Podcast Summary: Navigating Infant Loss as a Family
Focus on the Family with Jim Daly delves deep into the heart-wrenching subject of infant loss, exploring how families navigate grief while maintaining their faith. In the episode titled "Navigating Infant Loss as a Family," released on June 24, 2025, hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller engage in a poignant conversation with Annie Downs and her sister Tatum Green. Together, they share their personal journeys of loss, resilience, and the role of faith in healing.
Introduction to Loss and Faith
The episode opens with Tatum Green sharing the initial shock of her son TJ’s diagnosis and the immediate concern for her other child, Sam. At 00:05, Tatum reflects:
"No one's life looks the way they want it to be. Everyone has places of pain and disappointment and that's where Jesus meets us."
— Tatum Green [00:05]
John Fuller echoes the profound and unique pain associated with infant loss, emphasizing that it often comes without explanation. He introduces the guests, Annie Downs—a best-selling author and speaker—and Tatum Green, who together authored the children's book "Where Did TJ Go?" aimed at helping children process grief.
Personal Journeys Through Grief
Tatum Green's Story
Tatum recounts her family's struggles with infertility, highlighting four miscarriages and a failed IVF attempt before the birth of her healthy son, Sam (04:10). This period was marked by immense emotional turmoil, culminating in the devastating diagnosis of TJ's trisomy 18 at 12 weeks (06:50). Tatum describes the physical and emotional challenges they faced:
"I have to tell myself that over and over again, which even now is, like, heartbreaking to think."
— Tatum Green [09:23]
Despite the grim prognosis, Tatum and her husband, Jacob, chose to cherish the brief time they had with TJ, allowing him to live for 56 days. She reflects on the emotional complexities of holding both grief and joy simultaneously, likening it to a whale needing to surface for air:
"It's very complicated to hold both grief and joy... It's actually not great, you know, like, so it is very complicated."
— Tatum Green [16:53]
Annie Downs' Perspective
Annie provides an outsider’s view of her sister Tatum’s journey, emphasizing the family's unity and support. She shares how her role transformed to support Tatum and Sam, ensuring that the household remained a place of normalcy for their two-year-old son amidst the chaos of loss.
Coping Mechanisms and Support Systems
The Green family relied heavily on their close-knit community and church for support. Tatum highlights the importance of honest conversations with God during their grief:
"It's not only okay, but it's good and right to have that chat with the Lord. Healthy."
— Tatum Green [05:30]
Moreover, Annie discusses the practical ways her family supported each other, from running the household to creating a joyful environment for Sam. They maintained open communication about TJ’s presence in their lives, ensuring that Sam could process his grief naturally.
Parenting After Loss: Helping Sam Cope
A significant focus of the episode is on how Tatum and Annie helped their son, Sam, understand and cope with the loss of his brother, TJ. Tatum explains their approach to honesty:
"We tried to explain his illness in a way that a 2-year-old could understand. We allow him to experience TJ's death with us and really say goodbye to him."
— Tatum Green [22:43]
They incorporate TJ into daily life through pictures and stories, creating an environment where Sam can freely express his emotions. This method aligns with the advice from a respected counselor, David Thomas, who contributed a letter to their book, emphasizing factual and compassionate communication.
Faith as a Foundation for Healing
Throughout their ordeal, Tatum and Annie emphasize the pivotal role of their Christian faith in navigating grief. Their belief in God's plan and the promise of heaven provided solace and a framework for understanding their loss. Annie shares a touching moment of witnessing Jacob’s unwavering love and presence with TJ:
"Watching Jacob do that with TJ was really inspiring to me."
— Annie Downs [20:37]
Additionally, Tatum discusses how their faith deepened their empathy and compassion, enhancing their ability to support others in similar situations:
"The experience of grief has made me a lot more understanding and empathetic."
— Tatum Green [19:55]
"Where Did TJ Go?"—A Resource for Families
Annie and Tatum collaborated on the children's book "Where Did TJ Go?" designed to help young children understand and cope with the loss of a sibling. The book serves as a conduit for conversations about death and heaven, providing families with a tangible resource to address difficult emotions.
Annie highlights the book's approach:
"It does not say TJ went to heaven, it says TJ died because we... Where did TJ go will be the conduit in between."
— Annie Downs [24:37]
The book includes practical advice and supports parents in fostering honest discussions, making the grieving process more manageable for both children and adults.
Conclusion: Embracing Both Grief and Joy
The episode concludes by reinforcing the importance of embracing both grief and moments of joy as part of the healing journey. Tatum and Annie encourage listeners to allow themselves to feel a range of emotions, advocating for a balanced approach to processing loss.
Annie encapsulates this sentiment with the whale analogy:
"Be a whale. Be a whale. I can go... I also have the emotional maturity to come up for relief and get oxygen."
— Annie Downs [18:30]
The hosts commend the guests for their vulnerability and the valuable resources they’ve provided, urging listeners who experience similar losses to reach out and utilize available support systems.
Resources Mentioned
- Book: Where Did TJ Go? by Annie Downs and Tatum Green
- Counseling: Focus on the Family offers Christian counseling services for those dealing with grief and loss. Contact at 800-FAMILY or visit focusonthefamily.com.
- Support: Hope Restored Marriage Intensives for couples facing challenges, reachable at 1-866-875-2915.
This episode serves as a compassionate guide for families navigating the uncharted waters of infant loss, emphasizing the importance of faith, community support, and honest communication. Through their personal stories, Annie Downs and Tatum Green offer hope and practical strategies for coping with one of life’s most profound challenges.