks like you have a mullet there. But it's not your hair in the back.
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B
I do it look.
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A
No, but it's really coming out. Chris Rock is leading the way. He looks like he's about to do a stand up bit.
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B
He goes, now the thing is, he always says, but Sasha's too tall, so I don't want to hang out with him all night. This is true. So he's always funny and I do like him. He's very fun, so, you know, friendly. So they go to the bar and I go, I'm gonna walk around. Yeah, yeah, he's brilliant. So anyway, I run into a few people and obviously every other person is famous celebrity because people don't really get plus ones. Not many dollars. Obviously Bezos and Lauren come together and so I just see a lot of interesting people. You don't see a lot. But I was not feeling great, obviously, with my horrible pictures and my shirt was too unbuttoned. There's so many good ones. Oh, there's good ones.
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A
Oh, no, I'm sure there's great ones. A photo can be. You catch someone in a. Yeah.
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B
Oh, there is. Oh, fuck. Show that with Rock too, right? Oh, you'll like this one.
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A
This is a picture important to me. I don't even know why it's important to me. I really want to see your photo.
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B
I want to find a good picture. That's what I want to do. I don't know. I don't know if this is it.
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A
I want to see it.
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B
But, you know, they walk around, they kind of ruin it because Kim K. Was just on SNL and they're building a skims right by my house and I wanted to Grill her about it. But it's hard to go up to her because they always have someone sort of floating to nails.
- [19:02]
A
They have security get a picture with her.
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B
Yeah. And if you say hi and get a picture, it looks like you're trying to get a picture, so.
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A
Too sweaty.
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B
Out of respect, I said hi for two seconds, but it was in between when the guy. I don't think the only negative about the Vanity Fair party, and there's. There's really none, is there's probably two floating photographers.
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A
And so in a ballroom of 300 people.
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B
Yeah. Maybe 200. Yeah. And it's small. So it's small. It's like a. Yeah. Yeah.
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A
Okay, here's your. Oh, oh, oh.
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B
Here's a bad shot of me. Well, but it is when Mick Jagger was. Came over, so that's good. That's.
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A
You guys. You guys are kind of. There's this. I don't know, something like.
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B
You're just what I look like from the side. Let me just go real quick. I want to throw myself through a plate. You.
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A
You do not look like.
- [19:53]
B
Oh, that one's better. I got a smiley one.
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A
Yeah, that looks.
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B
Let's put that one.
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A
I know who that looks like, but I can't think of his name. Star wars.
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B
You know, C3PO.
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A
No, that's.
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B
Oh, Mark Hamill.
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A
Yeah. From the side. Yeah, a little bit.
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B
God. Anybody better?
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A
That was just a photo.
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B
No, I know. I. Kind of. A gray beard. I mean, a blonde one. So it's. No, I'm fine with how I look. But listen, this woman came up. I was gonna ask you, Heather, do you know who Dr. K is? From Instagram or something? Anyway, she's a plastic surgeon, but she wanted a picture. And then, of course, I do the classic Dana. She goes, oh, I do plastic surgery. I go, hey, can you give me the. The Brad Pitt? I don't know if he's done anything. Just make me look like him. She goes, oh, I see what we could do. And she starts touching my face. I go, I'm kind of kidding. You don't have to leap into action already with your professional opinion. But she's very sweet.
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A
Here's what happened to me when I went to the Oscars. So I was invited to the Vanity Fair party. This will be quick. I was invited with a big white envelope. Vanity Fair invite you? They invited me for 25 years straight, and I just never went. And I never responded. But I kept getting invited. So then they stopped inviting me. The year before. I was invited to the 2018 one, because Mike Myers was there for the Queen movie. And so we went to the Oscars, got all dressed up. I went to. I go, okay, this probably my last Oscars. So I think we went to one of the Neiman Marcus or one of those. Okay, I got to get a tuxedo, right? So I said to the guy, I just want George Clooney. I just want exactly what George Clooney. So he started pointing.
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B
Very simple. This nice.
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A
We're gonna put this. I go, is this George Clooney? He goes, oh, no, George would do that. I go, no, no, I mean, literally, I want a George Clooney.
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B
The shoes, simple everything.
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A
Because George Clooney always looks the best in a tuxedo.
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B
That's great.
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A
The tuxedo costs money. And I looked a lot like George Clooney. But anyway, so we. We go there, and then we're in some kind of after party, talking to Mike, who is generous enough to invite us to go there, and his wife, and we. Okay, they're going from there to the Vanity Fair party, right? So I go, well, we're not invited to the Vanity Fair party. We don't have any invite. They're like, oh, come along, we'll get you in. But I couldn't. I couldn't be the. The third wheel with my wife. Like, we don't really have an invite, but we know famous people. Can we go in? So we decided to go. We left and we went to catch. I was in a tuxedo and she.
- [22:44]
B
Was going to eat. To eat and not a bad move.
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A
They are so by ourselves.
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B
First of all, you're as famous as anyone in there. Or more.
- [22:53]
A
Stop it.
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B
And when you. And people would love to see you. People ask me about you all the time, so. But the problem.
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A
Recluse. Except for this. Yeah, it's good.
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B
You have a little bit of mystery to you. I have none. So I go there also. I know my angle isn't this from now on, Heather, when I'm taking photographs.
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A
Those photographs to do with reality, they.
- [23:15]
B
Know I'm personality driven, so.
- [23:18]
A
Well, you know, you didn't look like yourself in that shot. It couldn't have recognized you.
- [23:22]
B
Look at me now. Do I? I'm angry to be at this party.
- [23:25]
A
Yeah.
- [23:26]
B
Okay, so when you pull up to Vanity Fair, you see this woman and. And there's like a guard gate, and they have police everywhere because there's too many people in there that they don't want anything to happen to. I guess there's dignitaries or whoever, like Bezos. He himself is. They're probably keeping an eye on him alone along with everyone else. So you have a stop. You have to show something in the window of your car. And then you have a hard plastic David Spade Vanity Fair thing. So you have to show that then even if they know you. David, go ahead. Next one. Stop. Get out. Show that again. Shake down. I saw, I saw a guy go, literally, hey, David, do you know this guy? Whatever. I go, yeah. And he goes, can you tell him I'm stuck out here, I'm supposed to be with him. And I'm like, oh, the chances I would run into this guy inside. Which I never did. But he was stuck too. Sorry, we just don't have the thing. And you have to have the thing. So it might have been. I'm saying it might have been a slight problem just because I saw how rough they were on everyone. They weren't even. Yeah, any screwing around.
- [24:29]
A
Anytime you're in that party and if you pivot left or right or look up or make a sudden move, you will be tackled. You were in danger of being tackled for two hours at the Vanity Fair party.
- [24:41]
B
Yeah.
- [24:42]
A
Taken down. Guy with his knee in your back. What are you doing? You know, so it's not.
- [24:47]
B
Why are you shaking Jeff Bezos's hand? Yeah, I know so. And then I pushed out on the guy. O Siri party because that goes all night and it's super fun, but I felt such like pie. I go, I can't do it. Well, you know, of course I feel better now. And I'm like, oh, but of course I can't anyway. Well, I got a lot out of it and we got age related and we got.
- [25:21]
A
Let's give it just a.
- [25:22]
B
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- [25:46]
A
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- [26:08]
B
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- [26:43]
A
Shout out. It'll be whenever it's out to our friend. Conan did a great job. Yeah, great jokes. He had his serious moments, funny moments. He kept it light. And I thought it was a home run for Conan. And he's probably. I bet he's already been invited to do it next year.
- [26:59]
B
And Adrian Brody, all the highlights I heard were he did a long speech, which fine.
- [27:06]
A
I mean, I do love it when a guy goes, stop the music. I've been here before. You know, he told him, no, no.
- [27:12]
B
No, stop, stop, please drop the music. I've done this before. My first rodeo.
- [27:16]
A
This is not my first.
- [27:17]
B
Whoa.
- [27:19]
A
Can I just. Go ahead.
- [27:22]
B
Gum one, go ahead.
- [27:23]
A
No, not my first rodeo is such a funny figure of speech. Like, apparently first rodeos are complete shit shows. But the second rodeo is really nice. But the first one you get messed up.
- [27:36]
B
But I saw a girl with a hat on, honestly, about a week ago that said, this is my first rodeo. Please excuse me. This is my first.
- [27:44]
A
Here's the cool thing about this that he talked about. So this guy gets the Oscar 20 years ago. He's a great actor.
- [27:50]
B
Right.
- [27:51]
A
And then he's kind of in the wilderness years. It's not, he's not getting as many a parts. And he really talks to that like, I'm still here. Hollywood. It was very open and emotional, but after about 26 minutes of that, I thought, okay, he said everything he needs to say.
- [28:12]
B
How funny. Yeah, this pin was her second. His. So she took an earring off. Oh, she took his. Her earring off. And. And he wore it as a brooch. Yes.
- [28:24]
A
Why does brooches out this early in a relationship? Is this romance? Like, is it the first six months?
- [28:32]
B
All right, I'll ask you about romance. And Heather can chime in. All right. The clip I saw is he won. He got up, he started walking, got about 20ft away, took his gum out and threw it back to her to catch. And I don't see that a lot of Hallmark movies. But, you know, maybe that's the new romantic gesture, Right? Take this bitch and hope it sticks in your Oscar hair that you had done for two and a Half hours.
- [28:56]
A
I had a hostess snowball in my pocket. One of those hostess snowballs when I won the Emmy. Whoops. How'd that get out? So I walk into the stage, I look back at Paula. She was sitting next to, like, I don't know, Eddie Van Halen. I just went.
- [29:11]
B
She had a catcher's mask.
- [29:13]
A
Just romantic.
- [29:14]
B
Yeah, it's very. It's cute. If I was her, I'd be like, hey, next Oscars, maybe not. Throw your gum at me. Maybe not.
- [29:22]
A
Yeah.
- [29:23]
B
Well, did he bring up Weinstein? That's hard, too. That's a tough subject at the Oscars.
- [29:27]
A
Well, I mentioned that before, and it has nothing to do with Weinstein or anyone. It's just such a turn to go from the Weinstein type. Harvey Weinstein, to Adrian Brody, who has just this gravitas about him or sadness or he just has this. Seems like a very cool guy, incredibly genuine person. Based on. I like him.
- [29:51]
B
Obviously talented. If he doesn't get an Oscar for 20 years, it means nothing about his acting. It's just. There's so many. There's only X amount of good movies and so many actors that are good that it's just. It's sort of. If it's about. He works all the time, but if it's about the Holocaust, you know, there's always a chance it's going to be taken very seriously and it might get pushed to the front of the pile.
- [30:13]
A
It's something I'm. I'm sure it's brilliant. It's just a place I can't go to anymore. But, you know, he. Adrian Brody. What do you.
- [30:24]
B
I'm eating a banana. I didn't know what time it was. I. Dana, I still don't. I just know.
- [30:30]
A
I was like, I spent the weekend with you. We were doing our own thing, going around there, but every time I turned around, you peeling a freaking banana, I go, is this guy got a potassium deficiency?
- [30:42]
B
That is my new go to. It's easy. But anything on the podcast. I can't really eat, I have around here, but I can't remember, when I.
- [30:47]
A
Handed you an orange, you said, what am I going to do with this? You threw it down. I was like.
- [30:51]
B
And then I go, give me a goddamn banana. Yeah, you're like a monkey.
- [30:55]
A
You need a banana.
- [30:56]
B
I don't want people to think I eat food. Oh, by the way, before we get into the stories, there was a. There was a quake here the other day. Did you feel it?
- [31:05]
A
What are they talking, three, nine?
- [31:08]
B
It was a chumpy Three, six. Embarrassing.
- [31:10]
A
No, that's nothing. That's. That's. Is the mattress moving? I didn't really feel it. The. There was a big one in San Jose. I flew over it while the earthquake was happening. I think I was on southwest and the pilot came on and said, earthquake down in San Jose right now. Now we're over San Jose. Now we're not. Now we're over San Jose. Now we're not. I mean, the whole city was moving. I was shocked.
- [31:35]
B
That's very shocking.
- [31:37]
A
I was surprised. I mean, that's a big earthquake.
- [31:40]
B
San Jose slides out from under the plane.
- [31:43]
A
Now we're not. Now we're not tremors. I had a friend, you know, people.
- [31:48]
B
Are telling me, they're like, it was a 3, 6, but felt like a 4, 1. Because we know our earthquakes out here. So I'm like, you get into the fives, I'll start to listen. 6. I'm scared.
- [32:01]
A
And it's also depth, the depth of it and the way it shakes.
- [32:06]
B
And was it a roller? Was it a sideways one?
- [32:08]
A
Was it up and down, liquefy? I have a good friend who during the. Yeah, I'll tell you more later about that. It's not for the podcast Northridge earthquake, which. Which was a 6 something, but more like created action like an 8.0 by their friend was like, when it was hitting, was going, this is the big one. This is a big one. We got to get out of here.
- [32:29]
B
Right?
- [32:30]
A
Well, look, look, listen. The ring of fire in Japan and stuff. Tokyo can take a 9.2 and they're on ball bearings, so they just kind.
- [32:41]
B
Of go like that.
- [32:42]
A
We in California with the San Andreas, we're kind of tapped out. I hope I'm right at maybe a 7:2. Because our, you know, things are Teutonic plates are moving this way. You don't want them to move this way. Off the coast of Oregon. They're going to move this way and that'll be a 12.4.
- [33:06]
B
Plates.
- [33:06]
A
The plates, if they're moving this way, there's a certain, you know.
- [33:10]
B
But if they're moving tonic plates.
- [33:12]
A
Yeah. It doesn't always have to be funny. It can educate.
- [33:17]
B
No, I like it. I'm dying. Do you. Riveted. But do you get it? But can you keep up? All right, let's go to look at some stories. We've covered everything. We didn't cover the Oscars at all, but it's funny.
- [33:34]
A
Kudos to Conan.
- [33:35]
B
Oh, wait. Oh, this is cute. You know how dogs can do a lot of tricks this is cute. This dog alerts people of fainting episodes. This dog. Look at how cute it is. So this woman's gonna faint. Bailey comes up. Hey, I have to try to catch you. You need to lay down because you're gonna fall. Right? Put the dishes back. Okay. Put the cascade away. Now she lays down because she feels it coming on. I don't mind that flooring either, by the way. Then the dog helps her a little bit, and then he goes, let me get you a beer or something.
- [34:09]
A
What is it?
- [34:11]
B
Yeah, electrolytes. Here you go. Look at how good Bailey is. What a good dog.
- [34:16]
A
See, that's the dog I want to.
- [34:17]
B
Have, because then Bailey just turned on the oven. Shut the door, put in the pizza rolls. Now, like, I'm just gonna chill here. Oh, what else?
- [34:26]
A
Is he gonna turn the water on? He's gonna run the garbage?
- [34:29]
B
Is he gonna do the dishes?
- [34:30]
A
He's gonna wax the floor with his pot?
- [34:32]
B
He's like, that's all I know how to do.
- [34:34]
A
What is.
- [34:36]
B
What'd he get her? Oh, the medication. Bailey. Now he lays with her. What a cutie.
- [34:44]
A
I know. You know?
- [34:46]
B
Oh, I want to hang out with Bailey. Sniffer butt. He goes, this is part of it.
- [34:58]
A
Take some medicine.
- [34:59]
B
He goes, hey, one for Bailey. Oh, he wants her to lay down.
- [35:05]
A
Well, I think he wants to do more than laying down. I think he's beat up.
- [35:08]
B
What's happening?
- [35:09]
A
Bailey's a bit horny. I'll be honest.
- [35:11]
B
Oh, my God. That's not really. This isn't part of it.
- [35:15]
A
I was on Team Bailey, but I see the whole thing is set up for that last dry hump. I am.
- [35:21]
B
Yeah. I didn't, like, at the end when Bailey went.
- [35:22]
A
Shh. Sorry. Bailey was just trying to get laid. Let's. Let's just call it.
- [35:28]
B
I mean, yeah, Bailey's, like, preying on people with feigning spells, I feel. Yeah, you like Bailey.
- [35:36]
A
He should. Well, you know, where does the phrase horn dog come from? Oh, hello, David.
- [35:42]
B
I see Bailey's eyes darting right now.
- [35:45]
A
He should be called.
- [35:46]
B
I gave her some, you know, Ensure. All right, let's go the next one. This is such a well run machine. I don't even know what this one is. Oh. Oh, Dana, you have to explain to people at home, I wouldn't do this for a million dollars. Two doofuses are throwing. They. They're blindfolded, basically, and look what they do. Would you do this? This is full of water. They don't know it's coming. Oh, in the head. Would you take. That'll break your neck. I. I mean, are you. Oh, my God. And you're continuing to do it. So they have like a gallon filled with some water. Dana, could you take this hit to the head? No, I can see. I didn't understand the last part.
- [36:45]
A
Two observations. Alcohol was involved, obviously. They're giggling, they're numb. Number two is, what in God's name will we do for. For clicks and views? And I want you to think about this. You're a smart guy, you're a tough guy, you're a good guy. Yeah. Judge tremendous. Think of a stunt we can do. So we get, you know, three. What do they get? Two million likes?
- [37:08]
B
I doubt it. That looks like a low liker. And they put in all that effort.
- [37:12]
A
Oh, no. I thought it was 1.9.
- [37:14]
B
Was there millions on that, Heather?
- [37:16]
A
1.7.
- [37:17]
B
I mean, honestly, if you dropped a feather and it hit my head, I would start crying because I cannot take a. Something filled with water.
- [37:25]
A
No, no.
- [37:26]
B
And when you're not ready for it. Oh, my God.
- [37:28]
A
There. That was not safe and not good.
- [37:32]
B
Yeah. Welcome to the Internet. Okay, what's next one? Don't try this at home. Don't try this podcast.
- [37:39]
A
Here's this. Yeah.
- [37:40]
B
Be careful.
- [37:41]
A
All right, here we are.
- [37:42]
B
What is this? Oh, this is called. This is kind of interesting science. Okay, this is fun. Phenomenon is called spontaneous synchronization. So they're taking like. What are those things called? Melodromes or something?
- [37:55]
A
Melodromes, yeah. Five melodromes on and they're off.
- [38:03]
B
Spontaneous synchronization is a phenomenon where independent oscillating systems like metronomes or fireflies, they naturally fall into sync without any external coordination. Look, they're getting closer to being the same. For what reason? Wow. It is observed in nature, physics, and even biological processes like heart cells, toy.
- [38:31]
A
Metronomes were all discombobulated and then achieve synchronicity without any outside help. See?
- [38:39]
B
Very cool. Okay, you can stop it.
- [38:42]
A
And you think that universe was just random?
- [38:46]
B
Yeah. Good luck. But they say sometimes girls all have their, like, you know, what's together. So that's. Is that. Is that sort of thing?
- [38:54]
A
I don't want to.
- [38:55]
B
Sort of.
- [38:55]
A
Yeah, I'm not involved in this bit.
- [38:58]
B
I'm not saying a bit. I'm saying that's. I've heard that that happens when girls, like, live together in, like, a dorm. They all kind of sync it up somehow.
- [39:06]
A
I'll just put it out there.
- [39:07]
B
Heather, you're being quiet. Do you know this story? Have you heard of this? Oh, periods get in sync. Oh, she just nailed it.
- [39:15]
A
There's a lot we don't know about the universe.
- [39:16]
B
I was dancing around a little bit, but yeah, yeah. It just sums it up by saying.
- [39:21]
A
There'S a lot we don't know about the universe. It's fine. Eventually, I mean, we have a telescope out there that's a million miles from Earth now, and we're going to be able to see. And I always have a hard time with this. There's light, the big Bang. Big Bang, Big Bang. All the matter of the universe ahead of a pencil, and then it explodes and all this light comes out. We're thrown out here. We'll be able to see back to the beginning of the big big bang. And. Big Bang. Sorry. And I think they just did it. And all they saw was a giant eyeball blinking.
- [39:53]
B
At first I thought you said we have a telescope a million miles away. And I'm like, that's too far. They should have the telescope here that they could see a million miles away.
- [40:01]
A
Well, it was cute when it was on a mountain in Hawaii. But then you get out in outer space, you're going to see a lot better, dude.
- [40:06]
B
I don't want to know what's out there because I see stuff from the space station and there's clearly UFOs flying around, and everyone's like. I'm like, oh, it's real, Diana. There's a lot of people got itchy last week when I said I believed in. What was it? Cloud seeding? I don't know. Yeah, chemtrails. And everyone's like, what?
- [40:28]
A
What do you mean, chemtrails? That. Was I there for that.
- [40:31]
B
Well, they spray and they put stuff in the air and.
- [40:34]
A
Oh. Oh, that one. Yeah, yeah, I remember.
- [40:37]
B
I think they really do it. Everyone just says, what can I do about it? There's nothing you can do. You just have to slurp up that parasite poison or whatever the it is. I hope it's not bad. That's what I was saying. I said, someone's going to murk somebody if that's real. Because nobody likes to be slowly poisoned to death. I don't.
- [40:54]
A
No.
- [40:55]
B
I'm crazy that way.
- [40:56]
A
Yesterday, the eye doctor said to me, you eat a lot of vegetables. I go, yeah, yeah, spinach. Isn't that. He says, spinach is out. And he was. He said, no, it's too many toxins when they make it, too many chemicals. Because spinach is out. What is in?
- [41:13]
B
He goes, well, don't picture don't eat salmon with maggots. Salmon with a bunch of parasites in it. Parasites are the new thing. Like, they're probably in everyone to some degree, even they're microscopic. Or they're the kind they pull out of people, literally. It's like this.
- [41:27]
A
It's like, I've only known kind of human parasites that sort of try to.
- [41:33]
B
Use, like, plus ones.
- [41:37]
A
I'm more worried human beings are the scariest thing on planet Earth. I'll put it.
- [41:41]
B
Yeah, we're worse.
- [41:41]
A
Yeah, we're scary.
- [41:43]
B
All right, next great, riveting story.
- [41:45]
A
Yeah, let's do this. Let's dig in.
- [41:47]
B
Oh, Danny, you'll like this. This is like a scientific thing. Heather won't be able to find the stairwell.
- [41:52]
A
Illusion is one of the hardest to understand. So here's a guy coming down.
- [41:55]
B
Here's a guy. Just stay. He's going upstairs. Right.
- [41:57]
A
Walking.
- [42:00]
B
You're not gonna like it, Heather. I'm telling you right now. I don't even understand it. And you're gonna think it's the stairwell. Hate it. Hate it. Raphael, Nelson. Can't stand it. Oh, my brain is flipping like a pancake. I like. They give you a graphic. Like, you can show, like. See how easy it is to figure.
- [42:19]
A
Out it's a joke on the camera? That's all.
- [42:23]
B
I don't think anything is a real thing. Well, it's a. It's called an Assyrian stairwell. Is a visual paradox inspired by Impossible.
- [42:31]
A
But it's a normal stairwell that just.
- [42:33]
B
Creates an optical illusion.
- [42:37]
A
I need more.
- [42:39]
B
I'm feeling sick from watching this.
- [42:41]
A
No. Yeah. I don't.
- [42:44]
B
I don't understand it.
- [42:45]
A
No, I don't.
- [42:47]
B
It's a documentary about how weird that is. There's a documentary.
- [42:52]
A
So the basic idea is you look at someone go up a stairwell, they continue to go up, then it looks to you like they've gone down or coming up a lower stairwell.
- [43:00]
B
Something like that.
- [43:02]
A
Something like that. I call bullshit.
- [43:06]
B
Oh, you think it's a camera trick?
- [43:08]
A
Little.
- [43:09]
B
Yeah, so funny.
- [43:11]
A
Well, otherwise, let's go to some building. A stairwell with a. Let's get together with an iPhone and make history. You'll be the guinea pig. No offense or nothing. I'll stay back with the iPhone.
- [43:22]
B
Let's build an Ashujian staircase and just do it. That should be our big YouTube bit.
- [43:27]
A
This. We have a lot of mystery.
- [43:28]
B
And then they'll say it's camera tricks, though.
- [43:31]
A
You know?
- [43:32]
B
Be a bunch of Danas out there.
- [43:33]
A
Let's give them something to talk about.
- [43:36]
B
Let's give Them something to talk about.
- [43:38]
A
Whose song is that?
- [43:41]
B
Bonnie Rate.
- [43:41]
A
Yep.
- [43:42]
B
What about. You were just saying the Big, Big Bang? The reason I'm. That's a song on my iPod. IPod, old man. Okay, next.
- [43:53]
A
Why the raspberries? Okay.
- [43:58]
B
Foreign.
- [44:04]
A
You know what's an important thing, David, in life? And I don't know if you know this, but life insurance, you know, Ethos.
- [44:13]
B
We got a good one here. Listen, life insurance is something everyone kind of thinks about, but you got to act. You got to make moves. You think it's out of the. You think it's maybe too expensive. You think it's a hassle. You just have to do it. These guys make it as easy as it could be. You know what I mean? Because you never know what's going to happen.
- [44:32]
A
That's the thing. And it's a loving thing to do for your family, is to take out life insurance. And this is. This is a way to do that without it being, like you said, a giant hassle. You know, it's easy, easy to use. And they share how life insurance can protect your family, those you care about. Right?
- [44:51]
B
Listen, these companies, I've tried this, where you try to get life insurance. It's so complicated. But let me. But. But with these guys, I think they saw that and they said, let's take out the confusion. Let's take out the tedious process.
- [45:04]
A
Yes.
- [45:05]
B
And they made. Ethos has made securing life insurance policies up to 3 million as smooth and as fast as possible. You know, you can apply for affordable life insurance quickly, easily online, all without a medical exam. What do you say? What's next?
- [45:23]
A
No metal exam required. Just a few health questions. 100% online, and you see your rate in minutes. This is. This sounds like a good, good way to get.
- [45:33]
B
This is the way to go. Listen.
- [45:34]
A
Yeah, no hassle.
- [45:35]
B
Lock in your rate today. Give yourself, your family, everyone, peace of mind. Term life policies start as low as $10 a month. Get your free quote@ethos.com fly.
- [45:46]
A
That's E T H O S.com fly.
- [45:50]
B
Are you ready to optimize your nutrition, Dana?
- [45:53]
A
Yes. Yes. I'm gonna say yes.
- [45:55]
B
I got factor. It has Chef made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. They're dietitian approved, ready to heat and eat in two minutes. That's quick.
- [46:06]
A
That's quick.
- [46:07]
B
Yeah. You can fuel right away. You feel great. No matter what life throws at you, it arrives fresh, fully prepared. Perfect for an active, busy guy like Dana.
- [46:18]
A
Yeah. You know what I've heard is you lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks with Factor Keto meals based on a randomized controlled clinical trial with Factor Keto. Results will vary, of course, depending on diet and exercise.
- [46:32]
B
Of course.
- [46:33]
A
Of course.
- [46:34]
B
40 options across eight dietary preferences on the menu each week. Easy to pick meals tailored to your goals. Choose from preferences like Calorie Smart, more protein keto, you know, all that stuff.
- [46:48]
A
Factor can help you feel your best all day long, which is a good thing with wholesome smoothies, breakfast grab and go snacks and more add ons. David.
- [46:58]
B
Yeah. Reach your goals this year with ingredients you can trust. Convenience you can't beat. Hey, eat smart with factor. Get started@factormeals.com FactorPodcast and use Code Factor Podcast to get 50% off your first box, plus free shipping.
- [47:15]
A
That's Code Factor podcasts@Factor Meals.com FactorPodcast to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.
- [47:26]
B
You know, when I'm on the road, Dana, I'm always. I'm always pretty much staying in hotels, but there's been a shift to Airbnb and you hear about it all the time.
- [47:35]
A
Hotels are fine. There can be great. But Airbnb is a great alternative, you know, because you get a lot of choices of where you can stay. Oh, yeah, it's very practical.
- [47:46]
B
I mean, hotel can be like, oh, like when I go on the road, I go, that one's the closest hotel is a half hour from the gig or something. But you say, oh, Airbnb just go, oh, I want to go a little closer. I want to be in this area. I want a swimming pool and I want this.
- [48:00]
A
Yes. And I famously have said many times, a place we used to go, my wife and I, to get away, and we stayed at some really nice hotels. But then we found this Airbnb, which we used, I think three times. There's always spotless. The keys are outside in a little padlock, and they used to have a bottle of wine and a note and you have a kitchen. And it was very, very nice. The benefits of Airbnb is that space, privacy, better locations compared to hotels. You get to pick how close you want to be to wherever you want to go.
- [48:31]
B
You're travel, family, your friends, you're on your own. It's. It's great. Did you know I saw that Chile. You're saying it wrong. Chile. Chile. Is it a country? Yeah. They had 19 million people without power out of 21 million without power. That's what scares me. Those things seem so easy to happen in this world that. Just a couple problems in the grid go. You know that just scared. No power. They couldn't go in. Elevators. They're stuck here. They're stuck in the street. There we.
- [49:07]
A
Yeah.
- [49:08]
B
I mean, I would not. I would freak. Then everything rots in your fridge. It's just too much.
- [49:13]
A
There was Dick Cheney. Love him or hate him. But he had one of these quotes. Everyone's a Republican when the lights go out.
- [49:20]
B
Oh, I don't even know what it means really. Well, sounds like a good one.
- [49:25]
A
It's kind of. The environmentalist is the. The last person to build a cabin on the mountain. But we're so dependent on power, we take it for granted. And I don't know, sometimes we have brown outs. I don't.
- [49:38]
B
All I need first. Nope.
- [49:45]
A
How many.
- [49:45]
B
How many Play by your rules.
- [49:47]
A
How many bananas do you do a day? 5.
- [49:50]
B
It always looks like it has like a high collar on it. Hello.
- [49:53]
A
It looks like an ice cream bar for. I don't know. I can't.
- [49:56]
B
Anyway. It's a little on the ancient side.
- [49:59]
A
Did you ever have a frozen chocolate banana?
- [50:02]
B
Oh, yes, I did.
- [50:03]
A
Okay. That's a whole other kettle of banana.
- [50:06]
B
Well, that's so. I don't know if they have those anymore. Who invented those? GP It's a good invention.
- [50:14]
A
Yeah.
- [50:14]
B
I used to go to Dairy Queen and light it up with a Dilly Bar.
- [50:19]
A
I think as a kid, I. A banana split from foster freezer. Like a banana split was a magic thing. It had the vanilla, the chocolate, and the strawberry Neapolitan and the banana and then chocolate syrup on top. So it was like such an indulgent thing. What'd you do? Dude, I got a banana split, man.
- [50:38]
B
Oh, they're unreal.
- [50:39]
A
Full Monty. Yeah.
- [50:41]
B
I wonder if people are still listening, but I think they are. This is. This is so. And I like this kind of talk because it throws me back to when I used to eat more sugar. I loved it. I look good in this light. Let's do this. At the goddang Vanity Fair party, I.
- [50:56]
A
Looked at the metrics and most people. Fast Forward to minute 45 on Super Play.
- [51:02]
B
Nobody hear anything about that.
- [51:03]
A
They just joined us.
- [51:05]
B
For those of you just joined. All right, we'll show another story.
- [51:08]
A
Okay.
- [51:09]
B
Okay. I don't know what this is. Okay. No paint. Smash ass onto a jean jacket.
- [51:18]
A
And voila.
- [51:19]
B
It's a blob of. This girl just. Just rates people's fashion pants. That doesn't seem like a five minute crap to me. Crap. All right, take your shoelaces out of your shoes and do some early 2000s. Her under panties are gonna show. That looks like she's a tough critic.
- [51:46]
A
What. What am I watching?
- [51:50]
B
Get on like a tik tok or something. On one side. They show one like we do and then they just critique it from the other side. Like they'll have a cook and he'll watch someone cooking something. Go. Okay, you put the stuff in there. You're good so far. Why are you adding that? And then they just criticize.
- [52:05]
A
That sucks.
- [52:06]
B
I like that woman. Just like trashing someone's.
- [52:08]
A
Yeah.
- [52:09]
B
Dreams.
- [52:10]
A
She was just. She was a funny character.
- [52:12]
B
You look like.
- [52:14]
A
Yeah.
- [52:16]
B
Okay, next one. That's good, though. I don't do that with you. I like your outfits.
- [52:21]
A
I have a uniform I just wear.
- [52:23]
B
Dana looked good at the corporate gig. Heather. He had a little suit on.
- [52:26]
A
Did I?
- [52:26]
B
Little jacket. Yeah.
- [52:28]
A
I'm never. I'm never gonna go do stand up again with a tucked in shirt because I'm fighting it the whole time. It's riding up the buttons.
- [52:35]
B
Oh, it's tough to do stand up. We didn't move it around. You want.
- [52:37]
A
I need an untucked shirt. Remember the company. Untucked. Did they go bankrupt? Is call us?
- [52:44]
B
No, they're all there. There's too many of them. Yeah.
- [52:47]
A
Oh, I. They still exist, though. Because it closed.
- [52:49]
B
Yeah.
- [52:50]
A
Yeah. Okay. Call us. We'll sponsor you.
- [52:53]
B
Okay. Can you do this, Dana?
- [52:54]
A
Okay.
- [52:55]
B
I didn't mean to cut you off there, but not at all.
- [52:56]
A
That was all.
- [52:57]
B
Could you get out of this? I always think, could I do these things? I think I could do this. And I'm so delusional. I think I could do this. You think you could do this? I think you could. Dan.
- [53:13]
A
I. I don't know. That's pretty. That's like a guy sprinting in this snow cone tunnel and just going up and up. I would have to try it. I don't know. I would.
- [53:22]
B
That's a little hard to do it.
- [53:24]
A
I would hope I could.
- [53:26]
B
You're strong. Got strong quads and you have endurance. That's a tough one. But if you're. Here's one I think I can do in parkour. You. This is when. If I was stuck and it was life or death. They jump off a building onto a pole and slide down. It's the only way down.
- [53:40]
A
If it's the only way, you just do it.
- [53:42]
B
You clamp so hard, but you got to grab it exactly perfectly on the way down and grab and then you slide. It slows you down a little bit. I couldn't do it as good as they do.
- [53:50]
A
But I've seen those. Yeah.
- [53:53]
B
I won't do it unless I have to, so don't ask me to do it.
- [53:57]
A
Did you. Were you. Were you kind of a daredevil as a kid? Yeah, a little bit sometimes. Because skateboard or.
- [54:03]
B
What was your skateboarding? And then went out for every sport.
- [54:08]
A
I had three older brothers. Right. Stacked. And so we're living in San Mateo, California, and there's these old mattresses. Mattresses you find at the dump.
- [54:16]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [54:16]
A
And they were jumping out of the second story window on them. And I was the. I was four years old, so I was afraid. But the next day they all went to school and I decided to climb out on the ledge.
- [54:27]
B
No way.
- [54:28]
A
And then I sort of panic. So I'm hanging window. And the neighbor calls my mom and says, I think your son Dana is hanging from the window.
- [54:38]
B
Oh, my gosh.
- [54:39]
A
What are you doing out here?
- [54:42]
B
What are you doing?
- [54:43]
A
What in goodness name?
- [54:45]
B
The other time, God's green earth are you doing?
- [54:47]
A
I crawled into the dryer, and somehow it got close behind me. So she said she came in.
- [54:53]
B
I was just.
- [54:54]
A
I'm four years old. I weigh like 30 pounds, and I'm just like going like this on the glass from the inside.
- [55:01]
B
Choking on lint.
- [55:02]
A
Lint.
- [55:05]
B
Blabby. All right, let's do another. We don't have to do too many more. We can keep going.
- [55:08]
A
We're looking good.
- [55:10]
B
We're killing it, actually. What's this joke? Oh, my daughter met poop and pee at the city wastewater treatment exhibit and cried when we had to leave them. So they have mascots for poop and pee, I guess.
- [55:25]
A
And what is the point of that? To educate little kids about.
- [55:29]
B
About toilets and how what goes down them.
- [55:32]
A
Okay, look at that.
- [55:33]
B
The comment goes. And they say, never meet your heroes.
- [55:37]
A
That's a good one. That's a good one.
- [55:39]
B
How do I land that gig? It's funny, dude. I would do that part time to make money.
- [55:46]
A
Oh, yeah, of course. Dress up in a thing.
- [55:49]
B
I would do rock, paper, scissors for pee. I'd rather be p. I think.
- [55:53]
A
Did you ever, as a youngster, stand outside like a ice cream store or something and just hold a sign and turn it and stuff like, hey, come over.
- [56:01]
B
No, no, that thing. I can't. Yeah, I'm not a great stander. I can't stand for hours on end anymore. Not as much fun as I. It used to be.
- [56:09]
A
Standing's good for us. It's the sitting compresses.
- [56:12]
B
Oh, standing keeps Your body moving?
- [56:14]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [56:15]
B
We already walked Heather.
- [56:16]
A
Your spine, Heather.
- [56:18]
B
Do we walk? You walk the crowd. We have a crowd of one here. And.
- [56:24]
A
Same old, same old.
- [56:26]
B
Okay, so anything. Final thoughts? I'll tell you, there's an AI Tommy Boy thing that people keep sending me on. I think the Bell Brothers or someone put out AI Tommy Boy. Maybe we'll play it next week.
- [56:40]
A
It's a scene or a movie or.
- [56:42]
B
Yeah. It has us going on shark tank.
- [56:47]
A
Within three to five years, you will be able to say, Tommy Boy 3, they're in the army. And then within one second, you'll have a writing feature film and you'll have a film done.
- [57:01]
B
I could say, and I'll still complain that it was hard to do Wayne.
- [57:05]
A
And Garth in the Wild West. Boom. And then the movie would be done. So all those people out there, the grips, the lighting people, the makeup. I don't know what to say.
- [57:15]
B
The actors, Wayne's World with three, they go to Uranus. That would be like good Wayne's World one.
- [57:22]
A
And then they would giggle. They. They say, let's go to Uranus. And then they would laugh for like 90 minutes.
- [57:30]
B
Sounds like your butt.
- [57:32]
A
I always said, people ask me, what's with Wayne's World? I said, the two biggest losers in town are the happiest people in town.
- [57:40]
B
Yeah.
- [57:40]
A
Because they ritualize every single moment.
- [57:43]
B
They're in a good mood. They like. People like to see. People are having fun. Yeah.
- [57:46]
A
Let's go to Stan Makitas, man, get some donuts.
- [57:50]
B
By the way, I think there's an assembly of busboys so far. An assembly. I haven't seen it. We're letting the director. Jonah's gonna do stuff like Spielberg.
- [57:58]
A
You have assemblies just constantly updated. You're seeing every day you have a. You have the scene cut on some, so you should have a rough cut by now.
- [58:07]
B
I've only seen a couple scenes cut, which I liked, so. But I think the trick is, what's everything in a row? People don't know you shoot a movie out of sequence. Some people don't. So you don't really have any continuity. You're like. You shoot your last scene first and a middle one, then one of the first ones, then you go. So it's very hard to get it to feel how it's going as a story.
- [58:28]
A
What's the heart, Tugger? Well, they're bus boys. They struggle. Yeah.
- [58:35]
B
Yeah. His dad's in jail.
- [58:36]
A
Okay. And you get out and he gets.
- [58:39]
B
Hit by a car. Early on life, he's a little Off. And. And then we. He doesn't really have a dad and his mom doesn't really like him, so I take him in.
- [58:48]
A
Geez, it's like Joe Durr or something.
- [58:51]
B
It's like any. Any movie where people are, like, have stacked against.
- [58:56]
A
Well, if this is a classic comedy, R rated, maybe 75 minutes, and then you have the. You know, the closing credits, and that's.
- [59:06]
B
Only an hour 15.
- [59:08]
A
Well, then closing credits will pat you at 85.
- [59:11]
B
So we'll definitely do a gag reel if it's.
- [59:13]
A
If it's got these tent pole funny scenes. That's all. People really live for that, you know, like five or six really big funny moments.
- [59:22]
B
Yeah, that's all you need. I. I think we're gonna get it down about an hour 40, and then have Judd look at it. Make it 220.
- [59:28]
A
It's weird, but Theo hit me up. And this is kind of. I shouldn't even say this, but I'm editing. I'm editing busboys. You are? I'm. I'm the editor. And you're. I think it's gonna be.
- [59:40]
B
I wouldn't mind that. I would trust you.
- [59:42]
A
I think it's gonna be great. You come off great, Theo.
- [59:45]
B
I don't know the editor, but I've seen a few things, so I. And, you know, the director gets. Per the union, he gets the first cut. So I don't mind that. That's the way it's always been. So he's gonna get it. He's gonna report while he's doing it, and then we'll all go in there and take a look. So I'm excited.
- [59:59]
A
Yeah.
- [60:00]
B
Anyway. Oh, we did it. We still did an hour. Look at us, Dana.
- [60:02]
A
I know. We just. It's shit. Somehow we do it. No, people are eating dinner and doing stuff. Yeah.
- [60:09]
B
They're riveted. This shit's great.
- [60:11]
A
We should be called the backgrounders. This is what you listen to when.
- [60:14]
B
You'Re doing things while you're doing something important.
- [60:17]
A
Superfly happens while you're busy making other plans.
- [60:21]
B
You know what? Yeah, that's what. That's what life is, too. Life. Wait, what is the phrase?
- [60:28]
A
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. John Lennon, beautiful boy. Double Fantasy Album, 1980.
- [60:36]
B
All right.
- [60:36]
A
People quote the line, but they don't remember where it came from.
- [60:39]
B
No. Okay, that's it. So we'll see you next time.
- [60:43]
A
We'll see you next time on.
- [60:44]
B
Oh, yeah. You can buy tickets for the tour now on My David's Space and also.
- [60:48]
A
We'Re at the Fantasy Springs.
- [60:49]
B
Oh, yeah, we're going to. We're going. By the time this happens, we'll be there the next day. Right.
- [60:54]
A
So then you get a two for one.
- [60:56]
B
No, it's not. Oh, it's in a week.
- [60:57]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [60:58]
B
Okay. Okay. It's not the next.
- [60:59]
A
We do our funny stuff, and then we're gonna come out and it's. It's. It's going to be mayhem. We're going to take questions.
- [61:05]
B
I don't want to use the term razzle dazzle, but you'll be razzled.
- [61:08]
A
And let's put it this way, it's called Nothing's off the Table Tour. We only. We only have two dates in a tour.
- [61:15]
B
We've already done one.
- [61:16]
A
We've done one or halfway done. Yeah, but it should be a banger.
- [61:21]
B
It's mostly because I don't think Dana wants to go around the world and do this. I don't. It's.
- [61:25]
A
We're.
- [61:26]
B
It's getting late in the game. Just go, hey, you guys want to do a world tour? We're like, oh, my God. I don't know. Because the podcast is seen everywhere. She's like, you want to go to Australia? You want to go to England? I'm like, I love those places. I just don't know. Heather wants to go.
- [61:40]
A
Of course you want a tour. Like the Rolling Stones. They do a date and then they take four days off. They pack Mick and ice. They do a thing. He's extraordinary.
- [61:50]
B
But I'm not my friend.
- [61:51]
A
Yeah, your friend. Your buddy. You're doppeling. Or you guys are like twins or something, but you're much younger. But he's in incredible shape. But they do take four days off, then they do another one. So they Tour, and it's six weeks.
- [62:03]
B
And they're in a 747 and they stay at the Taj and it's arenas, but.
- [62:07]
A
Yeah, you don't. There's ways to do, like, little mini.
- [62:10]
B
You know, but we're in a motel, sure enough.
- [62:13]
A
Which started three years ago, and they're going round and round. I mean, it's just like. I don't know, that's. It wears people out.
- [62:19]
B
Ah, I get it. All right. We're gonna end.
- [62:21]
A
All right.
- [62:21]
B
Okay. I'll see you later, Dana. Bye, guys. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.