Fun Ways to Pep Up Your Marriage

Summary

---

Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Episode: Fun Ways to Pep Up Your Marriage

Date: October 10, 2025
Guest: Kathy Lipp (Author of Happy Habits for Every Couple)

---

Episode Overview

This episode dives into practical, creative, and faith-rooted ways to invigorate marriage, no matter the season of life. Hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller welcome author and speaker Kathy Lipp, who shares insights from her book Happy Habits for Every Couple. The discussion centers around small, intentional acts that bring couples closer, highlighting strategies for romance, communication, fun, and spiritual growth—tailored for busy, budget-conscious, or “empty nester” couples alike.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Necessity of Intentionality in Marriage

• Intentionality as Key: Kathy compares maintaining a marriage to preparing for a 5K race—it requires purpose and planning, not just spontaneity.
• Neglect Happens When Life Gets Busy: Couples, especially with kids and full schedules, can go weeks without a real conversation beyond logistics.
  • "If you're not pouring into that relationship, those conversations are so draining, you could end up feeling like, wow, this is really tough." – Kathy Lipp (03:40)
• “Urgent” vs “Important”: Many couples tend to prioritize the urgent tasks (kids, work, bills) over the important (relationship).

Small, Creative Gestures Matter

• Simple Daily Acts: Small surprises, like buying a favorite treat or writing a note, revive romance and thoughtfulness.
  • "Let's recapture 5% of that. And 5% can go a long way to making your spouse feel loved and making you feel loved." – Kathy Lipp (06:54)
• Experiment in Church Setting: Kathy’s church led a 21-day marriage “revolution” with practical habits—exchanging notes, favorite gifts, and setting up unique date nights.
  • "On the last day...we had post-it notes...saying things like, this was the first time I ever got a card from my husband." – Kathy Lipp (10:53)

Affordable & Accessible Date Ideas

• $20 Dates List: You don’t need to break the bank; fun and connection can happen on a budget.
  • "We came up with a list of 20 things we could do for under $20...the point is to go out and have some fun, to recapture a little of that romance." – Kathy Lipp (12:26–13:17)
  • Free Download Available: Kathy’s “20 Dates for $20” is shared in the episode notes.
• Babysitting Co-op: Couples traded childcare, making dates affordable and fostering community (13:21–13:54).

Strategies for Different Marriage Seasons

• Empty Nesters: Shake up routines and find new shared goals (e.g., hiking or training for events).
  • "Sometimes you just gotta shake up the routine...What would be something that you couldn't do with the kids...and now you've got the time." – Kathy Lipp (14:27)
• Parents of Many Kids: Once-a-month “out” dates, plus intentional “date time” at home after kids’ bedtime.
  • "You should be dating at home...We said, unless you're bleeding, do not knock on our door." – Kathy Lipp (15:54–16:32)
• Moms Who Find It Hard to Step Away: Giving kids independence is a gift and models healthy marriage.
  • "We want to model for our kids, what a healthy relationship looks like. And a kid-centric house is not a healthy house." – Kathy Lipp (16:56–17:47)

Building Community & Support—The “Encouragement Crew”

• Encouragement Crew: Having other couples to encourage, plan with, and hold each other accountable boosts relational growth.
  • "Other couples who are saying, you know what, this is something we want to do too...We're going to hold each other accountable." – Kathy Lipp (18:08)
  • Examples: Mystery double dates, group games, and shared laughter add fun and variety.

Honest Motives & Communication

• Guard Against Manipulation: Acts of love should be genuine, not transactional.
  • "Let's just lay it out there and be honest...I think it's important to be honest about our needs, whether they're physical, emotional, spiritual, or relational." – Kathy Lipp (20:55)
• Discuss Needs Openly: Couples, both men and women, should be transparent about what makes them feel loved.

The Value of “Comfortable Love”

• Beyond Drama: True marital success isn’t constant excitement—it’s sacrificial, daily love.
  • "That's comfortable love. That we serve each other, which is not a very popular term these days. But I see my husband die to self almost every day to make sure that I know that I'm loved and that I'm happy." – Kathy Lipp (23:01)
• Modeling Christ’s Self-Giving Love: This “comfortable love” is the Christian ideal and provides a strong foundation for the family and a witness to others.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Need for Intention
  • "Marriages won't survive on cruise control. What we all need are some creative ideas and simple ways to say I love you and I care about you."
    – Jim Daly (01:19)
• On Recapturing Dating Mindset
  • "It's going back to when we were dating...All I'm saying is, let's recapture 5% of that."
    – Kathy Lipp (05:54)
• On Avoiding Manipulative Motives
  • "Let's just lay it out there and be honest. And also, let's talk about...our needs, whether they're physical, emotional, spiritual, or relational."
    – Kathy Lipp (20:55)
• On Comfortable Love
  • "That's comfortable love. That we serve each other, which is not a very popular term these days. But I see my husband die to self almost every day...I can't think of a better way to be married."
    – Kathy Lipp (23:01)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intentionality in Marriage & Prioritizing the Relationship: 02:52–06:55
• Practical Daily Habits: 08:48–11:52
• Affordable Dates & Babysitting Co-op: 12:26–13:54
• Advice for Different Marriage Seasons: 14:10–17:47
• Building an Encouragement Crew: 18:02–19:18
• Honest Communication on Motives and Needs: 20:11–21:46
• Defining and Valuing Comfortable Love: 23:01–24:26

---

Summary Takeaways

• Small daily gestures and intentionality keep marriage healthy and fun.
• Affordable, creative date ideas are within everyone's reach (see episode notes for resources).
• Building a supportive community with other couples fosters a healthy marriage culture.
• Open, honest communication about needs and motives deepens marital understanding.
• “Comfortable love”—serving each other daily—defines a strong, Christ-centered marriage.

---

For Further Engagement

• Free Download: “20 Dates for $20” (Link in the show notes)
• Book: Happy Habits for Every Couple by Kathy Lipp

---

This episode encourages listeners that marriage enrichment is achievable, enjoyable, and wonderfully rewarding—even in the busiest or most settled seasons. By leaning on practical habits, community, honest communication, and faith, couples can rediscover joy and connection in their relationship.

Transcript

[Jim Daly]

God is at work and he's calling his people to rise in truth. Truth Rising is a powerful new documentary from Focus on the Family and the Colson Center. See how ordinary Christians choose courage in a culture that needs truth. Watch Truth Rising today and find out how you can become an agent of restoration and hope. Visit truthrising.com today. That's truthrising.com my wife isn't into the traditional things like candy or flowers. So what she really appreciates is a back rub or a foot rub. And I have to do that without any agenda, of course.

[Kathy Lipp]

My husband really likes to go to.

[Jim Daly]

The movies and so every week on Thursday evening I try to see what's going to be on that he might like and start planning a date night for him. My wife appreciates getting to rest in the morning while I make breakfast breakfast for her. And I love doing that and taking care of our daughter.

[John Fuller]

Some good reminders for each one of us who are married about the importance of spending time together as a couple and serving each other and finding ways to connect on a regular basis. We'll explore more of that topic today on FOCUS on the FAMILY with Jim Daly. And thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

If you've been married for more than a few years, those kinds of reminders are helpful, simple ideas that don't require a lot of money or planning or extravagance, just intention. Of course, special date nights are important. We talk about that a lot here on FOCUS on the Family, like candlelight dinners or weekend getaways and everybody's going, ooh, that sounds good. Always lots of fun and they will create wonderful memories for you as a couple. But every day it's a little more challenging to show your love to each other in tangible ways. And we know there will be certain seasons when life gets busy with young kids and you may not have much money and other considerations. You know your list better than I do. But the point is you can't let your relationship slide. Marriages won't survive on cruise control. What we all need are some creative ideas and simple ways to say I love you and I care about you. And our guest today has lots of great advice for us.

[John Fuller]

She sure does. We have a classic message for you today on marriage from Kathy Lipp, one of our more popular guests. She's an author, speaker and a writing and marketing coach. And and some time ago, we recorded the following conversation about a book Kathy wrote called healthy habits for 21 days to a Better Relationship. And you can learn more about Kathy and this terrific resource in the show.

[Jim Daly]

Notes.

[John Fuller]

Now here's how we began the conversation with Kathy Lipp on today's Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

[Jim Daly]

Let's get right down to it. Do we have to be that methodical to get to a good relationship?

[Kathy Lipp]

Well, I think that. Okay, let's talk about this. We've been talking off the air a little bit about running and exercising and things like that. And I don't think that a marriage is any different than trying to get health, you know, whether it's healthy in your life or healthy in your marriage. If you're saying, okay, well, I'm going to be running a 5k, but I'll do that on the day, you know, and not doing the prep for it, you're going to be in pain. Exactly. There's going to be some soreness and some other things involved. But I do think that we need to be a bit intentional about our marriages and that's not to put a burden on anybody. This is all good stuff. This is all fun stuff. But there does have to be a bit of a plan because you can go, especially depending on the season of your life. We were talking about that you could go for a month and not have a real in depth conversation, except about the bills or maybe the trouble your kid's in at school. And if you're not pouring into that relationship, those conversations are so draining, you could end up feeling like, wow, this is really tough, Kathy.

[Jim Daly]

You know, it's hard with that. Diet is a great. For me, it's that analogy, you want to lose weight, you know, so you say, okay, I'm not going to eat these things. But then all of a sudden it's like you're craving those things and you end up eating the very things that are not the right things to eat. More so than if you were kind of ignoring it all.

[Kathy Lipp]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

And it's such an odd thing. Why does the human spirit. Why do we gravitate toward doing the very thing we shouldn't do?

[Kathy Lipp]

Well, you know, God started talking about that back in Genesis. You know, we want what we can't have or shouldn' and we are created for so much more than that. We are created to have these healthy relationships, these things that God wants us to be able to enjoy. He wants us to be able to enjoy our marriage, enjoy our partner. But when we're stuck in the minutiae of all that has to get done during the day and we're putting our emphasis on the urgent instead of the important, and the important is that relationship, then it's easy to get distracted and spend our time wanting the things that we don't necessarily need.

[Jim Daly]

And it's really well said. And I don't know about you, John, I can relate to that. Putting your emphasis on the urgent rather than the important. That's a great way to say it, because so often those things are most important to us, we neglect. And our relationships within the family are certainly one of them. I know as a father, that is a burden that I have at times, not just with Gene, my spouse, but often as a dad, I travel quite a bit, and I'll. I'll feel that burden that I'm not there at that moment for my sons. I try to be. I mean, it's one of the burning desires in my heart to make sure that I'm the dad that they need. But I still fall short. And it's so frustrating. It's so frustrating to be human, to.

[Kathy Lipp]

Have real life get in the midst of what is really, really important. And I think that part of what I'm talking about in the book is that it's not saying, okay, every single day, we're gonna spend two hours looking longingly into each other's eyes.

[Jim Daly]

What does it look like?

[Kathy Lipp]

I think it looks like a lot things, a lot of little things. And it's about paying attention and being intentional. So most of the things in the book are, you know, I give you 21 projects, these little things to do. And it's not every day for each of the spouses, but one day it's saying, you know what? You know what your husband's favorite candy bar is sometime this week, Pick it up, put it on his nightstand, tell him he doesn't have to share with you or the kids or the dog. It's the little things to just say. It's going back to when we were dating, or maybe when we were engaged and our mind was on our spouse all the time, we couldn't help but think about them. It was hard to work. It was hard to do anything else in life because we were so concentrated on that relationship. And then the marriage happens and daily routines happen, and then kids come along, and it's easy to lose a little bit that. And all I'm saying is, let's recapture 5% of that. And 5% can go a long way to making your spouse feel loved and making you feel loved.

[Jim Daly]

Why is that? Intentionality that's required to get this accomplished, that so hard for us? Why is it hard? I mean, John, I don't know about You.

[John Fuller]

You're just speaking for yourself.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, thanks a lot for bailing me out here. But it's so simple to put those things first, to think about what Jean might like tonight. What would inspire her tonight, what could I give her that would show her I love her? I mean, why? What is robbing our imagination of that kind of creative expression in our marriages?

[Kathy Lipp]

So here's what. Okay. I love a good chick flick. I'll be honest with you.

[Jim Daly]

So does John.

[Kathy Lipp]

So does John. Okay.

[John Fuller]

Yeah, we have that in common, John.

[Jim Daly]

I do, too.

[Kathy Lipp]

There's some good ones out there. But the premise of the chick flick is that we spend all our time winning the love of that other person. And the end of it is the marriage. And once the marriage happens, it's all done. You don't have to try anymore. You don't have to do anything. You know, that is the goal. And we know that marriage is just the beginning. But it's hard to stay intentional when all of our society says, you know what? You're just building up to this. That is the prize at the end of all this. And everything will just magically work itself out. And we know that that's not true. We know that more effort has to be put in after the vows are said than before.

[John Fuller]

You know, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, Jim, but there was a time when we were recording, when Dina looked at me. It had been a long day. She looked at me across the sofa. We were both just bone tired. And she said to her, there will be plenty of nights like this, and that's okay.

[Kathy Lipp]

That's a smart woman.

[John Fuller]

Well, yes, and I've delivered on my end.

[Jim Daly]

I've given her a lot of. Plenty of moments like that.

[John Fuller]

That's funny, but I think what you just said is so true. The expectation is for this, but in reality, there are ups and downs, to use that word that Jim used in the introduction. There are seasons.

[Kathy Lipp]

Right.

[Jim Daly]

Describe for me some of the habits. I mean, in 21 days as you do this, just give me a couple, and then we'll play off those.

[Kathy Lipp]

Well, the cool thing about this book is we did this as a Gian experiment with my church. We got 200 couples at my church, Church on the Hill in San Jose, California. And it was led by me and my pastor. And what we did is we took these couples through about 45 habits, and we said things like, guys, write your wife a note and tell her 10 reasons why you love her. Girls, tell your husband 10 reasons why you respect him. Buy Their favorite candy bar. And then we asked them to go on dates together. And so to set up a date, we asked them to go on different kinds of dates. We asked them to go on a double date. And it was so exciting to see people who started to re engage in their marriages in really exciting ways. And the thing that just blew me away is how much the guys loved it, because the guys were told, hey, we want you to do this, this, and this. And they love saying, okay, if I do this and this, I'm not gonna get in trouble. And she'll probably like it, right? Yes. And so the guys in and I got all these emails and phone calls telling me what they did and how their wives responded. And so it was little things. Like we asked people to fill out a little survey. We asked the wives to say, okay, tell me when your birthday is, tell me when your anniversary. And you're not allowed to write. You should know this already. You're not allowed to write that. And what's your favorite flower? What's your favorite perfume? And so when it came time to buying his wife a treat, he had a list.

[Jim Daly]

He had a list to go to.

[Kathy Lipp]

Yeah, it was in the sock drawer.

[Jim Daly]

They didn't have to guess.

[Kathy Lipp]

Exactly. And so we gave them information so that they could make these projects a little bit more specific and a little bit more interesting. And so it was just little simple things, five minute things. Buy a card, write a note, do something to really delight your spouse.

[Jim Daly]

Well, I love that. And what's great about that is anyone could do that. You could do that in your church today everyone listening could talk to their pastor and say, is this something we could do? I think that'd be great.

[Kathy Lipp]

We had a marriage revolution in our church. It was so exciting on the last day of the project. And what we did is we picked the 21 that people felt had the biggest impact and effect on their marriage. And on the last day, we had a celebration and we had post it notes that they put up on the sides of the church talking about what God did in their marriage. And it was so exciting to go and read all of those things, saying things like, this was the first time I ever got a card from my husband. One of them was, this is the first time I ever wore lingerie for my man. And then there was another one that said, this was the first time my wife ever wore lingerie. Praise God for lingerie. So I'm just John over to you. But you know, there was real impact by doing these simple things because these are all people who loved each other but had kind of gotten out of the daily habit of talking about exactly why you matter so much to me.

[Jim Daly]

Kathy, when you talk about date nights in happy habits for every couple, that's something we support here. Dr. Greg Smalley is on the team at Focus, and we have a big push to do date nights. But one of the concerns that a lot of young couples particularly have is we can't afford it. We don't know what to do because we don't have a lot of money. How can they do this in a cheaper way without spending 100 or $150 for a big night? In fact, you have what you call the $20 approach. Talk about it.

[Kathy Lipp]

I really do. We did this for a long when we were first married and we knew we needed a date night. This wasn't optional. This wasn't something that wouldn't that be fun. It was, if this marriage is going to continue to thrive, we need some time together. So we came up with a list of 20 things we could do for under $20. And so it was things like when the coupons came around for miniature golf, where it was buy one, get one free. We were on that. And we would do things like that and say, you know, expensive dates put pressure on you because you have to have a great conversation, you have to get dressed up. And that's not the point. The point is to go out and have some fun, to recapture a little of that romance you had when you were courting or dating and saying, you know what, we enjoy being together, we like each other. And so I do have a list of 20 dates for under $20. I'd be happy to share that.

[Jim Daly]

Let's post it.

[John Fuller]

I think that's a great idea.

[Jim Daly]

We'll post it.

[Kathy Lipp]

And to say, and also the other thing that I think is really important, especially for young couples kids, is the babysitting factor. And I understand, you know, that can get very expensive. What we did is we had a babysitting co op, and so we would swap with other families and we would have little tickets that we would trade for our babysitting time together. And it made such a difference because not only did we have this great date, but we come back and pick up our kids and we'd be able to have a little couple time with the other couple and just enjoy ourselves before we took our kids home. It changed the dynamic of what we were doing.

[Jim Daly]

So in that co op, did you ever say, okay, we'll be back next.

[Kathy Lipp]

Week, we'd have to save up a lot of tickets for that to happen. But you know, we did have a couple of times where we did weekend getaways and I think that that was so critical to our time together.

[Jim Daly]

It's a great thing to do. Let's look at the other end of that equation. Let's talk to the couple whose kids have grown. The 20 bucks is not the issue anymore. They could spend a bit more on an evening out, but now they've gotten into this rut where they just don't do it. Speak to that 50 something couple that has the cash but not the desire.

[Kathy Lipp]

Yeah, I think it's important to. Sometimes you just gotta shake up the routine. You gotta do something different. You gotta get out of yourselves. You know, we are kind of heading into that area. We celebrated my husband's 50th birthday and this year and we just decided that some of the stuff we've been doing in the past isn't working for us. So one of the things we're doing now is every Saturday that we're both home, we are going for a hike. And this is something we wanna get out, we wanna be healthy, but we also wanna spend time connecting with each other. We have signed up for this. Terrifies me beyond anything else I've done. But we are working together to get ready for this 5K. And it gives us a common goal. And I think that that's really important when you don't have the day to day crises with the kids anymore to have something you're shooting for. So shake up your routine. What would be fun? What would be something that you couldn't do with the kids? Because there wasn't the time or money and now you've got the time and maybe a little bit of squiggle room, money wise.

[John Fuller]

Okay, now there's somebody in between here, Jim, and between the young couple and between the coup couple that's perhaps a little more seasoned and that is the couple who have, I don't know, four or five or perhaps six kids. And they're thinking, okay, I've got the want to, I can afford 20 bucks, I want to shake up the routine. But there's these little appendages that we just, we just can't get away from. I mean a co op is a nice idea, but we can't get away.

[Kathy Lipp]

When you have six kids. That's too many tickets. So my thought on something like that is maybe you save that for once a month. Maybe your out time is once a month, but then you should be dating at home. And there are ways to do that. You get the kids into bed, and if you have teenagers, you say, you know what? You don't have to go to sleep, but you can't be downstairs. And you guys have a little bit of time that's just for the two of you. And I know that when we had kids at home and we had a blended family, we said, unless you're bleeding, do not knock on our door uncertain. You know, we just needed time to be in our room by ourselves.

[Jim Daly]

You know, Kathy, I appreciate that. I think it's interesting and I think it's particularly difficult for women. And I see Jean, my wife, in this way, because even that there's a sense that I've got to be available for the kids 24 7. And even to squeeze that time is difficult emotionally to manage that, speak to that person who can't seem to make that space because they wanted to be the super mom.

[Kathy Lipp]

I understand. But you know what I think, and this is nothing against Gene or any mom who wants to be available for her kids, but we also need to understand that our kids need to learn the skills to entertain themselves. Our kids need to learn the skills to take care of certain things on their own. We're helping them as they grow. They need to become more and more independent. And part of that independence is saying, you know, I don't need to be here forever. I'm going to tuck you in and you can go to sleep on your own. And I understand there are all sorts of issues that can surround that. But. But we have to understand we're giving a gift to our kids. When we're teaching them you can do things on your own. And mom and dad are gonna be here. If there's an emergency, we're here. But you know what? We wanna model for our kids, what a healthy relationship looks like. And a kid centric house is not a healthy house.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. And that's an important thing. And it's good. It's good to have the heart for the children, but you also have to have the heart for the marriage.

[Kathy Lipp]

And the best gift you can give your kids is a healthy relationship. What more could your kids need than to see their parents being together, loving each other?

[Jim Daly]

In fact, you talk about having an encouragement crew. I love that word. What does it look like, though? What does that mean?

[Kathy Lipp]

It is other couples who are saying, you know what? This is something we want to do too. We want to make our marriage the top priority after our relationship with God in our house. And so we're going to Encourage each other. We're going to hold each other accountable. Maybe it's just the women saying, okay, we're going to make sure that we plan some time for our men during the week. And I think that they really, the women, can often be the instigators. Now, I'm not saying guys are off the hook, but I don't think it's up to the guys to plan the dates all the time. We've done stuff like with other couples. The girls and I got together and we said, okay, we're gonna do a mystery date for our guys. So the first thing we did is we went to dinner and then we got a roll of tokens for each of the guys and we went and we played video games and did skeeball and all of that kind of stuff. And then we went to a fancy pants place for dinner and we all were in the same car and we all did. It took us no time to plan it. It took us very little money. But it was so much fun to be with other couples. And it's fun to be with your spouse, with other people around. You get to see a different side of them. That's your encouragement crew.

[Jim Daly]

That's a great idea.

[John Fuller]

I don't know.

[Jim Daly]

Do you have an encouragement crew?

[John Fuller]

Well, actually, yes. We do have a Sunday school class where there's community there, and we really do. We don't spend a lot of time outside of that Sunday morning together, but we do speak into each other's lives. We do have laughter together, even in the context of the class. And when we get together, it's really good.

[Jim Daly]

It is good. I like that. I think every couple should find that kind of community to be a part of. We do it through a book club. We've got about five couples.

[John Fuller]

Yeah, you've been meeting for a long time, haven't you?

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, five, seven years. And it's just a lot of fun. It's a great group of couples, and we just enjoy that time. Very, very good time. Kathy, let's talk about this aspect of it, though. We want to have pure motive. So often in this area, we can become a bit manipulative, perhaps with ulterior motives. How do we, in order to honor the lor. Honor our spouses? How do we make sure that we're not being kind tonight so we can get something later?

[Kathy Lipp]

Okay, so I'm sorry, I'm turning a little red here, but I understand exactly what you mean. And women have their own motives. Guys have their own motives. Let's just be honest and One of the jokes among women is the sexiest thing a man can do is scrub the toilet. Let's just be honest.

[John Fuller]

Johnny has that clean bathrooms across the country.

[Kathy Lipp]

That's right. You know, and I. So I. I think that it's okay to say that to our spouses, to say, you know, I'm not doing this because I want the end result. But let me be honest with you. When I feel like you're pitching in with the kids, when I feel like you're pitching in with the housework, you have never been more desirable to me in my life.

[Jim Daly]

So get beyond scratching my back. And I know what that means.

[Kathy Lipp]

Exactly. Let's just lay it out there and be honest. And also, let's talk about. I think it's important to be honest about our needs, whether they're physical, emotional, spiritual, or relational. I think that those are important, important things. I think going in with motives that are not expressed is not a good thing. But I think to be honest with your spouse and saying, you know, what a great date night looks like to me is, I feel loved when you go buy me flowers. That makes me feel loved. And it may not seem that important to the husband, but to the wife, it's really important. And the husband can be really honest and say, you know, it's important to me that you and I have some couple time with the quotes firmly in place there at the end of the night. And let's just be honest, there are times when it's important to have those conversations so that everybody's needs are getting met.

[Jim Daly]

I totally agree. I'm thinking of one of those habits you talk about, which is spending time on the couch together watching a great movie. That, to me, is really good. It drives Jean crazy because she doesn't feel like that's intimacy that's not connecting watching a movie. And I've got to give her credit because she has move me in her direction. It is. It's almost. I think for men particularly, it is a great escape almost pretending to have that intimacy. But I actually don't have to talk to you for two hours.

[Kathy Lipp]

Well, okay, so I have a little bit different take on it, but I find both points valid. Roger is the guy who says, you know what? Part of the reason I married you is I want a date on Friday nights. And my date, you know, I want you sitting next to me on the couch. I have to realize that's really important to him. And so sitting on the couch to get important.

[Jim Daly]

Hey, as we wrap up, one of the things I love the term you use, comfortable love. Because so often we create expectations. I'm sure even people hearing us today, you know, we're setting the bar so much higher than where they're living at today. We're not saying have to, must all that. We're simply trying to give recommendations and suggestions on how to have a more fulfilling and richer marriage. Talk about comfortable love.

[Kathy Lipp]

Well, the perfect example for this is my 16 year old daughter. At one point, I know that sounds crazy, but at one point I was talking to her about the husband I was praying for for her and I said, you know, I'm praying that you find a husband like the husband I found, one who honors you and loves you and cares for you. And my daughter at 16 said, I don't want your kind of marriage, it's boring. And I was broken hearted when I heard that. I mean, it tore me up because I thought she has such a distorted idea of what truly love is. And I carried that hurt around for a really long time. She's 21 now and she says, I want the kind of marriage you and Roger have. Because she said, I thought if there's no drama, it's not exciting. But you know what? I see how much you guys care for each other and how much you love each other and you know, she didn't recognize the value in that. But that's comfortable love. That we serve each other, which is not a very popular term these days. But I see my husband die to self almost every day to make sure that I know that I'm loved and that I'm happy. And I try to do the same for him. And I can't think of a better way to be married than the way that we are right now. It's taken us a long time to get there, but we had to get past a lot of drama and a lot of, you know, is this what marriage is supposed to look like? And now we're at a place where we couldn't imagine anything better.

[Jim Daly]

Well, and you've so wonderfully illustrated, I think, Christian marriage, that comfortable love, the giving of self, the world's not going to understand that. They're going to be very much. And I don't mean that in a general context. I know there are people that give of themselves that are not Christian, I get that. But that is the Christian ethos. They may not know they're expressing it, but that is God's heart. And that will become, I think, more and more unique in the culture as Christians live out a rewarding marital relationship. And I think it's what's going to bring the culture back to marriage and to the benefits of marriage and the beauty of marriage. Kathy Lipp, author of the book Happy Habits for Every Couple. Thanks for being with us.

[Kathy Lipp]

Thanks again for having me, guys.

[John Fuller]

What a terrific conversation with Kathy Lipp today on Focus on the Family. And Jim, I really appreciated the energy she brings and the positive message for taking our marriages to that next level.

[Jim Daly]

It's a great reminder, John, that marriage isn't that complicated. The little everyday things we do and say really matter. And with some intentionality and creativity, your relationship with your spouse will grow in amazing ways. And that's why we're sharing this broadcast today because FOCUS on the Family wants to help strengthen your marriage and help you become a living witness of what a God honoring family looks like. Even with our failures at times, with your help, we can see a lot more husbands and wives experience that same thing. But imagine how many more couples we could impact working together to give them practical advice and Bible based encouragement. Hopefully like we've done today, please join our marriage building team with your generous support to Focus on the Family.

[John Fuller]

Yeah, we'd love to hear from you right away. So donate today and we'll say thank you by sending a copy of Kathy's book. Again, the title Happy Habits. For every couple, call 800 the letter A in the word Family 800-232-6459 or donate via the link in the show notes. And in the show notes, we've also got a free download of Kathy's 20 dates for $20. We're hoping you're going to try some of these great ideas to add some energy to your marriage. Thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in.

[Jim Daly]

God is at work and he's calling his people to rise in truth. Truth Rising is a powerful new documentary from Focus on the Family and the Colson Center. See how ordinary Christians choose courage in a culture that needs truth. Watch Truth Rising today and find out how you can become an agent of restoration and hope hope. Visit truthrising. Com today. That's truthrising. Com.