Victoria Jackson

Summary

Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade – Episode Featuring Victoria Jackson

Release Date: October 30, 2024

In this engaging episode of Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade, the longtime pals welcome Victoria Jackson, a cherished former cast member of Saturday Night Live (SNL). The trio delves into Victoria's rich history in showbiz, her personal anecdotes, and the enduring friendships formed during her time on SNL. This summary captures the essence of their conversation, highlighting key moments, insightful reflections, and humorous exchanges.

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Reconnecting with Victoria Jackson

The episode kicks off with Dana Carvey and David Spade reminiscing about their shared history with Victoria Jackson. They express their fondness for her and set the stage for an intimate and humorous conversation.

• David Spade [05:00]: “We had a great chat with her. She is so fun and bubbly and I think very memorable from the show because we all sort of had a crush on her.”

Victoria responds with playful self-deprecation, showcasing her signature humor.

• Victoria Jackson [05:26]: “Don't mind my age.”

Victoria's SNL Experiences

Victoria shares her experiences from her tenure on SNL, highlighting her memorable characters and the challenges she faced in creating her comedic persona.

• Victoria Jackson [09:35]: “What do you call it? What do you call it? Ad lib?”

Dana and David laugh, appreciating her attempts to craft characters.

• Dana Carvey [16:18]: “John Schiller wrote and directed these little shorts, and some were quite brilliant.”

Victoria recalls specific sketches and interactions with fellow cast members, emphasizing the collaborative spirit of the show.

• Victoria Jackson [11:22]: “And Dana, you were probably in that room. Do you remember?”

Personal Life and Stand-Up Comedy

Transitioning to her life beyond SNL, Victoria opens up about her marriage, motherhood, and her pursuit of stand-up comedy. She discusses the balance between her personal challenges and her passion for making people laugh.

• Victoria Jackson [52:57]: “Sometimes I fantasize we never met. We never got together...”

• Victoria Jackson [59:53]: “I did it. You guys, I'm talking too much.”

Victoria reflects on her stand-up journey, detailing her unique acts and the reception they've received.

• Victoria Jackson [41:53]: “I write out all my pain in songs and poems and paintings, and I just made an album of 18 songs...”

Challenges and Resilience

The conversation delves deeper into Victoria's struggles, including health issues and the complexities of her marriage. Despite these challenges, Victoria maintains her comedic resilience, turning personal hardships into relatable humor.

• Victoria Jackson [40:46]: “We have a very difficult marriage and it's really, really, really difficult.”

• Victoria Jackson [55:00]: “I've had enough of stupid humanity. I'll leave them on a shelf.”

Reflections on Freedom of Speech in Comedy

Victoria and her hosts discuss the evolving landscape of comedy, particularly the impact of political correctness on creative expression. They debate the fine line between humor and offense, emphasizing the importance of freedom of speech in the comedic arts.

• Victoria Jackson [63:32]: “It's like, people. Anyway, they told my agent at APA, and she goes, I can't send you out anymore.”

• Dana Carvey [65:59]: “If we can't do the President, if it's a Republican or Democrat. It's our job to kind of tug on the kings.”

Behind-the-Scenes Sketch Stories

Victoria recounts specific behind-the-scenes stories from her time on SNL, including interactions with fellow comedians and memorable sketch mishaps. These anecdotes highlight the camaraderie and spontaneous creativity that defined the show.

• Victoria Jackson [70:12]: “And it seemed really wrong. And it seemed X-rated. But anyway, then it was aired, and then.”

• Dana Carvey [73:31]: “Oh, Bobby, that was one of the biggest laughs that I've ever participated in.”

Closing Remarks and Mutual Appreciation

As the episode draws to a close, Dana and David express their heartfelt appreciation for Victoria's contributions to comedy and their friendship. Victoria reciprocates with gratitude, celebrating the laughter and memories they've shared over the years.

• David Spade [74:52]: “You're still so sweet. You're also very funny.”

• Victoria Jackson [74:41]: “Thanks for your podcast. It's super good and entertaining, and we appreciate David and Dana's laughs that you've given us all these years.”

• Dana Carvey [75:22]: “You're just funny. So all the best. We all miss you, and we want to see more of you.”

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Dana Spade [02:16]: “Head to ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video doorbells, cams, and alarms...”

  (Note: This is part of an advertisement and is skipped in the summary)

• Victoria Jackson [10:09]: “I did my last handstand at age 60.”

• Victoria Jackson [20:21]: “Paul listens to all these, and she was. She'll be so happy to know you were giving her all these comments.”

• Victoria Jackson [55:04]: “I am the best. No, I can't. Give me some lines.”

(Quotes related to advertisements and promotions have been omitted to maintain focus on the core content.)

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Conclusion

This episode of Fly on the Wall offers a heartfelt and humorous exploration of Victoria Jackson's life in and out of the spotlight. Through candid conversations and shared laughter, Dana Carvey and David Spade honor Victoria's enduring legacy in comedy while celebrating their unbreakable friendship. Whether you're a long-time fan or new to their dynamic, this episode provides a delightful blend of nostalgia, insight, and genuine affection.

Transcript

[David Spade]

Now the holidays are coming up. I don't know if you know this, Dana, but it is October and then.

[Dana Carvey]

It will be November, and then that's the holiday season.

[David Spade]

Yeah. We include Halloween that. So between traveling, having your family around, we've teamed up with Ring and it's helped them.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

You know, because Ring cameras, which everyone knows, everyone knows that that's a household product at this point. You want to catch these merry moments because there's a lot, A lot of times I see online, there's funny videos and a lot of them are from Ring cameras. People leave the house, something funny happens. So you always have that. So. But from Ring doorbells that alert you when gifts arrive at the door, to indoor cams that let you check in on pets to see if the creatures are stirring at home.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. You can check in on your lovely.

[David Spade]

Dog with alarm kits that deliver peace of mind during your holiday travel. Ring has your whole home covered. Wherever the season takes you. You're always home for the holidays with Ring. And I have, you know, Ring cameras. I think almost everyone does, you know.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And you can talk to your dog right through Ring.

[David Spade]

You can do whatever you want. You know, we have people come to the door and it doesn't even. You don't have to be home. You just talk to them and say, hey, man, you know, just rob the place.

[Dana Carvey]

If someone's at your door, you know, they're there. I mean, it does seem very good if you, you know, want to stay in touch with loved ones.

[David Spade]

Yeah. They're easy to install. Even Heather can do it. I can't, but Heather can do it. Who installed.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, Heather did. Yeah.

[David Spade]

He just plug it in. No, you just, you place it anywhere you want. You can have a couple. You know, it turns off the mic. If you want, you can adjust it. You know what I mean? And then the old. That's indoors, you could do all that. And then you got the video doorbell, which everyone knows.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Someone's at your door. Bing, bong. You hear it. You can answer the door, speak to delivery people.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, right, Exactly. You can see a high up and down low with the head to toe video. So you kind of really, you know, and tell them where to leave the packages. What can't it do in terms of this?

[David Spade]

I like that. Head to toe. That's a good description because I don't want to just see this. I want to see what am I dealing with here. So head to ring.com to find the latest deals on Ring video doorbells, cams and alarms and Shop gifts for everyone on your list.

[Dana Carvey]

It's a good gift, David. And comedy fans, I assume you are a comedian and a comedy fan. Guess what? And by the way, the funniest comedians in the world are on tour. And you know what, David? You can get tickets to see them live near you. You're going to laugh with some of the biggest names in comedy. Otsuko Okatsuka.

[David Spade]

Yep. We got Sebastian Maniscalco, who's friend of the show. Got Santino, Andrew Santino, of course.

[Dana Carvey]

Brian Regan.

[David Spade]

Yeah, Brian Regan is great. Chelsea Handler and Dane, Dane just recently. Swartzen, Nick Swartzen, Nick Swartz, buddy of ours, Sarah Silverman.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. So it's a great list of comedians that Live Nation is presenting to you. So don't be square. Be there.

[David Spade]

All kinds of shows, all kind of venues, all kinds of comedy. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's live nation.com comedy Dana, we have a, we have an old favorite. Who is there? Both of us, mostly you, but also with me.

[Dana Carvey]

He overlapped you. I spent five years with me and then Victoria Jackson. Victoria, the one and only Victoria Jackson.

[David Spade]

We had a great chat with her. She is so fun and bubbly and I think very memorable from the show because we all sort of had a crush on her. She's very nice, very sweet. She seemed like such a down to earth young lady.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. I mean I think in the early days people might think it's a character she's playing, but she's exactly the same person on tv, not on tv. And she does some really funny songs with a ukulele with her style and singing about different topics and they're really, really funny. So I'd stay tuned for those. And she's just a kick in the pants. Just.

[David Spade]

Yeah. There's a lot about her I did not know and we really just cracked up and she's so sweet about everything. I remember I did a few sketches with her. You obviously did more. But what a sweetheart. And also. But they should know. The audience should know that. Right after we did this, about a week later she did announce she's having some health problems and that's why we don't address it. But I think that's up to her. So. But we just had a great chat with someone we are fond of and.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[David Spade]

And hopefully a laugh along with her.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. And we wish her all, all the best and I just enjoyed talking to her so much. I'm so glad we got her on the show. So enjoy the one and Only Victoria Jackson. Don't mind my scruff.

[Victoria Jackson]

Don't mind my age.

[Dana Carvey]

Age. You don't have a line face. I don't know what you're. I want to meet your dermatologist.

[Victoria Jackson]

I have a ring light and I have a filter and.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, you have filter, too. Oh, you look great. I didn't. I couldn't. That. Couldn't afford a filter. This is raw.

[David Spade]

I can't afford ring light. I just lit my room on fire.

[Dana Carvey]

It's just raw.

[David Spade]

It's got a nice glow.

[Victoria Jackson]

You guys show. It makes me. Makes me feel 28 again when I listen to you guys.

[Dana Carvey]

Really? Okay. I'll try to make my voice young. Well, isn't that special? You. We're so happy to have you because you're. We were there, you and I together for six freaking years.

[Victoria Jackson]

I know.

[Dana Carvey]

Number.

[David Spade]

Were you the whole run with Dana? Victoria?

[Victoria Jackson]

I was 86 to 92.

[Dana Carvey]

I stayed one more year there. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Embarrassing.

[Dana Carvey]

And we always got along great.

[Victoria Jackson]

You were the nicest person in the cast of me. When David came, he was with Spade and Farley and Sam were all the time. So I didn't get to see him that much, but.

[Dana Carvey]

Right.

[Victoria Jackson]

I. When he first came, he asked me to be in a picture with him for his mom.

[Dana Carvey]

I was in that picture, I think.

[David Spade]

Oh, that magazine cover. It was very sweet.

[Victoria Jackson]

You were so sweet how much you loved your mom. I love to watch your show. It's so fun. I mean, listen, I don't. I only. I never see people on it, though. I just hear them.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we're. We all. We have a second podcast, we called it Super Fly that comes out on Fridays on YouTube.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yes, I watch it. I saw Lovett's on it.

[Dana Carvey]

Hello. You saw Lovett's? I saw Lovett's. I just try to always do Lovett's. Right. Back to Lovett. No matter what he says. Do you remember when we used to hang out for a period of time?

[Victoria Jackson]

Aren't you supposed to save this for the show?

[Dana Carvey]

No, this is the show.

[David Spade]

This is all the show.

[Victoria Jackson]

Did we start?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah, we're almost there.

[David Spade]

An hour ago.

[Dana Carvey]

No, no, what we. What we do, as you know, is we. We record your intro and then we just come in and we're talking now.

[Victoria Jackson]

Good. I like Ross.

[Dana Carvey]

There's no rules.

[David Spade]

Yeah, you did everything right.

[Dana Carvey]

Say anything, do anything. I don't know if that'll. I don't know if it'll be able to hear it. It's a ukulele, right?

[Victoria Jackson]

It's the Dana and David show fly on the wall. Buzz, buzz, swat. I made that up for you. Wait, it's the wrong key.

[David Spade]

Okay, try it again. That's actually similar to the.

[Dana Carvey]

So silly. It's actually great. Buzz, buzz swat.

[David Spade]

I love it.

[Dana Carvey]

Buzz, buzz, swat. Buzz buzz. But you know, all that kind of stuff. Well, isn't that special?

[David Spade]

Oh, you know, Victoria, when I came on there with Spade and Farley and.

[Dana Carvey]

With yourself.

[David Spade]

That we all kind of had a crush on Victoria, to be honest.

[Dana Carvey]

Of course.

[Victoria Jackson]

Really?

[Dana Carvey]

Who didn't?

[David Spade]

I have to say, all the girls were very, very attractive and they were very talented and so coming in new even though they weren't really much older than us, but you're new and so they're above you because they're cast members. But it was a little intimidating around all of them.

[Victoria Jackson]

You know, I was intimidated about everyone because these were, these were giant talents. And when Dana, I would hang out the most with Dana and Kevin and Lovitz because Kevin's office was next to mine and they would spend hours making each other laugh and trying new bits and I was just in there laughing. I couldn't come up with one add on. What do you call it? What do you call it?

[Dana Carvey]

Ad lib?

[David Spade]

Tag along?

[Victoria Jackson]

Tag. I couldn't come up with one tag. And they would be inventing Hans and Franz and I'd be like, yeah, I couldn't. I had no idea how to make up a character. And the weirdest thing is I haven't been on the show for 30 plus years and I'm still trying to figure out how to do a character and make one up. And I even enrolled in an improv.

[Dana Carvey]

Class at my church recently.

[David Spade]

Oh really?

[Victoria Jackson]

A month ago.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, good for you.

[Victoria Jackson]

Because he's teaching improv and he's really good at it. And the only thing I've come up with in 30 years is Harriet. I'm Harriet. I'm a blue blooded liberal from my head to my toes. Obama.

[David Spade]

I love him.

[Victoria Jackson]

Why? Cute baby pictures, herbal garden, free condoms. You're never too young or too old. I'm, I'm a good person. I, I, I got a new washer dryer. I took empty cardboard boxes down to the end of the street. I created a neighborhood. I'm a community organizer.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, that's amazing.

[David Spade]

You did.

[Dana Carvey]

That's amazing. I'm watching you talk as Victoria all.

[David Spade]

Up here and you might want to go lay down.

[Dana Carvey]

I don't know, I got kind of turned on. I don't know. Is that a male or female? It's very Sultry.

[David Spade]

You don't know.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah, well, that's all I've come up with in 30 years. And I actually stole it from my friend Franz, who was making fun of her ex husband's new wife. And I said, can I buy that from you? Because I haven't. And I gave her $50.

[Dana Carvey]

It's a funny character and a funny take. That's a good snl, though. Didn't you update once you kind of took off like a fake wig and then you had a brown wig and you did sort of this is the real me or whatever.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yes. What? That was the same low voice, but not as low as I just did. But that was because, you know, I was getting tired of being typecast as the ditz, even though that's the strongest. I'm good at that, you know?

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

And so I. And also Jan and Nora were always being mean to me and I thought. And I kind of smushed it all together and I. And I was like. I felt like people wanted that. They wanted to see the real me. I was like, okay, shut up, Dennis. You know, I was like, I mean, I could be like that if you want me to be. I'm trying to be a nice person.

[David Spade]

But, you know, Christ, she turned on me like a rabid Wolverine.

[Victoria Jackson]

Hey, that was perfect.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay. Yeah. Ms. Vic coming on with the heavy duty artillery tonight, huh? Okay, what do we got? Some kind of high pitched character was going to do a handstand on the desk tonight. Is that all right? Move.

[Victoria Jackson]

Oh, I can't do them anymore. I. I did my last handstand at age. Stuck it at age 60.

[David Spade]

Stuck it.

[Dana Carvey]

You're 60?

[David Spade]

You don't look.

[Victoria Jackson]

No, I'm 65. I just enrolled in Medicare and I had to listen to all these boring, boring conversations about supplements and, and, and plan A and plan B. I'm like, I just would rather die than listen to you one more second.

[David Spade]

Oh, my God.

[Dana Carvey]

So you, you were on the first. I just want to give people a little bit of background. I think one thing that's very quirky is that you befriended, for people of our age group, Johnny Crawford of Rifleman. He played the son of the rifle man who had this rifle. Everyone else was using a six gun. So they pull it out of the holster, take him like 10 seconds, he would just point the rifle and kill people. Yeah, but then, then I. To do Johnny Crawford in my standup act when I was in college.

[David Spade]

What?

[Dana Carvey]

Because he always said, paul, Paul, Paul, how come I sound like Donna Shaw.

[David Spade]

Paul, you ain't going to get nearly stand up.

[Dana Carvey]

But explain your friendship with Johnny Crawford and how he helped you in your career back in the 80s.

[Victoria Jackson]

I'm trying to get rid of my ring light so I look naturally dewy.

[David Spade]

Naturally.

[Dana Carvey]

You look really good. Honestly, you look great. Yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

You know, Molly Shannon did all the characters that I wish I would have thought of. Superstar. And I'm 50 years old. I mean, man, those were fantastic, weren't they?

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. She's.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, she's incredible. And it would have been fun to see you two together, you know, because you could dance. You had great. Well, you have great legs, and you're like, dancing and you could move and do cartwheels. You could do flip. So I can see there's a kindred spirit with Molly.

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, I do. I like physical humor. I don't think about it. It just comes out. But you guys, man, when I, you know, David was late into our cast, but, man, I was so spoiled, you know, being laughing all day for six years in a room with Dana in Kevin and Lovett, that when I went into the real world, it was so depressing. Normal people are boring.

[David Spade]

Such a real quote.

[Victoria Jackson]

Normal people are.

[David Spade]

That's what Lauren says. He always has to be around funny people.

[Victoria Jackson]

Man, I missed it so much, but I watch a lot of YouTube, so I feel like I'm still with you guys.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we laughed our ass off. We did. And you were kind of our mascot. We did some silly. Do you remember? We'd go have the dance parties in Kevin and I's office. We put. We would put on Don't Get Me Wrong by the Pretenders. And Dennis would come in his socks and do this funny. Don't get me wrong. One of those times, just to release the tension, we would just go crazy in there.

[David Spade]

Actually, Victoria, I had something happening with you quickly. Dana, this is. If you remember this. It was Beverly Hills, not gymnastics related. It was. We were doing a Schiller vision, I think it was. You tell me if this. You remember this. So a Schiller vision, which Dana knows is a little video that goes on at 5.

[Dana Carvey]

Tom Schiller wrote and direct these little shorts, and he would kind of make little mini movies. And some of them were just quite brilliant, actually.

[David Spade]

Some were black and white, some were whatever. They were always. He did that famous one with Belushi dancing on his grave in black and white in the old days. So. So sometimes they'd ship us out to do a Schiller vision. And I think Victoria and I played a couple. And the only Part I remember is like the last scene was we had our whole life and now we're fast forward to we're older and we're walking along on that Upper west side with that river on that other side, whatever that is, you know, not Central park side, but the other side. And walking along and then things are going well, but like a nuclear bomb drops on my head.

[Victoria Jackson]

I don't. I have no memory.

[David Spade]

I don't remember this. Okay, so, Dane, I don't remember. I have a bad neck already. And this is part of it. I'm telling you. They drop like a fake looking bomb that looks like a missile.

[Dana Carvey]

I did.

[David Spade]

And they have a guy in a ladder about 10ft up. And even though it's made of plastic, it's kind of heavy. It falls square on my head and then I fall over and die in the scene. And it hit me directly, jam my spine down into my cox and it's just bad for your neck. And we kept doing take after take and I didn't want to be a puss and I didn't want to complain like anything when you're on a set, but I remember I kept going, this hurts so much. It jams my neck down even though it's light.

[Dana Carvey]

But when it's, oh, no, now you have neck issues.

[David Spade]

Yeah, and I still have neck issues. And so for some reason, I blame Victoria.

[Victoria Jackson]

What? I don't even remember this sketch, but.

[Dana Carvey]

I did what as far as injury was, it was one time. It just is in my head indelibly running behind Victoria. We're running to do another sketch. It's all dark, there's wires around. And Victoria did a massive prat fall. But I think you knew how to fall or you rolled or something and you got up.

[Victoria Jackson]

You know, I don't remember that, but I remember Dana, backstage, I was doing my first impression, Roseanne, and they never let me do any. And I went to Smigel and I said, why don't I ever get to do any impressions? And he said, because you're nasal. And I said, well, is there any celebrities who are nasal? And he goes, roseanne. And I go, yeah, can you kind of talk like that and everything? And he goes, yeah. And so he wrote me my first. My first impression. And I had a fat suit on and a wig. And I said, Dana, I'm so nervous. What if I slip into Vicky in the middle of it? What if I slip into myself? And Dana goes, cup and attitude. Cop an attitude. And I was like, I still don't exactly know what that means. But it was the sweetest thing. It was like we were on a football team together and our whole lives dependent on it. And he was. He was like my cheerleader. He was like. Dana was so kind to everybody.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, but, you know, I think it mean. Yeah, I got mean later. No, but, no, I think it's just fake it till you make it go out. I got this just fake confidence and go out, strut. And I'm Roseanne freaking bar. Right?

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

You know? Yeah. Just reverse the fear.

[Victoria Jackson]

Oh, that too.

[David Spade]

And plus, the best guy you're asking, and he's right there helping you. He's so good at it.

[Victoria Jackson]

I remember I put a poster. What? Go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

You nailed it, though. I remember you going out there.

[David Spade]

I remember you did great.

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, thank you. And then they let me do it a couple more times and let me do it with Roseanne. I was with Chris Farley and Tom Arnold and Roseanne. And then I got to be Zaja darling. I vote I love the food. And then I got to do other things. But, man, it was so exciting and scary. And we always thought we were getting fired. But I didn't know Dana was afraid because he was the star, you know, before. And then. And then when I found out Dana was nervous, too. I was like, my dar knew he was worried about getting fired.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I was lucky because accidentally, I got the church lady. And if I am not mistaken, I did it on the first show. And were you my first guest?

[Victoria Jackson]

Yes, I was. Jenny, the church girl.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes. And so you came out and you were perfect in that. And you did this whole lament of church lady. I go to pray and I do this and this. And all of it was beautifully done, totally sincere. Now, I was incredibly nervous. This is our first show. But you said this whole setup and I pray every night to Jesus, whatever. And then I did. I just. Well, isn't that special? And got a huge laugh. And that relaxed me. But that was you. You set that up.

[Victoria Jackson]

I was a good straight man for the church of lady. Definitely.

[David Spade]

Well, that's a hard job, though, to do it right. You gotta nail it.

[Dana Carvey]

David. At this time of year, I'm just gonna say this and you can, you know, say whatever you want or of course, maybe you're looking back on all the amazing memories you have from 2024, especially if you are in love. Maybe you already looking ahead to your plans in 2025. I'm doing a French accent.

[David Spade]

Go ahead.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm doing a French accent because that's the language you love. And maybe, just maybe, those plans involved with getting engaged.

[David Spade]

Listen, for anyone about to take that momentous step, I recommend sourcing their engagement ring from blue nile.com Now I will say the closest I've been to being married is when my, when I engaged my abs at Pilates this morning, I engaged my core.

[Dana Carvey]

That's like a good Johnny joke. The closest you've been to being married is when you engaged your abs at the, at the gymnasium station, the local Polonie station. No, seriously, folks, Blue Nile is the original online jeweler since 1999. On blue nile.com you know what? You can create a bigger, and I'm going to say it, more brilliant piece than you can imagine at a price you're not going to find anywhere else.

[David Spade]

David, that's Blue Nile offers a diamond price guarantee, which means that in most cases you can meet or beat a competitor's price on a comparable diamond. And you can feel great about your purchase because they're committed to ensuring that the highest ethical standards are observed when sourcing diamonds and jewelry. Feel good about that too.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm just going to say it again. This is, this is easy. This makes getting a diamond ring not stressful or any kind of ring for your loved one or you're want someone you want to get engaged to. Also bonus. David, I don't know if you know this. Blue nile also offers 100% satisfaction guarantee with guaranteed.

[David Spade]

I knew that.

[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

Life. Crazy life. And don't worry, every Blue Nile order is insured, arrives at packaging. It doesn't give it away. In most cases, it can be delivered overnight. Just in case you want to make one more unforgettable memory of 2024. Right now, go to Bluenile.com and use code FLY for $50 off your purchase of $500 or more.

[Dana Carvey]

That's $50 off with code [e-mail] Bluenile.com Michelle? Nope. It's not, not about you. Just it'll be a surprise.

[Victoria Jackson]

There's so many tales we can tell. Where do we start?

[David Spade]

I think it's great that Smigel, when you went over Smigel for that's really hard. I used to try to talk Smigel into doing stuff and he's so busy and everybody wants him to write. He's very tough to get on your team and to have you say, what about Roseanne? You do a little piece of it and he kind of hears it and he goes, yeah, okay. And then you get to do it. And he probably helps with it. And then you're in there. And that's great because I remember one with Farley. Were you guys on the couch? And he's like all nervous is Tom. And you guys are like, I can't remember what that one was. But of course.

[Victoria Jackson]

And in Hans and Franz, they put me in that. I got my cellulite sucked out. And I showed everyone my tattoo on my butt as Roseanne.

[David Spade]

All right, all right.

[Dana Carvey]

That's right. Yeah.

[David Spade]

Kevin.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah, he wrote my first sketch I was ever on the subliminal guy. I was the secretary. Oh, we were so nervous. And hey, we got to talk about Alec Baldwin because he was on Fly on the Wall and he said my breasts look like garbage cans.

[David Spade]

Wait.

[Victoria Jackson]

Do you remember?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. What? Yeah. What did he mean by that?

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah, that's what I want to know.

[Dana Carvey]

I think he meant big boobs, but not garbage can.

[David Spade]

Who describes him as garbage can? The kind that you push out in the morning. The green ones.

[Victoria Jackson]

Okay. I think he's mad at me because in my book, I wrote that he. Well, when we were on the set, I had to kiss him a lot. And when he was playing Marlon Brando and I was the 50s girl in a tight sweater on the back of it, and we had kiss. Then we had kiss in that other scene where Alec kissed everyone, even the dog. Remember?

[David Spade]

Oh, that's green. Hilly.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah, I was the French maid. So we were doing a lot of kissing that week. And Dana says that I had a crush on him, but I don't remember it that way.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, what I remember you saying, because it was so specific, was that the second time he came in, you just sort of. It was a non sequitur. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it this week. And I said, what? He goes, I'm not going to fall.

[Victoria Jackson]

In love with him.

[Dana Carvey]

But you didn't mean really in love with him. But he has piercing wise and so that by Friday you'd rehearsed or probably rehearsed the kiss and. Nope, didn't. Sorry, I don't make it. Fell in love with what was.

[David Spade]

With all the kisses, though? What, did you not like them or something? Is that what happened?

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, I sort of liked it because my fire eater husband at the time wasn't kissing me or hugging me. And I was desperately, you know, desperate for some.

[David Spade]

I remember the fire eater.

[Victoria Jackson]

Physical affection. And I did enjoy all the kissing.

[David Spade]

But what do you want to stuff fire?

[Dana Carvey]

Were you talking about Nissan for a second yeah, when my headphones popped out. Oh, yeah. So he was a fire.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah, my husband, the fire eater. And there wasn't much call for that. So he worked about once a year and he made about $100.

[David Spade]

Slowed down, I saw.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah. This is my little joke in my act. I go, I saw he made about $100 a year. I saw his income tax return. Most of it he spent on supplies. Disposable Bic lighters, fire retardant hairspray, secrets. When we got divorced, I got half of his stuff. I got a Bic lighter. I keep it as a memento, but. And no, he has this.

[Dana Carvey]

Doesn't seem like a very good settlement of a divorce.

[David Spade]

A Bic lighter and two secrets.

[Victoria Jackson]

He got a. He got a lot of money.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, I know.

[David Spade]

But you pay, you in flames.

[Victoria Jackson]

I got Scarlet, and she's 38 now.

[David Spade]

Oh, my gosh.

[Victoria Jackson]

She's pregnant with her third child, Grant. My grandchild.

[David Spade]

Who's the father? Hello.

[Dana Carvey]

Hello.

[Victoria Jackson]

Speaking of the fire eater, Dana was at my house for my birthday in Laurel Canyon one year.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Yes. I like that little house. It was cool.

[Victoria Jackson]

It was so cute. And it was 150,000 in 1984 when I got it. And now it's over a million. It's like. It's like two rooms. But anyway, it's on the hill and it's so charming. And you have to walk 50 steps up to the front door, and there's deer and everything. It's so wonderful. But. So I never associated with famous people because they make me nervous. Right. And I tried to be friends with an actress once. I won't say the name. And I invited her over and stuff, but. But she took her shirt off in front of my husband. Nissan.

[David Spade]

What?

[Victoria Jackson]

And so I never asked her back after that. I said, why are you taking your shirt off? She said, oh, I have it on backwards. And you know. And so I was like, no wonder why I don't hang out with famous people.

[David Spade]

Yeah, exactly. And you said to your husband, is that a can of wizard in your pocket or what's going on?

[Victoria Jackson]

Exactly.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, I'm just going through my head, so. I can't believe Leah Thompson would do that.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah, I can't believe Victoria Principle say any names.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I'm just making that up because I'm guessing because you were in Casual Sex Together, which was.

[Victoria Jackson]

She does have a great body, I must say.

[David Spade]

She's great.

[Victoria Jackson]

But anyway, she's very talented. She was in a movie once with a French accent. I forget the name of it.

[Dana Carvey]

She is great.

[Victoria Jackson]

They nailed it. So anyway, what I was saying was, I was having this birthday party, and I was like, vicki, come on. Invite your cast members. They're not.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

They're not monsters. They're human beings, you know? And so I invited Dana and Dennis and Phil and Brynn, and Milt Larson was there, who owned Magic Castle. And he gave me my big break to do stand up at the Variety Arts center where I got discovered for Johnny Carson. So he was there, and Robert Downey came because I just done the Pickup Artist with him, where I had to kiss him a lot. And it was so funny. He came with a guy. They came in the front door. They slowly walked through my whole house, like, do I drink? Do you want to drink? Do you want anything to eat? And I was so proud. I had a bathtub full of ice and drinks. I thought that was so clever because I never posted anything. I'm like, 28 or something, and. And Scarlet was 2 years old. She's 38 now. She was 2.

[David Spade]

She's in the bathtub, too.

[Victoria Jackson]

No. And so Robert Downey slowly walks through the house, but kind of like a king, very slowly looks around and then walks right out the door.

[David Spade]

Oh, no.

[Victoria Jackson]

And I was like, I've always been wondering. What? Maybe there was no drugs. Maybe there was no one. I don't know. He just. Anyway, and I think Weirdo might have been there.

[David Spade]

Oh, yeah. Your friends is Weird Al, right?

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah. I still have a crush on him.

[David Spade]

Oh, look at that.

[Dana Carvey]

I remember with you and Weird Al together a lot.

[David Spade]

Song about it.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay.

[Victoria Jackson]

I always will after I die. I love him still. He should have married in 1980. Oh, but what did we know? What did we know? I love Weird Al. I always will. I love After I die, I love him still. How do you like that?

[David Spade]

You should have. Pardon the.

[Dana Carvey]

You should.

[David Spade]

I like yourself for fire instead.

[Dana Carvey]

There's a purity to that. There's a simplicity to that. That kind of. It sort of has a charm. Your stuff's all charming.

[David Spade]

That threw me back to Weekend Update.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah. Oh, I gotta show you my handstand in Paris. My last handstand was two years ago in front of the Eiffel Tower. I gotta find it. But anyway. Okay, so here's back to my story. Dana and Paula are at my birthday party. I'm nervous. I'm trying to be friends. Friends with my famous co workers who intimidate me. Can you imagine?

[David Spade]

Friends with.

[Victoria Jackson]

Guys are so freaking talented. Like, right now, I'm gonna have to calm down the rest of the day from, like, being with you.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, we consider you a peer.

[David Spade]

Yes. We're all in the same.

[Dana Carvey]

You're on Saturday Night Live. And you. You.

[Victoria Jackson]

I'm not worthy. I don't know.

[David Spade]

And you took the picture from my mom's magazine, which is very sweet of you. I was up in her house still today.

[Victoria Jackson]

I still. Oh, I still can't believe that your mother left you in a desert with guns for eight hours while she drove away.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, you know, listening.

[Victoria Jackson]

I listen, man. Yeah, I'm very.

[David Spade]

You know what? It's all good. And, well, if no one gets shot, it's fine. But if someone gets shot, then it's like a story.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

You don't.

[Victoria Jackson]

Or if you disappeared. You know, there's all that stuff now about Satanists kidnapping kids and everything.

[David Spade]

Oh, there's so much going on. I'll tell you this. You know how. Dana, this is an off story, but you know how they do these tricks, like, if they want to kidnap a woman, or they tell you to watch these things around LA or wherever, where they'll put, like, something on your car that you have to pick up or. You know what I mean? Something where you have to do something to stall, and then they pull up in a car and grab you. So the other day, I parked at a parking meter. Heather, I didn't even tell you this. And I try to keep this stuff from you. I shield you from the real world. So I pull up to a parking meter, but they also put fentanyl on stuff. This isn't everybody, but this happens. So I pull up at a parking meter, and I always go in my head, watch for the stuff they do. Watch these crazy things. They put, like, a fake ticket just so you'll pick it up. Then you get all dizzy. So it's a great scam. So anyway, I jam my shitty credit card into the parking meter so they can slurp all my money and it won't fit. So I look under. There's already one in there. So somebody lost their credit card. So I took it out, I put mine in, and then I saw a parking guy and I said, dude, do you ever have this happen? They leave their credit card in there and do you want it? He goes, that's your problem. And I go, all right. So it'll. I go, it's going to be Heather's problem in a minute. So I throw up my car and I. And I'll go. I'll try to get it back to the person. And then I thought, what if that was one of those tricks. And I just fell for it. I grabbed it. It could have been covered in fentanyl.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

What was the name on the card?

[David Spade]

Dan Garney. Is that your stage name?

[Dana Carvey]

I was in West Hollywood and I was.

[David Spade]

So you know what? That was mine. Was it? Discovery card?

[Dana Carvey]

Back to Victoria's story. What do you want to tell us?

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, I thought it was interesting because while we were having my birthday party, a young good looking 17 year old comes to the front door and he goes, is Nissan here? And I go, who are you? And he goes, can I talk to Nissan? I go, who are you? I'm his son. And I go, what? And so I go get Nissan and there's a blonde woman in the driveway, 50 steps town. And they talked for a while. And after the birthday party, Dana was there, I was there, Yeah. I go, who is? And Paula, who I adore. I adore Paul. Paula, I adore you.

[Dana Carvey]

She always, Paula always adored you.

[Victoria Jackson]

See, I curl my hair to look like Paula because hers is naturally curly. Mine isn't.

[Dana Carvey]

She. It's too curly for her. So. So you find out that Your husband has 50 steps down, who's 17. You didn't know.

[Victoria Jackson]

And Paula has a perfect body and perfect hair and a perfect face and she's the sweetest person. Okay, so anyway, so. So when everyone left, I go, nissan, is that your son? And he goes, oh, you know that lady slept with everybody when in Baltimore. She slept with all my brothers. You know, it's not my son. So after we got divorced, the reason why they looked us up was because they thought I was on TV and I was making money rich.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

And they're like, oh, we'll prove it that they're, you know, it's his son. So after we got divorced, Nissan took a DNA test and it was his son.

[David Spade]

Oh, boy.

[Victoria Jackson]

And the funny thing is he looks just like Scarlet because it's Nissan's jeans and a blonde wife. And Scarlett and Christopher look like brother and sister. Christopher turned out to be a famous artist. He's a really good artist. His name is Christopher meer.m I r dot com. And it's just kind of interesting how, you know, how life is. It's like, you know, Nissan was 10 years older than me and you know, I was like a Baptist virgin when I met him. And then like when you look back at your life, you're like, yeah. And then I remember I found letters in the closet with a baby picture. Nissan had left the baby to go to LA to be a rock Star. And there was letters saying you were right to leave Baltimore, you know. Anyway, I. I'm learning new things about my husband's every day.

[David Spade]

He still married?

[Victoria Jackson]

I'm married to Paul. The SWAT guy? Helicopter police pilot.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

We've been married 30 years.

[David Spade]

Yeah, I think I remember Paul.

[Dana Carvey]

Of course. Yeah, yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

When I. When I. When he came to the show for his first time just to see me at SNL because we were starting to long distance date, it happened to be the night he shot and killed the first man of his career. And I go, maybe he was anxious to see me or something. That's my little joke, because.

[Dana Carvey]

Just processing that. Yeah, yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

So picture this. He comes to the set at 8h, and he had stayed up all night, filled out paperwork, gotten counseling because that's what happens if you kill someone. And he comes to the stage and I'm getting out of an alien spaceship with eyeballs on my nipples because we're doing a sketch about a planet where women's eyes have mutated to their nipples because men stared at women's chests for so long.

[David Spade]

And was Deion Sanders in it? No, that was a different one.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, okay, go ahead.

[David Spade]

Sorry, sorry.

[Victoria Jackson]

Thirsty Alley was our leader. And Paul comes up, you know, and I go, paul, this must be so surreal for you to kill someone and stay up all night. See me getting out of a spaceship. And he goes, yes, it is, because that's how he talks. And I thought, man, our worlds are completely opposite. Then I took him upstairs and I introduced him to the cast. I said, hey, everybody, this is my boyfriend, the cop. And Mike Myers goes, hey, you got any war stories? Covet, covet. I have a residual cough from COVID So anyway, he. He goes, got any war stories? And Paul goes, I killed a man last night. And there was silence. Gosh, this is in my act that. Because it's true. And it makes every. There was silence. And I realized the comic genius minds of this century couldn't think of a comeback. Dana, you were probably in that room. Do you remember?

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And it was just. It just sort of hung there. There was no way to come back. Nothing funny in any. In any funny way.

[David Spade]

Funny.

[Dana Carvey]

The only one who might been able to come back, maybe Norm McDonald. You know, there's certain comedians or, you know. Oh, yeah, but I. I just thought Paul was just very sincere, so I didn't want to undercut.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah, well, he. He didn't feel bad about it because the guy was shooting at his wife because she wouldn't wife swap anymore.

[David Spade]

And, and the Tale as old as time.

[Victoria Jackson]

So she called the SWAT team, they came. The. The husband pointed a gun at Paul and he was trained if someone points a gun at you, you shoot them. So he didn't feel bad. But we've had a very difficult marriage and it's really, really, really difficult.

[Dana Carvey]

What is difficult about it?

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Victoria Jackson]

Oh, my gosh. Well, for one thing, we disagree on the definition of adultery.

[David Spade]

Okay, that's a good argument. Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

And I wrote what is your definition versus is his.

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, I think flirting is adultery. And I think when he comes home from the gym with fake tattoos drawn on his biceps by A. An 18 year old hot lifeguard, that, that's inappropriate. And he, he thinks it's harmless workplace fun. Harmless because he was working part time at the gym. But anyway, we have a lot of fights about that. But I wrote, I write out all my pain in songs and poems and paintings, and I just made an album of 18 songs and a lot of them are about my difficult marriage.

[Dana Carvey]

What is the name of the album and where can people get it?

[Victoria Jackson]

And Paul won't listen to it because he knows it's about.

[David Spade]

This isn't about Paul. Paul.

[Dana Carvey]

Listen to this podcast. I hate Paul is a song.

[Victoria Jackson]

Actually, I did write a song called I hate you.

[David Spade]

Here we go. Here comes the guitar. Everybody quiet.

[Victoria Jackson]

Sometimes I fantasize we never met. We never got together, never got reconnected. And I'll go, I tell my friends that this will never work it. And that I despise you and that you're a jerk. I would never say I hate you. All right, so there's that one.

[David Spade]

But anyway, another winner.

[Victoria Jackson]

These are better. This is called When I get Home.

[David Spade]

So what's it called?

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, When I get home.

[Victoria Jackson]

No, when I get to Nashville.

[Dana Carvey]

When I get to Nashville, Victoria.

[Victoria Jackson]

And see, this is my handstand in front of the.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, sweet.

[Victoria Jackson]

That's a famous statue in Nashville. You know, the naked statue. And on Music Row you had clothes on, though. Well, I do, but they don't. But like, there's songs like how do you undo? How do you undo? I do. Oh, yeah. How do you undo.

[David Spade]

Clever.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yes, but China Phillips thought of that line and I'm in China Phillips Bible study group.

[Dana Carvey]

Okay, Is it online or does she live in Nashville too?

[Victoria Jackson]

No, China Phillips lives in. Right now. She lives in the Hollywood Hills. And you know Billy Baldwin's her husband. Yes, And China is on fire for Jesus and I'm a Christian. And I was watching her YouTube called California Preaching because her parents wrote the song California Dreaming. Remember the Mamas and the Papas?

[Dana Carvey]

Incredible.

[Victoria Jackson]

That's her parents. And, like, I'm a.

[David Spade]

She's a good singer, too.

[Victoria Jackson]

I'm a. Oh, yeah. Wilson Phillips. Chyna.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

And they had that hit. Hold On For One More Day and. Oh, no. China Phillips. Like, I want that. Go ahead, you can.

[Dana Carvey]

No, no, I was faking, like, as if. Because David did. I thought it was.

[David Spade]

No, you know, when she. I ask her, say, we apologize for when we did a Songs to Save the Chickens with Michael Bolton on the show. And we played. We did Wilson Phillips and we had two extras. And then Farley played the.

[Victoria Jackson]

Oh, you did.

[David Spade]

I forgot that you were there. You probably play. I played Dave Perner from Soul Asylum or Kurt Cobain or Tom Petty or something. But I remember that Tom Petty.

[Dana Carvey]

I played Dylan. Right. Was that the one that turned out in.

[David Spade]

That we're all standing in Michael Bolton.

[Dana Carvey]

Sings instead of We Are the World. We were doing We Are the Chickens or something. Yeah. I think I played Dylan and Victoria played Roseanne Barr.

[Victoria Jackson]

I was Cyndi Lauper when we did the We Are the World thing.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, you. Cindy. Yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

And they.

[Dana Carvey]

How did you.

[Victoria Jackson]

They put a thing in my neck so that when I sang the big note, blood would squirt out. And. And. And it worked. But you couldn't see the blood because I was wearing red plaid.

[David Spade]

No.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah. You couldn't see blood was squirting out your neck.

[Dana Carvey]

That was a unforced error by the wardrobe people.

[David Spade]

That usually doesn't happen.

[Dana Carvey]

A matching blood shirt versus comedy blood squirt.

[David Spade]

I have a sense of gratitude when it comes to Thanksgiving, Christmas and the holidays. I don't know about you.

[Dana Carvey]

I do, too. I think that's what. Because you know, the word thanks is this total giveaway.

[David Spade]

It's right in there. Yeah, it's a giveaway.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, it's a giveaway. If it was called Watch out for Yourself Time.

[David Spade]

Holiday, Selfish Giving. Yeah. Listen, we get together Thanksgiving, think about maybe how learning a new language can enhance your connections and enrich your experiences with just people of the world. Rosetta Stone. You know, Dana, you've. We've talked about it forever. The most trusted language learning platform available on desktop or as an app. It immerses you in the language you want to learn. That's the way to do it.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And, you know, I've been in New York for a while doing Saturday Night Live, and I walk around Central park, and, boy, do you hear a lot of accents and a lot of languages. You know, I don't know what they're saying. I'm like, with Rosetta Stone, you've got a tool in your hand. That is probably the best way to learn a language. Going right now, you know, this world.

[David Spade]

Is getting more mixed every day. It's not bad to know something you could learn. They pretty much will teach you anything. Spanish, French, Korean, Chinese, Japanese. Rosetta Stone immerses you no English translation. So you really learn to speak, listen and think in the language, right?

[Dana Carvey]

Yep. It's an intuitive process, which is great because I think I never, I didn't retain Spanish in, in grade school. You pick up a language naturally, first with words, then phrases, then sentences. It's designed for long term retention.

[David Spade]

Lifetime membership has all 25 languages for any and all trips and language needs in life. That's lifetime access to all of the 25 languages they teach at Rosetta Stone.

[Dana Carvey]

And also, by the way, and guess what? Built in True accent feature gives you feedback on your pronunciation. Like, it's like having a personal trainer for your accent.

[David Spade]

Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get it started. For a short time. Fly on the Wall listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership holiday special. This offer will not last long. What do you gotta do though?

[Dana Carvey]

Visit rosettastone.com fly that's unlimited. David. Access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your holiday [e-mail] fly today for yourself or as a GIF that keeps giving. Muy bien.

[David Spade]

It says two people that rely on her voice. You know, this is her job. Stand up this, whatever. Zycam is great because if you feel a cold coming on, you know, I have Zycam in my bag. Like if you're on the road, give it a couple of squirts because your throat's sore. Sniffling. That's when I go for it. Because it's sort of. If you're already in the throes of it, it will speed it up, it.

[Dana Carvey]

Will shorten, it will shorten the cold or reduce the symptoms so that the second you start feeling. Because sometimes you go, oh man, am I getting a cold. And that's when you hit a Zycam.

[David Spade]

Boom, boom, nail it. And it's kind of fun too. They have rapid melts, medicated food drops, a lot of flavors, you know, nasal swabs. Nasal swabs. Those are fun sprays.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. So you can get it in a lot of different ways. If you feel a cold coming on at the first Sign, reach for cold shortening products from Zeitcam, the number one cold shortening brand.

[David Spade]

And for best results, use at the first sign of a cold and continue to use until the symptoms completely subside.

[Dana Carvey]

Pick up Zicam in the cold and flu aisle. Visit zicam.com to see where to buy online.

[Victoria Jackson]

The wardrobe department was so great that one time I said, I want to be a Christmas tree and do a handstand. And Pam, she came up with this brilliant costume. I still have it, and it was a Christmas tree. And I said, you have to balance all the ornaments because I'm balancing upside down. They're geniuses, that wardrobe department.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah, they are. Really. The wardrobe, the makeup, the crew everybody crafted, couldn't make it, but they can improvise something up really fast. Yeah, we need Victoria to come out of a giant cupcake. You have 20 minutes. Yeah, right away, sir.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

And you get spoiled. And every job after that is so much worse.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, it's all slow motion.

[David Spade]

Wow.

[Dana Carvey]

You know, you know, movies and.

[David Spade]

Well, go back to China Phillips. We interrupted you. I'm sorry.

[Victoria Jackson]

Oh, well, China thought of that line. So, like, we have these. This group called California Healing, and we read the Bible and pray together. I. She made me one of the leaders. I have to do it tonight, actually. And we pray and study the Bible. And China is really good with funny. She's very funny. She's very charming. And I was. I loved her YouTube channel. So I would always write stuff and she wrote back and then. Yeah. Anyway, we're in this group together. And so she said, how do you undo? I do. And I said, china, can I steal that? I thought of a song for it and she didn't get mad.

[David Spade]

So no 50 bucks for her?

[Victoria Jackson]

No, she doesn't need it. I don't think on the house, but. But.

[David Spade]

Well, it's flattering when someone tells you something and they have a comedian say, I have. People go, oh, my God. You can use anything I say, that would be nice. It'd be fun for me. So I think she's flattered.

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, John Lovitz wrote me Victoria's Secrets on the show, and I still do that in my stand up act.

[David Spade]

Oh, good.

[Victoria Jackson]

Do you remember Victoria's Secrets?

[Dana Carvey]

How does that bit go?

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, I was always very uncomfortable doing seduction and arrogance. I've analyzed SNL my whole life, since I've been gone from it. And because in the Baptist church, I was taught, don't be seductive, don't be arrogant. And Jan Hooks was really good at those And I was really good at. Well, Jan Hooks was good at everything. Okay, yeah, she was great, but I don't think she can play innocent. That's my specialty.

[David Spade]

That was you? Yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

I'm getting. Yeah, I am getting bitter in my old age, so I don't know. I'm so good at playing innocent anymore. And I've been working on Seductive and arrogant for 30 years, so maybe I can pull it off.

[David Spade]

We all have.

[Dana Carvey]

Give me a little seduction. What would be that attitude?

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, it's the Victoria's Secrets thing, and John Lovitz wrote it for me. Okay. I have three secrets I like to share with you, but shh. Don't tell anyone. It'll just be our little secret. My first secret is a lot of men ask me, how do. Are you as dumb as you appear on the show? And I say, I don't know. I never watched the show. My second. Can you hear me? I'm talking quiet.

[David Spade]

Yes, we're giving you.

[Dana Carvey]

We can hear you. We're just making sure.

[Victoria Jackson]

Okay. My second secret is a lot of men ask me, how do you like it? And I say, like what? And they say, you know, your sex? And I say, you mean my sex, like being a woman or like having it? And they say, the second one. And I say, I forgot which one was the second one. And they say, victoria, stop doing that stupid character. And I say, I'm not doing a character. And they get mad and walk away. My third secret. Anyway, there's. There's more.

[David Spade]

No. Is there. How Many are there? 100.

[Victoria Jackson]

The next one is.

[Dana Carvey]

Now, let's see. Arrogance.

[David Spade]

Yeah, what do you got?

[Victoria Jackson]

Oh, arrogance. Oh, arrogance.

[David Spade]

Oh.

[Victoria Jackson]

Oh, that's hard.

[David Spade]

Your hair looks good. It's curly.

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, I curled it for you to look like Paula. I am.

[Dana Carvey]

Paula's gonna be so happy.

[David Spade]

Paul listens to all these, and she was. She'll be so happy to know you were giving her all these comments.

[Dana Carvey]

Yes.

[Victoria Jackson]

I love her so much.

[Dana Carvey]

She's. She's adorable.

[Victoria Jackson]

She is.

[David Spade]

Victoria, what's that. What is that album called? Because you're gonna. We want to give you a.

[Victoria Jackson]

It's. Nobody buys CDs anymore, so I just did it for me. It's on streaming on Amazon. It's called When I Get to Nashville. And then there's some stand up at the end. And one song is like a dog. When I get to Nashville, I'm gonna knock them down. I'm still trying to get to sing at the Grand Old Opry, and they're not having me. I don't know why.

[David Spade]

Well, wait till this comes out and people start slurping that up off of Amazon.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah, okay. Arrogance. I am the best. No, I can't. Give me some lines. Give me some lines.

[David Spade]

It's funny. You're so not arrogant, which is.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, I just do it as a character. Let me tell you something. You know, we could very easily come to your house, you know, and flick you with our little finger and you fire across the room and land in your own baby poop. That's coy. Arrogance.

[David Spade]

Because Franz, arrogance.

[Dana Carvey]

This is. Hans was almost effeminate in his arrogance.

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, I made up a poem once about an arrogant girl, okay? He goes, my name's Lucy and I'm rough and I'm tough. No one calls me names or any of that stuff. No one walks to school with me because I am too cool. Everybody wants to, though, and they really wish they could wait Because I am too good. Everybody wants to, though, and they really wish they could. But they knew I would show them up because I sometimes, next to all my looks and charm, they feel like a fool. No one invites me to parties because they know if they did, I'd win all the prizes because I'm the most talented kid being smart in every subject. Here's my philosophy. The whole world would be a much better place if this one thing could be that everyone was exactly like me. I've had enough of stupid people. They just get in the way. I'm content to be alone and that's the way I'll stay. I've had enough of stupid humanity. I'll leave them on a shelf. The only thing I can't figure out how to do is enjoy kissing myself.

[David Spade]

I like it.

[Dana Carvey]

That last line was very interesting.

[David Spade]

Heavy.

[Victoria Jackson]

Can't kiss yourself.

[David Spade]

No.

[Dana Carvey]

Unless you have a mirror. I guess you could close as you get, but. So how much stand up do you do?

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, I was doing it every week. You know, Kevin Nealon got me into Stand up because when I got on Johnny Carson, I only had, like 12 minutes. I had six good minutes, and then I had four minutes of B material, and I got on John Carson in 83. And then he said that he wants you back. He gave me the okay thing.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Victoria Jackson]

He goes, but I go, I only have my B material. And Jim McAuley goes, okay, do that. And then he wants you at the panel. So I did that. And then the third time, he goes, johnny wants you back, but it has to be something really big. And I go, I had nothing. I had nothing. Else. Because I never, like, toured and then got us now. I like, got us now and then I toured to milk it so I can make money so I can send my kids to a Christian school. But anyway, so, so, so the third time I go something really big. So, like, so I thought I'll do my balance beam routine from when I was a gymnast and I'll sing a song. No one's ever done gymnastics while singing. I did a handstand poetry. That was my first Carson doing a poem upside down. But no one had ever mixed gymnastics on a balance beam with singing. So I made up this song called Angry Woman. And it was based on the fact that my coach in college never told me I made small college nationals because she didn't like me. And I found out years after. Why weren't you at the small college nationals? I didn't know I made it. So I wrote this song. I am an angry woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I got a streak in my hair yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like to air my dirty laundry if you don't like me, honey, I don't care I drink a cuss of smoke I swear Spit it ain't my problem if you don't like it I hate you yo, pinko J. And then I would do my balance beam routine. Now that is on YouTube right now.

[David Spade]

Oh, boy.

[Victoria Jackson]

Because Jim McAuley knew that someday I would want this on video. It was the hardest thing I ever did. 4 inch balance beam, live TV, Johnny Carson. Not fall. Because it's funnier if I don't fall off the beam. If I act dizzy and I don't fall. It's way funny. So I. I did it.

[Dana Carvey]

Didn't fall.

[Victoria Jackson]

I didn't fall. I almost fell, but I. I didn't fall. Did these hard tricks. I went to the gym for three months to learn some of the tricks back. I was 24, so I was way older than a peaking gymnast at 15 or whatever. You guys, I'm talking too much.

[David Spade]

No, wait, wait. What is. This story's great. So Johnny likes it. How does it go?

[Dana Carvey]

Johnny loved it. You're on there 20 times, right?

[Victoria Jackson]

Yes, he loved you.

[David Spade]

What?

[Victoria Jackson]

But what was the point of my story?

[David Spade]

The story is your third one. You're supposed to do something big. You came with something. Kevin was going to help you.

[Dana Carvey]

Oh, Kevin was. Stand up.

[Victoria Jackson]

This is how it started. So. So then I got snl, which was. You know what it was. You were there now I. And so now after snl and I lost all my Money in divorce. And I married a cop, got no money. So then I was trapped in the suburbs of Miami. I had no friends, no one spoke English, and I. Nobody was making me laugh all day. But anyway, I love my raising my kids. But Kevin Nealon calls me one day. I just broken my wrist, I think accidentally and.

[David Spade]

Not on purpose.

[Victoria Jackson]

It looked like it was on purpose because it was cut right on my wrist from dishwasher.

[David Spade]

Oh, I see.

[Victoria Jackson]

I took a wine glass out of the dishwasher and it sliced my wrist. And I was in the hospital, Miami, going, I wasn't trying to commit suicide. I do hate being a housewife. I do hate Miami. Maybe it was subconscious. I don't know. But. So anyway, Kevin Nealon calls me. He goes, it was like 97. And he goes, would you open for me in Vegas? And I go, kevin, I don't have a standoff act. I have, like, 10 minutes. That was from a long time ago, which involves a handstand. I can't do one right now. And he goes, no, all you need is, like, 20 minutes. What did you do on Carson? I go, I can't remember. So I looked at my Carson tapes, and I'm like, oh, I told the poem, and then I did handstand. Then I played the ukulele, and then. And he. And so anyway, I opened for Kevin for a bunch of times, and the little joke was I videoed him and Lovett's once in this limo. And I go, kevin, why did you think of me to open for you? And he goes, because I wanted someone who wasn't that strong. You know, you don't want your opener to, you know, be too strong. And I go, you know, it's because I wasn't that good, so I wouldn't show him off. You know what I mean?

[Dana Carvey]

Well, it's also that you're just totally opposite.

[David Spade]

Yeah. You're different than him.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah.

[David Spade]

Which is good.

[Victoria Jackson]

So. So I started doing it with him, and then I got to go to Vegas, and I did a one or two. I did a Y2K with Dana and Dennis, and in Minnesota, yes, we did.

[Dana Carvey]

You meet Dennis and Kevin.

[Victoria Jackson]

And everyone thought it was the end of the world, so not many people came. And then I did a bunch of shows with Piscopo. I opened for him. And then I saw I was doing it, like, once or twice a month for my whole motherhood years in the 90s. And then when the tea party started and I was in this club, and I. And I wrote this little song called White Men are Good. White men are good. My daddy was a white man. My brother is a white man. White men invented everything. White men invented the universities. White men invented the English language. White men invented airplanes. White men invented cars. White men. And then.

[David Spade]

Good resume.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah. So I sang that song. The audience was like. Because it was the beginning of, you know.

[Dana Carvey]

Not supposed to say that.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah. What do you call that when you're not allowed to say things? Censorship. What was before woke? It was way before woke.

[Dana Carvey]

It was, like, politically correct.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah. It was 2010, and I thought comics were supposed to be brave and daring and break the rules, but, oh, no, no, don't say white men are good. White men were getting on bad rap all the time. I'm like, people. Anyway, they told my agent at apa, and she goes, I can't send you out anymore.

[David Spade]

Oh, my God.

[Victoria Jackson]

And she said, all the club owners are liberals, and you're becoming an outspoken conservative, and I can't send you anywhere. So then I'm like, okay. I wanted to quit anyway. I don't like traveling. But I just was so surprised that in America, with freedom of speech, we can't have freedom of speech anymore. And now you know what's been happening. And now I'm so proud that I'm proud that Dana is making fun of Biden, which is the unforgivable sin. And I'm glad that Rob Schneider is saying, I can say whatever I want, people. Freedom of speech. I'm very proud that people are fighting back. And even Seinfeld is saying, hey, come on. Freedom of speech.

[David Spade]

Yeah. It is tough on comedy in general to do, to be, you know, tamped down a little bit. And you just want to say what the thing that people want to say or the thing that people aren't saying or just try to break the rules. Like, it used to be very, like, you have to be outrageous, you know, and it's. It's definitely toned it down a little bit.

[Victoria Jackson]

I have to say, Dana, your Biden things are super funny.

[David Spade]

Isn't he funny?

[Dana Carvey]

Thank you. I made. That was kind of a personal challenge, just because in the beginning, there wasn't much there. You know, my father lost his job, that kind of thing. Then as he went along, I added in, you know, I did, you know, and added in a lot of hooks. And I got it to the point where I thought it was really funny. And so I didn't really care if anyone had a problem with it. I just thought, we gotta be able to do the President of the United States.

[Victoria Jackson]

Hello.

[Dana Carvey]

If we can't do the president if it's a Republican or Democrat. It's our job to kind of tug on the kings.

[Victoria Jackson]

Corn pop was a bad dude.

[David Spade]

That's true, man.

[Dana Carvey]

Come on. This is my one that kind of broke it. It was. There's no crisis at the border. How do you know, sir? Because it says so on the piece of paper. Yes, and then he came out for the border a little while ago. I just thought it was funny. I'll shut a border faster than anyone's ever shut aboard. But you said before. Get your facts straight, Jack beat the hell out of you. I kind of shut a border. Border patrol. The border. Can't believe it's not butter. So then it was so silly that he always ends with this declarative slogan so people accept it. But now everyone's doing him. Obviously, you're the dam is broken open.

[Victoria Jackson]

You are a trendsetter.

[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

Oh well, well put and well said. You know, I was talking to Paul McCartney.

[David Spade]

Yeah, what are you saying?

[Dana Carvey]

And I said, paul, what, what, what do you. What is the second chance on first touchdown score with bet mgm, he says, well, you know, the season can be long and it lasts a whole time. You know, bet MGM is often you a second chance on your first touchdown bet. That's so. So when a customer, you know, they place a wager, a big wager on a first touchdown score bet. And he doesn't score first, he does not score first. But he scores second.

[David Spade]

Yeah, you get it.

[Dana Carvey]

The score. Not first, but second. We return 100% of the stake back in cash. And that means pounds and quid and all those things.

[David Spade]

That's great.

[Dana Carvey]

I said, thanks, Paul. That really.

[David Spade]

That's all you guys talked about?

[Dana Carvey]

All we talked about. I wanted to talk about the Beatles. But he goes, no, let's go back to this. If you do, the first touchdown score does go.

[David Spade]

Yeah, we know.

[Dana Carvey]

We heard.

[David Spade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

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[Dana Carvey]

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[David Spade]

Victoria. Before we let you go, I wanted to say, I do remember you did a lot of toontzes, didn't you? Toonses, the driving cat.

[Victoria Jackson]

I was so happy because I didn't have any lines, and it was. It was a hit sketch and I didn't have to do anything. Me and Dana were in a lot of toonses.

[Dana Carvey]

We were in a lot of toonces. And there was one time, you know, they got the cards. We're in the fake car, and this happens to all of us. But it was your line, and the guy was pointing and you were just kind of enjoying the scene, and I started kicking you kind of like that. I know. And then you went, oh. And then you hit your line. It's just funny. We all do that.

[David Spade]

The lines are usually like, two. You shouldn't be driving over here on the wrong side of the road.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. And that was a great use of the character that you would play on the show often. The sincere, sweet.

[David Spade]

Yes.

[Dana Carvey]

Character. Toon says, don't do that. You know, so Jack candy is the greatest.

[Victoria Jackson]

They had me and Dana be brother and sister a lot or husband, wife, or they had us in our underwear. Remember when we had to wear our underwear and don't go down to the basement.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. Yeah. We had a Lot of. Yeah, you were. You were.

[David Spade]

Was that the name of the sketch?

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah. Don't go down to the basement. And I was felt so naked. I don't feel naked doing gymnastics on the update desk with my butt in the air, because that was my whole childhood. But I feel naked standing upright in my underwear.

[David Spade]

Well, the idea, it's a uniform versus your underpants. And even though they look the same, one seems like normal.

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, also, Dana, when you were on other fly on the walls, you're talking about the Italian restaurant where you were.

[David Spade]

All right.

[Victoria Jackson]

You were humping me with my legs in the air.

[Dana Carvey]

Yeah. That was one of the biggest laughs that I've ever participated in. I wasn't really doing much. It was just the situation and the scenario. And it's true that right before they said, maybe don't do it or do it as much or move around as much, but. But we just did it and it was a big laugh. And you were the perfect one to do it with.

[Victoria Jackson]

Well, the funny part to me is I didn't know anything. All of a sudden, people come up and they go, siobhan quit this sketch. You have to do it. I go, what sketch? Nobody told me anything. I didn't have time to say, you get plowed. Yeah. I go, I didn't have time to say I'm a Christian. I don't think that would be appropriate. I didn't have any time. It was like, go out there. I go, what am I doing? What am I doing? They'll get on the table, stick your legs in the air, like, okay. And then Dana's like, you know, And I'm like, I don't even think I knew that was a sex position. I might be exaggerating, but I don't. I don't know that I knew that. But anyway, it did seem really wrong. And. And it seemed X rated. But anyway, then it was aired, and then. But Dana's my friend, and I thought, that's pretty funny.

[Dana Carvey]

Well, because it was you and me. It was just innocent and silly in the. In the big picture. And also that. That I'm still yelling about some order or something. You know, I've got your legs over my shoulders and what do I. Come on, Cappuccino. It was pretty vaudevillian in a little body, but funny with the sound off. Like that visual within that Italian sketch based on these extraordinarily horny Italian waiters. One of the biggest laughs I've ever been a part of.

[David Spade]

Cantori.

[Victoria Jackson]

Okay, to answer your question about how much I do stand up, and then I'll quit talking and you guys can go back to your life. I did Vegas about two weeks ago, so I'm not blacklisted. I think the country's getting their common sense back into their brains, and I'm not blacklisted. And it was a small place. Yeah. The only problem was I was coughing my residual Covid cough. That was kind of unnerving for the audience.

[David Spade]

But that you gave them all Covid.

[Victoria Jackson]

Yeah. They're like, yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

I think things are loosening up a little bit. I think there was so much exhaustion over. You can say this, say that. That at this point, it's kind of like no one. No one has to come to your show. Just don't. Or watch anything they want to watch, you know? You don't like a Netflix special, don't watch it. I mean, it's just freedom. Maybe this is controversial. What if the screen just went completely black and our podcast was canceled?

[Victoria Jackson]

I know.

[Dana Carvey]

Victoria, we love you and we miss you, and if you come to Southern California, please reach out.

[Victoria Jackson]

Okay. Thanks for your podcast. It's super good and entertaining, and we. We appreciate David and Dana's laughs that you've given us all these years.

[Dana Carvey]

Geez, thank you.

[David Spade]

You're still so sweet. You're also very funny. I mean, just the way you're telling these stories, it's hysterical. So you still have all the stuff there is.

[Dana Carvey]

There's a funny thing that.

[David Spade]

There's a funny bone there no one else does.

[Dana Carvey]

It's. It's just a very honest, quirky, unexpected language. You're using unexpected moments of honesty. I'm going to make you self conscious about your gift, so then it'll. You won't be able to do it anymore.

[Victoria Jackson]

Okay.

[Dana Carvey]

I'm kidding. You can't. It's like gum on your shoe. You're just funny.

[David Spade]

You're just funny.

[Dana Carvey]

Just funny. So all the best. We all miss you, and we want to see more of you. You have a closing song.

[David Spade]

Same song, Closer show.

[Victoria Jackson]

I forgot how it went. Something about buzz, buzz swat.

[David Spade]

Yeah.

[Dana Carvey]

All right.

[David Spade]

We did it. Bye, sweetie. This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a. Like a review, all the stuff. Smash that button, whatever it is. Wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Audience and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.