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David Spade
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Dana Carvey
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David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
Okay. Your best look. Okay. Show them what that look is and then look back at me.
David Spade
You poked it pretty hard. You got it.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. Well, I had to mime it.
David Spade
It's comedy.
Dana Carvey
Well, here we are. You can see our whole bodies. It's not an illusion or.
David Spade
It's not.
Dana Carvey
Are we dream boats? No. Are we. Have we been on a boat?
David Spade
At least we're not the same person that everyone accuses us. Yeah, I was going through the comments, Dana, and just blocking people and. No, I didn't.
Dana Carvey
I go through other podcast comments and pretend they're about me.
David Spade
I compare comments of other YouTubes and go, oh, the people hated them. They're pretty nice to us. That's good.
Dana Carvey
My wife leads a little comment. She, you know, that types it out every day. So I get comments on how I was.
David Spade
Oh, she does. On the fridge.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. It's like comments. It's called.
David Spade
Called your performance and said that one guy looks stupid. You're like, was that about me, honey? It's funny. So, Dana, I was on the road. I know you're. You were on the road by my stories about the. What's it. What's the tour called? Oh, yeah, I got a feel for it.
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
David Spade
So I was on the tour. It just started. We did New Jersey.
Dana Carvey
New Jersey.
David Spade
And we did Boston.
Dana Carvey
Okay.
David Spade
And then. And I got some coming up in Omaha, Des moines and what? St. Louis. Oh, that'll be great. God. Home of Nikki Glazier. I know. It is a fucking grind. And America, you know, I'm the biggest pussy. So please come out, because to get on stage, to limp on stage after all the travel I know, is like, for the day. Do you want me to still do my act? I just want to get there and touch the mic and go, I did it. Let's go. But when I hear the roar of the crowd.
Dana Carvey
You've been everywhere, man.
David Spade
So here's what happens, Danny.
Dana Carvey
All right.
David Spade
So you would blow your brain down or.
Dana Carvey
Which flight?
David Spade
The hike. Heather went on this one. I was with Dan Levy, Kathryn Blandford. Heather went to just sort of supervise the children. So we go all the way out there, we get one of these first class. Right. But, you know, they kind of, you know, planes more than. I should have checked with you. It's not the one that they say it's like a little small apartment.
Dana Carvey
Well, no, it's domestic.
David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
So it's very rarely a wide body, you know. Do you know the difference between a wide body?
David Spade
I do not.
Dana Carvey
Narrow body.
David Spade
Is it a seven?
Dana Carvey
Two and two. Not two, three and two Seats, that is.
David Spade
Wait, so it's two on the outside, three in the middle.
Dana Carvey
Can be how? Depending on how they configure it. So you're probably on a max, one of those ones that tend to go. But it's all right.
David Spade
Super max, super crash. So I went on and I was in first. Because sometimes I do coach. Somebody's in first. This leg lingo goes to sleep. I did this is, like I said, in first, but it was so squinchy. I couldn't really camp out in there. It was pretty basic. So it's just eight hours of reading Us magazine and my monitor was on the fritz. My tv, they're like, oh, yeah. And I go. And my WI fi doesn't work. So I'm really raw dogging it. How long can I read the barf bag?
Dana Carvey
Well, I have a fear of flying. And what's great is on some flights, I try to get on the WI fi. And I try for, like, four hours. That's the first flight. We'll be landing shortly. And all I did the entire flight was try to get the WI fi.
David Spade
More like tri fi. When I get on it, it goes, credit card. This isn't your. Everything didn't match. And I'm. And they're like, we're almost there, folks.
Dana Carvey
You're wrestling with a robot. I mean, I want to give them my money.
David Spade
No, here's the thing. The WI fi works when you sign up for it and you pay. Oh, it works perfectly. Then suddenly it's on the fritz. Then it can't do anything. I'm like, how did the money get there so fast?
Dana Carvey
I don't get. I don't get. I don't get on WI fi when I want to pay is what I'm trying to say.
David Spade
Anyway, I pay for it, and then it won't go through.
Dana Carvey
No, I know. That's the worst. Okay. That's the double worse.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
I'm rat.
Dana Carvey
So you.
David Spade
So there I am. There I am in beautiful New Jersey. So I walk around, do a few bits, you know, on the street, just to warm up.
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
David Spade
Anyway, show's fun, great crowd. Next day. This is where it gets complex. Dana, stay close.
Dana Carvey
I'm listening.
David Spade
I have to take a ghetto little puddle jumper to go. It's only like a 39 minute flight, right?
Dana Carvey
So it's a puddle jumper.
David Spade
Well, like a smaller plane, you'd hate. You'd hate, hate it.
Dana Carvey
I've been on every plane.
David Spade
It's not props, but it's a little skinny one. And now where I go, it'll be fun if we're on coach together, Jam together. So I get on and they go, oh, you should get on first. You know, let's get on first. Bad idea. You get on first to give the. So you have luggage room, Right? You've never been in coach. I should have showed. I should have taken.
Dana Carvey
I started out in coach for years.
David Spade
Oh, you've been there. You remember?
Dana Carvey
Yes.
David Spade
So I get my bags up. Now I'm squinched. And now we start the taxi. I have a show that night. So you get a little itchy. Like, let's go, let's taxi. Let's get this thing right.
Dana Carvey
Right.
David Spade
So I'm like, are we driving there? There. I'm like, hey, there's the airport. No, we're driving over here.
Dana Carvey
Taxiing.
David Spade
We're taxing for one hour.
Dana Carvey
You would have really. One hour.
David Spade
Yep. And then we're sitting there, and I'm like, everyone closes their window on the plane. That's a new thing. Open. I want to see where I am in the world. Oh, we're still on the Runway. We're about five feet from the gate. And then after an hour, and people are, you know, they're putting their stuff in their butts in my face. I'm like, I don't really care about coach. This one was so tight. And so these tight butts in front of me. So I go, okay. And then they go, hey, it's your captain. We got a snafu up. Snap. What?
Dana Carvey
Snafu.
David Spade
Snafu up here. And he goes, we got nine computers, and eight of them are working, but the other one, I go, go for it. Like, I'm like, I don't care. Eight's fine. I don't know what the ninth one does. I'm gambling it doesn't do a lot, but if we got eight that are pumping it out, working hard. And so he goes, we're just going to go back to the gate and check it out.
Dana Carvey
Back to the gate. That's a. That's a real.
David Spade
And you know. And you know you're fucked. When he goes, actually, we're going to have you grab yourself and get off the plane just while we figure this out.
Dana Carvey
Oh, well, that's. That's better. Because sometimes you sit on the plane, maintenance going to check it out. So you see you got an orange jumpsuit with a wrench, goes into the cockpit, comes out, he's sweating, and he's shaking his head like this as he.
David Spade
Walks out, and he goes, get off.
Dana Carvey
I'm not giving a lot of confidence. He's got, I don't know, socket ranch.
David Spade
He's going, is it righty tighty, lefty loosey?
Dana Carvey
I don't know, man.
David Spade
So I get off, and I feel better that I'm off, but I go, we got to rent a car and go. You know, we got to just go, because my flights, you know, I got to get to Boston. I cannot disappoint my.
Dana Carvey
You went for the car thing.
David Spade
So we start calling a car. And then they go, it looks like we found a plane. We're going to get on in a half hour. I go, it's cutting close. And then they go, well, our planes, it's. It's. It's leaving from Charlotte soon. I'm like, oh, so it's not here. So what was that story? So we see a pilot and we go, dude, cut the bullshit. Give it to me. Right down the. Right down the middle. Is this plane going to take off or should I get in that car? He goes, I'm one of the pilots. They usually. If they say a plane's coming, we're going. I'm like, okay, because our window's closed now for a car. So we wait. About an hour later, they load us up. Hour of taxiing, get there Beep, bop, boop, bop bop, beep. This and that, that and this. Run on stage. Crush, crush, kill. Crush, crush, crush.
Dana Carvey
Standing. Oh, standing. Okay. Kill, kill, crush.
David Spade
Jumping.
Dana Carvey
Kill, kill, kill, kill.
David Spade
Everyone's shooting off bottle rockets, rolling candles. Anyway, great show worked out. And that's a story that could have been 20 seconds.
Dana Carvey
I have a 20 second one. So my wife and I are in Paris. Metaphorical cigar. We don't travel ever. And we're going on an A380. It's like a, you know, basically a shopping mall with wings. It's so huge. And they drive you out in this car and they're playing music. And we go up on the gangway and it's French. It's Air France. So guys like Mauricio Vallier. For you older folks, Mauricio Valley. He's just a charming French guy and he meets us. We are pretty much probably going to take off, but right now we have a mes problem. So I suggest you go back to your lounge and come later. So guess what? They fixed it and we went. And I was not happy on the climb out.
David Spade
The climb out is that when you leave and go like that.
Dana Carvey
Well, once It's. The first 20 seconds are the most dangerous part of a flight. So you just, you know, you just wait. If you go to two minutes, the odds go to 20 million to one. So I allow myself to be nervous after how long?
David Spade
Two minutes.
Dana Carvey
I ask my. I allow myself to be nervous for two minutes. I count from one to 120, back to zero, and then I just go, fuck it. Yeah. And then this is before I go to the airport, though. Sorry, good night.
Kevin Nealon
Boom.
David Spade
But that's it. So I did that. Got back, my voice was a little low. And we had Larry David today. And I go, he better not think I'm sick. He will flip the out. I'm not sick guy. It's called being super tough. That's what he does.
Dana Carvey
I don't think he's phobic because afterwards he was so great. I just spit my palm in front of him. Put it there, pal.
David Spade
Yeah, he did. Yeah.
Dana Carvey
It's a big handshake.
David Spade
He wanted to wrestle out there. I'm like, wrestle? I don't wrestle. He's like, no, just grapple around a little bit. Take our shirts off.
Dana Carvey
I go, he gave me the whiskers like my dad. He got on top of me and he's like rubbing it.
David Spade
Oh, that's funny. You know the most embarrassing part of that is when you get a boner.
Dana Carvey
This nothing this did not happen with our friend Larry David. No, no, it didn't happen. This is Jerry Seinfeld coming into Super Flight just to say no.
David Spade
He was great, though. But he's on. He's on fly on the wall right now.
Dana Carvey
He's literally on as we speak. He's on there. And he was. He had two.
David Spade
Two purple nurple.
Dana Carvey
He had two tomato boom booms at the Desperate Sponge. I've done these Carson things for years.
David Spade
It's working.
Dana Carvey
I've got Desperate Sponge and I have not been able to beat it. But I have one I'm going to try right now in Superfly. That doesn't beat it, but for some reason, it really makes me laugh. I had two double deckeries at Banana Dan's.
David Spade
At the Prickly.
Dana Carvey
Banana Dan's is funny, right?
David Spade
I know. That's a quicker one because Aaron. No, it's funny.
Dana Carvey
Sorry.
David Spade
Listen, by the way, it sounds chaotic, but we have our buds coming in here to jump in and join for the news because we're. I just like, I'm more amazed. Even though our stories are dumb, I'm more amazed we're both sitting here and we get to show our whole hands and buy. It's fun, right?
Dana Carvey
We showing our legs, feet, hands.
David Spade
You get to see the carry Underwood calves I got going on here.
Dana Carvey
I'll just say it. Gap. Brooks. Brooks.
David Spade
Oh, yeah.
Dana Carvey
Dana Daniel, 10 years old. Or Banana Republic. Banana Republic. Stolen Levi, whole outfit. This little cutie. Whoops.
David Spade
Oh, don't give yourself lace.
Dana Carvey
Don't be jealous. It's solid with a solid diamond.
David Spade
Oh, it's a Rolex. No, I have one good watch. And our mystery guest is coming down the stairs. One of our old buddies.
Dana Carvey
Oh, this is fun. We do have a mystery guest.
David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
Okay, so we're not going to advertise. We've not. We've not advertised our guests. And shooters. Oh, no, Carol, you might not be.
David Spade
Here in a minute. Title. Yeah. As we stare at the door now like two puppies.
Dana Carvey
Brooke Shields is.
David Spade
Oh, I tell. We got to get Brooke Shields on.
Dana Carvey
She's great. I flew with her once.
David Spade
I hear Heather yeasting in the hallway.
Dana Carvey
It's our mystery guest. Hey, interesting.
David Spade
We're going, Kev, so just come sit down or whatever.
Dana Carvey
She's rolling. You're just walking into television. Careful.
David Spade
This is like the Tonight Show. Let's bring out our first guest. Hey, what's. Good to see you, bud?
Dana Carvey
There it is. Kevin Nealon.
Kevin Nealon
I brought you guys a little.
David Spade
Oh, my God. That's the first time I Brought us something. Whoa. Anyone try these chairs?
Dana Carvey
I said Kevin is.
David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
Is a properly sized one for one. I told him to give you space.
David Spade
Yeah, they got a box of groceries for some reason over there. All right, you're fine. So what is this stuff? Let me see.
Kevin Nealon
That is. It's a little cream puffs.
David Spade
Dana, I'm a little bit of a spendy Susie.
Dana Carvey
A boozy Susie and a spendy Susie.
David Spade
Yeah, I'm more of a boozy Susie, but.
Dana Carvey
Yeah, you are. You are a spendy indie spender. Yeah.
David Spade
And a lot of our listeners are nice enough to write in and say you look like you drank a lot and slept on your face. But that's just constructive criticism.
Dana Carvey
Well, it's very concise and you don't really drink very much. I'll tell the fans.
David Spade
But just puffy. This is where Klarna comes in. Klarna is your everyday smarter spending partner, which is what a lot of people need. A lot of my friends definitely need it. It allows you to make smarter decisions with your money and it's sometimes good to have a partner like that.
Dana Carvey
And I'll say it again. Klarna, which I assume is Swedish, Klarna is your smarter everyday spending partner.
David Spade
Shoppers can use Klarna's pay in for product to split their purchase into four interest free payments.
Dana Carvey
That's right. Here's some key takeaways. Listen up, brother. Klarna offers a pay in for product where you don't have to pay interest. I think that's a good thing.
David Spade
You can pay with Klarna at merchant checkout in the Klarna app or with the Klarna card.
Dana Carvey
You can also compare prices at your favorite stores and earn cash back when you shop in the app.
David Spade
They're making effortless for in app shoppers to get more value from every purchase. So choose Klarna your favorite retailers or shop now@klarna.com CA resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California Finance Law License NMLS number 1353190.
Dana Carvey
Klarna balance account required. Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, terms and conditions apply.
David Spade
I'm just going to do.
Dana Carvey
I'm just gonna say it. It's a Klarna summer so you know.
David Spade
Dana, there's a lot of smash burgers out there. I don't know if you eat or eat food. I don't know.
Dana Carvey
But no, I'll have my, my burgers. Yeah, like a good burger once in a while. Not every day for me.
David Spade
But no, I agree. You can't do it. I get too fat too fast. Nobody wants to see the muffin top the jelly roll. So that's. But, but I tell you once in a while a good a Smash burger is hard to describe but it's sort of like crispy, beefy, smashed down. You know what I'm talking about? Does this make sense to you?
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
David Spade
Are you listening?
Dana Carvey
The burger is smashed and down and made kind of thin.
David Spade
Thank you.
Dana Carvey
With a caramelized.
David Spade
Anyway, these Omaha steaks, they have them. I have a lot of stuff from Omaha steaks in the old fridge right now. So Smash burgers at home are great because they also give you a lot of seasoning, a lot of things you know when they, when you get it so you can get all these extras with it. So Smash, there are 100 extra age beef that doesn't fall apart when you flip them. I'm extra strong, but they still don't.
Dana Carvey
This will make you happy. They're pre smashed.
David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
So they're not going to fall apart. But yeah. Right now you get 16 free in the built for the grill pack at Omaha steaks.com smash that's right.
David Spade
Get out that bold beefy flavor. Also they have a lot of, you know, they have steaks, they have chicken, they have a lot of different. It's not just steaks. Just so you know. I don't know if you knew this. They also have like desserts. What do we have? Heather apple fritters, french fries, hot dogs, chicken. And it's all high quality. Obviously Omaha steaks you've heard of forever. And if you're at home and you want something as good as when you're out or better, you know that's the place to go. They get five generations of uncompromising quality backed by an unconditional 100% money back guarantee. It's been America's original butcher since 1917. I bet you didn't know that they deliver you premium quality steaks. Like I said, seafood, even dessert, easy to prepare comfort food. You got some taste buds. Get in on this. Get ready to smash expectations with new Omaha Steaks. Smash Burgers. Visit Omaha Steaks.com smash and order the built for the grill pack with 16 free smash burgers.
Dana Carvey
That's 16 free Omaha steak smash burgers at Omaha Steaks.com smash seaside for details.
David Spade
We just shows clips from the Internet. We'll see.
Dana Carvey
Right now I would not join a.
David Spade
Modern day hunting party of men because.
Dana Carvey
The question is a hundred men versus one full grown silverback gorilla. No chance There are People out there.
David Spade
Like this that are saying that 100.
Dana Carvey
Guys would win and no, no, they wouldn't.
David Spade
I don't know. Just flat out, no. A gorilla's skin, you can't bite through it.
Dana Carvey
Their bones, somewhere between.
David Spade
There goes my plan.
Dana Carvey
Learn that the hard way as ours.
Kevin Nealon
Their hand, like their grip, you can.
David Spade
Taco, that could make you jizz in two seconds.
Kevin Nealon
You know, if they came at him one at a time, this is what you're fighting. They wouldn't win. The gorilla would win. But I think if they all jumped on him at the same time and poked his eyes out.
David Spade
Yeah. I think that the trick is the eyes are the nuts.
Dana Carvey
I think if the gorilla just put its giant arms down, just sat back and went, go ahead. Your best shot. Sorry, substitute Yoda. How do you do a gorilla talking, Kevin?
Kevin Nealon
Well, here's what you were onto. Something. Spotty was onto something. You take the balls and you shove them in the eye sockets. You cannot see through balls. You cannot see through balls.
Dana Carvey
So then he's blinded.
David Spade
You can't see through line. I'll tell you that.
Dana Carvey
What did Franz say about a gorilla?
Kevin Nealon
Well, you know, let me tell you something, Hans. You know, there's no maths for us. You know, you get us in the jungle and we just go crazy.
Dana Carvey
You know, humans were not a primitive primate.
David Spade
You don't need 100, you need two. You, two, Hans and Franz, you have no.
Kevin Nealon
How many guys would it take, though, to take down a. Let's say a chipmunk? Let's start with a chipmunk.
David Spade
Yeah, a chipmunk.
Dana Carvey
Ground squad first.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
And then you work up this guy. Here's what happened. You're right, Kevin. The strategy is I'd start with a push fight. Just let that. Let the gorilla get a feel for him, you know?
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
Okay. He is pretty strong.
Dana Carvey
Yes. What do you look at?
David Spade
His skin is tough. Okay. And then I'd tell everyone else to go first because he's gonna get winded. I mean, if he's just plowing through guys, it's hard. You need everyone to go at once. Like, go. And then everyone grab an arm or something. It's just. But it's too tough.
Kevin Nealon
It is too tough. Well, you know, they say to get rid of a shark, you just punch him in the nose.
David Spade
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
So maybe that works with a gorilla, too.
David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
How about this guy?
Kevin Nealon
I think we should try it.
Dana Carvey
One foot or maybe 18 inches of water. Or maybe two feet of water. Great white and a gorilla fighting in two feet of water.
Kevin Nealon
Okay. I got the plan?
David Spade
Where's Mr. Beast?
Kevin Nealon
I got the plan right here.
David Spade
He'll put this together.
Kevin Nealon
I don't know why we didn't think about this earlier. You have some kind of ether, and you put it over his nose and mouth and knock him out with the ether. With a bag of a cloth ether. Put it over, and then he's out. And you just stomp on him.
Dana Carvey
I guess I'd say 100 guys all with chainsaws. 100 guys with chainsaws versus the gorilla.
Kevin Nealon
I guess they're saying you can't use any kind of weapon.
David Spade
Yeah, I would think. You don't even have to say that.
Dana Carvey
Please. This is new rules. Okay, people.
David Spade
Okay.
Dana Carvey
100 guys. I can't. Sorry.
David Spade
Okay.
Dana Carvey
Okay.
David Spade
Is this worth it? Let me see. Mathematician who refused to accept a Fields.
Dana Carvey
Medal and the one million dollar clay prize.
David Spade
Yeah. He wins a prize and they give him a million.
Dana Carvey
That looks like Bill Hader in makeup, right?
Kevin Nealon
What is a million dollar clay prize?
David Spade
I don't know. Play it. Let's see if it's worth the. Oh. He's not interested in money or fame. I don't want to be on display like an animal at the zoo. I'm not a hero to mathematics. Finally.
Dana Carvey
You're disturbing me. I'm picking mushrooms.
David Spade
Oh, yeah.
Dana Carvey
This guy's just a prize and he just rejects it. Is that.
David Spade
Yeah, he's old school. He's like, I just do math, dude. Get out. I'm not. I'm not trying to be in Goodwill, honey.
Kevin Nealon
Man, I. You have any. What are your favorite heroes of mathematics?
David Spade
Oh, I've got a lot.
Dana Carvey
You got to start with Newton.
Kevin Nealon
You got to start with Newton.
David Spade
You got to start with my car.
Dana Carvey
He is Isaac Newton.
Kevin Nealon
And if we knew another mathematician, we would say Einstein.
Dana Carvey
Carl Marx was an incredible at arithmetic.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, yeah. And a great comedian, too.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. He had an abacus.
David Spade
I'm okay. Thanks for running over.
Kevin Nealon
Were you good at math in. In high school?
David Spade
I was very good at math.
Dana Carvey
This guy's a whiz kid.
David Spade
I was a whiz kid, but, yeah, you know, I got out of it. I think I hit a wall. Something stupid like geometry didn't click with me.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. Yeah.
David Spade
All my scholarships went down the drain.
Dana Carvey
That was. The only one I was good at was geometry.
David Spade
Oh, Meep, mop, square peg.
Kevin Nealon
I like that the best because I'm good with pictures, you know?
David Spade
Oh, yeah.
Kevin Nealon
But there's numbers. I'm not good with pictures. Yeah.
Dana Carvey
Were you good at multiple choice?
Kevin Nealon
Yes. For the sag.
Dana Carvey
Can I give you one.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
Okay. What doesn't belong here? Apple? Pear? Banana?
Kevin Nealon
Tank, what kind of banana is it? Shaquita. This is a trick question.
David Spade
Yeah, it is.
Kevin Nealon
Is Tank the name of a fruit?
David Spade
Kevin was shocked when he said if math was more pictures than numbers, he would have been great. I would have turns out it so much, it's more numbers, I think.
Dana Carvey
What's your top five worries in just your personal life? Is climate change in the mix?
David Spade
Kevin, is your number one worry?
Kevin Nealon
You're set in the COVID My. My number one worry is that gorilla.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. Is it?
David Spade
If it's that gorilla they showed, I would be scared. But go ahead.
Kevin Nealon
How about a thousand men trying to take it down?
David Spade
How about me taking on a hundred gorillas and let's see what the fuck's going on.
Kevin Nealon
You're talking.
Dana Carvey
How about one gorilla?
Kevin Nealon
Well, I think, you know, the top five worries, I think for everybody is. Except for spade. Is financial. Yeah. And then health. Right, Right.
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
And then your car.
Dana Carvey
They always say invest wisely.
David Spade
And then bags under your eyes.
Kevin Nealon
Bag eyes.
David Spade
That's one of mine.
Kevin Nealon
And then any kind of rat.
David Spade
Thanks. Comments?
Dana Carvey
Carpal tunnel.
David Spade
Did you.
Dana Carvey
Honestly. No joke. Did you sleep on your face last night?
David Spade
Someone called me a pound puppy.
Dana Carvey
That's what people say. I'm sorry.
David Spade
You know those old pound puppies? They have dogs with big, droopy, baggy eyes.
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
David Spade
I'm going to Brad Pitt's guy and I'm going to say, take a samurai. Do whatever you like.
Kevin Nealon
Why Brad Pitt does. He has.
David Spade
Yeah, I. I don't think he just looks good. If anyone looks good, I want to.
Kevin Nealon
Do you use a CPAP machine at night?
David Spade
Do I?
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
I do not. Do you want me to?
Kevin Nealon
It's kind of fun.
David Spade
What does it help?
Kevin Nealon
It helps if you're snoring or if you wake up with sleep apnea or you gasping.
Dana Carvey
You know you have it.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, you'll wake up.
David Spade
I do it. Yeah, I do.
Dana Carvey
You wake up and you're gasping.
David Spade
Yeah, I do that. Oh.
Dana Carvey
What if you wake up and you're kind of like, that was a sexy dream. You don't have apnea, right?
Kevin Nealon
No, no.
David Spade
Have you ever waken up with a boner? Let's look at a clip.
Kevin Nealon
Not mine.
David Spade
That's me, by the way.
Dana Carvey
Like these two guys. Because we just sit here together. Like Kevin's rhythm comedically and yours just. There's symmetry there. I mean, yeah, it's kind of nice.
David Spade
But who came different but.
Dana Carvey
Oh, Kevin, by the way, we can mention here. Mention Later, Kevin is shooting a special.
Kevin Nealon
Yes.
Dana Carvey
At the Irvine Improv. Great room.
Kevin Nealon
Great room.
Dana Carvey
Incredible.
David Spade
What are the dates?
Kevin Nealon
The date's going to be May 10th. May 10th, Saturday at the Urban Improv and I.
Dana Carvey
You know, two shows.
Kevin Nealon
Two shows. 6 and 8. 30.
Dana Carvey
Irvine Improvine.
Kevin Nealon
Tickets are going very quickly.
David Spade
Low ticket warning.
Dana Carvey
Low ticket warning.
David Spade
No. Irvine does fill up and it's such a good comedy crowd.
Dana Carvey
They're really good.
David Spade
Yeah. People should check this out because Kevin, I've been watching for years and years and always guaranteed funny. I see you doing even practice sets of the improv killing.
Dana Carvey
Kevin Yan is everybody's. All the comedians know. He's one of the all time great.
David Spade
Everybody's friends, favorite comedian now, you know, they say Nate Bragazi goes, I'm everyone's mother's favorite comedian.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah, right.
Dana Carvey
Is this. Do you feel like you're at the top of your game coming in? I'm at the top of my game like an athlete.
Kevin Nealon
I'm at the top of my game. And it is downhill after this, I'll tell you that. But I'm telling you, I've been working a lot on the road lately, and I'm gotta be honest with you, I'm kind of funny. I'm kind of funny.
David Spade
Oh, you are?
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. And I can't wait to do this, actually. I'm really. You know, I used to. I did other specials before and I was kind of worried about it. You know, do the exact same thing each show. But now I'm just going in. I'm having fun.
David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
It's such a mind thing if you.
Kevin Nealon
It is a mind.
Dana Carvey
Let's keep talking.
Kevin Nealon
Okay?
David Spade
Keep talking.
Dana Carvey
So we're talking about Kevin. Special tickets are going very, very fast.
David Spade
Irvine improv.
Dana Carvey
May 10th. Irvine improv. And he's at the top of his game. It is like an athletic thing.
Kevin Nealon
St. I got to tell you this. I've been doing a lot of research on specials and I've talked to Dane about this and I've been going on Netflix. By the way, there's like a thousand specials on Netflix, so I don't think they're specials anymore. So I'm looking at different backdrops that people are using to get an idea. And then I came across yours. And I thought, well, let me hear what Spade does in his act in the beginning. Let me see how he gets into it. And you did a bit. That was exactly the bit I was gonna do in the beginning.
Dana Carvey
Oh, really?
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. And I thought, oh, my God. That was like my. That was coming out of the gate, get him on my side, and then I could just cruise for the rest of the show.
David Spade
Okay, you can still do that.
Dana Carvey
And what is the bit?
Kevin Nealon
The bit is I just do a truncated. But he really milks it. He's got a better way of doing it. But I say. So I'm outside, right? I'm out in front of the club, and I'm talking to this woman. I don't know who she is, fan. And she's one of these people who likes to announce that she's a hugger before she hugs you.
David Spade
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Kevin Nealon
Cause I'm a hugger. And I said, well, I'm a kisser. She wasn't a hugger anymore. And then I go on, but. So I'm watching Spade's thing.
David Spade
It's a good quickie.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, shit.
Dana Carvey
Is that in your special?
David Spade
It was kind of. Cause it was during COVID It was, I'm a hugger.
Kevin Nealon
And then she goes, she's an ass grabber.
David Spade
And all that. She didn't say so.
Dana Carvey
Just absolute. Sometimes it happens parallel.
David Spade
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
I mean, there's so many comedians out there now. I mean, people are. A lot of comics are doing the same hunks, same topics. And I'm going through these things. I'm thinking, okay, gotta get rid of.
David Spade
That, gotta get rid of that, gotta.
Kevin Nealon
Get rid of that.
David Spade
No one sees it. It's your spin on it. Because back when we started, everyone had a 711 joke at McDonald's. But then I was, like, listening to Dennis Miller, and I'm like, well, he's not a hack. He's doing all of them, but he just does his version of it. So as long as it's your version of each joke, who cares?
Kevin Nealon
Well, I like the way you did my version of it.
David Spade
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
Really well.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. You know, I remember that night you went and saw Kevin at the store. And you go, he was really funny. This opener was great.
David Spade
And I said, I have no ideas for a special. Then I saw him, and I go.
Kevin Nealon
I have a lot.
Dana Carvey
And then you said, all of a sudden you had a new act. But you. You said you saw him there, and then you also saw him at the ice.
David Spade
No, I just did one. But you're gonna. Dana was telling you about shots. Dana wasn't happy with his shots.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah, he liked the cowboy shot.
David Spade
And so you try to go loose. Even this is like. It's. It's. It's really nothing, but it's kind of important. Well, let's like to show both of us. So it's Just like a. More of a bullshit.
Dana Carvey
Let's let them in on the. What the cowboy shot is. This is like. It started with Steve Allen, I think, or Carson comes out for the monologue. If he had a pair of six shooters, you'd still see the bottom of the guns. So it's sort of like mid, upper thigh. And also then if you gesture like. So I went to Nova Scotia. You could still see the hands in the frame.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah, yeah. It's white.
Dana Carvey
So that's the shot you want to stay on most of the time. The special I did, for some reason, they didn't. They had eight cameras. They didn't have that shot. They had head to toe or here or here, tight. And here is good for horror films, but for comedy, it's editorialized scene. And when it's that Jimmy Kimmel, Fallon, they all do Colbert, they all do that cowboy shot.
Kevin Nealon
You should be a cinematographer. You're so good. Well, noticing those things, thinking of that.
Dana Carvey
I know I can't help.
David Spade
Well, when you. There's always a shot of sweating, like.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, yeah, yeah.
David Spade
Some comic. You're like, oh, this guy's working.
Kevin Nealon
I think just the title alone will bring people to my show.
Dana Carvey
Okay, what's the title?
Kevin Nealon
Loosen the Crotch.
David Spade
Loosen the crotch.
Kevin Nealon
Loosen the crotch.
David Spade
Hilarious.
Kevin Nealon
Mostly I like it.
Dana Carvey
I'm doing one too. It's called what's Up, Bitch? Oh, yeah?
David Spade
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
And who is she?
Dana Carvey
I'm trying to stop yours, David. If your special wasn't Dandelion, what was it going to be?
David Spade
It was going to be in between benching.
Kevin Nealon
That's good.
Dana Carvey
Actually, a friend of mine, Larry Bubbles Brown, is like, just very funny. That was where I got the line from. He wanted to name my special. Don't laugh, bitch, you're next.
David Spade
I don't want to know.
Dana Carvey
Well, it's such a. Such a painting a picture of something.
Kevin Nealon
You're just called Danalane. Yeah, that's a great title. That's like Chris Rock's, you know, tambourine.
David Spade
I don't mind one word. It's kind of vague. And it really kind of means. Because in one of my bits, I say, I almost got in a fight at McDonald's. And I say, guys, I can't get in a fight. I'm a bit of a dandelion. I look tough on tv, but I will. I will break easy. And then I couldn't think of a title.
Kevin Nealon
But that's good too. Cause you could kind of refer back to us. Well, that's. You know, when I did Dandelion, you know, as opposed to. That's when I did loosen the crotch. It's not the same.
Dana Carvey
Don't you love when people refer to shows they do and truncate it? I knew a guy, worked on Saved by the Bell, and he'd wanted it to seem more fancy. Goes. Yeah, that was when I was working on Bell, you know.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
And, you know, sabd.
Kevin Nealon
It's like Curb youb Enthusiasm.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. We worked on Bella, you know.
David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
But, you know, I was working on Dandy. You know, that was my dad.
David Spade
I know Curb Enthusiasm went down to curve, but it could have fished. It's easier than saying, I worked on enthusiasm. You tighten it that way.
Dana Carvey
It's hard to do that. I don't know if they'd go Feld. Yeah. We had a show called Feld Seinfeld.
Kevin Nealon
You guys are two of the people I think I could sit and listen to the most and enjoy, like, a conversation like in a booth at a diner. Not. Not separately. That would be hard.
Dana Carvey
Right? Because you need to.
David Spade
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
You know.
Dana Carvey
Well, you know, in Russia, because a guy. Russian friend of mine said, this is that guy. If they go for vodka, they always get a third. So they never have two guys going out. It's almost intrinsically kind of romantic. Just two guys alone. What do you. Wife. What do you like? What woman to do, you know? So they get a third. So right now we're in a third. So.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
If you say something funny, you might have two people laughing. If I say something funny, I probably have two people laughing and then people in the background laughing really hard as well. Now, if.
Kevin Nealon
David, that's the same policy I have for a threesome.
David Spade
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
You know what I mean? You don't want one on one.
David Spade
I did have a threesome.
Dana Carvey
I've ever done a two and a half.
Kevin Nealon
You've had a threesome?
David Spade
I had one recently in college.
Kevin Nealon
Did I tell you this recently? Wouldn't you just graduate in college?
David Spade
Okay. It was me, my buddy and this other guy. Okay, listen, it was. One of us was supposed to be a girl. That was the first plan. That was the blueprint. And then it got nighttime. She flaked. And I'm like, guys, it's all set up. Let's just run through it once. Let's just grab someone. Let's just see if we get the beats down. You know what I mean? Let's just do the block dry rehearsal and. And, you know, we got the candles. It looks like a Sting video. And so in hindsight, it seemed gay.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
When. When I explained to people, and then.
Dana Carvey
To me, it didn't.
David Spade
It.
Dana Carvey
It was gay. Yeah. I'm sorry. Nothing wrong with that.
David Spade
But some of the seams is. I guess, is out of it now. It's all just.
Kevin Nealon
Well, hindsight gotta be gay.
Dana Carvey
Yeah, Hindsight's a good name for a special.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, man, that would be good. Hindsight. But then you got to put that word in there somewhere, maybe.
David Spade
Oh, and you're asking. That's the hard thing of doing. That is like a movie. And then the title somewhere in it. It's not a rule, but it's kind of interesting that Dandelion was in it. But I thought, I liked Dandelion. And then I go, I gotta make sure I do that bit because I want to say it in there somewhere.
Kevin Nealon
What about these guys who have T shirts printed up with their joke on it? And they got like a thousand T shirts, and they. They got to keep doing that joke.
David Spade
Oh, that's right.
Kevin Nealon
To sell the T shirts.
David Spade
Who is the first one you remember that had merch? Vic Dunlop was mine.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
What a good memory.
David Spade
Remember him?
Kevin Nealon
Right?
David Spade
You know what?
Dana Carvey
It was Tim Thomason. I'm just thinking regulars.
David Spade
They were like. It was as. What people? Well, you don't know. A bit from their act. That would kill.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
They decided, oh, I'll bring up suitcase full of these goofy eyes. And then people laugh. They walk out drunk. They grab it for 10 bucks or something.
Kevin Nealon
The great thing about Dandelion is you could just put that on a shirt and people like that.
David Spade
Anyway, it'll be a skinny dandelion with a little band aid on it. And the white parts will be my hair, and it'll say, blow me. It's not bad.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, so it's not the. That's a overly ripe.
David Spade
Yeah, but I. I thought that's what they all were. No, that's how stupid I am.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
Kevin's like, oh, my God.
Dana Carvey
No, that's good to be able to say blow me. It's like, wasn't Howard Stern's brook coming all over you again or something?
David Spade
No, that was Tom Segura's tour. As I'm coming all over the world.
Dana Carvey
No, Howard Stern coming all over. So why. How come we never did Hans and Franz T shirt? I guess we couldn't back in those days. Hey, have you read the Girly Man? Huh?
Kevin Nealon
Have you read the Lauren?
David Spade
I'm on page 800.
Kevin Nealon
Really?
Dana Carvey
I just wait for other people to read it and then explain it to me. Have you read it?
Kevin Nealon
But my wife read it. And she. Every morning she gives me a recap.
David Spade
Oh, really? Oh, that's good.
Kevin Nealon
So I might do that as a pod, like as an Instagram. I want to read it every day. Read it and just kind of give it.
Dana Carvey
Oh, you should go on for a.
David Spade
Long time because I want to know what's in it.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. And she just.
David Spade
Photos.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
Is there photos in it?
Kevin Nealon
A couple. Just me, though. Just a lot of different.
Dana Carvey
He was always my favorite.
David Spade
Do you still draw cartoons?
Dana Carvey
Something about Kevin.
David Spade
Did you ever drummy?
Kevin Nealon
Not yet. It's interesting to see how many people got fired from that show that you didn't know. Got fired.
Dana Carvey
Was it. Was it. It was soft firing, though, kind of. We talked with Taryn King about that. It was sort of like, you're just not. You're never like, you're fired. It sort of slowly.
Kevin Nealon
Farley and Sandler, you know, I didn't know that.
Dana Carvey
Soft firing, right.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
Did you know they got fired?
Kevin Nealon
I didn't know that.
David Spade
I did not know that.
Kevin Nealon
I knew it. I found out about a year ago that they got fired.
David Spade
Me, too.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. Because we were doing that threesome.
David Spade
Was that you? The third guy? What school did you go to?
Kevin Nealon
But that book, it's. It's pretty. It's pretty interesting from what I'm hearing.
David Spade
Oh, Lawrence, yeah. Oh, I'm sure.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
I heard it was really good. She spent eight. Susan Morrison, eight years. Ten years.
David Spade
She came on here and yapped about it. Really good. Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. Nice. Would you like to have a book written about you?
David Spade
No, because I don't like everyone's recollection. People like, oh, in Arizona, my friend drove with you. You were sitting on a keg in the back of a truck all the way to Flagstaff. Cracking jokes all the time. I'm like, wrong, wrong, wrong. Would never be in the back. Would never be cracking jokes all the time. Keg, maybe. But it's always, like, stories that are like a. It would drive me crazy if I was these super famous people that you have to read, like, all these things about yourself. And, you know, some's true, some's not, but you just feel like an asshole.
Dana Carvey
Okay, pop quiz. It's 3 million to write the book.
David Spade
Banana. What was the question?
Kevin Nealon
Tank?
David Spade
$3 million. You don't want to write a book.
Dana Carvey
But they say, here's 3 million for David Spade.
David Spade
I know Dana's thing is, like, I'm.
Dana Carvey
About money and camera angle.
David Spade
Would you do this in my book? And then you say, absolutely not. Would you do it for this much? And you Go, well, you know, I.
Kevin Nealon
Do this hiking show, as you know, because you're both on there.
Dana Carvey
I was on it park or three times.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. And often people go, who was the most of a handful on your hike? And I said, well, you know, everybody's great. I said, no, if you had to name one. I said, well, David Spade. David Spade finally agreed to do it after two years of me, because either.
Dana Carvey
The sun might blind him, and no.
Kevin Nealon
He said that, okay, I'll do it. But it's got to be in between rush hour traffic and it's got to be totally flat.
David Spade
I got to be flat.
Kevin Nealon
It's got to be flat. And I got. I got just a trail. It was totally flat.
David Spade
You fucking assume.
Kevin Nealon
And we're walking, and all of a sudden he stops and he goes, are we going uphill? It was like a 1% grade.
David Spade
I could feel it.
Kevin Nealon
He could feel it. And he had to have food.
David Spade
Feel my neck. I'd have a picnic.
Kevin Nealon
You'd have to have picnic. Halfway through.
David Spade
Poor Kevin. First of all, I did say. I did suggest that Kmart parking lot on third by the grove. I go, it's funny. It's flat. Okay, all we're gonna do is talk. Do we really need to beat the. Out of me? And he's like, yes, we do. This is very legit.
Dana Carvey
Part of it is the effort.
David Spade
No. Anyway, so then.
Dana Carvey
Not in your episode.
David Spade
Not big on effort. And then. But Kevin, I was thinking what a puss I am. He's holding a camera, right? And you have all these waters for me and you to make sure.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
Little trail mix for me when I blackout. First aid kit for when I get bit by a snake. So we're walking up and I'm like, this poor guy and didn't even bother you. You were just like, well, it's flat. Yeah, well, you're still holding stuff.
Kevin Nealon
Do you ever wonder what people say about you at your. Your memorial?
David Spade
I know that's kind of sad, but I do think about it sometimes.
Kevin Nealon
Don't you wish you could have memorial before you die?
Dana Carvey
I feel that's called a birthday party or something. I know it's called something.
Kevin Nealon
You're right.
David Spade
You know what? You know, you're getting old when someone goes hold of you and you go, blah, blah. And they go, still kicking. Am I. Am I that close to not kicking anyone?
Kevin Nealon
The worst is when they say, you know, you look good for your age. So in other words, you're really old.
David Spade
But you look good, but you're pulling it off.
Dana Carvey
I know. I Used to tease Sandler. I didn't do it anymore. But I would always say, so you're what? And I would.
David Spade
Knowing.
Dana Carvey
I'm saying, like, six years younger.
David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
So you're like, 34 right now.
Kevin Nealon
Right.
Dana Carvey
And goes, oh, Carver, you son of a. You know, it's like he's 40, but always go older. Like, I just tell people I'm 87 because I want. I. I just want to be shocked. I want them to go, what?
Kevin Nealon
I like to go up to muscular people. You know that. I know. I go, so when did you stop working out?
David Spade
That's so great.
Dana Carvey
Then you get them at a headlock.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
David Spade
Here's one I think we shouldn't do as a society. This is pretty heavy for everyone.
Dana Carvey
Interesting.
David Spade
But every time someone croaks whatever. Delicately put. There's. They put them on their Instagram, you know, and everyone says it's really nice things. They used to do that when people are getting toward the end, like, they should see that. I never got the thing about writing on Instagram to someone who's dead or someone who's not there. And they write this long thing. That's for people to say, oh, what a good guy you are. They can't read it, so they would cherish it if they saw it before.
Dana Carvey
Okay, let me have you. This is. I'm fascinated. I love that. And I'm also fascinated on the general topic is people who have successfully faked their own death and disappeared on planet Earth. So if you were going to fake your own death.
David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
And really had to get away with it, finally. What would you do? You have five seconds.
Kevin Nealon
Well, I've done it several times, so I know people thought I was dead until I came on here.
Dana Carvey
Your name is Vladimir.
David Spade
You get a show on the CW.
Kevin Nealon
I think I would remember. What's his name? D.C. cooper or something. He jumped out.
David Spade
Oh, D.B.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. That's probably successful. He parachuted out.
Kevin Nealon
Probably faked his death. He's still out there somewhere. Is he Henny Kaufman? Yeah.
Dana Carvey
They.
David Spade
They say a lot of people are Elvis.
Kevin Nealon
I think I would have to do something with an explosion so that it would seem like there's no way I could have lived.
David Spade
But no questions.
Kevin Nealon
Well, first of all, you want to leave everything at home. So they would think that you couldn't go anywhere without your credit card or your passport or anything.
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
You'd have to leave it all there.
David Spade
Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. And then I think. I think I would almost kill myself. Do you know what I mean? So I could come out of a coma later, like in the middle of the woods.
David Spade
But you could say you have amnesia or something.
Kevin Nealon
I could convince people that I was dead without going anywhere. Do you understand what I'm saying?
David Spade
No, I don't.
Kevin Nealon
I don't either. I'm a riffing.
David Spade
What about the lady that said she had an affair, but she just came out and she said I was attacked. I don't remember anything. And she beat herself up. They bought it for about 10 minutes and they go, hey, you want one? You can have one.
Kevin Nealon
I'm going to have one of these.
David Spade
These are mine now, but I'll give you one.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, talk about gorilla testicles.
David Spade
Tasty.
Dana Carvey
Good. Let's get that in slow motion. Tightening.
David Spade
Dana, you haven't had this many carbs and I don't know how many years.
Dana Carvey
I just don't. It would make me sick. I can't have that much.
David Spade
This is a jelly donut.
Dana Carvey
They look delicious, though.
David Spade
Fucking shit, Kevin. This is expensive.
Dana Carvey
Is it talking?
David Spade
This is nice.
Kevin Nealon
I can return two of them. They said if there's any un left.
David Spade
Are there sponsors?
Dana Carvey
Oh, really? Then they're going to sell them to the next guy? Yeah, yeah, I get it, but.
David Spade
God.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah, I don't know. How would you. How would you make it look like you died?
David Spade
Well.
Dana Carvey
It'S a trickier question.
David Spade
Skateboarding accident. I went out to skate the desert pipes and then I just disappeared. And I thought the coyotes got me. And then people didn't know if they meant the coyotes that bring you over the border. And it was just so, okay, yeah, this is mine.
Dana Carvey
I would. I would introduce to my world that I'm a long distance ocean swimmer. And so for at least three months, I would go out there and I'd swim in the ocean. And then one day I would, you know, have. Hire some local bandits or whatever, have a rowboat bandit and I just get in their boat and, you know, I take off my trunks and the flippers and everything.
Kevin Nealon
That's a great idea.
Dana Carvey
And then I would just row to.
David Spade
You know what, Sleeping with the Enemy. Remember that movie, Julia Roberts? Let's look at a clip. She swam off.
Kevin Nealon
She did, yeah. I'm more about leaving parts of my body.
David Spade
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
So that they think that's a good thing. That's it. Like I would take. Okay, this is something I really have to sacrifice.
Dana Carvey
No joke.
Kevin Nealon
The lower my jaw, I would rip that out. So they have dental records. They know it's me.
David Spade
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
And where's the rest of the body? Doesn't matter.
David Spade
There's A tooth count or they can't tell. They have to look at your whole jaw.
Kevin Nealon
Just the dental. The dental, I think.
David Spade
But, like, if you left a tooth, can you tell it's yours?
Kevin Nealon
Yeah, maybe.
David Spade
First of all, I'll put tattoos on all my teeth. There's, like, a bit, and then I'll know I have that. Then I just leave one tooth, and then I want to go, you want to put that in there?
Kevin Nealon
Can I just put that in there? Just keep it safe. I'll put this on top of here. You know, these are really sweet.
David Spade
I was. I was on a date with this girl, and I go, hey, do you want the rest of this pasta? And she goes, I don't want the rest of anything. Just give me a new one. I was like, wow.
Dana Carvey
How long did you go out, dude?
David Spade
I faked the bathroom. I bounced. No, I didn't.
Dana Carvey
That's a disappearing act. Like, I'll just be okay. And then you just bolt.
David Spade
Ghost out. That's roohoo hoo.
Kevin Nealon
How do you. How far do you think someone was hustled? What is the record for hustling somebody out of a club? You know how they hustle you out? Like they're throwing you out, but then they keep going. They keep hustling out down La cieneca onto the 405.
David Spade
They're still hustling down to San Vicente. Then keep going to the 10.
Kevin Nealon
Well, the record is 30 miles.
David Spade
Oh, I didn't know that.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. Yeah.
David Spade
The record flat.
Kevin Nealon
He would like it.
David Spade
What joke did I think of yours the other day? I always tell you the same ones. I'm trying to think of a different one.
Kevin Nealon
You always. You always bring up the joke I used to do. You know, I got a really nice camera. It's one of those black ones.
David Spade
That's because every camera was black back then. I was like this.
Kevin Nealon
Wow.
Dana Carvey
Back in the day.
David Spade
That was good. The. The nestled in the hills. The hotel.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. This is all memorial stuff. You know, it's.
David Spade
You don't do it anymore, huh? You don't do those anymore?
Kevin Nealon
No.
David Spade
You don't?
Kevin Nealon
No. You don't keep stuff like that.
David Spade
Once in a while, if I'm stuck in a jam, I do the. I do your jokes.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, here's a good story. I ran into David Letterman over the holidays, and he could not be more complimentary. And I never felt like I knew him that much or that he was a fan of mine, but he was listing stuff. He goes, oh, that. You know, you did the Mark Twain thing for Lorne. You Were the funniest one there. Oh, wow. I love your hiking show. I watch it all the time. Really good. I'm not kidding. It's a really good show. And he goes, and then I keep quoting your joke of the Lincoln joke. And, and I hear what, What Lincoln joke? He goes, you know the one where, you know, the one you do the Lincoln joke. I said, I. I'm not sure which one you're talking about. You know the Lincoln joke where it goes like this, you know. You know, Abraham Lincoln used to walk to school every day in the snow. But what they don't tell you is he was late every day. I go, I don't remember that one. He goes, well, I've been giving you credit for it everywhere. So I thought, well, maybe I did do that. And then I thought, I'm gonna do that again, man. I'm gonna do that my next set. So I go up there and I do it. Crickets.
David Spade
Not one laugh.
Dana Carvey
I don't personally get it.
David Spade
Cause he walks along, he's late every day.
Kevin Nealon
I know, but you think he's a hero. But you know what?
Dana Carvey
Well, it has to be set up like it was unbelievable. He walked in a blizzard, everything. He was a hero.
David Spade
He had most abs.
Dana Carvey
Needs a much bigger setup.
Kevin Nealon
I'm just quoting him really late.
David Spade
Yeah, we're fixing this joke that Kevin didn't even do.
Dana Carvey
I think, I think our friend David Letterman misremembered it. I think he would have written it a lot better.
David Spade
I ran into him and he didn't read my resume.
Kevin Nealon
A friend of mine gave me a joke. Friend of mine gave me a joke that I was doing again at the beginning of my act.
David Spade
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
And I thought it was his, but it turned out that it was like a well known old joke that's been around forever. And it goes something like this and then you can punch it off.
Dana Carvey
There's a lot of those. Yeah, we don't know stock jokes. We don't know where they came from.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah. So this guy, you know, you really have to appreciate things in life, you know, a lot of people don't. Like, I know of a guy, he has sex twice a day, he reads three books a week, and he's always working out. And yet here he is, still complaining about being in prison. I mean, really?
David Spade
That's good. That's not yours, is it? No, that's a good one.
Dana Carvey
That's a good joke.
Kevin Nealon
But I thought it was his. And so then when I googled it and it's, you know, it's like oh, joke book. It's out there.
Dana Carvey
I have this joke that gets such a laugh. I don't know why two Irishmen walk out of a bar. It could happen. Why does that get such loud? I do it as George W. Bush.
David Spade
Because they're all drunks, right?
Kevin Nealon
You gotta give a name of the pub, you know, you gotta give it like McSorley's.
Dana Carvey
Well, if I do this as a character, it gets a big laugh.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, you do the Irish accent?
Dana Carvey
No, I do George W. Bush. I said he was a funny, you know.
David Spade
Is it because they're all drunks?
Dana Carvey
The. Yeah. The core knowledge you'd have to think is they never leave a bar because they're alcoholics. But there's more tea tolers in Ireland than any other country.
Kevin Nealon
Really?
Dana Carvey
Yeah. But the ones who drink make up for it.
Kevin Nealon
But they love their tea, the British people and English people. Let's have a proper tea, huh? Can we have a property?
Dana Carvey
Yes. My mother in law is Irish 94 and she's. Everything is tea. Cup of tea.
Kevin Nealon
I'm the worst at British accents. I don't speed. I don't think you are either. No, I think you're worse. At SNL when they had a table read and everybody had to be British. Phil Harmon, everybody doing different, you know, places of England and it comes around to me. All I could do is John Lennon, you know. That's good.
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
And everybody like laugh.
David Spade
Here's where I got to laugh. Cuz they go, you have to do German. And this one I go to German. And then they go. And I think Mike Myers was Hitler. And they go to me and I go, mine f. Then I got a laugh. I go, oh. So every time they kept coming back to me, I milk the AU out of it. I was like this cat. Like some milk. I give it to him.
Kevin Nealon
Give any cats? Do you have any animals?
David Spade
Do I have any animals in this house? I have to ask someone. No. I share a dog named Junebug.
Kevin Nealon
June Bug?
David Spade
Junebug. Nice bulldog. Cute.
Kevin Nealon
I have a great name for a dog if I ever got one.
David Spade
That's a good idea. What are the names?
Kevin Nealon
Chowda.
David Spade
Chowder?
Kevin Nealon
Yeah, like clam chowder, but Chowda, as they say in Boston, Chowda.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. That sounds so much like chowder Chowder.
David Spade
I like boss.
Dana Carvey
Anyone know what shadow is?
David Spade
What's up, boss? Irvine Improv. Please keep. I keep.
Kevin Nealon
May 10th.
Dana Carvey
What are we doing?
David Spade
Yeah, let's watch a couple more shows.
Kevin Nealon
My special called Loosen the Crotch.
David Spade
Loosen the Crotch.
Kevin Nealon
Where do you see Irvine Improv?
Dana Carvey
I Thought that was a joke. Loosen the crotch. No, that's great.
David Spade
Okay, it is a joke taping it there.
Kevin Nealon
Loosen the cross taping it there. And then we'll see.
David Spade
Okay, so we're gonna tape it.
Dana Carvey
So show up at the table and.
David Spade
Then a few more stories and we'll bomb on these and then we'll wrap it up.
Dana Carvey
Tickets going fast. We'll fade out here. But the next thing you see is him doing I thought about Be Good.
David Spade
Low Ticket Warning isn't a bad name for a special.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, that's good. Well, Dana had the best title. Tell me your title.
David Spade
Critics Choice.
Kevin Nealon
Critics Choice?
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
Kevin Nealon
People think, oh, the critics love this. But no, it's the title.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. And then Sandler did certified fresh 30. That was.
David Spade
Oh, for Tomatoes.
Dana Carvey
Yeah, for tomatoes.
Kevin Nealon
What do you call it?
David Spade
I've been in.
Dana Carvey
He's on Amazon, probably six Sandler movies.
David Spade
And combined we got 100% rating now. Combined, we got about a 54. We got nine on Grown Ups, eight on Grown Ups, too.
Kevin Nealon
Great.
Dana Carvey
You're still ahead of Master Skies.
David Spade
Those tomatoes are harder to get.
Dana Carvey
Got negative 19. It was so bad that they actually rotten tomatoes, like 10 years later, 15 years later, rewrote the review because then they thought it was much better and they said it was if it was written by little children.
David Spade
Even the tomatoes turned themselves into ketchup. They were so embarrassed for that movie. As a small business owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early. Your business is on your mind 24 7. So when you're hiring, you need a partner that grinds as hard as you do. That hiring partner is LinkedIn Jobs. When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in. LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free. Share it with your network, and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place.
Dana Carvey
LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights. Either post your job for free or pay to promote. Promoting jobs gets three times more qualified applicants.
David Spade
David. Oh, yeah, you get qualified people. At the end of the day, the most important thing for your small business is the quality of candidates. And with LinkedIn, you can feel confident that you're definitely getting the best share with your network. You can let your network know that you're hiring. You can even add a hiringframe to your profile picture and get twice as many qualified candidates.
Dana Carvey
Find out why more than 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring today. Find your next great hire on LinkedIn.
David Spade
Post your job for free@LinkedIn.com candidates that's LinkedIn.com candidates to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. Dana it's award season, which means we're due for some classic red carpet combos like strapless dresses and statement necklaces or acclaimed directors and long acceptance speeches.
Dana Carvey
But you know what look always pairs perfectly together. Discover and Cash back. You see, Discover automatically matches all the cash back you've earned at the end of the first year, which is a.
David Spade
Look that will always serve. It pays to slay. It pays to discover. See terms@discover.com credit card Dana what does a confident smile say to you? And maybe more importantly, what does it say about you with Smile Generation? It says you're taking care of more than just your teeth. Because confidence doesn't start and stop at a bright smile. It's about your whole body wellness. Smile Generation reimagines oral health as the gateway to long term confidence. Why? Because oral health issues have been linked to heart disease, diabetes and even cognitive conditions. When you care for your smile, you're investing in your future and that confidence. It starts with feeling supported. With Smile Generation trusted providers, you're not just another patient, you're a partner.
Dana Carvey
They prioritize personal, patient focused care that truly listens to you. Plus, with education and preventive care at the core, Smile Generation empowers you to understand the connection between your mouth and overall health so you can stop issues before they start. Here's your chance to take the first step. Smile Generation is offering a $59 new patient special that's a comprehensive exam, cleaning and x rays a $290 value. New patients only offer not valid for Tricare or Medicare Advantage may be covered by insurance, subject to plan restrictions. Booked by December 31, 2025. Visit smilegeneration.com fi for full terms and to book. Now. If there was a sarin gas attack, where would you go?
David Spade
Oh, I under the superfly sign.
Kevin Nealon
Do you have a earth cake earthquake kit?
David Spade
Yeah, it's got my headshot in it. It's got a couple basics. You got a fire kit, three Triscuits.
Dana Carvey
And a slim DHS Joe Dirt's in there.
David Spade
I hold like this.
Kevin Nealon
We got such great food in our earthquake.
David Spade
Oh yeah. What do you have? Some gourmet stuff.
Kevin Nealon
Well, not much now because I've been eating.
David Spade
Oh, you got into it. Don't get into the earthquake kit.
Kevin Nealon
Oh man, I love it, man.
David Spade
What do you have in there? Spaghetti?
Kevin Nealon
I replaced it with just popcorn. It's like Styrofoam Yeah, but, you know, people get those earthquake kits and stuff, and if they put them in the house, how are they going to get to them if the house is totally collapsed?
David Spade
I would like a buzzer that tells you where the earthquake is going to be so I can get to a part of the house that would help me because chances are you'll be in your car or whatever they say. This last one, the buzzer went off, but it only gives you eight seconds. Like, everyone just goes like this for eight seconds. Like, where are you going? What's the plan?
Kevin Nealon
No, no, no.
David Spade
Yeah, you yell.
Kevin Nealon
Yeah, but you weren't threatened by the fire. You weren't, Dana. Cause you live up.
Dana Carvey
Nope. Nope.
Kevin Nealon
North.
David Spade
No, it doesn't scare.
Dana Carvey
Not a chance. But I haven't been there.
David Spade
Dana goes, I'm going to move. So far, there's no fires out. There's no fire. They don't know what fire is.
Dana Carvey
We laugh at.
Kevin Nealon
Really makes you realize what's valuable in your life.
David Spade
Yeah. What was it?
Kevin Nealon
I was out of town.
David Spade
What's valuable? I can't remember.
Kevin Nealon
And the fire was coming close to us. You know, we're in evacuation red flag area. And I called my assistant. I said, would you go to the house and get those external drives I have and my passport? She goes, yeah, she got it. Fire's not getting to our house yet. You know, there's no evacuation notice. So I call her back, would you go back to the house? And less and less valuable stuff. Will you go back to the house, get that Gibson guitar I have and that art set. And then it got to the point with, would you go back to have a mechanical pencil on the desk that I really like? You know, I like the way it writes.
David Spade
Sure.
Kevin Nealon
And there's a sandwich in the refrigerator that I made yesterday with tuna salad. And it goes on and on like this.
David Spade
Would you go on. Would you take the garbage out while you're there?
Kevin Nealon
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
Would you go back? It's just inconvenient for me.
David Spade
Would you go back? Hey, I need.
Dana Carvey
Hey, do me a favor, you know, could you get on a plane tomorrow, go to my second home in Arizona to, you know, and check and see if the air condition is on? Do me a favor.
Kevin Nealon
Do me a favor.
Dana Carvey
Do me a favor.
David Spade
I was on the road and I solid this house right here. They had a mansion alert. Do you remember that? I have a mansion app.
Dana Carvey
I hate that in the middle of the night.
Kevin Nealon
Oh, yeah.
David Spade
AMBER alert. When that thing goes off, I'm more scared than the kid. Just for that short time. All right, well, our guest has been Kevin Nealon.
Kevin Nealon
I'm still Kevin Nealon.
David Spade
Oh, I guess there's your next special.
Dana Carvey
Still Kevin Neal.
David Spade
Kevin. Irvine Improv, May 10th.
Kevin Nealon
Tickets are going fast.
David Spade
Tickets.
Dana Carvey
Show times again.
Kevin Nealon
You can get them on kevinielon.com okay. Or you can go to the Irvine Improv and get them on there.
David Spade
Irvine Improv. Great room, a lot of fun. You can eat right there. Javier drinks. Great place.
Dana Carvey
Cocktails.
David Spade
Yeah, I love that place. So good luck with it, and I'll see you here at the practice sets. And let's hike it, man. Let's go. A little steeper next time. Don't be a pussy.
Kevin Nealon
All right.
David Spade
All right.
Dana Carvey
I couldn't agree more.
David Spade
All right, I'm gonna leave, and you guys, you know, leave in about five minutes. Okay. Bye, guys. Yeah.
Dana Carvey
Nice.
David Spade
This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Super Fly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked.
Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade Episode Summary: SUPERFLY #66 - Kevin Nealon & Donuts IN STUDIO Release Date: May 2, 2025
In this lively episode of Superfly, Dana Carvey and David Spade, longtime comedic partners, host a dynamic conversation with their esteemed friend Kevin Nealon. The trio delves into a spectrum of topics ranging from the rigors of touring to the intricacies of crafting comedy specials. Packed with humorous anecdotes, insightful reflections, and signature banter, this episode offers a behind-the-scenes glimpse into the lives of three seasoned entertainers.
David Spade kickstarts the episode by recounting his recent tour experiences, highlighting stops in New Jersey, Boston, and upcoming gigs in Omaha, Des Moines, and St. Louis. He shares a particularly harrowing story about a flight mishap:
David Spade [02:10]: "I did this is, like I said, in first, but it was so squinchy. I couldn't really camp out in there. It was pretty basic... my WiFi doesn't work."
Dana empathizes with David's experience, revealing her own fear of flying and struggles with in-flight WiFi:
Dana Carvey [04:14]: "I have a fear of flying... I just go, 'Fuck it.'"
The conversation underscores the challenges performers face while traveling, balancing the excitement of shows with the discomforts of touring logistics.
The discussion takes a personal turn as David shares his interaction with Larry David:
David Spade [10:14]: "I have Larry David today. And I go, he better not think I'm sick."
Dana adds to the humor, describing the physical comedy that ensued during their meeting:
Dana Carvey [10:20]: "I just spit my palm in front of him. Put it there, pal."
Larry's playful demeanor and affectionate jesting highlight the camaraderie among comedians, blending respect with lighthearted teasing.
A significant portion of the episode revolves around the trio's experiences and strategies in developing comedy specials. Kevin Nealon shares his journey of creating his upcoming special, "Loosen the Crotch", and draws inspiration from David's approach:
Kevin Nealon [26:10]: "I saw yours, and I thought, well, let me hear what Spade does in his act in the beginning."
David and Dana discuss the importance of unique setups and maintaining originality amidst a sea of comedians:
David Spade [28:20]: "As long as it's your version of each joke, who cares?"
The discussion emphasizes the balance between using tried-and-true comedic structures and infusing personal flair to stand out in a competitive industry.
The trio delves into the nuances of joke-writing, emphasizing originality and the pitfalls of unknowingly recycling stock jokes. Kevin recounts a humorous incident with David Letterman, where a joke he thought was original turned out to be a classic:
Kevin Nealon [45:15]: "I ran into David Letterman over the holidays... He couldn't stop quoting your joke of the Lincoln joke."
David reflects on adjusting his material to maintain freshness:
David Spade [30:08]: "It's all about your spin on it."
Dana contributes by sharing her own experiences with character-based jokes:
Dana Carvey [47:38]: "I have this joke that gets such a laugh. I do it as George W. Bush."
Their exchange highlights the continual evolution required in comedy to keep audiences engaged and entertained.
Adding a layer of absurd humor, Dana poses a playful hypothetical about faking one's own death. The comedians riff on creative and comedic methods to disappear, each offering outlandish yet amusing strategies:
Dana Carvey [40:13]: "If you were going to fake your own death, you have five seconds."
Kevin humorously suggests using an explosion and minimal personal belongings to create a convincing façade:
Kevin Nealon [40:35]: "I think I would have to do something with an explosion so that it would seem like there's no way I could have lived."
David adds his own twist, envisioning a skateboarding accident in the desert:
David Spade [42:19]: "Skateboarding accident. I went out to skate the desert pipes and then I just disappeared."
Their lighthearted banter serves as a testament to their comedic chemistry, blending imaginative scenarios with sharp wit.
As the episode nears its conclusion, Dana and David shift focus to Kevin Nealon’s upcoming comedy special:
Dana Carvey [32:54]: "He's on Amazon, probably six Sandler movies."
Kevin Nealon [37:54]: "What's my special called? Loosen the Crotch. Where do you see Irvine Improv?"
They provide details about his performance at the Irvine Improv:
Kevin Nealon [37:54]: "Tickets are going fast. You can get them on kevinielon.com or at the Irvine Improv."
David adds a personal touch by sharing a memorable story about meeting David Letterman, further illustrating the interconnectedness of the comedy world.
The episode wraps up with the trio engaging in playful banter about upcoming performances and personal anecdotes, maintaining a humorous and relaxed atmosphere until the end. They reflect on their friendship and shared experiences, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and anticipation for future episodes.
David Spade [02:48]: "Home of Nikki Glazier. I know. It is a fucking grind."
Dana Carvey [09:30]: "The first 20 seconds are the most dangerous part of a flight."
Kevin Nealon [21:17]: "Do me a favor... Do me a favor."
Dana Carvey [22:00]: "Carl Marx was incredible at arithmetic."
Kevin Nealon [26:27]: "I think you should be a cinematographer. You're so good."
Touring Realities: Touring is both exhilarating and exhausting, with challenges like flight delays and technical issues affecting performers' schedules and moods.
Comedic Collaboration: The mutual support and humorous exchanges between Dana, David, and Kevin underscore the importance of camaraderie in the entertainment industry.
Originality in Comedy: Maintaining originality while crafting jokes is crucial for longevity and audience engagement, as evidenced by their discussions on comedy specials and joke ownership.
Humor in Hypotheses: Playful hypotheticals, such as faking one's death, showcase the comedians' ability to blend absurd scenarios with sharp humor, enhancing their comedic narratives.
Promotion and Support: Actively promoting each other's work strengthens their professional bonds and helps sustain their individual careers.
This episode of Superfly is a testament to the enduring friendship and comedic brilliance of Dana Carvey, David Spade, and Kevin Nealon. Their seamless interplay, combined with insightful discussions and heartfelt humor, offers listeners both laughter and a deeper appreciation for the art of comedy.