SUPERFLY #63 - Spoiler Alert!

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade
Episode Summary: SUPERFLY #63 - Spoiler Alert!
Release Date: April 11, 2025

In this engaging and humorous episode of Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade, listeners are treated to a variety of topics ranging from showbiz anecdotes to pop culture critiques. Dana and David navigate through personal stories, witty banter, and sharp observations, providing both insiders' views and relatable humor for their audience.

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1. Dana’s Tour and Upcoming Special: "Dandelion"

Dana Carvey opens the episode by discussing his recent visit to the Brea Improv in California to prepare for his tour. He shares insights into the evolving nature of his performances, balancing between old material and new bits to keep his act fresh.

Dana (02:10): "Brea, California. It's inland, about an hour and a half."

Dana introduces his new special, "Dandelion," which he recently announced on Amazon. He delves into the backstory of the special, humorously describing his character's vulnerabilities despite his tough on-screen persona.

Dana (03:55): "I'm always getting pushed around, and I'm such a fucking pussy."

David Spade chimes in, complimenting the perfect fit of the special's name to Dana's comedic style.

David (03:32): "Gotta feel for this. That is so perfect for you."

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2. Upcoming Interviews and SNL Insights

The duo reveals that they have interviewed Jack Black following his recent success with the movie Minecraft. They praise Black's performance as the host of Saturday Night Live, highlighting the energy he brought to the sketches.

David (21:04): "He did an incredible job on SNL. It was like one of the best episodes in a lot of energy."

Dana adds that they'll be featuring more interviews in upcoming episodes, including interactions with other prominent figures like Patrick Schwarzenegger and Parker Posey.

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3. Trade Wars and Tariffs: A Comedic Take

Dana and David tackle the serious topic of trade wars and tariffs with their signature humor. They create an exaggerated scenario where America's response to tariffs involves giving free Hulu subscriptions in exchange for imported goods.

David (08:27): "We're gonna give everybody in the world a free five-year subscription to Hulu."

Dana mocks the practicality of such a solution, suggesting absurd alternatives like selling beef towels to preppers.

Dana (06:33): "We sell beef towels going out, 5 million a minute."

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4. Critique and Spoof of "White Lotus" Finale

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to their take on the finale of the popular show "White Lotus". Dana provides a detailed, albeit exaggerated summary of the episode, including humorous twists like incestuous relationships and over-the-top character flaws.

Dana (10:23): "David Spade, road rage extraordinaire."

David reacts to Dana's portrayal, expressing mock disinterest and teasing Dana about the show's controversial plotlines.

David (12:17): "It's a great show."

They hilariously dissect character motivations and plot developments, adding their own fictional elements to enhance the comedic effect.

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5. Personal Anecdotes and Self-Deprecating Humor

Throughout the episode, Dana and David share personal stories that showcase their camaraderie and self-awareness. Dana discusses his apprehension about attending day barbecues due to anxiety, while David recounts humorous interactions with fans and authorities.

Dana (24:54): "I have nothing fun."

David (40:16): "Get out of here."

These segments are peppered with playful insults and laughter, reinforcing their status as longtime friends and entertainers.

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6. Sports Commentary: John Morant’s Gesture Controversy

The hosts briefly touch upon basketball star John Morant and his problematic gesture of mimicking gunshots after scoring. They debate the implications of his actions and the NBA's response.

David (29:52): "Goggle eyes. Just supervision."

Dana speculates humorously on the future repercussions of such gestures.

Dana (31:58): "I think it's a little bit like, it's. It reminds me of Elmer Fudd or something."

---

7. Monolith Mysteries and Alien Theories

In a nod to the mysterious monolith sightings, Dana and David speculate comedically about their origins and purposes, referencing "2001: A Space Odyssey."

Dana (53:00): "They discovered on the moon and they don't know how it got there."

They propose outlandish experiments involving rednecks and calculus tests to uncover the monoliths' secrets, blending humor with pop culture references.

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8. Fyre Fest Parody: A Scream Reality

The episode concludes with a parody of the infamous Fyre Fest, depicting it as a recurring scam that continues to baffle and disappoint attendees. Dana and David mock the organizer's persistence despite past failures.

David (62:03): "Just got an alert. What's that guy's name?"

Dana (63:03): "Billy something."

They joke about being invited to perform at another disastrous iteration of the festival, emphasizing the futility of trying to hack the system.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Dana (03:55): "I'm always getting pushed around, and I'm such a fucking pussy."
• David (08:27): "We're gonna give everybody in the world a free five-year subscription to Hulu."
• Dana (10:23): "David Spade, road rage extraordinaire."
• David (29:52): "Goggle eyes. Just supervision."
• Dana (53:00): "They discovered on the moon and they don't know how it got there."
• David (62:03): "Just got an alert. What's that guy's name?"

---

Conclusion

SUPERFLY #63 - Spoiler Alert! is a quintessential episode of Dana Carvey and David Spade's podcast, blending sharp wit with insightful commentary on current events and pop culture. Their chemistry shines through as they navigate diverse topics with humor and camaraderie, making it an entertaining listen for both longtime fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

We went down it.

[A]

We went down it. But it did remind me of. I've not been to the funny Bone in Yugoslavia, but I did do the Brea Improv last week to get ready for the tour. Davidspay.com and yes. Yeah, so I do the tour. So I have to warm up. You've done this, Danny. You go to clubs, but you have to mix in some new stuff. So it's a little tricky.

[B]

Well, especially when the special comes out.

[A]

When the special comes out, I have to integrate a mix for a while.

[B]

So what do you, what's your. How many, how many minutes do you have right now that are not part of the special? Three, four?

[A]

No, I got like six.

[B]

Six minutes. So. Hard earned money. Get your David Spade tickets.

[A]

Well, it's the special and then there will be some. Yeah, of course. I mean, it will just always be evolving. I mean, when I started my last tour to do the special, it was just different by the end, you know, because I'm adding and subtracting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so it's always in a flux of being mixed around. Sometimes I'll pull old bits from the first special or I'll do this and that. But Brea, here's my hot opener. You want to hear it?

[B]

Okay. Brea is a 400 seat improv theater in the town of Brea.

[A]

Brea, California. It's inland, about an hour and a half.

[B]

Considered an improv. It's part of the improv ecosystem.

[A]

I think it was 600 seater. It's pretty big. It's like 600. God.

[B]

All right, let me introduce you ladies and gentlemen from you know him from Shoot. Just shoot Me and Rules of engagement. He's welcome. Dana Spoodley.

[A]

So Spudly comes out.

[B]

You come out.

[A]

And then I say, oh, my God, it's great to be here in Brea. Did you know what your city's motto is? No one knows. And I say, it's. It's Brea, almost bread. Does that get us nothing? And then I go, you'll get the d when you get here. I go, how would the. How would city council think of that?

[B]

So you're either on a roll or you've just dug a hole.

[A]

They laugh anyway, because they don't know it's. Even if they don't get it, they go, oh, Brea is spelled like almost bread. I got it.

[B]

Well, you're like. You're famous, man. Hanging out with you is like hanging out with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland. I mean, I just fade into the background, which I. I do love. But, yeah, you are famous. Riddle me this. Like, your special's coming out, and the name of it is, which I love.

[A]

I gotta feel for this.

[B]

Gotta feel for this. That is so perfect for you. And, of course, you did that in the 50th and.

[A]

Oh, no, wait, wait, Dana. I just got a correction. The tour is I gotta feel for this. The special is Dandelion. We just announced the special finally on Amazon. Now we can talk about it.

[B]

Oh, okay. Got it. Can I hear the backstory of Dandelion just for a second?

[A]

Yeah, I'm just. There's a bit in there where I talk about when I almost got in a fight at McDonald's, and I say, I'm a bit of a dandelion, but you wouldn't believe it from seeing how tough I am on TV and in the movies. But, okay. Yeah. And so I go, I cannot. And because the guy I'm fighting has a cinder block, and I'm like, I cannot get hit by a cinder block. Not with these brittle bones, folks. Like, it's just like, I'm always getting pushed around, and I'm such a fucking pussy.

[B]

You're like sort of one of those things when you're a kid and you blow on them and they're willow. They kind of float, fly away.

[A]

That's a dandelion.

[B]

Oh, that is a dandelion. Okay, that is good.

[A]

That's how fragile I am.

[B]

I. I do like that. Now. I got. I. I've met. I've had bad names. Like my first one, Critics Choice really work. It was kind of pre web, so my sister would Call me and say you got critics choice again. Every time it was on Comedy Central. Thought it was a new, new thing. Perennial. So the second one I did a bit about what kind of religion would blow away a Scientologist. And it was this long bizarre religion where Scientologists go, wow, that religion is crazy. And the end of the ceremony in the church of this religion, they would say, squatting monkeys tell no lies. So I remember calling our manager, Mark Irvin said, yeah, what are you going to call it? What's that? What are you going to call it? Best Data Coffee.

[A]

No, I'm get a funny title. Go ahead, give it to me.

[B]

It's Squatting Monkeys Tell Lies. Must have been a 10 second pause at least.

[A]

Okay, are you joking or is that the one you're gonna go with? All right, that's the real one.

[B]

Okay, that's the real one. That's it.

[A]

And then people are gonna, they'll think that's funny. They like that. They never know because they handle so many comedians. They don't know when everyone's being serious or not.

[B]

No, they don't know. They thought it was a fake funny title.

[A]

You're like, it's a funny one. Good. Okay.

[B]

Lion's good. I mean, an alt to that would be lighter than air. Mr. Loafers, Mr. Brittle Bones. Light the loafer. Mr. Brittle Bones. And you got a little top hat in the poster.

[A]

Well, the, the tagline when I just sent it out was, hey, Dandelion, you don't want to blow this guy.

[B]

Okay, that's pretty funny. All right. I like a good, I like a good pun. You don't want to blow these bones.

[A]

Yeah. And then Amazon was like this. Yeah, what do you want to say? And I go, it's funny. They go a little more for. We sell stereos over here. We don't, you know, it's Amazon does everything. So this is Amazon Prime. Woo.

[B]

Amazon. I love Amazon because their whole movie studio is just kind of a throwaway. If it makes a profit, fine.

[A]

Same with Apple. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

We're selling transistor radios like a million a second.

[A]

We focus on the doomsday prepper.

[B]

We sell beef towels going out, 5 million a minute.

[A]

So you know, but Amazon's good because they have a built in crowd of about a trillion that just everyone's on Amazon. So it's great because they're like, while you're here, do you want to watch this goofballs special? And I'm like, all right.

[B]

No, I think it's good. I Mean, we love Ted Sarandos in Netflix. It just, it's such a giant ecosystem. And when you see an Amazon standup special, it pops a little bit because there's not like 9 million of them.

[A]

If Ted's listening right now, I'd feel bad. He's gonna have to pull over and.

[B]

Just go, well, I have a, I have, I have something to say. I have something to say about Ted and Netflix. And it's, and it's a good thing.

[A]

Okay, go ahead.

[B]

Because I've been trying to figure out this whole trade wars and tariffs, you know, tariffs. I, I, I, you know, what is it? What are we doing? You know, So I ran into a guy, it was from, from Brooklyn, right? And he kind of says, you know, you gotta understand, you know, first of all, you know, in China they got like cheap label, right? China, they got cheap labor, like people 2 cents a month to assemble iPhones. Okay, 2 cents a month. The boss gets a nickel a month. So out here we pay ourselves, you know, we pay our workers a lot a living wage, you know, 5, 10, 8,000amonth. So if we made the iPhones in America, if we assembled them here instead of China, we pay $67,000 for an iPhone 6.

[A]

Oh, is that what, is that the problem?

[B]

Yeah, well, the thing is, is we don't make a lot of stuff, so we import stuff. You know, this was this guy talking to me.

[A]

I go, learning from this guy, by the way, Trump said they're, they're terrific.

[B]

He did. He really.

[A]

The tariffs are terrific.

[B]

That sounds like he might have said that. It's not. This guy goes, you know, here's the thing. America, we don't got a lot of stuff, so we got to get from other countries. We get our bananas from South America, we got our avocados from Mexico, we get transistors. China makes us solar panels. What do we got? We got what they call services. So what we're going to do is give everybody in the world a free five year subscription to Hulu.

[A]

Hulu, that's what they're giving away.

[B]

You give us bananas, you give us our solar panels. We use Netflix in Europe. Free subscriptions. And I'm calling out Ted Sarandos today via this guy I talked to the other day. Remember, free subscription, that's our big thing. Netflix and Hulu, this is what we make now. Yeah, we don't make tires, we don't make steel.

[A]

It's true. But I, you know, I think Ted might help you out on that one. If this, if you could Connect him with that guy.

[B]

Yeah, I could connect with that guy. He just said at the end of the day goes you make what you make. We what we. We make rubber chicken. Capish?

[A]

I like the end of the day. That's what git says. Listen, the landscape has changed. At the end of the day, here's, here's.

[B]

At the end of the day, you.

[A]

Know, I think it's better to dance.

[B]

With the devil, you bet you know, than try to go out and get a new devil.

[A]

Yeah, dance. Dance with the one who brung you.

[B]

There's no shortage of devils. So if you see one, just cozy up to that devil. You don't want to get a dandy.

[A]

Yeah, the devil you know is better than devil you don't know.

[B]

How about this one? David Spade afraid to fight back.

[A]

Yeah, just David Spade constantly angry because his dad left him.

[B]

David Spade a hot oven.

[A]

David Spade, road rage extraordinaire. Now I was going to ask you, Dana, if you've seen, if you saw the big finale White Lotus. This is a really hot topic.

[B]

Not anymore, but I did not see it. But tell us about it quickly.

[A]

I did see the porn version. Of course it's already out white. Blow your load down my throat is. But also this one is the.

[B]

You can't get that X rated right. That's like. That's two blowjob jokes.

[A]

I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is the last.

[B]

That was a good one. That was a good one. We got a hahaha.

[A]

It's got Patrick Schwarzenegger who's friend of the show. He, he.

[B]

Let's get Patrick on this.

[A]

You know what I did, I talked to him last week because I was, I just text him, I just put filth in all caps because the show is like getting really dirty at the end and he winds up. I could. These are spoilers. So if you haven't seen, I don't know why you'd still be not watching yet. But he and his family are one of the like nine storylines. It's a little hard to follow if you're simpleton like me. But he is part of a family where he get does drugs out there. There's these two pretty girls, one has buck teeth and they, they all. He tries to do a threesome or foursome but his brother is part of it. And it gets a little itchy because in the Truth or Dare they make him kiss his brother and it even gets a little more than that. But so that's pure filth.

[B]

Yeah, I know you're like, why are they trying to. White Lotus is a big franchise. I mean, why are they intentionally trying to destroy White Lotus?

[A]

Well, it's.

[B]

It's.

[A]

Where do you go from there? So this one has a little incest. So that's. That's my theory. But it's still. It is a good show. You're right. I don't know if they need to go that.

[B]

It's a great show.

[A]

Everyone wants to push it. The girl we just mentioned, there's a cute girl. Amy Lou Wood. Yeah. Everyone loves her, and she has what's known on the streets as buck teeth. But I think everyone thinks they're super cute. And even dentists have chimed in going, we should wrangle those in. But she refuses to do it because it works for her. So.

[B]

Well, you know, she has a cute. Kind of a cute bear or puppy dog face and sort of full cheeks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And thick hair. So they don't fever. They're not. If she lost a lot of weight, it'd be like, what. What are those teeth attached to a human?

[A]

Most of her weight is in her teeth.

[B]

Now, the guy on the left needs to button one more button.

[A]

Nope, he needs to button one more down. Wow.

[B]

Really? You want to see a navel?

[A]

No, that's. That's Walt. Walt Goggins. But he looks cool, and he's older than her. What is she. Heather, how old do you think she's. 24, 25, something like that? Yeah, 30. He's supposed to be the older guy. Right, that. Because Parker Posey. You know Parker. She's like Popper. No, right. She's 31.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Parker Posey is great. She's in it. And of course, we should. We should drag her on here just because I knew her in the old days. We did Coneheads together. Meep, Meep. And.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Okay, Patrick Schwarzenegger. We've got Parker Posey. We've got your new special called Hot White. Hot Dandelion.

[A]

Yeah. And we've got this girl who at the end, Leslie Bibb is in it. Yeah, that's. I mean, there's a ton of people in White Lotus, but this girl with that guy. That guy has got an anger issue from growing up about his dad. And in the finale. Turn your headphones down. Do you not know? Do you not know? I can't even tell Heather.

[B]

I haven't watched one episode, but now it's ruined for me.

[A]

You're going to close your ears. Are you going to watch it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. I can't tell it then. But I will say, oh, she. Unfortunately, someone shoots at him. And. And Bucky bites a bullet. I'll just say that, sadly, she gets a strike.

[B]

You don't know. You don't take out a cute young woman.

[A]

I know. Everyone got mad.

[B]

That didn't happen. Now tell us what really happened, because.

[A]

Patrick Schwarzenegger has a crush on her in the show.

[B]

And his brother. Right.

[A]

And he has a real thing for his brother.

[B]

I can't keep track, dude.

[A]

I. I can't. What happens? You're not ready. But it's not that bad. But it's bad.

[B]

You know what's huge right now, globally? Gunsmoke. The Western gun smoke.

[A]

No, is it.

[B]

It's huge. Billions of minutes. I mean, I'm watching westerns. I'm watching housing shows. I'm not watching this filth on. This is pure trash.

[A]

I don't like. Wait.

[B]

Lotus.

[A]

A drug. Hang on. Heather's yelling. What is it? They're all taking a drug. Were drinking all night. They were all really up. No, they're really up. But I will say. She's saying, when the guy gave Patrick a hand job, his brother, he was on drugs. That didn't happen. It didn't? No, he said it did. The guy says the girls tell him why. Did they? No, but the girl said, he did it. And he goes, no, no, no. And then the guy said, I just did it because I knew it makes you happy. What? Dana just turned off the podcast. Dana?

[B]

No, I'm just checking it on. All right. Nope. Okay. All right.

[A]

And then. And then Emmy Lou Wood almost gave him a BJ because she thought it was a log of wood. She wanted to chew on it because she's a beaver.

[B]

What?

[A]

Cause she's got her teeth. Listen, Dennis said she looks. Everyone thinks she's hot, so we can make fun of her. Most teeth, you know, Dana, are vertical like this. So hers are more horizontal, but she didn't fix them. And everyone's saying, good, because finally one person looks like a real person you'd see at the mall because her teeth are like that. But everyone's still in love with her.

[B]

Well, here's the thing. Let me break this down.

[A]

Yeah, break it down for me.

[B]

What's going on? It looks cute. Now, later on, your jaw alignment, you're going get TMJ and lots of pain in your neck. And they're cute, but it's not the way it was meant to be. Dana.

[A]

I'm a little bit of a spendy Susie.

[B]

A boozy Susie and a spendy Suzie.

[A]

Yeah, I'm more of a boozy Susie.

[B]

But yeah, you are. You're are a spendy spender. Yeah.

[A]

And a lot of our listeners are nice enough to write in and say you look like you drank a lot and slept on your face. But that's just constructive criticism.

[B]

Well, it's very concise and you don't really drink very much. I'll tell the fans.

[A]

Just puffy. This is where Klarna comes in. Klarna is your everyday smarter spending partner, which is what a lot of people need. A lot of my friends definitely need it. It allows you to make smarter decisions with your money and it's sometimes good to have a partner like that.

[B]

And I'll say it again. Klarna, which I assume is Swedish, Klarna is your smarter everyday spending partner.

[A]

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[B]

That's right. Here's some key takeaways. Listen up brother. Klarna offers a pay in for product where you don't have to pay interest. I think that's a good thing.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, terms and conditions apply. I'm just right.

[A]

They do.

[B]

I'm just gonna say it. It's a Klarna summer someone I know.

[A]

Just got engaged in and it's a big one.

[B]

It's a big one. It's the next step in a relationship. And that's why they have, you know, a thing called an engagement ring. What was the Beyonce song? You should have put a ring on it. Oh yeah, pay attention to that. And we know how you can get a nice ring, right?

[A]

You go to Blue Nile, Blue Nile, your engagement ring shopping spot. You got the shape, they got the size, setting, cut, color. It's all very confusing but you need someone to help walk you through it. That's the place to go. There's one.

[B]

It is confusing, but they make it simple is what I'm going to say.

[A]

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[B]

That's right. Their diamond price guarantee means that in most cases, they'll meet, wait for it, or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond.

[A]

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[B]

That'S $50 off with code fly@blue nile.com Blue Nile.com here's the deal. Here's the deal.

[A]

We have. We interviewed Jack Black this week after the big movie Minecraft. So that'll be on Flying the Wall in a week or two.

[B]

It'll be on a little bit. A little bit, yeah. But it was.

[A]

And he hosted SNL and he did a great job. We talked about that.

[B]

We got to talk to our friend Jack at. You know, you don't know, show business is. Is like the stock market right now. I mean, you have. There's, you know, winter and summer. But anyway, he. He did an incredible job on snl. It was like one of the best episodes in a lot of energy, a.

[A]

Lot of fun, and he kicked it.

[B]

In every single sketch. And then his movie comes out to like 150 or 300 million globally. And then he comes on our podcast. So that's a fun one, talking to that guy.

[A]

He's great. Well, he'll be on soon. Right now we have Felipe. I think we had Andrew Schultz last week. We're just doing crossover for our sister show Plugs for Fly on the Wall.

[B]

Right. We have. I still today run into people. What? We have two.

[A]

They don't know.

[B]

We have two podcasts Flying the who super what? I mean, they don't. Maybe it wasn't the best names we ever came up with.

[A]

They're good.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because they're Too similar. It's supposed to be sort of.

[B]

They're both that fly. It was super, super on the wall. Flying.

[A]

The whole plus Dandelion daffodil. What is that, by the way? It's not even on Amazon till May. I don't even know why I'm supposed to plug it yet, but I don't.

[B]

Coming is Dan Soder.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

One of the most talented people we've had on the podcast.

[A]

Actually, he's another one. Bubbling.

[B]

He's funny and talented, and he's in that world, that world of Shane Gillis and just that ecosystem of comedians in their early 40s who are playing stadiums. He's playing theaters.

[A]

Yeah. He's playing chess. You're playing checkers. Okay, what else happened to you, Dana, before we get to the stories? Because nothing happened to me. Nothing fun.

[B]

Let's see. Last night, we were gonna get. At billiards, we were gonna get sort of this lean chicken with rice and stuff, but it was closed, so we got small pizzas from this other restaurant. So pizza is kind of a treat for me. So I had margherita pizza.

[A]

I know that on the news. Okay.

[B]

What do you want? I mean, I'm just. Let me check the market. I won't tell you what I'm seeing right now, but just go by my face. Here's my neutral face.

[A]

Okay. Ready? Go ahead.

[B]

I've got this.

[A]

Now look at the market. Ready? Is it. I don't want to talk to Inside Baseball for the market, but is it this way or is it that way?

[B]

Well, you know, give it a minute. First it went.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Then we're doing it. We're taking a pause. We're gonna take a buzz for 90 days. Then it went up, like, the fastest it's ever gone up in, like, 40.

[A]

I've never seen it go that much up. 3113.

[B]

36. And we haven't seen a surge. So then this morning, you're, like, looking at stuff. Hey, rocking it. I didn't panic. And now it's going. Now this airs in two hours, so maybe it'll go.

[A]

They call me Santa. Pause. It's not bad.

[B]

I like that. I don't know what it means, but.

[A]

Because he paused the mark. Because he paused the terror.

[B]

Okay, I got it.

[A]

He's Santa. Pause. They're terrific. I'm trying to help your Trump stuff.

[B]

A lot of good ones today. I like. I like. I like a good pun. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it's great. Okay. And I have nothing great. I just. I'm Gonna go visit my mama soon. And she had knee operation, so we got to get her on her feet. I gotta get her up doing laps. I gotta go to the combine.

[B]

Let's get her on the show.

[A]

Oh, maybe she can do a live remote of how she's doing.

[B]

Well, that would be kind of fun.

[A]

It would be cute. She's very sweet.

[B]

I know.

[A]

She has a lipstick.

[B]

Get her. Get. Just. You're a nice son. I'm just gonna say it.

[A]

She loves Dana.

[B]

My God, she does.

[A]

Yeah. We took a photo for her magazine, Tempe magazine year when I was kind of newer on snl, and I got. I had to ask Dana. Heather.

[B]

I know. Yeah. You were not David Spade yet. And this guy came up to me. I wasn't even sure who you were. But anyway, you said, you go.

[A]

This intern asked me, can we get a picture? Literally asked him go, can we get just a quick picture for the COVID of my mom's magazine? You're like, okay, and me, you, Farley, maybe. Oh, I gotta get this picture. Victoria Jackson. No, it was just us four, I think.

[B]

Four. Okay.

[A]

Whoever I could wrangle. And we took a picture, and she put on. We didn't have a ring light. We'd have ring lights back then. And I'll try to get it so we can pop it up here for when it airs.

[B]

I got a magazine cover this weekend. I was doing a gig up.

[A]

Oh, that's right. You did interviews, too.

[B]

Well, just. You're at a meet and greet, and someone came up and just said I had a big camera. You're on the COVID of Monterey Weekly. Oh, I get on, by the way. I did once in a while, your mom and I text. Just don't be alarmed. We check in, she has David. How's my sweet Davey? David, when you're coming to visit her and she knows you're coming down the block, she says every time she puts on George Harrison's Here Comes the Sun, and she sings along with it.

[A]

Oh, that's. Here comes one of my.

[B]

Here comes the sun.

[A]

You know, it's funny. I'm playing a celebrity theater in Arizona, where I'm from, playing Tucson in Phoenix. I never. I've never played.

[B]

Don't play your hometown fool.

[A]

And it's our. That's. I'm saying, is it. Last time I went, the green room had more people than the audience. It was like, my mom's going, I just have plus 300. Is that a problem? Oh, but Sheila wants to go, and.

[B]

It'S this thing my dad Used to say this thing. Their relatives were coming over. Oh, the Holmans are coming over. This was when I'm in my 20s and I'd say, the Holmans. And he would say, oh, Jesus Christ. You know the Holmans.

[A]

I know, it's funny.

[B]

This has happened throughout. So you'll be there, your mom will be. These. These are their persnicketies family.

[A]

Yeah. Who? You know, the persnickety. Oh, don't be like this.

[B]

Don't be ridiculous. This is Bill Wilson.

[A]

Sorry, they're not inside.

[B]

You took wood shop from him in fourth grade. He doesn't have a thumb, you remember?

[A]

I do have a guy now. One of my buddies. And Heather will laugh at this. And he's gonna hear this. He does the classic, hey, how do I get tickets to Spades show? She goes, you mean online? He goes, yeah, I mean, I could go online. Just buy them. Because I definitely. I want to buy them, but can I give you my credit card and then you can buy them.

[B]

I don't. Heather will press the buttons or so just.

[A]

It would be like, I think the answer is supposed to be, we'll just leave you too. But it's this whole rigmarole of like, okay, here's the three digit security code, but if this one doesn't work, call me and I've got an amex and then just go. Let's go back and forth until we figure out. And I want them close, I want to sit close, right?

[B]

And I don't want to ask, But I've got 67 guests with me. Could we come backstage before the show.

[A]

Just for like 20 minutes and then 10 minutes after. And 10 minutes just to tell you it was funny.

[B]

All right, God bless.

[A]

No, it's fine. I give everyone tickets. I don't give a. Okay, let's get to the hot stories. Dana, we got some hot takes.

[B]

Yeah, let's see.

[A]

What are our take? I can't see. Oh, there it is. Okay. Oh, okay. This is more your world. This is basketball. John Morant, great basketball player, brilliant basketball player.

[B]

Has a habit when he does something good on the court. He'll. It was starting to make his fingers go like a gun. And he had been busted a couple times last year with possession of guns or taking pictures with. With.

[A]

With guns. Snapchat with guns.

[B]

Taking pictures. The NBA wants its, you know, image to be a certain way. So he got in trouble. He got suspended, I believe. And now he's back. He was doing this again and I guess they said, okay, they don't do that. So I guess now he's pretending to throw a grenade.

[A]

Well, I think what he did is he got. He did the finger guns after he made something. Yeah. And then I think, oh, here's.

[B]

Okay, let's see the grenade. See what it looks.

[A]

Oh, this is the grenade one. He takes it a step further, three pointer, boom.

[B]

And he throws it. And then he does goggle eyes.

[A]

That wasn't that bad.

[B]

Throw the grenade and then goggle eyes.

[A]

What the goggle eyes do it.

[B]

Goggle eyes. Just supervision. Curry will do it sometimes. A lot of.

[A]

What does that mean? I have night vision.

[B]

I got supervision. I'm 40ft away, you know.

[A]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, God, they love themselves.

[B]

Well, not goggle eyes. What is it covering his ears? Oh, I couldn't see. He was covering his ears for. Oh, okay.

[A]

Oh, for the boom from behind.

[B]

It looked like he was doing the goggle eyes.

[A]

Oh, it could be the boom of the grenade blowing everyone up in the audience.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well, the problem is that again, I.

[B]

Want to see if it's actually covering his ears.

[A]

Well, it's microscopic on our.

[B]

I don't believe dog. Okay.

[A]

Thing here.

[B]

It's so tiny.

[A]

He's a quarter inch high in this. Okay.

[B]

Literally. Okay.

[A]

You can't.

[B]

Can't tell, but he is covering your ears.

[A]

But it was so. So for Heather and for everyone who doesn't know, caught with a gun on like a Snapchat, like a real gun. And they go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not cool. You got a lot of fans look up to you. Does it again in trouble. Maybe 25 games. I don't know, something pretty stiff. Right. Then this year, makes a shot, guns everyone down. Or he does a rifle and they're like, hey, come on. Remember we had this last year? I think they gave him one warning, right. A game or two later, guns again. They go, yeah, we have to do something because now we look stupid. It's not that bad. But listen, come on, guys. So maybe they suspend him. Then he comes back and does a. Or they find him maybe like he's a God on a grenade.

[B]

So here's the question. Did the grenade get. Do they want him to stop doing the grenade? Now we have a thing that Yah Moran celebration package. Guns, machine guns, rifles, knives, depending on what he does.

[A]

Yeah, if he gets a dunk, he does an AK40. Yeah. I mean, it's. It's probably not a great idea.

[B]

Did the grenade get him in trouble? That's my question.

[A]

That is the question. And I'm sure there's an Answer out there. Maybe not yet, but there now he just looks like he's shoving in their face. And so now Adam Silver has to go, what do we do here? What would you do, Dana?

[B]

I think it's a little bit like, it's. It reminds me of Elmer Fudd or something or. Or the Roadrunner cartoon. You know, I think it's a little more cartoony. Hey, you know, so this one is more. A little more assaulting. No pun intended. So I think the funny. Maybe the grenade's okay. I know that.

[A]

Well.

[B]

They didn't.

[A]

They didn't say don't do a great. They didn't say don't do a grenade. That's why it's funny, because he's like, I'm thinking of new things to do that kill people.

[B]

Well, here's. I don't know if I could do it. This would be me. If I score a basket arrow.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Because I've been watching Lord of the Rings again because it's such a brilliant film in that. Yeah, those are nothing cooler than that.

[A]

They do it way faster than you can do it.

[B]

Real life.

[A]

There's no. Even Hunger Games. I was like, no way. Jennifer Lawrence is doing right.

[B]

The arrows never run out.

[A]

Yeah. To Quill.

[B]

That's Katy Perry's husband. I can't believe I don't remember his name. Orlando Bloom.

[A]

Scorlando. Yeah.

[B]

Scorland. Which. Who was incredible in.

[A]

Good looking dude. Yeah, Good looking guy. What was he incredible in?

[B]

Lord of the Rings.

[A]

Yeah, he was.

[B]

Yeah. Lord of the Rings, I think.

[A]

Let's try not to step on that. He's a good, good dude. Okay, so that, that, that, that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then the. Yeah, we'll go to the next one. I don't know what happened to.

[B]

We'll find out. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

We'll get back to you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What's the human body? Oh, this is what's in a cup of coffee at.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know, let's say your average coffee, iced coffee at a restaurant. What do they put. Here we go.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Oh, that's sugar. That's too much sugar. Sugar again.

[B]

More sugar.

[A]

Look at that. Sugar. Dude, I haven't had that much sugar. Caramel.

[B]

Like how you put it. A hot fudge sundae.

[A]

Look at squirt.

[B]

Sugar. Caramel.

[A]

Faking. How much they're putting in there. Well, that has so much sugar in it, too. Caramel caramel.

[B]

Yeah. No, that's massive.

[A]

That was Dunkin Donuts.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

You're joking.

[B]

It's it's like 8 ounces of sugar and caramel.

[A]

Then I 5 cubes of ice.

[B]

Almond milk. Okay.

[A]

Splash a splash of almond milk. Where Amsr. There's.

[B]

There's more ice and now more syrup on top. That looks like a bit of coffee. I think that's coffee. It's. Yeah, it's 50 sugar and caramel.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Just go, go to Dairy Queen and get a freaking milkshake.

[A]

I mean that's exactly. And people think I just have my coffee.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That has to be 40 grams of sugar or nothing.

[B]

Right. That's the problem. You know, what happens is little. Okay. Wisdom or knowledge alert. When you wake up in the morning, your blood sugar is essentially flat because you haven't eaten anything for eight or nine hours. Now if you light it up with one of those milkshake coffees, you're going to spike way up, then go way down. Then you're going to have to eat some more sugar. And that's how you're going to be on this roller coaster. All right. Day long. So do a tiny piece of sourdough toast with almond butter on it. Protein. Thank you. You've changed, Dandelion.

[A]

Heather, you might want to tilt this up. I'm going to go up. Spades going up on the knees. Here we go. Watch this. And then we'll do the next one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

These golf shirts are always too long, but you know we're not going to fix that.

[B]

It's a problem that I have with shirts as well.

[A]

They get a little too long and I don't know how long it's supposed to be. Pasture wean. I don't know.

[B]

No, there's a sweet spot where it's just long so it doesn't ride up. But it's not so long. You look like you're wearing your older brother's shirt.

[A]

My wiener is my sweet spot. All right, here we go. This is what's going on.

[B]

Let's let that settle for a little bit.

[A]

What is this story exactly?

[C]

Do those $70 go?

[A]

Oh, the $70 for a ticket.

[C]

Andrew McMahon agreed to share usually secret details for a show.

[A]

Here's an example of like a deal memo.

[C]

His team just blacked out exactly which show it was. What do we have here? To start, the band set a ticket price of $56.

[B]

There's a gross potential of a couple.

[A]

Hundred thousand dollars being made.

[C]

But out of that 200 grand in ticket sales, half is deducted for venue related show costs.

[B]

37 grand.

[C]

Stagehands leaving the band with $100,000 payday.

[A]

But still pretty good.

[C]

That goes to the band's own expenses.

[B]

Commissions and fees and payroll.

[C]

Their management takes a quarter.

[A]

What about travel and crew costs?

[C]

Take another quarter.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Meanwhile, that $56 ticket has had fees added though. Artists don't get that money. So once you take away the venue, show costs and the dance touring expenses, something corporate's actual profit from that 70 ticket is about 10 bucks.

[B]

And then we split that five ways.

[C]

Yeah. McMahon isn't completely $2. That's still 7 grand each for a night's work. But the point here is each dollar fans pay to enjoy the show is fought over by artists, venues, ticket companies and scalpers. And time and again the industry solution to these fights has been to just charge fans a bit more.

[A]

Yeah, just keep jacking it up. What band is it? That's us. That's us on the road. That's everybody.

[B]

That's the Rolling Stones. Well, it's a little different if you did the metrics and the one person who just needs a microphone and walks out. I mean we don't really have like a wrecking crew. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, roadies. Unless you get bigger. I think. You know a lot of tour buses out there start comics are getting bigger. Sandler brought two. Well, Sandler two semis for. But he's. You know, if you got a band and you got. You want to put a stage up there, totally different.

[B]

You got a band, it's a bigger show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, if you're Shane, you just.

[A]

Need a old T shirt. It's actually great. You know for guys we just get up there and set list water microphone with you, maybe a guitar but you could do without it. It's like that's barely anything. And they usually have a guitar in the city. Yeah. So someone just brings one and.

[B]

Yeah. Do you do a sound check?

[A]

But I don't know if they're talking about taxes because those guys got their seven grand but then they got seven.

[B]

Grand but then they get hit. Yeah. At least 50 probably on that. So they're 3, 500. Basically they just go to Arby's afterwards and get a free meal. It's a push 20, 000 people.

[A]

That's because Calif. California's raise their sales tax 925 to 975 and then in the outskirts to 11.25%. That's the sale. I mean that's every day people tax.

[B]

At a certain point kicks into I think 14.4. I think it's one of the highest.

[A]

Well state. And then you got a sales tax. So.

[B]

Right.

[A]

California. They really have to get it together because it's just going to be too hard live here. Forget about me. I'm just saying normal people at bust their ass every day. It's like, what do you. How do they say?

[B]

It does feel weird. I remember I was doing a show years ago and I remember it was like a 300 seat theater. And I found out everyone was paying a hundred dollars. And I thought, you know, it just. And if. If you're a band and someone's paying 600 and they're not even in the front row.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Better play your ass off.

[A]

You play your do the hits. Look at this. I got a parking ticket. 93 bucks just for parking. It's so crazy. I got a. That was that ticket. I ran a red light. Was that where I crashed in all those people and drove away? What was. How much was it? No, I got. I got. I did something wrong like ran red light. And it was. They go, you can just pay the 650 right now. I'm like, 650?

[B]

$650?

[A]

Yeah. I said, can you write on there in the. In the memo of the check. Get.

[B]

Do you ever. Let me just. I don't even think the arm should hear this. Do you ever. You know, it's sort of a thing my friends used to like, put me up front. We're trying to get into a concert. Once I got on TV a little bit and they call. Put face ticket up front. They call me Face ticket. Face ticket up front. And I wasn't ever that famous. But one time I got pulled over for speeding or something and I was lucky. The cop just came up, looked at me and said, get out of here. Because he recognized me.

[A]

Oh, I like that. Get out of here.

[B]

I know you. And I go, I was a danger to society. You should give me a ticket.

[A]

Yeah, they let you in, right? Yeah, I've tried that weasel. I've tried the wheeze move where I. When I was like going to concerts more like 10 years ago, I think it was a cockiness, something. It was a drunkenness combined with what can I get away with. And I go, try to go backstage. And I did it at heart and I did it. The Pretenders. And they take you. All the guys like, oh, this guy's here. They just don't even have.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

They just take you right in their dressing room and they're like, hello. And I'm like, well, I think the.

[B]

Tommy boy T shirt you used to wear was very helpful.

[A]

And my benchwarmer's hat.

[B]

Bench warmers hat. And then an Adam Sandler tattoo on your shoulder.

[A]

My SNL shorts. Adam on FaceTime in case it doesn't work. Yeah, it sometimes backfires. I wanted to see the Go Go's. Last I saw the Go Go's, I drove by the Roxy on Sunset and the Go Gos were there last night. I should have gone me.

[B]

You didn't go to the Go Gos.

[A]

I went with their whole name.

[B]

Instructs you what to do.

[A]

No, actually, I went with Theo to Deflep. We got a. We got dialed in.

[B]

Oh, did you say hello to our friend?

[A]

No, it was before that. But I think I said I saw him there because we just. My buddy said, hey, you want to go see Def Leppard? My friend Ross, it's serious. And he said, they're at the Roxy. I'm like a mile from my house and just sit wherever you want. Yeah. So he dialed me in and Deflep just came out. Blasted some hits. There's probably what, 200 people in there? 300. And then go Go's I did the same thing with. But I saw him last night on the marquee and I. I'm not gonna go in there alone. But I would try to worm in.

[B]

I like the Go Go sound. You know, I like something just sort of cool. Cool about that?

[A]

Upbeat, nostalgic fun. Belinda's. I had a correct Belinda.

[B]

A great front woman.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, next story. Here we go.

[B]

Next story.

[A]

Let's killing it.

[B]

We're killing it today. We really are some amazing.

[A]

Go ahead, read that.

[B]

Loom Loom L O M founder feels lost in life after selling his startup for $975 million.

[A]

So after selling his company, the Loom.

[B]

Founder, I'm rich and I have no idea what to do with my life. Life has been a haze this last year. After selling my company, I find myself totally unrelatable position of never having to work again. Everything feels like a side quest, but not in an inspiring way. I don't have the same base desires driving me to make money or gain status. I have infinite freedom, yet I don't know what to do with it. And honestly, I'm not the most optimistic about life.

[A]

Wow, what a dumb dude. Don't wish too hard for every because it might come true. So he made the ultimate goal in life, which is to start a company and sell it.

[B]

And after tax, he still has probably a half billion. Yeah, put that in a 5% account, you know, so he's making like 20.

[A]

Million a year, buy a couple of Fat Burger franchises. I mean, it's funny because just out of habit, the guy's totally set, but he's probably going to go invest and just for something to do.

[B]

Well, but most people who are driven, they don't. It's not about the money. They just want, they like the game or being involved. What about if Warren Buffett had just made 500 million, just said, well, I'm going to quit. I don't, there's nothing I got to do anything.

[A]

I've had it. I just go to Whataburger.

[B]

And I'll tell you what, I should be taxed more. He always says that I wish the government would tax me more. Well, you know, you can voluntarily give money.

[A]

Yeah, go ahead.

[B]

Well, that doesn't sound like, Give it.

[A]

To me, I'll give it to him.

[B]

That doesn't sound like so much fun. I'd rather be at gunpoint. All pay tax and I'd like to have a gun. Put my head and I will pay tax.

[A]

This was a bad idea. I had a Dairy Queen last night. He always eats it like the simplest places.

[B]

Well, he's got, he's got Coca Cola season candies and Dairy Queen. He's, he's worth 100, 200 billion and he doesn't have diabetes. The guy's a freak.

[A]

And he, and he lives in like Omaha or something, right? Yeah, maybe I'll come to my Omaha show. I'll leave two at the door.

[B]

Here's what I got for the 9,975 million guy.

[A]

Yeah, go on, go on.

[B]

Only fans and make a lot of young women real happy. And within three to six weeks, you'll be broke and then you'll have problems and you'll be happy, foreign. You know, David, each day is a chance to move forward. Think of that. Whether you're navigating your commute, challenging personal best, or leading with purpose, you know what you need? Apparel that works as hard as you do, David.

[A]

It makes me think of Rhone, which is new sponsor. Here at Rhone, they design clothing to match your ambition. With technical fabrics that breathe, stretch and adapt and elevated styles that keep you sharp. Our gear is built to support your pursuit of progress. When your clothing performs, every step forward feels like a win.

[B]

Versatility as well. At its best, you know, from a hectic workday to jam packed weekends, every roan item is designed to not only adapt but, but enhance a life in motion.

[A]

Yeah, they've got advanced fabrics Fabrics do more than make you look good. They work. They're engineered with performance properties like odor resistance, which you need. Cooling technology. You'll feel fresh and focused throughout the day.

[B]

Love it. These collections are built for the man who demands more from his gear and even more from himself. David. With cutting edge features like wrinkle release technology. That's cool. I don't like that.

[A]

Yeah, I like that one stretch that.

[B]

Lasts through the wash so it doesn't come out like a wrinkled mess. A tailored fit. Every piece adapts to your needs.

[A]

Yeah. You know, wrinkle release is good because I travel, so. And I'm also obviously perfectly fit, like a human specimen.

[B]

Quaffed. I think of you. I think of someone who's quaffed.

[A]

Yeah, listen. It's versatile, it's refined, ready for anything. The collection is built for men who seek excellence in everything they do. At its core is the original commuter fabric. It's a lightweight, fine Italian material celebrated for its always stretch breathability and unmatched versatility. The foundation of a collection that performs as hard as you do.

[B]

The commuter pro builds on the trusted foundation with thoughtful enhancements. Get this. Like a slightly heavier fabric for added confidence and tailored upgrades, including an expanded waistband, silicone gripper to keep you sharp and polished. These guys have thought of everything.

[A]

Yeah, it's like an elevated wardrobe piece, but it's, you know, workout gear, so it's perfect. Odor resistant, lasting stretch. Listen, you're prepared. It's no limits, just progress. Your day doesn't slow down and neither should your wardrobe. Built by and for those who demand more, a commuter collection is performance apparel fit for your every ambition. You get 20% [e-mail] fly with code.

[B]

Fly that's R H O-N-E.com fly with code fly at checkout.

[A]

Dana, you know me, and I'm. I'm actually not as social as you think, but I will.

[B]

You are. You're not social.

[A]

A pretty fun barbecue every.

[B]

Yes. Almost every day that has gone out into the Hollywood ecosystem.

[A]

Yeah. Everyone knows. By the way, sometimes I'm. I'm scared to go to a daytime barbecue.

[B]

You should be frightened.

[A]

It's a little anxiety.

[B]

You like a nighttime barbecue? I don't understand.

[A]

I like. Nighttime's better because. Just a little calmer. I don't know. I can't just be in the starkness of day, just raw, dogging into a barbecue. But they are fun. So I'm not going to take that away from people's fun because I have had them.

[B]

They're fun.

[A]

This is where Omaha Steaks comes in, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you're grilling or see the weather's getting a little nicer now, I feel like it's time Easter people come over. What better way Throw some steaks on, you know what I mean? You got some comfort food. You got your favorite things to cook. Omaha Steaks delivers the world's best experience. They have a USDA certified tender steaks. They have juicy burgers, which you like. Apps.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Actually, a lot more. There's. There's a spring saving event right now and you can get 50 off site wide at Omaha steaks.com plus our listeners get a unbelievable extra $30 off of promo code fly at the checkout.

[B]

Well, you know, I'm, I'm, I like the sound of really a good steak hitting a barbecue that I set you up. This is the side effect king of Hollywood. Quality, quality steaks have that sort of sizzle to them. And you know, you see them getting prepared and they've. If you have quality meat like Omaha Steaks, the flavor and the quality just kind of comes at you. Hello.

[A]

Yeah. Because you can't compete. Everyone's heard the name Omaha Steaks. You know what you're getting. They've got like rich and juicy hams for Easter. You know, it's not just steak. So you can sort of go on the site, snoop around, sniff and snoop and find out what you like. Heartland quality food delivered right to your door.

[B]

Good.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

And for an extra 30 off, use promo code FLY at the checkout. That's 50 off at Omaha Steaks.com and an extra $30 off with promo code fly at checkout. See the site for deets, details. You know, Dana, I saw Mindy Kaling the other night at this little shindig, and it made me think she does a masterclass. You know, that's one of our sponsors. And it reminded me masterclass can really help you. Like, they have great people on there.

[B]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

That's a great stuff.

[A]

You learn from the best. When you take masterclass you got. It's the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow from over 200 plus of the world's best for just under $10 a month that's billed annually. A membership With Masterclass gets you unlimited access to every instructor. And you can do it by phone, you can do it by your computer, smart tv, just. Or even audio. But they have people like big stars. Mindy Kaling, teach about comedy. Find your inner Truth with RuPaul. We got Amy Poehler doing some improv. I mean, it's great stuff.

[B]

Yeah, they're great. I love the way they're laid out. They're all like eight, ten minute videos. It's part of the class. Very simple. You see the person. Yeah. Develop your comedic voice. Mindy Kin would absolutely be great at that. The classes make a difference. Get this. David, just give me a second. 88% of members feel that Master class has made a positive impact on their lives.

[A]

88, very believable. You know, if I'm. If you want to learn something about pretty much anything, you just go on on there and look around and say it doesn't have to be about movies or anything like stupid stuff we do. But you know, you can say, I want to learn how to do this.

[B]

Finance, pretty much everything. Everything in life, cooking, music, filmmaking. Just pretty much everything.

[A]

Plus every new membership comes with a 30 day money back guarantee. Don't wait another minute. Start your learning journey with masterclass. And right now our listeners get an additional 15 off any annual [e-mail] fly that's 15 [e-mail] masterclass.com fly oh, this is so interesting. Now this, this one might be fake, but you've heard of these things that are very real. Heather, have you heard of these? They're called a monolith. And they show up places. They just show up.

[B]

So. Right. And that's kind of an homage to 2001 Space Odyssey. A monolith.

[A]

Someone brings these overnight and they don't know if it's spacecraft or if it's fake, but seems very fake. But how big are these?

[B]

Well, it looks like it's 20, 30ft tall. The monolith in 2001. For the human being that doesn't know is it just. It's. They discovered on the moon and they don't know how it got there. And it's just this. It's clearly not made of moon material.

[A]

Right. It's someone made it man made or.

[B]

Alien or alien made. So this looks alien made. So once again, it could be Stephen Greer if we could just get him on.

[A]

Oh yeah, we should have asked him about that.

[B]

But I would love that it was aliens because they say there's these.

[A]

I mean it was a few years ago. But there's about five of those popped up. And no one knew how they got there. No one.

[B]

Well, here's how what we'll do. Experiment. Because in those days the chimpanzees would go up and touch it. Then the next day they could. They picked up a bone and knew it could be a beat the hell out of a weapon. So we, we take rednecks from rural Mississippi and put them next to that monolith and then come back and give them a calculus test. I don't know.

[A]

Okay, that sounds like a good point.

[B]

And then you give me that calculus test tomorrow.

[A]

By the way, I wouldn't touch it because what if it was like radioactive or something? You never know with monolith.

[B]

I'd let Mikey try it. Hey, Mikey, let Mike touch the monolith.

[A]

Okay, next one. Sure. You're out there yellowstone in it.

[B]

Hey, I'm Kevin Costner in Yellowstone. Cut. All right, what do you think we should do next?

[A]

Are we rolling?

[B]

Listen, listen, we're not. I love that show. It was so. It's so awful. Male. It was just, you know. You want to make something of this? I just love. You know. They're across the fence. You want a piece of me right now? You can have it. Then the other guy talks exactly the same. I'd like a piece of you, but would you like a piece of me?

[A]

A six piece meal of you, Would.

[B]

You like a piece of me? Well, I'm asking you at the same time. Would you like a piece of me? Huh?

[A]

And they both pull out guns and everyone goes, hey, whoa, whoa.

[B]

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Don't take it too far.

[A]

Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

[B]

Hey, this is our land. You can't put bob wire up our land. Well, how about I wrap this barbed wire around your neck? That gonna make you happy?

[A]

You want to take this to the parking lot of a Raiders game? Let's fight.

[B]

You want a tailgate next Sunday with Raiders vs Chargers around my ding a lingy wong.

[A]

Wong who?

[B]

I don't think so part and film.

[A]

It for White Lotus.

[B]

I think we, you and I need to get more alpha in our lives. Yeah, you know, we gotta just walk up to people, you know, with Ralph for dinner. Hey, what are you looking at? Huh? Well, I wasn't looking at anything. I beg to differ.

[A]

You call me nothing.

[B]

You call. You call me.

[A]

That's a real one.

[B]

Really? You got that? You call me?

[A]

I got. What are you looking at? I go, nothing. I go, you're saying I'm nothing? I'm like, let's just. Just beat me up like. I'm not. I don't want to. Let's skip this part.

[B]

Wait, I have to laugh. That's so funny. Are you. Are you saying I'm nothing?

[A]

Yeah, it's really a trap.

[B]

Well, there's nothing. I've always told people there's nothing more dangerous on planet Earth than an insecure man after midnight with alcohol in his belly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are you looking at? Nothing. You're saying I'm nothing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, no, I'm saying you're something.

[A]

You're saying I'm nothing now I'm something. I'm like.

[B]

No, I'm serious now. What were you looking at? You.

[A]

Your wiener. Wait a second.

[B]

Are you saying I'm a wiener?

[A]

Yeah, you gotta give it right back to him and scare him.

[B]

What? What? What are you looking at? I was looking at the dessert menu. You were just in the way. What were you gonna order? Mud pie. Are you saying I'm a mud pie? No.

[A]

No. Yeah, that's what they say. That's how. That's how thin it is. You think I'm a mud pie? Well, no, but if you just want to fight, let's just say that, you.

[B]

Know, I was gonna lemon pie, but you were in the background. You saying I'm lemon meringue? What? Well, yeah, kind of, but not the pie part.

[A]

We. We have to save this energy for ads for an hour and a half after this.

[B]

Well, I think it's funny. You're think I go back to that should be a T shirt. Why? Nothing.

[A]

Are you saying it's such a good answer to start a fight. You're like, oh, God, I really stepped in that one.

[B]

I was on a beach once, and I thought there was dudes over there. I thought one over someone I knew in high school. And the guy did go, what are you looking at?

[A]

And you said, I thought I knew you.

[B]

No, I was laying down on a towel and I looked at what are you looking at? And the guy was way bigger than me, so then I just looked away and pretended it sunscreen more. I didn't want to get into us.

[A]

An argument like, don't say nothing.

[B]

Because if I said you remind me of someone I knew in high.

[A]

Yeah. That might not have gone over just your curves. Yeah, you take sunscreen in that situation, you go. The guy goes, oh.

[B]

Well, I was. I was walking down the street and I had the earplugs, and I was listening to, you know, my iPhone music. A guy stopped me and go, What? Are you listening? That too. And you said nothing. He said, are you saying I'm nothing? Well, why doesn't it make sense?

[A]

You're not even in my ear.

[B]

It was actually.

[A]

You're saying what you're listening to is nothing?

[B]

No, it was the Rolling Stones. You're saying I'm like some kind of stone that rolls. No, it's a band. A band from the 60s.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Then I said, I know a guy whose nickname is Dandelion. I wouldn't mess with me.

[A]

Yeah, don't mess with dandelion at the McDonald's. That's where I got in the fight.

[B]

Up.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, let's do one more.

[B]

One more.

[A]

I guess we'll say one more.

[B]

I got punchy enough at that point. Nothing. I'll never get over. I won't get over that.

[A]

What are we even watching?

[B]

A rock and a cave.

[A]

Oh, is a bee. Wait, hang on. The bees sense fear. This is a guy. Oh, this is a guy bringing bees down.

[B]

And because he's not afraid, they won't sting him out of a bee.

[A]

Is that honey?

[B]

Yeah, honey that's like as big as.

[A]

Oh. Oh, my God, he's eating them.

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, don't do that to him. By the way, if you. They start singing you now, there's no going back. You might as well finish the bit.

[B]

So they're saying, if you're not fearful, they won't sting you. And they can sense fear.

[A]

If they like being bullied like this, though, why are they going in his shirt? That.

[B]

That's down his shirt. He's eating them. He's bathing in them.

[A]

Bees are like, we'll go along with this, but don't stuff us in your pockets.

[B]

I'm just. What if. Is this real?

[A]

Well, I don't think it's smart because when I get stung by bee, I usually don't know it. I just see it lands on me and stings me. And I have not even chanced to be scared, so.

[B]

Right. So that defeats the premise of he's.

[A]

Got a couple for the road with him. Those are big.

[B]

Maybe he's built up to some kind of immunity that even. They're stinging him like crazy, but he just doesn't.

[A]

Maybe they're filming Jackass.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I. I sometimes out in the garden here, I'll just get turtles or. Or snails, and I'll just kind of put them all over me.

[A]

In your pockets.

[B]

And they don't bite. No, you don't have to yawn on my stuff.

[A]

No, I'm Going.

[B]

Are you saying my story's nothing?

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

About snails.

[A]

You saying my turtle story is.

[B]

I'm saying your special is not called Dandelion. I. I say that that's a. That's not gonna work.

[A]

Dandelion.

[B]

Yes. I love it.

[A]

Oh, Coachella's this weekend and next weekend, and Fyre Fest, they're saying it might be another scream.

[B]

Fire Fest is actually coming out, and that's the one that was completely made up. And.

[A]

And the guy's doing all this. They're gonna put it Mexico. And then when people try to log on or someone asks Mexico. And they're like, we know nothing about this. We have no permits. And everyone goes.

[B]

And they've already.

[A]

They moved it again. And this guy in the news yesterday was trying to get tickets online, and he's like, one is a million dollar ticket, and you get really everything. All the cheese sandwiches you want. And there's no lineup. You cannot do this twice. You cannot.

[B]

The same guys doing it.

[A]

Same guy. And you can't fool me twice. Shame on me. Fool me twice, gun you down. That's what it should be.

[B]

Yeah, I just made it with Bernie Madoff Jr. Yeah. Yeah, it's this guy.

[A]

I hope it's real. I'm not saying it's fake yet. I'm just saying it's starting to have an aroma and he better fix it. You can't say it's at, like, Punta Minta. And then it's like, all right, I.

[B]

Just got an alert.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

What's that guy's name?

[A]

Billy something.

[B]

Billy Some says, can you and David come down to Fyre Fest in Mexico? It's in a few weeks. I'd love to have you guys.

[A]

You can be every act.

[B]

I hear you play the guitar and David can dance. Would you be mind also performing as a form of the Everly Brothers?

[A]

And can you guys do eight and a half hours?

[B]

I texted David's mom and she said, I'll get the sun in, dude. And doo doo. I'm just getting punchy now we're getting punch.

[A]

That's all right. Stay tuned for ads. No, we'll. Okay, we'll end up there.

[B]

We did a great happens. We'll see what happens.

[A]

We'll give you more on that story next week.

[B]

And remember, stay safe out there and try to ride the wave and make sure have fun every day. Something like that.

[A]

Thanks for watching and we'll see you next time.

[B]

See you next time, folks.

[A]

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey. Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.