David Spade (2:36)

I'm not good. Oh my God. I can never do the weather.

Dana Carvey (2:40)

Hope. Hope we have a good sir. Hope we have a good podcast.

David Spade (2:44)

Good one. Hey. Kiss. Wow. Sweet.

Dana Carvey (2:47)

Geez, I'm Sorry, I have giant hands. I apologize.

David Spade (2:50)

No min. Bigger look.

Dana Carvey (2:54)

Ah.

David Spade (2:55)

If you ever take a picture of your wiener, really put it right in the camera like that. You like that? And then it looks normal side.

Dana Carvey (3:03)

Well, I just want to bet with Heather that you would say wiener. Heather, you owe me.

David Spade (3:10)

No, listen, I have bigger fish to fry. I'm going to start off with a story. Hot off.

Dana Carvey (3:13)

I want to hear your story. And you know what? I'm not going to try to sabotage you by interrupting you constantly.

David Spade (3:20)

Okay, I'll interrupt yours, though. Okay, ready? Here's what happened, all right? I have a roller on the ground like this for, like, my neck. So I was laying on it in the middle of the day for no reason, just to open up the excruciating pain. I'm constantly. And even though people in the comments feel free to poke at me, it's fine. You know, I'm used to it. I'm like, rudy, you know, I take it. So here I am laying there like this, and then a housekeeper that has been here for years comes in and she said. She said, david, do you wear a sleep mask at night? And I said, no. Why'd you find one? She goes, no, but do you wear pads on your eyes or something when you sleep? And I go, no. Where is she going with this? You will never know. Because she goes, I think I know because I saw you on Jimmy Fallon and you look so puffy and your eyes are such big bags. I thought, oh, my God, what's going on? What did you say to me? Why would you jump to that from that? Why would I even connect that? And I go, no, I was fine. And then she goes, oh, I just thought, oh, maybe you drank all night, maybe you stayed up all night, or maybe you haven't gone to bed in weeks. I go, no, I didn't.

Dana Carvey (4:36)

You're not exaggerating.

David Spade (4:38)

I'm not really exaggerating. And I go, no, I didn't really do anything. I had dinner with Nate and I went to bed. And she goes, oh. And then it's not over. We walk outside because it's kind of dim in my room. We get in the light hallway, and she goes, oh, there they are again. What?

Dana Carvey (4:53)

What are they? The bags?

David Spade (4:55)

Like, it's. Yeah, like a magic trick. Oi.

Dana Carvey (4:57)

Hey.

David Spade (4:58)

Like, she went like that, pulled them up. I go, yeah, they're always here. And she goes. And then she's like. Like, I'll mind my own business now. But then all day I'm like this.

Dana Carvey (5:09)

Well, that literally. We had Larry David on a couple weeks ago on our sister podcast. And that literally could be a, you know, a curb episode. The over familiar housekeeper is very personal. Are you gonna. You're going to wear those jeans? We had a one who spoke mostly Spanish. I don't know if your housekeeper.

David Spade (5:31)

Yeah, she can do in California. She can't. No, she can't.

Dana Carvey (5:37)

She can't. Well, I.

David Spade (5:39)

Quick fix.

Dana Carvey (5:40)

I visited you a lot over there and. And, you know, I'd run into the hallway and stuff and she'd go, huh, do you put a nice cold compress on underneath your eyes because you don't have anything going on?

David Spade (5:53)

No, she. No, no, no. She says, is Dana okay? And I go on. She goes, just want to know if he's okay, because I just took a glance and it's probably not my business. I go, oh, it's 100% not. And she goes, I just wonder because his hair is a little frizzy today.

Dana Carvey (6:10)

Well, maybe she's lost her calling. She should be a life coach now.

David Spade (6:15)

Sometimes she goes like this, your shirt is a little wrinkly. So. But this is what you wore and you picked her wear. And I go.

Dana Carvey (6:27)

Okay, well, I'm kind of disorganized, you may have noticed.

David Spade (6:32)

And, well, your house looks like a mess behind you.

Dana Carvey (6:35)

Well, yeah, I know this. Well, I. I am. I'm under house arrest, so this is. Yeah, I mean, honestly, obviously I'm wearing an ankle thing. I can't leave room. I mean, no one would try to. You know the thing about this, though, some people said, oh, it's not good to have a door. But I feel like it's kind of like tension. Like, is something going to come through that door?

David Spade (6:57)

Sure.

Dana Carvey (6:57)

You know what I mean?

David Spade (6:58)

Everyone's thinking that in the comments, but.

Dana Carvey (7:00)

Sometimes when I was foolish, I had a little extra, you know, shekels in my pocket and my jeans. I didn't really. A lot of times my pants would go into the laundry with lots of twenties and tens in the pocket, thousands. And then they go through the dryer. And then. So I'd go down there and she would. She's incredibly sweet, totally honest. She would line them up on top of the dryer, like all these dollar bills or whatever.

David Spade (7:29)

Oh, yeah, you want to know weirder? Spade. When I was probably 11 or 12, I would get all my money. Obviously bored. Dad's gone. What do I do? So I. I would take the spritzer from the iron and I go on them, and then I would iron them and I'd spray a little Water on them, iron them flat. I like them nice and crispy. And then if that wasn't weird enough, by the way, should have been an insane asylum. Then I'd go to the top of the stairs and I'd let them go. And they go all the way to the front door. Is that crazy? And Brian would walk in, deesh, grab one.

Dana Carvey (8:04)

I was. I was a busboy. And I'd get paid, you know, maybe 10 bucks. So they just came out crunkly, crinkly, and I just throw them in a basket. And everyone thought I had a lot of money, but it was all ones. It was like $60.

David Spade (8:19)

Yeah.

Dana Carvey (8:19)

No one hear about my travel.

David Spade (8:22)

Yeah, let's hear about your travel while we got it.

Dana Carvey (8:24)

I'll just go through them. Here we go. Going to Chicago with my wife. So we go to the airport because we have our cars. Chicago. What's the real pronunciation?

David Spade (8:32)

I think you said Chicago instead of Chicago.

Dana Carvey (8:35)

Chicago I call it.

David Spade (8:37)

Okay.

Dana Carvey (8:37)

So we get to the airport, flight's getting. We're getting a little late. And we go round and round and round and round and round in the parking garage. She's following me. Long story short, there's no parking unless you park where electric cars could park. Now, I have lax.

David Spade (8:53)

I'm sorry, I'm interrupting you on your way there. Okay.

Dana Carvey (8:56)

We drove there, and then we went into the parking garage next to United, and every single thing was taken except there were some open if you had an electric car. Now I have a hybrid. My wife has a regular car, just a dirty car, Volvo, but. So we just decided we're going to park. And it said $250 minimum a day. So we thought we'd come back either with them towed or like a $5,000 bill, but they were left. So that was the wait.

David Spade (9:24)

250 minimum fine a day fine.

Dana Carvey (9:28)

If.

David Spade (9:28)

Well, hybrid. I would count in my head.

Dana Carvey (9:31)

Yeah. So I don't really understand those because what? You plug them in, they go away for a week, and they're still plugged in. I mean, so I didn't really get how they.

David Spade (9:38)

It takes that long to charge one.

Dana Carvey (9:40)

So that was a little stressful. Now this. This has never happened before. We go through the security. I know people have security jokes. I go through. I look back. There's the little cartoon person, and it's got a big red block over my crotch. Just a big red square. My wife comes through behind me. Same thing, big red square. We have two people in front of us kind of going, huh? Would you. I. They asked me, would you like to go to a private room for a pat down. I said, no, I'm married, so. So I said no. And they asked my wife, too. We don't. We just thought it was funny. I don't want to exaggerate for comic purposes. I think it was a six to seven minute pat down. You had to turn away, put one foot forward and crouch down. Then they're up underneath. There's nothing. Grabbing, grinding, looking. There were people who kind of thought I was your. Your friend from. From flying on the wall. And they're. Look, there's a little crowd gathering. They're padding. Then they come to the front. Boom, boom, boom, grab, boom, boom. So that was kind of exciting at the same time, it's happening to my wife. So the both of us are just doing this groping dance. And this shocked me. As I'm leaving, the guy who patted me down lit up a cigarette. I go, dude, it's an airport.

David Spade (10:58)

Did you know what you should have said? Can I just pat down my wife? And we'll let you know what happens? Because what was the big square in your crotch? What do you think?

Dana Carvey (11:06)

What do you think we're hiding a gun in our pants or an explosive device? I mean, we don't look like that. I mean, I did say to him at the end, because I get a little passive aggressive sometimes.

David Spade (11:15)

Yeah, sure.

Dana Carvey (11:16)

I said, because I felt there was.

David Spade (11:17)

One grope that was for him one too many.

Dana Carvey (11:20)

There was one squeeze.

David Spade (11:21)

One for the team.

Dana Carvey (11:22)

Yeah. One for him. It was a little. So I said, I just. Are you happy? I said, I wasn't. Leon, are you happy?

David Spade (11:28)

Ah, you gave him that one.

Dana Carvey (11:30)

And he goes. He kind of nodded. And then I high fived his blue glove. Yeah. Then I smelled it.

David Spade (11:37)

He goes, sometimes the house wins.

Dana Carvey (11:39)

I didn't do that.

David Spade (11:40)

You have to grab your balls. Yeah, I haven't. Remember I told you, Dana, they go like this back. I'm gonna go to your crotchal area.

Dana Carvey (11:46)

The back of the hand.

David Spade (11:47)

You want the back of the hand? I go, let's go front.

Dana Carvey (11:51)

Oh, you just give them a good memory.

David Spade (11:53)

Yeah. I go, let's have some fun. Come on.

Dana Carvey (11:54)

Okay, so this part is not an exaggeration either. So we fly. We fly to Chicago.

David Spade (12:00)

We're coming in Chicago now.

Dana Carvey (12:01)

St. Louis had a tornado and blew up a dust storm, so. That's right. Yeah. We made all the news. We're. We see it in the distance from the plane. It's 100 miles wide and 20 miles tall of dust. It envelops Chicago there's tornadoes and thunderstorms and 60 mile an hour gusts. So the guy's like, we're going to have you ground in a minute. We've got a dust storm, tornadoes, thunderstorms, winds out of the southwest that's gusting to 70 miles an hour. Have the ground in just a minute. So we, when we were coming into Chicago, we couldn't even see. Was so covered with dirt. And it was weird. It was a little light chop. You wouldn't have liked it.

David Spade (12:39)

A little dirty air, literally. You know, I will, I will add in this part of your story. Dana does not love flying. And you add in all this chaos. What was Paula doing?

Dana Carvey (12:49)

Paula is the opposite of me. She is so relaxed, like, because on the way back to lax, we're coming in the gears down, all of a sudden the gear comes up like 40 seconds from landing. And the guy does a steep left bank.

David Spade (13:04)

Wait, he does. He gives up on it.

Dana Carvey (13:05)

Yeah, he go. And he goes. I go, oh, we just screwed the pooch. We. We got to go around. Then he comes on and goes, there was a plane that was on the Runway. So we're going to go around. Probably take us about 15 minutes to get back in line. We'll get back to you to do a U turn. Jesus, there's planes, you know. And so then two minutes later, he takes a steep dive with the gear coming down. Clearly the tower said, if you do this, you can go in. And then we made a really hard landing. I had someone on the aisle behind me who said it was their first flight.

David Spade (13:39)

I should have bricked like this.

Dana Carvey (13:41)

I've gotten much better than I've been because I've been flying so much. I'm kind of like, fuck it. But my wife's more like a. And I use this too. In World War II, they were flying and getting shot at. I mean, what are we, babies anyway?

David Spade (13:56)

I mean, we are babies because it's definitely, you know, they all, they pretty much all land. It's just, it's very upsetting and it scares you and tightens up your stomach and you land a little rock, you're a little dizzy, little.

Dana Carvey (14:09)

Well, it's, it's, you know, like I always say, if you surf the Web for an hour, go on Daily Mail or whatever, you're hypnotized into darkness. So when you're reading all the time, it seems your brain feels like planes are crashing about every two to three.

David Spade (14:22)

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Dana Carvey (14:23)

Because it's boom. So that's where the fear comes up.

David Spade (14:25)

Well, that Newark Airport thing doesn't really help relax you.

Dana Carvey (14:29)

I probably avoid it till they get it figured out. Call me crazy.

David Spade (14:42)

Dana. I'm a little bit of a spendy Susie.

Dana Carvey (14:46)

A boozy Susie and a spendy Susie.

David Spade (14:48)

Yeah, I'm more of a boozy Susie.

Dana Carvey (14:50)

But yeah, yeah, you are. You are a spendy spender. Yeah.

David Spade (14:52)

And a lot of our listeners are nice enough to write in and say you look like you drank a lot and slept on your face, but that's just constructive criticism.

Dana Carvey (15:01)

Well, it's very concise and you don't really drink very much.

David Spade (15:05)

I'll tell the fans, but just puffy. This is where Klarna comes in. Klarna is your everyday smarter spending partner, which is what a lot of people need. A lot of my friends definitely need it. It allows you to make smarter decisions with your money and it's sometimes good to have a partner like that.

Dana Carvey (15:22)

And I'll say it again. Klarna, which I I zoom, is Swedish. Klarna is your smarter everyday spending partner.

David Spade (15:31)

Shoppers can use Klarna's pay in for product to split their purchase into four interest free payments.

Dana Carvey (15:36)

That's right. Here's some key takeaways. Listen up brother. Klarna offers a pay in for product where you don't have to pay interest. I think that's a good thing.

David Spade (15:45)

You can pay with Klarna at merchant checkout in the Klarna app or with the Klarna card.

Dana Carvey (15:50)

You can also compare prices at your favorite stores and earn cash back when you shop in the app.

David Spade (15:57)

They're making it effortless for in app shoppers to get more value from every purchase. So choose Klarna at your favorite retailers or shop now@klarna.com CA resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California Finance Law License NMLS number 1353190 Klarna balance account required.

Dana Carvey (16:18)

Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, terms and conditions apply.

David Spade (16:24)

I'm just going to.

Dana Carvey (16:25)

I'm just going to say it. It's a Klarna summer. I'm Emma Grade and I've spent the last 20 years building, running and investing in some incredible businesses. The more success I've had, the more people started coming to me with questions.

David Spade (16:39)

How do you start a business?

Dana Carvey (16:40)

How do you raise money? How do I bounce back from failure? On my new podcast, Aspire with Emma Greed, I'll be answering these questions and more through weekly conversations with the smartest minds out there. Listen to and follow Aspire with Emma Greed an Odyssey podcast available now Wherever you get your podcasts.

David Spade (16:58)

As a small business owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early. Your business is on your mind 24 7. So when you're hiring, you need a partner that grinds as hard as you do. That hiring partner is LinkedIn Jobs. When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in. LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free, share it with your network, and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place.

Dana Carvey (17:22)

LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights. Either post your job for free or paid to promote. Promoting jobs gets three times more qualified applicants.

David Spade (17:35)

David. Oh, yeah, you get qualified people. At the end of the day, the most important thing for your small business is the quality of candidates. And with LinkedIn, you can feel confident that you're definitely getting the best share with your network. You can let your network know that you're hiring. You can even add a hashtag hiring frame to your profile picture and get twice as many qualified candidates.

Dana Carvey (17:55)

Find out why more than 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring today. Find your next great hire on LinkedIn.

David Spade (18:05)

Post your job for free@LinkedIn.com candidates. That's LinkedIn.com candidates to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. In a fun story, my mom saw Tom Jones in Arizona. Where did she go? The Arizona Financial Center. Dude, Tom Jones can. I think it's a 5,000 seater for Tom Jones. Wow. I knew he's a big star, but he's raking him in. And they really took care of my mom. They gave her. She had a knee operations. They gave her a box, moved her into a box. Isn't that nice? Sweet. I want to thank them. Yeah, she just got her knee replaced.

Dana Carvey (18:41)

Maybe I'll go to Arizona and just hang out with her. I go, I'm. I'm surrogate Dave. We're around the same size.

David Spade (18:48)

I said, why'd you get your knee replaced? She goes, it wasn't that bad, but I want to fight Dana, so I want to have it as strong as possible. I was like, why? She didn't tell me why, by the way.

Dana Carvey (18:58)

Just did this for a second. Tom Jones is my wife's. I mean, might be her favorite.

David Spade (19:04)

Oh, really?

Dana Carvey (19:04)

Now, he's had a renaissance. He's been on these talent shows and he's somebody who just has not lost his voice. And he sings like Pavarotti, but as a rock star. So if. If young people are listening. Just YouTube, you know.

David Spade (19:20)

Tom, you know, the funniest thing is my mom is so stoked and she's waiting, waiting, waiting. It was last Tuesday and I'm. I went to Las Vegas to that gig and I had lunch with Nikki and I look over shoulder, it says, Tom Jones playing here tonight. I was over the win. He was playing there.

Dana Carvey (19:39)

Yeah.

David Spade (19:40)

Isn't that crazy? I would have seen him if I wasn't doing a show. And then I thought, if I see him, I'm gonna go. My mom was coming.

Dana Carvey (19:47)

Well, I saw him once, quick story here at Harrah's, I think in Tahoe. And his clothes, his pants were incredibly skin tight. I mean they weren't even pants. So it was like, you know, and then he would. He would turn around for a drink of water and that you'd hear a lot of the women scream. And then he would turn back and say, literally, I see we have some fanny watchers tonight.

David Spade (20:12)

Oh boy.

Dana Carvey (20:13)

Every time he turned around, they would scream. I see the family watchers are still pleased.

David Spade (20:19)

Then he turns on, he goes, I see some weenie watches are here. And Dana goes, now he puts his wiener on the outside of his pants. He goes, they're too tight. I gotta put on the outside.

Dana Carvey (20:29)

He was famously gifted downstairs. And I guess famously, Milton Berle had the same problem or dilemma or whatever and came to him and wanted to show him. And so this Tom Jones told the story. And then Tom Jones said yes. He had me beat. But I turned around and I heard a little sound and I knew he was a fanny watcher.

David Spade (20:50)

Fanny watcher. Yeah. You know what? I didn't even check with my mom if she's a fanny watcher. I did not even, you know, ask her ahead of time.

Dana Carvey (21:00)

Well, it does she find because he was.

David Spade (21:02)

She loves him.

Dana Carvey (21:03)

Full blown sex symbol in the 60s with women throwing things and all that.

David Spade (21:08)

Her favorites are Elvis, then Willie and then Tom Jones. We went and saw Willie once together. It was great. And now Tom Jones.

Dana Carvey (21:14)

What about Angel Bird? Hunker D. You know what?

David Spade (21:17)

Last night I looked up Tom Jones on. On YouTube. No joke, because I wanted to hear green, green grass at home. Tearjeeker. Tearjeeker and Delilah. And it was an old video of like the old cool 70s shows. Yeah, it's like a weird kind of bright set. And he's in a Engelbert singing who looks like Brad Pitt. And Brad. Because easily play him in a movie. He looked exactly like him in this clip.

Dana Carvey (21:39)

Yeah.

David Spade (21:39)

And then Tom interrupts him and then they start Singing each other's songs. Like that old innocent kind of cool. They both have tuxes on. They start taking them.

Dana Carvey (21:47)

Oh, yeah.

David Spade (21:49)

Anyway, they're great. They're both great.

Dana Carvey (21:51)

No, no, no, no, no.

David Spade (21:52)

Okay, boring. That stuff. Lastly, I would say before we get to the stuff. Oh, the Cannes Film Festival's on. One thing is that all the people that showed up that were, you know, a little bit of hot water, we'll say, but I just saw the list of James Franco, Ezra Miller, Kevin Spacy, Shia LaBeouf. So they're all there on the carpet doing different things.

Dana Carvey (22:17)

Wow, that's an interesting game.

David Spade (22:19)

Isn't it interesting? Like, maybe they've served their time in jail of career jail. I just. It's always like a varied time of how long. But are you ever allowed to work again? Are you not? How rough was the crime you did? You know, it's such an interesting thing of like, they're all there, but it's not even America. It's France. Or are they grading it on a curve? I don't.

Dana Carvey (22:40)

I know. I mean, it's like, are you convicted in a court of law or not is one bar.

David Spade (22:47)

Yeah.

Dana Carvey (22:47)

And the other is just, you know, public opinion. Public opinion misunderstanding or whatever.

David Spade (22:55)

Or.

Dana Carvey (22:55)

Or they, you know. But yeah, I think the. The canceling thing is tamped down a little bit. We can't like, whack a. I actually.

David Spade (23:02)

Saw Shia Buff, who I think is kind of cool in the movies.

Dana Carvey (23:05)

Great actor, man. Yeah, he was.

David Spade (23:08)

He was walking down somewhere. It's kind of like, let's say you're at the airport and you're walking. You see a bunch of people that know you, so they're following him and they want him to sign stuff. And I see him, he's getting more and more pissed, but he was very cool about it. I think he's self aware enough to go, these guys are all in my face. And the second he wants, he takes one photo. Like, if people are walking behind him, he goes, yeah, yeah, take a photo. And then they all get in front of him to block him so they can get One tries to walk again. No, no, just sign this one thing for my nephew. And then, you know. But he was very cool because they're really like yelling at him and they. People get mad and he had to keep moving. So I give him that. He didn't flip out.

Dana Carvey (23:47)

Yeah.

David Spade (23:47)

I mean, it's hard not to.

Dana Carvey (23:49)

It's hard not to because there, you know, it's a big country and there Sometimes it's just 15 or 20 people who are not. It used to be in the old days, Gee, Mr. Clark Gable, could I get your autograph? And now it's a. It's a monetary thing, I guess. And so it's very. It's. It's aggressive and sometimes it feels a little scary.

David Spade (24:09)

Yeah. You know. You know, it used to be all fans. Now it's not really fans, just people that fake fans that say, sign this, or, you know, equipping an asshole.

Dana Carvey (24:16)

Sign, sign, sign, sign, sign.

David Spade (24:18)

And then you don't sign one and they hate you. And then they go, sign, sign everywhere you sign, Please.

Dana Carvey (24:24)

You can't win.

David Spade (24:25)

Also, I don't love hearing about these standing ovations. Maybe I'm cynical, Dana, but 11 minutes, 9 minutes. These people have nowhere to go. Who can clap their hands in the Guinness Book of World Records for more than like 30 seconds, 10 minutes.

Dana Carvey (24:45)

It's. It's become a thing. So there's one director is outside and he was like. He's actually was looking down and tears coming down his eyes. And they asked him what happened. He goes, we only got the six minute standing ovation. Yeah, that, that, that's just like nothing.

David Spade (25:02)

That's literally zero.

Dana Carvey (25:03)

I think they've done an hour, haven't they?

David Spade (25:06)

Yeah, that's a bomb. I think I would say start the standing ovation in the last 20 minutes of my movie when I play mine, and then just so it'll wrap up by the time the movie's over.

Dana Carvey (25:17)

I want to be. If you. If Busboys does have a premiere, I'm gonna be there.

David Spade (25:22)

It'll definitely be in France. Yeah.

Dana Carvey (25:23)

And I'm gonna lead. Lead the applause. Maybe it'll just be at some kind of local. Whatever. Busby's. Yeah, theaters. Theater and popcorn.

David Spade (25:33)

Listen, I've heard the word Oscar bait with Bus Boys just on Rough Cuts.

Dana Carvey (25:39)

I think that there's nothing. There's no bigger compliment. I mean, the 20 minute san ovation, but there's no bigger compliment than reviews of actors, people who pretend in front of an electronic lens. Daniel Day Lewis's performance is Abraham Lincoln. Exquisite is nothing short of a miracle. It's miraculous. Yeah. David Spade is a. Is a. A revelation as bus boy number two.

David Spade (26:08)

As Markey, the busboy is exquisite.

Dana Carvey (26:13)

He will reorientate the earth's access as it revolves around the sun. David Spade is a miracle as boy Billy.

David Spade (26:24)

Instead, it'll be like David Spade struggled, it seemed, to get to the end of the movie.

Dana Carvey (26:30)

In this, David Spade puts the phone in, phoning it in as he Co his way through Bus Boys it, he.

David Spade (26:40)

Unbelievably took out a rotary phone. That's how slow his performance was.

Dana Carvey (26:47)

David Spade looks lost.

David Spade (26:49)

And David Spade is in a different movie than Theo Von. What's happening? Does anyone understand this? Did they play it backwards? What's going on?

Dana Carvey (27:02)

Yeah, if I could understand it, I'd give it a rating, but for this forever.

David Spade (27:07)

I couldn't get through the poster.

Dana Carvey (27:09)

This cub reporter has to say it's a stinker.

David Spade (27:14)

This cub reporter. I've never seen a movie before, and this is what I start with.

Dana Carvey (27:20)

They had the camera set up. Surely people were talking and moving about, but the whole thing is like a fever dream. I don't remember one second of it.

David Spade (27:30)

Was a one long run on sentence.

Dana Carvey (27:34)

It might have had one laugh, but I fell asleep too long to know if there were more laughs. Hi, I'm a cub reporter for movies.com.

David Spade (27:43)

Fly I sat in the audience and in an hour and a half, I heard one Twitter and one chortle.

Dana Carvey (27:49)

Here's my. It's. Here's my slow motion act out of me of an audience. The audience.

David Spade (27:55)

Okay, good.

Dana Carvey (28:09)

The best in the world. Good. David Spade and Dana Carvey's act out of happy audience member is a tag team extravaganza. One doing sound effects and one pretending to be in slow motion. Okay.

David Spade (28:28)

All right. Before we get to some stuff, I'll say thanks for watching the Amazon special. It's doing well. And if you want to go on my tik tok, I put up one of my ET jokes, which is gives you a little taste.

Dana Carvey (28:38)

And remember, everybody, newest movie released on social media. It's a huge universe. So Dandelion is just there, like a book on a bookshelf. So that's why we mention it in the ensuing weeks after the premiere. Dandelion. Amazon Prime.

David Spade (28:53)

Go watch it.

Dana Carvey (28:54)

Yeah.

David Spade (28:55)

Thank you.

Dana Carvey (28:55)

Pop in.

David Spade (28:56)

All right, let's look at some stories.

Dana Carvey (28:57)

Okay.

David Spade (28:58)

What's going on? And we're gonna. We'll keep it snug. We're moving right along.

Dana Carvey (29:02)

Let's snug it up a little bit. We're good.

David Spade (29:13)

Dana. It's award season, which means we're due for some classic red carpet combos like strapless dresses and statement necklaces or acclaimed directors and long acceptance speeches.

Dana Carvey (29:24)

But you know what? Look Always pairs perfectly together. Discover and cash back. You see, Discover automatically matches all the cash back you've earned at the end of the first year, which is a.

David Spade (29:36)

Look that will always serve. It pays to slay. It pays to discover see terms@discover.com credit card. If you're driving right now, take a look around. See all those cars? You can find them on Autotrader because they have the largest selection of new cars, used cars, electric cars, even flying cars. Okay, no flying cars yet, but as soon as those get invented, they're going to be on Autotrader. Not only can you find the car you just saw, you can find it at a price personalized to you with Kelley Blue Book. My wallet on AutoTrader from credit scores.

Dana Carvey (30:12)

To down payments to interest rates, we all know that car buying requires a lot of math. Enter my wallet on AutoTrader, a tool that shows you exactly how much you'll pay each month for your car based on your unique info. So you never have to do your car math again. So whether you're into timeless classics or the latest trends. Did somebody say solar powered, eco friendly, self driving car? Or whether you just want something practical with no surprise cost. If you see a car you like, find it on autotrader. See it, find it Autotrader. You know how it goes. Getting super into something that can lead to watching it, listening to it, reading about it, maybe even picking up something to go with it. That's where prime comes in. Amazon prime isn't just fast free delivery, though to be honest, that's a lifesaver. It's also prime video, Amazon music, and so much more. Whatever the interest, it's on Prime. Lately there's been a dive into new recipes, catching up on lifestyle documentaries and building the perfect playlist to match. And prime has been part of it all. It's like a one stop shop for any passion, whether it's fashion, food, family, or discovering the next favorite show. So for anyone always exploring something new or rediscovering something meaningful, prime is right there. Whatever you're into, it's on Prime. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. Visit Amazon.comprime to get more out of whatever you're into. Amazon.comprime what a dumb. Okay, here you're looking at a big red ball on top of Central Park. If you were to combine all 8 billion people on earth into a giant meatball, it would fit in Central Park.

David Spade (31:56)

That's kind of shocking. I never, I would have thought way bigger.

Dana Carvey (32:01)

Well, they're saying 8 billion. Let's say the average human. You have got kids and stuff and aboriginals. I mean maybe the average person is 100 pounds times 8 billion. Heather, it's a trillion pounds and you can fit it in a Central park.

David Spade (32:17)

Who asked AI. This one? Yeah. I think £100. That's what Heather is. But how about the rest of the world? That averages like 220. And we're in America, don't forget.

Dana Carvey (32:26)

So. Right.

David Spade (32:27)

We're not exactly. Anyway, model capital world.

Dana Carvey (32:31)

What are we supposed to take away from that? Eat more, become bigger people. Or be proud that we can fit into Central Park. What's our emotional takeaway?

David Spade (32:39)

I think it's. Did you think it would be bigger or smaller? And is everyone going like this? Or is everyone going like. They're going like this? It's bigger.

Dana Carvey (32:46)

Well, what was the Grand Canyon? And everyone peed in the Grand Canyon.

David Spade (32:50)

Yeah. They could not fill it up. They could not fill it up.

Dana Carvey (32:53)

Is this all AI or just freaks? Freaks in a basement.

David Spade (32:57)

These are all questions that everyone's asking.

Dana Carvey (33:00)

Shut up, Brian. Would be 8 billion. Could fit like a meatball. Shut up.

David Spade (33:03)

How much meat is in that? Or is it all just people? Do you put meat between the people to round it out?

Dana Carvey (33:08)

I don't know. Did you ever see Soylent Green? Soylent Green is people. Soylent greenish people. No, it was a child. Nest and soil and gre. You know, dead for thousands of years. The late, great Phil Hartman did the best. Chuck Heston, man. Yeah.

David Spade (33:29)

Okay, next. Oh, this is interesting. Open. AI Co founder wanted to build doomsday bunker to protect scientists. Because he thinks if. If AI takes over, the guy that knows the most about it is terrifying. He's like, I'm scared. Let's build a bunker while we're developing AI because we might have to. Hi. I will fucking find you in two seconds. What are they thinking? If AI is after.

Dana Carvey (33:58)

There are people that go, it's going to help mankind. You don't know. And then there are people really think this is. Humans will not be the only. I mean, we will be obsolete and maybe sort of, we must be eliminated. I mean, there's been so many movies from the 50s. And there also was a Star Trek episode about this. Remember? No. Nomad, I think it was called. Or whatever. It was just this metal thing. It was like 10ft tall. And it would just wander around the universe and destroy civilizations. And it did it for a trillion years until it ran into the logic of James T. Kirk. So it's like, I am Nomad. I must destroy imperfection. But you yourself are imperfect. All they had to do is say that I'm imperfect. Imperfect. Imperfect. Million years. It destroyed universes. It took Bill Shatner 20 seconds to wipe him out.

David Spade (34:52)

Have you seen some of those?

Dana Carvey (34:58)

Sorry. Go ahead.

David Spade (34:59)

You're a little piece of tinfoil.

Dana Carvey (35:03)

You must destroy all life, but you are part of that life.

David Spade (35:10)

You are really being a bummer.

Dana Carvey (35:13)

No wonder William Shatner, I don't know how he didn't just pull his neck out or something, or hurt his back. I. You can't believe what you say. You believe. It's not my best impression. We need to get Kevin Pollock in here.

David Spade (35:27)

Pretty good, but.

Dana Carvey (35:27)

But it's a fun impression. So.

David Spade (35:29)

Also, I saw some Elon Musk robots, and they're really, like, putting on the Ritz. Like, they're not just like, I'm. They're like, yeah, that. They're almost doing Billie Jean out there. And you go, it's getting too fast.

Dana Carvey (35:42)

Well, think of it this way, David, If I may. Think of the Wright Brothers on a basic homemade glider going 120ft. Then 50 years later, 60 years later, you've got a seven. You've got 500 silly monkeys 10 miles in the sky going across the ocean. We're going to make a leap in AI like so from a glider to a 747. So you don't know what's coming. I know you're scared. This is a. Here's my quick new impression of you about AI Quick impression. What's going on? I don't understand. I don't know. What are we. What are we supposed to do? And what's going to happen?

David Spade (36:20)

You can. You can't see below. Peeing my pants of joy or fear. Fear.

Dana Carvey (36:27)

Okay. Kind of like the guy at the airport.

David Spade (36:29)

So planes went from Kitty Hawk to Newark to Newark.

Dana Carvey (36:34)

Yes.

David Spade (36:35)

Falling apart.

Dana Carvey (36:36)

AI. Well, look what we'll do. What we'll do to be ahead of ourselves soon. Soon. Because Google AI came out and they're making movies that are totally accurate. What we're going to do is we're going to ask AI to make a podcast with digital copies of us and then see if it's better than what we actually it will be.

David Spade (36:57)

Dana, I'm scared. It won't be so much fun at.

Dana Carvey (36:59)

The end and go, well, sorry. Or we make tons of podcasts and sit back and collect cash.

David Spade (37:05)

Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. I think all the comments will be, that was a perfect show. And I'll be like, well, that was the AI one. They're like, oh, get back to that dog you normally do.

Dana Carvey (37:16)

We like, guess what's possible with AI and, you know, robo taxis waymos all over the place. Somebody could buy 10 robo taxis, might cost them 100 you know, 200 grand or something.

David Spade (37:29)

I'll do it.

Dana Carvey (37:29)

And then the Robo taxis can monetize 24 7. I guess they just have to recharge themselves. But while you sleep, get.

David Spade (37:39)

I can safely say, okay, what? Do you hate money? Are you not going to do that? Or do you like money?

Dana Carvey (37:45)

Was it possible that I have Robo Taxis working for me right now?

David Spade (37:49)

Right now?

Dana Carvey (37:50)

Sorry. Sometimes the future arrives sooner than you think. Welcome to money I can afford. And the jean jacket I stole from photoshoot.

David Spade (38:01)

There better be a pile of money behind that wooden balsa door.

Dana Carvey (38:04)

Well, you go every day. You're trying to, like, find out what you're going to wear. I put on my uniform and I realize you're like pink today. Maybe a gray hooded hoodie.

David Spade (38:13)

No, the problem is people at home don't know this. I reluctantly relinquished black T shirt to Dana. So Dana loves black T shirt. We all do. But I always think, okay, if he's wearing a black T shirt, I have to wear one of my frilly little numbers because he's cornered that market. So this one's purple. I didn't go black because everyone goes, Are you the same person? Can you tell it's purple? It's kind of dark.

Dana Carvey (38:44)

Well, I won't. Just FYI to our audience, I may spiff up this a little bit. Whoa. Put something behind me.

David Spade (38:54)

Oh, yeah. We got some stuff coming, so.

Dana Carvey (38:56)

Yeah, so we'll see. I mean, you know, don't panic or don't throw a party, but just know that there's possibilities. I like Where's Waldo? I like when I was in the New York hotel or when I'm at the hotel down in LA or I'm at a farm. You never know. It's. Where is he?

David Spade (39:15)

Where is Dana?

Dana Carvey (39:16)

They always know where you are.

David Spade (39:19)

Yeah, because they can hear the construction up front. Oh, I might get a funny thing. I'm gonna bring on this only for you. And it's a write off. I'm not gonna look it up. Not gonna say. I'm not saying one thing. This is.

Dana Carvey (39:34)

You're not telling me what you're thinking.

David Spade (39:35)

No, I will. I'll do it and I'll bring it. And then you'll be like, oh, okay, but I gotta order it. Oh, I'll charge it to Honesty. Look at my nose. It's so bendy. Look at that. So weird.

Dana Carvey (39:50)

Yeah, I know. I just got a text from. Hi, it's David's housekeeper. His nose is also very bendy.

David Spade (39:57)

What the. It's. No, he goes she goes, you ever going to get rid of that dent in your nose up there? And I go, why should I? She goes, maybe it's just the lighting in here, but it really sticks out like a sundial. Okay, well, are the.

Dana Carvey (40:11)

So I had a MRI yesterday that I actually enjoyed, and I think I fell asleep just for, like, a hip thing. But I was in there for 45 minutes in the tube. And they are. They are funny because right in front of you is. Is two bolts in a little open slit. So it looks like a AI face. Kind of looks like a face, like. And then it just. I. I don't know if people have been. You've been in one recently? It starts out right there's quiet, and then it's like. And then it's funny, you know, it's like.

David Spade (40:44)

It's crazy.

Dana Carvey (40:45)

And then it goes silent for, like, 15. Well, only one time that I almost tried to sit up, but they had me strapped in. It's like. And then it stopped. 15 seconds. I'm like, you know?

David Spade (40:56)

Yeah. It's so hard to, like, if you do it for your head or. I've done it for my neck, obviously. But you're in there like this. The guy's like, are you okay in there? Are you freaking out? And I go, because you have to go in like this. And it's so tight. You get to about here, and you go. You start. They go, you might have an anxiety attack. Are you okay? You want to.

Dana Carvey (41:15)

Why? Are you claustrophobic? Yeah. They ask.

David Spade (41:17)

Well, I. Not really. But then when you're like this, I'm like, I guess you have to be. And then you get like this. Then he goes, all right, we're going to start here. I go, okay. He goes, you're going to hear some noises. And it goes like this. It goes, bung, bung. Yeah, like you said, Kang, Kang, Kang. You're like. You can't even hear anything. It's maddening. For 45 minutes because of the tube.

Dana Carvey (41:44)

And the way I went in and those sounds and the guy doing that. You okay in there? I felt like I was in. I thought I was in 2001, you know? I mean, I felt like I was inside that movie somehow. And so I kind of enjoyed it, you know, But I had. They put earphones. Here's what they did. It sounds like a bit. They put earplugs and then bigger canceling on top. And then started talking to me. And all I just looked at.

David Spade (42:08)

I was like, yeah.

Dana Carvey (42:10)

And I go, I can't hear one word.

David Spade (42:12)

You're saying mine were still. I could still hear me. Goes. It goes bang, bang. Then there's a 10 second silence and he goes, think your guy's gonna do another grown ups?

Dana Carvey (42:25)

It's funny. I thought. I thought if you weren't going for that, then I was gonna go for. So what was up with the Turtle man and Master of disguise?

David Spade (42:33)

Yeah, why wasn't Dana at the reunion?

Dana Carvey (42:39)

You know what? What's up with Spade's hair today? What do you mean, hair today? I'm in an mri, Ma.

David Spade (42:48)

David, did you get the message I gave your housekeeper about your baggy eyes?

Dana Carvey (42:54)

Is there any way I could get an advanced copy of Busboys.

David Spade (42:59)

David, if I don't have Amazon prime, can you send me a link?

Dana Carvey (43:02)

Why does yours sound so metallic?

David Spade (43:04)

It's funny. I don't know why it's funny.

Dana Carvey (43:08)

So what was with Church lady and what Spade came in and did? Hunter Biden? What was that about?

David Spade (43:15)

If you don't go to the 60th anniversary, will you let Spade borrow your Church lady wig?

Dana Carvey (43:23)

Would Spade fit in that wig or would you need a refit?

David Spade (43:27)

Yours still sounds like it too. I like it. Mine's got a big squishy thing on it, though.

Dana Carvey (43:32)

No, I took my. I took this off for a more metallic sound.

David Spade (43:35)

Okay, go ahead.

Dana Carvey (43:36)

So what's up with Spade? No, seriously. And meanwhile, in the background noise. But I did say. Can you. Can you slow down the noise?

David Spade (43:47)

Also, in a side story, we found a huge lump or some sort of foreign object in your body. I think someone left a scalpel there when you got your hernia last time. Anyway, so what's going on with bench warmers?

Dana Carvey (43:59)

Can you. Can you slow down the noises?

David Spade (44:08)

Hey, I have. So I have two more questions about Dana. So I turned the machine off for a while. I go, no, no, keep it going. I want to keep this. I want to finish the MRI now. It's too loud. Anyway, what else is happening?

Dana Carvey (44:18)

Since my hands are like this, can you. Mind if I play a little blues harp?

David Spade (44:25)

Last question from my nurse. Are you too old to have a tick tock?

Dana Carvey (44:30)

That's a good one.

David Spade (44:32)

Simple yes or no.

Dana Carvey (44:33)

Oh, sometimes our job cracks me up.

David Spade (44:36)

We can. We could end on that if you want.

Dana Carvey (44:38)

Yeah, I think it was funny. I think it was a nice, tight episode for our family.

David Spade (44:42)

Really. We really. I'm really proud of us.

Dana Carvey (44:45)

Yeah.

David Spade (44:45)

And that should be our name for our podcast. I'm proud of us. We're proud of us.

Dana Carvey (44:51)

Yeah, we don't have the info. We don't have what other people have. But we, we've got hope. We got us and we got high hopes. Next next week, I want to talk about why the movement to hate baby boomers. There's a lot of people talking about boomers.

David Spade (45:12)

We'll go deep. We haven't had anybody on for a while. Maybe we'll get somebody on.

Dana Carvey (45:18)

Yeah, maybe get Tim Dillon to talk about that. He's pretty funny about it.

David Spade (45:22)

Funny? He hates he, we can get him to hate anything.

Dana Carvey (45:27)

Yeah, he's got some good hot taste.

David Spade (45:29)

He was on CNN the other day and he's just ripping on everything. Think it's so funny.

Dana Carvey (45:33)

That's that is entertaining.

David Spade (45:36)

Okay. Thanks for coming. Dana. Thanks for coming by my podcast. Appreciate it.

Dana Carvey (45:40)

I appreciate just for a second, you've, you've been on Dana Carvey Superfly with.

David Spade (45:45)

My guest today, David with David Spade.

Dana Carvey (45:49)

With David Spade.

David Spade (45:52)

This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey, David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.