Joyfully Embracing God’s Children (Part 1 of 2)

Summary

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Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Episode Summary: Joyfully Embracing God’s Children (Part 1 of 2)

Date: February 24, 2026
Guests: Heather & Josh Avis
Host(s): Jim Daly, John Fuller

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Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Jim Daly and John Fuller sit down with Heather and Josh Avis, a couple whose family story was transformed by infertility, adoption, and an ever-deepening understanding of God’s calling on their lives. Sharing candidly, the Avaises recount their hopes, disappointments, and the surprising journey which led them to embrace children from hard places—including a daughter with Down syndrome. The conversation explores the intersections of faith, disappointment, perseverance, and the messy, beautiful reality of stepping into God’s purposes for families in need.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The Early Years: Marriage & Adventure (03:06–06:41)

• Heather and Josh met as teenagers through Heather’s older sister; they married at 20 after dating through college.
• Their early marriage was marked by adventure, including six months living in Hawaii before settling in Southern California and starting their careers.
  • Quote (Heather, 04:15): “We grew up together. ... I just see God’s hand on us, and I’m so thankful.”
• Life seemed to follow a “normal” rhythm, but their path to parenthood took an unexpected turn.

2. Facing Infertility: Disappointment and Faith (06:41–14:47)

• After four years of marriage, Heather and Josh decided to start their family, assuming success would follow easily.
  • Quote (Heather, 07:01): “A few months turn into more, months turn into years, and we just find ourselves on that grueling path of infertility.”
• The emotional pain was acute when friends, family, and even Heather’s students became pregnant.
  • Memorable story: Heather consoles a pregnant 15-year-old student while wrestling with her own pain (08:52).
  • Quote (Heather, 08:52): “She’s crying and I’m crying—partly for her, but mostly for me. Like, how is this possible, God? This girl’s pregnant. This one here. Really?”
• Heather communicates deep honesty about her frustration with God and church expectations.
  • Quote (Heather, 09:35): “His goodness and his faithfulness and his love for me do not hinge on my ability to get pregnant or not. They are what they are. God is God.”
• Josh reflects on needing to “sit in it” and not rush solutions.
  • Quote (Josh, 12:05): “Suggestions and solutions aren’t going to be helpful right now. Just sit in it. Sit in it with your wives.”

3. Considering Adoption: Letting Go of Old Plans (14:47–18:55)

• After exhausting other medical options, the couple confronts the finality of their infertility diagnosis.
  • The decision between IVF and adoption: IVF isn’t a path they want to take.
  • Both had always thought they’d adopt eventually, but didn’t expect it so soon.
  • Quote (Josh, 16:05): “What we thought we were going to do...was we’ll have our own biological kids, and then we’ll adopt.”
• They meet a Christian adoptive family whose normalcy and love inspire them.
  • Quote (Heather, 17:24): “What we just experienced was family.”
• The adoption process introduces them to the sometimes uncomfortable reality of “checkboxes” for desired child characteristics.
  • Memorable moment (Heather, 18:12): Describing the oddity of forms asking if you’d accept “head-knocking children” or “children who set things on fire.”
  • Quote (Heather, 18:36): “When we started on the adoption path, our goal was grow our family—not know more about the Lord, not see his heart for orphans. None of that. It was all selfish.”

4. God’s Gentle Redirection: The Down Syndrome Email (19:17–22:42)

• While leading a missions trip in Romania, Heather receives an email from their adoption agency—“We have a couple babies with Down syndrome placed with our agency. It’s always hard to find placements for them.”
• Instant, internal turmoil as God begins to stir Heather’s heart.
  • Quote (Heather, 20:28): “God did something in my heart when I read those words, babies with Down syndrome. And it was instantaneous. ... I was not excited about this. ... I was like, no, no, no, no, no.”
• Josh’s willingness to pray about adopting a child with special needs surprises Heather.
  • Quote (Josh, 21:50): “If this was the reason we were going and this is the direction we’re going to, then let’s step in that direction.”
• Heather and Josh both admit to resisting God’s leading, but continue to take small steps forward.
  • Quote (Heather, 22:26): “We weren’t these amazing holy saints. We were fighting what God had laid before us, fighting against it. And God kept meeting us with, okay, let’s keep moving forward.”

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Memorable Quotes & Key Moments (with Timestamps)

• God’s Heartbeat in Hard Places (Heather, 00:30):
  • “Where God resides, where his heart beats the loudest is not in those easy, comfortable places. ... You’re missing out on the heartbeat of God if you [avoid hard places].”
• Anguish Over Injustice (Heather, 08:52):
  • [Describing her student’s pregnancy] “She’s crying and I’m crying—partly for her, but mostly for me. ... How is this possible, God? This girl’s pregnant. This one here. Really?”
• God’s Faithfulness Beyond Circumstances (Heather, 09:35):
  • “His goodness and his faithfulness and his love for me do not hinge on my ability to get pregnant or not.”
• Advice for Husbands in Trials (Josh, 12:05):
  • “Suggestions and solutions aren’t going to be helpful right now. Just sit in it. Sit in it with your wives.”
• First Glimpse of Adoption’s Normalcy (Heather, 17:24):
  • “What we just experienced was family.”
• The Reality of Adoption Checklists (Heather, 18:12):
  • “It was a very, very interesting concept to get. So, you know, would you accept head knocking children? Children that set things on fire?”
• Moving from Selfishness to Surrender (Heather, 18:36):
  • “At first... it was all selfish. Just, I’m going to grow my family.”
• God Redirects Their Story (Heather, 20:28):
  • “[I read] babies with Down syndrome...I was not excited ... I was like, no, no, no, no, no.”
  • “[Josh responded] yeah, I think we should pray about that.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Marriage background & early years: 03:06–06:41
• Infertility struggles: 06:41–14:47
• Deciding on adoption: 14:47–18:55
• The Down syndrome adoption revelation: 19:17–22:42
• Moving forward despite reservations: 22:11–22:42

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Tone & Takeaways

• The conversation is marked by warmth, honesty, and a willingness to “take off the mask”—the Avaises openly share their doubts, frustrations, and conversion of their motives from selfishness to genuine surrender.
• Both hosts and guests emphasize that entering hard places is not about being superhuman or holy, but about “God’s grace being sufficient” even in the mess.
• The episode encourages listeners not only to consider adoption or foster care but also to support families in their community who are walking these paths.
  • Quote (Jim Daly, 24:47): “Just rally some people around in the church to get around that adoptive couple or that foster couple...ask that question, are they among us and how can we help them?”

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Resources Mentioned

• Heather’s book: The Lucky Few: Finding God’s Best in the Most Unlikely Places
• Focus on the Family’s programs: Wait No More (US), Waiting to Belong (Canada)
• Special Needs Parenting Audio Collection: Over 5 hours of content for parents raising kids with special needs

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Looking Ahead

The story continues in Part 2, with a deeper exploration into their adoption journey, discovering the joys and challenges of raising children with special needs, and witnessing God’s faithfulness in places they never expected.

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This episode offers a moving, practical, and hope-filled encouragement for anyone considering foster care, adoption, or simply wrapping practical support around the families who do.

Transcript

[Focus on the Family Announcer]

Your marriage can be healed. A Hope Restored Marriage Intensive from Focus on the Family can transform you and your spouse's relationship in just a few days.

[Focus on the Family Testimonial Speaker]

We'll go to this thing, but this is it. If this doesn't work, we're done. What we have now, it's way more than we ever had before and that I ever even dreamed of in the marriage.

[Focus on the Family Announcer]

Discover [e-mail] that's hoperestored.com

[Heather Avis]

where God resides, where his heart beats the loudest is not in those easy, comfortable places. So if you want to hear God's heartbeat more fully, understand it more fully, and sit in the worth and value of life and humanity, then you have to be willing to step into those hard places. You can have easy, that's fine. But you're missing out on the heartbeat of God if you do that.

[John Fuller]

A rather profound statement from Heather Avis. She's a mom and an advocate who wants to help you and me reach what a normal family looks like. Heather and her husband Josh are on today's FOCUS on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller, and we're glad you've joined us.

[Jim Daly]

We're going to share the remarkable story

of this husband and wife who had

a plan for their future family. But you know what God will do with a plan, right? And God gave Heather and Josh his heart for needy children who are often

unwanted in our culture.

And in the United States alone, there are an estimated 343,000 children in foster care. Just think of that number, kids who need safe and healthy and godly homes. A significant portion of those children are legal orphans because the parental rights, for whatever reason, have been terminated by the court. And those kids really do need a family. They're just out there in a community of foster kids. This is a wonderful opportunity for the Christian community to step up and help these children. As you hear Heather and Josh's story today, I hope you'll consider what God might be calling you to do to help orphans or to come alongside foster and adoptive families who need support.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. And just harkening back to what Heather said there in that clip, step into the hard places. Now, we've got ways you can do that. We've got ways to make a difference through our Wait no More program, as it's called here in the US Waiting to belong in Canada. Check those out and see how you can wrap around a family.

[Josh Avis]

Now.

[John Fuller]

Heather has also written a wonderful book about the journey that she and Josh have had in foster care and adoption. It's called the Lucky. Finding God's best in the most unlikely places. Look for the resources we've talked about here at our website, Lucky. The links are in the notes. Now, the conversation that we have for you today was recorded with Heather and Josh Avis a few years ago. And here's how that discussion began on today's episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.

[Jim Daly]

Heather and Josh. Welcome to Focus on the Family.

[Heather Avis]

Thank you so much.

[Josh Avis]

Just happy to be here.

[Jim Daly]

Well, what an amazing story. I always like to get a bit of background. You know, Jean, whenever I'm watching a sporting event on tv, she goes, I would be so much more into this if I knew the people who are playing. And so you're the players. And for the sake of my wife, I want to know more about you. And I think the listeners can connect with that in such a deep way. How long have you been married? What formed your marriage? And where did God play a role in just you two coming together?

[Heather Avis]

Yeah, we just celebrated 15 years last month, and we met. So technically, the real story is I was 13 when you met. When we met, you didn't get married at 13. I didn't get married at 13.

[Jim Daly]

Going back to biblical things.

[Heather Avis]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jim Daly]

That's not actually normal today. Okay, so you met at 13 because you're neighbors or what?

[Heather Avis]

So Josh is older than I am, and I have an older sister, and he was friends with my older sister. They met in high school.

[Jim Daly]

She's very proud of the fact, Josh, that you're older than she is.

[Heather Avis]

Much, much older.

[Jim Daly]

Okay, so you've known each other when

you were really kids?

[Heather Avis]

Yeah, we grew up together.

[Jim Daly]

That's awesome.

Yeah, that's kind of rare today, I would think.

[Heather Avis]

It is. It is. And I just see God's hand on us, and I'm so thankful. So then we got engaged when I was 19 and got married when I was 20. And I just imagine any one of my children at the age of 19 saying, hey, I'm gonna get married. I'm like, I don't think that's a very good idea. I'm very young. Right.

[Jim Daly]

Impressed that you actually even your parents let you drive at 19.

[Heather Avis]

Right.

[Jim Daly]

We're trying to refrain our kids from driving, but. No, that's good.

[Heather Avis]

So we just see God's hand on it that in the last 15 years, we've grown together, closer, and we know the opposite could have happened. And we consider God's grace there.

[Jim Daly]

So those first couple years of marriage, was it all bliss and fun or what was happening?

[Josh Avis]

I think so. Some People say their first year is hard. Ours was.

[Heather Avis]

It's pretty fun.

[Josh Avis]

Yeah, it was like an extended honeymoon. We actually got married the senior year of our college year. And after we graduated, instead of getting real jobs or going after grad school, we moved to Hawaii and spent six months in Hawaii.

[Jim Daly]

Who had that idea?

[Heather Avis]

It was both of us.

[Jim Daly]

For all the 19 year olds listening, you may want to do that.

[Heather Avis]

Well, there's not very many times in life when you can say, what next? And we had really no responsibilities. And so we did one way. Plane tickets, lived in Hawaii. We didn't know how long it'd be. It was six months. Moved back home, which is Southern California for us. And then I got a job as a teacher working towards my teaching credential.

[Jim Daly]

What age were you teaching?

[Heather Avis]

Well, I was 22 when I got my first classroom and I was teaching seniors. Senior year, senior year old.

[Jim Daly]

I was thinking maybe kindergarten because that's the best year.

[Heather Avis]

Right, right. No, it was. The question was, how old are you always? And the answer was, old enough to be your teacher always, but just barely.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, right. That's fantastic. The typical theme then. You're married a couple years, you're having some exciting times, you're without kids yet, so you're feeling a bit footloose. Right. And you can go to Hawaii for six months and kick around. What was your favorite island? Someone's asking that through the microphone.

[Heather Avis]

Oh, Maui forever.

[Jim Daly]

Maui forever.

There you go. Somebody's going.

So Maui's your favorite. Shout out to Maui and you start thinking about children.

Right.

And what happened?

[Heather Avis]

Yeah, we just decided it's time to start our family. And we've been married four years and we had a really great first four years. And because we got married so young, we traveled a ton. I think we're both very adventurous spirits and we thought we'll try to get pregnant and we'll get pregnant. I think that the majority of people stepping towards parenthood think that it's pretty

[Jim Daly]

formulaic, in other words.

[Heather Avis]

Exactly. Yeah. There's no reason for it not to happen. Right.

[Jim Daly]

We even sing songs about that. Right. First comes marriage, then comes love. You know, love goes.

[John Fuller]

Obviously we don't sing that song.

[Jim Daly]

I didn't have a very good teacher.

I needed a better teacher.

But that is, there's a rhythm to that. And so you guys are expecting. It's going to happen for you, but it doesn't.

[Heather Avis]

Doesn't. Right. So a few months turn into more, months turn into years, and we just find ourselves on that grueling path of Infertility.

[Jim Daly]

Heather, you expressed in the book, I think, beautifully, a couple of instances where it really, I guess, put a spike through your heart. One was with a student who came to you and had some serious. A serious situation. And even getting involved with that kind of was kind of a double edged sword for you, right?

[Heather Avis]

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I'm sure people were getting pregnant before I was trying to get pregnant, but in that season, it really felt as though everyone around me was pregnant. It was unbelievable how many people we knew who were pregnant. And every time we found out, it was just like a little bit of a stab in my heart. Even when it was people I loved very dearly, which, including my sister, got pregnant at that time when we were trying so hard. But the kicker was always a student. And I had this idea in my head that I had done everything right, that I had made the right choices. I had gotten married first. We had a really healthy marriage. We were established in careers. We were doing all the right things. Faithful to God. Yeah. And it was. The fair thing was next we get pregnant and it should happen very easily because that's fair. Right. And so then when I would have a student, had one girl who was just like a. She just had a chip on her shoulder. She'd had a really rough upbringing and. And I had kind of taken her under my wing during the school year. And she came to me during my planning period just in tears and she just said, Mrs. Avis, I'm pregnant and my parents are gonna kill me. And I didn't think I could get pregnant because I already had an abortion and she was 15 and it was just like, oh, my word. And so she's crying and I'm crying partly for her, but mostly for me. Like, how is this possible? God, this girl's pregnant. This one here. Really?

[Jim Daly]

And that's so honest. I love that in your book, the way you express that, because it's very human. But you're sitting there consoling this 15 year old thinking, how could she be a mom? I'm sure, Lord, I'd be the good mom. Why am I not getting pregnant? Before I move to you, Josh, to talk about the husband in this moment, one other question for you in this regard, Heather, is your relationship with the Lord, did you have some bitterness or did you have a discussion with the Lord? That Lord, I don't know why.

[Heather Avis]

Right. Yeah, Come on.

[Jim Daly]

I'm a good person.

[Heather Avis]

Lots of discussions, kind of this quid pro quo.

[Jim Daly]

And so much of the church were trapped in that a bit. You Know that we think that if we do these things, Lord, you do this. That's not the formula, is it?

[Heather Avis]

It's definitely not. And there were lots of moments. There were lots of shaking my fists at God, hysterically crying, just totally angry moments. And I feel like the ultimate lesson that God really impressed on my heart in that season. And I grew up in the church, this idea that God is God, period, it seems real simple, but just this idea that his goodness and his faithfulness and his love for me do not hinge on my ability to get pregnant or not. They are what they. God is God. And so to hold that truth, you have to be in this place where I'm going to hold that truth real tightly, and I'm going to be really angry and frustrated, and it has to be both. And. And it's an intermingling of all these emotions that feel like they're conflicting. But God's grace is so much bigger than that. And. And I. I really felt like he met me. I can look back and feel like he met me only with gentleness and grace. Almost like this arm around me knowing it's going to be okay, but he's also not going to be the person that's like, try this and I'm praying for you. It'll be okay. Just the arm. Just.

[Jim Daly]

Just the arm.

[Heather Avis]

Just the arm, you know, like, this is hard. Here I am. I am God.

[Jim Daly]

So, Josh, being the husband, I'm sure you're thinking, okay, here we go. This will be great. What was the emotion like for you finding out that you can't have children as a couple?

[Josh Avis]

It was. Heather mentioned earlier that we have been blessed and there's been grace upon us as we got to grow together. So it was a time where we really leaned in to each other.

[Jim Daly]

And so it didn't tear you apart?

[Josh Avis]

No, not at all. And I felt that the arm that Heather's describing, in a way that showed up. And I remember sitting in our kitchen, we had this little tiny mountain home. And I remember it was as if He, God, was saying to me, what's next is better? I have something for you, for whatever's coming next is going to be far better than this. But it was really hard to keep saying that to Heather. And sometimes it would just come across as we're just going to. The solution is coming. And she didn't want to hear that. Sometimes it wasn't words. But I rested in that God had this firm foundation that he had given us that something better is coming. And I have such a Distinct memory of sitting in the kitchen and saying that to her and truly believing it. But there was a lot of other conversations where it was. You just had to sit in it. And I would just say to a lot of the husbands out there that suggestions and solutions aren't going to be helpful right now. Just sit in it. Sit in it with your wives.

[Jim Daly]

Sit in it.

Well, yeah. And Heather, that had to be. I mean, I know discussions I've had with Jean when I'm saying, here's what I think the Lord's telling us, and she's not thinking the same way.

[Josh Avis]

Right.

[Jim Daly]

You know, that can be a hard conversation in your marriage. How did you manage that? When Josh is saying something better is coming, when you're feeling like you're at the bottom.

[Heather Avis]

Right.

[Jim Daly]

How can you say that?

[Heather Avis]

Yeah. No, that's how I managed it. How can you say that? Why would you say that? I don't want to hear it. But again, it's just. I keep going back to the grace piece of it because I wasn't like this great holy person. I was angry and frustrated and bitter, and I didn't want to hear it. And that's okay. I feel like it was okay to be those things and to feel that way. And there's another side to it, and I got to the other side of it, and I could look back with fresh eyes and good perspective, but you just. There's just not an easy way out of hard things, you know, and infertility is one of those. There's lots of hard things people go through, but there's just not an easy way out. You've got to be in it. And God's grace is sufficient for all of your bitterness and anger and resentment. And it's seasonal.

[John Fuller]

We went through a season of infertility, and I did not talk about it with anybody else. I mean, did you all share that and have people along with you for that?

[Heather Avis]

That's a great question. No one's asked me that before. And looking back, it's such a foggy time. I think what I. Like, my memories are people saying things like, we tried for a year, or we tried for two years, or we tried for five years and got pregnant in an encouraging way. But that was the most discouraging thing someone could say to me. Because a year in trying to get pregnant, it's like dog years. You're like, wait a second. I think that's a hundred years at least is what that feels like. So I don't know that we did have. We had lots of people being prayerful. We had lots of great support. Our family was really supportive. We had wonderful pastors who came alongside really gently and just lifted us up in prayer and let us know they were doing that. But in terms of someone who had gone through it, no. But also because we were very young and not a lot of people we were doing life with were struggling with infertility.

[Jim Daly]

It was happening. Which had to, again, put a load on you emotionally. Everybody else is being blessed. Why are we.

[Josh Avis]

Just relax.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, just relax.

[John Fuller]

It'll happen.

[Jim Daly]

I can feel.

[Josh Avis]

Go shopping or. Yeah. There was always a quick answer.

[Jim Daly]

So how many months or years do you move through this part of the trying and the tears and, you know, just the realization that maybe it won't happen for us. How long did that last before you started thinking, maybe there's another way to go?

[Heather Avis]

I think it was about two years. Right. It was about two years of trying to fix it, trying to make it work.

[Jim Daly]

Right.

[Heather Avis]

And we never went as far as in vitro fertilization, but we tried everything else and got to a point where I had had a test done that affected my body really negatively and my ob gyn. Just saying, like, I think that's it. Basically stamping me with infertility. And the only way you're going to be able to conceive is through ivf. We could try. That was it.

[Jim Daly]

That was your last option.

[Heather Avis]

That was it. And we knew that that wasn't going to be a road that we were going to travel down. So that really felt like, okay, that's it. Now what? Because my desire to be a mom was still very much there.

[Jim Daly]

So let's turn the corner, though. This is where you begin to think maybe adoption is an option. How did that idea start within the two of you?

[Josh Avis]

Yeah, well, always thought about adoption, but what we. What we thought we were going to do, we go back to that plan was we'll have our own biological kids, and then we'll adopt. And so with Heather teaching in the special ed and in she with a community of kids that were just amazing and had. Some of the kids were in foster system, some of the kids had. We had seen that. And then we. So we just thought, we'll do. We'll have our own kids and then adopt.

[John Fuller]

And so then.

[Jim Daly]

Sounds like a good plan.

[Josh Avis]

Here we are. So, yeah, so we were at that

[Heather Avis]

crossroads, and it was there. We knew we wanted to be parents. We knew we were gonna grow our family. So IVF or adoption, that was really the only way that was gonna happen. And IVF wasn't an option. So it's adoption. And I think there were a few weeks there where we were doing. We were mourning. And then I think that I was ready to adopt before Josh was. I remember being online and this was 10 years ago, so things are very, very different. But googling international adoptions and trying to figure out which is the fastest. Like, what is the fastest way I get a baby in my arms is

[Jim Daly]

what we wanted a baby. I get it.

[John Fuller]

Give us a baby.

[Jim Daly]

I mean, some might go, whoa, but I get it.

[Heather Avis]

Yeah. And so we. I think I was ready maybe a month or so before Josh was. And so we're like, okay, let's do this. Let's adopt now. What? And we didn't know anyone who had adopted 10 years ago. Not one person. So we're asking around, and it turns out one of my. I was a teacher, so one of my teacher's aides son had adopted, and she said, why don't you have dinner with them? And this is a couple that loves the Lord fiercely and just like, exude Jesus. And so they invited us to their home. Total strangers said, yeah, come on over. We'll answer any question. And we go to their home, and they open the door and there's these two rowdy boys running around the house. And I don't know what we were expecting, but when we left, we left realizing this is just a family. Like, wait, what we just experienced was family.

[Jim Daly]

That is a beautiful story.

[John Fuller]

Really?

[Jim Daly]

That is probably one of the most beautiful things I've heard about adoption. It's just a family. Yeah, that's choking me up. So that's great. What's next? So you walk away from that evening with your new friends, and they've probably encouraged you that adoption is a good thing. What's the next step?

[Josh Avis]

Well, we asked them a ton of questions, and so they started pointing us in direction. And so I think we still create a plan out of what we were going after. And so part of that was, well, if we can go after a private adoption agency, at least we'll have some control over age and. Yeah. And the health of the.

[Jim Daly]

You can check the boxes.

[John Fuller]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

For those that don't know, we've done foster. So you have a list of things that seems bizarre, actually.

[Heather Avis]

Very bizarre.

[Jim Daly]

You know, would you accept head knocking children? Children that set things on fire? I mean, it's an interesting.

[Heather Avis]

It was a very, very interesting concept to get. So you.

[Jim Daly]

You were checking all the boxes that said healthy.

[Josh Avis]

Yes, we adjusted a healthy newborn baby.

[Heather Avis]

We wanted A newborn. So, yeah, as little as possible, preferably day one. I'm in there for the labor and delivery like that.

[Jim Daly]

And that's a good thing. I mean, it's a natural thing.

[Heather Avis]

Sure. And we're first time parents too, so we just didn't know. And first time we were just dipping our toes into the adoption world and trying to understand God's heart in adoption. And when we started on the adoption path, our goal was grow our family, not know more about the Lord, not see his heart for orphans. None of that. It was all selfish. Just, I'm going to grow my family.

[Jim Daly]

I'm so glad to hear that. Because when I read your story, you too stand next to the Lord in terms of extending your home and your love and your parenting to strangers. I mean, in the beginning, right, where did you go? How did you do your first adoption? And what motivated you to adopt the child you adopted?

[Heather Avis]

Yeah. So we end up at this private agency. The family that we had had dinner with, who invited us in, their home is the agency they used and it's in la. And while private adoption is expensive, they're a little more affordable and we want that healthy infant. And so we did the whole process, checked off the lists, and we end up leading our A group in our church on a trip to Romania to do a summer camp for youth in Romania. And it had been our third summer. And so we're so excited about this. But at the same time, I'm wanting this phone call so that I'm not going on the trip. Like I'm waiting until the night before. Please call me. Because when you're in people who are waiting, adoptive parents know that a call comes and usually it's that day. Sometimes you have a weekend, maybe a week. Right. To prepare for this baby, and you drop everything. Your life changes, but you can't live that way when you're in the process. At least we found that you had to move forward with life, live life normally as you could, but ready to drop it all anyway.

[Jim Daly]

No, I get that. I mean, you got to hold it loosely.

[Heather Avis]

Yes, you got to hold it loosely. And so I send my social worker a little email. Hey, we're gonna be out of the country. Just so you know, if we don't answer our cell phones or don't check email, go to Romania, spend this week at this camp. It's amazing. God's doing awesome things. We go to our hotel room.

[Josh Avis]

You asked her how it was going.

[Heather Avis]

I saw in the email. I said, how are things going? Yeah, what's that she emails back. And we open it. I'm in Romania. I open up the laptop, and I see an email from her. And my heart drops. Anytime I see her name, my heart drops like, that's my baby. And then I remember she's just replying to my email. So she says something like, thanks for letting me know. Things are really slow. We have a couple babies with down syndrome placed in with our agency. It's always hard to find placements for them. Your profile's been viewed once. Hang in there. Love her name. And instantly, God did something in my heart when I read those words, babies with down syndrome. And it was instantaneous. And it was. I was not excited about this. I wasn't like, yes, Lord, let's step towards this. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I got down, and our team was waiting for us. We were gonna have dinner, and I. And Josh and I lag behind, and he's like, what's going on? I tell him, and I'm waiting for him to say, oh, no, that's not what we're gonna do. And he goes, yeah, I think we should pray about that.

[Jim Daly]

Can I ask you a tough question?

[Heather Avis]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

Were you hoping he would say, what? No, let's not do that.

[Heather Avis]

Yeah, I was hoping that he'd say, no, we're not waiting for those babies. She's just telling us that happened, so we'll wait for our baby.

[Jim Daly]

And, Josh, I gotta ask you. I mean, what. Why did you respond with what you responded to? A lot of couples listening to us now are going, why? Why would you do that?

[Josh Avis]

I mean, I'm getting choked up hearing her talking. These are my kids. So just hearing her explain it that way, it gets me choked up. I think I'm just a firm believer everything happens for a reason. And so if this was the reason we were going and this is the direction we're going to, then let's step in that direction. So, yeah.

[Heather Avis]

Yeah. I think a lot of people look at our story. So there's these two little girls with down syndrome. And the short of it is, we adopt one of these children with down syndrome. And from the moment we read that email to bringing our daughter home, it was mostly us saying, no.

[Josh Avis]

Yeah.

[Heather Avis]

Or us saying, I don't think so, but we'll keep stepping this direction. And so we weren't these amazing holy saints. We were fighting what God had laid before us, fighting against it. And God kept meeting us with, okay, let's keep moving forward. All right, that's nice. Let's keep moving forward.

[Jim Daly]

Well, I so appreciate that honesty. And we are at the end of this day, but I want to come back. I mean, people are going, what, you can't stop now? But I want to come back and really understand your heart, your relationship with the Lord, what he was speaking to you. Because I think a lot of people, even believers, this is a tough decision, but it's an awesome decision if those two can go together. And I so respect what you have done. But I've got a ton of questions, and we want to hear about how things have grown. You now have a family of three. So let's come back next time and pick the story up right here where you're adopting your first child who has down syndrome. Can we do it?

[Heather Avis]

Yep.

[Jim Daly]

Okay, let's do that.

[John Fuller]

Today on FOCUS ON THE FAMILY with Jim Daly. We've been hearing from Josh and Heather Avis about their remarkable journey from infertility to adoption. And they've captured their story in Heather's book called the Lucky Finding God's Best in the Most Unlikely Places.

[Jim Daly]

John what I love about this couple is how they kept listening to the Lord even when he seemed far away. Have you ever felt that? I mean, I have. They didn't give up. They kept trusting that God knew what was best for their family. Do you have that same kind of trust? Are you willing to follow the Lord's leading into something that's unfamiliar and beyond your comfort zone? That's a challenge. And it's my prayer that today's program is motivating you to get involved in some way, especially in what the Bible calls pure religion, out of the book of James, caring for widows and orphans. One way you can do that is through our Wait no More program here at Focus on the Family. What we're looking for are Christian couples who will consider foster care or adoption or even respite care, where you bring children into your home for a day or two to support and give those foster parents a little break. That's something my wife Jean and I have done quite a bit.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. And that is so laudable and so difficult at times. Right? I mean, it really is a messy kind of commitment that you make. But when you do that, you are serving those orphans. Another way to help is by kind of wrapping around those families who are doing foster care or adoption. You just do simple things like grocery shopping or helping them with yard work or housework or invite them into your family, bring that mess into your own family. We've got details about Wait no More and how you can get Engaged and Heather's book the Lucky Few at our website and make a donation of any amount to Focus on the Family today. And we'll thank you for your partnership. We'll send a copy of the Lucky Few to you for your own benefit or maybe to share with a small group or in your church.

[Jim Daly]

We need to mention also what these donations are paying for. According to the research we do every year, about a half a million families in the last 12 months were willing to investigate foster care or adoption and how they might get involved. And that's amazing. I'm so grateful for the generosity of friends who help make ministries like Wait, no More possible. Can I invite you to participate as well? Send a gift to Focus on the Family today or make a monthly pledge? Anything and everything helps. Let me just add, if you're the one person in the church that has an eye on this, just rally some people around in the church to get around that adoptive couple or that foster couple that might be in your church, ask that question, are they among us and how can we help them?

[John Fuller]

I appreciate that, Jim. Well, donate, get a copy of Heather's book, learn more about how you can get engaged all at our website. And we've got the links in the show notes for you. And then one final resource we want to point you to is our free Special Needs Parenting Audio collection. More than five hours of encouraging content for parents who are really stepping up and raising kids with special needs. We urge you to check that out at our website or in the show notes. And on behalf of the team, thanks for listening today to Focus on the Family with Jim Dale Daily. I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time as we continue the conversation with Heather and Josh Avis and once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Jim Daly]

Live your truth. A lot of people say that, don't they? But truth isn't something we decide. God has decided it for us, and it's our job as believers to share his truth with a world in need. I'll encourage you to do that through my podcast, Refocus with Jim Daly. I visit with fascinating guests about important

topics like gender confusion, cancel culture, and

more, while helping you share God's love with others. [e-mail].