The Big Fight + SNL 51 FINALE

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: The Big Fight + SNL 51 FINALE

Release Date: May 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, longtime friends and comedians Dana Carvey and David Spade riff on pop culture, current events, and the comedy world. The main themes are David’s experience at a UFC fight, highlights from SNL season 51, and their signature, quick-witted banter about a wide range of current stories and viral trends. Later, they turn their improv skills loose in a recurring bit (“Buzzing Around”) and take on news and social media curiosities, ending with reflections on evergreen comedy and internet culture.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. David’s Night at the UFC Fight (03:10–16:12)

• Spade recounts his trip to a high-profile UFC fight, sitting in the second row amid celebrities like Tommy Lee, K. Adams, and Michael Irvin (who “1000% blocks my view of the fight” – Spade, 12:00).
  • Notable tension and comedy around Michael Irvin jumping up for even minor action in the ring, making it hard for Spade to see the fights.
  • Encounters Jon “Bones” Jones, who casually offers to put his number in Spade’s phone, surprising David with his down-to-earth vibe.
    • Memorable Quote:
      “I like that he said something because I would have said, oh, yeah, we should go to Whataburger someday…so we should do something. Because I like hanging out.” – David Spade (13:44)
  • Jon Jones predicts Ronda Rousey’s armbar win in under a minute; Rousey submits her opponent in 17 seconds.
    • Quote:
      “Ding, ding. Ronda Rousey, armbar, 17 seconds.” – David Spade (16:12)
• Discussion on the UFC’s evolution, comparing the spectacle and nightclub vibe to older fight nights.
• Conversation about Rousey and Gina Carano's backgrounds, with Carvey highlighting the Diaz brothers’ toughness and unique fighting style.

2. The Comedy Grind: Life as a Touring Comic (04:05–05:46)

• Dana describes the reality of touring as a comedian, referencing a Miami trip with 25+ travel hours for a 45-minute gig.
  • Quote:
    “What am I really doing? I’m a traveler. I travel for 25 hours.” – Dana Carvey (05:39)
• Both reflect on the unglamorous side of showbiz—long travel for short stage time.

3. SNL Season 51 Recap & Impressions (22:48–25:26)

• Dana and David praise SNL’s 51st season, especially new cast standouts like Ashley Padilla and Jeremy Culhane (who “owned” his Tucker Carlson impersonation).
  • Quote:
    “Ashley is great at taking pauses and bursts of weird anger…she was extraordinary!” – Dana Carvey (23:39)
• Discuss Colin Jost’s performance and evolution of SNL’s political humor, particularly the shift away from Trump-heavy sketches.
• Spade admits to mostly catching SNL via Instagram clips due to late-night club gigs.

4. Social Media and the Art of the “Quiet Quit” (25:26–28:39)

• The pair riff on social etiquette for unfollowing or “muting” acquaintances on social media (the “quiet quit”).
  • Quote:
    “When I get to the point of muting their main post, it is like they’re disintegrated. You still follow them. So there’s not that anger and animosity and hurt and pain and violence.” – David Spade (26:15)
• Commentary on the changing landscape of social media virality—examples like “paper cutting guy” and channels with millions of followers for mundane crafts.
• Dana jokes about potential viral trends (“If it’s outrageous, it’s contagious. If it’s someone making cocoa, it’s boring.” – Dana Carvey, 26:50).

5. Evergreen Comedy vs. Hot Takes (35:04–39:09)

• The meaning of “evergreen” in comedy—the kind of jokes and material that are always relatable and never dated.
  • Dana recalls managers advising them to tape “evergreen” episodes and jokes about trees or sandwiches as eternal material.
  • Discussion of late-night TV’s dependence on topical humor vs. the financial payoff and longevity of evergreen sitcoms like “Friends” and “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

6. Quickfire Viral & News Stories (50:48–65:47)

A. Viral Knee-Shuffle Challenge (51:00–52:36)

• Spade shows a viral video of a person “kneeling and shuffling,” only for Dana to deduce there's a hidden trolley—leading to Scooby-Doo impressions and playful skepticism.

B. Kim Kardashian Skims Cocaine Scandal (52:55–56:24)

• They discuss a bizarre news item about $9.3 million in cocaine found in a shipment associated with Skims (Kim Kardashian’s brand).
  • Both comedians question the likelihood of Kardashian involvement, joke about the business acumen of the Kardashians, and lampoon the shapewear industry’s evolution from Spanx to Skims (“Just give me a wetsuit, cut the top part off and charge triple.” – David Spade, 55:20).
  • Dana pitches a fake male shapewear line called “Spanks a Lot,” continuing their running gag of business ideas.

C. Renting a Japanese Husband (57:28–59:36)

• They react to a trend in Japan where you can “rent” a husband for social occasions (weddings, etc.), considering its cultural implications and drawing out the comic potential for awkwardness and manufactured charm.

D. “Tick Bomb” Whistleblower (60:48–64:41)

• The hosts riff on an alleged whistleblower’s claim that private planes in Canada disperse boxes of disease-carrying ticks as a government experiment or bioweapon.
  • They compare it to Cold War-era bioweapon strategies and riff about “tick box” puns, the dangers of TikTok, and animal care vs. engineered pestilence.
  • Quote:
    “I had maybe 25 ticks in my hair. I’m not even joking…they were all full to the brim with juicy.” – David Spade (64:30)

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Notable Quotes and Moments

• On Jon Jones’s fight insight:
  “That's the most interesting thing he said. He also said Nate Diaz got so cut. He's such a good fighter…but he has thin skin…he's always bloody.”
  – David Spade (15:08)

• On social media etiquette:
  “If it’s someone making cocoa, it ain’t soaring. It’s boring.”
  – Dana Carvey (26:50)

• On evergreen material:
  “Evergreen is something that green chefs go forever. That’s why it’s called Evergreen. It’s green, meaning you can make cash for the rest of your life.”
  – Dana Carvey (37:51)

• On rented husbands and fake relationships:
  “This is more honest…he’s nice to you, you’re not gonna get drunk and get in a fight, behaves, you slide him a couple…”
  – David Spade (58:26)

• Scooby-Doo Data Centers Segment:
  The guys hilariously do Scooby-Doo impressions to discuss the rise of energy-hungry AI data centers (“We gotta make data centers, don’t we, Scoob?” – Dana Carvey, 30:50).

• Classic improv in “Buzzing Around”:
  Dana and David take turns as Garth Algar, Mike Tyson, Prince Harry, and Duchess Markle in an absurdist roundtable filled with running gags (“What are you gonna do about it?” surfaces repeatedly; 43:50–48:08).

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Segment Timestamps

• UFC Fight Story: 03:10–16:12
• Stand-up Life/Comedy as a Job: 04:05–05:46
• SNL 51 Recap: 22:48–25:26
• Social Media/Quiet Unfollow: 25:26–28:39
• Evergreen Comedy/TV Sitcoms: 35:04–39:09
• “Buzzing Around” Improv: 42:55–48:10
• Viral Knee-Shuffle Story: 51:00–52:36
• Kardashian Skims Coke Shipment: 52:55–56:24
• Rent-a-Japanese-Husband Trend: 57:28–59:36
• Tick Whistleblower Segment: 60:48–64:41

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Tone and Style

• Conversational, fast-paced, and absurdist. Dana and David frequently break into impressions, riff off each other's tangents, and shift seamlessly from light banter to deeper industry insights.
• The episode is peppered with improvisational “bits,” callbacks (“What are you gonna do about it?”), and gentle self-mockery about their own fame and comedic routines.

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Summary for the Uninitiated

If you missed this episode, you missed a hilarious, far-ranging hangout with two comedy masters at their loosest and most opinionated. Listeners get not just behind-the-scenes showbiz anecdotes—from UFC celebrity rows to the daily grind of a standup’s life—but also a take on current pop culture (the SNL season, Instagram “muting,” viral oddities, and scam-adjacent shapewear marketing). Dana and David’s rambling, tightly-woven banter proves why they’re podcast favorites, making even the weirdest TikTok story or conspiracy theory a playground for improv and wit.

Transcript

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

I like that. Yeah.

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

My toenails.

[Garth Algar]

No, you went to the fire at

[Dana Carvey]

the end to explain.

[David Spade]

I should have paused. Directly in front of me is Michael Irvin, who's a funny dude to talk to. Football player. 1000% blocks my view of the fight. 1 million maybe he stands up anytime they go ding, ding, he's up. And I'm like there's, there's nothing happened yet. But you know, if there's like a full beat down, everyone jumps up. But he, he jumps up. If there's a shin kick, I follow, you know, like Sarah or Marcelo and

[Dana Carvey]

they, they just Sarah, Marcelo.

[David Spade]

And so they play clips or I follow SNL or I follow NBC or I follow that general area of location of 30 Rock and I follow midtown Manhattan.

[Dana Carvey]

Do you follow me on Instagram, Dana?

[David Spade]

Not right now. Just because I'm kind of keeping a touch tight friend group. Oh yeah, Danny, you should come visit.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't get vertical without a paycheck.

[David Spade]

All right, what's vertical? Get in the air.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's the thing is like let, let me, let me quiz you right away.

[David Spade]

Yeah, go.

[Dana Carvey]

You're. You're 1012 year old David.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Like Batman's on mommy, you know, and you see a comedian and you're kind of like, you have a little daydream in your head like maybe I could do that.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And you thought you'd be on a set or you'd be in a studio and then you spend your whole life up, up in the air.

[David Spade]

Oh, to say, oh, I'm gonna be a stand up.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And I'm gonna do that. And then you realize that like we, we have getting a message. This is David, your laptop still slightly in frame.

[David Spade]

Oh, we're trying to do our bits. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

No one even knows this is coming in because I did a, a gig in Miami and we decided to drive from where I am sort of north. So it's three hours of the airport. There's a three hour delay and then the flight. So from point to point it was 13 hours. Now when I did my performance, there was for this sort of event And I did 45 minutes and then I had another 13 hours back. And you go, well, what do you really do? Well, I do stand up

[David Spade]

traveler. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And I travel for 25 hours.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

What am I really doing? Am I doing?

[David Spade]

Yeah, I understand that.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, do you really.

[David Spade]

I don't.

[Dana Carvey]

Don't hate my hair.

[David Spade]

We have different hair day. Yours is fluffy and loose and carefree and fancy free. And mine is shellacked.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, you just put like super glue on it. Right. And it just stays.

[David Spade]

I'm trying. I try to keep it because I have to have it.

[Dana Carvey]

Are you trying shows.

[David Spade]

That's your second. Are you. But is my head too high in the frame, or are you okay with it?

[Dana Carvey]

No, I think. I think you're okay. I just get. I get messages. Excuse me. Come in. Come in. Holtzman. Holtzman 1. Come in.

[David Spade]

They don't know. Is that we get type messages. Like everything you're saying sounds stupid. Change it. We're like, oh, okay.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, we're 400 shows in. What do you want? Yeah, it's called Fresh out of ideas.

[David Spade]

No, we're fresh, but out of ideas. Yeah, I. I was. Okay. I went to the UFC fight this weekend.

[Dana Carvey]

Of course you did.

[David Spade]

Ronda Rousey.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah.

[David Spade]

Gina Carano. Is that how you say it?

[Dana Carvey]

Love Rousey.

[David Spade]

Both lovely ladies back in the swing after a while. And you know, it's funny because, Dana, first of all, it was at the Intuit Center. Are you. Are you into it?

[Dana Carvey]

That was. It's the dome, though. It's not the center. It's a dome because it's based on the Intuit. Native Americans from. From Alaska.

[David Spade]

It is not.

[Dana Carvey]

Is it really the Intuit? Native Americans made their way down and just said, we here build big dome. And then that would. Sure.

[David Spade]

That's what they wanted.

[Dana Carvey]

Part of history. And so the stadium was. Yeah, right. I think it's a tax planning.

[David Spade]

I know. I was about to say.

[Dana Carvey]

But I had you going.

[David Spade]

That's true. Because in Arizona, we have the Garbage Can Open or something. It used to be called the Phoenix Open, where I was a whole reporter. Everyone, let's get picked up by some golf.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, man, golf. What is it called when you're ahead of your time?

[David Spade]

Rocking.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we had the 50s going. Hey, it's. It's Colgate Comedy Hour. Went dormant for decades. Then it came out in 97 with a show called the Taco Bell Dana Carvey Show. People said, that's nuts. People said, you're crazy. And we didn't get paid. We just thought it was funny, people.

[David Spade]

You can't really? You get paid by Taco Bell?

[Dana Carvey]

Didn't get a penny. We just thought it was funny.

[David Spade]

That's even funny.

[Garth Algar]

And then.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Thirty years later, you got paid for that. No, not a nickel. Not from the talk.

[David Spade]

Not a. God dang.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, they. Maybe they didn't give me a personal check.

[David Spade]

No, what's funny about Taco Bell is everything's the same. You get a burrito with just beans, chees, cheese, lettuce wrapped up. You get a tostada, it's just open. A taco. It's like that.

[Dana Carvey]

I know.

[David Spade]

You know, same three ingredients.

[Dana Carvey]

If you're at a party, okay. And they have hors d', oeuvres, do you want a big sloppy thing that's going to drip all over you? Kind of want, like, a tea sandwich. So I. I like a bite. It's nothing that's going to explode. You get a burger with all the lettuce and everything. You take a bite. I like a tomato. That. That's new. I want to write it down. A tomato being Phoenix. Sponge from a bun.

[Garth Algar]

Here's the.

[David Spade]

Here's the onion on the other side of your hamburger.

[Dana Carvey]

Here's the pickles. Here's the pickle being squeezed out.

[David Spade]

No, I. Everyone's pushing.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I like it inside the button. It's okay.

[David Spade]

I love to stay inside.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I don't want to be ejected.

[David Spade]

I'm repelling down a shredded lettuce.

[Dana Carvey]

We should never smoke weed before we come on.

[David Spade]

It's funny, though. We get so on tangents. I met the UFC fight.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah. Let's go back to your story, and then I'll. I'll hit you my other story.

[David Spade]

And it's. It's Netflix. Not. Not the Dana White ufc. It's a little off brand. You know, Netflix likes.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, can we put Ronda Rossi and do the first part? Because I want to put her in context.

[David Spade]

Yes. Okay. So. So I go there. I feel like I'll be close because, you know, when Netflix asks you to come or, you know, something like that, you were invited. I'm second row. Right. Which I might as well been last row.

[Dana Carvey]

Really wild.

[David Spade]

When I go with ufc, it's first row, and I get so spoiled because nothing's in front of you. There's Ari Emanuel. There's people that are, like, announcing, and then there's the. The fight. But with this one, just one row, if you're a bit of a pipsqueak. So now it's like, coach, you know, I know. It's your precious intuit. Dome. But it's a little. I think it's just different seeds for the fight. So I'm squeaking down. My row around me is like, Tommy Lee. Oh, Tommy Lee.

[Dana Carvey]

All right.

[David Spade]

Hey, K. Adams. A lot of fighters, actually. Oh, Sebastian's in my row. Sebastian, My toenails.

[Garth Algar]

No, you went to the fight at

[Dana Carvey]

the in to it.

[David Spade]

I should apologize. We're paying the watch. What? What, what's going on?

[Dana Carvey]

Donovan Mitchell's down there clipping his. Down there.

[David Spade]

Donovan Mitchell? Is he from the Clippers?

[Dana Carvey]

No, he's from Cleveland Cavaliers. I don't know. It popped into my head.

[David Spade]

I don't know if the CL are clipping their toenails. That would be ridiculous.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, the Minneapolis Towheads are actually a minor league baseball team.

[David Spade]

Okay. Sometimes you're fibbing.

[Dana Carvey]

No, they're either blonde or somebody clips their toes.

[David Spade]

Yeah. So my row, it's got people.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh.

[David Spade]

Behind me is Hannah Storm, who's a sports announcer. Reporter.

[Dana Carvey]

Cool name.

[David Spade]

Very cool, Very cool. Talk to her a lot. And then directly in front of me is Michael Irvin, who's a funny dude to talk to. Football player. 1000% blocks my view of the fight. One million maybe. He stands up anytime. They go ding, ding, he's up. And I'm like, there's, there's nothing happened yet. But, you know, if there's like a full beat down, everyone jumps up, but he, he jumps up if there's a shin kick. So anyway, I, I, I keep going. Michael. I can't see, really, when you're sitting and now when you stand, it's really over. And then there's all the netting, and then there's cameras, so. And then the stage is a little higher, so you're trying to, like, look at the far side of Nate Diaz's head being. So I sort of went because Nate was in Bus Boys. Oh, a few people remember. Thank you. Bus Boys.

[Dana Carvey]

Video live streaming soon.

[David Spade]

Video on demand soon. Yeah. So anyway, it's fun. It's crazy. The fights are pretty quick, so there's a lot of. It's like a nightclub now. There's music, and everyone's just in their

[Dana Carvey]

row, just kind of. So I. Oh, it's end of day stuff, man.

[David Spade]

I go up and really bother one of my favorite UFC fighters and tap them on the shoulders, 50ft tall. I'm like, excuse me. It's a bit of a hustle and bustle, but it's hard to hear my voice. If I could scribble down something. So. So John. John Bones Jones,

[Dana Carvey]

greatest fighter Ever.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I would say arguably, he's. Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

He might be like, goat, go ahead.

[David Spade]

Didn't want to hype it up too much, but yeah. So I was like, I gotta just ruin this guy's night. So I say, hi, very cool. We talk for a minute. Then he says, anyway, he says, you don't have my number. Can I put it in your phone?

[Dana Carvey]

John Jones, you don't have my number.

[David Spade]

Of course.

[Dana Carvey]

That's a little forward.

[David Spade]

I have a thing with guys, celebrities that I never ask them for their number. It's always too weird. So I like that he said something because I would have said, oh, yeah, we should go to Whataburger someday. We should do something. You know, these are bad examples. So we should do something. Because I like hanging out. Anyway, we had a fun four minutes and he's putting his number in. I'm looking like this to people, like, oh, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

They're not looking at the fight anymore.

[David Spade]

They're watching. It's in between fights. It's like, oh, no.

[Dana Carvey]

I was just saying everyone would be very excited. Jon Jones is giving Spade Bowens Jones.

[David Spade]

He's being very. He's a very cool, soft spoken, normal guy.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

For a guy who's had his bell rung. Stop me if you don't know these terms, but he's been rattled. But he.

[Dana Carvey]

But not as much as a lot.

[David Spade]

Eloquent guy. Yeah, yeah. There were some other guys there. They're like, I sound like Don Rickles going, are we at a fight? What time's the bar mitzvah? You know, they don't know where they're at.

[Dana Carvey]

So Jon Jones is in the corner. Give him a cookie. The fight started a half hour ago.

[David Spade]

Can I get a glass of milk? Anyway, so he says to me, he says to me, he says, I says, I says, I says, he goes, by the way, next fight, Ronda Rousey, it'll probably be over in under a minute by Armbar.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, really?

[David Spade]

Yeah. That's the most interesting thing he said. He also said Nate Diaz got so cut. He goes, it's kind of a drag for him because he's such a good fighter and he will never quit. But he has thin skin and from all these, you know, scars and stuff, they cut so easily. He's always bloody. He was bloody because I bumped into him. So he's like bleeding too much. Heather saw it too. He's bleeding too much. They stopped the fight. That's a drag because he would keep fighting. He doesn't care. Plus when you get hit in the Face so much, your face is numb. So they're just like, we can keep fighting.

[Dana Carvey]

I just say one word to describe those dudes. Him and his brother, Stockton stock. They. They came out fighting first. First day of kindergarten. Those guys fighting their whole lives. And they'll. They. They'll take so much punishment and keep coming.

[David Spade]

Yeah, they love to talk, too. So.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Anyway, I saw him. I was bummed he lost, but I thought it was very interesting that he said that because he knows everything so well. So then I sit down. Ding, ding. Ronda rousey, arm bar, 17 seconds.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, here's the thing I want to ask you, because I was watching NBA last night and even NBA. Every second, it's betting every second. What's the main one?

[David Spade]

Oh, draftkings, that kind of stuff.

[Dana Carvey]

Every second. Under over during the game on the tv. Yeah, yeah. And the commercials. More now in the commercial break.

[David Spade]

Betting live.

[Dana Carvey]

You can lose.

[David Spade]

You can lose money even faster.

[Dana Carvey]

So did. Did you place any bets and did Jon Jones place. Who's the person who thought the other person would win? Not Ronda Rossi. Did they place a bet and lose on Gina? Gina.

[David Spade]

I didn't.

[Dana Carvey]

What was the under.

[Garth Algar]

Over?

[Dana Carvey]

You're a bet?

[David Spade]

Oh, I think they said Rhonda. I can't remember because I just thought. I don't like to see the ladies fight for some reason, but the ladies. I really felt like the ladies that are 10 times tougher than me, they're like 32. It's not like they. Well, I think Rhonda got their friends, so I think she got it over with fast so they wouldn't have to beat the. Out of each other because they like each other.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, but it was. Was it a real victory then, or was it kind of like, let's get this over fast?

[David Spade]

I don't know. I don't know. People say it, but, I mean, she. She's good at jiu jitsu. Ronda Rousey. And so if she gets the right knock when she plans to come knock you down right away, you think they'd stand up and fight a bit. If you're not ready for it, you go down. Then once you're down, you're. Because she gets. She's like a spider monkey. She gets on you.

[Dana Carvey]

She's. She was like a superstar in. In, you know, ufc. Ufc.

[David Spade]

And then she went to wrestling, too.

[Dana Carvey]

And then she went to wrestling. Or she was sort of retired. Right. And then she was in a couple movies. She's charismatic. She's.

[David Spade]

Right. Very pretty, very good at her job.

[Dana Carvey]

And Then you see this wipeout. It just goes in, boom, wins over, and then immediately says, that's it. I'm done. That was interesting. I'll never do this again.

[David Spade]

Yeah, Gina Corona was very tough. She was probably. She probably won more. I'm probably wrong, but I just remember hearing she was such a. Yeah. Ass kicker in the day and then. But she's been out of the game for a while, and then she got canceled, remember? So she really had nothing going. Then she gained a hundred pounds. Did you know that?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, what does. Connection got canceled, and then she gained 100 pounds. Okay, so is it a to do list? And then get beaten up by Ronda Rossi?

[David Spade]

She really had a hard run there. Yeah, Heather's right, because I think she probably gained weight because she had everything sort of taken away. Now she's, what. What are you doing all day? When your one thing is to go fight or act? She doesn't do either, really. And then to have this opportunity, she said, I. Before the fight, she said, I would never have lost this weight if Rhonda hadn't have waited for me. She said they offered her the fight and she wasn't ready and want. Rhonda said, I'll wait for her. And so she lost weight, and she said, I owe it to her because I wouldn't have lost the weight. There's no reason.

[Dana Carvey]

Right.

[David Spade]

That's cool, right? I liked it. And that's why I thought, oh, they don't want to beat the shit out of each other. And, you know, the guys are usually tough, talking and throwing kicks at the. At the way and, you know, throwing bottles at each other, like hyping it up.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, they always seem like they've fostered a true hate. The two fighters in ufc, like vitriol. And then the fight is brutal and all this and that, and then the second's over, they're just hugging it up.

[Garth Algar]

I love you, man.

[Dana Carvey]

It's like you are a champion.

[David Spade]

The best.

[Dana Carvey]

Pretty much, yeah. All right, David, Just going to throw this out here. Do you ever go to a grocery store and just stand there staring at all the options? First question, trying to figure out what's actually good, right? Like, what's worth it, what's not? What do you actually trust? Yeah, I used to overthink it every single time. At some point, I realized I'd rather just have that part handled and know it's a high quality and locally sourced every single time. That's why we're introducing good ranchers. Honestly, as a subscriber, it's been a total game changer for my kitchen.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, their mission is about bridging the gap between American families and local farms. You could tell the difference when you're cooking it. It's 100American meat delivered straight to the door. I don't have to guess about the quality anymore. Once you're in there. Rib eyes and chicken breast.

[Dana Carvey]

Bing. Bada bo.

[David Spade]

Anything better than anything I'm finding at my local store. You know, if you want to simplify your life support American ranchers, now's the time to do it. Start your plan. Today you'll get free meat for life and $100 off your first three orders. Whoa. Or if you want to just give it a try, you get $40 off your first order. Instead, just go to goodranchers.com. use my code FLY at checkout.

[Dana Carvey]

That's $100 off your first three orders or $40 off your first order with my code FLY this month only. Goodranchers.com American meat delivered.

[David Spade]

Delivered right to your door.

[DSW Announcer]

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[David Spade]

Well, so anyway, that was. I don't want to milk too much on the fight. There was the fight, went to Arizona, saw My Lovely Mama, and my mama did a little book that she's putting together on Amazon. It's so funny. She's getting older, so it's her third. It's her third one. But they're going to put them all together in one book. Oh, yeah. So I'm gonna say it on here. So for a stocking stuffer, you might get one for 5% off. Dana.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, for people don't know about it because people always have a bucket list. Maybe I'll write a book someday. You know, I don't know. You don't need a publisher. You don't have to audition the book. You can make a deal with Amazon. If someone presses the button, wants your book, they'll make the book and send you your. Your share of the profits. So.

[David Spade]

Right. I think that's something with Amazon. And her friends are helping her Right. Lauren. You got stuck in Lauren.

[Dana Carvey]

I got stuck in Lauren face.

[David Spade]

Right? Will Ferrell was on snl.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I wanted to talk about that for a second. Just that when my. I think about the season and I know how hard it is, you know how hard it is and the ups and downs and this and that. I just thought it was a really good season. I think, yeah, I think that, of course, Ashley Padilla emerged. I'm so sorry, I don't know the name of the gentleman who does Tucker Carlson. Look that up, will you, Heather or

[David Spade]

Greg Desmukes isn't here. Heather.

[Dana Carvey]

No, but he's.

[David Spade]

He's great as an AL cast member. You got already Jeremy Culhane.

[Dana Carvey]

Jeremy Culhane. He's done a lot of really cool things on that show. And then it's Tucker Carlson. He just kind of owned it, you know, is this worth doing? You know, what's going on? Is this a new rule? You know, it's very, very, very well done. And Ashley, Ashley is great at taking pauses and bursts of weird anger. Like, you don't know. She's kind of a fresh, weird way to do neurotic people. She was extraordinary. And then I think that Colin Jost was so perfect and had such a good time. There's a lot of energy him doing. He had Hegswit. Hegseth.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Because that, because they'd done so much Trump. They still do Trump, but I think even in my own standup, Trump is a little, you know, it's like a horse at the end of the race. Like, yeah, we've seen a lot.

[David Spade]

But that was kind of hat on a hat at this point.

[Dana Carvey]

That was kind of a new, funny, high energy take. So I thought it was a pretty good season. Dave, what's your two stars? David, what did you think of season 51?

[David Spade]

I usually, the whole season I see clips on Instagram because I'm at the clubs. Dude, I'm not.

[Dana Carvey]

It's called record it.

[David Spade]

No, they're like, it starts 11:30, but now you can watch it at 8:30. I'm like, that's too late.

[Dana Carvey]

No, here's what you do is you go on YouTube the next morning, you go SNL. Last night, I just go on.

[David Spade]

I, I follow, you know, like Sarah or Marcelo and they, they just.

[Dana Carvey]

Sarah, Marcelo.

[David Spade]

Yeah. And so they play clips. Or I follow SNL or I follow NBC or I follow that general area of location, 30 Rock, and I follow Midtown Manhattan.

[Dana Carvey]

Do you follow me on Instagram, Dana?

[David Spade]

Not right now. Just because I'm kind of keeping a tight friend group. I was thinking today, when people. Heather will understand this. When people. I'm watching their stories, you know, on Instagram, you don't. You don't do it as much. But they put their day to day stuff. And after a while, because, you know, I know them somewhere where they said, follow me. And after a while, I go, this is like a TV show that I've lost interest in that I don't know. I don't know how to get out of anymore. Like, they keep popping up, like they're just flatlining. Now I have zero interest. And the unfollow is a little much, just so you know. It's a little harsh. So I found out you can mute their stories and their main posts, but I do the stories. And when I get to the point of muting their main post, it is like they're disintegrated. You still follow them. So there's not that anger and animosity and hurt and pain and violence, but.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, there is a button that I found, oddly enough, instead of unfollow, you can do quietly quitting. And it's a lot softer. It's a quiet quit. It's not. It's a softer exit for people. Because if it's outrageous, it's contagious. If it's. If it's someone making cocoa, it ain't soaring. It's boring. Just made. Whoa,

[David Spade]

Heather. Printing T shirts and bumper stickers.

[Dana Carvey]

Not getting clicks with that stupid tricks.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. I go like this. I quiet quit, people. I go, here's your stories. Sh. No more stories. No. No quiet time. We should go to sleep. Go to sleep. It's chloroform.

[Dana Carvey]

But you got to be. You got to be. Either. You can be virtual signaling. You could be like, I saved a puppy. You can be highly sexual. You can be really sad, like, just not feeling man, you know?

[David Spade]

Yeah, I like that.

[Dana Carvey]

But if it's just you making cocoa or here's my day. I don't know. I mean, you. You've got 32 million off all platforms.

[David Spade]

I don't even count anymore. 33.

[Dana Carvey]

All right, 23.

[David Spade]

But there's.

[Dana Carvey]

In the millions.

[David Spade]

There's one the other day, a girl making pottery. She was kind of cute. She. I'm like, who makes pottery? It's like ghost. And then, of course, they all turn into the shape of a wiener. I'm like, okay. I go, oh, this is the. This is the hook.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, that's the. Did they point it out or. It's just so Obviously a phallic thing. Dana, have you seen paper cutting guy? 10 million followers.

[Garth Algar]

Hey, everybody

[Dana Carvey]

do some.

[David Spade]

Even if you're joking, there is probably real guy. So go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, we're going to.

[David Spade]

Oh, just that.

[Dana Carvey]

Trim some paper down. We're going to push them together like this. And now let me know what you think. This looks like.

[David Spade]

That's a wiener.

[Dana Carvey]

No, it came out of pipe, I think.

[David Spade]

Oh, okay.

[Dana Carvey]

20 million followers.

[David Spade]

I was like, I wouldn't stick it in your mind.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, this looks like a pipe fool.

[David Spade]

Does everything.

[Dana Carvey]

Everything looks like a wiener to you.

[David Spade]

I would say you should.

[Dana Carvey]

I gotta mix it up. You gotta. You gotta applause for that.

[David Spade]

No, but what about. I thought you're gonna got. I would watch this. Dana, ready? Do I have any paper? This cardboard? Let's just say it's paper. Ready.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, no, you're doing my bit. Okay.

[David Spade]

Yeah, but he go. But the guy goes like this paper cut. Gives himself one. Then he goes here and he goes, ah. And I'd be like, okay, it's something. Dana, don't make me get my sound effects out, because it's too fun. We have a special guest. Oh, I know. This is a trick. Oh, Garth. Okay, I'll hear from Garth.

[Dana Carvey]

Hi, David Spade. How are you today? That's funny. I'm gonna tell.

[David Spade]

Wait, go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

How many followers do you have on Instagram? For reals?

[David Spade]

I have. No, I don't have that many.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I didn't think so. I'm gonna tell Mike.

[David Spade]

What are you gonna tell Mike? His name's Wayne. Jesus.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm gonna tell Wayne.

[David Spade]

Doesn't this one sound like Sandler?

[Dana Carvey]

Why? You know, has friends. God, that does.

[David Spade]

Hang on, I gotta take this.

[Dana Carvey]

Excuse me.

[David Spade]

This is. Is this entertainment? I don't know. I don't have a pig. So mad. This thing's a rip off. I can't believe I'm paying $3,000 a month for this app.

[Dana Carvey]

If we go to season four, it's just gonna be sound effect boxes.

[David Spade]

I know.

[Dana Carvey]

199 on Amazon.

[David Spade]

Yeah, they do all the work. So what do you guys just push the buttons and I'm like, yeah, don't worry about it. By the way, Dana, I did not to change gears. A lot of please do chatter about the data centers. You call them data centers. Which one do you call it? Which one's right?

[Dana Carvey]

I call them Scooby Doo center. We gotta make data centers, don't we, Scoob?

[David Spade]

How much data?

[Dana Carvey]

Scooby Doo.

[Garth Algar]

Gee, Scoob, these data centers are sucking

[Dana Carvey]

up too Much energy.

[David Spade]

Shocking.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm in. Oh, he's in. That was a good one.

[David Spade]

Quit putting peanut butter on. You know where, Shrag.

[Dana Carvey]

He sounds like an old sea captain.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, you. Hey, you mateys.

[David Spade]

I like, every Halloween, someone comes as Velma and makes her, like, a total. She was a bookworm. Let's not really reduce her to just

[Dana Carvey]

like, well, oh, oh, that whole thing. Yeah, just keep Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo.

[David Spade]

Keep it clean, guys.

[Dana Carvey]

Keep it. Keep it above the waist.

[David Spade]

Have some fun. Yeah, yeah, above the waistline.

[Dana Carvey]

Keep them. Keep them up at all times.

[David Spade]

And what do you think about data centers? This one uses 30 millions of gallons of water. Jeez. It's really. These data centers are coming up quick. I can't say M4 against.

[Dana Carvey]

We have hundreds of them already built. I read 400 already built.

[David Spade]

Please turn CBS Radford into.

[Dana Carvey]

Everything should be a.

[David Spade]

Buildings I invested in.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah.

[David Spade]

Well, everything should be a data center. I heard it's just. It's all to store AI and it uses too much water and electricity. And it's like, maybe we don't need AI. What?

[Dana Carvey]

We don't need AI.

[David Spade]

Controversial subject.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, look, so far, it's like me flying 13 hours and then going on stage and crushing. Whoops. Why. Why are you standing? You don't have to stand.

[David Spade]

Oh, you got a standing ovation. Oh, my God.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm just doing it. This is what you call an analogy. Scottsdale Community College. So the basic idea is, Valhalla awaits us. We have. It's the size of Manhattan. We take a regular AI computer chip thing, we plug it into millions and millions of GPUs. Otherwise, things stacked in little wafers with tons of global information. Like, it'll have the history of all mankind.

[David Spade]

Your hair stands up when you get within seven miles.

[Dana Carvey]

And then it'll come out and go, cancer schmancer. Got it. Unlimited clean energy. Figured it out.

[David Spade]

Oh, so. So you're for it?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I don't think you can put the genie back in the bottle, you know, And I do think that it seems very dangerous, potentially. But apparently it's going to solve clean, unlimited energy and diseases.

[David Spade]

Is that what they told you?

[Dana Carvey]

Is that what you think? Is that. Is that. Is that your plan?

[David Spade]

Okay, yeah, I heard that one. No, they say they. They just are very honest. They go, are you sad that your town doesn't have enough places emitting cancer? You want to build one?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, they're building mostly on swamp areas and stuff, you know, hey, let's go catch some cat's Fish. What the is that? That's called the data center. Let's blow it up. Wilbur.

[David Spade]

Dude, I don't like living near a telephone pole. Forget about those things. Got some condos right next door. You like this? It's like a breeze in your face.

[Dana Carvey]

Do the tomato flying out of the bone again. You like that one?

[David Spade]

Okay, ready?

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. It's very subtle.

[David Spade]

Take the first bite. It sees a break for freedom.

[Dana Carvey]

But I gotta be honest, Heather, Greg picked the tie. Does that really sound like a tomato? Not really.

[David Spade]

Oh, God.

[Dana Carvey]

All that for that.

[David Spade]

God dang. Speaking of those Z's, we have to do Buzzing around.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, yeah. Buzzing around. Anytime. Anytime.

[David Spade]

Let's do it. Because then we. Unless you have a story. Because then we have to do stories.

[Dana Carvey]

No, this story is Evergreen. I didn't quite get to it, but it's an evergreen. It's an evergreen story.

[David Spade]

You know what? That's Gervitz's favorite thing. You know, you just do a show. You do evergreen. You guys tape one episode a year.

[Dana Carvey]

Evergreen. People listen to it in the year 2045, and they'll go, whoa.

[David Spade]

For those of you at home, our manager always tells us to do shit. That's evergreen, which is a term meaning it doesn't have to be topical or anything like on your podcast. You could do it today, air it in five months, but do it evergreen. You just talk about. I go, what trees? I mean, what? You want to talk about things that are relevant to the world, but to talk about things that could live in any time and space. It happens in sitcoms because they're rerunning all the time. So I would say, let's do a Dennis Rodman joke on Just Shoot Me. And they're say, no, it's got to be evergreen. That's the first time I heard it. They go, well, just general. Like, you can explain it.

[Dana Carvey]

That's why sitcoms, if they're about relationships, this and that, from the 90s. I mean, we heard that the friends people get 20 million a year now in residuals. And I guess Ray Romano, our friend, gets 18 million a year 20 years later. But Carson gets almost nothing at reruns or, you know, talk shows are highly, highly daily talk, topical. But I would say there's quasi evergreen. You know, there's trends like AI taxes

[David Spade]

a month to air that. But yeah, it also, when you're a monologue on a talk show, is fun because it's like, what happened today? And SNL does what happened this week and then add Trump. But if you're doing like a regular podcast. It's kind of like, well, what can we do? We. We talk about our weekends and stuff, because that's sort of new information. Other than that, like, let's say I talked about getting a massage in my stand up. That's kind of evergreen. When did it happen? Who knows, right? A funny massage at a random hotel.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, that's. That's completely. Your act is pretty evergreen, actually. Mine's more.

[David Spade]

Because I would For a year on the road.

[Dana Carvey]

Like, yeah, this place that I. I played for. They said, please, only historical political figures.

[David Spade]

Only old ones.

[Dana Carvey]

And I said, I need.

[David Spade]

I need.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, this is real. And I said, I need more specificity. And they said, well, nothing after Obama. And if you do Obama, make sure you also make fun of the opposite side of the aisle.

[David Spade]

Oh, they want to make sure it's okay.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah. So it's. It's like what you call a hot oven to a lot of people. It's very.

[David Spade]

I understand.

[Dana Carvey]

So I didn't mind. I'll do evergreen stuff. I got Obama. That's a. You got Evergreen. Evergreen is something that green chefs go forever. That's. That's why it's called Evergreen. It's green, meaning you can make cash for the rest of your life. Michelle, Michelle, I don't want. I'm on. I'm on with David Spade. Nope, I don't. I don't need the egg salad. Just. No, don't need it now. Just leave it out. Thank you.

[David Spade]

She makes some sandwiches.

[Dana Carvey]

Michelle, no, just put the egg salad. All right. Oh, make me a small sandwich. I'll be there in a second. I'm talking to my friend David Savate.

[David Spade]

You could do us. You could do a bit about a sandwich.

[Dana Carvey]

Sandwiches will always be around.

[David Spade]

Exactly. You know what? Evergreen, Even trees. You could do a joke about trees. Everyone has a tree and they stick around for a long time.

[Dana Carvey]

By the way, Byron Allen, who's our friend from Stand Up World, you know, who's a mogul, is taking over for Stephen Colbert slot. He's paying CBS to put his stuff in there, and he can. He's got comics unleashed or something. And the rule is you have to be evergreen. Relationships, dogs, everything. No, no current event thing. So he goes make a lot of money that way.

[David Spade]

But he really plucks people's acts because you have to go in there with seven bits for real, and you're like, if you're a new comic, you're like, am I getting rid of all my good stuff here? That's a Tough one. By the way, Colbert swan song is like the Super Bowl. I'm like, they're like. They were showing clips on the news this morning, like in his final week. I'm like, is this this big of a deal? I go, he had on his second last show such luminaries as Weird Al. I'm like, weird Al is great, but do I need to see a clip? I mean, let's wait till the very last show. Let's show the clip. What happened at the end, you know, Clooney will come on or something, and it'll be like, this will be great. And. But. But three weeks, actually a year of wind up is a. Is a little much. Personally, it's fine. But I mean, it's really.

[Dana Carvey]

Go ahead.

[David Spade]

You can't say anything.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I'll just say this. I mean, there's a lot of ways to do this. Now look at us. We're kind of on TV right now. Sure.

[David Spade]

It's all about the same. Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, he will have more flexibility to do that kind of stuff. He's writing a Lord of the Rings script with it with his son and another person.

[David Spade]

That's what we were going to do when we quit.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, I know.

[David Spade]

We do a Star Wars.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's write a new Star wars called wars of Stars.

[David Spade]

I'll play Middle life crisis. Yo, Yoda. He's not baby Yoda, and he's not the old Yoda. He's a guy getting a gut.

[Dana Carvey]

I'll play Harrison Ford's dad 50 years ago. Chewy, get me out of here.

[David Spade]

Get off this plane.

[Dana Carvey]

I told you. When they. George Lucas told the. The guy who plays Chewie, he had to call him up and go, we're not going to have you in the next Star. Really? Yeah. And then on the phone, all he heard was

[David Spade]

he called him directly.

[Dana Carvey]

And Chewy went.

[David Spade]

And he goes, I think, does that sound good? And Chewy's like. He goes, is it bad? I can't really tell. I'm trying to guess your tone.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, and he said. He said, my tone changes.

[David Spade]

He goes, chewy, can you just shave everything but the beard?

[Dana Carvey]

You know, ironically, Chewy had no teeth. The actual character of Chewy had no teeth.

[David Spade]

Oh, he's very scared.

[Dana Carvey]

So he couldn't actually be Chewy. Could be Gummy. Should have been called.

[David Spade]

He actually scared people. But if. If push came to shove, he couldn't, like, bite them. I don't think this is Star wars trivia. We are so far off our subject. What are we talking about?

[Dana Carvey]

Push Comes to his shove, he couldn't bite him. That's one of your greatest lines. Because, you know, they get a lot

[David Spade]

of precarious situations with the bad because

[Dana Carvey]

it was done kind of seriously. Push comes shove, he couldn't bite him.

[David Spade]

If Ferrison Ford saw a bunch of stormtroopers, he goes, I'll take the leash off of Chewie.

[Dana Carvey]

This is not Jeffrey Epstein. No, he was just gonna say, I like that when push comes to chef, he couldn't bite him. I'm not Jeffrey Epstein. Look at the mustache face.

[David Spade]

Hey, now, Chewy, Chewy was like a service dog at that point. Like, he's just an animal on the spaceship with him and harmless.

[Dana Carvey]

Chewy, get me out of here. I just like, get off my plane. Come on. Do we have. We need another Harrison Ford as a.

[David Spade]

You have to do buzzing around. You haven't done.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's do hair. Let's do this. Let's do this.

[David Spade]

All right. It is time, folks. You knew it was coming. Buzzing around. Sponsored by Five Hour Energy. With a wide variety of bold flavors to choose from. While I'm doing this, Dana's like, stretching out, getting ready. You get as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee, but with zero sugar and zero sugar. Crash. Find five our energy shots online@fiverr energy.com.

[Dana Carvey]

it's not a comedy piece. What are you laughing?

[David Spade]

No, it's funny because I hear you going, you're stretching out.

[Dana Carvey]

You're right.

[David Spade]

I like it.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, what's the scenario? We have a mic tation. Garth, Prince Harry and Duchess Markle. So it's actually I'm gonna do today. The Mike Tyson show. Yeah, the Mike Tyson show. And Garth is the sidekick and the guests. Okay. There's nothing beyond that. I don't know what they're going to say.

[David Spade]

No, no one thinks you prepare this, believe me.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, everybody, this is Garth Elgar and I'm. I'm Mike Tyson's sidekick. With no further ado, please welcome Mike Tyson. Oh, wait a minute. No, I pressed the wrong button.

[David Spade]

I know.

[Dana Carvey]

I can't see you.

[David Spade]

Hold on. Botched

[Dana Carvey]

botch bits. Please welcome Mike Tyson. Anyway, okay.

[Garth Algar]

Yeah, this is. Thanks, God. Thanks for that introduction, you.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, no problem, Mike. Please don't punch me.

[David Spade]

Sounds good already.

[Garth Algar]

We never touch you. I would never do that for you because I like doing the Mike Tyson show. Here's a joke for you. Why did the boxing glove cross the road?

[David Spade]

Oh, why?

[Garth Algar]

They can't cross the road. They got no legs.

[David Spade]

What are you gonna do about it?

[Garth Algar]

Hey, I don't get it. I don't get it, Mike. And what are you gonna do about it?

[David Spade]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dana Carvey]

There you go.

[David Spade]

He sets you up for a joke, and then he says, what are you gonna do about it?

[Dana Carvey]

Sorry, Mike, but I just didn't get it.

[Garth Algar]

Yeah, you didn't get it, but what are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it?

[Dana Carvey]

Maybe try to write a better joke. Why does the boxing glove cross the road in the first place?

[Garth Algar]

Because it needs a hand. Yeah, I didn't get it.

[Dana Carvey]

What are you going to do? Bad.

[David Spade]

Oh, my God. Guard.

[Garth Algar]

Hey, wait a minute. You're threatening me by saying, what are you going to do about it? I mean, why? I'm the guy who says, what are you going to do about it? Hey, this is crazy. Let's get our guests out here. Please welcome Prince Harry.

[David Spade]

Prince Harry.

[Garth Algar]

Prince Harry and Duchess Markle.

[David Spade]

Okay.

[Garth Algar]

Oh, hey, thanks for coming on this show. I. I'm a big fan of you guys because you, like, lived in a castle at some point, right?

[David Spade]

That's why. Yes, that's exciting to Mike.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. This is Prince Harry. And I'm so excited to meet you, Michael, because you've got fisticuffs. You fisticuffs. Put them. Put your dukes up. Is that what you do?

[Garth Algar]

Yeah, yeah, I do. I. I don't say it like that. That's that old timey thing, you know,

[Dana Carvey]

I like when you say put up the fisticuffs.

[Garth Algar]

Well, I'm not gonna say that. You know, I'm never gonna say that. All right, so all I can say is, what are you gonna do about it?

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, well, wait a minute. This is not just Marco.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I was waiting for her.

[Dana Carvey]

This is my real speaking voice. I have to put something on for the silly cooking shows and all the podcasts.

[Garth Algar]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

Let's do another podcast. Mommy Harry, you try my patience. Let mommy talk to Mr. Tyson. Would I like to do Pooty Cast? We did a Pooty cast. We no longer have a Pootcast.

[David Spade]

We're getting into a little Bela Lugosi as a side note, but go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

Getting into Boris Carlos.

[David Spade]

Yeah, that's it.

[Garth Algar]

All right, enough of you guys talking amongst yourselves. I'm the host. I got questions.

[David Spade]

So

[Garth Algar]

what kind of things you think you're gonna do pretty soon? And what are you gonna do pretty soon?

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, we're gonna tour the world. Yes, we're going to tour the world. Harry and I are going to tour the world. We're going to defeat global poverty.

[Garth Algar]

Yeah. Okay. That sounds very nice. That's a good idea. You know, how are you going to defeat it? Where are you going to defeat it?

[Dana Carvey]

Yes, mommy, how are we going to defeat it? We're going to give speeches all over the world and we're going to defeat global poverty.

[Garth Algar]

I don't think you're going to defeat global poverty doing that. I think you got to do something more. Right? You know, I mean, what are you going to do about it?

[Dana Carvey]

What do you mean what are we going to.

[Garth Algar]

What are you going to do about it?

[David Spade]

I'm just telling you about global poverty.

[Garth Algar]

I think it's something like that. Anyway, let me get let him with a joke. Why the boxing glove bounce across the trampoline?

[David Spade]

Why?

[Dana Carvey]

Because it makes things bounce.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, that's, that's, you know, more of a fact.

[Dana Carvey]

This one's mandering off into. No way.

[David Spade]

Yeah, it is. This has been buzzing.

[Dana Carvey]

For anyone who didn't like this thing,

[Garth Algar]

you know, what are you going to do about it?

[David Spade]

There you go.

[Dana Carvey]

Stay tuned for more Mike Tyson next week.

[David Spade]

Bo at the end that was buzzing around. Sponsored by five Energy's tasty caffeine flavors. Give yourself some applause. Enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle. Five our energy shots pack the flavors of the season. Portable 2oz shots. So find five energy shots online at five our energy.com or Amazon. Today.

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[David Spade]

Okay, story one. Let's get to the news and then we'll story one.

[Dana Carvey]

We always blab so long.

[Garth Algar]

I know.

[Dana Carvey]

We went off on too many tangents.

[David Spade]

We were good, though. I liked it. Okay, what's this new challenger?

[Dana Carvey]

Are you ready? Yeah.

[David Spade]

I don't care.

[Dana Carvey]

Go.

[David Spade]

Watch this.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, Whoa.

[David Spade]

So are you okay? Are there wash. Wait, stop it for one second. You're just kneeling. I don't even know if I could

[Dana Carvey]

do kneeling and shuffling.

[David Spade]

You're walking as you're crouched down.

[Dana Carvey]

That.

[David Spade]

Actually, I bet that's super hard. Heather, what do you think? It looks hard, right? You could probably do it.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, what exploded?

[David Spade]

She does ballet. No, because the guy fell. But I think this person that looks like the woman in the Incredibles with the hair is saying, race me. And people race them, and then they lose. But I just think, is that. That hard to do? I think it is.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I think it is. I thought they had some kind of little wheels on or something.

[David Spade]

I'll do it one more time. Let me see.

[Dana Carvey]

Thought they had.

[David Spade]

Right? It's just, I think, shuffling the feet,

[Dana Carvey]

which is maybe in a really deep squat. Okay.

[David Spade]

Yeah. That's hard, right?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Garth Algar]

Where are you guys?

[Dana Carvey]

I mean. Oh, no, she's riding on something.

[David Spade]

Excuse me. Is it a little.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, she's. She. I thought they. They don't have it. She's got something like a little truck, a little. She. She's on a little trolley and there's. Yeah, so that. Yeah, she's Got a little wheel thing That's a dress. Covers it. Okay, mystery solved.

[David Spade]

Well, at least she didn't say ar.

[Garth Algar]

Well, geez, Scoob. We couldn't see the wheels.

[Dana Carvey]

It scared me, Scoob.

[David Spade]

Well, I have to say, if it is a little bike, it's still hard to do.

[Dana Carvey]

No, no, it's still a good effect.

[David Spade]

Still, forget it. I can. Okay, next we really hit the big stories.

[Dana Carvey]

I know. Look at this one. 9.3 million worth of cocaine found in Kim Kardashian skims shipment. I don't think so.

[Kim Kardashian Skims Story Narrator]

Looking good for Kim and them skins. They got Kim Kardashian out here looking like a drug kingpin.

[David Spade]

So.

[Kim Kardashian Skims Story Narrator]

Over $9 million worth of cocaine was reportedly found inside a shipment connected to Kim Kardashian skin brand. You heard what I just said. According to reports, authorities stopped the transport truck carrying skims clothing from the Netherlands to England with almost £200.

[Garth Algar]

Big drug route.

[Dana Carvey]

I heard it, Frank Caliend.

[Kim Kardashian Skims Story Narrator]

And according to the National Crime agency picked up 198 pounds of cocaine during that trip. And the truck was modified to hide that.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Kim Kardashian Skims Story Narrator]

Now imagine how crazy that sounds.

[David Spade]

Okay, hold on.

[Dana Carvey]

I need a little thing called evidence of some kind.

[David Spade]

A guy's pointing his finger at something that's evidence.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I guess. And the reason I know this because I'm.

[Garth Algar]

I'm.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm. I'm hustling the cocaine.

[David Spade]

I like how the people make themselves more important in the story so they get really big in the frame. Like, here's the story behind me. They should be really teensy. Like, here's. Yeah, but you know what? It's probably one of those things where they used one of their trucks but they don't know about it. I'm sure she doesn't know about it. If it's true.

[Dana Carvey]

Dana, I don't think Kardashians don't play. These. These people are.

[David Spade]

They don't. They don't need money for.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, they're. They would have their shipping stuff completely, you know, perfectly organized. There wouldn't be any criminal activity. It's a. It's a multi billion dollar company where they be. Show the big bottoms.

[David Spade]

Yeah, that's if anyone got on there and did it. It's just something on the side that you don't know about.

[Dana Carvey]

Can I just ask you a question from just. Just business. So we. There was Spandex, right? Heather, Spandex holds everything in men, women, whatever.

[David Spade]

Nylons.

[Dana Carvey]

So was it the genius move to go hey, wa. Mom. Kim, why don't we do Spandex, but let's just call it scams.

[David Spade]

Well, how about there was Spanx. Yeah, Spanx.

[Dana Carvey]

Do they own that too?

[David Spade]

No, they ripped them off. They ripped them off. And it ripped off wetsuits. What's that? And then hiked up the price. Yeah, just give me a wetsuit, cut the top part off and charge triple. I know.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I say yeah. What?

[David Spade]

I think you have an audience that's going to do whatever you want. Yeah, you can fudge it a bit and just get away with a little more. Now, if you're just starting Spanx out of the blue, it has to be a really good idea. This is sort of, if not a ripoff, just kind of running with the theme of tightening everything up.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I was gonna, I was gonna mention this, but I wasn't gonna mention. But I guess I'll mention.

[David Spade]

Go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

That I thought for men we do it from. From spade carvey and is called Spanx a lot. And it's just spank.

[David Spade]

Spanks a lot, dude.

[Dana Carvey]

Spanks a lot. And it's just very festive underwear.

[David Spade]

But it holds your butt in and you're fat.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. It tramps down your wings.

[David Spade]

I think guys wear this stuff and they don't say it.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, you mean sort of a girdle, right?

[David Spade]

Yeah, we do. I mean, I. I wish I could trick everyone and hide all the flaws. And afterwards I go, solly, Charlie, this is what you got. What? They have built in nipples. True. What a great. She sells these sweaters with built in nips or bras or something. Or barbells. Have you seen those? They put the barbells through the nips. Oh, boy.

[Dana Carvey]

How about washboard short tees? So you get T shirts for dudes. Young dudes who have washboard stomachs and they're kind of shorts. They go, what time is it?

[David Spade]

Yeah, I. I had some half shirts. No lie.

[Dana Carvey]

So that you can show off 12 pack.

[David Spade]

All right, move along. Next.

[Dana Carvey]

Hey, I want to bring a sense memory. Yeah.

[Garth Algar]

What are you gonna do about it?

[David Spade]

Did you write that? That's funny.

[Dana Carvey]

No, I just, I just put ideas on there. I just enjoy it. Okay, here we are. This one is really interesting.

[David Spade]

What is this?

[Dana Carvey]

Renting a Japanese husband for a night out.

[David Spade]

This reminds me of really? Brendan Fraser's last movie,

[Garth Algar]

right?

[Dana Carvey]

That's right. This guy's a stud. I have to say that is what Brendan Frazier's movie was.

[David Spade]

Oh, he dropped.

[Dana Carvey]

Ah. Was so good looking. Broke the frame.

[David Spade]

Let's. Konichiwa means arigato. Which Means edamame.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, okay. So she's embarrassed to go to a wedding without a husband.

[David Spade]

Yeah. And picks her up, no less. I wouldn't be doing that. That's. This is a good.

[Dana Carvey]

Maybe this is more honest. Maybe this is what life should be.

[David Spade]

This might be happening out there. You know, it's like, bring your friend. Or like, hey, just come with me. But this guy looks. Looks sharp and then super. You guarantee he's nice to you? You're not going to get drunk and get in a fight. Behaves. You slide him a couple.

[Dana Carvey]

I mean, I'm sure he's very charming. And they probably. Because there's no pressure. They probably have a really good time. And then they're back at the hotel in Tokyo and they're having a glass of champagne in their hotel suite and guess what happens?

[David Spade]

Yeah, that was an Irvine. Why would you think Tokyo?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, weren't they from Japan? Sorry, it was an Irvine.

[David Spade]

I'm kidding. He got to the door and I know what's about to happen.

[Dana Carvey]

So they're offering champagne. Fake husband. Thank you.

[David Spade]

There's not an earthquake at the wedding.

[Dana Carvey]

No, this is afterwards in the hotel.

[David Spade]

Just a little bake or something else. That was an eye.

[Dana Carvey]

Are both like, whoa, that was an apertif. All right, come on, we're. We gotta wrap it up.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah, I don't know. We watched one of your old bits on snl.

[Dana Carvey]

Where did you find it?

[David Spade]

On the Dark Web.

[Dana Carvey]

You can't find change anywhere.

[David Spade]

We found it.

[Dana Carvey]

You found it. Which one was it?

[David Spade]

Hilarious. Nora, Don and. Oh, yeah, beautiful. Who comes over? Valerie Bertinelli.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. And you float. That's right. She's using her phone and he's kind of an awkward character. So she's leaving and she. She goes after a while, crocodile. And then my character goes, bye, bye, doggy donkey.

[David Spade]

And she goes, okay, all right, let's

[Dana Carvey]

have Valerie Bertinelli on.

[David Spade]

I'm always saying the wrong thing. Okay, next one. She was not on. That was before I got there. Okay, a forum post details. Private charter company. Oh, this is what we heard before. I want to find out if this is true. Tell me in the comments. Everyone's loves to yell at me.

[Tick Whistleblower Narrator]

This forum post, and I'm going to put it directly on the screen and I'm going to read it.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Word for word.

[Tick Whistleblower Narrator]

It says this quote. I work for a private charter company in Ontario, Canada.

[David Spade]

Whistleblower.

[Tick Whistleblower Narrator]

The company handles booking and chartering flights across Ontario.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, got it.

[Tick Whistleblower Narrator]

We are paid to spread ticks by air. It happens Twice a year, early spring and early fall. This year we've wired to do it earlier. The company receives the ticks in boxes. Each box contains millions of ticks. The aircraft used are generally single or dual prop aircraft, single pilot and one other.

[Dana Carvey]

Why would they expose this?

[Tick Whistleblower Narrator]

It pays a lot. And I mean I think the fast forward is. Ticks are dispersed and several specific diseases in Ontario. And it's always the same regions each.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, it's in Canada thus far last

[Tick Whistleblower Narrator]

spring the ticks dispersed were mostly American dogs, some deer ticks. This year they are all deer ticks supposedly. Specifically why? To withstand cold temperatures. End quote. So that post was from March 16, two weeks before Snope said that this story originated. All right, and it's pretty interesting. Here we have a whistleblower saying that they are paid to disperse ticks across.

[Dana Carvey]

Why?

[David Spade]

Why, why, why why?

[Tick Whistleblower Narrator]

Now this sounds eerily familiar to what we're hearing about these boxes of ticks that are being found. And it begs the question, was this person telling the truth? So this form.

[David Spade]

Stop. This was. There's another one about. In the war they would drop ticks to spread disease.

[Dana Carvey]

So Canada is declaring war.

[David Spade]

Ontario. Wait a second. Go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Ticks as bioweapons.

[David Spade]

That's more clear. That's.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes, it's actually in CIA. Then it makes sense if it's a bio instance. Infected ticks were deployed from C130s flying lower sugar cane fields in Cuba back in the day under President Kennedy. There is abundant evidence of the testing field testing of infected ticks, other insects in. In a variety of settings in. In states and elsewhere clearly was involved.

[David Spade]

No one thinks twice.

[Dana Carvey]

It's basically any more information.

[David Spade]

The idea is because there's. What is it when you get ticks. Lyme disease. Lyme disease. And there's a new one that's something incurable. Like what's worse? A little bit. So if you want to. And also they're coming up with a vaccine for this.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't know if this is true and it sounds made up, but that sounds kind of made up. But apparently if you go on your phone, you go on TikTok, they are able to geo engineer ticks to come through your phone. Microscopic ticks on ticks, tog on ticks, tick tock. I mean when they invented it, they go, isn't it? Why aren't we giving away our secret plan to destroy the world with the name TikTok? No, they go, and you wanted it.

[David Spade]

Once you download it, you're asking for ticks.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And you can never leave it. And it gives you spontaneous.

[David Spade]

I had ticks in my head. Dana. When I slept with my. Careful.

[Dana Carvey]

It gives you facial.

[David Spade]

German shepherd princess slept. Dana. Not the way you think of it.

[Dana Carvey]

Slept on your face.

[David Spade]

She was having puppies out back. So Judy let me sleep in the doghouse. And she had 13 puppies. And it was so joyous. I had maybe 25 ticks in my hair. I'm not even joking. We're like this. Brian goes, I'll get them with pliers. It was.

[Dana Carvey]

We had to. Well, that explains it.

[David Spade]

And they were all full to the brim with Juicy.

[Dana Carvey]

But you never got Lyme disease. Interesting.

[David Spade]

I'm just weak and feeble. I don't know. We didn't have it back then. I don't know if those are the Kennedy box ticks. I grab one, I go, are you a box tick? Shook them. They drop them. And then people need to be treated. Is it a way to make money off of them? Yeah. And then they have a vaccine to help you with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always a vaccine. They already said Bill Gates has a vaccine for. They're working on. For this strain of Ebola, the new strain that has 68 deaths.

[Dana Carvey]

Sorry, it just hit my brain. You said tick box. Is that where the phrase ticks all the boxes come from? No pun intended.

[David Spade]

I don't think so. I know it's early for your birthday, but I got you a box of ticks I'm gonna throw on your farm.

[Dana Carvey]

You know what's really adorable is when I get up and I go down and I'm having a cup of coffee in the morning, and the horses. I come, they see people moving around, and you look over and they just are waiting for breakfast. So they're just two beautiful horses, and they're just like. And they don't. They don't move. They're just, like, staring at me because

[David Spade]

they're like, here's the. Supposed to give me some carrots with not moving.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, we give them special treats, carrots and apples.

[David Spade]

And once you're taking care of animals, like, you should treat chicks that way and be nice to them.

[Dana Carvey]

Animals have no higher consciousness. Like I've said before, they. They remind you to just chill. Don't try to take life too seriously.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I like. They just do their thing. Just. Just leave them alone. That's what they want. They're like.

[Dana Carvey]

They just want to be fed some water. And they, hey, let's go over there. Let's go over there, you know, And Sometimes they throw a party, they start

[David Spade]

jumping around and horses going. If you get time, can you throw a saddle on me and kick me a few times and put your full body weight on me?

[Dana Carvey]

Put some big heavy steel thing in my mouth first.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And yank on it.

[David Spade]

Yeah. Horses. All right, I think that's it, Dan.

[Dana Carvey]

I think. Yeah, we're right up against it. They said it couldn't be done and they had a point.

[David Spade]

Next week we'll get to the stories sooner, but we had a lot to talk about. Okay. By the way, I go off to. I don't know when I go to grown ups, but we will. We'll work around that.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, we'll have to figure out that.

[David Spade]

All right, Dana, stay on when I jump off.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Don't. We're going to read some ads and do some intros.

[David Spade]

Yep. All right, guys, thanks for watching.

[Dana Carvey]

Thanks for watching once again and see you next week with new characters.

[David Spade]

That's me going underwater to end the show.

[Dana Carvey]

Here's me going to water. You just blow the wall. You blow the air out through your nose. You don't have to do one of these.

[David Spade]

No, you're smart. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, Give us review 5 star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[Dana Carvey]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[David Spade]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

[Dana Carvey]

Our senior Brazil producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited

[David Spade]

by Phil Sweet Tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[Dana Carvey]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney and Lauren Vieira.

[David Spade]

Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email [e-mail] that's a U D a C-Y dot com.