Secrets to a Strong and Happy Marriage

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Secrets to a Strong and Happy Marriage"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
• Host/Author: Focus on the Family
• Episode: Secrets to a Strong and Happy Marriage
• Release Date: April 1, 2025
• Guests: Trey and Lee Morgan
• Book Discussed: 10 Ways to a Stronger Marriage by Trey and Lee Morgan

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Introduction

In the April 1, 2025 episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller delve into the intricacies of building and maintaining a strong, happy marriage. Joined by Trey and Lee Morgan, a husband-wife duo with 36 years of marriage and four adult children, the episode explores practical strategies grounded in biblical principles to help couples navigate contemporary marital challenges.

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Marriage Under Attack: A Biblical Perspective

Jim Daly opens the discussion by addressing the perceived threats to modern marriages. Drawing from John 10:10, Jim emphasizes that marriage is a primary target for adversarial forces seeking to destabilize family structures:

Jim Daly [00:32]: "I mean, John 10:10, it says the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I think the number one object for the enemy is our marriages because if he can destroy those, he wins so much."

He underscores Focus on the Family's commitment to supporting marriages through various resources such as the Restored Marriage Intensives, which boast an impressive 80% success rate after two years, as well as counseling services, books, and a free online marriage assessment tool.

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Guest Introduction: Trey and Lee Morgan

John Fuller introduces Trey and Lee Morgan, highlighting their extensive experience and contributions to marital enrichment:

John Fuller [01:33]: "Trey and Lee are a husband and wife team. They have four adult children and they're creators of the Stronger Marriage Workshop. They've been married for 36 years and have compiled their wisdom in their book, 10 Ways to a Stronger Marriage."

Background:

• Marriage Duration: 36 years
• Children: Four adult sons
• Ministry: Stronger Marriage Workshop, national speakers

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The Importance of Communication in Marriage

One of the central themes of the episode is the critical role of communication in sustaining a healthy marriage. Jim Daly engages Trey and Lee in a conversation about maintaining open lines of dialogue:

Jim Daly [05:25]: "How critical is it that we keep talking, even in marriage?"

Lee Morgan reflects on her early marriage, humorously recalling the extensive phone conversations she and Trey maintained during their dating years:

Lee Morgan [05:59]: "We spent so much time on the phone. But it doesn't matter what you talk about as long as you're talking."

Trey Morgan echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the necessity of continual conversation to foster connection:

Trey Morgan [06:36]: "We fell in love because we talked... You can't just stop once you get married."

The discussion highlights the common challenge among men to sustain conversational engagement post-marriage, often falling into "one-word answers." Trey shares his personal journey of overcoming this by recognizing the value of sharing daily experiences:

Trey Morgan [07:25]: "I began to... start with the details of my day and fill her in, and it makes her happy."

Lee Morgan adds that the essence of these conversations is about making a connection:

Lee Morgan [09:00]: "I was making that bid for connection."

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Managing Everyday Conflicts: The Bedroom Chair Analogy

Jim Daly introduces a relatable marital friction point—the "bedroom chair," a metaphor for unaddressed household habits. Lee recounts how small acts, like leaving clothes on the chair, became sources of tension:

Lee Morgan [09:24]: "It's not where they should be... I cleaned the chair all cleaned up... She hugged me and she thanked me."

Trey Morgan reflects on his initial resistance and eventual appreciation of this gesture:

Trey Morgan [10:36]: "If that makes her that happy... then obviously this is something I need to do better on."

Lee Morgan emphasizes the importance of choosing battles wisely and being intentional about letting minor issues go:

Lee Morgan [11:14]: "I have to be very intentional about, you know, just let that slide. Pick your battles."

This segment underscores the significance of addressing small grievances before they escalate and the power of thoughtful actions in fostering marital harmony.

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Balancing Parenthood and Marriage

With four boys, Lee discusses the challenges and rewards of maintaining a strong marital relationship amidst the demands of parenting:

Lee Morgan [13:29]: "Once they were older, it was like... we needed that time away to just reconnect."

Trey Morgan adds practical strategies they employed, such as reciprocal babysitting with church friends:

Trey Morgan [14:13]: "We'll watch your kids this Friday night if you'll watch our kids next Friday night."

This approach not only provided much-needed couple time but also built a supportive community, highlighting the importance of leveraging relationships within faith-based communities to sustain marriage.

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Spiritual Intimacy: Praying Together

A pivotal aspect of the Morgans' marriage is spiritual intimacy. They candidly discuss the initial oversight of cultivating this dimension and the transformative impact of intentional spiritual practices:

Trey Morgan [16:24]: "We never climbed into bed at night and said a set of prayers together... When we connected that, which includes God, it became such a powerful thing."

Lee Morgan offers practical advice for couples to integrate spirituality into their daily lives:

Lee Morgan [18:38]: "Just take their hand before you walk out the door to face the world and say, lord, bless our marriage... Just acknowledge that God is a part of the marriage."

Jim Daly underscores the vulnerability required in this practice, pointing out that for women, such acknowledgments foster a sense of security and connection:

Jim Daly [19:19]: "Women we know through our counseling at Hope Restored... they need a sense of security."

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Leading with Love: Treating Your Spouse Better Than They Deserve

One of the standout principles from the Morgans' book is the notion of treating one’s spouse better than they deserve, inspired by God’s unconditional love:

Lee Morgan [22:27]: "We're going to treat one another better than they deserve, because that's pretty much how God treats us every day."

Jim Daly connects this to the concept of embodying Christ-like love within the marriage, emphasizing the importance of an attitude shift from entitlement to selfless love:

Jim Daly [22:26]: "Think of that in the marital context... it's the lavish love of God to portray that to them."

This principle encourages husbands and wives alike to prioritizeacts of love and kindness beyond what is immediately deserved, fostering a culture of grace and mutual respect within the marriage.

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Overcoming Marital Fatigue: Staying Intentional Amidst Life's Demands

Addressing the realities of busy lives, Trey and Lee offer encouragement to couples feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities:

Trey Morgan [24:30]: "They're going to have to be intentional. They have to move that marriage back to the front burner."

Jim Daly and John Fuller emphasize the importance of persistence during challenging times, drawing from the Morgans' personal experiences of enduring marital peaks and valleys without giving up:

Trey Morgan [25:20]: "We're so thankful we didn't quit in the hard times because we're enjoying the good times."

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Conclusion: Practical Resources and Final Thoughts

As the episode nears its end, hosts and guests highlight additional resources available for couples seeking to strengthen their marriages:

• Marriage Assessment Tool: A free online tool offered by Focus on the Family to help couples identify strengths and areas for improvement.

Jim Daly [26:49]: "Invest 10 minutes, maybe 15 minutes and take that free online marriage assessment."

• Book Recommendation: 10 Ways to a Stronger Marriage by Trey and Lee Morgan serves as a foundational guide for couples.

• Upcoming Topics: Future episodes will cover topics like worry, anxiety, and stress, continuing the mission to empower families through faith-based insights.

John Fuller [27:15]: "When people start to get healed from anxiety, they start to have this gratefulness."

The episode wraps up with heartfelt thanks to Trey and Lee Morgan for sharing their invaluable insights and encourages listeners to utilize the available resources to foster enduring, joyful marriages.

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Notable Quotes

• Lee Morgan [00:04]: "Take their hand before you walk out the door to face the world and say, Lord, bless our marriage."

• Jim Daly [00:32]: "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I think the number one object for the enemy is our marriages."

• Trey Morgan [16:24]: "The divorce rate drops to less than 5% [for couples who pray together]."

• Lee Morgan [22:27]: "We're going to treat one another better than they deserve, because that's pretty much how God treats us every day."

• Trey Morgan [24:30]: "They're going to have to be intentional. They have to move that marriage back to the front burner."

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Key Takeaways

1. Prioritize Communication: Continuous, meaningful conversations are essential for maintaining connection and understanding in marriage.

2. Manage Small Conflicts: Address and resolve minor grievances before they escalate, fostering a harmonious home environment.

3. Balance Parenthood and Partnership: Intentional couple time strengthens the marital bond and sets a positive example for children.

4. Cultivate Spiritual Intimacy: Praying and connecting spiritually together deepens marital intimacy and reduces the likelihood of divorce.

5. Embody Unconditional Love: Treating your spouse better than they deserve, inspired by God's love, builds a resilient and loving marriage.

6. Stay Intentional Amidst Challenges: Persistently investing in the marriage, especially during tough times, ensures long-term happiness and fulfillment.

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly offers a wealth of practical advice and spiritual wisdom for couples striving to build strong, enduring marriages. Through the candid experiences of Trey and Lee Morgan, listeners gain actionable insights into nurturing communication, resolving conflicts, balancing family life, and deepening spiritual connections. The emphasis on treating one’s spouse with unconditional love and remaining intentional amidst life’s demands serves as a powerful reminder of the foundational elements that contribute to a thriving marriage.

For those seeking to enhance their marital relationship, the resources mentioned—such as 10 Ways to a Stronger Marriage, the free online marriage assessment, and the various workshops—provide valuable tools to embark on this transformative journey.

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This summary is based on the transcript provided and aims to encapsulate all key discussions, insights, and conclusions drawn during the episode.

Transcript

[Lee Morgan]

Take their hand before you walk out the door to face the world and say, lord, you know, bless our marriage. Be with us as we're apart from each other today. Give us wisdom. Like I said, it doesn't have to be a long, drawn out thing. Just acknowledge that God is a part of the marriage.

[John Fuller]

That's Lee Morgan and she and her husband Trey join us today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daley. They'll have practical ways that you can better love your spouse, strengthen and protect your marriage. Thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

John, it does feel like marriage is under attack. I mean, we use that language, but man, it's just, you know, John 10:10, it says the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I think the number one object for the enemy is our marriages because if he can destroy those, he wins so much. And I mean, it decimates our kids, et cetera. So that's why here at Focus, we fight for marriages in the most positive, biblical way. We want your marriage to thrive, to do well. We've got Restored Marriage Intensives to help you. It's got an 80% post two year success rate. 50%, roughly, of the couples that come have divorce papers already in hand. It's a miracle. And then you got counseling here. We've got great resources, tools, books. We have a marriage assessment. It's free. Just go online and take the marriage assessment. It's kind of fun because it'll say where you're doing well, where you need a little work and there's so much. But let's fight together for our marriages, each and every one of us, Gene and I included. Yeah.

[John Fuller]

This is a show that will help strengthen your marriage. In fact, our couple today, Trey and Lee Morgan, have written a book called 10 Ways to a Stronger Marriage. And I'll tell you a bit more about them. You can find out further on the website. The link is in the program description for our guests and this terrific book. Trey and Lee are a husband and wife team. They have four adult children and they're creators of the Stronger Marriage Workshop. They host and speak around the country. They've been married for 36 years. Okay. And they've turned some of the wisdom that they've collected along the years and their perspectives in this book, 10 Ways to a Stronger Marriage.

[Jim Daly]

There's got to be 11. Come on. First of all, welcome to Focus on the Family.

[Trey Morgan]

Thank you very much.

[Jim Daly]

Trey and Lee. Lee, let me ask you, because John didn't say it, but it was four boys you raised. I mean, you Were the only woman in the house.

[Lee Morgan]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

How did that go?

[Lee Morgan]

You know, in retrospect, I look back and think, God must have known that I needed boys. I tend to run late everywhere I go. I would never have had time to do all the hair and the frill of little girls. I think he just knew I don't do drama well.

[Jim Daly]

Okay, well, that's the key.

[Lee Morgan]

Yeah. So that's it.

[Jim Daly]

Well, Jean shares that with you. We have two boys, and it's, you know, it's a mess when you don't have that little girl or you have all girls and not that little boy. It's a little hole in our heart, I think, as parents, but I'm proud of what Gene has been able to do with our boys. I'm sure you've done a great job with your sons as well. Talking about marriage, I mean, they talk about, you know, one of the best parenting things you could do is do well in your marriage. Speak to that concept a little bit about how important a marriage is to the family and to the world.

[Trey Morgan]

Well, for us personally, our goal has always been to build a marriage that honors God, that blesses us. And as we've done that, we're looking now and realizing that it's not only blessed us, but our kids. We have our grown children that have come to us going, we didn't realize how important it was that we got to see y'all being married and doing married things and being affectionate and going on dates. And so we're realizing we want to honor God with our marriage. We want to end our life going, we did it. We built a great marriage, but we didn't realize is that it's blessing our children from our example. And even we believe our grandchildren. I think one of the greatest things you can do in this earth is to leave this earth going. We've built that marriage that. That has done that, and it set that example.

[Jim Daly]

Boy, it's so true. And nothing's foolproof, obviously, meaning the children, the grandchildren, they're also created beings. Adam and Eve made their choices right, and God was their father. But in that context, I mean, you set up predictability that your kids and grandkids will do better. And all the social science shows that, well, let's get more practical. You guys met in high school, and we all went, aw. But Jean and I met after college, just right while I was ending my schooling, and she was still in the middle of it, and we weren't at the same school. But talk about going to high school together, and Then take us through that. I will.

[Lee Morgan]

So we went to the same high school, but Trey is a few years older than me, so he finished high school before I started.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, you said that with a little bit of pride.

[Lee Morgan]

But we were youth groups. We talked.

[Trey Morgan]

That's it. We were youth group. We went to the same church together, and we're in the same youth group. And so as I was kind of in the youth group, she was coming into the youth group, and we connected and dated for four years throughout all of that time. And when she got out of high school, we married. And in the 80s, that was legal. You did that sort of stuff.

[Lee Morgan]

And quite truthfully, that's the only reason my parents let me date an older boy was because they knew his parents. I mean, they were friends at church, and so they all knew it was good.

[Jim Daly]

It wasn't odd.

[Lee Morgan]

Right?

[Jim Daly]

Yeah. That's good. Now, in the book, one of the funniest things you talk about, and I think we can all relate to this, this is such a guy thing, how much communication should be valued in the relationship. So when you guys are dating, you're saying hi to each other, you're spending evenings together, then you go home and get on the phone together for another hour or two, speak to the importance of communication. And really, is it realistic to keep it going that hot, even in marriage? And I don't mean, you know, in a physical context. I mean just talking. Because you want to talk together.

[Lee Morgan]

Yes, for sure. Well, we laugh when we do our marriage workshops now. We, you know, we tell the younger couples we couldn't text all day like you guys do. You know, there was no such thing as texting. So we, you know, spending time on the phone after dates, we was the only way we could continue to connect. And we laugh that we spent so much time on the phone. We think, what in the world did we talk about? You know, we wonder really what we talked about. But it doesn't matter what you talk as long as you're talking.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah.

[Lee Morgan]

Because if you're talking, you're learning about each other. And that's still so true in marriage. The more you talk, the more you learn about each other and you grow.

[Trey Morgan]

Yeah, we fell in love because we talked. You know, we were attracted to one another, but we really connected when the talking started. And for us to continue that, we've still got to talk. You can't just stop once you get married.

[Jim Daly]

Okay, But. Okay, this is relationship 101, Trey. Us. Guys. I know I'm one of cone of silence over. Leave For a minute. Once we get married, it's like, now we're down to one word answers. How was your day? Great.

[Trey Morgan]

What do you want for dinner?

[Jim Daly]

I don't care. Yeah, you know, I guess. Why do we lose that edge? Is the hunt over, so to speak, and we've won the prize, and we don't feel like we need to do that any longer and speak to how critical it is again for us guys in the cone of silence here to be able to spur each other on to more conversation.

[Trey Morgan]

That was something I had to learn once we got married, it was kind of like, well, I know who she is now, and we're married now. And it wasn't that I didn't want to give information. It's just I felt like I would come home from work and she had been home that day with a toddler and a baby. And she'd ask me about my day, and she'd go, what'd you do today? And I'd say, nothing. And she would yeah, and I just.

[Jim Daly]

Sat as a blog.

[Trey Morgan]

Exactly. She said, I know you did something today.

[Jim Daly]

You know, no, not a thing.

[Trey Morgan]

That's it. I thought the details of my day were extremely boring and that she wouldn't be interested, but she was. I mean, she had been home with a toddler and a baby and watching Barney, and she was like, I just want some adult conversation. And so when it clicked and she finally got that through my head, I began to. And still today I'll come walk in the door. How was your day? It was good. What did you do today? I will never say nothing. I will start with the details of my day and fill her in, and it makes her happy. And if that makes her happy, that makes me happy, because that's part of it.

[Jim Daly]

Lee, would you say that's true most of your girlfriends? I don't know. I would tend to lean in Trey's direction. I mean, if I were listening to me, I'd be bored. So that may be one reason we don't go into great detail, because we're thinking of how we would be hearing this.

[Lee Morgan]

Right. But how do women think interesting topics? Well, you know, women talk about everything. I didn't know that, you know, things that are not that interesting of topics to talk about. But, yeah, I think when I finally made him understand, maybe it wasn't even so much about me wanting to know all of those boring details as much as it was. I just wanted to connect.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's the key.

[Lee Morgan]

I was making that bid for connection. And if he would Just share, you know, some of his day with me. I would feel connected.

[Jim Daly]

Lee, let me ask you this question. In the book, you mentioned the bedroom chair. This is gonna cut way too close to home for me. I loved this because I don't think I've learned all the lessons that you two have learned yet. But talk about the bedroom chair, and it did for you functionally, Trey, and how you didn't like that.

[Lee Morgan]

Leigh. Oh, yeah. So the bedroom chair, I think we all have one, right? Where the dirty clothes, maybe even the clean clothes, they semi dirty. Semi dirty.

[Jim Daly]

Mine's semi dirty. They go into a.

[Lee Morgan]

They end up on the chair. So, you know, hey, I wore it again, but I can wear them again.

[Trey Morgan]

I thought I was doing her a favor by not just throwing it in the laundry for us to have to do laundry. And so it goes to the chair. Or some people probably have a. Maybe a treadmill that works the same way.

[Jim Daly]

Correct? Yeah. But in other words, it's not where they should be.

[Trey Morgan]

It's not where they should be. And Lee would kind of hound me about it, and I would get that I really should have done a better job. It was not responsible of me, but it was a very guy thing to do sometimes. And she. I think it was by accident. I cleaned the chair one time. I think she had been saying, clean the chair. And I got the chair all cleaned up. And I remember she came through and she hugged me and she thanked me. She said, you don't know how much I appreciate you cleaning the chair. I said, I didn't know which ones were clean or dirty. And she gave me so much praise. I thought I got to do this more often. This was great. And so I started keeping the chair clean because it was like, boy, if that makes her that happy that she'll go out of her way to give me that much praise, then obviously this is something I need to do better on.

[Jim Daly]

Yes, we have two chairs in the room, but I just pile them up on the floor. I got my semi clean pile. Don't touch that. I'm gonna wear those again. And then one day, I cleaned everything up. And Jean was like, thank you for that. She didn't have to say anything. I got the hint.

[Lee Morgan]

Well, it takes a lot of effort on my part to not say anything. It really does. Because I tend to be a little nitpicky. I mean, I want everything in its place. And so I could harp on things like that if I'm not careful. So I have to be very intentional about, you know, just. I can Let that slide. There are some things you can let slide. You know, pick your battles.

[John Fuller]

I appreciate that. Leave now. What about you, Trey? Are there some things that you can kind of pick your battles on when it comes to communication with Lee, you know, it's.

[Trey Morgan]

For me, I'm a little bit more laid back, and so I don't have as many battles to pick. The thing that I have had to work hard on in marriage is I'm a. You know, we're very. Two different. Two very different people. And I am an on time guy. She's. If running late were an exercise, she'd be very, very fit, you know, and so she struggles with being on time. And so we've learned to adapt. And I've had to be patient and choose to, you know, at times to take my own car somewhere, you know, when we lived close to someplace where we were going. So we've had our issues, we worked through and things well.

[Jim Daly]

But what you're saying there is resolve it so the conflict is minimal to none. You know, if this is a pattern, this is a pattern. And you don't have to make it an argument every time. Find a solution to the pattern that works for the two of you. That's what's so good. I think, you know, what I've experienced is the, the older we get, the more years we're married, the better we are at that. I think in our early years of marriage, those things that were molehills that then looked like a mountain, over time, I think both of us have learned to kind of recognize it as a molehill. It's not a big deal. And that's a refreshing place to get to.

[John Fuller]

This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. And our guests today are Trey and Lee Morgan. And we're covering some of the content in their book, 10 Ways to a Stronger Marriage. And you can learn more about Trey and Lee and their ministry and this great book when you stop by our website. We've got the link in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Lee, let me ask you, under this banner of making time for your marriage, which is, I think, one of the 10 ways you have to prepare this. Having four sons and then leaving them at home, that was hard for Jean and I with two sons, partly because of the mischief. So I'm just assuming with four boys, you may have had twice the mischief that we had, but being able to let go of that and get a babysitter, I'm sure they were fine babysitters, someone from church, and then you go out on a date. But could you really relax as a mom of four boys?

[Lee Morgan]

You know, I think when they were very, very small, it was harder, but once they were older, you know, it was just like, oh, you know, we needed that time away to just to reconnect. And it was good for them. You know, we say that it was good for them to see us. They might have whined and cried and not wanted us to leave.

[Jim Daly]

Right, sure.

[Lee Morgan]

But in, you know, big picture, they could see that mom and dad love each other. They need time together. And. Yeah. So it was easy to leave them knowing that it was. It was good for us.

[Jim Daly]

And I think for young couples, they need to hear that, that it's okay, especially young moms, because I think they panic and they're not. The value of investing in the marriage is quite high.

[Trey Morgan]

One of the things we were blessed with was church friends that had kids the same age as ours, and we would kind of make a deal with them where, we'll watch your kids this Friday night if you'll watch our kids next Friday night. And so we would swap babysitting. The kids thought it was awesome because they got to play with their friends two weekends in a row. And it saved on, you know, we didn't have to pay money to. For a babysitter.

[Jim Daly]

Lee, you mentioned the book about the deer hunter's wife. I like this story. I know a few deer hunters who are listening right now. Bill, I'm thinking of you. But speak to that wife and what she did to engage her husband.

[Lee Morgan]

Sure. Yeah. She had zero interest in going deer hunting. Who would have thought that, right? And, yeah, she came up to us after a workshop one time. She said, my husband will never take me on a date. How do I get him to take me on a date? And she said, all he ever wants to do is deer hunt. And Trey said, well, have you been deer hunting with him? She said, no, why would I ever want to go deer hunting? And Trey said, I tell you what, you go deer hunting with him, and you're probably going to have to ask him if you can go because he's quit asking you to go with him. Right? And she said, oh, yeah, he quit asking me a long time ago. But Trey said, you go on a deer hunt with him, you have a good time. You know, she did. They had a phenomenal. I mean, she said, you know, it was cold, but we cuddled in the deer blind. We watched the sun come up together, right? She said, I don't think they got a deer. But she said, we had such a Great day, you know, together. And then the very next weekend, he took me on a date. Oh, wow.

[Jim Daly]

So it started to cascade. I'm thinking the reason they didn't get a deer is because they're talking too much. I mean, I don't know everything, but I think that's probably it. Trey, you and Lee were both in ministry but struggled to seek God. This is so common. I mean, I'm making it sound like it's. But all of us, I mean, Christian leaders, pastors of churches, this is common to all of us, that development of spiritual intimacy together. I think partly because we take it for granted. You know the word, I know the word. We love the Lord. Okay, but how to continue to develop that spiritual intimacy? Appetite.

[Trey Morgan]

Yeah. And it's. You know, we went to church together, we worshiped together, we read Bible together, we prayed at meals and with family together, we would pray for each other, but there was never a time where we actually sat down and prayed together. We never climbed into bed at night and said a set of prayers together. And when we realized we were really missing out on this, we became more intentional at going, we've got to start doing this and doing a better job at it. And it really opened up some really deep intimacy that we had been missing. You know, we all understand sexual intimacy and intellectual intimacy that comes through conversation, but we really didn't notice the spiritual intimacy that was missing in there. And when we connected that, which includes God, you know, I got to. When she prayed, I got to see places in her heart that, you know, generally were reserved only for God and vice versa. And so it became such a powerful thing. And we've read new statistics today that talk about couples who pray together on a regular basis and a daily basis. The divorce rate drops to less than 5%, you know, and it's like, there's obviously something to that, and we need to be good at that. And then we need to encourage other couples to connect spiritually together.

[Jim Daly]

Lee, I think, you know, again, I think for men, you're always in dangerous territory when you're speaking for all men. So I'm not trying to say that, but generally speaking, we don't pay attention to this. I mean, we're just, you know, we're out trying to make a living and do the things we need to do, and there's a lot going on, and we tend to be very contained as men. You know, those great books, Venus Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Mars, and, you know, spaghetti and Waffles and all those things. But that Idea that we can compartmentalize, and we probably over compartmentalize when it comes to communication with our spouse. But from your perspective as a wife, what are the things that you're wanting or needing now you get to talk on behalf of all women in terms of developing that spiritual connection. What are we missing? If you're in a room with 20 guys and you're coaching them, okay, husbands, here's what you need to know. What would you tell them?

[Lee Morgan]

Just take their hand before you walk out the door to face the world and say, lord, bless our marriage. Be with us as we're apart from each other today. Give us wisdom. You know, it doesn't have to be a long, drawn out, sit on the couch for 30 minutes prayer session. Those are great too. But just to acknowledge, you know, God, please be a part of our day as we're away from each other. And then also when you come together again in the evening before bed, you know, take each other's hands and say, you know, thank you for our marriage. Please continue to bless our marriage. Like I said, it doesn't have to be a long, drawn out thing. Just acknowledge that God is a part of the marriage.

[Jim Daly]

It feels like too, what a woman hears in that and her emotional reaction to that is to open up. And, you know, women we know through our counseling at Hope Restored, one of the big things is a sense of security that they need to feel. And again, men, you know, haven't I provided that? I mean, we get lost in all that. But for women to feel that you're seeing me, you know what I need. And that prayer, just like that is so meaningful.

[Lee Morgan]

Well, it takes vulnerability for sure, to open up in prayer. And men don't want to feel vulnerable. Am I correct in that, Trey?

[Jim Daly]

Oftentimes when we're talking about, tell us what we need to know, Lee, Men will write us and say, why are you man bashing? So you got to represent the other part of this.

[Trey Morgan]

I will, I will. I'll be one of the. Because I am a man, I love speaking to men. From a standpoint of, you know, as a man, we're really good at being the. I'm going to protect my family and I'm going to teach my kids to play ball and I'm going to teach them to hunt. I'm going to teach them to fish. And one of the things that God wants us to do is to be that man who not just provides for the family and not does those things, but also leads his family spiritually and to step up and Be that guy who says, we're going to pray together at the table, or we're going to go to church together. We're going to read our Bible together. And so it will open new doors in your marriage that you have never imagined if you'll just take a little bit of time to try to be more the leader if you struggle with that in your marriage.

[Jim Daly]

And that's good. Now, the other click is speaking to the women. There's 20 women in the room, and you're going to say, well, ladies, this is what your husband really needs. So now you're dancing on the floor here. Go ahead.

[Trey Morgan]

I have never met a wife yet that has said, I don't want my husband to be the spiritual leader in the house. Most of them are going, I want more of that. And they love it when their husbands are.

[Jim Daly]

One of the things you mention in the book. And I think this is great. I just want to get to the reality of it, though. Treat your spouse better than they deserve. That's a little bit of a nuance. And I think the answer I'm looking for from both of you is, okay, how do you get there? Emotionally, I get it, but it's not going to be that easy.

[Lee Morgan]

It's not easy.

[Trey Morgan]

Well, we like to remind each other and we like to remind ourselves that it's, you know, I'm going to treat her better than she deserves because that's how God treats me every day. God is way better to me than I deserve, and I always want him to forgive me quickly. And I want all these things. And then sometimes we hold these petty grudges against our spouse or against other people, and we've just kind of tried really hard to make it our goal. We're going to treat one another better than they deserve, because that's pretty much how God treats us every day.

[Jim Daly]

You know, I have a friend, Matt Hurd, who's a former pastor here in town and has his ministry now, but he does a talk on the lavish love of God, and it's such a great reminder. But think of that in the marital context, if we're going to be Christlike, to our spouse, that means the lavish love of God to portray that to them.

[Trey Morgan]

That's good.

[Jim Daly]

Wow. That is kind of the essence of what you're saying there. By treating them better than they deserve, it's that lavish love. It's not what we deserve from God, it's what he chooses to give us. Isn't that amazing?

[Lee Morgan]

It is amazing. You know, in a godly marriage, there's no place for selfishness. And that's where we get things wrong. When we're too concerned about what we need, then we are what our spouse needs. And if we can just wake up every morning and say, what can I do today to bless my spouse? You know, I'm not going to worry about myself, but what can I do today to bless my spouse? And then if we carry that through, then chances are they're probably going to be thinking, what can I do to bless. To bless her in return?

[Jim Daly]

Well, I love that. In fact, you call it out. Bless your spouse. But, Lee, come on, just between us girls, you don't know my husband. I don't want to bless him. He doesn't deserve a blessing. Speak to her.

[Lee Morgan]

Yes. So then you do what you're doing to serve God. Maybe you just don't even think about, you know, I'm going to pick up his dirty socks out of the floor because I'm serving God today.

[Jim Daly]

You happen to have that example ready. I see.

[Lee Morgan]

That's good.

[Jim Daly]

No, I think that's so true. And it is an attitude adjustment. Right. So much of this is attitude, you know, okay, God loves me, so therefore I have to love my spouse. That's not the attitude you're looking for. Right. It's the want to. Yes, let's do this better. Well, what a great concept. I mean, 10 ways. I'm sure we could come up with 11 or 12, but let's go with 10 ways to a stronger marriage. And Trey and Lee have done a wonderful job pulling this together. Let's end with this one. The couple who is trying to get by. I'm paying the bills. The kids are young, you know, they're pulling on us, and she's tired. We don't have time for physical intimacy or, you know, let alone spiritual intimacy and all the other things. What do you say to that couple when they come to your conference and they're the first ones in line going, help?

[Trey Morgan]

They're going to have to be intentional. They're going to have to. It's so easy to take our marriage and push it to the back burner and focus on the things that are still important but less important. The jobs and hobbies and kids and PTA and Little League, and we're going to have to move that marriage back to the front burner. And there's so many good helps out there through marriage workshops, through a marriage book, podcast, episodes. There's so much information to kind of help you reconnect and reclick. And the main goal is don't give up. We've had times in our marriage that we look back and we go, you know, we've had peaks and we're so thankful in the valleys that we didn't give up. The peaks you never think about giving up. But on the valleys you're kind of like, is this worth it? And now we've hit a portion of marriage where we're like, we're so thankful we didn't quit in the hard times because we're enjoying the good times.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, that's so good. It's been great. Thanks for coming in and talking about these things. I'd like to do this if we could. We didn't cover the physical issues or physical intimacy. So let's do that. As a webextra folks can come to the Focus on the Family website and check out that extended discussion and we'll include that in the package if people come and get the download.

[John Fuller]

Yeah. We have a lot for you at our website and the link is in the program description. Of course. We would appreciate you getting a copy of this book, 10 Ways to a Stronger Marriage, from us here. And then as we've indicated, we have so many resources. Call today and donate generously as you can to support the work that we're doing to help couples fine tune their marriages and then to restore if they need to rebuild and come back from hard places. Donate generously. When you call 800, the letter A in the word family, 800-232-6459, where we've got all the details in the program description.

[Jim Daly]

Also, John, we have a great resource for fine tuning your marriage. Like you mentioned, it's a free online marriage assessment. You and your spouse can take it, like I said, for free. And it really does help you get a sense of where things are going well in your marriage and identify some areas for improvement. You know, just do it with a smile on your face. Your spouse is going to say, yeah, that is an area you can improve in and it will give you those areas to work on to create a stronger, healthier marriage, which is the goal.

[Lee Morgan]

Yeah.

[John Fuller]

Invest 10 minutes, maybe 15 minutes and take that free online marriage assessment. It's a great resource. The link is at the website.

[Jim Daly]

Trey and Lee, thanks again for being with us.

[Trey Morgan]

Honored. Thank you for having us.

[Lee Morgan]

Very honored.

[John Fuller]

Coming up tomorrow, we're going to be addressing worry, anxiety and stress.

[Trey Morgan]

When people start to get healed from anxiety, they start to have this gratefulness. It's really powerful. It's hard for anxiety and gratefulness to.

[John Fuller]

Live together on behalf of the entire team. Thanks for joining us today on Focus on the Family with Jim Davis Daily. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ. Culture is changing so fast. How should Christians respond? At our next Lighthouse Voices event, you'll hear from John Stonestreet with the Colson Center.

[Trey Morgan]

We live in what is called a civilizational moment. Civilizations ebb and flow, and we are at a pivotal moment. I think a lot of us have felt that existentially for a long time.

[John Fuller]

Learn how to face this moment with clarity, confidence and courage. Lighthouse Voices is on April 15, and you can register for the free [e-mail].