Parenting Teens Toward Adulthood (Part 2 of 2)

Summary

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Focus on the Family with Jim Daly

Episode: Parenting Teens Toward Adulthood (Part 2 of 2)

Date: August 29, 2025
Featured Speaker: Dr. Ken Wilgus
Host: Jim Daly (with John Fuller and Pastor Dustin Tappan)

Overview of the Episode

This episode deepens the conversation around parenting adolescents, focusing on the concept of “planned emancipation”—the intentional, progressive release of responsibility and freedom from parent to teen. Dr. Ken Wilgus, psychologist and author, provides practical advice and real-world examples for navigating the transition from parenting children to guiding young adults. The episode emphasizes effective communication, establishing boundaries, giving advice, handling discipline, mentoring independence, and combating teen isolation—all framed within the context of Christian faith and values.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reframing How We See Teenagers

• Teens as Young Adults:
  “You should think of a teenager as an adult in training, and your task is to move them on.” (Dr. Ken Wilgus, 00:31)
  Parents are encouraged to view their teenagers not as older children but as young adults learning independence.

2. The Art of Communication and Giving Advice

• Dangers of “Parent Speeches”
  Dr. Wilgus recounts asking his own adult children if they remember his advice-giving speeches:

  “Daddy, I remember that you made speeches. I don't remember anything you said in any of your speeches.” (Wilgus quoting his daughter, 01:46)

• Effective Advice-Giving

  • Keep advice brief and signal the teen is free to disregard it.
  • Own your feelings (“maybe I worry too much”) and avoid demanding tone.
  • Example: Instead of lecturing about a relationship, he lets his daughter know she’s in control, offering his thought gently.

  “I definitely signaled, you can blow me off if you want to... Broke up with her boyfriend that day. So thank you. You're welcome. It does not always work quite like that.” (Wilgus, 02:47)

• Don’t Rely on Authority:
  Avoid leveraging years of experience in a heavy-handed way. Instead, focus on advice that respects their growing autonomy.

3. Consequences and Discipline: Judge, Not Police

• Setting Clear Boundaries

  • Make two lists:
    a) Freedoms List: Areas where the teen no longer answers to the parents (room cleanliness, choice of friends, etc.)
    b) Expectations & Consequences List: Specific rules (curfews, etc.) and their consistent consequences.
  • Don’t negotiate discipline in the moment or resort to yelling—enforce pre-set consequences evenly and calmly.

  “You’re no longer a policeman, you’re a judge. And that’s powerful.” (Wilgus, 04:35)
  “A lot of you that are yelling at your teenagers is, believe it or not, because you're not pulling the trigger on consequences.” (Wilgus, 04:27)

• Memorable Parenting Scenario:
  Parent (smiling): “If you do, you’ll only lose [the phone] for tomorrow. If not, three days.”
  Instead of escalating, calmly enforce the agreed-upon rules.

  “What’s really scary to a teenager is when you smile.” (Wilgus, 04:09)

4. Goal of Parenthood: Teach Them Not to Need You

• As teens mature, the parental aim is to “work ourselves out of a job.”

• The emotional challenge comes from investing in their growing independence, even though it means giving up the daily sense of being needed.

  “One of the biggest tests of that is how will you do in this last stage when you will be giving that which does not give back to you because you will teach them to not need you anymore…” (Wilgus, 08:49)

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Segment Highlights & Notable Quotes

Dating & Independence

[10:40 - 14:00]

• At what age can teens date?

  • “I recommend 16. You can do 17. There’s no need to do earlier than that…when you can go away and in a car alone with someone that you're dating.” (Wilgus, 11:15)

• Clarify: Is this up to me or you? Setting the boundary lets parents shift to offering advice and conversation rather than control.

  “If you are close to her and she is close to you…You want to sound dangerous, you, you do this. You tell the boy, ‘I'm really hoping you all have a great time because my daughter and I are very close and we'll be talking about the whole evening.’” (Wilgus, 12:42)

Church Attendance and Faith

[14:00 - 17:18]

• Setting relinquishment timing:
  Parents should have a planned point (e.g., senior year) when attending church becomes the teen’s responsibility.

• Encourage open faith dialogue; do not force heart-level belief.

  “We can't make you see it this way. What you want to emphasize is we get it, that you don't agree with us and we can't make you see it this way…You are free to think differently from us because that helps them to not make a control battle out of it.” (Wilgus, 14:19)

• Reducing “control battles”:
  Dr. Wilgus urges parents to allow space for disagreement and dialogue, making faith less about “obedient performance” and more about authentic belief.

  “If you give them the freedom to say no, it's much more likely that they will be prepared and own it themselves.” (Wilgus, 16:40)

Dangers of Isolation in Today’s Teens

[17:18 - 21:10]

• Modern teens suffer from a lack of real-life connections, partly due to digital life and post-pandemic social withdrawal.

• Encouragement:
  Urge focus on one or two close friendships rather than group inclusion.

• Digital is not real friendship:
  “A headset and a screen is not there…this is three dimension. I’m here and you’re—It’s—It’s…” (Wilgus, 20:31)

• Best friendships:
  Encourage teens to maintain and repair close friendships.

  “You don't make friends with a group. You do make friends with one or two people that you're close to...” (Wilgus, 19:39)
  “Guys and girls can't be best friends. I don't want to even argue that. It's just true.” (Wilgus, 20:04)

• The need for family, church, and real community—spiritual application:
  “When Jesus says, ‘when two or more of you are gathered in my name, I am there.’ Why two? What about just me?” (Wilgus, 20:44)

Encouragement for Pressured Parents

[21:10 - 22:43]

• Most parents are doing better than they think.

• Parenting is not about perfection or constant self-optimization.

  “Parenting was not a word when I was growing up…They just raised their children like raising livestock.” (Wilgus, 21:33)
  “Just take it easy. You're probably doing fine. It's not math. It's more like sailing. You're trying to get to that goal, and you tack this way and you tack that way, and you get there.” (Wilgus, 22:00)
  “As Christians, it is our privilege to participate. It is not up to us. God would never leave our children up to us.” (Wilgus, 22:26)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• [00:31] — Teens as adults-in-training: “Think of a teenager as an adult in training…”
• [01:46] — Advice-giving: Avoid speeches; chop off “the front and back.”
• [03:55] — Role of a judge in discipline vs. policing/controlling.
• [10:40] — Q&A: Dating age and relationships.
• [14:00] — Q&A: Handling teens not wanting to go to church.
• [17:18] — Q&A/Soapbox: The crisis of isolation, real vs. virtual friendships.
• [21:24] — Encouragement: “You're doing better than you think.”

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• “What’s really scary to a teenager is when you smile.” (Wilgus, 04:09)
• “You’re no longer a policeman, you’re a judge. And that’s powerful.” (Wilgus, 04:35)
• “If you give them the freedom to say no, it’s much more likely that they will be prepared and own it themselves.” (Wilgus, 16:40)
• “A headset and a screen is not there…this is three dimension.” (Wilgus, 20:31)
• “Just take it easy. You’re probably doing fine. It’s not math. It’s more like sailing.” (Wilgus, 22:00)

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Episode Tone & Closing Wisdom

Dr. Wilgus’s style is warm, approachable, and humor-laced—challenging parents to step into the discomfort of giving up control out of love for their teens’ growth and freedom. The hosts gently reinforce the message with gratitude and practical suggestions for further resources.

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Summary Takeaways:
Parenting teens is about steadily moving from control to mentorship, establishing mutual respect through clear boundaries, wise advice, and prioritizing real connection. Don't fear letting go, and remember: you're likely doing far better than you think.

Transcript

[Jim Daly]

God is at work, and he's calling his people to rise in truth. Truth Rising is a powerful new documentary from Focus on the Family and the Colson Center. See how ordinary Christians choose courage in a culture that needs truth. Watch Truth Rising starting September 5th and find out how you can be a part of the change and become an agent of restoration. Sign [e-mail] that's truthrising.com.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

So do you understand now that your teenager is not an old child? He and she are a young. They are a young adult. You should think of a teenager as an adult in training, and your task is to move them on.

[John Fuller]

Today on FOCUS ON THE family, we're continuing a great presentation about parenting preteens and teens featuring Dr. Ken Wilgas. And your host is Focus president and author Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

This is really good stuff. Dr. Ken has been talking about progressively giving more and more responsibility to your child and allowing more freedom so that they can learn how to become competent adults while they're still under your roof. Ken Wilgus is a psychologist who specializes in adolescent behavior. He's the author of the book Feeding the Mouth that Bites, a Complete Guide to Parenting Adolescents and Launching Them into the World and Man. We can more highly recommend it.

[John Fuller]

It's a wonderful resource and you can get a copy from us here when you get in touch. Let's go ahead and HEAR now from Dr. Ken Wilgus, speaking at an event sponsored by Christ Church of the Valley in Phoenix, Arizona, on FOCUS on the family.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

If you listen to my podcast, one of the episodes, I'm interviewing my own children. Dangerous thing to do. They're like 30 and late 20s. And one of the questions I asked them was I said, now, as you know, I tell parents not to make speech. Did I ever make speeches? And all three of them went, oh, yes, dad, you gave speeches. And so I'm grasping at straws, right? So I'm like, okay, but were there at least some things in my speeches that were helpful? And my middle girl, the sweet girl, said, and I quote, daddy, I remember that you made speeches. I don't remember anything you said in any of your speeches. Okay, that's not communicating. Many of you need to learn two things that will be important. One is the art of giving advice. Giving advice is mostly what you're trying to do, but you try to crank it up, like, listen, listen to me, Don't. Now I'm telling you. And it sounds like it's coming from here. And an adult that is seeking to be equal to you, it feels like you're talking down. So instead you take the big pill of what you want to tell them and you chop off the front and the end, like I did with one of my kids. I shall not say who. And I said, you know, I know that you're gonna break up with your boyfriend by the end of the summer. And I said, but, you know, this is none of my business because you handle your dating fine. It's your deal. But I was just thinking that you're gonna be kind of worried about this all summer long, and I just thought maybe it'd be better if you just ended it now. But I'm sorry I even said anything. You know me, I'm a shrink. I probably worry too much. Did you hear me chop off the front and the back? I owned it. I'm only talking about specific. And I definitely signaled you can blow me off if you want to. Broke up with her boyfriend that day. So thank you. You're welcome. It does not always work quite like that. The point is that is more effective. Very often when you're worried, you want to actually crank up. Well, listen, I have lived a few years. And you think that's going to make it easier to. For them to hear you? They won't. Advice giving is very important, and you stick with that. So that's the two things. The not yelling and then the advice giving. The other thing that will happen is how you discipline your children, your teenagers, because, number one, with communication, you probably will not need as much discipline. But when you do, this is funny. When I talk about emancipation, people think I'm kind of like, let them do whatever. But then when I talk about the discipline part, everyone's like, whoa, that's a little rough. Well, when you are saying these are the things that you don't need to answer to me about, then that helps. Because then when there's things that you do answer to me about and there will be consequences, you need to not kid around about that you need to set. So in my book, for example, you'll have one list. You'll make two lists. One is a freedoms list where you literally or writing out, you no longer answer to us. Use your own judgment in keeping your room however you want, in choosing your old friends, all of these things. And then on the other side of that page is some responsibilities that goes along with that. The second list will be the expectations and consequences list. And those are very clear statements of, for example, you need to be home by 10pm on weekend nights. And then on the other Side is consequences for that. And it's critical that you write that in because if you don't write in consequence, you might as well write in, then I'm gonna get real mad and yell at you. A lot of you that are yelling at your teenagers is, believe it or not, because you're not pulling the trigger on consequences. Many of you think that by yelling and getting real intense that helps. It actually makes it worse. You just look like a bully. What's really scary to a teenager is when you smile. I mean, picture it. You know, you're like, hey, Brandon, I need the phone. I need it right now. I'm not giving you my phone. It's my phone. Give me the phone. No, I'm not giving it. Okay, A, you run over there and get into some bizarre keep away fight that might end up with a child protective services on your doorstep, or B, you smile. There's nothing scarier than a parent that's going to really not gonna give me the phone. He's not gonna give me the phone. Because when you discipline your teenagers, you're not trying to control everything. You're no longer a policeman, you're a judge. And that's powerful. And you need to know that because it helps a lot so that you won't overreact on things that you don't need to. That's real power. So you would instead, in that example, go, okay, not gonna give me the phone. I'll tell you what, I'll give you five minutes to have it on the counter. And if you do, you'll only lose it for tomorrow. And then in about 10 minutes, if it's not on the counter, it's going to be three days. And after 10 minutes, just keep it because I will brick it and it will be off and you won't have the phone. Do you hear? That's much more powerful. Many teenagers love to learn. They want to freak you out. If you're this mad, I'm in trouble. But if I can get you this mad, then you'll just go on for an hour and then in two hours you're apologizing. You know, you're arguing with your spouse and I'm off free and clear. You stay. You're a judge. You're a judge and you let those things come across your desk and you issue consequences. Does that make sense? So you first have very clear expectations. The chores make them clear. You do trash on Tuesday. I don't know why trash is always our kids thing. But fine, Tuesday instead of just take care of the trash it is by Tuesday and Thursday. It needs to be out at the curb before you leave for school. And if not, you will lose a buck. And then you have to, you know, whatever you do, set those consequences for that and do it. Don't do more than that, don't do less than that. And it's not a, by the way, it's not a contract. Parents, oh, we already tried that. And she wouldn't sign it. They don't need to sign it. This is you promising that if you don't do this, we promise we will do this. And so you do that. You're going to get most pushback about phones. And you need to be clear with yourselves that you're going to let it. It'll drift back, you'll have it clearly set, and the next thing you know, it's back in her room all night. How did that even happen? I thought we had this set and just dust off. Like in baseball. Dust off home plate again. Here's the deal. You got to bring it back out so that you make clear limits on what they do with the phone. And they will hate that. They will hate that. But you need to be firm about what the requirements are that are changing each year, getting more free to do that as they get older. But when it comes to limit setting, you're a judge, not a policeman. Because when you are continually giving over, then you're not trying to be in their life. You're even apologetic, dude, I am so sorry, but you lost $7 for that little cussing spree yesterday, and I hate that for you because now you don't have much allowance left. Can we talk about it? You're not trying to get in there. So many teenagers think, oh, my parents are trying to just. You're not. We're trying. We've told you. We are trying to work ourselves out of a job because I'll finish with this. If you think about it, many of us are really good parents to children. You know the age when your kids need to be cuddled and secure, a lot of times they're really cuddle able and cute and it's not really that hard because you want to do that. Then when they get older, grade school and so forth, they really need to learn things sometimes, sports and skills. And many of us like to do that. I want to get out there and coach and help you. And that's easy. When it gets hard is when your young adult gets to the point where they need to not need you. That's a difficult thing because you don't get anything out of that. Your reward out of that is simply for them. And I think that you believe that you love your children. One of the biggest tests of that is how will you do in this last stage when you will be giving that which does not give back to you because you will teach them to not need you anymore and you'll be out of a job and done that is feeding the mouth that bites you. Make sense? You're now enlightened. Congratulations. All right, so we'll now do some questions to apply a lot of this stuff.

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

Have a seat, sir.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

Yes.

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

Got questions for you. I'd like you to superimpose the planned emancipation premise over these a little bit and help us think practically.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

Okay.

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

So let's start with dating. Help us understand the dating world and how to have conversations with our kids about dating and what age dating should enter the equation. Say older. Please say older.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

27.

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

There we go.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

Okay, that's. That's. Do you have a daughter?

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

Yeah, I do.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

Yeah.

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

Roll into the dating world for us.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

Well, okay, so what you may. You've seen it, but you may not know it. The. The pattern of dating has really gotten chaotic. The standard senior in high school dating pattern is like an eighth grader 30 years ago. So we don't do dates like we used to. It's still going on, but it's very chaotic and not as simple to track. However, I will tell you that if you want to start in the dating thing, the first thing you need to talk to your teenagers about is when will they have the freedom to choose that for themselves? And Really, I recommend 16. You can do 17. There's no need to do earlier than that. And I'm talking about when you can go away and in a car alone with someone that you're dating. Then 16. I told my kids at 16, you're. Now if you want to, you're free to date. I don't recommend it because, you know. Right. High school dating anyway. But that's the first thing that always needs to be answered. Is this up to me or is this up to you? And all of these things, if you skip over that. Well, I'm not saying it's up to you or me. Just let me tell you this. That all is empty. Then whatever you say after that, the first thing is, is this that you're telling me in advice or have to. And once you've made it clear that that's up to you about dating and who you date, then you're much more free to have Discussions that are important. Like is that guy, I mean, he honks and you go out to the car, he doesn't even come in. Is that. Do you like that? And there's a reduced defensiveness about that. You can even a lot of you dads have your speech that you want to make to a boy. You know, dads love that. I'll be holding a shotgun and I'm gonna just, you know, here's the big trick is that it depends exclusively on your relationship with your daughter. If you are close to her and she is close to you, number one, then you'll be talking to a boy that she's fine with you talking to him. You don't talk to a boy that she doesn't want you to talk to. And number two, it doesn't matter how scary you are. You want to sound dangerous, you, you do this. You tell the boy, I'm really hoping you all have a great time because my daughter and I are very close and we'll be talking about the whole evening. So I hope it goes great. And if that's true, that's scary, that's not fun because. So you can't substitute for that. That means for you dads, you really need to start intervening in your daughters as soon as possible, taking them kind of on dates and show them the kind of value that they are. So like anything else, you want to have a conversation, it starts. The first thing is making sure your teenager knows. Is this up to me now or is it up to you and when will it be up to me? And then everything else comes easy, different category.

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

What do we do when our teens don't want to go to church?

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

Yeah. Okay, so church would be a thing that it's not. No, you have to go. It is not yet. Everything is not yet. So you should have a plan for at some point in your house, they would have the freedom to choose not to go to church. And you need to announce that to them. I suggest senior year, maybe spring of senior year. The answer to why do I have to go to church? Is because it's what our family does. It happens to be the most important thing in my life. And silly me, we want you to come with us. What you want to emphasize is we get it, that you don't agree with us and we can't make you see it this way. And that's really important that you establish early. You could drive home with an 11 year old even. But start by, hey, we thought today's the lesson. Well, teenager for sure. We thought today's lesson was great. What did you think? What? You know, like, ask them what they thought about it. And certainly give them the message that you are free to think differently from us because that helps them to not make a control battle out of it. You can give them certainly a middle 14, 15. You can give them the permission if you want, you can go to another. Your friend's Christian church if you want. If you'd rather do that, you can be flexible to a degree. But no, I mean, you wouldn't give your kid the freedom to choose not to go to church, Would you give them the freedom not take algebra? I mean, it's kind of a thing we do and it's important, so it's that critical and you don't have to worry about. Well, I want it to always be a fun time for them. This is central to our faith. It's to our life.

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

Yeah, I think there is a real fear that exists there that, you know, if you're normally pushing your kids to get to student ministry and to be a part of the church and then they start to push back a little bit, there's a fear that. That forcing them is going to create in them this, like, anger towards faith or towards the church or towards God.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

Yeah, that always happens with kids that I can't tell how many kids have told me, I've said, oh, so you're not a Christian? No, don't tell my parents. They'll get mad. Well, that's ridiculous. So most of the time, that kind of forcing is not actually that you had to go along with your family. It is because we felt that we didn't really have the freedom to disagree. So you can say, everyone in the car, this is our atheist. Where is he? Is he coming? Because that's fine. That's who you are. We cannot change your thoughts. And the inside scoop here is that when you do show them that we understand, you have the freedom to disagree. You cannot say no to something yes to something that you're not allowed to say no to. If you give them the freedom to say no, it's much more likely that they will be prepared and own it themselves. And that's what I started with. You can't afford to have kids that obediently, passively just do the religion thing. You need to be asking them, what do you think? Where are you in this? And making sure they know that they're free to tell you. All right, last.

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

Last category. This is your time to shine. You've got your soapbox. You want to pontificate about isolation?

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

Yes. There is a thing that he even asked me, is there a thing you really want? Yes. So bear with me. My biggest concern for your teenagers is isolation. I cannot believe in 30 years how. What's happened to social relationships. I even have to explain the importance of friendships. I have to explain this to girls. You never had to explain. That's what drama is, you know, girl drama. She came in, tried to steal my best friend. That's just good stuff of connection. And girls have always known that. Now even many of our girls are losing that. And it's funny because before COVID I taught something like this and I had a slide. I looked at it. This is five years ago. I'm concerned about the pandemic of isolation that was before COVID And now I'm really concerned that you need. First of all, you need to be connected. I hope that you're connected in your church and with your people that you live around and real friends. Because I can't imagine you can't believe how many families come to see me and they don't go anywhere and they don't know anybody and their teenager knows nobody or worse. And here's the thing. I want you to encourage your teenagers to really focus in on the one or two people that they really feel closest to and stick with that person. I had a girl in college I was talking to just the other day, and she said something about her friends. I said, well, what about Stephanie? She goes, yeah, no, we don't talk anymore. And I said, wait, she was your best friend six months ago. You don't just not talk to her. You need to go talk to her. I said, you're living a life like a sitcom and you're in the third season and all the supporting cast have shifted and you're still playing the part of you you need to. And she did. I said, best friends go and talk things through. And she did. So I would encourage you to not groups. Your teenagers will be very discouraged if they're seeing snaps from they're all out, and I'm not. But you don't make friends with a group. You do make friends with one or two people that you're close to. And by the way, guys and girls can't be best friends. I don't want to even argue that. It's just true. But the one or two friends and encourage them to stick with that. I don't even care if you don't like that friend. It is important that if they have shared that intimacy, that connection that you really Encourage them to do that because I mean it. As you can tell, I'm a little bit. It worries the heck out of me that we are isolated. Our teenagers blink and look down, and they don't even know how to shake my hand. It's critical. You know, that's a huge part of our faith. It's part of whatever the entire depth of. When Jesus says, when two or more of you are gathered in my name, I am there. Why, too? What about just me? It's critical that the body of Christ is in us. And so that's my soapbox. Let's really try to encourage your kids, your teenagers, to get out there and connect. And last thing over the Internet is not really being there. Dr. Willis. I get with my friends every afternoon. You do? Where do you meet? We play Call of Duty. No, no, dude. A headset and a screen is not there. And you know what they'll do? They'll go. What? Never do. They go. Good point. They literally don't even know. I have to explain. This is three dimension. I'm here and you're. It's. It's. So it's really important that you try to encourage that as best you can, because Covid has even added, especially our marginally anxious kids that never really like getting out there anyway. Push it. Get them out there as best you can, because the isolation is really worrisome to me. Could you just.

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

You said something to me talking about how our parents today put so much pressure on themselves, and you said something that was really encouraging in there about us being we're better at it than we think we are.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

Yes. You guys are put. That's good to finish with. I guarantee you, virtually all of you are doing better than you think. There's so much pressure. Parenting was not a word when I was growing up. My parents did a good job of raising us. They never thought about going to a parenting class. They just raised their children like raising livestock. You just raise them and you just sell them off. It was just, you're done. But there's so much microscopic focus on, are we doing it right? So much, you know, are we helping the neurons to connect? Just take it easy. You're probably doing fine. It's not math. It's more like sailing. You're trying to get to that goal, and you tack this way and you tack that way, and. And you get there. So I definitely want to tell you that. And it's a good goal. At the very least, just think about, are you a better father than your father? Are you A better mother than your mother. And for many of you, that's an easy one. For some of us, it's not. My dad was a very cool guy, and I think so. But that's it. You don't have to fix everything all of a sudden. Just, you're doing fine. You're doing. And especially as Christians, it is our privilege to participate. It is not up to us. God would never leave our children up to us. I mean, no offense, but really. So. Yeah, I'm glad you reminded. That's important.

[Pastor Dustin Tappan]

Thank you. Thanks for being here, guys. Give Dr. Ken a big round of applause. So helpful. So thankful.

[John Fuller]

Our thanks to Pastor Dustin Tappan of Christ's Church of the Valley in Phoenix, Arizona, for allowing us to share the event that they hosted featuring Dr. Ken Wilgas.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. And that sounded like a great workshop for parents. Well done. And we were only able to skim the surface of the question and answer time, so we're going to post the rest of that online. Dr. Ken covered some pretty sensitive subjects like sexuality and mental health issues. So I think you'll want to give it a listen.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. And the extra content is available to you. The link is in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Also, let me recommend that you get a copy of the book by Dr. Ken Wilgus called Feeding the Mouth that Bites, A Complete Guide to Parenting Adolescents and Launching Them into the World. It will help you understand your child's needs as an adolescent and you'll get ideas on how to respond to those needs. And that can make the parenting process so much more fruitful.

[Dr. Ken Wilgus]

Yeah.

[John Fuller]

And less frustrating. And this would be a great book to go through with your spouse so that you're kind of a unified front. You're on the same page as you deal with the kids. It's really important for that to happen. The kids will see any fissures in your parenting approach.

[Jim Daly]

Right. Gene and I used Ken's book in our own parenting. Kids are really good at creating that divide and conquer strategy. So get a copy of Feeding the Mouth that Bites you from us here at Focus on the Family, and we'll send that out to you for a monthly pledge of any amount or even a one time gift. We want to get this resource into your hands. And remember, when you donate to Focus, the proceeds go right back into the ministry here where we help people together to thrive in Christ. And we'll use those funds to provide resources to parents, which I think is great. Just one example is the evaluation tool that's been developed here at Focus called the seven Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment. It's a free quiz that helps you discover your strengths as a parent. Also helps you to identify areas that may need some work. After completing the quiz, you'll be directed to articles and other resources that will strengthen those, you know, little weaker areas. Here's one endorsement from a mom named Ruth. She said, I took your parenting assessment online and was surprised to see that I scored lower on grace and forgiveness. I thought those were easy for me, but in reality they're not. I'm looking forward to focusing on these areas of weakness and letting God do a work in me. Thank you for the insight and resources.

[John Fuller]

Well, we appreciate that honesty, Ruth. I identify a little bit with what you shared. That survey is so helpful and I think it's about 400,000 moms and dads who have taken it so far. Join them and learn how you might do better as a parent.

[Jim Daly]

Come visit the website to get started and I hope you'll join us in ministry as well.

[John Fuller]

You'll find the seven traits of effective parenting assessment when you follow the link in the show notes and while you're online with us, donate and request the book Feeding the Mouth that bites you by Dr. Ken Wilgas. You can also get your free audio download of this entire presentation that's going to include the more sensitive questions and answers that we're posting online or request those when you call 800 the letter A in the word family 800, 23264 thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Take a moment, please, and leave a rating for us in your podcast app and share this episode with a friend. Help us spread the word about this great content. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Jim Daly]

Hi, I'm Jim Dailey. In summertime, giving to Focus on the Family slows down, but families in crisis still need your support as we face a bit of a shortfall right now. We need your help to save marriages through Hope Restored, offer dignity, comfort and hope to children in foster care through Wait no More and provide biblical resources for families. Your gift by August 31st will make a real difference and offer lasting hope. Visit focusonthefamily. Com supportfamilies.