Transforming Loneliness into Thriving Friendships

Summary

Podcast Summary: Transforming Loneliness into Thriving Friendships

Focus on the Family with Jim Daly
Episode: Transforming Loneliness into Thriving Friendships
Host/Author: Focus on the Family
Guests: Becky Harling
Release Date: May 16, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Transforming Loneliness into Thriving Friendships," hosts Jim Daly and John Fuller engage in a heartfelt discussion with Becky Harling, a speaker, author, mother, and grandmother of 14 grandchildren. The conversation delves into the pervasive issue of loneliness in today’s hyper-connected yet emotionally isolated society. Becky Harling shares insights from her book, Cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World, offering practical strategies to foster meaningful relationships.

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Defining Loneliness and Its Prevalence

Becky Harling begins by articulating personal experiences of loneliness, emphasizing moments of feeling isolated despite constant digital connectivity. She states, “I feel lonely when I miss out on a big family celebration” (00:01). The hosts acknowledge the paradox of being more connected digitally yet experiencing higher levels of loneliness, a sentiment reflected in recent surveys.

Key Points:

• Loneliness is often felt even when surrounded by people.
• Digital connections fail to fulfill the deeper emotional and relational needs.

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The Impact of Technology on Relationships

Jim Daly highlights the contradiction between digital connectivity and emotional loneliness, noting, “the surveys are saying we're the loneliest we've ever been” (00:39). Becky elaborates on how technology, while beneficial, has led to the replacement of face-to-face interactions with superficial online engagements. She remarks, “We have replaced their face-to-face connections with social media and texting... that's not really connecting our souls” (03:31).

Notable Quote:

"We have replaced their face-to-face connections with social media and texting... that's not really connecting our souls." – Becky Harling, 03:31

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Humility and Its Role in Building Connections

The discussion transitions to the role of humility in overcoming loneliness. Becky shares findings from Harvard research indicating that humble individuals are happier because they approach relationships without the need to be experts, fostering vulnerability and service. She explains, “they’re willing to serve each other. And that’s the stuff of good relationships” (04:28).

Key Points:

• Humility promotes genuine connections by allowing vulnerability.
• Humble individuals are more likely to seek and offer help, strengthening relationships.

Notable Quote:

"They’re willing to serve each other. And that’s the stuff of good relationships." – Becky Harling, 04:28

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The Dangers of a Critical Spirit

Jim Daly raises concerns about the prevalent critical spirit in society, likening it to an unfiltered exchange of opinions on social media. Becky counters by highlighting the importance of recognizing each person’s inherent value as created in God’s image. She asserts, “Every single person has been created in the image of God” (06:36).

Key Points:

• A critical spirit fosters division and undermines relationships.
• Emphasizing the inherent worth of each individual can counteract negativity.

Notable Quote:

“Every single person has been created in the image of God.” – Becky Harling, 06:36

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Loyalty in Relationships

The conversation shifts to the significance of loyalty in maintaining strong relationships. Becky describes loyalty as “steadfastly consistent, consistently loving another person” and connects it to God’s unwavering love and forgiveness (09:21). Jim adds that loyalty in marriage is essential for weathering conflicts and building lasting bonds.

Key Points:

• Loyalty fosters a sense of security and commitment in relationships.
• Reflecting God’s loyalty strengthens marital and familial bonds.

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Comparison: The Thief of Joy

Becky discusses how comparison can erode personal joy and hinder authentic living. She explains, “If I compare my life to your life, I’m gonna either come out short or I’m gonna come out on top” (11:21). This mindset diverts focus from one’s unique path and purpose.

Key Points:

• Comparison leads to feelings of inadequacy or arrogance.
• Embracing one's unique journey as designed by God fosters contentment.

Notable Quote:

“If I compare my life to your life, I’m gonna either come out short or I’m gonna come out on top.” – Becky Harling, 11:21

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Cultivating Attentiveness in Relationships

Attentiveness, or the ability to be fully present, is emphasized as crucial for deepening connections. Becky shares a humorous anecdote about a chaotic candy store incident to illustrate how distractions can lead to misunderstandings. She connects this to relationships by stressing the importance of giving undivided attention to loved ones.

Key Points:

• Being present and attentive strengthens emotional bonds.
• Eliminating distractions, such as excessive phone use, enhances communication.

Notable Quote:

“Distraction creates disaster... we’ve got to bring our focus right into the conversation.” – Becky Harling, 14:00

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The Power of Hospitality and Community Building

Becky advocates for intentional hospitality as a means to build and nurture community. She recounts the success of her family's “big table dinners,” which bring together diverse groups to share meals and foster fellowship. This practice mirrors the early church’s communal living and mutual support.

Key Points:

• Hosting gatherings fosters a sense of belonging and community.
• Shared meals provide opportunities for meaningful conversations and relationships.

Notable Quote:

“One of the best ways to love people is to invite them into your home and listen.” – Becky Harling, 20:37

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The Importance of Prayer in Deepening Connections

Prayer is highlighted as a profound tool for intimacy and connection. Becky shares personal experiences of praying with her husband and friends, illustrating how shared prayer builds vulnerability and mutual support. This spiritual practice enhances relational depth and unity.

Key Points:

• Shared prayer fosters deep emotional and spiritual bonds.
• Prayer creates a safe space for vulnerability and mutual support.

Notable Quote:

“When you pray together like that, you hear each other’s hearts. You’re vulnerable because you share your needs.” – Becky Harling, 23:00

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Practical Steps to Overcome Loneliness

In addressing practical solutions, Becky encourages taking small, manageable steps to build connections. Whether it's inviting someone for coffee or hosting a dinner, she emphasizes that even minor efforts can significantly impact one's sense of belonging. She reassures listeners that they are never truly alone, highlighting the presence of Jesus as a constant source of support.

Key Points:

• Start with small gestures to reach out and connect.
• Recognize the spiritual assurance that one is never alone.

Notable Quote:

“Connection is worth it. Start small.” – Becky Harling, 24:33

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Conclusion

The episode concludes with a reaffirmation of the importance of nurturing relationships to combat loneliness. Jim Daly and John Fuller encourage listeners to apply the discussed principles, such as humility, attentiveness, and hospitality, to foster deeper connections. They also promote Becky’s book, Cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World, as a valuable resource for those seeking to enhance their relational lives.

Closing Remarks:

• Listeners are invited to engage with Focus on the Family resources and support.
• Emphasis on the transformative power of intentional relationships grounded in faith.

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Resources Mentioned:

• Book: Cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World by Becky Harling
• Donation Information: Support Focus on the Family and receive a copy of Becky’s book.

Contact Information:

• Donate: 800-232-6459
• Hope Restored Marriage Intensives: 1-866-875-2915

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This comprehensive discussion offers valuable insights and actionable advice for individuals seeking to transform feelings of loneliness into thriving, meaningful friendships rooted in faith and intentionality.

Transcript

[Becky Harling]

I feel lonely when I miss out on a big family celebration.

[John Fuller]

If I've spent too much time on social media seeing how other people are.

[Jim Daly]

Doing, in all honesty, I kind of just stay lonely.

[Becky Harling]

I feel most lonely when I am just so tired because I've given and given and still don't feel valued or seen.

[John Fuller]

Well, all of us feel some loneliness from time to time. But what if you could change that? This is FOCUS on the Family with Jim Daly, and our guest today is Becky Harling. She'll offer some ideas on transforming loneliness into true connections with others. Thanks for joining us. I'm John Fuller.

[Jim Daly]

John, it's interesting that in the culture today we're so connected digitally, but the surveys are saying we're the loneliest we've ever been. So that must indicate that simply doing chat or something is not enough for our soul. And I think the Lord created us for a relationship. You know, after Covid here at Focus and I brought everybody back to campus, we have a handful of remote workers, but they're out of state for the most part. But I just thought, you know, God created us for relationship. We have to be in the halls to talk and to look at each other as we're talking about problem solving and opportunities the Lord is giving us. You just need to see each other right and get a feel. There's so much more. We're going to talk about that today with our guests.

[John Fuller]

And Becky Harling is a speaker, author, mom and grandmother. I'm showing 14 grandchildren. Is that right?

[Becky Harling]

That is correct.

[John Fuller]

Okay, that's a lot.

[Jim Daly]

Hooray. That's a good thing.

[John Fuller]

She's a certified coach with the John Maxwell team and the author of a number of books, including the one that forms the foundation for today's discussion, cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World. Details are in the show notes.

[Jim Daly]

Becky, welcome back to focus.

[Becky Harling]

Hey, it's great to be with you guys.

[Jim Daly]

Well, it's good to see you. I didn't realize this, but you and your husband Steve, you've been to like 65 countries doing ministry, but you came back after seeing perhaps tens of thousands of people. And what did you say to Steve?

[Becky Harling]

I said to Steve, you know, babe, I feel really lonely. And my husband, that's the opposite. I know. My husband looked at me like, what is wrong with you? He's like, I'm ready for a break from people. But I said, you know, we have been with thousands of people, but I don't feel connected to them and I miss my people. He and I, even though we were Ministering together. We hadn't had a lot of us time. I missed my kids, I missed my grandkids. I missed my close friends, the friends that know me just for being Becky, not some author, speaker.

[Jim Daly]

Why do you think, as we described in the setup, John and I, why do you think people are so lonely today?

[Becky Harling]

You know, I think a lot of people blamed Covid and actually I don't think that was the cause of our loneliness. I think that was the great revealer of our loneliness. But I think for the last probably hundred years as a culture, we've gotten busier and busier and busier and, you know, we have places to go, people to see. We're rocking riding the corporate ladder up to higher levels. And then we introduced technology, which is a wonderful thing. Right. We wouldn't be able to do this radio show without technology. However, people have replaced their face to face connections with social media and texting and all the things. And that's not really connecting our souls.

[Jim Daly]

You know, it's interesting in that environment, of course, being focused on the family, we're out there and yeah, I don't know how, maybe a million followers, whatever it is, we need more. Right. That's the whole thing. But the point of that is the anonymity in social media. And I think young people, this is particularly damaging for them. People say what they're thinking. You know, there's not really a filter like there is in person to say, should I really say this?

[Becky Harling]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

But it seems like on social media we just say it.

[Becky Harling]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

Whatever it might be.

[Becky Harling]

Yeah, yeah. And you know, people use social media as a platform to shout their opinion, but our opinions don't make good connections.

[Jim Daly]

Well, you end up in cliques.

[Becky Harling]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

Just small groups. You did some research with this loneliness issue and had some discoveries. I was curious. One of those was humility. How does loneliness connect to humility?

[Becky Harling]

That was fascinating. So Harvard has discovered that people that are humble are happier. And as they dug deep into that, they realized it's because they're not coming into every relationship as the expert. They're coming in with a vulnerability. They're asking for help when they need it. They're willing to serve each other. And that's the stuff of good relationships.

[Jim Daly]

That's really interesting to me. You know, the Lord says, be humble, for I am humble. It's one of his characteristics. I think it's one of the more difficult things in marriage, frankly. I mean, that idea of humility, because there's probably no bigger place that selfishness shows up more than marriage. Right. I think maybe that's just my problem. Is this a self help moment? But you know, it's what you want to do, where you want to eat, whatever the issue, physical intimacy, all that stuff. It just feels like you're here to meet my needs and you're going and the Lord's going. Well, you know, the reason I set up this institution of marriage is for you to become more like me, humble or selfless. To learn my character. How about that? As an idea and that ruffles usually.

[Becky Harling]

Become an entitled society, you know, and we think we deserve to have our every needs met. I mean, it really spills not only in the family, but into church culture.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, let's talk about critical spirit. This is a good one, having a critical spirit. It feels like in the culture we are developing critical spirit. It's like a PhD that we all get in Christ celebrated. Yeah, yeah, you're strong. You be critical. You go girl. Yeah, you go guy, whatever it is. But speak to the downside of critical spirit and how that's not the nature of Christ.

[Becky Harling]

It's not at all. And we live in a cancel culture. Right. So if you offend me, I cut you off and I lob criticisms at you. And like we said before, people are doing this on social media, you know, but every single person has been created in the image of God.

[Jim Daly]

Are you sure?

[Becky Harling]

I'm positive.

[Jim Daly]

Even that person?

[Becky Harling]

Even that person, Jim. And so every person is created in the image of God and that means they carry the beauty of God in them. And we need to be honoring of each other and not looking for fault in each other. You know, Jesus was pretty clear on this. He said, don't judge. And we kind of trip over that verse and think, well, sometimes it's okay to judge. No, it's not.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah, you know, 2 Timothy 2:24 to the end is really good. It says basically, when you're dealing with the world, deal with them in kindness and gentleness so that they could be kind of rescued from the snare of the enemy. Isn't that great?

[Becky Harling]

It is great.

[Jim Daly]

It's a wonderful way to think of this POW operation. These are like prisoners of spiritual warfare, you know, people that are not believers. You had a coffee with a friend. When you talk about Critical Spirit, which was a great story out of the book, tell us what happened.

[Becky Harling]

I did. I went to coffee with a friend and you know, I was looking forward to the coffee. But the whole time we were there, I heard what was wrong with everybody else, what was wrong with different Churches. What was wrong with different speakers, different husbands. Different husbands.

[Jim Daly]

That's a common one that I hear about.

[Becky Harling]

Yeah, yeah. And different friends. And, you know, I left that coffee rather than being energized, I left exhausted. And I realized we have to look at ourselves because you don't want to be friends with somebody that's just going to rag on people and cut them down all the time.

[Jim Daly]

So what do you do tactfully so that you don't become the same thing? What do you do in that situation? Say, listen, friend, I don't want to kind of be in you. Tell me, what do you say?

[Becky Harling]

Well, okay, so what I am trying to do, I don't always do this perfectly. I. I'm trying to. When. When a person starts cutting down another person, I'm starting to say something positive about them, like, oh, but did you know they do this? Or did, you know the backstory about that? You know, and if it really gets bad, I finally find the courage. This is hard for me to do. You know, like, let's. Let's not be talking so negatively about other people, because I really think most people are trying their best.

[Jim Daly]

I think that's true. I mean, I hope so. There are a few apples out there that may not be, but they're made in the image of God. I'm going to keep praying for them apples.

[Becky Harling]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

You mentioned loyalty is also a critical part of communication and connection, relationship. I think that's obvious. But describe that loyalty factor and what it does for a relationship.

[Becky Harling]

I think loyalty is one of the most beautiful qualities in a relationship. You know, it's steadfastly consistent, consistently, you know, loving another person. And we need loyalty in our marriages. You know, first sign of a fight, you're not out the door, you're in it for life.

[Jim Daly]

Yeah.

[Becky Harling]

And, you know, loyalty is best described by God. You know, he is steadfast in his love towards us. He's unending in his forgiveness towards us. And that loyalty, that being honoring of another person and saying, no, I'm going to be faithful in this relationship is beautiful, Becky.

[Jim Daly]

I can't help but hear somebody hearing us or watching YouTube going, yeah, but there is unhealthy loyalty. Just describe that distinction when you don't want to. I don't think theologically, spiritually, it's right to become a doormat. That's not what you're talking about. How does a person know where that line is? Then when do I say, whoa, whoa, whoa, you're hurting me. You're taking advantage of me. This is not healthy.

[Becky Harling]

I love that you asked that question. When you're with your boss at work and he starts exploding at you or swearing at you, telling you everything you're doing wrong, there's a point to back up and say, hey, treat me with respect. You can correct me, but treat me with respect. In the realm of marriage, this is really important because I've sat with a number of wives who feel like they have to stay in a marriage that has become abusive. And God does not want that. Love has to be tough. Love has to say, hey, I love you, but the way you're treating me is not acceptable before God. And because of that, we're going to separate until we can go for some counseling and get some intervention.

[Jim Daly]

Becky, you mentioned comparison is the thing. Thief of joy. I think I get that, but what are you driving toward there?

[Becky Harling]

Comparison really is. If I compare my life to your life, I'm gonna either come out short or I'm gonna come out on top. And either one is gonna rob me of joy because I'm looking to live another person's life rather than the life that God has designed for me.

[Jim Daly]

Why do we do that? So much interest is everybody's example. Look at our birthday party.

Yeah.

[Becky Harling]

I think, like, we're insecure, don't you?

[Jim Daly]

I don't know. I mean, it is core and it. You know, again, you can go back to biblical stories of comparison. Right.

[Becky Harling]

It's where you.

[Jim Daly]

Jealousy. Yeah. I mean, that drives bad human behavior, typically. But how do we get out of that cycle is the question. If you're taking that self analysis going, ooh, I do that a lot. First is taking the internal test about it, right?

[Becky Harling]

Yeah.

[Jim Daly]

Am I doing this like 18 times a day?

[Becky Harling]

Yeah. And, you know, one suggestion I have before we even get more practical is get off of Instagram. I mean, if comparison is your thing, you don't need to be on Instagram.

[Jim Daly]

You know, my wire would be to get on there and be the slob. Be exactly opposite, just to get people talking about that.

[Becky Harling]

If you do that, I'll follow you.

[Jim Daly]

Jim. We need somebody on there that doesn't have it all together that is messy as can be. It's not organized and cannot do it yourself around the house. That's me.

[Becky Harling]

Perfect.

[John Fuller]

I'm not sure that the team is gonna wanna spin that up with you, Jim. You talk, Becky, in the book about cultivating attentiveness and letting attentiveness be kind of this approach to deeper connection. You had a great story about the family at the Beach.

[Becky Harling]

I have to tell that story. It's the best story ever. So we took our kids on vacation. We were in Ocean City, Maryland, you know, and it was during the Beanie Baby craze. Do you remember that? You know, and so our daughters always wanted to buy these little Beanie babies. We went into the candy store. It was called Candy Kitchen, and they have Beanie babies. So while the girls were trying to decide what Beanie Babies they wanted, our son was like maybe 12, 13 years old. And they had these little suction cups on the Plexiglas containers of the candy. And now you have to imagine this. These plexiglass containers of candy went from the counter almost up to the ceiling, and they were one right next to another. And all of a sudden, jj, our son, pulled that suction cup. And it was unbelievable. It was like something out of Lily Haverish Domino Rally. One container hit another container hit another container. Swedish fish made a hard landing on the floor. Caramel balls went flying. And, you know, the. I just got the giggles because it was the funniest thing I had ever seen in my life. My husband panicked and was like, we'll pay for all the candy. And the lady was like, just get out of my store.

[Jim Daly]

That was nice of her.

[Becky Harling]

I know, I know. And, you know, it's just. We still talk about that story and Candy Kitchen is still around.

[John Fuller]

They survived.

[Jim Daly]

They made it after your mess.

[John Fuller]

But how does that relate to attentiveness is the question.

[Becky Harling]

Because distraction creates disaster. It created disaster in the candy store, but it creates disaster in our relationships. Let me give you an example. If you're home at night with dinner with your wife and she's telling you about your day and you're on your phone and you're like, well, wait just a second, honey, I'm listening, I'm listening. But you're emailing somebody or whatever. She doesn't feel loved. And so. And it's the same vice versa for wives with their husband. We've got to bring our focus right into the conversation. Look our spouse in the eye. Same with friends. You know, it's so frustrating when you go out with a friend and they're texting under the table at the restaurant, you know, we have to learn how to have that eye to eye conversation where we're making the other person feel heard, because if they don't feel heard, they're not going to feel loved.

[Jim Daly]

Hey, in the book you mentioned going to the Vatican and seeing, you know, different sculptures. Gene and I and the boys were just there this past summer, were you. We were going through St. Peter's Basilica, and, you know, our boys went to Classical Academy, so they know all the stuff. I mean, we were dragging them through the museums. It was so funny. But one of the things there, the piata Michelangelo, you mention this in the book because for you, it makes a connection to relationship. Describe the work and what it communicates.

[Becky Harling]

Yeah. And so Michelangelo's sculpture is beautiful. You know, it's Mary, the mother of Jesus, holding the broken body of Christ. And I think in our relationships with each other, we have to have the piata sentiment, you know, where we understand that we are to carry the broken body of Christ. And the body of Christ is broken. There are plenty of broken people out there, and we ourselves are broken. We can minister to each other by sharing comfort and by being there with people and holding them in their sorrow.

[Jim Daly]

Why do you think that? I don't know that connection, that hospitality idea is so close to God's heart. We've had other authors write about it. Rosaria Butterfield, who came out of the.

[Becky Harling]

Yeah, I love her book.

[Jim Daly]

You know, she was a lesbian and became a Christian, and she speaks to that issue that, you know, when she was in the LGBT community, she could fly into Denver. She knew 10 houses she could go to to hang out for the day and have hospitality. She was shocked when she became a Christian that that really isn't found any longer. But that really was the mark of the early church. Believers would come into a village, a town, and they would know where to go. They used the fish insignia to find one another, et cetera. But it seems like hospitality has become less part of the Christian experience. But again, why is it close to God's heart, this idea of hospitality?

[Becky Harling]

Because we are to live our lives in such a way where our homes belong to the community of Christ. You know, our coffee belongs to the community of Christ in our culture. You know, and I have fallen into this myself. You take people out to coffee or you take them out to a restaurant. And I realized when I was going through a season where I was really analyzing this, no, I need to just start inviting people into my home for coffee, because that's what the early church, you know, they shared everything in common. They had each other over for dinner, and they sat around studying scripture at night. And that's a beautiful concept, because when you're in somebody's home, the relationship goes.

[John Fuller]

Deeper, you know, along these lines. You had a story in the book, Becky, about, I think you called it the big table dinners that your Family is having. How big was that table? Yeah, what's the deal on the big table?

[Becky Harling]

Okay, so some of our kids, a couple of our adult kids, they started hosting these big table dinners, and that's what they called them. They set out a big table. Our son loves to cook. He cooked all kinds of stuff. And they would invite their Christian believing friends, they would invite the friends that didn't know Christ. They would invite all manner of walks of life, people, you know, and they would invite them for dinner. The only really overt testimony was that they would pray before dinner, but then they would play games. And people left those big table dinners and said, we have never experienced anything like this. How did you come up with this idea? And, you know, the kids were just like, well, we just kind of dreamed it up, you know. But the table is central all throughout the Bible. And, you know, we're invited obviously to the communion table. And the table is a place for eating and fellowship and drawing closer as a community.

[John Fuller]

So take a risk.

[Becky Harling]

Yeah, take a risk. Throw a big table dinner.

[Jim Daly]

I think, again, that can be more difficult because of the sensitivity of everybody. Gene and I participated in a. It was kind of like a scheduled dinner time. And, you know, it was 40 or 50 people that were involved in this. I can't remember the name of it.

[John Fuller]

Was it Community Roundtable or something?

[Jim Daly]

Well, something like that. But it was believer, non, believer, straight, not straight. I mean, all. And you ended up in groups of six to eight at dinner, sit and have a topic of discussion. I wonder if that is as successful as it seemed to be. This was probably 15, 20 years ago, because today you're kind of divided in your camps and you're not necessarily willing to put yourself in an environment where people disagree with you. And that's not, I think, healthy. But. Yeah, tell me about it.

[Becky Harling]

Yeah, I feel like it needs to happen. I think that's a beautiful concept. You know, and maybe you start small scale, you know, maybe you don't do 40 or 50, but maybe you invite your neighbors over for dinner. And, you know, people have. When you were talking about sensitivity, I thought you were talking about the food sensitivity.

[Jim Daly]

Oh, no, that's a whole other thing.

[Becky Harling]

Cause some people are vegan and some people are gluten free and gluten full and all this. But, you know, one of the best way to love people is to invite them in your home and listen. I mean, I do think we have to get back to listening as a culture.

[Jim Daly]

You know, one of the things that I have found that has been so amazing. But it shouldn't be for believers is the way when people feel sincerity from you, people that oppose your opinion, whatever. It doesn't have to be a political opinion, but certainly could be. But it's just everything when people are in opposition to you, even if you sit down with them, have coffee, have a meal together, if they feel sincerity from you, it's like the Lord has put spiritual DNA in all of us, that our heart cracks open and you do feel connected to that person and you are willing to listen to that person. And I think that's the beginning of a deeper relationship. Right. And then you're understanding one another a little better, and then that moves along, and hopefully it moves toward a place where they can experience the love of Christ and hear his great story for us. But it is something that I've noticed with people that utterly oppose the Christian belief system. And, you know, when I'm with them, it's amazing that first they need to feel you care about them.

[Becky Harling]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

It's just written in our DNA. And when that is accomplished, people listen.

[Becky Harling]

Yeah. And just letting them talk, you know, my husband was in Australia several years ago, and he was headed back to the airport after a long speaking engagement. And the taxi driver was Somalian, and so he was from an Islam background. And my husband wanted to have a conversation with him, so he said, you know, tell me what it's like to be a Muslim, and just started drawing him out. Tell me about your family. And the taxicab driver kept talking and talking, and, you know, and then Steve said to him, what is one thing you would like Christians to know? How can we improve? And the taxicab driver said, you Christians, you want to tell us everything, but you don't know how to listen. And that's a.

[Jim Daly]

That's interesting.

[Becky Harling]

That's pretty blunt, which is an irony, which I think a lot of times we are like that.

[Jim Daly]

Well, and the irony is the Lord asked a lot of questions.

[Becky Harling]

Yes.

[Jim Daly]

That's kind of how he did ministry. He would ask the question sometime. A pointed question. Yeah, you're right. You're not married to one man. You've had five men. Right. But he would ask questions about that. Let me ask you about praying together within the body. Obviously, it's a sure way to knit hearts together. You know, when you pray for one another, that's a deep intimacy, actually.

[Becky Harling]

Yeah, it is, because it's the place of deep vulnerability, you know, And I strongly recommend husbands and wives pray together, you know, But I also have a dear friend, Judy, and We've been friends since our kids were toddlers and we started praying together years ago. And now in this season of our lives, we're still praying together. And just like last week, we prayed over 20 grandchildren between the by name. And when you pray together like that, you hear each other's hearts. You're vulnerable because you share your needs. And together, as you're seeking the Lord, your relationship can't help but go deeper. And so you feel more strongly connected.

[Jim Daly]

So we've covered a lot of territory today. Gaining humility, getting into connection, avoiding critical spirit, and so much more. So the person that's viewing or listening is going, okay, it sounds exhausting. That's a lot of work to become better. But what do you say to that person, the introvert that says, you know, it takes a lot of energy to be engaged in a relationship? What do you say to them?

[Becky Harling]

I say to them, connection is worth it. You know, start small. You don't have to do all of these. But maybe you take a step this week and you invite somebody into your home for coffee. If that is really terrifying to you, then sure, go out, but reach out to somebody. The other thing I want to say is you are never completely alone if you're feeling loneliness, because Jesus is the one that says, I will never leave you nor forsake you. And so he is always there and he's rooting for you. So take a tiny step this week and reach out to somebody and think.

[Jim Daly]

If millions of people did that, our loneliness score would go much more positive direction. Right? We wouldn't feel so lonely. Well, I did have coffee with so and so, right? Yes, so. And spiritually, things happen in those environments. You start learning about one another, praying with one another. So this is really good, Becky, and I hope people will get in touch with us. Thanks for being with us.

[Becky Harling]

Hey, thanks for having me.

[Jim Daly]

It's great. And let me turn to our listeners. I hope you know Focus on the Family is here for you. And as I said at the top of the program, your relationships are important to you and important to us. Mostly they're important to God. And we have helpful resources available to you, like Becky's outstanding book, Cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World. And when you donate to FOCUS today, a gift of any amount. We'll send you a copy as our way of saying thank you for supporting the ministry, being part of the ministry, and helping families to do better in their faith journey.

[John Fuller]

Donate and get your copy of Cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World. We've got the details in the show notes or give us a call. 800, the letter A in the word family. 800-232-6459.

[Jim Daly]

And before we close, John, I just want to invite everyone, anyone, all of you, to come visit us here at Focus on the Family Campus. It's open year round, but summertime is especially nice and you'll probably even encounter one of the great Colorado thunderstorms that come through just about every afternoon. But we have a wonderful welcome center and bookstore, which has a lot to offer and a lot of fun for both adults and kids.

[John Fuller]

There's Wit's End Soda Shop and more. So swing by. We'd love to see you. Thanks for listening to FOCUS on the FAMILY with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

[Jim Daly]

If the fights with your spouse have become unbearable, if you feel like you can't take it anymore, there's still hope. Hope Restored Marriage Intensives have helped thousands of couples like yours. Our biblically based counseling will help you find the root of your problems and face them together. Call us at 1-866-875-2915. We'll talk with you, pray with you and help you find out which program will work best. That's 1-866-875-2915.