Traveling w/ Keanu Reeves & Golfing w/ Tiger Woods

Summary

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Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade

Episode: Traveling w/ Keanu Reeves & Golfing w/ Tiger Woods
Date: April 13, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Dana Carvey and David Spade riff on recent showbiz experiences, recount hilarious run-ins with Keanu Reeves during a press junket for a new movie, and share the inside scoop of what it’s like to golf with Tiger Woods. The duo dives into pop culture moments, trending headlines (from AI safety to NASA conspiracies), and answer hypothetical and comedic audience questions—all while showcasing their signature banter, spot-on impressions, and behind-the-scenes stories from the world of comedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & SNL Stories

• Dana and David begin with playful ribbing about chess abilities, road gigs, and their reputation among athletes and fans thanks to classic movie roles like "Tommy Boy" and "Joe Dirt" ([03:03]–[05:03]).
• They retell a story about SNL writer Dan Bula besting Spade at chess, leading to recurring jokes about betting everything from their podcast’s success to wives and program posters ([06:18]–[07:41], [08:00]–[08:45]).

2. The Bus Boys Movie vs. Lorne Michaels Documentary

• The comedy about competing movie releases—Carvey and Spade’s "Bus Boys" being up against a documentary about SNL mogul Lorne Michaels. They compare the face-off to "Barbie vs. Oppenheimer" and joke about the likelihood of their own movie being quietly buried by Lorne’s influence ([09:55]–[10:38]).
• Memorable riff:
  Carvey: “If you’ve seen the trailer, we’re not good busboys. A waiter walks between us, and we dump the bus tub. If that doesn’t signal that, nothing does.” ([10:38])

3. AI, Anthropic, and Sci-Fi Dread

• Spade and Carvey lampoon the latest headlines about Anthropic's new AI "Mythos" and its supposed safety dangers, riffing on “humans are the problem” and referencing "War Games" ([13:12]–[15:39]).
• Carvey (as Bush): “Anthropic—uh...” (bug-eyes bit) ([15:55])
• They muse about sci-fi movies warning of AI's dangers, but predict humanity marches on undaunted for "silver dollars" ([15:48]).
• Image: Dana lampooning the eerie plausibility of AI shutdowns and referencing the famous “Would you like to play a game?” line from WarGames.

4. Inside the Keanu Reeves Press Junket

• Spade details his adventure at a New York Q&A for "Outcome" with Keanu Reeves, Cameron Diaz, and Jonah Hill. He humorously laments being relegated to a barstool behind the stars, playfully bashing the ergonomic injustice ([23:05]–[24:46]).
• Hilarity ensues after a woman faints during the Q&A, and Spade jokes about prioritizing Keanu’s well-being:
  Spade: “Guys, is Keanu all right? Does Keanu need a water?...Let’s give Keanu a sip then her the rest.” ([25:48])
• He praises Keanu (“He’s so nice!”), jokes about Keanu gifting watches to crew (only for Keanu to “take them back at day’s end”), and recounts watching Keanu tirelessly making press rounds, jokingly saying he “speaks like Clint Eastwood off camera” ([27:43]–[30:20]).

Quotes:

• Keanu (reported by Spade): “‘Oh, you do a podcast?...I should know that. I’m sorry.’” ([28:40])
• Spade (on Keanu): “He’s not pushy...He’s just kind of soft-spoken.” ([29:54])

5. Golfing with Tiger Woods

• Stories from Spade’s golf round with Tiger, with Carvey suggesting a comic rivalry and Spade explaining Tiger's visible pain:
  Spade: “He had a guy putting those little massages on his back, even in between everything...And he’s got, like, a candy necklace full of Vicodin.” ([33:40]–[34:37])
• Spade reflects on off-camera conversation with Tiger about whether he’d ever play again, only for Tiger to have a famous car crash the next morning—leading to media exaggeration of Spade’s joke about pills ([34:51]–[35:59]).
• Carvey and Spade riff on Tiger and skier Lindsey Vonn’s tenacity facing injuries ([36:04]).

6. Impressions Showdown & Classic Comedy

• Dana showcases his impression skills:
  • Hans & Franz as lunar explorers ([40:38]–[42:49])
  • Senator John Kennedy questioning them, Dean Martin serenading, and other mashups ([42:14]–[43:41])
• Conversation about the absurdity of past comedians’ “drunk” personas (Foster Brooks, Dean Martin) and how that style is out-of-fashion ([43:48]–[44:19]).

7. Trending News Stories & Urban Oddities

• Classic “Only in New York” bits: Cockroach-infested coats, subway stories, and Spade’s experience taking (and avoiding) the subway ([47:23]–[49:46]).
• They riff on bungee-jumping tribal rituals, NASA conspiracy deaths, alleged underground moon civilizations, and government-released UFO footage ([49:47]–[54:30]).
  • Carvey: “I’m gonna go on record as saying I believe there’s an underground civilization inside the moon.” ([51:52])

8. Hollywood Legends & Absurd Interviews

• They review a vintage Mickey Rooney interview where Rooney stonewalls every question ("No, no, I don’t remember.”), leading to observations about old-school showbiz bitterness ([58:11]–[61:09]).
• Spade shares Rooney’s advice: “Money makes you handsomer.” ([61:41])

9. Animal Antics

• A man constructs a submarine to take his parrot scuba diving, prompting jokes about animal agency and the parrot’s internal monologue (“Is it Shark Week? I don’t wanna be down here!”) ([62:02]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dana Carvey (on their movie's prospects):
  "By the way, if you’ve seen the trailer, we’re not good busboys...If that doesn’t signal to the audience that we’re not good at busboys, nothing does." ([10:38])

• David Spade (about prioritizing Keanu during a Q&A medical emergency):
  “Guys, is Keanu all right? ...Let’s give Keanu a sip then her the rest.” ([25:48])

• David Spade (on Tiger Woods):
  “He had a guy putting those little massages on his back, even in between everything...and he’s got, like, a candy necklace full of Vicodin.” ([34:37])

• Dana Carvey (conspiracy riff):
  “I believe there’s an underground civilization inside the moon.” ([51:52])

• Mickey Rooney (stonewalling):
  “No, I don’t remember. Just did it. That’s very Mickey.” ([58:47]–[59:02])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• SNL Writer Dan Bula’s Chess Smackdown: [03:16]–[08:45]
• Bus Boys Movie vs. Lorne Michaels Doc: [09:55]–[11:04]
• Keanu Reeves Press Junket Tales: [23:05]–[30:40]
• Golf with Tiger Woods: [33:40]–[36:04]
• Dana’s Impressions Bit (Hans & Franz, etc.): [40:38]–[43:41]
• AI & Anthropic Jokes: [13:12]–[15:39]
• Cockroach Coat/NY Subway: [47:23]–[49:46]
• NASA Scientist Conspiracies & UFOs: [50:13]–[54:30]
• Mickey Rooney Grumpy Interview: [58:11]–[61:09]
• Parrot in a Submarine Antics: [62:02]–[63:24]

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Signature Tone & Style

The episode is a freewheeling, quick-fire blend of showbiz nostalgia, topical references, and absurd hypotheticals—true to the hosts’ comedic sensibilities. Dana’s rapid-fire impressions and Spade’s wry, sometimes self-deprecating sarcasm keep the pace lively. Nostalgia for SNL, mockery of pop culture, and affectionate pokes at celebrities (from Keanu to Tiger) are all part of the fun.

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For the Fly on the Wall Fans

If you missed this episode, you’ll get:

• Backstage gossip from showbiz powerhouses
• A master class in comic riffing and celebrity impressions
• Fresh, sarcastic takes on current events, entertainment, and internet oddities
• The sense that, above all, these guys really, truly crack each other up—making you wish you were at the table with them.

Transcript

[A]

The April 15 tax deadline is coming fast. But don't worry, you can hand off your taxes to a Turbo tax expert today. Seriously, Dana, doing taxes the old way is like being stuck in the writer's room at 4am Mentally freaking out, overloaded, chasing updates, rewriting, waiting on someone else. Jim Downey. It's a disaster.

[B]

Yeah. Is it done? Because, you know, did I miss the

[A]

deduction for the wig? You know, the wig, David Tax. Exactly. That's the lingering stress of did they miss something? You have zero control. The deadline is breathing down your neck. It's less than ideal. But with Intuit TurboTax, you can hand off your taxes to a dedicated full service expert. They get it. They understand your specific tax situation and handle everything for you, start to finish. Do it online or meet in person at one of their new tech enabled store locations. Have your tax forms imported directly into the app and hand everything off to your TurboTax expert while they work to

[B]

get every dollar you deserve. You can go about your normal routine, giving your time back to working on my Mickey Rooney impression. I was the number one star in the world. Or finally watch that trending clip. Everybody's right.

[A]

And I'd rather be at the gym doing crunches, you know, whatever. TurboTax gives you your time back. So we can just sit here and riff on the absurdity of showbiz, which is all we do. It's a win, win. Don't wait. Visit TurboTax.com and hand off your taxes to a TurboTax expert today.

[B]

You know what, David? Spring always makes me think about simplifying my clothes. You like that? Keeping fewer pieces, but making sure they're actually worth wearing every day. That's. That's why personally, I keep coming back to Quint's.

[A]

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[A]

Oh, gosh.

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[B]

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[A]

That's right.

[B]

Yo, this is from Dan to me. Just kick Spade's ass at chess. He's got quite the eagle ego about chess, but he didn't know a rook from his ass.

[A]

I bet sex with my wife, and the wife's like this. Huh.

[B]

And then he has one of our posters. I bet Fly on the wall be number one in a year.

[A]

He puts our poster up.

[B]

Yeah, he bets us.

[A]

Oh, my God. This is like Barbie versus Open.

[B]

Why are you going up again?

[A]

Documentary versus stupid.

[B]

You just know you just went up against Titanic. But Lauren, I don't know who is booking this movie.

[A]

Like, quietly make busboys disappear. Welcome to the greatest show on Earth. What if it was?

[B]

I know. What if it was? Yeah. Secretly, like, talked about centuries from now.

[A]

It is to some people. Oh, I. I do have to say I'm going to. Oh, wait, it's too late. No, it's not. I'm going to Charlotte.

[B]

What?

[A]

These are the last couple gigs for a while.

[B]

You say that every week and then.

[A]

I know. I really do. It's such a lie. I go to Charlotte, Nashville, and Pittsburgh. I'm going to be in Pittsburgh during the draft. Is it the draft?

[B]

Think you'll get drafted?

[A]

What if I get drafted?

[B]

I know. You shouldn't even be around there. You could be a punter or something.

[A]

You could hold David Spade six one one eighty. They all lie.

[B]

They all lie. They're a bunch of liars.

[A]

Mother efforts. Yeah, I've got. Maybe I'll bring some players down, come down to the show, have a couple chuckles.

[B]

Oh, they love.

[A]

They love.

[B]

Tommy boy gets them there, and then Joe Dirt brings them across the finish line. And then Dickie Roberts gets you free drinks. I mean, it's. It's a spade. I've been out in the world with you in Indianapolis. Like I said, it was like walking around with Mickey Mouse.

[A]

When I. When I was on the road, I did Stern. I haven't done Stern in a long time. And we gave Dana his kudos and praises.

[B]

That's the thing is I. My strategy is to never go on podcasts and then have. And then have people sing my praises, talk about you. Because if I'm there, it never happens, Right?

[A]

If you're there, you have to talk about me.

[B]

Exactly. So I'm never there. And so you're like, what else you want to talk about?

[A]

And they're like, we should have Dana on. I go, I know he'd love it.

[B]

Dana's elusive and mysterious.

[A]

You do have elus, civility and mysteriosity going for you.

[B]

I'm a mysterious mystery to myself, you know?

[A]

So you're a conundrum wrapped in a mystery.

[B]

Yeah, I'm like a Rubik's cube that you solved when you were five.

[A]

You're like a Rubik's cube where each side is dumber than the other ones. When they all line up, it's the dumbest possible person on earth.

[B]

Okay. Okay. It's nice chatting with you. State champion in chess at age 6.

[A]

It's like being the Rubik's Cube, no one cares. Like I. I told you. Dan Bula from SNL was incensed that Heather told him that I was a great chess player. Remember that? We were with Sandler.

[B]

Why was he mad about that?

[A]

Because Sandler brought in a chess board on the road in Las Vegas, and it was late after the show. And he goes, come on, let's play. We should all sharpen our skill. I was like, oh, how weird. I haven't played since maybe sixth grade. So we played, and we both didn't know what was going on. And I won by miraculously not even remember. Like, this is a bishop. Pawns can go two squares. Anyway, that was fun. And then I go, okay. And then Dan Bull goes. I play winner. I go, no, no, just play Sandler because I don't want to play.

[B]

God. Dan got mean.

[A]

He goes, sit the down. I go. And he goes, heather was bragging about how great. I go, no, no, no. She was probably just saying sixth grade. I used to play sixth grade. That was 10 years ago.

[B]

This was me. When was that? About this last week or something. When was it?

[A]

No, this ago.

[B]

A year ago. Hold on a second. Let me get in my. Yo, this is from Dan to me. Just kick Spade's ass at chess. He's got quite the eagle ego about chess. But he didn't know a rook from his ass.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I hope you're well, Dan Bula. Well, should we tell people who Dan is in case they forgot?

[A]

Big, big writer. That's no big writer.

[B]

And a great.

[A]

And he goes on the road, a

[B]

great performer and musician, Piano player, writer of songs. And he.

[A]

I go, no, no, no. And he was, like, determined. And he smoked me. And the grossest part, he goes, I knew you weren't that good. And I go, I did not say I was that good. Heather didn't. And he goes, you fell for the old zippity trap 49. And I go, he's. He'll fall for this so fast. And you did. And I'm like, I don't know any plays in chess. I just. I'm not a grandmaster.

[B]

Well, the idea is what you do before you play chess with Damboola again is you watch the Hustler with Paul Newman and Tom Cruise. And so you know how the first two games, like, I can't.

[A]

What Rook Overwhelming.

[B]

And then you put five C notes on it and go, scope, bro. And then you kick ass. So you just. You just blew it. Next time, watch that movie.

[A]

I go, I guess I'll be all in on this one.

[B]

I love that in every movie where it's like. And then another layer.

[A]

I like all the chips.

[B]

He's moving the whole. I bet the table.

[A]

Table and chips, everything.

[B]

And then he gets up on this thing and sits.

[A]

I bet myself he throws car keys, everything. And then he goes, just me.

[B]

Then he grabs his wife. She's sitting there. And I bet my wife.

[A]

I bet sex with my wife. And the wife's like this. Huh? Oh.

[B]

And then he says, one of our posters. I bet Fly on the Wall be number one in a year.

[A]

He puts our poster up there.

[B]

Yeah, he bets us.

[A]

He explains it. Yeah, he bets us.

[B]

Yeah, he just bets.

[A]

Anyway.

[B]

Come on, man.

[A]

Oh, I saw Marcelo and Sarah Sherman from the old snl. I saw them for lunch.

[B]

You told me.

[A]

Anything I haven't told her.

[B]

That would be a blast with those. Those two young.

[A]

No, they were fun, those two morons. It was a lot of fun.

[B]

Yeah, they're a kick in the pants.

[A]

Lauren. We should plug Lauren as a movie coming out. Even though it's against Bus Boy.

[B]

Well, is it the same weekend as the Bus Boys?

[A]

It is. Oh, my God. This is like Barbie versus Open.

[B]

Why are you going up again?

[A]

Documentary versus stupid buzz.

[B]

You just know you just went up against Titanic with Lauren. I don't know who is book movie.

[A]

Like, quietly make Bus Boys disappear.

[B]

But wait a minute. Let's just for a second unpack this. The documentary about Lauren, the fabulous producer of S Life for a half Century. You and Theo falling down in the dirt doing dick jokes. They're. They're different is all I'm saying.

[A]

By the way, if you've seen the trailer, we're not good busboys. And if you could Pay attention. A waiter walks between us and we dump the bus tub. And I'm like, if that doesn't signal to the audience that we're not good at busboys, nothing does. So we have really set the table

[B]

for you should have thrown a dishwasher in there, man.

[A]

There's a dishwasher in it, but he doesn't have any lines.

[B]

Ah. Because that's the funniest back there of the dishwasher. I was a dishwasher.

[A]

The Hobart 3000 in the sequel. This is sort of a trilogy. I shouldn't announce this.

[B]

Oh,

[A]

the second one will have me in it. Third lap, Theo. In it, we just milk it out. Little something for the kitten.

[B]

When I was the Holiday Inn, we had a dishwasher named Ralph. He's about 60, kind of. And he would be a non sequitur type guy. You come back and he goes, I like them big. Don't you like them big? I go, potatoes. I go, what? And he said one of the cocktail waitress said she had she didn't like her legs. He goes, I like them big. Don't you like them big? I got out of there pretty fast. I backed up slowly because no like weird dishwashers, but leave you alone to be crazy. I want to do a quick bus boy. Here we are now in the movie Bus Boys, David Spade from Tommy Boyd. All these great, wonderful hits. You have a grown man fondle the genitals of another man. Is that your idea of humor? Do you actually think that's funny?

[A]

Well, actually, he just pinches my nuts. I don't know if that's fondling, but

[B]

I think it is. Is that funny to you? Pinching nuts? Is that where your comedy's gone to?

[A]

I think in the situation it was unexpected. I don't know if it's hilarious, but it was not meant to be super offensive.

[B]

And why in God's name are you opening up against the Lord, Michael Stockton?

[A]

I know. I'm just hear hearing this. I don't know. We should. We should look at the calendar a year ahead.

[B]

All right, this is Pierce Morgan. I'll be back later. And be more rude and honor, please do.

[A]

I do like these hard hitting questions from Pierce.

[B]

I think it's. I think it's good. And speaking. Speaking of hard hitting. Oh, I just thought, what's the biggest story of the week?

[A]

Guess not Iran. It's not Iran. We're already in. We already in trouble for letting Tim Dillon on the show to talk about everything. What is it?

[B]

What's the biggest story how we got in trouble. That's so funny. I love it. Anthropic, which is made Claude, which is an A.I.

[A]

a.I.

[B]

Made a new one called A.I.

[A]

mythos.

[B]

And it officially announced it will not release it due to safety concerns. So I did a deep dive on this. They turned on Mythos.

[A]

Horrible name.

[B]

What came up? First thing humans are the problem was the first thing it said. Then they went the second thing. Surprising. Not a joke. See busboys in theaters only April 17th. That was the second thing it said.

[A]

Dude, shut it down.

[B]

It doesn't look how far I went to get another.

[A]

That was really good. Did it say humans are the problem or is that part of the joke?

[B]

Well, what would be the worst thing it could say?

[A]

No, that scared me because it seems real. Because I heard they have shut ones down. Because here's what I don't like. Let's say you got GPT and you're some fucking buster in the middle of nowhere and you want to be cool. So you film it and you ask stuff like, hey, why don't you start World War 3? Quit fucking around because it will do it. Like, it's like, what was the old movie? Matthew Broderick, War Games. Would you like to play a game?

[B]

And guess who tested for war games? Came your came in second place. Marty Bress. I was his first choice. But of course Matthew Broderick got it.

[A]

Huge movie.

[B]

Huge movie. I tested. Wow.

[A]

War Games with sorry, cute girl on your shoulder. And the theme of the movie, if you haven't seen it, Matthew Broderick is trying to hack into his report card or something.

[B]

Yeah. And then he accidentally finds some deep. I should have read the script before I did, right?

[A]

You never even read it.

[B]

That was a problem.

[A]

Pentagon. And he like, what's this? And he gets into the defcom. Nuclear.

[B]

Yeah, nuclear keys. He's going to blow up the world. But Matthew, Matt, Maddie, MB Brought. Brody was a. Was great in that movie.

[A]

Well, I love that movie.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Always. It's just like how you like it when the computer goes, would you like to play a game? And he goes, sure. He doesn't know it's war games.

[B]

I know. So we could line up ten science fiction movies. They all predict that they're gonna fuck with us and ruin humanity. And yet we go forward for the silver dollars. I mean, they asked George W. Bush about it, about Anthropic. He was speechless. He just said, what do you think, Mr. George W. Bush?

[A]

Why are his eyes bugging out?

[B]

Well, Anthropic.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

Jesus. What is that that's an indication that he won't be back.

[A]

Yeah, I guess so.

[B]

He's on the pile.

[A]

Here's a quick cut.

[B]

Here's a quick one. Oh, my God, I'm so ahead of the cult cast for everyone trying to be present 20, 28. So I'm so far ahead.

[A]

Is she ahead?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Why do I believe everything you say?

[B]

You're the world's greatest.

[A]

Oh, do Melania. Is that Melania? Melania.

[B]

I just want to say that I. I don't know. I never even met Jeffrey Epstein. Okay. I mean, come on.

[A]

Sorry, who is he?

[B]

Here, you do the voice and I'll do the puppet.

[A]

You know, I am not part of this situation. Keep my name out of your mouth. Oh, hi, Jeffrey. Oh, I fell for it.

[B]

He's right there.

[A]

You used to have a Jeffrey puppet.

[B]

And then I do have a Jeffrey puppet with mustaches. It's in. It's in my closet, though.

[A]

There's 400 puppets at your feet. No one sees them.

[B]

Oh, I have. I have just ton. I just. I just kind of grab them out of this giant thing. I swirl around and I've got some here just if I want to go to them.

[A]

Do you have an AI stick puppet making machine?

[B]

That'll be for next week. Thanks for the suggestion. Humans are the problem. That's the byline.

[A]

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[B]

Really?

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[B]

Well, if someone mentioned you in an email, I like David Spade's movie, then you're in the files.

[A]

Oh, you would be in the files. Right? That's I think Whitney Cummings. That's how she got in there. But yeah, but Naomi Campbell's in there a lot because I think there's something to that. But I don't know. But she's in like Devil Wears Prada. I'm like, she does, bless her heart. Gets a free pass on this whole thing. So who knows? Listen, no one's really guilty until proven, so I get it. But there's definitely some finger pointing going on. Right?

[B]

There's a whole giant ecosystem of Epstein and then there's the more finite, more particular of horny middle aged to older age men in rooms with 16 year old girls. That's kind of what I focus on. But I know a lot of people are like, but he went to a party, you know.

[A]

Yeah, I know, you're right. You're right.

[B]

Am I right again? Don't say yes if you disagree.

[A]

You know you're right. What about going back to Lauren? Do you think if. What if they go through that whole movie and don't mention your name? Will you be hurt?

[B]

No, I'm mysterious. I wouldn't be hurt. Nothing hurts me and show business.

[A]

Wait, what is this interview you did for the Rundown or something? You're showing SNL sketches. I keep seeing that. What was that from when they were hitting you up at Peacock to do different?

[B]

Yeah, last fall when I was doing Joe Biden. I'm going to do in a second. Joe Biden on snl. They said, we're doing this thing called the Rundown. I wasn't sure what it was. I walked back there on 8H and they'd set up those and it was

[A]

kind of like, like they loop you into a documentary.

[B]

I know. Do your perfect. You know, it was kind of fun. They had a whole bulletin board of all the classic sketches, you know, and you are, you know, whatever and Hollywood minute. But anyway, so then you just like pick them and did a thing. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Don't, don't play it down. Here's something else.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

I have a story for you before we get to the hard hitting.

[B]

Sorry. It was multi seven figure views on all the platforms.

[A]

Across all platforms.

[B]

Excuse me. It wasn't my fault. Don't be mad at me. Go ahead.

[A]

Yeah, that did. It did come across my desk on a few places like Instagram, TikTok. So I went to New York this weekend. That's why I look like pie.

[B]

You look great. What are you talking about?

[A]

I look great.

[B]

Lighting's everything.

[A]

I was a little more beat up on this trip, neck wise than most. Because it started off, you know, you get there, I get there at night, the next morning we have to report to a Q and A for this outcome movie. This Keanu movie.

[B]

Outcome movie, yeah.

[A]

Which I'm not in much, but it was fun to be a part of. So I go and we have a Q and A. We go in this glass room and we're all there and they go, okay, file in. And it was early, so you're getting up at 4:00am LA time, you know, to be. To get up at 7 New York, fluff the hair paint on this face. So I go, and there's the chairs because my neck, I already go, oh, it's an hour. Chairs aren't bad. I can see through the glass window. Okay, they're not bad. They go, okay, Keanu Cameron Diaz. Here you go. Jonah Hill.

[B]

David.

[A]

We'll start a new row in the back bar stools.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

How dare you.

[B]

No, no, no, no. They don't know your situation. They're putting on a barstool.

[A]

So persnickety, by the way. Forget I hate them. Is there anyone that likes them? Is anyone cozy on a bar? So it's got the 5 inch back and I'm like. I stared. I go, oh, my God, I'm going to do an hour on this thing. So it's too high up to put your feet in yours. I put my foot on the back of Cameron's chair and one over here on Jonas.

[B]

I'm like this for two hours.

[A]

No cues for me or A's. Because what are you asking me? I just. Not a glorified cameo, so. But I was in it twice, so fine. And then I do that, and then someone drops their camera. It's a tight room. Drops their camera. And I instinctively, from the old Essen

[B]

of Farley days, jumped.

[A]

No, I go Gilligan. Because Gilligan's Island. Gilligan used to fuck everything up. So this is a reference no one gets.

[B]

I, I, I, I didn't quite get it. Well, I know the show, and I know he yelled Gilligan a lot.

[A]

Yeah. Skip would go Gilligan when anything up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we used to say that around the set if somebody up or dropped Gilligan. Okay, Gilligan. Anyway, the second I say Gilligan, I think it was a woman. She fell on her face and everyone's like, ah, this is more serious.

[B]

Wait a minute. You yell Gilligan. And then she passes out and falls

[A]

like it was actually more of a problem than it was like an accident. So now I feel like an asshole. But no one really heard it except within my little area. But that wasn't the funny part. Nothing's funny. She fell. And then everyone goes, oh, my God, is she okay? And then they're crowding around and. And I'm like, guys, is Keanu all right? Does Keanu need a water? And they're like, what about her? I'm like, oh, yeah, just. Well, let's give Keanu a sip because he was a little traumatized and then give her the rest. So I. We all get out of the room. You know, it's always. Give them some air. Right, Air. Make room for the ambulance.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we're outside, and it was sort of like, I think this is over. It was 45 minutes already. So she went to the hospital. We split. And then at the premiere, I'm like, Is everything okay with this woman? Is she all right? Because you know Keanu, if it's. If he knows something's up, he's heading to the hospital. You know, he's a great guy.

[B]

Well, I think Jonah Hill would, too. Not even nobody.

[A]

I have great guy syndrome.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, that's why I say it's show business. It's not the end of the world. If someone's sick, I think takes priority.

[A]

Yeah. It's a real person. Pro. And then we said, oh, she. Did she eat. Is it too hot in here?

[B]

Any.

[A]

I mean, let's.

[B]

Very common in those situations to get a little dehydrated. Didn't.

[A]

Then I heard it might have been a seizure, might have been fainting. We don't know. Anyway, nothing we can do. We were just like, I hope it's okay, but no one gave me a clear answer. Huh. We'll get. We'll give you an update next week. Well, find out.

[B]

Yeah, I'd like to know how it turns out. You can't give us.

[A]

I'll let you know how you can help.

[B]

And that happened. And did you. How did that relate to your neck? So you. That you.

[A]

So then I was coming off feeling great after that. I was all painful. Then I go to the premiere, and I sat in some weird spot. I said, I want to sit in the back. And then whatever. It just. It was annoying from then on. But I will tell you. Oh, is Keanu so nice? And then, of course, I had to make fun of him. They're like, keanu gives everybody a watch on the set. And I said, yeah, they don't tell you. He takes it back at the end of the day, and everyone's like, ah, burning Keanu. I go. My. Most of my day was spent consoling crew members. He screamed at Keanu. He is. He's nice. Whoa.

[B]

No.

[A]

I did a movie podcast.

[B]

He asked about it. Well, let's. Keanu, you're always welcome.

[A]

Well, okay. He didn't ask about. Let me rephrase that.

[B]

Don't tease us like that.

[A]

Well, he said.

[B]

He said what?

[A]

Someone mentioned it to me. And he goes, oh, you do a podcast? And I go, yeah. And he goes, why don't I know that? Because he's so nice. He goes, oh, I should know that. I'm sorry. I go, you shouldn't know it. It's fine. There's 10 million. I go, I do it with Dana. Remember Dana Carvey? And he goes, oh, yeah, of course. He's so nice. Yeah.

[B]

Well, is he? I I'm sorry, I don't know this, but is he Bill or Ted?

[A]

That's a great question. Let's go to the phones.

[B]

Heather.

[A]

Heather. Oh, here she goes, by the way, this info gets us nothing. Anyway, Ted, Heather Winstead. So he was super lovely, of course, and just like overwhelmed. Because I go, I go, this thing's pretty early. Keanu, was this your call? And he goes, no, I've already been to the Today show. I go, oh, my God, already this morning.

[B]

Wait a minute. Why does he. When he's off camera, he talks like Clint Eastwood, apparently. I mean, because he's been fighting people

[A]

in the Matrix in the fucking wick world for 25 years.

[B]

I don't understand what you just said to me. I'm Keanu Reeves.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, yeah, no, he just is kind of soft spoken. He's not like a pushy like that I'm usually attracted to. He's. He's like, yeah. And he goes, I did the Today show. And I go, oh, is Savannah Guthrie back today? And he goes, yeah, I. She didn't interview me. I go, well, she up. Why wouldn't you want to interview Keanu, the biggest stud in the world? But she was in a different room.

[B]

He said, they put her in a different room. I would have talked to her, but they put her in a different room. Thanks, Keanu.

[A]

Yeah. He goes. I go, who. Who interviewed you? Some rookie. They shouldn't give you. They should give you the best of the best. I said, when we interview you will be nice.

[B]

I'll only go on that show if Al Roker's gonna interview me as. I like that guy, man. He's very accurate when it comes to meteorological situations. Yeah.

[A]

Did you like him fatter or skinnier? Be honest. I really kind of liked him. Porky.

[B]

I don't really care. I got 12 million shares of Ozempic. It's done very well for me.

[A]

Oh, Keanu does. So he makes money when everyone's on it.

[B]

Well, it may be my worst impression based on yours.

[A]

Yeah, you're doing me, but he is.

[B]

I'm Keanu Reeves.

[A]

Then he left there. This is what people don't know. So he's pushing outcome movie for Apple. Apple tv. Lovely. People actually had fun with him. So today's show, then this hour, Q and A where most questions are thrown at him. Of course. Then I go, I'll see you at the premiere. Between that and the premiere, Drew Barrymore, our far. Heather's favorite.

[B]

Drew.

[A]

Well, Drew's in the movie too.

[B]

Heather I know.

[A]

Okay. So then Drew, then. I know. That was a good one. Then something else he did. He was all day doing press. Oh. Then he did Colbert. Then he came right late to the premiere. Hey, Whoa. And then a long press line of, like, every interview. This is Bill Squeaky from K. Blop. And he's like, hey, Keanu, tell us about the movie. And then he does that. Moves down one inch. Keanu, tell us about the movie.

[B]

Oh, it's exhausting.

[A]

Exhausting.

[B]

You feel you have to give each person something fun, or at least that. So what? When does this end? When does he go home?

[A]

So then he got to the premiere. He's got the shit kicked out of him. Anyway, overall, fun time. Oh, yeah. I clear something up. Howard Stern. The next morning, another early bird call.

[B]

You had quite a trip, man.

[A]

I know, dude.

[B]

Keanu. And now Howard Stern. Hey, I'm Howard Stern. Hey, David Spades there.

[A]

By the way, did you ever trip someone when you're a kid and go, have a nice trip. See you next fall?

[B]

No. Did you ever slap a kid in the face randomly as hard as you can and go, hey, I'm slap happy today?

[A]

No.

[B]

No. Okay.

[A]

Does anyone get beat?

[B]

I'm just asking. I'm not saying you did or I did. I'm just.

[A]

Just saying that's a good one to do for kids.

[B]

Does anyone ever give you a newgie? Yes, in third grade.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I got. I got all through high school. I got too many newgies and not enough hand jobs.

[B]

Anyway, so how newgie and a wedgie go together, they're kind of. It's kind of a. A fun pack of childhood abuse. All right?

[A]

Doctors putting his fingers. Two down my throat, one up my butt, Shakes hands in my ribs.

[B]

That's a Dennis line.

[A]

That's Richard Belzer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right. So on Stern, yeah, the only story was he asked about Tiger woods, right? He goes, you played golf at Tiger Woods?

[B]

And that's right.

[A]

I thought you were good. I said that was really a sort of a bucket list, fun thing to do. And I jokingly said Tiger was in pain the whole time because they had a guy putting those little massages on his back, even in between everything. Yeah, in between rounds, like, he. And then. And he's got, like, a candy necklace full of Viking going. You know, instead of candies, other things together. Vicodins like this. And so I go. But overall, he's very nice. And I. My big part of the story was I'm such a little investigative journalist. I go. Because I could Tell he's a little sore from a recent operation. Moving a little stiff, but being very nice, helping me.

[B]

He's had several since then.

[A]

So at that point I said, do you think he'll ever golf again? This is just off camera bullshitting. And he was like, I don't even know why I said it, because I'm like, you're sore. You're getting all like, do you want to just keep doing it or does it hurt your neck?

[B]

She's smarty pants.

[A]

Yeah. He goes, I mean, I hope so. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'll get through this. And I go, great crashes that next morning. And, like, smash his feet and everything. I'm like, oh, after this one, will you? And then it was like, he was immediately better than me again. Within seconds, like, I can't even stand up. Oh, better than Spade. So he got good again. But then I saw four articles so far. Heather, David Spade claims Tiger Wood was on so many Vicodin right before his crash. Where does that come out? It comes out in these articles because it's out now. Yeah, that's a good thing to say. And twist into that, because he just crashed. He said, you know, they found two pain bills on him. I guess he popped the other 28, but they found two pain bills on them. So this falls into that where they can go, oh, before his last crash, even though I'm joking, obviously, Spade says, he was really. And it's like, oh, boy. Actually, we have a video from the Masters. Should we show it?

[B]

Dana, if you're locked and loaded, Greg,

[A]

if you have that, let's show.

[B]

You know, think about Tiger woods and Lindsey Vaughn, who's the skier that they dated for a while. And they're both unbelievably tenacious, indefatigable about injuries. Like, she wants to come back now. He'll. He'll. After this, he will play again. He'll play in the master.

[A]

Be better than me immediately.

[B]

Yeah. They just don't know how to quit.

[A]

This is a live shot from the Masters.

[B]

Okay. This is. Yeah,

[A]

there's Tiger. Yeah. Tiger, are you doing there? Oh, my God, he's here. Tiger's here.

[B]

They say, where's Tiger?

[A]

I know. We clipped the beginning. Where's Tiger?

[B]

Where's Tiger? And then there it comes. Yeah. Anyway, it's just somebody with chronic pain trying to get relief from it. And, you know, he'll get.

[A]

He'll get Lindsay Vaughn with a scaffolding on her legs. I'm like. And then I heard her family's Miffed that she's talking about coming back. I would be worried about her, too. Of course. That's normal.

[B]

No, when they said we might have to amputate, she was already just on the phone. Signing up Switzerland next summer. Yes, I'll be there.

[A]

Moguls. Yep.

[B]

They took a foot.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

They actually. They had a safecracker come in just to make the sound effect with Lindsay's foot. All fixed.

[A]

They got the ear to her leg like this.

[B]

No, but you got to do the sound effects of some kind of. When in doubt, go with a. Yeah, just any. Any. That could be anything. Okay, so Howard Stern was delightful.

[A]

Anyway, that worked out. I hadn't done it a long time. And we can get to some news.

[B]

I want to do a quick Joe Biden because, you know, people get all.

[A]

Let's do Joe Biden.

[B]

They got all riled about Tim Dylan and everything. So here's Joe Biden talking about the Iran conflict, you know, okay, great.

[A]

Here's Biden, everybody.

[B]

Folks, I'm not kidding around here.

[A]

Very serious.

[B]

And guess what? And by the way, the fact. I mean serious. I'm not kidding around. No joke. Come on, folks. Get your facts straight. I close the straighter muse faster than you ever close is closed. Okay. Come on, Jack. Get your vat straight. I mean, it says, gonna open, open. No one ever opened a better night ad. Come on, folks.

[A]

Who. Open sesame.

[B]

Open sesame.

[A]

Who?

[B]

The guy said, that was Yul Brynner 1952 and 48. Corn pop and everybody else, I'm Joe Biden. Seen.

[A]

I love it. That was a good one. I like. He's.

[B]

I haven't done him in a while.

[A]

It's a good one, dude. He's mumbling.

[B]

I like him. I root for him. I can't help it.

[A]

I like when it's Iran. He gets serious. He goes, hey, come on. He starts a little quieter instead of mad.

[B]

Well, yeah, that is his thing. Get really, really soft. Yeah, a straight arm moves, right. I know how to close it faster than I close it.

[A]

I like anyone. Sir, I have a question.

[B]

Zip it, Jack. Get your fat straight, Jack.

[A]

You're gonna fight everyone.

[B]

Check out by the woodshed.

[A]

Be the hell out of you guys like Donald Trump. I don't want to do with him. I used to take him around the woodshed. I'm like, you haven't beat up anyone in your life, are you? What are you talking about? That was a good one, though. Let's move.

[B]

Let's move it on. What do we got?

[A]

Buzzing around, dude.

[B]

Oh, buzzing Around. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. You're on your own on this one. I'm gonna let you pick your scenario. We're gonna have three impressions. Okay.

[B]

I'll.

[A]

I'll set you up. Hold on.

[B]

Ready? Okay, let's see.

[A]

Okay, hold on. Buzzing around here. It's time.

[B]

Your favorite.

[A]

Do this setup sponsored by five Hour Energy. With a wide variety of bold flavors to choose from. You get as much caffeine as a 12 hour premium cup of coffee with zero sugar and zero sugar. Crash. Find five our energy shots online at www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon. Today, Dana is going to do a little bit. He's got. He's going to try to.

[B]

I'm gonna try. Okay.

[A]

Try to entertain you. Oh.

[B]

Okay. This begins with Hans.

[A]

Hans and fr.

[B]

Hans and Franz holding a press conference claiming what they're going to do. Yeah. Hello, everybody.

[A]

I like the setup. I'm going to take a sip.

[B]

Hello, everybody. I'm Hans. And I'm Franz. And we are here to announce that we can fly around the moon faster than the otter. What are you allergic to my comedy?

[A]

Yeah. No. This bit is funny and I'm ruining it. That's about the funny part.

[B]

We are here to announce that we could fly around the room better than the Artemis spaceship. Such a little spaceship. It flies around and we could go around the moon and get a lot of closer than Artemis. Guess what? A lot of people go look at all the craters on the moon. Who do you think made the craters on the front? With our muscles? We pummeled the moon and we made craters. Don't get me started about the rings of Saturn. Another one of our nice pieces of work. Does anybody have any questions about us flying around the moon with just muscles? No spacesuits.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, so you have a question now. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

You're Senator John Kennedy. You're suggesting that you can fly around the moon without a spacesuit or a spaceship just with your muscles. Is that. Is that what they're saying? Did I get that right? Is that correct? Did I get it right? You got it better than right. You're totally on. Spot on. But guess what? Who really supports us more than anyone in our endeavor? Remember Dean Martin?

[A]

Not really. Good.

[B]

Everybody. Hans and Franz is going around the moon. Oh, nobody can go faster. Hans of runs Everybody loves the moon sometime or get a little brandy when

[A]

the moon hits her

[B]

that's the mor. I didn't think of that. When the moon into miles and a wild mo.

[A]

He's so drunk.

[B]

Oh, I had a little hint too. Went to the bar. Old David Spade Bus boys coming out April 17th. April 17th on Buzz Boys. That's a spade. Oh, Theo Vaughn falling down in the dirt.

[A]

That's the whole movie, by the way. It sounds like he's been over at the Copper Penny, Warner Brothers.

[B]

Well, Dino, that was thing. He. He wasn't really an alcoholic, but he just. He pretended to be one, you know?

[A]

Oh, like Foster Brooks. I thought Foster Brooks was drunk. And they kept inviting him to roasts. And when I was like nine, I'm like, why do they invite this fucking drunk guy every time he's going to be drunk?

[B]

And you couldn't in those days. You could. His whole shtick was that he was just. Just plastered. Hey, I suppose I want to now I'm doing Dean Martin.

[A]

But funny though.

[B]

Couldn't do it now. No, I love that.

[A]

And he hiccuped a lot. You go.

[B]

Yeah. Comedians were an assortment pack. Everyone had their.

[A]

There's no, like, fake drunk comedians anymore. Anymore.

[B]

No, there's people who drink on their podcasts that we don't do anymore. Remember the early episodes of this? We'd just be shitfaced.

[A]

Yeah. Now we're boring.

[B]

And now we're boring. Sterile.

[A]

All right, let's look at a. That was. Oh, wait, wait, I gotta.

[B]

Oh, wait, I gotta wrap it up. Okay, Wrap it up. That was Buzzing Around.

[A]

Starring Dana Carvey. Sponsored by Fiverr Energies. Tasty caffeine flavors. Enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle. Fiverr Energy Shots pack the flavors of the season.

[B]

Senator John Kennedy and the late, great Dean Martin were our guests.

[A]

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[A]

Let's show some news stories. We never get to enough good news stories.

[B]

Okay. By the way, locked and loaded.

[A]

Oh, this coat. New York subway stuff is always funny to me. Yeah, this guy's just out the subway. Would you wear this coat? And is this you?

[B]

Is that a guy

[A]

cockroach?

[B]

Oh, Heather.

[A]

Just grossed out. Why on God's green earth, unless this costs 40 grand, I would wear it. But why would you wear. On the way to snl, why would Dana wear this coat?

[B]

Yeah. And why was the camera when I, when I put on my coat, as I call it, it's a short coat. Put on my coat and I just do it. Because there's so many cockroaches in New York and people go, hey, you got some, I got some. And you squeeze in a couple that are alive and then they start going at it like gladiators,

[A]

Right? And they fight for the arm or whatever. The best place is to hang out.

[B]

Hey, man, only in New York you got some.

[A]

Only in New York you got some

[B]

of your eccentrics out there. Some people are naked, some people wear cockroach jackets. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah. There's a subway creatures, Instagram. And you always see crazy real people just film someone else.

[B]

Do you ever. When's the last time you took the subway?

[A]

I know, I thought you're gonna. You've never taken. But I used to take it all the time. And then when I go back, I did a few times, but the bars are kind of grossly slippery from not sure what. And it's a little steamy down there. It definitely has a distinct smell. Not horrible, just weird subway smell all the time.

[B]

Yeah. And you get in your chair and you're like, okay, I'll be uptown in five minutes. You know, and then you're kind of. You got a newspaper or whatever, your cell phone. And then you hear a voice in front of the cab. You're in the train car. Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention, please? I'm a man in need of a little bit of help, so I'm gonna come around to you and just give what you can. And so then they're panting. You're waiting for them to come here, trying to find a buck to get to you.

[A]

And they're like. Or they put on a show because

[B]

you're just sitting in your chair. You can't leave.

[A]

You're just like, yeah, that's why I don't.

[B]

And I don't know why. For the one time that you did that, I was like, like, spade should be at 8h rehearsing for, you know, Gap Girls.

[A]

I was undercover homeless guy.

[B]

Ladies and gentlemen, I have not been in a lot of sketches lately.

[A]

I need some stage time.

[B]

I'm gonna try out some of my new bits. Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

What else you got?

[A]

Okay, what else we got?

[B]

I can tell when you're restless. No, I'm just leading us.

[A]

There's more. This is just something to revisit later, but somehow, another mysterious NASA death. The ninth scientist linked to these programs is dead. It's so odd when people start dropping like flies that are associated with something, and you go, this is not normal. This is not normal. I remember when it was up to five, and I'm like, that's too many that just know something. Then one guy disappeared. Remember, he walked somewhere and they couldn't find him. They never found him. And it's all weird. We're going to come back to the story. I'm just dog earring it as odd.

[B]

Well, let's play detective for like. Okay, good one. 30 seconds. And I'm just putting this out there rhetorically. Why? And who would want to have these NASA scientists not exist? Would it be. I'm not going to say Satan, because that's that other character.

[A]

So a good lot. That was a good wind up for it, though.

[B]

Could it be Satan? Satan? Or could it be AI?

[A]

They might know too much about something and they got to get rid of them. Yeah, I mean, right? Nine in the same field that know a lot of the same information, whatever it is, UFOs, AI. There's a guy today that was testifying against Bill Gates mysteriously died. Again, these things happen. And you go, probably just happens, but

[B]

you know, I'll just throw this out there. And I know it's not what people think, but I think, you know, everyone's focused on Mars and getting out of our solar system.

[A]

Everyone.

[B]

I'm gonna go on record as saying I believe there's an underground civilization inside the moon.

[A]

I like this idea.

[B]

Yeah, I knew you would. You love this. But they could be inside the moon.

[A]

We should do Shark Tank. And people pitch us conspiracy theories because. And we go, maybe. I think there's a lot. They always show stuff coming in out of the moon, like shooting out if you get. They push in close. You just never know if it's real. But I do like this crazy idea. And also the ocean, I believe.

[B]

Well, I got excited.

[A]

We have a video here that they said the government put out about UFOs. Let's see if they. Oh, maybe we'll get to it. Because that one, they said it's one of the ones they just put out and then no one even really pays attention anymore.

[B]

Well, this spaceship Artemis went on the dark side of the moon and no one's ever seen it before. And they said, cucinus, Artemis wanted dinosaur. And they said they were seeing really weird symmetrical areas.

[A]

Oh, they did say that, yes.

[B]

And then they cut them off. Yeah.

[A]

I would not go for all the tea in China. Okay, this is an area 51. But this says. Now these are all bullshit. But this says this is one. The government released footage of a UFO landing at Area 51 and then jumping back up into space or wherever it was at an extremely fast speed. Now the strange thing is they just released this, put it up on the news and was like, basically like, just check this out. And people might say that that's fake, but it's not, because the government has already been doing this. They did this like way back in 2021 where they just started showing footage of UFOs flying in the sky and they're like, freak out. It could be our own. And you got to get prepared and get ready for once they start showing up more. So now they want you to know that this stuff is out there. You can get out.

[B]

But, well, why? I mean, so Anderson Cooper sees this and goes, nah, let's not do anything about that.

[A]

I mean, I don't know, because does anyone believe anything anymore? But when they start releasing stuff, well,

[B]

was that real that it was released? Then I'm all in, man. Because it looked very right.

[A]

And if it is, what does it mean? If it isn't, obviously, it just goes away. But I think people at this point just shrug their shoulders and go, I think they're here. As long as they don't attack us, I don't really care. I mean, they're always pilots saying they saw someone famous. Just said they saw. Oh, Casey Musgrave said there was one following her plane. So, I don't know.

[B]

I mean, well, that was bald face. You just see it come down and then it shoots up. Unless it was some humanoid thing. Was it going faster doing things that are impossible? For a whole, it looked like it.

[A]

Like me. I'm always doing things that are impossible.

[B]

Yeah. When Keanu called me after that press, John goes, Spade was sitting up in the chair doing things faster and weirder than even thought possible.

[A]

He sat in a bar stool for almost 45 minutes. It's never been.

[B]

And didn't order a drink. You know why they have bar stools?

[A]

It's a bar stool.

[B]

Well, because they wanted. They didn't want to get double wide chairs like that. They wanted to get bar stools so they could fit more right up the bar and make more money.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they said, well, what about people with bad necks or bad backs? They're just stuck up on this bar stool. They go, don't worry. You get two grasshoppers in them.

[A]

They don't feel that's true them and feed them fish. That's what they said. Who cares?

[B]

You're great, Wally. We're gonna be rich.

[A]

What's that from?

[B]

I don't know. It's just kind of a Garth's cousin.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, next one.

[B]

I'm gonna do this face the rest of the podcast.

[A]

I like your Garth face.

[B]

That'll hurt your jaw. Be careful, be careful.

[A]

Okay, this. Would you do this now?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You see these tribes and they're doing these things. Oh, yeah. Okay.

[B]

It's a bungee, right?

[A]

Oh, it is a bunch. Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Big fucking wind up for this.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

We don't know. It's dirt jumping. No, thank you. What is the plan?

[B]

This guy had some oyahuasca before he got up there.

[A]

Is this live from coachella?

[B]

He's higher than the platform. What are they chanting?

[A]

I don't know if he's supposed to land in the dirt, because some people just jump and land, and you're like, whoa.

[B]

No, he's not angle. It's gonna stop his fall. The bungee there. It catches him. Yeah. Right before the dirt.

[A]

Oh, he stood up. That was what? Did not see that.

[B]

If the. If the. If hill was not slanted like that, he would have got smashed.

[A]

He looks like he's doing okay.

[B]

I looked up. It took 37 years to build that structure because they don't have modern tools.

[A]

No. Yeah, but they make shit work.

[B]

You know what is truly kind of fun? Have you ever done. Have you ever had a really cool lake and a really nice rope swing that wasn't too scary, but it was kind of scary. And you'd go up and go in the water. Remember that? Don't tear up on me.

[A]

I'm tearing up. I'm also thinking a lot of those people in the village were boycotting that, saying, why are we spending so many sticks on the bungee plank when we could be making more huts and, like, a little mall?

[B]

No, that means that they built their whole town and all their huts and everything, and then they had leftover woods and said, what do you want to do?

[A]

That's what you think? And everyone's like, why are we doing a bungee platform when not all of us love it? It's not our thing.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I. I'll go to the tribe. We'll get to the bottom of this. All right, let's do two more.

[B]

Two more. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen.

[A]

We never get to these. There's so many that are funny.

[B]

Well, they're evergreen, though, which is great.

[A]

Pretty much.

[B]

Oh, my buddy for you. Yeah. Okay. So people don't know. I did a sitcom with Mickey. Mickey Rooney in 1980, spent a lot of time with him. Brilliant actor, really funny.

[A]

Kind of crazy.

[B]

Kind of crazy.

[A]

This guy interviews Mickey rooney about his twilight zone episode.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

And Mickey is typical Mickey, watch for the first time.

[B]

I don't care. Yeah, so you're the creep.

[A]

What today's audience doesn't understand. And maybe we could put this in context. You're playing a jockey. But they don't understand that for many years, anytime anybody said anything about a short, you, were the butt of jokes.

[B]

Well, I. I'M tired of that.

[A]

Had you met Rod ever s. Yeah. The worst interview. Do you remember where or interaction? I don't remember anything. Wish I could help you. What was going on with you while you're making this?

[B]

I don't remember. It's too long ago. That's very Mickey.

[A]

How do you feel? Look, you know, looking at his performance comp. You know, what do you.

[B]

I mean, it's just a performance.

[A]

I don't know what. What to say about it. What kind of preparation would you. Nothing.

[B]

Just did it. That's very Mickey.

[A]

There's no preparation for things like this. Would you have played them differently?

[B]

No, no.

[A]

You play them for what they were

[B]

at the time, at the moment that you're doing.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you have any more direct contact with Rod, like on the Comedian? No, no, no, I didn't. Do you remember reading the script?

[B]

No, I don't.

[A]

No. They were natural. Yeah.

[B]

You didn't ask. Well, no, I told you about that. It was all going to be miniature around me.

[A]

But I was looking for you to explain to the younger audience because they don't understand.

[B]

The younger audience doesn't want to see what.

[A]

That's. Who's watching this.

[B]

No, it isn't. They're.

[A]

They're watching sex.

[B]

He was very bitter.

[A]

My kid is 19. He would have been with me, but he's back at Berkeley. This is what kids are watching. That's why I want to set up the context of.

[B]

Well, I. I hope that the youngsters are watching this because it's very interesting. Filmatically. They should take courses.

[A]

All right, you can get out. I just like it. He's so resistant to the whole interview. The guy keeps trying to extract an answer. He's like, not at all.

[B]

No, nothing.

[A]

I don't care. I show up, I read my lines. What do you want?

[B]

Yeah, his thing is you just do it natural.

[A]

See?

[B]

Just do it natural. And he played this character, Bill, who's sort of autistic or something. He got an Emmy for it. And he would do it. We'd be eating lunch. He goes, yeah, I could do. You just do it. Here's Bill, you know, hey, I'd like some food. He was certifiable. I could see that. I was the number one star in the world. Hear me? Bang.

[A]

I like. He's already bitter in that. Did you see that Twilight Zone he was in?

[B]

Oh, my God, it was fantastic. It's such a. It's a. Be careful what you wish for. He's a jockey and he's desperate in this hotel room, and he wants to get bigger. He wants to not be a shorter. Yeah. Wants to get bigger. And I guess he gets drunk, he falls asleep, and then he's so big, he can't get out of the room. I'm too big. I'm too big.

[A]

He goes, kids will like it. He goes, they're not gonna like this.

[B]

I said to him once, how did you date all those starlets of Eva Gardner, all the knockouts at Mickey Rooney? He goes. He goes, who was the best? And he goes, you'll never know. You'll never know. And I go, but how did you get them? He goes, money makes you handsomer. He made up a word. I think money makes you handsomer. But he was certifiable. But I think bitterness would kill him. Live to 95. Incredible energy. Just a pistol. You want to challenge me? This fire plug will take you apart. He referred to himself as a fireman.

[A]

My dad. Okay, let's do one more. Danny's got to get out of here. Oh, this guy builds a custom submarine to take his parrot scuba diving.

[B]

Interesting. These don't end well, these stories.

[A]

Now, you know what? Also, the parrot just probably thinks he's drowning the whole time.

[B]

Like, we don't know how they process things.

[A]

They don't want to be under the water for your amusement.

[B]

Oh, I see what he did. Yeah. Can he tell if it's yapping or did it say anything?

[A]

Parrot's like, is it Shark week? I don't want to be down here.

[B]

Don't like games. Supposed to be on land with air.

[A]

You.

[B]

You submarine.

[A]

Call me back up. Joke's over. All right.

[B]

That's a nice run.

[A]

I hope you're happy. I My pants.

[B]

You go to Toledo. Nice hop to Pittsburgh. This is a. If your agent is a parrot, hope

[A]

you get a lot of clicks.

[B]

Guess you don't like money.

[A]

She don't like money. Dana doesn't like money. Dude, it's a great hook. Make a noise, say what the parrot says, then do another noise.

[B]

Yeah, you have to in between, so the audience never forgets that you're doing a parrot. You have to go, mer. I'm a parrot now. I can say anything I want. You know, full school and 20 years ago rap. Parrot talking here.

[A]

What does Piers Morgan think about this? Uh.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, here he goes. That's stick number 48C.

[B]

So you two have made another podcast, did you. Did you actually think it was entertaining?

[A]

That's debatable. But I thought this one was pretty good. I Was laughing a lot.

[B]

It sort of ambled along, you know, with jokes and you laughing at your own jokes. You think the audience finds that entertaining?

[A]

I think, yeah. I mean, yeah, if we're having fun, I mean, I guess that's good.

[B]

I guess that's your whole idea rather than to entertain. As long as you have fun, everyone should be happy. Is that what you think?

[A]

Well, I do think that. So now I'm rethinking it because you're making me feel like it's not right.

[B]

Hey, come on. Leave him alone. I thought it was a good show. I liked it.

[A]

Sneaky Obama.

[B]

It was a good show. Good show. President Obama. Why am I so much taller than you at this time? I don't know, but God bless America.

[A]

All right, that's good. I do like Piers Morgan. Now. That's funny. He was really. I'm impressing me on that.

[B]

Well, I like the rhythm. I'm sorry. I starting to come on to it. It's always him at the end. Is that. Is that what you think?

[A]

I like it because it's really a good observation. Like. So this is a show in your mind.

[B]

Yeah. This is what you want. Is this your thing? Busboys opposite Lorne Michaels? Is that sort of disrespectful?

[A]

2. Two gentlemen falling in the dirt over

[B]

and over because he's got a polite thing, but it's. It's very, you know, pointed. So he's good at what he does.

[A]

Yeah, he is good. I do think it's funny because he. He gets on too, sometimes.

[B]

Oh, he's funny. I like.

[A]

Well, I hope you had fun with us, Dana. I hope you. Thanks for coming.

[B]

I thought it was fun.

[A]

I mean, God, we did long.

[B]

Jesus, Christopher. Oh, I guess we got ourselves a two parter.

[A]

Yeah. Bust.

[B]

Don't be mad at my hair.

[A]

I like it. Looks cool. You're right. All right, thanks, everybody. Bye. Hey, guys. If you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, Give us review 5 star rating and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend.

[B]

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now.

[A]

Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey.

[B]

Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by

[A]

Phil Sweet tech booking by Cultivated Entertainment.

[B]

Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester. Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney and Lauren Vieira.

[A]

Reach out with us. Any questions be asked and answered on the show? You can email [e-mail] that's a U D a C Y I dot com.