Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Episode: Fun Ways to Pep Up Your Marriage

Date: October 10, 2025
Guest: Kathy Lipp (Author of Happy Habits for Every Couple)

Episode Overview

This episode dives into practical, creative, and faith-rooted ways to invigorate marriage, no matter the season of life. Hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller welcome author and speaker Kathy Lipp, who shares insights from her book Happy Habits for Every Couple. The discussion centers around small, intentional acts that bring couples closer, highlighting strategies for romance, communication, fun, and spiritual growth—tailored for busy, budget-conscious, or “empty nester” couples alike.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Necessity of Intentionality in Marriage

• Intentionality as Key: Kathy compares maintaining a marriage to preparing for a 5K race—it requires purpose and planning, not just spontaneity.
• Neglect Happens When Life Gets Busy: Couples, especially with kids and full schedules, can go weeks without a real conversation beyond logistics.
  • "If you're not pouring into that relationship, those conversations are so draining, you could end up feeling like, wow, this is really tough." – Kathy Lipp (03:40)
• “Urgent” vs “Important”: Many couples tend to prioritize the urgent tasks (kids, work, bills) over the important (relationship).

Small, Creative Gestures Matter

• Simple Daily Acts: Small surprises, like buying a favorite treat or writing a note, revive romance and thoughtfulness.
  • "Let's recapture 5% of that. And 5% can go a long way to making your spouse feel loved and making you feel loved." – Kathy Lipp (06:54)
• Experiment in Church Setting: Kathy’s church led a 21-day marriage “revolution” with practical habits—exchanging notes, favorite gifts, and setting up unique date nights.
  • "On the last day...we had post-it notes...saying things like, this was the first time I ever got a card from my husband." – Kathy Lipp (10:53)

Affordable & Accessible Date Ideas

• $20 Dates List: You don’t need to break the bank; fun and connection can happen on a budget.
  • "We came up with a list of 20 things we could do for under $20...the point is to go out and have some fun, to recapture a little of that romance." – Kathy Lipp (12:26–13:17)
  • Free Download Available: Kathy’s “20 Dates for $20” is shared in the episode notes.
• Babysitting Co-op: Couples traded childcare, making dates affordable and fostering community (13:21–13:54).

Strategies for Different Marriage Seasons

• Empty Nesters: Shake up routines and find new shared goals (e.g., hiking or training for events).
  • "Sometimes you just gotta shake up the routine...What would be something that you couldn't do with the kids...and now you've got the time." – Kathy Lipp (14:27)
• Parents of Many Kids: Once-a-month “out” dates, plus intentional “date time” at home after kids’ bedtime.
  • "You should be dating at home...We said, unless you're bleeding, do not knock on our door." – Kathy Lipp (15:54–16:32)
• Moms Who Find It Hard to Step Away: Giving kids independence is a gift and models healthy marriage.
  • "We want to model for our kids, what a healthy relationship looks like. And a kid-centric house is not a healthy house." – Kathy Lipp (16:56–17:47)

Building Community & Support—The “Encouragement Crew”

• Encouragement Crew: Having other couples to encourage, plan with, and hold each other accountable boosts relational growth.
  • "Other couples who are saying, you know what, this is something we want to do too...We're going to hold each other accountable." – Kathy Lipp (18:08)
  • Examples: Mystery double dates, group games, and shared laughter add fun and variety.

Honest Motives & Communication

• Guard Against Manipulation: Acts of love should be genuine, not transactional.
  • "Let's just lay it out there and be honest...I think it's important to be honest about our needs, whether they're physical, emotional, spiritual, or relational." – Kathy Lipp (20:55)
• Discuss Needs Openly: Couples, both men and women, should be transparent about what makes them feel loved.

The Value of “Comfortable Love”

• Beyond Drama: True marital success isn’t constant excitement—it’s sacrificial, daily love.
  • "That's comfortable love. That we serve each other, which is not a very popular term these days. But I see my husband die to self almost every day to make sure that I know that I'm loved and that I'm happy." – Kathy Lipp (23:01)
• Modeling Christ’s Self-Giving Love: This “comfortable love” is the Christian ideal and provides a strong foundation for the family and a witness to others.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Need for Intention
  • "Marriages won't survive on cruise control. What we all need are some creative ideas and simple ways to say I love you and I care about you."
    – Jim Daly (01:19)
• On Recapturing Dating Mindset
  • "It's going back to when we were dating...All I'm saying is, let's recapture 5% of that."
    – Kathy Lipp (05:54)
• On Avoiding Manipulative Motives
  • "Let's just lay it out there and be honest. And also, let's talk about...our needs, whether they're physical, emotional, spiritual, or relational."
    – Kathy Lipp (20:55)
• On Comfortable Love
  • "That's comfortable love. That we serve each other, which is not a very popular term these days. But I see my husband die to self almost every day...I can't think of a better way to be married."
    – Kathy Lipp (23:01)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intentionality in Marriage & Prioritizing the Relationship: 02:52–06:55
• Practical Daily Habits: 08:48–11:52
• Affordable Dates & Babysitting Co-op: 12:26–13:54
• Advice for Different Marriage Seasons: 14:10–17:47
• Building an Encouragement Crew: 18:02–19:18
• Honest Communication on Motives and Needs: 20:11–21:46
• Defining and Valuing Comfortable Love: 23:01–24:26

Summary Takeaways

• Small daily gestures and intentionality keep marriage healthy and fun.
• Affordable, creative date ideas are within everyone's reach (see episode notes for resources).
• Building a supportive community with other couples fosters a healthy marriage culture.
• Open, honest communication about needs and motives deepens marital understanding.
• “Comfortable love”—serving each other daily—defines a strong, Christ-centered marriage.

For Further Engagement

• Free Download: “20 Dates for $20” (Link in the show notes)
• Book: Happy Habits for Every Couple by Kathy Lipp

This episode encourages listeners that marriage enrichment is achievable, enjoyable, and wonderfully rewarding—even in the busiest or most settled seasons. By leaning on practical habits, community, honest communication, and faith, couples can rediscover joy and connection in their relationship.