SUPERFLY #62 - Johnny Carson S*x Life

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Episode: SUPERFLY #62 - Johnny Carson S*x Life
Release Date: April 4, 2025
Host/Authors: Dana Carvey and David Spade
Presented by: Audacy

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Introduction

In SUPERFLY #62 - Johnny Carson S*x Life, Dana Carvey and David Spade dive into a whirlwind of topics ranging from online media critiques to nostalgic reflections on comedic endeavors. Skipping the sponsored segments, the hosts focus on authentic conversations, blending humor with insightful commentary on contemporary issues and personal anecdotes.

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Online Media and Audience Interaction

YouTube Comments and Criticism
Dana and David begin by addressing the challenges of navigating YouTube comments. They discuss how critics often misinterpret their content, urging them to "stay in your lane," a refrain that Dana dismissively responds to with, "I don't give a what" (02:01). The conversation highlights the tension between creative freedom and audience expectations.

Daily Mail and Clickbait Content
Expanding on online media frustrations, the hosts dissect the nature of the Daily Mail's sensationalist articles. Dana humorously refers to it as the "Daily Nailed" and criticizes its algorithm-driven junk content: "Daily Mail is, you know, lighthearted garbage" (03:23). David underscores the issue by pointing out, "the entire thing is written by AI robots" (07:14), emphasizing the impersonal and clickbait-heavy nature of such platforms.

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Creating Comedy Bits

Red Necky, the Redneck Comedian
Dana introduces "Red Necky, the redneck comedian," showcasing their collaborative efforts in crafting humor. They perform bits that playfully explore redneck stereotypes, breaking down each joke for comedic effect. For instance, Dana reads a joke about skid marks on underpants, eliciting laughs and demonstrating their shared creative process: "Only bleach will get the skid marks out of your underpants" (09:25).

Johnny Carson-Inspired Sketches
The duo further delves into sketches inspired by Johnny Carson, including the character "Desperate Sponge." They riff on classic late-night scenarios, injecting modern twists and playful absurdity: "Desperate Sponge is like, damn, how do you beat it?" (15:52). These segments pay homage to Carson's legacy while highlighting their unique comedic voices.

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Anecdotes from Trips

Sun Valley and Ketchum Stories
David shares tales from a trip to Sun Valley, Idaho, where he uncovers the town's history of outlaws and relentless sheriffs. He recounts, "A sheriff was so persnickety and persistent, he would get a posse and chase the bad guys up into the town to catch him" (12:29). Dana humorously connects this to Red Necky's jokes about skid marks, blending personal travel stories with their comedic themes.

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Reflections on Childhood

School Days and Academic Anecdotes
Reflecting on their early years, Dana and David reminisce about their experiences in school. Dana recounts, "I was good at times tables. So I would do it, and then I'm like, what's everybody doing this weekend?" (32:07), highlighting the social dynamics of being a math whiz. David adds his own memories, discussing friendships and the challenges of being the smallest kid in class: "Clem Chen was his name, my..." (33:03).

Short King vs. Tall Trends
The hosts critique modern TikTok trends, specifically the "short king" phenomenon. Dana expresses discomfort, stating, "I don't like short king. There, I said it" (35:04), while David humorously suggests nominating celebrities like Lady Gaga for space trips: "I'm nominating Lady Gaga, because on liftoff, she'd be like..." (66:24).

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Superman Movie and Blue Origin's Space Trip

Superman Movie Plot Discussions
Dana and David brainstorm potential plotlines for the upcoming Superman movie, blending classic elements with their signature humor. David quips, "They could bring back that character, you know, and then Gene" (54:25), while Dana muses about fantastical scenarios involving Superman and Bonnie Blue: "Superman can think for a second and figure out what to do" (53:40).

Blue Origin's Space Trip with Katy Perry
The conversation shifts to Blue Origin's recent space trip featuring Katy Perry. Dana expresses surprise and disbelief: "I can't believe freaking SpaceX is only going as high as the goddamn Empire State Building with Katy Perry" (59:28). They humorously debate the logistics and absurdities of such a limited space experience, questioning the depth and purpose of the trip.

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Theories on Pyramid Building

Alien Intervention Hypothesis
Dana and David delve into the mysterious construction of the pyramids, entertaining the idea of alien involvement. David states, "I think it's alien intervention. That's way more fun" (57:17), while Dana adds, "We think the aliens are real" (57:25). Their speculative discussion blends historical enigma with playful conspiracy theories, inviting listeners to consider alternative explanations.

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Conclusion

As the episode winds down, Dana and David reflect on their expansive conversation, touching on everything from ancient mysteries to modern pop culture. They maintain their trademark humor and camaraderie, leaving listeners with a blend of laughter and thoughtful commentary. Dana signs off with upcoming tour announcements, while David wraps up with final humorous insights: "This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Hope you liked it." (68:04).

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Notable Quotes

• Dana Carvey (02:01): "I don't give a what."
• David Spade (07:14): "The entire thing is written by AI robots."
• Dana Carvey (09:25): "Only bleach will get the skid marks out of your underpants."
• David Spade (15:52): "Desperate Sponge is like, damn, how do you beat it?"
• Dana Carvey (35:04): "I don't like short king. There, I said it."
• David Spade (57:17): "I think it's alien intervention. That's way more fun."
• Dana Carvey (59:28): "I can't believe freaking SpaceX is only going as high as the goddamn Empire State Building with Katy Perry."

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Timestamp Reference:
The timestamps are based on the provided transcript segments, indicating the approximate time each quote or discussion point occurs within the episode.

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Ring Cameras and Doorbells. A lot happens while you're away from home. That's why Ring makes it easy to check in from anywhere. Whether you're saying hi to an unexpected guest, making sure those packages are safe, or keeping your pets company while you're out grabbing groceries, it's all a few taps away right from your phone. Be there with Ring Explore cameras, doorbells, alarm kits and more right [e-mail]. dana it's award season, which means we're due for some classic red carpet combos like strapless dresses and statement necklaces or acclaimed directors and long acceptance speeches.

[B]

But you know what? Look always pairs perfectly together. Discover and cash back. You see, Discover automatically matches all the cash back you've earned at the end of the first year, which is a.

[A]

Look that will always serve it. Pay pays to slay. It pays to Discover. See [e-mail] credit card. We are on Superfly. Anyone still listening? Is anyone still listening? We all that beginning because that's more interesting how we both. You're too loud. You're too soft. I can't hear you. What's going on? That's more interesting. BTS yes people, no one wants a polished show.

[B]

And thank you. I shouldn't say this for sticking to the script about the pre planned technical difficulties. Your acting was terrific. If this acting is in the busboy.

[A]

Movie.

[B]

To the moon, I smell an Oscar nomination.

[A]

Well, I will say welcome to Superfly. There's lots to go over. This is big show. Dana, that's lie one but no, it is a good show. I will say I was going through the YouTube comments. Some people now they know we go through so they get a little spicy in there.

[B]

Oh, they.

[A]

Most people, no, they rile me up when they go like this. They don't like some story, some angle we took and they go, stay in your lane, boys. I'm so. I don't give a what. Stay in your lane on the free show you're getting. They go, just stick to more jokes and I'll keep peeping it. I go, your free show isn't going the way you want. Are you okay? How do we do it? Everyone I know and I does not.

[B]

Sound like you know the real Jerry Seinfeld. It does not. I believe that someone using the name spelling it with two y's or something. Jerry.

[A]

You think that's Jerry commenting?

[B]

I don't think it is, but I see sometimes I'll see comments and it's Jerry Seinfeld or Tim Dillon. Or it's, you know, and I go, these are fake outs. Jerry's not perfect. Stay in your lane.

[A]

No, I will say sometimes if you get crabby on the comments, don't cry too hard because you get tears in your iPhone. You have to put it in rice.

[B]

Sorry? You have to put it in rice and then you punch somebody because you're so frustrated. Then you have to put that in the rice. You need two bowls of rice.

[A]

God, talk about frustrated. Dana, I'll tell you one quick story that will bore the shit out of me.

[B]

And then I've got five bits right after. I'm staying in my lane.

[A]

If you can get through this bitless story. I'm just saying, sometimes I go on the Daily Mail, which is also, my friend refers to as the Daily Nailed, because they always just bust people doing stuff. It is funny. Daily Mail is, you know, lighthearted garbage. I mean, it's really nothing. It's a.

[B]

It's a ruthless robot driven algorithm and they, they will do the most, the most kind of. You've gotta click on it. And then they ask for your email. They have these little, this little thing that says M on a thing. And then you have to start getting involved with the algorithms.

[A]

No, no, Let me tell you something.

[B]

You have to know about women sexually. Okay, you got me. Boom.

[A]

Yeah, listen, you just want to click on some cute little story about Megan Marco, like tripping on a fire hydrant. You're like, I got some free time. I'll click on that. Sure. But they're all like, this person puts on a leggy display. You know, those kind of things.

[B]

Display.

[A]

Yeah. Cheeky display. I think it's from Europe.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

Her purse, bottom right. So a bunch of culmination of dumb stories. That's fair. I'm sure they would say it.

[B]

I think that's fair. I think you're in your lane so far.

[A]

You're in your lane. Your lane. Spade. Don't you go after Daily Mail. I'm not. I watch this garbage and believe me, I take the time to click the X's because there's 500 ads on the side. They pop in your face, they click, they block something. I'm just trying to dodge bullets so I can hear, you know, one crummy story. So anyway, now they say every third story is like, this is Daily Mail plus. I'm sorry, what's that? You can't read it unless you give us a buck 99.

[B]

That's what I was talking about.

[A]

You put it better.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You jumped ahead.

[B]

Yeah. Kind of jumped all over your bid. So what's the funny part?

[A]

There's no real bid. It's just saying, like, I don't have an extra $1.99 to give. I like free garbage. I don't want to pay for this. Look, that's really.

[B]

Here's the thing. You go on that thing. It's what they call a guilty pleasure. I don't know who thought of that, why you'd be guilty. The reason you look at TMZ and these sites is because once in a while, because they don't give a. They got a team of lawyers. Daily Mail has 10 million reporters around the world. Just regular people. Here's 500 bucks. And once in a while, they get it right and they jump regular media. And that's why you look once in a while. They said two weeks ago, Trump's going to do tariffs and crash the global economy. So I clicked on it. You know, they predicted it.

[A]

Right. I will say that it's like Dumois. There's ones that Dumois did the smart thing where they go, hey, everyone's a personal paparazzi, so rat out everyone you see at all times, and there will be nowhere to hide in the world. So that worked because then people do that, but then they run into some legalities, but, you know, overall, it's. It's same thing. So, Daily Mail, I'm here to protest the $1.99 they get. There's so many ads and so many things in there. You're making a killing. You're making it so hard to read and watch already. And now every third story about, you know, Prince Harry yesterday, he might have been wearing a bucket hat. Did he buy it or not? Click here. And I'm like, all right. Then it's like, don't try. No, no, no, no. Don't try to get the free story.

[B]

Click on bucket hat. Will I would I want to click on it? Am I fascinated by what fascinating on that ginger cranium? Yes. Am I going to click on it? Let me this. The entire thing is written by AI robots. I. E. Al they had a meeting. You can do one of the voices. All doing the A voices. How much should we charge for Daily Mail plus 99 cents?

[A]

199 they will is. Is not as offensive. People might be able to scrape it together, even though just the idea of it makes me physically ill.

[B]

I do. I have what you call a release bucket next to me when I'm watching Daily Mail in case I get one on deck. What did Wayne's World say? What would Wayne say? If you hurl, then I'm going to spew.

[A]

If you spew, I'll get my puke bucket.

[B]

Yeah. But I'll tell you what. Human beings were ready for the wheel. They were ready for fire. They were ready for the printing press. They were ready for electricity. They were ready maybe even for nuclear power. But are they ready for robot driven AIs brainwashing us into rage and anger because it. If it outrages, it's contagious. And I'm staying in my lane.

[A]

Well, I'm glad you're. You're reminding yourself to stay in your lane, but.

[B]

Well, I think that's the name of a podcast, the most boring podcast.

[A]

We stay in our lane. I.

[B]

We're staying lane. Hi. What? It was sunny today.

[A]

What is our lane? They're like, just do your dopey jokes.

[B]

I'm like, well, I know that we. We seem as if it's entertaining enough that we have a script that we're reading from on the computer, but believe it or not, you know, right now, as much as we know about what.

[A]

We'Re going to say next, we have no idea.

[B]

We have no idea. But I'm.

[A]

You want robots? You want comedy? Hire robots.

[B]

I'm going to do boring. Yeah. Then you want boring.

[A]

That's us.

[B]

That's us staying, Right? All right, so I get. I get comments on my, you know, do red. Red Necky. So I wrote two 10 minutes ago. They're not very good, but they're red. Red Necky, the redneck comedian.

[A]

And he's been gone for a while. Redneck.

[B]

Yeah, he's still. Still around. And these are not my best jokes, but at least I'm doing them. And sure, he's a comedian and jokes. His jokes maybe aren't the best jokes. Okay, here we go. Let's try one. I'm gonna see if I can get a smile out of.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

David, too much pressure. I'm Red. Red Necky, the redneck comedian. My mama said red, only bleach will get the skid marks out of your underpants. I said, do what you got to do, mom. Cause I need my tattoo widers before the city Hawkins dance. Come and get some.

[A]

Let's go to the judges. Heather, what do you think? Does she know what Sadie Hawkins is? Oh, she does. Okay.

[B]

It just felt funny. It just makes no sense.

[A]

It sounds funny. Yeah, I like it.

[B]

My daddy said, help me change this tire, Red. I said, why? You've got four flats. He said, red that power of observation of yours is going to take you far live. Coma gets home.

[A]

So he. He asked the girl to the dance, and then he thinks his underpants will come off. We're going back. 1.

[B]

We're going back because. Yeah, okay, I'll read it slowly, like a professor. Okay.

[A]

Okay, let's break it down.

[B]

My mama said red. That's her nickname for her son. Only bleach will get the skid marks out of your other pants. That's the setup.

[A]

I got that part.

[B]

I said, do what you gotta do, Mama. It should be mama, but I need my tidy white is back in time for the Sadie Hawkins dance. Come and get song.

[A]

Okay. Tidy white is a funny term for law underpants.

[B]

I said underpants first skid.

[A]

That's funny.

[B]

And then tidy white.

[A]

Skitter marks is funny. And okay.

[B]

Doing a. I need a better payoff. I need my tidy white is back four. Sadie Hawkins is just not doing it.

[A]

In case I get in a car crash.

[B]

I need my tidy widers back in case I. My pants.

[A]

Yeah. Because in a car crash, they say a lot of people their pants or wear clean under.

[B]

Mama. I do not want to take a dump in my tighter waters. If they. They got skid box on them. I need fresh tracks.

[A]

She said, it might be a little lengthy, but yeah, I'm getting a smile. I know. I like it. I like the breakdown behind the scenes of Red Red Necky.

[B]

So the daddy says, help me change the tire. I said, why? You've got four flats. And the dad, well, damn, Red. It's that power of observations gonna help you go. So that's that.

[A]

Well, first of all, it's good. He's talking to both parents. There's a lot of communication. Yeah. And so the dad is teaching him life lessons. And that's good. He's. He notices four flats.

[B]

Yeah. And I can't beat my classics. Like, what's for dinner, Daddy? I said, daddy, what's for dinner? He said, shit on a shingle. I said, this day just keeps getting better and better. Come and get some.

[A]

They should be like, that's one of the best ones.

[B]

That's one of the greatest jokes of all time. The best one was the first one. And it's a little outside the lane. But he said, the redneck comedian. I met my sister. Only cause mama turned me down. Come and get some.

[A]

I married my sister. Yeah, I agree. That one is top ten. That's top five.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I know, it's exhausting.

[B]

I was in Sun Valley. I did a couple Carson getting pulled over.

[A]

When you said last week. Wait, last week you said you were in Ketchum. And I didn't know if everyone knew that Ketchum was probably a beautiful city in Idaho.

[B]

It's in Idaho. It's next to Sun Valley. And I'd seen the name Ketchum, but Sun Valley has, you know, it's like Valhalla. It's all the celebrities and all this gorgeousness. And I assume that Ketchum would be a shithole. But I got to Ketchum, and it's gorgeous. And then I started reading up on the history of Ketchum, and it was about crooks and thieves would rob the bank in Winnemunca, Nevada, go up north into. Into Ketchum in Sun Valley to hide out. And this one sheriff was so persnickety and so persistent, he would get a posse and chase the bad guys up into the town to catch him. But in that days, it was just Sun Valley. And he goes, folk, he go, they go, hey, hey, hey, Sheriff, I don't think we're going to catch him. Let's go back to Winnemucca. He says, we gotta catch him. You kidding? We're gonna catch him if it's the last thing we do. In fact, I'm calling this pot of Sun Valley, catch him.

[A]

Jeez, is this we're stumbling back into a Red Ranecki joke? You go to catch him, you got skid marks and catch him. So that's how Ketchum came up.

[B]

These bandits would chase, and if not had a bathroom break in 400 miles. You can bet they got skid marks.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you. This is a running theme.

[B]

All right, I can switch to Carson because Carson killed so hard and catch him that I love it. And I don't know if I've done this one on our show.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

I like the name. I don't think I can top this name. Well, first I'll do a warm up one. Okay?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Sorry, officer, I didn't know I was swerving. I had a triple whiskey sour at Banana Dan's.

[A]

Okay. I like banana dance.

[B]

Banana dance, right. This is the one that won the day.

[A]

Ketchup won the day.

[B]

Sorry, sorry, officer. I didn't know I was swerving. I had a double leaky giraffe at the Desperate Sponge.

[A]

I'm laughing. Heather's drifting off, but Heather. Oh, she can't hear that. Well, she can't hear that. Oh, you can't hear Dana at all.

[B]

She can't hear me at all. Then that's Would. Would. We gotta get her a m. That's.

[A]

Tampering your jokes a little bit. She laughs at all your jokes.

[B]

But I saw you. I got a big smile out of one of the great.

[A]

I laugh at it because. What was a SpongeBob? Desperate sponge.

[B]

Sponge.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I had a leak with.

[A]

You can do. You can do those wrong. Because there's some. Desperate Sponge is funny to me.

[B]

I don't think I can top Desperate Sponge. I've got a lot of feedback on it. This is for anybody who wants to leave in the comments. We started out Slippery Monkeys at the Hook and Crook. Two frozen soldiers at the Wendy Summit. But now we have, you know, a double deckery vodka up with a twist at the Desperate Sponge. Desperate Sponge is like, damn, how do you beat it?

[A]

First of all, he's saying it like Carson is 88% of it. And then you just have to have a little funny puncher at the end. Funny name.

[B]

Yeah. Because it's some way of tapping into 1970s Carson's pulled over that the drink places and the drinks. They send Carson to AA and he shows. I had a desperate problem. I had a leaky giraffe. Do you have a drinking problem? I think you have a language problem. There's no cocktail really involved.

[A]

A lot of those places are closed now. I haven't heard of any of them. I've never been to any of those places.

[B]

The Windy Summit is still there.

[A]

Yeah. They're shutting down so many things.

[B]

But Carson went to AA and he goes, I had a. I had a. I had a.2 slippery monkeys na at the desperate Sponge.

[A]

I have a real question. A lot of my lane. But was Carson a sex addict?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Have you heard that?

[B]

I know a lot of things. I know someone who dated Johnny Carson for a year when he was 25. When she was. He was 55. She was 25.

[A]

He said she had a slippery nipple.

[B]

St. You should, you know. Look, I don't know if this true. I don't get sued. But he like poppers. Amo nitrate. Yeah. Take some of this and you'll come like a banshee. Oh, now I gotta laugh.

[A]

Yeah. You're getting into. Out of your lane.

[B]

I'm getting out of my lane. I'm. I'm being blue and scatological today.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's go to clean stuff.

[A]

Someone I know just got engaged in and it's. Oh, boy. It's a big one.

[B]

It's a big one. It's the next step in a relationship. And that's why they have, you know, a thing called an engagement ring? What was the Beyonce song? You should have put a ring on it. Oh, yeah, pay attention to that. And we know how you can get a nice ring, right?

[A]

You go to Blue Nile. Blue Nile, your engagement ring shopping spot. You got the shape, they got the size, setting, cut, color. It's all very confusing, but you need someone to help walk you through it. That's the place to go. There's one.

[B]

It is confusing, but they make it simple is what I'm going to say.

[A]

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[B]

That's right. Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases, they'll meet, wait for it, or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond.

[A]

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[B]

That'S $50 off with code [e-mail] Blue Nile.com Some people follow the rules, but.

[A]

Where'S the fun in that? I'm Soraya and this is Rule breakers, the podcast where we celebrate the rebels.

[B]

The misfits, and the ones who make their own way.

[A]

Every week, I sit down with the biggest rule breakers in sports, entertainment and beyond to talk about the wildest moments, toughest lessons, and why breaking the rules might just be the key to success. Follow and listen to Rulers. Break is with Saraya, an Odyssey podcast available now for free on the Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Yeah, I like that one stretch that.

[B]

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[A]

Yeah, you know, wrinkle release is good because I travel, so. And I'm also obviously perfectly fit, like a human specimen.

[B]

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[B]

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[B]

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[A]

We can go to the headlines, but what else you got?

[B]

Thing. I checked in with my good friend, the one and only Lauren Michaels. And Lauren and I want to talk about the good night incident with you in a second.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[B]

But with, with Lauren, as you know, he's become very interested in the lively Baldini thing, but I just wanted to talk to him about last week's show and who's he got coming up in April. So, Lauren, how are you coming? So he texted back, there's. I think that Lively will probably settle because I think Baldini's got the upper hand. And I texted, yeah, but who's the host? Coming up, Lively's team thinks that his Baldini's claims will be debunked immediately. Yeah, but I mean in May or you have any guests I can. It's set to go to trial in March. I think it'll get nastier until it gets less nastier.

[A]

Right. About any musical guests we should know about or any reunions.

[B]

It's a classic sexual harassment. I think the evidentiary proof is there if you want to present it in court.

[A]

He seems like he's not even answering. What you're.

[B]

Are you going to. I know. It seems like he's ignoring my text. Are you going to go to Amagan this summer? Reynolds also has a countersuit that's going to come in and have to defend on both sides.

[A]

Sometimes when he texts me, he put, I'm not believing what RR is saying. I'm like, is that Ryan Reynolds?

[B]

Obviously this is the kind of thing that if you like it, you like it. If you don't, you like right now a lot. What percentage of people listening to us are right now ironing a shirt? Probably 18 to 20.

[A]

Some hands. Yeah, yeah. Phones are lighting up.

[B]

Okay, I have a couple more. I have one last one. The Japanese guy in an earthquake.

[A]

Oh, because you just got served that on a plate last week because there was an earthquake.

[B]

But he. He got his building got retrofitted. He retrofitted his building. He's a little cockier on the phone. Retrofit, retrofit, Not a problem.

[A]

Here it comes.

[B]

Retrofit, Retrofit. Retrofit. Retrofit. You. Okay, for earthquake retrofit, you need both hands. Retrofit, retrofit, retrofit. I can't. I. You know what I have to do, David.

[A]

No, the problem is you have to use two hands for that bit.

[B]

The thing that you have, you have an arm. The next time you see me on this.

[A]

Oh, for this?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I have an arm because I'm doing too many act outs and.

[A]

I don't have a hand too much.

[B]

I couldn't talk on the phone. I have retrofit. No problem. Retrofit withstand earthquake, you know, so.

[A]

Or you need someone, you need like Heather to come there and shake the bit like Shake the computer.

[B]

Yeah. Heather can be my. My sidekick, my. My puppeteer. All right, so the Morgan wall. And we'll put this to bed. It's a big story this week.

[A]

Biggest story.

[B]

We're the final word on it because between the two of us, we've been to about 300 good nights.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so first of all, let's break down the good nights. Do you. Did you enjoy the good nights? Because he just walked off.

[A]

The good nights are the part of the show we hear the do. Do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like Cheryl, whoever it was now very piano. It means we're out of show. But we've got about 45 seconds to get everyone on stage, say goodnight. You mention the host, you thank any special guests, you thank the music, and then you thank the cast, and then they do the credits and everyone hugs or whatever they do. Right.

[B]

And depending on the length of the show, the good night could be longer.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Good. People don't know that it. It expands or contracts.

[B]

They couldn't fit in a sketch. And we've got it. Okay. We're gonna have a three minute good night.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The band keeps playing. So then you. There's strategies where you.

[A]

You can die in a vine out the good nights. Because if it's three minutes and you don't know it, well, here's what happened.

[B]

He's just like, see later. I don't know.

[A]

He walks right into the a camera.

[B]

Half the have Covid. And he just got. But look, good nights, if it was canceled, would you be sad? I mean, I know Lauren's a genius. You got to have it. The audience loves it.

[A]

I don't mind it.

[B]

Yeah, but you know the strategy of like this, if you're new, you, if you have a nose for the lens, your parents are watching, you want to get up front, but you don't want to look like a greedy whore. So you hang in the back and wait for your moment. What I did when I was there in the fall doing Biden. Whoops.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

I would take a cast member or I took Alec Baldwin or I took a cast member and I put my arm around him, bring them up front, and then turn them this way and that way. I did it with, you know, Heidi or Ashley to show them off well so that they don't have to be hungry for the. To have their mom and dad. And then I'd ask them. My mom and dad loved it.

[A]

What you want is the host to immediately turn around and do a beeline towards you and give you a huge hug on camera. That's the ideal situation as a cast member. But the host doesn't know what to do either. They don't know how much time they have, so they're just killing time and vamping and then they're kind of eyeballing the monitor going, are we still going? So hug, hug, hug, kiss, kiss, kiss. You were great. I try to stay in the back row. We've talked about this.

[B]

This.

[A]

If I was light in the show, I didn't deserve. A lot of times I wouldn't go to the good nights because I wasn't in the show. So I'm like, I don't. I shouldn't be up there.

[B]

It's.

[A]

So that was my personal argument with myself. And.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I almost. Well, I shouldn't really say this, but this guy is incredibly nice guy. Brilliant song songwriter and performer. Shaboosi Shabuza. What's his name?

[A]

Shabuzi.

[B]

Shabuzi came up, and he's such a big person that he picked me up and then he got a. Someone pulled him a chair. He got me on my lap like I was a marionette. And I. Yeah, you're a puppet. I was a puppet. And he. Too far ahead of me.

[A]

Dude. Jacuzzi. When I saw him backstage, I thought it was Derrick Henry. He's the hugest, coolest looking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stud. I wanted him to. I wanted to be friends with him.

[B]

So I could walk around with the gentlest, nicest personality. He doesn't wear his, you know, he looks like an NBA forward or something. Like, his size of man is like, I don't know, six, nine, two, six.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then he's. Yeah.

[A]

I don't even know if he knew me because I walked by and he goes, what's up?

[B]

I go, was he the music guest when you did Hunter Biden?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, so maybe he picked both of us up and we were both sitting on.

[A]

Yeah. He put me in his hand like Stuart Little at the good nights.

[B]

Stuart Little was huge for me in the fourth grade. Don't hit me with Stuart Little.

[A]

Stuart Little, the mouse.

[B]

Or the little mouse and go down a river. Amazing.

[A]

He had. He made a pea pot. A canoe. Yeah.

[B]

Little could do anything.

[A]

Pretty inventive. And they float. I guess I should float. I don't want to troubleshoot the Stuart Little too hard, probably.

[B]

You were probably in fourth grade in the yellow book or the red book. You were still. You're still trying to figure out how to say C spot run, probably.

[A]

Oh, my God. This. I've never been so insulted.

[B]

Were you in the.

[A]

Not in your lane. Dude.

[B]

Were you in the blue book?

[A]

What's blue book? Does that mean there was a series of books where you got smarter? You got different colors?

[B]

That's so bad, because my brothers had dyslexia. So third grade, they were in the red books. There's the red, the yellow, green, and then blue, and then this secret society with the purple book.

[A]

Is that the smart people super iq?

[B]

I went in there and they had a huge picture of you as a 4 year old. I'm like, black and white photo. I was like, what? Who the is that guy?

[A]

No joke. Me and the Vietnamese kid used to walk down to fourth grade reading in math when I was second grade. So I don't want to over talk about that. But I will say this to try to get some action. This was a panty dropper. We would do our times tables and you get like. You get like a sheet. 8 times 756, 9 times 981. You know, you just go through. But I was good at times tables. So you get them and they go. Teacher goes, just do it as fast as you can. Whenever. No rush, you know, it's not a contest. It was 100% a contest for me. The only thing I could win. So I would do it, and you're just supposed to gently turn it over and wait for the class. I would finish it and go like this. And then I go, what's everybody doing this weekend? Oh, should I not talk? Are we not. Is everyone not done? Oh, so I shouldn't talk? Oh, sh. Oh, people are still doing it. Oh, literally every other person is still doing it. Okay. I've just been teachers, like, shut the up. I'm like, no, I know. I just didn't know. I thought we were all equal. I didn't know my intelligence level was through the roof, like a skyrocket. So I did it. And then. And then I'm like, are we. Can we talk yet? That was so embarrassing. The loud turnover was really my signature move.

[B]

Okay, seven times 13, you have one second.

[A]

Seven times third. No, I don't. No, no, no. Dana, Dana, listen. Dana.

[B]

91.

[A]

We. We don't. 7 times 13 is 91.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Well, we don't go over.

[B]

Whoops. Sometimes brainiacs come in bunches.

[A]

No, our little tests we did. I wasn't ready for that, by the way. Sometimes it was only single digit. Single digit. But don't quiz me now. I was smart. Fourth grade. I told you, I'm dumb now. I always hated 12 I got 13 times 3.

[B]

9 was 144. But I always hated 12 times 13 or 12 times 11. That fucked me up.

[A]

The nines have a good trick because they always add up to nine, you know, 81 at. You know, it's eight and one.

[B]

That's one. I was the smallest kid in my class in fourth, third or fourth grade. And my best friend was C.L.

[A]

Smallest. Clint in your puss. What you.

[B]

Sorry. It's an X rated show, kid. CL Was my best friend and we were both about the same height. And he was a W. A math whiz.

[A]

Wait, who was the other guy?

[B]

Clem Chen was his name my.

[A]

Oh, is he Chinese?

[B]

I suppose so. I. I don't. I don't look at race. I just look at people.

[A]

I don't see color. I don't see names, I don't see numbers. I don't see letters. Yeah, but he was Vietnamese. I had a Vietnamese kid named Shin Lawrence, and I just saw Shin. He came to show. Remember Heather came backstage.

[B]

I was on a plane once and Clem Chen walked past me.

[A]

Clem Chen. Now this sounds made up. Shin Lawrence.

[B]

I israel God is my witness, it was Clem Chen. He was one of my best friends. Third. Fourth grade. And he was definitely really smart kid, you know, so. And we were both tiny.

[A]

Yeah, I was microscopic. And when they did the. They did the cast picture, the class picture, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It starts with the teensiest and goes up. It was me first. Then girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl. Now we start, the guys and the girls mixing in together.

[B]

Talk about a Sadie Hawkins dance in junior high. And then someone start crying. Someone, you know. Crimson and Clover was mine. Crimson panic attack. And then I go up to a girl who's probably two feet taller than me, minimum, Kathy Davenport, you know, Then he's like, crimson and so humiliating.

[A]

Dude, listen, I can't even stand today. You get on TikTok and they're like, where are my short kings? Short king? I don't like short king. There, I said it. You know, you can't add a word king and think it erases the first word. I'm like, yeah, where's my fat queens? No, no, you're my. You're my plumpy princess. It's a compliment. You're a pumpy princess.

[B]

I'm still processing short kings.

[A]

I mean, short king. Summer. Dana. It's coming back. Maybe it's over. Maybe it's pipsqueak winter. I don't know what it is. Right now.

[B]

We're in the Spring time right now. A little early for the summer, but you know, I don't like it.

[A]

It's offensive.

[B]

Look, an 80, 80 year old woman who weighs 70 pounds with a revolver can destroy any human man in about three seconds. So this whole idea like being. Being six eight and guarding everyone with a sword, that was a big deal. Now it's all about, oh, in the old days, all about what's between the ears, mofo.

[A]

I try to say that to people. They don't buy it. Girls on tick tock. Like, I went on a date last night. He was. He said he was 6 4, he's only 6 2, but hey, short king summer. And then he only made 400 grand, which is fine, but you know what? Everyone's not a millionaire. He's scratching and scraping. So we went to dinner and I was like, oh, but he picked up the menu. I was like, he picks it up like a girl, but whatever. Anyway, these are like girls reviewing their dates on TikTok.

[B]

Well, why is this phrase exist? We haven't planned this. Okay, Funny is money. Tall is. Is there a thing for. Tall is.

[A]

No, tall just rules the world. Tall. You need nothing else. Just be tall. That's it. Girls are like, the hunt is over. Actually, Marcella, Marcella, Marcella, Marcello, Marcelo, our buddy Mezzanelle. We should have actually checked in with our correspondent Sarah Sherman to ask about Morgan Wallen, but we're still talking about that. But Marcelo had a good bit about that. I saw him at the Comedy Store, actually. Did a set. We did a set about a week ago. He was funny.

[B]

Was it about being tall or short?

[A]

He does thing. He's not that tall. And he, he, he talks about it, you know, he's funny, funny kid. He had a good job.

[B]

Let me just a couple, couple things. Al Pacino. Like if you watch Al Pacino, great ass.

[A]

Oh, yeah?

[B]

What are you gonna do? Where are you gonna go? You don't know? What do you say?

[A]

I like the quiet.

[B]

What you gonna do, mom? What you gonna say? Well, I'm doing a little bit of Scarface, but with him. Great ass.

[A]

I'll take a flamethrower.

[B]

You got me.

[A]

What was that one in Son of a Woman?

[B]

I don't know where I heard it.

[A]

But I'll take a flamethrower to this place.

[B]

To his ass.

[A]

He took it to the girl's ass. I'll take a flamethrower to your ass.

[B]

While you're mixing it up, our greatest movie star look at Godfather 1 or 2 and on and on and on and on. And in recent things that he's done, biopics and stuff. But they didn't want him in for the Godfather five. Five. Okay. That means he's probably five four. So.

[A]

Which is five? Go ahead.

[B]

And Marcelo has this. And Marcelo's not. He's fine. He's probably, you know, whatever he is with his hair.

[A]

He's 6:1.

[B]

Yeah, but he's a. He's got personality of Pacino. You never think about it or talk about it. Same thing with Dustin Hoffman. It's not an issue.

[A]

You just. Tommy Cruz is 311.

[B]

Tom. If Tom Cruise and I were barefoot and looking at each other.

[A]

Guess I don't think he's as tall as you.

[B]

No. No way.

[A]

No way. But Dana's taller than you think. No, Every time I see you, I think you're. I. I go, you're taller than I think.

[B]

Tell you what. Posture, man. Posture.

[A]

No, I also think you slump.

[B]

Anyway, but my point is Tom Cruise, who's a. At this point, let's face it, a freak as far as a filmma getting.

[A]

There, he's gonna be a bona fide movie star. One more hit.

[B]

He's in the frinky level of. Of our movie star. So anyway, all I'm saying is whatever.

[A]

I will tell you that to wrap it all up in a tidy boat. Morgan Wallen, My humble opinion was hot take. He just had to get out of there. Like I. Again, we're explaining the. The good nights. I think he says good night and they show everybody and he waves. Then he hugs Mikey Madison and says, hey, great time. Take it easy. I got a boogie. And he split, I think to go to another road gig. And he had a private jet and he. But I think everyone took more offense than it was. If it was a regular. Some of those good nights could have cut off by them. I don't think he's trying to be.

[B]

No, the only thing he did was but I guess bother people something he Instagrammed or whatever he did. Yeah. Get me to God's Country. And he had a private jet there.

[A]

So where's God's country again?

[B]

I don't know. It is. It ain't in Manhattan, apparently.

[A]

By the way, it was such a story that he has merch now, no joke, that says get me to God's country.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Did you know that, Heather? We can pull it up if you want, but I think it's in the shape if I have a keen eye of the Coors logo. Old co. Right. Font okay, yeah. But let's get to some, let's get to some hot door stories.

[B]

Let's do it. We did it.

[A]

We don't know these stories. We're going to try to figure it out. Oh, Katy Perry says she's going to put the ass in astronaut in a wild interview ahead of the all. Okay, Dana, I have a good question about this because I read about this. You know that all these females are going to space, right?

[B]

Right.

[A]

And there's, there's probably six.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

So there's Lauren Sanchez, we know Katy Perry, Gail King and three, I think astronaut. Maybe it's just all actual astronauts. So they go into space. So I'm reading this story. I've heard about the story for a couple weeks. The training, the whatever. How many days do you think they're up there? I guess was 10 days.

[B]

Oh no, I mean this is blue Origin. This is, this toy. This is more like a toy compared to SpaceX. They are up in space for maybe three to four minutes.

[A]

11 minutes. Dana, don't undercut. And you should guess really high. And then I give you the news and then you go, holy, I know I blew it.

[B]

Let's, let's.

[A]

Oh my God. Three to four minutes.

[B]

Rewind.

[A]

That's a space trip. I'm like, you could just go on the World Trade center in San Bad example. You could go to the statue, statue.

[B]

Of livery and stand on the top.

[A]

What else is tall? And just say I'm almost as high as they're going to be. So I thought they went to the moon or something. I, I'm honestly so stupid. Heather, what did you think? No idea. No, I, well, you're, you're, you're training. You're going to space. It's this big a deal. How about this is an afterthought. You go, oh, you guys, yesterday was fun. We all got to go up in that thing. We kind of buzzed around, right, for 11 minutes and came back.

[B]

It. There's.

[A]

Is that what people are paying? 250 grand.

[B]

You go, you go past the thin blue, blue line of our atmosphere and you get into space and then you're weightless for a little bit and you're looking down. That's where William Shatner came off as a Billy Shatner poet. I It's. Can't believe I went into space.

[A]

Spade is shocked. I will say that it sound. Listen, it's definitely interesting. I think it was, it's hyped up a little more of a big deal than it might be. It's Definitely cool.

[B]

It's. Yeah, I'm sure. I mean, it's blowing people's minds if I.

[A]

But you have to learn how to float and learn how to do this and train underwater. I thought they were doing all that stuff.

[B]

William shot one, you know, so I think people can do it. I just think they're going to have to account for Lauren Sanchez. Her. You know, the weightiness of her.

[A]

Excuse me. Continue. Go ahead.

[B]

I'm not gonna say it.

[A]

Inching out of your lane, hitting the double lines.

[B]

Now I'm centered. Well, no, it's. I think. I think it's an incredible thing. It's just not SpaceX, you know, they're not going to the space.

[A]

That's what I thought they were doing. I thought they're going to go around.

[B]

The world in SpaceX, you know.

[A]

Okay, how about this, Dana? What's the belt or the name? I will know if you say it where you can't. I've heard of Orion's belt. Is that the one where you can't get through without burning up? And they're saying that's.

[B]

Maybe we didn't go to the constellation. If you're looking up at the night sky and you see something that looks like a belt, I'm out of my lane right now.

[A]

What's Orion? Orion's belt loop. Then is that something else? The belt goes through it. I'm kidding, but I'm saying that there's firmament. Oh, I don't know all these words. There's something where they're saying. If the people that say we didn't go to the moon say we can't get through something because you burn up. So we can only go up and come down. Up and come down. We can't go all the way. Is that something. It'll be in the fucking comments, I'll tell you.

[B]

Well, it's probably. Besides the takeoff, coming through the atmosphere is a very hazardous time. You have to really.

[A]

It's a little hot and humid. A little 3,000 million degrees.

[B]

You don't want to be Colonel Sanders. Wet Dream Crispy.

[A]

It's not bad.

[B]

Not bad.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

I'd say I get lucky once in a while.

[A]

One more story where I absolutely have no knowledge. You know, Dana, I saw Mindy Kaling the other night at this little shindig and it made me think. She does a masterclass, you know, that's one of our sponsors. And it reminded me, masterclass can really help you. Like, they have great people on there.

[B]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

You Know what I mean?

[B]

That's a great.

[A]

You learn from the best. When you take Masterclass, you got. It's the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow from over 200 plus of the world's best. For just under $10 a month that's billed annually. A membership with Masterclass gets you unlimited access to every instructor. And you can do it by phone, you can do it by your computer, smart tv, just, or even audio. But they have people like big stars. Mindy Kaling, Teach about comedy. Find your inner Truth with RuPaul. We got Amy Poehler doing some improv. I mean it's great stuff.

[B]

Yeah, they're great. I love the way they're laid out. They're all like eight, ten minute videos. It's part of the class, very simple. You see the person. Yeah. Develop your comedic voice. Mindy Klin would absolutely be great at that. The classes make a difference. Get this. David, just give me a second. 88 of members feel that Masterclass has made a positive impact on their lives.

[A]

Well, very believable. You know, if I'm, if you want to learn something about pretty much anything, you just go on, on there and look around and say it doesn't have to be about movies or anything like stupid stuff we do. But you know, you can say I.

[B]

Want to learn finance, pretty much everything, everything in life, cooking, music, filmmaking, just pretty much everything.

[A]

Plus every new membership comes with a 30 day money back guarantee. Don't wait another minute. Start your learning journey with Masterclass. And right now our listeners get an additional 15 off any annual membership at Masterclass.comFly that's 15 off at Masterclass.comFly Masterclass.comFly as a small biz owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early. This is very true. Your business is on your mind 24 7. So when you're hiring, you need a partner that grinds it out just as hard as you do. That hiring partner is LinkedIn Jobs. When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in. LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free, share it with your network and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place.

[B]

Yeah, I think when you're trying to hire someone, there's a lot of different things you're looking for, but you want them to kind of have your, your aesthetic, your sensibility. If you were, you could look, look up those words, David.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And that's hard to have a chemistry and match. So LinkedIn is going to try to shorten that for that process for you.

[A]

And make sure everyone's heard of LinkedIn. I mean that's why because it's been around forever. People really like it. New feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job right in front of the right people with deep candidate insights. Either post your job for free, you can pay to bump it up and promote it. Promoted jobs get three times more qualified applicants.

[B]

At the end of the day the most important thing to your small business is the quality quality of candidates. With LinkedIn you can feel confident that you're getting the best.

[A]

David Based on LinkedIn data, 72% of SMBs using LinkedIn say that LinkedIn helps them find the high quality candidates. Share it with your network. Share it with let your network know you're hiring. You can even add a hashtag hiring frame to your profile. Get two times more qualified candidates. You didn't know that trick? Post your job for [e-mail] candidates that's LinkedIn.com candidates to post your job for free. Terms and conditions do apply. I've been counted out, dismissed, passed over. Told I'd never be a golfer with just one army.

[B]

But the only thing that feels better.

[A]

Than proving people wrong is out driving them. I'm 14 year old golfer Tommy Morrissey.

[B]

And I want to be remembered for my ability as a champion partner of the Masters. Bank of America supports everyone determined to find out what's possible in golf and in life. What would you like the power to do? Bank of America bank of America NA Member FDIC Copyright 2025 bank of America Corporation all rights reserved. In other news related to this, a Mr. Lex Luthor gave a statement saying.

[A]

Was he the guy in the mine?

[B]

All mine, yeah. Mr. Lex Luthor of Belgradia claimed ownership.

[A]

You know, I just ran into Rachel Brosnahan and she is doing the new Superman movie. I hope it's not up against marvelous bus boys. Mrs. Yeah, she plays Lois Lane. She plays Marvelous.

[B]

She's great. Well, wait a minute, you're, you're not going to go up against Superman because it actually, I don't know if the movie's going to be good. The trailer was fantastic because he's lying in the ice and he's really distressed. He's been hurt and he does this whistle and then you see the super dog at you and it's super dog from the cartoon. So as a baby boomer, he's got a cape on and Superdog is gonna drag him to safety. So I was already gonna buy a ticket just to see Superdog.

[A]

I Will see that. But you also get Rachel and.

[B]

And Rachel. Rachel.

[A]

Matt. I heard Superdog says Superman goes superdog. He will poop on you. It's like Triumph.

[B]

Triumph the insult. The comic insult dog.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is actually.

[A]

Do you think he auditioned for Superdog and didn't get it? Because they go, no, you're too dirty.

[B]

There is ice here for you to poop on Superman.

[A]

Yeah, that's it.

[B]

He is actually the bad guy in the movie.

[A]

I will tell you one thing. They might skip. And Rachel's great. Superman's great. I like these. I think I saw Superman vs well, I like whoever, man. And they fight, and I don't like when they fight. And the fight scene is a half hour. The truth is, if you can't kill Superman, you have absolutely no kryptonite on you. None in sight. They just keep punching him. He smashes the building, he slides down, flies back. Why do we need a half hour fight for two people that can't die? I mean, it's fun, but let's keep it tight.

[B]

I've seen it in the Marvel one. It's the Hulk versus Mothra or something. Neither. Neither entity can get hurt. All entity can. Or feel pain or die and recover in a tenth of a second. And it goes on for 45 minutes exactly.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Away like. Yeah.

[A]

Not one Band Aid, not one arm sling. Nothing.

[B]

It's just like, nothing.

[A]

And they're never like. I'm still jarred from that fight I had two days ago.

[B]

No, I'll tell you what, though. I assume the plot of Superman and the sensibility is top secret, but they've been trying to hatch this for decades. Because the original Superman with Christopher Reeves is a masterpiece. Richard Donner directed it. You had Brando since then. No suit. Batman went into dark reality. Like Christopher Nolan made it seem like he fell down a cave. This is why he's this crazy Batman. Superman is a goody two shoes. So where do you go with that? So I'm curious if they unlock the key to make a great Superman movie in 2025. There, I said it.

[A]

I heard that. This is probably not true, but Superman does a collab with Bonnie Blue and they. And watches her screw a thousand guys. Is that true?

[B]

And he actually has sex with 2000.

[A]

He tries to beat her because she's the bad guy. He says, I could beat that sex record.

[B]

I'll tell you what. They should start on Krypton, start on the main planet like I did. And. And what's her name? Betty Blue. Should be Bonnie Blue. Should be. And that's why they want to explode the planet, because they're so outraged by her activity.

[A]

Oh, or the. Or the bad guys are super horny, and they. And they enlist Bonnie Blue and the other girl to go have sex with everybody to wear them out a little bit. Well, Superman can just. So Superman can think for a second and figure out what to do.

[B]

And Krypton, the people of Krypton, who live in a place called. And also create Kryptonite, but they live on the planet Krypton. They also can have. They have sex for sometimes a million years at a time.

[A]

No. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, that's.

[B]

Is that too much?

[A]

That's too far. Because these girls can do it for a day, and then they're like, in the er but it's worth it. They get the clicks. But if there are some bad guys from Horn Dog City or something that come down and listen, I don't have it all mapped out yet in my head, but.

[B]

Well, I'll talk to you. I'll just say it to the audience. David and I had a casual story meeting at Warner Brothers, and we pitched these ideas. We're saying them clumsily now, but we never got a call back.

[A]

We never. I think. You know what I hate? What if this plot is in Superman and we're like, they obviously stole it from us from that meeting.

[B]

Well, the one thing in the first Superman, Ned Beatty, who was in Delivery.

[A]

Hilarious. He played Gene Hackman, too.

[B]

And Gene Hack. He played Gene Hackman as Lexler. He played kind of the dunce comic idiot character. Well, what do you want me to do, Mr. Luther? I want you to shut up and get out of here. So that if they could bring back that character, you know, and then Gene.

[A]

Hackman was trying to name. He was going to have an earthquake, and then California would be renamed. All these cities named after Lutherville or something.

[B]

Yeah, Lutherville. Luther everything. Luther everything. Gene Hackman was great in everything he ever done. And I would say Greg Kinnear, not being funny here, could play Perry White extremely well.

[A]

Greg Kinnear as Perry White. He's the boss of the Daily.

[B]

Now get out of here now. Get me that. Get you. You know who is it?

[A]

J.K. dobbins or J.K. rawlings?

[B]

I don't know. JK?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

J.K. simmons. Yeah, well, he's.

[A]

Oh, Matt, that might be in Spider Man.

[B]

You got to get yours. Jesus.

[A]

We're gonna turn off the comments. People are gonna just go nuts. Okay, that's next story. We really did A good one with that one.

[B]

That was a good one. That was good.

[A]

Seriously. Oh, this is. I don't know if this is real. This is underneath the pyramids that we talked about the pyramids last week.

[B]

What?

[A]

Let's see if this is fake or not.

[B]

Universal today. Someone has finally made their way down the shafts that were found.

[A]

I like the first comment. Clutch your pearls, girls. Because now you're telling me that as of today, Dr. And archaeologist Raimi, I don't. How could you get down?

[B]

Because I don't want to be disrespectful to the Egyptian culture. Is the first human being right away. And bottom of the shafts underneath the. The pyramid.

[A]

And have reported back what he found in the chamber at the bottom.

[B]

And it is mind blowing.

[A]

Now, like always, take what you will. It looks a little fake.

[B]

I have purposely not talked about this.

[A]

Topic yet because I like to have my. You can jump out. I dislike talking about the pyramids. I like that if the pyramid is just the top of the iceberg, pyramid's pretty big anyway. Dana, have you seen them?

[B]

Well, let me ask you a question and Heather can look it up. Do they really know for a fact how that many thousand years ago they made the pyramids? Is that documentable or they kind of have theories of moving.

[A]

You're saying the theory we all have heard our whole lives is that they built them in some crazy way where they rolled the stones or they did something 20 times each way. Yeah, it sounds. And yeah, we can't even do it now. And we've got, yeah, cranes and like, I'm way stronger than like a normal person.

[B]

Back then I.

[A]

He said, what is this you're saying?

[B]

AI says, well, we don't have a definitive, complete picture of exactly how the pyramids were built. Archaeologists and historians believe combination of ramps.

[A]

Oh, combination of ramps. This is what historians believe. Even AI doesn't know.

[B]

But they can't prove it.

[A]

No, no, nobody knows.

[B]

Not provable. So I say it's either some supernatural leap by human beings in Egypt or Egypt. Alien intervention.

[A]

I think it's aliens.

[B]

I think it's alien intervention. That's way more fun. Let's get Dr. Greer on here.

[A]

And by the way, we're not that crazy. We think the aliens are real. I think people are finally like I think they are. I mean, look at the 5 million drones that are unexplainable. You go, some are explainable, but something's going on out there. Well, yeah, we should get Greer. I saw another guy, Jeremy Corbell. I Met him at the airport.

[B]

He's like, UFO guy.

[A]

Yeah, he's a UFO YouTuber. And he said. I said, what about Giza? Because I just heard that day. I'm like, so we could always have him on.

[B]

What about Giza?

[A]

I'm like, giza, dude. Well, that's like the super bowl for these guys. They find out something new, they're like, holy.

[B]

It's all gonna, it's all gonna come out or not. We, we have theories, and then they're provable. Einstein, just when he was like, probably 7 years old, you know, but probably his first words, he hasn't spoken yet. Albert, Albert, would you like some milk? And his first words he ever said was, black holes are real. That was it. And then on. And now we've proven that they're real. Einstein had theories of relativity, theories about gravity and space time. Now we can prove them with our telescopes.

[A]

So are those real? Do they all. Because I like the, the term theory. I didn't even connect that they were theories.

[B]

And then that was proven. The time space. And they. It was proven that if you go on a spaceship, the speed of light out going to outer space, come back to Earth, you're the same age. Everyone's. 150 equals M. So squared. We can theorize with string theory that there's more than one dimension that we're in right now. I mean, we have.

[A]

There is a fifth dimension.

[B]

Dimension. And they can sing harmony at a rate that no one has ever. Sorry.

[A]

I'm still, I still can't believe freaking SpaceX is only going as high as the goddamn Empire State Building with Katy Perry. It's really bothering me.

[B]

I, it's, it's kind of. I, I got to admit, I mean, when you're sitting there about to take off, you know, it's just a rocket full of fuel. You also know there's no pilot, there's no way out. And you're gonna go straight up.

[A]

Oh, I wouldn't do it. I. But you would. I pay 250 grand. No. Could you pay me 250 grand also? No.

[B]

What is your price? Because everyone has a price.

[A]

I like when people go, I don't have a price. And they go, million. I go, okay, a million to my pants on national tv? I don't think so. I would be so scared. I'd be like, let me out. Let me out. And it'd be like five. No, no, let me out.

[B]

Three, two.

[A]

Let me out. I'm not joking. Stop it. I'm going to sue you.

[B]

Guys, but like, we talked about Carol Leifer, like, you got. She said even in 2025, if they do three female comics, like Ladies Night out, you know, that's true with four men. They never go, guys are coming.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But now it's like, can you believe.

[A]

Four, six women could be in a spaceship altogether? But the truth is, they don't have to do that much. But also, I think they can handle it.

[B]

Ladies, whatever it is, gravity is coming to you soon.

[A]

What will they do? Katy Perry or. They both said they're going to bring their glam squad or they want to bring some makeup up there. I think they're just saying anything to be funny. You're like, what do you. What are we expected to say? Because we're killing time and a press junket about going 100ft up in the air.

[B]

All right, all right.

[A]

What? Yeah, go ahead. Let's hear.

[B]

I'm going to pitch this because it's about you and Theo. I'm going to make a couple calls, okay? And I'm going to say it's gonna be good for them.

[A]

Off the successful buzz of Bus Boys.

[B]

Of the movie before its release. David Spade and Theo Vaughn go on Blue Origin, which is a great, handy little rocket. You go up in your wait list, then you open up your shirts and it says bus Boys. You know, whatever it is. July 5th.

[A]

Oh, I think back in the day when the space shuttle used to launch, that there was a. Maybe it was Sandler for Waterboy. They were trying to get an ad on the side of it, I think. I'm not even joking.

[B]

Well, I think that's interesting.

[A]

It would have been great. Yeah. Because they had a lot of pull back then, and that was a big deal. Space shuttle. Space shuttle still go up or. No, I don't know.

[B]

No, no, they. They bombed out. And I was on a flight with Buzz Aldrin. This is not a joke. And we. I talked to him a lot about being on the moon. I said, what was, you know, all that? And he says, you know, it's just science. He had ice in his veins, that guy. But he was a very cool astronaut, but he was upset about the space shuttle. He thought it was way too complicated. All we needed was what he called a big, dumb rocket to get stuff into space. Just a big, dumb rocket. Not this, you know, what they have, but what Elon Musk has done. Big, dumb rocket goes up, then comes down, gets caught and can be reused. That was the. The revolution, you know. But I. I'm from the 60s. We were in 2001, there was a Howard Johnson's hotel and restaurant on the moon. We're not even close.

[A]

When was that? Oh, that was 1968.

[B]

And that was in that movie? Yeah.

[A]

Precious movie.

[B]

Civilians could go to the moon. And there's a moon hotel, moon base, and it's all cool.

[A]

That I would like to drag. I'm not going to the moon. Yeah, it's not bumping people. It's dusty. You have to dust every day because just moon dust on everything.

[B]

Well, you're not outside much. You're just inside. Unless you want to go see the monolith.

[A]

I would go for walks. I gotta get my steps. I grind. Even if I take one step, that means I'm grinding. I'm trying to get my steps each day. How many steps rise and grind?

[B]

6,000.

[A]

Nope. 6,000. I love that joke.

[B]

Oh, that's good.

[A]

Whatever you say. I say nope, and then I say it.

[B]

They have a new one that keeps track of your heart rate throughout the day with the steps and your average heart rate. If it's 120, not good. If it's down in the 70s or something, very good. As an average.

[A]

They have an app where you can fake the amount of steps you have. And if you're using this to get laid, this is embarrassing. You're like, what's up, gals? Just checking me apps. Somebody got 9,200 steps today. And they're like, oh. And you're like, it's really only 6400.

[B]

Well, here.

[A]

Who needs that app?

[B]

Who does that?

[A]

And by the way, that app is not selling well, as Biden would say. And guess what, by the way.

[B]

And by the way, no, I'm being real here. Bushmen out in Tanzania or wherever, ancient men and women, they walk less than we do. All they do is conserve energy, like lions and stuff. And then when they need it, they really need it. But we have plenty of steps. All you have to do is get into a city seated squat every day for an hour, take your calls, and just squat down and sit there.

[A]

That's the best thing you can do.

[B]

Best thing you can do. Hip mobility.

[A]

I heard squat against a wall, right?

[B]

Well, you. Or if you could do it out.

[A]

In the world, you know, you just squat like ambushment. Like, that's how people sit. I think some Asian people sit like that. When they rest, you sit down Vietnamese.

[B]

Because you're in the rice paddies. And so you need to make a chair out of your lower body.

[A]

But is this good for your body? You Say, opens up your spine. It's good for your body.

[B]

Would it be good like, we're doing it now? Probably not. But if you did it throughout your life, young people understand that mobility is a huge part. There's strength and endurance, but there's also mobility. And, yeah, you got to be in the hip joint.

[A]

I'm wound so tight. Yeah. All right. On that note.

[B]

On that silly note, anyway, people don't.

[A]

Like me preening and looking at my hair. I can't help but I see this fluff over here.

[B]

Well, you guys do a podcast because anyone could do it. And by the way, so when you're doing it in this situation, you're seeing.

[A]

Yourself staring yourself, the whole guy.

[B]

Here I am just for the fans. Here I'm looking at David. Ha ha ha. Here I am checking myself out. Here I am looking up at you.

[A]

The thing is, we don't look directly into the camera because I'm looking at Dana, but if I look in the camera, I look up here, which looks more realistic.

[B]

But, yeah, camera.

[A]

I can't talk to Dana without looking at him.

[B]

Camera, David. Me, Heather.

[A]

Katy Perry on the moon.

[B]

Greg Holtzman.

[A]

Heather Rats in my infested mansion. Gayle King.

[B]

You got me on that one.

[A]

She's on.

[B]

She's on the rocket ship. All right.

[A]

She's on the glorified airplane.

[B]

We're gonna do is ask the chat room. They have room for one more woman in American society to go on Blue Origin. Let's nominate that one more woman, Meryl Streep.

[A]

And we will tell them next week who.

[B]

I'm nominating Meryl Streep.

[A]

I'm nominating the lion that killed the people because he wasn't having it.

[B]

I like. I would. I would nominate Lady Gaga, because on liftoff, she'd be like.

[A]

Whatever. Here we go. 2, 2, 2, 2, high.

[B]

James Taylor. Ain't it good to know you're on a rocket? Sh. Guitar.

[A]

No, they'd be mad because when they're taking off, he goes, I've seen fire. And I was like, hey, whoa, whoa. Don't sing that now. That song's about a plane crash.

[B]

Oh, please.

[A]

Do you not know that?

[B]

No. I thought it was Dana, wake up. It was an addiction. Fire and rain, you know?

[A]

No, just yesterday morning, they. It was his girlfriend got a plane crash. Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone.

[B]

Jeez Louise, that's such a brilliant song. Now I can't listen Sad.

[A]

Oh, you'll ball your head off.

[B]

But I do like nominating someone. I want some people to get creative.

[A]

The plans we had put an end to that. Yeah, whatever. Oh, yeah. If you listen to it now and everyone will tell me I'm lying in the comments, I probably am. All right. Okay, Dana, I gotta run, so just wait here for about 20 minutes.

[B]

Yeah. I'll wrap up the show with Heather and Greg. And you have a nice cheeseburger, all right?

[A]

Oh, yeah. I'm going on tour. Where am I going? Oh, Boston, New Jersey is my next weekend.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'll tell you more about it later. Thank you, Dana. Perfect for the people who waited. Bye. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.