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David Spade
Okay, confession time. I never thought I'd be that person, but here I am raving about an energy shot. But listen, this isn't just any shot. It's five Hour Energy's new Glow Motion flavor. It's basically a tiny rave in a bottle. Like it literally glows under UV light. You, a dance floor, and a glowing energy shot. Huh. The vibes are immaculate. Glow Motion is a fruity burst of flavor that hits harder than a 3am you up text from your ex, but way less emotionally damaging.
Dana Carvey
It's got the same caffeine as a premium cup of coffee, zero sugar, and none of the regret. And it's only 2 ounces, which means it won't weigh you down when you're running marathons, dancing till sunrise, or just chasing your dog who suddenly decided to be an Olympic sprinter. So, David, stock up, grab one for your squad, and let's glow five hour energy. Glow motion is available online. Head to www.fivehourenergy.com to order yours today.
David Spade
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Dana Carvey
They prioritize personal, patient focused care that truly listens to you. Plus, with education and preventive care at the core, Smile Generation empowers you to understand the connection between your mouth and overall health so you can stop issues before they start. Here's your chance to take the first step. Smile Generation is offering a $59 new patient special. That's a comprehensive exam, cleaning and x rays, a $290 value. New patients only offer not valid for Tricare or Medicare Advantage. May be covered by insurance, subject to plan restrictions. Booked by December 31, 2025. Visit smilegeneration.com fi for full terms and to book. Now let's slide.
David Spade
Okay, so I went on the road, Dana, and this is where everyone's riveted and glued to their podcast. Like, oh, weekend 4000 of spade telling some dumb road story. Yes, it is. Yes, what if it is?
Dana Carvey
I love you on the road. I don't know if you love you on the road, but when I hear that you're on the road, it just lives my day. I don't know why.
David Spade
It's fun to hear from your chariot, your throne, and your ranch, but when I'm out there grinding, so I go out there. I did a whole Ohio run. So it was three cities in Ohio, one I do not know of. It's called Newark.
Dana Carvey
At a hot little theater, nice airport.
David Spade
It's kind of a. You know, when it's a small town, it's not. No, not Newark, where all the planes crash. This is Newark, Ohio.
Dana Carvey
Newark, Ohio. Oh, excuse me.
David Spade
That's what I said.
Dana Carvey
I was just playing Cleveland, Montana. So anyway, go ahead.
David Spade
Exactly. That's what happened. I go. Even people in Newark are going, are we in New Jersey or are we in Ohio? I don't understand what's going on.
Dana Carvey
I don't trust anything they say.
David Spade
Yeah. Then I went to Dallas, Arizona. Joe keeps going. I like Cleveland, Montana better.
Dana Carvey
Cleveland, Montana, probably real.
David Spade
You can't beat that one. So, by the way, I love this. When did this plant grow back behind you?
Dana Carvey
What? I'm a horticulturalist. I like nature.
David Spade
I'm a horticarcalist.
Dana Carvey
I'm a car.
David Spade
I'm a corist. Look.
Dana Carvey
Apparently, having knickknacks and plants behind you when you do a podcast exponentially pleases the audience.
David Spade
They close up the audience.
Dana Carvey
I had no knickknacks. Now I've got that little special plus. I want everyone to guess what is in that fly on the wall thing. Email. And I won't move what I put in there. Next week if you. If you win. Oh, guess what is in that. I'll reveal it on the next superfly.
David Spade
Oh.
Dana Carvey
So email funny Or. Or comment on us and guess.
David Spade
Yeah, I don't even know if there's any way to get a hold of us, but do it. And. Oh, and YouTube. Maybe they can do it.
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
David Spade
Also, the people, what they say is they watch the whole podcast and they don't mention one joke. They go, dana's drawer has weird handles. And you go, that's all you got from this whole thing?
Dana Carvey
Hey, man. That. This is our core audience. These. These are people who love us. They. They see the details. The drawer handles are the biggest thing. Look, I don't understand what this new art form is, but I'll. I'll tell you one thing. This morning, I saw more short films done by chat, GBT or whatever, and it's getting weird. We really. You really can make a Film on your laptop now.
David Spade
Why they do they need us for anything? Are we sort of obsolete? We've got a full week left, I'm sure.
Dana Carvey
Well, the skill set is learning how to talk to the robot. You prompt it. David Spade and Theo Vaughn are running away from an army of 10,000 people. And then you'll see it. You don't have to get the 10,000.
David Spade
I mean, that's kind of fun to see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of fun to have the power to go, Spade chased by Godzilla.
Dana Carvey
In Scottsdale, Spade journeys to the center of the earth in a spaceship or center of the universe in a spaceship. So anyway, it's just coming, just saying, look out.
David Spade
They go, Spade goes to do a show in Ohio and doesn't bomb. Can we in chat BT goes, I can't come up with that. I can't do that.
Dana Carvey
Or something. I actually tried it this morning. Spade. Spade gets five standing ovations. And I waited 10 minutes for seeing you get the standing ovation and then it just came up skull and crossbones. I don't know what that meant, but.
David Spade
The chat GPT couldn't pull it off. They go, it's GBT about you. Oh, Heather jumped in. She asked Chat GPT if Dana was in a gang because he's wearing it. Oh, they gave me comments. She asked, what does David Spade do? Or what? You say, oh, comedy about. What's his comedy about? Oh, he crunches leaves and walks in circles. It's good stuff, positive stuff.
Dana Carvey
I put it in. I said, is David Spade funny? And it just gave me an emoji.
David Spade
Like it gave you this guy.
Dana Carvey
I don't know.
David Spade
I mean, some people say so I don't get it.
Dana Carvey
Some people say dbt.
David Spade
We don't get it in the robot. Here's what you have to learn if you're in chat GPT got to learn how to say down robot. Down robot. Because they can get out of hand. I saw a girl look like a robot. I told Heather she had so much Botox, her forehead is a little round. And then she had paint on eyebrows. I go, looks like something from iRobot. You know, we're starting to look all the same. It's all bad.
Dana Carvey
We're trying to say robot. Our goal is to say robot a 100 times this episode and we're halfway there. I'll take a win.
David Spade
Hang on, we haven't done this yet. Dana.
Dana Carvey
Uhoh.
David Spade
One of my shows in Cleveland was right next to a clinic. Dana, guess what I ordered you Something else online. Where is things I do for Dana? I don't have it yet, but Heather and I are ordering it because I go, I saw some other doohickey. I go, oh, yeah, we gotta have it for Dana.
Dana Carvey
Wait a minute. I am a minimalist, as you know. I don't have. I don't want anything, but I really want that thing because. Yeah, whoever invented that sound, was it the 20s or the 30s?
David Spade
I know it. It worked.
Dana Carvey
Still, it's so perfect. And after you make a lava with someone, you put that on and.
David Spade
They go, you said your wiener was gonna go straight up. I go, yeah, I've said it before, but take a look. Camera pans down.
Dana Carvey
No wonder Debbie Downer was a hit.
David Spade
So she goes like this. Yeah, she had a funny. Now, Dana. I would get to how I stayed next to Cleveland Clinic and it was tubulated into my hotel with another hospital. So you could walk. It's cold, you know.
Dana Carvey
Right.
David Spade
And what happened was it was like an ant farm and all these sick people were just coming into my hotel because I was in between. So I'm like the nice hotel hospital bed, basically.
Dana Carvey
So the hotel on both sides. And a tube takes it by through your hotel.
David Spade
So a clinic, which is very well known, and then in like, a hospital or a university.
Dana Carvey
Yeah, yeah. Cleveland Clinic. Yeah, yeah.
David Spade
Right. Very nice. And then they have tubes because it's so cold out. They're smart. Like the second floor, third floor. You walk around the city, you can sort of connect, which is such a great idea. We should do it in Arizona because it's so hot, but it's cold there, so you do that. So when I get on the third floor every day, I'm like, I don't know if this is a normal hotel. Everyone's pushing an iv. So I go, what's going on? They go, ah, we got some spillage from the spillover. Yeah. So, yeah, because, you know, it's just, by the way, germ. And no offense, but germs obviously everywhere. And then doctors on there and everyone. And the doctor goes, I go, I know you, third floor. He goes, no, I'm going to eight, actually have a patient here. Well, that's the last one.
Dana Carvey
No, no. There's two reasons it's funny. One is it's funny. It's a funny sound. The second reason is how much joy you get by doing it. So there's two lanes. So the fact. How happy you are. I don't ever want you to stop until you're not happy making that sound.
David Spade
I know and it makes you sort of happy adjacent to watch me try to milk bits out of this thing, right?
Dana Carvey
Well, that's, you know, I mean, that's the last thing you want after you come out of surgery is that sound. Now hit it. How to go, doc? How to go, doctor?
David Spade
They go like this. Here's the last thing you see. You go, dana, you're about to go under. You're going to count to 10, and then you say, okay, I'm a little nervous. They go, you shouldn't be. We've done sex change surgeries before. Wait, I'm going under.
Dana Carvey
Oh.
David Spade
Dana, by the way, you look a little loopy today. And you want to say why to our viewers?
Dana Carvey
Yeah, I had a little minimally invasive surgery for a hernia. Yeah.
David Spade
And they went through your head. Look at this hat he's got.
Dana Carvey
I haven't been able to. I haven't been able.
David Spade
Oh, yeah, you can for three days.
Dana Carvey
And I had a really cool Pendleton cowboy hat that got lost. I was going to wear that.
David Spade
Oh, that would have been great.
Dana Carvey
I looked like Christian Bale and 310 to Yuma. Look it up. So then at the last second, this was on top of the dryer, this. So, yeah, I had a pain. And these glasses. So I had a pain pill, whatever that is. So I'm a little loopy.
David Spade
Oh, yeah.
Dana Carvey
But. But I. I don't. I don't cancel. It's only been 36 hours since I. But, yeah, they. They stitch you up. They go down the dinky, and, you know, everyone's like, oh, I had it. I felt nothing. Well, guess what? I felt something. You know?
David Spade
Yeah. I think I was the only one that was brave enough to say, it is. Mine was a double, which, whatever that means, is just a little more tricky. We have the same doctor, which is funny, right? Mine was bad, Dana, because when I did it, the doctor said, oh, you know, it's outpatient or whatever.
Dana Carvey
Right.
David Spade
And I woke up and I go, I'm not going anywhere. My brother had my brother come out and he carried me, put me in a wheelchair. I was like. Because, you know, you're like, muscles are cut. So I was like, he carried me like a baby, like a bodyguard. And at insult to injury, my dipshit neighbor dug in his front yard and cut out all the power lines. So I got home, and I couldn't get in the gate. It sounds like Rich problem is a gate. And then so my brother had to bump the gate open, his back carry me all the way into the house, which Was pitch black, no electricity. So he terrifyingly puts me in the bed, and I'm just like, I can't get up if there's a fire, if there's a problem. I'm like, this is so scary. And I'm on my pain pills, which I don't like taking for any real reason. I just want to take them for fun. And so I'm laying there, and then I've got a catheter jammed up the wazoo. It's up to my ribs.
Dana Carvey
I think I went in down the catheter. I said, yeah, I'm cool, Dana. Yeah, it's optional. You could have just said no, because.
David Spade
I didn't want to get up and pee. I couldn't stand up. My brother the next day had to pick me up and just swing me around just for fun. I don't know why I asked that.
Dana Carvey
How big is your brother? Is this a Cyclops?
David Spade
What a job. He's like, I came out here to take care of you. I don't want to do literally everything. And I'm like, can you check my catheter? It feels a little loose. He's like, I'm sorry, what?
Dana Carvey
We have the same surgeon who's great, he's world renowned, but, you know, I get in there and they're kind of like, well, he's got a special case right now. So he had an extra large person, and it took, like, three to four hours. So I waited. And then when he came in, I said, are you all right, dude? Do you need a snack or something? Because he.
David Spade
He looks wiped out. Your stomach hurts when you laugh?
Dana Carvey
Yes. Not my stomach. It's the groin area. Hello. I'll be fine. The guy did a great job. Brilliant surgeon, super nice guy. And, you know, what are you going to do? I just think you should manage your expectations. He asked me before I went, are you nervous? I go, surprisingly, no. And you go, you should be a little nervous.
David Spade
Jesus. He goes, I'm nervous as shit.
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
David Spade
But he said, I just did this huge. I don't want to say fat guy, but, like, monstrously humorous fat guy. And. And he goes, I'm wiped out. But I say we just get this one, knock it out, then we can all go to lunch. And you're like, yeah, let's just buzz through this one quickly.
Dana Carvey
Well, you know, they always say it's a chip shot in golf, like, meaning that it's easy, but chip shots are not very easy. So I don't know where, but he did a great job. And I just Will be glad when I don't feel pain getting up and moving around. But I'm fine as long as don't make me laugh or I'll be in pain. So now you have a challenge I won't do.
David Spade
I. Believe me, you're in no danger. I, I, When I was in there, I. They go, it's the third day. We think we're going to get your catheter up. I didn't want to look. It's so crazy that that even happens because it goes into your wiener. You know what that is medically?
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
David Spade
So it's like a, it's like a number two pencil. It's way too big to be in there. So goes in there and then she goes like this. They just pull it out, right? And what happens is the way it stays in. Just to sicken everyone. You might want to pull over is at the end, it's got a little, like a balloon, like, so it stays. It doesn't slide out. So one time they go, One time they forgot to deflate that part and started yanking. I go, I can't hear it. I can't hear it.
Dana Carvey
Well, that. See, you're making me laugh again. That is hilarious.
David Spade
It's hilariously horrifying.
Dana Carvey
That is so funny.
David Spade
But other than that, I think I'm glad you're okay.
Dana Carvey
This is the loopiest I've been on the podcast. Even more than when I had dental work right before I came over and did the podcast.
David Spade
And also, you're being tough because you look a bit of a gang banger today, which is kind of cool and tough guy with a plan.
Dana Carvey
I'll just announce it. I mean, this is my new look. I mean, there's no reason, there's no logical reason for me to look anything other than what I look like now, because I can see it. If you can look this cool and this badass, why would you look wimpy?
David Spade
I mean, I'm picturing it like it's just black hair and it looks funnier. Like that's just your black hair growing in.
Dana Carvey
I'm doing, I'm doing an edge. I'm doing edge with Bono and Edge. Yeah.
David Spade
Oh, this is the edge. That's right.
Dana Carvey
It looks like hair. Okay.
David Spade
It looks like hair. I picture it looking like hair, and it's funnier to me.
Dana Carvey
Right? That's good. Like, I'm, I'm, I'm happy for you. One thing. Do you want. Do you have more road stories besides the hospital one?
David Spade
No, there, there's no real. That's not even a real story, but yes, that's it for the road. What else you got, Dana? I'm a little bit of a spendy Susie.
Dana Carvey
A boozy Susie and a spendy Susie.
David Spade
Yeah, I'm more of a boozy Susie.
Dana Carvey
But yeah, you are. You are a spendy spender. Yeah.
David Spade
And a lot of our listeners are nice enough to write in and say you look like you drank a lot and slept on your face. But that's just constructive criticism.
Dana Carvey
Well, it's very concise and you don't really drink very much. I'll tell the fans.
David Spade
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Dana Carvey
And I'll say it again. Klarna, which I, I assume is Swedish. Klarna is your smarter everyday spending partner.
David Spade
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Dana Carvey
That's right. Here's some key takeaways. Listen up brother. Klarna offers a pay in for product where you don't have to pay interest. I think that's a good thing.
David Spade
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Dana Carvey
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David Spade
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Dana Carvey
Klarna may get a commission. Limitations, terms and conditions apply. I'm just gonna.
David Spade
They do.
Dana Carvey
I'm just gonna say it. It's a Klarna summer hymns.
David Spade
As you know, Dana is hymns.
Dana Carvey
Oh yeah.
David Spade
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Dana Carvey
Look, if ed is getting you down, what should they do?
David Spade
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Dana Carvey
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David Spade
That was hard to say.
Dana Carvey
And last longer so you could be ready whenever the mood strikes. So I think this is great actually. I think that a lot of these access to medicines. If you're a little embarrassed about things, you can get them online and they're FDA approved ingredients. I mean.
David Spade
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dana Carvey
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David Spade
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Dana Carvey
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David Spade
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Dana Carvey
Himss.com SuperFly the feature products include compounded products which are not approved nor verified for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescriptions required. See website for details, restrictions and important safety information. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. The thing that made me. I don't know, it's sort of weird that, you know, you see these little. There's driverless cars, Waymos, right? And they're all over la. And then eventually. And then you see the little cars, see the Waymos and they're kind of cute. And you do extrapolate into rooting for the Waymox. There's no driver, but you know, it's an AI. But you sort of watch it. Oh, I hope it makes the right turn. So during the local festivities in downtown la, people who were protesting decided to call the little robot Waymo to come pick them up. And then they would explode it or burn it up.
David Spade
So the Waymo.
Dana Carvey
Actually, they've installed a little AI voice like, yes, sir, right away. Downtown LA. See you in 19 minutes. Oh, there you are. I'll pick you up. What the. You're gonna expose me? Oh, my God, that's horrible.
David Spade
So I. Oh, is that a. Is that a bottle of booze? Oh, it's gas inside. Why is there a rag on. Wow. What did I do to you?
Dana Carvey
Please don't explode me. I don't want to be exploded. So anyway, I just felt like that was kind of a nasty thing to do.
David Spade
But I don't know if the riots were anti Waymo. I don't know what was going on.
Dana Carvey
I don't know what they would. Please don't deport me. But then they had Mexican flags they're waving. You'd think, like, where do you want to go? What?
David Spade
I mean, I. I know. I think the message is a little confusing. I get the message of if people have jobs and they're doing. And they're. And they're contributing. I. I didn't think that's what this was all about, but that is the message, I think. And it's getting blurry when it gets more riotous and there's professional rioters that definitely come into this, and they are here to shake up and cause trouble. And when it gets like that, it gets away from the original intent, and then it just turns into chaos, and then it's looting and it's all these problems, and then no one even knows what's going on. Then they bring in the National Guard to ideally just make people go, hey, just stop. We got to just stop what we're doing and just figure this out. Instead of, it's getting worse. You know, you don't want to get worse. And back in 2020, you don't. We can't burn down the city again. It's just too much. It's too much. Hurts too many. Business. Hurts. Hurts everyone. And they got the Olympics coming and they got World cup, and so, you know, I feel like, first of all, I saw it, I thought it was a rerun. Second of all, I was like, I've got a great solution, Dan, and you're gonna love this.
Dana Carvey
All right, here we go.
David Spade
We send in Bonnie Blue. Do you know Bonnie Blue? Catherine likes this idea. She's the one that had sex with a thousand people. She could try to have sex with all the people.
Dana Carvey
Yeah.
David Spade
At the protest. Then it turns into a fun thing.
Dana Carvey
Right. And it still can get its message across.
David Spade
Yeah, yeah. It gets a little watered down with Bonnie Blue, but she brings joy because her next thing she's doing is she's. I don't know if Heather heard this one. This is. This isn't putting women. It's not projecting them forward. It might be inching them back. Because she is going to go in a glass cage and let 24 hours. Whoever wants to come in, do whatever they want to. This was already done. Oh. And it got very, very. I do remember one girl just stood there and said, do what you want to me. They started very minimal. And then they slapped her and they punched her, and they.
Dana Carvey
Blood at the end and strangulation and everything.
David Spade
This. I think she's just going pure, have sex with me. I mean, she's. It's sort of whatever you want, but I don't think she's there to play cricket.
Dana Carvey
Yeah, Woman had all sorts of tools laid out.
David Spade
She might not be. Oh, tools to either have sexual interaction or to hurt her or her physical.
Dana Carvey
They can do whatever.
David Spade
That was like an art piece. This one's a little less arty in my mind, A little lower on the art scale and more on the corn dog.
Dana Carvey
That's a bit of a stretch. Human beings, whatever they can think of, eventually they'll do. So someone thought of that, hey, how about I do 10 men and then an hour later. All right, I got you. I'm going for a thousand, by the way. I have to say, living in California and over the years having people from south of the border from different countries working for us and with us, very hard working, patriotic people. So I don't want those people bothered at all. So just wanted to go on record, you know, they pay taxes, of course.
David Spade
I. I think, I think the idea is part. Part of the people think that everyone comes over the border is horrible. In part think that everyone is great. I think there's a huge percentage that come over to have a better life. And then there's some that play our system because we clowned it up and just opened it. And so if you open it, other countries say, hey, if I'm a bad guy, this is our chance to get in and get settled. And now I can cause trouble if that's my. If that's what I want to do. But there's a ton of great people here.
Dana Carvey
And, you know, it's a messy thing, but. Yeah, you want the criminals to kind of not hang out.
David Spade
Well, I don't. Yeah, we want to get rid of people. And then you don't know why they're down. Like, if they're going to get someone that. Like, if you told me someone I knew was also a trafficker, I wouldn't know that. But they might know more than we do. So they might have a reason, but I don't know. I don't like that they're just grabbing regular people, of course, because people here working for 10 years and they're trying to do it right and it's getting muddied by the people that do it wrong. And it's just a big mess. This Bonnie Blue thing might not fix it. And then if not, I'm out of ideas.
Dana Carvey
Hold that thought. I mean, I'm not. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. On the Bonnie Blue concept. I'm not gonna.
David Spade
You're not Going away from that just yet. You're not going to throw it away.
Dana Carvey
I'm not gonna punt. If football on that, you know, it's.
David Spade
That's our best option right now, but. And if there's a better one, I'll take it. But right now, right, that's the placeholder.
Dana Carvey
I live in a sanctuary county most. I think LA is a sanctuary city. It's a sanctuary state, basically. So. But anyway, it's messy. I don't want anyone to get hurt, and I just want us all to live in peace and harmony. I'm from the 60s. I'm an old hippie, basically. Yeah, Yeah.
David Spade
I mean. And I just don't want the looting, the fires, the burning. It just doesn't help anyone. And it's a lot of nice people down there that have little businesses, like, just let them be. They don't want to be a part of this. No one does.
Dana Carvey
No. And again, just in the macro, you know, if you think of the United States government and the California government, the local government, you know, you want them to take care of the national parks, make sure they tax and help people and do all that. But I have two things I want from the government. The first thing is to protect me from enemies outside of the US and the other thing is to protect me from criminals in my neighborhood. So those are the two number one and number two things I want. So law and order downtown just creates more jobs, more businesses. And I am running. I'm running against Karen Bass. I should announce that once I get. Once I get off these pain pills, I'll. I'll start the campaign.
David Spade
They asked Joe Exotic what he thought of her, and he goes, karen Bass, you. Sounds like that's the whole thing. Carol Baskin, it sounds like.
Dana Carvey
And the reaction to that. No, you. You were gonna play him, and now you do the best impression of him.
David Spade
Now I just do an impression of him. That's like the only one I got left. Okay. Other than that. Yeah, the World Cup. But what they will do is. I don't like the skim job of. When Gavin Newsom had, you know, the leader of China come to San Francisco. He cleaned up all the homelessness and everything and all the drug people for one week till the guy came. And then he let it go to shit. It's like, why. Why don't you just fix it for people in San Francisco? Don't fix it for someone so when the Olympics come, he's just making more of a problem. They're gonna have to clean up downtown and graffiti they want it to look pristine. Right. Well, they move the Olympics.
Dana Carvey
The Olympics are funny because every city that hosts the Olympics tries to go all out, paint everything perfect, get rid of the weirdos, you know, and just make it, you know, it's a big poop in the river PR stunt.
David Spade
But they tried to. In France, they tried to hide the poop in the river. Remember? They all threw it in the river.
Dana Carvey
Or they threw it in the river and thought it would flow through. No one would notice. The swimmers went and went. What the she.
David Spade
Yeah, exactly.
Dana Carvey
I know.
David Spade
Okay, go ahead. What were you saying?
Dana Carvey
They should the Olympics in the San Francisco Bay area because it's too hot in LA in August and the Bay Area has a much more temperate climate. It has all the facilities. I'm just saying. There's Stanford University for the track and field, you know, swimming. Yeah. It's got redwood trees. It's a much better climate. But la, I don't know. I wish them all the best, but I. You know, they gotta clean it up.
David Spade
Well, let's get to the stories. That was a big story in LA this week because everyone's talking about it, but.
Dana Carvey
Well.
David Spade
And everyone's waiting to hear. What's our take?
Dana Carvey
It's kind of ongoing. I mean, the latest thing, which I thought was kind of funny title was Anti King or not a king. We don't want a king.
David Spade
Oh, yeah.
Dana Carvey
Like Trump.
David Spade
It's Saturday.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. I thought I was just sort of funny the way Trump is. He'll dress up as a king with a crown and come out. Oh, yeah.
David Spade
Thinking, did he do something like that or. They're just saying in general, he feels because he's bringing tanks out to whatever.
Dana Carvey
They think he's doing, they think it's too much.
David Spade
So I think those are going to be in every city, though. So look out Saturday.
Dana Carvey
Look out Saturday. Don't go to Burger King.
David Spade
You might want to stay in. Okay, let's play a story of one of our stupid stories and we'll comment on it, which we all find out at the end of the show. We're all AI or something.
Dana Carvey
Let's see. I'm gonna be honest this time with my response. I'm not gonna be joking around.
David Spade
All right.
Dana Carvey
I'll let you know. All right, go.
David Spade
Okay. Okay. Ready? Whenever we're ready. By the way, you like this color on me, Dana. It's called maroon.
Dana Carvey
I think it matches perfectly with everything in there. But that one sign behind you is pretty bright. The silver one.
David Spade
This one. The YouTube. Yeah. I can't I would never do the weather. Yeah, that one. We're gonna switch out. Each day is a chance to move forward. You'll need apparel that works as hard as you do. That's where Rhone comes in. Roan designs clothing to match your ambition. With technical fabrics that breathe, stretch and adapt, plus elevated styles that keep you looking sharp, our gear is built to support your pursuit of progress. The Commuter Collection is made for men who never settle. Versatile, refined and always ready for what's next. It's built on the foundation of Roan's signature commuter fabric. Lightweight, breathable and packed with performance features like odor resistance, stretch that lasts and wrinkle free technology.
Dana Carvey
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David Spade
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Dana Carvey
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David Spade
I've got a closet. Dana With a bunch of stuff in it.
Dana Carvey
Boy, have I seen your closet. I got winded running across it.
David Spade
Yeah, yeah. Listen, it's mostly half shirts and sailor hats. But you know what? I need a few good solid pieces to spruce it up. Comfortable, well made, versatile. You gotta go to Quint's. That's why I keep going back. Yeah.
Dana Carvey
They're lightweight layers, David. And elevated basics have become a go to. Especially in the summer. Right now.
David Spade
Listen, they have organic cotton silk polos. Soft, breathable. Just feels like a step up from regular clothes. You know, You've seen what's out there. There's linen shorts that look great. Their pants are perfectly cut and that you could wear them to something casual. I know you go to a lot of beach parties or you go to dressier night out. A nicer beach party sounds good. Yeah. What really makes Quinn stand out is the price. Everything's about half the cost of similar high end brands. They work directly with the best artisans and cut out the middleman. You don't want that. So you get luxury without the markup. And they only partner with factories using ethical, responsible practices and premium materials.
Dana Carvey
Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials. From quince. Go to quince.com fly for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com fly to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com fly.
David Spade
Well, if Diddy's off, what do you think of Diddy as a host?
Dana Carvey
I think. Can Diddy get off? He might, right?
David Spade
If Diddy gets off. They're really circling this trafficking because they're saying if you flew a girl to Vegas and gave her a thousand dollars spending money and then had sex there, that could be sex trafficking. Because you brought someone over state lines, gave them money to have sex. So that's a small version of it which has been done every day since the beginning of time. But. But the actual stuff he's doing is basically. It's going to be one of those lawyer things, Dana, where he goes, listen, do I want to go bowling with Diddy? No. Is he a gross pig? Yes. Does he do all these horrible things? Not a great guy. Is he on trial for being a great guy? No, because he'd lose. But is he a sex trafficker? Ladies and gentlemen, the jury we're missing. This is what we're judging by. Not all this. This is all noise. It's gross noise. It's pretty rough and tumble over There in the old Diddy household.
Dana Carvey
I know. I'll bet that guy already has his closing statement. He's just gonna go, P. Diddy. A shitty guy, but nothing. Didn't do anything illegal. Boom.
David Spade
Yeah, he goes like this. In closing, I like to say, peace. Shitty over here. I call him that. You should, too. He's a. This guy's gross. What he's doing makes me cringe. Is he a.
Dana Carvey
This guy is crude. He's rude. He's obnoxious. He's. He's lewd. He. He's a sex fiend. He, you know, has too much money. No one really knows what he does. But is he a sex traffic.
David Spade
No, we gotta let him walk out. He's got a table tonight at a club.
Dana Carvey
He'll go out.
David Spade
If he gets off, he's gonna be the. He's going to be the king of the world. He'll be like. Everyone will be like, easy. There's definitely people that will treat him like a hero. Of course. Like, oh, man, you beat him. He won't miss a step.
Dana Carvey
Yeah, and the guy who's going to give the closing statement is.
David Spade
I like you still. You still talk like the lawyer. You go, yeah, yeah. Who is the guy giving the closing statement?
Dana Carvey
Mr. Bill Cosby. You see the piggy, the ladies like the baby oil all the time. And p. Did. He just did the baby oil. Dismissed. I haven't done Cosby in two years, so I'm a little.
David Spade
That's a pretty good one. Cosby was the mentor.
Dana Carvey
Is he a jerk? Is he. Is he this? Is he that? Is he a criminal? Nope. Dismissed.
David Spade
Not a great guy.
Dana Carvey
David, give us a topic and all riff on it, then you tag me. This is. This is not planned.
David Spade
Okay, There is a what? Oh, we're not going to do. This One's too controversial. There's a How to train your dragon sequel. Why is it live action? It's not. God, I had a good one, though. I'm looking. I'm looking at Yahoo News. Yahoo. Okay, I'll set you up with this one. No. Oh. Brad Pitt asked if he'd work with Tom Cruise again, and he gave one stipulation. I can't click on it, though. God dang it. What do you think it is?
Dana Carvey
They'd have to do the vampire movie again.
David Spade
Oh, I know. We can talk about Heather's precious Sydney Sweeney's soap. No, it's bath water. Sydney Sweeney.
Dana Carvey
Is she selling beauty products?
David Spade
She's selling some of her bath water that they're going to put in Soap that guys can whack off to or something. It's soap with a hole in it. I heard that part is the best hook of all. So Tana's like, this is the crumbling of America.
Dana Carvey
Oh, And I don't want to think that Sweeney is selling male sex toys. Basically.
David Spade
Yeah, yeah. You know what? Now that you position it like that. Yes, yes.
Dana Carvey
Is she publicly traded? Can I buy her as a stock? Because that thing's gonna go ballistic.
David Spade
Yeah, her ex. No. During the movie with Glenn Powell, you know, they did that fake romance. I don't know if you remember. This might be a little out of.
Dana Carvey
Your orbit, but I know about that.
David Spade
The girlfriend just finally said that she was very miffed by the whole situation, which she should be. I have to take her side. That she was flying out to Australia. And he said. You know what she said? Like, kamala, don't come. Don't come. Because she goes. He says, this is where he got a little. I thought, a little rude. The producers and I talked. We don't think you should fly out here because it would hurt the fake romance there. That he's cheating. And she was like. That's when I decided I should go. By the way, if you're telling a. A female. Oh, me and my producers decided. Why would they have anything to do with.
Dana Carvey
You know, I. I don't know. I haven't had that experience. But it must be odd if your significant other, your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, and it's just doing basically soft core porn on a movie set all day. It just must be odd. I mean, you'd like to go there and look, right?
David Spade
And off camera. Yeah. She wanted to come check in on the whole thing because she heard rumors and she buzzed out she was going to buzz out there, and they said, don't buzz. And so. But you know, I met Glenn Powell recently. Thought he was a super cool guy. I'm a guy. I'm from a different world. Like, I'm not in this thing with her, so. But she did make sense to me. Like, that's. I would get the offensiveness of. You should tell me this is all fake and you should tell me that you wouldn't cheat. And she goes, he wouldn't say that.
Dana Carvey
I know, but if it. If you do that too much, it seems like the opposite is true. Honest, baby. I'm telling you, man, nothing's going on. I think she's ugly, you know, kind of thing.
David Spade
Yeah. You go, sydney Sweeney. That gross. Are you joking?
Dana Carvey
Is this something.
David Spade
Are you joking?
Dana Carvey
Are we on Some kind of canon camera show. Is this a joke? Is this a prank show? The idea that I would be a.
David Spade
Attracted to Sydney turned on. Yeah.
Dana Carvey
Or somehow because we're naked under sheets for hours. Filming that it would mean anything. Are you out of your mind, darling?
David Spade
That's good. It's always, always gas like, what's going on? Oh, something happened on my computer. So that's Sydney Sweeney. And I get why the girlfriend Gigi got a little sideways. You know, it's not my business. That's never kept me out of anything. It's not my business.
Dana Carvey
I think it's only human and natural for her to kind of go, whoa, you know.
David Spade
Yeah. I mean, unfortunately, Sydney Sweeney's a monstrous star and Glenn Powell is a huge star. It's just, you know, any relationship, it's a tough ride when people are blowing up.
Dana Carvey
When, yeah, they're, they're. Yeah, he's a male leading man, she's a leading woman, you know, and they're, they do a lot of sex scenes in their films.
David Spade
It's really. And she's gorgeous. It's like three good looking people. So I'm sure they'll all land on their feet. Okay, here's the, here's the next story and then we're gonna wrap it up. I'm gonna. Yeah, but I got one that'll affect you because someone sent me this and I did see this story. Mike Myers involved in the Diddy trial. Did you hear that? They said.
Dana Carvey
I've heard. Yeah, a lot of these things. I.
David Spade
What is it? Is, is the idea that his. I think he's. Their parents were British. Mike's parents from Liverpool. Okay, right.
Dana Carvey
Like. Like the Beatles.
David Spade
They might be. What is the thing is that his parents had jobs and something over there. So they're trying to find a link.
Dana Carvey
I. You know what? I, I just, I should text him and find out.
David Spade
We should find out.
Dana Carvey
I didn't even want to bring it up. I thought it was one of those silly things. The initial thing that I saw was a picture of him as Austin Powers. And he's looking at himself as Dr. Evil has his pants down. You see his butt. And on Dr. Evil's butt is a tattoo of P. Diddy.
David Spade
Is that true? Is that in the movie?
Dana Carvey
I only, you know, this is.
David Spade
I, I could be fake. It could be fake as a joke. But yeah, I don't think there's anything nefarious going on.
Dana Carvey
Then there was rumors that Mike took a tour of the CIA facilities. I'm just assume everything's Fake until I hear otherwise, you know, or there's also a reason.
David Spade
I mean, curiosity. It could be anything you don't know and. But we should ask him. We can clear it up for him. Or you can. Come on, he's a friend of the show.
Dana Carvey
Friend of the show. It's. It's Wayne. I was. You know, Mom, Garth, He's Wayne. I've always got his back.
David Spade
Yeah, Garth and Wayne.
Dana Carvey
Garth always vouches for his friend, by the way. I just didn't want people to go without seeing my movie poster. Tell me, is it too the Godzilla?
David Spade
Oh, you tilted down. You're smart. I think it's cool. It may just get a little more in evidence. So maybe on that door or maybe right behind the plant or something. Yeah, up on the wall instead of. I like it.
Dana Carvey
Do.
David Spade
Do you.
Dana Carvey
Do you really just trying to do something colorful because, you know, I had the white wall and apparently people. Is he from a low, you know, low crime facility or something?
David Spade
Is he chained to a radiator?
Dana Carvey
And I mean, I move around too, so, you know, double tree in.
David Spade
Yeah. Well, I think you gave it 120 today, Dan. And everyone's applauding you. You got a million birthday messages on YouTube last week. They were very nice.
Dana Carvey
Yeah, I don't really. I should have checked them, but. I don't know, I like. I like to have a little fun at one point every day, even if it's watching the basketball game with an ice cold beer or whatever.
David Spade
You're gonna watch tonight, Friday, the Pacers. I don't have to wank on that one. The Pacers are playing tonight. I saw the game. Yeah, the other night.
Dana Carvey
Right, the other night. Yeah, that was. It's turning into a really, really exciting series.
David Spade
It's a bit of a battle royale. I think it's what everybody wanted. Yeah.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. No one's walking over anybody else, so.
David Spade
Yeah, that's. What about the shot? Who was on the side of the court to prove that you saw it? Caitlin Clark was sitting with Hugo.
Dana Carvey
Caitlin Clark was sitting with other WNBA people or.
David Spade
Yep.
Dana Carvey
Angel Reese. I don't know. She was a celebrity.
David Spade
I think it was two other players. I thought you knew. I think one.
Dana Carvey
Well. Well, one was Reggie. Reggie Miller was in the stands when they were playing in Indianapolis, right?
David Spade
Yeah, she was with two other gals from the wnba, but I don't know.
Dana Carvey
And you don't even know who she was sitting with. It. You asked me.
David Spade
I asked you to trick so you'd answer.
Dana Carvey
You didn't know the answer. But I got it right. Two other WNBA stars.
David Spade
Yeah. Maybe Sabrina. I don't know. It's not really that riveting, but I just was curious and it was fun to see them out at a regular NBA games.
Dana Carvey
Yeah, I mean, it's. I think it's great. The WNBA and whoever you want to give credit to is on the map. Its ratings are going up exponentially.
David Spade
So let's love to see Caitlin Clark. She's great. Is she playing again? That's the last question. Then I'll let everyone go.
Dana Carvey
I think she had a little injury or something, but, yeah, she's. She started out. I mean, yeah, she's setting records all the time.
David Spade
Meanwhile, look at you, hernia back here busting your ass on this podcast. Best.
Dana Carvey
I'll come. I'll come back better and stronger. You know, it just happens. But I had such strong abs.
David Spade
Yes.
Dana Carvey
That the guy did it a different way, so. Don't know.
David Spade
He didn't break a scalpel, did he?
Dana Carvey
No, no. But you can do a mesh. Like, put a little mesh on it, or you can just go with the actual tissue if it's really strong.
David Spade
Yeah. With me, they said, you know, because it's so dainty down there. And I go, what does that mean? He goes, no, it's just because you're so squishy and smooshy.
Dana Carvey
Well, I shouldn't even be saying this, but he knows we're friends and everything. And he said. He said, look, I shouldn't have done this, but it's. Or it's organic. It probably was absorbed. But when I did David's surgery, I put a little dandelion in there.
David Spade
Oh, he did?
Dana Carvey
Yeah. I go, you put a dandelion in there? He goes, yeah, that's fine, Dan. And I said, he named his special that. You can see it on Amazon Prime. He goes, really? An Amazon Prime? Right now it's playing yes, Dandelion, David Spade Live.
David Spade
And then he said, dana, I'm going to give you a hint for your next special. You might want to call it Sponge, because he left one in you. And scalpel. He left a scalpel in there. He goes, I'm forgetful.
Dana Carvey
Yes. He left an inflatable raft when I had, you know, minor foot thing.
David Spade
There's probably a kink with some doctor where he, like, leaves something small, and that's a sickening thing. But I guarantee you it's real. I guarantee.
Dana Carvey
Yeah, definitely. Or writing things on different organs and stuff.
David Spade
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, thanks for. I. I appreciate that. I'm puking. Everyone out in the last five seconds.
Dana Carvey
Well, I didn't know what to do with my hands. Normally. I'm holding it, and I finally got a thing like this.
David Spade
So I know you got a mic.
Dana Carvey
Was going like this. I was going like this. I went like this. I should really be in a comedic stance of some kind.
David Spade
Yeah, it's weird because if no one notices, I have a mic stand. And Dana always holds like a comedian. But at a certain point, he decided to grow up.
Dana Carvey
Well, one of these things attached to the table, and it broke, and I'm kind of scattered. I didn't fix it, so I just held it for two years.
David Spade
Yeah, you're like Paul Ma, Little House in the Prairie. All right, Dan, if that wasn't the end, I think people realize this is the end now. This is like the movie credits.
Dana Carvey
Yeah. This is like the Doors. This is the end.
David Spade
You're still here. You're still watching.
Dana Carvey
You're still watching. You're still listening. You're still driving. I want to thank you once again. For the next Superfly. I'm going to do something that I've never done before, but in the comment section on YouTube, try to guess what I've placed in that little.
David Spade
I'm gonna guess too.
Dana Carvey
Leather thing. And if you guess it.
David Spade
We'Re gonna have it.
Dana Carvey
We're gonna get. Some kind of. Something good's gonna happen to you.
David Spade
That's it.
Dana Carvey
Well, do you want to announce a prize?
David Spade
Well, could you send it to them? Or is it two words too much?
Dana Carvey
Send whatever's in there.
David Spade
Yeah.
Dana Carvey
Is that like a hint or a clue?
David Spade
No, we could send it to them as a winner. We could say, you win it.
Dana Carvey
Oh, I see.
David Spade
Is it possible?
Dana Carvey
I mean, we could send them the bags, but then I would.
David Spade
No, we send them what was in it.
Dana Carvey
What's in it. It is possible they could send it.
David Spade
Okay, so maybe we'll do that. Of course.
Dana Carvey
But how do we know if they're gonna want it?
David Spade
They won't want it. They might. Okay, we'll figure it out. Well, this is.
Dana Carvey
We're gonna figure it out. We're trying to create mystery on the show. So.
David Spade
Yeah, it's so much mystery. People, like, freaking out. Okay, I'm gonna go. And, Dan, it was nice meeting you, and we're gonna have a great time. So take care of yourself. Yourself. I'll check on you later.
Dana Carvey
Yes, sir.
David Spade
This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Superfly is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade. Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.
Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade – SUPERFLY #72: Kings and Queens
Release Date: June 13, 2025
Host/Authors: Dana Carvey & David Spade
Presented by: Audacy
The episode kicks off with Dana and David engaging in their trademark light-hearted banter about the podcast's set design. Dana humorously remarks on her minimalistic setup, while David comments on the audience's obsession with small details like drawer handles.
Notable Quote:
Dana Carvey [04:06]: "Apparently, having knickknacks and plants behind you when you do a podcast exponentially pleases the audience."
Dana and David delve into the rise of AI-generated content, particularly focusing on ChatGPT. They humorously critique the limitations of AI in replicating their unique comedic styles and storytelling abilities, expressing both fascination and skepticism about technology rendering their work obsolete.
Notable Quotes:
David Spade [05:25]: "Why do they need us for anything? Are we sort of obsolete?"
Dana Carvey [06:25]: "This morning, I saw more short films done by chat, GBT or whatever, and it's getting weird."
The conversation shifts to personal anecdotes about recent surgeries. David shares a comical yet candid account of his hernia surgery, highlighting the awkwardness of post-operative life, including struggles with mobility and unexpected complications. Dana reciprocates with her own minimally invasive hernia surgery story, adding humor to her experiences with pain pills and recovering from the procedure.
Notable Quotes:
David Spade [08:00]: "I did a whole Ohio run. So it was three cities in Ohio, one I do not know of."
Dana Carvey [11:06]: "Yeah, I had a little minimally invasive surgery for a hernia."
Dana and David discuss recent protests, specifically targeting Waymo's autonomous vehicles in Los Angeles. They critique the chaotic nature of modern protests, distinguishing between genuine grievances and opportunistic agitators. The hosts introduce the controversial concept of "Bonnie Blue," an art piece meant to transform protest dynamics by introducing elements that bring joy and divert the original message into more positive interactions.
Notable Quotes:
David Spade [22:02]: "So the Waymo."
Dana Carvey [24:18]: "She brings joy because her next thing she's doing is she's... letting 24 hours. Whoever wants to come in, do whatever they want to."
The hosts tackle the heated topic of Diddy's alleged involvement in sex trafficking, blending satire with sharp commentary. They mock the legal proceedings and public perception, emphasizing the absurdity of the accusations. Additionally, Dana and David touch upon rumors involving Mike Myers and the CIA, maintaining their comedic perspective while questioning the validity of such claims.
Notable Quotes:
David Spade [37:18]: "He's a... This guy's gross. What he's doing makes me cringe."
Dana Carvey [44:15]: "Then there was rumors that Mike took a tour of the CIA facilities."
Shifting gears, Dana and David discuss recent NBA games, specifically highlighting the Pacers' performance and the exciting series they are engaged in. They also spotlight prominent WNBA players like Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese, celebrating the rising popularity and viewership of women's basketball. The hosts commend the athletes' talents and their impact on the sport's growth.
Notable Quotes:
Dana Carvey [46:30]: "I saw the game. Yeah, the other night."
David Spade [47:38]: "It's a bit of a battle royale. I think it's what everybody wanted."
As the episode wraps up, Dana announces a fun contest for listeners to guess the mysterious item she has placed behind her. The duo encourages audience engagement through comments and hints at revealing the surprise in the next Superfly episode. They close with humorous exchanges about their on-set antics and express gratitude to their audience.
Notable Quotes:
Dana Carvey [51:22]: "If you guess it, we're gonna have it."
David Spade [51:59]: "We're trying to create mystery on the show."
Notable Quotes to Remember:
Tune in to SUPERFLY #72 - Kings and Queens for a blend of humor, personal tales, and sharp commentary from your favorite duo, Dana Carvey and David Spade. Engage with their latest contest and stay connected for more laughs and insights in future episodes!