How to Nurture Emotional Health in Your Child

Summary

Podcast Summary: How to Nurture Emotional Health in Your Child

Podcast: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
Guest: Eliza Huey (Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor; Director of Counseling, McLean Bible Church)
Date: September 18, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the practical and spiritual aspects of raising emotionally healthy children in a complex, often challenging culture. Jim Daly and John Fuller host Eliza Huey, a seasoned counselor and author, to discuss the current mental health landscape for kids, parental roles in nurturing emotion, and biblically sound methods to support children's emotional well-being across developmental stages. The conversation is empathetic, faith-centered, and packed with actionable advice for Christian parents.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Urgent Mental Health Landscape for Kids

• Striking statistics: Eliza highlights a 59% increase in childhood anxiety, depression, and mental health struggles over just ten years ([02:59]). This rise is sparking concern among both professionals and parents.
  • Quote: “If in a matter of 10 years we saw a 59% increase [in] childhood diabetes or childhood cancer...we would be scratching our heads.” - Eliza Huey ([03:19])
• Anxiety prevalence: One in three kids will have an anxiety disorder diagnosis by 18, making it very real for today’s families.

2. Spiritual Dimensions and Cultural Pressures

• Spiritual context: Jim ties John 10:10 to emotional well-being, noting that the enemy works to "steal, kill, and destroy" emotionally as well as physically ([04:00]).
  • Quote: "Emotionally, this applies – he comes to steal, kill you emotionally." - Jim Daly ([04:24])
• Cultural inputs: Eliza notes kids are inundated more with performance and anxiety-inducing messages than spiritual truths ([05:03]). While mental health is talked about more, even young kids now know advanced diagnostic terms.

3. Equipping Parents for Whole-Child Wellness

• Gaps in parent guidance: Eliza recalls leaving the hospital with her newborn and only a one-page handout on basic physical care – nothing on emotional health ([08:15]).
  • Quote: “It had some things...but nothing...about how to navigate their emotions or their mental health.” - Eliza Huey ([08:31])
• Talk about emotions: Begin emotional education early. Even with toddlers, name and validate their feelings rather than suppressing “negative” emotions ([09:49]-[10:56]).
  • Quote: “Start early talking about emotions with your kids...giving them words for the things that they are doing.” - Eliza Huey ([09:59])

4. Emotional Development by Age & Stage

• Ages 0-3:
  • Focus on naming and acknowledging emotions, even though parents must often play “emotion detective” with preverbal children.
  • Example: A cry can mean hunger, discomfort, sadness, or overstimulation ([10:29]-[13:02]).
• Ages 4-7:
  • Kids begin showing empathy; teach them to recognize and respond to others’ feelings ([14:45]).
  • Help them manage “big feelings” and start simple coping strategies (e.g., deep breaths, prayer).
  • Quote: “Empathy is really big...help them process and manage those big feelings in a way...that kind of ties it in [to scripture].” - Eliza Huey ([14:45]-[15:46])
• Ages 8-11:
  • Children become more peer-focused and self-aware. Parents should use specific questions to draw them out, rather than general "how was school?" queries ([15:55]-[17:46]).
  • Avoid asking “why” they feel something (“They probably don’t know why they're so upset.” - Eliza Huey ([17:17]))
• Teenagers:
  • Emotional volatility peaks; parents should strive to “quit taking it personal” (QTIP) and never match escalated emotions ([18:06]-[19:09]).
  • Model emotional regulation by stepping away from heated moments, not reacting in anger, and showing how to seek God’s guidance ([20:14]-[21:41]).
  • Quote: "Seeing your child's emotion is an opportunity to see their heart, but it's also an opportunity to see your heart as well." - Eliza Huey ([20:14])

5. Navigating Extended Family and External Influences

• Preparing for differences: When mixing with cousins/family, prepare your child for different rules/behaviors without parenting from a place of fear ([22:12]).
  • Quote: “They spend far more time with you than they do with auntie and uncle...that one experience isn't gonna shape them like those conversations that you have...” - Eliza Huey ([22:27])
• Emotional protection versus control: The key is awareness, not fear-based parenting.

6. Identifying When Kids Need Extra Help

• Red flags for concern:
  • Changes in sleep, unexplained stomach aches or headaches (after ruling out medical causes), withdrawal from interests, or increased fears.
  • Advice: “When you see behavior, get curious. That's the best thing that you can do. Don’t get frustrated. Don't get angry. Don't get fearful. Get curious.” - Eliza Huey ([24:05])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Are you angry, or you look upset? So that they begin to see, even at a young age, we talk about emotion words.” - Eliza Huey ([10:30])
• “If we were talking about [emotions]...it was like, ‘Stop that...unless it was a happy emotion.’” - Eliza Huey ([10:56])
• “Don’t match your child [in emotion]...That is not helpful.” - Eliza Huey ([18:06])
• “Whatever you do in that moment shows your child what to do.” - Eliza Huey ([20:14])
• “Guard against parenting out of fear. Cause that can lead to a lot of cliffs that we could fall off of.” - Eliza Huey ([23:33])
• “Behavior – when you see behavior, get curious. That's the best thing you can do.” - Eliza Huey ([24:05])

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Key Timestamps for Quick Reference

• [02:59] Dramatic increases in childhood anxiety/depression
• [05:03] Spiritual context of emotional struggles
• [08:15] The lack of emotional guidance for new parents
• [09:49] Practical advice: teaching emotions early
• [14:45] Empathy and emotional coping for ages 4-7
• [15:55] Drawing out pre-teens' emotional worlds
• [18:06] Teen years: QTIP (Quit Taking It Personal)
• [20:14] Parents modeling emotional regulation
• [22:12] Preparing kids for extended family differences
• [24:05] Behavioral signs that may require professional help

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode maintains a warm, reassuring, and biblically-based tone. Both hosts are candid about their own parenting mistakes and insights, encouraging parents to engage in open, ongoing dialogue about emotions. Eliza Huey emphasizes curiosity, emotional vocabulary, age-appropriate expectations, and faith-rooted resilience.

The overall message: You are not alone, God is at work in your family, and practical, faith-guided approaches can nurture deep emotional health in your children.

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For further resources:
Check out Eliza Huey's book Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids, sign up for age-stage emails at Focus on the Family, and reach out for counseling or parenting assessments if you need support ([26:00]-[27:25]).

Transcript

[Jim Daly]

God is at work and he's calling his people to rise in truth. Truth Rising is a powerful new documentary from Focus on the Family and the Colson Center. See how ordinary Christians choose courage in a culture that needs truth. Watch Truth Rising today and find out how you can become an agent of restoration and hope. Visit truthrising.com today. That's truthrising.com.

[Eliza Huey]

Seeing your child's emotion is an opportunity to see their heart, but it's also an opportunity to see your heart as well. And so to always recognize that God is doing something with everybody in the room, which includes you, mom, and it includes you, dad. So God is doing something with you.

[John Fuller]

That's Eliza Huey, and she's our guest today on FOCUS on THE FAMILY with Jim Daly. Thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

Here's a billboard. Emotional health is really good. And you know what, we spend a lifetime moving that direction, especially as Christians. We're hoping to overcome things and to live a good Christian life and to be honest people, people of integrity. And we want our children to be there, too. And today we're going to cover how to raise emotionally healthy kids. And what parent doesn't put their hand up to say yes, we want that. And today, as part of our mission at Focus on the Family, we want to equip as a parent to do the best job possible as you equip your children spiritually, emotionally, physically to live a good life.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. And Jim, we didn't plan on talking about this, but let me just say this is one of those topics I wish I had known about 30 plus years ago because if I could have a redo, it would be to go here and to start to talk with my children at a young age about emotional wellness and give them the palate conversation that I don't have from their childhood. But we're working on now.

[Jim Daly]

I will, too. Me too. Sign me up.

[John Fuller]

So our guest today is Eliza Huey and she's a licensed clinical professional counselor. She's the director of counseling at McLean Bible Church in the Washington, D.C. area. She teaches counseling at the college level and has a podcast and she's written a number of books. She knows a lot about the topic and she's condensed, this is really key. She's condensed a lot of this knowledge into a very small, very helpful, practical book called Raising Emotionally Healthy Help for Parents. Learn more about Eliza and this terrific book at our website. We've got the link in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Eliza, it's good to have you back to focus on the family thanks for being with us.

[Eliza Huey]

Absolutely. I'm glad to be back and talk with you guys.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. Let's start with the foundation of research. It kind of lays, it paints the picture. Let me say it that way for the listener, the viewer on YouTube. Give us some of the stats on anxiety, depression and mental illness. What are some of the data points that we're seeing?

[Eliza Huey]

Well, sadly, we are seeing a significant trend in mental health issues, specifically in children. There was a study that showed within a 10 year period, 59% of there was a 59% increase of children dealing with anxiety, depression, mental health struggles. And let's just be honest, if in a matter of 10 years we saw a 59% increase of, let's say childhood diabetes or childhood cancer diagnosis, we would be scratching our heads and diving into like, what is going on. Right. So that's really where I think a lot of parents are feeling that. But certainly people in the professional world as well are saying, okay, what's going on here? This is a significant increase. One in three kids will have a diagnosis of anxiety disorder by the time they're 18. I have three children. So like the statistic is very real for me even just thinking about that. So that's just where we are. It's, I think, not something that's going to take anybody who's listening or watching by surprise either.

[Jim Daly]

You know, this is an unfair question. So I'm going to tell you ahead of time. It's going to be a hard one to answer in that. When you look at all of this, I think of John 10:10. That was a verse that was written in my first Bible as a 15 year old by a mentor of mine who said, here's the big statement and it's a big one today. You know, that the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that you might have life and life more abundantly. Statistically, most of us are not going to be murdered. Thank you Lord. But emotionally, this applies that he comes to steal, kill you emotionally. And I think when you look at that data, especially for our children, our teens and our 20 somethings particularly, you put it in that context. The enemy of our soul is after our children speak to it in that way. And what is happening in our culture that you would see from a spiritual context, a 59% increase in these situations, it's like, lord, where are you?

[Eliza Huey]

Yeah, it can certainly feel that way. And yet it can also feel like, okay, we can ask that question, lord, where are you? Because that just naturally comes to us. But we also need to ask the question, like, where is the other things in our lives compared to the input, the time, the energy towards the things of spiritual grounding that the Bible has for us? So what I mean by that is what is coming at us more frequently? Is it the John 10, 10 verses of just like that reminder of who God is? Is it the mentors who are pointing us to truth and spiritual hope? Or is what's coming at us a constant flow of anxiety producing information, expectations, even just like pressure on our kids? And I would say if you took any kid and said, you know, do you feel more inundated with God's word and who you are as a, as a child of God or what it means to follow Jesus, are you more inundated with messages of that, or are you more inundated with messages of measure up or perform or, you know, this is what's happening in the world. Certainly mental health, I will tell you that mental health is talked about way more than it ever was when I was a child. And in some ways that's really good. We can acknowledge that's good, we're talking about these things. But in other ways, I have 10, 11, 12 year olds who I can talk to in a counseling room who know more about diagnoses than I never had a clue even existed when I was their age.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Eliza Huey]

So it's just very prevalent. And I think when you think about what your question was, it's like, what is coming at us, what's filling us and especially our kids.

[Jim Daly]

And I want to make sure I'm playing the opposition there to give you that ability to hit the ball. Right. But I think also, you know, when I think about that, the Lord doesn't leave us unprepared. And I don't think the Lord makes mistakes with the generation of souls he's got on this earth at this time. Right. It's all purposeful for him. And I think in that we find our identity, et cetera, as Christians, as believers. So in those scriptures that say, fear not, do not be anxious for, I've overcome the world. You know, you look at that and you go, okay, Lord, I want to trust that, but can you show me a little more? Yeah, that kind of attitude. So in that context, I mean, having the peace of God, no matter circumstances, is really what the shalom, the peace of God is all about. And I guess the whole battle is about how we struggle to find that, right?

[Eliza Huey]

It is. And there is something to being anxious in a way that is, I'm concerned about the things God is concerned about.

[Jim Daly]

Yes.

[Eliza Huey]

And then there's the anxiety that we're talking about. The anxiety that overwhelms, the anxiety that tends to kind of cripple our children. And more and more parents are feeling this. I mean like I said the statistic 1 and 3, that's most parents are gonna probably have a child who, even if it's just for a season, has faced a lot of anxiety.

[Jim Daly]

Let me ask you, when you're were pregnant with your firstborn, I believe a nurse slipped a note into your hand at the birthing center. I'm not sure exactly, but tell us that story. And what was the note?

[Eliza Huey]

Well, they gave me all of these great helpful tips on how to prepare for sleep, how to bathe the baby, which I needed that like this was a piece of paper that this is all we, by the way, this is all we were sent home with.

[Jim Daly]

Isn't that crazy?

[Eliza Huey]

I was a little. Yes.

[Jim Daly]

Here's your piece of paper about how to raise a child.

[Eliza Huey]

And it literally was one page single sided. There wasn't even two sides to it. And it had some things on helping with burping and bathing and dressing and feeding and sleeping, but nothing. And you alluded to this even at the beginning that there was nothing about how to navigate their emotions or their mental health. It was all about their physical health, their physical wellbeing, which is good because goodness gracious, we need to keep them alive when we're sent home with these little ones. But we need to, as you mentioned, help them to thrive. And there was nothing talked about. And so yeah, definitely felt ill prepared.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. You know, the, I think the challenge. It is kind of weird that you go take your driver's license test, you got a book that's probably 100 pages, right? That funky driver's training. But you have a baby, there's nothing but a piece of paper. But I think that's one of the reasons certainly why we concentrate on parenting. But how do we equip, especially a first time parent, both mom and dad, how do we focus as parents on the full child, the spirit, the emotional part of the child, the physical part of the child. I mean that's what we're trying to do, right? How do we go about getting our focus on the right things as the parent of the newborn of the firstborn?

[Eliza Huey]

Well, and this was something that was maybe new to my generation. I think the next generation of parents is starting to be a lot more in tune to this. But we didn't have any context for how to handle emotions or even talk about emotions. So one of the things that you can do is to. Yes, you're going to care for them physically. And probably the reality that you just need to keep them alive is going to keep you caring for them physically, but you do need to care for them emotionally, which means you start early talking about emotions with your kids. And you can do that by simply identifying. When you have a little child who's maybe just a year old, you can start giving them words for the things that they are doing. So you see them, they're trying to put the block in the little. The little hole that it goes in.

[Jim Daly]

Peg in the round, right?

[Eliza Huey]

Exactly. And they're frustrated and they're getting mad with this block or whatever. And you see them kind of pounding on this block. You can actually say the words that they don't have. Are you angry or you look upset? So that they begin to see. Even at a young age, we talk about emotion words because too often, I think people in our generation have the experience of we didn't talk about emotions. And if there were emotions, if we were talking about them, it was like, stop that. Stop that emotion.

[Jim Daly]

That's weakness.

[Eliza Huey]

Unless it was a happy emotion. We only talked about what we would consider positive emotions. If you had positive emotions, we could talk about those. But if we had negative emotions, it was kind of a stop that kind of a thing.

[Jim Daly]

That's true. You know, one thing that we have here for parents that I'm really pleased with, it's something we have worked on for a long time, but it's age and stage content. And so, boy, if you're a parent of children between 0 to 18, sign up, it's free. And we'll send you weekly emails and give you an idea of what your child at two will be experiencing. The terrible twos. What does that look like? I mean, it's a primer on being that parent.

[Eliza Huey]

So helpful.

[Jim Daly]

But in that context, let me ask you specifically, and you're tilting into that for toddlers, 0 to 3, 4. That toddler period. You also talk about the emotional sheet. Now, I did not know these were actually out there. You could buy them like smiley face, sad face, embarrassed. So every time I want to my boys, I would draw these out in my very weak ability to draw, but it'd be the happy face, the sad face. And then we had fun with it with the kids, but I just did it without really realizing that this is one of the core things that helps a young child particularly point to what they're feeling. Add some contour to that.

[Eliza Huey]

Yeah, I think that's so key because you're modeling for them. And that's not only do we want to point it out, but we want to show them that we talk about those things too. And so I think sometimes parents can feel that we need to not show anything again, but positive emotions towards our children. And that's not necessarily true either. And so just being able to help them understand that, yes, we can talk about it, and yes, mommy and daddy can talk about their own emotions. But I think another thing that is key in that early age of development is to recognize that you're gonna get it. You're in a little bit of a guessing game at that point. Yeah, that's fair. Because I share this tiny bit in the book about a cry at that age. Like, you know, 0 to 2 can be sad, can be like, I'm hungry, can be, I'm angry.

[Jim Daly]

I have a dirty diaper.

[Eliza Huey]

It could be I have. I'm uncomfortable sitting in this mush. Right, Exactly. It can even be I'm so overwhelmed by something that I, you know, maybe I get startled and I cry, or maybe I'm very happy. And then it starts to turn to cry. You've seen people when they tickle their baby and they tickle just a little too much, and then they start to cry. It's like you were happy just a second ago. So just recognizing that as parents, you need to be an investigator and not just assume that what you see equals. Equals the emotion you think. And so trying to kind of. I share the story about one time my. My son, who was otherwise very, very content, was really agitated through this meeting that I had to bring him along in. And I thought, man, he. He's usually so good. Why was he so upset? Well, it turns out the whole time, he. He knew that he was not allowed to play with Legos because he was too little to play with Legos. But his older brother and sister had Legos. Well, he had found those Legos before we left for this meeting, and he had stuffed them in his diaper.

[Jim Daly]

Ooh. Oh, okay.

[Eliza Huey]

So he put them in his diaper, and then he had to sit on them through the whole meeting. Well, no wonder. But he didn't really want to tell me or give up what he wasn't until we got home. How old was he? He was probably about a year and a half.

[John Fuller]

Sounds like he's got some really strong resilience.

[Jim Daly]

He's getting ready for the cookie jar. You know, I'm Getting those cookies no matter what.

[Eliza Huey]

So I had to be an investigator in that.

[Jim Daly]

Let's move that up a little bit. And I so appreciate. And again you can sign up for agent stage. This is exactly the kind of content 0 to 4, what do you do? Let's move to that 4 to 7 range where a little bit better cognitive skills. So emotionally, again we're talking about emotionally healthy kids. How to build that. What are you doing for the four to seven year old who can actually begin to argue with you and ask questions.

[Eliza Huey]

One of the things that four to sevens do that we sometimes aren't prepared for but are so helpful for parents to be able to understand and kind of lean into is that they to empathize in that age they begin to recognize somebody else's feelings and be able to connect with them. And so just helping them to understand those that that's what's happening in this person and that's why they feel this way. So empathy is really big. Another thing in that age, and I've written another children's book on this called Count Yourself Calm is to be able to help them take those feelings and manage them. Because I think in that four to seven, that's a lot of the times where their feelings are getting a little bit bigger. They have some words but not enough to really expl what's going on. And so just being able to help them process and manage those big feelings in a way. And that book in particular points them to the Lord in scripture. That kind of ties it in. But yeah, managing them, understanding that they're empathizing a little bit more, they're starting to grow and you're starting to be able to have a little more conversation about emotions and feelings at that later stage.

[Jim Daly]

8, 11, which really kind of covers those early years. How are you speaking to that child to encourage emotional well being?

[Eliza Huey]

Yeah, at this stage you're able to interact with them a whole lot more. They care about their peers, the way people think about them. So they care about what other friends think about them. So they're not just empathetic but now they're like aware of their own appearance. They start to be aware of those things and it impacts them more what other people think of them. And this is sort of like you're starting to touch on puberty at the end of this stage. So it's important to recognize that not everything you see is exactly how they really like. This might be context related and so giving them some options as well, like hey, do you want to talk about this now, or do you want to talk about it after you, you know, after you change your clothes and put your homework away or whatever, Starting to give them some options, helping them notice? I noticed when you came home today that you seemed really down. Is there anything you want to talk about? Like you're actually drawing them out a little bit more. They're going to be a little bit more willing in this stage to talk about their emotions.

[Jim Daly]

What I like about that is many people that have sat right where you're sitting talking about specific with those kind of questions. Don't just ask general questions. It feels like you're sad. Can you tell me, or do you want to tell me about something that happened today? That's much better than just saying, how was school?

[Eliza Huey]

Right, Right.

[Jim Daly]

So pretty critical.

[Eliza Huey]

Taking any. And you don't want to necessarily ask the why questions because they don't know why. That's just the bottom line.

[Jim Daly]

They're only 10.

[Eliza Huey]

Exactly. But you can take the same why question. Like, you might want to ask the why question. Why are you so upset? Well, they probably don't know why they're so upset. So instead of taking that as a why question you that around a little bit and say, so what's making you upset right now? And it allows them to kind of explore it. Or what about that circumstance was upsetting to you? Name me one thing about that circumstance that made you really upset. And then you're no longer asking the why, but you're getting the same question, basically.

[John Fuller]

Liza, we've worked through the younger ages, and now we come to the stone monolith, which expresses no emotion whatsoever or every emotion simultaneously. I don't know how we lived through it all, but we had six teenagers throughout the years. So talk about the teen years, because that's just a whole different ball game.

[Eliza Huey]

It's. It sure is. That's probably one of the biggest ones that shows up in my counseling room, though. It is starting to get younger. And younger parents are saying, I want to know how to walk with my child in their emotional health earlier. But let's just be honest, Teenage Years puts it on full display. It just does. And a couple things I'll say. The first things I want to say to parents or I do say to parents is that I will often pull out a little Q tip that I've kept them in my counseling room before, and I've asked them, what is this? And they're like, it's a Q tip. Why are you pulling it out? That's so weird. And I was like, okay, so then I'll write it on the board. Qtip, which stands for quit taking it personal. And then the last thing I would say to parents in this stage is, this is true of any stage. So take this for any. But specifically in the teenage stage, do not match your child. So if you've got a child who's coming at you with some high emotions, it's so easy to just like. It's sort of like when somebody has a conversation and somebody raises their voice, then somebody else gets a little louder and somebody else gets louder. We can do that with our emotions. Don't do that. That is not helpful.

[Jim Daly]

Let me ask you that additional tip because I think that's really critical. I can think back to times that I. It was so ridiculous. I mean, we got into again, it seemed to be Trent was the guy. Troy just kind of went right under the radar, Mr. Complian. But Trent was always in your face saying, I don't, I don't believe that. You know, I can remember the experience there. We, we got into something. He was so good at pushing both Gene and I's buttons, you know, just poof, ratchet up. And then we're into this like ridiculous emotional fight with him at 11, 12, 13. And I can just remember thinking, okay, I'm the adult here. Why am I acting like I'm his? I'm like in this duel about whose pencil it is, it's ridiculous. What can parents do, the adult to back up from that and not get taken in, into that hormone infused discussion? I mean, what triggers can we use to say, okay, okay, I'm not gonna get into this right now, back up. But what do we do? What do you coach parents to do?

[Eliza Huey]

So one of the things I already mentioned, that seeing your child's emotion is an opportunity to see their heart, but it's also an opportunity to see your heart as well. And so to always recognize that God is doing something with everybody in the room, which includes you, mom, and it includes you dad. So God is doing something with you. And so if you can begin to view your parenting in that way, then when you start to feel yourself, we all know what it feels like. When our blood pressure goes up, it's maybe in our face, maybe it's in our neck, maybe it's the tension in our shoulders. We all have those telltale signs. What are you going to do in that moment? Whatever you do in that moment shows your child what to do. So I encourage parents to step away from that situation when it becomes too elevated or too Escalated. Step away. Not in an angry way, not in a huff. I gotta leave the room, slam the door. No, that's bad modeling. We want to step away in a way that shows them it's okay to create space, to be able to step out, take a walk. We know that neuroscience shows us that we can change our brain with just a few deep breaths. So get outside, take a few deep breaths, say a prayer, ask God to help you. Ask God to remind you, God, I know this is an opportunity for me to model for him, for me to love him or her. We don't wanna just stereotype it there. But yeah, to be able to say, God, I know you're already in this situation, help me to be more aware.

[Jim Daly]

It reminds me of a cartoon where you have this conflict and the, you know, the parent in this case runs outside, slams the door, walks around the block, comes back and picks it up from there.

[Eliza Huey]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

It's almost cartoonish. Let me ask you extended family, I'm gonna ask this question this way. Cousins and things. Yeah, things happen. The kids are playing and things can happen. Do you find a unique opportunity there because they're coming from a different family?

[Eliza Huey]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

Is there any way to manage some of that? Do you prep the child on, you know, okay, Uncle Buck and Susie aren't going to be exactly like we are. What do you do there?

[Eliza Huey]

That's so funny. Yeah. And who hasn't been in that situation? I would say, based on. On, like my experience, my husband and I would prepare our kids a little bit. Like, there's different. They. They allow certain things that we don't allow.

[Jim Daly]

Is that emotional protection or how would you classify that?

[Eliza Huey]

It could be to some degree, but more so, it's. We're actually bringing them into the situation in a way that's age appropriate to be able to say, hey, we want you to be aware of what we're about to engage in. I think a lot of my parenting where I feel like it went bad was when I was parenting out of fear. The fear of. Of exposure to something. The fear of, you know, is that gonna mean that now my kid is gonna do something? Or this one interaction with uncle or auntie or whatever it is is gonna now ruin my child for a lifetime. And that was motivated by fear. And that is not the way God wants us to parent our children. So if you can even analyze, like, lord, what's going on here? Am I fearful of something because God is able to protect them? And the other thing is, is that they spend far more time with you than they do with auntie and uncle. And so that one is. That one experience isn't gonna shape them like those conversations that you have with them day in and day out. It's the Deuteronomy 6 kind of way of walking with them along the way. So guard against parenting out of fear. Cause that can lead to a lot of cliffs that we could fall off of.

[Jim Daly]

Liza, let's. Right at the end here, I think it's really critical, especially for parents. And your kids are going hopefully to church and, you know, coming home. But they're exposed to people when you're not around.

[Eliza Huey]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

What are some of those professional things? Being a trained counselor, what should parents look for in behavior? Just to be aware if something may have happened that you weren't aware of, but the way kids might behave to show you they may need some help, maybe even professional help.

[Eliza Huey]

Sure. So just in general of thinking maybe there's something that I'm not seeing or not aware of. Behavior. When you see behavior, get curious. That's the best thing that you can do. Don't get frustrated. Don't get angry. Don't get fearful. Get curious. And so you want to be able to kind of lean in. And maybe you're asking some questions, maybe you're watching a little bit more. But some of the behaviors that you'll see that won't be words but will come out in behaviors are going to be things like change in sleep. That's a big one. Number one problem that shows that kids are anxious is not them saying, I'm really feeling anxious. It's their stomach and their head. So they'll complain of stomach issues that can't be identified as another medical issue. So you've been to the pediatrician, you've talked with them, but they're chronic stomach issues. There's no cause, but it just keeps showing up that they're dealing with some stomach issues or repeated headaches. But we've looked through this. There's no cause medically. We've checked what we need to check. So those are some of the most common behaviors. Withdraw change in interest from their normal interest or fear that maybe like, they all of a sudden don't want to be alone. And it's not just an ages and stages thing, because there are some of those things that are normal. But even thinking about, like, the area of mental health, because I do think parents can feel like, well, when do I know? Is this just anxiety that a kid feels or this is actually a problem? Because parents can see things that you begin to think, oh, no, is my child depressed? And if they're depressed, will this lead to something worse? And there are certainly times when our kids go through seasons.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. Eliza, thank you so much for being with us. This is a great primer raising emotionally healthy help for parents. And it's readable. I mean, this thing you can go through, this filled with tips and ideas on how to really zero in on your child's emotional well being. Thanks for being with us.

[Eliza Huey]

Thanks for having me and for having.

[Jim Daly]

This conversation, as always. And let me turn to our listener. Focus on the Family is here for you. We want to be here for you. Don't be embarrassed. Get in touch with us if you need help. We want to provide you with the tools and answers you need as moms, dads, grandparents to raise up the next generation. And we have lots of resources here for you.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. And one I'll point out is the parenting assessment that's gonna reveal your parenting strengths and maybe some areas to work on as well.

[Jim Daly]

Improvement.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. There you go. It's free and it's on our website.

[Jim Daly]

And we all can improve. Let me tell you. We also have Eliza's great book, Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids, which you can get directly from us. We'd like to send that to you for a donation of any amount today. Just a way get you involved in ministry. When you get resources from Focus on the Family, you're helping moms like Marianne, who wrote in to tell us this. As a mom, I've often wondered if I was doing enough to help my child grow up emotionally healthy. The resources and encouragement from Focus on the Family have given me the tools and confidence I needed to guide my son through some tough moments. I'm so grateful for the wisdom I've gained here. It's making a real difference in our home, and I love hearing that kind of testimony. You can do ministry through Focus on the Family. So get Eliza's book when you donate today.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. Contribute and get your copy of Raising Emotionally Healthy Kids when you call 800, the letter A and the word family. 800-232-6459 or you'll find details and contact information in the show notes. And thanks again for listening today to Focus on the Family with Jim Jones Daily. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Jim Daly]

God is at work, and he's calling his people to rise in truth. Truth Rising is a powerful new documentary from Focus on the Family and the Colson Center. See how ordinary Christians choose courage in a culture that needs truth. Watch Truth Rising today and find out how you can become an agent of restoration and hope. Visit truthrising.com today. That's truthrising.com.