We live in a funny, hilarious, wonderful world. It's crazy all around us. I'm walking Larimer Square down here, downtown Denver. I'm walking down the street. I sit on the curb and laugh till I'm sick. People are looking at me. They're going, what's wrong with that boy? You know why I'm laughing? There's a jewelry store down there, real fancy jewelry store, has a sign in the window says, ears pierced. While you wait, Sears ladder. People going, I don't get it. You gotta wait to get your ears pierced. There's no alternatives. What you gonna do? I'll be back. Poke a hole in them for me. Under that. It said on Thursdays we pierce them half off. These people aren't going to touch my ears. I love watching you. You ever look at each other? I love watching you. You guys come in here scoping each other out. I sat right over there and watched a girl go, look at him, look at him. What are you clapping for? Dude, you're the one they were looking at. Can you do the same thing? Only you don't have a vocabulary. Like the girls. The guys see something they like, they just go, That's great. Look at me when I'm talking to you. Okay? That's great. Don't let people put you down. Do you know the Bible says, don't let people make fun of you because you're young? That's beautiful. That's the way God made you to notice each other and everything. That's great. That's wonderful. It's the only reason you're sitting there. You know that? The only reason you're sitting right there is one day your daddy looked at your mom, went, ta da. And there you are. That's beautiful. This guy's going, you ain't seen my mom. You know, sometimes I just want to say thank you, God, that you put us in this kind of a world with the humor around us, the things that are around us. Even in church. We go to church. And I have laughed some of the hardest I've ever laughed. No, not at my minister, you know, no, at me, at our family. You ever noticed Sunday morning is the time that you get the most bent with your family? Oh. As a parent, I find myself with my hands around the throat of a child that I love going, you get ready, and you get ready now because we gotta go to church where we can learn about the love of Jesus. Hurry up. My wife has a rule about church. This is a rule. Once you sit down, you don't move. She's here tonight. If one of you stood up to leave for a moment, she'd turn to the friend sitting next to her and go, look at that. She doesn't like it when you move. So she gathered us all together and she said, new rule. We get to church, you don't move. Anything you have to do, you do before church. Because once you sit, you do not move. We all said, okay, good rule. It is a good rule, but there's got to be exceptions. We stood up to sing a hymn one day. I turned to her and I said, I need to leave. I'll be right back. She turned to me and said, you know the rule. You will not move. I said, but I need to move. I will come right back. She said, if you move, you'll set a bad example. I said, if I stay, I'm going to set a bad example. Against her will, I left. I had to. I went to the bathroom real quick, came back. In fact, I got back before the song was done, slid into the row, sat down and put my arm around her. I could feel hostility just radiating from her body. And I thought, this is ridiculous. Why should she be so angry? So I put my hand on her shoulder and I gently just hugged her beneath the pew where no one could see. She took her elbow and she began to grind her elbow into my ribs. This is the woman I love, grinding her elbow into my ribs. I turned to her to tell her, this is stupid. It wasn't my wife. I'd moved into the wrong row. My wife was sitting right behind me, and the rest of the church is rolling on the floor. Now, do you suppose that God looked down on that scene and went, look, my people are having fun? No, I don't think so. I think God looked down and he went, angels, come here. Look at this idiot. I love this guy. Look at what he's doing. Because one of the reasons for Joy is that if we just open our eyes, he's put us in a wonderful world. But that isn't the only reason. There's another reason, Another reason for Joy that he has put us here is that he has put us here. Unique. You're not like me. I'm not like you. Each of us are different. You can talk. She has to whisper to other people. It's wonderful. You're not like me. I'm not like you. Kids, it is so wonderful. The greatest killer of people your age in this day and age is suicide. I hate that. And most of the time, it's because kids don't like themselves. They want to be like somebody else. I know that feeling. When I graduated from high school, I weighed about 110 pounds. I had curvature of the bone in both my arms. I couldn't straighten either arm any more than about like that. I had no Ability to turn my wrists. See, I can turn my wrist like that. Couldn't do it. Couldn't catch, throw a football. Couldn't do anything like that. My hands, I couldn't even do a simple pull up. I remember a guy throwing a football at me about 12 times trying to get me to catch it. And I couldn't catch it. And the 12th time it bounced off my chest. He said, hit the showers. He said, you'll never amount to anything. And I can remember walking to the showers and feeling those eyes on the back of my head. I got beat up on the average of two, three times a week in school. It was like a school sport in our school. Funny for you. You could let her in it. I can laugh at it now, but it wasn't funny at the time. I've had surgery. Now I can straighten my arm almost all the way. See that? I still can't turn it all the way. I can't hold my palm flat. That's really embarrassing. In restaurants you go up for change. The only way I can keep change in my hand, see? And there's no way I'm gonna go up there like that. Put my nickel there, lots of change. Load me up. I wanted to be an athlete. Oh, I desperately wanted to be an athlete. There's not a big call for 110 pound athletes, you know that. What am I going to be, water boy? There is no way that I'm going to be able to be. I just felt unless I could be an athlete, I wasn't worth anything because all of the rest of the kids in my class were athletes. You know what I've had to come to believe? I'm never going to be an athlete. It's never going to happen. I'm not going to be able to walk on the Broncos camp and make a spot on the team. I'll never make it. You know how I know? Cuz I can't do anything that's athletic. I'm sorry. You're going to have to laugh with the rest or you're going to have to leave. Athlete is a funny word. I. I couldn't do it. I. I was with a friend in, in Minnesota recently. He said, come on, let's play hockey. I said, I don't know how. He said, just skate around and hit this thing. I said, I can't skate. He said, okay, just stand in front of this net. I know why they call that little thing a puck. That's what sound it makes when it hits you. Right here. It hit me right there. My lip swelled up to the size of a watermelon. My friends are going, what happened to your lip puck? I'm in California. Guy comes up to me, he's got muscles in places I haven't even got places. This guy comes up to me, he goes like, let's go surfing. I said, like, I, I don't know how. He said, like, it's easy. Tie this leg board to your foot and then like, paddle out and wait for a big one and then, like, ride it in. I didn't know what the big one.
Ken Davis (12:14)
But I had seen the movie Jaws. I figured, if that's a big one, he can ride himself in. I started paddling towards shore. I felt a surge of water. I looked behind me, there was a building of water. The big one. I did not ride the big one. The big one rode me pretty much, you know, I'm 30ft under the water, praying to God for little things like air. Thank you. So I moved to Minnesota. A guy, I was there maybe two or three days. Guy comes up and goes, hey, let's go water skiing. I said, I don't know how. He said, it's easy. Stand here on shore, hold this stick and you'll hit it. Why didn't he tell me about slack? Boat was doing 80 when it hit the end of the rope. I'm still standing on shore watching my arms flop around his stupid lake. Why didn't he tell me when you fall, let go of the stupid stick. He trolled half the lake with me. Even fish are going, whoa, Wally, look at that. And I lost my trunks under there. Now I'm praying for two things, air and clothes. I pop to the surface, there's a boatload of my friends coming to get me. I don't want to be God. I'm naked, okay? Fish are swimming around going, aw, that's gross. How many of you have ever water skied? Let me see your hands. You water skied? Do you remember the first time you got up? I didn't get up. You didn't get up. Somehow I knew that. Who got up? Did you get up? Do you remember? It was scary and you're frightened. Everybody assumes the same position when you get up. First time water skiing and your friends see you, are they sympathetic? No. They look back and go, whip her in a circle. That's what they did with me. They cranked that boat in a circle. I'm on the end of a 75 foot rope doing Mach 9. Even ducks are going, whoa. I sell. Did you know the human body can skip. Not the human swimming trunks, but I had to swim to shore again. And you get to shore, you got big problems. I'm gathering leaves and sticks, sneaking towards shore. Little kids are going, mama, look, it's Adam. It's Adam. So I moved to Colorado. I was here three days. A guy comes up to me and goes, hey, let's go eat. I said. He said, it's easy. I said, eat rocks. Nothing worth having is easy. Having joy isn't easy. Noticing the little things God gives us all around us isn't easy. Liking yourself isn't easy. Accepting yourself for what you are and believing that you are worthwhile just the way you sit is not easy. Skiing is not easy. It isn't. I was up on the hill. I was coming down the hill, heard a guy yell, ski, Ski. Do you know what this means? It means a ski is coming down the hill alone. If it hits you, it will penetrate your body. I didn't know this. In fact, when you hear someone yell ski, you're supposed to turn around and. And look so you can see where it's going to penetrate. I didn't know this. I felt like an idiot. The guy's yelling, ski. And I'm going, I am. Leave me alone. It's my first day. Have you ever been embarrassed like that? I was so embarrassed. I paid those people back. When I found out what it meant, I went to the top of the hill and came down yelling, toboggan, Snow, tractor. People went and hid in the woods, man. Then I went by kidding. It was terrible. I paid $25 for a ski less. And the guy who teaches me treated me like dirt. He was so handsome, had a nice tan. I was totally intimidated. This is what I want, to be handsome with a tan. And he had this accent. And he said to me, Today.
Ken Davis (18:53)
I quit the lesson, went and got in line. I fell in the ski line. You familiar with the domino theory? 270 people laying on the ground. These are not happy people. I didn't want them to know I caused it. So I'm laying on the ground going, who fell? Learn to ski or get off the mountain. It was a horrible day. Three chairs hit me in the back of the head. I thought you were supposed to sit on the ground and it would pick you off the ground. Nuh. Right there. I had. Blood's coming out. You know, I'm Going far out. This is a fun sport. I stood up to leave and the chair hit me right here. Within seconds, I'm 280ft in the air. I look over, there's a man sitting next to me. I don't know where he came from. Between us is this steel post. I wrapped my body around that post. I said to the man, God loves you, but this is my post. You touch this post, I'll kick you off to lift. I got off of that chair and when I got off, right in front of me was the steepest hill on the whole mountain. It's not long, is it? It's only five, six feet long, straight down. And I think they ice it. I fell. Did they stop to live? No. Other people get off. I'm laying here, they fell on me. Pretty soon there's a little pile, 80, 90 people. I'm on the bottom going, who fell. That day? I got on a black diamond lift. Oh, it was horrible. I don't know how. I didn't do it on purpose. For those of you who don't know a black diamond, there are three kinds. There is a little round circle. That is a beginner's hill. The only way you can go on that hill is to push. Then there is a square. You don't need to push and you can get hurt. Then there's a black diamond. This means you're going to meet Jesus face to face. Basically, a lot of people run from God all their lives. Get on a black diamond hill and go, I'm yours, Lord. I'm yours. It's a horrible hill. I crawled up and looked over. It went under like that. How am I going to get down this hill? And then I remembered my ski instructor had addressed this. He said to me, if you ever come to a hill which is too difficult for a slime ball like you, then he said, you must. How you say, Travers. Do you know what travers means? No. It doesn't mean walk. It's a French word. It means go across the hill till you come to some trees. Then he said, you go into a snowplatern and traverse the other way. Snowplow. Traverse the other. On this hill. Halfway through my first snowplow turn, I was doing 280 miles an hour. I made a simple decision. No more snowplow. I invented my own turn called Sit down, Turn around. I'll teach you how to do it. Here's how you do it. First, you pick up the downhill ski. You maneuver the downhill ski completely round and put it down. Okay, now you stay like this for a pretty long time. Cause you can pick and move good. Good skiers come up to you while you're like this. What are you doing? Sit down, turn around. 25 bucks, I'll teach you. Maybe. Four hours later, I was only 50ft down that hill. Hey, don't laugh. I wouldn't have made it that far except I was wearing those slippery clothes. I wanted to die. I had sweat coming from every place in my body. I just wanted to die. I wanted to just get off the hill. I heard a noise, looked around. Here comes a little kid about this high, and he is coming down the hill in perfect form, hair streaming behind him, yelling, go for it. Go for it. I stuck him with my pole. Shish kebab.
