SUPERFLY #67 - Safe Houses & Soaking

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade Episode Summary: SUPERFLY #67 - Safe Houses & Soaking Release Date: May 9, 2025

In the 67th episode of "Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade," hosted by Audacy, longtime friends Dana Carvey and David Spade delve into a myriad of topics ranging from satirical takes on the Papal Conclave to personal anecdotes from their careers in comedy and showbiz. This episode, titled "Safe Houses & Soaking," showcases their signature blend of humor, impressions, and insightful commentary on the entertainment industry.

1. The Papal Conclave: A Comedic Take

The episode opens with a humorous discussion about the recent Papal Conclave, where Dana and David playfully critique the selection process and the new Pope’s perceived procrastination and fashion choices.

• Dana Carvey [02:13]: "They've selected a pope and he's going to come out on the, on the thing and the guy is making the audience wait."
• David Spade [02:48]: "Are you ready for this? Are you ready for this?"

Their banter highlights their talent for turning current events into comedic material, using exaggerated impressions and witty remarks to entertain listeners.

2. Reflections on Comedy History and Legends

Dana reminisces about her early days in showbiz, sharing anecdotes about her time with the Osmonds and her experiences before joining "SNL."

• Dana Carvey [05:36]: "I got signed to an NBC holding deal in 1980. One of the first jobs I got was to be a reoccurring regular on the Marie Osmond Variety show."

David adds his own memories of attending performances, such as the notorious performance by Lady Gaga in Brazil, blending humor with nostalgic reflections.

3. Impressions and Interactions with Celebrities

The duo shares their impressions of various celebrities, including Larry David, Regis Philbin, and Halle Berry. Their ability to mimic personalities adds a layer of entertainment, making the conversations lively and engaging.

• David Spade [21:08]: "They're like, Dick Van Dyke. I'd like to talk to him on here sometime just to hear the whole history of his life."
• Dana Carvey [22:06]: "Larry David, you know, I didn’t know him really. I met him once at a club."

Dana expresses her admiration for Carol Burnett, highlighting her skills in crowd work and her collaborative spirit alongside Tim Conway.

4. Personal Anecdotes from Tours and Performances

Dana and David delve into personal stories from their touring experiences, discussing the challenges and humorous incidents that occur on the road.

• Dana Carvey [57:54]: "I was in the wings at Cobb's Comedy Pub in San Francisco... I bit my tongue and I'm bleeding profusely."
• David Spade [60:33]: "Did you ever poop your pants on stage?"

These candid stories offer listeners a behind-the-scenes look at the realities of performing live, filled with unexpected mishaps and the resilience required to keep the show going.

5. Longevity in Showbiz and Industry Insights

The hosts reflect on the difficulties of maintaining a long career in the entertainment industry, sharing insights into what it takes to stay relevant and successful.

• David Spade [16:19]: "Chris Rock always says, there's another one. If you mess up one, there's another opportunity, but it’s tough to keep clinging on."
• Dana Carvey [16:46]: "Nate Bragazzi was on our podcasts. Nikki Glaser, Bert Kreischer. We had Thompson."

They discuss the fleeting nature of success in showbiz and the importance of adaptability, humor, and continuous effort to sustain a career in comedy.

6. Satirical Segments and Humorous Impressions

A recurring motif in the episode is their satirical segments, such as "President Brian," where Dana impersonates a fictional president, and David engages in playful antics that showcase their comedic chemistry.

• Dana Carvey [28:27]: "I'm Brian. I'm President Brian. Listen to the calm of my voice. Feels good, doesn't it?"
• David Spade [28:43]: "I like it because I think that my... you don't know why you love him."

These segments add a layer of improvisational humor, keeping the conversation dynamic and entertaining.

7. Closing Stories and Final Banter

As the episode nears its end, Dana and David share more lighthearted stories, including incidents from past performances and interactions with fans and colleagues. Their playful banter and mutual respect shine through, emphasizing the strength of their friendship and collaborative spirit.

• Dana Carvey [53:27]: "The only two things I want says funny things."
• David Spade [54:07]: "I have a Z Flex skateboard on my wall. An old one from the 70s, Jay Adams."

Their closing remarks are filled with humor and a sense of camaraderie, leaving listeners with a warm and entertained feeling.

Notable Quotes:

• Dana Carvey [05:36]: "Factor Meals arrive fresh and ready to eat. Perfect for any active lifestyle."
• David Spade [21:08]: "Colin Kaepernick came up and he goes. More like. Throws a Parks. Throws a Parks is 10 out of 10 in my estimation."
• Dana Carvey [28:27]: "I'm President Brian. Relax. Enjoy the podcast."

Conclusion

"SUPERFLY #67 - Safe Houses & Soaking" offers a rich tapestry of humor, personal stories, and insightful commentary from two of comedy's beloved figures. Dana Carvey and David Spade expertly navigate through various topics, maintaining a balance between satire, nostalgia, and candid conversations. Their seamless interplay and shared experiences provide listeners with an engaging and entertaining episode, capturing the essence of what makes "Fly on the Wall" a favorite among comedy enthusiasts.

Transcript

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

Happy Conclave. Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, man. Right as we're coming onto air, so called so what at this moment, they've selected a pope and he's going to come out on the, on the thing and the guy is making the audience wait. So first of all, we know he's a procrastinator. Second of all, total rumor, total rumor that he wanted a bigger hat. Is there no. Yeah, he had a pat and he goes, is there a bigger hat? And bigger hat.

[David Spade]

Wow. I heard, I heard he was coming out because I heard. Y' all ready for this? Y' all ready for this?

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, by the way, there is. There's different types of people from all over the world, African, Philippines that are in the running. So, you know, I put your name in just as kind of a joke, but I. I think you made it in the final 10.

[David Spade]

No, listen, I just heard them saying, is it going to be progressive, conservative, or. They said. He. They're also looking for a bit of charisma. I was like, are they, though? I've never really seen a pope that really jumps off the page. I mean, what are they looking.

[Dana Carvey]

Subtle definition. I think charisma is the. But it's great. As a. As an. As a mature adult, I. As a kid, I would judge pomp and circumstance. Look at this fucking joke. Whether it's a country or flags or everything. And now I kind of go, yeah, it's necessary. It is what it is. Everyone dresses up. It's like the inaugural thing. And, you know, it really is.

[David Spade]

It looked like Lady Gaga in Brazil. She got 1.8 million people.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. Wasn't. That was that crowd. Half the crowd hated her, which is weird. That's a lot of hate.

[Unknown]

I could tell you that.

[David Spade]

A lot of them were there for nature.

[Dana Carvey]

Did you ever see the comedy team Pomp and Circumstance in Vegas?

[David Spade]

No. It's not a real one, is it?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah. Pomp and Circumstance. They played the Frontier Hotel, I think, in the. In the 60s.

[David Spade]

I think they open for Shields and Yarnell.

[Dana Carvey]

Steals and Yarn now. Oh, Name drop alert.

[David Spade]

That doesn't count. Sorry, judges. Name drop. No, it doesn't count. No. Not enough people knew who they were. I know. Did a robot.

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[David Spade]

Donnie Marie. Go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

Donnie Marie. Yeah, Donnie. I noticed. So I was in Las Vegas. City Drop. I was in Vegas, and Donnie is going out without Marie.

[David Spade]

Thoughts? Donnie and Friends. Yeah. That's a tough one, because Donnie Marie was there. That was a staple forever.

[Dana Carvey]

20, 20 years. Four shows a day. I don't know how anyone does it. I mean, Carrot Top, every time. He's at the. He's at the. He goes to the stratosphere every day and just thinks of jumping up.

[David Spade]

I just hangs out up there and.

[Dana Carvey]

Just kidding. I know. Carrots up.

[David Spade]

Now you know about Donnie Marie. I don't know if you know this, because a lot of people don't, but she's a little bit country and he's a little bit rock and roll.

[Unknown]

That's.

[David Spade]

I'm a little bit country. I'm a little bit rock and roll. That's. That's their hit. I didn't know they have another one.

[Dana Carvey]

Rocking Rock and country. Okay, here's a name Drop and Now we're just mentioning this every second. Supposed to be a surprise. Sorry.

[David Spade]

A funny bit.

[Dana Carvey]

Capability.

[David Spade]

It'll be funny.

[Dana Carvey]

I got a little excited.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

So I got signed to an NBC holding deal in 1980. I'll make this quick. And one of the first jobs I got was to be a reoccurring regular on the Marie Osmond Variety show. So that was my thing before SNL, actually. Gavin McLeod was the guest host. But anyway, Marie's on stage and I come out like I'm the janitor and I interrupt her. This is a big TV studio.

[David Spade]

The audience is what they brainstorm for you after seeing your act. This is funny for you.

[Dana Carvey]

I had a whole new deal with NBC. Ridiculous. But anyway, I said, hi, we're friends. We'd like to get a cup of coffee. And Mormons don't drink coffee. So the shut tape start again. Don't ever mention Folgers.

[David Spade]

And this. Oh, my God. You were you ad libbing.

[Dana Carvey]

I was ad libbing, but I. I will say this. She was absolutely adorable, delightful. The only thing that happened that a little weird. She did a duet with Jeff Conway from Taxi, God rest his soul. But they stopped singing and then they kissed and kept holding the kiss. So all the Osmonds came from. I didn't know there was 45 Osmonds coming out going, maria, Maria, Maria. So that's my story about Marie Osmond.

[David Spade]

But I remember that I was watching and I was with my mom and I was a little kid, and I'm like, they're kissing. Then I go, now they're soaking.

[Dana Carvey]

It was a tape and burping. It's probably on six months later. I call on that. You did.

[David Spade]

No, we were in the audience. Audience. And I go, why are they soaking? You know what that is, Dana?

[Dana Carvey]

It's a. I do.

[David Spade]

It's a thing. It's a thing. We're gonna look up later and you're.

[Dana Carvey]

Not gonna like, I know it's not good. I know it's.

[David Spade]

No, it's.

[Dana Carvey]

I know it's naughty and it's not nice.

[David Spade]

No, Dana, stay innocent. That's why I like you, because you're innocent and sweet and you don't know about.

[Dana Carvey]

So I hate all these new things. We had stuff like that. The guys of Spaz or this and that. Or they're get. They're getting down, you know. Now it's like they're doing a spoozle woozle. I don't.

[David Spade]

The worst thing we had was finger blast, by the way. This Don't.

[Dana Carvey]

By the way me on that.

[Unknown]

Throw that.

[David Spade]

I throw that in. By the way, the noise you hear up front is someone. Obviously no one cares about construction. I'm building a third pantry. It's also going to be a safe house. I'm going to go in there. I'll eat crackers.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, wait a minute. Hold on. I know you're joking, because that's your stock and trade, but I love safe houses. Jerry Bruckheimer. Once I went to a beach. His beach house. Once, he goes, you want to see it? See what? The safe house. And it was awesome. It was in the bathroom.

[David Spade]

But it's just sand castle.

[Dana Carvey]

So I think you should. His sandcastle. But no starfish ever penetrated the exterior.

[David Spade]

He had it in Malibu on the beach.

[Dana Carvey]

In his house. It was just like. So there's alarms. What do you do? Stand your ground. Get a gun. You go in the safe house. It's impenetrable. You call, you have hors d' oeuvre serves. You put a pizza in the oven.

[David Spade]

So the one thing I did see, because Brad Pitt had a. I paused for the name drop. Had a. Had a party once. And his door. This is where I get this idea to his bedroom. This is personal, I guess, but this is so smart.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Instead of a safe house, he had. The doors were sort of made of steel, like very heavy doors, and then a bar across them when you go to sleep at night. And so that's what I do. No joke, because. No joke. Now, if someone comes in, I don't get as scared because I go, they still have to get in here, and they can't. And so I get. I've got a couple, you know, next to the bed. So it will be. They will be hit up if they come in.

[Dana Carvey]

But the price of fame.

[David Spade]

I know. I think you think you're famous if you start thinking about safe houses.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I won't say a location, but where I am. Well, we don't lock the doors.

[David Spade]

Oh, where you live?

[Dana Carvey]

Yes, we don't lock the doors. Although I insisted on having a lock on that door because it still goes through your head. The last thing. There's a lot of things you don't want in life. You don't want to be audited. You don't want to get a. Whatever. But you never want to wake up and see someone you don't recognize standing at the foot of your bed looking at you.

[David Spade]

The most I had before this was a circle doorknobs with a little push button in it. Like. And then that means it's locked.

[Dana Carvey]

Right.

[David Spade]

But I guess those are easy to penetrate. So anyway, I'll get back. First of all, this conclave traffic around my house is crazy today. And you know what? I hope it starts because you were.

[Dana Carvey]

In the top 10.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I guess I was. Yeah. Just in general. That sounds like a Kevin Nealon joke. Guys, this conclave traffic. But they're, they're building next to me. They've built on. I've got a little skinny street in this crummy ass neighborhood. And they, they start putting a green fence on every house. And I go, oh, no, no. That means green fence equals two years of building. Trucks, hidden, you know, trucks, cement. They have a big drill bit today. They're putting casings in. Anyway, poor me. Poor me. Other than that, I have to go over a few things with you.

[Dana Carvey]

I. I have a few things too.

[David Spade]

We have a lot of stuff.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's start with you.

[David Spade]

But we'll go back and forth.

[Dana Carvey]

If the Pope Paul is gonna. My wife Paula is going to text me if the Pope comes out, so we'll be able to at least.

[David Spade]

What if we went live? That would be fun. We watch it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, we could at least. You could text it live. Or Heather could. Superfly congratulates the new Pope, Trini Lopez Jr.

[David Spade]

Right, mate. You know what? We should ask every pope that's in the running to be on right now on Superfly, and they'll be, you know, flattered. And then if the one that wins, I go, you already said yes, you're coming. That's a good strategy, isn't it?

[Dana Carvey]

Right? We'll be the very first to invite him to our podcast. Okay, let's do that. When I get the message, we'll get the name, have Heather blast it out since we're. We're working.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I'll DM him and we'll say, I'll say, hey, man, don't try to big time us now that you're pope. When you're a bishop, you were like, deal with the ball. But now.

[Dana Carvey]

Can I say this for reals without any background on it? Cardinal Sean o' Malley is a personal friend of mine and he's there, he's on tv, he's a cardinal and he's.

[David Spade]

And what does that mean? What ranking is that?

[Dana Carvey]

There's about 135 cardinals, and they're kind of like, usually that's where they, they pick a Pope from. The cardinals. Usually you're a cardinal. Next up is the Pope.

[David Spade]

What's a bishop?

[Dana Carvey]

A bishop. Well, king the knights. 1 what are we playing? Chess? Jesus Christ.

[David Spade]

What's a rook?

[Dana Carvey]

What's a rook? I'm not sure the whole thing. I mean, there's Franciscans, there's bishops. It's a. It's a global ecosystem of provinces and things. You being a lapsed Presbyterian, wouldn't know. What's with the raspberry?

[David Spade]

I just think it's funny that that was a description of me. Okay. In movie news, two things. First, one, I did go see the accountant with Ben Affleck.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

I. I can tell you it's the account. Two.

[Dana Carvey]

Two. Yes.

[David Spade]

Twice the guns, twice the autism. I don't know if you know the. The theme of the account.

[Dana Carvey]

He's kind of on the spectrum.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And he's.

[David Spade]

He's not on it.

[Dana Carvey]

He's.

[David Spade]

He's in the middle of it now.

[Dana Carvey]

He's in the middle of the spectrum.

[David Spade]

Because I think he up in this one. Because the first one, it took me about 20 minutes to go. He's moving a little stiff. Like, I. Whatever choices were like, this is what this means.

[Dana Carvey]

Took it a little rain, Manny.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, you want my lunch bag? And he pulls it away and you're like, okay, something's wrong.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

But then now he's real. He's barely functioning, but it's. It's actually a good movie. I'll say that he's a nice.

[Dana Carvey]

He's a nice guy. I'll just say real quickly. I've met.

[David Spade]

I do like Ben Affleck.

[Dana Carvey]

I've met Ben Affleck.

[David Spade]

I don't. You're waiting. We gotta put these sound effects in. We drop a name. That's what we're doing. This is funny. Okay? You'll see it later and you'll. You'll be like, oh, my God.

[Dana Carvey]

That's truth. I did meet him. He's this hell of a nice guy. Go ahead.

[David Spade]

I do not know him well, but I do like him. Okay, so the other thing was, we have Jack Black on our sister podcast right now.

[Dana Carvey]

I loved hanging out with Jack Black.

[David Spade]

On and Jack Black, you talked to him about his movie. You talked to him, and you were predicting numbers. And I have some numbers for you.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, good, good. Because I think I blew his mind. Blew his mind. And then he predicted several hundred million below me. Or that was his hope. So what are the current numbers? It's still creeping up.

[David Spade]

I think you said locally, domestically, maybe 300, and then international total would be a billion. That's what you were hoping.

[Dana Carvey]

I guaranteed him that he was hoping.

[David Spade]

For 700 international, which is a phenomenally.

[Dana Carvey]

Huge US, the whole world. 700.

[David Spade]

I told by any way, shape or form.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, great.

[David Spade]

He is at 400 locally. Domestically, he's at 480 international for a total of 880. So he's already past his. He's getting very close to Dana's prediction, and I can't see him not getting there. I think it's gonna have a B after it.

[Dana Carvey]

Jack Black is a winner. He, he doesn't go down for nobody, man. So that guy's gonna. Because that's a billion dollar talent right there.

[David Spade]

Jack Black, listen, this, he's been on the map. And these are little game changers. I mean, they're very few in movie biz. I think Nikki Glazer had a good one. You know, you've been in the business for a long time. She goes out and does the roast, Jacks her through the roof, and then she does Golden Globes. Crushes it even, even more. I see the theater she's playing, and instead of one night shooting three nights, it's like filling them all up. It's great.

[Dana Carvey]

It's, it's, it's fun. We're mature adults and we, we love our younger friends and when they go on that journey, you know, you see it happening with Nikki, it's, it's, it's delightful.

[David Spade]

But what he's like my granddaughter, who.

[Dana Carvey]

Tell you, no, but what can we go on and crush so we can play stadium?

[David Spade]

No. You never know. I think just longevity is a very tough thing to do. And it doesn't mess your head as much. Just scratching and scraping to stay somewhat in show business. Chris Rock always says, there's another one.

[Dana Carvey]

Wisdom alert. Wisdom alert.

[David Spade]

Because Chris Rock says spade the wrong Missy is one of the biggest hits ever on Netflix. And I said, I can't believe it. He goes, it will buy you six months in show business. That's it. Then they go, where's the next one? So that's the, that's the world everyone's facing. So it's very tough. But we have some friends are doing great and it is hard to keep. Keep clinging on.

[Dana Carvey]

Nate Bragazzi was on our podcasts. Nikki Glaser, Bert Kreischner. We had Thompson.

[David Spade]

I will tell you, I did see Nate on my trip. I just took a trip to do some talk shows. You can't hear this beeping behind me, I hope. Do you really hear it?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Why? Because it's in my living room. These people, Heather, go out there and throw rocks at them. Again, it's every hour on the hour.

[Dana Carvey]

Wind up this time. Go ahead.

[David Spade]

M 80s half sticks. So. Oh, oh. I'm on my. I'm on my plane and I'm talking to Heather. And then when I finish talking politely, I get a little tug. It's Hal Berry. Halle Berry, who we all love. Of course, everyone universally loves Halberry. And she always throws me crumb and talks to me if I run into her. She was on her way to the Met and then the Cannes Film Festival, where she was going to be a juror. Or it's a tough word, juror.

[Dana Carvey]

A juror.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

She's gonna be a juror.

[David Spade]

Well, not.

[Dana Carvey]

Not in Los Angeles county. At Con.

[David Spade]

Yeah, con.

[Dana Carvey]

She's going to be a juror.

[David Spade]

She's not. She's not on the Menendez case.

[Dana Carvey]

She's in a jerk three times in a row, fast.

[David Spade]

Go, Jurger.

[Dana Carvey]

Got it.

[David Spade]

How about juror? Is it the O. Jor.

[Dana Carvey]

Juror. I think it's a juror. Or.

[David Spade]

I like just juror. Yeah, it's like Ben her.

[Dana Carvey]

Your Honor, this juror here.

[David Spade]

Can juror number one stand up this truck? I don't even know if this truck can go forward. You hear the beeps?

[Dana Carvey]

Listen, all I'm saying is you were. Are you wearing protective gear? Because I'm seeing a Mac just coming into the.

[David Spade]

Because they're coming through this green wall.

[Dana Carvey]

Coming through that wall.

[David Spade]

Okay. In other news, I will tell you. I was on Theo's podcast. I wanted to apologize because he said a funny joke. We were promoting the Amazon special that's on right now.

[Dana Carvey]

Theo does a lot of funny, but they're not really jokes. They're like.

[David Spade]

No, he does funny statements. Yes, I think we were just discussing that his third grade teacher was an ocelot that had no ribs and. But anyway, he did a joke, and in the YouTube comments, they go, hey, you missed Theo's joke. And now I heard it. I don't. You know, we talk sometimes we talk over each other.

[Dana Carvey]

Right.

[David Spade]

I didn't hear it. And tell me if you don't think this is a good one.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Colin Kaepernick came up and he goes. More like. Throws a Parks. Throws a Parks is 10 out of 10 in my estimation. And I didn't even hear it.

[Dana Carvey]

No. That's a great pun, isn't it?

[David Spade]

A great joke?

[Dana Carvey]

People don't. Kaepernick was a great quarterback. And Rosa Parks rode on a bus. Rosa parks in the 1950s to just.

[David Spade]

A play segregation, both with the African American movement and Both pushing.

[Dana Carvey]

That's a brilliant pun.

[David Spade]

Isn't that just out of the blue, I was like, oh, my God. And I missed it. Anyway, apologies to Theo. That. And that's it. I did Kelly and Regis and Kathy Lee and I want to go is where's Regis? Would they get mad if I walk? Where's Regis?

[Unknown]

Anyway? You ready for this?

[Dana Carvey]

I know this is. This is Regis Philman as an astronaut.

[Unknown]

Houston, can you believe it? I'm out of control.

[Dana Carvey]

I love Regis. I miss Regis.

[David Spade]

I'm talking to ground control.

[Dana Carvey]

I walked out of that show and went out in New York City and all the construction guys going, hey, yo, Regis. Just being Regis. Sunny, beautiful New York day. Hey, Regis.

[Unknown]

He goes, can't believe it. They love me, kid. I can't believe it. Everybody here loves the Regis. I'm telling you.

[David Spade]

They really do.

[Dana Carvey]

It's a little bit of Trump.

[David Spade]

So people know it is a little trumpy. But I like it. I like it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes, it's a little Trumpy. That's the problem is that when I first learned Trump, I went from Brando to Regis. That's how I got it.

[David Spade]

But if you're picturing each one, it all works totally.

[Dana Carvey]

And it's fine.

[David Spade]

Yeah, you're brilliant. I honestly. No joke. Okay. So that and no.

[Dana Carvey]

Those are alert.

[David Spade]

Oh, y' all, y' all, you got a lot of compliments on the Larry David on Fly on the Wall where you were doing a lot of impressions and. And just saying funny things and Larry was having a crack up.

[Dana Carvey]

Literally did this is the way. And I said another thing Bill Hader and Conan told were on their podcast Conan's Body, talking about how they do some of my off label bits for. For which I thought was flattering. I didn't mind at all. Thought it was great. So I said, I'll do it for him. And then I met a human being because Larry David, you know, I didn't know him really. I met him once at a club, but you see him on Curb and he's actually. He's not that guy exactly. That is sort of maybe who he wants to be. But I never met anyone with that kind of sense humor. We, I mean, I wish we had video on it or Heather took a little video. So that's why I said, oh. He. Because his whole thing is never say yes when you're gonna go on talk shows. Why am I here? Never say yes. And it's kind of a joke, but sort real. So that was fun making him.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I think when he sat down, I Said Larry, I know you don't want to be here. We don't want you here, but let's just do this.

[Dana Carvey]

And we don't want to be here.

[David Spade]

Yeah, we all don't want to be here. Let's just do. And he was quite funny, quite loose for being a big star with a lot of money. He was really giving up laughs. And that's charming.

[Dana Carvey]

Has no ego. The only two things I want says funny things. When was the first time you knew this is how you're going to make a living? Because I don't think he started stand up till he was 30. We missed that and all the frivolity. And then I was just curious, like, what does he consume? Like movies, books, television, you know, Because Jerry, you do watch movies. No, no. He laughed so hard.

[David Spade]

He liked your Jerry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, because of just one word. But anyway.

[David Spade]

But anyway. Okay, well, anything else. And then we'll get to some.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Stupid clips that we show. If you want to give a gift that really matters, you try to go unique and you know, this will last a lifetime. I know you give sort of like slinkies and stuff like that, but they're not going to last forever. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, masterclass, that's the gift of learning. And you can learn from the best people to become your best. Right?

[Dana Carvey]

Masterclass, David. It's the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow with over. Get this, 200 plus of the world's best master class people.

[David Spade]

Yeah, these teachers are.

[Dana Carvey]

Anything you want to learn is on this.

[David Spade]

Yeah. If it's just $10 a month billed annually, membership with Masterclass gets you unlimited access to every single instructor. It's an amazing deal. I mean, Gordon Ramsay, the list, I can't even get to it.

[Dana Carvey]

But Steve Martin, you know, Ron Howard, if you want to learn how to direct a scene, it's fantastic.

[David Spade]

Amy Poehler does some improv stuff. She'll teach you about RuPaul. Mindy Kaling. I mean, we could go on forever. Classes make a difference. 88% of the members feel that masterclass has made a positive impact on their lives. You know, and this stuff, and it sticks with you. So you could really pick almost any field, and that's the way to do it. And then you learn and you go, hey, I came out with something from someone really, really good at this.

[Dana Carvey]

It's. It's literally anything you want to learn is on masterclass at this point. You know, there's music, musicians. Excuse me, there's musicians, there's music Musicians.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Learn how to compose music.

[David Spade]

Plus, every new membership comes with a 30 day money back guarantee. I wouldn't wait another moment. You got to start your learning with Masterclass. Our listeners always get great discounts on Masterclass. They've been with us for a long time. They get at least 15% off any annual [e-mail] fly. See MasterClass's latest deal. At least 15% [e-mail] fly hey. When investing your money starts to feel like a second job, Betterment steps in with a little work life balance. It's the automated investing and savings app that handles the work so you don't have to. While they build and manage your portfolio, you build and manage your weekend plans. While they make it easy to invest what matters, you just get to enjoy what matters.

[Dana Carvey]

DANA Their automated tools simplify the complex and put your money to work optimizing day after day and again and again. So go ahead, take your time to rest and recharge. Because while your money doesn't need a work life balance, you do make your money hustle with Betterment. Get [e-mail] that's B E T T E R m a n t.com investing involves a risk performance not guaranteed. Let's see, I have, well, this I just have to do because it's, I think it's. Trump outdid himself with his funniness this week. He's at a prep because, you know, I don't always report on him because it's not, you know, how do you talk? How does Trump top Trump? So then he goes off on Alcatraz because he wants to make it. It's a tourist attraction since 1963. And he's just going on and on.

[Unknown]

You know, they can't escape. And everybody loves Alcatraz. It's a tough place, I'll tell you that. Al Capone, there he is. Clint Eastwood was the only one to escape. Many people don't know this, but you know, Paul Newman escaped. Kulan Luke, you remember that. They had it. But we're going to bring it back. We're going to bring back Alcatraz.

[Dana Carvey]

It's. And then he said something like, it's scary.

[Unknown]

It's a scary place. Law and order. It's also sort of a weird place. It's a, it's a weak place in many ways.

[Dana Carvey]

I didn't even know what he was talking about.

[David Spade]

What is he talking about?

[Unknown]

It's a weak place. It's a strong place. We're going to make it bigger and More beautiful than ever.

[Dana Carvey]

And he started just talking about.

[Unknown]

The only guy tried to escape.

[Dana Carvey]

They. This is the exact quote.

[Unknown]

They found his clothes, and they were all torn up. And there were a lot of shark bites. There were shark bites. Oh, they bite you with it.

[Dana Carvey]

I didn't know what that meant. The guy tried to escape. They found his tattered clothes, and they found shark bites on the clothes.

[David Spade]

Yeah, he got eaten in the shark. Shark clothes floated to the shore. Actually, show that picture again, because when you look at the people that were in there tried to escape, one of them is Machine Gun Kelly. And everyone thinks it's the rapper. And they're like, no, that's. That name was taken from someone else named. There was a real Machine Gun Kelly.

[Dana Carvey]

Right, A real Machine Gun Kelly.

[Unknown]

Al Capone, they all went in there, they all tried to escape.

[David Spade]

But there were a lot in the comments on the side. But, you know, it's okay. I get it.

[Dana Carvey]

I had a flight of fancy after I. Because I was thinking Biden to. To Trump. Forget politics. Just stylistically, it's been a little exciting for everybody. So the way America goes, it goes like this. That's why Jimmy Carter followed Nixon. So the next president is going to be the most benign. And this is what I've called him. This is my impression of our next president. I'm Brian. I'm President Brian. Listen to the calm of my voice. Feels good, doesn't it? I shall never mumble or scream. I shall just be Brian.

[Unknown]

President Brian.

[Dana Carvey]

Now, David, breathe in the Brian. Hold the Brian. Release the Brian. This message paid for. For A.I. brian for president.

[David Spade]

That is a little howl.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I'm President Brian.

[David Spade]

I like it because I think that my. I don't think they'll have.

[Dana Carvey]

I think that's. There's some truthiness to that, but it will.

[David Spade]

He met with the Canada guy. Did that go well? I didn't even see it. They said, canada guy.

[Dana Carvey]

It wasn't as bad as Zelinsky. He did. Kept saying, we're gonna take it.

[Unknown]

You know, it'd be a great little state.

[Dana Carvey]

And the Canadian guy was very serious, going, canada is not for. Not for sale. Eh?

[Unknown]

Well, never say never. Never say never. You know, it's like they were the ruler. They put a big thing. These are direct quotes across the border, and it's a beautiful shape. And we could do it. We're still going to do it.

[Dana Carvey]

And the guy's sitting there, red face. He's honoring Canada. He's representing Canada. And Trump's just going, no, we'll get you.

[David Spade]

It's like. It's like that Robert Redford movie where he. Where he tries to buy Woody Harrelson's wife. He's so rich, and he's like, we're going to take your wife. What was it called? Indecent Proposal. And he goes, Woody goes, oh, she's for sale. He goes, yeah, well, anyway, I'm gonna take her. I'm gonna give her a million dollars. And he's like, no, no, we have a great marriage. And then she starts going, well, maybe for a million. And it's. It gets all messy, I'll tell you that.

[Dana Carvey]

I saw that movie was depressing because Woody Harrelson's character was crying and sobbing. All right, here, News flash. In the middle of our podcast. And I have one more thing.

[David Spade]

No, it's not. It's not conclave related, is it?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, it is. New Robert Francisco Prevost P R E.

[David Spade]

V. Oh, my God, I just won 200American.

[Dana Carvey]

Trump's gonna be happy.

[Unknown]

We got.

[David Spade]

Is that good?

[Unknown]

What are they usually American?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, well, you know, they're Italian or they're Polish. It'll be Pope Leo the 14th. Trump's gonna love Leo.

[Unknown]

We got an American Pope. We're going to take over the Vatican.

[Dana Carvey]

We're going to remodel it.

[Unknown]

We're going to do a beautiful job. We're going to make it U.S. territory.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, here's my final.

[Unknown]

My final thing.

[David Spade]

God.

[Dana Carvey]

Bill Gates announced that this is the quote. He. Or from Daily Mail. He's snubbing his kids. He's giving away 99 of his money. He's snubbing the kids, but what's Left in the 1% is 1.6 billion. He has three kids. They'll get 550 million each. And that's. And his oldest son said. Bunch of, man.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Why trying to rap me? Bunch of 5,500 million. Dude, I can go to Coachella maybe once.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[David Spade]

I can go to Erwan twice.

[Dana Carvey]

He has six private jets, two Gulf Streams, two Bombardier challenges, but he's terrified of climate change. So what he does is he. He has a company called Direct Air Capture, so they suck this. They suck the CO2 out of the sky, first off. So I can fly jets anywhere I want. My company sucks the C2O out of the sky.

[David Spade]

It's. They're investing in chemtrails. Let's be honest.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. Well, listen, bless his heart. Six jets. I wish. I wish.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's kind of like Al Gore is the original, because he is like The Pope of, of climate change. Yeah. And he, you know, and he buys offsets. I buy offsets on my private jets. So they plant a tree. And that sucks. The Theo to that I put in. And the reporter said, well, can you just fly Southwest and still pay to plant the tree?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And he said, quote. Well, that doesn't sound like so much fun.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it does not. I'm on Southwest a lot. It's not that fun.

[Dana Carvey]

I flew Southwest. I kind of liked it.

[David Spade]

I bring a tree to the private jet airport and I go, can I jump on if I hold this tree? And we'll cancel each other out.

[Dana Carvey]

I carry a FL power on the private jet and swish it around. Anyway, that's all I got for you today. This has been Dana Talk. This is with my guest, David Spade.

[David Spade]

Myself. I just muted myself.

[Dana Carvey]

You muted yourself?

[David Spade]

I haven't muted the whole time, I hope. Okay, more stories. We got time. We did good. That's good. We're doing great.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm having fun. That's all I go by.

[David Spade]

You're doing great, sweetie. Okay. Do you remember the Carol Burnett Show? That's what I think. Kris Jenner says you're doing great.

[Dana Carvey]

That's funny.

[David Spade]

This is Carol Burnett show, which I grew up watching, sitting in front of the TV as a little tyke. But this should be. What do you have a question? Oh, oh, it's okay. Well, I just want to let them.

[Dana Carvey]

Know that you wanted your tour manager maybe at some point.

[David Spade]

Oh, what was your tornadic story?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, what is Tell your story.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, that's right. I sent Greg the video. Oh, we'll send to show the video. Oh, I, I, I'll tell the I'll do K. Bernett first. Yeah, you're right. I'll tell. Yeah, you're right.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's do that is funny.

[David Spade]

So we'll quickly K. Bernett show was interesting because I don't think they do it anymore. They take questions. So she took questions. The beginning. You remember this? And this lady has a great delivery, but you never know what you're getting. I feel like this is all real back then. Like no one was a plant.

[Dana Carvey]

No.

[David Spade]

And they used to make her scream this Tarzan scream. But other than that, the question. This is an interesting question. I saw. I thought it was funny. Like it.

[Dana Carvey]

Here we go.

[David Spade]

Do they use to clean the floor? What kind of soap do they use to clean the floor?

[Dana Carvey]

Floor cases. Carol Burnett is.

[David Spade]

So that's actually a good interesting question.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, very specific.

[David Spade]

I think that's a little personal. Good Answer. It's cute. Housewife. Vinyl cleaner. Do you want to tell the lady what it is? Do you have a vinyl floor at home you want to clean?

[Dana Carvey]

Is that it?

[David Spade]

Yeah. Where is it? In the bathroom or the kitchen? All over. You have vinyl all over your house.

[Dana Carvey]

Great answer. All right. That was a good.

[David Spade]

That's cute, right? That's it.

[Dana Carvey]

That was. Yeah, go ahead. I've. I've met Carol Burnett and I was doing the Larry Sanders show and she was on next and I was leaving and she came through the door. We're in the side of the studio. And it was so flattering for me at that time. It was a thrill. She just put her arms out and said, dana, it's always amazing when your idols, one of your idols knows your name.

[David Spade]

I know. I ran into her the Beverly center.

[Dana Carvey]

And she said, dana, I was gonna say, oh, I jumped you. Sorry.

[David Spade]

No, it's funny. She goes, dana. And she went up to the guy that runs the elevator and goes, dana. No, she is a legend. And that term is thrown around.

[Dana Carvey]

And I'll just say this for 30 seconds because we don't talk about her. We'd love to have her on the podcast. She's still. She attack. Somebody who gets Harvey Corman and Tim Conway as your sidekicks is very secure. She was. The reason the show was great is because she could share the stage and then be brilliant herself. That's all.

[David Spade]

Even that her. Her doing this crowd work and laughing and someone says like three jokes in a row.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

And she just laughs at him.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, Tim Conway would just destroy them. He'd have secret things planted for the real kind of their.

[David Spade]

In. In the real Hollywood. She would have him fired immediately.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Anyone get the lens? They. They wouldn't come back after summer if they were you.

[David Spade]

You kill like that in front of the star. Bye bye.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Yeah. But she. We can say, you know, Dick Van Dyke. I'd like to talk to on here too sometime just to hear the whole history of. Of his life. He's.

[Dana Carvey]

He's sort of a. I watched what's it Night at the museum with Ben.

[David Spade]

Was he in it?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And Dick Van Dyke was in there with Mickey Rooney and they were hysterical, especially Mickey Rooney. And the movie is just holds up.

[David Spade]

It's just a great fun idea.

[Dana Carvey]

Ben Stiller is so good at playing the reactive straight man that. That then turns and gets kind of snarky.

[David Spade]

That's a fun part if you can do it right. The straight man is very important.

[Dana Carvey]

And then he's really funny. What Are you gonna do. You know, he's got. He. Yeah, they create a. Such an underdog and then. So it's a great.

[David Spade]

And he does severance, which is a whole different.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, now he's turning into Stanley Kubrick or something. You know, he's directing, so.

[David Spade]

People, you should have been back on.

[Dana Carvey]

And talk about seven.

[David Spade]

Oh yeah, we should talk about that. You're right.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Ben. Okay, so he's. We got.

[Dana Carvey]

That's how we get guests. Mostly. It's just.

[David Spade]

Yeah, there you go. I just heard on the podcast. So do you want me to come on? We're like, yeah, all right, what's the next stupid story that's never queued up?

[Dana Carvey]

Then I want to hear your road story.

[David Spade]

Oh yeah, this is.

[Dana Carvey]

Punks. Go ahead, read it.

[David Spade]

So this guy's a Palm Springs career panhandler.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh.

[David Spade]

And he's good looking. So someone filmed him and said, this guy should model. So someone contacted him and he said, I don't want to model. Leave me alone. I want to do this.

[Unknown]

So here's his storage professional panel handler patrols the streets of Palm Springs. He's going viral now for two reasons.

[David Spade]

One for his chiseled good looks, they say. Another for his bold and shameless stance on the way he makes his money.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's Brad Love. He describes himself as a career panhandler. He was recently spotted by LA based photographer who suggested Brad go into modeling. Well, Brad says he's not homeless and he has no interest in modeling or any other kind of job. Well, he says he's had jobs. He's even been a nurse. But asking for cash on the side of the road is just easier. He also has a cash app account he advertises to his 20,000 TikTok followers. It's not clear how much Love makes on his street hustle, but he did post a clip claiming he made about $260 in just a couple hours last month.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, that's not going to set you up in Palm Springs. I'm kind of calling that a little bit fuzzy. Like, does he do it eight hours a day? Does he live on the street? I mean, how does he afford his apartment? Apartment and everything? You must be getting more than that.

[David Spade]

Well, that's just in a couple hours.

[Dana Carvey]

What? Panhandler has a. A Tik tok. What is it? Tik tok. What does he have?

[David Spade]

20,000 followers and a cash app. So what happens is sometimes people will put in their Instagram bio cash app in case you want to give me money to help me pursue My dreams of being a.

[Dana Carvey]

He seems like a nice young man. Let me get my phone here. All right, all right. What's his name again?

[David Spade]

No one stops me from modeling. What are you going to give him? How much?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I slipped with the zeros. A hundred thousand? Just one.

[David Spade]

Oh, more. Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

I know way too much. Look at me. Don't say, oh, Dana, I'm the one who lost the money. No.

[David Spade]

Well, what about. He did. He did look like sort of Johnny Depp first year jump street.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, he's got a 700 haircut that swoops down on his, you know, So I don't know.

[David Spade]

He is dreamy. Smells like poop, but dreamy. All right, so, okay, here's the story of my. My new tour manager. So when I'm in New York, I say, hey, I'm promoting the Dandelion on Amazon.

[Dana Carvey]

My.

[David Spade]

My special. Yeah. So it was coming out that day. So I said, hey, guys, we'll show the video. But I go, here's my new. Do you have the video? If you have it. Hey, guys, David Spade. I'm got a new special on Amazon. Starts tonight. I got a new tour. Davidspay.com. here's my new tour manager, Billy.

[Dana Carvey]

We worked really hard in the special.

[David Spade]

So do you know who this is then?

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. I can't leave New York.

[Unknown]

Therefore, I am the best person ever.

[Dana Carvey]

To lead an international tour.

[David Spade]

That's right. Mexico, here we come.

[Dana Carvey]

They'll kill me. We can't go there.

[David Spade]

Stop. Free cheese sandwich. Okay, so good we put that on because this is the guy from the Fyre festival that we've talked about. He did the one Fire Festival years ago.

[Dana Carvey]

I knew he was. Looked familiar, right?

[David Spade]

So he does it years ago. Obviously, it's a catastrophe. They gave away cheese sandwiches. There was not what everyone advertised. They paid all these models a million dollars, you know, Millions. Yeah, got a lot of money.

[Dana Carvey]

A great documentary because it's such a show, right?

[David Spade]

So he comes out of jail, he does it again. Fire Festival 2. I think we talked about it.

[Dana Carvey]

Hyped it up, hype it up.

[David Spade]

I think packages are up to a million. They had no lineup at this point. You know, it's just like. I think it's like the cart before the horse. They get the money, then they can pay the.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, right, right. That's sort of like a reverse Ponzi scheme or something like that, right?

[David Spade]

A little made offy. Whatever. Anyway, he's trying to do it. He's working with some people, put it together again. They check with Mexico Mexico cities are like, we have no idea what's going. This is. There's no permits. So it starts to fall apart again. So I thought, oh, it'd be funny if I got that guy's mind to a mentor, because obviously, he's not maybe the best for the job. Right?

[Dana Carvey]

Right.

[David Spade]

So we shake him out of the brush, and he comes out as a joke to be funny and says he'll do this. So then I think everyone will think it's a joke, and then nobody did. They go, oh, this guy's your. Why would you pick this guy? He doesn't. He's collapsed too.

[Dana Carvey]

Let me ask a question. Did I see it correctly? I mean, does everyone who see that guy. Is he that recognizable that they knew it was the fire?

[David Spade]

Well, that's true. I put at the bottom, Fyre Fest 3. And then I put. Okay, I put his tag. And then I put cheese sandwich. And Mexico is where we.

[Dana Carvey]

Seems like you almost should have introduced him and said that he, you know, just did the.

[David Spade]

But, yeah, I mean, honestly, it slipped through the cracks because TMZ hit my PR and said, hey, Spade hired this guy. You know, he's not great at this, but we're gonna run this story. I'm like, no, I didn't.

[Dana Carvey]

No.

[David Spade]

I know I should have said anything, but. Oh, you thought it was real?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I should have said. I'm not at liberty to say. I really don't want to discuss it right now.

[David Spade]

Right. I thought they would put it up and just say it was a joke, because the guy keeps asking, getting asked to be on talk shows. He won't talk to anyone, but then he's like, yeah, I'll come do it. So he was very funny to do that, even though obviously people. Some were mad that I did it with him. Of course.

[Dana Carvey]

Let me talk to the fans for just a second, because I'm looking at you now. You know, he should have mentioned the guy was from the Fire Festival.

[David Spade]

I know, but he.

[Dana Carvey]

He didn't. So back to the podcast.

[David Spade]

I know. I have to say, hey, I recognized him. He was about 2ft taller than I thought he'd be, but I recognize him. And I put Firefest 3 on there, but.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, let me talk to the fans for a second.

[David Spade]

Okay, Real quick. I won't listen.

[Dana Carvey]

Anyway, I. I take it back. It was a good video. He's touring his man, especially Danny line, but still, it should have said fry Festival guy or whatever. David didn't do that. Let me. I'll be back to you. Let me Go back to the podcast.

[David Spade]

So, Dana, listen. You win.

[Dana Carvey]

Twice is enough.

[David Spade]

No, it's good. I like that when you talk to the crowd, you can talk to the crowd.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, your camera's too far away. Can you look at the. In the lens? Oh, there you go. Yeah, maybe. Maybe I don't get that close.

[David Spade]

I know it's a little rough. I don't think I even need this light, Heather. But next time, we'll talk about it makes my forehead too bright. Oh, God. Will someone step on your tail?

[Unknown]

Frustrated assistant for 900 bob.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I just heard. Get 1%.

[Dana Carvey]

Is 1%. How. How low could she go?

[David Spade]

You know, she's like.

[Dana Carvey]

By the way, David.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

When we do these long super. You can put on sunglasses. You could. You know, Bill Maher, when. Billy Marr, my buddy William Marr, he'll wear these indoor outdoor sunglasses on his, you know, club random thing. So you can wear those. And then they could put the lights a little brighter.

[David Spade]

I do. But, you know, sometimes the brighter light isn't the better because it makes my forehead bright. Because I'm gonna paint this blue behind me and put a shelf. And so we're going to see some real upgrades. People are going to be like, holy.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I have a curtain. Kind of mostly closed. Too much light's not good either. Anyway, well, it's all it's going to be in my special. Yeah, Lights. Lights on.

[David Spade]

How about mine's gonna be called Lights, camera? Not that much action about my sex life. Okay, let's show one more. A couple more stories. We got time. You know, it's a proven fact, Dana, that it's that attractive people tend to like hot, spicy food. Look, I didn't make the rules. I just happen to fit in that sort of data and demo. Which is exactly why I had to try the new spicy Cinco de Mango flavor from the makers of Five Hour Energy, y' all. It's sweet and spicy. It's a tad unhinged. Just like your favorite podcast host. Me and Dana. Thank you.

[Dana Carvey]

I second that. Your new nickname is Spicy Cinco de Mango Hot chili favorite.

[David Spade]

And then bam. Mango sweetness swoops in like a little saucy twist.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, it's basically the drama your taste buds deserve. Hot people like hot food. That's all I'm saying. And apparently hot energy shots, too. So if you think you're hot, and I know you do, prove it. Take the heat with a five hour energy. Spicy Cico de Mango and their spicy hot sauce. Yeah, they went all in. Life's too short for bland. Spice it up this Cinco de Mayo. Get energized. Get spicy. You're hot. Your energy shot should be too 5 hour energy spicy cinco de Mango is only available online for a limited time. Head to www.five hour energy.com to order yours today.

[Unknown]

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[David Spade]

Dana what does a confident smile say to you? And maybe more importantly, what does it say about you with Smile Generation? It says you're taking care of more than just your teeth because confidence doesn't start and stop at a bright smile. It's about your whole body wellness. Smile Generation reimagines oral health as the gateway to long term confidence. Why? Because oral health issues have been linked to heart disease, diabetes and even cognitive conditions. When you care for your smile, you're investing in your future and that confidence. It starts with feeling supported with Smile Generation trusted providers, you're not just another patient, you're a partner.

[Dana Carvey]

They prioritize personal, patient focused care that truly listens to you. Plus, with education and preventive care at the core, Smile Generation empowers you to understand the connection between your mouth and overall health so you can stop issues before they start. Here's your chance to take the first step. Smile Generation is offering a $59 new patient special that's a comprehensive exam, cleaning and x rays a $290 value. New patients only offer not valid for Tricare or Medicare Advantage may be covered by insurance, subject to plan restrictions. Booked by December 31, 2025. Visit smilegeneration.com 5 for full terms and to book now. So Stabbing Cabin came from the 1940s. Is that.

[David Spade]

I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

Seems like something Spencer Trazian and Kate Hepburn I'll meet you at the Stabbing Cabin.

[David Spade]

I don't think she would say it was more of an agent at William Morris about 15 years ago said I live. I'm married, I live in Malibu, but I also have a stabbing cabin in town.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, did you ever see the movie the Apartment with Jack lemmon and Shirley MacLaine?

[David Spade]

No, I'm young, okay?

[Dana Carvey]

It's exactly about that. It's so out for its time. Could never work in 2025. But they have this apartment and they rotate. All the guys that work rotate. And then that's their sort of rendezvous point with someone.

[David Spade]

Rendezvous. I like how you water it down. Good job. Yeah, I like that. By the way, my mom saw my special. I was not warned. She goes, oh, I woke up. I watched on Jimmy Fallon. They bleeped something. First of all, I don't know. That was either on Kelly Rip or Jimmy. They bleep something. Heather. Do you even know what that would have been? And then maybe when I was talking about Bill Belichick, but then. And then we. And then she goes, I watch a special. I go, mom, relax. Pace it out. And she said, okay. Oh, it's so fun. She's laughing, though. She. Of course, in full disclosure, she's a great audience. I can do no wrong.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, no, I love just that phrase. It's so fun.

[David Spade]

Oh, it's fun. You're doing fun stuff about fun things. So I said, great. And then she goes, oh, I just got to the part. You knew I wouldn't like this. You knew I didn't like a little.

[Dana Carvey]

Naughty below the waist toward the end.

[David Spade]

I go, oh, yeah, that's. I did.

[Dana Carvey]

Was it a self pleasuring joke or a.

[David Spade]

It was. I think it's just basically the setup is something like it's getting hard. Do you find it's getting hard to watch porn on an airplane?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, right.

[David Spade]

Yeah. It's not impossible. It's just. It's just a little trickier.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, it's a funny setup, right?

[David Spade]

I mean, I guess, but. I mean, I guess. Crushing laughs and applause.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, no, it's a. The premise is very funny. I'm sure you worked really hard to follow it up with actual jokes.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I did. The jokes are about porn, which is where I lost her, but. Oh, Davey, you don't need that.

[Dana Carvey]

But my takeaway from this entire podcast, knowing you and your mom's relationship and everything and how sweet she is, her going, it's so fun. Oh, I mean, that is so sweet.

[David Spade]

I mean, when I come to town, I go. She goes, what happened? I go, I landed at the airport. She goes, oh, fun. Right? Then I go, I rented a car. I was on the. I got on the 10. And she goes, oh, fun. I go, what? What's Fun. The. The freeway. It just sounds like a fun thing because you're on a journey and you're going to do something fun.

[Dana Carvey]

Fun is her word.

[David Spade]

It is, it is. It's great. And then anybody she meets, oh, she's fun. Oh, you'd like her.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, it's very.

[Unknown]

She's a fun cookie. She's a smart cookie. She lives in the greater Phoenix metro area. David Spade's a child, and she's got a lot of fun to say.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I mean, your next is called fun, exclamation point, Fun, exclamation point, Fun, exclamation.

[David Spade]

Yes. I will talk about my mom. I will tell things about how she gets on Facebook so much that when there's an ad for three day blinds and it says like 30 off this weekend, she comments, ooh, that sounds good. I go, mom, are you commenting on a commercial on an ad? I don't even know if you can do that. Yeah, it sounds like a good deal. Just getting the word out.

[Dana Carvey]

Everything in life, like, they just. The. The restaurant decided to comp you this elaborate dessert. Oh, that looks fun. That looks so good. She's the most positive person in the world. So how. How do we explain you?

[David Spade]

She takes pictures. Takes pictures at dinner, we sit down. She goes, oh, it's the whole family. Take a picture. Go. And it's like, we're sitting down. And she's like. And then I'm like, mom, let's just get settled. We'll get a waiter over here. I go, I get a notice. Oh, my God. You already posted this on Facebook. Yeah, it's a good one. I go, we're not even in focus. It's all blurs and shapes. She goes, I know. I go, you have to run it by us before you post it. She goes, no, she's like a human Labrador retriever. She won't read. She goes, no, I'm not.

[Dana Carvey]

Will she come on this podcast? Just.

[David Spade]

She was five minutes. She's super sweet. She loves you. She'll do it for you.

[Dana Carvey]

Have her just come on. We'll all. She. She sure she looks incredible. I can send her some of my fancy pants lights.

[David Spade]

She always goes, oh, I'm laughing at the podcast. And Dana, oh, the dogs are laughing. Everyone loves it.

[Dana Carvey]

That's funny how the parents are like, very sweet. Yeah, they always, oh, that David Spade. Let me tell you. They don't say whether it's good or bad. Oh, that David Spade.

[David Spade]

There you go. They go, he's a real piece of work. What does that mean? He's a real character.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

I mean, sounds negative.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, David Spade, his special just came out. He could be a dandy.

[David Spade]

He's a real dandy. I'm going filming Dandelions.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, I realize you say sorry right now. Okay, I'll watch it as soon as.

[David Spade]

Yeah. What'd you think?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I'm gonna watch it.

[David Spade]

No, you saw, basically after this podcast, the last court corporate we did. That was a lot of it.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, yeah, but I don't go out in the audience, so I'm kind of in the. Where it's all like.

[David Spade]

You hear me act like this.

[Dana Carvey]

No, what I hear is. And then I hear big laugh, then here. Then I hear kind of a little laugh. And then I hear. I hear you go. And then a laugh.

[David Spade]

Then you hear this beep, beep. You're like, oh, he's doing a sound effects joke.

[Dana Carvey]

Then I hear this very clearly at the end. Sorry, that's all I got. Good night.

[David Spade]

Sorry. Now, the guy you came to see, Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I opened for you in Indianapolis, and then. No, you opened for me in Indianapolis, and that wasn't easy. And then I opened for you in Indio.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it was great. Both great shows. I had a blast. We got to do more of those.

[Dana Carvey]

They're fun. It's fun to have your friend do it. That would be you. And then you don't have to do 75. I did a casino. Whoops. Sold out. How'd that get out? But they said they.

[David Spade]

I know which one you're talking about.

[Dana Carvey]

They wanted 75. And so when you go in there. When you go in the Hinderland, it's like 20 miles west of Salem, Oregon. You've been very appreciative. Yeah, you've been there. You get a very appreciative. Incredible crowd because you're the only show in town.

[David Spade]

As you. And some hieroglyphics. But I've been to that one. It's very good audience. It's just a little bit of a hike. But you get out there, and it's. Once you're out there, it's fun.

[Dana Carvey]

Spirit. Spirit Mountain.

[David Spade]

Oh, I thought it was Table Mountain. Was it?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, there's a. There's a lot of. There's a couple Native American casinos that want to hire us.

[David Spade]

Yes. And they're great.

[Dana Carvey]

Great.

[David Spade]

I think. Do you. But do you ever bring an opener?

[Dana Carvey]

Sometimes. This time I didn't because.

[David Spade]

So you have to fill the whole time.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, on the sheet it said show length, 60 minutes. You get a little rundown for when you do these gigs, folks, white sheet says set length 60. Show length 75. So I go, wait a minute. So they're. They're providing a local opener from Salem. But no, actually set length 75. So I did 7430. I just lucked out. I did everything I had 74, 30.

[David Spade]

Did you really?

[Dana Carvey]

I looked down and I go, oh, timed it out well. When you know you have 75, you kind of embellish. You don't rush. You just take your time.

[David Spade]

Usually show lengths on the road for theater stuff are an hour and a half. So you have people do time. I have one or two openers. I do time, but I usually do an hour. But when I do corporates, 45 is plenty.

[Dana Carvey]

45 is good. I actually did a private party and I did 50. I played in front of a waterfall, and no one in the audience was within 100ft of me.

[David Spade]

It's so funny.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. And they were really nice, but it's like they don't really. This is not, like, ideal, but this happened to me just because I. I'm. I'm. I'm a child of the 50s. So I'm just doing my set and I'm kind of being animated because they're really. I'm just tagging stuff because they're such a hot audience. And then I got a stabbing pain in my inner thigh. Like, I couldn't really walk for a bit, and I had to kind of fake it and kind of work it out. You ever just really.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it's really weird when you're about to go on. One time I was choking on some celery backstage right before I went on. Literally stuck. Stuck in my throat. Not choking, but like, I can't swallow. I've had stuff drives you nuts. I had an eyelash in my eye right before I go on. And you're like, these are the little things in life. You just take care of it. But you can't do anything. You can't pee, you can't be funny. If you stop for five seconds, I'm like, what's wrong? What is he doing?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I was right in the wings at Cobb's Comedy Pub in Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco. 450 seater waiting to go on. I talking to someone. And I bit my tongue.

[David Spade]

No.

[Dana Carvey]

And I'm bleeding profusely, as I hear, ladies and gentlemen. You know, I'm From Saturday Life 5, Glenna Farfo, you know, and I'm coming out. I'm just swallowing blood for about 20 minutes till I coagulated.

[David Spade]

Yeah, Kawag. You know him from his podcast, whatever it's called.

[Dana Carvey]

His mouth is bleeding, he has a temperature of 104 and he can't feel his feet. Let's bring him out.

[David Spade]

You know him and you love him. And does anyone have a tourniquet?

[Dana Carvey]

He just had a knee replace and his shoulder is his made of silicone. David Spade.

[David Spade]

David Spade. He's high as a kite on biking. And here he comes, David Spade.

[Dana Carvey]

You only see out of one eye and his hearing aid. Very good either. Let's bring him out.

[David Spade]

Some lucky front row customer is going to get a coughed up piece of celery in about 10 minutes.

[Dana Carvey]

David's paid, he's under prepared, he doesn't have an act and he has no short term memory. Let's bring him out. He's bleeding from the back of his neck.

[David Spade]

Get ready to hear every joke. Three times he just got stabbed.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's bring him out.

[David Spade]

David Spade, you know him, you don't know why you love him. And here he actually Catherine introduces me, she goes, you know, from the wrong. Missy and Joe Dirt and grown ups. And if you don't, you're in the wrong place.

[Dana Carvey]

That's not bad.

[David Spade]

That's not bad, right?

[Dana Carvey]

They had me, they call it the voice of God. So you have a mic on stage, they go, do you want to do it? So I had to do it for myself.

[David Spade]

God, you're a one man band.

[Dana Carvey]

So it was all, yeah, no, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah. I just said, he's not very good. Keep your expectations low. This next guy. Yeah. Just had a cell. Well, I have to ask because it's. When you first said it, really, a celery stick.

[David Spade]

Right before I have celery backstage with like a veggie tray.

[Dana Carvey]

You kind of can get in your.

[David Spade]

And I chew it up and it gets a little stringy. Whatever, it gets stuck. That's twice it's happened. And I'm like, like no celery before I go.

[Dana Carvey]

Nothing.

[David Spade]

You shouldn't eat one thing.

[Dana Carvey]

You shouldn't eat anything. I mean, one thing I've done lately is I'll just have a little bite of Hershey's chocolate. Just because the energy. But I used to do this thing, I'd get a craving for corn on the cob with a lot of butter. And I'd be eating that in the wings. No, more in the cob. And I would come out with cob and corn just like all over my teeth. And finally one of the club owners said, dude, you shouldn't have the corn in the cob before you go out. I mean, David Spade was in here last week just chewing on celery, and two people vomited in the front row.

[David Spade]

No one could understand him. How many times have you pooped your pants on stage? Roughly?

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, recently. Yeah, poop my pants.

[David Spade]

You made me actually consider I have one time. Because you get. One time in Dallas. I got. Well, I didn't know. I didn't do number two on stage. I have had some warnings, but I didn't. Nothing ever happened. But when I was in Dallas about two years ago, I was on and I was. I started to get a panic attack. Weird. Right at the beginning of the tour or anything beforehand. I think I did. Yeah. And I was like, going. And I start looking around, going, and you. And anytime you're thinking of anything other than your act, like, I don't want to connect eyes or the audience, I kind of. Because you're thinking of so many things and you're evaluating how it's going, and then you're like, I want to jump to that joke on my set list. I shouldn't do that one. They won't buy that. You got to jump. So there's a lot going on. But when you stop, I stop and I go, oh, my God, what if I freak out? I started getting, like, panicky, and I look over to see if Bobby's there, and I'm like, what would I do? Walk off and try to calm down. It's terrifying.

[Dana Carvey]

That's the weird part. And, of course, we're very blessed, lucky, to do this for a living. But there are tales about it, because the show must go on. And I always say, well, maybe the show doesn't have to go on. Maybe the show sucks. But the other night, one of my gigs. Yeah, I don't drink Coca Cola in life, but I do drink a little bit of Coca Cola before. I got. Same thing with chocolate.

[David Spade]

Just to get up, to wake up. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

But the show's delayed, so I'm drinking Coke and I'm drinking more Coke. I'm a little amped up. And then suddenly I start to feel hypoglycemic and a little lightheaded it. And I thought, you're thinking, where is this going? Like, is if this keeps extenuating, then you scare yourself. Yeah. And then I may not be able to go on, you know, so. But then I. I just shook it off like a man.

[David Spade]

You took a poop in your pants and you got up there like a Good performer.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, did you ever poop your pants in grade school? I'm sure you did, many times.

[David Spade]

I listen to this. I told a legitimate friend of mine who said, driving my house after lunch, he goes, oh, my God, I didn't like that place. I go, you didn't? I thought it was pretty good. No. He goes, I shit my pants on the way home. I go, I'm sorry. Aren't you 44 years old? And he was not surprised. And I go, have you ever done that before? And he goes, probably about once a month. I go, I'm sorry, what?

[Dana Carvey]

I think you should get some medical attention.

[David Spade]

I'm sorry, what? Like you said, did you ever. In fourth grade. I'm, like, racking my brain maybe. I sort of have a handle on it since then. I don't love it sometimes. It's a close call.

[Dana Carvey]

Nine. You were.

[David Spade]

Yeah. I go, I got it. Yeah, I got it. I don't pee.

[Dana Carvey]

I say this on the podcast before car trips with my dad, the whole family. Seven of us in the station wagon.

[David Spade]

Christina.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, Jesus Christ. And he was gonna Zephyr. He'd call it Zephyr. We tried to get to Winnemucca, Nevada, from San Francisco Bay Area. Oh, we're gonna Zephyr. So if we'd stop it, like, you know, Sambo's Pancakes or something, he'd finish and just leave. So he didn't have time to go to the bathroom, and then he wouldn't stop. Oh, I kind of could go to the bathroom. We're going to Pocatello or something. Oh, Jesus Christ.

[David Spade]

What's Zephyr mean?

[Dana Carvey]

Zephyr means just go fast. Don't know no lolly gang. And by the way, is that a monster or still construction?

[David Spade]

I think we're gonna wrap up because they're breaking into my house.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, that's a cliffhanger. I'll tell you about the poop pants thing next week. Next week on Superfly.

[David Spade]

You know, I have a Z Flex skateboard on my wall. An old one from the 70s, Jay Adams. And it's also called a Zephyr. And I never even knew that word.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it's speed or.

[David Spade]

Or so it makes sense for a skateboard.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, but.

[David Spade]

Well, I'm.

[Dana Carvey]

Let me finish. President Brian.

[Unknown]

Relax.

[Dana Carvey]

Enjoy the podcast. I'm Brian. President Brian. Breathe in the.

[David Spade]

Be mad at me. I like. I liked it. I like it. And the audience can't get mad at you because you're very calm and cool. You don't flip out.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we tend to Go like this and that with presidents, and it was a. Maybe a flimsy premise, but I'll be curious.

[David Spade]

No, I like it because Biden was underground, not coming out a lot. Trump is out there all the time. I was wondering when you were just talking about this Canada guy coming out, I think is. That's what they call him.

[Dana Carvey]

His name is Canada.

[David Spade]

Is it. Is it Carson? What is it?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, something like. It's Carson. No. I don't know. It's a Prime Minister of Canada.

[David Spade]

Is a prime minister. Okay, so he think no.

[Dana Carvey]

Or something else.

[David Spade]

Are there any meetings behind closed doors anymore? I mean, what happened to the decorum of just meet the guy, hash it out, then you walk out, hey, it went good. He literally meets him and goes, sit down and. And they're like, wait right here. Like, everyone's here. And he's like, yeah, you're up everything.

[Unknown]

We're gonna.

[David Spade]

They start going at it. Yeah, I know. So crazy Trump.

[Dana Carvey]

I. Unless. Unless someone writes a book about it, because I read Bob Woodward's book. Like, oh, boy. We're going to get the back. We're going to get the real story about Trump. And all it was was exactly the way Trump's in front of the camera. So I don't think there's another Trump back there. But there is no filter. He just says. He says to the guy, we're going to.

[Unknown]

We're going to be a beautiful 51st state.

[Dana Carvey]

He knows it got the guy elected because it turned on a massive patriotic swelling in Canada when Trump.

[David Spade]

I know, it really did. It flipped everybody. They had, like, two weeks. And then. I really don't know how it works up there because someone else told me yesterday Canada might vote again in a year.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, if it's parliamentary, then it is that. They go. You can go in and out. Like, if we had that, Obama could come back. You know, you don't. You don't have the terms that we have, but Canada.

[Unknown]

Trump's like, joe, you're going to get a big, beautiful tax break. You get free military tickets.

[David Spade]

We get a free pass to Disneyland. Throws in a lot of perks.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. We'll see. Hopefully everything.

[David Spade]

We'll give you when we open Alcatraz, like it's the new Disneyland. We're gonna let all the kids in. It's gonna be a lot of fun. This is where we suffocate everyone. This is where the gangs jump other guys in. All right, I gotta go. I think I'm in danger with this noise.

[Unknown]

Solitary confinement. That's what they call it. That meant you were alone for a long time.

[David Spade]

Kids, you want to get in and try it one at a time?

[Unknown]

Get in them. Let me close you in. You can see what Al Capone did. Because he ate one extra biscuit. They threw him in solitary.

[David Spade]

All right. Good one. Thanks, buddy. That's it. That's good.

[Dana Carvey]

We'll talk later.

[David Spade]

We'll see you next time.

[Dana Carvey]

Bye.

[David Spade]

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.