Podcast Summary: Focus on the Family with Jim Daly – "Simple Steps to Improve Your Marriage"

Release Date: January 21, 2025

Introduction and Guests

In the episode titled "Simple Steps to Improve Your Marriage," hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller of Focus on the Family engage in a heartfelt discussion with guests Matt and Lisa Jacobson, the authors of "100 Ways to Love Your Husband" and "100 Ways to Love Your Wife." Matt, a teaching pastor, and Lisa, collaboratively write and speak on marriage, parenting, and Christian living through their own podcast, Faithful Life.

The Origin of the "100 Ways" Books

Jim Daly opens the conversation by acknowledging the ambitious nature of compiling a hundred ways to enhance marital relationships from both husband's and wife's perspectives. He inquires about the genesis of this extensive project.

Lisa Jacobson shares:

"We were on a coffee date after about 25 years of marriage, holding hands and enjoying a sweet moment. I realized that our marriage was built on countless small choices made daily. We decided to each write down a hundred things that contributed to our loving marriage without sharing them initially to maintain authenticity. This exercise naturally evolved into our book."
— Lisa Jacobson [03:13]

Matt Jacobson adds that their books are a culmination of practices they've employed in their own marriage and through their work with other couples, emphasizing that their relationship isn't flawless but is sustained by intentional choices.

The Importance of Small Daily Choices in Marriage

Central to the episode is the concept that small, daily decisions play a pivotal role in sustaining and enriching a marriage. Instead of relying solely on grand gestures or occasional breakthroughs, it's the consistent, everyday actions that weave strength into the marital fabric.

Matt Jacobson poignantly states:

"A wonderful marriage comes out of making many, many everyday choices that say I love you rather than choices that say I love me."
— Matt Jacobson [04:00]

This philosophy underscores the belief that intentionality in daily interactions serves as a testament to one's faith and commitment.

Examples of Simple Steps to Improve Marriage

1. Lighting Up When Your Spouse Enters

Lisa Jacobson emphasizes the power of a warm, welcoming demeanor:

"Just lighting up and giving him that look you did when you were dating—'hey, here he comes.' It conveys love and appreciation."
— Lisa Jacobson [05:02]

She recounts a personal story where offering a genuine smile and positive interaction significantly impacted her husband's perception and behavior.

2. Active Listening vs. Problem Solving

The discussion highlights the distinction between listening to understand versus immediately jumping into problem-solving. Matt Jacobson shares an early marriage lesson:

"I was a problem solver and would interrupt early in conversations. My wife screamed that she didn't need solutions, but simply to be heard."
— Matt Jacobson [10:07]

Lisa Jacobson corroborates, explaining:

"It's important to listen fully and ensure your spouse feels heard before attempting to resolve the issue."
— Lisa Jacobson [11:22]

3. Intentional Pursuit and Date Nights

Maintaining romance requires ongoing effort. Matt Jacobson advises:

"Date your wife before, during, and after significant life changes. Pursue her not just for intimacy but for her value as a person."
— Matt Jacobson [08:29]

Both Jacobsons share strategies for integrating quality time into their busy lives, such as impromptu shopping trips that double as intimate moments.

4. Importance of Words and Avoiding Sarcasm

Words carry immense weight in a marriage. Matt Jacobson warns against the corrosive effects of sarcasm:

"Sarcasm poisons your relationship and closes the door to your wife's heart. It's best to avoid making jokes at her expense."
— Matt Jacobson [22:32]

He emphasizes that consistent, positive communication fosters a nurturing environment.

Practical Anecdotes and Stories

Cooking Dinner Embrace Incident

Lisa Jacobson shares a humorous yet insightful incident:

"While cooking dinner, my husband embraced me from behind to show his love. Distracted by the cooking tasks and overwhelmed by the children, I reacted by leaning into him, causing the kitchen to briefly catch fire. This mishap highlighted the importance of embracing love even during chaotic moments."
— Lisa Jacobson [12:28]

This story illustrates the challenges of balancing daily responsibilities with marital affection.

Shopping Example

Jim Daly relates a personal experience to underscore mutual understanding in marital activities:

"During a shopping trip with my wife, I took the initiative to select items she might like, streamlining the process and enhancing the experience for both of us."
— Jim Daly [20:53]

Matt Jacobson echoes this approach:

"I pick stuff out for my wife to look at, making shopping more efficient and enjoyable for her."
— Matt Jacobson [21:12]

These anecdotes demonstrate practical applications of the discussed principles.

Impact of Simple Actions – Success Story

A compelling story shared by Matt Jacobson involves a couple on the brink of divorce:

"A woman from California reached out after ordering our books as a last-ditch effort. Before receiving them, she had decided to end her marriage. However, upon her husband reading our book, he began interacting differently, making her feel cherished. Consequently, she canceled their divorce plans and embraced the opportunity for renewal in their marriage."
— Matt Jacobson [24:07]

This testimony underscores the transformative power of intentional marital actions.

Conclusion and Resources

Jim Daly wraps up the episode by highlighting the significance of everyday actions over grand gestures in maintaining a robust marriage. He encourages listeners to donate to Focus on the Family in exchange for "100 Ways to Love Your Husband" and "100 Ways to Love Your Wife," providing contact information for donations and further support.

Matt and Lisa Jacobson conclude with a hopeful message:

"Your marriage can be redeemed, even if the fights seem constant or there are deep wounds. Our biblically based counseling can help you find healing and strengthen your relationship."
— Lisa Jacobson [27:44]

Listeners are invited to seek assistance and resources to foster thriving marriages grounded in faith and intentional love.

Key Quotes with Timestamps

• Matt Jacobson [04:00]: "A wonderful marriage comes out of making many, many everyday choices that say I love you rather than choices that say I love me."

• Lisa Jacobson [05:02]: "Just lighting up and giving him that look you did when you were dating—'hey, here he comes.' It conveys love and appreciation."

• Matt Jacobson [10:07]: "I was a problem solver and would interrupt early in conversations. My wife screamed that she didn't need solutions, but simply to be heard."

• Matt Jacobson [22:32]: "Sarcasm poisons your relationship and closes the door to your wife's heart. It's best to avoid making jokes at her expense."

• Matt Jacobson [24:07]: "A woman from California reached out after ordering our books as a last-ditch effort. Before receiving them, she had decided to end her marriage. However, upon her husband reading our book, he began interacting differently, making her feel cherished."

Final Thoughts

This episode of Focus on the Family with Jim Daly serves as a profound reminder that simple, intentional actions can significantly enhance marital relationships. By prioritizing love through daily choices, active listening, and respectful communication, couples can cultivate a resilient and thriving marriage that stands as a testament to their faith and commitment.