Giving Teen Girls (and Yourself) a Brighter Future (Part 2 of 2)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly – "Giving Teen Girls (and Yourself) a Brighter Future (Part 2 of 2)"

Release Date: March 12, 2025

In the second part of the insightful two-episode series titled "Giving Teen Girls (and Yourself) a Brighter Future," hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller delve deeper into the challenges faced by today’s Christian families, particularly focusing on empowering teen girls. Joined by guest Jesse Minassian, an author and spiritual mentor for young women, the episode offers a blend of personal anecdotes, practical advice, and biblical wisdom aimed at fostering strong, faith-centered relationships within the family.

1. Welcome and Introduction

The episode opens with a heartfelt introduction of Jesse Minassian, highlighting her two-decade-long dedication to providing spiritual guidance and practical support to teen girls and young women through her website, LifeLifelongGod.com, and her numerous publications, including Your Brightest Life: Tips for Navigating Relationships, Health, Faith, Mindset, and More. John Fuller emphasizes the universal applicability of Jesse's advice, making it relevant not just for young women but for the entire family.

2. The Poison Oak Story: Embracing Traditional Wisdom

Jesse shares a humorous yet enlightening story about encountering poison oak after moving to Central California's picturesque but prickly landscape.

"I know, you build an immunity to poison oak by eating it. We may not know the ripple effect," [04:37].

When advised by an elderly neighbor to consume poison oak to gain immunity, Jesse illustrates her willingness to explore unconventional wisdom, mirroring her approach to integrating traditional Christian values with modern challenges. Despite initial fears and skepticism, she cautiously tests the advice, leading to unexpected but manageable results. This story serves as a metaphor for embracing tried-and-true principles that may seem unconventional but hold profound benefits when applied thoughtfully.

3. Beauty Standards and Self-Esteem in Teen Girls

Transitioning to a critical discussion on beauty standards, Jesse recounts her encounter with Cassie—a woman whose external beauty masks deep-seated insecurities.

"We, as women, it doesn't come naturally to see the beauty hiding right under our noses," [08:25].

Jesse explores the detrimental impact of media and societal pressures that propagate unrealistic and often digitally altered images of beauty. She emphasizes that God designed women to be inherently beautiful, yet the pervasive media narratives distort this divine truth, leading to widespread insecurity among young women. Both Jim and Jesse acknowledge the intensified effect of digital imagery today, noting its devastating impact on girls' self-worth and mental health.

4. Marriage and Relationship Dynamics: The Rat Story

Injecting humor into the conversation, Jesse narrates a relatable anecdote about her husband’s brave—albeit messy—battle with an unexpected rodent intruder.

"It is so marriage. But I learned that if we want men to be their best selves... we're gonna have to cut them a little slack if they do things a little differently than we women would want them done," [12:50].

This story underscores the importance of understanding and patience in marital relationships. Jesse highlights that different approaches to problem-solving can strengthen the bond between spouses, fostering an environment where both partners feel supported and appreciated despite their differences.

5. Time Management and Life Skills for Teens: The Dragon Fable

To illustrate the significance of time management, Jesse shares a fable about a knight and his unruly dragon.

"Our schedules are so crazy... if we don't take time to master our schedule and be the boss of our time, it will be our taskmaster," [15:37].

The fable serves as a metaphor for the chaos that can ensue when time is not managed effectively. Jesse connects this to the real-life pressures faced by teens and young adults, such as balancing academics, extracurricular activities, and personal responsibilities. She advocates for teaching young people essential life skills that empower them to take control of their time, thereby reducing anxiety and enhancing their ability to thrive.

6. Navigating Technology and Digital Distractions

Discussing the pervasive influence of technology, Jesse advises parents and families on managing digital distractions.

"Modeling for them what it looks like to keep tech in its proper place... the goal is for it to be their idea," [17:36].

Jesse emphasizes the importance of teaching teens to set their own boundaries with technology, encouraging autonomy rather than imposing strict restrictions. She shares strategies for fostering healthy digital habits, such as limiting notifications and establishing device-free times, to help young individuals navigate the digital landscape responsibly.

7. Overcoming Addiction and Purity of Heart

Addressing the sensitive issue of addiction, particularly to pornography, Jesse underscores the necessity of parental transparency and integrity.

"A lot of those people in the church that have been addicted... God has given us this little thing called free will... He's a good author," [25:55].

Jesse advocates for open conversations about the physical and emotional aspects of addiction, encouraging parents to model purity and seek support when necessary. She highlights that overcoming such struggles is possible through grace and godly support systems.

8. Personal Stories of Fatherhood and Healing

Jesse touches upon her personal experiences with absent father figures, exploring the emotional void and its long-term effects.

"God is a father to the fatherless. He meets us in any of those broken places, rejection, betrayal, hurt," [25:55].

Through her narrative, Jesse illustrates the profound impact of paternal absence and the healing power of faith. She emphasizes that God can fill these voids, offering comfort and restoration regardless of human failures. This segment resonates deeply, highlighting the importance of not letting others' choices define one's self-worth.

9. Conclusion and Call to Action

As the episode wraps up, Jim Daly and John Fuller reiterate the value of Jesse’s book, Your Brightest Life, as a resource for families seeking to navigate the complexities of modern life with faith and resilience. They encourage listeners to support the ministry through donations, highlighting the mutual goal of strengthening families and fostering spiritual growth.

"God is the restorer. Even if the other side never comes around, God can still heal that hole in your heart," [25:27].

The hosts invite listeners to become part of the Friends of Focus on the Family team, emphasizing the collaborative effort to reach and support families worldwide.

Key Takeaways

• Embrace Traditional Wisdom: Sometimes unconventional advice, rooted in experience, can offer effective solutions.
• Combat Unrealistic Beauty Standards: Encourage young women to recognize and appreciate their inherent beauty as designed by God, countering societal pressures.
• Foster Strong Marital Relationships: Understanding and patience are crucial for harmonious relationships, especially when navigating different approaches.
• Teach Time Management: Equip teens with essential life skills to manage their time effectively, reducing anxiety and enhancing productivity.
• Model Healthy Technology Use: Parents should demonstrate balanced technology habits, empowering teens to set their own boundaries.
• Address Addiction with Grace: Open conversations and integrity are key to overcoming addictive behaviors, supported by faith and community.
• Find Healing in Faith: Personal stories highlight the importance of faith in healing emotional wounds and filling voids left by absent figures.

Notable Quotes

• "I know, you build an immunity to poison oak by eating it. We may not know the ripple effect." — Jesse Minassian [04:37]
• "We, as women, it doesn't come naturally to see the beauty hiding right under our noses." — Jesse Minassian [08:25]
• "It is so marriage. But I learned that if we want men to be their best selves... we're gonna have to cut them a little slack if they do things a little differently than we women would want them done." — Jesse Minassian [12:50]
• "Our schedules are so crazy... if we don't take time to master our schedule and be the boss of our time, it will be our taskmaster." — Jesse Minassian [15:37]
• "Modeling for them what it looks like to keep tech in its proper place... the goal is for it to be their idea." — Jesse Minassian [17:36]
• "God is a father to the fatherless. He meets us in any of those broken places, rejection, betrayal, hurt." — Jesse Minassian [25:55]
• "God is the restorer. Even if the other side never comes around, God can still heal that hole in your heart." — Jim Daly [25:27]

Additional Resources

• Book: Your Brightest Life: Tips for Navigating Relationships, Health, Faith, Mindset, and More by Jesse Minassian
• Website: LifeLifelongGod.com
• Donation Information: Support Focus on the Family by donating monthly at focusonthefamily.com or calling 800-FAMILY.

This episode provides a compassionate and practical guide for families striving to nurture their relationships and faith amidst modern-day challenges. Through Jesse’s relatable stories and actionable advice, listeners are empowered to foster a brighter future for their teen girls and themselves.

Transcript

[Jim Daly]

For more than 20 years, Susie has been listening to Focus on the Family, finding spiritual encouragement and practical help for her marriage and family. And that's why she donates every month to the ministry.

[Jesse Minassian]

I know that any gift to the good work that Focus on the Family.

[Jim Daly]

Does will have eternal consequences for whoever.

[Jesse Minassian]

Happens to be listening to the show at whatever time.

[Jim Daly]

Hi, I'm Jim Dailey. I'd like to invite you to join Susie and become part of our friends of Focus on the Family team.

[Jesse Minassian]

Just never endure what God can do with any offering. We may not know the ripple effect.

[Jim Daly]

Caused by our gifts, but we can be sure that they will be used towards his kingdom. Working together, we can be a lifeline to families, giving them godly truth and hope. Join our monthly support team today by calling 800, the letter A and the word Family 800 a family or [e-mail] families.

[Jesse Minassian]

The family manifesto is basically a list of 14 statements that I created in light of wanting to do family well and to help teens and young adults take advantage of the years that they have with their parents and their siblings in their home. So it's things like, you know, I'll tell my family I love them every chance I get. You know, I'll get my camera out and actually take photos or let my parents take photos. You know, they always get so upset when I get my camera out. But I want those memories. I want to record those memories in my, on my camera, in my journal.

[John Fuller]

That's Jessie Minassian describing just one of the many suggestions she has for teen girls and their families. Jesse's back with us today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

John, we had a wonderful conversation last time with Jessi about better ways to live. There's a headline and in your family and relationships, how to live out your faith in very practical ways. For 20 years now, Jessi has been a spiritual big sister to teen girls and young women at her website, life lifelonggod.com and she's written numerous books, including the one we heard about last time, your Brightest Life, Tips for Navigating Relationships, Health, Faith mindset, and more. Now, Jesse's target audience is young women, but as we dug into the content last time, we discovered there's a lot of godly advice and encouragement that applies to all of us. And I think there's good stuff here for the entire family. If you missed the conversation last time, contact us to get a copy of that or watch the entire interview on YouTube or get the Focus app for your phone.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. And Jim is the father of three daughters. They're grown now. But I so appreciated Jesse's insights about how I can encourage and support them to become the women God designed them to be. There's so much here, as you said. Learn more about Jessi and her book, you, Brightest Life at our website. Details are in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Jesse, welcome back for day two.

[Jesse Minassian]

Thanks for having me.

[Jim Daly]

It's so much fun. Now, we're gonna kick this off with a funny story, I think, related to poison oak that you in the book, some guy named Jim, and it wasn't me.

[Jesse Minassian]

It wasn't you.

[Jim Daly]

So what. What does poison oak and you and this Jim guy have in common?

[Jesse Minassian]

Yeah, it really sort of was part of the impetus for this whole book. So we moved to a little town in central California coastline. And it's beautiful. I mean, people come make their vacation reels on Instagram, and it's beautiful rolling hills, the vineyards. But there is enough poison oak to cover a small country. Like, it's. It's terrifying. And I. That didn't have a whole lot of experience with poison oak, but it surrounds my house. And I was a little freaked out that I was going to leave and walk through my yard, get the mail, and come home with a rash, so. Right.

[Jim Daly]

That's wisdom.

[Jesse Minassian]

So my neighbor comes by and I ask him, like, jim, like, what do you do? How do you get rid of this plant? What do you do with a plant that bites back? And he's like, oh, I used to get poison oak real bad. I'm like, oh, okay. Well, what'd you do? Did you, like, get rid of it? Did you hire someone? He's like, oh, no, no. What you gotta do? And he walks over to a plant, a bush of it, and he pulls a leaf off and he pops it in his mouth, says, you gotta eat a little bit of it. And I. I'm freaking out. I'm like, is this man gonna swell up in front of me? Do I need to call an ambulance?

[Jim Daly]

I'm like, my jaw's down right here going, don't do that.

[Jesse Minassian]

I mean, he was. He was in his probably 70s, graying hair. I mean, it looked like he had earned his head of wisdom. Like, you know, he's. He knew a thing or two. So I, you know, clearly I'm a generation who loves Google. So I went straight to Google and said, you build an immunity to poison oak by eating it. And I got no good answers. People are like, why would you even try? That's Crazy. What would possess you to do that?

[Jim Daly]

My neighbor.

[Jesse Minassian]

So I asked another younger neighbor. I'm like, have you heard of that? I'm kind of crazy. I'm game to try weird things. But have you heard of anybody doing that? She said, oh, my gosh. All the old timers say that, but I don't know anyone brave enough to try it, so. Well, I apparently am that person. The great thing about being an author is that if it goes south, it's always a good story.

[Jim Daly]

So you never did it?

[Jesse Minassian]

No, I did. So I started out with a little, tiny piece of poison oak.

[Jim Daly]

Did you break out?

[Jesse Minassian]

I first made my will and testament, my last will and testament, because I didn't know how this was going to end. And then I cut it up into tiny, tiny little pieces, and I put it in a glass of water because I didn't want it to touch my lips so I wouldn't get, like, a bad Botox job or something.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, my.

[Jesse Minassian]

And I drank it down, and I made it a full 24 hours with no itching. And I breathed a sigh of relief and since then have been working my way up in leaf piece sizes. Now I'm up to, like, a full leaf in my salad.

[Jim Daly]

In your salad. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Jesse Minassian]

Because you said you have to keep it. Okay, we need to put a disclaimer on.

[John Fuller]

I was just gonna say we need a medical disclaimer.

[Jesse Minassian]

This is not medical advice. And if you try this, we'll just blame Jim.

[Jim Daly]

Neighbor Jim.

[Jesse Minassian]

It is Jim's fault.

[Jim Daly]

So have you tested the outside of your skin?

[Jesse Minassian]

Okay, so this. It was a year. And I tell this story at the beginning of the book. And I knew by the end of the book I was going to have to actually say, like, whether this works in real life. And I was terrified. But I eventually got up the nerve and I went and I got a leaf and I touched it to my skin, and it actually did work. I got, like, a few tiny little bumps, and they went away on their own. Like, didn't break out. And so I don't try this at home. Don't try it at home. But it worked for Jesse, Jesse and Jim only. But it got me to thinking, what other advice do the old timers have that would make my life richer, the path smoother, the way better, that helped me live a life of faith and one of joy, that maybe I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to try, but if I am, could it go well? And so that is kind of the heart. But it's kind of interesting.

[Jim Daly]

Paul writes about, we know God through his nature. Right. There's enough evidence on this earth. Those are kind of the little anecdotes that if you apply the scripture to it. Yeah. It works. So we're grateful that you're here.

[Jesse Minassian]

Thank you. Me too.

[Jim Daly]

You have someone in the book that you called Cassie. I'm sure the name has changed, but you said she's one of the most beautiful women that you ever saw. And then as you got to know her, different circumstances, you realize she did not have that opinion of herself. So describe that, the observation of that and talking with her about it.

[Jesse Minassian]

Mm. Yeah. It was quite a few years ago. I was doing research for a book on beauty, and I did a survey for women of my acquaintance just to get a handle on, you know what. How they felt about themselves. And I thought for sure that Cassie, I mean, I literally. I was so intimidated to talk to her. It was really silly. Like, she was so beautiful. It took me two weeks to get up the nerve just to say hi to her and, like, meet her. I worked with her, and she was the picture of down to earth and seemed really confident. And so I thought I would give her this survey as well, because surely she would help balance things out for the rest of us in Right. To give a little perspective. But she. Her answers ended up being the most insecure of all of us, that she listed a long list of things that she wanted to change and was really down on herself. And it just helped me understand that we, as women, we really. It doesn't come naturally to see the beauty hiding right under our noses.

[Jim Daly]

Why do you think that is? I mean, somebody that you, as a woman, you're observing how beautiful she is, you just wouldn't think someone like that is struggling at all. You would think that her struggle would be humility. The Lord made me so beautiful. How do I. But it's not that. It's always the imperfection.

[Jesse Minassian]

Yeah. And we're getting an IV drip of perfection from the media since we were young, since our magazine days, for those of us a little bit older. But now for this generation, the Internet, they're getting a constant IV drip of how they should look and everything touched up and airbrushed. And the enemy loves to take those lies and twist them. And I believe, Jim, it's because God designed women to be beautiful. It's part of our inherent nature to be the beautiful counterpart to Adam. And the enemy loves to take anything that God has designed and twist it and turn it into lies that he.

[Jim Daly]

Feeds us speak to that devastating effect, though. I think digitally, magazines, of course, it had that impact. But now with a new type of imagery, I think it's even more devastating and more potent.

[Jesse Minassian]

Absolutely.

[Jim Daly]

How does that affect our young girls today, both Christian and non Christian?

[Jesse Minassian]

Oh, it has huge effects. And I think now we're seeing, you know, I think it's more common knowledge now. We're seeing lots of research about the effects of social media on young women and their views to convince them that they have to be over sexualized to be beautiful. And it's devastating to a girl's heart.

[Jim Daly]

It's interesting how the enemy can rob that. I'm just thinking about that. Have boys, men exploit that. You know, put guilt trips on a woman in that area so he can get what he wants from her, whatever that might be. But there are chains of bondage and all of that. And the more you can delink yourself and understand how God sees you. And that's true for all of us. But it seems to be so potent with women and girls.

[Jesse Minassian]

Yeah, absolutely. And that's one of my hopes, is just to bring freedom into this area, to help girls see the truth behind the lies and see the beauty that is already woven into their DNA and actually appreciate it. I'm like, what's the point of being beautiful if you don't even appreciate the beauty that you have?

[Jim Daly]

You have a long list of what you're not measuring up to that woman, Cassie. I mean, that's sad, really. Okay, let's move to the rat story. That's a bit of a turn, but from beauty to rats. Your husband and the rat story. Now, Jean, if you're listening, put your fingers in your ears because you're not gonna like this one. She's an animal. So. Yeah. Even rats, well, you know, they're all creatures.

[Jesse Minassian]

Oh, okay. Okay. Well, I am a very. I'm a pretty strong woman, but I have a thing for rodents. I just cannot do.

[Jim Daly]

What do you mean you have a thing for rodents? Like, do you like them?

[Jesse Minassian]

No, no, they terrify me. You know, everyone. I can handle snakes. I can handle spiders, like all of that. Rodents. I don't know, I just.

[Jim Daly]

They're creepy.

[Jesse Minassian]

They're creepy. I don't like them. And so my husband and I were newly married. We're renting a little house in a California beach town. And it gets toasty. And in that part of California, you don't have air conditioning. So if it gets toasty, you know, you got to open some windows. It was hot, so I'M like, huh? Like, let's just open the front door, get a little fresh air. He's worried about security, as men often do. And we're sitting on the couch, and all of a sudden something runs by. And I will tell you, if you've seen Princess Bride, you have seen the thing that ran by, the rodent of unusual size that ran into our apartment. And I jumped up on the couch like a little girl and screamed. And I'm like, get it, honey. Get it. And my brave knight sprung into action. He ran down the hallway, cornered the fiend into. In the kitchen. And I hear the commentary. I'm up on the couch, like, total chicken, listening to the commentary in the kitchen. And it is hilarious. You know, I'm hearing banging and things. And he's like, oh, oh, oh, I think I got it. It's in the stove. And I'm like, it's in the stove. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I think I got it. And he's stand there holding my kitchen knife in his hand, the best knife. And I looked at him and never mind that he faced my worst nightmare, Challenged the fiend to a duel and won. I. I looked at him and said, you used my kitchen knife. I was so mad at him.

[Jim Daly]

That's marriage.

[John Fuller]

Oh, my goodness.

[Jesse Minassian]

It is so marriage. But I learned that if we want men to be their best selves, to be brave, to come to our rescue, to be good fathers, to bring justice to the world, we're gonna have to cut them a little slack if they do things a little differently than we women would want them done.

[Jim Daly]

I would appreciate that. How about you, John?

[John Fuller]

I like slack.

[Jesse Minassian]

Sometimes bravery makes a mess, and we need to be okay with that. Isn't that.

[Jim Daly]

That was so sweet of him to go to battle for.

[Jesse Minassian]

It was. It was sweet.

[Jim Daly]

I would have said, yeah, he'll leave sometime.

[Jesse Minassian]

Just leave the door open, probably.

[Jim Daly]

Let's get some food and we'll run it out.

[John Fuller]

There you go.

[Jim Daly]

You don't have to get violent. The cautionary.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, and our guest today is Jesse Minassian, and we're covering just some of the content in her terrific resource aimed at helping you parent your teen daughter or as you work with teen girls. But this is really life application stuff for all of us. The book is called you'd Brightest Tips for Navigating Relationships, Health, Faith, Mindset, and more. And you can get a copy from us here at the ministry when you stop by the show Notes for all the details. And Jesse in this book, you tell so many stories. One of them had to do well. It was kind of a fairy tale about a baby dragon. And so I'd love for you to tell that story because there's a great application for us in that we got rats and dragons.

[Jesse Minassian]

Babies and dragons. Oh, my. Yeah. This is sort of a. After coming off of writing a fiction series and then writing this book, I had a little fun with some of the stories. So, once upon a time, there was a knight, and he was very successful as a knight, and he had lots of treasure, and he needed something to guard his treasure. And so he found a merchant in town who had a baby dragon. And he said, how much for your baby dragon? And he said, I'll let you have this baby dragon if you can control him. And the knight said, well, no problem. I oust troublesome ogres, and I rescue fair damsels. A little dragon will be no problem for me. And it wasn't. He took the little dragon and he took it home and put it in front of a cave where he'd stored all of his treasure. Well, the knight went off on some grand adventures to rescue fair damsels and to oust troublesome ogres. And when he came back, he came home with two chests of gold that the king had given him for his troubles. And he went to his cave. But when he got there, there was a giant, ferocious dragon guarding the opening. So big and ferocious that the knight couldn't get through. And he was so mad that he went and searched for that merchant and said, that dragon that you gave me has become a nuisance. I can't even get to my treasure. And the merchant said, if you had taken time to train that dragon when he was young, he would serve you now. But if he has become your master, there is nothing I can do.

[Jim Daly]

Wow.

[Jesse Minassian]

And the knight learned that he needed time management. Pulled it into our. Like, our schedules are so crazy. Especially as teens, there's so much pressure to do everything and be everything in sports and homework and college searches. And then as young adults, you've got jobs and all of the things. And if we don't take time to master our schedule and be the boss of our time, it will be our taskmaster. Interesting. And we'll miss out on all the good that God has for us.

[Jim Daly]

You know, it's so true. And so often the notes that we get here, the emails that focus the counseling line, will be a lot of particularly fathers who built their career, maybe built their business, whatever it might have been, but they lament One thing, and you know what it is, they weren't there when their kids grew up and they don't have really a very close relationship with them now, which is your point, the dragon fable there. But that's how it shows up in real life. And they will now spend the rest of their life trying to recapture that, regain it or give up on it.

[Jesse Minassian]

That's right. Yeah. It's such a sad story. That's exactly right. And for young people, I'm seeing it as anxiety. When I ask girls, the hardest part of being a teen today, it's the pressure. There's so much pressure and I think some of that is it's multifaceted. But part of it is just old fashioned life skills and time management and learning how to take control and to say no to good things and to make sure that they're being the boss of their time.

[Jim Daly]

Speaking of taking control, the other big thing that we get so often is use of technology. You know, and so many people, we've had many experts come in and talk about the use of technology. You know, keep that smartphone away from your kids as long as possible. That's the best advice I got and Gene got. I think our kids were 17 and 15 by the time they got a phone. But what did you do? What were you confronting in that area of technology with yourself or with your girls?

[Jesse Minassian]

Yeah, I have benefited from the experts that you've had on focus on the Family.

[Jim Daly]

I hope many have.

[Jesse Minassian]

I've learned a lot too. And yes we did try to delay as long as possible for my own girls that technology. But also this generation is not ever going to be without a device. And so we have to teach them how to fight back against the distraction. So as they're moving into the teen years and especially young adulthood, but hopefully before they leave your house, modeling for them what it looks like to keep tech in its proper place and to have the devices but to the goal is for it to be their idea. Hey, I'm going to put a limit, I'm going to have a bedtime for my phone. I'm going to limit the, the notifications that I'm getting. But to have those conversations with them because if we're just enforcing it and we're just saying no, you can't have then when they can have, they're not going to have any of the tool to fight that distraction. I'm having to learn it as a middle aged woman of having to And I tell a couple stories in the book of just despite my best efforts to not be distracted. Getting distracted and having to learn, you.

[Jim Daly]

Know, the inoculation strategy as a parent is all around us. I mean, it's not just technology, but it's things that they're going to see. And what I mean by the inoculation strategy, then as a parent, how do you inform them that this is real, this is out there, it will happen, it will find you. But when it does, here's what we need to do and here's how you need to respond as a believer in Jesus. It takes more cultivation in that relationship with your child today, I think, because we have to be very targeted about what they're going to encounter compared to 30, 40 years ago. And again, it takes more intentionality then, which means it takes more time, which means you can't be distracted by sports and other things that I would be watching. I gotta be engaged with the kids, make sure I'm in tune with what they're doing. I think if I could wind the clock back, that would be an area I would have been more diligent on. And Gene would have said, oh, thank you, Lord. Right. Because I think I was partially in, but not all the way in. And Jean was all the way in, but out there by herself so often. And that had to cause her frustration. It's like, ah, you know what? They'll get it, they'll get it. But you don't want to be ignorant.

[Jesse Minassian]

It's a common scenario.

[Jim Daly]

That also is true of just screen time in general. Here's a statistic that I know you say on these things too, but people within the church, men in the church, look at pornography. 68%. It was really a shocker to me at least once a month. And almost 30% of women in the church, 28 point something. And again, those are things that we've got a model for our own kids. I mean, how do you speak with any force or moral authority if you yourself are trapped in it? I mean, not to sound, but we've got to do our job in our own life. So our kids, they'll sense when you're not real, it comes out. They'll know if you're doing things with your screen and your phone because it just happens, it just comes out. So speak to that.

[Jesse Minassian]

Yeah, absolutely. And I just want to emphasize because I think, I mean, a lot of those people in the church that have been addicted, there's reasons are it's designed to be addicting. Like it's not. We're not superhuman and it's by the grace of God. I Feel like that any of us are not falling into that trap at any given time. And so to both model how to walk in purity of heart, mind and spirit for our kids, but also to help them understand just the very physical nature of addiction and the importance of resisting those temptations or getting help when you need it and fighting against that.

[Jim Daly]

Jesse, we're narrowing in here. You also share very openly about your biological father. And you mentioned when we first started this conversation that your mom was single. Parent mom up till 5. And just speak to that hole in your own heart about the vacancy of not having a father.

[Jesse Minassian]

Yeah. I mean, you and I both have talked about this in the past. There's a unique kind of grief that comes with not having a parent or both parents in your life. My mom was amazing. But as a little girl, I used to dream, like, what it would be like, like, you know, asking questions. Did he want to be in my life? Did he not? What would he be like? Would he make all my problems, you know, not problems anymore?

[Jim Daly]

What would it like being. Having a D. Yeah.

[Jesse Minassian]

And I was very blessed to have a stepdad. At 5, my mom remarried or married for the first time, and my stepdad was amazing to love me as his own. And that's a whole nother story. And the relationship we have now is priceless. But at the time, as a young person, it was a difficult relationship with my stepdad. And, yeah, I wondered what it would be like. And I had the opportunity when I was 17 years old to meet him for the first time. And I was sure he was going to be just everything that I imagined my whole life, you know, that he would be tall and handsome and wise and. And just want to be a part of my life. And when I met him for that first time, it very much was the case. I mean, he was so charismatic and shook my hand so warmly and. And we had an amazing conversation that night. Gave me so much good advice about life and. And it seemed that he wanted to be in my life. And we started writing letters back and forth, and it really felt like a happily ever after sort of ending to all those years of questioning and doubt. And then one day, the letters just stopped coming. And I still, to this day, don't know why. I don't know what it was, if it was something I said or something someone else said or what it was. I've tried reaching out over the years, and I'm hopeful that it's not the end of the story. I'm still praying that there will be some reconciliation There I don't need anything from him, but I want to have relationship. Relationship. But I feel like it's taught me that other people's choices affect me, but they don't define me. And that's such an important lesson for our kids to learn, for us as adults to remember that God has given us this little thing called free will. And it means that other people's free will is gonna hurt me, it's gonna wreck my world sometimes, but it doesn't mean that my life has to be defined by their choices.

[Jim Daly]

And it's so easy to say that and so hard to live it. You know, one of the most tender letters I've ever received here at Focus, and we want to hear from you. We would love to hear about how Focus helped you in your marriage or helped you in your parenting. And I got a letter from a 32 year old girl who said when she was 7, her dad took her to lunch and said, you, mom and I aren't getting along and we're going to end our marriage, we're going to get a divorce, but it's not because of you. And I just want to make sure you knew that. And I thought, oh, this is good. That's a good thing to say if you're facing that. And he went on to say at that lunch, you know, we'll have every other weekend together and I'll have you two weeks out of the summer. And laid this expectation out for her. And she never heard from him again. That lunch was the end of it at 7. And her letter was just full of grief. How she. And I think gives me tears thinking about it for you. The search for that daddy's love led her into some really dark places, looking for men and looking for that affection. So your point of what that does to us is deeper than what we sometimes realize and how it actually can end up controlling your life if you.

[Jesse Minassian]

Don'T let go of it, if you don't like it. That's exactly right. And I'm living proof that God is a father to the fatherless. And he. He meets us in any of those broken places, rejection, betrayal, hurt. He will meet you there if you let him. All he asks is that we give up our right to judge and our right to hold it against them and to pretend that we're God and we can control the people around us. And he can bring beauty out of those stories. He's a good author.

[Jim Daly]

And you know, with divorce rates as high as they are, I mean, they're going down. That's great, but they're still way too high. There's so many broken little boys hearts, little girls hearts. And man, if you were that person, get ahold of us. We want to be there to help you. God is the restorer. Even if the other side never comes around, God can still heal that hole in your heart. And Jesse, it's a heavy place to end, but this is such a great book. Your Brightest tips for Navigating Relationships, Health, faith, mindset, and more. And you've captured it all. This is a great little book for a mom to help her with her daughter and fathers and sons. I mean, it's not void in that area either. So thank you so much for being with us. I hope you'll want a copy. You know, this is one of the fun ways we do ministry together. And if you can make a gift of any amount and if you could do that monthly, it really helps. That's how Gene and I support Focus. We'll send you a copy of the book to say thank you for being involved with the ministry, for saving marriages, saving babies, lives, lives and so much more. And Jesse is willing to partner with us in that way and we'll give you the book and you can send a gift and do ministry with us.

[John Fuller]

Reach out today if we can help or if you'd like to donate and get a copy of youf Brightest Life. Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family. 800-232-6459 or we'll have details in the show notes. And Jim mentioned making a monthly pledge. We're looking for 1,000 families or individuals to join our Friends of Focus on the Family team. That means you sign up and you're committing to making a monthly donation to us. And as Jim said, that's a partnering opportunity. You'll have the satisfaction of knowing that automatically your donation is coming to Focus and we're using it to reach lives around the world for Christ. You can sign up to be friends of the Focus on the Family team at our website and the link is in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Jesse, see you again. It was so good to have you with us. Thanks.

[Jesse Minassian]

Thank you. It's my pleasure, as always.

[John Fuller]

Well, we were so glad to have you join us today. And coming up tomorrow, you're going to hear a powerful story of how God transformed the tragedy of infidelity into a fully restored and healed marriage.

[Jim Daly]

I knew there was no switch in.

[John Fuller]

Her that I could flip to make her want to stay, to make her love me.

[Jesse Minassian]

But I think much of my decision commitment.

[John Fuller]

Choice in that season was aligning with like God. I know you want this. Thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Jesse Minassian]

Your marriage can be redeemed, even if the fights seem constant, even if there's been an affair, even if you haven't felt close in years. No matter how deep the wounds are, you can take a step toward healing them with a hope Restored Marriage Intensive. Our biblically based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face challenges together. We'll talk with you, pray with you, and help you find out which program will work best. Call us at 1-866-875-2915.