SUPERFLY #70 - AGE APPROPRIATE!

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade Episode Summary: SUPERFLY #70 - AGE APPROPRIATE! Release Date: May 30, 2025

In episode #70 of "Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade," hosted by Audacy, longtime comedians Dana Carvey and David Spade dive into a variety of entertaining topics, blending personal anecdotes with humorous observations about the entertainment industry and everyday life. This episode, titled "AGE APPROPRIATE!", offers listeners a blend of light-hearted banter, celebrity stories, and satirical takes on modern trends.

---

Travel Tales and Accommodation Choices

The episode opens with Dana and David discussing their experiences with travel accommodations. David shares his frustrations with subpar hotel stays, expressing regret over not opting for an Airbnb instead.

• David Spade [00:00]: "Yeah, Dana, I travel all over and sometimes, you know, you're on the road, sometimes I get stuck with a hotel I don't love... sometimes I was like, I should have tried to do an Airbnb on this one, you know?"

Dana echoes similar sentiments from her road trip experiences, highlighting the unpredictability of small-town accommodations.

• Dana Carvey [00:20]: "I was on a road trip to Montana and we stopped in Winnemucca, Nevada... an Airbnb would have been a much better choice."

They humorously explore the duality of Airbnb usage, both as guests and hosts, emphasizing the potential benefits and uncertainties.

---

Hairstyles and the "Fade" Phenomenon

A significant portion of the conversation focuses on hairstyles, particularly the "fade," a popular men's haircut. Dana reminisces about her dad's approach to grooming, contrasting it with modern styles.

• Dana Carvey [02:13]: "What were you thinking? I mean, what I mean, because... my dad... he'd put a bowl over your head or, you know, and then he'd shave around the sides and work right."

David shares his own experience with the fade, appreciating its versatility despite occasional mixed feedback.

• David Spade [02:43]: "That's the word I've heard. But really, it's... Yeah, I like it. A long in the back. It's a little, slightly. Molly? Yeah. Heather likes it."

The duo humorously debates the appeal and practicality of different haircuts, weaving in playful jabs and nostalgic references.

---

Award Shows and Celebrity Performances

Dana and David transition to discussing recent award shows, with a spotlight on Jennifer Lopez's performance at the AMAs. They critique the structure and content of such events, particularly focusing on what they perceive as "clickbait" elements.

• David Spade [05:02]: "She always looks great."

• Dana Carvey [06:35]: "Madonna did the VMAs. That was the first time I saw two girls kiss."

Their conversation captures a mix of admiration and satire, reflecting on the theatricality and sensationalism often present in award shows.

---

Tom Cruise's Stunts and Movie Insights

The hosts delve into Tom Cruise's reputation for performing his own stunts. They analyze his latest film, comparing it to franchises like "Fast and Furious," while playfully speculating about the extent of his daredevil antics.

• David Spade [09:34]: "The hair is very mopish... he's on a propeller, he's on a submarines. It's just getting blown all over."

Dana emphasizes Cruise's relentless pursuit of authenticity in action scenes, exaggerating his fearless nature for comedic effect.

• Dana Carvey [34:15]: "He does some stuff that's so crazy. I do see some easy trims in that movie."

Their banter highlights Cruise's iconic status and the often-over-the-top nature of action filmmaking.

---

Personal Encounters with Celebrities: Nicole Kidman

David shares an amusing anecdote about meeting Nicole Kidman at a movie premiere in Australia. The story underscores the challenges of interacting with high-profile celebrities in casual settings.

• David Spade [15:03]: "She was perfectly lovely. And SNL I saw at a restaurant once after SNL, she said hi to me."

• Dana Carvey [25:51]: "She is a great person. So there you go. You're fine."

Their recounting of the encounter is filled with humor and light-hearted embarrassment, providing listeners with a glimpse into the unpredictability of celebrity interactions.

---

Monkey the Painting Dog: Celebrating Canine Creativity

The episode features a segment on Monkey, a Belgian Malinois known for his painting abilities. Dana and David humorously critique the authenticity and commercialization of such unique animal talents.

• David Spade [43:21]: "Monkey has achieved fame not only for his tricks. Oh, I like that. But for his extraordinary. I can jump in a puddle."

• Dana Carvey [44:03]: "Setting him apart as a trailblazer in the world of canine creativity."

While initially impressed, they quickly pivot to mock the phenomenon, questioning whether Monkey's artistry is genuine or simply a novelty.

---

Humor and Scatological Jokes

Continuing their comedic exploration, Dana and David delve into humor related to bodily functions, showcasing their signature blend of witty and edgy jokes.

• David Spade [42:46]: "Heather pulls up her dress and diarrhea's all over."

• Dana Carvey [42:13]: "Heather pulling up her dress and diarrheaing all over."

Their playful exchange pushes the boundaries of conventional humor, delivering laughs through unexpected and bold statements.

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The Role of AI in Modern Filmmaking

A thought-provoking segment examines the increasing role of Artificial Intelligence (AI) in movie production. Dana and David speculate on the future implications, including the potential decline of platforms like Instagram and the authenticity of AI-generated content.

• David Spade [30:35]: "I think you can handle it."

• Dana Carvey [32:32]: "Here's the deal. We can make Wayne's World 3. It'll look just like Mike and I 35 years ago."

They discuss the seamless integration of AI in creating lifelike characters and scenes, pondering whether audiences will distinguish between human and AI-generated performances.

---

Miscellaneous Banter and Light-Hearted Jokes

Throughout the episode, Dana and David engage in various humorous exchanges, ranging from fictional medical scenarios to playful debates about pet names. Their chemistry and improvisational skills keep the conversation lively and entertaining.

• Dana Carvey [55:24]: "That's kind of cruel."

• David Spade [38:33]: "Let me write that down because I'm."

They seamlessly transition between topics, maintaining a dynamic and engaging dialogue that resonates with listeners.

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Closing Thoughts and Reflections

As the episode wraps up, Dana and David reflect on their discussions, acknowledging the balance between genuine conversation and comedic exaggeration. They express optimism for future episodes, hinting at more engaging content to come.

• David Spade [58:50]: "We gave him a high quality show."

• Dana Carvey [59:12]: "I guess next week we've got a doozy and. Or a humdinger plan."

Their closing remarks emphasize the enduring friendship and collaborative spirit that define their podcast, leaving listeners anticipating the next installment.

---

Conclusion

Episode #70 of "Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade" offers a rich tapestry of humor, personal stories, and insightful commentary on contemporary topics. From travel mishaps and celebrity encounters to the implications of AI in entertainment, Dana and David deliver an engaging and entertaining experience that appeals to both longtime fans and new listeners alike.

Notable Quotes:

• David Spade [00:00]: "Sometimes I was like, I should have tried to do an Airbnb on this one, you know?"

• Dana Carvey [02:13]: "What were you thinking? I mean, what I mean, because... my dad... he'd put a bowl over your head..."

• David Spade [05:02]: "She always looks great."

• Dana Carvey [34:15]: "He does some stuff that's so crazy."

• Dana Carvey [32:32]: "We can make Wayne's World 3. It'll look just like Mike and I 35 years ago."

These moments highlight the hosts' comedic timing and ability to blend humor with relatable experiences seamlessly.

Transcript

[David Spade]

Yeah, Dana, I travel all over and sometimes, you know, you're on the road, sometimes I get stuck with a hotel I don't love. And what happens is you think, you see a few pictures, we look online, then you get there. And sometimes I was like, I should have tried to do an Airbnb on this one, you know?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I was on a road trip to Montana and we stopped in Winnemucca, Nevada. And Winnemucca, there's a top one town, let's just say there was maybe the best choices in Winnemucca. So an Airbnb would have been a much better choice. But I still had a good time in Winnemucca. Don't wanna badmouth in town.

[David Spade]

You know, people can also take their houses and make them Airbnbs. That's the other flip side of that. You know, you go stay at nice ones, but if you have a place, it could be big or small, you know, you never know. So.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And while you're away, your home could be an Airbnb.

[David Spade]

Yeah, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how [e-mail] host.

[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

Amazon.comprime People don't hate on the fade of whatever my haircut's called, but they really scalp me pretty good.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, let me. Can I ask you a question about that? And this is off the cuff, completely unplanned, like.

[David Spade]

Sure.

[Dana Carvey]

What were you thinking? I mean, what I mean, because.

[David Spade]

Are you in active litigation with your barber?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, my dad, and this is no joke, not getting around here, he'd put a bowl over your head or, you know, and then he'd shave around the sides and work right. And, you know, I'd go real close right there and. Well, what, why that's called the fade. All the young people is that, that's what you have, the fade.

[David Spade]

That's the word I've heard. But really, it's. Yeah, I like it. A long in the back. It's a little, slightly. Molly? Yeah. Heather likes it. It's fine. I think it's pretty good. It's just, it's all nice the first day, and now I go on the road. I'm actually doing some soft packing right now today.

[Dana Carvey]

Don't get me wrong. It's a, it's a really cute little, little cut. I mean, it's a, it's a darling style on you. I, I, I, I'll say.

[David Spade]

Listen, it's a mighty cute cut.

[Dana Carvey]

It's a m. You know that bit, right?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Did I ever do that in this 80s for you, or you just know it from here?

[David Spade]

I know it because me and my friend Jody do it. You can say it.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, okay. So, folks, this is literally goes back to one of my. This is late 70s in college, and I said that men, men just. I don't know with the setup, certain things.

[David Spade]

Men and women are different.

[Dana Carvey]

Men and women are different. Like, a man would never walk up to another man with a new shirt on and go, I gotta say, that's a mighty cute top you got on there.

[David Spade]

Something like that, right? Yep. It's about a cute top, not a cute top.

[Dana Carvey]

So even then, it was like a catchphrase. I'm king of the catchphrases. But I like your wave. Looks good.

[David Spade]

Whatever it's called. Fade wave. But, you know, when you were a kid and you got that little bowl cut, you're not out trying to get some puss. You're not trying to bang beef. I mean, you're just a kid, right? So you don't. You're not heading to the Golden Globes. Just get the hair out of the eyes. That's all the parents say thanks be.

[Dana Carvey]

You mean make love to someone?

[David Spade]

You mean make sweet love and intercourse? Yeah, I think that's what I meant.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Came out wrong.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we, we would, you know, basically, we got crew cuts and my dad would basically shave our heads and we looked like billiard balls. And my mom would come in and go, Dana in the side pocket.

[David Spade]

It's the easiest cut to do, I guess. I. By the way, speaking of the award shows, I saw the AMAs. I saw clips.

[Dana Carvey]

You're the one Saw it. These. This. That snuck up on me. I didn't know it was on until eight minutes before. And I said, not gonna do it.

[David Spade]

Well, the AMAs, CMAs, AAA towing. I mean, are there. Is there any difference? I don't know what they are. I don't know which ones. Mean more, mean less. Yeah, straight A's, double A batteries.

[Dana Carvey]

You understand the Oakland A's, right? Your turn.

[David Spade]

Double D's batteries. Pervert. So anyway, the AMAs, JLo's out there huffing and puffing, and I gotta admit, bless her heart, miss, she has her goddamn pedal to the metal. She does not let off the gas. She is 12 minute cold opening. My God. And she always looks great.

[Dana Carvey]

She looks. She looks incredible. I don't know if this is true, but I read on, I don't know where I read it, that she will actually have her assistant chain her to a StairMaster at a 10 so she won't get off of it because.

[David Spade]

Oh, it's StairMaster. Not even a treadmill.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm going back to that 90s, man. Well, you know, I mean, here's the. Here's the thing. And this is a kind of a news flash for people who are still listening at 4, 26 or watching that working out your ass is the most important thing you can do. And women in the gym and certain. Well, I guess I'll just say it. Gay men and women would do a lot of glute exercises. Straight men would go, I ain't working mo no ass. And that is the most important muscle group. You should do it for your back, for everything else.

[David Spade]

So, plus, girls check out booties too. So, you know, you gotta try to give them everything. I will say she did the cold opening. She hoofed it out. You know, a little tap dance. Whatever she does looks great. And then at the end, oh, she kiss is a guy dancer, then kiss is a girl dancer. You gotta have a little clickbait, that.

[Dana Carvey]

Old chestnut, and that is clicking the box. Let me write that down.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, here we are.

[David Spade]

Oh, here we go.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[David Spade]

Oh, that's a good. She got in there grabbing hair. Oh, okay, listen, it works. Madonna did the VMAs. That was the first time I saw two girls kiss.

[Dana Carvey]

I was like, oh, the next level of that is you kiss that and then you go over and you kiss the cameraman.

[David Spade]

Oh, is that one.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, mix it up. Do something.

[David Spade]

Kiss the camera, maybe, like, right.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I did that as Hans and Franz years ago. Oh, sorry, sorry.

[David Spade]

That. That was a cold Open too.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we did a. It was if Hans and Fran made a video with candlelight and wine stuff. And we're seducing women. Yeah, well, you listen, my little dumpling. And then I was licking the lens. I'm proud of it. But Lauren said it wasn't your proudest moment.

[David Spade]

Maybe this week, a picnic with Hans.

[Dana Carvey]

France, you're like, yep, anything with Hans and France is funny.

[David Spade]

Funny. Give me the applesauce.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And if you think you could do it better than me and eat applesauce with your gummy mouth, think again. You're a flabby loser.

[David Spade]

You think I use a spork?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's like these two insecure paranoid schizophrenics is having this cable show with maybe two people watching, threatening them for not. And if you don't think we're properly pumped up, that was the end.

[David Spade]

So I do like that. We'll tell you quickly before I. I want to hear your. Over your weekend. I did nothing. Spend most of the day and night yesterday going to see Mission Impossible.

[Dana Carvey]

Was. Was it as good as the sequel? Good, good, good, good. As good as the prequel? Is it good? I heard it was good.

[David Spade]

Well, it's a little bit like. It's the eighth one, so. A little bit like Fast and Furious. Do we need eight? Well, it's sort of. How can it. I don't want to. First of all, no spoil. I'm trying not to do spoilers.

[Dana Carvey]

Don't do spoilers.

[David Spade]

I won't. When he dies at the beginning, that feels like. No, no, you could tell. You could tell.

[Dana Carvey]

Is not gonna die at the beginning. So.

[David Spade]

No, the funny thing is, it's AI centric. The plot.

[Dana Carvey]

I like the. The last one was all about AI.

[David Spade]

Oh, was. Yeah, maybe. Oh, because they kept saying this is a standalone movie. Maybe it was supposed to be the second half of that one. I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

I think.

[David Spade]

Anyway, the crew is back and his girlfriend is more age appropriate. She's only probably 30 years younger this time. That's great. Anyway, that's funny.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, Tom Cruise, you know, I don't know what people do these days, but he's got a great mop of hair. He looks very good.

[David Spade]

The hair is very mopish. Like it's. First of all, it has to be. It's wind blown in every scene. He's on a propeller, he's on a submarines. It's just getting blown all over. And the funny thing is, of course, I watch because in the new world you go, tom Cruise. He's older than me. But I go, you know, he looks good, obviously. But then I go, oh, he's a little puffy. And this. Then you get in this world of like, if he looks a little old, you say he looks old. If he looks like better, you go, he's had work. This is, you can't win. These stars can't win.

[Dana Carvey]

The only way to win is just go halvesies. Now he's got chestnut brown hair, full mop and chest. I had a friend, Gary Prince from New York, and you know, he would always look at someone in their 60s and go, yeah, give me a. Wait a minute. Not one gray hair. Not one. But I don't judge any of it because, look, I figured this out last week and I don't know if I told you, but you are the product. So Tom Cruise is. He is the product. And we want Tom Cruise. We don't mind him looking a little older, but we don't want Grandpa Cruise. So do the little fillers. Do a few things. Just don't look. Turn into a freak. That's David.

[David Spade]

I think the idea, and you're right about this product thing is you are the product. You have to sell yourself. You're the Twinkie. And Twinkies always stay the same. Now if Twinkies look old, you don't want them anymore.

[Dana Carvey]

Exactly. And Liam Neeson at 77, they put him in an overcoat. Now, I don't like what you're saying. All he has to do is go like that and they cut, cut.

[David Spade]

So, yeah, Liam Neeson's wearing Spanx, you know, but.

[Dana Carvey]

And he's. He's 6 4. Yeah, go ahead.

[David Spade]

So Tom Cruise looks good. I mean, this movie, I was comparing it, like many of us to busboys and I was like, you could fit three bus boys. I mean, this movie is long. It's so complicated. Busboys. We're trying to make it very simple. I mean, our audience is going to be 2 to 5 year olds. So we're like, let's make it the simplest thing. We're two bus boys that want to become waiters, straighten out our life. That's everything.

[Dana Carvey]

Called a low budget comedy. They never call it a low budget action adventure. With Tom Cruise that doesn't exist, dude.

[David Spade]

Me getting out of the car is our only stunt. Me going like this.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, well, let me ask you a question.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

We're not going to give away anything.

[David Spade]

No.

[Dana Carvey]

But did you ever say, did you go alone to the movie theater? You know, you kind of go solo or with someone.

[David Spade]

I've gone in my more twilight years to the movies alone, if I feel like it. I don't really get worried about it. But I did go with someone last night. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

So was there ever a stunt where he's hanging by his pinky from the Golden Gate Bridge or whatever he's doing jumping out of a rocket ship. Did you ever say to yourself or out loud in the theater, get the out of here. Yes, you did.

[David Spade]

Well, when a giant that looks like the Peanut M M cartoon, but it says AI on it, he's like, fighting AI. I'm like, oh, that seems a little cheap. No, actually, I'm gonna go down. Heather, here we go. I'm switching. Watch this, everybody. Talk about stunts.

[Dana Carvey]

What does he do? What? Mickey Rooney just showed up. Give me some heights.

[David Spade]

So listen, Tom Thomas, Mo Pather Cruz comes out and the movie's a little lengthy. There's a couple things we don't need. I came in a half hour late and I nailed it almost perfectly. Saw Nicole Kidman come in. She still gets a smattering for that goddamn AMC commercial where she walks.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, at the beginning. Yeah.

[David Spade]

By the way, there's three commercials and four nine minute long previews. Let's go. Let's go.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, they pick no Cole Kidman because actually, they announced that this week she will not be filming a live streaming show. And it went global. So for Netflix. That's why she's like, enjoy the movies, because she hasn't been in a movie theater in a while. Well, actually, baby girl, she did where she.

[David Spade]

I gotta go pee pee. I go peepee.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, she. She was on all fours and was licking the milk, you know, but I mean, who doesn't do that? They said it was kinky. Really?

[David Spade]

You want to see my audition for Baby Girl? That's me drinking the milk. Then I go, I can. I go pee pee. That's what she says, right? Something like that.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, there's a plethora. Do you remember you went to state school?

[David Spade]

Is it kinky?

[Dana Carvey]

There's a plethora of movies with women of a certain age, like, say, late 40s to early 60s, becoming highly, highly erotic and sexualized. And Nicole Kidman is. Is the queen of that right now. And I. I commend her. She's a great actress.

[David Spade]

Very pretty.

[Dana Carvey]

She's great, just great in everything she does.

[David Spade]

Are in la, when she was in snl, Sar in Australia. Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, you can. You know, you never told me about that.

[David Spade]

Ran into her smack dab in her hometown.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, and what'd you say? Well, well, golly gee, Ms. Kidman, I did pick some wildflowers for you.

[David Spade]

Would you know my friend was embarrassing.

[Dana Carvey]

What did you. What did he do?

[David Spade]

The quick story. There's no quick story. She was perfectly lovely. And SNL I saw at a restaurant once after snl, she said hi to me. So at least she remembered sort of some of the cast and crew.

[Dana Carvey]

She's cool.

[David Spade]

Very polite. Yeah. So I'm. I go to the Joe Dirt premiere in Australia, but we go the night before we're invited to the Baz Luhrmann movie. You know. What is that called?

[Dana Carvey]

Baz Luhrmann? Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

Is that called Moulin Rouge?

[Dana Carvey]

He did that?

[David Spade]

Moulin Rouge?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, it was, yeah.

[David Spade]

How did Danny get that before you?

[Dana Carvey]

Because I did an event.

[David Spade]

She goes, because Dana's listening.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm actually listening.

[David Spade]

No, no, Moulin Rouge. So we go, and they have every cinema, that's what they call it. And they have booze there. So me and my friend go in and my friend's, you know, sort of a super plus one. He's open. Immediately wasted. He's baked. He already got weed from the Bodyguard. So Boulon Rouge is like watching, you know, sort of a strobe light. So it's not exactly.

[Dana Carvey]

For me, it's dancing, it's fanciful, and there's lights and.

[David Spade]

And she's in it. It's the premiere.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

We go in, me and my buddies say, you know, I got a feel for it. So we go, let's go to the bar. So we go to the bar, we're coming back. No one's in the lobby anymore. Two bodyguards. Nicole Kidman sitting there holding her shoes. And I'm like. And he goes, that's Nicole Kidman. I go, is. And we walk up and she's on like a little tiny love seat couch, you know, and the two bodyguards are there. And she goes. She goes, oh, hey. I go, hey. I go, this movie's great. And she goes, oh, why are you out here? And I go, popped. Didn't think there'd be a follow up question. So then, blah, blah, blah. And then she goes, oh, why don't you sit down? And my buddy sits next to her before I can move my butt. Heather's not surprised. She knows him. Sits down next to her and I go, oh. And the bodyguards, like, you know, they don't know. I don't know if they know me. They don't know anything. But she's being friendly. And this is right after she broke up with Tom Cruise. So they're They're. You know, she's like Lady Diana down there. They loved her.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

So bodyguards like this. I'm like this. Waiters like this. Sharks like this. And so I say, blah, blah, blah. And then I. Oh, I can't even say what I said. But it was. I was a little.

[Dana Carvey]

What's. You can say it on this podcast.

[David Spade]

I think I said something like, oh, she had a. This sounds so horrible. And she'll kill me because it was embarrassing to her. I'm sure I said something to the. Apologetically effective. Because she had her. I think she had slightly barely hairy, hairy legs.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, so she's wearing a. Just.

[David Spade]

Just because she's so faint. Redhead. I don't know. And she said, oh, are you noticing that my legs are hairy? Is that not normal? And I said, oh, I just think, you know, I think I. Joking was like, well, hey, the marketing campaign's back on. You got. She goes, oh, my God, I have to shave my legs. I just shave them, I don't know, below the knee or whatever it was. And I said, oh, yeah, I don't really know for sure all the rules. And then my buddy goes. The whole setup was not that weird, except my buddy leans over and goes, I think you have great legs. Touches from the knee down to her foot.

[Dana Carvey]

Whoa.

[David Spade]

Everyone froze. The bodyguard's like, ramjet, ramjet. Eagle, eagle, bogey, bogey.

[Dana Carvey]

Wow.

[David Spade]

Crazy, crazy.

[Dana Carvey]

Did someone put hands on your.

[David Spade]

Yeah, they go, hey, sir, sir, sir.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, you can't.

[David Spade]

We all, like, yeah, you can't. You don't touch the princess of.

[Dana Carvey]

I've had two celebrity tapouts, and the celebrity tapout is like, I. I'm happy about it. Like, I was at an event and Julia Roberts was over the way. And I. I. For some reason, I thought I should say hi. We were gonna do a Shakespeare thing.

[David Spade]

And she's like, celebrity tap outs. Go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

Just celebrity tap out. So I started to walk over the big shitty. And then I saw her kind of look down like that because I understood she didn't want the. Hey, you know, I gotta say, you know, when you did this movie or that movie?

[David Spade]

Sure.

[Dana Carvey]

So then later on, it's Tom Hanks's event, we'd go there and read Shakespeare and act goofy. It is a theater. And she was. So we ended up having lunch around this big table, and she was super cool. So I use my trick that never has failed, and I go to the person next. Back camera. Movie star. It was. And I said, have you ever had a supernatural experience? Besides meeting me. And then everyone goes around and has a loser. Everyone goes around with a poltergeist scary story and everyone gets excited. The only one over by himself, this is like six movie stars and me is Keanu Reeves seated by himself facing away and we're like, come on over. And that guy is the coolest.

[David Spade]

But oh my God.

[Dana Carvey]

But I also had the same thing. I was in. I don't travel much, but I was in Paris in a cafe in the morning with. With my wife. And I don't like small country drop city drop. Oh, here's. Here's one you won't expect. Little, little Parisian cafe, late morning guy comes in, he turns, he sees me and immediately turns away. So I don't know if I'm recognizable in that way, but he immediately turned away. And then I pivoted and turned away. And that person was guess. Gary Oldman, Walkim Phoenix.

[David Spade]

Oh, good.

[Dana Carvey]

Who is the coolest? I know.

[David Spade]

Yep.

[Dana Carvey]

But I didn't want to have small talk with him and he didn't want to have small talk with me, you know, so.

[David Spade]

Oh yeah, he's cool. I'd say Joaquin Bonio, Keanu, all those guys are the cool guys out there. I love it. Love it.

[Dana Carvey]

Keanu Reeves is.

[David Spade]

Whoa.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, God. I don't think think. I mean, he was Ted, I was Garth. We could have been Ted. Was Bill and Ted.

[David Spade]

Was he Ted, Bill and Garth.

[Dana Carvey]

Bill and Garth and Ted and Wayne. That would be the matchup. You know what?

[David Spade]

That should have been a big well.

[Dana Carvey]

With chat GBT look for that soon.

[David Spade]

Let's look at a clip. Julie Roberts, huge star, by the way.

[Dana Carvey]

Absolutely.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

So absolutely. And incredibly nice. Once she saw I wasn't going to be slobbering on her fanning out and was regular.

[David Spade]

Dana. I'm a little bit of a spendy Susie.

[Dana Carvey]

A boozy Susie and a spendy Suzie.

[David Spade]

I'm more of a boozy Susie.

[Dana Carvey]

But yeah, yeah, you are. You are a spendy spender. Yeah.

[David Spade]

And a lot of our listeners are nice enough to write in and say you look like you drank a lot and slept on your face. But that's just constructive criticism.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's very concise and you don't really drink very much. I'll tell the fans.

[David Spade]

But just puffy. This is where Klarna comes in. Klarna is your everyday smarter spending partner, which is what a lot of people need. A lot of my friends definitely need it. It allows you to make smarter decisions with your money and it's sometimes good to have a partner like that.

[Dana Carvey]

I'll say it again. Klarna, which I I assume is Swedish. Klarna is your smarter everyday spending partner.

[David Spade]

Shoppers can use Klarna's Pay in 4 product to split their purchase into four interest free payments.

[Dana Carvey]

That's right. Here's some key takeaways. Listen up brother. Klarna offers a pay in for product where you don't have to pay interest. I think that's a good thing.

[David Spade]

You can pay with Klarna at Merchant Checkout in the Klarna app or with the Klarna card.

[Dana Carvey]

You can also compare prices at your favorite stores and earn cash back when you shop in the app.

[David Spade]

They're making effortless for in app shoppers to get more value from every purchase. So choose Klarna at your favorite retailers or shop [e-mail] CA resident loans made or arranged pursuant to a California Finance Law License NMLS number 1353190 Klarna balance account required.

[Dana Carvey]

Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, Terms and conditions apply. I'm just gonna.

[David Spade]

They do.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm just gonna say it. It's a Klarna summer. Hey there podcast universe. It's Brian Greene from the mediocre comedy podcast sensation the Commercial Break. May is Mental Health Awareness Month and in an effort to drive some awareness about your mental health awareness, my co host and I are going to drive ourselves crazy by doing 12 episodes in one day. That's right. May 31, 2025. Starting at 10:00am East coast time, we'll be recording and publishing 12 brand new episodes. 11 and a half of which no one has asked for. We'll be talking to some of our noted friends like Dig Notaro, Reggie Watts and Tom Papa. We'll be taking calls from listeners. We'll be celebrating five years of doing this show and we'll be making our best effort to stay awake the entire time. Listen to the commercial break wherever you listen to your podcasts or Visit our website tcbpodcast.com all the audio, all the video, more information about Chrissy and I. You can find us on our network partners phone application. That's Odyssey. It's a free app so go ahead and download it. Stream us there. Best to you.

[David Spade]

As a small business owner, you don't have the luxury of clocking out early. Your business is on your mind 24 7. So when you're hiring you need a partner that grinds as hard as you do. That hiring partner is LinkedIn Jobs. When you clock out, LinkedIn clocks in LinkedIn makes it easy to post your job for free. Share it with your network and get qualified candidates that you can manage all in one place.

[Dana Carvey]

LinkedIn's new feature can help you write job descriptions and then quickly get your job in front of the right people with deep candidate insights. Either post your job for free or. Or paid to promote. Promoting jobs gets three times more qualified applicants.

[David Spade]

David. Oh yeah. You get qualified people. At the end of the day, the most important thing for your small business is the quality of candidates. And with LinkedIn you can feel confident that you're definitely getting the best share with your network. You can let your network know that you're hiring. You can even add a hashtag hiring frame to your profile picture and get twice as many qualified candidates.

[Dana Carvey]

Find out why more than 2.45 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring today. Find your next great hire on LinkedIn.

[David Spade]

Post your job for [e-mail] candidates. That's LinkedIn.com candidates to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. I'm still embarrassed. My Nicole Kimman story that I told you that and she was part of that disaster. But she was very friendly about it. She's told the guys it's okay, it's okay. And then we excused ourselves and slinked.

[Dana Carvey]

Census is a rare live podcast. I'm just checking David Spade dishes about Nicole Kidman's hairy legs but says she.

[David Spade]

Don'T even say that.

[Dana Carvey]

She is a great person. So there you go. You're fine.

[David Spade]

By the way, should we do a live podcast or would that be. It doesn't matter. I think it's go to the YouTube.

[Dana Carvey]

Comments at some point we should. This is going to be released in 45 minutes so it's almost like pretty close. Greg has to do a three week edit. You know I want it.

[David Spade]

I don't. I don't. I don't think anything gets edited out of our stupid show.

[Dana Carvey]

No, our stupid show. That's the subtitle. So by the way, on Amazon Dandelion is still playing.

[David Spade]

Yes, and thank you for bringing it up.

[Dana Carvey]

And I. If I. I'm sort of talking with them about a special and the working title is Sticker Bush. It's not. It's not.

[David Spade]

That's the name of an only fans I follow. Oh yeah, that's not exact. You know I saw a Dandelion today and I filmed it even though no one could give a fat. But I've seen three in a row in a patch of grass. You will never believe this. And they Are all by themselves. There's not any other. There's just those. I like the white ones. I didn't even know the yellow ones were dandelions, just to be honest. So I just like the fluffy white ones. You know, you blow on them. So they sit there. Very fragile. They sit there and I'm like. Again, I film. I'll put them on my stories, but. And then everyone will be so excited.

[Dana Carvey]

But let me ask you a question.

[David Spade]

Crazy. Not crazy.

[Dana Carvey]

Does the dandelion, as a way of, you know, having kids and propagating seeds, does it like to be blown on or would it rather have the wind take its stuff?

[David Spade]

It would rather have straight sex now, I think. Is that what it does? The seeds go out, right? I don't know.

[Dana Carvey]

That's usually about, you know, in the springtime, the wind comes and the flowers go all over the place and.

[David Spade]

Oh, that makes more sense.

[Dana Carvey]

College, San Mateo. I don't really, but I did want to just sing the praises of Amazon. Not just because you're on Amazon. Dandelion, available right now on Amazon prime is. Why in the. Is it so easy to receive and send packages on Amazon compared to FedEx, UPS or going to some. The Gap site or anything?

[David Spade]

USPS, they fight you.

[Dana Carvey]

They, you know, and I figured it out that Amazon was sitting around. Okay, we're going to deliver packages. All right, Wilson, what's your idea? Well, I'm saying this and I'm only going to say it once. What is it, Wilson? We're going to leave the packages. Are you out of your mind? We'll put a sticker on the mailbox or on the gate and then they'll come, drive to us and get the package. Otherwise it'll be stolen. Some will get stolen, but we're going to make a fortune if we leave the package because they don't fight you. And when you go on on Amazon Prime, I sent my brother 20 pounds of peanut butter brittle for a buck 99 and he got it two days later, 50th birthday. I mean, it is so easy to receive and send shit on Amazon. It's addictive. But they are incredibly efficient.

[David Spade]

I agree with you that they said, jenkins, what do you think we should do? What would make a better service? And he goes, as fast as effing possible, we get them. You know, you can order on Amazon. I think Heather will vouch at noon and get it by like 5 that day. Is that possible, Heather?

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. You can get it. You can get it.

[David Spade]

You pay, but you get it. You pay $200 and get a phone cord. It works.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. During breakfast I realized, forgot my toothbrush and I ordered and I get it. It's basically this. You go to the post office, you deal with the ups. Their whole attitude is, what the fuck do you want? Yeah, get out of Amazon. It's like, can we help? You want to order again? That's a really smart thing. Order 1200 bottles of baby oil.

[David Spade]

Do you want to see us? Baby oil?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, whatever you do in your spare time.

[David Spade]

I'm having practice freak offs. Just. Just one case of baby oil. Just trying to. Trying to get the beats down, see how they work. But if you go to FedEx sometimes, yeah, they leave a sticker. You have to drive the middle of.

[Dana Carvey]

Nowhere, 60 miles away. It's just not. It's just. And. And when you try to order something online, it's not Amazon. You put in your credit card info. You put everything. And then just red things come up. No, no, no. Try again.

[David Spade]

Okay. Last thing. I'll tell you if that's the last thing you're saying, is I'm worried about. Here's a prediction and it's very bold, Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

I want to hear it.

[David Spade]

Okay? Okay. I think you can handle it.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm a little parched, so.

[David Spade]

Okay, take a sip. I feel like because of AI, it might be the end of Instagram pretty much in a couple years. And. And only fans, because there's a. There's. When you go on Instagram, what are you really looking at? You're looking at photos. They can be. You don't know for sure if they're doctored.

[Dana Carvey]

Nope.

[David Spade]

Videos of people doctored sports news, they have, you know, they have like the announcers going. And this fat fuck comes up to base, he throws it out. Oh, shit, man. I would have pissed my pants. And you know, and it's the real guy's voice and it's a real scene. You don't know if. And they have newscasters going, well, and more bullshit news today. They tell a real story. And you're like, did they say that? Like. And so it's getting so blurry. It makes me want to look at Instagram less. Because you just. You'll send somebody something. They go, fake, dude, this guy can't fall that far. This truck can't jump like that. You go, well, so take some fun out of it.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, look here, let me set the table for you, okay? Alphabet, that is Google, its parent company just released some videos that is short films this week. And they showed them alongside another AI short Film from a year ago. It's extraordinary. It looks like real people acting in real movies. There is no real people. There is no real set. There's card fearful, its perfection. So very soon. If Bus Boys is a hit for the second Busboy movie, all you need is to get a prompter to go with AI and go Busboy, the sequel. This time, Theo Vaughn loses the girl. Press the button, sit down, and you'll have some.

[David Spade]

Two, even stupider.

[Dana Carvey]

It's called you. You prompt it, and then you'll have the movie completely ready to go on Google or Amazon or in a movie theater, and it'll all be made up by a.

[David Spade]

Will people care about an AI Movie?

[Dana Carvey]

Not if they'll love it. If they can't tell any difference.

[David Spade]

That if we say we went and filmed it. That's a good trick.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, here. Here. Here's the deal. We can make Wayne's World 3. It'll look just like Mike and I 35 years ago.

[David Spade]

Oh, I see. There might be something if it's. Maybe if it's your real voice, not AI and Mike wrote it.

[Dana Carvey]

Maybe it's.

[David Spade]

You guys write it. So it has some realistic realism to it. Because I don't know if everyone's gonna buy. Just. They might. That's. You know, I'm just more nervous about it because things seem fake everywhere then.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, that. That definitely. You can't believe anything you see. And it is terrifying that they can make digital copies, talking and doing obscene stuff. But the studios. I mean, the cost of just having the computer make the movie. But it looks just like Mission Impossible. You don't have to get the helicopter up in the sky. I don't. I think it's kind of inevitable.

[David Spade]

Dude, Tom Cruise does his own stunts. You don't even need to with a. I mean, he's hanging off this. He's on a biplane. He's in a submarine. He does some stuff that's so crazy. I do see some easy trims in that movie. I'm no expert, but if people are fidgeting, they do.

[Dana Carvey]

They do go full length on those movies.

[David Spade]

Yeah, they. They, you know, they spend so much. They want it all on screen. I think that's what happens.

[Dana Carvey]

The thing is, is that the director. They have to tamp Tom down because Tom Cruz seems to have no fear of anything.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And so he has suggested they had a biplane with a prop. And he said, put the. Put the prop plane on, get the propeller going full speed. I'll put my head down and I'll sprint into The. Into the propeller.

[David Spade]

Yeah, through the propeller.

[Dana Carvey]

And they explained to him, tom, Tom, no, the propeller is going to chew up your head and goes, come on.

[David Spade]

Man, it's moving quite fast.

[Dana Carvey]

They do have to keep Tom under. Under wraps.

[David Spade]

He says, what if I have the propeller? Just trim me ball hair.

[Dana Carvey]

Why are you like a pirate?

[David Spade]

Me ball hair sounds funny. And they go, tom, is that your compromise? The only compromise?

[Dana Carvey]

Have they ever suggested a stunt to Tom Cruise where he said, get the out of town? No way, man. That's too dangerous. I don't think so.

[David Spade]

You know what? I'm trying to think of the one they said, oh, this is the one he does. And I'm, like, trying to remember it from the movie where the one is.

[Dana Carvey]

Like, oh, that was crazy.

[David Spade]

And I'm like, I don't even remember where.

[Dana Carvey]

He's walking on a biplane. This has all been in trailer. He's.

[David Spade]

I didn't watch trailer.

[Dana Carvey]

He's, you know, yada, yada, yada.

[David Spade]

There's submarine stuff. There's cold water. But I. I do feel like he's like, I don't know, a cartoon character like Marmaduke or something, where everything bad keeps happening to him. I don't know what's a good cartoon character, because he goes, I'm just going to run to this submarine real quick. And then it's like he gets, you know, he's on the biplane. He gets a splinter in his hand from the wing. Like, it's just. Then he does this and run out of gas. And they. It's like you. Whatever is in front of them, there's nine things that happen. Everything goes wrong.

[Dana Carvey]

And you go, whatever could go wrong.

[David Spade]

It's exhausting. It's exhausting.

[Dana Carvey]

And he just goes and goes and goes. But I don't know, at this point, what can you say? I mean, we all saw him driving around James Cordon in planes and jumping out of planes.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

I just want to know how to be less afraid of life, you know?

[David Spade]

Yeah, he's not afraid.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I'm on like a, you know, just a regular Southwest Airlines, and I'm kind of sweating. He's. He's hanging by me. So anyway, I, I, Overall, it's.

[David Spade]

It was worth seeing because all that, all that craziness, there's a lot of fun to.

[Dana Carvey]

What about Lilo and Stitch?

[David Spade]

Them three? You know what? That was harsh. That was harsh. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know who they are.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I don't.

[David Spade]

If I saw Lilo and Stitch at the Golden Globes. I wouldn't know.

[Dana Carvey]

They are. I would have. No, no, no. I. I think it's Lilo and Stitch or Lilo and Stitch. No, it's all right. There's too much content. It's not. Yeah, because of our age group.

[David Spade]

It's not for me.

[Dana Carvey]

Can't see everything. I mean, you're. You're like an award show guy. You're never gonna miss the Grammys or the mj. I mean, you're. You're like. You're. You're glued to the tube on some. There's some. Someone's getting an award.

[David Spade]

I'm glued to the indies at con. To play at one in the morning with a 45 minute standing ovation.

[Dana Carvey]

Is there any chance, any chance you'll get nominated for Bus Boys? For an Oscar?

[David Spade]

Oscar. Probably not.

[Dana Carvey]

What. What could you get? Fan favorite.

[David Spade]

Probably Razzie. I mean, I. We're always in danger of being up for Razzie. Anyone in these comedies that people just want to.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I don't. I don't.

[David Spade]

Is that a word? All right, let's get to the hot stories. We're really wasting everyone's time.

[Dana Carvey]

They're just doing their dishes right now. Slow Pressure.

[David Spade]

I just like this title. I don't know what this is about. I like it already.

[Dana Carvey]

The human body is not meant to piss.

[David Spade]

Every day. Toilets have made our bladder soft. The human body is not meant to piss.

[Dana Carvey]

Should be able to piss up to 30ft.

[David Spade]

Fuck is this? AI in time.

[Dana Carvey]

That's. The faster the distance is met, the healthier your. Your urinary tract is.

[David Spade]

Let me write that down because I'm.

[Dana Carvey]

Going to type it into a post later.

[David Spade]

The faster the distance is met, the healthier your urinary tract is. That's exactly right.

[Dana Carvey]

It's kind of like a larynx.

[David Spade]

Expound on that. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Have you ever seen a healthy larynx?

[David Spade]

I've seen scans, sure.

[Dana Carvey]

When you're looking at a scan of a healthy larynx, sound is coming out.

[David Spade]

You can measure sound? Right. And in terms of how hard. Okay, that's enough.

[Dana Carvey]

Human body.

[David Spade]

All right. I like the guy that writes, I'm trying to get mine to 35ft. Dude. Mine barely makes the commode.

[Dana Carvey]

The commode.

[David Spade]

The bathroom.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't know sounds. Think if I ever did any kind of urinary.

[David Spade]

Have you gone all day without peeing? Never.

[Dana Carvey]

I. No.

[David Spade]

Unhealthy. Unhealthy. You're defeated. You go.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we talked about that. If you have surgery, you come out of Surgery. It doesn't have to be.

[David Spade]

Oh, that's right.

[Dana Carvey]

Then you either have. At a certain point, they. They say, you gotta pee or I'm gonna have to calf you.

[David Spade]

So, yeah, it's like a pencil. They go, what is bigger than where it's going? A full pencil. Okay, let's get that size. Then the nurse and two guys from Game of Thrones ram it into my wiener. Yeah. Oh, Heather said she has never heard me scream that loud. She was down the hall. And when the nurse goes, okay, you woke up from your hernia. You're all good. You made it. Now, the part I don't like to tell you about. See this looks like a Slim Jim. We're gonna ram this. I go, why are you waiting? I was asleep for five hours. You wake me up for the worst pain of my life. And then she does it. And I was like, Richard Belzer said he took his cat in and the guy had to check his butt. So the doctor takes this huge finger and. And rams up the cat's ass, and the cat goes, meow. Okay, Heather, you okay? When this fake story about a cat. Heather's mad about that.

[Dana Carvey]

Whatever happens to me with a doctor, any kind of checkup or anything, I say, yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Any kind of anything I do that. That would be embarrassing. I always go the opposite. There's. Men are too embarrassed, and I go get. Let's do it. Let's go for it.

[David Spade]

So they go, you have to whack off into this glass for a sample. I go, leave the door open.

[Dana Carvey]

Where are you going exactly?

[David Spade]

Where are you going?

[Dana Carvey]

And they want you to give a urine sample and go, if you got a bigger cup, doc, you know.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah. Lord's Preserves.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I used to do this bit of. This is kind of in the general area. A bit I dropped because it's kind of blue for me, you know, Ears, nose, and throat. It's kind of specific, you know? What do you do here? I do ears, I. Nose and throat. Anything else? No, it's just ears, nose, and throat. And then next door is a guy with a shingle. He's a doctor, goes, toes, balls, and ass. That's all he does. Toes, balls, and ass. Just three things, David.

[David Spade]

Shoulders, nips, and pubes.

[Dana Carvey]

I was waiting for it, and that was a good one.

[David Spade]

Something.

[Dana Carvey]

It is funny. Ears, nose, and throat. You know, can you. Can you. Can you help me with my. My, my. No. Nope. I'm just. Ears, nose.

[David Spade]

No, Nothing about it.

[Dana Carvey]

Nothing with the ear I go ears, nose, and throat. What about the eyes? Get the. Get your eyes.

[David Spade]

Don't even know how they work. Don't have no idea.

[Dana Carvey]

I have a pain in my. No ears, nose and throat.

[David Spade]

All right, next story.

[Dana Carvey]

Next story.

[David Spade]

We got that one. Good. We got that one. Good. Be the craziest road rage I've ever seen.

[Dana Carvey]

So she walks up.

[David Spade]

Road rage. Here you go.

[Dana Carvey]

Heather pulls up her dress and diarrheas all over. What?

[David Spade]

Walks back. I like the term diarrheas.

[Dana Carvey]

Smiles for the camera.

[David Spade]

She just.

[Dana Carvey]

Diarrhea on my car. Yeah. How can you just diarrhea on command like that? That is when keistered ready to go. Anyone who pops off wherever her destination is, she's showing up on an empty tank. Oh, I don't think we should be allowed to show videos that are that sexy. Sexy. I don't think it's fair.

[David Spade]

Dude, is this only fans? What are we watching?

[Dana Carvey]

That's a keeper. That's a keeper.

[David Spade]

You want a girl that can diarrhea when you're mad at someone, hey, go diarrhea on them.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we've covered urine and feces. I don't know what.

[David Spade]

Look at. We work a little blue this week. It's fine.

[Dana Carvey]

It's an adult show.

[David Spade]

We're not making up. This happened out in the world. So we're just reporting the news.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I'd say it's don't hate the.

[David Spade]

Player, hate the game.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Hey, let's see Monkey.

[David Spade]

Look at Monkey's the dog. Oh, and he paints Monkey.

[Dana Carvey]

A one of a kind artist who.

[David Spade]

Also happens to be a Belgian Malinois. Looks like he's stressing Craigslist puppy. Monkey has achieved fame not only for his tricks. Oh, I like that. But for his extraordinary. I can jump in a puddle. There's no way he painted out of town off Monkey. There's no way. Creating artwork. That is monkey. You lying piece of. Abstract pieces are dynamic and expressive. He's spinning his head around energy. Maybe that one. There's not that one. There's not that one. I can't do that.

[Dana Carvey]

No. Now they got a little bit. It's funny making each creation.

[David Spade]

It's not even. AI. It's fake.

[Dana Carvey]

Is the only dog in the world capable of producing artwork.

[David Spade]

Has captured the heart.

[Dana Carvey]

Setting him apart as a trailblazer in the world of canine creativity.

[David Spade]

Unless you have a lot of paintings.

[Dana Carvey]

Way to go.

[David Spade]

It looks like your art a little bit.

[Dana Carvey]

What you mean like a monkey could do it? Or a dog?

[David Spade]

No. You have artwork?

[Dana Carvey]

Yes, I do. Maybe I'll share it with the audience.

[David Spade]

Let's show it next week. Because I said I wanted one for my house in a long time ago.

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[David Spade]

Because I thought it was quite good.

[Dana Carvey]

And then remember, it wasn't.

[David Spade]

It wasn't monkey good, but it was.

[Dana Carvey]

I called you when you and asked you to still want some of my artwork, and I guess you just had a bag of Cheetos or something. I couldn't, so I just hung up.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. But I did want it still.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, it doesn't. You have some great stuff in your home, but it's not valuable. I mean, it's not valuable.

[David Spade]

Yours?

[Dana Carvey]

No, I'm just saying, you know. No, you have nice.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. No, mine's trash. Something for the walls. It comes to the house. I keep it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Photos and stuff like that.

[David Spade]

Okay. We realize, we all agree, both judges agree, that monkey's trying to bullshit everyone.

[Dana Carvey]

I thought it was a very funny, well done parody of a dog that could actually paint.

[David Spade]

I think they were serious, though. That's the sad part, really.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it was a. A joke. And they did put the brush in the. In the dog's face and have it go like that a little bit, you.

[David Spade]

Know, but dude, they go like this up close. It's really good. Him in his mouth, he's like, doesn't know anything. Monkey go spinning his head around.

[Dana Carvey]

Look, dog people always want their dogs to be human, of course, you know, and that's just the fun of it. They're like, you know, like, didn't Oprah say that's just as profound as having a kid getting a puppy.

[David Spade]

How would you like to be a dog named after another animal? That's embarrassing.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, it's a dog and it's called. They call it Monkey.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

That is kind of cruel.

[David Spade]

It's kind of rude, actually.

[Dana Carvey]

I would have called it.

[David Spade]

Yes, go ahead. Even if you call it Jack or something now you're like, oh, you're like a human to me. You're like a friend.

[Dana Carvey]

If I had a beautiful golden lab, I'd call it Larvae.

[David Spade]

That's one of the top names.

[Dana Carvey]

Monkey Larvae. Larvae. Larvae. I may get a dog soon. But I'm. I'll wait till I. Oh. Because I. I really do love dogs. They're uppers. I mean, they're just like and stuff.

[David Spade]

My friend got a little baby beagle. Would you ever do a beagle with the big floppy ears? Are sort of cute.

[Dana Carvey]

Beagles are actually badass. Like, beagles will go on your property. Look at a Gopher hole and. And stand over with it. Just. And stand for hours, not moving. Wait till a gopher comes and so they're actually really, really cool. You can do stuff with them.

[David Spade]

You know, I know a girl that can come over if you have a go overhole and then she'll squirt. Diarrhea.

[Dana Carvey]

Is there no end to the scatological?

[David Spade]

Well, it was one of this hot news stories.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. Well, look, I did my toes, balls and ass doctor, so I. I can't.

[David Spade]

I can't.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm not going to judge you. You're a comedian.

[David Spade]

No one's blaming you. I'm the one that's filthy. You're on this. You're good.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm not a prude about it. I'm trying to. My what? Your favorite scatological joke.

[David Spade]

Now, I can't say that, but I don't know that one.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

[David Spade]

I'm not that dirty. My act is. My act is probably R rated, but not really a no.

[Dana Carvey]

It's just not. It's not blue. Blue. Not even close. No. No.

[David Spade]

All right, next. Next one. Let's see what we got. Anything fun? Every day is a chance to move forward. Whether you're navigating your commute, challenging personal best, or leading with purpose, you need apparel. This is true. That works as hard as you do.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

You know Roan, Daisy. We've been with them.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I know Roan. We design clothing to match your ambition with, get this, technical fabrics. They breathe, stretch and adapt and elevated styles keep you sharp. Our gear is built to support your pursuit of progress.

[David Spade]

Pursuit collection is designed for the man who lives in motion. Whether you're chasing personal best, tackling intense training sessions, or just enjoying your well earned downtime, pursuit ensures you're ready for it all. It's built to move with you no matter where life takes you.

[Dana Carvey]

Aeroflex fabric delivers lightweight durability with always stretch maintaining structure and comfort for optimal all day performance.

[David Spade]

And you know about the pockets, Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, they. They keep essentials secure with two open hand pockets and a mesh zip pocket. That's actually a great idea. Additional drop in pockets in the fit liner provide room for your phone and more.

[David Spade]

Listen P Forward with pursuit. Designed by and for the ambitious, the Pursuit collection blends durability, flexibility, innovation to fuel your Progress Non stop. Get 20% off at rhone.com fly with code fly that's R H O-N-E.com fly with code fly at checkout. You don't need a fly on the wall to get the story on Next level protection for your dogs. In fact, the only thing you need for that is Next Guard Plus a foxylonir moxidectin and pyrantal chewable tablets. From birthday parties to costumes, social media accounts to puppy vacations, Next Level pet owners will do anything for their dogs. And when it comes to their health, that means giving them next level protection too. That's why there's nexguard Plus. Choose your one and done solution for monthly protection that kills fleas and ticks, prevents heartworm disease, and treats and controls roundworms and hookworms all in one Tasty beef Flavored Soft chew. My dog Junebug loves getting her monthly nexguard plus, making it simple for me to protect her with a delicious chew she always enjoys.

[Dana Carvey]

Nexgard plus packs a whole lot of powerful protection into one tasty chew, making monthly dosing easy and enjoyable for both of you. Use with caution in dogs with a history of seizures or neurologic disorders. Dogs should be tested for existing heartworm infections prior to starting a preventive. So the next time you're at the vet, ask about Next Card plus choose.

[David Spade]

Dana what does a confident smile say to you? And maybe more importantly, what does it say about you? With Smile Generation? It says you're taking care of more than just your teeth. Because confidence doesn't start and stop at a bright smile. It's about your whole body wellness. Smile Generation reimagines oral health as the gateway to long term confidence. Why? Because oral health issues have been linked to heart disease, diabetes and even cognitive conditions. When you care for your smile, you're investing in your future and that confidence. It starts with feeling supported With Smile Generation trusted providers, you're not just another patient, you're a partner.

[Dana Carvey]

They prioritize personal, patient focused care that truly listens to you. Plus, with education and preventive care at the core, Smile Generation empowers you to understand the connection between your mouth and overall health so you can stop issues before they start. Here's your chance to take the first step. Smile Generation is offering a $59 new patient special that's a comprehensive exam, cleaning and x rays a $290 value. New patients only offer not valid for Tricare or Medicare Advantage may be covered by insurance, subject to plan restrictions. Booked by December 31, 2025. Visit smilegeneration.com 5 for full terms and to book Now a closer what is this for? You okay? Basketball.

[David Spade]

Oh, this is how bad basketball's getting. What is this? Oh, it's like A foul or something. Oh, they all fighting.

[Dana Carvey]

It's the beginning of a melee. Now they're just. Who is she? She's.

[David Spade]

Oh, a mom punches him.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, started. She's good, right?

[David Spade]

Oh, oh, the mom comes and tries to take out Jack Harlow, whoever that kid is. Wow. I do not want to get beat up by a mom, but which one's mom?

[Dana Carvey]

Number 12, Weber. Was that a. To all the crowds this weekend.

[David Spade]

What's up? The car that drove and, like, hit a bunch of people this week in the middle. Oh, oh. And I think it's a little too rough.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, that's. Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

A little dark, but yeah, it's all right. I mean, listen, the news is out there. We're trying to protect America from the real news. All our listeners.

[Dana Carvey]

Right.

[David Spade]

We're just giving them little blibs and blabs.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, we want you to. When you click off on this, we don't want you to go. We want you to go. That was fun.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Even though we do break that rule sometimes. Okay, next one. Let's see, let's see. Oh, this is me when I'm angry and old. It's a cat one. Heather, watch.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, another cat. Okay, that's it.

[David Spade]

What was that? That's slow motion or something. I like it. He goes, he goes.

[Dana Carvey]

That's you at a single spar. Going up to a woman.

[David Spade]

I go, hey, good looking, good looking cat.

[Dana Carvey]

Cats are gnarly in that way, you know. Okay, same weight class, cat versus dog, who wins. I say cat because it's got the claws and the teeth and the energy.

[David Spade]

They go. They're so fast. Yeah, they go crazy. They're all, they're all kind of pent up and mad at all times.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I, I.

[David Spade]

I look at Heather to get a reaction. She goes like this. She's the great cat defender.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, we had a cat named Boots.

[David Spade]

It was all right. You're stupid guy. What was the joke you said? Because he had fur on his.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, cat boots would, you know, when you're a kid, and the cat would find its way to your bed. I was on a bunk bed and get up and it would sit on my chest and its face would be looking right at me, and it would be purring and kneading my chest and purring. And I'm looking at the cat in the eyes and I'm like, I'm going, is this cat getting off on this?

[David Spade]

I know. I think they are.

[Dana Carvey]

That was my joke.

[David Spade]

You'd say that. I thought you said Boots because he had white on his feet.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, no, Boots have. Yeah, we call him Boots because of that. Because he had white. White. You know.

[David Spade]

But this is the one of our kids.

[Dana Carvey]

The one I wanted to tell you was my cousin who has dogs, loves dogs. He's a really strong guy. He's a pole vaulter. And he always said, well, basically, don't be afraid of a dog because all it is is a mouth. That's it, just a mouth. So a dog, a big dog came running at him. And he was going out for a run, he grabbed it and picked it up and threw it over a fence. Didn't hurt the dog. So the dog is I, I. Next thing it knows, it's on the other side of the fence. Just so remember, don't be afraid. Just pick the dog up, surprise it, pick it up and throw it over a fence.

[David Spade]

If you're strong.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, if you're strong.

[David Spade]

Do you know, Dana, when I'm on a plane, I always wonder, how long am I allowed to talk to somebody's baby? You know what I mean? Before it gets weird, like, I get about three questions. I go, hi, it's one. And I go, what's your name? Then they tell me. And then I go, how old are you? And then after that I go, what's your snap?

[Dana Carvey]

Wait a minute, is that a baby?

[David Spade]

What's your snap?

[Dana Carvey]

You're talking about a toddler then.

[David Spade]

No, I'm talking about like, you just see, let's say you see like, like an 18. A 2 year old. Yeah. Cute.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

And you're like, so cute. Aren't you cute then? That's how far you get. You can't go, no, you're really cute. You can't change your voice. You have to keep it like this. So cute. You can't go. Really cute. Good looking, actually.

[Dana Carvey]

I know they. Even the baby or the toddler seems patronized. You're like, yeah, you know, you want some candy or something? Look at you. Like, they're like, there's a creepy.

[David Spade]

I'm three, not two. Quit trying to talk. Look at this ding in my nose. Can you see that ding? It's fine. I can fix it.

[Dana Carvey]

Won't mostly. Won't you? Oh, you have a little nose issue. Okay, we're gonna talk about that next week. Mostly say to the parent, right? Adorable, right?

[David Spade]

Oh, adorable.

[Dana Carvey]

Really a cute kid.

[David Spade]

You got to keep it light. Like, aren't you a cutie? You can't go, aren't you a cutie?

[Dana Carvey]

They go, okay, well, you know, I have this little anxiety about flying But I am getting better.

[David Spade]

Okay, but.

[Dana Carvey]

But maybe five years ago, there's a baby behind me. Then we're going down, and the baby's starting to cry, and we're about to take off, and it was kind of rough weather, so I'm feeling really anxious. So the babies screaming was an actual soundtrack of what was inside my head. So I have sound effects.

[David Spade]

I like that one.

[Dana Carvey]

And I'm thinking the same thing people got. Shut that baby up and go. I'm just not screaming. But that's what's inside my head.

[David Spade]

That's what it's like. You're not a great flyer, but you get through it. Oh, still going. Thumbnail. Thumbnail alert.

[Dana Carvey]

Whoops.

[David Spade]

All right, well, I think in hindsight. In summary, Dana, we did a good job. We gave him a high quality show.

[Dana Carvey]

I think it was good. It's just two friends talking. Maybe it wasn't our funniest. It wasn't our darkest.

[David Spade]

It wasn't. This is episode funniest.

[Dana Carvey]

It could have been our greatest podcast. We try not to judge.

[David Spade]

You know, episode 1000 and 100 million.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, don't.

[David Spade]

All right, so we'll see everybody next week.

[Dana Carvey]

I guess next week we've got a doozy and. Or a humdinger plan.

[David Spade]

Oh, my God. Heather's already here with us. All right, I'm going to jump off Dana, so just give me three steps.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay?

[David Spade]

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.