More Effective Habits to Embrace in Parenting (Part 1 of 2)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
Episode: More Effective Habits to Embrace in Parenting (Part 1 of 2)
Release Date: May 20, 2025

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Introduction

In this insightful episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller engage in a deep conversation with Dr. Randy Schrader, a seasoned marriage and family counselor, pastor, and former seminary professor of pastoral counseling. The discussion centers around effective parenting habits grounded in Christian values, aimed at fostering healthy and spiritually strong children.

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Overcoming Parenting Challenges

Jim Daly opens the conversation by acknowledging the dual nature of parenting—the joyous, picture-perfect moments contrasted with the inevitable challenges and self-doubt parents often face. He sets the stage for discussing core parenting strategies that help children grow up healthy and confident.

Dr. Randy Schrader emphasizes that while parenting is inherently challenging, possessing the right skills and knowledge can significantly reduce stress and enhance a parent's ability to guide their children positively. He states:

"Parenting can be a challenge and yet I think if we have the right skills and the right words and actions and knowledge, parenting can be less stressful and parents can effectively lead and guide their kids to being confident, capable, responsible, godly decision makers."
[00:24]

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Foundational Qualities for Child Development

Dr. Schrader outlines three essential qualities that are pivotal in strengthening a child's development:

1. Morals Based on the Bible
2. Strong Internal Character
3. Determination

1. Morals Based on the Bible

Dr. Schrader highlights the importance of instilling biblical morals in children, especially in a society where decisions are often driven by fleeting feelings rather than absolute truths.

"Parents need to not take [the removal of the Ten Commandments from public schools] for granted, and especially in today's society, strengthen a child's faith in Christ and strengthen morals based on the Bible."
[06:57]

Jim Daly interjects to discuss the cultural challenges children face when upholding biblical principles, emphasizing the need for parents to firmly convey their commitment to these eternal truths.

2. Strong Internal Character

Character development is tied closely to internal beliefs and values. Dr. Schrader asserts that character is demonstrated through external actions aligned with one's internal convictions.

"External actions of what a person believes on the inside. And people with character make responsible godly decisions."
[09:19]

Jim Daly reinforces this by stressing the paramount role of parents as role models, stating:

"Example is the only teacher."
[09:42]

Parents must embody the character they wish to see in their children, as children are keen observers and often emulate their parents' behavior.

3. Determination

Determination, or a positive attitude, is crucial for navigating life's inevitable setbacks. Dr. Schrader draws parallels between a child's resilience and a successful person's ability to remain steadfast in the face of adversity.

"A successful person is no different than anyone else, except they have an extra amount of determination... parents need to believe in their child and reframe that adversity and say, well, this is just a new beginning."
[00:02] & [10:33]

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Mutual Respect in the Parent-Child Relationship

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around the importance of mutual respect between parents and children. Dr. Schrader and Jim Daly explore how a lack of respect can lead to behavioral issues and strained relationships.

"Mutual respect... is critical for kids to trust their parents. When a child has respect for their parent, they trust that their parent has their best interest at heart."
[14:04]

Jim Daly shares personal anecdotes about managing respect with his own children, highlighting the challenges and importance of maintaining a respectful dialogue.

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Avoiding Parenting Extremes

Dr. Schrader warns against extreme parenting styles—being overly controlling, overprotective, or permissive. He emphasizes the biblical directive for children to obey their parents while cautioning against actions that stifle a child's ability to develop autonomy and confidence.

"Parents often fall into extremes... controlling parents... those kids often do not become good decision makers because they don't grow up."
[15:34]

Jim Daly adds that self-awareness is crucial for parents to recognize when they may be veering into controlling or overprotective behaviors, advocating for a balanced approach that encourages independence while providing guidance.

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The Importance of Physical and Verbal Affection

A poignant segment features Dr. Schrader recounting a transformative story of a troubled youth who benefited immensely from consistent physical and verbal affection from his father.

"Touch, what's the old cliché, is worth a thousand words... emotionally bonds a parent and child together."
[23:34]

He elaborates on how simple acts of affection—such as hugs, pats, and compliments—can significantly alter a child's trajectory towards becoming a responsible decision-maker.

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Applying the Seven A's in Parenting

Dr. Schrader introduces the Seven A's framework as essential habits for effective parenting:

1. Acceptance: Offering unconditional love while setting clear boundaries.
2. Attention: Providing genuine, undivided attention through meaningful interactions.
3. Appreciation: Expressing gratitude and recognition for the child's efforts and qualities.
4. Affection: Demonstrating both verbal and physical love consistently.

He emphasizes that these habits are not mere checkboxes but require intentional and heartfelt application to foster a nurturing environment.

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Conclusion and Resources

As the episode concludes, Jim Daly and John Fuller encourage listeners to engage with the material by obtaining Dr. Schrader's book, Simple Habits for Effective Parenting, and participating in a parenting assessment offered by Focus on the Family. They underscore the importance of continual learning and application of these principles to ensure thriving family relationships grounded in Christian faith.

Notable Quote:

"All parents make mistakes. All healthy Christian parents have regrets. And yet when we have the knowledge specifics, not concepts and principles, it can make a huge difference."
[25:29]

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Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a valuable resource for Christian parents seeking practical, Biblically grounded strategies to enhance their parenting approach. By focusing on moral foundation, character development, determination, mutual respect, balanced discipline, and consistent affection, parents are equipped to raise confident and godly children capable of navigating the complexities of modern society.

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Additional Resources:

• Book Mentioned: Simple Habits for Effective Parenting by Dr. Randy Schrader
• Parenting Assessment: Seven Traits of Effective Parenting – Available on the Focus on the Family website
• Support the Ministry: Donations can be made by calling 1-800-A-FAMILY or visiting the Focus on the Family website.

Transcript

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

A successful person is no different than anyone else, except they have an extra amount of determination. And so kids are going to face challenges. They may get a low test score. They may strike out in little league. But parents need to believe in their child and reframe that adversity and say, well, this is just a new beginning.

[John Fuller]

Great insight from Dr. Randy Schrader, our guest today on FOCUS on the FAMILY with Jim Daly as he talks about how to integrate some great habits into your parenting. Thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

John, isn't it true that in the parenting journey there's those picture perfect moments when things are going well and you're patting yourself on the back and your spouse on the back saying, we are so good at this. And then there's all the other moments where you know it's reality and you're saying, what am I doing? Am I doing harm? Why did I say that? And you know, it's just so much the parenting story. And today we're going to talk with our guest about those core things that you need to do as a parent to really help that child grow up healthy. And I think when you look at it for Gene and I, it's are we being too passive? Are we being too strict? All those kinds of questions. And today we're going to answer those with our guests.

[John Fuller]

I'm looking forward to the conversation. Dr. Randy Schroeder is a marriage and family counselor, a pastor, and a former seminary professor of pastoral counseling. He and his wife Jenny have been married for 47 years. They have two married sons, six grandchildren. And Randy has a great passion and you'll hear more about that as we explore one of his great books is called Simple Habits for Effective Specific Skills and Tools that Achieve Extraordinary Results in Raising a Child. And stop by our website for your copy of the book. The link is in the show notes or call 800. The letter A in the word family.

[Jim Daly]

Randy, welcome back to focus.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Well, thank you for having me back. I appreciate you. And focus on the family, helping marriages, parents and families thrive in Christ. That's great.

[Jim Daly]

You've read it?

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Yeah, I read that. We did try to do the missions thing.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. That's great. Thank you for the homework you've done.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

You're very welcome.

[Jim Daly]

Hey, on that kind of opening that we talked about there, somebody once said to me, you know, parenting is so hard. God had two children, Adam and Eve, and they kind of took the wrong steps. I mean, that's kind of fascinating to think about, right?

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Well, parenting can be a challenge and yet I think if we have the right skills and the right words and actions and knowledge, parenting can be less stressful and parents can effectively lead and guide their kids to being confident, capable, responsible, godly decision makers.

[Jim Daly]

You know, Randy, one of the things that we hear here at Focus is the parents apply the formula, you know, do these things and then we hear where it didn't turn out so well. I think that's in the minority of circumstances. But speak right at the front here. Let's talk about these ideas which I think our listeners, our viewers have really responded to Your content. It's straightforward. I love the relational aspect of what you talk about. Maintain that relationship. We're going to get into all of that. But right at the forefront here, that idea that if I do A, B and C, then I get D, it doesn't always work that way, does it?

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

That is so correct. Because we can't control outcomes, all we can do is influence our kids hearts. Parents can influence a heart to help a youngster learn obedience and learn good decision making skills and then hopefully that will translate into good decision making. When they're throughout their formative years with their parents and even more importantly from the ages of 18 to 100 as adults, they'll be good decision makers. But you're right, we cannot control the outcome.

[Jim Daly]

And on the opposite side of that, it doesn't give parents a free pass to be lazy in their parenting. I mean, you want to lay the foundation to so that they have the most predictive outcome. And that's the key. There's no guarantee, but if you do these things consistently, it's more likely that your child will have a healthy spiritual life and life in general, right?

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Yes, sir. Jim, that is so true. And often parents just don't have the knowledge. Desire to be a parent is great, motivation is great. But what really makes the difference is knowing how to build a strong parent child relationship. Knowing how to lovingly, meaningfully apply the rules so that a parent can ask is this disciplined decision going to help my child be a better decision maker? Knowing how to help kids overcome chemicals and avoid the temptations in the world. And so simple habits for effective parenting gets the specifics. It's not concepts and principles. And sadly that's what parents are often coming across. And they're not coming across specifics that can make a huge difference in the life of their child.

[Jim Daly]

Excellent. And we're going to start talking about the foundation building and you do such a good job in helping parents better understand that of course you've Worked with parents and their children for years as a counselor. So you bring all that experience into the discussion setting, that good foundation. Speak to the three qualities that you have seen are most important to strengthen your child's development.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

It's important, I think, for a parent to think about their child at the age of 25, 35, 45, whatever. What qualities does a parent hope their child possesses at those adult ages and throughout their adult life? And certainly we could say the fruit of the spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control. Those are all very, very important. But what I truly think makes a difference in the life of the child are three essential qualities, especially in today's society, and I'm going to talk a little about each. The first is morals based on the Bible. Secondly would be building a strong internal character within a child. And then a third is determination. And so morals based on the Bible is where it begins. In today's society, people make decisions on feelings. You know, if it feels good, I'm going to do it, even though it may go against God's word and biblical values and what God wants for us. And so parents want their children to go into adult life with the absolutes of what is right, what is wrong. The Ten Commandments. Sadly, in 1980, the Ten Commandments were taken out of public schools.

[Jim Daly]

In 1980. It wasn't that long ago, is my point.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Yeah, yeah. And so. But parents need to not take that for granted, and especially in today's society, strengthen a child's faith in Christ and strengthen morals based on the Bible.

[Jim Daly]

Let me interject there and then we'll go to the next two. But you know, in the culture, if the listeners and the viewers, kids are going to public school and even in some Christian schools, they're going to get pushback amongst their peers if they say, well, I don't believe in this because the Bible says that. How do we strengthen them in that particular area to be committed to those compass principles that are eternal, that we believe as Christians, that God gave us that are immovable. It's like gravity. This is just the way it is.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

A tough question to answer. And I think kids just have to come back, and parents too, that we believe firmly in God's word. And God's word is the Bible, and therefore we're going to live by the biblical standards of the Bible, and we're not going to. People today want to say, here's my feelings, God, you conform to my feelings. And I think that's so true. Parents need to say, no God has set the standard and we're going to conform to God's word and that standard. And that's what parents need to convey to their kids.

[Jim Daly]

I'm telling you right now, with my boys just tipping into their early 20s. Those are great discussions with your teenagers. Oh, sure, crack that discussion open because they're capable of talking to you about that dynamic.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

And the fact that we believe this and therefore we act like this and it's just, just go head into it, don't shrink back, would be my encouragement.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Totally.

[Jim Daly]

Even as a 13, 14, 15 year old. Let's move to the second one, character. I love that one.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Well, and kids need a strong internal character. And that goes back to the morals based on the Bible that strengthening their belief in those values. Kind of to your earlier question, Jim. So that character is the external actions of what a person believes on the inside. And people with character make responsible godly decisions. And so parents need to work hard to talk about values at mealtimes, as you just said, you know, discussing with your sons and make sure that that character is strong. So then their external actions with kids at school and in society are in alignment with God's word.

[Jim Daly]

That is so, so good character too. I mean, when you look at the bedrock of character, what do you think that is? I mean, what is the core thing in developing character? Obviously introducing them to the truth of God's word. I get that. But what's that element in the human experience that provides the best garden to grow character?

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

I think it comes back to parents. And what example is not the best teacher? Example is the only teacher.

[Jim Daly]

So we as parents have to live it.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Parents have to live that character. And more things are caught than taught. So a parent can talk about character, but it's going to be their example. It's going to be kids catching a parent's character and integrity and seeing that parents are doing what's right in God's eyes, they're not doing what's right in the world's eyes. And so then kids will absorb that.

[Jim Daly]

That's really good. And again, it's not that complicated. I mean, it may be hard to, to do, but it's not complicated.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

No. Parents need to recognize kids are emotional sponges and they breathe in the family air and so they're going to breathe in a parent's character.

[Jim Daly]

That's really good. Okay. Third is determination.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

That one is significant. Everyone in life has setbacks, adversity. It just happens. My synonym for determination is positive attitude. Someone with a positive attitude is determined Someone who's determined, has a positive attitude. I don't know you two men, Jim and John, personally, and yet I can guarantee you, the two of you myself, we have been knocked down, we've had setbacks in our lives, we've had many unfair things happen in our lives. And yet we need to be men of bounce and bounce back up and stay determined. A successful person, no different than anyone else, except they have an extra amount of determination. And so kids are going to face challenges. They may get a low test score, they may strike out in little league, whatever it is, kids are going to have adversity just as the three of us had adversity in every person in life. But parents need to believe in their child and reframe that adversity and say, well, this is just a new beginning. We're going to have a fresh start here. Next time, you're going to do better on that quiz. And this is an opportunity to work hard and to succeed and have that persistent effort. And parents then can also say, you know, I believe in you, I've got confidence in you that you're going to stay determined, you're not going to give up. That is just so essential.

[Jim Daly]

And those are three again, good basic foundational truths about building into your child that morals based on the Bible, character determination moving forward. You speak to mutual respect and the importance of that as a parent with your relationship with your child. Some might say, and I would imagine as a counselor, you see this pretty consistently. This might be, probably the biggest would be my assumption, the biggest reason there's disruption in the parent child relationship, the lack of mutual respect and dialogue. And kids jump on that, respond to it out of their emotional tank and parents do too. And I'm guilty of it. I mean there were times and our oldest was a very strong willed child, so he was able to lasso me often and get me down into that argument, you know, where I had to shake it off, go, what am I doing arguing with my 9 year old? But speak to that mutual respect and the importance of it.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Well, I think, and you and Jim, there are no perfect parents, of course, and there's no perfect kid.

[Jim Daly]

Thanks for repeating that.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Yeah, always, always keep that in mind.

[Jim Daly]

Say it again.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Yeah. And what does Matthew 7 say? Treat others as you want to be treated. And yet I think, does that include your kids? I think you're right.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

I think a lot of times parents can think, well, my children need to respect me, but I don't really always have to respect them. And that's not true. And a child treated with disrespect often misbehaves. It's just interesting that parents that are disrespecting their kids, being sarcastic, putting them down, not listening well, breaking their promises. When respect is not there, then kids misbehave. And yet mutual respect, like you said, Jim, is critical for kids to trust their parents. When a child has respect for their parent, they trust that their parent has their best interest at heart. And then that causes a child to listen, that, hey, my dad and mom have my best interests at heart. I respect them.

[Jim Daly]

That is so good. There's a news commentator opinion guy who said this one time, and I caught it because I thought it was so profound. He said, you know, it's come down to where half the country love their dads, the other half hate their dads. Isn't that an amazing insight? Because what you're describing is if that kind of relationship does not exist in childhood, when they're young adults, they're typically bringing into that experience a lot of baggage.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Yes, sir, that's so true.

[Jim Daly]

You know, lack of respect for authority, you know, just all those things that can work against a person having a healthy attitude about life.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that is true. And a child's picture of our heavenly father is their picture of their dad often. And so. And it begins again with mutual respect.

[John Fuller]

Well, this is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And today Our guest is Dr. Randy Schrader. We're talking about some basic parenting stuff that all of us need to either know or be refreshed about. And there is so much in Randy's book, Simple Habits for effective parenting. Get your copy from the ministry here. The link is in the show notes or call us. Our number is 800, the letter A and the word family.

[Jim Daly]

Randy, you mentioned avoiding parenting extremes. And I think it's really important to cover this because this too is so core to our experience as parents. You say that you don't want to be that controlling or overprotective or permissive parent. So hit those three quickly.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Well, and let me just start out by saying the Bible says, children obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. So Christian parents want to seek obedience because that leads to good decision making. And yet loving Christian parents can fall into these extremes of controlling, wanting to control every aspect of a child's life. And controlling parents often are loving, but they're focused on short term behavior.

[Jim Daly]

Let me interject. I'm hearing mom go, but Randy, do you know the culture they're In I have to control things because I need to protect them.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

And that's the second extreme, being overprotective. But yeah, no parents think that that's the case. And the thing is when parents control their children, those kids often do not become good decision makers because they don't grow up. Yes sir, you're right. They don't grow up, they don't increase their self confidence, they don't believe they're capable, they think, you know, I'm kind of incompetent. And so it's extremely important for parents to seek obedience and good decision making, not try to control every aspect of a child's life.

[Jim Daly]

Can I ask you this just so parents have a sense of self awareness? Because I'm not sure that we do. And Gene and I, sometimes we're over controlling. It's you know, you're bouncing along a perfect line and you're not always on that line. So you've got to be able to have some self reflective ability to say, okay, that I was not in the right spot at that moment for that parent that may not see that they're controlling. What would be that environment? What would it look like where you have to take the self assessment to say okay, I'm not in a healthy place with this?

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Well, I think they're probably doing too much talking and we may talk a little about that later. Too much directing of the child. And I think parents need to be like Jesus. Jesus asked 307 questions in the Bible, Socrates. The Socratic method is asking questions. And so I think rather than parents wanting to control and just direct this and direct that, they need to let their child speak out loud what they are thinking. And then if it's not healthy then parents can kind of redirect them.

[Jim Daly]

All right then overprotective. Just a quick discussion.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Overprotective is just thinking that a parent needs to protect a child from the physical bumps and bruises in life and even the emotional bumps and bruises in life. And they rush in right away when a youngster falls down. And overprotective parent rushes in right away to take care of that child. And they need to let the child handle that bump and bruise on their own. That strengthens them.

[John Fuller]

You know Randy, along those lines, the whole culture is fear based about what could happen. So how do we fight that? How do we assume that our kids actually can get bored, bumps and scrapes and difficulties can happen to them and they'll be okay?

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

I think just recognizing that that's a normal part of life but a Lot of times, parents, again, it's because they're so loving. Christian parents are loving and they want the best for their kids. And yet that is not going back to what we said earlier, building a strong internal character. It's not helping a child stay determined. And you think about a baby. A baby falls or stumbles, falls and rises back up. A baby stumbles, falls, rises back up, and eventually that baby learns to walk. Likewise, even in preschool, elementary, high school, kids need to learn to rise back up and be individuals of bounds. And with God's help, they can do that.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, it's so, so good. You also have the amazing As. I want to cover this basic stuff, then the rest of today and next time we're going to get into more depth here. What are the amazing A's?

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Well, the first one is accept acceptance. Kids need unconditional love, and that's what acceptance is. God says to every Christian person, I love you and I will always love you. And sometimes I don't approve of your sinful thoughts, words and actions. And likewise, a parent needs to use, I say run on sentences and use that word and, and say, I love you and I'll always love you. And I don't approve of your missteps or your mistakes. So that a kid, a youngster, knows that mom and dad love me. They have my best interest at heart. They want me to become confident, a good decision maker. And then another A is attention. Kids need attention from mom and dad, and that's just not being in the home. So many dads especially, but could be moms think if I'm in physical proximity with my child, I'm giving them attention.

[Jim Daly]

Check that box.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Check that box. No, it has to be. The eyes are windows to the heart. It needs to be looking into a child's eyes, having dialogue, encouraging a child. Another A that's so very important is appreciation and telling a child. We may talk a little more about that later. But what they appreciate about the child. Thank you. I define as gratitude. Good to tell a child, thank you for doing this. Thank you for saying that. It's even more important to say, I appreciate. And then affection. Affection is absolutely huge. And parents need to think of affection as verbal and physical affection. That is what makes a huge difference. It's not. 70% of adults I've counseled have told me that they did not receive both verbal and physical love from their parents growing up.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. You know, that idea of that physical expression is so critical.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Oh, it's huge.

[Jim Daly]

And I really want to hit that because I think sometimes parents pull back, especially as the children get older. And my oldest, he just, he didn't know how to hug. He was like a piece of cardboard. And I actually did teach him how to hug.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Good for you. That's terrific.

[Jim Daly]

And he's a great hugger today.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

That's true.

[Jim Daly]

But describe, I think he had a conversation with a father whose son was shoplifting or something like that. And how did that expression of affection change his attitude to sons?

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

It was absolutely an amazing story. It was sadly a divorce and the mom had custody of the two boys and the 13 year old had an older brother. Both the boys were getting in trouble with the law. They were having behavioral issues at school, they weren't getting good grades, they were struggling there. They did not have healthy friendships. And the older son actually then started doing cocaine. And the mom said, you know, I'm not doing the job. I'm going to give the 13 year old to our son's dad and see if he can turn him around. Well, the 13 year old came to live with dad the last Friday of May. Sunday. The 13 year old stole a bicycle in the neighborhood two days later.

[Jim Daly]

So he was on that bad track.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

He wasn't off the bad track yet. Well, the dad immediately called me and I met with the dad and the son and I actually, going back to that appreciation, I had the dad give the son a big compliment to start the session to say, I appreciate this about you. And then I met with dad privately and I asked dad to go for a walk every single day throughout this summer when his son was not in school and mentally keep track. Touch your son 12 times every time you go around the block, lovingly squeeze his arm, pat him on the back, tussle his hair, give him a half hug when you're walking, and also give him an appreciation vitamin. By the end of the summer, that young man had become a responsible decision maker. Now, did he still make mistakes?

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, sure. But explain from a counselor's perspective what changed in the young man's heart.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Well, and I don't want parents to think that, oh my goodness, Dr. Schrader just said all I have to do is give a lot of touch to my youngster and they're going to be good decision makers. It's more than touch. But touch, what's the old cliche is worth a thousand words?

[Jim Daly]

Well, it opens the window of the heart.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

It does. And we think about Jesus in the Bible 22 times, when Jesus healed people, he touched them to show us the importance of touch. Now, could Jesus have healed them without touch. Well, certainly he's God, but Jesus touched them. And so I think that touch emotionally bonds a parent and child together. And I tell you, I saw the dad and the other thing I went over the simple yet very effective habits, this knowledge, not concepts and principles in Simple Habits for effective Parenting book. And I went over that with this dad and he started applying that with his son, learning how to lovingly set limits and apply discipline and lovingly how to build a strong parent child relationship and everything else. And it just turned that young man's life around.

[Jim Daly]

Now it's so good. And again, we're laying foundations that are predictive outcomes, but not guaranteed outcomes.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Exactly.

[Jim Daly]

Just to repeat what we said at the beginning.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Yes, sir.

[Jim Daly]

Randy, this has been so good and we got more to cover, so let's come back next time and dig a little deeper into this whole area. But I know parents are going to be profoundly helped in this way. And this is all Bible based material. I mean, you're not making this up out of thin air. These are things that you've put together as a counselor trained in that area and the biblical perspective on how to apply those great truths that the Lord has given us. I love it. Even with kids in their 20s right now, thinking back, yeah, we did that pretty well. We could have done that better. But one thing that Gene and I always say to each other is I just wish we had more information back when. And so for the back when parents, when you have kids that are five, six, seven years old, man, is this material ripe for you? And if you're the grandparent listening or watching today, get this resource for your adult kids and talk to them about it. Send them a copy of the broadcast as well. But thank you, Randy, for being with us.

[Dr. Randy Schrader]

Thank you very much for having me. And I want your listeners to know as well, my wife and I made mistakes. Really, we did not do it. Use that dirty word perfectly. All parents make mistakes. All healthy Christian parents have regrets. And yet when we have the knowledge specifics, not concepts and principles, it can make a huge difference.

[Jim Daly]

Well, you know, one way to kick that journey off is a parenting assessment that we have here at Focus on the Family called Seven Traits of Effective Parenting. It takes a few minutes, five to six, seven minutes to take it. It will point out some areas that you're doing really well in and then some areas to improve in. And I'm sure Randy's great book is one of the wonderful resources that we advise parents to listen to or to read. And you can get a copy of Randy's book and we'll make it simple. We always do this if you can help Focus Do Ministry. Be part of it. That reward in heaven is there for you. When we work together to do ministry for those who need it, make a gift of any amount. It helps substantially if you could do that on a monthly basis. Not a big amount, but that little bit over the consistency of 12 months really helps us in the budget or a one time gift. We'll send you a copy of Randy's book Simple Habits for Effective Parenting as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry.

[John Fuller]

Contribute generously as you can. When you call 800, the letter A in the word Family 800-232-6459 and request your copy of Randy Schrader's great book Simple Habits for Effective Parenting. Specific skills and tools that achieve extraordinary results in raising a child. Love the links for you in the show notes for all the resources that Jim has mentioned and as you're making your summer vacation plans, be sure to include us here at Focus on the Family. We have a beautiful campus here in Colorado Springs, nestled at the foot of America's mountain, Pikes Peak, and there are so many great things to do here at our welcome center and book. We hope you'll stop in and see all the great things happening here at the ministry. Thanks for joining us for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back tomorrow as we continue the conversation with Dr. Randy Schroeder and once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Jim Daly]

If the fights with your spouse have become unbearable, if you feel like you can't take it anymore, there's still hope. Hope Restored Marriage Intensives have helped thousands of couples like yours. Our biblically based counseling will help you.

[John Fuller]

Find the root of your problems and face them together.

[Jim Daly]

Call us at 1-866-875-2915.

[John Fuller]

We'll talk with you, pray with you.

[Jim Daly]

And help you find out which program will work best. That's 1-866-875-2915.