Say This, Not That: Smart Parenting Tips for Misbehavior (Part 2 of 2)

Summary

Focus on the Family with Jim Daly Episode: Say This, Not That: Smart Parenting Tips for Misbehavior (Part 2 of 2) Release Date: August 13, 2025

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Introduction

In the second installment of the "Say This, Not That: Smart Parenting Tips for Misbehavior" series, hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller continue their insightful conversation with guest speakers Amber Lia and Wendy Speake. This episode delves deeper into practical, biblically grounded strategies for addressing common parenting challenges, particularly focusing on misbehavior in children.

Recap of the Previous Episode

Jim Daly opens the discussion by referencing the previous episode, where topics such as sibling rivalry, disobedient children, and motivational scripting were explored. He encourages listeners who missed the first part to access additional resources through the Focus on the Family website and app.

Jim Daly [01:13]: "John, last time we talked about the sibling rivalry, you know, some really good stuff, disobedient children, how to motivate them with a different script. And we covered much more."

Introducing "Parenting Scripts"

Amber Lia and Wendy Speake, busy mothers of seven children between them, introduce their book, "Parenting Scripts: When What You're Saying Isn't Working, Say Something New." The book emphasizes the importance of varying parental responses to achieve better outcomes with children’s behavior.

John Fuller [01:52]: "So if you missed last time, go to the website, get the download, download the app for your phone. You have access to all the programs that way."

Rooted in Scripture

A central theme of the discussion is the necessity for parenting methods to be anchored in scriptural truth. Amber Lia emphasizes that while parents don't need to constantly quote scripture, their words and actions should reflect biblical principles.

Amber Lia [03:02]: "Our scripts need to be shaped by the scriptures. Our words need to be shaped by the word."

Wendy Speake adds that meditating on specific Bible verses can help parents respond more effectively during challenging interactions with their children.

Wendy Speake [04:08]: "We don't trust ourselves, and we shouldn't, because we don't have wisdom, but God does."

Dealing with Guilt vs. Conviction

Jim Daly addresses the prevalent issue of parental guilt, urging parents to differentiate between guilt and conviction. He emphasizes that while guilt can be paralyzing, conviction propels positive change.

Jim Daly [05:25]: "If you're not in word, if you're not practicing the things of truth, you're going to do a poor job parenting."

Amber Lia concurs, highlighting that conviction leads to transformation, whereas guilt leads to condemnation.

Amber Lia [05:59]: "Conviction, catapults us forward in the right direction. Guilt actually stops us."

Practical Examples and Stories

Amber shares a personal story about handling a situation where her youngest son used hurtful language towards his brother. She illustrates how relying on the Holy Spirit and scriptural guidance helped her respond calmly and effectively.

Amber Lia [07:07]: "I was blindsided by them. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit kept me calm and kind because I was already doing this work."

Teaching Grace and Forgiveness

The discussion shifts to the importance of modeling and teaching grace and forgiveness within the family. Wendy Speake explains strategies for encouraging children to apologize sincerely and forgive one another without forcing it.

Wendy Speake [14:08]: "I just say that simple thing... I let them marinate."

Amber adds that teaching children to extend grace is a reflection of the Gospel, turning sin moments into opportunities for demonstrating God's grace.

Amber Lia [09:42]: "The goal is always the gospel."

Letting Go and Giving Control

As children grow older, parents face the challenge of relinquishing control while maintaining guidance. Wendy Speake discusses the importance of giving children dignity and free will, trusting God to work in their hearts.

Wendy Speake [20:48]: "If you want to change your relationship with your late teen, your 20 something, give up that control as a parent."

Amber Lia reflects on respecting children’s free will, illustrating this with her tattoo symbolizing the balance between control and letting children choose their paths.

Amber Lia [23:17]: "I made my arrow a detour in the shape of a heart to remind me that I am going to love my kids through their detours."

Conclusion and Takeaways

Jim Daly wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of adopting new scripts when traditional responses fail to yield positive results. He encourages listeners to support the ministry financially and access additional resources to continue improving their parenting strategies.

Jim Daly [27:11]: "What a great resource. Parenting scripts. When what you're saying isn't working, say something new."

Wendy and Amber express their gratitude for being part of the conversation, emphasizing the ongoing need for prayer and support in fostering healthy, faith-driven family environments.

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Notable Quotes

• Jim Daly [01:13]: "If you missed last time, go to the website, get the download, download the app for your phone."

• Amber Lia [03:02]: "Our scripts need to be shaped by the scriptures."

• Jim Daly [05:25]: "If you're not in word, if you're not practicing the things of truth, you're going to do a poor job parenting."

• Wendy Speake [14:08]: "I just say that simple thing... I let them marinate."

• Amber Lia [09:42]: "The goal is always the gospel."

• Wendy Speake [20:48]: "If you want to change your relationship with your late teen, your 20 something, give up that control as a parent."

• Amber Lia [23:17]: "I made my arrow a detour in the shape of a heart to remind me that I am going to love my kids through their detours."

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Resources Mentioned

• Book: Parenting Scripts: When What You're Saying Isn't Working, Say Something New by Amber Lia and Wendy Speake.
• Website: truthrising.com
• Contact for Marriage Support: Call 1-866-875-2915 for Hope Restored Marriage Intensives.

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This episode provides valuable insights for Christian parents seeking to navigate the complexities of modern parenting with faith-based strategies. By integrating scripture into daily interactions and focusing on grace and forgiveness, parents can foster a nurturing and spiritually enriching environment for their children.

Transcript

[Jim Daly]

God is at work and he's calling his people to rise in truth. Truth Rising is a powerful new documentary from Focus on the Family and the Colson Center. See how ordinary Christians choose courage in a culture that needs truth. Watch Truth Rising starting September 5th and find out how you can be a part of the change and become an agent of restoration. Sign [e-mail] that's truthrising.com.

[Amber Lia]

This is a conversation about the kindness of God. This is a safe place to talk about. Hey, God, am I off? Is there anything offensive in me? And if so, what's the purpose of it? Oh, in your kindness, to lead me to repentance so I can walk in the right way, the everlasting way. I I'm all in.

[John Fuller]

Welcome to FOCUS ON THE FAMILY with Jim Daly. We're back again today with Amber, Leah and Wendy Speake, who are going to offer you some practical biblical responses for common parenting challenges. Thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

John, last time we talked about the sibling rivalry, you know, some really good stuff, disobedient children, how to motivate them with a different script. And we covered much more. So if you missed last time, go to the website, get the download, download the app for your phone. You have access to all the programs that way. It's a great way to listen. We're going to continue that discussion today and talk about this idea of our guests, parenting Scripts. So you're not doing the same thing every time and getting the same kind of subpar result or a poor result. So why don't we as adults and parents do something differently? And that's really the whole thing.

[Amber Lia]

Yeah.

[John Fuller]

I really enjoyed our conversation last time with Amber, Leah and Wendy Speaks. They're busy moms. They've got seven children between the two of them. And they've written a great book called Parenting Scripts. When what you're saying isn't working, say something new. It all is about that reset that Jim you were talking about. Get a copy of this book and other helpful parenting resources at our website. And we've got the links in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Wendy and Amber, welcome back to FOCUS ON THE family.

[Wendy Speake]

Thank you for having us. We're glad to be here.

[Amber Lia]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

Okay. Let's reiterate right here because sometimes, you know, marriage and parenting context, we can not mention the commitment that we all have to Christ. It's all kind of rooted in scriptural truth. That's what we're trying to project. So it's not just a TV show projecting secular ideas. What we're trying to do as a marriage and parenting ministry. And what you guys are doing, creating content in that marriage and parenting space is say, hey, being rooted in Christ is the first thing you need to do. So even your scripts, as you talked about them last time, are rooted in the word. So just give us that recap about the methodology that you're applying here.

[Amber Lia]

Well, and the. The phrase that Amber used and we used in the. In the first episode and that we keep in the book is our scripts need to be shaped by the scriptures. Our words need to be shaped by the word. You don't need to be quoting scripture at your kids all the time. Now, there's a time and a place for training them up and teaching them and discipling them. But we want our words to be shaped, and then we want to invite our kids up into maturity, shaped by the scriptures with us. And so the book that came before parenting scripts is called Triggers. And one of our favorite quot quotes from that book is, figure out what you mean to say before you say something mean. So this book is actually just a safe place to have a safe conversation. We're going to say, hey, these are some of the areas, the common areas, where we say the wrong thing. And we know that because it's not getting a better result. And we're just going to take them one by one in this scenario. What are some of the lousy things we say, some of the inconsistent things we say? Let's come up with a different plan. Hopefully, it's gonna be a better plan. Hopefully, it's gonna be rooted in scripture. It's gonna be effective. It's gonna be Christlike. We're gonna change. We're gonna invite them to change with us.

[Wendy Speake]

And this will be encouraging to the listener who's like, I feel like such a bad parent because I feel like I always say the wrong thing. I always say the ineffective thing. And how do I just. Where does that come from? How do I learn to say something better? And we don't trust ourselves, and we shouldn't, because we don't have wisdom, but God does. And I find a lot of comfort in knowing that. Listen, if go Spirit as our helper, then why am I questioning that in those moments, he's not going to show up and help me. He will and he does. And so to be rooted in scripture, to hide it in our hearts, because out of the mouth, right, is what comes from our heart. And so really meditating on specific verses that deal with certain struggles that I'm facing With my kids, when I repeatedly say the wrong thing, I start there. I take that time. I'll even take one verse and just focus on it for a month or two months. You know, if it's about something, about, you know, if I constantly feel like everybody in the house is, like, in a sense, cursing one another. Right. Like, there's just all these mean words, like back and forth between brothers. We're all starting to get into that kind of spirit. Like, that's the tone in our home. I have to lean in spiritually and fill up because I can't speak spiritually. You know, truthful things. If I'm empty myself.

[Jim Daly]

My bucket's empty.

[Wendy Speake]

Yeah, my bucket's empty.

[Jim Daly]

You know, this is really. This isn't where I was gonna go, but I think it's a great place to say this. And it's a bit of a gut check for every parent.

[Amber Lia]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

If you're not in word, if you're not practicing the things of truth, you're going to do a poor job parenting. So the first thing you have to do is come to grips with your spiritual maturity. How is your anger? If you have an issue with anger, deal with it with the Lord. Lord, help me to get control of this anger. That is so much the first step a parent has to go to.

[Amber Lia]

I think that it's really good to, before we shut down, feeling guilty and shameful about ourselves, to remember that it's the kindness of the Lord. If you're having a prick of conviction right now, it's the kindness of the Lord to lead you to turn away from the wrong words. Turn to his word so that he can shape your words to be right words.

[Jim Daly]

Romans 2, 4.

[Amber Lia]

Exactly.

[Jim Daly]

That's the kind of stuff this is.

[Amber Lia]

The focus on the family paraphrase.

[Jim Daly]

I love that I always say when I'm speaking to a group, I'll say, now, who has the testimony where Christians treated you so poorly, they hated you so effectively that you decided to become one of them. I've never seen a hand go out.

[Amber Lia]

And talk about that in the shape of the scope of the family.

[Wendy Speake]

We can do that to our children because we're the mom. How about. Right? So maybe not. Maybe we should be very, very loving.

[Jim Daly]

But think of that. What you're saying right there is the whole purpose for what we all do. The idea here is to raise your kids in the admonition of the Lord. And the best way they're gonna learn it is by seeing Jes in you, not the other stuff.

[Wendy Speake]

Yeah, that's right.

[Jim Daly]

So all of that. So that's the umbrella, Wendy, let me ask you that.

[Amber Lia]

Yes, moms, yes dads, yes grandmas, yes grandpas.

[Wendy Speake]

Grandpas.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. You mentioned again, these are all great examples. The book is chock full of these. These 30 scripts that you hit. But particularly you talk about the time one of your sons was saying hateful things to his brother.

[Amber Lia]

Oh, my word.

[John Fuller]

Terrible.

[Wendy Speake]

No, no, no.

[Jim Daly]

You know, again, every parent has this experience. What are you saying?

[Wendy Speake]

There's a reason we wrote this book. We have lots of examples.

[Jim Daly]

So what did the Holy Spirit reveal to you in that moment?

[Amber Lia]

Yeah, well, and I love it. Whether we're doing well or we're doing poorly, if we're looking to the Lord, he has a lesson for us about us. Like, search me, oh, God, know my heart. Show me my not only anxious thoughts, but offensive ways. Deal with me. And then from there, I get to not only model it, I get to invite my children up into the transforming power and grace and kindness of God. So my youngest child. My youngest child, for goodness sakes, most precious. And he is so cute to this day. But this was 10 years ago, I think I tucked him into bed because he's much younger than his brothers and they were still up reading or watching a show or doing something together. And I thought, okay, I can go grab a shower and then I'll. I'll say goodnight to the older boys. So I went to do that and I came out and they're crying. The big boys are crying, crying, because the little boy came out of bed just saying the most horrific things anyone in our family had ever said. And I'm like, where did you learn these unkind words? And you're saying them to your brother? I don't. I still, to this day, I don't know where. But I was so blindsided by them. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit kept me calm and kind because I was already doing this work. And I took him by the hand, we went to his room, and the next day was his school. He went to this precious private Christian school. And they were having their Christmas concert the next day. And I must have said something like, betty, like, I don't know what the consequence is gonna be, but, like, we're gonna have to do some serious parenting here. I've never faced this. Not even your older brothers have been so unkind with their words. So I need to figure this out. And he said to me, can I still do the Christmas concert tomorrow? And I said, I don't know, I don't know. And one of the Things we say often in the book is. But also, you're such a dude.

[Jim Daly]

Let him sweat. I like this.

[Wendy Speake]

Tough beans, I think is the tough beans. Correct script there.

[Jim Daly]

That's what Wendy said yesterday.

[Wendy Speake]

That's from yesterday.

[Amber Lia]

But it's a matter of recognizing there is wisdom to be had for this parenting moment. I don't have it yet, so I need to meditate. I need to ask the Lord for wisdom. I love King Solomon's request. He could have asked for anything. And he said, God, give me wisdom as I lead this great people of yours. He's talking about a nation. Well, nation originally means family. So we've got a little nation in our home. What better question to say, God, give me wisdom as I lead this great people of yours. And I didn't have it in the moment. And so I went to bed that night, and I was thinking of the verse. I think I actually jotted it down here because I was reading it again this morning. James 3, 10 from the same mouth come blessing and curses, my brothers. These things ought not be. And so I was thinking about that, and I said to my son the next morning, I was thinking about this scripture. It says we should not with our same mouth, our same tongue, bless God singing his praises at the Christmas concert tonight only right after cursing, literally, your brothers. However, and this may be the most important part of why I love speaking to parents. The goal is always the gospel. And I love reminding parents that we don't have to be afraid when our kids sin, whether they're 8 or they're 18 or they're 48 and making choices you'd rather them not make. We don't have to be afraid because sin is a layup for the gospel. Without sin, we don't need saving. So what about this sin moment? This sin story or the sin tendency is an invitation for the grace of God.

[Wendy Speake]

It's an opportunity. Right. To point them to why they need a savior.

[Amber Lia]

Yeah.

[Wendy Speake]

And so at the end of the.

[Amber Lia]

Day, you put your faith in Christ at five years old, buddy. Do you remember that? Yes. Do you remember kind of the heart of what that meant? Yes. That I sin and that I deserve to be separated from God. And God sent his son Jesus to rescue me and bring me back into a right relationship. Relationship with God the Father. Right. Okay. When you were five, you didn't have very many things you needed to repent of. And we talked about at that point, it's not just for what you have done, it's for what you will do. You are right with God, because of what Jesus did for you, will there need to be consequences so that you learn in this moment? I can't do that. I got to get my tongue under control. Yes. I don't know what they are. Your dad and I still need to work through that. But I want to remind you of what Christ did for you. He did it for last night. And you, because we're so thankful that he did that for you. You can go celebrate the fact that he was born to die for those sins. We have so much hope.

[Jim Daly]

Okay. What was the consequence?

[Amber Lia]

I don't even remember. Because this. The goal is the gospel, always.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. That's good that you didn't.

[Amber Lia]

And that's. Now my scripture forbid him to go.

[Jim Daly]

To the Christmas story.

[Amber Lia]

Right, Right.

[Wendy Speake]

These aren't just annoying moments where we think, I failed as a parent. These are our opportunities. Right?

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. That's good. That's a good way to look at it.

[Amber Lia]

And even though we're talking about preparing scripts ahead of time, I also want to remind our listeners that this is an example of not being prepared. But I was prepared to not say the wrong thing. I was prepared to go prepare.

[Jim Daly]

We discussed last time extending grace. And again, parent to child, we covered that. But how to teach your children how to extend grace, that's a mature concept. It kind of fits in that category for me where Gene And I for 10,000 times said, now remember to say please, remember to say thank you. And, you know, occasionally, you got it. But then when they're 13, 14, and bam, they remember to do it without a prompt, and you're going, okay, they caught it. You know, but it's in that category of how to teach them to extend grace when they're little. The world's about them. I mean, it's just a human state of being. Everything circulates around me. Right. So how do we teach them to think empathetically toward others and extend grace to other people?

[Wendy Speake]

You know, forgiveness and grace is something that we have a thousand opportunities to be offended all day long at our house. Cause there's so many people under there. I don't know whose idea it was to have so many kids, but here we are.

[Jim Daly]

I love it, by the way. I wish we had more.

[Wendy Speake]

It's good. Listen, I love it. I say that in jest. My children. I love it. I love them.

[Jim Daly]

I love big families.

[Wendy Speake]

Yeah. But there is a lot of opportunity for conflict when you've got more people around. Right. Makes sense. And so we have learned that we actually have, like, the initial fight and then there's the peripheral fights that happen because aftershocks. Yes, the aftershocks. The shrapnel, I like to call it. Right. That also can wound. And so I was like, we've gotta figure this out. And obviously, the Word of God has so much instruction on grace and forgiveness, but. But there's a few things that I've learned along the way when shaping this as a foundational truth for my kids. To be forgiving, to offer grace, and to receive that from the person that's extending it as well. Cause that's a whole other side of the coin. So I tell my kids, we do need to choose our timing wisely, when we are going to go to somebody to ask for forgiveness. And sometimes the kids have had a squabble with each other, and neither one of them is in a place where they're ready. And so I will just kind of say to them, this script, I will say, you know, I really hope that at some point you will repair your relationship with your brother.

[Amber Lia]

That's beautiful.

[Wendy Speake]

I just say that simple thing. You know, it sounds to me like there's some repair that needs to be done between the two of you. And then I just kind of step away and I let them marinate. Right. Again, just getting them to think about it instead of, hey, forcing grace. Forcing an apology, right? This person's not sincere in it, and this person doesn't feel relieved because they know this person wasn't sincere. I just want everybody to be happy. You apologize, apologize, accept the grace, and move on. And so I just tell him, I hope at some point that you will repair your relationship with your brother. And so then I tell him, you know, choose the timing wisely. You know, if they're right, in the heat of their crying, they're sobbing, they're not gonna be real receptive. They're too emotionally heightened to hear your apology. And then we also are really particular about the way we apologize, too. We say to the kids, you know, we have to practice this. By the way, this takes a lot of practice because we're so prone to want to explain what we did or why or make excuses. So we would, you know, instead of saying, hey, you know, when you said something mean to me, it made me really angry, and I'm sorry that I said what I said. But if you didn't say those mean things in the first place, I probably wouldn't have gone down that path. You know, I do apologize, but, you know, hopefully we can avoid this in the future. That doesn't sound real Great, though, because you're still making excuses and placing blame on the other person. So in instead we come at it like this, hey, brother, I am so sorry that I yelled at you and I was so offended and that I said the things in return to you that were wounding. I know that that hurt your feelings and I apologize. And I care about you. Like, there's nothing about what they did or said to make you whatever. It's just taking ownership. And then I teach the kids too, like, don't expect an apology back necessarily, because that person also may need a little time to receive that apology. You know, they may not be in a place where they're ready to forgive you yet. So I tell em, don't expect that. Just do it because it's the right thing to do. And then don't keep bringing it up again like that record of wrongs, right? Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs. So let's move on from it. And then sometimes if it's like this repeated behavior prayer, like go to prayer, just be like, lord, there is this repetitive issue with this kiddo or this spouse or this colleague or whatever, but in the parenting context, and we really need to remember again that the battle is really in that spiritual realm, you know, to pray, Lord, what is it that needs to be healed in this child? What is it that needs to be broken off? What is it that needs to be restored or rooted out and to really pray about that? And that's what we want with our kids when they're young. Right. If we train them when they're older, they're not gonna depart from it and they're going to in other contexts, even outside of their home. They're gonna practice it, and they're practicing it outside the home and with others because we've been faithful to practice it with them when they are young in our homes.

[Jim Daly]

It's a deeper version of the please and thank you.

[Wendy Speake]

It is.

[Jim Daly]

I mean, it's a much deeper maturity that someone can do that. Wendy, one of the things that we've talked about in the past and you're passionate about this is the guilt moms feel.

[Amber Lia]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

So how do you coach a mom with that approach where she feels she owns it all? I mean, she owns the bad behavior of her 5 year old or 15 year old. If I were a better mother, he wouldn't have said that.

[Amber Lia]

Well, I have two thoughts that come directly and I'm gonna just briefly touch on the first, because we already did. This is a conversation about the kindness of God. This is a safe place to talk about. Hey, God, am I off? Is there anything offensive in me? And if so, what's the purpose of it? Oh, in your kindness, to lead me to repentance so I can walk in the right way, the everlasting way. I'm all in. Let's do that. Convict me, give me some points, give me wisdom that I might lead this great people of yours. Like, this is a safe place to deal with good, godly, kind. Conviction, guilt. However, while conviction, I think that you have a phrase and triggers conviction, catapults us forward in the right direction. Guilt actually stops us.

[Wendy Speake]

It condemns us, actually. Yes, it's condemning.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah.

[Amber Lia]

So we don't want that. So if they're feeling more guilt, and I would even go so far, far as to say shame. So shame is not, I did something wrong. Shame is I am something wrong. I am something bad. It's not that I did something bad. So let's first just, with the Lord, sit there and say, what are these feelings I'm feeling? Because I actually would like transformation. And I don't want to be stuck here, and I don't want to be stuck doing the same bad thing. It's the kindness of the Lord that's inviting me to have this conversation. So with hope, with courage, with gentle love for myself and for my kiddos, I'm gonna show up for that conversation with God. Now, the second part is. And I don't remember which chapter of which book I talk about this, but we talk about pinpointing one issue, because guilt sometimes can feel like a dark cloud, and there's just no way to see the end of the darkness. But if we just say it's the bedtime routine, like, we make it through the day, but I'm so worn out, and they keep asking for more and more and more, and I always lose it there. Okay, you feel guilty about that. You feel convicted about that. Would you like to do something different that we can have a healthy conversation about?

[Jim Daly]

Yeah.

[Wendy Speake]

Yeah. And I often feel like, too, there's. There's kind of like this voice, you know, that you hear. Obviously, the Holy Spirit is leading you, but the voice that is a friend or an enemy. You know, it's like if the. If the voice sounds more like an enemy, then that's probably Satan breathing down my neck, trying to get me to feel condemnation. And Jesus died to free us from that guilt and that condemnation. I don't want to take that back after all that suffering that he's already been through on the Cross for me. Instead, the friendly voice is that of the Lord Jesus that he would say to me, okay, let's do better.

[Amber Lia]

I'm with you in this is repentance time and we get to do something new forward.

[Wendy Speake]

Obviously we're bathing our children in prayer right. At any age and stage of life. And that is not to be underestimated. But at the end of the day, we have to shift. We don't always track with our kids in their developmental. Which is why I love the E letter that you guys put out about the ages and stages of children and development. Because when our kids are older, we have to release some of that. We're so used to controlling and coaching them so well when they're little and we can see the development. And then as they get older, a lot of that development's going on internally. We're not tracking with it. Cause it's not necessarily right in front of our eyes. And so now we're still trying to control and dictate and protect. Right. Or prevent. And this is where we really lean on the Holy Spirit and we go, you know what I have done, the good parenting or the flawed but very prayerful parenting. Consistent, consistent. And now I release that. And they're in God's hands at that point. And are there things that I'm doing to enable some of these activities? That's where I can, I can control what my response is. If they're continuing to, you know, if they're doing drugs and I'm providing lavish home for them with which to do that, that's probably a problem for me. Like I maybe need to put in some boundaries at that point. Right. So there's things we can do, there's things. What can I control? That's my part or my behavior in this. And then the rest of it we have to release to the Lord. They will make their own decisions. And it kind of goes back to this releases some of the guilt piece too. Because I always say that we can't take too much cred or too much blame for the choices our kids are going to make. And maybe that's just the script that parents and grandparents need to hear right now themselves is, hey Amber. Hey Wendy. Hey Jim. Hey John. We can't take too much credit or too much blame. And this is in God's hands.

[Jim Daly]

But that control thing, just to punch that a little bit, if you want to change your relationship with your late teen, your 20 something, give up that control as a parent. Absolutely. I've seen that. Especially for the boys. I'M sure it's true of girls. I just don't have the experience. But they are desperately looking for that control at 17, 18.

[Amber Lia]

It's so respectful. And I even think it's such a picture of what God allows. It is respect and dignity for our humanity that he gave us free will. This actually makes me want to cry. And so much so that I tattooed it on my wrist. I have a picture of the cross and an arrow shooting what I wanted to be straight to the cross of Christ. That is my goal. But if they fly as a straight arrow and hit that mark, bullseye, all three of them, without one detour, first of all, it's not possible. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Second of all, without detours, we wouldn't have needed the cross of Christ. Right? That's what it's for. And so I made in my arrow a detour in the shape of a heart to remind me that I am going to love my kids through their detours. Because it's actually in alignment with God the Father, loving our children so much and respecting them and giving them dignity to choose him or reject Him. And if he can give my kids that respect as humans apart from him, can't I?

[Jim Daly]

It is the parenting challenge to let go and give them that dignity and let the Lord work in them their hearts. Man, what a place to end. I mean, that's the right spot. And what a great resource. Parenting scripts. When what you're saying isn't working, say something new. It's like, duh. But again, as parents, we get into ruts. We keep doing the same thing for years and it doesn't produce the fruit we're looking for. So get ahold of us if you can. Make a gift of any amount monthly. One time, we'll send you a copy of the book as our way, saying, thank you for being part of the ministry. But also, we do have that age and stage content. It's an e newsletter. It goes out. You just have to give us your children's date of births and then we will send you content literally every week about what you're going to encounter. When they're 2, when they're 8, when they're 15, we take it all the way from 0 to 18 and it's absolutely free. We just want to equip you to be the best parent you can be.

[Amber Lia]

Yeah.

[John Fuller]

And we're building that age and stage E newsletter content constantly. It's always being refreshed and updated. And let me say that your financial Support means so much to us here, especially in the summer as we smooth out some of the lack of giving. If I can just be bold and we want to continue to work hard to support families and offer practical, biblical free resources to help you and your family thrive in Christ. So we need your contributions, your financial support, your partnering with us, your prayers all add up and help us to reach even more families. If you've not given in a while, please consider doing so. If you're already signed up and a monthly sustainer. Thank you for doing that. If you can add in an extra gift, we would really appreciate it. Donate today when you contact us and request a copy of Amber and Wendy's terrific parenting scripts. We've got the details in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Wendy and Amber, thank you again for being with us. This is great content, really good stuff. Thanks.

[Wendy Speake]

Thank you for having us.

[Amber Lia]

Thank you.

[John Fuller]

Well, plan to join us next time as we hear from Dr. Os Guinness who will share how you and I can transform the culture through ordinary acts of faith.

[Wendy Speake]

I'm just a little finite person.

[Amber Lia]

I've only got 24 hours.

[Wendy Speake]

I've only got so much energy, only got so many dollars, very little.

[Amber Lia]

I can't manage the world. I certainly can't save the world. All the Lord asked me to do.

[Wendy Speake]

Is to be faithful in my calling.

[John Fuller]

Thanks for joining us for Focus on THE Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in.

[Amber Lia]

If the fights with your spouse have become unbearable, if you feel like you can't take it anymore, there's still hope. Hope Restored Marriage Intensives have helped thousands of couples like yours. Our biblically based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face them together. Call us at 1-866-875-2915. We'll talk with you, pray with you and help you find out what which program will work best. That's 1-866-875-2915.