Discovering God's Design for Marriage

Summary

Summary of "Discovering God's Design for Marriage"

Podcast: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
Host: Jim Daly and John Fuller
Guests: Howard and Danielle Taylor
Release Date: June 6, 2025

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Introduction to God's Blueprint for Marriage

In the episode titled "Discovering God's Design for Marriage," hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller welcome marriage coaches, authors, and speakers Howard and Danielle Taylor. The discussion centers on building a strong, Christ-centered marriage by understanding and applying biblical principles.

Establishing a Faith-Based Foundation

The Importance of Spiritual Practices

Danielle Taylor emphasizes the necessity of integrating prayer and Bible reading into daily life to establish a solid foundation for marriage.

Danielle Taylor ([00:03]): "When we got together, we would pray every day and we would read our Bible because we knew that that is the foundation of our faith."

John Fuller reiterates this fundamental truth, highlighting that divine support is crucial for a successful marital relationship.

John Fuller ([00:30]): "Husbands and wives need God's help to have a strong, successful relationship."

Jim Daly shares personal experiences from his early marriage days, illustrating the challenges of maintaining fun and connection when couples are constantly together.

Jim Daly ([00:46]): "Marriage is fun most of the time, occasionally qualifying occasionally. It may not be fun when there's a disagreement between you."

Building a Strong Foundation with Purpose and Gifts

Identifying Purpose

Howard Taylor discusses the concept of the "bedrock" of marriage—the foundational purpose that anchors the relationship. He explains how understanding each other's life experiences and testimonies can strengthen the marital bond.

Howard Taylor ([05:21]): "We believe purpose resides in your testimony. These experiences that Danielle and I went through because we came from broken homes, these experiences were core to our purpose."

Recognizing and Utilizing Gifts

Jim Daly highlights the importance of identifying individual gifts and purposes within the marriage to complement each other effectively.

Jim Daly ([04:48]): "You're going to help your marriage by identifying your gifts and purpose as a couple."

Effective Communication Styles

Understanding and Adapting Communication

Howard Taylor shares his journey of recognizing his argumentative communication style and how Danielle helped him adjust it to foster healthier interactions.

Howard Taylor ([07:55]): "I was so I always argued... but Danielle lovingly just said, no, there's no point to be made. I was just saying to say it."

Danielle emphasizes the significance of leading conversations with positivity and acknowledgment, which Howard refers to as the "sugar, salt, sugar" approach.

Howard Taylor ([10:23]): "It's very important to know that you always lead with sugar."

Maintaining Friendship in Marriage

Friendship as the Core

Danielle and Howard illustrate how prioritizing friendship within marriage helps navigate through challenges and prevents relationships from becoming transactional.

Danielle Taylor ([11:42]): "We always maintained that our friendship is first… if you're friends with someone, you want the best for them sincerely."

Practical Ways to Sustain Friendship

They suggest intentional activities like date nights, vacations, and engaging in each other's interests to keep the friendship alive.

Danielle Taylor ([12:48]): "Do something that they will appreciate. I was going to basketball games with magazines—it showed I wanted to be with him."

Embracing a No Breakup Policy

Commitment Through Challenges

Howard Taylor explains their "no breakup policy," established early in their relationship to combat the high divorce rates and ensure long-term commitment.

Howard Taylor ([18:04]): "We wanted to discipline ourselves through while we courted each other and dated each other, so that when marriage got rough, we knew how to put up our umbrellas and dig in."

Spiritual Foundation as a Support System

Danielle underscores the role of faith in sustaining marriage through difficult times, advocating for turning to God rather than contemplating separation.

Danielle Taylor ([20:28]): "None of that is going to work if you don't truly invite God into the marriage."

Overcoming Marital Challenges with Faith

Addressing Heartbreak and Renewal

Jim Daly relates to the metaphor of a wife's heart as a rose that needs nurturing, stressing the husband's role in maintaining emotional connection.

Jim Daly ([23:18]): "A husband's job is to till the soil of that rose and to make sure that rose is thriving."

Trusting in Christ

Danielle encourages wives to place their trust in Christ to mend broken hearts and view their marriage through a spiritual lens.

Danielle Taylor ([24:07]): "I'm going to pray and ask God to watch over him and convict his heart if necessary for anything and keep him safe."

Practical Tools and Resources

Marriage Coaching and Resources

Howard and Danielle introduce their ministry, Marriage on Deck, and their book "Fundamentals of Eight Essential Practices of Successful Couples." They offer resources like workbooks and assessments to help couples strengthen their marriages.

John Fuller ([25:59]): "We're also going to have details online about our free Focus on Marriage assessment."

Encouragement to Engage in Ministry

The Taylors and hosts encourage listeners to participate in their programs to foster strong, healthy marriages that can positively impact society.

Jim Daly ([25:03]): "Strong, healthy marriages will change a nation."

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with a call to action for couples to seek spiritual and practical support to navigate the complexities of marriage. The hosts reaffirm the message that with intentional effort and faith, marriages can thrive even through adversity.

Gene ([27:03]): "Your marriage can be redeemed even if the fights seem constant, even if there's been an affair, even if you haven't felt close in years."

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Note: For more resources and to participate in the Marriage on Deck ministry, listeners are encouraged to visit the show notes or contact the ministry directly.

Transcript

[Danielle Taylor]

When we got together, we would pray every day and we would read our Bible because we knew that that is the foundation of our faith. We knew that's the foundation of our lives. This is the only way this relationship is really going to work. As marriage coaches, we could give people tips and, you know, activities and exercises and things to do to help their relationship, but none of that is going to work if you don't really truly invite God into the marriage.

[John Fuller]

That's Danielle Taylor describing a fundamental truth about marriage, that husbands and wives need God's help to have a strong, successful relationship. You'll hear more from Danielle and her husband Howard today on FOCUS on the FAMILY with Jim Daly. Thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

John, I think marriage is fun most of the time, occasionally qualifying occasionally. It may not be fun when there's a disagreement between you. But I remember for Gene and I, the first nine months we took a job traveling the country doing drug and alcohol abuse shows for high schools. So we were together 24, 7 for the first nine months of our marriage. And poor Jean, I remember one time she wanted to get away, I think as an introvert, just to refuel, go.

[John Fuller]

To the grocery store.

[Jim Daly]

And I said, hey, I'll go to the store with you. And she goes, no, no, no, no, no. You just stay, stay here at the hotel. I'll be back. Be a good boy. I was like, what's wrong with our marriage? What happened? Anyway, you know, the bottom line is whether you've been married for decades or you're just a few months into your relationship, we want marriage. You can and to build that on the rock of Jesus Christ, because that's the best place to build your house of marriage. And our guests today are going to help us to explore that and give you some wonderful tools to make your marriage as strong as it can be. Right.

[John Fuller]

And Howard and Danielle Taylor are marriage coaches, authors and speakers, and they have a ministry called Marriage on Deck. Now they have a book called the Fundamentals of Eight Essential Practices of Successful Couples. And we have copies of that here at the ministry. The details are in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Howard and Danielle, welcome to FOCUS on THE family.

[Howard Taylor]

Thank you so much.

[Danielle Taylor]

Thank you for having us.

[Jim Daly]

It's great to have you. We're all originally, the three of us originally from Southern Cal.

[Danielle Taylor]

Absolutely.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. And now you've moved near Atlanta, so that's a new journey for you guys. But let's go to the marriage coaching side. When you began marriage coaching, you realized many Christian couples didn't have good foundations for their marriage. I think that's so true. You know what's weird is we all go to. You went to California, Fullerton. I went to another Cal State. You study books to do business or to go into the sciences. Probably the most important thing you're going to do is get married. Not everybody, and I get that, will get married, and I get that. But most of us will get married. It's like there's no manual. There's no class for that, per se. I am encouraged that more and more churches do marriage counseling, premarital counseling, etc.

[Danielle Taylor]

Absolutely.

[Jim Daly]

But, man, we need strong foundations, don't we? And in that way, what are these couples missing when they don't have that strong foundation?

[Howard Taylor]

Yeah, they're missing what we call the bedrock of their relationship, the bedrock or foundation that they're going to build their house on, their house of marriage. And so what we found as we coach couples, we would always ask, after they listed out everything they didn't like about their marriage or what bothered them about their spouse, they would list these things out and we would receive them just to take note and get to know them and hear their heart. Then we like to throw, well, okay, after all of that, either, what do you like about him? Why did you marry him? And what do you believe God's purpose for your marriage is? And like statistics would suggest, most of them would say, well, I married her or him because I love him.

[Danielle Taylor]

Right.

[Howard Taylor]

So, okay, that's a great reason. We'll unpack that. But why do you believe God has you married today? And it's the blank stare.

[Jim Daly]

Let's go to the Bible. And what the Bible says about marriage.

[Danielle Taylor]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

What does it say as to the why of marriage?

[Howard Taylor]

Foundationally, we believe that the Bible starts out straight away in Genesis 1:28, beginning to give us instruction for marriage. Be fruitful, multiply, subdue and have dominion. And so that gives us an idea, after God created male and female, of how he wanted us to coexist.

[Danielle Taylor]

Right.

[Howard Taylor]

And so we begin to unpack in our marriage, what does fruitfulness look like? Well, of course, we believe that that looks like childbearing because God wants godly children, as it says in Malachi. But what is the multiplying of that fruit? What is subduing? What does that even mean? To take control of something in our marriage? And then ultimately, when he says dominion, what does he mean by that? And so we begin to unpack in the first chapter of the Bible what God gave us as instruction, we believe as a blueprint.

[Jim Daly]

So in that respect you talk about in this great workbook that you do, the fundamentals of marriage that you've written, which has video components to it as well. But in there, you're talking about identifying your gifts and purpose as a couple. I think Gene and I have done that almost without being too deliberate about it. We could have been more deliberate, but I think we fell into the right groove. But I don't think it was as intentional as it should have been. Absolutely. So help me understand purpose and gifts within your marriage.

[Howard Taylor]

Well, you know, when we think about purpose, we think about what is it that's going to be adhesive to your marriage. Marriage has so many seasonality patterns. That purpose, for Danielle and I especially, it added an adhesive, a glue, a bond to that leaving and cleaving. That was more eternal, was more lasting. Right. But what we found is when we first got together, it was all our differences that provided conflicts. It was not the things that complemented us. And so we began to get intentional about it. We began to say whether it was a diagram, what are our similarities, what are the things that we have in us that complimented us. And I'll tell you what we landed on. And we believe purpose resides. We believe it resides in your testimony. There are so many things that God allows us to go through that aren't comfortable to us, that are painful to us, that we believe hurts us and we don't want to discuss. But in those things, God had purpose. And the testing was meant for you to be able to take control of that, subdue it, whether it's in your home, whether it's a wandering eye or pornography, or whether it's lust or whether it's poverty that struck our home, or whether it was bad parenting. These experiences that Dayell and I went through because we came from broken homes, these experiences were core to our purpose. And us overcoming them allowed us to have a bond and a glue. And so when we saw our friends and our family members begin to get divorced, we started to see this carnage of marriage around us. Our heart was sensitive, and it was prepared to take on our now life's mission. And so we encourage couples to look at what you've experienced in your life. Look at where God has experienced you. Jesus didn't look at the disciples and. And not relate to them being fishermen. He looked at their skill set and their experiences and said, let me make you a fisherman. And men. And so we tell couples when we coach them, be practical about that process. What is your testimony? What have you went through? These are the Things that will cause you and your husband and wife to want to take control of that and be impactful and serve others in that area. And that's where we believe really being intentional about identifying purpose resides for your.

[Danielle Taylor]

Marriage, and it helps you stay together. When people have a purpose that they're working towards, they're not so easily to break up or let's separate, or I don't want to be with you anymore because you gained weight or you lost your job or you have this addiction. We have a common goal that's like bringing us together and helping us. Yeah. And bonding us.

[Jim Daly]

You know, I like that. Let me ask you about that idea of identifying your communication style, because that's another thing that you emphasize. Howard, we'll pick on you first.

[Howard Taylor]

Sure, sure.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. But what was your style. Communication style, going into marriage with all of your youth, your experience as a child, obviously. And then how did d. Danielle confront you about that?

[Howard Taylor]

Yeah, I was so I. You know, I always joke that I came from a great line of domestic debaters just in the house at a football.

[Jim Daly]

Everything's an argument.

[Howard Taylor]

Everything is an argument or a point or getting something across or ultimately a debate. And you know, what I found for that is I brought that same habitual communication style into marriage. You know, we could just be talking about groceries, or we could be talking about something that should have been fun. But I found a great point or debate in it, and it began to separate our communication. And so as I'm debating Danielle, one day, she began to say, yeah, I don't really want to argue about that. Like, this is an argument. I'm like, no, I'm not arguing. I'm just making a point. And I was always trying to make a point. And Dale very lovingly just said, no, there's no point to be made. I was just saying to say it. So that helped me understand a blind spot in my communication style, which really was innocent. It wasn't to argue with my wife, but it was developed. It was learned through what I observed.

[Jim Daly]

I would identify with you, and I.

[Howard Taylor]

Brought it into marriage.

[Jim Daly]

I want to make sure I get this, because the communication style you bring into marriage can reveal a lot about your upbringing and other things to the point where you're even unconscious about it. You don't even know you're doing it.

[Howard Taylor]

It's a blind spot, for sure.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. And the more aware you can become of that motivation and your triggers, I think the healthier your relationship's gonna be, because you can go, okay. Because I could relate to Gene Saying exactly what you said, Howard, she would say to me, you sound defensive right now. I don't sound defensive right now. What are you talking about? Where'd you get that from? Yeah, forget that.

[Danielle Taylor]

Right.

[Jim Daly]

She just needs a tape recorder right there. But, you know, speak to that idea of, you know, the deeper heart issues that you're expressing when you're going at it like this.

[Howard Taylor]

Wow. You know. Well, first, to piggyback off of what Daniel says, when you arrive to these sensitive heart conditions, somebody has to tell you defensive or maybe you're combative or whatever it is. For us, what was very. We encourage couples, and it's very important to know that you always lead with sugar. Right. So if you're going to iron, sharpen. Iron sharpens iron. But if you're going to breach these conversations and set aside time to help grow and sharpen your spouse, the best way to establish rapport with the individual, and it needs to be earned, even with your spouse, is to let them know that you see the things that they do great.

[Danielle Taylor]

Right.

[Howard Taylor]

And so Dan was great when we really helped cure my heart with communication, of highlighting my strengths. And then she added, after sugar, a little salt. And then if you're a couple even today, finish with sugar. People will begin to look forward to your pruning.

[Jim Daly]

That's really good. And I like that. Sugar, salt, sugar, sugar. I'm gonna use that tonight.

[John Fuller]

Sugar be a little sweeter, not salty.

[Danielle Taylor]

Right.

[Jim Daly]

You know, one thing I appreciated about the next section I want to talk about is your emphasis on friendship and marriage. And I think Jean is my best friend. I can say that I like that. And I miss when she's on a trip, I miss her when I'm on a trip. And that's probably a good indication. But speak to that idea of friendship. It's what you have when you're dating. It's what's compelling you toward marriage. And then it kind of gets you through the early years of marriage. And then for some couples, it evaporates because we get down to the business of marriage, meaning paying the bills, raising the kids, getting things done. Did you call the plumber? No, I forgot. How could you forget to call the plumber? And it's like the business of marriage, and you start not liking each other anymore. And speak to that idea of how to keep a friendship in your marriage, in your relationship.

[Danielle Taylor]

I feel like Howard and I started off as friends as well. But over these years, we've always maintained that our friendship is first. So even though we're married, we are Friends first. When things got. We've had a lot of ups and downs with our child passing away. We've had a failed business. We've had just certain, you know, things that. Trials that we've had to overcome and things that we've had to deal with each other and our character, getting to know each other as we come together. And we think to ourselves, if we work together as friends. Friends first. Right. Because sometimes in marriage we put these labels on each other and then we have these unrealistic expectations of perfection. Because you're my husband, you're supposed to make me happy and be perfect for me or my wife. But when things get tough, it's like at the end of the day, we're always friends. And when you're friends with someone, you want the best for them sincerely. Right. You want to help them wherever they're at.

[Jim Daly]

How do you. How do you correct that? Course, practically speaking, I mean, if. So if you feel that going off the rails for some reason on a given day, how do you get together and say, okay, timeout. I feel like we're not being best friends right now?

[Howard Taylor]

Yeah. For Dale and I, it was a safety net. So a lot of things that we go through in marriage are not just immediate and abrupt. It may be a season where you're trying to heal some distrust. Right. Well, friendship became the safety net to that. And it gave intention in a way that the spousal relationship, if you were let down by your husband or wife didn't. So even though here I'm not particularly pleased that you did that as my husband or wife, but as my best friend, as my bestie, I'm a fight for you. We have a chapter in our book where it's called Fighting for and not Against. And a lot of times, if you see your best friend in a fight or a scrapper, you don't not defend them because you thought it was your fault. You come in swinging and ask questions later, to be candidly. Right. And what I found in our marriage is sometime I had to protect Danielle, even against me sometimes. Right. These preconceived notions that I had of marriage and perfection, this romanticized notions as her husband, I realized, became a little suffocating at times to conversations and took the fun out. And so I had to start looking at her definitively as. As my friend, though. I want you to win.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah.

[Danielle Taylor]

Can I just say that practically, we always like to have fun. We're like, what do you wanna do? Where do you wanna go? Like, what, vacations? Let's Do a vision board. Let's have date nights. Let's try something new and fun so we can get out of the minutia. Yeah. You can get out of, like, the routine and the monotony of marriage and have fun and let your hair down.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, sure. You know, I see it in you. I mean, both of you. I think I especially see it in you, Danielle. Let's go to the whiteboard. We're gonna map out our year of fun.

[Danielle Taylor]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

Which is awesome. You better believe it. I'm thinking of couples, though, that they've even. And maybe they never even possess that because of their childhood or whatever, but they haven't really seen life as. Let's hit the mountaintops. How do we do that? Let's plan to hit the mountaintops. And it's okay for Christians, too. Christians can have fun and be joyful. I mean, that's part of it. But speak to that person that maybe can't even relate right now. She's saying, wow, I lost my fun, like, the second week of our marriage.

[Howard Taylor]

Wow.

[Danielle Taylor]

The first thing is to pray about the. Yeah, that's the very first thing, is to pray. Secondly, go talk to your husband or your wife and explain to them what you love about them, what you like about them, how you notice their interest and their passions. Do something that they will appreciate. Howard would surprise me with all kinds of things. Of things that I was interested at the time that he was not necessarily interested in at all.

[Jim Daly]

In fact, with basketball, because Howard played, you could care less. But you decided, I gotta check it out. So what happened there?

[Danielle Taylor]

I did not like basketball games. I hated going. I felt like I don't understand the plays and the game. It just wasn't my thing. Then I started saying, listen, this is important to him. This is his fun. This is fun for him. I want to be with him. So if I can be with him and he's having fun, I'm having fun just by being with him. Even if that means I'm coming to the basketball game with a stack of magazines. Cause I'm not watching the game. We're sitting next to each other.

[Jim Daly]

Coupons at the basketball.

[Howard Taylor]

That's where it started. That's a true story.

[Danielle Taylor]

That's where it started. It started with, I will be there, but I'm going to be looking through my magazine.

[Jim Daly]

And that is awesome.

[Danielle Taylor]

Before you know it, the game's over.

[Jim Daly]

What did that say to you, Howard?

[Howard Taylor]

I was happy she was there.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. Okay, good.

[Howard Taylor]

Okay.

[Jim Daly]

Sorry, Danielle.

[Howard Taylor]

How much she was there.

[Jim Daly]

I just wanted to get that connection. Because it doesn't have to be a lot.

[Howard Taylor]

It doesn't.

[Jim Daly]

You're just present a lot.

[Danielle Taylor]

You're just present. It doesn't have to be extravagant or expensive. Just show that you want to be with that person. Let them know that you're genuinely interested in hanging out with them. So the magazine watching came to, okay, well, now I'm spotting the celebrities in the stand and who's dating who. Then I started thinking, okay, I want to be able to communicate with him. If I'm his best friend, I want to talk to him about what's going on in the NBA world. You know, he talks to me about everything I'm doing. So let me find out. I would start Googling. His favorite team is the Lakers. God bless.

[Howard Taylor]

Of course, you're la, you know.

[Danielle Taylor]

Yeah. Things that are going on and the trades and the player and the deals. And I'd be like, can you believe that person got traded? Where's he gonna go? You know? And he started telling me, I'm proud of you for knowing what's going on. I would text him. Yeah, I would text him. He said, I didn't even hear that yet. And so that made me want to continue to stay on top of it so that I can show him, hey, hey, I'm interested in what you're interested in.

[Jim Daly]

That's so funny. I'm laughing inside because, Gene, you know, with football, you know, she began to take an interest. I so appreciated that. But she said, if you could tell me more about the players, like who they're married to, do they have kids? I'm going, are you serious? I don't know. And she's going, no, if we could do that, I'd be far more interested in the game. So it was hilarious. I started to figure out, okay, how many kids does somebody have? Peyton Manning, what's going on when he was at the Broncos, and all that. So it's really funny. But you're saying basically in a place that your spouse enjoys being right, and don't needle them for being there. Participate.

[Danielle Taylor]

Right. Be present, Be present.

[Jim Daly]

Another theme you have in the workbook is about the no breakup policy. And I get that. And I think, again, back to your point, Danielle, earlier. So many Christians don't really understand or read the Word often enough to know it. And that's job one, Right? Read the word because that's the heart of God. That's the heart of God. And that no breakup policy is a great thing. What it is.

[Howard Taylor]

Yeah. So the no breakup policy for us came in dating. So Dan and I, when we met, and we were courting each other and just trying to figure out, like, what is this going to look like? Very early on, we started to experience conflict in our communication style, as we mentioned earlier. And there's a pressure to just say, well, you know what? If you don't like it or if I don't like it, we'll go separate ways. And we will see that. And oftentimes in relationships, prior to our relationship, you could just break up with a person and move on. But as we read the word, we realized that if we could just break up in our dating season of life, we could divorce. And we believe that God hates divorce, as it says in Malachi, chapter two, he hates it. And so we knew that we wanted to be with somebody for a lifetime if we got married. And so we didn't want to start practicing the muscle memory of breaking up. We just. It was something that we wanted to discipline ourselves through while we courted each other and dated each other, so that when marriage got rough, we knew how to, in a stormy season, put up our umbrellas, put on our raincoats, and dig in, opposed to exiting stage left. And so that's what our policy was. That was going to be our policy. And the final piece was, if we broke up, we can never get back together again.

[Jim Daly]

And, you know, again, for those that may be in that space where they're thinking, you know, it's a lot easier to give up, you're going to take the same garbage into the next relationship.

[Danielle Taylor]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

That's what they don't realize. It'll just be easier because the first quarter so than the fourth quarter.

[Howard Taylor]

Gets worse.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. And what you're saying is exactly right. This is part of growth in life is working together to get through the tough stuff and you come out stronger. And Gene and I kind of had that same thing. You know, divorce was just off the table. We're never going to entertain it. And I think that does give you a safety net, like you said earlier. Speak to that idea that you also need that spiritual foundation to get through the. The storms of life.

[Danielle Taylor]

Absolutely. Well, I was gonna say that in my family and my parents, we have five marriages amongst my mom and my father before he passed away. And so I saw divorcing and breaking up doesn't necessarily mean that the grass is greener. Like we said, that the divorce rate gets higher and higher. But what I didn't see was the foundation in Christ to help keep those marriages together.

[Jim Daly]

So that was missing.

[Danielle Taylor]

That was Missing. Yes, yes. Which my mom is saved now. Thank you, Jesus. But at the time wasn't right. So Howard and I, when we got together, we would pray every day and we would read our Bible because we knew that that is the foundation of our faith. We knew that's the foundation of our lives. This is the only way this relationship is really going to work. As marriage coaches, we could give people tips and, you know, activities and exercises and things to do to help their relationship, but none of that is going to work if you don't truly invite God into the marriage. Right. There's a scripture in Isaiah 65 that says, the Lord says, here I am, here I am, but you don't ask for my help. Right. So that's kind of how it is. I feel like sometimes with marriage, it's like God knows everything. He knows all of the problems in our relationship. He knows the hearts and motives of ourselves and our spouse. And so he has all the answers, but we don't go to him to get the answer.

[Jim Daly]

Well, you know, you say that, and of course, we're hearing from Christian couples frequently here at Focus that are in a stalemate situation, you know, and I think, again, because they're not applying the word of God into their relationship, let's end here where that couple, you know, that they really have found that they don't like their spouse anymore. And, you know, we have something called hope Restored. It's a four day intensive. A lot of the couples that come to that, they're kind of in that last knot of the rope. This is the last thing we're going to try. And it's sad because you started loving each other. And so for that couple that is feeling that again, they're just, they're just lost in that relationship. What advice would you have for them today? What can they do differently tonight over dinner?

[Howard Taylor]

Be intentional about connection. Be intentional about how they connect. We talk about something called holistic intimacy. Connecting physically, mentally, but spiritually, the foundation of a marriage, a godly based marriage, is your spiritual connection. And so in that work, there's many chapters about different things that disconnect us. Whether it's your finance that looks to disconnect you, whether it's your communication that the enemy wills to disconnect you and separate you. Whether it's physical intimacy or money or whatever it is, we have to be intentional about cleaving to our spouse and making Jesus the foundation of that cleave that comes through seeing your spouse through the eyes of Christ. We've seen couples look and say, I can't do it anymore. I want to divorce my wife. I want to divorce my husband. I don't love them anymore. And we said, but how does Christ look at your husband? Find out Christ's thoughts, God's perspective of your wife and begin to look at him that way. That is the charitable agape love that marriage is missing.

[Jim Daly]

Now, that is really good, and I hope people understand that. Danielle, I want to describe something to you that I've heard years ago, but the idea of a wife's heart, particularly being like a rose and in the early stages of marriage, it's open, it's blossomed, it's a great fragrance, her heart. And then over time, if that is not watered, if it's not fed, how that rose closes and how it dies. And when I heard that description, particularly of a wife's heart, that she just feels like the rose in her heart is dead. It's such a powerful word picture. And a husband's job is to till the soil of that rose and to make sure that rose is, like, thriving.

[Danielle Taylor]

Right?

[Jim Daly]

Speak to that.

[Danielle Taylor]

I think if your heart is hurting, you know, God says he's close to the brokenhearted, but I would go turn into God. I would turn into him. I don't pray like Lord, you know, make Howard be faithful, make him be this, make him that. He's a faithful man. But my trust and confidence is in Christ to watch him. This is his son. So I'm gonna pray and ask God to watch over him and convict his heart if necessary for anything and keep him safe and all of those things. I'm not gonna to be concerned about it. It's God's job to do that. So I think that if we as women and as wives, if we fall into the love of Christ, because God loves us so much, he will mend our broken heart and allow us to see our marriage for what it can be so that we can speak positively to it.

[Jim Daly]

Those disappointments. Well, I think these are great thoughts and wonderful essentials to marriage. And I am glad you guys have come to talk to us about it. And I hope everybody, you probably, if you've been married, married 30 something years, like John and I. The skyscrapers, by the way.

[Howard Taylor]

Skyscrapers.

[Jim Daly]

Younger couples in your church. What a great gift to be able to give this to them or even run a small group with them, which I would encourage people to do. Maybe Gene and I can do that. The Fundamentals of Marriage. Eight Essential Practices of Successful Couples. You've heard some of the themes we didn't cover them all here, but if you can make a gift of any amount, join us in ministry. Let's make it fun. Support the ministry here to do what we're doing, and we'll send you a copy of the workbook as our way of saying thank you for participating in ministry of any amount. If you can't afford it, we still want to get it in your hands. We'll trust others will cover the cost of that. Just get in touch with us and we want to certainly strengthen your marriage and make it the best possible marriage it can be in the name of Christ. So get ahold of us and let's do this together. Let's change the country. This is one way to do it. Strong, healthy marriages will change a nation.

[Danielle Taylor]

Amen.

[John Fuller]

Well, call today to join us in ministry. Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family 800-232-6459. Or you can stop by the Show Notes to get your copy of the workbook and donate as you can. We're also going to have details online about our free Focus on Marriage assessment, which is an easy survey that takes maybe five or ten minutes of your time. And we hope you'll fill that out and then compare notes with your spouse and talk through what it takes to make your marriage even better. And by the way, if you happen to be traveling to or near Colorado Springs this summer, we hope you'll stop by for a visit. We've got a lot for you to see and fun stuff for your kids as well. Have a great weekend with your family and your church family as well. And then join us Monday as you hear how to grow closer to your spouse through the good times and the hard times of life.

[Gene]

As we walk through these difficulties, difficulties, we're going to grow stronger because of it. And so there's benefit if we can remember that through those difficult times in marriage that we're developing grit and resiliency.

[John Fuller]

Thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Gene]

Your marriage can be redeemed even if the fights seem constant, even if there's been an affair, even if you haven't felt close in years. No matter how deep the wounds are, you can take a step toward healing them with a Hope Restored Marriage Intensive. Our biblically based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face challenges together. We'll talk with you, pray with you, and help you find out which program will work best call us at 1-866-875-2915.