Best of 2025: Tips for Planning Memorable Date Nights

Summary

Podcast Summary: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Episode: Best of 2025: Tips for Planning Memorable Date Nights
Date: December 26, 2025
Guests: Jay and Laura Laffoon
Hosts: Jim Daly & John Fuller

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Overview

This "Best of 2025" episode highlights practical, faith-based guidance for strengthening marriages through intentional, memorable date nights. Bearing in mind busy schedules and differing personalities, Jim Daly and John Fuller interview Jay and Laura Laffoon—authors of The Ultimate Date Night: 52 Amazing Dates for Busy Couples—on creative, practical, and spiritual aspects of keeping the marital spark alive.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Date Nights Matter in Marriage

• Date nights are a tool for keeping the marriage relationship prioritized amid life’s busyness.
• Regular, intentional time together helps couples “meet each other where they’re at.” (Jay Laffoon, [00:40])
• Laura and Jay's ministry has consistently fielded the question: “What do we do now?”—driving them to collect and share ideas for couples.*

Notable Quote:

"Taking the time to go on regular date nights may not seem significant, but it’s a practical way to put your marriage first and show love to your spouse."
—Jim Daly, [01:09]

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2. Creative & Accessible Date Night Ideas

• The Laffoons emphasize a range of date ideas: some free, some lower-cost, and some higher-cost, making them accessible for all.
• Example of a Free Date:
  • After their kids are in bed, a couple puts up camp chairs in their pickup truck bed, listens to music, and stargazes.
  • “[They] could sit and do that for hours... what a great idea.” – Laura Laffoon, [04:19]
• Home-based Ideas:
  • Snuggling in front of a (real or virtual) fireplace, playing games, or doing puzzles.
• Adventure & Activity Dates:
  • Activities like geocaching (“treasure hunt” with an app) or axe throwing, providing fun and engagement.

Notable Quote:

“Sometimes the simplest things speak the most. My wife’s love language is quality time.”
—Jay Laffoon, [07:16]

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3. Date Nights Gone Wrong – And What We Learn

• Jay’s story: Booking a pricey couple’s massage for Laura’s birthday… not considering her comfort level with being touched—humorous missteps underline the importance of knowing your spouse!
• Encouragement: Missteps happen; it’s about learning and grace.

Notable Quote:

“You never know what your wife is up to.”
—Jay Laffoon, [06:55]

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4. Intentionality & Purpose in Dates

• The idea that date nights should be “purposeful,” not accidental.
• Purpose can be to simply enjoy each other’s company or to intentionally serve each other’s needs and desires.

Notable Quote:

“It’s not need, it’s desire. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the fact that she desires to have quality time with me...So let’s make that happen.”
—Jay Laffoon, [08:07]

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5. Navigating Different Temperaments

• Spouses often have opposite personalities.
• Respecting differences (e.g., extrovert/introvert, planner/spontaneous) and stretching each other in gentle ways can strengthen the relationship.
• Example: Jay, an introvert, goes to social events for Laura’s sake and discovers enjoyment through her eyes.

Notable Quote:

“Sometimes we do these things to stretch our spouse...and when we do that gently...we gotta love them. We’ve gotta show them Jesus.”
—Jay Laffoon, [13:34]

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6. Date Nights with Kids & Budget Constraints

• Ideas for young families:
  • Trade childcare with other couples in similar life stages.
  • Use grandparents if available.
  • Make the most of free date activities so budget can go toward occasional childcare if needed.
• Encouragement to avoid guilt; goal is rhythm, not perfection.

Notable Quote:

“You give everybody a chance to have a date night. Doesn’t cost you anything...other than you have somebody else’s kids in your home.”
—Laura Laffoon, [15:54]

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7. Managing Expectations & Special Occasions

• Discussion on pressure around anniversaries and special events.
• The importance of letting go of perfectionism and focusing on celebration—not unmet expectations.
• Sometimes, a simple acknowledgment or a small gesture is more meaningful than a grand plan.

Notable Quote:

“The problem with marriage is we expect too much from it.”
—Jay Laffoon, quoting Gary Thomas, [17:26]

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8. Setting Healthy Date Night Boundaries

• Avoid letting date nights turn into business meetings.
• Use regular times (e.g., 15 minutes daily) to address logistics, so date nights are for connection, not problem-solving.
• Flexibility: If talking about kids is truly on your spouse's heart, honor that.

Notable Quote:

“If you can build that habit, then when you go on a date, you can be more intentional about being with each other and talking about your marriage and those types of happenings.”
—Laura Laffoon, [20:37]

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9. Types of Date Nights & Mindset

• The Laffoons distinguish between "romantic" dates and "adventure" dates, advising couples to set their mindset and expectations before the date.
• Recognizing that some dates will be more emotionally intimate, others more about shared experience.

Notable Quote:

“If you go into [the date] knowing what the so-called purpose of this evening is, it becomes a lot easier to put the phone down, to focus on your spouse, and to really make a concerted effort to meet them where they’re at.”
—Jay Laffoon, [22:32]

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10. Spiritual Integration into Date Nights

• Encouragement to invite God into marriage and date nights—not as a checklist, but as a real, lived experience.
• The book includes spiritual discussion prompts and journaling suggestions to foster reflection.
• Scriptural inspiration: Song of Solomon’s themes of pursuit and romance.

Notable Quote:

“Every good and pleasing gift comes from the Lord. And I think when we realize that our spouse is that good and pleasing gift, and we're honored to be able to be with them... that's what dating is about, is pursuing one another..."
—Jay Laffoon, [24:14] & [25:32]

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Standout Quotes

• “What you did to get your spouse is what you need to do to keep your spouse.” (Elderly couple to Jay, [08:57])
• “The average American couple spends four minutes a day alone together...with no screens.”
  —Jay Laffoon, [09:43]
• “Sometimes we build all these expectations up, and, no, Laura did not marry Jesus Junior. I mean, I am a human being with flaws.”
  —Jay Laffoon, [17:36]
• “Oftentimes a date night can turn into a business meeting...Don’t talk budget, don’t talk about problems with the kids or the in-laws. This is time to be more intimate.”
  —Jim Daly, [19:15]

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Notable Moments & Timestamps

• Free Pickup-Truck Stargazing Date: [04:19]
• Date Night Gone Wrong – Couples Massage: [05:05]
• Quality Time in Front of (Fake) Fireplace: [07:15]
• Advice from Elderly Couple – 'Keep Doing What You Did to Get Your Spouse': [08:36]
• Four Minutes Alone—The Screen Time Problem: [09:43]
• Trading Kidcare Between Couples: [15:24]
• Heart vs. Checklist—The True Spirit of Date Nights: [21:18]
• Spiritual Discussion Prompts & Integrating Faith: [24:14]-[25:32]
• Song of Solomon as 'one big date': [25:32]

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Final Takeaways

• Intentionality beats expense: The magic is in purpose, not price tag.
• Flexibility, empathy, and laughter are crucial in building a healthy rhythm of connecting.
• Integrate faith & gratitude: Recognize your spouse as a gift from God, bring spiritual reflection into shared experiences.
• Date night is about the heart: Invest in joy, playfulness, and emotional intimacy—not just logistics.

Practical Tip:
Try one free or low-cost date night idea each month. Build in a simple spiritual element—like prayer, gratitude, or scripture reflection—to foster deeper connection.

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For more ideas, check out The Ultimate Date Night: 52 Amazing Dates for Busy Couples by Jay and Laura Laffoon, available via Focus on the Family.

Transcript

[Jim Daly]

Hi, this is Jim Dailey. We've enjoyed spending time with you this year, helping strengthen your marriage, your parenting, and your walk with Jesus Christ. If you've been blessed by this ministry, can you pay it forward by donating to Focus on the Family before the end of the year? Thanks to our 8 million dollar match, your giving will have twice the impact. Call 800 AFAMILY or [e-mail] family.

[Laura Laffoon]

If a deduction is important to you for your 2025 income tax return and you're concerned about the recent postal service rule change for postmarks, consider making your donation online or giving us a call.

[Jay Laffoon]

And if you understand coming into it what the so called purpose of this evening is, yeah, that's good. It becomes a lot easier to put the phone down to focus on your spouse and to really make a concerted effort to meet them where they're at.

[John Fuller]

That's Jay Lefoon, and he and his wife Laura share about fun date nights for married couples in Today's Best of 2025 episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

John, it can be easy to get wrapped up in the busyness of life and stop investing time in our spouse, but we're gonna help you get out of that rut today because your marriage is worth the investment. And I'm always looking forward to some fun ideas for dates with Jean. And taking the time to go on regular date nights may not seem significant, but it's a practical way to put your marriage first and show love to your spouse.

[John Fuller]

And the conversation we're going to hear today was one of our most popular programs of the year. We heard from so many people who were inspired to go have fun with their spouse, and we wanted to share that with you again. And the guests, as I said, are Jay and Laura Laffoon. They have a lot of joy and energy and some great ideas. They're entertaining and they really spend their time educating and encouraging couples to strengthen their marriages. They've written a book called the ultimate date night 52amazing dates for Busy Couples. Get that book from us here. When you call 800 the letter A in the word family, that's 800-232-6459 or click the link in the show notes. Let's go ahead and listen now to this best of 2025 episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

[Jim Daly]

Jay and Laura, welcome back.

[Jay Laffoon]

Great to be here.

[Jim Daly]

Honored to be here. All right, Laura, you're representing all women today you're at the table with three minutes. Three to one. It's three to one. Which Laura says, okay, that's fair.

[John Fuller]

I can still win.

[Laura Laffoon]

I can handle it.

[Jim Daly]

Why are you two so passionate about married couples doing date nights? What's the benefit?

[Laura Laffoon]

You know, I think we're so passionate about it because it's just something that we've naturally done. We have a lot of similar hobbies. And so for us, it's never been a big deal to find stuff to do together. We're always finding new stuff. But one of the things that we do as a part of our ministry is called the ultimate date night. And we travel across the country to churches and communities and do a 90 minute show. And we would get emails after email after email that would say, hey, thanks for that date night, but what do we do now? What else can you tell us to go do on a date? And we're like, why don't we just write a book? Let's just write a book and make it simple for people. For us, it wasn't something that we had to work hard at, but we realized the more we do marriage ministry that this is something people really need.

[Jay Laffoon]

And full disclosure, we have not done every one of these dates. Some of these dates are people that we know and we know are creative. And we've said, hey, tell us a couple of the dates that you've been on that you guys got creative with.

[Jim Daly]

So get on the block here. Jay, come on. Step up the pace, buddy.

[John Fuller]

Come on.

[Jim Daly]

Well, that's good. And it's like best of practices.

[Jay Laffoon]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

I'll go to you, Laura, once again, what are some examples of date nights? Just give us a flavor of some things that we can do.

[Laura Laffoon]

Okay, well, I'm going to take notes. I'm going to give you my favorite. And it's a free date night. So that's we in the book.

[Jim Daly]

Even better.

[Laura Laffoon]

Exactly. In the book, we tried to do some that are free, some that are a little bit of cost, some that might cost a little more. And we try. And in the book we give you a key. If that's the legend. A here's what this means.

[Jim Daly]

And so a dollar sign, no dollar sign. $3 sign.

[Laura Laffoon]

1 of my favorites is free. And this actually came from a friend of ours. They are a married couple that have five children, all very young. And so date nights were very difficult for them to. You have to get a babysitter. That's going to cost and we have to go. Well, if we go to dinner, that's going to cost. And so what they would do is they put all the kids to bed, and he has a pickup truck. They would back the pickup truck out into the driveway. They'd put two camp chairs in the back of the pickup truck. They'd turn on their music, and they would sit and watch the stars and have conversation. And they said they could sit and do that for hours. Hours. I'm like, what a great idea. We do that again without even thinking. Especially coming from Michigan in the middle of summer. We sit on our patio and just talk for hours. And it's a great date. Doesn't cost.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. And everything we're going to point to is all the good things you can do. But I got to ask Jay this question. Come on, give me. Give me a date night gone wrong.

[Jay Laffoon]

A date night gone wrong.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, I can do it. This is what I want, because this is where we really live.

[Jay Laffoon]

Yes. So Laura's turning 40. Okay. Not anytime soon here. But a while back.

[Laura Laffoon]

This is a while back.

[Jay Laffoon]

She's turning 40. And I'm like, we've got this spa that is 20 minutes from our house. I said, let's get. I thought to myself, I'm gonna get her a couple's massage, because wouldn't that just be so much fun? Now I'm picturing we're laying side by side, talking. Talking. Well, forgetting also that my wife grew up in the south and lives in a box, and unless you're invited in that box, she does not want to be touched. In other words, she's not a big, huggy person.

[Jim Daly]

Okay. Right.

[Jay Laffoon]

And we pull up to the spot. She's like, what are we doing? So we're getting a couple's massage for my birthday. I said, yeah. I said, I know it was very expensive, but, you know, I just thought it'd be great. She's like, you know, I don't like to be touched.

[Laura Laffoon]

You're getting me a massage.

[Jay Laffoon]

And right then, I'm just like, oh, my goodness.

[Jim Daly]

No, I'm with you. Jean's thing is just being in the same room. If we were to do that. She's like, I don't want. I want to sleep. I want to. You know.

[Jay Laffoon]

And that's what happened. So I'm thinking couples massage. We get in there, we're sitting, We've got our robes on, and this lovely young lady comes in and says, laura, I'll take you. And so I'm like. And then Sven walks in. I mean, he's literally six, two, built.

[Jim Daly]

Like, best massage of your life.

[Jay Laffoon]

No, no. No, it was painful.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's what I mean. He worked out all the kids, and.

[Jay Laffoon]

I didn't like it. I get out. I said to the Lord, I'm never doing that again. She came out and she goes, that was wonderful.

[Jim Daly]

So that's good.

[Jay Laffoon]

It had elements of bad and good, but it was.

[Jim Daly]

That sounds like a little trick on you.

[Focus on the Family Counselor]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

You never know what the Lord's up to.

[Laura Laffoon]

But, yeah, we pulled.

[Jay Laffoon]

You never know what your wife is up to.

[Laura Laffoon]

We pulled into that parking lot, and I'm like, we're doing what for my birthday? Seriously, you could have just taken me to a mall and given me a credit card, and I would have been fine.

[Jim Daly]

I'm going to let you redeem yourself, Jay, because you also had one in there about snuggling in front of a fire, and that being the date night. Describe that one. That sounded like a home run.

[Jay Laffoon]

You know, sometimes the simplest things speak the most. My wife's love language is quality time. And so anytime, especially when we had kids, if I could arrange for the kids to be either at friend's house or grandma and grandpa's house, and it's just the two of us, you know, we would snuggle in front of the fire. Now, again, true confession. We do not have a real fireplace, but we have a thing that resembles a fire. And I also know that on Netflix you can get a fire on your.

[Jim Daly]

And it even crackles.

[Jay Laffoon]

And it even crackles. But just, you know, sitting there with no intention other than to be with her and to, you know, talk about what she wants to talk about.

[Laura Laffoon]

Sometimes we would do puzzles or play card games. I mean, it doesn't have to be like, you just sit and snuggle.

[Jay Laffoon]

Snuggle.

[Laura Laffoon]

Cause we just said, I don't like to be touched, but that's okay.

[Jay Laffoon]

But, you know, it's figuring out what your spouse desires. And it's not need, it's desire. And I don't think there's anything wrong with the fact that she desires to have quality time with me. It's not an evil desire. So what does she desire? So let's make that happen. And that's what these dates are about. I'll never forget. We're doing a date night in Ohio, rural Ohio. And we were in a cafetorium. So it was their cafeteria and auditorium. All in all, cafe, gymnorium. So it was also their gym.

[Jim Daly]

Cafe, gym.

[Jay Laffoon]

And there was this old couple, they were sitting under a can light. So I watched them the whole time. They had to be in their 80s. And they were just embracing each other. And after they came to buy some books and they said, young man, I said, yes, you need to let all these young people know what you did to get your spouse is what you need to do to keep your spouse.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, that's good.

[Jay Laffoon]

That is gold. You know, and so that's the dating thing. You dated, you spent money, you did things to you, you talked.

[Jim Daly]

Yes, that's what that says.

[Jay Laffoon]

That's a big one.

[Jim Daly]

You used to talk to me a lot more when we were dating. Has anybody ever heard that?

[Jay Laffoon]

Oh, yeah.

[Jim Daly]

Let me ask this again. For younger couples who might be captive to screens. I mean, how many restaurants that Gene and I have gone to? And we're really good about putting phones away when we're having dinner. If it's at home, same thing. If we're at a restaurant, the same thing. But you look around the restaurant, I mean, families of three, four, five, they're all looking at their screens. Nobody's talking. And so speak to that need to put that away.

[Jay Laffoon]

It's funny, because that's not a date night. No, it's not. I believe it was. I can't remember who did the study, but they said the average American couple spends four minutes a day alone together. And they qualified that by saying no screens. So alone means no screens, four minutes a day. Wow, that's frightening because it just. Communication is so hard to begin with, and when you're not spending any time doing it, it complicates matters. Right.

[John Fuller]

So there are a couple of things in the book I'd like to ask about, because I get that, and I think we're pretty good about that. But purpose. You mentioned that dates should have purpose, which seems kind of counter to just hanging out and serving my spouse. So how do I inject some purpose into a date where I'm trying to give them what they're desiring?

[Jay Laffoon]

To Jay's point?

[Laura Laffoon]

Well, I think that is what the purpose is. The purpose of whatever the date is. Well, first of all, when we started floating ideas out there to people, you know, when they would email and I'd go, well, what about if you do this or do this? The response 99% of the time was, but I don't like to do that. I don't like to. I don't like to go for walks. I don't like to go for bike rides. That would be Jay. I would love to go for bike ride heat. Well, you know, the purpose is to just be together so often. And I think Jim said this in the Beginning. We are so busy that we neglect connecting. We neglect that time because we think, you know, when the kids are grown and our jobs have settled in and blah, then we'll still be there. If you haven't built into this relationship, you're not still gonna be there 15 years down the road, you know, when the kids are gone.

[Jim Daly]

Let me ask you this, because temperaments are so critical. You know, we tend to marry people that are opposite. Not everybody. I don't mean to overgeneralize, but. But let me just overgeneralize. You know, Jean and I. I'm extrovert, she's introvert. She loves communication, deep communication. She's the person that walks into a big room and she'd like to be with three people and really get to know them. That is like, oh, my goodness. How could you do that? I'm gonna say Hi to all 150 people. I really don't wanna know much about you other than this is fun, isn't it? It's fun to be here.

[Laura Laffoon]

Right?

[Jim Daly]

Good to see you. Bye. Okay, you know, so. So that's just the illustration at its extreme. But when you're in this context of a date night, you know, you do have people that have bents. You know, you have people that are deep inward thinkers, that are numbers people. They're not given to outward communication. They're trying to figure out what you're thinking. So how do you, as a couple, improve that communication with that goal in mind, with someone who is not that talkative, might be more introverted. Husband or wife. How do you recognize that? Because you're trying to help them out of a hole in the communication.

[Laura Laffoon]

Right.

[Jay Laffoon]

That's a great question. And I think one of the things that we've always come back to is because Laura loves to shop. And early in our marriage, I would literally go shopping.

[Laura Laffoon]

That's fair. I don't have to buy. I just like to shop.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, that's even worse.

[Jay Laffoon]

She doesn't have to buy.

[Jim Daly]

Why would you be shopping without the goal of buying?

[Jay Laffoon]

But I detested it. I couldn't stand it. So I would make life miserable. On those Saturdays, we would go to the mall, and finally someone said to me, jay, why are you doing this? Because it's important to Laura. This is something she enjoys. Why would you do that? And I began to change slowly, to see the joy that she found in the way that she was wired. And so do I enjoy shopping? No. But I enjoy watching her enjoy that. And, you know, as far as helping someone change their temperament, I don't know that we can.

[Jim Daly]

Well, you can't change them. But it's how to encourage them. Encourage them to come out of that show.

[Jay Laffoon]

Well, if I could say it that way again, True confession. I'm an introvert, okay? And we were talking before the show about our little neighborhood parties. I can't stand them. I'm like, laura, don't make me go. Please just let me stay home and watch football. But this last one we had, I got in the car when we were done and I said, that was really fun. Thanks for making me go. And it was, you know, so sometimes we do these things to stretch our spouse a little out of their comfort zone. And when we do that, and we do that gently because she did it very gently, but she's like, jay, these are our neighbors. We gotta love them. We've gotta, you know, show them Jesus. Because a lot of em don't know Jesus.

[Jim Daly]

I love your attitude. That's great.

[Focus on the Family Counselor]

Okay.

[Jim Daly]

Gotta show them Jesus.

[Jay Laffoon]

Okay, Lauren, let's go.

[Laura Laffoon]

It's like taking your kids to church on Sunday morning when they've been screaming and yelling, we're gonna go learn about the love of Jesus. Get in the car.

[Jim Daly]

That's argue all the way to church, that's for sure.

[John Fuller]

Well, I don't know how long you've been married, but if you're married, you can probably relate to some of what we're talking about today with Jay and Laura Laffoon. Get a copy of this terrific little resource that they have. Ultimate date night, 52amazing dates for busy couples. You're going to find all sorts of great ideas here and some underlying principles to help grow as a couple. And we have copies of the book here. The details are in the show notes. Or give us a call. 800, a family.

[Jim Daly]

You know, we have a growing number of listeners, which is great, that have younger children in the home. And that for Gene and I, just out of our own experience with Trent and Troy when they were younger, it was hard to do a date night. I mean, you said earlier the babysitter thing and all that speak specifically to that phase in life. And, you know, sometimes we can kick ourselves that we're okay. We haven't done date night in two weeks, three weeks, whatever it might be. And then you load guilt on top of a really busy schedule. That's not the goal here. The goal is to just get into a rhythm that you can get out and do this because it's really healthy for you.

[Laura Laffoon]

Yes, it is. And we highly recommend grandparents as grandparents. We highly recommend grandparents, but we also encourage couples, especially if you're involved in a church or maybe you're involved in a small group with couples who are in the same walk of life, you can share childcare. And what I mean is, Jay and I are gonna go out this weekend and, hey, can you guys take our kids Friday night?

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's great.

[Laura Laffoon]

And then we'll take your kids next Friday night. Sharing that responsibility, sharing that. Then you give everybody a chance to have a date night. Doesn't cost you anything. It just. Other than you have somebody else's kids in your home. And.

[Jay Laffoon]

But sometimes that can be a good thing because it keeps your kids entertained.

[Laura Laffoon]

But it is important in that young, married, young kids, because the kids demand so much of your time, and your jobs demand your time, and just life demand so much of time to have that hour again. That's why we have so many in the book of free dates, things that you can do that don't cost a lot of money, so that if you do need to spend the money on childcare, you can spend the money on childcare and then just go for a walk.

[Jim Daly]

I could just see the husband looking through the book, going with a little highlighter. This one, page four. This one. All the free dates don't do that. Occasionally spend some money.

[John Fuller]

Well, related to that, there are special occasions, and it feels like there's a lot of stress and pressure on these special occasions. In fact, we went to a marriage getaway one time, and we had one of the worst fights ever in our marriage. It was like. I think it was because of the expectations and the stress of young kids in the home. So talk a little bit about how we can kind of let go of those expectations and maybe appropriately celebrate the marriage.

[Laura Laffoon]

Well, I think there are times. I mean, we do our celebrate your marriage conference, and we have people who come to celebrate their 10th, 15th, 25th wedding anniversary. It's a big deal. But I think that there are times when you go, you know what? This is something to celebrate. 40 years is something to celebrate, but let's try and celebrate it in a little more calmer.

[Jay Laffoon]

Well, guys are good friends with Gary Thomas, the author, good friend of ours. And one of my favorite quotes from Gary is, the problem with marriage is we expect too much from it.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's right.

[Jay Laffoon]

And I think that sometimes we build all these expectations up, and, no, you know, Laura did not marry Jesus junior. I mean, I am a human being with flaws.

[Jim Daly]

But you're so close, And all the wives win.

[Jay Laffoon]

Yeah. But so you're going to disappoint. You're going to have those moments where our expectations are unmet. But as loving couples, we need to nurture and encourage each other during those times that, you know, this wasn't quite what we expected. But let's look at the good things that came out of it.

[Laura Laffoon]

But I do think there's also times for anticipation when you do have a big, you know, 10, 15, 20, 25. Anticipating those, you know, not the day before, but thinking about it as it's coming up. And what can you do that would be fun, but try and eliminate the stress.

[Jim Daly]

Let's also educate young couples. When your wife says, I don't need anything, I don't want anything, can you believe I took the bait? Oh, I think I'm still paying for that.

[John Fuller]

This happened to you, didn't you?

[Jim Daly]

You know, it was like the fourth or fifth, I don't know, some early anniversary.

[Jay Laffoon]

The problem is for us men, if we say, I don't mean anything, guess what?

[John Fuller]

We made it.

[Jay Laffoon]

I don't need it.

[Laura Laffoon]

Yeah, but.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's not what she's saying.

[Laura Laffoon]

I'm trying to alleviate your guilt and stress, but think of something.

[Jim Daly]

Just think of something only yet to add more to the guilt. You thought I didn't want anything. This is a trap. Who said that? You know, one of the things, too. You know, oftentimes a date night can turn into a business meeting and we gotta be really careful. We're talking a lot about what types of date nights to have through your great book, ultimate date night 52amazing dates for busy Couples. Now let's talk about the content of the date night. You don't talk budget, you don't talk about problem with the kids. Don't talk about the in laws and where you're going to go for Thanksgiving or Christmas. This is time to be more intimate.

[Jay Laffoon]

And this is why some of these are so good. Because you're so active in the date that we've got that you can't really be talking. You know, for example, one of my favorites is called the Treasure Hunt. And most people don't know there's a thing called geocaching, which you can download an app on your phone and you can go out and find these little treasures. While you're doing that, you're going to have some conversation, but you're not going to be conversating about the kids or about business. Another one where you're probably not going to be talking about kids is when you go axe throwing together.

[Jim Daly]

Haven't Tried that one.

[Jay Laffoon]

That's enough.

[Jim Daly]

You're not on good terms in that moment. I don't think that would be a good wire. Great.

[John Fuller]

Trust.

[Jim Daly]

I'm so sorry, honey. It slipped.

[Jay Laffoon]

That's right. But, I mean, there's certain activities that are just going to lend themselves to not having conversations.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah.

[John Fuller]

I want to put a caveat even on that, because there was a time when we were having a date and Dena was talking about the kids, and I'm like, no, no, no. I don't want to talk about the kids right now. And she looked at me and she said, that's what's on my heart right now. And I realized, okay, I can't be, like, black and white about this. If that's really where she's at, that I'm not gonna. We're not gonna score points by saying, nope, nope, nope. See, we have to be sensitive, don't we?

[Laura Laffoon]

That's very true. But also, we're big proponents of encouraging couples to spend 15 minutes every day in uninterrupted conversation. So kids are in bed before the kids wake up. Whenever it is, just look at each other eyeball to eyeball and have. And that's where those conversations happen. That's where you plan the next Christmas, the vacation. You talk about the kids, what's going on. Then when you go on your date night, that need has already been met. And if you can build that habit, then when you go on a date, you can be more intentional about being with each other and talking about your marriage and those types of happenings.

[Jim Daly]

And that's a good reminder. The other thing you can fall into is that feeling like, this is a box. You check.

[Laura Laffoon]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

And I think maybe men would fall into that trap a little bit more. Okay, I'm doing it. What more do you want from me?

[Jay Laffoon]

Dinner and a movie. Dinner and a movie.

[Jim Daly]

Wasn't that good?

[John Fuller]

Movie.

[Jim Daly]

Did you like the movie? Good. I've been intimate now, emotionally, I mean, seriously.

[Jay Laffoon]

Right.

[Jim Daly]

You know, and so you have to, like, have the. Not the letter of the law about date night, but the heart and the spirit of it. You got to aim for that.

[Laura Laffoon]

Right.

[Jim Daly]

And again, some people will struggle with that just naturally. It's not because they're bad people. It's just my head's not there. How do you get your head there and get your head in the game?

[Jay Laffoon]

Right. I think you have to really take a conscious look at what is the purpose of this date. We didn't do this specifically, but we've kind of. There's Two different types of dates. There's romantic dates and there's adventure dates. And some are more romantic, some are less romantic, some are more adventuresome, some are less adventuresome. But if you go into there knowing, you know, we loves a whitewater raft, well, that's not going to be a romantic date. You know, that's going to be an adventure date. But we both love it, so let's go do it. As opposed to, we also like fine dining. That's going to be a romantic date. And if you understand coming into it what the so called purpose of this evening is.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's good.

[Jay Laffoon]

It becomes a lot easier to put the phone down, to focus on your spouse and to really make a concerted effort to meet them where they're at.

[Jim Daly]

So really, again, what you're talking about is setting expectations, that's what that is, as to what the date night is about. And do that probably a little bit gently in some cases and other times pretty forthrightly. I mean, again, with black and white thinkers. That's really helpful. They actually like that. My wife's a biochemistry person. She always wants me to say chemistry isn't that funny right there. She took biology classes, but no, it's not biochemistry, it's chemistry. Okay, sorry. She's a chemistry person, but I mean, that is a black and white thinker. You know, she does measurements very carefully, making pancakes, all that kind of thing. And I need to be more explicit about these things, be plain spoken, and that helps her sometimes. I don't want to be. I want a more elusive kind of idea.

[Laura Laffoon]

It's going to be spontaneous.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, my goodness. That's the problem, that she doesn't manage spontaneity and I don't manage straightforwardness. So it's just one of the things that we.

[Jay Laffoon]

I don't think that's uncommon.

[Jim Daly]

I know.

[Jay Laffoon]

I think that's a lot of people. Because I want to plan. I want a plan and I don't want to deviate from the plan. Whereas Laura's like, whatever. Yeah, exactly.

[Jim Daly]

Let's just go, yeah, I like that. One of the key things in these moments. And again, this is a great attribute of my wife Jean. She loves a spiritual element. We've talked pretty much the whole time. Where's God in all this? And how do we as Christians, how do we honor him and invite him into this in a way that, you know, it makes sense? It's not concocted, it's real.

[Jay Laffoon]

Every good and pleasing gift comes from the Lord. And I think when we realize that Our spouse is that good and pleasing gift, and we're honored to be able to be with them. One of the things that we've tried to do with most of the dates is to have a. Because I'm a preacher at heart, according to my wife, is to have a spiritual tone to it. But you know, what is. And again, like with the axe drawing, iron sharpens iron. Well, honey, I'm sorry.

[Jim Daly]

Bing. Oh, honey, sorry. It's a good day. Iron sharpens iron. Yeah.

[Jay Laffoon]

Or the geocaching. Finding treasure in. You know, we're in clay pots, but we're a treasure in a clay pot. And so trying to. That's what these date nights for, those that are not necessarily bent on the spiritual side of life, this is just a gentle nudge towards how you can bring God into the date.

[Laura Laffoon]

Yes. So in the book, we do have some helpful hints for discussion that points you towards spiritual things, towards God, place that you can journal if you're that type of person. Here's what we did. Here's what we talked about. You know, those kinds of things. If you want to keep that. I'm more the journaler than Jay is, but. But yeah, that's. That definitely God has brought you together for a reason. And so God is a Of.

[Jay Laffoon]

Part.

[Laura Laffoon]

Part of this union. And we want to make sure that you steer your dates that direction.

[Jay Laffoon]

And scripture is clear. I mean, Song of Solomon is basically one big date. You know, they're pursuing one another, and that's what dating is about, is pursuing one another in a way that garners that romance, that garners those feelings that we first had when we were married.

[Jim Daly]

A little bit cultural difference. You know, you remind me of a great goat or pomegranate or whatever.

[Jay Laffoon]

Right.

[Jim Daly]

You got to kind of go with the culture.

[Jay Laffoon]

There was also. The goat's teeth, I think were involved.

[Jim Daly]

The goat's teeth, the goat's hair. Don't try that one. That doesn't work. Today, what a fun conversation with Jay and Laura. And I hope that you have renewed energy to invest in your marriage, because a thriving marriage is the foundation of a thriving family. At Focus on the Family, we want to provide biblical resources to equip you and inspire you. So much of what you hear on the news and in the media is so negative and full of lies about gender, sexuality and the family. We had one listener share with us this. I had to look for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly to find some positivity. There are some dark places on the Internet. Thank the Lord. There is a voice in the wilderness. Wow. That is exactly what we want to do. We want to be a voice for the family and for God's truth in the darkness of this culture. But we need your help to keep doing the ministry. Join what God is doing. Give today to deliver hope and joy this Christmas season. And when you make a gift of any amount, we'll send you a copy of the Ultimate Date Night as our way of saying thank you. The Laffoons have so many more date night ideas in there for you so that you can get into the habit of prioritizing your marriage in the new year.

[John Fuller]

That's a great way to start off 2026. Donate today and get your copy of jay and Laura Laffoon's book when you call 800-232-6459, that's 800, the letter A and the word family or click the link in the Show Notes. And if you enjoyed today's show, you're going to want to check out our best of 2025 audio collection. You'll have access to 18 of our best programs of the year and you can sign up by clicking on the link in the Show Notes. On behalf of the entire team, thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Focus on the Family Counselor]

Chatgpt and AI can offer you ideas and attempt to give you answers, but it can't listen with compassion, pray with you, or guide you with wisdom shaped by faith. When life feels overwhelming, real human connection matters. At Focus on the Family, we believe in the power of professional help and biblical wisdom. That's why we offer free confidential consultation with a caring Christian counselor to walk with you through life's struggles. Whether you're navigating challenges in marriage, parenting anxiety, grief, or something else, our counselors are here to help. If you're hurting, don't wait. Hope is real and healing begins with a conversation. Request your free confidential consultation today. Call 1-800-A-FUSY. That's 1-800-232-6459 or visit focusonthefamily.com gethelp that's focusonthefamily.com GetHelp.