Healthy Budgeting Habits for Your Marriage

Summary

Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
Episode: Healthy Budgeting Habits for Your Marriage
Release Date: January 6, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller are joined by Jade Warshaw, a renowned debt elimination expert, financial coach, co-host of The Ramsey Show, and author of Money's Not a Math Problem: The Real Reason You're Broke and What to Do About It. The discussion centers around managing finances within a marriage, especially for Christian couples facing debt and budgeting challenges.

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Personal Story and Debt Journey

Jade Warshaw opens up about her and her husband Sam’s substantial debt, totaling $460,000, with $280,000 attributed to student loans. She shares the emotional and financial strain they experienced, particularly during the Great Recession.

Jade Warshaw [00:02]:
"And so if you can change just the simplest terms of saying, how are we going to spend our money? And did we get paid this weekend? And, you know, have we paid our bills yet? Just the we, the our, the us. It really creates unity between the two."

She recounts the challenges they faced when moving from Nashville to South Florida, selling their townhouse during a saturated market, and relying on divine intervention to secure a cash offer that helped them alleviate some financial pressure.

Jade Warshaw [03:09]:
"460,000."

Jim Daly [03:16]:
"That's a big number."

This significant debt burden left them searching for effective strategies to regain financial stability.

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The Ramsey Baby Steps and Budgeting

Jade introduces the Ramsey Plan, particularly emphasizing the seven baby steps designed to eliminate debt and build wealth. However, she points out that there are two preliminary "invisible" steps that are crucial yet often overlooked:

1. Stop Borrowing Money: The first invisible step involves committing to cease borrowing, which is essential to halt the "bleeding" caused by debt.

2. Create a Zero-Based Budget: Jade advocates for a zero-based budget, where every dollar is allocated to specific expenses or savings until the total equals zero. This method ensures that money is purposefully directed towards priorities without fostering guilt over spending.

Jade Warshaw [08:52]:
"With the Ramsey plan, there's seven baby steps is what we talk about. But the truth of that is there's really two baby steps that come before the seven."

Jim Daly [10:32]:
"The Briargate Mall."
(Referring humorously to impulse purchases that can derail budgets)

By adhering to these steps, Jade and Sam were able to methodically tackle their debt, focusing first on the smallest balances to gain momentum and a sense of achievement.

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Overcoming Emotional Barriers to Budgeting

The conversation delves into the emotional aspects of budgeting, particularly the common misconception that budgets are restrictive or punitive. Jade addresses how reframing budgeting can transform it from a source of guilt to a tool for empowerment.

Jade Warshaw [11:33]:
"Budget’s a form of punishment that restrict you from spending."

Jade Warshaw [12:05]:
"This is something that I get to have control of and that I get to choose. And there will be different times in my life where I get to make trade-offs..."

By planning expenditures, couples can experience financial freedom without the associated guilt, making budgeting a positive and collaborative endeavor.

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Communication and Transparency in Marriage Finances

Effective communication is highlighted as a cornerstone of successful financial management in marriage. Jade recommends daily check-ins on finances to build consistency and prevent misunderstandings.

Jade Warshaw [19:49]:
"The check-in. I'm telling you what I did. I'm not asking you what you did."

This approach fosters transparency, reducing the likelihood of financial infidelity—such as hidden savings or undisclosed credit cards—and promotes mutual accountability.

Jim Daly [20:08]:
"Discuss why it's important to do that every day. Maybe until you're in a rhythm."

The hosts emphasize that these check-ins should not be accusatory but rather an open dialogue about spending and saving habits.

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Dealing with Different Spending Personalities

Jade and the hosts explore how differing financial temperaments within a marriage can lead to conflicts. They categorize personalities as "nerds" (savvy budgeters) and "free spirits" (spenders), discussing strategies to harmonize these differences.

Jade Warshaw [16:10]:
"We call that. There's just kind of different personality traits, really. You know, you have the nerd who's like, I've got the spreadsheet, and I love the numbers, and they love to dig in. And then you have more of the free spirit who goes, you just tell me what it is, and I'll do my best to stick with it."

To bridge these differences, Jade suggests leveraging each partner’s strengths and maintaining open communication to ensure both voices are heard and respected within the budget.

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Community and Accountability

For single individuals or those without a partner to share financial responsibilities, Jade underscores the importance of community and mentorship. Engaging with programs like Financial Peace University and fostering mentor-mentee relationships can provide the necessary support and accountability.

Jade Warshaw [17:39]:
"You know, I think it's important to get involved in communities where that's there. And so, of course, with Ramsey, we have Financial Peace University, which is great."

Building a supportive network helps normalize financial discussions and reduces the stigma associated with financial struggles.

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Creating a Unified Financial Vision

Jade emphasizes the significance of aligning financial goals with family values and long-term vision. By collectively envisioning the future, couples can find motivation and purpose in their financial planning, ensuring that budgeting aligns with their desire to impact their community and church positively.

Jade Warshaw [24:08]:
"Our number one goal is to pay down credit card debt, right? This is our number one goal. What in the midst of that, what are we willing to sacrifice and to what."

This unified approach fosters a sense of purpose and solidarity, making the financial journey a shared mission rather than an individual burden.

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Conclusion and Resources

Jim Daly and John Fuller commend Jade Warshaw for her insightful contributions and promote her book, Money's Not a Math Problem. They offer listeners the opportunity to receive the book, especially for those struggling with debt, by contacting Focus on the Family.

Jim Daly [25:11]:
"Money's not a math problem. The real reason you're broke and what to do about it."

The episode concludes with encouragement for couples to take proactive steps in managing their finances together, utilizing the strategies discussed to build a financially healthy and spiritually aligned marriage.

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Notable Quotes

• Jade Warshaw [00:02]:
  "Just the we, the our, the us. It really creates unity between the two."

• Jim Daly [03:16]:
  "That's a big number."

• Jade Warshaw [08:52]:
  "With the Ramsey plan, there's seven baby steps is what we talk about. But the truth of that is there's really two baby steps that come before the seven."

• Jade Warshaw [12:05]:
  "This is something that I get to have control of and that I get to choose."

• Jade Warshaw [19:49]:
  "I'm telling you what I did. I'm not asking you what you did."

• Jade Warshaw [16:10]:
  "You have the nerd who's like, I've got the spreadsheet, and I love the numbers... the free spirit who goes, you just tell me what it is."

• Jade Warshaw [24:08]:
  "Our number one goal is to pay down credit card debt, right?"

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Resources Mentioned

• Jade Warshaw’s Book: Money's Not a Math Problem: The Real Reason You're Broke and What to Do About It
• Financial Peace University: A program by Dave Ramsey offering financial education and community support.
• Focus on the Family Website: Visit here for more resources and to request Jade’s book.

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This comprehensive discussion offers practical advice rooted in Christian values, emphasizing teamwork, transparency, and proactive financial planning to foster healthy budgeting habits within marriages.

Transcript

[Jade Warshaw]

And so if you can change just the simplest terms of saying, how are we going to spend our money? And did we get paid this weekend? And, you know, have we paid our bills yet? Just the we, the our, the us. It really creates unity between the two.

[John Fuller]

That's Jade Warshaw, and she joins us today on FOCUS on the Family with Jim Daly to share about how to manage your money. Thank you for joining us today. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

John, often if I talk about a couple arguing, we get texts and feedback saying Christians should not argue. Now, I don't know about that, but one of the things that they will discuss most often in marriage are the finances. And here we're coming into the new year, we just had Christmas and I'm sure there's some credit card debt that may have piled up. I don't know how Deena is with that.

[John Fuller]

Oh, she's very restrained and I'm grateful for that.

[Jim Daly]

Jean is very generous with her gifts. Wonderful in terms of spirit. And then it's not all on her. I can overspend as well. But you look at that credit card payment, you go, okay, we got to get things back on the rails. Well, that's why we're going to talk about finances today, because we're assuming that you may be in that spot where you've overspent or maybe you've overspent for a while and you've got to get control of this because it's got control of you. And that's a biblical approach. We got to figure out how to manage our money. Well, because it talks about our attitude and what we're about when it's out of control.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. And Jade Warshaw is a debt elimination expert.

[Jim Daly]

I love that.

[John Fuller]

I do.

[Jim Daly]

Debt Eliminator.

[John Fuller]

It sounds so sophisticated. She's a financial coach and co host of the Ramsey show and she's married to Sam. And she's got a great little book. It's called Money's not a Math Problem, the real reason you're broke and what to do about it. And you can find out more about Jade and this really wonderful resource when you stop by the show notes today.

[Jim Daly]

Jade, welcome to FOCUS ON the family.

[Jade Warshaw]

Hey, thank you for having me.

[Jim Daly]

It's good to have you. Now you're coming through the fiery furnace of experience and I love that because you learn so much in that environment. You're not like a professor who never lived it.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's right. They say the man with an experience is not at the mercy of a man with an opinion.

[Jim Daly]

There you go. So Describe that for us. What that looked like. You and your husband, Sam, were you married, or did you carry debt into the marriage and. Or what was going on?

[Jade Warshaw]

It was a little bit of both. We both came into the marriage with our fair share of debt, specifically student loans. And then we added to it once we got married, as many couples do. You know, it's like, okay, we're married now. It's time to get the houses and the cars and, you know, you use credit cards, and so you just look up, and before you know it, you've accumulated a lot of debt, and a lot of people are looking what to do with that. And so it's kind of that magical time where the magic starts wearing off. You're into your life. At that point, we were moving from Nashville to South Florida. So you're moving, you're taking inventory, you're deciding, am I going to keep this or are we tossing it? And I just realized, like, we have a lot of debt, and there's not a whole lot of value to show for it.

[Jim Daly]

Let's. So people can go, whoa, give us the number.

[Jade Warshaw]

460,000.

[John Fuller]

Oh, my.

[Jim Daly]

Whoa.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

I mean, that's a big number.

[Jade Warshaw]

280 with student loans.

[Jim Daly]

That's breathtaking. I mean, okay, so emotionally you could get there. That's scary. I mean, because you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. There's probably people listening on YouTube and listening to us on the radio. That may be maybe even past that amount. Who knows?

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, it's terrifying. And I have found that back then, because the year was 2007 headed. We got married in 07, but, oh, eight headed into the Great Recession, if you remember.

[Jim Daly]

Yes.

[Jade Warshaw]

And so every.

[Jim Daly]

You were right there at that same time.

[Jade Warshaw]

Oh, yeah. We were trying to sell. I remember we were trying to sell a townhouse that we had to just try to break even. And there were, like, 26 other townhouses in our neighborhood exactly like it that were for sale. And God really did a miracle because we said, we know we're supposed to go to South Florida. We're gonna go. And we're just. God is gonna handle this. And like, an hour into the drive, our realtor said, you have an offer for cash, and they want your house and the furniture in it. And we thought, yes, because the furniture was on payments. And so it was great to be able to get that paid cash.

[Jim Daly]

Kill two birds with one stone.

[Jade Warshaw]

Exactly. And so, yeah, you know, when you're.

[Jim Daly]

Looking at that, how did you plan to dig yourself out of the hole. What's the first thing you and your husband Sam talked about? Like, honey, we're in trouble.

[Jade Warshaw]

Well, the truth is, both of us realized that we didn't have a very firm foundation in how to handle money. You know, you kind of pick up things from your family as you go. And I remembered my dad saying, you know, you don't want to go into debt, and, you know, you need to budget. And I'm realizing, oh, my gosh, I haven't really done either of those things well, and I didn't know the next step in order to do them well. And I remembered hearing Dave Ramsey on the radio years back, and it's like, you know, he's got that boisterous personality. And I told my husband, I think there's this guy Dave, and I think he can help us.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, right.

[Jade Warshaw]

And so I looked up the book, the Total Money Makeover, and we went to Barnes and Noble and picked it up. And after that, it was like the rest was history. We decided that we would listen to the radio show as often as possible, and then it became a podcast so you could download it and listen to it whenever you wanted. And so we were addicted to that show because there was so much hope for us there.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. When you're looking at that mound of debt, though, $460,000 in your case, and you're going, okay, here's our income. We can set aside X a month. And I do want you to fill in these blanks for us because it's very practical, but it's got to seem like it will take us our entire lifetime to get there.

[Jade Warshaw]

It did in the very beginning when we started looking at it. And I don't know if God just was like, I'm gonna shield you from this. But we never calculated the entire amount. It was kind of like we saw what it was and we said, okay, we're gonna focus on the smallest first, and we're gonna be laser focused there. And just look at that one.

[Jim Daly]

Just get it done, get it done, get it away.

[Jade Warshaw]

And there is a piece of this. I mean, I have to say it, and especially on this show, I have to say it. There is a piece of this where you look at the plan, you go, here's what the plan tells me I have to do. Then if you're not asking God, I need you to help me. Like, I need help with this. Because if I just follow the math on this, it's going to take my whole life. I need ways to get my income up. I need opportunity to Knock. And if you bring the opportunity, I promise I will work to get it to do it. And so that was a big part for Sam and I, because when we started, our income was quite low. And so we needed to adjust that in order to kind of make those ratios line up debt to income.

[Jim Daly]

I mean, you're married a year.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

I mean, most of us, our income is quite low at that point. It's like Gene and I didn't have furniture.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's right.

[Jim Daly]

I can remember we lived in an apartment, and I had just gotten back from Japan, and I thought, you know, we could throw some blankets down. It's called a futon.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's right.

[Jim Daly]

And that was our bed for, like the first year in our one bedroom apartment. We finally popped for a $99 glass kitchen table so we would have somewhere to pay the bills to sit down and eat. I mean, that was all we had in that apartment. Nothing. Not a couch. Eventually we got the couch. We picked it up at Goodwill. But that's early marriage, right?

[Jade Warshaw]

I mean, we went the opposite direction. You know, when I met Sam, he had a little townhouse that he bought with his mom. And we immediately moved in there, and there was furniture and it's like the rooms to go, you know.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, I like that.

[Jade Warshaw]

300 years, no payments, you know, no payments till the year 30. 30, you know. And so we were in there, and when we moved, we were like, okay, we're going all in on this. So we sold all of our furniture and we moved into a small apartment. And then we moved from that apartment into another place where we had roommates. Right. We were doing everything we could to lower our expenses. And I remember when we finally got rid of the roommates, because, let's be honest, two married people living with other married people is wild.

[Jim Daly]

There's gotta be another way.

[Jade Warshaw]

There's gotta be another way. And so that didn't last long. But I remember we had friends come to the house, and the initial plan was, let's go to their house and eat dinner. And they said, well, we've never been to your house. Why don't we come over with you and Sam? And I'm like, well, we don't have any furniture. And I guess they thought that we were exaggerating until they showed up at the door and they go, oh, you really don't have furniture? They said, well, where do you eat? I said, we just sit on the steps. We just sit on the steps with the plate on our lap. And they go, okay, let's go to Our house. We're not gonna do that.

[Jim Daly]

That's so funny. Let's get some practical insight about how you climbed out of debt. I mean, we're nibbling at the edges here. Lay down for people that might be in a similar spot. What are you going to do? A, B, C, D, et cetera.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. So with the Ramsey plan, there's seven baby steps is what we talk about. But the truth of that is there's really two baby steps that come before the seven. The first baby step is invisible. I call it the invisible baby step because it's the idea that I'm just going to decide to stop borrowing money. It happens up here first because for a lot of us, borrowing money is the problem. We over borrow, we over leverage, and next thing we know, we can't pay our bills.

[Jim Daly]

And that includes credit cards. That's a form of borrowing.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yes. Credit cards are one of the most difficult ones that people deal with because they get this dependency on it. And so the first thought is like, okay, I'm going to stop the bleeding and I'm not going to borrow money anymore. Happens upstairs. It's invisible. Then the next one is really like, I'd call a baby step zero, where you say, now I need a plan, I need a foundation. And that's the budget. And if you're not doing a budget, it's what everything is built on. So a lot of people go, oh, I'll follow the seven baby steps. But they never really get on a budget. And I'm like, this is why it's not working for you. So you've got to have that budget. We suggest a zero based budget, which is basically saying, here's my income and I'm going to plan for every single dollar until it's zero. And just to clarify for anybody, zero based budgeting doesn't mean that you have $0 in your checking account. Right. It just means that I' and the last $200 is just as a cushion. Right. So there's still money there. But you've planned. This is how it's going to be allotted.

[Jim Daly]

That's a purpose.

[Jade Warshaw]

And that way when you do that, you feel in control and you don't feel the guilt that some people feel around their spending, especially this time of year. It's like, oh my gosh, I just went to. Is it Briargate that I saw over there? I just went to Briargate.

[Jim Daly]

The Briargate Mall.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. And I spent, you know, $200 and there's like a little bit of guilt. Like, should I have done that? Was that okay? But when it's on your budget and it's planned for, you get to do that and feel joy and feel all of the good things that you should feel with your money. Not guilt, you don't feel guilty. That's right. And so those are the first kind of foundational steps. And then you do get into the baby steps where you go, okay, I need $1,000. I need just a quick cushion to keep myself between me and what could happen in life. And a lot of people might think, well, is that really enough? And the truth is, it is. Most Americans could not cover a thousand dollar emergency without their credit card, right? And so we find that when people get that, the peace, that just overwhelming. And then of course, baby step two, you're paying off all of the debt. And that's kind of where people are like, oh my goodness, what does that look like? That feels overwhelming. And so baby step two, you go through there and then on down until finally baby step seven, you're building wealth, you're giving. And the whole purpose of this is so that you can live and give like no one else.

[Jim Daly]

Live and give. I like that. Jade, you described lies in here, and I loved it because one of them, I think I'm a big believer in this one, which is budgets are a form of punishment that restrict you from spending. That feels really right.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, I think a lot of us feel that way. It's kind of.

[Jim Daly]

I hate budgets.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, I hate budgets. And you kind of think of them as therefore, people who have somehow made mistakes with money. Or it's kind of like that finger shaking at you like you've been bad with your money and so you have to be on a budget. Right. And the truth is, I do think that in the wrong context, a budget can feel like that. That's the truth. Like it can kind of be this, this voice telling you all the things you've done wrong with your money. Right. Or you can shift the context and say, well, truly it's something I'm in control of. And truly, it's something that I get to decide. And I get to look at and say, okay, of course, you know, being a responsible adult, I've got to pay the bills and I've got to do these things that, you know, make me a financially responsible adult. But what do I do with the extra? That's up to me. And if I decide it's important for me to, I don't know, get my nails done, I get to decide that and if I get to decide during a season that it's important to sacrifice one area for another, I get to choose that. And so really reframing the mind to say, this is something that I get to have control of and that I get to choose. And there will be different times in my life where I get to make trade offs and say, well, I'd rather trade, I don't know, a certain amount of entertainment spending for a certain amount of credit card reduction spending. Right. So we get to have control of that. It's not something, it's not a force above us saying, you've been bad and here's what you get. You know, it's us going, you know what? I want to have control of this. I'm a steward of this money. And it's something that I want to, in a way that's gonna be best pointed to our values and what we wanna do as a family.

[Jim Daly]

You know, one of the things you mentioned in the book is the way you talk about money, that you need to be thinking about that because that, you know, what the word says in the power of our tongue, right, that words are powerful. So in that context, how do you have to change the way you talk about money?

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, I talk about it as a vocab rehab.

[Jim Daly]

Vocab rehab.

[Jade Warshaw]

Vocab rehab. These are great.

[Jim Daly]

I love it.

[Jade Warshaw]

Well, initially I thought about it in the terms of husbands and wives because, you know, you especially going into a relationship early on, it's kind of like, this is my money and that's his money and this is my debt and that's his income. And it's very separate. Right. But we're supposed to be one. And so if you can change just the simplest terms of saying, how are we going to spend our money? And did we get paid this weekend? And you know, have we paid our bills yet? Just the we, the our, the us. It really creates unity between the two.

[Jim Daly]

Let me ask you though, some couples struggle with this. And what, what I have observed is the wife can be the one that struggles. And that may not be true, but I'm just saying my experience where she feels proud that she's also earning some income or something like that, it's kind of expected that the husband will be that in Christian circles, particularly the provider kind of attitude. But I do find there's something deep with some people about the mine yours concept that is hard spiritually to overcome. Why don't we consider this ours? We're one flesh, we're one spirit. Why wouldn't what Creates that conflict.

[Jade Warshaw]

I think it can come from a lot of different areas. Number one, if you're coming from a background where there is maybe a little bit more of a traumatic experience, and you say, oh, well, I came from a household where one spouse kind of lorded over the money, or I came from a household where there was a lot of control when it comes to money, then you go into your relationship and say, I don't want to do that. I'm going to just.

[Jim Daly]

I want to be the one in control.

[Jade Warshaw]

I want to be the one in control. So there can be that. And then, you know, to your point, sometimes gender roles do fall into an unhealthy role where it's like, well, this guy's the provider. He's the money maker. I guess he has control over the money. And since I'm, you know, maybe at home with the kids or I'm not bringing in as much income, maybe my say doesn't matter much. And so we fall into those, you know, unhealthy roles.

[Jim Daly]

How do you assess that in terms of skill? I mean, in other words, one person typically will be more skillful than the other at budgeting.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

And kind of controlling the outflow. And do you come together and recognize that skill first and determine, okay, you're better at this than I am, Paying the bills, managing the bills, understanding where we're at?

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah, absolutely. You know, we call that. There's just kind of different personality traits, really. You know, you have the nerd who's like, I've got the spreadsheet, and I love the numbers, and they love to dig in. And then you have more of the free spirit who goes, you just tell me what it is, and I'll do my best to stick with it.

[Jim Daly]

I'll pick it out.

[Jade Warshaw]

And I probably won't stick with it because I'm a free spirit. Right, right.

[Jim Daly]

I'll pick the car out. I'll pick out the fridge.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah. And the free spirit tends to be. Not always, but the free spirit tends to be the spender, and the nerd tends to be the person who's like, I save. I like to put away for a rainy day, and those two people get married, and then it's like, everything's breaking loose.

[Jim Daly]

And the Lord chuckles.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's right. I'm sure he does. But the truth is, I think if you can lean into that and go, okay, I know who I am. I know who you are. But it does. It's not an excuse to tune out, you know, just because the free spirit is not really a numbers person. You don't tune out. You still come together at the table. And the numbers person says, hey, I started filling in some of these numbers. How do you feel about it? And then the free spirit gets to go, oh, that's all I get for groceries. Like, I need a little bit more. Right. And so you're still having this open dialogue. Both spouses are able to really say, well, this is what I need. And here's where I. I need to be reflected in the budget is basically what I'm getting to. And as long as both spouses are being reflected in the budget, they're both having an open dialogue, then they are doing it together. Even if one person tends to take the lead on the. The mathematical part.

[John Fuller]

Yeah, yeah. Jade, we have a lot of listeners who are single. A lot of people are waiting longer in. In life to get married or single moms. So you're, you're talking in this book about thinking differently. How does, how does our f. As a Christian single.

[Jade Warshaw]

As a Christian single, managing their money. I mean, it's the same. The only difference is your accountability probably doesn't live in your home with you. Yeah.

[John Fuller]

You don't have the opposite. So what do we do about that?

[Jade Warshaw]

You know, I think it's important to get involved in communities where that's there. And so, of course, with Ramsey, we have Financial Peace University, which is great. You have the in person. Obviously you can do the online, but I love in person because you're with people who are like you. You can talk face to face and say, oh, my gosh, I'm going through the same thing. Right. And so I think being able to get involved in community is. And if you're not, then really just finding that kind of mentor, mentee relationship. Like, I have a good friend of mine, and early on, before she got married, she'd come to me, she said, hey, okay, look at my budget. You and Sam know how to do this. Am I falling off the rails here? Here's what my goals are. Help me stay accountable. And so the idea is opening yourself up to say, I need help. And I'm okay with speaking with somebody that I trust to say, okay, here's what I would do. Here's what I wouldn't do. Let me know if you need help. And just creating that community aspect and truly normalizing the idea that we can talk about our money. It's not taboo.

[Jim Daly]

That's really good. I was just as you were saying that I'm thinking of churches. We're believers, right? We come together. Wouldn't it be nice if churches you had mentoring couples on the two big issues, finances and intimacy? I mean, those are the two big issues. Why not have mentoring couples in the church saying, let us help you with that? We know how to do these things. It'd be so helpful to the body of Christ.

[Jade Warshaw]

It would. Because I find that those are the topics that you stay quiet on, you know, and even Sam and I, I look back and I go, wow, we were really kind of. We held our cards very close to our chest on this. And it's that shame that you feel. You just kind of assume that everybody else has got it together. No one else is struggling like this. I've made these mistakes. And as a result, you tend to keep it quiet. And, yeah, I think that if I could give one message to people listening is probably the person next to you wishes they could kind of elbow you and go, oh, my gosh, me too. Right? Are you feeling the strain? Oh, me too. You know, and so just normalizing, saying, oh, I can't afford that. My budget is tight right now, would give a lot of people the room to go. Okay. It's not just me.

[Jim Daly]

Jade, you encourage couples to check in every day on their finances. When I first read that, I went, really? I think Gene and I probably check in two to three times a week, and we're pretty comfortable with that. But discuss why it's important to do that every day. Maybe until you're in a rhythm.

[Jade Warshaw]

That's exactly it. Because for a lot of us, this is new territory. And we talked earlier about you're changing your behaviors. And so it's kind of, you know, if you're exercising for the first time, if you don't really go all in mentally and say, okay, my goal is to be in shape. For me to start creating that habit, I need to be pretty consistent about it. And then once it becomes a consistent thing, if I miss a day or two, it doesn't mean that I've fallen off the wagon.

[Jim Daly]

Now, a check in isn't like, oh, my gosh, how much money did you spend? No, that's not a check in. That's a, like, accusation.

[Jade Warshaw]

No. And really, I like the check in. As I'm telling you what I did. I'm not asking you what you did. And so the idea is, if I tell you what I did, then I'm opening up the communications, and now you can tell me what you did. So if I say, oh, Sam, I filled up the car today. Oh, great, okay. Yeah. And I Ran to Publix. You'll see that charge come through. Great. Done. Yeah, done.

[Jim Daly]

We actually evolved into a. Like, a cash limit. If we're gonna spend more than a hundred dollars, we had to check with each other, which I thought was good. That was in place for a long time.

[Jade Warshaw]

I love that. I mean, some couples will say $300, some couples will say $500. But I do think that it's not even a thing. So much of, may I have permission to spend this on the check in. It's just, hey, I'm keeping the. I'm letting you know what's going on so that you know. And there's transparency. There's no way to hide, because we've seen that there's a lot going on with financial infidelity and this kind of stealthy spending. I have my own savings over here that my spouse doesn't know about. I have a credit card over here that my spouse doesn't know about. That's not good. That's terrible.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's not helpful.

[John Fuller]

Let's address that just a little bit more, Jay, because I do know couples that have his and her accounts, and I get at some level, but it feels like you shouldn't have everything separate.

[Jade Warshaw]

Yeah.

[John Fuller]

And that's really what you're saying.

[Jade Warshaw]

Well, at the end of the day, I think you have to ask yourself the question, am I intentionally trying to hide something? And that's the question. Because obviously, you know, if you go to Target, you return something and they give you $50, you put it in your wallet, you think nothing of it. Free money, Right? It's free money. But if you're thinking to yourself, I want to keep this for me, because if he sees it or if she sees it, then they're not going to let me do my thing, so I'm going to keep, you know. So there's that idea of, are you trying to hide it? Because if you are, this is something we need to explore and look deeper on and go, well, why? Why is that?

[Jim Daly]

And I think it's important to point out, again, this is temperament stuff, too. For the saver. For the nerd saver, as you call that person. They can exhibit that tendency when there's excess resource there. Okay, we need to set this over here. How would you coach a couple where you have those two temperament types, the spender and the saver? How can the saver do a better job of gently talking about that bit of excess and what could be done with it, rather than being the ogre and saying, okay, that's going in here to pay down old debt. You need to have some fun.

[Jade Warshaw]

You do. And I think that it goes back into. And I probably need to. I probably need to write something on this. But there's love languages in how people spend.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, that's good.

[Jade Warshaw]

You know, and so the person who, like my husband, he's a gifts person and I'm a grocery person, like, you can cut every other area, but please don't cut my grocery budget. Like, I need that. It's how I show love. It's through cooking. So you have to get to know your spouse and go, what's that? One thing that is very important to them, and if I can meet them there, then they should be able to meet me in the things that are going to cause us to be in a good financial position. Because there is a part of this where you say, well, you know, we do have to invest for the future and we do have to save and we should pay down our debt. And those things are more important than, I don't know, buying new shoes or, you know, golf equipment, right? And so there's a part of it.

[Jim Daly]

Wait a minute.

[John Fuller]

No, this show is for you, Jim.

[Jim Daly]

I just bought a golf club. That's so funny you should say that.

[Jade Warshaw]

But I mean, if you align and say, okay, our number one goal is to pay down credit card debt, right? This is our number one goal. What in the midst of that, what are we willing to sacrifice and to what.

[Jim Daly]

To what extent, you know, a good place to end the discussion. And again, this is a great book. Money's not a math problem. Unity is kind of the goal, when you look at it, that. To be unified on the goal of getting out of debt and becoming a giver, which is great. How can couples get a hold of that vision that you have?

[Jade Warshaw]

I think it starts with creating a vision for the future, right? There's gotta be a. So that, right? We're doing this so that and so having that. Why there? And it can't be small and it can't just be about you, because if it is small and if it's just about you, then it's easy to say, well, this doesn't matter very much, right? And so if you're looking and you're saying, how, if we make this change, how does it affect our family tree? If we make this change, how are we able to become generous people that really can affect our community or affect our church or, you know, so on and so forth and so taking the time and kind of getting out of yourself a little bit and looking around and going, okay, if we do this, what next?

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. That is so good. This has been great, man. It flew by. I love your energy. And sorry about the 460,000 in debt, but, man, praise God, you're out of that, right? You and Sam are doing well now and raising those precious kiddos. So this is what it's about. And Jade's done a wonderful job. Money's not a math problem. The real reason you're broke and what to do about it. I mean, everybody struggles with this. So even I'm telling you, even people that have a lot of money still struggle with budgets, and you tend to overspend. So get in touch with us. This is probably that perfect time when we say, if you can make a gift of any amount, we'll send you the book as our way of saying thank you. If you can't afford it because you're in so much debt, we're going to trust others who have become givers. We'll cover the cost of that and we'll send this to you. Just get in touch with us and say, I desperately need that and we'll do that for you.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. Be generous as you can when you call 800-THE LETTER A and the word family. Or you can donate online and request this book. Money's not a math problem. At our website, we've got the link in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Jay, thanks for being here.

[Jade Warshaw]

Thank you so much. It was fun. Yeah, really fun.

[John Fuller]

Well, it really was. And I hope you can join us next time for another Best of 2024 show. We'll hear from Wendy Speake and Amber Leah. They'll be talking about anger triggers in parenting.

[Wendy Speake]

These triggers are opportunities. And if we don't ready ourselves to see them as an opportunity, we're going to respond wrong when they respond wrong. But if we're prepared, we can respond right when they do wrong, and we can invite them into maturity with us.

[John Fuller]

I'm John Fuller, and thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Join us next time as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Wendy Speake]

Your marriage can be redeemed, even if the fights seem constant, even if there's been an affair, even if you haven't felt close in years. No matter how deep the wounds are, you can take a step toward healing them with a hope Restored Marriage Intensive. Our biblically based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face challenges together. We'll talk with you, pray with you, and help you find out which program will work best. Call us at 1-866-875-2915.