Aspyn Ovard Dating Women, Divorce, & Moving to LA

Summary

Fool Coverage with Manny MUA and Laura Lee

"Aspyn Ovard Dating Women, Divorce, & Moving to LA"

Release Date: October 17, 2025
Special Guest: Aspyn Ovard

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Overview

This engaging, candid episode reunites longtime YouTube and beauty influencer friends Manny MUA, Laura Lee, and special guest Aspyn Ovard. The trio dives deeply into Aspyn's life transitions: her move from Utah to California, her experience with divorce before 30, motherhood to three girls, and her journey of self-discovery—including dating women after a decade-long marriage. The conversation is filled with laughter, honesty, advice, and raw reflections on mental health, growing up in religious environments, and redefining personal happiness in the public eye.

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Main Discussion Points and Insights

1. Catching Up: Life Milestones, Peaks & Pits (00:43–12:12)

- Guest Intro

• Laura and Manny introduce Aspyn as an OG influencer many grew up watching.
• They reminisce about meeting over seven years ago and reflect on how much their lives have changed: “Now you have kids—married, divorced, all the things!” (01:10)

- “Peaks and Pits” of the Week (02:00–12:12)

• Aspyn’s Peak: Her mom and grandma visiting, resulting in “seven girls in the house, counting her daughters and the dog.” (02:48)
• Aspyn’s Pit: Struggling with a new antidepressant—“I feel like it kicked in, and I feel worse. I feel like a zombie and still really depressed.” (03:29)
• The hosts discuss their own journeys with anxiety and medication, swapping stories about SSRIs, “brain zaps,” and navigating mental health.

Memorable Moment:
“My anxiety was at a 10 at all times. And then now as a grown up, I don't have the anxiety I used to have.” – Manny (04:47)

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2. Utah Upbringing & Religious Culture (06:06–18:25)

- Growing Up in Utah

• Aspyn describes growing up surrounded by Mormon culture:
  “It’s definitely very Mormon, but I didn’t grow up fully in the church. The culture is just so embedded, even if you’re not Mormon.” (06:33)
• Manny and Laura compare Utah Mormonism to their own upbringings, highlighting the strict cultural expectations in Utah vs. other states.

- Social Pressures and Expectations

• Aspyn shares: “I got married, had kids that, like, I got pregnant at 22—oh my gosh, I'm late!” (06:59)
• Discussion about every U.S. state feeling like its own country, with Utah as a distinct world due to religion.

Notable Quote:
“It’s not even the church teachings, it’s the people that are crazy that take it so far.” – Manny (10:10)

• The trio laughs about strict Mormon rules ("one ear piercing!") and Reality TV depictions like Real Housewives of Utah.

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3. Breaking Free & Finding Yourself: Leaving Utah and Evolving (27:38–34:26)

• Aspyn describes how leaving Utah “opened her world,” exposing her to new perspectives and lifestyles in California.

• She notes the “biggest culture shock:”
  “In Utah, you don’t think outside of what you know... In LA, people do absolutely everything and anything, and it’s normal.” (28:07)

• Manny reflects on being rewarded for authenticity online, contrasting with repression felt growing up:
  “When I did start doing online content and was myself, I got rewarded for being myself.” (33:31)

Notable Quote:
“It’s so much better to be different. Actually, you’re rewarded for being different.” – Manny (30:51)

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4. Reinvention: Divorce, Single Motherhood, & Moving to California (35:11–43:26)

- Navigating Major Transitional Moments

• Aspyn recounts her “mid-divorce move” to Southern California, balancing a public split, co-parenting, and the birth of her youngest child (who spent time in the NICU).

• She discusses the privilege of financial means, while highlighting the emotional challenge:
  “I couldn’t have done it without [financial stability]...I just knew I had to get out here.” (36:19–36:40)

• She shares how moving and starting over, although difficult, was less painful than staying in an unhappy situation.

Notable Quote:
“I cannot live the same life that I’m living forever. It just gets so... That will hurt worse than starting over.” – Aspyn (39:53)

- Motherhood

• Being a (mostly) single mom to three girls, ages six, four, and one-and-a-half.
• Aspyn shares her love for girl energy in the house and how her own family has learned from her experiences.

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5. The New Dating Chapter: Coming Out, Dating Women, and Being Public (45:23–63:00)

- Dating After Divorce

• Aspyn reflects on dating for the first time at 29: “I married my first boyfriend... So now to be doing that at 29, I’m like, I don’t know.” (51:00)
• Initially downloaded dating apps but found it complicated as a public figure.

- Exploring Sexuality

• Aspyn’s journey to dating women after a straight marriage:
  “As soon as I was divorced, I was like, I’m gonna date women.”
• She unpacks the nuance of attraction and labels:
  “I always knew, but I didn’t know how much I knew… There’s such a spectrum.”
• She shares the powerful moment of her first meaningful experience with a woman:
  “It literally felt like it changed my brain chemistry... I was crying. I was relieved, but sad—for how different life would be now.” (57:09)

Notable Quote:
“Sexuality really is a spectrum… People forget and want to put boxes—straight, gay, bi—but it’s so much more.” – Manny (58:58)

- Online Reactions and Privacy

• Aspyn addresses supportive responses to her divorce, mixed reactions to dating women, and the importance of sharing her truth on her own terms.
• Emphasizes not needing public validation for her sexuality:
  “As long as the people that know that I’m gay, that’s all I care about.” (64:48)

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6. Personal Growth, Reflections, and Advice (66:00–71:13)

- Hindsight and Advice for Younger Self

• If she could go back, Aspyn wouldn’t have married so young, explaining the importance of experiencing life before major commitments.
• Started YouTube at 14; her mom supported her early online career, even when vlogging was far from mainstream.
• Reflects on paving the way for today’s lifestyle and brand influencers, referencing “the OG brand trips: we invented those!”

Memorable Moment:
“We crawled on those so these girlies could run on theirs now. Crawled on that Bora Bora s***.” – Laura (69:03)

- Growth and Silent Confidence

• Both Manny and Laura note how much Aspyn has evolved:
  “You’ve come into your own—just this, like, silent confidence that exudes off you.” – Manny (72:27)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Now you have kids. Married, divorce, all the things—done it all.” – Manny (01:10)
• “Divorce before 30? Chic. I did it.” – Aspyn (01:20)
• “It’s not the church teachings, it’s the people that are crazy that take it so far.” – Manny (10:10)
• “I cannot live the same life that I’m living forever. That will hurt worse than starting over.” – Aspyn (39:53)
• “It’s so much better to be different. You’re rewarded for being different.” – Manny (30:51)
• “As soon as I was divorced, I was like, I’m gonna date women.” – Aspyn (51:32)
• “It literally felt like it changed my brain chemistry... I was crying.” – Aspyn (57:09)
• “Sexuality really is a spectrum… People forget and want to put boxes—straight, gay, bi—but it’s so much more.” – Manny (58:58)
• “As long as the people that know that I’m gay, then that’s all I care about.” – Aspyn (64:48)
• “You seem happy... That’s all we want for you, seriously.” – Laura (72:28)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:43 — Guest intro and reminiscing old times/trips.
• 02:00 — Start of “Peaks and Pits.”
• 03:29 — Aspyn discusses medication struggles.
• 06:06 — Utah upbringing and cultural impact.
• 27:38 — Aspyn’s move to California, culture shock.
• 35:11 — Divorce details, motherhood, financial freedom.
• 45:23 — Dating after divorce & discovering her queerness.
• 51:32 — Choosing to date women, navigating visibility.
• 57:09 — First significant experience with a woman.
• 66:00 — What Aspyn would tell her younger self.
• 69:03 — Reminiscing about “OG” brand trips.

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Overall Tone & Style

The episode is fun, irreverent, and heartfelt, mixing light gossip, spicy confessions, and sincere support among friends. Manny and Laura’s classic banter balances well with Aspyn’s open vulnerability, resulting in honest, relatable moments about personal growth, mental health, family, sexuality, and creating your own happiness.

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For Listeners

If you want to understand:

• The unique social pressure of growing up Mormon in Utah
• What it feels like to reboot your life after marriage, kids, and moving states
• How it feels to come into your identity publicly, in your late 20s, as a woman and queer person
• Honest influencer chats about mental health, business, fame, and friendship

This episode will resonate with anyone who loves influencer culture, personal reinvention, or stories of finding joy after hardship.

Transcript

[A]

I'm tingling everywhere.

[B]

So you don't do edibles anymore?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

You think you're done?

[A]

I think I'm out. I think I'm clocked. Tell the story. Tell the story, bitch.

[B]

Like a beta blocker on steroids.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes to Xanax bars. I love that in rap song. Deal with pain.

[A]

Deal with pain. Hey, guys. Welcome back to your favorite podcast. Full coverage with your hosts, Manny Mua and Laura Lee.

[B]

And boy, oh, boy, do we have a special guest for you today. We've been wanting to have this person on for so long, and we finally.

[A]

Got her eons and sentries.

[B]

She is an og. I mean, if you did anything in your home or back to school growing up, then you know who she is. Ms. Aspen Ovar.

[A]

Hello. I'm so. We're so happy to have you.

[C]

Honestly, I'm so happy to be here.

[A]

We've known you for so long.

[C]

I know. So long. Probably since I'm trying to think of how long ago our first trip would have been. You on the trip?

[B]

Yeah, in the 1920s.

[A]

In the 1920s? Yes. In the 20s.

[B]

From the 20s.

[C]

No, I was probably like 20. Yeah, 20. I think I was 20 on that trip.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

I'm 29.

[A]

So wild. You were literally a child.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And, oh, my God, now you have kids.

[C]

I know. Now I have kids. It's so married, divorce, all the things done at all.

[A]

Yeah, dude. Doing all that before 30.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Incredible for you.

[C]

Divorce before 30. Sheik. I did it.

[B]

I did it.

[C]

I made it.

[A]

It's like 30s. You're like, what's going to happen to my 30s?

[B]

Well, 30s are your best years.

[C]

That's what I've heard.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'll turn 30 in April, so.

[B]

Well, you're about to enter into your glory years. You've already, you know, done all the things, learned all the lessons. So now in your 30s, I feel like you just care less about absolutely everything, but you're more passionate about the things you care about. You put your energy more into them and take out all the noise. So your 30s are just. I calm your glory years.

[A]

I cannot agree more.

[C]

I can't wait.

[A]

What's your birthday? Your actual day?

[C]

April 15th.

[A]

Okay. Period. April 4th.

[C]

Aries. I should have known. Everything makes sense because we're great.

[A]

But anyway, I love it. We like. So before we get into dive deep, we like to do peaks and pits. Just like something like cutesy. Something like of the week. So you have to tell us what your peak or pit is for this week.

[C]

Okay. I would say my peak. My mom was in town this week, which was fun.

[B]

And she's in Utah.

[C]

Yeah, she's in Utah, so I feel I see her less often now. So she was in town. That was fun. Got a break from my kids.

[A]

Like, Gigi's coming.

[C]

No break for Gigi, but we get a break for mom, so that was really fun. Her and my grandma came, so that was fun to just have.

[A]

I love that. Just have your people down.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Five girls. Because you have three daughters. So five girls in the house.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Iconic.

[C]

Wait, is that five?

[B]

Three, six. Gigi.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Yes, it was a girl. Party's in the house. Blow it up. I love it.

[C]

7. Seven girls with my dog. It was fun.

[B]

And the dog's a girl.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Iconic.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I would. That would be, like. If I were to ever have kids, I would want girls.

[B]

Yeah, girls.

[C]

They're so fun.

[B]

Girls are easier than boys, I hear.

[A]

I think so too. I also feel like I'm gay. What am I gonna do with the boy?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, let's go play catch.

[C]

No, I always say I'm like, if I had a son, I was, like, manifesting a gay son.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah, please. I'm like, he needs to fit in.

[A]

My mom's so lucky to have me.

[B]

I love that.

[C]

No, literally, I'm like, please. But now I'm not having any more kids, so no gay son for me. But that was my peak. My pit. I've been trying a new antidepressant. I feel like it kicked in, and I feel worse. No, it hit probably, like, two days ago. I was like, wait, why do I feel like a zombie and still really depressed?

[A]

Oh, it's like one of those, like, that makes you almost, like, lethargic and ye too strong almost.

[C]

And that's not what Tik Tok told me it was gonna do. Tik Tok was like, oh, it improves your. Your mental focus, and, like, you're gonna feel better. And you're. And I was like, okay, perfect. And then. Yeah, probably my pit.

[B]

You can't trust.

[A]

It's like the doctors of Tik Tok.

[B]

It was.

[C]

It was a TikTok doctor.

[B]

Me too.

[C]

I mean, no. I read an article.

[A]

Hello? Yeah, it's the same exact way.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Damn that. So you're like, great. I feel like. And now. And I'm tired.

[C]

I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So now I'll try another one. That's, like, my fourth one, so.

[B]

No way.

[A]

You have to just kind of like to see which one. Just. And the problem with the doing the SSRIs and stuff is literally, like, you have to be on them for like a couple months.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You have to realize.

[C]

Yes. No, it takes. It's at least like, I think it's been a month now since I've been on this one.

[A]

And then you can, like, feel it.

[C]

Yeah. And you're like, oh, it's gonna be working well soon. And then I'm like, actually, it's not really.

[B]

When does it start working?

[A]

It's so frustrating. I know. I've been on the. I've been on my same exact one for. I'm not kidding you. Maybe like. Oh, 12 years.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Because it just like worked for me and I like. And I actually have weaned down so much from when I had started because back then, obviously being like a closet a gay Mormon boy, it was like my anxiety was out of 10 at all times.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And then now as a grown up, like, I don't have the anxiety I used to have. I have, like, bits of it, but it's not like the level of what it used to be. So I've actually weaned down quite fiercely on mine. So it's like such a small probably, like actually right before the lowest dose you can even do. So I'm like, I'm happy to be on. That's good. I'm like, maybe I'll get to this point where I can be, like, off of it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But right now I'm like, okay, cool. We're still chilling, like, easing our way. You know, it just takes time because.

[C]

I know your brain.

[A]

I get the zaps. I don't know if you ever get brain.

[C]

Never know. I've heard people talk about that, but I haven't ever had that.

[A]

Like, if you missed a day or two days. Like, let's say you missed two days. Like, if you go. If you turn weird, it'll. You'll feel like a zing. Like any kind of. Like, if you, like, do something, it's like you like, and almost feel like a little like, do you feel like.

[B]

You would get them if you quit, like, cold turkey?

[A]

Oh, yes, it would be. It would probably be like, not good to quit cold turkey on your, like, SSRIs. At least I wouldn't recommend. Or like, let's say if you were to do it, you do. Like, you take one every other day and then you lean off that way. Yeah. But luckily, because mine is so low, even the zaps are like, nothing like, compared to what they could be. But yeah, it's just like, it's Such.

[C]

A. Yeah, It's a journey. Like, okay, another one.

[A]

You're like, here's my next one.

[C]

The fifth one. Yeah. So that's my pit, but hopefully it'll get better. I have an appointment tomorrow.

[A]

Yeah. Start a new one. Yeah.

[B]

I have a question. So you came from Utah, you live in. I always want to say la. I have a bad habit of. Yeah. Here. California. I just.

[C]

Same thing.

[B]

You get me. How long do you live in Utah?

[C]

Forever. For my whole life. Yeah. I moved a year ago.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Born in Utah. I was born in St. George, which is, like, southern Utah.

[B]

Is it, like, Mormon nation out there? Like, they show you on the show?

[A]

I say on the show.

[C]

You did.

[B]

Is it Mormonation out there, though? Like they show on the show?

[C]

Yeah, I know. The Secret lives. I went to their Halloween party last year.

[A]

Yep. Yep.

[C]

That was really fun.

[A]

And you were on it. I saw you.

[C]

I was like, those girls. But it's very. Definitely very Mormon. I didn't grow up Mormon, but it's like, the culture is in my school. Yeah. No.

[B]

How the hell were you in Utah that long and not Mormon?

[C]

I. Well, they got me. They baptized me. They baptized me.

[A]

I got to go.

[C]

No, my family. My extended family, like, is Mormon, and so not all of them, but, like, on my dad's side. So it was kind of like, on and off growing up, but I don't consider myself to have actually, like, grown.

[B]

Up in the Mormon Church.

[C]

And, like, the culture is definitely. I mean, I got married, had kids that, like, got pregnant at 22.

[B]

The Mormons.

[C]

Oh, my gosh, I'm late. Like, I want four kids by 30, which is just such a. A Utah thing.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

To have literally, like, eight children.

[B]

I think it's fascinating to have, like, this place. Like, we were just talking about how, like, we have so many states in the United States, but every state is so vastly different that it almost feels like you're in another country. So I think it's very interesting because I feel like Utah is definitely its own world, especially with the Mormon culture and the religion there.

[C]

Yeah. No. Yeah. Even if you're not. Yeah. Just.

[B]

Justin, like, if you're gonna be there, like, the Mormons are gonna get you.

[C]

No, When I. I got my second ear piercing, like, a year and a half ago, and I was back. Yeah. I was like, I'm so. Yeah. I was like, this is the most insane thing I've ever done, because Mormons are supposed to only have one ear.

[A]

One ear piercing.

[B]

And I wasn't even born even that.

[C]

I Was like they're going to get.

[A]

Look at me. Crazy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's also like Utah is also very specific. Yes, it's a very specific kind of Mormon in Utah because I grew Mormon as well. San Diego. Yeah. So it's just those are like lack the same. Yeah, it's like more like relaxed. It's not so like intense. I would say it's not so ingrained in like the culture of the state.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like maybe California.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

Come on. It's just kind of like your own little like thing. Like it's not like something that's so integrated like as a statewise, but it's a lot more chill. I would say like in like California. Any other place actually in the United States. Cuz I've been to Utah. I've been to conference just to like go see it one time. I've been to conference. I know, I know. I was committed. I went to conference once and it was very different. Like just like the culture and even I was like, I feel so odd. Like this feels so different. Like and during church, like because it's three hours long, obviously, like, you know, church is like three hours. During the second hour. Me. I know. Great. And I know. And so during second hour, me and my friends would always like ditch and go to like McDonald's and like do our own thing.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But in the Utah that's like, oh, you'd be so. You'd be like, wow.

[B]

Okay. It's so interesting. Like I know you're not on the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, but it's just so interesting because I watch the Real Housewives of Utah and all, but their lives are kind of just like everybody else's and they kind of do whatever the they want. But then there's like certain nuances to the Mormon religions. Like you don't do like you don't drink alcohol. You do not get that second period. Like there are certain things they will not do. But like Lisa, who I know she's like bad Mormon. She's not like, you know, pinnacle of a good Mormon tequila brand. Like what is happening? Which one is it?

[A]

I live for these.

[B]

I love it for. Because you know you're gonna catch hands for that. Yeah. And living in Utah.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

No, I love it for her.

[C]

But yeah. It's not common.

[B]

Oh, it's not.

[C]

She's special. No.

[A]

Yes. It's very uncomfortable.

[C]

No. And so much of it. Yeah. Is. It's not even like the church teachings. It's just like the culture.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like, I Didn't grow up like in the Mormon church, but like, still, it's like the culture of that vibe.

[A]

I love that you said that because I genuinely feel. I'm not kidding you. Like, sometimes when people talk about it, I'm like, I don't think you guys understand, like, the church, like, the teachings of stuff. It's not like crazy, blasphemous stuff. It's literally like. It's the people that are crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's the people that are crazy that take it too far. But I'm like, you guys, it's literally like Christian with an extra book. I don't know what's so, like, it's not that crazy, but people, I think, that culturally take it so far, they're like, you guys.

[C]

No, especially. Yeah, especially in Utah.

[A]

In Utah. It's like, because it's like, it's a. It's a state thing. Like I was saying, it's not the same.

[B]

I think it's really interesting. I mean, look at all the TV shows that run off of it. I mean, people clearly find it to be very, very interesting. Yeah.

[C]

Whenever I watch, I'm like, I know, I love watching. So I'm like, well, I know all the girls. So I'm like, oh, it's fun to like, see your friends doing fun things. But I'm also, when it first came out and people are like, this is not like, is this accurate? And I'm like, yes, yes. This is what it is like to be Mormon.

[A]

There especially there. Like, that's like the thing too. Especially.

[B]

I thought you were going to be on the show. I had like, no, I think we talked about this on our podcast. Like a Mormon. I'm not a wife. Because you had said. But you had said something like, I'm going to announce. That was your tarte collab. And I was like, I wonder if Aspen's going to announce and she's going to be on the show. I. I didn't know you were on the Halloween party, but I knew you guys were all friends and that's why I was like, I was going to be very excited for that.

[C]

Yeah, no, it would have been fun, but I was just. Just went to their Halloween party and it was crazy.

[B]

Would you do reality tv?

[C]

Maybe. I maybe would.

[A]

It would be cool. You said that would be such a fun thing, like if it's opportunity represented itself.

[B]

You. I could see you on. We are like, thanks. I moved to California, but I could see you on the secret lives of more my wives, which half of them are Divorced. Anyway, so who cares?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

One. But two. You're spicy. Like, you are very sweet girl. Yeah. Your core. And, like, meeting you. You're a sweet angel, baby girl, but you can get there. Like, if you need a custom bitch out, they'll catch the hand.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

On the show, I was like, damn, I want to see you on there.

[C]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

I would.

[C]

I would. I love those girls. They're so fun.

[A]

They're great. Honestly, I love them.

[B]

They're amazing.

[A]

I love them. Yeah, we've met a bunch of them, actually. And they're like the sweetest angel.

[C]

They're so fun.

[B]

They're really cool. They're really freaking cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, you got a peeker pit.

[A]

Oh, yes. Okay. Okay. My pit. Speaking of. Exactly. I'm like, oh, my God, this is, like, perfect. So, literally two nights ago, I woke up in the middle of a panic attack. Which I haven't had. I haven't actually had to wake up in the middle of a panic attack.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

In. Oh, my God. Years and years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, it's been years since I've had one.

[B]

Except for when you took that edible.

[A]

Oh, you know what? That one. Okay. Do you want. So funny.

[C]

No, I love that story, too.

[A]

Okay. Yes, I did. I attempted. I tried. You know, something different, something unique, something earthy, something earthy of the earth. Of the earth. You know, things like that. So I did that. Okay. Actually, I'm gonna tell that story. Cause I actually think it's really fucking funny.

[B]

That's so good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So, you guys, I did one. I'm like, I'm gonna really just be so tired and sleep, right? I'm like, I'm gonna be in my sleepy era. I'm gonna be, like, knocking out so quickly. Turns out much more than I thought it was. The situation at hand. And when I went into bed, I lost all motor function in my arms and my legs.

[C]

It happened.

[A]

You guys, I'm not kidding. Like, I literally am like, I'm tingling everywhere. I start freaking out. I'm like, wait, were you. Why am I tingling? I was alone. I was completely alone. I'm like. My body's like, my arms. I'm not kidding. You are vibrating. And I'm like, something feels off here. So then. So then I'm like, I don't feel temperature. So then I start. No, you guys, I'm not kidding you. I start panicking. So then I go. I stand up, go to my ac because it's, like, blasting so cold. I might get in front of it like this. I don't feel temperature. Can I feel this cold? Didn't feel cold. I'm like. I just feel wind. So I'm like, oh, my God, my senses. So then, because I think that. Because I started, like, honestly, like, panicking in that moment where I'm like, oh, my. I'm off. I'm off. I'm off. I start convulsing. My body, like, starts actually shaking profusely.

[B]

I'm literally like, exorcism.

[A]

Exorcism. I swear, literally, like this. I'm sorry. Exorcism, exercising. You straight?

[B]

You wake up straight.

[A]

I woke up like, hey, stop my nightmare. I'm like, you guys finally am back. No, no, no. I'm back in the closet. No, seriously, I start like, yeah, I start like this. I'm like, oh, my God. I can't. So I walk to the bathroom. I'm literally shaking. I'm like, pissing. It's like this. I swear, you guys, I wish I was kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm literally. I'm literally convulsing. So then I'm like, okay, I think that I'm having reactions.

[C]

I think something's wrong, you guys.

[A]

I think there's something wrong.

[B]

That's whenever you were like, it was the animal.

[A]

You're like, oh. So then I was like, do I call 91 1? I was just kind of like on that point where I was like, what do I do? No, she's knocked the out at 2 in the morning. I'm like, oh, baby. She's like, hey, nothing happening right now. I'm like, I'm fucking doomed. So I'm like, do I call 911? So, okay, I can either take like a Xanax, because I have, like, prescribed Xanax, like, flying or something crazy. So I go, I'll take one. And that can maybe take me out of my panic attack, right? So I take one, I chew it.

[C]

Like, crunch to, like, activate it, going, yes.

[A]

And then I would say, like, literally five minutes later, I'm like, no longer shaking anymore. And I'm like, I'm never doing that again.

[B]

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I might say.

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[C]

So I literally time you did it.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

An edible.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yes. And it got me so together and I was like, you know what?

[B]

So you don't do edibles anymore?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

You think you're done?

[A]

I think I'm out. I think I'm clogged. The thing is honestly that like low key traumatized me. I'm not even kidding. Like, that's scary thinking about it. Like it's funny to talk about because it's so funny when I. Because I'm literally like.

[C]

Because you're fine now.

[A]

Yeah, because I'm fine and I'm good. But in the moment, guys, I'm not kidding you. I Literally was like, should I call 91 1? Like, I really. Like, my body is betraying me. I've never been betrayed by my body like that in that way.

[B]

That's horrible.

[A]

So I was really, like. Like, I think I'm good. Like, I think I'm good. So I don't know. If anyone out there has ever had a bad experience like that, please let me know, because maybe I'm just sensitive to that, too. Like, and, like, maybe. Or also maybe, like, it wasn't, like, the amount that it says, because, you know, like, apparently, like, when, like, you make edibles, like, it could be, like, completely different, varying amounts. Like, the batch could be completely different. So it's like, maybe that's why it could have been much stronger than what it says it was.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, what if it was, like, it was a five, but it was, like, a 15.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, what am I gonna do that.

[C]

Those are fun.

[A]

I wish.

[B]

Have a good time.

[A]

I also. The thing is, like, I had taken it to fall asleep.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I wasn't looking at fun. I was like, I'm gonna. It's gonna make me so tired right now. I'm gonna knock out. And then I go down, and I'm like, this. I'm suddenly tingling. I'm like.

[B]

Wait, so did you take the zanny on top of the.

[A]

Sure did.

[B]

And it fixed it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like a zany would fix anything, though.

[A]

If you're in a panic.

[B]

Anything.

[A]

It will fix anything. Any problem you have. The thing is, it just gets you back down to, like, a level. So let's say if you're up here, it brings you back to your level. But if you. Let's say if you're here, it goes. Brings you so far down. So it's like. Yeah, it's easy to abuse because you're literally, like. You're so incoherent. But I'm telling you, if you're at a 20, it at least get you to a 10.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm like, I'm just trying to get back to 10.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I'm just trying to get back to, like, normal. So I just got out of my panic. I didn't even feel the Xanax, like, in the way of, like, making you lethargic. I literally was just, like, it brought you back.

[C]

You're like, I'm back.

[A]

I'm not shaking anymore. Yes. It's brought back to you. I'm back.

[C]

I need to go to sleep.

[B]

Do Xanax bars. I love that in Rap songs.

[A]

Oh, my God, yes. A bar. A bar.

[B]

Because they do like a little bars. So do they come in different doses?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or is it just like.

[A]

Yes? No, they do come in. They have a smaller one and like a bigger one. Yeah, there's like a strong one and there's like a more chill one.

[B]

One time a stranger gave me one.

[A]

Yes. Tell the story. Tell the story, bitch. Yeah, I just told my story. It's your turn.

[B]

Yeah, I don't have any prescriptions.

[A]

She doesn't know. She's like, of the earth.

[B]

I am of the earth.

[A]

She's a raw dogger. She barely take a Tylenol.

[B]

Dead barely, honey. Deal with pain. Deal with pain. So I was chatting up like a stranger on a plane one time. I love talking to people on planes. And he was like, I have a Xanax bar from Mexico if you want one. And I was like, okay, let's do it. Going on. Let's find out.

[A]

Let's do it.

[C]

Let's find it.

[B]

Let's do it. So he gave me a Xanax bar and I slept for 12 hours.

[C]

That's nice.

[B]

And also, let me tell you that. Let me tell ya. I was like, what is this gonna do to me? I didn't ask him. I just.

[A]

Oh, actually I was like, what was it? I was like, did you ask him?

[B]

Nope, didn't ask. Didn't ask. But I figured if it killed me, he would be like, beside me on the plane. You're gonna be. I mean, we took him together, we were like this.

[C]

Cheers.

[B]

I was like, I don't know what this is gonna do. But you know what it felt like? It felt. Felt like it was okay to sleep it. Like, I have like a little. Everybody, every human on earth has anxiety. So sometimes you have that little spice, can't sleep of anxiety, especially on a plane. It just felt like it made it okay to live. It made it okay. If I slept for 10 hours, I want to sleep for five more. It was like, it's okay. You know what I mean? Like, everything is okay. And that's what I felt like it did for me.

[A]

Yeah. So that's why it gets so addicting for people. And that's something to be careful.

[B]

Oh, you're right.

[A]

Xanax is a huge addiction.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

So that's why you have to actually be, like, really careful. Because it feels so good. Because it doesn't make you feel like you worry anymore.

[C]

Yeah, that's the problem. I don't think I've ever tried, girl. If a stranger Offers me take it on the plane.

[B]

Take it.

[A]

But, like, I'm telling you, like, that is why you do have to be so careful. And it's like, funny and stuff, but, like, it can be so addictive for people and that's why they get, like, so kind of stuck on it. Because they don't. I'm not kidding you. It, like, kind of nullifies your any kind of pain or worry or worry.

[B]

Or like, anxiety or anything.

[A]

It takes it away. Like, oh.

[B]

Like.

[A]

But it's a normal feeling. So you have to be like, you know, you have to still live and you have to, like, live life and still live with some worry. Like, you can't just negate worry all day, every day. And Danny said that you just can't do that.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Because I'm not kidding you. Like, you'll ricochet back into, like, actual, like, full blown, like, mental breakdown. Like, it's just an. Yes. So you just have to be really careful with it. But it does. It makes you feel, like, calm. Makes you feel like you're not worried. Like, for example, that's why people take it when they're going on a flight, let's say scared flyers. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like, oh, my God, I'm not gonna fly. Takes you down.

[B]

Takes you back to, like, a beta blocker on steroids.

[A]

Yes. Laura woke up like, yeah, what year is it?

[B]

After 10 hours. And then I went back to sleep for like, three more hours. I was like, oh, well. Oh, well.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Xanax is ol.

[B]

It is. It's ol. So I get it. I get it.

[A]

You understand.

[B]

I understand. It made me understand.

[A]

Yeah, you're like, the experience. Oh, I was like, this is why you get a date. I'm like, yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Correct. Correct.

[B]

So sweet.

[A]

Do you have a pit?

[B]

Well, that was my p. That sounded like a fun story. That's such a great question. Well, one mosquito.

[C]

Oh, my God. Wait, you too? Yes. Is it mosquito season? Like, is that a thing?

[B]

It's weird.

[A]

In October, it's like.

[B]

It's worse.

[A]

No, so am I, actually.

[B]

So we're not crazy.

[A]

We just talked. No, we just talked about this literally yesterday.

[C]

Yeah, no, it's my. My bug guys at my house right now.

[B]

And I was like, okay, the mosquitoes, we can't even go outside. They are running us back into our house. And I've never had them this bad in October ever before, so I don't know what the tea is on that. They need to go to hell, you guys.

[A]

My. You know what's so funny. My neighbors, like, I have a group chat with my neighbors, and one of our neighbors said like, hey, guys. So our neighbor, like, my house is getting ransacked with mosquitoes as anyone else. And everyone's like, oh, my God, we're all going through the gigs, right? So they're like, can we please sign this, like, petition to get, like, the city to come out and spray, like, the whole neighborhood, like. Yeah. So my whole neighborhood is, like, on it. Because apparently it's like, it's been so bad we can't even leave outside. And, like, yes. Because I'm like, They're like, yeah. They have, like, kids. And, like, no, kids will get bit. Like, it's a disaster.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Even go outside. Like, it's insane right now.

[A]

Yes. No. Remember the other day there was one flight and Lord goes like this. And I was like, laura, you got it. You got it. Laura's like, I fucking got it. I look at this. Nothing in my mind, though. I'm not kidding. I was hyping up. I'm like, you're a fucking ninja, dude.

[B]

You saw me get it.

[A]

Yes. I literally, in my mind, because it disappeared after. Let's be real. Yeah.

[C]

Something else happened.

[A]

I was like, laura, you got it.

[B]

Mosquitoes are the slowest, moving, most chaotic movies.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Creature.

[B]

That you cannot get.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They will not.

[B]

But they're slow.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I don't get it. They're the devil. They're literally the devil. And they're pissing me off.

[A]

I'm also, like, allergic to mosquitoes, so.

[B]

It'S like, yeah, you are.

[A]

I'm very, like, yes. I get very, very bad reactions. So I actually, like, do everything in my power to not get bit because my reactions tend to, like, actually get, like, golf bally. Like, they're not like, the little.

[C]

Like a little bit.

[A]

No, like, mine is like, she knows.

[B]

Little cincinella candles don't do shit.

[C]

I know. I just ordered something from Amazon. I'm like, please.

[B]

Like, I swear to God, mosquitoes are, like, playing.

[A]

No, they are. They're. They're the. Re. Bogging in the snow. Like, please. I don't know. I don't know.

[B]

I don't know what to do.

[A]

I know, like, lemongrass is supposed to be good to be, like, anti.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Mosquito.

[C]

Of the earth.

[A]

We need some deep.

[C]

Yeah, I know. Be covered in bug spray. Even my kids. I'm like, we gotta get something. So.

[B]

Yeah, we have bug bites.

[C]

I'm like, okay, go inside.

[A]

You're like, okay, stop. You're. No more playing Outside.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We're done.

[C]

No more.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. Even by the freaking water.

[B]

I know. Yep. That's crazy.

[A]

Any still water? It's a. It's a wrap.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, honestly, if you guys have any freaking remedies for getting rid of mosquitoes.

[B]

In your area, go ahead and leave.

[A]

That in the comments because we all would love to.

[B]

We're getting taken away the rift.

[A]

Flown out right now.

[B]

Flown out and they're flying. California area. Yeah. Okay. Well, Asma, we have questions for you, and we want answers. I'm just kidding.

[C]

Ask away.

[A]

No. So what I was, like, curious about, like, so obviously, you're like, an OG like us. Like, we've been OGs together. We've been going through the thick and thins of life, literally. But, like, you, I feel like, had built your brand back in the day off of like, being so, like. Like, you know, like, sweet and, like, innocent and just, like, wholesome. Was there anything, like, I'm always, like, curious about this. Like, was there anything during that time that you're like, if all these people knew about me at this time?

[C]

Oh, back then.

[A]

Like, back then. Okay.

[C]

If I think about me, my, like, now looking back to myself, I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, I would never. I'm just. I feel like such a different person now. But back then, I was. I feel like what you saw was what you got, that I was, like, very wholesome. I did not, like, drink. Didn't do anything like that. So I'm like. You guys probably thought I was so boring on the branch.

[A]

No.

[C]

But I was also just like, a baby.

[B]

I was so awesome. He doesn't drink and never has, so.

[C]

The Mormon.

[B]

The Mormon. It got him.

[A]

I think it's actually. I think it's in the DNA.

[B]

Truly, I can't. I'm one of those people. I can have fun with people that don't drink.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I truly can. And I have girlfriends that have quit drinking just because they want to quit drinking right now. They just need a pause in their life, and so they hang out with me because they know I'll get a Coke with you, and we'll have a great.

[C]

We.

[B]

We'll laugh our ass.

[C]

I feel like you're fun no matter what. Both of you. Like, you guys don't need anything. You don't need Xanax.

[B]

You don't eat.

[A]

No, we don't.

[B]

Yeah. So I actually think that when people don't drink, I don't think they're boring at all. As a matter of fact, more times when people drink a lot, I think they're annoying as. Yeah, it's quite the unfortunate. But you were great on the brand trip.

[A]

We actually.

[B]

We loved you and Parker.

[A]

We were like, you guys are chill.

[B]

We met you guys together. We thought you were wonderful.

[C]

Yeah. No good times back then, but yeah, I feel like what you saw was kind of like what you got.

[A]

I love that that's how you were. And then now. This is, like, now, I think.

[C]

Yeah. Just being older and, like, leaving Utah and just being such a different phase of my life, I feel like I'm definitely. I feel like, especially when I moved here, it's like my world just opened up so much and being exposed to, like, so many different types of people and, like, different. Just everything. And I've traveled a lot since then, too.

[A]

So what's, like, the biggest culture shock do you think that you would have from, like, let's say, Utah to here in comparison? Because obviously growing up in Utah, it's complete juxtaposition, I feel like, in California. But what was, like, one thing that you're like, dude, this is, like, wild.

[C]

Let me think. Because I feel like growing up in Utah, just the Mormon bubble is, like. So I think the biggest culture shock probably. I don't know if this would be a culture shock, but, like, what comes to mind is people's minds are so much bigger, Whereas in Utah, it's like, you don't really. Especially in, like, a small town. I feel like you don't think outside of, like, what, you know. Like, I didn't think any differently.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, oh, let me get married at 19. Like, I didn't consider anything different. I didn't consider. Even if I would have waited, I would have waited until I was, like, 21, which is like, that's not really waiting, you know, like, anywhere else in the world. Like, there's just so many different paths of life you can take. And I feel like in Utah, people don't consider those as much. And then you go anywhere else, and people are, like, doing whatever. Doing all different types of things. Yeah. So it's so crazy and interesting to just see, like, different types of people like that. Because I feel like if I had grown up somewhere else, it would affected you. Yeah, it would have affected so differently. Yeah. Because I won even, like, having kids young, too. I'm like, oh, I didn't consider. Consider.

[B]

I kind of felt like a stranger. I. I felt misplaced in Alabama because I didn't want to get married young and I didn't want to have kids. Young and that's what everybody else was doing. And I, you know, everybody's like, goes to Southern Baptist church and are Christian. I was just kind of like, not that I wasn't religious, I was, but I wasn't into it like that. So I constantly was like wanting to claw my way out because I was like it. I feel weird here. This isn't me, but I was born and raised here and lived here my whole entire life. So this should be me, me. But am I doing the wrong thing? Because I don't want the same things as these people. I felt odd and then whenever I got to la, I was like, oh.

[C]

Yeah, you're like, these are my people. Yeah.

[B]

Yep. Because everybody does whatever the they want. Like there's not as much as societal standard on.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Los Angeles and like California.

[A]

Well, the cool thing about California and LA too is that it's actually a boiling pot of people. So there's no like, like necessary like culture other than like the like Hollywood like influencer culture. That's just like a fun made up thing. But like it's not like an ingrained thing because it actually is. So many people are coming from different places to live in LA and people come here to like make it right. You're not coming to LA to be complacent. You're being, you're coming here to like make your dreams come true and coming to Southern California for like different things.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You're like coming to be different versus if like you go to those places, like to be setting like a small town. Yeah. To like be kind of be just like everybody else.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think it's like we're all, I think we all like in our own ways, we're like, we feel trapped in some way. Like so like we all somehow like come out here and we feel like free because our mindset has always been a little bit bit freer in some capacity in some way. And then you find people that in your, in your life and you're like, oh my God. Yeah, like me. Yeah, just like you, you know, it's like that like, like thing. I'm like, oh, that's so nice. And like same with me. I was like obviously very repressed growing up. So coming out here it was just kind of like okay. Like it's actually okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

To be different. And actually you're rewarded for being different instead of trying to fit in the mold and trying to like, you know, make people happy around you because they're like, they want you to be one thing.

[C]

So much better.

[A]

Thank you so much to True Classic for sponsoring today's episode of Full coverage. You guys, the guys over at True Classic started with a simple mission. To bring premium comfortable clothing to the masses. Because looking and feeling great shouldn't just come with designer price tags, which I think is absolutely amazing. I'm so, so excited because I got some of my own True Classic shirts and they are so freaking comfortable. I'm actually so gagged by them. I thought they were amazing. When we got them, I was like, oh my God, these are such amazing quality.

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[A]

You guys, Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10% of all e commerce in the United States. From household names like Mattel, Gymshark to brands just getting started to indie brands like Laura's and mine. And it's just such an amazing, amazing platform. We both actually use it ourselves for our brands and it just makes things so much easier. Like Shopify makes the marketing minefield easy with built in tools for running social media and even email campaigns so you can find your customers and actually keep them. So we're actually huge, huge, huge advocates and huge lovers of Shopify. Shopify. And we love working with them.

[B]

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[C]

Rewarded for that.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it was cr dude. My first YouTube video.

[B]

You're crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I was, like, shocked.

[A]

Yes. Because I was like. Like, I felt like I was so. You know, I felt like I was living, like, this, like, double life for so long, and I was trying so hard to get people to like me because I was gay. Right. So I was like, okay, if they just like me, then if they find out I'm gay, they won't hate me because. Yeah. You know, it is what it is. So when I did started doing online content creation and I was myself, and I got rewarded for being myself, I was like, oh, this is like, something so different and so unique. Like, I did I've ever experienced this.

[C]

Yeah. Like, being accepted in that way.

[A]

Accepted in the way where it's, like, accepting all of me and not just, like, a part of me.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So then I was like, holy. Like, this is a whole new world that I, like, like, can experience.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I feel like all of us have that in, like, some little way and, like, in some capacity where it's like, oh, like, you know, I'm accepted for being me. And it's like your. Your difference is, like, something actually that's, like, so powerful about you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, it's like you being, like, let's say from Alabama, like, that is a superpower itself. Like, it made you different from other. Other girlies out there.

[B]

100.

[A]

You know, I mean, like, you can.

[B]

Even hear from Utah. That's like, my first questions. Like, I want to know, like, what's that like there? You know, like, that, too. Be your superpower here. You know, like, people are. It's different. It's going to be different. Which that makes you special in a way, because you have that experience that most people don't have here. So I think that's really cool. You completely changed your life at such a young age. And I think having three kids, getting divorced, moving, dating again, completely flipping your life is such a powerful thing to do, especially publicly, because I think there's a lot of young girls out there who have done the same thing you do, and then they know there's no way out, and then they know this is the end for them. But I think it's so inspiring that you did that. Like, what. Tell us a little bit about your journey.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I really have.

[B]

I mean, you completely.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Flipped your entire life.

[C]

I feel like I don't give myself a lot. You don't?

[B]

Because most people go their whole lives and they can't even flip it a little bit. You flip the tables upside down. So Tell us the tea on that.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. There's so much. I feel like I'm just so fortunate to have been able to. I feel like, Like, I don't know. One of the number one things that stops people is, like, being financially not able to do that. So I always, like, try to mention that when I talk about it because it's can sound so easy to be.

[A]

Like, nobody's the truth.

[C]

Leave him and move and, like, do all these things. And I'm like, thank goodness I was able to afford to do that and like, set myself up for that over the past, you know, 10 years. But yeah, I moved here a year ago. It was like kind of mid divorce. I knew that I wanted to be here. And so I was like, we have to get this going, like, during the divorce process. Because I knew people ask if Parker's out here too, and he is. And I was like, we just need, like, fresh start. We have young kids. I had a baby. There's so much. There's so much to it. Like, my baby's a year and a half.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And so I was getting divorced. Like, when I was pregnant, it was. I don't know how I got through it. Honestly, I don't know how I did it.

[B]

Money or not. Going through a divorce, pregnant, that's huge. Yeah, that's huge. You know?

[C]

Yeah. I don't know how I survived it. I feel I've always just been, like, such a doer. I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna figure it out when I'm gonna do it. I. I feel like when I think of, like, my life, I'm like, well, there's no option to, like, not do these things. So I was like, I know that I cannot stay in Utah. I just needed some kind of fresh start. And we had vacationed in Newport a lot. They felt like a second home. So I was like, this makes sense. Sense for us to go here. We have friends here, obviously, like, co parenting and everything. Like, we needed to be in the same place. And so we were like, hey, let's go out there. We'll figure it out. I just knew that I had to, like, get out here. That was kind of my only goal. It was like, get out here and then figure everything else out later. And so that was what I did. And it has been like the craziest year. And then everything was kind of, like, shared. Like, I hadn't publicly talked about it. And then I had my baby.

[B]

Bad for you. And that came out, and you were pregnant.

[C]

Well, I had had her and she was in the nicu. And then I was. I was home and like posting like my birth. Like, had my baby.

[A]

No, no.

[C]

And then that was the day that I had filed for divorce and which, like, it's a long process. So it's not like, oh, this is a significant day. Like you filed. It's like the lawyer's like, oh, like this and this and this is ready. Let me know if you want me to go ahead and like, file. And I was like, okay, yeah, like, go ahead. Like, I'm busy. I just had a baby. Like, go ahead. Just take care of whatever. So I didn't think it was. Was like, you.

[B]

This is the day. Yeah. For people to hear because, like, I didn't know that.

[A]

I didn't know that either.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Thing.

[C]

Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was just like, it just takes a while. It's a long process. Yeah. It was just like, okay, so neck. Like next step is blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, not really fully. I mean, I know what I'm like doing. Like, I'm obviously.

[B]

Did you know? I had no idea.

[C]

No, no. I had no idea. And I wasn't obviously I hadn't talked about it and wasn't ready to. And so then I'm like posting my videos. Like with Parker in the hospital. Yeah. Like, we just had a baby. And then everyone's like, why are you posting this right now? And then it was. Yeah, it was like posted. I still am. Like, I don't know exactly how, but it was like on like everything. Like news. Yahoo. Like, I remember Parker was like reading. He looked. I don't even know what he was reading. Some kind of Yahoo like finance article or something. And then it's like the sidebar is like our faces of like Aspen and Parker getting divorced. So we were just like, literally had a two week old baby that she was a preemie. She was in the nicu. She had just came home. It was like a disaster. It was so. It was such a crazy experience. I feel like I didn't realize how. Because I just ignored it for a while. I was like, I'm not. I don't want to talk about it. Like, if there's anything about me, I'm not going to do something I don't want to do. And I was like, I don't want to talk about it right now, so I'm not going to. So I didn't for a while. And then when I finally did, I was like, okay. People are like, never gonna Stop asking. So I'm kind of ready to talk about it and then.

[A]

But you did on your own time, which is.

[C]

I did on my own.

[B]

I'm standing in your blood.

[C]

That I did.

[B]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[C]

Yeah. But it was. Yeah, it's been a very, very crazy last few years, but I'm definitely happy, like, every day. I'm so happy that I am where I am now and, like, made those choices and just had the strength to do it because I was like, I cannot that live the same life that I'm living, like, forever. It just gets so.

[B]

That will hurt worse.

[C]

Yeah. That will hurt worse than starting over. Yeah. So moved. Started over.

[B]

What a great perspective.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's awesome. I really think it's so cool for. For you to say that in here, because I think that a lot of people could feel stuck and they're like, well, what am I supposed to do? I'm just like, I can't leave. And obviously you're financially able, which is amazing. And, you know, financial stability is actually true freedom, to be quite honest. But I feel like it's so important for people to hear it that, like, it's sometimes more painful to stay in it than completely resetting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, it's just. Think about that. Like, you can have the life that you want. You have to, like, really yearn for and want that and to, like, actually make change.

[C]

Yeah. You know, willing to do that, which is such a hard choice to make. And again, the financial part of it, like, made it so much easier. Like, I couldn't have done it without that, you know.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

But especially with kids, like, it just makes it, like, just so hard.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, I love all those changes for you. So now, do you still do YouTube?

[C]

I do not as consistently, just because I'm. It's just when I feel like people are like, yeah, I focus more on, like, short form content. But, yeah, I do, just not as often. I used to be, like, every week here's a new vlog. And now I'm like, like once a month, I'm like, guys, I'm trying this.

[B]

People don't understand how demanding short form content is because it's like, like, so consistent. You know what I mean? So it's definitely pulled from me. And I've struggled so hard uploading on YouTube. I mean, we do the podcast, which is long form, but Me too, but YouTube was like our bread and butter and, like, what we came up on, so I love that audience over there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I know you never want to, like, abandon it. I'm like, guys, find me over here. But, like, I'm not leaving.

[B]

It's.

[C]

I can't post as often. It's just hard with kids, too. Oh, it's a lot.

[B]

Can't even imagine. I don't even have kids, Emily. I don't even know how you do it, but. Yeah, I don't even know how you do it.

[A]

Seriously. That's a whole nother, like, avenue. That's just like, oh, my God.

[B]

How's motherhood? How's having three little girls? Tell us some tea on that.

[C]

Oh, it's fun. It's definitely hard, especially being, like, a sing. I'm like a single mom because I'm not married, but I'm not, like, doing all of everything on my own. Like, we co parent, obviously, and do, like, everything that we can to try and, like, make it good for the girls. But I love having girls. They're so fun. It's just like, girl party all the time. So they're fun. They're six, four and one and a half. Oh, my God, they're so. They're so big.

[A]

They're literally.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Do they get along usually?

[C]

It depends. They play, like, really well.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

But the two big ones will fight.

[A]

Because they're close in age.

[C]

They're closer in age. Yeah. And then the baby just is like, it doesn't know what's going on ever. And she's just like, guys, like, what? Like, okay, like, we're fighting. She's, like, learning from them now. Starting to be, like, kind of, like, sassy like them.

[A]

And I'm like, no, I know.

[C]

Oh, yes. Very outnumbered. But no, it's. It's really fun. I always, like, wanted to be a mom, wanted to have kids young, and I always wanted girls, too, so it.

[A]

Like, worked out perfectly.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you have siblings?

[C]

I do. Yeah. I have. I'm the oldest of four, so I have. It's me and then a brother, then sister, then brother. So there's two.

[B]

They have kids too?

[C]

No, I'm the. I'm the oldest one, and then the rest of them are, like, single, and the youngest one's 18, so.

[A]

Oh, yeah. So there's like, a vast range.

[C]

Yeah, big range. But yeah, I'm the only one. So no cousins or anything, like, on my side. But my sister gets to just, like, learn from all the things. She's like, yeah, I'm not gonna get married young. Yeah. I'm not gonna, like, have kids young. I'm gonna go do all these things. She, like, moved to la. Now she's in New York and, like, going to fashion schools. And I'm like, that's fun. You get to learn from, like, from your mistakes.

[A]

But, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, you're like, like, yeah, experiences, at least for me, because I'm also the oldest of three. So, like, they have told me. They're like, I've learned from, like, things that you've done that you probably like, I could have done something differently.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's kind of what the way.

[C]

No, I'm, like, so happy for her. I'm like, good for you for not doing the same things I did. Even though, like, love my kids, have kids, you wouldn't change anything, obviously, right? Divorce now. But I'm like, oh, you can do all those things, like, way later and experience life before. And that I feel like, just ties in again to, like. Like, the Utah thing that I'm like, I didn't really consider.

[A]

Wow. That later on.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Also what's cool, too, is that, like, social media, like, that's the cool thing about social media that we've had now in these last 10 years, is that, like, you're actually able to see different walks of life from, like, a phone and not just be, like, right next to you. Whereas, like, again, like, if you were, like, us growing up, where we grew up, it's like, that's all we saw. It's all we knew. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You just don't know what you don't know. I feel like the biggest, like, lesson that I've learned. Not even, like, a lesson, but, like, things I've had to, like, process. Because I'm like, oh, my gosh, like, why? I look back on certain things. I'm like, why did I do this? And I'm like, like. But I didn't know what I didn't know.

[B]

You don't know.

[C]

Didn't have the information.

[B]

These are meant to be, to an extent, I feel like. I feel like. So, you know, like, there's a universal thing where, like, certain things, you weren't meant to know something at a certain time. And, like, life was meant to play out in certain ways. Like, so I think there's also a beauty in that. Even though, you know, like, if I could go back and tell myself so many things, my God, I would. But it's like, that's the beauty in life. And then. Then, I mean, your kids are not a mistake by any means. You want it to be a young mom. You want it to be a mother always. So either way, It's. It's a wonderful thing.

[A]

Yes, exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, it's just, like, one of those things where it's like, you can look back and be like. Could change that, but.

[C]

Yeah, like, in my next life.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. Love them. But out there would have been great, too. Yeah. I mean, it's like, that kind of aspect of it. I think that that's what we're seeing now. Yeah. That's, like, the part that's really, really great about you sharing your stories, because it's like, you know what? You can't. Can do these things and you. But you can also do it later, too, if you want. Like. Yeah, that's, like, the cool thing about it, too.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

How about also, like, now that you're, you know, you're divorced, you are dating now, you know you're dating, you're playing a little bit. Yeah. How is it like, navigating dating post divorce? Because, you know, it's like, yeah, these guys were together for so, so long.

[C]

Yeah, I know. I was just gonna say, it's actually just thinking of, like, having kids young or having them older. It's kind of nice in a way that I obviously, like, I wouldn't change anything having kids young, even if now I look back, like, I would tell them, like, wait till you're older to do all these things. But it's nice in a way, because it kind of takes the pressure off because I'm not looking for, like, a life partner to have kids with or.

[B]

You have no timeline.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So it's so freeing in a way, because I'm like, this is. You can kind of be a little more specific because you're not, like, there's no pressure. Oh, well, I'm looking for, like, a partner, and I want to have kids, and I want to have, like, this timeline. Yeah. All these things. So there's. There's pros to it, even though, obviously it's, like, sad to, like, be divorced and whatever.

[A]

Yeah, it happens, honey.

[C]

It happens.

[B]

It does happen. I think they said when women got the right to have credit, the divorce rate went from 0 to 20, and that was just credit. Women still couldn't vote or do anything that they just gave women credit and 20 of them left their men. Thank you to Shopify for sponsoring this portion of full coverage. If you shopped online, chances are you've bought from a business powered by Shopify. You know that purple shop pay button you see at checkout? The one that makes it so incredibly easy? That's Shopify, and that's the reason so many businesses sell with it because Shopify doesn't just make amazing buying experiences for customers, they're also the experts behind helping small businesses grow.

[A]

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[A]

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Bring your A game and talk to your doctor. Learn more at appr2.com or call 1-888-24003. And now the rates I think like over 50. So yeah, I also don't think the divorce is like a failure in a way.

[C]

Like yeah, we only think so either.

[A]

Try to make it seem like it, but it's not.

[B]

Yeah, I tried like someone came on a brain trip and they were like I'm getting divorced, finishing my divorce today. And I was like congratulations. Like that's a celebration. Like. And like, we all try things. Colleges, jobs, careers, marriages, relationships, friendships. And they don't work out. There's no failure in that. You know what I mean? I feel like that's just life. Like, you try things and if you. I feel like whenever you change them or you stand in your power and you're like, you know, this doesn't serve me anymore. This isn't for me anymore. And you're willing to change that. I think that is standing in your power and not doing something just because you did it and you don't want to change. Like, if you signed up for this major and you've been working on it for so long, but then it hits you. You're like, the day to day of this career seems miserable. I don't want to do this anymore. To change that is not a failure. That's actually success.

[C]

I know. And I feel like it's just like, next chapter. Like, this is my next chapter chapter.

[B]

And the beauty of that is you're 29 years old going into your next chapter. You're so young. You're like starting fresh almost.

[C]

I know. Yeah. I'm like, it's a blessing that I'm not totally 49. I mean, all the 49 year olds getting divorced watching this, I'm like, you still have time.

[A]

No, but it's true. It's like you able to. You were able to see that younger.

[B]

There's like a beauty in that.

[C]

And I feel grateful for that. Yeah. And, yeah. I mean, this is like, I've never. I married my first boyfriend, like, met him at like 16. Got married at 19.

[B]

Was 19 is crazy.

[C]

Yeah. I know everybody common age. And if you're not married by 21, it's like, oh, wow. Yeah.

[B]

No, you are me, right?

[A]

Girly.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The front of the lobe, the top of the road.

[C]

Yeah. No. So now I'm like navigating. Like, I just. I never even had experience, like, dating. Like, it was really just the one person.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So now to be doing that at like 29, I'm like, I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

Yes. You're like, where's my games? Yeah. You have game 100. That's. It feels like it's like one of those things where it's just like a tough thing to go from, like, first boyfriend that you married.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

To dating. Was it like, did you like, download the apps? Like, were you like, okay, I'm gonna do it, like. Or is this like, how did you even start, like, thinking about dating.

[C]

Technically, I downloaded. I didn't add for Tinder, so I was like, let me download. But it's hard to be in, like, our position because I'm like, girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And also, I. As soon as I was divorced, I was like, like, I'm gonna date women. And so that's just, like, more likely that people would, like, know who I am if I was gonna do that. But, yeah, so I didn't. I, technically, yes, downloaded the apps, but no, I feel like there's other ways to meet people.

[A]

No, totally. And it's also just like, the apps are tough. Like, yeah, someone who has been on the apps. It's like, a tough thing, especially being a creator on the apps.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

My audience is, like, you know, women. I would say 91 is women. But those 9%, they'll find me.

[B]

Yeah, the men.

[A]

The man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it's gay men. 9%. So it's literally like that 9%. Like, are you really Manning? Anyway, I'm like.

[C]

You're like, yes, I am, daddy.

[B]

You're like, well, we can't date you now.

[A]

You know who I am. Like, I always feel like it's very, like.

[C]

I know. That's why. Yeah. I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm never gonna, like, meet any. Like, where would I meet anyone? Because I feel like the apps, especially being a girl that, like, would date women, I'm like, what if they know me? Which obviously, like, I have so many cool followers.

[A]

Totally, totally.

[C]

It just creates. Can create, like, a weird dynamic when you don't know anything about them and they can see you know everything about you. It can be really hard. It can work, but it can be really hard.

[A]

Okay. But, okay, let's talk about dating women. Okay, so dating women now. So, like, obviously, you, again, went your whole life like you were dating men.

[C]

Yeah, just the one dating.

[A]

Just the one. Just a man.

[B]

So.

[A]

But, like, did you have any, like, realizations or inklings younger, or was it something that you didn't really start thinking about until you were in, like, your older years?

[C]

Like, I feel like when I look back, I knew. I feel like I always knew, but I didn't know how much that I knew because I feel like there's such a spectrum of, like.

[A]

It is. Yeah.

[C]

It's like, okay, would you, like, hook up with a girl? Or would you kiss a girl? Or would you. That's, like, so different than just 100 marriage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like, I am somewhere, but I don't know exactly where. And it wasn't Until I actually had like, experiences doing that that I was like, oh, no, I would definitely, like, I don't want to get married again. Like, legally. I just can't risk another divorce. Rates too high.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I definitely would, like, I'm like very much over on that side of like, that's. I feel like my preference now that I have had more experience with dating. So that's kind of funny. So I was obviously like married to a man for 10 years. But I think when I look back, it never was like this realization of, like, I think I like women. I always was like, no, that's an inkling. Girls are so sexy.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And even being married, I was like, oh my gosh, if I never get to like, hook up with a girl, like, that's so crazy. That's probably so fun. Like, what am I gonna do?

[B]

Right?

[C]

And then I was getting divorced anyways. I was like, perfect.

[A]

Like, might as well try.

[C]

Perfect. Might as well try. Yeah.

[A]

I love that. Like, I mean. And I feel like it's one of those things where there's always like a deep inkling. It's like always, but it's so far. It just depends obviously how you grew up, how far you push it down.

[C]

Yeah. And when I, like, was married, I was like, well, I can't put that much weight. I know. So there are so many like bisexual women or what, like, who are married and they like even will come out during their marriage or whatever. But I was like, I always hesitate to say that I couldn't. I needed to like, try it out basically before I knew. And I know that can be so harmful because it's like, well, how do you know that you're straight when you haven't tried it out? And so I never want to like, put out the message. It's like you don't know until you've tried. Because that's not how it is for everyone.

[A]

Totally.

[C]

But I think just not. It's like I thought that I knew. I was like, I feel like I'm. I would like that. I feel like I know, but I think it's just me as a person. I'm like, so technical. I was like, no, I have to try to like, make sure before I would ever say anything. And again, I was married, so it's like, like there was nowhere to compare to. Yeah. And like nothing to try. Cuz I was married. And Parker would not have been like, go ahead, like, try that out. Like, why not? Like, why not explore that that literally happened. Yeah. I didn't I'm like, guys, you should have called me.

[A]

No, but. But it's literally the truth. Like, it's just when you're speaking that experience, like, mind you, mine's obviously so different, but in a way, like, I can just. I can relate because it's like, yeah, you don't know until you, like, kind of experience something. Because you haven't experienced any of those things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially the way you grow up.

[B]

Wait, that's why, like, you'll tell your daughters, like, but the thing is, some people want kids young. Like, they want. This is what they want. And then your wants change later. And then you're like, okay, this is what it is. But that is, like, the special speciality in waiting. Like, you get to, like, you know, explore and find out who you are more. And, like, when you're so young, like, you. You think you know everything, but, like, the things you don't know that we were talking about, you don't know what you don't know. Yeah. You know?

[C]

Yeah. And, yeah, I feel like I just could not put that much weight into it because I was like, what am I gonna do?

[B]

Right. Exactly.

[A]

Right.

[C]

But then the second I was free, I was like, okay, you're like, I.

[B]

Know what I'm gonna do. I know exactly what I'm gonna do. Good for you.

[A]

How was your first time? Like, I mean, I don't know if we can say this. We can cut it out, too, but, like, how was your first time about it?

[C]

No, no, I will.

[A]

Okay. No, I was like, how is it, like, your first time of, like, being with a girl, like, intimately? Did you feel like, oh, my God, this feels correct, or was it kind of like, I feel odd, but, like, this is, like, what's happening, you know? Like, did you feel like there's, like.

[C]

There's kind of like, two stories, and I feel like there was both experiences because there was the, like, very first time I ever kissed a girl that we had literally, like, just met. It was just like, oh, fun. Like, we were at, like, we went to. It was like, a brand event.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And then we went to, like, a concert, and then it was, like, the club after and, like, kiss or whatever, and I was like, okay, I don't really, like, like, feel anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I didn't like her, and she was the person. She's, like, best, nicest girl ever. But I was also, like, talking to another girl that I actually really liked. And so then when I was with her, that was completely different. Literally. I feel like it, Like, I don't even know it.

[A]

Like, almost, like, rewrites your chemistry in some weird way.

[C]

I feel like it does. Like, it does. Like, the next. Like, the next day because she slept over. I was just, like. I don't even know. I was, like, crying.

[A]

Yes. No, but it's the truth. Like, it's like. It's, like, such a fascinating thing because it almost does. Like, you feel, like, this weird rush in your body, and you're like, I don't know what's happening right now, but I like it. And I'm confused by liking it because you've been told something for so long. Yeah, but so then I was also, like. I cried in a way where I was like. I was relieved, but I was also, like, sad for myself because then I'm like, oh, my God, my life's gonna be harder now. Like, immediately I was like, my life's gonna be tough. Like, it's gonna be so hard because I liked it so much in comparison. Because, like, I've kissed. I kissed so many girls before. I'd kissed my first boy, but when I had kissed my boy, it felt so different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It literally was like fireworks. And then when I was kissing girls, I'm like, she's so sickening there. Yeah. Like, it was very, like. Yes. I was, like, never, like, doing anything with the girls. It was just, like, we just kiss and they'd be like, how's that for you? And I'm like, it was. It was fun. Yeah.

[C]

Well, yeah, it was good.

[A]

It was cool. Cool, cool vibes. But, like, it's just such a fun thing.

[C]

Yeah. I literally feel like it changed my brain chemistry or something. And I was like, I've never felt. Felt this before or felt, like, so. I don't even know something about it. So I just knew in that.

[A]

In that moment.

[C]

Moment in that time. But it was funny because it was not that long before that I'd had, like, that other experience where I was like. I would have thought that I would have, like, felt something, but I think. Yeah. Some inkling. But I was like. I literally feel nothing. But I think now that I, like, know myself a little better. I have to, like, kind of like someone anyways just to feel, like, that spark with them. Like, I'm not now I know I'm, like, not really the type for, like, random hookups or something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But, yeah, the first. Yeah, the first time was so fun. Cute.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Even just, like, the first kiss, I'm like, why can't I remember it, like, so clearly? So, yeah, it's so fun.

[A]

Trust me. I remember mine like it was yesterday. Every moment, same.

[C]

I'm always like, were my eyes open? Like, why can I see you? I can, like, see them.

[A]

I can see myself almost, like, looking down. I'm, like, in the outer body.

[C]

Literally. I can literally see your face.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Somehow. Even though.

[A]

But this also just shows that, like, sexuality really is a spectrum. And there's so much vastness with sexuality, and there is sexuality that it's like you have to fall for someone. Like, you have to, like, their personality to even be physically attracted to them. There's just, like, such a big spectrum, and I think that people forget and they want to put boxes, like, straight and gay and then buy. But it's like, no, there's, like. There's so much.

[C]

No, there's so much. Yeah, I never. If I'm, like, generally talking, I'll say, like, oh, like bisexual, whatever. But I'm like, I don't. I just don't feel the need to, like, label.

[B]

Right. Everything's on a scale. And. Yeah, I mean, some people can label themselves and they feel like they're 100% and that's fine, too, because that's on the scale. But I feel like most people are just, like, somewhere teetered. Not in the middle, but somewhere teetered on the scale. I think it's just as easy as black. As black and white. And I feel like the more humans communicate, the more we all realize that that's a scale thing. I think ADHD is on a scale. I think, you know, I literally listen to a neuroscience talk about it. Anxiety is a scale. Like, I have crippling anxiety. Some people just have everyday anxiety. But I was listening to a neuroscientist talk about adhd, and he's like, you know how you kind of, like, hear everybody? Oh, I have that. Oh, I have that. And it's like, well, I'm gonna describe to you what real ADHD is. You don't. But they have an onset from social media and, like, that quick attention span and onset of, like, giving yourself adhd. So he was talking about it's on a scale. And I was like, this is, like, the Kinsey scale. Yes, but everything is, like, a scale. Even. Even, like, all the mental health things.

[C]

You need to look up. The Kinsey scale. I haven't even heard.

[A]

Oh, it's like, when I learned about the Kinsey. It is. It's actually the. The sex. It's the spectrum of sexuality. And basically it goes, like, from zero to six, and it shows, like, from like, zero. Like, you know, the most hetero, six. The most, like, homosexual. But it just basically is saying that scale is that there's a lot of gray to it and, like, three would be, like, I guess, bisexual. Right. But then there's like, these. There's the ones, there's the twos, there's this fours and the fives. It's like, I teeter much more straight, teeter much more gay, but I have proclivities in some capacity. So when I learned about the scale in college, I was kind of like, hold on. Now this makes a lot more sense because I think that humans fall on the scale. Every human falls.

[B]

That's how I feel.

[C]

I'm like, yep. Is anyone really straight?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Right. Or like, there's just like, a little. Like, this is, like that little. Like.

[C]

Yeah. So there's so much of a spectrum. Yeah. It's just not black or white.

[A]

It's just not black and white for a lot. And some people, it can be black and white. Absolutely. Like, for me, like, I know I'm gay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, probably. Maybe I'm six all the way to T. But, like, for a moment there, I was on the spectrum.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like. It's something that you can, like, you know, kind of ebb and flow in and out of. So I just think that's really cool. And I love that you're actually talking about your queerness, because, again, another experience are a lot of people can be in this relationship that they could, you know, they could be happy, but then they could be like, you know what? I'm, like, yearning for something different. And then, like, you're able to experience that and, like, be like, oh, I did want something different, and I got out of that a lot. It happens a lot for, like, gay men and straight women that they've been, especially the generation you know, after us, unfortunately, like, their time was just. It's a lot. It was a lot rougher for them than it was for. So they come out when they're 50 and they've been suppressed for so long, and then, like, can actually ruin lives, like, truly. So it's just nice that we're in this era that you're able to, like, you can share that. I can share my experiences. You know, we have allays here that are like, baby, come out. Like, this is an amazing thing. This one has all gay friends. Okay. Yeah, all of them, you know. Yeah. So it's just. It's just really cool. And it's Like, a beautiful thing to see. And I just, like, want to commend you on, like, actually talking about your queerness. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think that when people talk about it.

[C]

I know. And it's so, like, interesting being like, I don't look. I don't look gay. And I'm like, I actually want to look as straight as possible because I love looking that way and being like, oh, but I'm not. But I see so many people that are like, oh, I need to, like, look more gay. And, like, how do I make people know that I'm, like, gay?

[B]

Also, like, a societal standard. Weirdly, like, the gay world has a societal standard as well.

[C]

Stereotypes. I know.

[B]

And then you're like, also. Not only you're like, I'm gonna fight the stereotype there, too. Yeah, that's a beautiful thing. Do you feel like you got a lot of criticism online for switching up your life so vastly, or you feel like people were very supportive and, like, yes, and go do this.

[C]

I feel like when it came to the divorce, people definitely were very supportive. I think they were maybe a little confused just because there's so much of my relationship that was online. And obviously it's so easy when you're sharing, like, like, bits and pieces of your life.

[B]

You.

[C]

You only share the highlights. You don't share anything. That's bad. So I think it confuses people. Yeah, it was maybe, like, a little bit, like, what are you using?

[B]

You have a perfect marriage with three.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Children.

[B]

Perfect children.

[C]

Yeah. But I think even before that, like, I shared that or that, like, came out or whatever, you could tell that for the last few years, it was like, oh, she, like, doesn't seem very. She doesn't seem very okay. So I think it was confusing in a way, but also it's like, oh, that makes sense. Like, she hasn't seemed super happy for a while, so I feel like people were supportive in that. I do feel like when it comes to, like, dating women or anything like that, I definitely. There's, like, so many nice comments, but that's where people have been like, like, oh, you're, like, lying, or, oh, well.

[A]

Sadly, homophobia is still very alive and well, unfortunately.

[B]

Well, sometimes whenever you don't play out the story they want for you, it's upsetting for them.

[C]

Yeah. Like, especially even just keeping, like, dating or relationships a little more private because I'm like, I'm not doing that because I'm with, like, a woman or something, and I don't want to share. It's because I've learned from 10 years of sharing my relationship online that that's just not something I would do again. And so I feel like maybe if I talked more about, like, dating, like, actually dating women or, like, going on dates or all these things or shared more of my experience, people would, like, believe me more, quote unquote. But I'm also just not the type to. To need, like, validation from people.

[B]

I'm like, I would love you.

[C]

If you just thought I was, like, straight and look straight and whatever.

[B]

I'm like, doesn't matter. As long as the people that know.

[C]

That I'm gay, then, like, that's all I care about.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

So that's awesome. I feel like that's really the only place I kind of got, like, weird.

[B]

Where people got weird with you.

[C]

Yeah. But I'm just like. I don't.

[B]

You're like, well, whatever.

[C]

I've never cared.

[A]

Especially when it comes to, like, sexuality. Like, who gives a. Like, truly, like, that's something. Like, I get constant comment. Like, dude, I'd be getting crazy comments.

[C]

I'm like, you're not getting straight allegations. Don't tell me that.

[A]

No, not even close. But it's like, the people, like, they. I still continuously. You wouldn't. I just. I hoped, I guess, like when I started, you know, 11 years ago, and I was getting the same comments I honestly sometimes get now that I'm like, you would think that things that would have changed for, you know, in a nice way. But at the end of the day, that's not something I don't give a fuck about. Things that I cannot change about myself, like, I just don't care. So that's like, just, like, a good way to see it. Because it's just like, like. Well, I'm not, like, seeking validation from you based off my gayness or my straightness.

[C]

Yeah. So it's like, the same way. I'm like, there's no. I don't need any.

[B]

I don't care what. You know.

[C]

Validation. Yeah.

[A]

You know, so just, like, it is what it is.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

100. Well, good for you. Okay. I was gonna ask you, maybe you kind of already answered this, but it's like, what is one thing you would tell yourself? Like, if you could go back to little baby Aspen who was starting a YouTube channel, what's one little piece of advice you would give her? Maybe it'd be like, don't put this whole relationship online.

[A]

I know.

[C]

I'm like, don't.

[B]

But what a cool thing.

[C]

Still, like, it's so hard when you have kids? Because I think that. And I'm like, okay, if I could go back to me, I started at 14, so, like, if I could go back.

[B]

I know, I know.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

What made you start at 14?

[C]

I just found, like, the beauty community. No, I was, like, looking.

[A]

Baby. Not even the. No middle lobe. No back love. No lobe. No, no. Like it.

[B]

No lo.

[C]

There.

[B]

I'm gonna do it.

[C]

I think I was just, like, looking at beauty tips, and I loved. I had been making, like, videos.

[B]

Always had a finger in the beauty industry. You. You were a lifestyle girly, for sure. Vlogger girly. But you've always had your toes in beauty.

[C]

I have. And it's from starting like that. Because back then, like, they're like, you guys are like beauty gurus. Like, that's like what branched off. And I'm like, yes, yes. But back then, it was just like, if you did anything like that, you're a beauty guru, and so you would do more makeup stuff. Because it was. Even if you were not, like, like, like I was 14. I'm like, who's taking these makeup tips? Like, don't do that. But, yeah, that was how I was just, like, looking for makeup tips. Found them, and I was like, this looks fun. I want to do it. And my mom let me.

[B]

She supported you?

[C]

She did, yeah, yeah, yeah. She always says, like, she's like, oh, I never wanted to, like, be the one to close a door for any of my kids. Such a good mom. She, like, let me. And back then, I feel like it was a little bit less scary. It was, like, scary because it was unknown.

[B]

Way less scary.

[C]

But there wasn't, like, this cyber bullying and all.

[B]

No, no, you aren't going viral Uploading one YouTube. You know what I mean? Like, it wasn't going. Yeah. Out into the wal. Wild, wild west. And it was. It was scary because of the unknown. I agree. Of that.

[C]

Like, what? It was like, you would start username and you wouldn't share your real name or where you lived or, like, all these things that were, like, safety precautions. Yeah. But, yeah, I feel like if I could go back. It's so hard when you have kids because it's like I would tell myself honestly to, like, not get married at 19, but. Okay, that's what I would do if somehow I could, like, still have my.

[B]

This isn't all children out.

[A]

This is the multiverse.

[B]

So you still get the same kids. Yeah. I would say maybe pause on the marriage until you're a little older.

[C]

Yeah. I just don't think it's so hard because some people do marry their first person, and it works out, and it's great, but I just feel like it cannot be. It's also good to, like, date other people. And so I feel like there was just so much, like, now that I'm older, I'm like, oh, my gosh.

[A]

I didn't.

[C]

I just didn't know that the whole world was out there.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I was so lucky with what I did to be able to experience the world and traveling and, like, meeting different people and all these things, even though I was married and even though I did have kids, yet young, and I got to do that, obviously, because of, like, YouTube and my job. But there's just. I don't know. I just did not realize that the whole world was, like, out there. So I feel like getting married could have been later.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It, like, did not need to be when I was 19, even though I still did so many cool things.

[B]

You did?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

I mean, yeah. It wasn't, like, a standard marriage. Like, you still. What were you thinking when you're, like, on these tart trips? Because these were so long ago, and you're, like, seeing.

[C]

We invented those. Yeah, we all invented those.

[A]

We literally did. Dude. So crazy.

[B]

You're like, we pioneered those.

[A]

Did we? Did.

[B]

We crawled on those so these girlies could run on theirs now. Yeah.

[A]

Crawled on that Bora Bora s. I remember.

[C]

I remember sitting in the. At the Four Seasons.

[A]

Bora Bora.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, sitting in the little cabana with you. We were, like, eating peanut butter jelly and fries.

[B]

Yeah, we got to redo that. We got to get into a redo. What are you thinking? So you're, like, in Utah, you're married, and you're, like, going on these trips, and, like, people were wild as animals on these trips. Like, what are you thinking? Are you, like, heathens? What is happening?

[C]

I think that because growing up, obviously, I didn't start drinking at all until I was, like, 26. Like, had never literally, like, been to a bar. Like, nothing.

[B]

And were you married? You were married when you started drinking?

[C]

Yes, I was. So I was married. I was on a girls trip, and we, like, went out to a bar in Texas, and it was the first time I'd ever even been to a bar. And my friend. Friends were. They, like, to not pressure me at all, but they were like, oh, we're all doing shots. Like, you don't want one, right? Like, do you want one? And I was like, actually, sure.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

That was the first time That I ever did that. And I'm actually glad I was a little bit older, just because obviously, when you're older, you can make, like, your own better choices. Yeah. And so now I will, like, on occasion, but I forgot what the point of the story is.

[A]

I think we're talking about us being heathens and Bora Bora. What did you think about a psychopath?

[C]

I feel like I was so. I never was, like, oh, my gosh, like, they're, like, drinking or whatever, but I just, like, didn't. I didn't know. Now that I look back, I'm like, guys, why didn't I do that with you? It was so much fun. Yeah. Like, I still had so much fun on those trips, but I feel like. I mean, we were from. We were so young. Everyone's always been, like, a little bit older than us, like, a couple years older. And so it was almost like we were kind of like misfits in a way. Even though we always had so much fun, like, with everybody. And, like, I never felt, like, never. I never, never felt that bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, it was. It was. It was, like, organic, and it was great, but that was, like, a cultural difference is like, oh, my gosh. Like, these little kids are married, and they, like, don't drink or, like, anything, and they're here, and now I'm like, oh, guys, I was missing out on so much fun, But I never thought anybody was, like, so crazy. But it was just so fun to get to see. I think I always loved being around, like, the different types of people.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it was always just. It was so fun because that was, like, the beginning of the brand trips. And so it was such a fun, cool way to, like, connect with everyone. And I loved traveling, too, so I was just, like, so happy to be there. Like, it was just the best.

[A]

Mind blowing.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

And I feel like it was kind of the same group of us. Like, we've been everywhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, were you guys on Necker island with Benefit?

[A]

Yeah, I was. Guys, dude, that trip was, like.

[B]

That was crazy. That was.

[A]

That'll never happen.

[B]

Do you remember when they tore the whole bar down at night?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Do you guys remember me on the pole?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Delete that from your memory.

[A]

Actually, Aston on the poll.

[B]

Aston was on the show.

[C]

No drinks on the poll.

[B]

So good.

[A]

Remember Nikki on the table?

[C]

Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I remember.

[A]

It was just.

[B]

Honestly, listen, the poll was fine with no drinks. It would have been more fun with drinks, probably, but it was fine with no drinks.

[A]

It was great.

[B]

If you can do the poll with no drinks. You're better than all of us. You're better than all of us. There.

[C]

I did that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That was so. That was such a fun. Yeah, such a fun time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think it's so cool though, like, I really feel like talking to you now and then talking to you like 10 years ago. You just like come into your own so much and it's just like so cool to see like, just this like silent confidence that you have. Like, I truly just feel it like exudes off of you. I'm not even kidding. And I can just tell it's like you're just like happy.

[B]

You seem happy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Same happiness.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and that's all we want for you, seriously.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

I've known you for so long.

[B]

Well, thank you so much for coming on full coverage. This was such a good episode. We got to ask you all the questions we wanted to poke, poke at you about and we just appreciate you, you. We love you today.

[C]

We love you guys. You guys are the best.

[A]

Oh, thank you. We'll of course leave everything linked down below. You guys, check out Aspen. We love you guys. And we'll catch you guys at our next episode. Bye. This October, fear is free on Pluto tv. With horror movie collections from Paranormal Activity, the ring.

[C]

You will die in seven days Scream.

[A]

And from dusk till dawn. This is my kind of place. And don't miss the man made nightmares in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Or the world ending chaos in 28 days later.

[B]

Something in the blood.

[A]

All the scares all for free. Pluto TV stream now pay never.